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dootznbootz · 6 months

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Odysseus was afraid the entire year on Aeaea in the Odyssey.

Content warnings: Rape, Sexual Coercion, Sexual assault, Sex Work, power dynamics, this will also be long as fuck as I talk too much. This is NOT a "Circe the Goddess Hate Post". I call her out but that's it. I tried to keep this neutral but still making a point (Let me know if I gotta put more)

Lots of lovely folks on here have written great essays on what Calypso did to Odysseus as it's soooo blatantly obvious there. It literally states how he cried every day and how he flinched from Calypso, very straightforward on how he was explicitly raped.

But I've noticed that a lot of people are always iffy about Circe's situation (understandably so, it's not so in your face.) She's usually always mentioned in the "Odysseus never cheated! He was raped!" posts but then the evidence is only ever given against Calypso, and then mentioning how you can't say no or disobey the orders of an immortal and how it was in exchange for freeing his men.

WHICH IS ALL CORRECT!!! But!!!

There ARE immortal/mortal couples who genuinely love each other. Dionysus and Ariadne, and Eros and Psyche are examples. Apollo and Hyacinthus. Psyche indeed becomes immortal eventually and in some versions, both Hyacinthus and Ariadne do too. But even while mortal themselves, their immortal lovers still remained respectful and loving towards them and definitely doted on them. There are definitely power dynamics at play here but there's some nuance.

Odysseus and Circe's relationship, however, is very different. We all know he slept with her at the very least once. And that was in exchange for his men being returned to humans. That was the only time it was explicitly stated. With Calypso, it tells you every night he was enchanted and slept beside her. It was the narrator speaking but Odysseus is the narrator now and it's his story. If you think he lied, this probably won't change your mind anyway.

But even if it was a one-time thing, (which isn't the only interpretation and I will have points that talk about others) then why did he stay a year? What was he doing?

I'm doing a deep dive into the year he spent on Aeaea based on evidence in Book 10 and then the beginning of Book 12. Step by step, and honestly I'm writing this for Tumblr, not as a thesis so I will be a bit more casual but still using sources. To me, it's very obvious that he was uncomfortable throughout the text simply based on the language that is used. But it's very subtle and not an outright statement of "He's been crying every day."

BTW, just so we're clear, this is not a "Circe is the root of all evil, etc." type of post.

This isn't meant to villainize her. She's an immortal being and in mythology that changes things. Everybody is morally gray. I genuinely think if we were to ask her feelings on it, she'd probably be like "Oh, yeah! Turned his men into pigs! Strange little man he was." I don't think she gave a flying fuck.

I just simply get pissed tf off when people think Odysseus was fine. It honestly disturbs me how often I'll go on other websites YouTube and see everyone call him a whore and a womanizer. It's sexism at its finest because 1.) "MaN AlwAyS wAnTs sEx" and 2.) women can't rape/coerce. THIS IS SIMPLY TO LOOK INTO HIS FEELINGS ABOUT IT.

This is also only for Homer's Odyssey, using different translations. If you want to discuss this, (I'd be happy to! Just be nice!) DON'T BRING UP ANY OTHER WORKS.

With all that out of the way, come yell with me 🤗

I've read multiple translations, as I know there's going to be bias depending on who's translating. And having done so, each one has basically the same situations described the same so that's nice for consistency. Also, there are some parts in the story that are vague and that we'll never have answers to.

Odysseus first simply sees the smoke from her chimney and then sends his men in, after drawing lots Eurylochus leads half of the men to check out the house. I mentioned here vaguely how the 2 immortals he sleeps with are both introduced while singing and weaving, which could be seen as an enchantment (which to me is most likely. They both possess magic and are goddesses). So I'm just gonna move past that. Just take a peek and come back or just know that enchantment was likely.

Next, I'll see people often joke on Tumblr about how

"Odysseus says that Polites is his best friend yet only mentions him once!"

I think Odysseus mentions his best friend, the one to jubilantly go in first, to show WHY he would go through with this. How much these comrades mean to him. That's his best friend, and there are approximately 20 others who are now pigs as well. Could you knowingly leave one of your best friends to live a life like that knowing you could've done something?

[...]Circe—and deep inside they heard her singing, lifting her spellbinding voice as she glided back and forth at her great immortal loom, her enchanting web a shimmering glory only goddesses can weave. Polites, captain of armies, took command, the closest, most devoted man I had: ‘Friends, there’s someone inside, plying a great loom, and how she sings—enthralling! The whole house is echoing to her song. Goddess or woman—let’s call out to her now!’ So he urged and the men called out and hailed her. She opened her gleaming doors at once and stepped forth, inviting them all in, and in they went, all innocence.

(Fagles, Book 10)

In the Odyssey, it's never mentioned why she turns people into animals. I think they were turned into pigs because, throughout the Iliad and Odyssey, Odysseus is often associated with boars. His men are associated with him, therefore: 🐖 Piggy. From what we know, the lads were just eating her food. With how much Xenia and hospitality are a large part of the story, they probably thought they were safe. They were GUESTS. This is especially welcome after the Cyclops and the Laestrygonians. And it literally says "All innocence". They were simply naive.

Then Eurylochus runs back, so terrified that he couldn't speak at first. He then begs Odysseus to just leave the men behind. Odysseus has shown that he does TRY to save his men when it is truly not reckless to do so.

But I shot back, ‘Eurylochus, stay right here, eating, drinking, safe by the black ship. I must be off. Necessity drives me on.’

(Fagles, Book 10)

Then the famous warning from Hermes. I've seen folks bring this up when talking about this. YES, he is literally commanded by Hermes to not refuse her if he wants his men back in basically every translation. It sounds like Circe was warned as well. When? We don't know, but it sounds like Hermes didn't pick "sides" here.

Strange that he was still like, "Sleep with each other" to both, because he could've been like, "Circe, there's this guy named Odysseus. When he comes to this island, change his men back." But who knows, maybe it was Circe's idea from the beginning and Hermes went along with it. Just food for thought.

Now here’s your plan of action, step by step. The moment Circe strikes with her long thin wand, you draw your sharp sword sheathed at your hip and rush her fast as if to run her through! She’ll cower in fear and coax you to her bed— but don’t refuse the goddess’ bed, not then, not if she’s to release your friends and treat you well yourself. But have her swear the binding oath of the blessed gods she’ll never plot some new intrigue to harm you, once you lie there naked— never unman you, strip away your courage!’

(Fagles, Book 10)

But that doesn't explain why he was there for a year afterward! Nor if he himself was okay with it, which is what I'm trying to delve into as he wasn't.

Also the knife thing? She's still immortal. It was meant to startle her. Her dad is Helios. Odysseus would've been toast, literally.

Also note this exchange wasn't a "Yippee! Hermes says I'm going to get laid!".

...just approaching the halls of Circe, my heart a heaving storm at every step, paused at her doors, the nymph with lovely braids— I stood and shouted to her there. She heard my voice, she opened the gleaming doors at once and stepped forth, inviting me in, and in I went, all anguish now …

(Fagles, Book 10)

Another translation by Ian Johnston, (they all say the same thing essentially but trying to make a point.)

I continued on to Circe’s home. As I moved on, my heart was turning over many gloomy thoughts. After I had walked up to the gateway of fair-haired Circe’s house, I just stood there and gave a shout. The goddess heard my voice. She came out at once, opened her bright doors, and invited me inside. I entered, heart full of misgivings.

HE👏WAS👏SCARED! The tone is solemn and suspenseful. He was just told that without Hermes' help with the root, he wouldn't be able to survive and bring back his men. Circe was dangerous.

He made her swear not to harm him.

Straightaway she began to swear the oath that I required—never, she’d never do me harm—and when she’d finished, then, at last, I mounted Circe’s gorgeous bed …

(Fagles, Book 10)

Please note that she NEVER promised that to his men. His comrades did NOT have moli in their systems. He had no way of truly ensuring their safety in any way from Circe.

He then refuses to eat or speak, literally "lost in grim forebodings". If he "just got laid", then why isn't he happy? Not many men can say that a goddess CHOSE to have sex with them. He did it to get his men turned back. It was an exchange. I don't think Circe is "Evil" so maybe it slipped her mind. Or yes, she could've thought, "Hey, I got what I wanted. He's handsome enough. Homer never shuts up about how hot this guy is He hasn't brought up the pigs yet. I'll just let this play out. Maybe HE forgot. I don't have to do anything." We don't know. But Odysseus probably felt like he got deceived.

"Hey, I did my part of the deal. I slept with you. Now do yours."

She pressed me to eat. I had no taste for food. I just sat there, mind wandering, far away … lost in grim forebodings. As soon as Circe saw me, huddled, not touching my food, immersed in sorrow, she sidled near with a coaxing, winged word: ‘Odysseus, why just sit there, struck dumb, eating your heart out, not touching food or drink? Suspect me of still more treachery? Nothing to fear. Haven’t I just sworn my solemn, binding oath?’

So she asked, but I protested, ‘Circe— how could any man in his right mind endure the taste of food and drink before he’d freed his comrades-in-arms and looked them in the eyes? If you, you really want me to eat and drink, set them free, all my beloved comrades— let me feast my eyes.’ So I demanded.

(Fagles, Book 10)

He doesn't trust her despite what she had told him that he should when they sleep together. He has figured out that while she will not hurt him, his men were not a part of that oath, the men he was trying to protect in the first place.

She is then moved by how they rejoice when they see one another again. While turning people into animals for funsies isn't cool and coercion is fucked up, I think she comes to see this group as not quite friends but I think she did find them entertaining in a way.

This is very strange but I've seen some folks say that since Odysseus was pissed at Eurylochus for still not believing him about Circe is proof that "Oh he was trying to defend her!". Which??? Uh, Eurylochus was literally questioning his leadership as a whole. Calling him reckless and shit. He is captain and he's the King, he can't let that shit slide. The text literally says "Mutinous". Also if I had to sleep with someone I did not want to especially if it was to save my friends and I got called names afterward I'd get fucking pissed too.

Only Eurylochus tried to hold my shipmates back, his mutinous outburst aimed at one and all: ‘Poor fools, where are we running now? Why are we tempting fate?— why stumble blindly down to Circe’s halls? She’ll turn us all into pigs or wolves or lions made to guard that palace of hers—by force, I tell you— just as the Cyclops trapped our comrades in his lair with hotheaded Odysseus right beside them all— thanks to this man’s rashness they died too!

They stay a year. Again it's never stated that Odysseus slept with her that whole time. You could interpret that. (Honestly, I feel Circe would get bored with him? She's a goddess, she's got more important matters than mortal men. And she definitely doesn't love him.)

His men DO have to bring it up that "Odysseus has forgotten his native land." Maybe they thought they could sneak out without her knowing??? I am fucking REACHING but hold on as Telemachus did because he knew Nestor would well, be Nestor and try to coax him with "Have a meal with us! Let me tell you about how badass I used to be in my youth." But to sneak away from a goddess? Without her permission? That won't end too well. Aeolus in the beginning kicked out Odysseus when he tried to ask for another bag of wind. If she didn't want him around, she could literally boot him out. While she didn't force him to stay like Calypso did, she didn't "release" him either.

We don't know if they've been asking for a long time. Odysseus does say to Circe that they have been begging him nonstop, but he could also be saying that to try and convince her. He's good at persuasion. I think while he knew he could rely on her for food, shelter, and good advice, he still didn't feel...SAFE with her. I think he was possibly avoiding her personally.

I think HOW he asks her to leave is important to know as well.

...but I went up to that luxurious bed of Circe’s, hugged her by the knees and the goddess heard my winging supplication: ‘Circe, now make good a promise you gave me once— it’s time to help me home. My heart longs to be home, my comrades’ hearts as well. They wear me down, pleading with me whenever you’re away.’

(Fagles, Book 10)

Throughout all of Homer's works, the characters grasp another's knees when they are desperate and are literally at the other person's mercy. Priam did when begging Achilles for Hector's body back. The man who literally killed his son and was defiling his body by dragging it around. Leodes grabs Odysseus' knees to beg for his life before Ody kills him. If he saw her as a friend, and not a captor, WHY DID HE FEEL THE NEED TO BEG IN ORDER TO LEAVE?! No one, who is in a healthy relationship, has to BEG for permission to leave. Or to "Break up", if you interpret them as still sleeping together.

And even Circe acknowledges that he is there against his will!

‘Royal son of Laertes, Odysseus, old campaigner, stay on no more in my house against your will.

(Fagles, Book 10)

[...]Odysseus, man of many resources, scion of Zeus, son of Laertes, don’t stay here a moment longer against your will

(A.S. Kline, Book 10)

This is probably another reach that you can ignore but the whole "they wear me down", could be trying to appease her. "Look, you're REALLY cool, it's actually my crew that wants to leave hahahah please don't kill them"

I mentioned before how Telemachus snuck away from Nestor but that was simply out of necessity because he needed to go home now. Not rest for the night. NOW. Nestor is just everyone's grandpa. Menelaus kind of talked more but Telemachus is very straight up in "Please I have to go now" and Menelaus immediately got things ready for him. He never has to beg and clasp his knees. Telemachus was never afraid. Menelaus is a fun uncle and Helen is your cool auntie.

Back to Circe! She tells him instructions for the underworld, they were in her bedroom. But that might've been the only way to speak with her. As even Penelope is usually away from the suitors when they are in her halls, Circe may have done the same. The text never states she played hostess physically. If she was hosting in the halls during the day, why did Odysseus wait until night to talk to her? He could've just asked her while she was on her throne in front of everyone. (He did so with the Phaeacians)

Or maybe he went alone because she only swore an oath to not harm him and so he didn't want his men near if she decided she didn't want to let them go. I could be missing something here so feel free to say something. Idk if this was a pride thing on how "I don't want others to see me beg".

She has info he needs in order to go home as well. She tells him to go to the Underworld.

She gave him new fine clothes and put on pretty clothes herself but that doesn't mean they had sex. Nausicaa gave him nice clothes as well but he never slept with her.

Then he leaves. Immediately. Not even doing a headcount as he didn't realize one of his men had died. (That was negligence on his part but he wanted out) He booked it, to the UNDERWORLD BY THE WAY. Circe even had to sneak the animals he needed for the sacrifice. Odysseus even basically said "She's a goddess. She can do things mortals can't" at the end of the book. And it almost feels...Numb? Solemn? Neutral? Gives a "It is what it is" vibe.

But Circe got to the dark hull before us, tethered a ram and black ewe close by— slipping past unseen. Who can glimpse a god who wants to be invisible gliding here and there?

(Fagles, Book 10)

She’d slipped past us with ease, for who can see a god move back and forth, if she has no desire to be observed?

(Johnston, Book 10)

She's a goddess. She has magic. She can do whatever the fuck she wants.

NOW ON TO BOOK 12!!! That was long! GET A SNACK AND WATER! LUCKILY THIS'LL BE SHORTER!

In Book 11, Odysseus swears, upon all his loved ones in Ithaca, to Elpenor that he'd give him a proper burial as he's been "unwept, unburied". So in Book 12, he sails back to Aeaea to fulfill his promise.

But you know what's funny to me?

He didn't tell Circe he was there.

He didn't even go to greet Circe himself. He sent his men to go get Elpenor's body.

The biggest clue that he didn't love/trust her is that if she was his "Affair partner" then why not go see her for "one last night together"?

SHE came out herself and pulled him aside to know what happened and then gave more advice.

I dispatched some men to Circe’s halls to bring the dead Elpenor’s body. [...]

Nor did our coming back from Death escape Circe— she hurried toward us, decked in rich regalia, handmaids following close with trays of bread and meats galore and glinting ruddy wine. [...]

But Circe, taking me by the hand, drew me away from all my shipmates there and sat me down and lying beside me probed me for details

(Fagles, Book 12)

In every translation, it talks about how he sits, and she lounges/lies down. That's not sex 🙃 In some translations, it even says he tried to be with his shipmates but she pulled him away!

So we lay down and slept beside our ship’s stern cables. But Circe took me by the hand and led me away, some distance from the crew. She made me sit, while she stretched out beside me on the ground.

(Johnston, Book 12)

Then, she gives advice about the sirens, Charybdis, Scylla, and her father's Cattle. He tries to ask if he could save all his men. She scolds him for even thinking he could try. He again books it out of there.

I think we all know it wasn't "love". But I think a lot of people think Odysseus was willing and happy with whatever this was. "Friends with Benefits", if you will. I guess you could see it that way but I will say that makes me feel itchy with the whole power dynamic and fear. I don't think folks who have that arrangement have to beg on their knees to ask if they can leave though.

I mean the entirety of Book 10 gives me the vibes of "Laughing uncomfortably because you don't want to upset the other person". To just grin and bear it.

A lot of this was just putting the text here and picking it apart step by step. What you do with this is up to you. It's rambling while banging pots and pans together.

Maybe you see him as drugged the entire year and still sleeping together, as the moli "wore off". Even then, just because her magic can't affect him, there are plenty of natural concoctions that can be created that can affect mortals.

Maybe you see the entire year as sex work in exchange for shelter and food.

Maybe he was just alongside his men the whole time under her roof and was avoiding her after the exchange. After he got asked by his men to finally leave, he would start to walk up to that room only to freeze and turn around, thinking "One more day won't hurt. Should wait until I know she's in a sympathetic mood".

I beg of you, however, PLEASE understand that there was fear and coercion throughout his entirety on Aeaea. He wasn't staying to get laid. While there is so much going on and too many things that are left vague to really know exactly what happened, it is consistent that he was scared/numb. Lots of people go through with things they don't really want to do just to appease others. There are plenty of situations of sexual trauma where one person goes through something and the other has no idea the other person isn't okay. ESPECIALLY WHEN SOMEONE CAN HARM THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT AT ANY MOMENT!

Sexual trauma is a very complicated thing and while he was scared, he definitely wasn't as traumatized by her as he was by Calypso. Calypso was a torturous hell while Circe was a year of walking on eggshells. Not comparable but I still think it should be acknowledged. It's wild because I read the Odyssey and kept thinking "Y'all are calling the sex slave a cheater? The guy who slept with a goddess to get his men back? The ultimate simp apparently doesn't love his wife??"

Things I'm adding that shouldn't affect the argument as it is not in the Odyssey but I want to mention as it's a "fun fact": Odysseus' dad was an Argonaut. Laertes probably met Circe as well, (or knew of her) with the whole purifying thing and maybe Odysseus heard his dad tell stories of her. Later myths also have Circe with the habit of turning her crushes (or their lovers) into something with Scylla and Picus.

In conclusion, Yeah, he was afraid of her. At least to an extent. And don't pull the whole "Ancient men didn't get raped". Male victims exist and deserve compassion for what was done to them and women are capable of sexual abuse. If you think otherwise, you are not a true feminist and Fuck you. I said in the beginning this'll be casual and I don't wanna write a fancy ending. You can still think Circe is neat but you have to know that this was fucked up.

If you think a lot of this is bullshit or wanna give more context or wish to yell with me but still know he wasn't alright on Aeaea, cool. If you want to point out mistakes or something I should keep in mind with interpretations then feel free to say so but give text evidence. If you try and bring up the Telegony and/or Madeline Miller's Circe, fuck clean off. This is Homer. If you call Odysseus a whore and not the malewife he canonically is I'll start biting. 😤

#feel free to add thoughts! just be nice #Was a bit afraid to post this but now I don't care lol #I'm a tired bitch #Youtube and idiots on tumblr got me acting up.#This may be too thorough but idc.#idk why the colors get weird #I don't know how other people can see all these things lined up together and not see how he was not okay.#like I said you can still like circe the goddess but know this was wrong!#might make private sometime but fuck it #anti-madeline miller #Circe the goddess is “fine”. Circe the book is not #It sounds like it does her dirty anyways. Odyssey Circe would take book Circe out back and beat the absolute shit outta her.#As another Madeline I'm ashamed.#if you bring up the tele-GONE-y then BEGONE yourself #odysseus #the odyssey #odyssey #circe #tagamemnon #tw rape #tw sa #tw sex assault #crying shaking throwing up #greek mythology #circe rant #odyssey rant #anti madeline miller #anti circe #the BOOK #Mad rambles

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bamsara · 6 months

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I gotta admit, I really enjoy your style of writing where regardless of the characters perspective, we don't always know everything they are thinking or the thought processes they have going on. We don't know a character just because we are in their shoes. It feels like an actual perspective and it isn't written out immediately. Anyways, I had a question regarding the rehabilitation of death. Will those immortality necklaces have any real affect on the cult members in the story? The Lamb hasn't shown any particular interest in the mystic sellers wares, so I was curious if they will even appear

YES Okay im shakes like a rapid dog okay so

First of all Thank You LKHglkhdlgkhslghsd I like leaving bits of of Unknown so that even though we are switching perspectives, some things and surprises can still happen to the reader and the other characters and it gives me room to foreshadow certain things and potentially even deceive readers/other characters by pointing them in one direction by thinking they've pinpointed a detail ('they' being a character or audience') when it turns out it was the Unreliable Narrator and Character's perspective bias All Along. I hope it's not too obvious with some things esp with *exactly* what happened at the 'defeat' of The One Who Waits but yeah lskdhglsdkg

The immortality necklaces will have an impact on the cult members in the story, and someone already has one. Particularly someone I've already drawn of the set of followers. Narinder does not know about it and it does not benefit him to ask and the Lamb also will not tell anyone about it or who they gave it to, so it's not something that's going to be revealed until Death himself is needed.

There's also some stuff having to do with the other necklaces and some of which getting stolen later on as well, but my Lamb also tries not to use them too much depending on what they are because some are seen as near benign while others, like the moon necklace, can be torture for whoever is wearing it. I know that it doesn't give any bad effects for followers in-game but there are certain drawbacks and side effects to the necklaces.

Like you won't die from lack of sleep if you wear a moon one, but while you will never feel tired, you're going to experience all the negative effects of sleep deprivation, not intently but constantly, all the time. Other necklaces have some lesser effects; like the feather necklace will give you a very jittery side effect but its not as bad as some others.

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aziraphaledefensesquad · 5 months

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You’re upset. I get it. I’m upset too. But there’s being upset by actual canon and upset by the personal fanon you’ve developed in your head. Aziraphale can and NeEDS to be critiqued, but he should get the same depth of analysis people are willing to give Crowley.,

And there’s a bias at times for fans of Crowley to set him upon a pedestal of perfection and excuse his actions.

Both are flawed. Both make errors. Although immortal and millions of years old, both are still learning at their own pace. They’re learning from humanity.

Perhaps you’re a huge DT fan and give the character Crowley the actual actor or other character’s he’s played personality. Perhaps you dislike MS and his Twitter presence and marriage and acting choices and give those dislikes to the character aziraphale.

Perhaps, deep down, you think chubby people should be groveling for their flaws and thin people you find hot require understanding.

It’s a little odd how fandom falls over themselves to forgive Crowley for any thing he says, anything he does- but if aziraphale had done the same thing, he’d get crucified. Even Crowley doesn’t blame aziraphale as much as fans do.

So go on. Write your essay on why everything aziraphale does is wrong, cold, cruel, and abusive to Crowley while Crowley’s choices deserve deep thought and care to their foundations. Crowley will be there waiting for aziraphale, understanding, even if you’ve written aziraphale off as unforgivable.

#good omens #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #aziraphale defense squad

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heartofmuse · 2 months

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What would you rather hold in your eyes?

The unlying countenance of my soul held in my words,

the unending beauty of my heart,

the part of me that is immortal in time

This flesh that will soon be no more,

this mortality that will soon fade like dew on a blade,

A picture that ever changes and incites the bias of your eyes?

e.v.e.

#spilled ink #spilled thoughts #poets on tumblr #quote #writers on tumblr #writerscreed #quotes #poeticstories #bitsofstarglow #inkstay #poets #writers #poets and writers #poets of tumblr #writers of tumblr

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entomolog-t · 6 months

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Bite Me - Chapter 10

What is this? Highschool musical?

June stress cleans, and Aedes stresses.

Pumped out another promptober prompt!! Glipse

Taglist: @smallsday @ratcatcher0325 @not-a-space-alien @bittykimmy13 @naive-bias

- - - -

Previous Chapter : Chapter 9

Next Chapter: Chapter 11

Word count: 2520

CW: Mentions of blood, Adult language, mild depictions of anxiety

As if a passenger in her own mind, June watches her actions playing out before her as her mind hums, buzzing with thoughts of the night- thoughts of Aedes. The shock of realization, the way he moved both too fast and too rigid. She remembers his voice, silky smooth and deep- how it cracked as he begged her to stop. She grimaces as she remembers the fear so clear on his face- and how deeply she desired it.

As her hands numbly move from task to task her thoughts seem to ebb and flow- at times, however briefly, placated by the monotony of cleaning. At first it was easy- she made her bed, picked up discarded clothing, and straightened the various contents of her desk. Yet, as her room became more and more tidy, she became desperate to find more tasks to occupy her mind.

She rearranged her plants, switching their positions from her desk to the shelves to the window sill.

Play with me, my human

She optimized the layout of her room, moving her laundry basket right beside her dresser to keep things thematically consistent- to find a logical flow. Or so she told herself. There had to be some reason- some excuse to think about anything other than him.

Indulge your delusion

His words seemed to echo in her mind and June found herself craving more stimulating tasks to busy herself- to quiet her mind. To quiet him.

So she continued on. The guitar should go near the desk, not the stand mirror. The rug looks better at the side of the bed, not the foot of it. Maybe the bed should face the other way?

June sighs.

This was getting ridiculous.

Looking at the space in front of her, her room was as meticulously kept as it had ever been. Immaculate by her standards, and yet the thoughts of him persisted. Her lips drew into a tight line. How could they not? Everything about the night was so far beyond her realm of normalcy she hadn’t even initially believed it herself.

Even now she found herself full of questions and doubts. The reality she was apparently living in felt inconsistent with the reality she’d always known. Why was he so small? How could vampires exist- what even constituted a vampire? Was he immortal? Or was he just some guy who drank blood? Two lines of thought thrashed against one another, competing for her attention. Logic, alight with curiosity, demanded answers, while the more empathetic part of her wanted a conclusion- needed an apology to be heard, a way to show him she was sorry.

Each question seemed to compete for her attention, growing louder and more desperate as she shoved them to the back of her mind while simultaneously shoving book after book back into her bookcase. Though she meandered about in silence her thoughts were loud. Unbelievably so- as if they were drowning out all actual sound. Her mind was loud- but she could be louder.

A song, gentle and familiar, starts to form on her tongue.

I fall to pieces

Each time I see you again

The notes felt smooth in a way it was hard to describe. Smooth in a way that seemed to soften the sharpness in her mind, as if the softness of the song could dull the edge of her emotions. The melody a soothing balm on her agitated mind.

I fall to pieces

How can I be just your friend?

The tangle of thoughts that constricted around her mind seemed to relax, coming undone as though the song pulled just the right thread to untangle the mass, pulling the thoughts further and further from her, as if sending them floating away on her melody.

You want me to act like we've never kissed

And yet, for as placating as it was… something felt off. June couldn't shake the thought that something was amiss- an unsettling undercurrent lingered just beneath the shallow tranquility of the song. A particular unease seemed to creep at the edges of her mind. Not a foreboding dread, but instead something lighter, almost like deja vu, as if it was something she should have known- The feeling of forgetting something but not being sure what; The feeling of pulling a loose thread only to unravel a crucial stitch…

You want me to forget

Pretend we've never met

As she sang she felt as thoughts, abstract and formless, seemed to shift in the back of her mind. As if the words of her song had breathed life into something dormant lurking in her subconscious. The words were familiar, yet not, taking on an enigmatic allure- as if they held secrets she ought to have known. With each lyric that escaped her lips, a subtle transformation occurred, as though the music itself was a conduit, channeling something she felt compelled piece together.

And I've tried and I've tried

But I haven't yet

Movement out of the corner of her eye catches June’s gaze

All at once, her heart stops and the gears that were futility catching finally seem to clunk into place. Aedes… he hadn’t left.

You walk by and I fall to pieces

I fall to pieces

The lyrics became a prophecy to unfold, as June falls to pieces. The words barely register in her mind, her lips numbly singing the words as her eyes stay locked on him for the longest second of her life. Something in her feels as though it crumbles. She’d sung the song countless times, and yet it was as if she’d never known it. The words seemed to resonate in more than just her chest. Her very being shaking under the resonance, it was as if she’d unlocked a new understanding- a whole new song. The words hadn’t changed, neither did the notes. It was something in her.

June looks away, feigning that she was looking at something just near enough, but not him. Heart beating wildly in her chest she desperately fought to keep her face as neutral as possible. How could she bring herself to look at him after all that she'd done…

He… he was still here…

He hadn’t left…

June felt a lightness in her chest. Like a flower pushing up through the concrete, a small fragment of hope seemed to bloom from within her.

Should she-

No. She dismissed the idea before it could fully form. She’d done enough damage.

But maybe she could make it right if she just-

June chews her lip.

Just what was she supposed to do? Just waltz up and say ‘Hey I’m really sorry for scaring you- it's just that you being terrified really turned me on and I kinda thought you were into it’ ??

Embarrassment hot on her face, June flops to her bed, wishing she could just scream into her pillow, but the awareness that she had company forced her to keep some sort of decorum. Instead she reaches for her nightstand, pulling out the relic that was her childhood mp3 player.

God, she wanted to make this right.

He hadn’t left yet… maybe she still could.

---

Aedes' heart seems to jump in his chest as for the briefest of moments he is once again trapped in her stare- captive in her overwhelming gaze.

Or… not?

She moves on, still singing that enchanting melody.

He releases a breath, his body all at once relaxing. She hadn’t seen him.

Slowly, he backs away. He’d been stupid. He’d nearly gotten himself caught, and for what? To watch some natural disaster of a woman sing? He sighed, making his way back to the far corner beneath the dresser.

He could have sworn they’d locked eyes…

A part of him, as terrified as he was, almost wished they had.

Her song finishes, fading off into a melodious hum as he hears her settle on her bed.

Something felt off-

No, not felt- sounded.

While his spike of bloodlust had abated for now, his ears could still pick up the faint sound of her heart beating in the distance.

It was fast.

Far too fast for someone laying down.

Fuck.

She had seen him hadn't she? But she hadn't said a thing- she hadn't even made a move in his direction…

Was she just waiting for her chance- wanting to catch him off guard?

He scowled. That didn't make sense. He was cornered. If she wanted to catch him she absolutely could.

The sound of her movement makes him jolt- nearly thwacking his head off the low cover of the dresser. He watches with his heart in his throat as she pads away from the bed and towards her closet, rummaging around in boxes she had moments ago neatly stacked away. His eyes follow her as she moves to sit at her desk- back to him.

He swallowed.

She wasn’t acting like it but he couldn’t shake the suspicion she had seen him. He frowned, not fond of staying in the spot where she had glimpsed him. He needed a better spot, and thankfully he had quite literally been delivered one. The freshly placed laundry bin perfectly covered the once bare space between the dresser and standing mirror. Carefully, Aedes made his way out from underneath the dresser, squeezing himself between the wicker laundry bin and the wall.

Nothing.

She continued to sit at her desk, idling fiddling with something.

Aedes frowns.

While entering the window and getting to the bed had been a quick and easy drop, the same couldn’t be said for the way back up. With no headboard to the bed Aedes found himself eyeing her desk as the only means to scale back up the window sill.

With her back still turned, Aedes darts from the laundry bin to the mirror- peaking back to see the human still occupied at her desk. She hummed softly to herself as she sat hunched over something, her scale and his relative angle completely obscuring whatever it was that had her focus.

Aedes sighed. Whatever it was that she was doing, he didn’t get the impression she’d be moving on anytime soon. He let him slump back against a large potted plant that sat decoratively beside the mirror. The cool ceramic felt nice against his skin. He felt his body once again start to relax, the sudden heaviness of exhaustion finally hitting him, as if he only now was bearing his full weight.

Once again, he was back to waiting.

Waiting for her to open the window.

Waiting for her to leave the room.

Waiting to get away.

The sun cast the room in a smothering warmth. Cozy, yet too much. Her hum droned on in the distance, with the occasional odd sound of her fiddling at her desk. Even in this relative calmness, the light of day was still so busy. Aedes found himself longing for the night- a cool breeze and fresh air. Peace and tranquility and freedom. He couldn’t wait to leave. To feel the crunch of dirt under his boots. The tall grass providing cover as he searched for something to feed on. A dark sky above him, stars bright and clear- the compelling song of a heart beat singing in his ears even more clear- Crystalline. A soft wordless melody filling him with vigor- resonating in his chest. The blood, sweet on his tongue, filling him with a hazy warmth. A cozy warmth. Enveloped in soft hands. Lips on his stomach. Her inaudible whispers hushed against his chest. What was she saying? He couldn’t hear her over the sound of her heart beating. Thunder in ears. So loud he could feel it- a vibration shaking him. The floor trembled beneath him

The… floor?

Aedes jolts awake.

His breath catching in his throat as her steps shake the floor. Fuck.

He scrambles to his feet, peaking around from the cover of the plant.

There she was, in all her magnitude, walking straight towards the dresser. His throat tightened as she knelt down.

No.

She had seen him.

Fuck.

Was she looking for him?

He held his breath, heart slamming against his chest as his body tensed, preparing to run the second she turned her attention his way.

Only- she didn’t.

She knelt for only a moment, and then moved on- standing up and exiting the room, a soft hum fading into the distance as she left. She hadn’t reached under the dresser, hadn’t even looked. Aedes felt as his brows knit together. She had left something. A small vaguely rectangular shape sat just beneath the dresser.

He swallowed. There was no denying it. She had seen him. She knew he was here.

So just what was she doing?

His eyes flicked from the strange rectangle back to the door. She had left. the air around him felt lighter. More crisp, as if the tension of her presence left some kind of haze. His relief however, was short lived, as he attention was brought back to the window- still closed.

Trapped.

She wasn’t even here and he was still trapped.

He drags his hands along the length of his face, frustration building. Think. There had to be something he could do in the meantime- someway he could move himself closer to escape.

His eyes flicked back to the rectangle- curiosity gnawing at his focus.

His eyes, adjusted to the daylight in the room, couldn’t quite make out what she’d left under the dresser with it obscured in the heavy contrast of shadow. The whole thing felt off, like a trick or some sort of trap, yet off in the distance he could still hear her, however faintly, humming to herself.

Aedes scowls, eyes narrowing as he tentatively moves back toward the dresser, ready to sprint away in a second notice should he hear her return.

Drawing closer, he makes out more details; black, soft edges, folds. Aedes’ frown deepens. The more he saw, the less sure he was of what exactly he was looking at.

Was it… fabric?

He nudges the folded fabric with his foot- nothing feeling amiss, though he wasn’t exactly sure what he was looking for.

Aedes pauses for a moment, considering if he should touch it- the weight of the action sitting heavy in his mind. She had left this for him clearly, in taking this he was essentially confirming that he was here…

But there was no harm in looking, right?

As he lifts it up, the fabric unfurls, and for a moment, Aedes isn’t quite sure what exactly he’s looking at. He would have thought it a blanket if it wasn’t for the strange way it hung from his hands- stitched together at seemingly random points. He turns the fabric this way and that, trying to figure out how it was supposed to be oriented. His eyes fall to something pinning two points of the fabric together - a silver stud.

Aedes blinks, some part of his mind seeming to recognize the shape.

His heart freezes in his chest as the familiarity dawns on him,recollection drawing his face into a deep scowl.

A cloak.

#OOOOH #ANGSTY CATNIP FOR ME #Lil cloak for a lil vampire #GOSH WHERE IS THE GT #I am the writer and I'm impatient with my own plot #chop chop lets get to the hand helds and fluffy fearplay #g/t #giant/tiny #g/t prompts #g/t writing #promptober #Juneoc #AedesOc #Bite Me #Entowrites

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silverteacups · 2 months

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the mitski phase is back and first love/late spring immediately reminded me of mafuyu and then kanade and now im thinking of immortal kanade/knight mafuyu au

imagine man. kanade is immortal and mafuyu is always reborn and always meets kanade and kanade loves her every time and rather than kanade trying to save mafuyu, mafuyu is saving KANADE

OR the other way around

to get a little closer to canon with the saving

im going to lay awake thinking about this actually i need to put some themes from canon in there......... and a central message......... and someone from leo/need (coughcough honami) to satisfy my bias

#project sekai #pjsekai #pjsk #prsk #proseka #kanade yoisaki #mafuyu asahina

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presentprompts · 4 months

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Back on my pjo BS! So I haven’t read the new book but my friend has and she said it was a fantastic way of having Percy say goodbye… Well don’t get me wrong, while a happy mortal life is absolutely what he deserves it’s frankly just not what I (and I think a lot of us) saw as his future.

Throughout the series Percy has always distinguished himself as just… More than every other demigod. While others are definitely powerful, he’s always stood out, and that’s even with his own obviously bias narrative where he downplays himself.

Percy doesn’t want to be immortal, doesn’t want to be a God, and wouldn’t it be a quintessential Greek tragedy for him to become one anyway? Not because of the Gods offering it, but through his sheer power.

So how would I tackle a subject thousands of other fics have also used? Well ‘cos I’m weak for Perpollo, I’d start in the Trials book. Everything in canon until then, but it changes as soon as Percy opens the door. Let’s have him join the quest, let’s have him watch Apollo, a God turned mortal, struggle through his trial and emerge a better person at the end of it. Let’s have Apollo watch this amazing demigod put his life on the line again and again and still stay humble. All the while in the background Percy’s own power is growing dramatically, yet unnoticed by either him or Apollo for varying reasons. Apollo was a God, what does he know as the norm power level of Poseidons children? And Percy is a long time expert at ignoring the obvious. By the end of the story they’ve obviously fallen for each other but neither admit it, convinced it’s one sided.

So I know Apollo becomes a God again without Zeus’ input but I’m imagining this dramatic scene in Olympus where Apollo tries to deny God hood again, after he and Percy finally admit there feelings. Maybe his immortality isn’t definite until he’s welcomed back into the council? Anyway, Apollo tries to tell Percy he loves him and wants to stay mortal cos Percy loved him as a man! Not a God! But Percy won’t let him, hushing him with a kiss and saying how he was a ‘terrible mortal’ and ‘meant to be a God!’ And then leaves. So Apollo becomes a God again, heartbroken as he believes Percy doesn’t love him after all.

Fast forward maybe a year? Later and both are still pining after the other, but won’t admit it as they both think it’s best for the other. When suddenly while on a quest for his father, Percy’s mortality finally burns away. Now where does that leave them? Apollo doesn’t want to approach the new God as he still thinks Percy rejected him due to lack of feelings! And Percy doesn’t wanna approach Apollo as he thinks the sun God must hate him now! Luckily someone has sense, because neither of them do, and assigns Apollo to guide Percy on a quest to find his domains.

I’m imagining this surprisingly slow burn considering they already love each other, as they find their equilibrium again with Percy now a God. His journey to find his domains would take him on a journey mirroring his early quests as he slowly says goodbye to his mortality and the people that represent it.

As for the end I’m thinking Percy having a final goodbye with his mum, where he sees she finally has the safe mortal life, and child, that won’t be taken from her by the Gods. Sally’s backstory always seemed so sad to me and with a lot of opportunity for a story of its own. In Percy’s goodbye I think we could get a really good end to Sally’s character arc, something about finally ending generational curses of bad childhoods. Sally clearly loved her son and was willing to die for him, but ultimately her keeping him with her was extremely dangerous! Not only due to monsters, but that she brought Gabe into their lives, just so she could keep Percy. The end would be as much about her learning to move on as it is about him.

#fanfic promt #percy x apollo #percy jackson #apollo #pjo au #sally jackson #god percy #sorry this is so long

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noona96n · 6 months

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Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

no worries, im happy to answer. and, if i happened to already answer sth, I'll link u to it.

so, fav medias... hmm...

book(s): the radiant emperor duology

ik it just came out and was only recently finished (like, finished Sept 2023 lol) so this is probably bias speaking but i am extremely taken by She Who Became the Sun and He Who Drowned the World, these books are fckn phenomenal. the gender-fuckery, the exploration of gender and sexual performances, the hidden message of embracing ourselves in all our ugliness and 'deficiency' and making a place for ourselves and ppl like us when others shun us. these books are just!!!

documentaries: immortal egypt (Joanne Fletcher)

i really really love documentaries and this mini series hold a special place in my heart bcs i love history and I've always been fascinated by egypt and Joanne's enthusiasm is just so joyous and infectious, i love it. i put this on repeat in the background when i was doing my graduation project in 2018 lol yea, just me listening to egyptian docu while working my ass off on AutoCAD lol

anime: sarusuberi/miss hokusai

idk how to explain but there's just a quality to this animated film that got me going... like, i adore howl's moving castle but miss hokusai is sth else. it's so peaceful but also deeply profound and visceral somehow.

tv series: aircrash investigation

i love planes, i love the Concorde in particular, but it has nth to do with how cool planes are but with how child-me saw riding planes as a thing that only ppl with money could do. it evolved from there.

i also love mysteries and aircrash investigation is both lol

i remember watching it on tv when i was an adolescent and i was fascinated with the mystery and problem-solving of it all ever since.

movie: the prince of egypt

it's a story about love; love that forgives, love that creates hate, love that divides.

drama: nirvana in fire (c-drama), beyond evil (k-drama), kluen cheewit (thai soap opera)

bl-specific: old fashion cupcake (anime AND manga)

the plot of these dramas is impeccable (tho kluen cheewit is extremely dramatic so pls beware lol), the character developments are fckn amazing, and what's even more important is the platonic relationships between the characters!!!

also, special shout-out to thai bl soap opera khun chai/to sir (with love) as well! the drama is off the charts, the characters are flawed & human & infinitely relatable & Tian & Yang's brotherhood is EVERYTHING

just one of the best bls out there and I've consumed A LOT of BLs/yaois... ALL SORT of em lol

the story is really grounded in reality, the plot is so mundane and relatable, the characters are mature but extremely flawed, and the art (in the case of manga) and the acting (in the case of the series) are amazing.

song: queen bee by vannda (contemporary music from my country)

i DO NOT agree with the lyrics AT ALL but i adore the melody. i absolutely love, love, LOVE how he blends traditional khmer music with the modern one. it's not a necessarily modern take but it's sth different. this artist is very good at blending the old w/ the new and i applaud him for that. his music is so pleasing the ear but the fkcn lyrics... urGH

well, a song of his with message that i completely agree with is time to rise with master Kong Nay... though the mixture is too in my face lol which is why i prefer queen bee

#the radiant emperor #she who became the sun #he who drowned the world #shelley parker chan #miss hokusai #howls moving castle #howl's moving castle #ghibli #studio ghibli #the prince of egypt #nirvana in fire #beyond evil #kleun cheewit #old fashion cupcake #noona96n

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itskobold · 20 days

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What Gluubilis Splat is Tumblr Most Like?

The polls are complete, it's time to analyze the results. Clearly these were fair polls and there was no bias introduced by some of them being much funnier/more interesting than others, or the fact that some like Persona/Star Quality or Vastness/Child of the Ash really need more space to explain the concepts than tumblr polls will allow. None whatsoever.

(Using the Nobilis/Glitch titles because they fit on the graph better).

As we can see, Wanderer/Called Away is by far the most popular miraculous arc among tumblr users. What's particularly interesting though is that Gardener/A Keeper of Gardens is #2! The natural conclusion from this is that tumblr users fucking love Realms.

#3 and #4, Monstrous/Indomitable and Lore/Gatekeeper deal with being a monster and befriending/binding monsters respectively, which also makes a great deal of sense to me on the monsterfucker website.

The bottom of the scale includes a lot of highly customizable arcs, the ones where you build your own powers. Persona and Vastness may have had some poll quality issues as mentioned, but I'm genuinely surprised that Eide is so low.

To absolutely no one's surprise, Tumblr is Sickly. A lot of that is down to Wanderer/Called Away, obviously. Immortal arcs tended to perform the best on average, but you just can't compete with that.

The most popular kind of arc is - once again no great surprise - Otherworldly. Bindings, Aspect and Shepherd are all about the same in second-ish place though, which is surprising! I would have thought Emptiness would do better!

At this point we can construct our tumblr splat. We could, of course, just take the top four arcs. But I think it's more interesting to compare Tumblr's results to the existing ones. I could probably have done some regressions here and been fancy about it but let's just go by raw popularity because I'm lazy.

Tumblr, collectively, is a Magister of Game! Yeah! That sounds about right!

Angel being the most popular non-Wanderer/Called Away splat is weird, but it's basically the only splat of those remaining where every arc performed at least decently. Strangely, the top Excrucian are the Warmains! I would have guessed Strategist, but what do I know.

#cmwge #nobilis #glitchrpg

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irithnova · 28 days

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I want to uh make a post about Mongolia's relationship with his history and I guess some fandom depictions I'm uncomfortable with.

I think nations who have imperialist histories have some complex feelings around them because their entire existence, despite their immortality or perhaps God like status, is at the mercy of their people and rulers. Nations are human inventions, the identity of the nation is what it's people makes it. They didn't exactly ask to be born or to be representatives of an entire group of people - they just are. Nations are also subjects to their "bosses", like whoever is the Leader, King, Queen, Emperor, President is at the time. The extent to which nations support said ruler and how much autonomy they had under them vary from ruler to ruler, century to century. It's not always wise to conflate a nation with it's politics however it can become incredibly disingenuous and runs the risk of imperialism apologia when it's ignored entirely.

It would be silly to say my analysis of Mongolia's particular relationship with his imperialist history fully covers every nook and cranny of emotions nations have about their own imperialist histories, however by explaining Mongolia's relationship with his it allows for me to explain a few different ways I think nations may look back on imperialist pasts and also allows me to air out some grievances about Mongol Empire depictions.

First of all - I think nations operate on a different moral compass. A lot of things they do seem extremely weird to most humans - like casual and open relationships. So nation morality would be different. For example, if a nation backstabbed (or even literally stabbed) another nation 400 years ago which in turn caused a lot of destruction, depending on what has happened in those 400 years, there may not even be a grudge there. They might even be friends. And that friendship could easily be broken depending on what happens in the next 400 years. A nation who was public enemy #1 1000 years ago may be well liked in the modern day.

Me saying that nations follow a different moral code does not mean that I am trying to justify wrong doing. However as literal... Gods perhaps, of course things will be different. I think all nations are in a morally grey area, as they are primarily driven by self interest. That ensures their survival after all. I believe all nations have done right and wrong, on global scales and interpersonal scales. No one is exempt from this.

My uncomfortable feelings stem from when exceptions are made for certain nations in order to downplay their assholery because of a bias - while other nations get the same old assholery treatment. I think you see where I'm getting at. I believe it is stepping into dangerous territory when one nations asshole status or imperialist past and even present/relationship with its government is magnified to such an extent that it becomes an offensive and stereotypical depiction.

If we talk about the treatment of China for example - magnifying the crimes of the CCP to the extent where your China depiction becomes nothing more than a Sinophobic caricature. A large part of Sinophobia is the assumption that a majority or even all Chinese people are part of a CCP hivemind - any warmth or humanity stripped from them as they are painted as cold, calculating and scheming orientals, every action having some sinister intent.

This over conflation of nations with their government is often reserved for China compared to the likes of the US or Russia. Again - it is foolish to not associate the nation with its government at all or only in very small parts and can lead into tricky territory. However over conflating a nation with its government and unsavoury actions committed on the nations behalf - especially when this is done selectively, quickly becomes offensive and in many cases even racist, and shows a persons prejudices against certain groups of people.

This is where Mongolia comes in.

This racialisation of the Mongols being uniquely evil in their imperialism isn't exactly a new invention so it's not a surprise that this depiction of Mongolia being a uniquely bad or evil nation personification compared to everyone else, even to other nations who have also engaged in imperialism/nation's who's engagement in imperialist ventures are far more recent or are still actually ongoing is a theme that's prevalent in the fandom.

You could take rochu fics for example where Mongolia is portrayed as the boogeyman they bond over their hatred for even 800 years after the fact (I won't even touch upon how incredibly historically inaccurate these fics are because we'll be here all day but just know - it's bad) and Mongolia has a terrible marauding personality still. However despite more recent and even currently ongoing Russian and Chinese imperialist ventures (even historical imperialism that goes way back with China before Mongolia even existed), including Russian and Chinese imperialism that has affected and still affects Mongols in the current day they aren't depicted so disgracefully.

In fact if anything, in the 21st century, Mongolia is at the mercy of both Russia and China, but people love to pretend that that is not the current reality because they need a token one dimensional "savage" nation to contrast against the more "virtuous" or "moral" nations.

The idea that the Mongols were somehow unique in their imperialism means that in turn, everything about Mongolia and it's culture and history is seen as inherently barbarous, almost as if they predispositioned to acting "backwards."

To say that Mongolia is 100% regretful of everything or 100% regrets nothing are both rooted in the racist notion that the Mongols were uniquely bad in what the Mongol Empire did.

I'm going to be talking about Western Exceptionalism here and how it relates to my point about "over conflating a nation with its government and unsavoury actions committed on the nations behalf - especially when this is done selectively, quickly becomes offensive and in many cases even racist, and shows a persons prejudices against certain groups of people."

You might have heard of the phrase "Conquerer (if you're) from the West, barbarian (if you're from the East)." It's basically a quote which summarises Western exceptionalism. In the West, the likes of Napoleon, Alexander the Great and Charlemagne are depicted as great conquerors and shrewd military commanders. They are almost universally viewed with this lense of admiration despite the fact that these men also had pretty hefty death tolls under their belts and established Empires.

Furthermore, people are willing to be more nuanced or clinical or objective if they do choose to speak on America or England's imperialist past in historical hetalia posts and circles. Not only that, but especially with the US, his "rise to power" is often lionised. America is not painted as some sort of bloodthirsty savage even if someone has a more critical take on him, and his technological developments are often highlighted. Meanwhile Mongolia has often been portrayed as a mindless brute, his people a faceless horde, and whatever advancements that the Mongol Empire accomplished are downplayed or downright ignored in order to fit the "Mongol barbarian" narrative.

As touched upon previously, the depiction of Mongolia that he regrets nothing often results in extremely racist depictions. Of course he has regrets - literally every nation does.

As a whole do I think Mongolia regrets the Mongol Empire? No. But there are certainly aspects of it that he finds regrettable.

I personally think a majority of nations who have had imperialist histories don't 100% regret it or at least aren't prostrating themselves begging for forgiveness over it - so no he's not unique in that aspect at all.

We need to remember that without Chinggis Khaan/the formation of the Mongol Empire, there would be no "Mongolia" as we know it or "Mongolians" as we know them. They essentially would have been another obscure group recorded a few times in Chinese chronicles and given little attention. He is essentially their founding father .

When I say that as a whole that Mongolia does not regret the Mongol Empire, that does not mean that I think that when he remembers those days, he gets a huge fucking boner thinking about how many people died under the Empire and that's the source of his happiness when he looks back. Mongolia's pride and fondness of his past is less to do with the death toll (despite what offensive fandom depictions and racists would lead you to believe) and more to do with what he was able to achieve at the time - this is not dissimilar to how other nations with Imperialist histories remember it.

For example, in England, Winston Churchill is almost venerated for his leadership during World War 2. A majority of British people don't celebrate Churchill because he was a raging racist who purposefully starved 3.8 million people in Bengal to death (that's not me justifying the insane Churchill worship that they participate in though), but celebrate him because of - again, his leadership during World War 2. Similarly, Mongolia/Mongolians don't celebrate Chinggis Khaan because they think his kill count was epic - but because it was Chinggis Khaan who solidified the Mongol identity and brought Mongolia onto the world stage after years of obscurity and the risk of simply being absorbed into neighbouring groups and forgotten. Just like how the US celebrates his founding fathers , Mongolia celebrates his own.

Mongolians are said to be a proud people - especially of their history. I mean they have a huge Chinggis Khaan statue for a reason. While I don't think Mongolia is always living in the past, he definitely remembers those times fondly. To regret it and prostate himself begging for forgiveness over it would essentially be him regretting the fact he's alive. What he was able to achieve was undeniably impressive - from a relatively obscure group of people surrounded by much more powerful and threatening neighbours and at risk of being absorbed to forming a strong, consolidated identity and creating the largest Empire to ever exist (before the rise of the British empire much later on. Sorry Mongolia you're number 2 how).

Does he think about the death toll? At times, yes. But like all nations with imperialist histories or even all nations who have been in conflicts - while he acknowledges it, there is little emotional investment in it. He doesn't look back at it in bloodthirsty pleasure but he also doesn't break down in hysterics. Perhaps it's turning a blind eye, sure. But again. Nations operate on a different moral code. And maybe it's even self preservation to an extent. If all nations dwelled on the numbers who died under them, they'd surely go mad.

I remember seeing a pretty funny comment on the r/Mongolia subreddit and it essentially went:

Did they deserve it? No

But are we proud of it? Yes

I think Mongolia agrees that yeah a lot of those people who died under his empire didn't exactly "deserve" it, but views it as a sort of necessary evil. And I think we need to remember that nations are not humans so nation morality is not going to be identical to human morality. This "necessary evil" mindset is a view that I think a majority of nations have when remembering a majority of the conflicts they participated in.

For example, with the destruction of the Khwarazmian Empire, sure, Mongolia isn't going to sit there and say "those kids deserved it", but he will say that it was something of a necessary evil, because Muhammad II (the ruler) decided to decapitate his envoys for no good reason despite agreeing to a peace treaty/trade agreement with the Mongols shortly before this. He'd give similar explanations for other scenarios. None of the explanations include "I did it because I just needed to kill 100,000 more people to reach my kill count goals."

This is not the only explanation he'll give. There are also instances where he will admit that yeah that was unprovoked or that was kind of shitty and I think that he owns it. Not own it as in "I'm proud of it I loved killing them" nor as in "wow I'm so irredeemable please forgive me", but he's pretty frank about it happening and won't deny it if someone asks. This is a pretty common mindset I've seen with Mongolians, they're not exactly in denial of what bad things took place during the Mongol Empire but it doesn't make them any less proud of what was accomplished.

And of course he does have regrets/ looks back and find things regrettable - as all nations do. I do think he is sore about certain things. An example of something that he thinks is regrettable was the burning of the House of Wisdom during the siege of Baghdad in 1258. There were perhaps certain cities that he would have actually liked to preserve but regrettably they weren't kept in tact. He thinks that perhaps the number of casualties could have been lower had X or Y not happened.

An example of something that I think he wholeheartedly regrets (while not to do with his empire but also in the past) was the Zhungar genocide. This regret over what happened with the Zhungars/Oirats (another Mongolic people) is a common sentiment amongst Mongolians and is quite a sore topic when discussed. This is despite the fact that Mongolia and the Oirat confederations were constantly at each others throats.

Mongolia is not unique in how he views his empire or imperialist ventures. It's pretty typical of how most nations with imperialist pasts handle it if you ask me. "I don't regret it entirely, however there are things about it I certainly find regrettable or unsavoury.", "It was something of a necessary evil, me and another kingdom were fighting over a piece of land so of course people were killed in the process", "I wholeheartedly regret this and wish it never happened."

The mindset and emotions depends on the conflicts, what happened, they circumstances surrounding them, the aftermath. Maybe nations are unjustified or even hypocritical in being upset about one conflicts destruction while pretty much turning a blind eye to another - I think a lot of them are somewhat aware of this themselves. However nothing about nations really makes sense. Perhaps nations need not question their actions.

What I'm saying this: No I don't think Mongolia is particularly unique in the way he views his imperialist history and I'm kind of tired of Mongolia being portrayed as uniquely evil because of his empire 800 years ago whereas nations such as the US and Germany are viewed much more favourably and conflated far less with government decisions and atrocities despite them being far more recent. It just shows me the way in which you view Mongolians, and it's not pretty.

Anyways other thoughts: No Mongolia isn't constantly thinking about his empire and I don't think he's emo about it. It is a source of pride and well there are lots of tributes to Chinggis Khaan around Mongolia of course hahah but like... He's definitely in the here and now and isn't "stuck in the past" malding and smoking 100 cigarettes a day about how powerful he used to be I mean look at how much Mongolia politically is getting involved in the international scene. I do think he does get fed up at his government but that's not the same as being depressed or hopeless over it - I think he rarely ever feels downright hopeless because if his broke ass could become an empire I guess anything could happen, but perhaps downtrodden at times. He doesn't see much sense in wallowing in pain. Not that he hasn't done that but from an objective sense he thinks it's dumb and useless so refrains from doing so as much as possible. Unless something happens to him that's so bad he's just thrust into that state of mind or something which has admittedly happened a few times but he tries to get back up quickly I feel. Anyways yeah Mongolia 👍

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