Day in and day out I don’t think I experience any real joy I want to I just don’t, I take my meds everyday and don’t feel any different and I’m just tired of being tired I’m tired of getting upset over something small but I don’t just get sad I get suicidal and they say that’s because I have bpd I make mountains out of molehills and I push everyone away and then get mad when they leave!
I just…
It’s like my whole life’s been a title fight, I’m only in the 4th round and I’m not even protecting my head at this point anymore, I’m willingly taking each blow with my arms down and seeing how long I can go before my trainers throw in the white towel and declare me done.
I miss my family... I just want to slice my throat and end everything... I failed as a husband and a father before I could even prove myself to be one... I’ve lost the Love of My Life and I’ve lost my son... I just want my family back... I’d give up anything...
I miss you
I miss us
I miss our son....
I miss the family we created...
I miss the Love that I knew was Real...
I don’t want to end my life... but this void this pain this agony and terror I am in everyday it’s eating me alive... I’m nothing but a ghost in this realm wandering the streets clinging to faith and hope knowing I’ve lost everything I love and care for...
when you need me I’m there for you but when I need you you are nowhere to be found..... maybe I’m better off saying goodbye to everyone since I’m only needed when it’s convenient for them.
Hanging out with kiddos yesterday ... my 8 y/o son rubs my middle and says “mama, you have lines.” To which I simply replied “yep! Those are called stretch marks baby” #stretchmarks My baby boy replies “Oh! Ok.” And continues playing.... Stretch marks are part of life. I’m not ashamed of them now, however, I used to be completely embarrassed by them. . . . I’m loving my body exactly how it is in THIS MOMENT! Not how it is in 5 minutes, 2 days, or 20 years. I’m enjoying the life I’m given! . . ...and teaching my children to love their bodies and live every moment of their life😍 . Thanks @diffeyewear for the cute #sunnies. . . . . #insecurities #ihatemyself #fatphobia #fatactivism #fattygirl #womenareamazing #womeninspiringwomen #beyourselfalways #nojudgementzone #nohatezone #lowselfesteem #imworthless #inkedandcurvy #inkedandsexy #dontbejelly #beautifulme #effyourbodystandards #allbodiesaregoodbodies
want to. hang o ff a church steeple suffocateunder tons of earth wa it for birds to eat my skin chemcals consuem me from the inside out thr ow up my soul untl im hollow as i am waiton train tracks for th noise the noise the noise to tak e me