#im worried im developing a habit and i Wont be able to take my shit seriously soon but

[thatone-highlighter]

I love Marcy because whenever i get too deep into thinking about my issues and i start to feel like shit i can just go “ha okay Marcy Kinnie” and turn it into a joke and continue to not think about it

[crepuscollo]

you know how in a relationship, communication is key? well everyone communicates differently; different love language, anger management, sadness outlets, bad habits, ways of telling u theyre upset.

you have to learn how to love everyone you meet, not just expect it to HAPPEN; thats why in the beggining, after your honeymoon phase, you SHOULD be fighting. dont be surprised. ur right on track. youre getting comfortable, thats good. youre starting to let the other person affect you, thats good. youre not falling out of love, youre even more in love, that you probably dont know how to be around each other.

im writing this to talk about how im oh-so exhausted of trying to understand blue. and if this develops, itll stay that way: me, trying to learn how to love him, and trying to teach him how to love me. ill be exhausted, and itll wear me out, and hell stop making me happy. im glad i realized this now, and not when its developed... that is if it ever does...

if November 9 by Colleen Hoover taught me anything, its that love can grow in the most unexpected of places, it can even take 6 whole years. im always worrying ab the slowness of the progression of "us" because i cant go one second without thinking about him. so i want him every second. but in the bigger picture, its not that slow. especially consideirng we arent fucking friends. yet? i hope. i have hope that this can still happen.. its not slow.

anyway, things went too fast for my first time, and we were too young, so it all fell apart. a classic story of "right person, wrong time". it makes me wanna scream- no, thats an understatement- makes me wanna rip my heart out and feed it to a toad, so that it dies a slow death.

TL;DR: I hope the person i fall in love with is someone who teaches me how they wanna be loved, and tries to love me best they can. because if udw learn to love me, i wont be able to teach u. and if u wont teach me how to love u, i wont be able to learn. and we wont be able to stay in love.

"in love" holy shit. the number of things that that can mean... to be in love. "im in love" "were in love" can u even imagine? i cant imagine it. i hope its as perfect as ive imagined it. maybe my expectations are too high. i think thats whats gonna break me and blue... my high expectations, and his expectance of my failure bc i failed him before.

tbh, if i know what to look out for, then it shouldnt be hard. we can fix it. we can perfect it. we can be a movie. love is always enough if the effort is mutual. imagine being in love but not being together? just because you cant move past your differences? youll always be waiting for the other person to come back, its impossible to move on like that. like lorelai and christopher. like ross and rachel. like in the notebook. my heart aches for these love stories.

[fairycosmos]

hi chloe idk if youll see this but i only have a year left until college and i live in an abusive household. no one understands me and my mom and dad especially don't. my older sister doesnt seem to hold the patience to listen to whenever i do try and call her once annually. i dont know how much longer i can hold on. it literally hurts my mind so much thinking about all of it, especially after abusive episodes from them. im scared to live alone but i just cant wait to

gosh im so sorry to hear that love :( while i’m proud of you for making it this far and for being able to talk about it with me, it’s really awful that you’ve had to deal with it for so long, and that it’s happening to you in the first place. especially during your adolescence, which is a time when we’re all super impressionable. a time when we all feel like nothing is ever going to change. and i can definitely relate to nobody even taking the time to understand you, and to feeling like you’re being overlooked or forgotten. when we experience something like this our brains often to try to make sense of the actions of those around us by turning towards self blame, and internalizing all the negativity + manipulating it into self hatred. but i think its important to remember that you are not responsible for what others do, in this context. how they choose to treat you is not a reflection of you or of what you deserve, alright? your sister’s selfishness is a trait of her own. your parent’s anger is a result of their lack of control and self regulation. none of this is on you. it may be hard to truly believe that in this moment, but nonetheless i think it’s a sentiment you should try to keep close to your heart. it’s not your fault that you have been failed by the people who were supposed to protect you, and it doesn’t mean that any future bonds you form will turn out the same way. it’s normal to want to give up at times, but you must know that there’s a difference between temporarily feeling that way and actually acting on it in a very permanent way. i said this another anon the other day, but i mean it just as much: you have so much waiting for you. and you didn’t survive all of that for nothing. once you’re in college and you have autonomy over your own life, once you get to choose how much time you spend with your parents and how much you let them in - all of the pain and toxic beliefs you’ve built your world view around will begin to slowly dissipate. and that may be a life long process, but it’s supposed to be. you have all of the time in the world to build your own existence and to heal from what’s happened to you. there are so many different tools to utilize, paths to walk down and people to meet who will show you what it’s like to be truly loved. including yourself, the person you will grow into. if you just give yourself the chance. i know it’s not that much comfort in this moment because you still have to deal with your parents and their bullshit, but it’s good to consciously remind yourself of all the good that is out there. when you’re an anxious and hurt person, it’s common to suffer from a sense of impending doom or failure, but the reality of it will be so much more of a calm, gradual process than you realize.

that being said, i’m quite worried that you’re still in this situation and that your parents are just okay with periodically putting you through ‘episodes’. it’s NOT okay. and you have every right to process hurt, anger, bitterness, sadness, numbness because of it. while it may be painful, there is no shame in crying or in feeling whatever you need to feel. it’s a normal human response to such emotional turmoil, so try to go easy on yourself honey. you’re doing what you can with what you’ve been given. however, it’s important to understand that the presence of these negative emotions is never an excuse to harm yourself or worse. i understand that it’s extremely overwhelming, and that it may sometimes feel beyond your control. but even just attempting to put some positive coping mechanisms in place may make all the difference, even if they don’t work every single time. this can be anything from creating a safe space for yourself (in your room, or could be somewhere outside like the park or a library) to researching breathing techniques and self affirmations, to journaling or venting to your friends, to meditation to finding a comfort hobby/show to simply lying in bed and sobbing the feelings out and then going to sleep, maybe practicing some self care. every small effort counts, even if it feels like the dumbest thing in the world. if you keep it up on a semi consistent basis, you will notice a shift eventually. it’s possible to hurt and grow at the same time. i also think it could be a good idea to consider reaching out to someone about this - perhaps a school counselor, or a mental health hotline, or a support group in your area. maybe make an appointment with your doctor to see if they can recommend any resources, if possible? whatever works for you. i just really think it’s important that you understand on a very fundamental level that you have every right to talk about what’s going on, and that there are so many ppl out there who understand. who have even been through the same thing, and survived after it and thrived. i know this is one of those suggestions that feels very scary and like you just can’t do it, but if there’s any service available to you i’d really recommend utilizing it, or at least not ignoring the option all together. having someone you can be honest with and who can enable you to develop some self esteem, plus some added perspective so you don’t feel as ‘trapped’, will really make it all feel a little less heavy. consistent therapy/counseling will show you how to unlearn all of the mental habits you’ve developed over the years due to the treatment you’ve endured, and you deserve that relief. i get that it all feels like a lot of effort, and i’m not saying that doing this stuff is a quick fix. i’m saying that you have a life and an existence that is worth investing in, that is worth caring about. you are worth the world, FUCK your parents for making you question that due to their own mental and emotional issues. regardless of your past, you’re here and you deserve better. you will find better. you’re so much closer to getting ‘out’ than you realize. while it’s normal to be scared of living alone, humans adapt quite quickly. and you wont be alone in the way that you imagine, you’ll simply have agency over your own choices. like i said before, there are so many ppl who are going to show you what it’s like to truly treasured, who you haven’t even met yet. it’s just a matter of treating yourself softly, the way you’d treat a friend going through a hard time, until you get to that point. and also a matter of knowing your parents are full of shit. but anyway, this got far too long. i just have a lot to say, i hate how adults choose to have babies and then do this to them.....if you want to talk about it properly, or if you need a friend or anything. please feel free to send me a message. i’ll be here, and i believe in you !! one day at a time 💌

[angelnumber27]

answer honestly. how sad is it tht im 17 and i havent even had my first kiss yet,,,,,,,, and i dont think i’ll find someone till uni at least. nd also how do i stop being a nervous wreck!!! cuz u seem so confident

It’s not sad!! Everyone moves at their own pace and you’re allowed to! I promise not getting romantically involved with people young is a GOOD thing, regardless of how the people dating around you look. Especially when you’re young, you need to focus on yourself! You’re only 17 babe there’s an entire life ahead of you and plenty of time to kiss someone! Please don’t stress it at all I promise it really doesn’t matter :) I wish I could go back and wait way longer than I did to dive into intimate relationships because it caused a lot of bullshit and I was constantly distracted by people and things that really didn’t end up mattering at all in the grand scheme of things. What matters right now, in this point of your life, is of course your mental health, your education, your home life, and then the things that you enjoy doing when you have free time. 17 is an age that can define and make or break character. People start to develop their own opinions and such around that time. If you are young and build your life around other people, it’ll create a bad habit in you of always looking for happiness and validation in others, a fear of being alone, and the inability to fully experience becoming YOU. It’s important to learn that you are always going to be the one person who is unconditionally there for you. Now is the time to work on your relationship with yourself!! It may sound ridiculous but it’s so important. Learn how to love yourself and be gentle with yourself. Learn how to pull life lessons out of every experience and keep them to use for later on. If I could go back and build my relationship with myself first I would 100%. A lot of people like to rush into “love” when they are young because they see everyone else dating or whatever but I want you to try your best to ignore the external influences and people and just try your best to focus on taking it each day at a time and doing what you need to do right now, even if you don’t want to. The truth is that you’ll never be successful in love or relationships with anyone else until you find love for yourself. And this is my 100% honest answer! You’re not lame or weird or “behind” in any way for having not kissed anyone. Anybody who tells you that that defines you in any way is stupid and focusing on the wrong things and you will probably surpass them later in life. High school, the whole popularity shit, the people who’s opinions mean so much to you now, I promise you none of this shit will matter at all after you’re finished. You graduate and then unless you choose to, you never see 90% of those people for the rest of your life. And I’m not as confident as I seem. I’ve struggled so much for so long and it’s taken tons of work and effort to get to this point. For a long time my anxiety and the fear of the way people thought of me controlled my life but I eventually was able to overcome that because I decided that I want to take back my control and live my life rather than existing letting other people control my happiness. Somebody will always have some shit to say, no matter what you’re doing. So you might as well do whatever makes you happy. I’m a nervous wreck too! There’s no magical cure! But you can learn to stop letting stupid insecure people effect you! High school is hard and I’m proud of you. Keep moving! Keep going at your own pace, and don’t let what anyone else is doing control you. Sending you love and peace ❤️ I promise 99% of the things that are worrying you wont even happen! Our anxiety lies to us and makes us think up worst case scenarios that don’t even exist. Find something that helps you relax and try to use it when you can. Soothing music can be great, watching something that comforts you, doing things that make you happy like if you like art or sports or whatever you enjoy! Try to get enough sleep, eat breakfast, give your body what it needs. Take breaks when possible and when you need them. School isn’t worth your wellness and peace. You’ll get through all of this babe, just like you’ve gotten through 100% of the hardest things in your life so far. 💓