#im sorry i’m going to reclaim my little gay slurs

[vveakfish]

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[tauforged]

finding a way to say this without feeling like i sound like the kind of guy who believes in misandry but like. i’m sorry but being a lesbian doesn’t automatically give you a pass in my mind to go around using faggot in a derogatory manner like i’m absolutely guilty of saying it myself i fucking embroidered a vest that says faggot on it for pride last year i just think there’s a fine line between reclaiming it and just calling gay men you don’t like slurs and if you keep crossing that line around me im going to raise my eyebrows at you a little bit and maybe not want to hang out with you as much . like am i making sense here i have a bit of a headache so words aren’t coming super easily to me rn

[menlove]

wait hi i’m so confused i thought only lesbians can reclaim d*ke and only gay men can reclaim faggot? so how can you use both esp if you’re masc? IM CONFUSED IM SORRY this isn’t a hate anon or some shit i’m just so behind on the fuckin. ‘rules’ of tumblr and what the general consensus on slurs are i barely know what i can reclaim my damn self

hi you're all good! and honestly that's part of why I made the post and why the modern lgbt community frustrates me so much bc there is a huge prioritization of "rules" over community, solidarity, lived experience, and just. loving each other. not a diss at you obvs just that it makes us all so nervous about what we can and cannot reclaim and makes others really hostile about it

anyway!

several different answers...

by current lgbt tumblr/tiktok/twitter "rules" a lot of ppl have expanded those to include wlw and mlm, not just gay men and lesbians. I mean say two women are walking down the street holding hands, someone that would call them dykes isn't going to pause and ask if one or more of them is bisexual before using it. as I'm both a wlw and a mlm I'd fit into both. however I don't really jive w this explanation bc it hinges again on "rules" of conduct that I find reductive

another one I've seen that I find a little more nuanced is that if you have had slurs thrown at you and used against you, you can reclaim them. I've been called a dyke and a faggot more times than I can count. but again, I don't jive with this one as much bc does that mean a gay man fortunate enough to never get called a faggot cannot say that word?

the one I find to be the most resonating To Me- for decades and decades of the queer movement, queer women have been saying faggot and queer men have been saying dyke. it's only like really extremely relatively recently that it has been made taboo/wrong/crucifiable for the other group to say it. but if you look it up, there's a lot of early pictures and even well into the 90s pics of men holding up signs along the lines of faggots supporting dykes. and vice versa. this fear of saying these words in our community v much comes from the critically online crowd who doesn't actually go out and interact with their community (not saying you or everyone obviously just the people that push this shit really hard). they would rather squabble over words and slurs and labels than actually doing anything worthwhile.

and just on a personal note, like I said, I'm both a "wlw" and "mlm" although I find those words a little hallow. masculinity =/= sexuality and while I may be butch, that doesn't equate to manhood. even if it did, that's not entirely precluding me from finding community with others I relate to. but I grew up experiencing love for other women as a queer woman. I still do, even though I'm transmasc and use he/him pronouns in every day life (not on here and it's not misgendering to call me she or they, but for my safety I don't advertise any of that irl) but I don't mind being seen as a queer woman, that's deeply a part of how I learned to love in this world. and it got me called dyke. a lot. both when I was identifying as a lesbian, and when I wasn't. on the flipside, however, I am transmasc and butch. I present to the world with a masculine name and most strangers call me "sir" and use he/him for me. my boyfriend is a gay trans man (loosely, they also identify as nonbinary and his relationship to gayness is complicated but that's not my post to make). we are both on hrt and he's had top surgery. when we go out in the world together as a couple, most people see two gay men. we've been called faggots over it (shoutout to the bartender in Detroit for that one). is my experience materially any different than that of a 100% binary trans man getting called a faggot? is the way I present precluding me from being able to say I identify as a queer woman (and man) that loves women in a very queer way? if you look at me, a masculine individual with a beard that gets called a man by strangers and you say I cannot be a woman, what does that say about trans women? if you look at me and say the way that I present to the world doesn't count and doesn't matter, and the way me and my boyfriend conceptualize our relationship isn't right, why is that your business? again, not personal you but general You.

tldr gender is super fucking complicated and messy and so is sexuality and boiling it down to who can say what slurs is honestly really detrimental to our community and all of this is kind of The Point of my post.... and that is not an attack on you at all you're very lovely and I appreciate the message and how sincere it is! and you do not have to agree with me in fact I suspect many people won't. but that's okay. at the end of the day, this community isn't about agreeing with everyone. it's about protecting ourselves and our siblings from harm and loving each other.

[dankmunchkin]

venus in sagittarius: a playlist

8tracks link here. this was fun and also a hard self-drag

1. big time sensuality - bjork (it takes courage to enjoy it / the hardcore and the gentle / big time sensuality / i don’t know my future after this weekend and i don’t want to)

2. one too many - kaytranada ft. phonte (all i really want is just a night at home with her by candlelight / but until i find that girl i’m gonna hit the floor and we gon jam tonight / just can’t settle down, not right now)

3. moth to the flame - chairlift (i should know better than to take your love letters to heart / when the game’s already lost before it starts / but hope hides inside a cliche)

4. stop desire - tegan and sara (i didn’t wanna be so invested / i played it cool and then i overdressed it.. you know i’m ready for anything to happen / take this passion turn it into action)

5. boy problems - carly rae jepsen (i think i broke up with my boyfriend today and i don’t really care! / yall already know this song)

6. you’re not the one - sky ferreira (seasons bring truth / when i found mine it was summertime / it’s the middle of the night and i’m so gone / and i’m thinking about how much i need you but you really want somebody else / YOU’RE NOT THE ONE!)

7. flesh without blood - grimes (i don’t see the light i saw in you before / and i don’t care anymore / baby believe me / and you had every chance, you destroy everything that you love / if you don’t need me just let me go)

8. bunny ain’t no kind of rider - of montreal**** (eva, i’m sorry, but you will never have me / to me you’re just some f*ggy girl and i need a lover with soul power / and you ain’t got no soul power)

9. white lightning and wine - heart (sweet little one let me love you some / take me or leave me alone / the gooder they come the harder they fall / turn around you are a nasty joke)

10. to your love - fiona apple (please forgive me for my distance / the pain is manifest in my resistance to your love / i would’ve warned you, but really, what’s the point? / caution could but rarely ever helps)

11. extreme wealth and casual cruelty - unknown mortal orchestra (if we were just strangers then we would fall in love again / abandon extreme wealth and casual cruelty / and now i can see why everyone acts weird to me)

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****note: i only included this song despite the slur bc im a gay bitch and i am reclaiming it as a fun lesbian injoke, having put it on multiple playlists about girls i no longer mess with due to their lack of soul power, but i dont endorse kevin barnes or anyone using it