#im sooo excited but also! dread!

[cerealmonster15]

ouguhhh people being nice to me online disease lol

[placeinthisworld]

what’s strange to me is that some blog was like “why is everyone defending Joe when everything we know about him is from Taylor’s perspective? you were so quick to believe the good but refuse to think that he could be bad based on what we learn from this new album??” and yeah, I technically see what they’re saying, but also how do they not realize that a lot of these opinions are based on how both Taylor and Joe have acted these last few months? Joe’s been silent through everything, and I’ve always thought it was so healthy and admirable. Not even because she’s a celebrity! I think more couples/people could stand to be less public about their lives. But this was good especially given Taylor’s fame. Anyway, I’m still looking forward to the album, but I’m dreading all the anti-Joe posts that are going to stem from all of this. I hardly know anything about the man, but I really feel like he doesn’t deserve all of this. Sigh.

tbh if we’re gonna run with that argument, i can say all that we know about taylor’s love life/ SO’s have been told through songwriting in her POV so like everything we know is solely from her perspective (so unreliable narrative?) which is why i always found it soooooo weird that swifties were SO obsessed with her exes and relationships in general bc all the info we ever get is from HER perspective so ofc it’s going to be jaded. like the whole speculation about the red scarf representing ts’ virginity and JG being the one to take it and how he got all this weird press about that like that’s SOOO weird. the way swifties just like treat taylor like her as if her life is a tv show and they created these assumptions and stories that just don’t exist solely based on some lyrics from a song from 2020. tbh i feel like these swiffers are gonna be sorely disappointed bc by the looks of it taylor’s just gonna bitch about joe and her growing apart and nothing saucier than that but im sure somewhere there will be a grey line thin enough for people to fight over.

and like tbh…..the lack of effort it feels like she puts into these albums lately makes me not even look forward to the new music. i literally never thought id say that, but the songwriting on midnights wasn’t my favorite and i feel like she’s just going to give us more shit like that but make it *dramatic* with the LDR- esque titles and synths so i’ll kindly take my time getting around to it. nothing about ttpd excites me. the songwriting already feels mid, album photoshoot+ merch/ vinyls are very lame (and excessive), the impending joe massacre swifties are already starting, none of it makes me feel good lol.

[klein-babylon]

Need to work out why im dreading going backpacking so much.. like I am just so like ugh whatever *throws hands in the air* about it I’m not excited about any of it… it feels like someone bought this ticket for me and I’m sooo ungrateful about it but I worked my ass off for this so I’m now just like. Why am i not happy about it.. I just want to cut it short and go to asia instead. I flipped a coin europe or asia I got europe so I have to honour that system.. i don’t know guys I just feel so like whatever about it. I’m sure it’ll be better once I get there but yeah.. also I’m afraid of not making friends/

[jungwnies]

hello mae! I’m sorry I was a lil mia for a second 🥴

these past few weeks have been nice, a few little bumps every now and then but overall good although i will admit the past few days I’ve been feeling a little sick and ngl it got me and my parents worried so I’m gonna get some blood tests taken during the weekend just to check that everything’s alright and verify that i just probably need some vitamins 🤞🏻🤞🏻

i also went on a walk with my sister the other day and omg i sooo needed that, it even rained a little bit and it was nice, she showed me this street where there’s a whole ass tree in the middle of it like right in the middle (say what now), she found it a couple of months ago on one of her morning walks and has told me about it but i only saw it a couple of days ago and we took some pictures posing in front of it cause this thing was also mASSIVE, not the biggest tree I’ve seen but one of definitely :0

i started korean classes again after two months ish and it’s actually very nice, it helps me keep practicing and studying even if im feeling lazy cause like that was the thing, i could totally study on my own but i just couldn’t (like some people nEED to get a gym membership otherwise they don’t workout, well i need my teacher assigning homework otherwise i won’t do it) ㅠㅠ

i also started journaling a little bit again and it helps a lot so im happy about that ^^

and lastly I’ve been listening to a lot of lana del rey (specifically her nfr album I LOVE ITT 😩😩) and donna missal (her new album “revel” 🤎🤌🏻)

now questions for youuu~

how have you been? how’s life treating you? (honest answers only but feel free to go as deep as you want hehe)

what’s your favorite meal these days? have you drank water today? (if no go now! 😤)

what’s your latest obsession? (any kind of) and lastly, which side of the bed do you sleep on? (very random but im writing this before going to sleep and now im curious, i used to sleep on th right side but now i just stick to the middle and end up on the left lol)

remember to take care of yourself, stretch, drink your liquids, eat your favorite meals/snacks, watch some shows/films, cry if u want to and get some sunlight on you if you can 🫶🏻🫶🏻

i love you maeby baby, have a nice day (and week) im rooting for you!! hehe💓💓

-🧸 anon

i also saw your message about your blood tests coming out okay, which i am so happy about! i wish you nothing but happiness and health omgomgomg.

oh my god, i saw ur message about the swift tickets and im sooo happy for you. i haven't been super active on tumblr, not sure why, just need a break from writing i am BURNT OUT!!! walks are always so refreshing, but in my state its sooo humid i hate walking i feel like bugs stick to my body every time i step outside, but i did go to the beach yesterday (who would've thought...) i am also a gym person who only goes if i have a membership, which is why i haven't gone because i haven't renewed... i AM SO LAZY LMFAO i also loveeee lana del rey, her music is sooo chef's kiss... literally

now to answer your questions :)

how have you been? how’s life treating you? life has notttt been bad recently, a few things here and there piss me off, but that's life??? not ready to start the semester again in september, i am literally dreading it LMFAO!?!?!? but it's okay, i'll stick it through and be successful (hopefully????) i'm going to another state in a few days for vacation so i'm super excited for that, need to get away from home!!!

what’s your favorite meal these days? have you drank water today? my favorite meal definitely has been rice and some sort of meat recently... or pasta!!! i really love carbs tbh, it's awful!?!?!? and yes i've drank some water, but i definitely need more. i appreciate the reminder <3

what’s your latest obsession? jungkook is my latest obsession... jk but also not jk?!?! his song with latto is so good, i was so worried it was going to sound off but i lowkey enjoyed it a lot? but to actually answer ur question i've been obsessed with valorant... i know yikes?!?!? but it's so fun... the last time i played was in like 2021 and i finally got back on and realized how much fun i have playing this game LOL

which side of the bed do you sleep on? i sleep on the left side... it's also the side closest to my door. i don't know why i can't sleep on the right side to be honest... usually i sleep farthest from the door, but i feel most comfortable on the side closest to my door.. but it is also the side closet to the wall LMFAO

remember to take care of yourself, stretch, drink your liquids, eat your favorite meals as well, and catch up on your fave shows and rewatch ur fave movies!! <3333

[1d1195]

brothers are a whole other thing LMAO they’re crazy. they will literally call you the stupidest person they’ve met in their life but then buy u ur favorite ice cream at 2AM.

i always tell my sister that i’m so grateful i had her to help me grow up and that i get so sad when i realize she never had an older sister. her response is always that she never thought of it like that but she thinks she was made to be an older sister. i swear you guys are built different, not everyone can handle being an older sister and i have SO much appreciation for u all !!!

i promise you that your mom is 100% right. she probably ADORES you but just doesn’t wanna admit it bc youngest sibling pride yk ?😭 i refuse to believe otherwise bc i sincerely feel like you’re PERFECT sister material. dependent, funny, mature, so sooo kind.

new songs on rotation !! i’ve rlly been enjoying What I Am by zayn and Tejano Blue by cigarettes after sex

i hope you know all i can think about is Ding part 3 :) like omg it’s just been on my mind 24/7 and i can’t wait to read whatever you have. idk if you have this planned out yet, or not, but how many parts do you see this series being ??

I DID SLEEP HAHA i’ve been feeling off these past few days and i woke up SICK today🙁 it’s not too bad just a sore throat and a runny nose but i do hope it goes away soon because i have a friend’s engagement party to attend on the weekend (but im literally drinking a cold diet dr. pepper rn so i have no clue how i expect to feel better lol)

have the best day ever sam !!!

~🎶

That's so sweet about brothers 😭 I could have used that too growing up!

My sister and I sound WAY less mushy than you and your sister (no shade, just different relationships obviously) but that's so sweet! I can totally see where she's coming from I don't think I could be a younger sister. The vibe would be so off and you'd be able to tell I was not meant to be a younger sister hahahahahaha YOU'RE SO SWEET 😭😭 my sister calls me every day (even when I don't want her to because I have been girl-rotting all week on my vacation and have nothing to report) so I get annoyed with her pretty easily but I do enjoy talking to her. I wish she would put a little more effort into idk taking care of our parents? I don't live at home anymore so I feel like I'm still doing all the grunt kind of work that she could just do because she's AT HOME? but idk. she's a Drama Queen™ or maybe I am and I'm just being bossy 😂

I am putting the final touches on Ding part 3 so it's ready to go for Monday hehehehe I'm really excited about it! I think it will be my favorite part honestly. At least right now. I have it outlined for 7 parts right now! (I think i told someone 8 at one point but I did it in roman numerals and I'm dumb and can't read). But 7 is what I have right now. However it could change because I think parts 4 and 5 could end up being one part. I'm really not sure. Part of my outline for part 5 literally says "filler episode" so it's meant to be a next to nothing update.

UGH! I'm not sure where you're from but I live in New England and it's starting to be spring around here and I usually get a allergy-attack-turned-cold around now and I'm dreading it because it's SO unfair to be sick during the warmer weather. Maybe mix in some water with your Dr. Pepper hahahah Also! I truly believe cranberry juice has medicinal values. OOH I haven't listened to too much Zayn, tragic on my own part. I've heard clips of his new song Alienated though and I'm loving it! I've never heard of Tejano Blue, I will give that a listen as well!

I just made my Spring 2024 playlist--it's a lot of old stuff I've listened to in the past (don't listen to the Stuck on the Floor song I have at the bottom--it's for sad-girl hours hahahaha)

Hope you feel better!

xoxo

[tigertrack]

god theres so much about rdr2 gameplay that i just. want to streamline and remove completely and replace with rdr1 mechanics and features

the way it's obsessed with being realistic not only in terms of graphics but actual gameplay makes it lose so much charm for me. graphics so real everything blends in, and makes it so hunting or picking flowers or spotting even just consumable items isnt as fun or easy as it was in rdr1

like having to activate a power to tell that theres interactable objects nearby cuz youd just straight up miss them if you don't SUCKS. hunting in particular is so frustrating for that cuz even the trail it marks is hard to see and then it disappears unless you reactivate the skill constantly also the fuckin movement speed. why does it take forever to do anything!! the swaying and dragging movement is sooo annoying, makes me feel like im moving through water. like i just think about rdr1 and how quick and easier it was to do the same things.

rdr2 in the end just has too much realism and simulation and not enough fun and exciting gameplay imo. the story and characters are fantastic, and of course the visuals, but to its detriment. its just sooo much visual clutter and unnecessary details jammed into a screen you can barely tell whats interactable and what isnt then theres ppl defending the choices made in rdr2 cuz theyre more 'realistic' like broOOO BROOOO!!! im so TIREDDDD of gamerbros defending boring shit cuz of Realism. MY GUYS MY BROTHERS ITS A VIDEO GAME!!

Why have we as a collective decided realism = good ? i dont want realistic graphics i dont want simulator gameplay in a game thats telling a story. let me do a fuckin barrel roll like john does in rdr1. idc if arthur is "too big and burly" to do one WHO CAAAARES WHO CAAAARES!!??¿ WHERES THE GAME??? also realism ≠ immersive!!! if anything its so much easier to break immersion with realistic games since. we literally live life. makes it much easier to notice inconsistencies and reinforces gamerbros attitudes when they say they prefer boring gameplay which is detrimental to development of games. sigh SIGh

and dont get me started on rdr2s 500 separate menu screens for every little thing and going through and exiting each one takes 30 years. like yayyy theres so much stuff in this game... boooo theres no real streamlined and efficient method to checking it out in a nice and timely manner. just makes me feel dread and overwhelmed i dont wanna bother with any of it

[roguestarsailor]

It’s just..that I’m turning 28 soon and it’s like this looming dread is going to eat me up alive. I am not ready for 28!! What a scary fucken number. I still feel like I haven’t done enough and I’m still not confident. Im so panicked that I haven’t even been close to meeting typical growing up metrics and it’s too soon!!!!!!!! I’m so behind and the future I see for myself is an aloof and lonely one..

But I know I’ve done a lot. I’ve been doing something pretty much 97% of my weekends since I’ve moved here! But of course it’s the romance. It’s the lack of romance and the overwhelmingness to be alive. My god I cannot keep living on my own?? I have to make bigger, larger financial decisions?? It’s who’s going to stay? How many goodbyes will I have to see? Am I constantly going to be yearning for some mysterious love? How does anyone find anyone to be in a relationship with anyways? The idea that I can ever find this person who I would even want to spend an afternoon with sounds so far fetched and so left field that I am filled with sadness because I’m going to have to be alone forever?? I genuinely think that’s it? That I have to carry myself forever and im not feeling good about this.

And it’s just this feeling of shame too! This guy I have this stupid crush on teared into me more than I can really explain to anyone. I know he’s not the one and we didn’t even date so why do I feel such strong feelings towards him (this is what EVERYONE asks when we talk about my dating life and when I’m trying to be honest and “open up”). I think I feel massive shame for even thinking I’d have a chance; that it’d be different than the disgust the boys growing up had for me. Since I’m in a new place and I can be a new person, that person would find love much more easier and with men who doesn’t harbor that disgust. He might not feel disgust but it wasn’t admiration either. It’s also embarrassing too. I couldn’t read the signs and I am so naive and I lack so much male attention that he’s genuinely the only one who I felt I had a sliver of a chance because he invited me to hang out with his friends a few times and who actually did make me excited to spend time with him….so stupid so so stupid. So like where do I go from here?? These days if I get an inkling that I am excited to talk to a guy especially if I think he’s attractive I have to squash that feeling IMMEDIATELY. None of this shit with that guy. And if my sample size is any indication, they all have girlfriends and sometimes wives…and so, where do I go from here??? It’s hard not to compare and wonder if men like them could ever love someone like me? Like it must be sooo nice to be someone desirable and who wants to be with you and build a life with you or even be lovely to just be sexual.

How can I be 28 and still lack all of this?? Can’t read the signs, can’t understand these dating etiquettes, can’t underhand men and it’s like minesweeper out here. And the idea that I have to afford these massive expensive on my own in the near future……is a lot. My body.. is another story.

[rileyclaw]

“i’ll be the one taking care of you now

 i have to say it. i have been silent for too long . i really like catwalker’s hair . send tweet . i find it very gender

[ratfanatic]

I DID MY MAKEUP WHO READY TO HAVE A 7 HOUR CRYING MARATHON

[thomas-the-tank-engene]

Too Late

pairing: heeseung x reader, jay x reader (platonic),

genre: angst :,)

wc: 1.5k

warnings: none hopefully

a/n: this is not based on my life rn im doing so good mhmm ._.

(lmao this is literally me ranting pretty much there is no real fic, but i might write another one depending on what happens within the next week or so, may delete this later anyway sooo...)

summary: you realise your feelings for heeseung are mutual too late

“I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this but someone has to,” Jay spoke, eyes already overflowing with pity. You didn’t like where this was going. Nothing good ever came after a sentence like that. The elder boy glanced around, perhaps waiting to see if anyone else was eavesdropping on their conversation in the small indie cafe, sitting on the outskirts of the city.

“You know, I’m not even supposed to know.” You rolled your eyes, wanting Jay to just get it over with and tell you. He was probably just exaggerating. Jay was definitely a drama queen. It was most likely something small that had nothing to do with you. However, the sincere concern rolling off of him like waves told a different story. He gazed at you like you were a fragile piece of glass. Dread began to build in your stomach. You unconsciously began to play with the sachet of sugar placed on your saucer beside the coffee. Listening as the individual grains danced with each other.

“No one can know I told you this. And you especially can’t do anything. You have to pretend you never heard what I’m about to tell you. Just continue like nothing happened.” Well now you were just tired of waiting, you wanted to know. What information could make Jay this antsy, and why was it so important to you specifically? It seemed as if the noise of the cafe stilled, also interested in Jay’s story of the week.

“Just tell me already Jay, I get the message. It's totally top secret. I won’t tell anyone. My only friends are you guys anyway so who else would I tell besides Hee-ryung.” You crossed your arms, attempting to appear nonchalant, but on the inside, you were far from it. Overactive imagination running wild with possibilities. Jay seemed to cringe at the end of your statement, moving his head around once more. You sighed loudly and finally, he breathed in deep, mouth open ready to let the truth fall from his lips.

“Hee-ryung and heeseung have been dating for three months.”

You tried to show no response, attempting to be unaffected by the news. That was harder than one might imagine. Your heart and mind betrayed you, clearly displaying the negative emotions coursing through your body right now for the older boy to see.

Your very own friend, and the guy you had liked since you were 15, were dating. No matter how many times you had told yourself over the last three years that you were over him, it never seemed to be the case. He’d always find a way to slither back in and make himself at home in your heart.

Was that why Hee-ryung asked if you still liked him a few months ago? Probably. You couldn’t believe she would do such a thing. And why wouldn’t she tell you?

You’d been friends since diapers. But the more you thought about it, the more sense it made.

You’d only decided to tell her less than a year ago. When you finally thought you were close enough friends so that she wouldn’t go run and tell him as soon as she got the chance. She smiled at first, but it felt forced. You didn’t think about it much at the time, knowing it was exam season and she was probably just tired. But she was bubbly and excited before you told her.

And yes, the pair of them were close, people always commenting on the fact that they looked like a couple. However, both denied such claims. Making vomiting sounds at the mere suggestion. But thinking about it now, you remember it was more so him, that would have a negative reaction, while she remained silent. Only giving a reaction if specifically asked. “No he’s like a brother to me, I could never date him.”

Well, that was a fucking lie.

Would it burn less if she told you herself?

You breathed in deep, trying to just listen to what Jay had to say for now. You could think about it later.

“They aren’t telling many people at the moment, but Hee-ryung told me the other day.”

He was silent for a few seconds, causing you to abruptly stand up. The air in the cafe suddenly too suffocating. However, Jay spoke up again.

“That’s not all,” You froze. If there was more, did you really want to know?

Maybe it was best if you didn’t. How were you supposed to act like you didn’t know the first piece of information, let alone more?

Your heart longed to know more. A sick part of you loved torturing yourself with the truth, so, you sat back down, and looked at Jay expectantly.

He bit his lip for a second, sighing loudly as if debating on telling you or sparing your heart.

“Just tell me,” You stated.

“Okay, well apparently, heeseung used to like you too, but he gave up because you're moving soon.”

Well shit.

Clink. Splosh. Slurp. Eeek. Crunch. Crack.

Your head was empty. No thoughts could be formed. But the sounds of the small coffee shop echoed through the void.

“Apparently someone told him that you couldn’t do long distance, so he gave up.”

Clink. Splosh. Slurp. Eeek. Crunch. Crack.

You knew who told him that.

You’d asked her for advice, seeing as she was one of his best friends.

“As much as I love you babes I have, to be honest. I don’t know if it would work. You’re moving away next year, and he’s staying here. I know he could make a long-distance relationship work, but could you?”

“Well, I think that I’d be alrigh-”

“We can't fight what the heart wants, can we? Would you be able to resist your desires while you’re so far apart?”

You didn’t respond after she said that. How could you? What was she accusing you of? Who did she think you were? Unloyal? Certainly not.

“So personally, my guess is that after heeseung decided to get over you, she swooped in and they’ve been dating pretty much ever since.” Jay continued, unaware of the turmoil going on inside.

Clink. Splosh. Slurp. Eeek. Crunch. Crack.

Clink. Splosh. Slurp. Eeek. Crunch. Crack.

Clink. Splosh. Slurp. Eeek. Crunch. Crack.

“Are you okay?” Jay asks hesitantly.

And you decide that you are.

Smiling at the boy, you nod your head. Jay isn’t certain he believes you but attempts to return the smile. In fact, he’s almost put off by your response.

“There’s nothing I can do about it anyway. And they’re both my close friends, so I’m happy for them. Plus, I wouldn’t want to ruin anything. They both mean a lot to me and their happiness should come first.” You felt almost robotic. Like you had to be okay. Like that was a response written by the author in your head.

“You’re allowed to be upset. I would be. She’s your friend.”

Crack.

“Yeah, she was.”

Maybe if you’d been a little bit more observant, you would have noticed. Would you have saved yourself from this heartache?

You recall her bringing him up on one occasion. Jokingly, you had asked for her to tell you his faults, hoping to dull the crush that seemed to burn so bright inside of you.

“If I’m being honest, he really has no faults, he’s just an all-round amazing guy. His only fault is being faultless.”

Well, that was as clear a sign as any.

How could you not see then? That those were not the words of a mere friend but of a fool drunk on love. Too blinded by their obsession for a person to see the truth. Even you weren’t too dumb to ignore the truth.

You knew for a fact he had a crippling addiction to energy drinks, to the point that it was getting concerning. You knew that he wasn’t good at being serious in professional situations. Often goofing around in front of the Senior Headmaster in high school. And you knew that he wasn’t always that nice to his younger brother.

Were you just as much a fool as her for liking him while still knowing his faults?

You’d decided that it was enough torture for today.

“Thank you for telling me. I appreciate it.” You smiled at the older boy, although it most likely appeared as a grimace.

“Hey, any time. And if you need me, or want to rant, or just want some company, I'm only a message away.”

“Thanks Jay,”

Said boy, sensing your need to be alone, slowly got up. He gave your head a small pat before heading off and out of the cafe, into the frost of the evening.

You didn’t want to cry over a boy. That was just sad and pathetic and you were certainly not that desperate. But you couldn’t help the few that escaped.

Maybe if you’d worked up the courage to tell him how you really felt you wouldn’t be here right now.

Sitting at a slightly sticky table in a small cafe, with the sound of teacups chiming and your heart cracking echoing in your ears.

It was all too little, too late.

[strawberryspeachy]

S4e10 is the first time i want to actually rewatch an entire episode of handmaids tale.... ok wait second time - was it the new “ofglen” who blew up that important building with all the commanders inside and the handmaids outside - that ending was great

But omg

First off elizabeths moss’s acting!!! Ive gotten too used to that same dreadful look shes been making for the past couple seasons that... the wide range of facial expressions really surprised me and it just!! Wow

the suspence the whole episode. Nothing EVER goes right in this show. I knew what i wanted to see but i fully expected fred and serena to go free and happy. That back and forth feeling was super engaging

I loved that even though there was that tension between june and moira before, moira jumped right back to trying to fight and doing all the screaming and ranting for june - someones gotta do it and june was too mentally exausted

K like im still confused why everyone can go in and out of the waterford prison so easily and was like.... dooooo they want june to kill him?!?!? Why are you leaving her alone???

And i was so excited like yesssss shes gonna kill himmm - well first i thought she was gonna go to serena and kill her baby

But when she was walking around that room... like a cat pretending not to notice the mouse in the room - we just know june too well to think she wasnt at least planningggg something

Also fred is fucking DISGUSTINGGGGG as usual. Lying during his ... conference like WHY are you just gonna beleive this psycho at face value?!

Oh and serena thinking shes got all the power back.

Omg the two of them. I cant

And fred really being such a fucking disgusting person to think ANY part of june enjoyed his torture. She is so strong dude - i could never sit there not knowing if my plan will work and playing nice. I thought she was gonna break that glass and stab him

And like. Ok. Lukes not the worst but also - his whole - just get over it!!! Attitude.... even if she cant get him on the wall why are you reprimanding her and trying to pretend she can just get over that trauma with some food. Absolutr lack of empathy.

But june saying hes gonna be on the wall... i was so giddy!!

And i rewatched that smile she made when larence told her she hanst lost her touch- well she could barely contain her smile throughout that entire negotiation. And i loved watching larence put on a show like ‘ah we rlly miss waterford! My brother!!’

Gah and just. Also... i kinda thought june was gonna kill mark when she was outside his building. Men in this show. She went through 7 years of hell and you told her youd help and fucked her over and then throw an entire dramatic tempertantrum when she calmly sits on a bench near your house.... lol wow..i mean uncomfortable but have some prespective

And i wanna say the like demand straight to - oh im sorry. Didnt mean to he a cunt - i meant please? Act june did, its not overacting but knowing june it is so it was funny af

The suspence watching fred get ready to go.., i was literally chanting for the plane to be to gilead but it was so much better! Watchint him get arrested all shocked. “Im a man! I have rights” all the fucking ew... open the door back up and slap him

I just thought he was gonna get sent back and wed watch the commanders all hang him. But it to be lawrence - again with his ‘oh? Is there anything i can do to stop this? No? Ok bye fred!’

And i mean i knew we were in for a treat with nick taking him but i was NOT EXPECTING JUNE to just POP OUT of the trees!!! Fucking perfect. A literal horror movie just for fred

Also why did he keep calling nick son.... like... no one likes you???? Do you really think you can regain power just saying words like this???

And this is e first time i fucking LOVED seeing june in a red coattt and her faceeee like last episode when she turned from calm to screaming - it wad so good and so intense and such good acting and that heartbeat music got me

But hereeeee i cant even desribe the combination or rage and calmness pouring out. Not to be a weeb but thats the first time i think ive ever seen a live action representation of how i imagine anime cool characters to act

That power play of nick and june making out in front of fred loool - i dont care about the ships but that was perfect

“This is sick” - whats sick is how you never run out of things to do and say that make me feel sick...

I loved how june told him to choose - i feel like jt was a call back to his lawyer saying that she CHOSE to be a handmaid. Like theres not good option here

Does anyone think she actually would have shot him dead IF he did choose the gun - part of me wants an alterantive ending where he chose that just so i could watch june either tell him ‘no thats too easy’ or like shoot him in the foot so he cant even run right before being like

Oops i missed and chasing him down anyway

I hate horror movies but watching them all chase him down UGHHH IVE NEVER FELT SO MUCH GLEEE - k not never but ya know

OMG ALMOST FORGOT that sceneee with june and emily talking at the table about how june wants him to be scared to death. And fucking luke - with his judgements turning and looking. I feelll like.... emily helped june decide to do this. Because after getting to the end of the episode it seemed more like they were planning in plain sight in thay scene

I havent rewarched the show. So maybe im remembering incorrectly but it does feel like this fits because - wasnt emily kind of what inspired june to actively start rebelling when she drove the car around and ran one of the guards over

Anddddd the songggg from the 1st? Or 2nd??? Season. The ending right? I just remember that the last time we heard that song was when june first started a quiet resistance against gilead and all the handmaids were together in it. So it brought back those feelings of like ‘FINALLY its happening!!’ And it fit soooo perfectlyyy

When the girls first ran up to fred i thought they were gonna surround him and reinact that “shame” thing they used to be forced to do. I mean i guess they did without actually saying it cause they definitely killed him the way gilead forced the handmaids to kill people in the first season

And it was wonderful to watch! Thank you handmaids tale for making me feel like a psychotic sadist for enjoying that ENTIRE scene. I was giggling like i was watching a disney movie

Gonna ignore that part where june picks up the baby covered in blood - ew

I wanted to seeeeee serena get the finger - more so - i wanted to watch tha family come in and get her and be like - hey guess what your coming back to gilead!!! And see it end with serena as a fucking handmaid - GIVING BIRTH TO THE BABY BETWEEN (i forget the one who visited hers name) LEGS!

But fuck seeing fred on a wall with the “dont let the bastards grind you down” from the the very beginningggg - it felt sooo goodddd

And i just needed to squeal over this episode some more! I watched it hours ago. But i kinda wanna rewatch it rnn

[elysianslove]

omfg the jjk manga is *chefs kiss* sososososo good. u should def read it when u have time bc THERES SO MANY SEXY NEW CHARACTERS ✨✨✨✨✨

also!! i’m trying to get into hq?? it’s like. four seasons tho so i’m kind of dreading it NSNDJXSJ bc if i like it and start writing for it,,,,,im afraid all the ideas are already been written bc how big the fandom is 💀💀 advice sal i need advice <///3

— 💌

HAHA I KNOW !! i’ve read up to chapter like 125 maybe? i think? but i haven’t continued at all 😭 I CANT WAIT TO MEET THE NEW XHARACTERS THO !!!!

omg you should definitely get into hq !!! it seems like a lot but it’s sooo easy to binge watch cause it’s just. volleyball in slow motion. SO good tho and like you’re always meeting new characters that you will absolutely get attached to. and it’s inevitable that an idea you have is written by others but that doesn’t make it any less exciting. like my drabbles “s/o uses their safe word” has been done a thousand times, but people still ate that shit up cause we can never get enough of these characters.

i will honestly read the same concept for my favorite characters by different writers just because i want more, more, more. so forget about the technicalities and just have fun with it !!! trust me, if they’re a hq fan, chances are they’re down bad (speaking from experience), so like i said, have fun!!!

[gildedskull]

My friends ‘kidnapped’ me to go out and hang with everyone. Not really lots of complaints down below but I do talk about the nothing that happened. This blog’s a fuckin diary okay.

It was nice going out, we went to the city and went to some cool stores but liek,,, I really didn’t have a good time. I was with my other friend, not the 😬 friend, but the mutual friend who i planned to also cut off things off so they weren’t caught in the middle of everything. It was other friend and their sister, and then mutual friend who is 😬 friend’s roommate. It was 😬 friend’s idea and they had slept through the ‘kidnapping’ part of it, missed hanging out in the city for like 4 hours, and then we were only together at their place for like 2 hours, if that.

So. Like. Didn’t have a great time. Like it wasn’t bad, but it definitely didn’t show me that I was missing out on anything. That I needed friends. For one I was just fucking tired, like for no reason, and I had a headache the entire time. And then we just did nothing which is fine I guess but I felt like I was doing nothing but wasting time. And the thing that like sucks that’s no one’s fault is how long it took do everything, like they kidnapped me, we drove an hour to pickup the roommate, and then spent another hour and a half driving to the location and wasting some time at just generic Target before getting to the cool part of the area (thrift shops, bars, antique shops). And the cool part wasn’t so cool because we just went to the same two shops and everythings expensive as fuck - we did go to a cool place called the rabbit hole and I bought some things but otherwise it just felt like we were wasting time but not in the fun way. The entire time I had a headache, and we didn’t really talk about anything important, and then we got the roommate and she just doesn’t know how to stop talking and like that didn’t make my headache better - like it was so bad I was being sensitive to lights and getting car sick... I didn’t say much bc I didn’t want to ruin people’s time. They did give me some aspirin that didn’t help. I tried downing coffee and an energy drink and I was still so fucking tired, like it most definitely effected the amount of fun I was having but like I don’t know if I felt bad bc no reason or bc I knew I was hanging out with them and didn’t want to.

But like, this entire thing was 😬 Friend’s idea and they didn’t show up. And I wanted to maybe talk to mutual friend about it but felt weird doing it in front of their sister - but even then I didn’t say shit to friend, I told the sister about it!!! And I think I did because I knew she wouldn’t say anything, like she didn’t disapprove or was like shocked or proud or nothing, she just absorbed it which I think was nice. I think I didn’t tell Friend 2 about it bc I knew they’d feel awkward or hurt, or feel like they have to walk on eggshells or smthing idk.

But I told the Sister, and she was cool about it and was even like hey we’ll have a signal when we wanna leave their apartment - we didn’t end up using it but yeah it was still nice of her to be like that. And like I told her when we were in a place where I knew we wouldn’t be alone for long, so like I knew she couldn’t console me. I feel only kinda bad like ‘putting this on her shoulders’ but its really not that major, I said it was a ‘secret’ and I don’t think she’ll tell friend 2, but I’m not bothered if she does. I’d be okay with that and I hope she doesn’t feel bad about keeping it.

At the apartment it felt weird seeing them again. Like they mostly acted like nothing happened, and just berated me saying to care about the people who care about me - and I’m like they don’t fucking care about me but yeah. I was pleasant, I didn’t say anything - I actually didn’t say anything to them at all. They were like bro wtf and again doing the general like hey don’t be a piece of shit and don’t contact people, and I just :I and nodded - fuck I barely made eye contact with them. They hugged me coming and going and it felt bad and wrong. They have no clue how I feel and how hurt I was and am, and I don’t think they’ll ever understand. They updated me on like their family issues  and then was like yeah man you missed out on dnd - I didn’t tell them but again was like bro I don’t give a flying fuck about dnd, I’m done, I fucking quit, you and your friends are too fucking much. I gave them as much of a cold shoulder as I could without making the entire social setting weird. Again. No one noticed anything.

My birthday and halloween are coming up soon and it’s my favorite holiday and it’s friend’s 2 favorite holiday and we always always always throw a party that turns into my birthday party, my birthday is nov 1 - we haven’t talked anything about plans - but I think that’s because previously I invited them over to my sister’s house where we’d watch movies and dress up and drink with their big projector screen. I’m dreading any of them bringing that up. Again they have no fucking clue about anything. And I know my sister knows about what the plan was, about the party that was gonna happen, hell she was just as excited as us, and I don’t want to tell her about what’s going on. I don’t want to have to say yeahhhh, that thing you were excited about cancel it bc im being a bitch baby with my friends and trying to cut them off. And even then, if they try and do their own party and invite me, I don’t think I couldn’t go; like I think they’d find that suspicious as fuck AND try and kidnap me again. I mean Ima try in all my power to not go, but this will be what finally ‘rocks the boat’ I think. Frankly I’m just hoping no one says anything and forgets about it, I was generally the one making the plans for it so fingers crossed.

I thought I could maybe try and stay friends with friend 2 after the outing but they’re sooo much friends with Them and Roommate that I’d have to tolerate spending time with them and I don’t think that’d be fun for anyone. I don’t think I should have to put myself through that, I’m sick of compromising for everyone. I really really like friend 2 and their friendship and want to stay in their life but I don’t want to suffer and I don’t want them to feel bad for being caught in the middle whatsoever. Like I’m sooo tempted to just going back and being friends, but I’m tired. I’ve read my old posts, I remember my feelings and how hurt i’ve been - and I have changed and they’ve changed, but that doesn’t make that time invalid and doesn’t make the most recent shit invalid, like they’ve still be hurting me all this time - I’ve spent years hurting and I’m finally putting my foot down and refusing to be hurt. I don’t want to go back to bending over backwards and taking the high ground, I’m sick of it. It’s been a toxic ass relationship, and I no longer feel ‘guilty’ for not being their friend and confidant, they have roommate now and a home and a place, and other people who love them. They’ll be okay without me and I’ll be better without them.

[a-lonely-tatertot]

Finding Home

A/N: HIIIIIII IM BACK BOIS! Anyways this is a shorter chapter I didn’t wanna mess with outline so you get tiny chapter. sooo woot woot for like barely 2k words? But like the doc im writing this on is at like 19k and 29 pages i am in shock. trying to get back a consistent updating with this so uh yeah dont keep your hopes up tho- working on ch. 7 rn hope you enjoy! As always betaed by the glorious @bookwyrminspiration

words: 2208

tw: none

wattpad ao3

Chapter 6: These Secrets Stain Us Red

They had gotten off the bus at the last stop before Kull, stepping out into the cold air. Sophie glanced at the trees in the distance turning orange and yellow. Distantly, she remembered when she was younger this was her favorite season, how the leaves would fall and crunch at her feet, and how it was actually somewhat bearable to be outside. She smiled at the memory as she held Linh’s hand, walking quickly to the gas station, her stomach already grumbling.

“Linh?” a voice called from behind them as they stood in line. Linh swung around, trying to find the source of who called her, nearly startling Sophie into almost dropping her water. The mystery person stepped out from behind a small cluster of people with an overly energetic wave. “Linh! It is you!” he called.

Sophie watched as Linh’s eyes landed on the man and her whole expression shifted. As opposed to the man’s own happiness, Linh seemed to put a wall between her real emotions and the rest of the world, her face betraying nothing. “Hey, Sameul!” Linh said in pretend excitement; Sophie knew that her words carried an undertone of malice.

This Sameul was not the man Sophie had seen in the memories, but from Linh’s reaction, he seemed to probably be involved in whatever Linh was in.

“That’s me,” Sameul responded, clearly not getting Linh’s annoyance like Sophie was. “Geez, it’s been what, how many months since I last saw you?”

“Yeah it’s been a while,” Linh said, her shoulders rigid and her jaw set. Who the heck is this guy? she thought. Their name was called and Sameul followed them to go pick up their food. Sophie tried not to feel trapped with the way Linh’s eyes darted.

Sameul smiled ruefully, “Last time I saw you you had a little backpack and were running out the door in the middle of the night.” Linh took in a sharp breath and stuttering to a halt, her tray of food almost dropping. Sophie raised her eyebrows, more confused than ever. There was a beat then a sharp ring interrupted the weighted silence and Linh’s eyes widened with relief.

“Oh Sam, I’m sorry, that’s her sister calling. She’s really gotta take that. Why don’t you come with me?” Linh asked, more of a command than a suggestion. Reluctantly, Sophie pressed accept on her phone, ready to unleash the crazy whirlwind of shit that she had found out on one completely unprepared Amy. “What up checking in blame Tina she was worried,” Amy said, boredom concealing her concern.

“Uhuh sure Tina was worried,” Sophie chuckled. “Anyways, Linh is being super suspicious.”

Amy made a startled noise, “O-okay then so not well.” 

Sophie nodded even though Amy couldn’t see her, “Yup, also uh side note, totally did not watch another one of her memories.” “Sophie! It’s like you’re trying to do it on purpose!”

“It was an accident I swear!”

“Mhm, yeah, definitely.”

Sophie grumbled, “Oh screw off. Anyway, I was in this bathroom and her knuckles were all bloody like she had punched something. And then this guy came in and said that she wasn’t allowed to be reckless anymore, but from what I saw it was like she was living with some other runaway people I guess?”

Amy was silent for a moment. “Well damn.”

“Yeah,” Sophie agreed. “You shoulda seen her when this guy recognized her while we were getting food; she got like scary tense and for a moment I thought she was gonna water power him.” “Water power him? Really? That’s what you’re calling it?” Amy said. Sophie could practically hear her raising her eyebrow. “At that point just call it water bending.”

“I refuse to call it that.”

“How dare you; you’ve disrespected our childhood.” Sophie laughed. “But seriously,” Amy continued, and she knew she wasn’t going to like what she was going to say next, “Soph, what happened to telling her about the memories? Instead, you just spied more.” “She’s the one with the sketchy past!”

“That you don’t have any right to!”

“She’s been weird and I need to figure out why. Once I do I’ll tell her everything.”

“No, you don’t need to figure it out yourself! You need to talk to her and she will tell you if she’s ready to.” “Don’t tell me what to do Amy. She lied to me. The first night we were together we talked about how we got here and she lied to me like it never happened.”

“This isn’t war Sophie. Just because you’re scared, just because she lied doesn’t mean you get to invade her privacy. She’s not the enemy Sophie, she’s your girlfriend.”

Sophie hung up and her phone buzzed twice more while she watched Linh walk back over to her. This wasn’t Amy’s problem, this wasn’t Amy’s life, so screw her for trying to tell her what to do. She had the abilities and she was sure as hell going to use them. “Sam left,” Linh said with a clearly fake smile. “Said he should probably get back on the bus and didn’t want to intrude.”

At that Sophie raised an eyebrow, she didn’t need to use her telepathy to know it was a lie.

Stepping on the bus felt like placing the weight of the world on her shoulders. She knew that man was something to Linh, or Linh was something to him; maybe he was what Linh was running from. She didn’t have regrets when she reached carefully out to Sameul’s mind and glanced at what he said to Linh. Maybe she should’ve regretted it, but she couldn’t bring herself to. She needed to know, when she had left the Lost Cities it was her way of saying “I will not be lied to even if it seems better that way”. So much had been kept from her and here she was, getting things from the source instead of waiting for someone to tell her.

The words, “You haven’t changed Linh,” rang in her ears as she pulled back, not letting any emotions show on her face as Linh followed behind her. Linh didn’t say anything so Sophie didn’t say anything and they settled into a tense silence as the bus around them buzzed with noise. Sophie tried to think of something to say as the words played on repeat in her head but Linh beat her to it.

“You never told me much about Mari, about what she means to you,” Linh said. Each word seemed rehearsed as if she had said it in her head a thousand times before speaking the words into existence. “I didn’t know you cared,” Sophie responded quickly before she could think it through.

“Tell me about Mari?” Linh asked softly.

Despite what Sophie was hiding from Linh and what Linh was hiding from her, she couldn’t stop herself from talking. The words may have meant nothing as she rambled on about her life there, only meant to be a distraction, but she let them spill from her lips without hesitation. She talked of Tommy, Angie, and Mari, of her weekly game nights, of the regulars at the diner. The people she had come to love yet when the time came she didn’t hesitate to leave ‘cause she was scared. Scared of the permanence of it, scared she’d lose herself in the dream of it. And how when she burned those bridges all she felt was a gaping hole in herself. As she talked she thought of the people she had left in the Lost Cities; how she burned it all like she had when she was young and reckless and angry burning her mark, the moonlark, into the ground desperate to prove something, desperate to mean something. But now she was afraid of that, tearing everything to shreds, burning it to ashes because she didn’t know how to mean something to someone. She thought of what Amy had said and briefly wondered if she would ever be able to just talk about something instead of treating everything as a mystery she was destined to solve. Eventually, her words lulled Linh to sleep and she let out a soft sigh of contentment as she laid her head on Sophie’s shoulder. Sophie glanced at Linh, only allowing herself a quick look at her girlfriend’s soft and relaxed face before staring out the window watching the gravel pass, not allowing herself time for her guilt and sadness to rise. She wasn’t allowed those feelings. With every fiber of herself Sophie dreaded and couldn’t wait for the moment they stepped off of the bus into Kull, the town with as weird of a name as people.

An hour later, as the sun started to fall behind the trees and the sky began to turn dark, that moment came and Sophie found her entire body filled with anxiety. They made their way to the front, Sophie in front of Linh, her hand stretched behind her holding Linh’s hand like a lifeline.

They were the only ones getting off and within seconds they were left standing on the dirt road, the bus was long gone. The air was cold, and the wind blew lightly, tossing around Sophie’s ponytail. Neither spoke to the other, standing in silence, staring at the buildings in front of them. It felt like they’d break a spell if they moved, if they talked, so Sophie didn’t. But Linh did (a spell didn’t need to last an eternity in her mind, just for the moment that it was intended for). Linh squeezed Sophie’s hand three times, dragging her out of her haze to stare at Linh confused.

“It’s a human thing,” Linh said sheepishly. Distantly Sophie remembered Amy teaching her, three squeezes, “I love you”. Four squeezes back and Sophie had said, “I love you too.” She didn’t have time to think if it was a lie because with that she started walking, entirely on autopilot, the familiar route to Mari’s house ingrained in her mind. It was after hours, so there’d be no point going to the diner. So she dragged Linh down main street, taking a left about halfway down, and then it was another block til she found herself outside the door on the white porch of the bright mobile home with her whole body buzzing. It was almost too much to be there; staring at it again it was like nothing had changed. But something had, because she didn’t have a key, and so she knocked with all of the impulsive courage she had left.

Three rapid knocks.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five seconds.

The door opened with a creak.

It wasn’t Mari.

There was a man, about her height, hair pulled in a bun and silver bangs over glasses. He was familiar, why was he familiar? Linh drew in a harsh breath of air and squeezed Sophie’s hand as tight as she could. That was when the puzzle pieces fell into place. That’s when it all made sense. The man standing in front of her was someone she hadn’t seen in two years other than in the memories she had unrightfully stolen from him. The man standing in front of her, still with his signature silver, was Tam Song.

Amy’s phone buzzed next to her, pulling her away from rereading her homework question for the eight time. Ever since Sophie’s call and her following silence Amy couldn’t focus; she tried to distract herself, and pulled herself away from texting Linh and telling her everything Sophie had told her. It’s not my place, she would think. It’s not part of the plan. Her phone unlocked and she slowly processed the photo and message. It was a picture of Sophie leaning her back against the gas station with her hand holding her phone to her ear. It was just like her co-conspirators to be that dramatic they had to send a photo too.

-Operation Collect the Dumbasses-

Braincell Holder: You know we heard that call. Pure of Heart Dumb of Ass: I thought we said that I would start this conversation? No Thoughts Head Empty: Yeah well you took too long. Braincell Holder: Not the Point. The Mental Stability: And the Point? This felt too pointed, Amy thought. Way too pointed and directed at her. Her phone buzzed again. Braincell Holder: Having second thoughts? Only slightly, Amy thought, but no no this needed to happen. The Mental Stability: No Pure of Heart Dumb of Ass: Thank the fucking ancients we can move on No Thoughts Head Empty: We’ve got a Phase 3 to begin

Phase 3, which they already had planned, would be the hardest to set up. Everything had to be just the right timing and just the right place.

Incoming call from Braincell Holder

Amy smiled as she accepted the call and long red hair popped into the frame. “Where is she?” Amy asked.

The redhead grinned, “She’ll be here in a minute, you know how Mrs. Sparkly Justice is; she’s got meetings but she said she’s got a friend who wants to help.”

Amy smiled, their little band of conspirators and their plan was working better than she could’ve imagined.

“So,” Amy said, “Where do we start?”

[stillwooozy]

well my mom is having heart surgery, or idk a stent put in her heart - isnt that heart survery? Anyways shes getting better so thats good.

Ive been playing chess w/ my dad but my 10 yr old brother can beat us both so my dad isnt pissed at me anymore. He lost to my brother so he yelled at HIM for “having an attitude” and i felt bad. sore loser much? I’m competitive as hell, but only for things i know im objectively good at. He admits he isnt good at chess. I’m kinda surprised cuz ngl my dad is smart and my 10 yr old brother is..... 10. But i guess my dads intellect manifests as writing ability and my brother is advanced in math sooo... maybe chess = math? Idk. They are still forced to quaratine cuz they have covid, i doubt i’ll get it but i’ll get tested when they do again. My dogs are going crazy cuz i cant take them to the park.

My mom will come home in a few days. I’m actually excited/relieved. Usually i dread seeing her cuz she always finds something to critize me about but now im just happy she isnt dead. Haha hashtag-compassion. Shes on a bunch of drugs but shes off a venilator and sounds okay. she tested negative for covid so shes done with that im pretty sure. Shes getting a stent put in. I tried to talk to a doctor cuz she was being vague but he wouldnt tell me anything and im like :/ i get it but... i wish they would make my life easier, im the last person who should act as a husband/parent figure but here i am. My dad is pissing me off - if he cant control a situation he gets angry & ignores it. Straight up. I WISH i could do that but i have a guilty complex instilled by my very own mother.

One of my brothers i watching attack on titan so thats pretty interesting. he’s 12 and i was like... um isnt that too young? But i was 13 when i watched it so i guess not

My mom told me if i picked up her meds after i pick her up from the hospital she’ll give me half her painkillers and was like “but dont OD”. I mean im not going to turn them down. Me - turning down tramadol? What reality would that be. she’s a weird woman. I feel bad for her, she blames everyone else for her problems including me but ik she loves me. even if she hates part of me at the same time. A part of me is convinced that ill die by drugs if i never manage to kick the habit but i’d also feel really bad knowing she’d blame herself. I mean its almost comedic how dysfunctional my family is. She goes full Karen begging for opioids, then gives her mentally ill son half the pills as a reward. hey - positive reinforcement i guess? Good for her. Dont hit ur kids - just give them drugs when they are being a good little boy.

I think i’ll watch AoT w/ my brother. Hes the sibling i probably ignore most. him and my 10 yr old brother. I like my 6 yr old brother and my 19 yr old sister. I mean i love all my siblings but come on..... 9-15 yr old boys are batshit. i say this from personal experience.

I asked him if he liked Eren x Mikasa cuz idk. Isnt that what most basic shonen preteen boys are into? I forced myself to read eremika hentai when i was about his age. He’s a nice jewish boy too, so 50/50 chance he has an east asian fetish. You want to know his reply??? “No I don’t see anyone as a couple they all seem gay to me - no offense”. None taken brother ... i have to agree

i was flirting w/ 2 girls on tinder - no worries im not going to spread covid i promise - and i’ve come to the realization that....... why do most “alt” girls SAY they want a bi boy to “peg” but...... get uncomfortable when that bi twink actually gets fucked by men. like what??????? they just want a boy who wears flowery blouses and eyeshadow. sorry hun i’m not that person. I look like mac demarco if he was a twink in the worst way possible. I hate this trend cuz its insincere or maybe im just self concious cuz im gross. its just....... u cant ask for a bi bf...... but not really want them to ever have fucked a man????????? Grindr is disgusting but damn tinder girls are judgemental. I look like david dobrick if he was gay & mentally ill - what do u expect of me? I just miss my ex. She was unusal and im just fully appreciating that. She was the only person (beside my ex who pulled a lil peep before it was cool) who matched my type of crazy. Unfortunately 2 crazy ppl can’t last long.

To clarify i dont tell ppl, i never will, that she was “my crazy gf” or “crazy ex”. I dont mean it as a fully bad thing - i mean im the one on antipsychs (she was on lithium.. what a romance amiright). I miss her so badly. I think about texting or calling her everyday. Honestly idk if she would answer. Maybe she has moved on. We both have a minimal (public) social media presence so i cant stalk her online. she just posts memes & social justice stuff on her sc. she didnt block me from any platform. I pretend she found this blog and can stalk me & i hope she feels bad for me - pathetic right? It wasnt even a bad breakup. We were never on the “same page”, not that type of couple or chemistry, but we enjoyed being together and i miss that cuz atm i have no one but my mentally ill family. jk my siblings are surprisingly sane. I mean the younger ones have time.

[jj-ktae]

· 27 · Whipped - Prompt Game

Title : Whipped Pairing : Im Jaebum x Reader Genre : Au, fluff, Suggestive, Sugar Daddy!Jb Words : 2095 (I got carried away but it’s JB sooo...) Prompts : N°27. “My pants are tight because this is how I like them.” and N°44. “Tell me you need me.”

AN : There you go, @wangslut7! It’s longer than I thought and I hope you’ll like it! ^^

Whipped 

How do things happen even before you notice?

How did you end up receiving tons of expensive gifts in exchange of your company and – more often than not – body? It’s a dynamic you knew nothing about. A cycle of unwrapping paper and unwrapping clothes, with high quality foods and a cosy home. 

You wake up naked, the sheets on the floor and your body exposed to whatever it may face. You stir, legs and arms detangling from their sleeping state and bringing you to life. You don’t bother looking for clothes, the morning is already too hot and you will probably jump into the swimming pool before even drinking your first coffee.

Jaebum is at work already. He will come back late, as usual and order food for the both of you before taking you to his room.

You were supposed to go back to your flat but of course he protested, explaining you didn’t even need to go back to this tiny room. He has been pestering you, asking you to move in with him but you always refused. 

You dive into the swimming pool as your mind wanders to your situation. How crazy.

You don’t mind sharing this type of relationship if you’re being really honest, but you’re not sure you could keep going. Jaebum has too many expectations and too little guarantees and you can’t act like you’re not loving the moments spent with him. 

You don’t even know when you started harbouring feelings for him.

You get out of the swimming pool and grab a towel, you mind still bothered and stomach empty

The whole day is spent in doubt. You think about leaving but you end up giving up. Jaebum would feel betrayed and would come and get you in a minute, angry at your ungrateful behaviour.

You can’t say no, not when he has been offering you everything you need for the past three years.

You end up drifting off to sleep. Last night was too hectic to have a decent amount of rest and you take advantage of the silence and soft music you put on to rest your body.

You open your eyes to a puzzled Jaebum, all suits and smiles. “Keep sleeping if you’re tired. Can we order sushi?” He kisses your forehead and walks away before you can even register what is happening. You sit on his huge sofa, eyes scanning the living room and stopping on huge shopping bags, ornamented with shiny letters from yet another luxury shop.

“Can I have-”


You hear him into the kitchen “Chirashi? Salmon?” He asks, probably already ordering what he knows you enjoy the most. 

“Yeah, thanks..” You yawn, mind cloudy. Jaebum comes back a minute later and throws his phone on the table before heading toward the bags.

“Here. It’s for you.” He hands you the heavy furniture and sits in front of you. 

“…You didn’t have to…” it makes you feel even worse. You don’t know how to react anymore; you feel too used to this. You know you lost that sparkle whenever you open a present.

When did you start feeling like it wasn’t that special anymore?

Maybe because it’s not. Maybe you understood happiness didn’t come from pricey stuff. Maybe you’re yearning for something else. Maybe you wish you didn’t have to give your body to be around Jaebum. 

“Oh,” the latter speaks, finally getting your attention. “What’s happening?” He knows you, this surprises you every single time. It makes you feel like maybe he has other interests, maybe he thinks of you as something else than a mere presence and a good sex in exchange of pricey things. “You look worried.”

His hand falls on your thigh as he pats and caresses the exposed skin of your barely dressed body. “I’m…I don’t know. I wonder why I don’t feel as excited as I used to be.”

Jaebum tilts his head, lips pursed as he analyses your words. “Is it not enough? What would you like me to get you, hm?” His hand goes to your face and makes you look up at him.

He smiles sweetly and you want to whine at how gorgeous he is.

“It’s not about the presents, Jaebum. I just…don’t think this isn’t right, you know? I’m here spending my days doing nothing because you’re paying for my presence and body, but what happens when you’ll have enough? Maybe I should start looking for a job so I can go back on living normally when needed.” Your voice is calm even though you’re shaking inside but it had to be said. Jaebum acts without planning because he doesn’t need to. Rich people don’t have to think about the future when the present is so perfect.

Still, he stops moving, his body tensing and you don’t know if it’s because you’re being childish or because you’re acting like you’re not happy when a lot of people would kill to live your life. “I don’t understand. Do you want to stop?” he sounds awfully alarmed and looks like he is trying to control the situation way too much. “Did something happen? Are you mad at me?”

You shake your head, finding it hard not to jump on him and kiss him because he looks adorable.

“I’m not. All is good.” You assure him, but it doesn’t seem to make him feel better. “I just…don’t think we should continue this type of relationship. I feel like I can’t be myself because you’re paying for everything and I should be grateful but I also don’t want to grow attached to you to the point of not being able to let go when you’ll find someone worth spending your life with.” You end up looking at your lap, slightly ashamed at the revelation. 

Jaebum lets out a long sigh and he looks relieved yet he stills. “You don’t want to grow attached? You’re not attached yet?” 

“I am. I really am.” You admit, playing with your own fingers.

He smiles brightly after that, jumping on the sofa to sit next to you. His tie is a mess and his shirt half opened and you try not to look at it for too long. Jaebum then takes your hand to pull you on his lap. “So, what you’re saying is that you don’t want to keep this materialistic relationship because you’re afraid you might end up wanting more?” he pulls you close to him as you nod, ready to receive a dreadful, ‘I don’t feel the same about you,.

“Why would I even bother you with moving in if it was only about gifts and sex, though?” Jaebum asks to no one in particular and makes you snap your head towards his falsely amused face. “I’m sorry you thought you couldn’t be yourself. I thought you liked the gifts so I kept buying. I just wanted to thank you for dealing with me and not leaving. If anything, they should not be a barrier against your personality. I prefer the real you and no present will ever buy this.” He keeps speaking, eyes looking at you without flattering. 

“I mean, I know I’m kind of weird. I find it hard to be social, I spend hours focused on the same thing, I have a bad temper, I’m not even funny,” He snorts, laughing at himself. “But I find it amazing that none of this bother you. I thought buying you presents was the only way to keep you close, but I never thought that you’d think the opposite. It doesn’t mean you have to shut up and do as I say, jeez.” 

“I know, I mean, when we agreed on this, we made it clear that you were now my sugar daddy. You paying for everything means I must be the way you want me to be. You’re paying for my service.” You explain, the harsh reality now hurting you more than it did back then.

“Don’t say it like that…” Jaebum says, his hand rubbing his face. “It makes me feel horrible about myself. I never forced you to do anything you don’t like. I told you numerous times that I liked being around you. I let you do everything you want as long as you come back to me in the end. I mean, I’m sorry I made you feel this way.” He looks even sad now.

Great. You feel even worse.

You shake your head, your upper body sticking to his and arms wrapping around his neck. “I don’t want you to think it’s your fault. I agreed to this. I’m grateful for all you did. You paid for my debts, helped my parents, got me a better life and you’re only asking for my existence in exchange. I just think it’s too much and when it’ll stop, I’ll be depressed twice. One time because I’ll go back to my dull life and another time because I’ll be away from you. The worst part is that there’s nothing I could do about it, I have nothing to offer, nothing that is proportional to what you offer me.”

Jaebum pinches his lips, his smile growing with each minute. “You offer me way more. No bags and watches will ever top your presence. I could buy myself these, but I’d still feel empty because I’d be alone. With you everything is easier and you always look stunning in the clothes I bring you. If the gifts make you feel bad, I’ll stop.” He nods, staring at your lips and fighting the urge to claim them.


“But I feel like I’m too dependent. I want to be useful to you, I want you to rely on me even though I’m only here to entertain you. I want you to tell me you need me, not only in bed but all the time.

Jaebum can’t control anything anymore so he lets his body move and pulls on your face to nuzzle your neck. A couple of kisses are enough to make you squirm. “I do need you all the time. God, I should have told you sooner, I should have asked you out properly before you think I’m using you. I’m so sorry you thought I wasn’t feeling the same way about you.”

You pull away from him, your shocked face meeting his joyful one. “What did you say?”

He sighs, almost annoyed. “It’s been so long. I thought we had drifted toward something official naturally so I never paid attention to how you felt. I work too much and I tend to let myself live whenever I’m out of my company because it’s the only moment I can let go of things. I should have taken you out on an official date and confessed.”

Jaebum waits, blinks at your shocked face before reaching for a kiss. “That is, if you want to be with me, of course.”

“Of course!” You jump on him, finally giving him the attention he needed after a long day. He kisses you with passion and pulls you against him, hoping you’d let him claim you like a real boyfriend instead of a sugar daddy. 


You let him push you against the sofa, his body hovering on top of yours and it doesn’t take long before you’re fighting with his jeans. The buckle is awfully hard to remove but what surprises you is the clothing “Why are your pants so tight?” you mumble between kisses, but Jaebum snorts, not bothered by it as he almost tears the annoying piece of clothing.

“My pants are tight because this is how I like them.” He mocks, referring to his habit of referring to himself as the sexiest among them all.

“And you meet other business women like this and walk into your company with your body so perfectly defined?” You stop the kisses to raise a brow at him. Now that you can actually voice your real opinion you spend no time speaking.

Jaebum thinks his heart is about to burst. He never thought he would enjoy jealousy this much. “Damn I wouldn’t even go out if you asked me. Be jealous, I love it.” He loves the way it sounds. You who were always so quiet about what you felt, are finally acting like he belongs to you as much as you belong to him.

“You’re so whipped” You whisper before moaning loudly. 

Jaebum chuckles. “Let’s see if you’re not.” Before proceeding to remove the last piece of clothing left on your body.

When the food arrives, none of you hear it.