#imagine been cuck by 4/5

[danversmyqueen]

Punz I have a song for you, Alexa play getaway car by Taylor Swift

[grimescum]

im in the mood to yap so i chose to yap about hellsing ships. i dont partake in shipping usually but i still find them interesting to think abt

all of this is my opinion!!! i dont hate u at all if u ship anything i happen to not like or agree with. if you dont want 2 see someone being judgemental about something u enjoy (understandably so) feel free 2 scroll past

also no being annoying. questions and comments r fine but anything else jsut shut up

ALUCARD X INTEGRA 10/10

goated. there will never be anything better than girlboss x malewife im sorry

though i'll say i dislike the interpretation of integra where they tone down how badass and stoic she is just to make her. like. a little bit tsundere. u cant make the gnc couple gc like that fucka you

ALUCARD X SERAS 5/10

SERAS X PIP 10/10

silly guy x silly girl will never not solo, especially when fucked up angst and cannibalism imagery is involved. heavily tied with alutegra for me

SERAS X INTEGRA 10/10

CUTE!!!! i dont see any fanart of this ship that i dont like. lesbians know what theyre doing and they do it well

don't take my lack of input as me disliking it or anything i just ship to project

ANDERSON X INTEGRA 8/10

cutie...... i see anderson as a big softie even if he's fucking crazy and scary and i greatly enjoy softie guy x serious gal. i dont see much angst potential though unless u bring alucard into the mix and make him jealpus as fuck

i also think the idea of alucard's master cucking him with his own arch enemy is hilarious so it gets a bonus point for that

ANDERSON X ALUCARD 7/10

love the rivalry, love the enemies to lovers, hate how often alucard is twinkified as if he isnt built like a pot of spaghetti. my biggest pet peeve is when people prettify characters and i happen to see this a lot w the content of it i stumble across

if someone makes alucard just as fucking wank looking as he is in canon i will gladly bring this up to a 9 or 10/10. stop being pussies u guys

WALTER X SERAS 6/10

read a very cute fluffy fanfic on this once!! i'm a little mixed about age gaps but as long as the younger one is a consenting adult i see no reason to freak out

good potential for angst with the age gap considered, though i dont think walter would date someone *that* much younger than him for the same reason. i think they'd be very sweet regardless of if they're friends or not

i have father issues so this ship will be getting an extra point

okay, this one i admit can be cute? i quite enjoy the silly normal girl x scary traumatized guy dynamic, but i personally dont like how sexualized a lot of the fanart is, or how they tend to baby-ify seras as if she didnt cannibalize a man. not much flavor here in my opinion. ive never been a fan of heavily heteronormative ships

ENRICO X INTEGRA 4/10

WALTER X INTEGRA 5/10

love the girlboss x devoted malewife dynamic, dislike how the little content i've seen of it comes across as creepy imo. i can def see there being jealousy with how alucard is essentially integra's dog and gets all the attention while walter is just the butler... i dunno

more old men need to get bossed on girlstyle but alucard x integra still does this better i think

WALTER X ALUCARD 5/10

the jealousy to lovers pipeline never made sense to me as a jealous bitch myself but i suppose i can kinda see it since jealousy is not far from admiration... very interesting in the angst department, but i cant imagine how any romantic interactions with them would be like aside from light playful banter

as long as its not baby walter then i'm fine with it (girlycard x 14 y/o walter is 0/10 booo booo tomato tomato)

ive only seen this ship once, i can only assume its appeal comes from hot lady integra beating the shit out of enrico's annoying ass

snarky x serious is a very good trope but unfortunately i think alucard x integra does this better, AND with a romantic aspect that i can see. enrico also annoys me

JAN X LUKE 0/10

DOC X THE MAJOR ?/10

i love the silly dynamic but because i dont feel much for either of the characters i really cant say

WALTER X RIP ?/10

CUTE!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE the crazy girl x normal(?) guy trope, i tried 2 do that with my oc claudine actually!!

i dont dislike anything abt this ship i just wish there was more canon substance

ALUCARD X THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND 5 billion/10

i think its funny and also i enjoy their canon interactions... the 5 billion is mostly satire i'd put this along with the other ?/10 ships

ALUCARD X MINA ?/10

whatever . i see people be very annoying about this ship and i'm aware not everybody is but it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.. same thing with andercard but the fanbase for it is a lot bigger so i'm more forgiving

i saw this once and i want to be thorough.. um . they are brothers . if thats ur thing then whatever but its not mine

[thesimulacrumb]

Happy pills Q!mouse what if's

I've been thinking on what kind of affects the happy pills would have on Q!mouse simply cause I am in a drought of Q!mouse content so I made a couple "What if's" that I think are MOST LIKELY to occur before and after she takes the dreaded Risus potion

First I think I should go over what exactly I think it would take for her to take the pills at all 1. Empanada loses a life I mean we already seen how she would act her egg is downed imagine her reaction to Em's death, she said herself she is not taking them specifically for Empanada's sake so really the only way I can see her taking them is if something were to happen to Em 2. Her "Nightmare" Since purgatory Q!mouse has repeatedly referred to it as a horrible nightmare and tried to change the topic, theoretically if this nightmare were to get to a point of delusion or hurting Empanada, I think its possible [with the help of a certain bear] she could be convinced to take the medicine just to be a better mother for Empanada Now unto the Effects, these are what I think mouse would be like upon taking the Happy pills, from my own research and kind of based on my previous head canons 1. Zooted!Mouse This is almost the least likely but, For those unknown to CC!Ironmouse's streams she regularly takes her own medicine during streams sometimes this causes her to act pretty out of it which many viewers affectionately refer to as "Zooted" it is possible she could use the happy pills to explain this behavior. while this is the funniest outcome it would honestly be my least favorite 2. Musical!Mouse [Any evidence saying I got this idea from TGWDLM is lying to you I swear] Now this idea mainly comes from Ironmouse being usually associated with singing and all around liking musicals, so imagine after she takes the pills she starts to treat things like a musical i.e. singing at random times and acting dismissive of anything negative in favor of treating things like an artificial play. kind of like a Disney princess 3. Hyper!Mouse This mainly pertains to my head canon post that Q!mouse feeds off of emotions. So from my idea she would basically be in a state of constant Overdosing on positive feelings causing her to act incredibly hyper like the stereotype of kids eating too much sugar, Similarly I think it would also contain Sugar Crashes were she has a period of existentialism and derealization. 4. Silly!Mouse You know when she was totally cool with killing all of the Feds especially after Purgatory, so what if she pick up after Q!Cellbit's lil spree decides to go on a lil silly spree of her own, I have no real idea on how this would actually happen AND its not even how the pills work but it would be funny.

5. Fed!Mouse

Now this is MAY be a direct contrast to the last what if BUT we have seen that Q!mouse doesn't really hate cucurucho and is very friendly with him [albeit while also being terrified of him] along with having already done his bidding with her photography skills. its very possible that while being on happy pills she could very well more willingly give some more help, Who knows it may be beneficial to have a demon on their side :] Of course all of these could very well just not happen and Q!mouse never actually takes the pills and really just holds onto them for the aesthetic and I am forever cucked out of ironmouse lore

[majorbaby]

A, B, C, G, N, P, and X for the fandom ask game please! ^_^

thank you :)

cut for length and degeneracy

A - Your current OTP(s)/OT3(s)/OTX(s)

not a big otp guy but hawkeye/trapper is as close as i get.

OT3s are another story... the hawkeye/trapper/oliver thing was the most fun i've ever had writing something and i have plans for building up a little world for them.

hawkeye/trapper/margie - two straws, one girl!

trapper/dish/margie - two girls, one straw! (this is my free-use sub top trapper set-up. alternative OTX version: the one where trapper is had by the entire nursing staff and hawkeye is head of marketing and PR for the event) hawkeye/trapper/margaret were so good together on the show, alcoholics unanimous and iron guts kelly set it up all too well...

hawkeye/trapper/BJ if i'm feeling something a little more fucked up.

yeah... hawkeye/trapper/character-of-choice

would love to deal BJ some psychological damage via cucking fantasy - BJ/Peg/Carl.

BJ/Peg/Trapper lol even I'm too cowardly to write that. but... could you imagine.

B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind

answered

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will (be nice)

i don't hate it, but i'm not particularly interested in radar/any one from the main cast.

G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it

i discovered fanfiction through x-men so it must've been rogue/gambit, which i still have a soft spot for.

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

answered

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)

ok im not inventing it on the spot but i'm taking this opportunity to tell you about "hawkeye's moving castle" the sparkly AU of "howl's moving castle" that is bouncing around my brain. who's sophie you ask? kellye. it HAS to be kellye. not for shipping reasons, but because she is sophie (dedicated, kind, talented but overlooked wallflower) as much as hawkeye is howl (also very kind but pathetic and a lil vain AND let's not forget howl is an anti-war draft dodger...). i'm just. so into it. it won't leave my mind. hawkeye's moving castle!!

X - top 5-10 characters who are yoUR PRECIOUS BABIES AND YOU WILL DIE DEFENDING THEM

bear in mind that by 'defending them' i don't mean always mean defending them from hate. sometimes i'm defending them from what i perceive to be misplaced affection. also disclaimer, this is just for fun, you can think whatever you want about these fake people from the tv, but i'm prepared to defend my interpretations of the following, in order of how firm i am in my position wrt them: 1. hawkeye

2. BJ

3. klinger

4. henry

5. trapper

ask game

[alolanroy]

2024 Watch Thread-Part 3

Part 2: https://www.tumblr.com/alolanroy/743462089395470336/2024-watch-thread-part-2?source=share

Lensman (anime): Sometimes lost media is bad. I'm glad it was found, but it still wasn't good 3/10

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes: It got a few sensible chuckles out of us, but I'm glad they figured out how to make comedies funny after this. 5/10

Zombie vs Ninja (aka The Undertaker of Sohwa Provence). A South Korean parody of Chinese Kung-fu movies billed as ninjas for the US market. Imagine a turducken if every layer was racism. -5/10

Star Wars Jedi: Survivor: While my PC and Unreal were fighting for their lives, this janky game blew me away. Rarely do we get sequels that truly feel iterative, let alone head and shoulders better than their predecessors. It continually fed me new toys and mechanical twists. I think I'll remember this as both a fun action game and as an outstanding metroidvania. It made me remember that I liked Star Wars, and for that I am thankful. 9/10

Protodoid Delta: I see what they are trying to do here, but it just wasn't fun. just a lot of generic platforming and combat that didn't feel right. Weak buster shots and a three-hit melee I didn't find reliable do not a combat system make. 3/10

Blades: Not quite funny enough for the comedic premise, but for my friends who hadn't seen jaws, it still was enough of a thriller to hold their interests -5/10

Monster Squad: I feel like if this came out when I was a kid, this would have been my favorite movie of all time. The fun monster madness and tone was almost enough to distract me from how the horrible pan'n'scan always found a way to crop out the black buddy-cop, even when he was the one speaking. 7/10

Star Wars The Bad Batch: In all fairness, I stopped only a few episodes in, but this just felt like Dave Filloni playing with his action figures. No real tension, just a parade of his OCs talking to each other, mostly with the same voice. I don't really care to find out if it gets better, because all I've seen is people get excited that more characters from Clone Wars show up. I want a good show, not reminders of a good show. 4/10

Goldeneye: I'm glad Bond isn't quite as brutish with women as the franchise was historically, but while watching it with someone who had never seen a Bond movie before, it occurred to me how strange this movie is without the context it is trying to respond to. 6/10

Battle Star Wars: There wasn't much battle or wars in this one. The stars were allright, but I would've preferred maybe some different hallways or a second hill in the California desert. Hell, I think a second jpeg of the Earth might've gone along way. Besides one of the most funny-bad costumes I've ever seen, this was utterly forgettable. -2/10

Gundam Seed Freedom: This might actually be the most frustrating movie I have ever seen. It made me so mad that I, no joke, walked out to the lobby and stared at an arcade machine to cool off. The writing on display is insanely bad. The first half hour is a sequence of scenes where characters state their thoughts and exposit about a fanfiction-tier plot that barely makes sense. If you liked the cuck arc from Seed Destiny, you will love this movie. It doubles down on the concentric melodrama to a point where everyone has to just be cartoonishly mean-spirited and has the same ending as Destiny, down to the macguffin. 0/10

The Intruder (1962): The day of Roger Corman's passing, this film came up a few times. I took a chance and within a minute and a half I knew this would be a winner. I've never seen a film more quickly and elegantly set up that a character might as well be the devil. Shatner is absolutely fucking evil in this role and it is GREAT. The more I read about this film the more ballsy I realize it was. allegedly this was filmed using mostly actual locals given a watered-down script. All those teens actually went through integration the year before. absolutely wild. 10/10

The Last Man on Earth (1964): Wow, I can't belive that Will Smith Movie 'I am Legend' ripped this off. *Checks Wikipedia* Oh. 7/10

Vikingdom: When people say that a movie feels like a videogame, Ithink this is what they should mean. I would describe it as Jason and the Argonauts by way of a ps3 action game. Cheap as hell, but willing to go hard at random intervals. Shoutout to the sequence in the land of the dead. 6/10

The Cat Who Wore Sunglasses: I'm no expert on Czec new wave cinema, but I think that this was pretty neat. However, I'm not sure that it really fit the mood of a Costco Pizza movie night. 7/10

Dragonball: The Magic Begins: This movie is a laugh-riot mix of good wuxia action and bursts of some laughable CG...until it slows to a crawl at Kame House for like and hour and kills all its energy. The remaster they had on Amazon was gorgeous, but uncanny since these movies aren't usually accessible in any quality. The funniest takeaway was that the production interpreted anime hair as an 80s hong kong action lady perm, so Goku ended up looking a little they/them. -7/10

Blood of Zeus Season 2: I feel as though I can't speak for it much since this is clearly part 1 of a two part story, but it certainly is cut from the Castlevania mold. It does have better forward momentum than its predecessors, but the main party feels almost auxiliary to the other plotlines. I kinda forgot what they were supposed to be doing. 6/10

Everyone is in LA: I don't think the first batch of guests really grabbed me. If this ever got the chance to 'get good' they might be on to something. 4/10

Teldryn Serious: I get what they were going for, but it didn't really work for me. On the literal side, the quest objectives for the last third broke for me. Otherwise, I felt kind of confused because I guessed what was going on before I was supposed to, so I wasn't sure why the story hadn't caught up. 4/10

The Fall of the House of Usher: I think a lot of Japanese RPGMaker and VNs owe Poe and Corman money. Entertaining, but not mind-blowing 7/10

A.D. Police: It had some real cool energy and episodes, but its sure...uh... ended. 7/10

Gundam Twilight Axis: This is a prime example of the cutoff point between a series of scenes and a story 3/10

Skyrim-Mirai: I won't judge this too harshly since I really do feel teenage wish-fulfilment radiating off of this mod. When it clicked for me that Mirai has essentially the same narrative as Serana, and the romance post-game is longer than her main quest...I knew I had to meet it it's level. Not sure I like her ambiguous age, but I chalk it up to harmless fanfiction cringe. 6/10

Jiu Jitsu: With a little editing, this could have been an all-timer martial arts vs. predator mashup movie with a cool alien costume. Nick Cage is in it for a surprising amount and the martial arts is shot pretty fun. Sadly the movie as it exists starts off poorly and gives the impression that the movie is less ambitious than it might actually be. As a result I tuned out for the first half. 4/10

Dick Tracey: The funny makeup and production design does its best, but the awful pacing kneecaps the flow it has at the start. 4/10

Year One: uuugh -3/10

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom: We really had to make our own fun on this one. Except that gnomes, those were great -4/10

Jack-Of-All-Trades!? A Day in the Life of Master Micchi: The geats cast really is at its best once the series is over. These characters are just funny to follow around without the end of the world looming. 5/10

Kamen Rider Geats: 4 Aces and the Black Fox: This would have scored a full point higher if the main villains weren't a greasy discord mod/discord kitten pair that just did not fit the sick recolor of Geats 9. The brief pre-production view of Gotchard made me sad about what we ended up getting. 5.5/10

Kamen Rider The Winter Movie: Gotchard & Geats Strongest Chemy★Great Gotcha Operation: I know getting turned into a marketable plushie is a meme and all, but this was hilarious. Until it turns into a generic Rider movie in the last third, the puppets are funny as hell and the Geats cast shines so well against the mildness of the chemies. 6/10

[cyancherub]

wyws update

a decision has been made... a decision that will surprise no one ...

i'm splitting up pt. 4 of wyws AGAIN (LMFAOOOO someone stop me !!!)

i'm doing this for multiple reasons, the main ones being

pt. 4 has already hit 15k of just monsterfucking w/ sukuna

i want pt. 4 to contain as little plot as possible, because pt. 4 also contains the darkest/most horrific parts of the fic in terms of visualizations + imagery. if i split it up here, people will easily be able to skip it (if need be) and go straight into reading pt. 5 for the plot resolution

the bad news is that

threesome/triple penetration/cucking is pushed to pt. 5 :( (BECAUSE the dialogue between sukuna and yuuji in these scenes contains crucial explanation + plot points)

but the good news is !!!

this way i can easily contain the darkest parts of the story in pt. 4 so it's easier to skip for people who might be upset by the intensity of the horror

pt. 4 will deliver the wildest monsterfucking imaginable

pt. 4 should be out tomorrow because all i have to do is edit it :> <3 the final draft is mostly written (like 90%?), just a few spots here and there to look over

okie thats all i have to say WOOO look out for pt. 4 soon !!!

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. Maybe this is just me, but in every story where Hades is the bad guy, you actually end up seeing his POV and why he’s the way he is, maybe even siding with him over the good guys, yet something like LO, which is destined purely to “make him the good guy”/“redeem” him while tearing everyone else down for his benefit actually makes him look downright evil, worse than any villainous depiction. Sorry, no amount of having daddy issues (which conveniently neither Poseidon or Zeus have) excuses him owning countless slaves, thinking he’s above the law, violently oppressing and abusing his citizens over any little slight or want he has, his greed, and creepy love for controlling young, impressionable women who he throws away when they finally grow a personality, and many other issues. Rachel wants us to look at this greedy, violent capitalist and see a good guy? That’s laughable at best, insulting at worst.

2. I kept up with the fast pass episodes just to see the train wreck but it’s so bad I can’t even bother anymore. There’s another Webtoon I read with good representation, romance, colors, and character designs and reading that masterpiece to then painstakingly read through Lore Olympus was like my own personal hell.

Like imagine making the past 7 episodes or so telling the audience how stupid they are for criticizing Hades and Persephone, and not using the basic knowledge of how court systems work in the court scene. I’d love to see her go to court and try to tell the judge he’s stupid and she’s justified for killing a bunch of people because she feels bad.

3. Okay the ask about Thanatos cucking his foster father is gold.

4. ngl, kinda funny the post saying the FAN voted ringo awards (so its basically a kids choice award, not a legit award by actual people in the comics industry) voted lo persephone "best hero" and the comments were almost entirely people questioning why shed be called a "hero" when shes a mass murderer and a bunch of people agreeing she doesn't deserve the title. idk if the tides are turning but critique/dislike of the series certainly seems a bit more present than it has in the past.

5. i severely doubt RS is keeping track of the plot at this point. Not only does she not have character sheets to keep colors or designs consistent, she also openly writes the week of for episodes, meaning it's very likely that minus basic ideas (hxp end up together. minthe "dies", etc) that everything is almost entirely made up as she goes, and it shows. the fact even the dedicated readers often can't tell what the plot is or what time it is is a bad sign in how she presents this information.

6. i agree with that other anon. LO already had a lot of issues, but it seems especially obvious now Rachel insisting she be a part of the fandom has seeped heavily into the actual comic, and it's gotten worse for it. Don't get me wrong, there are real criticisms Rachel should hear and hopefully fix, but instead she sees the critique and uses her weekly episodes to make up any excuse she can to justify her writing choices instead of fixing what she can. It's not just a waste of time, it's annoying.

7. LO stans are the wildest, they'll say every fiction has its share of flaws and then turn around and harass people who make even the mildest (yet absolutely valid) criticisms. You can be a fan of something and still criticise it, y'all know that right?

Also it's just hilarious that they'll complain about us 'antis' apparently just blindly shitting on this series and going out of our way to do so when in actuality, taking your blog as an example, I've seen nothing but a wide variety of criticisms and sometimes discussions.

There are both fans and non-fans choosing to make their opinions known here because you can't make a criticism of LO anywhere else without being talked down to, called stupid or something along those lines, or harassed, all of which I've seen on the webtoon comments and reddit.

I've seen and been part of my fairshare of toxic fandoms and LO stans really make this fandom one of the worst with everything they've done. 

8. This is like the most mild of criticism but why does lo have so many goddamn typos??? I saw someone mention this on reddit and another person come in saying RS had dyslexia and like okay well if she were still on discover then that's excusable but she's not? She's being paid for this? She's got an editor? She apparently has a proof reader? They should be catching all these typos before the chapter goes live.

Like there really shouldn't be an excuse to this amount of typos especially when you consider the fact people pay money for this

9. Y'all I'm gonna lose it, someone posted an info graphic of LO's timeline in the reddit and it's literally only been 4 weeks in canon and some people are commenting how that can't be right and it's not accurate because 'there have been so many scenes implying the passage of time' or how we just don't see them on their off days but??? There are literally so many people rereading to accurately gauge out the timeline and all coming to the same conclusion that it's been only a month????? Hello????? I am so close to just losing it this is so funny oh my god

10. When comparing Persphone vs Thanatos I’m being qualified in their fields verse nepotism, Thanatos was clearly a young child who couldn’t make his own decisions for his next step of life, his mother literally just dropped him in Hades’ Lap and left. Hades gave him that job and has complained about his performance, but like it seems like that is what he is the god of like idk of hades can fire him.

Persphone was technically a teenager  who did have choices. Hera signed off on it giving her approval but did that approval have to go through? Isn’t hades the king of the dead? Couldn’t he call Hera and he like “this isn’t a good idea since I have feelings for her” (which should be his first green flag out of the ocean of red ones to show he’s got half a mind not to mix business and pleasure AGAIN). But not just there, she gets the job winning at chess, (according to the gods is fine) she doesn’t know how to use a computer. Sure her training wasn’t the best, but Hecate said she was expecting more done by the afternoon and then we haven’t seen her work until after she kissed Hades and asked Minthe for help. (So we only see Persphone needing help for a job or just talking to someone but never actually working efficiently). And then to add another layer, she gets to see hades whenever she wants, she gets paid (which other interns haven’t been paid) but the narrative still says it’s not special treatment. Hades hasn’t even checked her work, or even made her work in probably over a year in real time. She’s just there.

Thanatos (child servant who has a bad relationship with foster father not doing the best at work) vs Persphone (handed mostly everything to her)

Yeah these two “special treatments” are the same. 

[youralphabull4u]

more tormenting the cuck

Really looking forward to the weekend.  My princess is spending Friday night thru Sunday afternoon with me since her cuck is out of town for the weekend.  This will be the longest she’s stayed with me.  I’ve instructed her to tease her cuck and drop little comments like “my pussy is going to be so worn out by Sunday” and “I wonder how many times I’ll cum on that lovely cock of his this weekend”.  

I’ve been sending him texts and teasing thoughts as well.  Yesterday I sent him one that said “so looking forward to spending the weekend with my princess.  Sleeping next to her.  Waking up next to her.  Watching her walk around my house naked all weekend.”

He was very appropriate with his response telling me ”I hope you enjoy it very much.   The two of you deserve weekends like this and I know she is looking forward to it.  Thank you for providing the things she needs that I can’t.”

I pushed him to make him type it out....”what things do I provide that you can’t cuck?”

“Satisfying sex sir.  Only you fuck her like she needs, craves, and deserves.”

“That’s right cuck I do.  Do you feel like you should show me some appreciation for helping you out and making up for your inadequacies?”

“yes sir...I do appreciate it very much”

“I know you do cuck.  But I want you to show me.  Tell me how you want to show your gratitude cuck” (he knows what I want to hear)

“May I please come worship your cock sir?  Worship the only cock that pleases my wife?”

“Yes cuck I will allow you to make out with my cock for awhile but you won’t be getting my cum today.  I want you to edge me and make my balls swell with cum so that I can give your wife an extra large load tomorrow.”

“I understand sir.  What time do you want me to stop by?”

So from there we worked out the details and he come over at 4:00.  As instructed it came in and removed all of his clothes per my rules. (He’s always to be naked except his chastity cage in my house)

I was sitting at the kitchen table working on my laptop.  We exchanged our usual casual greetings and he was just standing there naked and awkward.  I tell him “I’m not finished just yet but you may get started on what you came here wanting to do”  As I said this I slightly opened one leg up toward him where he could see my cock hanging off the edge of my chair and inviting him to crawl under the table without any words necessary.

As he crawled under the table I nudged him with my legs to get myself comfortable and relaxed into the chair...still somewhat pretending to be more into what was on my computer than what he was doing.

His training has progressed nicely and he stays very much in role around me now.  He asked from under the table, “may I suck your cock sir?

I sort of mumbled back, “yeah sure”...in a dismissive tone as I basically ignored him.

As he worked my cock with his mouth it did start to get hard but I continued to not acknowledge his efforts as best I could.  I left him there for what probably seemed like forever to him but it was only 10 minutes or so before I told him I had finished my work and wanted to go to the sofa where I could relax.

I got up and headed for the den as he slowly tried to unfold his aching legs and crawl out from under the table.  I could hear him groaning a bit as he worked to stand up.  As he got to the den I was already kicked back on the sofa.  I tell him “stretch your legs for a minute then get back to work cuck”

I guess he felt ridiculous and awkward just standing there or just wanted my cock back in his mouth because he was just staring at it...not looking up toward my eyes at all...he slowly knelt back down and using nothing but his mouth (as trained) scooped my semi hard cock up and sucked it into his mouth.

As he sucked I picked up my phone and started to snap some pics and take some video.  Before hitting record I told him “I want you to take it deep as you can and keep it there for as long as you can....then when you pull off to catch you breath, look up at me and tell me you love sucking my cock”

As he nodded in understanding I hit record.  He wasn’t expecting me to be recording and stumbled a bit with his words when he looked up to me but got the words out.

While still recording I asked him, “why are you here sucking my cock today?”

He looked a bit confused, obviously not remembering right off the comment I made about working up a big load for his wife later but I loved his replay. 

“to worship and show gratitude to the only cock that pleases my wife” he said meekly.

“yes, cuck...that is one of your only sexually related purposes but why are you working my cock today...knowing I’m not letting you have my cum today?”

That triggered his memory....

“I’m here to edge you and make sure your balls and nice and full and swollen with cum so you can give my wife and extra large load of your seed tonight”

“that’s right cuck...glad I got that on video.  Me and your wife will have some fun watching that later.   You may continue”

From there I let him work my cock for awhile and actually could begin to feel an orgasm stirring in my balls.  As the feeling came on I would instruct him to slow down or just stop and hold my cock in his mouth.  I would flex a bit and apparently was oozing precum into his mouth because he would make a satisfied “mmmmm” sound and would start to gently suck.  

“you getting some precum cuck?”

He just nodded and moaned softly.

“you’re doing good cuck.  Is it nice to finally find a way to provide some sexual pleasure for someone besides yourself?”

He just nodded and kept sucking.

“You seem to be settling into your natural place as a cuckold very nicely.  It’s good that you have been able to accept that you are sexually useless to women and be gracious in allowing a better man take care of your wife’s sexual needs.”

He just nodded in acceptance looking up at me briefly.  I didn’t need a response.

“I know you haven’t cum in over a week but you do know it’s October...you and your cuck buddies get off on this whole ‘Locktober’ thing don’t you cuck.  Well I’ve chatted with your wife some about it and she was fine to let me go at this however I wanted to.  You will stay locked all of October with a weekly release for cleaning.  Max you will be out for 5 minutes.  You will come here for you cleaning.  I will have a large cup of ice water ready in case you can’t control your little dick.”

His eyes got a wide as I could see his brain trying to calculate the weeks he would go without orgasm as he stopped sucking my cock and stared at me.

“Your cuckold training is progressing nicely but it’s time we push your submission a bit further.  I want you to show me and your wife your commitment to making this kinky threeway poly relationship work.  Are you willing to endure extra time without orgasm to show us your commitment?”

“Yes sir” he said hesitantly “how long are you thinking?”

“You tell me cuck....the longest you have been without orgasm so far is 6 weeks.  I want you to make us believe that your orgasm and your own selfish sexual needs are not the reason you work to please us and make this relationship work long term.  I have a date in mind for your next orgasm but I want you to suggest one....and you better impress me.”

Was fun to watch him struggle with the answer...I can’t imagine all the factors he was considering as he contemplated. 

“Christmas sir?”

Wow, nice cuck, not bad....but I was thinking new years eve.  So you have something to look forward to but you know by now that your attitude around me and your wife is what’s important.

“yes sir, would you like for me to suck your cock some more now?”

“my balls are starting to ache...suck them into your mouth and massage them with your tongue”

As he worked my balls I stroked my cock just a bit then let it lay across his face.  It was a hot visual so I took another pic or two to humiliate him with later.

“It’s so hot that you have stood by submissively and watched me take over your sexual place in your marriage...and that you thank me for it.  Damn dude, I don’t totally understand what makes a cuckold tick but I’m loving the benefits.  Stand up cuck”

From his knees he struggled to stand because he had been on them awhile.  I stood up and helped him up...because I am a gentleman, lol.  

I still had my  phone in hand and told him a wanted one more pic.

“Look down cuck...see my cock next to yours in that cage?  That’s your new normal.  Your cock is insignificant and irrelevant to your role as a cuckold.  I’m taking this pic with both of our cocks together to remember this day.”

He continued to look down, not saying a word but I knew he was processing his reality. 

“I got to get somethings done around here cuck, we’ll see you later”

Really just indicating that it was time for him to leave.  He walked for the door and started to dress when he reached his neatly folded pile of clothes in the chair by the door.  

As he opened the door to leave i told him, “I’ll send you plenty of pics this weekend cuck.  Friday night we’re going to dinner then back here for some naked time.  Saturday night I’m dressing her super slutty and taking her to Trapeze (our local swingers club) My plan is to have her go in a gas station to get me a water or something while I pump gas.  Then I’m stopping again at a liquor store and we’ll go in together.  I’m glad that sort of thing gets blood pumping for all three of us.”

“OH, and I haven’t decided yet...will have to play it by ear, but I’m definitely fucking that tight ass of hers this weekend.”

I could see him try to formulate a response but there wasn’t really an appropriate one I guess.

He just said with a wave as he got in his car, “ok, have a fun weekend....and thanks for looking after her for me”

Why that’s so arousing to me I don’t know but it is....a totally defeated cuck accepting his place as a cuckold.  Knowing reality will hit him shortly as he drives home that ‘shit, I’m not going to cum for 3 months...and what have I done? I may not enjoy the feeling of my wife’s pussy around my cock ever again.’

Knowing all those thoughts make his little cock try to get hard and fight against his cage...I love that.

[hoodoo12]

Elegy (6/6)

It can’t all be good. This is Beetlejuice, remember? 

A very heartfelt thank you to @clairjohnson for this fun and heartbreaking rp. It was a delight to torture ourselves with this!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

@turtlepated @thewolfisapartofmysoul @beejiesbitch @janitor-boy @angelicspaceprince @beetlewise-and-pennyjuice

He felt dead – well, deader – inside. In a moment when there should be residual bliss, a sweet connection after such intimacy – especially with someone like her, someone he'd not only lusted after but someone he got to know and found he liked – the standard response was to bask in the glow and drift down from it gradually. Together. 

Instead, that internal, infernal bitterness surged enough that Beetlejuice tasted it in the back of his throat. Semi-coherent and contradictory thoughts tumbled through his head.

He was such a fucking idiot. He'd fucked – literally – any slim chance he'd had with Maria now, one of the only people who put up with his shit. Although the effects of the booze he'd swilled were dwindling, he told himself he'd just taken advantage of her in a drunken stupor. She was kissing him and cooing and relaxed under him because she was playing a role, doing her best to get through this as quickly as possible before she could escape him. 

Yet at the same time . . .

He was such a fucking idiot. He'd been used again. As a self-proclaimed 'Ghost with the Most' as he liked to spew, he was repeatedly duped. The thing he hated most about himself, that he wanted and needed companionship, was always his downfall. He was so desperate for the slightest bit of attention people took wild advantage of him, and he never fucking learned his lesson. 

Caught in a web of his own self hate, Beetlejuice barely noticed Maria's continued caresses or her smile. As good as it was to have her so perfectly under him, he scowled. 

"Betelgeuse . . ."

His name from her lips deepened that scowl, and with a hard glare into her eyes – that he couldn't hold for more than a second, "Ghost with the Most", what a fucking joke – he shoved up and away from her and whatever she was going to say: sweet lies or angry venom.

Maria felt any imagined warmth drain from her body when he pushed away from her. The loss of his weight, of the comfort she’d felt just moments before, was completely shattered by the glare he’d set on her. His eyes had been cold and angry – and she had no idea why. 

Had she done something wrong? She replayed what they’d done, the things he’d said, over in her head. Everything had seemed right – more than right. Anxiety began to bubble up in her chest and she finally sat up off the bed. Betelgeuse had angled his body away from her in a position that screamed fuck off. Maria shook her head in confusion, trying to understand how the man that had begged her not to leave, had called her beautiful, had fucked her so perfectly, now wanted nothing to do with her. 

The original reason why they’d gone to Dante’s hit her like a ton of bricks. He’d been inconsolable when he’d arrived in the waiting room. Blood soaked, angry, and devastated at the loss of people he cared about. And here she was – a pair of legs to bury his anguish in. Calling her pretty was all it took to have her jumping into his bed. God, and he didn’t even initiate it, she had. She wasn’t even a first choice for him to proposition while sad and drunk. 

Swallowing down a sob that threatened to creep up, Maria reached out and placed a small hand on his arm – cursing herself when it trembled slightly. 

“Betelgeuse . . .?” 

Saying his name caused the first tear to roll down her cheek, and she quickly brushed it away with her other hand.

Legs swung over the edge of the bed, his back hunched and his hands so tight on the edge of his stained mattress that his knuckles hurt with the pressure, the same rancid thoughts spewed by the same gibbering voice echoed through his head. 

He was a fucking idiot. Played for a fool by his own dick and her. Again. Cuck was more than apt. The story of his fucking life. 

There was no way in this world or the upper he'd ever have had a chance with a woman of her caliber. He'd manipulated his way here, and as loathe as he was to admit it, deep down he knew that was the root of his problems. Nothing real came from that; hadn't the very reason he'd ended up back in the reception area been because of it?! 

People saw the chinks in his armor, and used well-placed arrows to bring him down. They took what they wanted, took whatever he was so eager to give just for just a little acknowledgement, they used him – they fucking used him –   

– Beetlejuice scowled again, but it was down into his own lap this time.

Maria shifted on the bed beside him, the broken frame made them both tilt towards each other whether they liked it or not. And she must like it, she must love seeing him further broken, because she continued the lie by touching him and saying his name, again. 

Anger – as hot as the euphoria had been moments ago – flared in him. 

"What are you still doing here?!" Beetlejuice roared as he spun on her. His vision was very slightly blurry, altered by his now slitted pupils; sometimes in rage he had less control over keeping them human and there was certainly no point in reining them in right now. "You've had your fun, you got what you wanted – ¿qué más quieres? To kick me in the teeth some more?!"

what are you still doing here 

If her heart had been beating it would have stopped. The weight of his words, roared with venomous repulsion, pressed heavy on her chest. Maria couldn’t help the tears that freely ran down her cheeks and fell off her chin. Still so focused on his burst of rage she barely followed his next questions. She blinked a few times, silent as the tears continued to fall, and tried to understand what he was insinuating. Was he gaslighting her? How could he really believe any of that? Maria opened her mouth to speak, to try and articulate how devastated and confused she was, but the more she tried to search for the right words the angrier she got. At him and at herself. 

“Fuck you,” she seethed, her voice surprisingly steady for how distraught she looked. How could she have been so stupid? This was Betelgeuse. Whatever rose-colored glasses she’d been wearing before he effectively slapped off her face. 

Feeling very exposed and embarrassed Maria covered her chest and shifted off the bed. Hastily, she searched for her clothes, slipping on her underwear and dress (abandoning her bra). When she picked up her shoes at the end of his bed she stooped, giving his rage filled snake eyes a long look. This is what she needed to remember.

“Thank you.” The words were bitter and she couldn’t help the tremble now. “I don’t need to wonder what being with you is like anymore. I can shut the book on my naïve fantasies.” 

She took a single step back, her mouth in a tight line while she shook her head. “I’m the same down here as I was up there. Foolish and never good enough – basura. But I can take myself out.” 

The last word came out with a sob and she looked away from him – she needed to leave.

Oh, she was good. An Oscar worthy performance: those tears streaming so theatrically over her high cheekbones; her expression surprised bordering on devastated; the faintest, barely-there tremble in her hands. She was a waste working a reception desk.

Her spit profanity was exactly what he expected. Exactly what he needed. It vindicated him that he was able to at least partially expose the truth of her. If he was able to twist and reduce whoever was using him to standard curses, he won. 

Beetlejuice only watched from the corner of his eye as Maria haphazardly scooped up and stepped into her clothing. She didn't ask for help rezipping her dress. 

Then, instead of simply stomping out, instead of a stinging slap across the face – plus or minus the heeled shoes she held – she looked him directly in the face, leaning low to get under his brow and hold his eyes. 

She slapped him with her words.

His self-pity and rage swirled in the pit inside him, and he could barely process what she said. Sarcastic thanks? She'd fantasized about him? The word fool and garbage flitted through – he knew what he was – and then a hitched choke that added another perfectly placed, dramatic sob to the end. 

Although his upper brain was still trying to sort through what she'd just said, his lizard brain was still quick and in charge. 

"The fucking door's right there," he snarled. She wanted to play on sympathies with crocodile tears? He'd counter with justified fury.

He'd have liked to stare her down till she was gone, but that hurt like a knife in the chest. And he should know, since that was something he'd experienced so recently! Instead of keeping his eyes locked on her, he turned his face away. 

His throat burnned.

His silent agreement of her self-deprecation and his cruel indication to the door sealed it for her. Part of her, deep down, hoped he’d see her anguish and apologize. Leave the bed and wrap his arms around her. But that wasn’t happening, and it wasn’t going to happen. That was clear. 

Maria felt the fire in her drain when Betelgeuse turned from her. What was the point of being angry? She nodded solemnly and looked at the door he’d so kindly motioned to. 

“Right.” Her voice was soft. “Goodbye, Betelgeuse.” 

And it really was goodbye. She realized that then. There was a clear finality to her parting. That goodbye was a resolve to cut whatever semblance of a relationship, platonic or otherwise, they’d had. Maria mourned that loss. Packing away the memories of coy flirting, stupid jokes, and of his perpetual smile when he’d roll his chair over to pitch his latest get out scheme. 

And she mourned the brief possibility of what could have been. The flash of something seen only through the rose-colored glasses of an afterglow. 

He so firmly hammered the final nail in the coffin that now held this relationship – and no one had any final words before it was lowered down into the dirt. 

Another nod, only to herself, and she turned from him. Her heels still hung from her fingers as she padded bare foot to his door and left. 

She didn’t notice how long she’d been walking, busy filing away the decades of fond memories till she was left with the most recent one. The eternal red fog of the netherworld licked at her legs, and as she pushed their final night together down deep, she pressed her back against the closest building, knelt down into the haze, and cried.

The door didn't slam. She left politely, as if to show she was superior. 

He fucking knew that, didn't she think he fucking knew that?! 

The atmosphere in his room changed the second Maria walked out and left it looking grimier, shabbier, and shittier than ever before. Beetlejuice grabbed both sides of his head and bellowed wordlessly: a rage-filled noise that probably rattled his dead neighbors. She led him on, she teased him, she used him, she made a fool of him . . . the same excuses he always heard echoed through his skull. She led him on, she teased him, she used him, she made a fool of him. 

Sheledhimonsheteasedhimsheusedhimshemadeafoolofhim over and over and over and over –  

She'd said basura. Garbage. That one word crept passed the others. 

In a terrifying moment of clarity, Beetlejuice realized she hadn't called him that, she called herself that. 

She wasn't garbage. He had been sincere when he called her hermosa. Emperatriz. It might have been the booze that loosened his tongue, but it only spoke the truth. He'd never met anyone like her in the Nether or Upper world. She made him laugh. She gave as good as she got. She was beauty personified. He liked her, and more than that, he respected her. And now, and now –

– he'd continued to fuck over his existence. The weight of what he'd done, the sheer magnitude of how he'd treated her when she'd been nothing but supportive and caring –

A new sound ripped from his throat. Pain and suffering. Utter disdain for himself. Hate directed inward. He should run after her. He should find her and apologize; drop to his knees in front of her, prostrate at her feet, grovel belly-up and beg for forgiveness. He could never atone, but he could worship. But Maria made it perfectly clear she was done with him, rightfully, agonizingly so, and all he could do was curl in on himself on his sagging, stained mattress, and weep.

fin

[momrryfest2020]

You guys are AMAZING!!

Okay, so here’s the list of prompts, gonna open up author signups tomorrow...note, this is an all pairings space, so feel free to read these prompts as such! And if you want to provide something that is NOT a prompt, no worries, just submit to the collection when I open it up. This is gonna be *fun*, you went above and BEYOND on these!! <333

Prompt list:

1. Juno AU

2. During a mutual divorce, harry finds out he’s pregnant and has to navigate that with his ex and his new love interest!

3. Harry is pregnant and he’s all too happy to finally be able to put his pre-post natal yoga certification skills to real practice as he leads his class.

4. Harry has always been into dirty talk, especially “daddy” kink, and now that he (or she) is pregnant, his (or her) partner kicks it up a notch, calling her “mommy”

5. ANYTHING LACTATION KINK, DON’T CARE HOW.

6. Mommy + Pregnancy Kink please Harry calls his partner mommy and imagines getting impregnated by them.

7. Harry’s sad that he’ll never be able to get pregnant so his partner makes him feel better by “knocking him up” ie: lots of dirty talk about harry being fertile and barebacking and sweet talk afterward about what a good mum harry will be.

8. Harry just gave birth to their first child and is still very tired and exhausted, so Louis makes sure he is the best husband ever and learns more recipes to cook for him, takes care of their little bundle of joy and they’re just a happy, small little family :> lots of cuddling pls (and maybe at the end when harry’s feeling better a big family trip with both their families to a swimming hall)

9. That picture of Dakota Johnson at the farmer’s market, feeding a baby a fresh strawberry, you know the one…that’s it, that’s the prompt.

10. Harry gets baby fever after the last of his former bandmates has a kid of his own and he’s the last one standing. He decides he wants to adopt a baby with his current partner. A cute story about Harry adopting a baby basically

11. Harry is in that annoying part of pregnancy where he has to pee every 10 minutes. One night he’s having sex and suddenly has to pee. Person A doesn’t want to ruin the sex and begs him to just pee where they are. They both enjoy it more than they should??

12. The Back-up Plan (2010) AU - Harry conceives twins through artificial insemination, then meets the person of their dreams on the very same day.

13. Moving to a new town to start a new job is never easy. It’s even more challenging with two teenage daughters and a recent divorce from her husband of 16 years. Harry is at her wit’s end when her hair dresser suggests a single mothers’ get-together through the Meetup app. Despite being skeptical of meeting people from the online group, she goes. At the meeting she meets Louis, who also has teenage kids, and they end up falling in love.

14. cheaper by the dozen au

15. harry and his (or her or their) partner on their first night home with their newborn ft. some freaking out about being responsible for a whole human person but mostly lots of cuddles for everyone.

16. one of harry’s close friends just had a baby so he and his partner go to see them, during the visit his partner notices that harry is extra attentive/fixated on his friend while she breastfeeds so he brings it up when they get home and sexy times ensue

17. pregnant/just gave birth harry decides to go to a breastfeeding support group

18. Harry as cool mom inspired by the Cool girl monologue from the movie Gone Girl. Because i don’t get how society’s expectations of moms don’t leave all moms more bitchy, on top of that cool mom has to make it look easy and fun.

19. One thing that made me completely obsessed when I was pregnant, was the feeling that my body was changing but not being able to tell if it was all in my head or physical there. Having that sort of assessed and validated by my partner in a not clinical way has been super satisfying (both in a sexy and peace of mind way)

20. Harry, who has always enjoyed being everybody’s baby, is having a baby

21. Louis is an alpha and a new single father to a six months old or younger if you wish (the mother is not around). Harry is the nanny he hires to help him take care of the baby because he has no idea what he is doing. Harry is an omega and the baby takes an immediate liking towards him and his scent. The baby’s first word will be ‘mummy’ to Harry and him having a break down because he sees the baby as his own. (He and Louis obviously get together)

22. Mitch and Harry have to babysit Adam Prendergast’s kids for the day and Harry falls into the mom role easily.

23. Harry is a single mommy of a newborn that can’t seem to fall asleep at night. Louis is the nice neighbor that should be called baby’s whisperer. Strangers to Lovers AU with lots of kinks and fluff, please! (Bonus points for Louis being obsessed with Harry’s body) (Golden star for lactation kink)

24. Buns in the oven, babying a sourdough and kneading dough could make for some amazing suggestive dirty talk in any kitchen, especially for someone who ten years later still talks about their job at a bakery, loves baguette and is a little obsessed with pregnant bellies.

25. Louis and Harry are at a party that is related to Louis’ job, Harry is just being a good hubby and coming with him. Harry is seven months pregnant though and some of Louis’ colleagues keep staring at him in a flirty way. It makes Louis furious that they’re all staring at his baby mama like that so he takes Harry home and they have hot sex, Louis calling Harry mommy, add lactation kink if you want to and pls lots of mentions about the things Louis adores about pregnant Harry (aka bigger thighs, glowing skin, tiddies, tiddies, did I mention tiddies? you can also make this a/b/o of you want)

26. maybe a cute little collection of Louis’ and Harry’s firsts with their baby? first time they hear the heartbeat, first time they feel them kick, first time they see her after harry gave birth, first time harry breastfeeds, first time they say mama or papa, first time of them going to visit the grandparents, first time crawling, first bath with mama and papa… ugh my heart.

27. Harry’s and Louis’ son is like 16, so he is hanging out with his friends and his friends are teasing him about how hot his mother (aka harry) is, just like the 1d boys always did with harry about Anne. The son feels super uncomfortable and Louis is super confused why these little teenagers boys always stare at Harry’s body when he is cooking for them whenever they visit until he finds out they think of Harry as the hottest milf in town (more humor than actual sexual references pls, this is supposed to be more funny than awkwardly sexual :D)

28. Harry missing his pre-pregnancy body a bit after having his second child and Louis making him feel loved, them both going to the gym and working out together just to have hot kinky sex in the shower later, body worshipping and lots of sassy mommy harry please <3

29. I would love some sad sex fic. Being pregnant is a messy affair. You become a dual entity of you and the baby and are expected to be constantly performing happiness. Dads are allowed to be uncertain but moms are constantly asked how much they are looking forward to the baby. Sometimes you are in line at the supermarket and feeling a profound sadness and frustrating hornynes and being told you are glowing by some complete stranger is in no way making your day better, it only solidifies the feeling of having become your pregnancy.

30. Person A helps a miserably full and sore Harry when he starts to ween the baby from breast feeding but of course he’s still producing milk.

31. Mommy H is spoiled with a huge and extravagant baby shower. Ideally he’s huge and kind of miserable at this point but he’s being pampered and doted on and absolutely loves it.

32. So (optional abo) Harry gets pregnant from a night out at the age of 20 ish? When his kid gets to the age of 12 (Harry 32) he starts asking about his other dad and Harry feels bad his son doesn’t have a dad so he starts to research. He find 4 possible guys it could’ve been - louis, Liam, Niall or Zayn. He thinks he’ll just know when he meets them all. He was wrong. (Perhaps one of them turns out to be the dad, but Harry falls in love with another one For example: Louis the dad and Liam the lover or Zayn the dad and Louis the lover! Choose any pair combo!!! Whichever endgame you prefer)

33. lots of mommy harry with a newborn baby fluff and him being over the moon, loving his little bundle of joy and pls add a cute breastfeeding scene

34. The progression of Harry’s horniness during pregnancy to the point that his mans doesn’t think he can keep up with it

35. Harry’s been dating x person for a while and they have a healthy and diverse sex life. They both think it would be hot for Harry to be fucked by other guys while his boyfriend watches. Basically a cuck/orgy situation with some breeding/fertility dirty talk to make it kinkier. (Could be that he’s already pregnant and gets fucked by an outsider??)

36. Pregnant Harry gets his first bra to accommodate his milk coming in and he’s kind of obsessed with how he looks in it

37. harry + ot5 or ot4, being their intersex mate or omega, multiples in pregnancy and maybe a kidnapping, runaway magic harry using bond or mate pull to make it back to them as they also fight their way back to him

38. Harry Edward Styles, single father with a gorgeous six year old daughter. He works in an event management company, his specialty wedding planning,with his own personal office with a team and all. He is Arya’s mummy as he gave birth to her when he was eighteen year old. With a loads of baggage from his past Harry is a strong person who is giving his all to make a perfect life for his daughter. They are the dynamic duo against the world. (The name for the child can be changed as per author’s wish and Louis and Harry pairing please thank you)

39. Girl direction: Harry is excited to learn that her alien gf is ovulating and volunteers to be the incubator of gf’s self-fertilised eggs. Sexy oviposition and sharing the joy of motherhood.

40. Girl direction 70s AU: Harry and her gf secure a sperm donation and get busy with a turkey baster.

[lycorisnomori]

Imagine the Quartet Night lads as FGO players.

Reiji gets cucked by the gacha. Hard. Hell, in his 4 years of playing, he only has 3 SSRs: Saber Artoria, Arjuna, and Scheherazade. How that's even possible is a mystery for later. Despite this, he refuses to level up his 3-star servants to fill in the weaknesses in his roster. He still hasn't finished Camelot because his teams are so bad. His worst banner to date was the first King Hassan one. Instead of the Old Man of the Mountain joining his Chaldea, 5 copies of Stheno made their way in instead. Out of pure despair, he has gotten her skills to 10/10/10 and lvl100. Let's get an F for our fallen soldier.

Ai has extremely good luck. The amount of NP5 SSRs he has gotten for free is enough to make even whales cry (and it definitely makes Reiji cry, too). Since he doesn't need to sleep, he farms events all night and acquires an absurd amount of currency. Oh, a YouTube whale farmed 100k petals for Nerofest? That's cute. Ai farmed three times that amount in half the time. Reiji asks him to roll on his account all the time, but it seems that his luck doesn't work on there. Oh well.

Camus does have all of the SSRs in the game... but man, some of them were really expensive. He's pretty infamous as a whale and has every servant levelled up, NP5, and bond 10. He's also Gilgamesh's biggest fanboy, seeing as he's max-grailed every varient and currently working on getting them all to bond 15. The others bet on how much money he'd spend to NP5 a summer version. Ai tends to bully him, saying weird things like "stop flexing your Caster Gilgamesh" and "at least put your Zhuge Liang on All instead of Kid Gil"? Yeah, no clue what he's talking about.

Ranmaru gets SRs and SSRs from time to time like any other player with Rank C Luck, but he could care less. Any SSR or non-event SR he gets on his main account is immediately burnt. The only exceptions so far have been Siegfried and Beowulf, but Siegfried's on thin fucking ice. Beowulf, on the other hand, has been fed many grails. He specialises in shitting on bosses with either 3 star and below teams or with his absolute unit of a Berserker. He appreciates Reiji's sacrifice and uses his Stheno as often as he can. Don't bring up his NA account. He doesn't want you knowing he actually has 5 star Serva

[darisu-chan]

Thoughts on Darling in the Franxx Ep.24

So, after many, many weeks of theories, bullshit, hate, fun, and cucking we’re finally on the last episode.

Spoilers ahead:

1. I kinda knew Zero Two and Hiro wouldn’t come back to Earth after the fiasco that was last episode. Still didn’t think their last scenes together would be so... bland. Only the last part where they’re both naked, I guess, and where they look like oni were good. The rest were weird.

2. They were theories, I think, about that reincarnation thing, because of the second ending. Welp. I little unoriginal, but sort of satisfying.

3. THE MITSUKOKO BABY! CUTEST THING IN THAT UNIVERSE! OMG For a sec there I thought Kokoro had died and I was so close to throwing a fit. Glad they’re a happy family, and with four kids no less!

4. Glad that the Mitsukoko relationship didn’t immediately go to the way it was before, and that both had to work for it.

5. Miku’s face when Mitsuru, Futoshi and Zorome are being nice to Kokoro. lol

6. THE KISS! I’VE WAITED 23 EPISODES FOR THAT KISS! I screamed! Go, you Goro! Best boy! My favorite ship!

7. Ikuno and Naomi could’ve been best ship if they had brought Naomi back before and gave us more episodes with them. Whoever says they’re not together is blind.

8. Ikuno being sick got me, but I knew she would die after her hair turned completely white. At least she got to live like, what 10 more years?

9. Fucking Futoshi didn’t waste time. Two kids and one on the way, plus a very pretty wife. Nice life! And that moustache, lmao

10. THE SPOILER WAS RIGHT! AH! Ichigo and Goro are gonna have a baby! Salty they didn’t show the baby, but at least I can imagine him however I want.

11. Goro looked so hot when he was exploring the world, but why, oh why, did they give him the dad haircut?! He looks so dumb! I demand someone change his style!

12. Hachi pretending he doesn’t have feelings. Pal, you couldn’t be more in love with Nana if you tried.

13. I know some people will complain about the kids route, but remember they needed to repopulate Earth. So that makes sense.

14. All in all, it was what I expected. Could’ve been better, in fatc, if last episode was completely rewritten, everything would be better. Could’ve been much worse too.

Edit: 15. AND ZOROME GOT HIS WISH OF BECOMING AN ADULT! That’s important too.

[vkr-kayne]

Dark Silence train of thought

Hi I am freaking out, how are you? these are my million mph thoughts if you’d like to read a huge fuckin brain dump, cool       

EDIT: this got very long I’m soRRY FJALKFD

Who was that really at the end with Anti??? was it Chase or Jack?? bc we heard a bunch of children’s voices, and still no true confirmation that Jack’s woken up from a coma yet

was this in real life or some kind of weird dimension? could it be a nightmare or a vision during a coma?

ANTI WHAT THE FUCK

if the glitch bitch does ANYTHING to Chase’s children i will immediately unstan him

FULL-BODY ANTI

what if there’s some weird fuckin twist where that somehow wasn’t actually Anti at the end?? rational thoughts are failing me so idk if that’s even possible but??? aaaAAHHHHh???

so light changes are a sign of Anti?

WHERE THE FUCK IS JACKIEBOY MAN IN THIS MESS

OR MARVIN

OR JJ ACTUALLY

THE FUCK

Jack’s acting is absolutely incredible and I want to hug that man for all of this. Signe’s camera work is beyond amazing and I would like to hug her too. Robin’s editing is fucking insane for this and sells the atmosphere better than anything I’ve ever seen for him being the only person working on it, and I want to hug that cube man as well.

im supposed to be studying calculus whoopsies

that aint gonna happen

“aint” has the same letters as “anti” oh my god

Is Anti currently going after Chase or Jack? or is he somehow able to go after both simultaneously?

THAT FUCKING LENS FLARE

I feel like a fool for writing out a theory last week about why Anti wouldn’t appear

Anti just came in and bitchslapped that shit outta here

I am deceased

Jack I fucking love/hate you right now

I am super glad that Mayhem2k18 is still officially happening and didn’t end on that depressing vid of Chase

it makes a lot of sense that pink/red colors are associated with Anti since that’s literaLLY THE INVERSE OF GREEN

THEY’RE GODDAMN OPPOSITES SO OF GODDAMN COURSE THEY’D HAVE OPPOSITE GODDAMN COLORS GODDAMNIT

why is Anti barefoot. just.... why

he’s gonna go slappin all over Jack’s floors

unless he has socks on to keep them lil feetsies warm

don’t want a cold demon boi with cold demon toesies

all of the frames from the glitches are either terrifying nightmare fuel or extremely derpy looking. there is no in-between.

fucking hell Robin just how long did this take to edit???

BLOOPERS

why doesn’t Anti have a cut on his neck? is this before Say Goodbye even happened? or can he heal from that?

what if it’s not Anti at all?

I already asked that earlier fuck

building off of earlier thoughts: what exactly do the children’s voices mean? are they Chase’s kids (it better fucking not be), or just a manifestation of Jack’s fears and he always hears when Anti’s around?

the whispers in this video were the same as the one’s from Stories Untold 4 so... we were seeing the nightmare he woke up from, then?

I hate whispering sounds apparently

not like... in an “oh no teh whisper are scawy DX” kinda way 

but i just.... mmmm nope, do not like

that better not be another fuckin auditory trigger, brain; you’ve made enough of those, we don’t need normal things like whispering to join them

SIGNE’S CINEMATOGRAPHY IS  👌 👌 👌 GODDAMN 

seriously without her helping out we wouldn’tve had NEARLY as amazing shots

...no offense Seán

but Signe is has an amazing eye for this stuff, you just worry about acting n shit, k?

i have rewatched the ending so many times now

WHY DOES .25 SPEED MAKE IT SO MUCH FUCKN CREEPIER JEEZ

THE HEAD THING = NOPE

Jack went from adorable giddy fanboy w/ Ryan Reynolds to absolute murder bean in a fuckin hurry

WHERE THE FUCK IS JACKIE? SERIOUSLY

Marvin/JJ/whoever the fuck is tryna wake up Jack can y’all hurry it up please

..but also don’t bc I love seeing freaky videos like this

so if we’re seeing Jack’s comatose nightmares, does that mean that Anti’s just a figment of his imagination

as in he’s never been real

will we ever get an expLANATION FOR MOTHERFUCKING OVERNIGHT WATCH

probably not

that’s the last time we saw Anti wasn’t it

damn

maybe Jackieboy Man hasn’t shown up bc he and Jack are one and the same

I am 1000004% ready for a JBM vs Anti showdown

or Marvin vs Anti too

magic cat man deserves more showtime gdi, he’s the oldest ego here and he’s barely had any attention compared to Grits Bits over here 

gringle bungle,,,,, gloat boat,,,,,, grin bin

fuck this is turning into that ASG post from a while ago-

SEAN IT IS 5 AM YOUR TIME GET OFF TUMBLR YOU CUCK

oh that got rid of the bullet points rip

it’s ok I fixed it

guess y’all kinda have an idea of how long I’ve been adding stuff to this now huh

hm I have an AP exam in.... 6 hours, cool

thanks Jack for choosing the day before it to dump the entirity of hell on us :D

no but really I missed this

IF THERE’S NOTHING ANTI-RELATED FOR LIKE 6N MONTHS AFTER THIS IM GOING TO DIE

YOU BETTER NOT KILL OFF ANYONE EITHER, SEAN

can I start referring to Robin as “accomplice cube” again?

plz

that was one of my proudest moments here

and it’s quite fitting for now

Why doesn’t Jack remember the egos?? or is that simply his form of fuckery for us, and it doesn’t actually tie in to this bizarre plot thing going on?

Signe better not start pretending to not know the egos too...... shes the last one i trust ok

[fmlfpl]

Happy New Year Lineup Lamentations - GW21

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: N/A

IN: N/A

Team seems reasonable enough for this GW and don't really see a straight swap that is great for me to do.

I have a few things in mind with two frees next GW to do so saving feels pretty responsible to me. Get another gameweeks worth of info and maybe do a -4 triple move next looks likely.

GK:

Schmeichel (new)

Woodman has been an able servant for me recently since I began to start him and I see no reason to change that now.

Schmikes is a cuck so I'm happy to bench him for the rest of the season / for however much longer I own the fuck.

DEF:

Pereira (new)

If Ricardo doesn't get me points tomorrow I'll be beside myself. He's hung 4 points in my team over the 5 gameweeks since I purchased him and is looking like my worst transfer in of the season to date...which is really fucking hard since there is a ton - and I mean a ton - of competition for that honor.

I really want to keep patient with him since they have a good run of games right now but he's pretty expensive. Perhaps I'll stick with double Leic defense and downshift him to one of the other guys to free up money...uncertain...we'll see.

Alexander-Arnold (SHU)

Trent still in there as he has been since GW1 for me. Nothing to say about him. Not worried about him starting - feel like Kloppo will go strong again and then give the first team a long break.

Kelly (nor)

Kelly jesus christ been back to making me want to kill myself again lately...but I think a clean is once again a reasonable shout for us. We'll park at Norwich which they probably haven't really faced once all season?

Hard to imagine them being able to break us down. That is to say if they are required to - Kelly assist to Pukki is always on.

Rico (whu)

Lastly is Rico. Hoping for 1 point..expecting 0.

MID:

Salah (SHU)

Mo been absurd in the underlying stat category and absurdly shit in the actual fpl point category. He stays.

Martial (ars)

Tony M glove merchant has been doing good things recently and feels like a very good hold for as long as he's fit. Could die any day goes without saying but tip of the spear and looking good feeling good.

Also no coincidence that his uptick in performances has come with an uptick in glove wearing with short sleeves. Get in there Tone.

De Bruyne (EVE)

Last guy is Kevin. Good Kevining.

FWD:

Agüero (EVE)

Kun came in with a cap goal for me last GW and it was a really nice feeling. No clue if he starts tomorrow...and for that reason..I'm not capping him.

Vardy (new)

Vardz back off his rest picks himself whatever we are all playing this game with 10 men and have been for a month or so now.

Maupay (CHE)

Lastly is Neal. Fucking Neal been doing my head in.

Hopefully he has a good performance against Chelsea and they have gr0b back and shit and they can create a bit more than they did last game. Really dunno about Neal. Have been fawning over him from a distance for a long long while but now that he's in there is just something that does not fill me with confidence even though he should probablyyyy tick along well in this medium-long term good fixture run for his price.

Come on Neal let's go Neal.

CAP:

Vardy (new)

Vardz for me.

Played around with some perversity but the final check with the wife confirmed Vardy. Wife says "I've never heard you say Vardy disappointed me but I've heard you say Mo disappointed me many times"...not wrong wife of mine....not wrong.

Realistically all the points echoed on the pod still ring true to me. Not getting a huge urge to go elsewhere and I think that it's lopsided enough in Vardy's favor compared to the others to keep me on him. glhf.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: N/A

IN: N/A

Off of the biggest red arrow of my season (life?) ushering in my worst rank of the season (life?) I’m just saving because I can’t find a punt who is worth it and my lineup and my depth are both fine.

Will I just plunge into a deeper and darker hole? Yeah I suspect I probably will... My team sucks outside of the guys who everyone owns. I see very few margins where I’d be gaining on the field even at my monstrous ranking so I’ll just take another one on the chin and reassess next week I guess...

If I end up wildcarding for next GW then I’ll regret saving my transfer this week but if I don’t end up wildcarding then this is definitely the right move to try and yank my team out of the hellhole where it currently resides.

GK:

Ryan (CHE)

I got him because of the saves and the bonus points and he hasn’t gotten a single bap since GW12 so that’s all going perfectly according to plan.

Was cool and a little bit confusing to see a “6″ in my GK slot last week and well I’m over the confusion part and I’m ready to see points come in again.

Fuck Chelsea come on Mat.

DEF:

van Dijk (SHU)

Sheff U are tough man. They out xG’d City just a couple days ago which is a thing that never ever happens.

I’m sure they’ll manufacture at least a couple of decent chances just gotta hope that the CBs and the GK keep playing at this elite high level and then it should be a clean.

Söyüncü (new)

I expect Leicester to go back to being tight and no better place to kick it off then the least progressive team in the division.

Kelly (nor)

I don’t support Palace so I don’t directly feel the pain and anguish that Walsh does when Kelly does something really stupid and really bad to lose the clean, although it is annoying.

I still feel fine with him in general and content with Palace’s ability to park and yeah in good fixtures he’s still a good guy to have in there for me.

MID:

Salah (SHU)

If you build it, points will come.

Maddison (new)

Feeling really good about Maddo for these next four.

Might yo-yo him in and out GW25-GW27 with three hard fixtures in a row and then bring him right back for the good run following it.

It seems like in the tough ones Leicester play too conservatively and have a very hard time threatening goal.

De Bruyne (EVE)

Good guy. I hope Bilva keeps starting in that sorta deeper #8 role and Dilva doesn’t come straight back in. That’d be best for Kev.

Cantwell (CRY)

Rolling with that BTE - Big Todd Energy - into the new year.

Hoping his ~1.5 shots per 90 are good chances and go into the back of the net.

FWD:

Kane (sou)

Don’t like this one for Kane but who knows; Spurs are so hard to predict.

Soton has been playing well lately and they don’t concede much. The press looks good the team looks good and all of a sudden it’s sorta hard to imagine them getting relegated.

Hoping Mou goes for some guys who can pass in the midfield because that’d be a nice thing for Harry. And maybe he’ll draw another penno... Seems very possible with the nut-jobs Cedric/Bednarek/Stephens/Berty.

Vardy (new)

Whatevs, boring.

Jiménez (wat)

New guy didn’t get a start last week so hopefully this is when he begins ticking and being a friend of mine for the rest of the season... Fully expecting his returns to fall of a cliff beginning this GW.

CAP:

Vardy (new)

I wanted, desperately, to find someone else who seems reasonable to cap for me but I just couldn’t find anything. A lot of bad matchups and bad teams and Vardy and Leicester playing Newcastle off of a rest it’s just too good. It’s automatic.

So we’re all playing without a captain this week and that’ll somehow go very badly for me, not sure how yet, but it will.

Happy New Year fuckers.

—

NOT RANDOM SLACKER OF THE WEEK: desertbug

The words of Random Slacker are not officially endorsed by this website nor any employees of FML FPL LLC.

TRANSFERS:

Well, Happy New Year everybody, and may the points flow freely.  At least for us... who cares about the rest of the world playing this game, right?

Not sure I covered myself in glory with my prior stab at Guest Lambs but I'm going to put that on Emery's misuse of Aubz, rather than anything that I actually had wrong, right?

But how did we let him go without marveling that his full name was Unai Emery Etxegoien?  No wonder he was always confused out there, he was probably still trying to figure out how to pronounce his own name.

Anyway, here we go...

OUT: Maddison

IN: Martial

I know it may be a matter of not giving Maddison enough of a chance, since I just brought him in a few weeks ago and his underperformance came in Leic's toughest fixtures of the year, but: A) I was feeling really bad about not having a pair of gloves for the winter, and B) I was feeling really bad about not having anybody to reap points from this week against Arsenal's misguided ineptitude of a defense.

United still seem to do poorly against teams who park a defensive bus, but Arsenal is totally incapable of doing such and won't dare to do so at home with new manager against big name opponent.  Knives out, Tony, get me some points.

Oh yeah, and making the move also because C) I really just dislike Maddison and I think he's overrated.  He hasn't delivered against a quality defense since GW11 vs Palace and since then, he had a goal at home vs Arsenal, a goal at home vs Watford, and two assists at Villa.  Apart from that, six blanks vs bha, EVE, NOR, mci, LIV and whu.  Don't know why I got him in the first place, but new year, new midfielder.

GK:

Henderson (liv)

Not great at all, but maybe some saves.  I know we've been banging on about how keeper moves are a waste, but Pope to Hendo back for GW16 has been OK for me, net +7 since the change.  No options for me though, since my other keeper is plying his trade in Swansea.

DEF:

ALPHABET CITY -- TAA/VVD (SHU)

Alphabet soup combo of Trent and Virgil looks like tasty meal for some time now.  Mmm mmm good.  

Söyüncü (new)

Need Foxes to get their defensive capabilities straightened out again and a match with the third-lowest scoring team in the EPL might be the thing to get happy against after the woodchipper that Leicester just went through.

MID:

De Bruyne (EVE)

For my Everton boys' sake, I hope the damage is fairly limited, because Kev points are almost meaningless anymore, what with him being in 50% of teams. Don't really see him as being a huge cap shout, so probably just meaningless points.

Mane (SHU) 

Wary that he could rest at any time, and Liverpool does have a derb with Everton coming up on Sunday, but he's certainly not going to be any place other than in my starting eleven for tomorrow.  Probably a good reason not to cap him though.

Alli (sot)

Spurs certainly shat the bed at Norwich last GW, and may still be misfiring this week without Kicky McKickerSUON in the lineup, but Soton are dire, and even Dier might put up points against them.

As above with Mane, Alli an autostart while healthy.

Martial (ars)

Get in there, new boy, and show me some points against that Arsenal defense.  Wouldn't be a crazy cap shout, but not the smartest move, either.

Cantwell (CRY)

Todd is well rested, and my only real roster choice to be made came down to playing him or playing Kelly.  Just going to stick to basics and start the attacker at home, here.

FWD:

Vardy (new)

Well-rested after being off last GW on new-baby duty, Vardz strikes me as the kinda guy who would much rather be out there terrorizing whatever kind of makeshift injury-addled defense Steve Bruce is able to throw together than being at home with his new babyspawn.

Steve Bruce still doesn't know if he's on a ship or a chicken farm.

Abraham (bha)

May well be Tamela's last chance in my lineup, so he'd better get out there and do something with it.  I appreciate the goal he gave me this last GW, but Chelsea still seem rather diabolical and I'm perfectly comfortable going without him for a bit if that's the way it goes.

If I had any inkling that OGS might realize that Greenwood is actually really good and should be starting, I'd love to stick him in as a starter in place of Tammy, but that would require OGS to actually be smart and I don't think that was under his Christmas tree.

CAP:

Vardy (new)

Game theory out the window.

Owned by 51% and even without that, seems like the best of my options for this week.  Don't feel like this is the GW to be either brave OR stupid.  Won't gain ground by capping and I'd expect that if he flops, we all flop together and I won't lose much ground either.

[faggghaggg]

Russian viewers on "War and Peace"

Being bilingual and bicultural, I was curious to compare the Russian audience's responses to the miniseries with those of English and American viewers.  I expected huge differences, if only because the Russians study the novel in school, whereas relatively few English speakers had read it before watching the series. The results are below the cut.

The biggest surprise was that the overall rating was only 12% higher for the Western viewers – 82% on Rotten Tomatoes vs 70% on Russia's biggest review site.  The difference is in how those figures were arrived at.  The ratings on Rotten Tomatoes mostly fall in the 3.5/4-star range, with many 5's and a couple of 2's; the Russians typically give the show either 1 or 5 stars.  The dramatic discrepancy within the Russian ratings is mostly due to how people feel about the novel:  with a few notable exceptions, those who love it hated the series, and vice versa. There's also the everpresent paranoid category, convinced that any historical inaccuracies are just the BBC's efforts to paint Russia in the blackest possible light.  An additional minus for many Russians was the characters' overtly sexual behavior, from banging on the dinner table to public kissing and obvious flirting (we all know there was no sex in the Soviet Union, and apparently the same holds true for Russia today and in Tolstoy's times :))).  And another point that gave me a good laugh was that "these mongrel actors have no idea how aristocrats purported themselves":  considering that every other English actor is related to living nobility, and that the few Russian nobles that didn't flee the country before the Revolution were killed off 100 years ago, the Russians are certainly ones to lecture the English on aristocratic manners. :))

What delighted me, though, were the similarities in the Russian and Western takes on the details (I got most of the English views from the comments under The Guardian's episode reviews).  The biggest complaint, for both, was that the series looked less Tolstoy than Jane Austen, that the faces were clearly English vs. Russian, and that the Russian soul of the novel had been lost.  However, where few Westerners were in a position to argue with those accusations, a number of Russian voices popped up to disagree, expressing amazement as to where the BBC found all those Russian-looking actors and how the darned foreigners managed to so perfectly capture the novel's Russian soul.  Among the people who've read the novel, opinions on whether the series cast did justice to their prototypes were divided along the same lines – about 50/50 for both Western and Russian viewers, with some surprising agreement on the individual actors.  Anatole Kuragin caught the most flak:  the far-from-classically-handsome Callum Turner, who must have been cast for his sex appeal, left most of the international female audiences unimpressed (Tuppence Middleton as Anatole's sister, on the other hand, benefited from the lust she apparently inspires in Western males, but was uniformly reviled by the Russians for coming across like an expensive whore).  Jim Broadbent, whom the English adore generally but some found too "nice" as Bolkonsky Sr., was wholly embraced in the role by the Russians. And the two actors who got the most international love were Jessie Buckley an Marya and Paul Dano as Pierre.  Here is some of the Russian praise for bae, in my translation.

Pierre Bezukhov as played by Paul Dano is a direct hit. Actually, I imagined him a little differently – heavier and not as open, not as daring.  But I like the series' Pierre more than the one in my head.  I think that's exactly how he should be – plain, clumsy, awkward, but with charming facial expressions and kind eyes.  Trying to be sincere and honest and always making a fool of himself. Terribly shy at times, but formidable and dangerous as a bear if you really provoke him.  To be honest, when I studied "War and Peace" and later read it on my own, I didn't really get Pierre.  He struck me as odd, and his adventures during Borodino and the burning of Moscow seemed stupid.  But now I really love the character.  Looking at this Pierre, you really understand that appearances don't matter, that you can put on the outward signs of nobility – the right name, expensive clothes, military glory, a head held high – but all of it fades next to the radiant goodness this character emanates when he forgives Prince Vasily and Helene or cries in the arms of Dolokhov.

Pierre is beyond all praise.  Thanks to this performance, the character finally came alive for me.

What I did like was Paul Dano's work.  He's a diamond that could truly shine in the hands of a good director.

No wonder all the critics unanimously loved this Pierre.  Paul Dano did a magnificent job showing the character's evolution from a timid babe in the woods to a confident, forthright and noble man.  Bravo!

Pierre Bezukhov as played by Paul Dano, whom I've liked since "Youth", is the show's only virtue.  It feels like he stepped off the pages of the book.

Paul Dano disappears inside his character.  He singlehandedly carries the show and saves it.

I skipped through the first couple of episodes cause I didn't like how the actors looked.  But then I got hooked on Pierre Bezukhov.  Paul Dano's acting is so sincere!

Pierre's acting is pure joy, though somebody needs to give him a sandwich.

Now I know where the old Russian series fucked up.  The director was 40 years old, so when he played Bezukhov he came across as a pussy-whipped cuck.  But now I get it.  Bezukhov's a young guy who comes into his money and title out of nowhere.  He didn't do anything to deserve it, which is why he's got all these hangups.

Bezukhov blew me away.  He was adorable and did a super job, but I have one criticism.  The actor doesn't know how a man gets drunk in general, and a Russian man in particular.

I loved Pierre.  Dano's such a talented boy, and he worked so hard!

Dano's insight into his character is so deep.  I'm always so happy when actors who know nothing about Tolstoy's philosophy or the Russian mentality unexpectedly do such a great job.

That moment in the ballroom when he speaks up for the revolution had me worried that he'd get thrown out – and I know the book! That's how convincing he was.

My most important discovery in the series was Paul Dano. He's got to be the best Pierre Bezukhov to ever grace the screen.  Every scene he was in just burst with dramatic tension.  Even when he was silent, all his emotions were written on his face so clearly that I cried just looking at him.

Paul Dano deserves his own topic.  I recognized Pierre at first sight. BRAVO, Paul!  You're the only thing that made that crap worth watching.

Pierre was exactly as I imagined him, and Paul Dano is charm on legs.

Pierre Bezukhov was awesome.  I agree with all the previous posts that he was the best Pierre ever.  Give the man an Oscar!

His Russian eyes…  I believed Pierre completely, without a shadow of doubt.  He was the most Russian of them all.

I was just stunned by Paul Dano's performance.  I knew him from an old favorite, "The Girl Next Door", where he didn't even play the lead.  But what he does in "War and Peace"…  His Pierre is mesmerizing, completely out of this world.

But the best thing was Paul Dano.  Masculinity at its finest.

Pierre Bezukhov (Paul Dano) just floored me.  He was so real in his ignorance of life, so heartbreakingly lost. Those sad puppy eyes convinced me 100%. A brilliant performance.

Pierre is a miracle.  The very miracle that all the previous adaptations of the novel lacked.

[thehorribledeplorable-blog]

Let’s Give Him a Chance

Let's give him a chance. C'mon, guys, let's give Big Don a chance. In all fairness, he's only been our nation's President for a week now so realistically there's no telling yet what he might accomplish. People are capable of anything. I mean, Barack Hussein Obama was the President for eight blasphemous years and we're still waiting on that secret Muslim agenda he was supposed to invoke. Seems weird that he would wait until after giving up executive power to enact such a dastardly plot on our blatantly Christian union, but you never can tell with those Muslims, all 1.6 billion of them.

Shown here: 1/5 of the world being liars.

On the campaign trail, Big Don said a lot of things. Frankly, that's why he got elected: the exact things he said he was going to do. But everyone needs to take a chill pill and wash it down with some STFU Juice. Just give him a chance to make good on his promises (at least the ones he hasn't already reneged on). There's a whole four years ahead and, if we're being honest, we don't have any way of knowing what he's going to do yet. Heck, he might not even know. Because, outside of all of the legislation and policies (those are just words) he talked about for the past 19 months, what do we really know about Big Don's “plans”? The man is an enigma. It’s exactly what you want in a President: suspense. He's a wildcard, keeping everything close to the chest. That's why he got elected: a lack of clear goals and specifics.

So let's give him a chance. Ignoring the recent slaps in the face of his fan-base—filling his cabinet with mil-/billionaires and Washington insiders, making American taxpayers pay for the wall instead of Mexico, treating Hillary Clinton as if she didn't murder a puppy directly over the Declaration of Independence, etc.—Big Don's exactly the man we all know him to be: a man of the people. In fact, I'm already starting to look at the bright side of having political insiders on his cabinet. Can you imagine putting someone with no governmental experience in charge of our nation's well-being? Talk about reckless.

That's why it's so refreshing to have an outsider in the White House. Like I said, he's a man of the people, so let's give him a chance to find his wings.

I couldn’t find a picture of him eating chicken wings, so just imagine I made a taco bowl pun instead.

It'll be nice seeing the free world run with a fresh set of eyes—we should be so lucky to have this perspective. It would be like putting a street magician in charge of your child's sex ed class or if a snail was you Uber driver. Or if a neurosurgeon was put in charge of Housing and Urban Development. I'm just spitballing here, but the farther you step back, the more this makes sense.

It may be peak surge hours, but he does have 5 stars...

So enough with the protests. You can whine all you want on Facebook or in the real world, but it doesn't change the fact that this man is the leader now and any attempt to ridicule or challenge him is un-American, as outlined in our Constitution, probably.

Shown here: Peaceful protest or an entire gender of treason?

Obama never, ever, ever, ever faced this level of scrutiny and I can't believe the kind of double standard I'm seeing here. You didn't want him in the White House? Be an even larger majority of Americans next time (or take it up with the Kremlin). I can't believe how many crybabies there are out there. Roughly 4 million people protested around the world on Saturday. Honestly, that's almost enough protesters to muse, “Clearly there's at least one problem that's not being addressed.” But not quite. I don't know the exact number of people I would need to peacefully gather on the same day under the same banner for me to take your cause seriously, but it's probably at least five million, also known as “the number of people who would have been at the inauguration if it wasn't raining/Martin Shkreli wasn't there.”

Maybe just put this guy at the border and we won't have to build a wall. People will just refuse to enter.

So give him a chance, guys. Besides his reality show, his beauty pageants, his frequency of coverage on the news, his excess of memoirs and self-help books, you barely know him. He's just like us. In fact, I haven't released/paid my taxes in years. So shut up for the next four years, ya cucks. It's only downhill for half of the country, ideologically. Realistically, we're all going to die, but at least I don't have a little liberal snowflake in the White House. My soul is saved.