#im still completely convinced that like
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Im literally the only one in the world who cares about this but the fact that we got Cult of Verata lore from some random book laying on the ground in one of the new Secrets of the Obscure maps is everything to me
#gw2#gw2 spoilers#soto spoilers#gw2 soto#i haven't completely finished yet because a bug is keeping me from finishing chapter 9#but im enjoying it#im playing together with a good friend of mine and we both had no clue about like anything going in#im still completely convinced that like#the astral ward is a cult lile you can't change my mind on that im sorry nothing is worth losing memories like that over#like girl what are you doing#im dead though like#i tried everythig to fix the issue i was having but like#just while playing chapter 9 all the dialogue just stops being voiced for me only#my friend can hear everything just fine its just#sigh#i gotta have that audio alongside the text to process it#especially mid combat like#really#cult of verata#wow i am really the only one excited about this#christ#thats what happens when you tie oc backstory into seemingly insiginficant characters#though tbh that cult was enough to get on a hit list rip verata
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tumblr user magowolor posts magolor art (CHEERING AND CLAPPIN) yup yuup mhm thats right
#once he claws his way ouy of hell after definantly learning his lesson(not true) He and i will have a summer wedding#lol idk. maybe he did learn smthn but not necessarily the lesson he should have#like to him it was probably just ok MAYBE he shouldnt try n bite off more than he can chew n get carried away#and then he finds some other way to garner attention and make his impression on othars#esp w kirby hes reeely trying to overcompensate for his past misdeeds like hehe yah im suuuuuperr nice now trust ^-^#but maybe just MAYBE theres a slight shift were hes like ok well what if i didnt want to be good just to be convincing#only Bc his past motivation and actions were all built off one lie after another. he cant even tell if these thoughts are genuine#sooo maybe his curiosity gets th better of him and he figures the only way to find out and also maybe possibly b able to form actual bonds#this time around is by commiting to actually intentionally being good and stuff#like hes not suddenly gonna try an be a complete goody two shoes and be perfect bc hes still a mischevious guy yknow but uhm. yeah. yknow#^^^oh BROTHER we got a real yapper over here -_-#kirby#magolor#krtdldx#myart
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petition to add a fifth category of answer to the RAADS-R Autism test for "I do not know how to answer this question // The premise of this question is highly flawed"
#i retook the test recently to prove to my friends who think i'm autistic that the result i got last time was only cuz i was drunk#and then i got an even higher score this time when sober#but#so many of these questions are so hard to answer#i do not understand the question#this question does not make sense#why can't you rank how strongly you agree with the question#i hate the answer options they used so fucking much#they make no sense#also i can't remember like 90% of my childhood so that makes it extra fucking hard#anyways#im still not completely convinced that im autistic#but my fixation on the scoring and answer options is not a good sign for my whole “i swear i don't have autism” theorem#lmao#RAADS R#raads autism test#raads-r#autism#raads r autism test
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"A reboot produced by Bitch Fartman actually has surprisingly decent canon nonbinary representation" was CERTAINLY NOT on my 2024 bingo card
#Ive been trying to ✨️legally✨️ watch the new Fairly Oddparents and i actually like it#its one of those shows where you KNOW its meant for a younger audience but is still fun anyway#Not the pinnacle of cinema but honestly fantastic for a reboot#Its honestly better than some of the mid to late seasons of the og FOP that i grew up with#But who on EARTH convinced that transphobic piece of shit to add positive nb rep in this new show?????#Did he have like??? A redemption arc or something????#or was it something that was completely out of his control?#and the fact they theyre played by a nonbinary actor too... it blows my mind#I mean im HAPPY about it... but how that get past Butch Hartman?????
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Guys I understand the gatekeepers now like y’all didnt even know who spiderpunk was let alone his name till a few months ago STAY AWAY FROM HIM
#this is about white ppl btw#not to be toxic but if u have EVER said violence isn’t the answer hobie isn’t for u#if ur a liberal or centrist hobie isn’t for u#if u get mad at black ppl calling out racism hobie isn’t for u#if u tone police black ppl hobie isn’t for u#if u say informing ppl of lace code bc it’s dead doesn’t matter hobie isn’t for u#if u ever called miles a thief or even entertained that hc hobie isn’t for u#if UR WHITE HOBIE ISNT FOR U#thats only the start of my list#pretending that idc that I KNEW HIM FIRST NONE OF YALL CARED WHEN I WAS IN THE TRENCHES WITH MY THREE PUNKFLOWER FICS#😐😑😐#anyways…#that was a lil too toxic#but in conclusión#not excited for the influx of white hobie fans#who will say shit like ‘guys maybe violence against the oppressor isn’t bad! spiderverse taught me that :)’ and be completely serious#or even ‘i like hobie but he was too mean’#AND THATS ALL ASSUMING MARVEL DOESNT FUCK HIM WITH THEIR LIL COPAGANDA BOTH SIDES ARE VALID THING#like Im still half convinced they’re gonna do that thing where he overreacts to every little thing to make anarchism look stupid#so far it’s looking good but u never know#anyways.
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how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)
#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on#either way#im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred 💔#if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me#again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these 😭 fhskfbhsjfkg#i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever#but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do#and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying#like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative#but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me#oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you#but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't#like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it)#i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me 💔 which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable!#fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it#and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier#of my friendships#wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up#the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom)#i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a#'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order#not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i#may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me !#sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these 😭#vee rambles
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i keep talking about it on xitter but seeing end of eva in theaters was genuinely amazing, like the sound design and the quality...the way that the movie ends and everyone is just There...i used to just like the movie and thought it was a bit overrated, but now i think it's one of my favorite films ever
#im SO glad i got to go#you can really feel how angry it is#like even though. That scene has been memed to death it still felt very uncomfortable to sit through#and the movie is very loud the first half right#but you dont notice how loud it's been until you see eva 02's corpse and the movie just goes completely silent#i already want to go see it again#oh and the subtitles made things make a ton more sense#yeah but wow.........i keep thinking abt it#i was like how could seeing it in theaters change my thoughts? but everyone talking about it convinced me#and they were right
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How many things am I gonna try thinking "oh this will finally reveal to me whether I'm trans" before one of them actually *works*. I'm tired of this grandpa.
#vent tag: i never let them see the worst of me#'lily doesnt the fact that youre doing this mean youre trans' I DONT KNOWWWW THATS WHY IM UPSET#ive bought multiple different gender-affirming items thinking 'ill put this on and ill Know'#both times? nothing.#i mean i do like wearing chest binders now i guess. i like how i look in them.#but does that mean i want to completely eschew womanhood??? to be a man???#i dont know#but i want to. i want it to just click#instead of me playing around in the mirror and realizing im trying to find the posture that makes me look more masculine#instead of me increasingly preferring male terms being applied to me#instead of me tiptoeing my way into gender and waiting to be thrown out#instead of convincing myself over and over that im just tired or havent eaten or am about to start my period or just hate my body normally#instead of friends telling me 'hey i think u might just be trans' and that somehow still not feeling RIGHT#i dont want to be a guy i just want to have all the qualities of men that i find attractive or aspirational#i dont want to be a guy i just want to have the experiences guys have#i dont want to be a guy i just want to not be expected to be a woman#who am i? what am i? and how much longer can i bear to not be SURE?#god!!#(if you read these notes and reply 'egg moment' im egging your fucking house btw)
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hate ever since I finished giant robo yesterday my train of thought hasn’t been a critical analysis of what I consumed despite acknowledging both the show’s strengths and weaknesses and instead going back to my Imagawa Armageddon drama conspiracy board and going “okay no way in fuck he didn’t have Kei as Genki planned after the fucking family drama plot line in giant robo being similar to what we got in arma and it’s likely that the team got away with this idea after he left because they might’ve been in production for ep 4 but had to rewrite it and the show after onwards to fit the new direction”
or in simpler terms my brain activates “how do I make this about getter robo”
#meg text#mecha rambles#getter robo#giant robo ova#I think I ranted about this on here before so I won’t rant about it in the tags again but GOD#it didn’t help I found out genya was voiced by gos va too (fucking seki is in everything ever)#I’m now slightly convinced the reason imagawa even made their hair green was to reference genya and ginrei#originally I thought he based at least gos hair off of one manga cover ishikawa did for the manga but this seems more likely#I never even seen anyone mention the fact genkis hair was always green- or the fact how his va was always keis#And given she also voiced ALLENBY prior I don’t think imagawa would wanna waste a talent like that in a child who hardly speaks#also just remembering how the show of giant robo we got was somehow the 6 part out of 7 and needs 5 other parts for context#and how the end teases the last part even if it still is conclusive it just as my friend put it “apart of a anime that doesn’t exist”#and people thought the moon war stuff was complicated 💀 (still nice to have the context but- at least it would just need to be ONE show)#Oh and I heard genya and ginrei were completely original characters he made so that’s how he could’ve gotten away with it#next to it being a reference#tldr will never know the full context of the arma staff drama but Im now convinced Kei as genki was always planned#and likely the show we would’ve gotten would only be different in tone the hayato shit being address and way way more convoluted
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news on the sdr2 replay. (spoilers ofc)
i completely forgot that Fuyuhiko attempted seppuku.
#like COMPLETELY forgot#like i watched it happen a whole second time and STILL dont remember it.#im convinced my game has become sentient and taken a whole new path#my shit#danganronpa#sdr2
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i think my university fucking bit me wtf
#it started last semester or maybe even last year but they infected me with an anxiety that completely rewired my brain#i have general anxiety disorder & i’ve had the occasional ‘something bad is gonna happen’ day where im anxious the whole day for no reason#but then it changed to this like. academic anxiety that got so bad i was like. nauseous all the time throwing up i had to go to a counselor#and now i’m straight up paranoid. like idk maybe i’m not using the word right but i’m convinced every day all my worst fears are gonna—#just happen one after the other. my tumblr will be revealed to my family. my toxic ex will come back into my life—#my money for school is revoked things like that.#because adult life is just so confusing and convoluted and works against people#and my anxiety just goes through this loop of ‘everyone dislikes you/hates you/thinks you’re annoying’ so -> ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’#so -> ‘your life will be irreparably damaged and/or you will die’#the ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’ bit especially gets me because it’s like bitch how!! i follow laws!! i cheat a bit less than the average—#student! any time someone has a concern with like my work performance or something they politely tell me#why do i have the anxiety of a fucking hunted animal over these things!!#i wanna be numb actually i miss that time. it still sucks but at least i don’t make myself sick#things would be so much easier if i was a house spouse who cooked & cleaned (with no kids) & didn’t have a job or go to school#ofc managing a house has its own challenges and i don’t wanna undermine that but ykwim#i want this fuckin eye of sauron off my ass already 🧍#and don’t even get me started on the ‘you have to do this little task in this specific way or else everyone you love will die’ thoughts#that’s a whole other mess#tw vent#rose.txt
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looked at old pics of myself at the wrong time and now im crying.,
#i always thot i was just kinda ugly and weird and lame and like. i wasnt. not that it would matter if i was but like. i wasnt i was just. me#in my memories im so mean to myself and then to like look back at who i was at that time is like. so hard like why was i so mean to myself#and why am i still so mean to myself. like who does it benefit to remember myself as awful and annoying and ugly and unlovable#like the only person in my life who thought i was all those things was me. like the only person that hated me that much was ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i hate it here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im fine :)#this was a nice wakeup call i suppose.#also all those old pics i looked so hot im crying actual tears im so mad i could have been getting so much pussy if i wasnt so depressed#idk im just like. trying to be nice to my inner child and my inner teenager is one thing but like. being nice to me early 20s is even harde#i always thought ppl hated me and its like no bitch..... You hated YOURSELF................... anyways im dehydrated#this blog turning 13 sent me into a real spiral ill tell u WHAT.#having spent all my formative years online to then become almost completely offline after getting a job. its drama to say grieving but like#idk it felt like looking at pics of a dead relative. like it looked like me and i could remember taking those pics. but like. thats not me.#GOD. GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD#AND ITS ESPECIALLY CRAZY TO LOOK BACK NOW HAVING GAINED ADULT BODY WEIGHT AT PICS OF ME AS A KID WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS FAT. AND I WASNT.#AGAINNNNNNNNNNN NOT THAT IT WOULD MATTER IF I WASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS#but i spent my whole life being treated as FAT without actually being fat. WHICH I AM NOW. and now im the happiest and fattest ive been.#like i actually wasnt a horrible ugly fat freak of nature. i just needed to get away from my mom#i really am rambling at this point. i know i need to Look Within and Figure Out Who I Want To Be and What Kind Of Person I Want To Become#but also i have work#and the answer is some kind of transgender. one of em. thats for sure. but like. im a waitress so like. rain check that convo....#anyways. i am not a bad person. and i wish i didnt spend so much of my life convincing myself i was. but u live and u learn i fucking GUESS
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Im on a romance anime addiction rn and like just finished one and OMFG IM GONNA CRY THEY WERE SO FUCKING IN LOVE BRO THEY WERE IN LOVVVEEEE
I can’t fucking believe i almost stayed up all night on a work night to watch Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?! A solid 8/10, some parts kinda wanna make me kill myself and some characters got on my nerves, at one point completely dropped till the end, but i felt the pacing was good and didn’t feel super rushed till kinda the end like we could have used another episode or two
Still looking for good wlw anime cause I ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY SUGGESTED WATCHING CITRUS BUT WHEN I READ A SYNOPSIS I LEGIT SCREAMED LIKE NOOOOOO NOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I just want girls who are in love bro and if its doomed so be it man
#localgardenweed#the weed is rambling#imagine me in bed at 2 AM whisper yelling at anicrush cause the video kept buffering and losing my shit i just had to quit for the night#im like begging god to show me good yuri doomed yuri just women who are in LOVVVEEE#Ive been digging thru the scraps like i have not cared for bnha but when i saw that sliver of doomed yuri#( iykyk )#I ATE THAT SHIT UP I WAS EATING IT UP AND CRIED OVER IT#I HAVENT WATCHED SINCE LIKE 2017#I WAS A FAN FOR LESS THAN A YEAR#I DID NOT GIVE A SHIT BUT AS SOON AS I SAW THE DOOMED YURI I FLEW TO IT LIKE A MOTH TO A FLAME DAWG#also spoilers but i felt so bad and had to contemplate when i was fully convinced they would show at least their thoughts and dialogue#while they were freaking it not cause ‘oh mah gosh!!! gay yaoi boys so sugoi!!!’ like cause IDK IT HAD SOME DRAMATIC WEIGHT!????#IDK???? WAS TGAT BAD OF ME TO THINK???? IDK#Like i did mot wanna see their cock and balls but like WDYM WE SKIPPED OVER THAT I TOTALLY THOUGHT WE WOULD AT LEAST HEAR THEIR CONVERSATION#IDK I EXPECTED A LITTLE MORE AND NOT A TIMESKIP TO MORNING#also know i was in the kitchen cooking while i was watching that episode and like was like half screaming ‘ARE THEY FREAKING???—#THEY’RE FREAKING. I CANT’T BELIEVE THEY ARE FREAKING RN. I DONT WANNA SEE THAT EW THEY ARE KISSING#THEY ARE MAKING OUT OH GOD’#weird that i completely was gonna be find hearing them bang than watching them kiss#idk what i was expecting but like idk. i was still happy they got to freak it and be in love and shit very happy for them#i think i just wanted to hear them affirm their love and be close and like tell eachother how much they meant idk idk jsut sweet lovey dovey#there was thematic weight to the sex okay#anyway please drop more queer anime please pretty please I LOVE GAY PEOPLE!!! i wish they were real tbh#thats a joke btw if it wasn’t obvious like. look at me.
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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my apex ocs be like *villain* *antagonist* *morally ambiguous little guy*
#also i made my insect lady have beef with conduit for no reason because i love DRAMA BETWEEN WOMEN#in SPACE#ok there is a reason. syndicate is trying to get nexus to join syndicate space (since conduit is in the games)#basically she could pull a fuse and ruin her homeworlds independence by accident if she isnt careful#so theyre trying to keep convincing her and convincing her#eventually theyre like OKAY. what if its the bathala system EXCLUDING NEXUS WITH TRADE AGREEMENTS STILL#BUT the bathala system includes akila which is (similar to pagos) largely uninhabited. except my oc and her territory#so by complete proximity conduit is endangering her (my oc's) ability to do her work and live amongst her kind (giant wasps)#and basically its crypto joining the games all over. she floods kings canyon with killer wasps lol#caustic being like hm...we should combine our research..#and shes like oh. you misunderstood me. im going to feed you in meat chunks to my workers. youll be emulsified#and feed 3 generations. thank you.#I HIDE IN THE TAGS ITS WHERE IM SAFE TO TAAALK
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the absolute fucking speed with which he hangs his head when rebecca's like "pfft normal. right."
#endings 1 and 2 are like monologues and arguments he's practiced to himself a thousand times over ones he's probably convinced himself with#and whenever rebecca doesn't buy it and he has to face the fact that a lot of what he believes is complete nonsense to any normal person#he's really thrown for a loop#such hits as#“isn't that better than nothing....?”#and “you'll get used to it”#and his very long spiel about how being constantly retraumatized can be good for you actually#god he's so#he's like “give yourself a chance at a life beyond fear” meanwhile he spent decades being like “WAAAAAAAAH IM SO SCARED WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#and even if he isn't outwardly like. shitting himself constantly. HE IS STILL AFRAID HE STILL HAS SO MUCH TO HIDE YOU STUPID OLD MAN#JUST EBCAUSE YOUR STARTLE RESPONSE DOESN"T WORK ANYMROE DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE NOT AFRAID.#fear on his face in two out of six endings and these six endings comprise a grand total of like 10 minutes in the life of raymond delver#biased sample MAYBE but still if this (river fields) is your life's work then i dont think you ccan say you've achieved a life beyond fear#nor do you have the tools to offer that to someone else you FUCKING guy#normalposting#im sry ending 1 has me posting normal
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