#in .5 seconds felt very on brand tho lmao

[andy-clutterbuck]

What jobs do you think Rick would do otherwise? In TOWL, in the dream sequence, it seems he wasn't a Sheriff anymore! Any ideas or headcanons?

Honestly I've never really thought about it much just because we already really knew about his job before the apocalypse. But if I were to go another route I just can't see him as anything other than something blue collar. He's a small town southern boy, grew up on a farm, etc. I can't imagine Rick Grimes working in a city high-rise as an office executive, or a lawyer, or anything white collar. A bajillion years ago when I read TWD fanfic I was never a fan of the pre-apocalypse AUs that strayed too far from who Rick always felt like to me.

[practicalmagicintuitions]

Here is the Chris Reading for the anons asking for it:

I’ve placed a whole bunch of things down for this one. You guys wanted general, so until I could hone in on something, I had to just test the waters on all things. (I’m not following him so I don’t know what’s going on at all) if you guys notice something in this reading that you think could be symbolism for something you actually know of in his life, let me know! :)

I was asked for General, how he feels about relationships, how he feels about marriage, career? And love life.

1. I put down Chris

2. Being in a relationship” second. BIAR Wanted to be in front of Chris, Chris also wanted it there

3. Career was confused where to go, Being in a relationship was in the way. Career decided it’s gonna jam itself between them. (Already this is super telling.)

4. Being Single - single was attached to career, it wanted to stay with career it wouldn’t move elsewhere

5. Family are right behind Chris, (good that’s where they should be. Doesn’t look like any animosity atm)

6. Strangely, marriage wanted to be in front of in a relationship……..? That’s gonna be a fun one to figure out.

7. “Having kids” is behind him, past family and on the left (it’s the furthest placement away so far”

Chris is staring ahead at Career, single, BIAR and single. They’re all in a line.

Chris is staring straight at career. I can’t feel anything from him besides the fact that this big brick wall called a career is in front of him. I see nothing past that. “Single” though, rather than seeming as big as career, seems to represent itself as a little flag thats just been pressed into the side of the brick wall, single isnt giving me any feeling either.

That being said, the career brick wall is not intimidating. It’s just more like he’s looking up at it like, “huh. Big guy” he has the need to climb over it.

Yeah, listen this wall is a wall but he’s not trying duck his head to the side and see past it, he just has the need to jump over this brick wall. The wall is maybe 7 foot tall, so in comparison to himself and how big he feels in this scenario (he feels his normal 6 foot self) he absolutely could. But it’s just interesting that what I’m seeing/feeling is a brick wall that’s like 5 foot in length and yet he has no desire to just bypass it and go to the side, he wants to climb the fucking thing?

Chris stans, tell me what the HELL that is about. You know him better than I. Does he like the competition or accomplishment? Does he feel he needs to prove himself the hard way?

Anyway, he’s pretty confident he can jump this wall. And single is not even a thing to him in its current position.

He’s thinking very hard about how to jump this wall. Like he knows how, you lift yourself up and jump over it I can see that image in my head very easy, but he’s struggling to actually DO it?

Nope, ok he doesn’t want to.

He knows he can jump it, he knows it’s blocking everything else, but I go to take an action for him and he’s like “nah I’m good tho”

Seems a fitting time to put in “anxiety.”

I laughed out loud when I had to place anxiety. Take a wild guess where it felt it needed to be?

You bet chya, it’s on the wall.

And then it couldn’t make up its mind. Officially I’ve placed it on the wall together with “single” and “career” but the energy for anxiety is actually that’s it’s jumping in front of the wall, to on the wall, to behind the wall and it keeps doing that. Just back and forth.

Makes total sense as to why he can’t cross this wall.

Now that anxiety is there he doesn’t want to look in its direction at all.

He’s gotten a bit warm and a bit of a headache too now, and a bit dizzy. The headache is real present.

The good news is in these situations where someone can’t move due to anxiety or otherwise, it’s always a good time to place supports, so the person can feel supported to do the thing they want and move forward. Luckily, his family are already placed behind him, they seem to really love him, so it’s just about me utilising that now.

This part I’m going to do more privately (as in I won’t type it) cause this would be a personal thing (maybe even generational thing) that he needs to move through with his family in order for them to feel that support. His anxiety didn’t come from nowhere. That being said I’m also not going to do a whole ass constellation with him cause 1. He’s not here and 2. It would take hours.

All I’ll say is his mum is a MASSIVE support for him, and also……. 😬 kinda swamping him a bit. He doesn’t mind it, it’s actually very comforted, but she truly is just physically in this reading SWAMPING him. An outsider could see that she’s maybe a bit too involved with his life.. which isn’t great for a fully grown man. But, he finds it comforting, what are ya gonna do. Clearly he doesn’t want it to end… :/

(For reading purposes So it’s not just jumping, I took about 5 minutes with him and his family to help move past anxiety, his family love the crap out of the guy it’s real cute.)

I thought this was important to note:

What Career feels in relation to CE:

Very big, bulky, serious. Reminds me a bit of Wilson Fisk from into the spider verse. Just very big, bulky, serious a bit of a bully. Not gonna move. You’re gonna do what I tell you. Restrictive. That kind of energy. It doesn’t HATE him, but it has rules. And Chris is gonna follow them. (That’s a threat) it also feels like within career is actually a powerful male that kinda owns his ass? Not sure who that could be, once again CE stans, gimme the tea.

For the next part I might… get in trouble. I know that when it comes to the talk of relationships no one likes to hear it. Don’t kill the messenger here you guys:

he has his back TURNED from “single”

I could encourage him to look everywhich other way for any other representative, but single? Back turned.

Doesn’t wanna look at it.

Single on the other hand is kinda looking at him like a little kid like :) hi Chris look pls. Chris! Pls :) Chris look at me Chris pls :) Chrissy! Take a look!

For whatever reason “single” in this reading is feeling very adolescent. Maybe he feels that being single isn’t a grown up thing to do anymore? (I forgot to mention, the things in the field take on the energy of the person it’s focused on, not necessarily how it is perceived by EVERYONE in the world, only how it’s perceived or how it acts in relation to the client. Single to ME might be a knight in shining armor that protects me, Single to Chris seems adolescent.

So, Chris is looking at both “marriage” and “being in a relationship” he’s not feeling particularly drawn towards either, but he is giving a lot more attention to “being in a relationship” than marriage.

Which is weird, cause if you don’t want single, yet you don’t want relationship, what do you want?

I have now brought in “situationship” “flirting w/ someone” and “fwb”

situationship is closest, but doesn’t have his full attention, as it’s to the left side of him at an Angle. FWB is just behind situationship but more aligned to be in front of his eyesight, and flirting with someone is on the right from him, at an angle and is the furthest of the three.

Ok, FWB feels the most comfortable for him, he actually took a step towards it. He’s not feeling super fond of any of the three in any way, but FWB is nice it’s comforting, he’s.. semi happy? It’s not even really happy… it’s just like “doing ok!This is ok! This is comfortable.”

He’s side eyeing the shit out of “situationship” though and is anxious at how close it is. He doesn’t actually want the situationship there, but it’s close now and it’s not moving, and he’s having a bit of anxiety about it. He can’t stop looking at it though. FWB is immediate comfort, situationship is SO ANXIETY INDUCING but it’s also more interesting to look at?

(Chris get therapy 🙄)

Flirting with someone is out of the picture, been there, done that doesn’t care about it. (Could be that he’s already gone through the flirting stage with someone that’s why it’s of no interest to him)

Now that he’s finding situationship more interesting, he’s looking past FWB and to “being in a relationship” which he also finds nicer to look at. The thought coming up is “that would be nice” but in a wistful way.

Marriage is still right out, we’re not looking at marriage.

I’m gonna move relationship closer to situationship to see if he feels better or worse.

Lmao ok, I put them both together and imagined situation ship and relationship being close, like they’re holding hands. In his mind, situationship is a cute little brunette that’s like 5’4 and “being in a relationship” is built like an Amazonian 6’5 goddess and he’s both in awe, yet intimidated a bit, but also not hating it, but the only thought that came up was “ahhhhh…. Fuck.”

Two thoughts came up but they both got crossed out before he could finish it.

“I don’t want-“

“I’m not ready……..-“

And now he just keeps hesitantly saying relationship over and over again but he’s saying it like he’s brand new to the word, like he’s trying to find the word for the word - yet he’s already speaking it??

And now it’s just a flatlining “😐 mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……”

Sat with this for a while and didn’t have much movement so time to move to:

Question time:

Q: Chris.. are you in a situationship?

I don’t know what I’m in

Q: Ok. Are you… sleeping with someone

Yeah

Q: Are you FWB?

He’s hesitant? Like he’s not sure. That word doesn’t seem to fit what he’s up to atm. He seems very confused about what he’s in.

Q: Are you going on dates with someone?

I’m going on dates

Q: With many people or just one?

Just…. One… (not sure why he was hesitant about telling me, but I feel like I’m starting to cross on something I’m not meant to talk about, so I’m ending it here. If he wants to keep it to himself, he is absolutely in his right to do so)

I will say when He said just one, a person did show up: brown hair, she’s shorter than him (but that’s obvious) and she’s slender and kinda perky. When I see her she looks like she’s fun! I saw her dancing around a bit. I liked her energy.

Sound like anyone you guys know?

Note: this is where I’ve ended it. Wasn’t gonna push on it he was getting more and more hesitant it’s not my place to push anything that he doesn’t want me to access. Now that we’ve created the focus though it will be easier to go from there :)

Hopefully that covered it for the anons that asked :) I’m over @energyanon to anyone that needs anything clarified.

Thank you for doing this @energyanon ! Your gift is amazing and thank you for your dedication!

[imagines-mha]

So I know this is mainly for our beloved Assclass but, at any point in time because I need more content for my favorite feral copycat, could I get some hcs for Monoma falling in love with someone from class 1-a. I know it sounds impossible but like she finds his snark hilarious and she's always complimenting 1-b and sticking up for them if they need it. Man I would appreciate it so much, thanks!

Omg i LOVE this idea bro i migt actually turn it into a mini fanfic??? Idk yet but it was SO GOOD and fun to write!!! tysm for the request 💕💫 also i got carried away and totally wrote a drabble instead lmao SORRY DUDE

—Love Story- Monoma x reader—

♥️ Im sure i don’t need to highlight it too much, because we all fuckin KNOW.

Monoma is the most dramatic asshole to come from the show. Fr he’s gonna act like he’s living in romeo and juliet every night when he’s in his dorm alone it’s so eccentric like jusT TALK TO HER STOP BLASTING LOVE STORY BY TAYLOR SWIFT AT 3AM YOU HAVE A TEST TOMORROW

Before he knows he’s in love completely, he treats it like a fun game. He always wins at games, doesn’t he?

He doesn’t i have no idea why he still thinks he does wtf

♥️ You’re a new transfer student at UA, and are still settling into the school, meaning you’ve yet to see one of his acts of clownery; meaning he still has a chance

His classmates tell him to quit while he’s ahead. CLEARLY class 1-A have already warned you to avoid him, clearly you’re gonna know to just ignore him when he flaunts his worth to you.

Clearly, Monoma doesn’t listen.

His charm is good though, enough to be able to sweep almost any girl who barely knows him off of their feet in mere seconds. He knows how to script his praises, and ensures he’s done his research on you beforehand to personally detail the comments to suit your style

He has one plan: go and win her over with one compliment. Sweep her off her feet and ride off into the distance where 1-a and 1-b no longer matter and it’s just the both of you alone together i told u he was dramatic dude smh

He’s all prepared for the big moment: he has his hair all neatly done, making it certain he smells nice, slapping on a smirk with just enough attitude that makes it seem as if he wasn’t up all night planning for this exact moment. He’s readier than he’ll ever be

He sees you walking into school with Mina and Uraraka, chattering away, when he suddenly leans against the doorway in front of you, his voice already carrying on with a level of confidence you didn’t even know existed

“Forgive me if i’m wrong, but you must be the brand new transfer student? My, i knew you’d be pretty but i didn’t know you’d be this gor-“

“Don’t be a creep monoma-“ mina sighed, pushing past him and leading you through the door.

“That’s the monoma we warned you about” she laughed, “just don’t pay any attention-“

————————

He should have really been put off from then, but his positivity lived on, even tho tetsutetsu found him sulking in his room later like a 5 year old who just got shouted at by their parents

He’d plan his next strategy the very next day. So straight up flirting wouldn’t work. What now?

He sits and ponders for a while, and i mean A LONG ASS WHILE like two weeks, preferring to stay in the background and admire you from a distance rather than get all up in your face

It seems like a funny joke to his class, and they make fun of him for it constantly. He never has crushes, especially not like this. This is like a golden opportunity: they’re getting peace from his constant idiocy, you were already like their saviour

He’s never quiet, but now he’s almost nervous to speak incase you hear and think he’s dumb. He’s never so...not-annoying, but he doesn’t want to prove to you that Mina was right that day. He didn’t want to be just a warning to you. He wanted to be who you loved, who you yearned for at night, who you grasped when-

“You monologuing again?” Kendo interuppted with a humourous tone from his bedroom door while he sulked into his pillow

He let out a whine and flailed over onto his bed, covering his eyes with his hands

“I just want her to like me...” he pathetically groaned, and for a moment the boy who acted like he was miles above everyone else had succumbed to a normal teenager

Kendo figured she had to thank you for that later

After a small, late-night talk about the importance of being yourself and the unattractiveness of too much pride, Monoma decided that from here on in he’d be completely him. If you didn’t like him for that, then clearly you weren’t meant to be

But he really hoped you did.

———————

A week later, snarky monoma was back in action- and he spent the entire day of training relishing in his insults and cocky comments towards the members of 1-A

To be honest, he was having so much fun riling them up he almost forgot he was looking out to impress you. Typical Monoma.

That was until he saw you giggle at one of his snide comments made at Bakugo, reeling him back to earth immediately from his throne of false royalty

He looked around for anything, some sort of confirmation it was he you were laughing with and noone else, and when he saw Kendo nodding in support to him from the corner, he felt like cheering out loud

It only encouraged him more though, because his cockiness became unbearable to the opposing class. Luckily though, it became even more amusing to you

He was shooting out insults and taunts left right and centre, his eyes darting in your direction each time one left his lips and his heart fluttering when he saw your eyes searching for him at the same time

It was a small haven. Suddenly the two of you were looking for eachother’s gaze whenever someone from your class screwed up in some way, because you both knew Monoma would have something to say about it

You didn’t care that it was against your class either. He was a pain in the ass to them, snd you could see why, but you just found him hilarious above anything

After all, someone needed to put them in their place every so often

Soon enough, both bakugo and todoroki had clearly had enough of his witty comments, and stormed up to to him to “give him a piece of their minds”

After a small outbreak of bakugo’s screaming and Todoroki’s sassy additions to a nonchalant Monoma, you decided to step in

Not that you didn’t value your two classmates...but Monoma did have better comebacks...plus...he was kinda cute

You rolled your eyes and spoke up,

“Leave him alone you idiots- just because he has better sass than you both do doesn’t mean you gotta go all batshit on him” you rolled your eyes at them before stepping to Monoma

“I never knew you could be so good at riling people up-“ you smirked, noting his shocked expression before quickly adding,

“take it as a compliment- your class is lucky to have you-“

He was so awestruck he couldn’t find a word to say, leaving the entire place in stunned silence for a few seconds, before the feud calmed down and training resumed back to normal.

But It didn’t take long for Mina to tug you away to the side,

“Did you just COMPLIMENT monoma?!” She suddenly asked, her tone laced with shock

“Come on Mina he’s not even that bad-“ you laughed, blushing softly and gazing back to the blonde (who was still staring completely stunned)

“I...i can’t believe someone could actually stand him-“ she laughed with you, “you guys would totally make a cute couple!!” She squealed, receiving a smack on the arm from you with copious amounts of “shut the HELL up before he hears you!!!!” spilling from your lips

“Seriously though y/n- a girl from class 1-A and a guy from class 1-B..... the SCANDAL of it all-“ she dramatically grinned, gasping in fake shock, “and it’s not even just a guy...it’s MONOMA himself” she continued teasing you, laughing when you groaned for her to shut up because you totally didn’t mean it like that...did you?

Since when did your life become a shakespeare play?

—————————-

When you guys finally date, noone could really believe it. Monoma, for one, actually liked someone who wasn’t himself. And you...actually liked him back.

This was either a recipe for the sweetest couple in the world, or a recipe for a couple that could kill you and feel no remorse doing so.

But all that mattered to you both was that you were a couple. You loved him and he loved you too- and when you had that going for you, how much more did you need?

[justmikerrss]

to all the boys that will *never* love me:

Dear christian, stephen, mikio, oscar, royce, pat, manny, derrick, mars, gill, rex, max, kevin, and nick -- whether y’all were a crush or someone i saw myself being in a relationship with get ready bc i’m going IN. I’m gonna use this time to rank these catastrophes from level 1 to level 5. level 1 being a crush yenno not so bad or scarring, and level 5 being sad machine playing while the world is burning to pieces like bish you left a MARK on my heart. if you know me i think you know who that person is hahaha

*alexa, please play truth hurts by lizzo*

christian - level 1. lol let’s take a trip down memory lane to my first crush ever!! my gosh i remember being so kilig over this boy in elementary school at st. leander lol it was so obvious. hahaha. your spikey hair and like goofy ass smile i don’t know i was such a sucker for that. the first filipino boy i ever crushed on waow <3 but then I left st. leander and never spoke to you again. you went to o’dowd, i went to sjnd and that was it really. you went to sfsu i went to usf. idk how we ever found each other on insta, but it is so cute to see posts of you and jasmine haha a USF don as well!! the last “convo” (i wouldn’t even call it that) was when i commented on your graduation post and you commented back thanking me and saying congrats too. so happy that your trillest brand is killing it and you know nothing about me anymore but what a great time it was to know you were my first crush ever lol. thanks for this <3

stephen - level 1. lol i left st. leander and moved to sjes and was like ok, who am i gonna crush on now?? hello stephen, my first white boi lol. i knew fosho that you thought i was weird in elementary school like there is a particular time where in church i sat next to you and during the our father you did not want to hold my hand LMAO and that’s when i knew. i stood from afar. touched your thumb for heads up 7 up HAHAHA gosh you were so out of my league and such an asshole tbh. you and nick, forever making fun of me for liking mikio lmfao hate y’all forever. you went to lmu and that was history. lmao you were so mean to me. but all well. you were like not a good person i think i just liked you because of your looks? lol hahaha

mikio - level 2.5. oh my god the epitome of my boy problems in high school lmfao fuck you. jk. but high school mika wouldn’t take that back. oh myyyyy what a FLIRT were you. i had so many fantasies thinking we’d be together, we’d be m&m HAHAH BARF wow, and then you dated mel and it was just like??? then you were my escort but then i was like nope and switched you with ryann LOL suuuuper crazy like I don’t really remember the details of everything but i knew in high school being so kawawa over not being noticed by you. but then you went to davis, slo, and now in sl?? idk where you are now but you had my heart back then (barf) but that was such a long time ago that honestly it doesn’t phase me anymore!! a feeling high school mika wouldn’t have thought was possible. so thank you. i liked you because you gave me little glimmers of hope of like maybe we could be together -- you were nice, flirtatious, close to your family... not afraid to make a fool of yourself for the one you’re interested in. which wasn’t me but again that’s okay! I wrote a letter to you didn’t i? idk what i was doing why was i so dramatic tbh. you did things that honestly weren’t in my control so i can’t hate you really. again realizing that you fit my type so it just, idk

oscar -- level 1. when mikio was being a butt i knew i could crush on you. LOL the hugs, the convos, being able to laugh at anything when you were in the room what a time SJND was when you were there. now you’re in boston with your boo and i’m still really regretful over not being able to see you when i was in boston last year but it’s okay. happy that you’re happy out there :-)

royce and pat -- level 1.5. ah. USF college times man. these two were literally a duo. RA’s of the 4th floor (share yall are silly for assigning that haha) and damn, what a trip it was to crush on you. royce you were a dj so thats how i knew my thing for dj’s came. you both did your jobs at ra’s, pat you were on eboard so i saw your hustle there which i super appreciated. and this is also how i knew filipinos were my type? lol. EVEN THO YALL WERE LIKE WITH BOOS lol i am cursed but yall had hustle, swagger, passion for what you love, and still made time for partying it up and studying. and now i see royce at parties sometimes n i would awk hug him (rip at the phoenix hotel party) and i havent seen pat since he graduated but hes so happy with becca!! so cute. and its cute (and weird) how kierst is happy with royce.

****DJ SPARKY/AGANA/YURI -- level 1. yall are dj’s who i will always cringe at bc of how naive i was at shooting my shot... BUT IM GLAD YOU ALL ARE THRIVING OK LETS DISMISS THOSE BOIZ NOW 

manny -- level 2.5. ahhhhh manny manny manny. my first trip towards using dating apps and matching with someone on TINDER!!! LOL!!!! ok anywho i met up with you for a few times and it was just like... a lot of question marks bc i didn’t really know where my standards were when it came to online dating. we went on dates? but the first time i paid, and the second time you “forgot your card” so i paid again?? and then you walked me to my dorm and kissed me on the forehead?? red alert!! then you kept wanting like a second chance, to prove me wrong and i kept ignoring you bc wtf lmao... then i was foolish to let you into my life again and realized that was a mistake and blocked you again. and now you’re like a bonafide dj living your edm dreams. i saw you at audio TWICE omg rip. i liked you because lol ur filipino, a dj, buttered me up a whole ton which again problematic bc i didn’t see any of it within myself... but its okay mika is better now. better to not be talking to you. but thank you for being my stepping stone into dating apps.

derrick -- level 1. omg at times i forget about you! which i don’t know is a good or bad thing but i don’t think i ever told anyone about you lol. we met on okc, this filipino boi (lol a trend) andddd i went on like two dates with him? one, i met up with him at that one coffee spot near golden gate park. then we walked over to ggp and we just talked and thinking about it now it was very ideal for me to be myself fully, in public if that makes sense. you were so nice and genuine omg. we went to sweet maple the second time around and you paid for the food which was like wow!! diff than manny!! and i remember talking to you about kh and you loving it as much as me. but i got scared because you were like 26 or somn? i was still 20 i think and i was like this dude might be asking a lot out of me...so i told him the “this is on me i don’t feel ready and not sure how i feel” spiel. and that was history. i honestly don’t know what he is doing now but he was really nice. i felt no malicious intentions from me, i just wasn’t ready to move forward w him. the first nice guy i ever let down bruh. ugh.i hope you’re doing well now though.  

mars -- LEVEL 5. fuck me i hate this chapter SO MUCH lmao. so many drunk cries and just cries in general post this whole... like chapter. but lets start off with why i liked you: handsome as hell, close to your family, athletic, hustled, SO MF KIND EVEN WHEN I WAS BEING CRAZY, a great homie and bf quality, gave me the false hope of like “yeah ill see if i can come through” “ill let you know when i listen to this” the forever ILL LET YOU KNOWS but still views my stories and still doesn’t let me know mentality.... you never initiated any of our convos. i was STRAIGHT pursuing you even though i didn’t believe that you’d change your mind about just seeing me as a friend. you made that clear to me from the start but i didn’t take that as an answer LOL which is why i was so crazy to keep hanging out with you... even tho you were super busy and i felt like a burden you STILL made time with me, whether that was peruvian food, or thursday nightlife followed by dancing at a bar together (which i ruined when you took me home and asked you about your love language lmao), souvla, and then our final time of seeing each other: san tung and tpumps. what a fucking few months that was...only to come out of it with another girlfriend with the same name as me. LIKE WHAT. ARE. THE. ODDS. i still can’t believe it till this day. my gosh you were so nice to me mars. such a great homie. and i wasnt empathetic or smart enough to make diff decisions to retain what we had...but im happy that you’re happy with mika. other mika. yeah. man i never felt so in the dark when going through this time, this was so rough. i wasn’t eating, i’d cry in bed for days, it was so bad. i’d like to say that I’m healed from that though. lol to burning the shirt which honestly i should have kept bc it was a cute shirt.. but yeah. thank you.

gill -- level 1. lol you were dumb to think i was attractive enough to dance with at the soulection event. we exchange numbers and i think because i told you i was 21, you backed off. lol guess i was a fetus then. still am. lmao. we text for a bit but then i find out you tried to get into arcilla’s pants?? lMAO. oh and then i see you at that pool party, saw you talking to other girls and i broke DOWN bc i was crossed as hell LOL sorry ate kayla that you had to take me home that day LOL ugh i hate myself for that night. and then i see you right in front of me at OSL. in 2019?? for childish?? that was such weird weird fate. thank god you didn’t recognize me (i had long black hair there, you remembered me with short brown hair plus it was dark). i just thought it was crazy. uhm you had the fuckboy vibe and look on point.. knew everything about soulection. family oriented. but it just fizzled bc i blocked you and then just stopped talking to you lol.

*****chris l/frankie -- level 1. again i cringe at how dramatic i pursued yall sorta as crushes but for sure bc yall were soulcycle and about fitness YES bodies 10/10 and you understood soul. but omg chris pls get ur life together (which is what it seems like ur doing??) and frankie well you’ve been having your life together being married and all so0o0o0 im trash for crushing lmao BUT IM GLAD THATS ALL IN THE PAST AND THAT WE’VE FORGOTTEN i think lmao

rex -- level 0.5. lmfao you were dumb you’re gonna keep looking at me and emily only for me to make the move in letting you know i was interested, follow you on ig, and then you block me?? weirdo. bye.

MY HINGE BOYS </3 

Max -- level 3. oh maximus lmao. we talked for a whole month and what a pleasure it was to text you every day, receive and send memes, curate playlists, be w/ each other at different events... only for it to end after we netflix party/facetime where i don’t feel the kilig i’d feel when texting you. so i told you i wanted to be friends. and then i try to still reach out and be friends, but i got delayed responses to no responses. and now you just, look at my stories? lmao i know it don’t mean shit to look and you recently liked my post, but i feel like i invested a lot into our quarantine reality. you had GREAT music taste (even tho ur playlist was a lil questionable), for all i know you were just telling me things to like get you on my good side, motivated, privileged......... yeah. i hope you find your 5′0 qt rave queen that can go to events with u

KEVIN -- level 1. lmfao honestly you SUCK hahaha even with the benefit of the doubt, it does not take 10 hours to reply...even if you are busy at work NICK AND MAX WERE ABLE TO!!! you were spotty to begin with but then we netflix party and then you dont talk to me anymore after i ask if we could exchange music playlists? i didnt even ask u to be my boyfriend its a fucking playlist.... we talked about music so much. ugh BOYS ARE SO DUMB LIKE SERIOUSLY. hope amazon treats ya right

NICK -- level 4. ugh. ughguhgughgh. i liked you because your profile/resume was all my criteria: music taste A1 bc of bryson, i hated mint chip, i loved spongebob (even tho you NEVER sent me spongebob memes fuck u), you were hapa (he he but fuck u) (i laugh while typing this i am so dum), uhm. yeah. we talked everyday consistently for two weeks. you were such a joy to text bc you were funny (i was funny too), even tho it was hard to keep the convo going w you at times in the beginning because you never inquired about me at times. max did. its like you were better than mars, but not like A+ in replying like max was. you never really flirted with me? lmao i mean even those attempts of me tryna bait you, i always got... friend vibes. benefit of the doubt maybe you just didn’t know how to flirt but you had posts of your past relationship up on your feed so you cant tell me that that exp did not have you pursue a girl and flirt her up. to me, there was no initiative from you. i was chasing you for sure. this dating life is a two way street -- life doesn’t work where one pursues you only otherwise like no. bet if i went the fuckboi approach, gave you lame responds would you have kept the convo going? prolly not bc ur a cancer and want to feel needed. the only thing ill commend you on is when you’d apologize for delays in text messages but then you kinda stopped that. like understand i should also feel like i should be pursued and never did i feel that i felt like you just responded just to respond... like you’re a cancer its in your nature to dive deep and ask deep questions but you never did, you were the type to play video games with your pals LMAO and like/????/? me understanding gamer life i was like YES this boy gets me but like CMON. lol so many things. ok maybe i am reading too into this but this is the freshest heartache :/ you never like told me i was cute or anything like... max made remarks about my looks and you never did. i mean cool maybe you were just vibing off my energy but i just now question if you were actually interested in me? bc i was trying so hard to make you like me. every meme, was a move. you didnt play your cards right!! its like i kept hitting you with plus fours, and then all you’d put down is the same color number card. where was the fun in that? it was super effortless but anxiety filling for me at the same time bc i was convinced that you were the one. :’/ super good news to hear that you wanted to meet virtually literally NO EXPECTATIONS but then monday rolls around, you dont text me the whole day, i check in at 530, you tell me you go to costco instead and want to reschedule bc you thought i was ghosting you????? wtf did u just like expect me to just call u right at 7 and expect u to be ready?? max texted me after work and was like “we still on right?” so i was high key expecting that from you bc 1. show interest and 2. take initiative but you DIDN’T!! so i was honest in telling you how i felt but kept it light and asked to reschedule. you take forever to reply, but when you do you tell me it was silly OF ME to think you were supposed to confirm it which i get i initiated it i shoulda texted you earlier (but what if i had the worst day ever and couldn’t text you??? would you have just let it be and not text me anymore bc you assumed i ghosted you???) you also said that you thought maybe it was too quick to assume that i ghosted you which is YES tru. however i was not going to apologize for not texting you earlier and waiting for you to reply bc boy, that was on you to make a move to double check. if i was in your shoes i woulda texted. that would indicate to me that oh wow this boy is making sure we are meeting and confirming! even drop a hey hows your day you excited for tonight? i made it obvious to hype you up on your photos and everything, you just were like wow your photos are so good! wow i hope you posted that picture! like idk. i kept it light bc i still really wanted to meet you, and just wanted to attribute this small ass thing as a misunderstanding between the two of us but after long hours of making me wait, you decide you don’t want to reschedule because you were unsure of how you were feeling and that you couldn't put your all in and said sorry. no sentiment towards wanting to be friends just a straight goodbye which basically meant, in harsher terms im prolly not as down as you are for me and maybe i am nervous to meet u (idk ill never know if you were) anddd im not interested anymore bc you’re crazy and ME being the womyn that i am ended up being the mature one and said the goodbye hope you have a good life without me text and then our lovestory ended lololol what a great two weeks am i right? honestly maybe you still need to do some growing buddy but relationships are not easy going they are a two way street but also ill never know maybe you were just texting me just to text me and you still wanted to be the nice guy bc you were scared of how invested things would be post call so you call it off and it was just in the moment for you to be down but then have it change on another day.... i woke up in a better headpsace today about how this turned out but like god fucking dammit i had high hopes for you you infj CANCER. *squidward voice* so thanks. thanks for NOTHING (this is when you start your spongebob dialogue of all how to get everyone on board for practicing for the bubble bowl and sing sweet victory)

so, the end LOL basically. to all the boys who will never love me, ultimately thank you for being a part of my life. thank you srsly. thank you for making me exp the pain, the kilig, the uh everything. growing pains these are, but at the end of the day, i hope you have a good life. whether or not we cross paths again this gives me clarity as to what i’m looking for and what i deserve. this goalgetting, resilient, funny, hardworking, awkward but in the best way pinay is a force to be reckoned with!!! she has the best support system out there!!! she has so much to live for because she is determined to not let down anyone counting on her!!!! so fuck u for missing out on that!!!

k. my ideal man list is coming soon. until then... see ya later.

xoxo,

Mika (allison to some)

[venivivividi]

50 QUESTIONS YOU’VE NEVER BEEN ASKED 

tagged by @revengeisalwaysanoption

(sorry I changed the lower case aesthetic on the questions but it was bugging me out lol)

1. What is the color of your hairbrush? Black

2. A food you never eat? Just from a "I don't like it" point of view, almost every type of mushrooms and legumes, but there are a lot of things I can't eat bc my body is weak like that

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? Well, during winter I'm too warm on public trasportation and too cold outside, during summer I'm almost chilly on public transportation and way too hot outside

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? I was having lunch

5. What is your favorite candy bar? I'm really blanking on this bc I don't  really eat a lot of sweet stuff, but I'd agree that Kinder Bueno was really really good

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event? No, I have not

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? LMAO it was "Ci sono i fantasmi qui, huh?" ("It seems like we have ghosts in here") and it was a sarcastic remark bc one of my flatmates quickly sneaked in and out of the kitchen very quietly while I was doing the dishes without even say hello. I mean, that seems rude to me but maybe I'm wrong

8. What is your favorite ice cream? I'm a simple gal, I like chocolate, but I also like to pair it with mango, berries or passion fruit. Once I tried salted caramel and it was good.

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? A boring glass of water

10. Do you like your wallet? I guess I do, it's cute

11. What was the last thing you ate? Now I regret doing this right now bc I have to publicly admit that the last thing I ate was.. a formaggino MIO. In my defense, I was still hungry after lunch and I had nothing else! (For those of you who do not know what a formaggino MIO is, it's a type of processed cream cheese very popular here as baby food. I'm pretty sure 98% of italian babies are actually raised on bread&formaggino and pasta&formaggino)

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? I did not. Everything is closed, I have not left my home in forever and I'm not one for online shopping tbh

13. The last sporting event you watched? I think it was some sort of volleyball tournament last December, I'm not sure tho

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Just salted

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? @starkgazing​

16. Ever go camping? No

17. Do you take vitamins? I try every now and then but I honestly forget easily

18. Do you go to church every sunday? No, never actually did

19. Do you have a tan? I have not seen the sun in so long I'm not even sure it's still there

20. Do you prefer chinese food or pizza? This is actually hard because I like pizza but I cannot eat it, and when I tried chinese food it was sooo good and it didn't hurt my body the way pizza does lol

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? No, but I also very rarely drink soda

22. What color socks do you usually wear? I either go very classic (black, grey and white) or buy the most stupid ones in fucsia with a bear that says *hello*, there's no in between

23. Ever drive above the speed limit? I don't have a license but in general I get very anxious when I'm in a car with someone that drives fast

24. What terrifies you? What does NOT terrify me is the real question. The easy and not deep answer would be spiders

25. Look to your left, what do you see? My bread dough raising under two blankets and a rag

26. Wat chore do you hate? Cleaning the shower in particular but in general the fact that I have to climb over random things to clean half the house bc I'm too short to reach anything

27. What do you think of when you hear an australian accent? I like it! I don't really understand it sometimes, but I like it

28. What’s your favorite soda? I'm always confused by what is considered a soda, but I think that Schweppes lemon counts

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? I can ONLY eat seated at a table (and I don't have a car), so i definitely go in

30. Who’s the last person you talked to? My other flatmate (not the ghost one)

31. Favorite cut of beef? I just realised that I actually rarely eat beef if not minced; if we talk about bovine meat, I usually buy veal (the veal sirloin steak is one of the most delicious thing in the world)

32. Last song you listened to? Remedios la bella by Modena City Ramblers

33. Last book you read? I'm trying to read Doktor Živago (It's not going well), the last one I finished was 10 minutes 38 seconds in this strange world by Elif Shafak

34. Favorite day of the week? Probably Saturdays

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards? I tried. No.

36. Do you like your coffee? I was forced to buy a different brand bc I don't want to go to a supermarket far away where I usually buy my fair trade coffee; it's not terrible but it's not my usual strong south american/african/indian blend that is somehow called arabica

37. Favorite pair of shoes? I used to have a great pair of leather combat boots that sadly got destroyed rip

38. At what time do you normally go to bed? I try to be in bed by 11:30 pm and asleep by midnight but I'm not afraid to fall asleep while reading or watching a tv show at 10pm lol or even stay up until 3am

39. At what time do you normally get up? I trained myself to stay in bed until at least 8am now that I don't have anything to attend to in the mornings

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? Sunsets

41. How many blankets are on your bed? Well, just one where I live now, but back at home in the mountains last winter I had two wool blankets and two duvets (and a fleece blanket ready on the side just in case)

42. Describe your kitchen plates. Boring white. My sister bought them and I'm very disappointed; luckily I have a small plate for dessert in this great shade of dark anthracite grey a friend of mine gifted me a while ago

43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage? I like red wine but if we're talking strong ones, I like tequila

44. Do you play cards? It's a holiday tradition with my family. Things can get scary, believe me

45. What color is your car? I don't have a car

46. Can you change a tire? Nope

47. What is your favorite province? I.. don't have one? (I'm not sure I understand the question tbh)

48. Favorite job you’ve ever had? I loved working in the bio-preparation lab. I was not involved in the actual process but still I felt very badass operating the autoclave and all the other sterilizing machines and going around with a cart full of glassware

49. How did you get your biggest scar? An incadescent flatiron

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy? I sent a stupid video on my family's groupchat, I hope I made someone happy at least lol my sister seemed amused

[deardeera]

oh! pregnancy!

My friends, my peers, on my way to my 36th week of pregnancy, im getting more anxious, excited, and felt all that jazz all over my body. instead of bringing negativity somewhere else, let me just write all my rants, experience, and even tips and recommendations here!

PART 1: HOW COULD I GET PREGNANT?

As an Indonesian-newly wed, the question will be “udah isi belum” for months and months ahead. Be ready, be not too salty because it’s tradition (i guess), a tradition that I. and most of our generation starting to get rid of. My response was easy, all smiley and still trying to be polite, but at times I got sad too. After three months of my wedding, I started to cry everytime my period comes :/ dont get me wrong. i want to get preggo not just because the pressure but my husband and I wanted kids too. I browsed through internet and do some tips, like both of us start consuming vitamin E (I use natur e & ever e), a more healthy lifestyle (we really tried our best to dodge junkfood), and the most important is to do the pembuahan when I am in my fertile time. To know my fertile time is not easy either, I take fertility test (it’s shaped like testpack) every morning and nigh, three days after my menstruation is done. It’s very hard to be consistent but I do this anyways. Sometimes I slack off too, but I think this is the best way to know your fertile time if your cycle every month is always changing like me. And Alhamdulillah, I have my baby on me!! It was magical, surreal, and unbelievable..

PART 2: IM PREGNANT, WHAT SHOULD I DO?

When I first found out I was pregnant, I kept it to myself, i still not believe what i saw until i test with another testpack. It’s clear, it’s two bold lines. And I prepared myself to talk to my husband, of course with a lil surprise and not to forget to record his reaction ~ (IT’S PRICELESS... TRUST ME YOU SHOULD DO THIS TOO). And after all the happy tears we should make sure everything is in there, on my belly, alive, breathing, and healthy. We decided to go to RS Hermina Galaxy, to dr. Wulandari (by my in law’s recommendation) and everything went well. I found out I was in my 6th week and there’s this little precious human on my womb. 

PART 3: SHOULD I STAY ON MY FIRST HOSPITAL?

After my second visit to RS Hermina, I decided to stop and move to Halobayi Bekasi (Nadya Medical Centre) with dr. Riene. Halobayi provides 4D USG in such reasonable price, at first me and my husband didnt really expect anything because 250.000? for a 4D USG? dudee? but we were wrong. the doctor is super duper nice to us, new parents, she explained everything soooo well and detailed, and didnt seem to rush us, she also answers all of the questions we have. So up until now, I stick with Halobayi and dr. Riene for my my 4D USG every month. There is plenty of doctor choice too, and besides Halobayi, there’s halobumil, intipbuahhati, that provides super worth 4D USG if you didnt want to go to RSIA. Just dive into their social media and see the reviews!

PART 4: TF IS SKINCARE??? IM TOO FRIGGIN LAZY!

Trust me, Ive been there... for the first three months i stopped ALL of my skincare (and really i just washed my face and sometimes apply sunblock if i must go outside). But after that three months i felt my skin is very dull looking... theres dry patches everywhere... i look kuyu and not fresh... sis this is not what we want right?!! we should be a sharp lookin preggo women... then i did my research and tried zhofira.. it’s a skincare brand by selebgram i guess, i havent heard any bit of the owner nor the products. but the review?? is very intriguing so i tried their toner and serum, it’s surprisingly good! i felt my skin lighter, and very well hydrated. it’s more than enough for me. for good two months i used them up alongside with Sensatia Botanicals Unscented Soapless Face Cleanser omg did i spell it right... and I love the result. 

but the serum’s bottle and its consistency annoy me v much so i started to research another serum... Then it comes to my new routine for the past two months I think??? and I changed my facial wash to Jarte Beauty & Sukin Original face wash. I like them both but i think Sensatia face cleanser is still my number one!!!! anyways this routine do pretty good job to my face, it’s nice, plumpy, hydrated and brighten my face a little (it’s the somethinc i believe!) and I am comfortable with them maybe for a long time i wish!

PART 5: HELLOO STRETCH MARKS!

I thought.... just my thought only... I wouldnt get stretch marks because I started using bio oil in my 4th months. BUT I WAS WRONG -- they really comes suddenly at my 7th months, and now it becomes super bold lines around my belly, under my belly, on my thighs, buttsss.. I was so shocked but I think it’s because i’m petite and my skin is not prepared to get ~this~ stretchy... First i used bio oil, but lately... because it gets very, very itchy i tried using herborist zaitun oil and it works well too. I didnt hesitate to use it much because it’s cheaper than bio oil lmao.. the most important is my skin isnt dry so if they becomes bigger the marks would minimalized (i wish :p) but dont worry... it’s normal!!! i get insecure sometimes but my husband is supportive enough to convince me that i look beautiful, that he will love me for everything that i am. ahaha.

PART 6: TO STAY FIT

Stay fit and active is a must.. from 20 weeks i went to yoga class in Nadya Medical Centre once a week until now, i think i slack off for like 3-4 times but I tried do do yoga at home too. Bidan Kita and Kriwilife is my go to channel. But i think it’s veerry important to follow a yoga class with bidan first, so that you could feel confident doing any movements you see on youtube. Besides yoga, walking is another recommendations from so many people. but for this one I still got so lazy at morning (if you’re 30weeks above your sleep cycle wouldnt be the same). But i tried to make it up with walking inside the house or on the treadmill aha.

PART 7: MY UNDERWEAR... IT’S SO SMALL!

my dear, i got you. as someone who’s in her life being small at any aspect of the body, I really am shocked by the size i have become right now lol... I tried couple of underwear (panties and bras) to see what i really like. turns out i really like these brands! for panties i use CD Maternity Mamabel (aquoshop on shopee), and Sorex 1128 Maternity Panty (i buy it offline but there’s a lot on shopee too). these two are comfortable and didnt push your womb, the karet is superrr big and with the mamabel ones you could adjust them. For the bras, I really love Sorex 8200. IT’S WHAT I NEED... it’s comfortable, holding your boobies well. the karet is not annoying (you can just add the bra extender if you felt like it’s not enough) and it’s super soooftt. I bought them at cherrybabykidsshop on shopee. I have four of them lmao im obsessed. AND.. if you like to do yoga or you’re comfortable with leggings, maternity legging by sorex is also super recommended. they’re super stretchy and suit for any activities. By this time i sound like sorex’s marketing huh. but they really made such nice quality products.....

So I think that’s on thhat... I wish every one of you reading my post until the end be given with health, and happiness always. And I hope I did help you in a way tho! Feel free to ask me things (~^,^)~

Love always, MSH <3

[the-jade-goblin]

Hi! I've seen that you really like k-pop, I've been trying to get into k-pop but I don't know where to start. What was your first k-pop song? Or your favourite groups?

Hi Nonny! I’d love to help you out in your k-pop journey, there is a lot of content out there so it can be intimidating to get started. 

I’ll combine your questions to give you some solid recommendations - my first songs that I heard from some of my favourite groups, AND I’ll throw in my current fave songs from those groups so you can check them out! 

My very first k-pop song that I heard was Sad Tango by Bi Rain; I was in primary school (middle school) and teaching myself Japanese, so I went on this anime site to find some Japanese bands that I could listen to, and the Japanese version of Sad Tango was listed there. 

I really liked it and became obsessed with Bi Rain, but as I was young, my friends peer pressured me into stop listening to him and “Weird” stuff and instead I went back to listening to the Jonas Brothers and Nickleback bc I didn’t want my friends to stop liking me. 

It wasn’t until I was in yr10 of highschool did I re-immerse myself into k-pop. I was in the library and a girl I’d just met in math class the day before was listening to something on her laptop - she was watching an MV and I got curious and came over to ask her what it was. 

She told me it was called Lucifer, but a k-pop group called SHINee. My instant reaction was “oh that’s so weird?” but I took the earphone she offered me and watched it with her. I loved it. She then showed me other MVs from SHINee, and I was hooked. With a friend who was also into it I felt more confident in my passion for k-pop, and she became my k-pop supplier haha

She and I still best friends to this day, though we now have many more k-pop friends (and friends we’ve converted to k-pop *evil laughter*) and we’ve gone to so many concerts together to meet some of our favourite groups.

Now that my personal history is over with, I’ll get to the recommendations! 

I’ll go through my favourite groups, and the first songs I heard from them + my current favourite songs of theirs! I’ll go in alphabetical order to make things easier to navigate, and I’ll provide links to all songs listed

Under the cut because this is a LONG POST

1. B1A4 

My first B1A4 song was Beautiful Target, their debut song. My current favourite is not a title track but I love it, and it’s called Wonderful Tonight (unplugged remix) from their first album It B1A4. My favourite title track is 걸어 본다 (Tried to Walk) from Into the Wind.

B1A4 was my very first kpop concert, I went to see them in Sydney in 2014 - their first Australia concert - with my friend, literally the DAY after we graduated from highschool - while others went to the afterparty after our formal (prom), we went to the airport

2. B.A.P

The first BAP song I heard was, once again, their debut song Warrior, back when we called them Blonde Asian People bc at the time they all had blonde hair haha 

My all-time fave BAP song is One Shot, but there are SO many others that could hold that title too - like 1004 Angel, Wake Me Up, Save Me, Honeymoon, Hands Up, Skydive, Young Wild & Free - there’s so many. I really recommend BAP for beginner kpoppers

I saw BAP in concert in Sydney in 2016 for their Live on Earth tour - their 2nd Australia concert

3. Boyfriend

I was with Boyfriend since debut (no surprise there I’ve followed many since debut lmao) so my first song of theirs was their debut song Boyfriend. My ultimate favourite Boyfriend song is Janus

I saw Boyfriend in Sydney, along with JJCC, in 2016 - their first Australia concert

4. BTS

BTS is one of my all-time favourite groups, I’m so emotional about these boys I love them to death. My first song of theirs was their debut song No More Dream. I have a thousand favourite BTS songs, there’s so many that I adore, but if I really had to pick I’d say currently my favourite title track is Save Me, and my favourite non-title track is Best of Me, but there SO MANY others I could have picked, like Serendipity, Dope, Fire, Danger, Boy in Luv, Hip Hop Phile, Let me Know, DNA, Dimple, MIC Drop, We On, If I Ruled the World, War of Hormone, Blood Sweat and Tears - ALL OF THE SOLOS Begin, Lie, Stigma, First Love, Reflection, Awake, MAMA - Lost, Spring Day, 21st Century Girl, Wings, Cypher 4, Not Today, I Need U, Converse High, Young Forever, Run, Butterfly, Ma City, Baepsae, Autumn Leaves, TO NAME A FEW  

I saw BTS in Sydney a few years ago, their first Australian concert

5. B2ST 

Beast is no longer called that, it’s called Highlight now since they lost a member and re-branded themselves, and tbh I haven’t listened to any of their stuff under Highlight (my bias was Hyunseung, the member who left) but I still love B2ST even if I don’t listen to them much anymore

My first B2ST song was, unsurprisingly, their debut song Bad Girl (when you watch the MV you have to remember this was 8 years ago, and kpop was…very different back then. Like Asian Eurovision. It was…bad)

My favourite song from B2ST is a non-title track called I Knew It, but my favourite title track is probably Fiction, it’s old but it’s good

6. CNBLUE

Again my first song of CNBlue was their debut I’m A Loner. CNBlue isn’t a dance group like most kpop groups, they’re an actual band so they play their own instruments. 

My favourite CNBlue song is a toss up between the non-title tracks Lie (tho I prefer the Japanese version) and Sweet Holiday. My favourite title track is In My Head I think, but again that’s a Japanese release

7. EXO

Mama was EXO’s deubt song, and surprisingly this was actually not my first EXO song. I came a little late on the EXO train, I wasn’t following the hype of EXO pre-debut, so my first song was actually their second single History.

My absolute favourite EXO song is Miracles in December from their first Christmas album, and will always be my fave

I went to see EXO at K-Con in Sydney last year

8. FTIsland

FTIsland is another k-pop band, and my first song of theirs was Love Love Love, which isn’t their debut song Love Sick. My favourite FTIsland song is an old one called Hello Hello

9. Girl’s Day

My favourite girl group! I wasn’t into girl groups for a long time so I came into Girl’s Day quite late; my first song of theirs was Something, which is still my favourite Girls Day song, tied with Expect

10. Infinite

My first Infinite song was Paradise, which is from their first album but not their debut song. I’ve had a lot of favourite Infinite songs, like Before the Dawn, Last Romeo, Destiny and Bad, but I think my favourite currently is Back

11. MBLAQ

MBLAQ are an old favourite of mine. My first song wasn’t their debut song, it was a song called Stay (again, kpop was…very different back then) and it’s probably still one of my favourite MBLAQ songs, but my ultimate favourite I think is This Is War (its a great karaoke song)

12. Monsta X

I love Monsta X with all my heart, though I got into them a little later. My first song was Hero from their second extended play, and is still a fave. I have many favourite Monsta X songs, most of them non-title tracks, Ex Girl, Perfect Girl, Incomparable, Amen, Broken Heart and Miss You to name a few, but for title tracks I think my favourite is a tie between Beautiful and Shine Forever - I also adore the acoustic version of Beautiful

I saw Monsta X at K-Con last year

EDIT: MONSTA X JUST HAD A COMEBACK LIKE YESTERDAY AND ITS’ THE BEST THING EVER

My new favourite Monsta X song is Jealousy, Destroyer, and Lost in the Dream - wait no Special, idk they’re all lit as fuck

13. NU’EST 

My first Nu’Est song was their debut song FACE. My favourite Nu’est song is probably Yeoboseyo, but I adore Not Over You and Good Bye Bye equally

14. Pentagon

My first Pentagon song was their debut Gorilla, and while my favourite used to be 감이 오지 it’s now Like This and Runaway

I saw Pentagon at K-Con last year

15. Seventeen

Seventeen is amazing; my first song of theirs was Shining Diamond, which is technically not their debut song Adore U because it’s not the tile-track, but it’s the first track on the album and I pre-ordered it before I listened to any of their material and Adore U was the second track is listened to so like idk point is I’ve been here since debut. Seventeen is made up of three sub-units that’s important, the vocal unit, the hip-hop unit, and the performance unit

I have a lot of fave Seventeen songs, including If I, Rock, 20, Say Yes and Adore U (vocal team ver.), and while Don’t Wanna Cry has been a long-standing fave,  lately I’ve fallen back in love with three songs in particular; 13월의 춤 from the Performance Unit, Trauma from the Hip-Hop Unit, and Change Up from the Seventeen leaders, a new unit made up of the leaders of each sub-unit

I saw Seventeen in Sydney a few years ago

16. SF9

I’ve been a fan of SF9 since their debut of Fanfare. I love this group and have so many favourites, like K.O, Easy Love, Jungle Game and Roar, but my favourite is O Sole Mio

I saw SF9 at K-Con last year

17. SHINee

SHINee was the first kpop group I fell in love with, my first song of theirs was Lucifer. There are so many faves I could list from SHINee. Dazzling Girl, Juliette, Amigo, Hello, In my Room, Romantic, SHINee Girl, JoJo, Up & Down, Electric Heart, A-Yo, Ready or Not, Love Pain TO NAME A FEW

My forever-fave is Replay their debut song and Quasimodo (and yes, I don’t listen to new SHINee stuff, I haven’t listened to any new songs since the Sherlock album, oh except like the title track Everybody and Why So Serious. I’m an old-school SHINee fan I prefer their old music)

If you’re going to get into SHINee you should be aware that their main singer Jonghyun recently committed suicide, so there’s a lot of pain in the community right now. I personally have not been able to listen to a single SHINee song since he died. I burst into tears when I tried to play Replay, and I did listen to Crazy, Jonghyun’s single debut, twice since then but I cried half way through both times and had to skip the song. 

18. Super Junior

MY ULTIMATE BIAS GROUP! 

My first song from SuJu was No Other, but since then I have loved all their other releases. I’ve bought every CD they’ve ever produced and practically devoted most of my life to them, so you could say I’m a bit of an ELF expert XD

My absolute favourite songs will always be Neorago, Evanesce and A-Cha (my must karaoke songs) but there are so many others.

Super Junior also has many sub-units including; Super Junior M (Chinese unit) Super Junior T (trot music unit) Super Junior Happy (cute concept unit) Super Junior K.R.Y (the vocal line unit consisting of Kyuhyun, Ryeowook and Yesung) and Super Junior D&E (dynamic duo unit with Donghae and Eunhyuk) 

Most of the members have their own solo careers too; Kyuhyun, Ryeowook and Yesung in particular, also SJM members Zhoumi and Henry. Heechul also has his own band with TRAX member Jungmo called M&D, they write their own lyrics and music, perform and film the mvs on their own - which is why they’re so weird xD Heechul’s a weirdo

A incomplete list of my favourite main group SuJu songs; Shake It Up!, Oops!!, 나쁜 여자, 사랑이 이렇게, Reset, What If, Dead at Heart, Happy Together,  Hit Me Up, Don’t Leave Me, Islands, Scene Stealer, Haru, Bittersweet, Daydream, So I, Over, Love U More, Sapphire Blue, Missin U, Our Love, 사랑이 죽는 병, One More Chance, Shirt, Opera (Japanese ver.), U, Don’t Don, Sorry Sorry, Marry U      

If you’re gonna check out the subgroups I recommend; D&E - Still You, Growing Pains, Sweater and Jeans, Don’t Wake Me Up, Breaking Up | SJM - Break Down, Perfection, Super Girl, Go, Strong | M&D - 울산바위, Close Ur Mouth, Springs Days of my Life (which is a cover I believe), Narcissus

and I’ll leave the other subgroups and solos to your own browsing pleasure, I’ve rambled about SuJu for too long already ^^;

19. Stray Kids

MY CURRENT OBSESSION! I LOVE THESE BOYS SO MUCH ;O;

Stray Kids originally appeared an a survival reality show for JYP’s next boy group. There was lots of pain and tears during the elimination rounds, and I won’t spoil it for you if you want to watch it, but I’m so happy the ot9 got to debut together - plus Chan and Felix are Australian! and Felix’s Aussie accent is thicker than mine xD it sounds so bad 

Since Stray Kids have only just debuted, as of like, freaking yesterday, they’ve only got a limited number of songs. But they’re all so good I HIGHLY recommend! Stray Kids released a pre-debut mixtape made up of the songs they wrote on their survival show, and yesterday they made their official debut with their second mixtape. 

So because they’ve only got those two albums so far, I’m going to link the entire albums here, along with their performance videos of Young Wings, Grr,  because honestly I can’t pick a favourite song from the two I love them both so much. Needless to say my first Stray Kids song was both their pre-debut title track Hellevator, and their official debut title track District 9 xD

Their first mixtape can be found in its entirety here, and their second album “I am NOT” here

AGAIN, I CANNOT RECOMMEND THESE BOYS ENOUGH

I HAVE SEEN THEM GO THROUGH SO MUCH PAIN AND ANGUISH TO GET TO THIS POINT AND I’M SO FUCKING PROUD OF THEM OKAY I’M VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT THESE SWEETHEARTS

Ahem, moving on...

20. Teen Top

Teen Top is another old school fave of mine. My first Teen Top song was Crazy, which wasn’t their debut song Clap, but they both remain very nostalgic faves for me. 

My favourite Teen Top song is probably Love Is, tho it used to be I’m Sorry and Missing

21. UKISS

Ukiss debuted the same year as SHINee, so they were sort of overshadowed in their debut. My first UKISS song wasn’t their debut song, it was Man Man Ha Ni, which is most Kiss Me’s first song. 

Ukiss have lost a lot of members over the years, and gained new ones in return. Mostly they’re active in Japan rather than Korea so they have a lot more Japanese releases than Korean ones, tho my favourite remains 0330, a Korean release.  

Other of my faves include, Love On You, Mysterious Lady, She’s Mine, Quit Playing, Heartless, Tick Tack, Forbidden Love, DoraDora, Alone, Sweetie, Believe, Standing Still, Every Day, I Don’t Understand and Neverland

While I haven’t seen UKISS live, I did meet one of the members, my bias Kevin, at K-Con last year. He was the host and I got to meet him during my hi-touch event with UP10TION briefly - best day ever

Speaking of UP10TION...

22. UP10TION 

Another group I highly recommend, all the members are such talented sweethearts. My first UP10TION song was their debut song So Dangerous and it’s still a solid fave of mine, as well Runner 

Currently my fave song of theirs is tie between Going Crazy and their latest release Candyland in terms of title tracks, it used to be Catch Me! and Wild Love tho. Non-title tracks, I love Everyday, Be My Luck, Come With Me, and Holic  

I saw UP10TION at K-Con last year - I told Sunyoul he was really cute and he got so shy it was adorable, but I digress

23. VIXX

We’re nearly there just bear with me haha

VIXX is life, VIXX is love. My first song of theirs was their debut song Super Hero, which was..fine, I mean I’m very glad they’re where they are now they’ve progressed so much. 

My fave VIXX title song is probably Error, but I die for Fantasy, Hyde, The Closer, Shangri-La, and Chained Up too. For non-title tracks I adore Love Me Do, Eternity, Rock Ur Body, Six Feet Under and The Romance is Over. 

I saw VIXX last year in Melbourne    

24. Winner

Winner is the forgotten group of YG, who’s only interest lies in Big Bang let’s be real. Personally I prefer Winner, but that opinion seems to be controversial in the kpop fandom (Big Bang is overrated, there I said it). Winner is the product of a reality survival show, who won their debut that way over their competitors iKon who debuted later under the same label.  

Anyway, my first Winner song was their debut song Empty, though my favourite remains Different. For title songs my favourite is a tie between Really Really and Fool. I love their first album the most so I can only rec my faves from that album, Don’t flirt, I’m Him, Love is a lie and Color Ring.

25. Day6

I know this is D but it’s down here bc they’re not on my playlist I was working from and I forgot to add them earlier. 

Day6 is another band group, from JYP the company Stray Kids has just debuted from. They have consistently released a comeback every month for the last year so they work hard to get where they are and we need more fans for these sweethearts. 

My favourite Day6 is also my first song, I Loved You, which isn’t their debut song but I got into them a little late. From them all their songs are stellar, but I recommend Free, How Can I Say, When You Love Someone, What Can I Do, Man in a movie, I Wait, I Smile, Out of my Mind, I Like You and First Time  

ps most of the mvs tell the clearly obvious one-sided love story between Wonpil and Sungjin and no one can tell me different

HONOURABLE MENTIONS

For groups that I love but didn’t make it into the top *counts* 25 apparently 

NCT, including their sub-units NCT U, NCT Dream and NCT 127. My favourite are NCT U and 127 

For NCT U I recommend Without You, The 7th Sense, Baby Don’t Stop and Boss

From NCT 127 I recommend Cherry Bomb, Mad City, Good Thing, Whiplash, Baby Don’t Like It

Wanna One - a product of another reality survival show called Produce 101, out of 101 trainees these boys from various companies were picked. Their contract has been extended but it does end this year, so they will be disbanding and returning to their companies. Still, they have some good music that I recommend, Energetic, Boomerang, Burn It Up, and Beautiful   

VAV - ABC, Flower, Under the Moonlight

GOT7 - also from JYP, I recommend Girls Girls Girls, Just Right, If You Do, Look, and Never Ever  

VICTON - Eyez Eyez, Blank, #Begin Again

ROMEO - Love Sick, Miro, Without U, Hustle

MYTEEN - Amazing, Mr. Misery

Madtown, who have sadly disbanded now - OMGT, New World, Lie

iKon - Rhythm Ta, Dumb & Dumber, My Type

JJCC - BingBingBing, Be Good, Insomnia, Fire, Trauma, Where you at

Cross Gene - Billion Dolla, Shooting Star, La-Di Da-Di, Sky High, Black or White

History, who have also disbanded recently - What Am I To You, Queen, Might Just Die, Psycho    

[localrobosexual]

so how about The Last Knight huh

HECKO I totally forgot to make that post about what I thought about Transformers 5 after I watched it whOOPS

so here they are now!! :0 it’s kinda long though. Sorry about that. Unlike my post about GOTG Vol. 2 that one time, for this one I just kinda wrote down some erratic notes about thoughts and reactions I had as I watched the movie, and then I kinda summed up my opinion about it overall down at the end?? so yeah. That’s how this one is gonna play out lol. Generalized running commentary style.

(fair warning: this WILL contain spoilers!! Like I can’t,,, , talk about it without giving stuff away lmao. If you haven’t seen the movie, and still want to and plan on doing so, I don’t recommend you read this!)

alright u made it past the spoiler warning so here we go!!

-  Quintessa gave me a lot of G1 Unicron vibes with the whole "I made you, you are mine to command" thing

- "Why do we tell these stories, besides the fact that dragons are wicked" girl same lmao

- I literally cannot. CANNOT. Take Barricade seriously. With those ridiculous "punish" and “enslave” branded brass knuckles. Buddy. My dude. Please chill. You're literally trying to be so edgy man just. Turn it down a notch lmao - Optimus literally didn't sound at all like himself at first?? It sounded like he had a different voice actor for those first few lines he spoke?? That was weird. It wasn't until the second time he appeared on screen where Quintessa was telling him about where the staff was hid was I like "oh wait yeah there's Peter Cullen" - the "Cybertron is coming" shot looked sUPER fake and green screened to me for whatever reason?? like idk I think it was the lighting they had on him but it was reALLY FUNNY PFFFFTT

- Bee swinging his legs on top of that roof was sUPER CUTE THANK U IM BLESSED

- Mohawk. Um. Who thought turning Junkrat into a Transformer was a good idea bc that’s literally all this dude is lmao

- What kind of name is Nitro Zeus. Im cryin. PRETTY SURE HE HAS THE SAME VOICE ACTOR AS THE ONE TIGER ALIEN FROM BEN 10??? I DON’T REMEMBER HIS NAME BUT HE WAS THE ONE THAT ALWAYS WENT "LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHIN". WHY DOES HE HAVE SHOCKWAVE'S FACE. IM SO DONE

- I like how they had the whole holoform bike thing going on?? like how Prowl's was in TFA and Arcee’s was in TFP that was neato - I WILL NEVER GET USED TO HEARING BUMBLEBEE SWEAR I S2G but the Siri voice thing was pretty funny ngl. I saw that in a trailer on instagram and didn't actually think it was actually a real scene that they kept I thought it was just made for that specific ad but nOPE IT WAS REAL LMAO - Megatron musing over Starscream's decapitated head oh my god liSTEN MAN PUT HIM DOWN DONT BE LIKE THIS COME ON - HI CAN WE TALK ABOUT COGSMAN I LOVE COGMAN A LOT I LOVE HIM HE WAS REALLY GREAT EASILY A BIG FAVE HE WAS SO ENJOYABLE TO WATCH I love how,,, ok heck I don't know this guy very well bc I didn't watch Age of Extinction but it's the green dude with the trench coat built into him,,, Crosshairs?? I think it's Crosshairs yeah but the fact that he called him a C-3PO rip off was fUNNY MAN that also got a good laugh outta me and he totally rekt his heckin finger lmao. He was rlly short?? that surprised me kinda like from the trailers it looked like he was pretty average human sized but nope he’s super short - BEE'S DOUBLE CHEST POUND FINGER GUN "ayyy my dude" THING WAS ADORABLE THANK U - THEY ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH WITH THE WHOLE EARTH BEING UNICRON THING HOLY HECK now that,,, that was really interesting. Didn't expect that. AND the whole Nemesis Prime deal?? OP getting brainwashed?? THAT'S why he's heckin evil nO WONDER MAN GEEZ I didn't think OP would willingly do all that to the earth just because. That makes me feel a lot better actually lmao - Soundwave!! Shockwave!! u guys are famous!! wow way to go im so proud of u!!!! - Hot Rod tho,,,, , oh boy he was a mess lmao. I only really know Hot Rod through MTMTE and the 80s Transformers movie so,, , not too too much to go off of, but he just was so incredibly DIFFERENT and off-putting from what I was used to that I honestly didn't like him so much?? I mean he was alright. Grew on me a bit more as the movie went on I think. He was ok. That time warp weapon thing he had was cool tho!! nice!! seemed kinda overpowered a bit but cool!! - COGMAN SPINNING AROUND IN A CIRCLE WHILE HE WALKED THE DOG WAS ADORABLE THANK U - you know that movie trope where he background music will become like a song on the radio and then a character comes and switches it off?? YEAH THEY DID SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN THIS MOVIE WITH THE EPIC WORLD-CHANGING ORGAN MUSIC AND I JUST. COGMAN GOING HAM ON THAT ORGAN HAD ME CRYYYYYYYIIINNG HE WAS SO INTO IT MAN OH MY GO D. I LOVE COGMAN THANK U THAT’S ONE OF MY FAVORITE TROPES AND IT WAS HILARIOUS GOD BLESS - HE CAN SING OPERA TOO IM CRYYYYIINNNG MAN JUST. PLEASE LET HIM HYPE UP THE MOMENT HE'S DOING HIS BEST!!!! - THE TABLE WAS WRITTEN IN OLD CYBERTRONIAN yknow if you could get Cyclonus down there he could probs read that for you no problem. Or don't actually. Please don't drag him into Bayverse oh I s2g nevermind nevermind - HEY MAN I LOVED THAT ROBOT HYDRA WOO BOY THAT WAS COOL and it's like?? a Combiner?? but not really. Burton just said the twelve knights combined into the dragon but I doubt they can all unfuse from that form lmao it was probs just a one time thing. So not a Combiner. Still cool tho. Robot dragons. SICK!!!!!! - HEY they did the whole Unicron's a planet-eating god thing this time around too wow. Neat. Listen man all I'm saying is I glad I watched TFP and bits of G1 and that 80s movie bc if not I woulda had no idea why Unicron was important lmao. That was pretty neat tho!! Interesting. Interesting. - OK BUT COGMAN LAUGHING AND SINGING "MOVE B!TCH GET OUT THE WAY" WHILE DRIVING 200 MPH DOWN THE ROAD WAS HILARIOUS WHAT A BLESSING THANK U - Surprisingly Bee seemed to be ok in that open water??? Hanging on to the side of a submarine?? I mean. Salt water man. Buddy watch out ur gonna rust plEASE BE CAREFUL

- speaking of which didn’t they say there was gonna be a submarine transformer in this movie?? like didn’t they say that in interviews before the movie came out?? I mean. We never saw that. It might’ve been that the submarine WAS a transformer but it never spoke, never transformed, nothing. Didn’t give any indication that it was uniquely Cybertronian aside from Vivian’s magic touch thing. Idk. That wasn’t explained so I mean. Hmm.

- Cogman can make sushi!! dang!! wow!!! bravo!!! - OP'S HECKIN INTERDIMENSIONAL BOOB POCKET OH MY GO D dang wish I had one of those lmao - THAT FINAL FIGHT WITH OP AND BEE THO AAAAAAAA OH MY GO S H HECKO MAN!!!! OPTIMUS RIPS OFF BEE'S DOOR WINGS MAN!!! GEEZ!!!! what I wanna know is like since when did Bumblebee have a hammer lmao. Like,, , is it supposed to the the Forge of Solus Prime?? When did he get that?? How and why?? I don't know and it was never explained but I mean. Why tho. - OH MY GOD BUT BEE'S VOICE!! IT ACTUALLY WORKED!!! DANG!! WOW BUDDY!!! AAAA!! IM GLAD HE'S OK!!! and that's all it takes to snap Optimus outta his brainwashed phase lmao ok then. Cool. Wasn’t what I expected him to sound like either but then again I really don’t know what I expected in the first place lmao - I feel a LOT better knowing Optimus didn't willingly wanna destroy the earth like. He was brainwashed. And when he snapped outta it he felt absolutely awful about what he did. I mean it felt like that whole plot point was rushed, a lot of this movie felt very rushed, but it makes me feel better at least lmao. Optimus I'm sorry man can I,,, , give u a hug or something man it rlly looks like u need a hug - "YOU CHOSE THE WRONG SIDE" OOOOOH BOY FLASHBACKS TO THAT CAPTAIN AMERICA CIVIL WAR BIT IN PRI.ME(3) LMAOOOO - CADE. BUDDY. YOU CANT JUST BLOCK A SWORD LIKE THAT. THAT WAS A KILLING BLOW DEALT BY A GIANT ALIEN ROBOT I DONT CARE HOW SPECIAL THAT MEDALLION THINGY IS U CANT JUST DO THAT LMAOOOO. And then as soon as he whips that sword out the rest of the knights are like "oh wait yeah let's stop killing this guy we're chill now let's all point out swords together" lmaooooo - Crosshairs' "Love that guy. Goosebumps every time" line after Optimus gives his mandatory speech lmAO DUDE SAME - "You were by far the coolest" alright Cogman you ruined the moment a lil bit but man I still love u hecko - OK THIS IS GONNA SOUND REALLY STUPID BUT LISTEN MAN I'M GLAD THERE WAS,,,, , a lot of hand holding going on towards the end. Like fr. Cogman to dying Burton and Vivian and Cade as they were gonna jump outta that plane onto the Cybertronian tendril whatevers. Just. Small bits of physical reassurance and comfort in times of real great distress. I appreciate that a LOT more than like, watching two characters make out right before the big climactic final showdown lmao. Thank u movie wow I really didn't expect that - SO THERE WAS A COMBINER TEAM!! A COMBINER MINOTAUR!!! DANG NOT EVEN GONNA LIE THAT THING WAS NEATO!!! - Ok forget what I said about Hot Rod at the beginning he redeemed himself at the end. I didn't like him and first but now,, , now we chill. Granted I still can't see him as being HOT ROD bc he's just so different from what I know him as Rodimus but I can still appreciate him as his own character. Cool cool. - OPTIMUS RIDING THE ROBOT HYDRA INTO BATTLE AND BLOWING EVERYTHING UP WAS GREAT. MAN THAT WAS GOOD. "DID YOU FORGET WHO I AM" WOOOO BOY CHILLS MAN!!!! - OH COME ON they still made out. Lmao. Dangit. It was inevitable but I mean come on man. Alright. They kept it short and quick thank you tho if u had to put in a make out scene at least u kept it to a minimum. Thank you. Can we get back to the robots now pls. - AAAAA BUMBLEBEE'S "STING LIKE A BEE" LINE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - that ending was pretty sudden lmao. A lot of this movie was sudden and fast. They just jump cut STRAIGHT to those credits man not even an ending panorama or clean slow zoom out shot or anything lmao - AND OH BOY THEY TEASED UNICRON’S GONNA ACTUALLY COME BACK AND APPEAR IN ANOTHER MOVIE AAAAAAA OH NO OH BOY NOT AGAIN GOSH DARN IT LMAO 

All in all, surprisingly, I actually ended up kinda enjoying it!! Like it really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be!! Tbh for me it might even be second best in the series!! (First being the first movie from 2008 lmao) Honestly I was really REALLY surprised at how much I didn't hate it. Like. I still dislike it to a degree because it's still Bayverse, and I probably won't watch it again unless I'm with friends (like I do with the rest of the transformers movies) but it honestly wasn't too too bad! It really exceeded my expectations as far as plot, and I wasn't hardcore cringing for most of the movie so hey that's a plus!! The movie had a lot of genuinely funny moments, especially with Cogman, which got some pretty good laughs outta me like I was really having fun at those parts!! Optimus’ absence for most of the movie didn’t sit well with me for some reason. Like it just felt strange. But it kinda had to be for the story to move forward so I guess I can forgive that lol. The pacing was REALLY whack and way too fast though. Like they were REALLY trying to cram a whole lotta stuff into a relatively short amount of time. The movie's almost two and a half hours long but it really didn't feel like that because of how fast the pacing was. Some of the dialogue felt really forced because of this issue too. It didn’t feel genuine sometimes. But that has to be like, pretty much my only specific issue with it?? surprisingly?? wow. I'm honestly super shocked lmao dang man I didn’t think I’d like this movie at all but I was very much proved wrong!! I hated those old ladies tho and their obsession to get Vivian a boyfriend and the whole innuendo thing. Yeah. No. Don't do that. Stop. I'm too ace for this. 

anyways yeah those were my thoughts sorry that was so long lmao whoops  

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 4: "My meat shield cannot go to the butchers shop just yet." - Tom

Okay HI I’m home from Georgia and I thought oh maybe I can relax SIKE. Now I have to meet 4 NEW PEOPLE. Ugh. I really hope we got whoever voted in the minority over on the other tribe, that sure would make it easier. I’m happy I’m here with Jules and JJ, they are 2 of my closest allies. I trust tom as well, he just doesn’t talk very much. This sounds bad but I really hope Alex gets taken out, he’s SUCH a good player. Anyways Johnny is playing champions and I hope you guys have a great night!

UM HELLO.

Okay so first: I felt so bad voting out willow she was such a sweetheart. I even asked her if there was anything she wanted to do last minute but she didn't have a plan so we really had to let her go. I wanted to be her ally but all in all the connections I made outside of her paid off in a much more tangible way.

SECOND: THE SWAP. I aint about it. I think the newbies are gonna be fine or whatever.... but I was in SUCH a good spot in my tribe. Like lowkey I had an alliance (that lets be real was probably doomed to fail anyways lmao but thats fine) and then also I won that individual immunity. I think people really wanted to work with me no matter who they were!!! AND I WAS GONNA MILK THAT. But nowwww I have to make new relationships and win people over. PLUS the tribemates I am still with I didn't talk strategy with as much like Mo and Jones. They like me sure sure but we never talked about who was voting who, even though Alex and I helped each other.

Lastly: I don't have strong impressions of the newbies. Mitch was the first to say hi so thats sweet of him. Benj hasn't said too much to me. Noah seems fun (?) but also god knows he doesn't seem all that loyal oof

Well, the Willow vote went according to plan. I knew she was voting me, she's such a sweet girl but everything was impossible to plan for when she wasn't around to talk about the comps. She kinda got defaulted into everything she did for the competitions. So, she had to go.

As far as the tribe swap goes, I'm really mad that I have to start all over on the new tribe with the idol search, so it kinda spooks me that I'm in a brand new tribe, with new idol information, and I probably don't have much of a chance.

Ali is someone that I was excited to be with, his meet the cast video was super endearingly messy and I just think he's so cute and wholesome. I love it. I've talked to him the most so far, and out of everyone from OG Budva, I think he's my guy. I enjoy him the most. Julie seems cool, I haven't talked to her much with the exception of calling her fucking GORGEOUS. (Sidenote, literally why am I so fucking shallow that the pretty people get the best edits in my confessionals?!?) Anyways, Julie seems super fun, she gave Jules a Tarot reading on call that was super cute. Jason & Ian haven't talked much, but they seem cool as well. Ian is into gaming, and it sounds like we play similar games, so I think we can bond based off of that really well.

Tom scares me, he's really cute and really fun to talk to, and I know he's with me 100%, but he doesn't want to work with people from our tribe. I might be forced to do things to appease him, or kick him out earlier than I'd like to. I remember us briefly talking about my plan I "jokingly" suggested throwing the comps if OG Durmitor was in the majority, and he was saying he didn't want to because he'd be stupid to work with OG Durmitor in the long run. So I think I need to start building game relationships with OG Budva fast so it gives me options on what I'd like to do.

I spoke briefly with Julia (Wow I got her name wrong every fucking time during my last confessional I'm so sorry sweets.), when I asked her about who she thinks the other person who voted for Mitch might be, she mentioned Ali's name. Who is somebody I'd really like to work with anyways, and I find him really cute. I'm going to have a call with Jules, and see where her head is at, and spill some of this tea as Brigade members. Let's see how things go.

Okay SO much has happened and I'm writing this on my phone, on the bus so get ready for messy grammar eek!

My game got a real ego check last round. Like I really thought I was doing #that and had a chance of winning immunity, when I really was out second. Like... idk what good game I thought I was playing but it was defo non-existent. Jared went home which was ugly but necessary and I swapped away from Michael/Mitch/Noah which I wanted since they were the bottom 3 of my list HSJDKDK. I feel bad for Benj tho, stuck with them eek! I really hope me and him reunite ahh!

Okay so my tribe. I have so many thoughts, like so many. I'll break it down person by person.

Ian: I like 100% dont trust him. I've been confessing for ages about how much I think he is the biggest threat and the immunity challenge totally confirmed that. He has not gotten as far in games as he has for no reason, I've been onto his game for a while and I'm totally over his shenanigans.

Jason: this ties into julia and ian too, but I'm sure the three of them were and are in an alliance. Like 100% sure. Which is worrying for this swap tribe because i think I could easily be the most expendable for the Budva people so yikes. I am scared of him too, like him and Ian are so scary it's really worrying

Julia: I dont know what to think of her. Like I really trust her and really wanna work with her, but I feel she has allies (i.e. Ian and Jason that she values much higher than me). I really want to work with her, like so bad. I want Ian and Jason out so I can make that happen. I LOVE her tho.

okay now we come onto the dormitor (spelling?) people where I think I have real, real options.

Jules: A LEGEND ON EARTH. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND AM SO HAPPY WE ARE TOGETHER. I AM SO EXCITED TO WORK WITH JULES. I think between me and jules we could get a really cute cross tribe thing going, the future is BRIGHT.

Evan: he seems SO sweet, like I've probs spoken to him the least, but he seems SO nice and wholesome. Jules holds a super high opinion of him and what jules says, goes.

Thomas: I was SO worried about swapping with him... but I think it could work? Like I really really want him to vote me out and get revenge for legacy, like that would be SO karmic and good. But he seems to want to work with me and I'm down! He is a king so I'd love to stick with him

JJ: he is... wild. He was super nice to me so I dont wanna be that guy that is negative, but he is a LOT hsjssksk. He reminds me a lot of Jared, like a lot of crackhead energy and I could easily see him try and play everyone. It sounds like from Jules he could be the one that dormitor would vote out so that's a good sign.

Anyway my plan? to vote off Ian and then JJ. like if I had to rank the tribe, I'd say:

Jules > Julia > Thomas > Evan > Jason > Ian > JJ

like I actually get a much better vibe from most of the dormitor people, and like... I think I'm down the flip, since I dont trust Ian at ALL. there are two ways I could see it working, either I convince Jules/Evan/Thomas to flip on JJ if we lose sending him out, and then work with them to vote Ian the following round. Or... and this plan is cracked. I think Ian and Jason could be willing to sacrifice me tbh (and Julia too unfortunately), so... I could get Jules to get them all to vote me too, so its 7-1 and then I idol out either JJ or Ian, probs Ian so that I could hopefully get the rest to flip on JJ the following round? idk yet shsjdk

but in general? Last round and the swap gave my game the kick it needed. I was playing really passively and had let myself be an outsider who delusionally thought they were central to the game. I have a fire now. I dont trust anyone from OG Budva really except for Julia and Benj, and it's time for me to put in work and gain control of the game.

The dream is a cross tribe alliance of me, jules, thomas, julia and evan but idk how feasible that is tbh. I just dont ever want to feel as passive and not in control as I did last round. That's never, ever happening again.

*SWAP STRATEGY*

- Can I just say I don't get a good vibe from ANYONE that swapped to Budva from Dirtmitor (I know I'm spelling it wrong) - There's no way we're winning this challenge since we don't even have a song yet and our editor... doesn't know how to edit - SO, my plan is to have one of two things happen: 1. Convince someone on Dirtmitor to flip so the vote's 5-3 2. Create paranoia about an idol and convince Dirtmitor to split the vote so it's 4-2-2 - If can can get either of those things to happen, we throw every single challenge and wipe out the remaining Dirt people and head into a 12 person merge with an 8-4 advantage - Also... this stops any Budva at the Dirt tribe from trying any funny business (flipping)

I'm still desperate for an idol btw. For some reason I think Jared had it and now it's rehidden back at the end of the bridge.

I need to start picking my game up. Up until this point it's been solely about maintaining the relationships I've had from day one. This swap worked out kind of perfectly for me in terms of who I swapped with. All 3 of the Golden Girls stuck together and Ali and I have been fostering a good relationship game-wise that I want to keep going. I can see myself being a target for the Dirt people but I don't see any of the OG Budva flipping yet, let alone on me. So now I feel like I need to focus more on setting up my game for the merge and ideally? I go in with as many near-guaranteed numbers as possible. And the best way to set up for that is taking out numbers I know I don't have now.

okay JJ is annoying me now. he is like... threatening me? he is telling me someone is saying stuff that makes me look super shady, but not knowing details. he is telling me it could get gross for me but he is looking out for me.

like... i'm not gonna be super negative, because like... maybe its true and someone is spreading dirt about me. but alternatively, this is.... a really blunt and see through attempt to cause divisions and i'm not gonna tolerate it. like i'll reserve judgement till i hear him out, but like...

i said this in my host chat, but like I really really do not appreciate someone threatening me and lauding the power they have over me the way he is, like he thinks he is being super super subtle, but this is just a blatant attempt to cause distrust and a mess.

i'm in my feelings and i don't know what to do. I don't trust JJ or Ian, and wanna reclaim power by sending them both out of here.

(This is about to be like 4 confessionals in a row, just separating them into paragraphs)

Okay so first off wtf is with that challenge results we just posted. Like okay sure i  kinda knew i was near the bottom of the tribe but definitely not fucking second last.... anyways i also have no clue how fucking caeleb like caeleb really?! he came second?! and EVAN WON.....like evan is kinda pissing me off on how good of a social game he is playing because of his "I'm only 15, im cute innocent and i want to be your little brother" like bitch no you can step back for a second if you are going to play it like that. I wont be letting him slip through my fingers that easy!

Anyways now onto the tribe swap im kinda happy with the people i ended up with i feel like if i ended up with alex, mo, caeleb i would've most likely cried. Anyways i am really glad im on a tribe with ali right now because we have played pretty much a full season together before and we worked very well until he got sneaky sneaky and voted me out to win the game but thats okay ill keep a close eye on him. Jules and Evan arent people that im too excited to be on a tribe with however this could be my time to take evan out now whilst i have the chance.....

Okay so like JJ is being a fucking idiot right now, like please put some tape on your mouth, shove a goana in your mouth i dont care. This man thinks he is fucking houdini or something, please sit back down and stop trying to manipulate Ali and Julia to flip on Jason and Ian..... like sure we can try to subtly make them flip but this man says he has a whole shit tonne of tea that he is going to manipulate and "put an ice inbetween that 4" like girl no you wont you will just make yourself threat number 1. My meat shield cannot go to the butchers shop just get, i would like to be the butcher to cut him further into the game.

Also like honestly Jules, JJ and Evan are ridiculously stupid if they think I, ME, TOM, THOMAS ALBERTS is going to rocks for ANYONE in this game. I am happy go lucky about this original durmitor chat but i will not be risking my game for any of them....

Ok so Jared went home 7-2 which is kinda sad because I do think he trusted me and all but he really dug himself a grave that i couldn’t help him get out.

Things that were interesting for that tribal. Mitch thinks me, him and Noah are on the bottom because I acted that I only heard Noah was the vote. Second there was another vote for Mitch and I thought it was Noah, and when I talked to him, he assumed I was the other vote and he switched his vote the last minute. I didn’t have time to tell him that I voted Jared too because we fuxking swapped.

I AM LAUGHING AT THIS SWAP. Who do I got remaining on the new Budva tribe? Jason? Julia? Ali? UGH FAVES!! I am close with Ali and I’m aligned with Julia and Jason. Jason worked hard on Ali to flip on the Jared vote and Ali like shares me info that I already know ahsjdjd so I’m just going to continue playing dumb and sidekick because literally it’s what got me far in this game. BUT OF COURSE I AM CHANGIING THINGS UP BECAUSE LIKE I’VE LOST 2 TIMES WITH THAT STRATEGY SO SOME CHANGES ARE NEEDED.

Anywho we get newcomers JJ, Jules, Evan and Tom. We all went on call as a new tribe except Evan because he sleepin and discussed sun signs and astrology.

Jules - barely talked too but she seems sweet?? Evan - umm he’s kinda weird asking about facts about myself lol JJ - he seems funny to talk to ON CALL. Through messaging, idk he seems shady? Tom - I’ve just started talking to him but I am a slave to Aussie accents so hopefully I can get in with him.

Right now I’m feeling there’s a huge chance we will lose immunity because hello Alex on the other tribe and Jules, who is the only one who have at least a background on editing is unable to do it atm. So yeah, my plan rn is try and become close with Tom because he and I on roughly the same timezone. Worst case scenario is we do go to tribal and we end up 4-4 and boom rocks. Not very ideal rn.

Ok I’m a bit pissed that they did not stick with Fergie songs?? I was ready to bust out a suit for the glamorous.

I won’t be shocked if we end up loosing this challenge because umm hello Alex is in the other tribe. We’re just gonna be unique with our presentation and hopefully Tom and Julia can make it pretty enough to win.

Honestly this new tribe is SO deadzzz. These new people are probably weary of us 4 og budva or they’re just so quiet?? Julia has JJ telling her he doesn’t want it to be Budva vs Durmitor but idk y’all being so deadzzz that it may go that way.

Jason wants to like throw the upcoming challenges if we survive this deadlock and like I’m not all for it. It’s risky but the merit is it weakens og Durmitor but there’s still the risk of an idol. I mean I can’t say that idea never occurred to me but these new people (mainly JJ and Evan) are just a bit difficult to talk to lol

I have not even have a long convo with Jules so I can’t say much about her.

I have become a bit close with Tom. And I wanna work with him, but I checked that list challenge and judging that it looks like he is close with JJ? And like I might wanna target jj because he really shady with Julia. I just wanna say to Tom I wanna work with you but like ugh it’s quite difficult really. I JUST WANT AN AUSSIE ALLY OKAY.

I feel like we lost immunity so rn og budva baes needs to come up with a plan to get one of these Durmitor out. Preferably Evan hehehe

Apparently JJ likes Julia for them to go on call and tell stuff to one another. Right now, JJ says there was this big majority alliance on og Budva that had me and Jason as the head of it. Wow I can’t believe I’m in an alliance that I had no idea about. Well I am aligned with Jason but literally there was no big ass allianceon og budva, it was just mob rule or whatever. Apparently Evan told JJ about this info so like where the fuck did Evan get that crackpot idea lol

I came up with an elaborate plan in which Julia goes along with this majority alliance on og budva that supposedly had me, mitch, Jason, Michael, benj and Ali. However, Ali was not really into the alliance at all so Julia and Ali act all wish washy and willing to flip to get Durmitor to split there votes because Julia told jj that the budva idol was already found.

So rn I’m acting all shady towards Tom telling him I’m all alone, with the hopes of him already knowing about this supposed big alliance on og budva for him to think I’m shady as fuck. Jason is also acting shady as fuck to JJ so they think one of us do in fact have the idol and they do split their votes. In doing so, we budva baes collectively vote either Jules or Evan out.

That’s assuming the plot fucking works. I literally don’t know if it works, or we fucking tie or go to rocks or someone on my team fucking flips. I don’t know what’s gonna happen and honestly I’m just waiting for this round to be over. If Durmitor calls our bluff and ties our 4 votes then may the odds be ever in Budva’s favor. If they actually split the votes woot woot and if someone flips on og budva then big fuck you.

Okay so like how did i get onto a tribe with an astrology freak in jules, and an actual crazy person in JJ... like idk what i did in my past tumblr survivor life to deserve this. Julia has put a hex on me in this game to be trapped with them...

Ok so I just got off call with Evan ahsjdiff

Like first off I fucking messed up with lying lol Evan asks me who do I think was the other vote for Mitch. I told him it was me and he said he thought it was Ali. LOL MESSED UP. So I immediately backtracked and said I misheard him and tell him it was Ali. Lol idk if it was believable but whew I’m a flop.

Here’s the hot tea tho. Evan tells me that he wants me, tom and Jason to come together because he thinks jj, jules, Julia and Ali are forming a foursome. He tells me that Julia told JJ that the Budva idol has been found which I knew. And that JJ is targeting myself and Jason.

Right now, the picture the Budva Baes is trying to paint is working?? Durmitor thinks Julia and Ali are on the outs of what was a majority alliance on Budva. Now here’s the bit tricky part, Evan wants us four to vote for either Julia or Ali because that supposed foursome is splitting the vote on me and Jason That’s a red flag because it would be losing a Budva Bae. Now Evan also added if Julia and Ali are just bulshitting JJ then JJ would be voted out.

I don’t know what to make of this convo. This could be Evan luring me into a trap or what but right now this is interesting.

(again with 7 confessionals in a row and Tom not condensing his thoughts....)

Okay so this music video challenge is generally really exciting however my tribe chose TIK TOK?! has the song, like okay thats just fucking stupid y'all really want a chance to win this damn challenge or not....YOU CANT DANCE TO THIS SONG IDIOTS. This is going to be filled with seizure dancing and sober dancing in a club aka awkward

This is honestly such an effort, i hate being a marathon running player like why cant this be 3.9 days worth of survivor and i can sprint my way to the winners club....jokes im already in there

Okay so I just called JJ because like whatever i need a social game and he is a mess so he will be my meat shield but like his mum starts coming on call and interrupting saying like how she loves my accent, how she wants to hug a koala and like talking about australian slang like please woman step aside! I am talking to your lunatic son i cant deal with two of you. THEN HIS BROTHER OR DAD IDK WHICH ONE DECIDES TO COME ON CALL AND TALK ABOUT DORITOS LIKE PLEASE STOP. It was a 58 minute torture call So Ian just sent in his music video clip and i... just cant... poor ian like he looks like his hands were having a seizure through the whole video and a broom up his ass because he was so stiff please stop.....but i guess good on him for giving it his best shot.

Ugh this is honestly just depressing what are these music videos, not even if we had alex on this tribe we would fucking win...I told them that it wasnt a good song to pick, so far we've seen Ian and now we see Ali who is fliming a music called Tik Tok featuring Ali's Giraffe Neck.... sweetie we dont want to see your fucking roof, youre supposed to be dancing!

I surely cannot be a straight male on this tribe and be the most extra person for this music video challenge

Ian is so controversial he told me we have a straight person connection and straights are a hate crime in this community. love him but OOOOOOOOOF

So im on a new tribe, its kinda a disaster idk what I said here last time but to recap

Ali found the idol, which is cool I trust him the most so I hope its like sharing I wont tell a soul but still a lil bummed since I got sooo many more steps than him haha. being swapped away from him is terrible :((( miss him and I hope hes doing well over there... king

For the last vote it was so awk cuz we didn't want jared to expose our alliance so we had one of us vote mitch (me) thinking noah would also vote him, and then it was 7-2 lmao and I come out of an exam on a new tribe so cant ask ali what happened, I have no clue if mitch knows it was me im just acting clueless. and I feel terrible cuz hes one of my og favs from that tribe

so im swapped with the person I voted, the person we were gonna pin that vote on noah LMAO, and Michael who I barely talk to wish I got ali and ian kings ughh I feel so lonely lol

and on top of that the only person I knew prior to the game willow got out, im devastated ugh we never have gotten to play together properly before so that sucks

BUT.... I have one saving grace.... guacamole jones. I had a small connection w her cuz I hosted her on a fb org but she was the 1st boot lmao so we barely got to talk and im so happy shes on this tribe I love her omg. I also really like caeleb and alex both are cool so far

so honestly? I kinda wanna work w the other tribe more than my original ones LOL. none of them even talk game w me until 1 hour before deadline so ya ill flip idc. but idek if that's possible cuz I think jones and mitch are friends from kochang, and she hosted noah in Algonquin, so maybe that just leaves Michael? I also needa talk to mo more cuz ik they were friends in celestial. yes ive done my stalking of the cast LMAO or atleast tried.

SO YA. Im just gonna approach jones and say I wanna work w her and.. hope it works cuz probably the other old budvas will vote me or smth

Okay so for this vote its pretty 4-4 honestly like old Durmitor vs Budva, and JJ thinks this game is easy enough that he is going to split budva against each other and pit ali/julia vs jason/ian.... saying how he has this master plan and i literally responded with such a sarcastic comment that he took seriously "Why r u so smart".

He proceeds to tell me his whole history online, "I've been doing this for 8 years, 2 years on ROBLOX (FUCKING ROBLOX), 6 years on TENGAGED (FUCKING TENGAGED) and first year as an orger.

WELL SWEETIE YOU HAVE A LOT TO LEARN QUICLKY IF YOU THINK ROBLOX AND TENGAGED ARE GONNA HELP YOU IN THIS HARD ASS GAME PLATFORM

Someone please tell him that, roblox is like preschool, tengaged is like year 3 and tumblr survivor is UNIVERSITY....

So I'm sitting here, Ke$ha's face on my titties. Doing this music video challenge, a bitch like me really worked up a sweat. And I only sweat, on one side of my head.

As far as the game is going, this twist is really activating my inner demon, and I'm causing so much buffoonery. Everyone is talking about rocks, so I'm trying my best to make sure that doesn't happen. I know for a fact that I'm outplaying everyone this round. First, I prevented a gross game of telephone from occurring between Ali & Julia, Julia claimed that Ali might have voted for Mitch, but she very obviously didn't care whether he did or not. I felt like that could have easily been twisted by a diff OG Budva, or a OG Durmitor, into something where Ali would go after Julia, so preventing that has built a semi stable gaming relationship with the two of them. The goal here is to flip them over to our side. Julia has also told me that the Budva idol had already been claimed when she reached the end of the bridge. While Ali spilled to me that there's a large Budva alliance that he wasn't invited into. Using this as leverage, I'm going to attempt to have my old tribe, plus Julia and Ali split our votes 3-3 on Jason and Ian. Jason has also hmu, talking about the vote. We came to the conclusion together that the vote would come down to rocks, in which case. We'd like to be safe, so we agreed to tell our alliances to vote for each other, OG Budva votes JJ, OG Durmitor votes Jason. Which becomes a test, because if Jason tells Ali or Julia to vote for me, I would hope they'd come talk to me about it, if they don't? 4 votes go on Jason. If both of them tell me about it, we proceed with the 3-3-2 split idea, if only one tells me about it, we vote 5-3 on IAN so Jason doesn't have an idol played on him, and if neither of them tell me, we split 4 on me 4 on Jason. To keep me safe. Big risk, big reward baby.

So there is a chat consisting of Jules JJ Evan and Myself "OG Durmitor" and JJ the puppet master decided to organise a team meeting which i couldnt attend too but ok, anyways they went on call and i asked JJ what the plan was he told me;

1.) Bring Ali & Julia together 2.) Bring them to me. 3.) Split the votes 3-3 on Ian & Jason

Like cool but why are we bringing them to you? like sorry im not playing your game here but the real thing is

Evan messaged me being like can you call... we need to discuss what happened on that call because he is sketched out. He said that there was more to it than JJ said in the chat, and thats why he wants to talk to me. He says he has a bad feeling and he will explain it over call.....so i get home eventually and it turns out he is asleep and that he will call me in 7 hours

Oh hi I’m anxious as all fuck. Since it’s 4 vs 4. We may not even be going to tribal. All it takes is one person to flip and I’m planning on staying loyal to my og tribe.

okay so i have a lot to confess about, i'm in my feelings all over the shop and wanna vote everyone out except for Jules, Julia & Thomas.

i'm like really embarassed about this round. like this is so dumb, but i looked so stupid in our video, like i look like an actual robot and i hate myself NNNN. I'm like insecure at the best of times so i'm like... ahhhHhhHHh about the video, i literally can't even watch it, i hate myselfffffff. i look like a gremlin because i tried to like... rough and post party stuff but i just look ugly and disgusting nnn. i'mma stop this here because its gonna be a lot of self negativity but this challenge does not play well with my insecurities NNNNNNNN

in other news. my tribe are all trying to do 4 vs 4 and its driving me crazy. Thomas seems to be the only one on this planet. I really want to get a cross-tribe alliance going of some sort, but Julia is reluctant (because a) its risky, b) she is evidently closer to ian and jason than I am.  Im also facing an unexpected difficulty, which is Jules. I wanna work with them SO BAD, but like... the tribe dynamics are like... weirdly getting in the way? Like Thomas/Evan and Jules/JJ are becoming the two pairs which is SO wild to me, and I want JJ out of here, while Jules is seemingly quite expendable to Thomas?

My dream alliance would be Thomas, Jules, Julia & I, but I don't know if I can make that work, Thomas and Evan are too close grrrr. In other news, I'm like... really trying with JJ, because he means well, but... I'm finna snap KASJDFLASFLJKSA.

like... i have never met anyone who plays the game like he does. and like... i know i'm a crap player, probs the worst on our tribe but the level to which he underestimates is like...oof. Like he thinks he has done this mastermind manipulation to get me onside, when it was the most transparent thing I've like... literally ever seen. I'd like... lowkey love to write his name asap.

for tonight's vote... there are a couple of potential plans:

- Split Votes: Either 3-3 or 4-2, but splitting the votes between Jason/Ian, with maybe Jules, JJ or Evan getting their votes. The plus to this is it potentially removes Ian who I want out of here so badly because he is playing too well. The minus is it makes me and Julia super reliant on Thomas/Evan, or even JJ/Jules, whoever tries to pick us up. I think if I could convince Julia... I'd probs be down, worst comes to it, I just play my idol the following round

- Fake Vote Split: We tell them me and Julia will split votes with them, but then vote with Jason and Ian making our 4 versus their divided votes. Problems with this is it alienates Thomas/JJ/Evan/Jules (whichever three stay), but it puts us in the majority and in a comfortable spot. I don't know if I'm down for this plan really?

- 4-4 vote, either Thomas or Julia & I flip on the revote. This... could be an idea. I feel like its the kind of vanilla option, and I don't care who I flip on.

My ideal bootlist for the tribe would be: JJ > Ian > Jason > Evan if we do have to go to four tribals. I really like Thomas for having his head screwed on, Julia for being iconic and Jules for being a legend.

Summary: I'm tired, this challenge made me feel ugly, gross and like a freak, if JJ threatens my game again I will snap, people need to risk more, this vote is going to be a mess.

I don't like how ~quiet~ it can be before tribal. I'm already a scaredy cat person don't push my ANXIETY buttons.

First, here's how I am hoping tonight might go down (if we go to tribal ofc). I am hoping that the Durmitor OGs all vote Noah; I think Michael is voting Noah if Alex is being trustworthy; I kinda spilled it to Mitch because I thought Jones was talking to him so he might vote Noah. That leaves pretty much everyone voting Noah except Benj, and he's in my pocket so I don't think theres any conspiracy from him trying to do something crazy. He told me that I might be his saving grace and he said he wants to vote either micheal or Noah and I said that sounds good. I don't want to make it tooooo obvious that he's in my corner so I didn't tell him that Noah is the vote. That leaves: 6-7 votes Noah, 0-1 votes Micheal, and then whoever Noah wants out which might honestly be me because I haven't talked to him much.

Second, here's what I am afraid of. Everything that I just mentioned above is what Noah wants to do but to me, using my own tribe. If he can get Michael and Mitch to vote me and then also Mo and Jones to vote me (which could happen because sadly they got to see that they were at the bottom of that immunity list) then thats already 5. Alex might be told just so he's in the loop and Benj, who I think I can trust, might not even be included because he's already said he's on the outs and therefore I never catch wind. OR AM I BEING PARANOID?

HEHEHEHEHEOGHSOND all in all both make sense to me so my best hope is for immunity.

okay im on call with Jules, JJ and Julia. TOO MANY J NAMES, the crackheadery of Js is still around...

I... want to vote JJ out, but I want Jules on side. I just wanna vote out Ian and JJ, and I truly do not care about the order. Maybe if we vote Ian with them tonight, and then... ugh.

I just want to vote out Ian, JJ and Evan. All three can go. I want an alliance of Thomas, Jules, Julia and I. THAT'S ALL I WANT BUT JULES TRUSTS EVAN AND JULIA DOESN'T TRUST THOMAS.

ugh... we NEED to win challenges, like 100% I wanna avoid tribal as much as humanly possible. I just wanna merge with Tom, Julia and Jules. other four can go byebye.

i need to like... de-fibrillate thomas, he needs to like connect! to! Julia!

he is such a king but i'm worried he is gonna end up being the vote in upcoming rounds, like MESSSSSSS. in other news, me and julia are gonna call about the vote and figure it out because we are in a really tough spot AHH.

i just... wanna... vote JJ... out HNNNGH. like its enuf. can the universe just intervene and let me leave this swap tribe with jules, tom and julia on side? that's ALL I WANNTTTTTT

Omg so my tribe finally made an alliance chat

a little too late I already made deals with jones and caeleb so

I mean they are all nice but I don't talk to them much except mitch and hes not the vote so

time to flip? I think so JKDJF

I loves jones and caeleb already after 2 days so idk it feels right but maybe dumb but idc ive never been much of a betrayer in orgs before so this is a fun change hehehe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4iBErzviNU <-Video Would not Embed

Apparently Noah threw my name out which is making me anxious of course. I’m not ready to be voted out yet, I still have stuff to prove to myself. So all I can do is hope that either we won the challenge or people keep their word.

VL: I like how one person throws out my name and I’m already packing my bags and screaming. If this is my last day I had a lot of fun and I wish I got to play more.

This may or may not be my last confessionals because I’m in danger lol

So I went on call with Tom, he told me that Evan is wavering on the idea he told me and I’m not shock tbh. He also told me that I’m going to be the one getting the og Durmitor votes. FUN. He did told me that he was going to flip on the revote. However he was still on the assumption that we were voting for Jules, so after discussing it with budva baes, I told him we were voting for JJ. He was shocked but he still said he was still going through with the flip. I’m really putting my trust on Tom here and I’m scared tbh. From what I heard while he played Socotra and MB he was sneaky but I really hope he fucking flips. I HOPE NO ONE FUCKING FLIPS ON ME. Except they’re maybe coaxing me to believing I’m getting votes to misplay my supposed idol which i don’t have and they throw their votes at Jason.

Ugh lol I did not imagine getting votes this early but it is what is and It has been a crazy ride tbh. Tom you better flip or I’m going to scream. No one better flip on og budva or I’m going to cry :((

Here’s some extra tea, Ali told us that Jules is really sketched out of JJ so there’s also that potential flipper??? Honestly I just want this round to be over! Ugh please let this vote work in our favor

VL I like how one person throws out my name and I’m already packing my bags and screaming. If this is my last day I had a lot of fun and I wish I got to play more.

okay lay dees... i think i did something!

JJ is (99%) outta here!! Jules owns this ENTIRE ass, like... Jules. is. a. LEGEND.

What's tough is like... I really don't know if this is even in Jules' interest? Like I love her, and am going to FIGHT to protect her, but JJ LOVES her and is on her side? Like I don't know if this is smart for her.

I feel like... I finally did stuff, I helped convince Jules to flip (and Tom if we had to revote) and got our vote off Jules despite Julia wanting to not vote JJ. Like... me and Julia were in a swing spot, and we carved our own option.

I really. really. really. want an alliance of me, Julia, Tom & Jules. That would make all my dreams come true. I want that + Benj to be the final five to be honest. I haven't confessed about Benj in ages but I MISS HIM, I hope is surviving with all the crackheads from the Budva tribe.

I have a cracked hope. I kind of hope JJ pulls out an idol, and idols out Ian? Like then he is the obvious vote the next time, and me/Jules/Tom/Julia can keep it pushing.

im just... omg that this is happening. JJ, if you are reading this post season, my confessionals about you haven't been like... the nicest and I am genuinely super sorry. Its undeniable you have good intentions and mean well, but as people... idk if we vibe as much as you think we do, and like you somewhat overplayed your hand, which is why you are going home.

i mean its possible that you are just playing us all, and I'm outta here, which good for you woo! i'm not a threat at all woo, but congrats on the blindside. also idk if i ever confessed about this, but i asked Tom if he is related to Caeleb and they aren't (even tho they still look related).

also i'm telling tom jules is flipping on 5 mins, i don't want him left out since he is an AUSTRALIAN KING AND I WANNA STICK WITH HIM EVEN THO I'M HNNGH.

next round... i might have to persuade julia to flip on ian and jason... EEEK! stay tuned...

Budva tried to pull some cracked ass shit while I was getting my bread

More to come

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_nIjIQaTFE <- Video did not Embed

[votingdog]

i wanted to do a thing

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? i would, yeah 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? i have, like three of them lmao? 3. Have you taken someones virginity? i have not 4. Is trust a big issue for you? definitely  5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? i did!! it was really nice aaa 6. What are you excited for? hanging out with my friends? always? im lonely 7. What happened tonight? nothing really? ive been on tumblr mostly 8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? nah bitch me too just pls be careful 9. Is confidence cute? so cute!! but so is being shy?? everything is cute everyone is cute love me 10. What is the last beverage you had? tea 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? three, id say 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? all my jeans are skinny jeans 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? saturdays are for the boys 14. What are you going to spend money on next? probably a charger tbh 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? am not. relationships are scary and i need to figure shit out before i can be in another one 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? it wouldnt surprise me  17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? noah and xavier 18. The last time you felt broken? eeeeeeeeeeeee  19. Have you had sex today? nope 20. Are you starting to realize anything? im cute and worthy of love okay 21. Are you in a good mood? yeah i mean? yeah. weirdly. 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? maybe 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? what dad lmao 24. What do you want right this second? cuddles 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? “were they cute? tell me about itt” im very poly y’all 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? yee 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? probably not, then again it isnt hard to make me laugh 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? honestly probably noah being a goof 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? y e s 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? not everyone, but most people do 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? absolutely not!! i love him sm  32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? i express it like,,,,,all the time so i really hope so? 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? i only drink the clear ones? like sprite and ginger ale are my shit. everything is is,,,not 34. Listening to? jezebel by iron & wine 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? not usually. i mostly use pen bc i clearly never make mistakes 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? i mean, im 99% sure he’s at his house but idk he could be in a graveyard for all i know 37. Do you believe in love at first sight? nah. curiosity and crushing(ish) at first sight, yes, but love takes a bit 38. Who did you last call? xavier. i usually do to sleep 39. Who was the last person you danced with? my ex. we didnt get to go to prom together and he was sad he didnt get to dance with me, so we danced in my bedroom  40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? because he’s a huge cutie!!! 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? i dont remember?? pls give me a cupcake?? 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? noo. i dont see my mom much rip 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? always??? i embarrass myself in front of everyone?? 44. Do you tan in the nude? i dont tan? not purposely at least. i just go outside sometimes and i guess i tan easily bc my tan line is r e a l 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? of course nott i wanna kiss him like all the time 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? maybe? i dont remember. i usually do tho 47. Who was the last person to call you? xavier 48. Do you sing in the shower? if no one’s around 49. Do you dance in the car? ive done the macarena in the car 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? yee 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? school pictures? other than that when i was like real little bc my family was that suburban white family who got them every year (at walmart) 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? duh but i love them so much 53. Is Christmas stressful? y e s 54. Ever eat a pierogi? pardon? 55. Favorite type of fruit pie? i? uh? apple? 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? oh jeez that’s a heavy question. sky diver, wizard, vet, and a teacher 57. Do you believe in ghosts? yes theyre real and one sucked my dick behind an arby’s 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? a lot actually 59. Take a vitamin daily? my unhealthy ass? i laugh 60. Wear slippers? no, usually jsut socks 61. Wear a bath robe? no, im usually just in a towel after the shower for like 20 minutes while i dissociate 62. What do you wear to bed? t-shirt and underwear unless im alone and then just underwear 63. First concert? black veil brides, falling in reverse, and set it off 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? targett 65. Nike or Adidas? shrugs. i wear off brand vans every day 66. Cheetos Or Fritos? cheetos! 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? peanuts 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? mary’s song, dear john, and december. i unironically love her old stuff 69. Ever take dance lessons? i did ballet and tap c: 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? shrugs. whatever they wanna do i support 71. Can you curl your tongue? yee 72. Ever won a spelling bee? i got fifth place one year and third another 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? last night 74. What is your favorite book? the trylle series 75. Do you study better with or without music? with 76. Regularly burn incense? ive never done it on my own accord actually 77. Ever been in love? oh have i 78. Who would you like to see in concert? um? iron & wine? idk im listening to him now and i lov 79. What was the last concert you saw? ,,,,,,,,,,refer to number 63 80. Hot tea or cold tea? cold! 81. Tea or coffee? teaa 82. Favorite type of cookie? peanut butter ^^ 83. Can you swim well? i mean, i guess? i dont much idk 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? yee 85. Are you patient? mostly, unless im like breaking down and/or splitting. then i freak 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? shrugs 87. Ever won a contest? i dont believe? i got second in one once for a collage i made of photographs when i was in kindergarten  88. Ever have plastic surgery? nah 89. Which are better black or green olives? green!! 90. Opinions on sex before marriage? i personally dont care. it’s important to some people and not to others. just respect each other yo 91. Best room for a fireplace? anywhere im around. i lov 92. Do you want to get married? aaaaaaa gotta find someone who would actually marry me first bitch wtf 

[thegracegatsby]

this post is all over the place but here’s a super long update if you care lmao 

So it’s officially been one month since i’ve been on this marketing internship in Prague which is basically working a full time marketing job without the pay (duh, Grace) lol I really thought I was going to be filing papers and going on coffee runs, but nope this is the real deal. I didn’t even get a day to fix my jetlag nor was I eased into the job. The day after I arrived I had 15 minutes to learn about all the projects everyone was working on, got acquainted with the office and the other interns, then started on all my tasks. To give you an idea of what I’ve been up to, my first week here I had to think of several marketing ideas for a local company and had to present them to the owner. The Stress and nerves had me on bed rest that weekend ngl lol. The owner loved the presentation, but I couldn’t help but be so hard on myself. I felt so underprepared I didn’t expect to be thrown into the field at full speed. I literally felt like the Mr. Krabs meme. I was shookington. I thought college and a regular part time job was hectic, but wow I was not prepared for job that required 110% of my time and mind. What I mean by that is I was/am technically working on four different projects and each of them need to be unique aka I can’t repeat ideas. I learned to trust myself and just trust that if I did my best…. it would just had to be enough. I can only learn from my mistakes and find a way to improve myself every day. Those “do one thing to be better than yesterday” quotes were always cute, but they have been extremely relevant this summer. That’s been such an important lesson and habit. Some other things I was up to is sometimes the company gets invited to special private events so so far I’ve attended two events. The first one being some networking event with a panel so different CEO’s discussed the future of tech & marketing and answered questions, then another event where the communications director of Manolo (shoe goals) spoke on the brand. Even got to meet her she was so sweet! Last week I got sent on my first official business trip to Poland to meet with different Korean companies at an expo! I had to basically see and negotiate potential products to market in the US and Latin America. Crazy. I loved every second of it. I’ve been meaning to write for a few weeks now so my thoughts are probably a little all over the place, but now is when I feel like I finally have the time and energy to sit down and catch up on a blog even if no one reads this lmaoo. It’s wild how a month and a half ago I left my job at the bank with a heavy heart and had my summer classes get cancelled/wasn’t able to register for any new one’s since they were all full. I was so close to doing nothing all summer except go job hunting again so this trip was such a blessing. It’s super challenging I’m not gonna lie. I feel like I’ve grown so much from being here. I’ve had to get out of my comfort zone in every single sense of the word. I’ve had to depend on myself mentally and emotionally in different ways than I’ve had to back home. I know this sounds super dramatic lol, but honestly this is the first time I’ve been away from my home, family, friends, city, for more than two weeks. Taking such a huge step without my family around has been difficult. It’s how I imagine it would have been like if I moved away for college. I’m going through “real life with training wheels” because I’m staying with family here so I’m not 100% on my own, but that’s the farthest thing from perfect. Like.. my extended family is going through some hell shit and I feel like I’m in the middle of it so I can’t escape it. I guess that’s where my desperate homesickness comes from. I was SO ready to go home I even asked if I could book a flight after TWO weeks of being here. That’s how desperate I was to go back home. I never talk about my personal life, but I will say that my actual home life, thankfully, is healthy. No relationship/family is perfect don’t get it twisted, but my parents learned from the mistakes of their families/friends and tried very hard to raise my sibling and I in a peaceful home. Don’t take this as the “I’m the best because my parents don’t hate each other can’t relate sweetie (: just be happy and drink tea” way because that’s not what I’m saying at all lol. Sadly, toxic families are everywhere, but reading/hearing about a household that is going through a nasty divorce with unhealthy drama happening every single day is completely different than actually experiencing/witnessing it with my own two naked eye balls. Especially from my own relative. I know this makes me sound immature or naive or whatever, but I mean… I’ve never lived anywhere else so I never knew anything other than my own family dynamic ya know? My empathy for children and teenagers who have to go through what I’ve been seeing on a daily basis has grown so much. Again, this isn’t a show off way of me saying “my life is semi-perfect” (no one’s is) I’m literally saying the change has helped me understand and appreciate the importance of a healthy home so much which… isn’t a bad thing. I’d rather learn this now seeing it from afar than with regret later on in my life. I’m genuinely so heartbroken and empathetic for every single person going through this much toxicity especially my own cousin who will have to grow up with the issues her parents are making alone. The biggest takeaway is I know what the fuck NOT to tolerate in relationships. If I thought my tolerance was low, now it’s even lower I’m not putting up with any bullshit ever wow. Now none of this would matter if I only got to work then go home and mind my business, but nah it’s not like that. An argument happened? Guess who gets some insults and bad attitude. Me. Since why did my extended family think it’s okay to disrespect and insult me for everything??? Don’t even get me started on the side comments about my weight :)) All I do is try to stay hydrated and mind my business! lmaofdnsfds. I guess that’s where the mental and emotional challenge comes from. I’ve never been a super emotional person literally the last time I cried from emotion was the day of the musical in high school because I messed up on stage and was super embarrassed. That was literally 4 years ago in April. I’ve had like two mental breakdowns already not including the countless times I’ve had to calm myself down, do some breathing exercises, and mentally try to disconnect from the fuckery. The hardest times being when I’m in public. I NEVER talk back tho which is weird because I hardly ever bite my tongue I’m quick to defend myself, but deep down I know the aggression stems from all these problems.. plus I try to tell myself it’s not that deep and I’m leaving in less than a month. I know I won’t have to deal with this ever ever again. Also honestly staying quiet gets everyone on my side because people see the way I’m spoken to and are like “wtf ignore it you’re doing great”. Lol I wish I could go into more detail because there is SO much tea I can spill, but for privacy (and maybe legal idk?) reasons I’m going to stay quiet. Another intern who started seeing the verbal abuse asked me about everything so I confided in her about all the drama and she’s like “wooow everything makes sense things were worse when before you got here” kjndvdf we were super tight it was so great :’) but she left and everything changed when the fire nation attacked. Honestly, everyone I work/have worked with have been so great. I only got close with like two or three tho but still everyone is so nice lol. So yeah even though the work experience here is amazing and something I will value for the rest of my life, the home life aspect is fucked up. I’m even trying to convince my parents to sell this plot to Lifetime lmao it’s THAT dramatic. *sigh* Some other news is I was supposed to be in Spain right now. I literally Uber’ed myself and my grandmother all the way to the airport yesterday morning, show up to the check-in counter with a smile and bags in hand just so they could tell me “Sorry, you don’t show up on our system” to my face. I’ve never had an issue with my flight so the room was spinning a lil and was low key panicking because 1. English isn’t anyone’s first language here 2. I was abroad and had no idea what to do because I didn’t even make the reservation so I had to call two different airlines and try to resolve the MESS, but nothing was resolved they fucked up my booking from the beginning so only my return flight was paid for not the departure :) so after easily deciding I was NOT going to pay $580 for a one-way outbound ticket, I had to quickly figure out my next move. (PRO TIP: ALWAYS BOOK DIRECTLY WITH COMPANIES THEY’LL WORK WITH YOU AND REFUND YOU IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG. EVEN IF YOU SEE A CHEAPER PRICE ON ONE OF THOSE TRAVEL SITES SOMEONE TOLD ME THEY’LL PRICE MATCH YOU AND EVEN GIVE YOU DIFFERENT FLIGHT ACCOMMODATIONS LIKE CHANGING LAYOVER FLIGHTS IT’S MAGICAL). Everyone I’m living with went to Spain the day before, so after bending over backwards to try and get the house key from my grandmother who already passed through security (she couldn’t wait for me bc the guy at security had 5 min to wheelchair her to her gate), I found a way to contact her (a blessing bc if not I would have had to stay at a hotel or something) and had her hand me the keys back to our place. I didn’t have the patience to take a bus back to the city so I paid the extra fare to Uber back home. The weird part is I’m not even mad. After calling the airlines, contacting my parents, contacting my family already in Spain that I wouldn’t be going, I was just… chilling. Got some groceries and I’ve been living la vida loca just eating and watching netflix lol. Sure, I wanted to go see a new country and even try to see the town my great grandparents were from, but if there’s anything I learned this year is… everything happens for a reason. I think it would have been an amazing trip, but there’s a reason I didn’t get to travel this weekend. Theres a reason I had to leave my job at the bank. Theres a reason I’m here in Prague in the first place. There’s a reason I’m witnessing this entire Mess. I guess there’s some growth in that too you know what I mean? Younger me would have probably combusted in hatred and be extremely negative and complain that “my life sucks” when in reality it’s fine it’s just in general, shitty things happen…. but life won’t stop for anybody not even me. On the bright side, some good lessons came out of this experience. Forget 2016, this was the real year of realizing things™. I’m going back to Miami with a completely different drive and mindset. For example, I knew school is important and I get good grades, but my attitude towards my education is COMPLETELY different now. Being “good” just isn’t good enough for me anymore. With my grades now I could get into a “good” grad school, but now I don’t even want “good” I want something better. I want great I want the best I want to work my ass off to get into an AMAZING school. I still don’t know everything or even want I want 100%, but this trip has helped me change how I plan to approach/execute my future goals. That “oh I guess I’ll work someday idk that’s a long time from now so I don’t care I’ll worry about it another day” won’t cut it anymore. Now that I’m thinking about it, a lot of things need changing when I get back. Which speaking of getting back, I’m counting down the days I’m so excited I leave at the end of the month ayee!! Lol okay I feel like I’m just rambling at this point. There were a few more things I wanted to say buut………… I forgot it so I’ll just end it here and make a new post if I remember lol. Even if no one reads this, future me will and she’ll remember how the Ctrl album from SZA was playing in the background while writing this and probably cringe at how bittersweet this whole experience/year has been.

TLDR I learned a lot on this internship (good and bad) and I’m basically going back home a new person :-)

[s3venpounds]

1-64. 65 What is the worst thing you have ever done to a friend?

65 questionsssssssssss yeeeeeeeeee boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii letsss fucking goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo thanks for the ask btw! also sorry for late reply

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

honestly sometimes, the whole “ life is a simulation” got me kinda scared ya never know

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. because im not afraid of the dark im afraid of what can be in it that im not aware of

3. The person you would never want to meet?

idk. cuz if i say someone i hate then i can’t physically meet them to punch them

4. What is your favorite word?

love

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

idk whichever lives for millions of years i wanna be like those giant ass trees that you see in animes that are like whole cities wide

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

should i finally cut my hair? or do i perservere

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my ed sheeran concert shirt

8. What do you label yourself as?

someone with the capacity of good but chooses to be an asshole

9. Bright room or dark room?

bright room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

seeing if my new friends were playing games so i can join

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

21

12. Who told you they loved you last?

off the top of my head? my mom pretty sure. 

13. Your worst enemy?

myself, my fears, hesitation and past mistakes?

14. What is your current desktop picture?

its a picture of hinata shoyo from Haikyuu!! doing a spike with wings on his back!

15. Do you like someone?

yes.

16. The last song you listened to?

Jacob Lee Slip

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

trump

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

trump. and i want like brass knuckles when i punch. 

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

probably a volleyball coach/ trainer or a professional volleyball player to just drill basics into me and make me a better player. (that or just gal gadot to like help me clean up my life and give me life advice)

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

i guess my energy? its a fucking mess though cuz sometimes i get tired after like 4 minutes of activity but then sometimes i get like a second wind and i just go for hours 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

i mean there was that snapchat trend of every guy making a female version of themselves so i guess theres that. i would definitely try anything i could. periods, cramps, catcalls, masturbating anything i could so i truly understand what women have to go through every day of their lives

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

im a very open person so most of my obscure talents are known but i am kinda proud of how i can name pokemon by just hearing their cries limited to like the first 3 generations tho lmao

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

what happens after we die

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

i wanna make the most bougie sandwich in the world. I want abelone, puffin, black truffle, caviar, just all that super high end shit

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

save it. im going on a trip somewhere out of the city and i could use the extra pocket money

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

venice italy. no question.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

oh shit booze! i love me some booze! i guess it would have to be like smirnoff kissed caramel vodka, or this one whiskey i saw a video of irish people drinking american whiskeys

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? 

dont be a fucking dickhead idk. i can’t make concrete rules cuz theres loopholes

29. What is your favorite expletive?

definitely fuck just because i say it more than actual normal words

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

haha “loved ones” lmao. oh uhhh my letters from D.O when we were kids. that or my journal

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

my dads abuse. oh wait no then thats free forgiveness for him lmao no uhhh one of my past relationships. it was a mess and i still struggle a little with it

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

Venice italy. that or greece or rome idk. i really like their aesthetic with small white houses, small walkways and all that

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

Steve irwin or Robin williams. or just to make a couple people near me happy, Kyle Fundytus

34. What was your last dream about?

uhhh I kissed the person I’m currently interested in. not just a normal dream too I felt everything. it was crazy. Felt, their hands, warmth, lips, body against mine and even their skin it was just magical.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

boyfriend? honestly? idk. i’d like to think that i am but from what I know apparently im not

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

yes and no? i guess? i had one of those shots you give to enfants when their family is moving to a new country and i still have the scar so possibly? i mean technically any baby born in a hospital has been admitted to one lmao

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

YES AND SOME OLDER KIDS BROKE IT DOWN AND USED IT AS A BENCH . I fought them and got sent tot he principals office

38. What is the color of your socks?

im not wearing any.... but i do have a favourite pair of green ones that have a print of pringles sour cream n onion on it!

39. What type of music do you like?

Jazz, big band, kpop, RNB, rap, rock, swing music, electro...? sort of?

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

i can’t choose, I love both and have fond memories of both

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Vanilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa maybe some caramel in it

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

uhh i dont know much about football but i can say i would support my local team edmonton eskimos

43. Do you have any scars?

a ton! i love em! its like the sentimental stuff i keep in my closet but on my body and i always trace my finger over them whenever im just in the mood to reminisce

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

im not currently taking the courses i need to get my dream job but i’d love to be a power ranger either the stunt double or the cheesy actor. that or a school councilor

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

how dependant i am on others. i hate it. if i was alone i dont think i’d survive. i need other people

46. Are you reliable?

I like to think that i am though again, you’d have to ask my friends

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Did you find her?

48. Do you hold grudges?

hell.yes. if you couldnt tell i reallllllllllly hate my dad. like really.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

whatever animals it takes to make dragons a thing again

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

I would have to say when this random stranger came up to me to complain about the transit system because the one in vancouver was so much better apparently. dude went on a 20 minute rant and i just drowned him out with music and pretended to “pause” my music while nodding like i understood

51. Are you a good liar?

not sure. I think i am considering my parents dont know half the shit i did AHEHEHEHE

52. How long could you go without talking?

couple days. long as i got my music.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

god there was this one christmas where my parents gave me like a stereotypical suburban kid hair cut where the whole head is like flattened with hair gel the at the forehead its just a tall wall of spiked hair. BUT HERES THE KICKER. they dyed half the wall red and half green for christmas. god it was awful

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

does cheesecake cupcakes count?

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

ive been told i can do a good russian one, chinese too

56. What do you like on your toast?

nutella omg. fresh toast with gooey nutella? god its so good

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

uhmmm some secret stuff for a friends personal project

58. What would be you dream car?

Dodge Viper

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I love singing in the shower when no ones home. I can only sing when no ones home cuz the walls in this house are thin AS FUCK. 

60. Do you believe in aliens?

i believe we’re not the only ones out here but due to how we’re literally killing our own kind and planet for no good reason they choose to ignore us

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yep! all the time! whenever i get my hands on the local paper i read my horoscope while i wait on the train or if theres a horoscope thing on tumblr!

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

X idk x is just cool

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons are you kidding me? dragons are dinosaurs that can fly. AND BREATHE FIRE

64. What do you think about babies?

I dont think im a good father figure but spending time with kids is a pretty okay time for me long as its not long term lmao 

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

What is the worst thing you have ever done to a friend?

I punched them full force in the stomach for calling me emo. it was a bad day but lo and behold that person became my best friend loooooooooooool

[paulmccartneyofficial]

for the ask thing: 1-150 🙂

ok charlie let’s fuckin go

here they ALL are

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

something tells me its steve rogers boy………

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

outgoing lmao

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

christine this summer :-)

4. Are you easy to get along with?

for the most part, but sometimes I Get In A Mood™

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

uhhhh i dont really like anyone right now?? um. the last person i liked, possibly, since that’s what i did for him. but uh. the only person i fancy rn is like paul or rumours lindsey and like paul would definitely take care of me but if im drunk and with rumours lindsey then that means lindsey is also drunk and there’s no hope left for either of us

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

k personality wise, christine says im attracted to “bad boys” which like is probably true??? idk. often artsy and aesthetically pleasing peeps ?? i dont knwo

LOOKS wise, my sister in law has pointed out that every guy i have liked has a square-ish face and has dark features and often times blue eyes, but not always. see: lindsey and sebastian stan. so i guess i have a type ????? lol

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

probably not lmao i dont have time 4 that

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

uh…………..sorry but its lindsey buckingham :/

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

not really no lol just uh. nonconsensual sex makes me uncomfortable lmao

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

@stevieselectricskillet

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“me: pretends i’m not paul mccartney trash anymore”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

oohh. uh. stockholm syndrome by one direction, stephanie by buckingham nicks, go insane (live in 1997) by lindsey buckingham, hold me by fleetwood mac, bright by zayn

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

i fucking love it

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yes yes yes

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i literally went the entire summer without smoking weed once after smoking like every day of senior year lmao

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

no

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

of course?? im not an idiot

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

we actually reconnected over the summer after like 14 years of no communication but we’re both very different now so we don’t really talk anymore

19. Do you like bubble baths?

i live for them

20. Do you like your neighbors?

yes! i love them all. they make coming home from school wonderful

and as for at school, i only hang out with my neighbors p much

21. What are you bad habits?

i pull out my hair unfortunately. sometimes i’ll pick at my nails if they’ve chip on their own.

22. Where would you like to travel?

england, italy, montreal, los angeles, ireland, lebanon, scotland, ancient greece, turks and caicos, the bahamas, hawaii (solely for the set of lost and jurassic park), and wherever hobbiton is

23. Do you have trust issues?

half of my anxiety is a result from trust issues so ya lmao

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

my hour long shower that i take because i’m living at school and i am allowed to use as much hot water as i want

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

double chin! :)

26. What do you do when you wake up?

check my phone/send snap streaks out/put on whatever song is stuck in my head when i wake up

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

i really don’t care about my skin color why is this a question

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

a few people. mary, lexi, and amanda, mostly.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

unfortunately……..

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yes

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

its currently in one

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

uhhh…….. i’m not the threesome type .… . if i had to choose two celebs for that particular situation tho, then harry s. and zayn, hands down.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

ww2gffg (egg) / kaeskiu (kaeli)

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

i used to play baseball, but i don’t anymore. however, i, too, boogieboard, like lindsey buckingham does. disclaimer: i have been doing this sport since i was a small kid, thus, i have been doing it longer than i have known about lindsey buckingham. i truly wish we did not have this in common

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

tv hands down im not dumb

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

of course?? isn’t that part of life

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

i don’t say anything. i just embody an ellipses by crafting a particular look on my face with raised eyebrows and unamused eyes. if nothing comes of it, then i usually let out a sigh and look off to the side like a dramatic bitch. i am a kim k gif

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

the main male character of my book is sort of my dream guy so there’s that.

he’s got a knack for aestheticism through artistic values, ambition and true passion in the work he does. he’s very sarcastic and funny, yet somehow still sweet with it. wouldn’t hurt a fly. hates trump’s guts and understands that feminism isn’t about him. has his privilege in check. he and i understand each other in a bond that no one else has with us. it is good. it is sweet. i am in a constant state of awe and shock of how in love with him i am. im even continuously falling for him more and more every day.

it is good and we are happy and we know each other better than anyone else.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

lush

40. What do you want to do after high school?

i am out of high school and chillin in college my friends. im gonna do some art

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

always. if they can recognize their flaws and truly try to work at them, then yes. they deserve a second chance.

there is always more light for us to see.

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?

im either extremely depressed or just salty

43. Do you smile at strangers?

yes, all the time. i believe that a simple smile from anyone can sometimes be enough to change someone’s day.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

space.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

either the state of my hair, my bladder, or my stomach.

46. What are you paranoid about?

being secretly hated.

47. Have you ever been high?

yes, too many times

48. Have you ever been drunk?

ya about 9 hours ago to be exact

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

honestly i fuck up so often that ya, i probably have

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

black??? i think? wow. i am now realizing that i’ve actually #MovedOn from the hoodie life. tragic

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

i am in a constant state of wishing i were stevie nicks

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

i really wish i had bigger hands so i could play a normal sized guitar

53. Favourite makeup brand?

um im cheap i thought sephora was a brand for like 2 years so that one time i think cover girl had a star wars line?? that was cool i own a few of those lipsticks

54. Favourite store?

its still lush

55. Favourite blog?

@lindseybuckingham

56. Favourite colour?

yellow

57. Favourite food?

ravioli

58. Last thing you ate?

a granola bar i think

59. First thing you ate this morning?

i pulled an all nighter its now 6:30 in the morning and i have yet to eat

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

i’ve gotten gold at a few jazz band and chorus competitions and then one time my DI team won our districts competition but only by default

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

hahahaha i was suspended senior year for leaving school early with two of my gal pals to get breakfast at our favorite breakfast joint. we were supposed to have at-home suspension, but our drama club show was that weekend, which meant we’d be kicked out of the show last minute. i look about 12 years old and i have doe eyes with long eye lashes. i cried my way out of that shit and saved both of my two gal pals in doing so, too.

we ended up all having in-school suspension with each other. so essentially, they locked me and my two friends in a room for an entire school day. we could do whatever we wanted.

we actually ended up acting out the entirety of the play, antigone, for our teacher that stayed with us. and then we wrote a song about a turkey named dave.

it was actually one of the best days of my high school career.

62. Been arrested? For what?

no but i cried one time when a police officer pulled me over for having a tail light out.

63. Ever been in love?

unfortunately, yes.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

i was a freshman. his name was alex and he was older than me and he really liked me and he was pretty cool and easy to talk to and stuff but also. he was greasy and did nothing with his life at the time. haha. and then one day, he and his friend, who also liked me, both separately asked me what class i had last. it was history. alex showed up at the door first, and he took my hand. the other boy showed up and was like “oh”. then i kinda just shrugged to his friend and we left him there. i felt like i was on the bachelorette.

then he walked me to my bus and just kissed me. and like we never officially said it but i guess we were dating from that point on?

it was quite exciting at the time.

65. Are you hungry right now?

no i took a medication that sort of ceases hunger.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

woah. uh. well some of my real friends are also on tumblr which is cool.

its kind of a weird question. i love them all equally? just in different ways. my real life friends are all people that i hang around constantly. i have deep conversations with them. i do crazy things with them. i love them.

my tumblr friends, however, are all a gift. there’s more of a set bond with them; we’re all friends not because we see each other all the time, but because we all have common interests and similar personalities.

tumblr friends are actually pretty cool. if you can maintain a friendship like that through long distance, then it’s gotta mean something pretty big, right?

i text and communicate with my tumblr friends a lot more than my real life friends, actually. if i’m on my phone when hanging out with my friends, i can guarantee you i’m texting my tumblr friends.

it’s pretty sweet.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter because no one in my family has one except my brother who i tell everything to

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr, obviously.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

no, i’m making this long ass post.

70. Names of your bestfriends?

irl: mary, lexi, amanda, my sister christine, my brother steven, my sister-to-be jenna, chris, cammi, jack.

tumblr: kate, emilie, ryan, charlie, lola, brooke, james, sophie, ken, erin, pickles, luki, kimber.

71. Craving something? What?

wine

72. What colour are your towels?

grey. all of them. at home, they’re tan.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

three normal pillows, one pillow pet, and one angry emoji pillow that i made and now hug because i’m a lonely fuck

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

i have one chewie plush thing and an old bruins bear that i often kick off my bed back at home.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

those are the only 2 i think

although i currently have the marsh hall monkey from community council that was given to me for one week and i’ve had it for like 3 months because i haven’t bothered to pass it on to someone

75. Favourite animal?

i am a kitty lover

76. What colour is your underwear?

yellow :~)

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

java crunch (its coffee ice cream with chocolate covered coffee beans)

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

its a black jonas brothers shirt that i got when i was 10. i am often found wearing this shirt

80. What colour pants?

grey sweatpants

81. Favourite tv show?

friends

82. Favourite movie?

i will always be star wars trash

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls ??? if u favor mean girls 2, then ur a sinner

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls, obviously. im not a heathen

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

regina’s mom

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

crush

87. First person you talked to today?

amanda, probably

88. Last person you talked to today?

u, charlie

89. Name a person you hate?

eric clapton or liam. i can’t decide

90. Name a person you love?

my birth mother because she is one of the strongest people i know. honest to god, there is not a single person on this planet that i am more proud of than her.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

myself

92. In a fight with someone?

the boy i Once Loved™

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

way too many, my friend

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

also way too many. like, at least 5

95. Last movie you watched?

…….new moon…….

96. Favourite actress?

carrie fisher

97. Favourite actor?

robert downey jr.

98. Do you tan a lot?

like go to a tanning salon? no. i’m broke. and i wouldn’t waste my money on that anyway.

in a general sense? yes. i tan very easily. my genes are very kind to me in that i don’t burn when i go out in the sun. except for my nose. :/

99. Have any pets?

i have a little calico kitty named beanie and she is my light.

100. How are you feeling?

well, given that i haven’t slept in 19 hours, i’d say pretty good.

101. Do you type fast?

apparently i type extremely fast and it blows a lot of people away

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

oh, honey. don’t we all?

103. Can you spell well?

yes, but i always have those moments where i second guess myself or have a brain fart on a very common word.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

i miss my old best friend, freddy, more than ever now. i haven’t seen him since graduation last year, which isn’t that long, but it’s long enough. he and i were like brother and sister in elementary school and even now. he’s the kind of friend that i have gone years without talking to, but then the moment we finally speak to one another, it’s like nothing ever happened.

he and i were both accepting of each other and supportive of each other in some of the hardest times of our lives. when the other kids bullied him for playing with polly pockets on the playground, i joined him in playing with them. we were inseparable from then on. when my mother came out to me and my parents divorced, he was the one i talked to. when he was coming to terms with his sexuality and discovering who he was as a person, i was always the person he was fully open with.

and after drifting away and not talking to each other for a few years, i went to him after being assaulted. i told him everything. and he believed me–he was the one who listened when i felt like no one else was. he offered me that shoulder. he understood and was there with me, through thick and thin.

and at the end of our senior year, through many tears, we said our goodbyes.

i’ve never felt more empty without someone ever.

(p.s. this made me just text him) 

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

yes ofc haha

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

……ya don’t drag me tho. u woulda too

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

a long time ago, yes

108. What should you be doing?

i legit should be asleep and i’m not……

109. Is something irritating you right now?

there’s a sore pain in my left shoulder–probably from knots in the muscle. i can’t do much about it.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

ohhhh, boy. yes.

111. Do you have trust issues?

wasn’t this at the beginning

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

amanda that one time we watched that video of stevie and lindsey crying while performing “say goodbye”

113. What was your childhood nickname?

KP, KP Duty, Kales

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yeah thank god

115. Do you play the Wii?

i don’t own one, but when the opportunity presents itself for mariokart or just dance, i’m there

116. Are you listening to music right now?

ya, hey girl by lady gaga ft. florence is on rn

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

i don’t eat chicken

118. Do you like Chinese food?

chinese food makes me feel bloated and gassy and it smells that way too even though it smells good so i’ll probably have to decline and say no, i do not really care for it

119. Favourite book?

harry potter and y&b

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

it depends on how dark it is and if im alone or not

121. Are you mean?

everyone’s a little mean

122. Is cheating ever okay?

cheating is wrong, always. but if an instance happens where someone kisses another individual spontaneously, they have two ways they can clear themselves up from it: don’t do it again and tell your partner that it happened. do not get upset if they’re not happy with you/leave you, because you’ve done them wrong. or, if you’ve done it with an individual that you have fallen or are already in love with, then you should leave your partner immediately.

sleeping with someone is not okay. if you have sex with someone else, then you should tell your partner and don’t get mad when they leave you. if you love the other person, then leave your partner for them.

and always tell the truth.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

someone asked me this today, actually. bizarre. i’d like to think so. i don’t go through huge measures to keep them clean–i just don’t drag them in the dirt.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

yes. of course.

125. Do you believe in true love?

yes. you can fall in love with people. you can always be happily in love multiple times in your life. a true love, however, is the one that meant the most.

paul mccartney? he’s married, but his true love was linda. lindsey buckingham? he’s also married, but his true love is stevie and even he does not deny that. stevie nicks? she’ll deny it all she wants, but we all know, including herself and lindsey, that lindsey is also her true love. troy and gabriella? we all know the answer.

true love is real.

126. Are you currently bored?

clearly since i’ve spent like. three hours working on this jesus fuck

127. What makes you happy?

music, people, family, and life.

128. Would you change your name?

i love my name. it was my mother’s gift to me when she brought me into this little world. i am blessed to have a mother that i love so much and that loves me so much. when i think it, i think of her and her silly story of how she came up with it. i identify with it strongly for this reason–it is a constant connection to my mother.

the only thing i’m actually planning is to add the middle name “jane”, as my mother has always calls me by “kaeli jane”. she wishes she thought of that before she named me, as she loves it so much more now.

129. What your zodiac sign?

capricorn

130. Do you like subway?

this is so vague. the restaurant? the transportation?

i’m don’t particularly care for either one. mixed feelings.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-TE_Ys4iwM

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

this is another repeat

@stevieselectricskillet

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

And he was just like a great dark wingWithin the wings of a stormI think I had met my match

He was singing and undoing the laces

134. Can you count to one million?

what kind of question is this

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

any post with mclennon that i make is a dumb ass lie

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed

137. How tall are you?

5 feet tall :/

138. Curly or Straight hair?

my hair is normally straight but sometimes some of the front strands just naturally have banana curls and i don’t understand how it happens but also im not complaining

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette my friend

140. Summer or Winter?

i always used to say winter and then winter always comes and i always want to die so summer

141. Night or Day?

night

142. Favourite month?

december because im narcissistic and love my birthday month the best

september is also a good month. lots of good songs about it and also a very lucky month for me in the past

143. Are you a vegetarian?

i only eat turkey when i have to eat meats (i.e. being home with my parents for a week, when the vegetarian options at my school are heavily cream based, as i am lactose intolerant, etc.) but i typically choose not to eat meat

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

dark chocolate

145. Tea or Coffee?

coffee in the morning and tea at night

146. Was today a good day?

sure, i suppose

147. Mars or Snickers?

mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“I take back like half of the exclamation points.....they make me look....eager to please. Which I AM....but I don’t want anyone to KNOW that” - Carrie Fisher

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes omg

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“The months March, April, May, June, and July should not be abbreviated when used to indicate a specific date.”