#in a room and not being cisgender

[pilmyeol]

dream last night was weird bc sometimes i was a boy and sometimes i was a girl and nobody questioned it but also i was definitely closeted bc if i had been out then stella (dream bestie) wouldve just come out to me instead of making an evil alter ego (long story but i forgot most of it tbh) also we were in high school and i was in love with her. and there was scary monsters

[tr1ppykay]

something i rarely see addressed on here in discussions of transmasculine bathroom issues is the difference between men's and women's rooms, and the way it excludes transmascs with vulvas.

I am a trans man pre-surgery of any kind. ideally i would like meta with UL, but for euphoria reasons primarily- STPs are expensive and a hassle, so i have no issue sitting to pee. i am 11 months on T and do not pass. using the women's room bothers me, but i live in the southern US so it's safer. i have no issue dealing with it to quickly piss and leave. what i do have an issue with, is when someplace claims to be trans inclusive, but in practice, is not.

i had a pretty awful night. my boyfriend and i had been planning to try out a local goth nightclub for weeks, and we finally got the chance to go. when walking in, there was a sign on the door that said "no racism, no homophobia, no transphobia..." etc. i was excited, thinking that i may actually be able to use the men's restroom for once! a few drinks in and the urge hit- i was feeling anxious, so i asked a staff member if it would be safe for me to use the men's room. "yes of course, we are very inclusive, there are plenty of trans people here." in i went and....

5 urinals, and one single stall- which was out of order.

i turned around and used the women's room. i had no choice. of course, there were 6 stalls in there.

this is not the first time i have experienced issues with men's rooms having a single stall- at a gay strip club, i ran into a similar problem, where the single stall in the men's room was not out of order, but instead, had a line of 20+ people. i, and a few other guys, opted to use the women's room instead of waiting (clearly this design flaw hurts cisgender men as well!)

men's rooms being built only with people with penises in mind, and often all but excluding anyone who needs a stall, is an issue that needs to be addressed far more often.

edit: ive seen a few people in the notes adding their own experiences outside of transmasculinity, saying that they don't want to derail- i want to make clear that nobody is derailing. this issue absolutely intersects with transmisogyny, ableism, and general androphobia (which i define as the way patriarchal expectations hurt all men, not any group systemically oppressing men.) keep adding on your own experiences. this issue affects everyone who has ever needed to use the men's bathroom.

[dduane]

For people's attention

Via old colleague Cheryl Morgan: this warning.

(For reasons unclear to me, I seem unable to simply use the Tumblr link-to-post option here. So, please see below for the meat of Cheryl's message:)

One of the things that has protected trans rights in the UK over the past couple of years is that the Tories are too busy, and too cowardly, to actually repeal the Gender Recognition Act, even though many of their MPs very much want to get that done. The anti-trans lobby is unhappy about this, and is therefore taking matters into its own hands by taking legal action. Very soon, their case will reach the Supreme Court. Should they win, the consequences for trans people in the UK (and equality law more generally) will be catastrophic. The Gender Recognition Act says, unambiguously:

Where a full gender recognition certificate is issued to a person, the person’s gender becomes for all purposes the acquired gender (so that, if the acquired gender is the male gender, the person’s sex becomes that of a man and, if it is the female gender, the person’s sex becomes that of a woman).

However, as I understand it, the argument that will be put before the Supreme Court is that allowing a trans woman to be treated as a woman is, de facto, discrimination against cisgender women, and therefore illegal under the Equality Act. As the Equality Act is a more recent piece of legislation, its provisions should supercede those of the GRA. Hopefully it is obvious that, should this claim succeed, it will open the doors to equivalent claims such as, “letting Black people into my whites-only pub is discrimination against white people,” and “building a wheelchair ramp is discrimination against able-bodied people.” Thankfully such claims are less likely to pass the Supreme Court. But the chances of this getting through are very high. And if it does, not only will the GRA be rendered useless, it will create a climate of fear in businesses all around the country. Because it will be possible for a business (or school, local authority, etc.) to be sued for discrimination if they inadvertently allow a trans woman to be treated as a woman. This will lead to a lot of proactive bans being issued at places like public toilets, gyms, clothing stores and so on. Most of the people caught by this will be gender-nonconforming cisgender women, because despite what the anti-trans lobby claims, they can’t always tell, and neither can anyone else.

...And once you've been stopped going into a women's room because you don't look (pretty) woman enough... well.

Another writer has been funding the less humane side of this argument. The people funding the humane side are short of funds to assist them making the less toxic side of the case.

Please help if you can.

[jewish-sideblog]

I am sick and fucking tired of the fandomsphere's obsession with explicit canon. A character can be coded to hell and back and people will still refuse to acknowledge it unless the character looks directly into the camera and says "I'm [marginalized identity]."

The Spider-Verse movies made Peter B Parker Jewish and made Gwen Stacy trans. I don't give a shit if it's never said outright. It's canon. Peter B Parker has a Jewish wedding on-screen and shows off Hannukah bling in promotional material. He's Jewish. Gwen has a trans flag in her room and a trans-coded coming-out story that peaks with being cast in clear and intentional trans flag lighting. She's trans. Good on Spider-Verse for giving us solid representation without sacrificing time that should be spent on the characters' stories to bring explicit attention to their identities! The consequence is that you can't say he's Jewish or say she's trans in a public forum without having to pull out screenshots to prove your case.

Those are just two irksome examples from the same franchise, but this happens all the time across all fandom media. If you refuse to accept evidence and coding as proof, then you're perpetuating the idea that privileged identities are more normal and default than marginalized ones. Gwen shouldn't need to say "I'm trans" and Peter B shouldn't need to say "I'm Jewish" on-screen. No character should ever have to do that, because we never expect a character to reveal that they're canonically cisgender or goyishe.

[genderqueerdykes]

i was asked recently to describe what my experience is as a trans man with visible facial hair who dresses very femme and wears makeup whenever i go out. i thought this was a good question, since i don't think i've ever discussed my experience with this. i know public restrooms are a huge source of stress for a lot of trans people, they're stressful for me at times as well, which is why i try to avoid them when possible.

i will say that i am lucky enough to not have a bad experience using public restrooms. it might be because im rather physically intimidating, having a lot of muscle tissue and not being particularly short, it's hard to say. generally, i use the men's room, even if i'm in a dress or skirt. i don't make eye contact or particularly even look in the direction of other people using the restroom, which i find makes it easier.

looking nervous and making eye contact can, for whatever reason, threaten cisgender people and i'm not sure why. public restrooms are stressful for everyone, not just trans folk. i will use the women's bathroom if the men's bathroom is full, or disgusting, but that happens very rarely. i have also had no issues with using the women's restrooms. even when i lived in Missouri which is a red state, I didn't seem to have issues because I walked in and out with confidence and ignored whoever else was in or around the restroom with me

long hair generally isn't an issue from what I've observed because a lot of men nowadays are wearing their hair long. generally speaking, the voice is one of the most gendered part of us and I have no idea why, but it helps to keep any comments or conversation to an absolute minimum- having no conversations or interactions is ideal. if someone says "excuse me" or something to that effect, nod or shrug or respond with body language instead of verbal language.

i would say utilizing the masks we use for covid is one of your best shots at making the experience a lot less stressful. covering up any potential facial hair, a strong jaw, etc. can help a lot with people minding their own business. this is not to say that if you just mind your business and try to avoid other people that they won't react. but i find the process goes smoother whenever you have something that can obscure part of your face (I'd say even putting your hood up if you have one could help in a pinch).

if someone does decide to cause problems: leave the restroom as quickly as possible. pull out your phone and make it look like you are calling for help (or actually call for help). people who start trying to cause problems generally do not want witnesses. do not confront them or attempt to correct them about your gender. this will only make them angrier. do not let them corner you. slip out from beside them if you have to. do not push or touch them unless they have grabbed, pushed or hit you first.

tell staff of the location you are at that someone is being belligerent in the restrooms- if you don't want to mention it's due to transphobia, you don't have to. but if you feel the location is accepting enough, please do, because that can get you help right away. if you live in an area that's not as progressive, just refer to how violent the person is being and skip the gender talk.

i feel like this isn't super informative, but i hope it helps some folks out there. i know how stressful this can be and it can't be avoided all the time. the best we can do is try to do our best to avoid confrontation altogether, and when it happens, get witnesses and support as quickly as you can. i hate that we have to tell each other these things just to use the bathroom in public. it's asinine. but i hope this helps at least one person

[kalamity-jayne]

Sorry for asking but I am a cis male teenager (well, I thought I was.) but lately I have realized I think I might be a trans girl? I am very scared to drop my masculinity. How did you find out you were trans if that’s okay to ask?

Of course it's ok! I am always happy to help someone who is questioning their gender. However, this is actually a pretty loaded question, because while there is a lot of talk about "when my egg cracked" in trans circles, figuring out you're trans isn't always attributable to any one singular event. Some folks might crack through and emerge from their egg in one swift motion but that is not true for everyone, it certainly wasn't true for me. Sure I could tell about the moment the first crack in my shell appeared, but a single crack in the egg is a far cry from actually breaking out. For many it's a process that can involve a series of revelations and tends to require lots of self reflection and learning how to love yourself. So, there is no quick and easy answer for this. However, I think my story will have a number of different lessons relevant to your question.

Before getting into all that though, I feel I must point out that cisgender folks rarely ask themselves these kinds of questions and when they do entertain these thoughts it's brief and comes with very little agony. The fact you have gone so far as to reach out to trans woman for advice, the fact the you are clearly worried by the prospect of being trans, is a pretty clear indicator that you probably are trans. Regardless of whether you actually are transgender or not, I want you to know that either way, it's ok. You will be ok, no matter what conclusions you come to.

Now, the story of how I figured out I was trans. Bear in mind, the first “aha moment” was 20 yrs ago and things were very different back then. I was about 17yrs old at the time and the term transgender didn't have the currency then that it does now, there wasn't the robust set of terminology that we have today, there were far fewer resources to turn to, no social media, and the overall public opinion was significantly more hostile towards anything LGBT. Anyway, more below the cut.

I didn't follow the typical trans narrative of the time in the sense that, as a child I didn't really care about my clothes so long as my favorite cartoon characters were on 'em, I liked toys typically marketed towards boys, I looked like a boy and everyone referred to me as a boy. So I thought I was a boy. However, I do have a vague memory from early childhood, somewhere between the ages of 4-6, of sneaking into my mother’s room and stealing a pair of her satin underwear and trying it on (it surely would have been too big on me but I remember liking the texture of the fabric) and hiding it under my bed. This memory has since been confirmed during my adulthood by my brother who shared a room with me at the time and had apparently found the hidden stash.

From an early age I was explicitly shunted towards masculinity. I was regularly told to “stop acting like a girl,” and “quit crying like a girl,” and even at one point to “stop walking like a girl,” by my peers and one of my brothers. By the time I was a teenager I was doing my best to be as masculine as possible going so far as joining the highschool wrestling team, a sport that is as homophobic as it is homoerotic, and I hated every minute of it because being manly didn't feel natural to me (and it definitely didn't stop the bullying). It felt like I was trying to ice skate uphill. I fit in but only imperfectly for I was merely acting.

I was also very confused about my sexuality. I thought maybe I was gay or bisexual (turns out the latter) but that didn’t really explain what I was feeling. Around 17yrs old I got curious about transsexuals, thinking maybe the answers would be found there and hoped on to the early and oh so clunky internet. Now I knew of transsexuals conceptually but I didn't know anything about them. Sadly, pornography was really the only reliable way to actually see what a trans body looked like back then. I was stunned because the women I saw did not look at all the way I expected. I was blown away by how so many of them, genitalia aside, looked indistinguishable from cisgender women. And they were all absurdly beautiful. I felt an immediate attraction but there was something else I felt too, envy. And that realization was the first crack in my eggshell.

After that I couldn't get the thought of crossdressing out of my head. So, I dug through a box of my mother's old clothes and took a few items she no longer wore, an old white tennis skirt and a very very 70s sleeveless orange blouse. I was so comfortable in those clothes and when I looked at myself in the mirror I felt good, really good. So, I continued exploring, shaved off all of of my body hair, went to department stores that were open late at night to buy girl clothes (deathly afraid someone would recognize me), I would stay up late at night to watch HBO because at midnight they would occasionally air stuff about trans people, (I remember two documentary shorts in particular and the movie Soldier’s Girl) and I scoured the internet for more information. The internet search brought me to a website called TG list (at least I think that’s what it was called, this was 20yrs ago after all) which was a directory of resources ranging from The Breast Form Store (which still exists!), a myriad of gender identity quizzes (I took nearly every single one), and Susan’s Place.

Susan’s place was one of the few reliable places to hear from actual transgender adults. Unfortunately, while Susan's Place had a lot of useful information the forums there were full of horror stories, a never-ending supply of all the things those women had suffered. So needless to say, there was little to no positivity around transness to give me hope. I was afraid to call myself trans as a result, afraid of what it meant for my life, my future, and my physical safety (you have to remember that back then Mathew Shepard wasn’t old news, his tragedy was practically current events). So I called myself a crossdresser but for reasons I didn't understand at the time I deeply resented that label. I think deep down, no matter how much I tried to deny it and bury it, a part of knew I wanted to be a girl. So when I came out to my parents as a crossdresser and explicitly told them I wasn't trans, that I didn’t have any desire to transition to female, there was that lil voice at the back of my mind calling me a liar. That voice would follow me until my late 20s.

Coming out was a real struggle for me because not only did I think my life would literally be in jeopardy, I thought everyone would think I was making it up, having not followed the stereotypical models of transsexuality. When I came out to my parents they didn't disown me or anything but they were noticeably uncomfortable around me when I was in girl mode. At a certain point I needed their help (credit card) to buy a gaff for tucking and that was when my parents, out of a misguided desire to protect me, pushed me back into the egg. Because of their rejection I spent the rest of highschool and most of my college years trying to hold the egg together with even more denial and by doubling down on masculinity. While I did have some fun during my college years, on balance I was miserable and depressed. I chafed at my male costume and I knew I was lying to myself the entire time, and I hurt myself a great deal.

During my senior year of college I started privately dabbling with crossdressing again, the desire had been nagging at me incessantly. A short time after graduating I met my wife who accepted that side of me and she introduced me to the BDSM/kink community, and the overall culture of nonjudgmental acceptance there cracked the egg for good, because is provided spaces besides my own room where I felt safe being a girl. From that point on I slowly but surely came out of the egg, first calling myself a crossdresser, then genderfluid for awhile, then GENDA passed in NY making me an explicitly protected class and for the next 2 yrs I presented as a they/them genderqueer woman 100% full time without HRT (I was still reluctant to call myself a woman).

I wrestled a long time with the choice to go on HRT. Ultimately that was always a big stumbling block for me. Therapy had gotten me pretty far but I was still afraid of so much and was unsure I would be happy with the changes because my parents had initially rejected me as their daughter in very paternalistic fashion I struggled to trust my own instincts. I still struggle with that sometimes. Eventually, I befriended a trans woman in my neighborhood who pointed out HRT works very slowly and that it takes a long time for any permanent changes to take root. So, she suggested I give it a try and if it didn't feel right I could stop.

I was also taking gender identity quizzes again. Now most of these claim to be diagnostic and those ones a generally misogynistic garbage (they ask stupid questions like, “are you good at math?” and assign a gendered value to the answer) but I happened upon one that started with the disclaimer that it wasn't diagnostic and instead only offered questions that are good to think with. Two questions in particular were very helpful. The first asked, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up tomorrow as a girl, would you take it?" My answer was a hesitant yes, but that yes was bolstered by the next question, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up as a man, in your current body, but without any dysphoria or desires to be feminine, would you take it?" My answer was an emphatic no because that would have felt like killing an important part of myself off. I then at the age of 33yrs old started HRT and 4yrs in I am incredibly happy. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Now, I know that was a lot of fucking text to read but I wrote all of that because I know the prospect of maybe being a trans girl feels scary to you right now but I want to assure you that as daunting as it may seem there is so much about being a trans woman that is full of beauty and joy. I love my trans womanhood and despite the hardships, I wouldn’t give it up for anything. In fact the opposite is true. Knowing what I know now, I would give up almost everything in order to be a woman. So if you feel like you want to give girlhood a try, do it! You can take small incremental steps and you can always stop if it doesn’t feel right, either way you will gain a degree of self knowledge most cisgender people lack completely and that is absolutely priceless! Plus, unlike me when I was a teen, there’s all kinds of resources and information available to you now and an entire community of people ready to help you, and unlike the women in the forums from my past, we aren’t all gloom and doom.

As for your fear of giving up masculinity, don’t let that fear lure you into the denial trap like it did me. Denial is like quicksand, once you’re in it becomes hard to get out, the more you struggle the deeper in you go and it is so very suffocating. And the thing is, you actually don’t have to give it all up. Back when I was presenting full time as woman without HRT, I felt like I had to be ultra feminine all the time, full face of make-up, dress, heels, the whole nine yards. Now that I’m 4 yrs in with HRT I don’t feel that pressure anymore and have since reclaimed certain aspects of masculinity I actually liked. I sill like presenting high femme from time to time but these days I mostly rock a soft butch aesthetic, flannel/t-shirt, jeans and the only makeup I wear daily is just a lil bit of blush. At certain point you become comfortable and realize that gender is just a sandbox to play in and experiment. Masculine and Feminine are just concepts, they aren’t real! so regardless of being cis or trans, don’t let those mere concepts box you in! Just do what feels natural and right to you!

I hope all of that was helpful to you anon, and that at the very least you walk away from this knowing you don’t have to have all of the answers about yourself right now. Now, I don't no the particulars of your situation, so I’m happy to speak with you further if you have follow up questions, just send another anon.

Best of luck to you anon, I am rooting for you!

Big hugs,

Mother Calamity

[nobody-nexus]

Ragapom HCs I Have

(WARNING: There's a LOT of headcanons)

-Transfem Lesbian Pomni (Is On The Spectrum)

-Cisgender Bisexual Ragatha (Has ADHD)

-Pomni has a cat tail (This is to give other hcs context)

-Pomni loves hearing Ragatha play the cello

-Ragatha will always ask if it's okay if she can touch Pomni or not, but if they're in immediate danger there's no time to ask (she will ask if Pomni's okay and apologize AFTER the danger has passed)

-Pomni learned how to sew just to help out Ragatha (She's not great at it, but it's better than nothing)

-They both learned each other's favorite smells and they've asked for candles of that scent just to sit in their rooms and take it in

-Pomni's not the BIGGEST fan of her body but Ragatha makes sure she feels valid (if you misgender her, you die. There's no getting pass it)

-Ragatha hides her love of horses because she's embarrassed by it, but Pomni actually really like animals

-Pomni makes various animal noises when expressing emotions, mainly cat or even dog like noises- and Ragatha's memorized all of them

-Blanket cuddles ALL THE TIME- even if Pomni's okay with touch. Ragatha being one giant comforter for Pomni always makes her SO HAPPY

-Pomni has bells on her tail, which although was Caine's idea, it DID make it easier for Ragatha to know if Pomni's sneaking away for a late-night snack or not

-Pomni has a BIG love for dresses. Ragatha once made a dress for Pomni, who wears it every time they go on a date

-Jax was the first to find out about them dating by barging into their room while they were making out. Caine was the last to find out, but still thinks they're "gal pals"

-Whenever Ragatha's having a bad day, Pomni just likes to talk. Since she's not always up for physical comfort, she knows her voice soothes Ragatha

-Pomni swears a lot whilst Ragatha hardly does so

-Ragatha makes Pomni flustered CONSTANTLY, and she never even means to

-Pomni's stamina is nonexistent while Ragatha can run for hours without realizing it

-Ragatha can pick up Pomni like she's nothing

-Pomni is awful at coming up with cute nicknames for Ragatha, but Ragatha has a bunch. Her favorite one is 'sweetheart' for Pomni

-If the jester's feeling very protective, she'll bite Ragatha to show bite marks, showing that no one touches Ragatha but her (And the doll's beyond embarrassed about it)

-Pomni's flirting sucks, but Ragatha's reaction is THE most 30s thing you could imagine. Hands on sides of face, shaking her head a little, "Oh Pomni, QUIT IT! You're gonna make me blush!", blushing hard, giggling along the way

-If Pomni gets flustered enough, she gets a nosebleed like a cartoon character! Her blood is black in color

-Ragatha lets Pomni help in the kitchen by grabbing ingredients for her. That's about it

-Ragatha was shocked hearing Pomni talk in Spanish and Russian for the first times (AN: YES, I still think Pomni's Russian and Hispanic)

-When they kiss, it's VERY obvious. Ragatha wears red lipstick, and it gets all over Pomni's face, making her all red and flustered, but she loves it every time it happens

-No one has told Pomni her eyes turn into hearts when she's infatuated yet. Not even Jax (Mainly cause Ragatha won't ALLOW him to do so)

-Pomni thinks Ragatha looks hot holding knives.... Ragatha's a little bit of a klutz with knives in reality

-Unlike Ragatha, Pomni actually likes bugs. She usually handles centipedes if any are around

-Ragatha has a big sweet tooth which is why she bakes. Although it has lead to Ragatha accidentally getting high because Zooble made pot brownies... Multiple times

-Pomni is easy to anger whilst Ragatha has a long fuse, but can be easily bothered

-If Pomni gets too stressed out, her teeth get shark like. She can crush a damn BONE with them, and Ragatha helps out with those said bones (don't ask where she gets them from)

-Pomni likes playing horror games whilst Ragatha likes calmer games

-Ragatha loves FNaF and will ramble about it to Pomni

-Pomni likes to draw! Ragatha loves ALL the drawings she does

-They watch Disney movies in bed together :D

-Most of their dates get ruined because of Jax or Caine (Sometimes Bubble)

-Ragatha gets oddly competitive in multiplayer games, thus why they don't play many multiplayer games together

-Slow dancing is Ragatha's favorite romantic thing to do with Pomni

-They usually kiss when both are laying down because the height difference hurts Ragathas back hurt when they kiss whilst standing

-Pomni HATES being wet with her clothes on. Pomni has to be carried by the scruff of her outfit like a cat because she just COMPLETELY shuts down due to overstimulation of the wet clothes against her skin

-Ragatha hates her hands, but Pomni finds them interesting, and she likes to watch Ragatha use her hands for various things JUST to see how they work

-Caine almost gave them a child by overhearing something they said wrong, but thankfully the two were quick enough to stop him

WOW that's a LOT of hcs. And maybe I have more. Hope you like them!

[queerism1969]

General stuff I wish more cis people knew:

Being trans is a situation one is born into. No, trans children are not cis kids who are being manipulated or abused by parents because it's "trendy". That shit is just a modern reworking of the "gays are recruiting kids into homosexuality!" bullshit from the 70's and 80's.

Trans women are not "biologically male" and trans men are not "biologically female". Transition causes massive biological changes; trans men who are on testosterone and have had a hysterectomy have far more biologically in common with cis men than with cis women, and trans women who are on estrogen and have had reconstructive surgery have far more biologically in common with cis women than with cis men.

The existence of trans people is not a recent phenomenon, and the number of trans people is not increasing. Trans people have always existed; there are just more out trans people now.

Trans women are not gay men who attempt to become women in response to homophobia, trans men are not women who attempt to become men in response to sexism, and trans people would still exist and still need to transition even if both homophobia and sexism were eliminated.

Many trans women are bi or lesbian; many trans men are bi or gay (attracted to other men) (see p.28-29)

Allowing trans women and girls to use the same public facilities as other women (e.g., restrooms, locker rooms, etc) does not put cis women and girls at risk

That there are not more trans women than there are trans men.

Most trans people are not visibly identifiable as trans

Being trans and/or transition is not biblically condemned, and being trans/transitioning is not universally condemned by mainstream religious organizations

Spelling and grammatical notes:

It's transgender, not "transgendered"

It's dysphoria, not "dysmorphia". Dysmorphia is an unrelated anxiety condition on the OCD spectrum.

Transgender is an adjective, not a noun. So there are transgender people, but nobody is "a transgender".

The word cis is a Latin prefix, not an acronym, so there's no need to capitalize it as CIS. Cis is short for cisgender, which is the opposite of transgender. The prefix cis- means "on this side/on the same side", while trans- means "across/beyond/on the other side". E.g., cislunar vs. Translunar orbits

Faux pas to avoid:

Don't ask about our genitals unless you're our doctors or there's mutual interest in sex. Don't ask about "the surgery" either, which is still really just asking about our genitals

Same goes for the graphic details of our sex lives. Unless we're already in the kind of relationship where we casually discuss these matters, it's none of your business

When talking about something a trans person did before they transitioned, refer to them by the name and pronouns they use now unless they have specifically told you otherwise. It's like talking about someone who used to be married to an abusive asshole, but has since divorced him and stopped using his name. Even if talking about something she did while still married, I really hope you wouldn't call her "Mrs. Abusive Ex". That would be spectacularly tactless. That's not her name now and not how she wants to be known.

Never out someone unless they have given you explicit permission to do so. Don't assume that because they're out to some people that they are comfortable having others know that aspect of their medical history

If you accidentally refer to someone by the wrong pronouns, just correct yourself and move on. Don't dwell on it, just make a serious effort to not do it again

[em-dash-press]

How to Write Strong Female Characters

Even if you write female protagonists all the time, subconscious biases can make them weaker than we intend. How can you make sure you write strong female characters? Use these tips while cretating your protagonists and supporting cast members so readers admire and connect with your story.

Note: This article is about writing cisgender characters and the stereotypes regarding them. To read more about writing incredible trans women characters, this post and this article are some great jumping-off points. A future post from me about writing trans protagonists will give the subject the space and time trans characters deserve.

1. Write Human Flaws

Women are often written as perfect or near-perfect characters. People expect so much of women in the real world—we want them to be attentive, fun mothers while being sexy spouses and respectful daughters. They have to succeed in their careers to provide for themselves and their family, all while fitting within the feminized constructs that make toxic male egos feel safe around women.

Basically, it can make writers create essentially perfect female protagonists. They handle everything well and when they can’t, they always find an answer to their problem.

Readers will connect more with female protagonists who are flawed. Your female protagonist should get angry, say the wrong things, make bad choices, and put herself first sometimes.

2. Avoid Objectification

Objectification is anything that makes a person feel less than fully human. It’s the scenes we’ve all read and movies we’ve watched where the female protagonist does something incredible—they save the world or take down a supervillain—and their partner, stunned in a love haze, says, “God, you’re beautiful,” before they kiss.

Complimenting female characters like this after they reach their resolution belittles their achievements. It means that even with their brilliance and courage, they’re still acceptable because they’re beautiful. Their beauty is ultimately the most important thing about her and the best way to remind her of her worth.

Other forms of objectification can sneak past a writer’s mind. Watch for these stereotypes as you work through your initial draft:

Describing her body parts as she gazes in the mirror

Saying she’s “different,” “odd,” or “unique” because she does a stereotypically male hobby or wears clothes that aren’t feminizing

Mentioning body parts in comparison to food

Making female characters manipulative for the sake of tricking people and not for any character growth goal/antagonist priority

Creating moments of immaturity that are seen as sexy (like whining being cute or pouting being hot)

3. Assign Individual Goals

Women are often written as self-sacrificing characters. They give up their time and energy for other characters because it’s what people expect of women in real life. Strong female protagonists need goals for themselves. If they don’t have an individual dream that makes them fulfilled or excited, they’ll swim through your plot exclusively for other characters’ arcs.

4. Watch for Female Cliches

Female characters often fit into specific cliches that are easily digestible for readers with conscious or subconscious sexist views. See if your characters fit into some of these common cliches to add the right flaws or arcs to make them fully human:

A symbol of purity: this protagonist never makes mistakes, is always sweet, and doesn’t have any sexual desires.

Femme fatale: this protagonist fills every room with sexual energy, only wears revealing clothes, and kicks ass with unearthly sexy grace.

A heartless bitch: this protagonist is always miserable for other characters to be around for no explainable reason, snaps at everyone, and basically takes on the role of a gradeschool bully at any age.

A pixie dream girl: this protagonist has no goals or arc of her own, exists to inspire other (mostly male) characters, and functions primarily as a plot device.

A Mary Sue: this protagonist can do nothing wrong and solves problems that she’s unqualified to do (minor example: Anastasia Steele in 50 Shades of Grey running a publishing business fresh out of college, where she didn’t study as a business major).

-----

Writing great female characters isn’t impossible. You only have to be aware of how those characters have been written poorly in the past. Watch for cliches and learn about examples of characters gone wrong to make your protagonists feel authentic, no matter what your plot has in store for them.

[quitblamingnarcissism]

TW: Rape, Police Brutality, Suicide

Fighting back against those with power is hard work, and some victims of abuse don't want to do that. So instead, they choose an oppressed minority to be their scapegoat. Then, whenever their scapegoat suffers, they claim it as a victory even though their life hasn't improved in any way.

Working class conservatives scapegoat poor people, immigrants, and people of color. Whenever a poor person loses their financial assistance or an immigrant is deported or a black person is murdered by police, working class conservatives celebrate it. They're still working long hours and struggling to pay their bills so greedy rich people can bleed them dry for profit, but they can pretend the misfortune of others somehow benefits them, even though the rich people who are exploiting them see both them and their scapegoat as either useless or sources of profit.

TERFs scapegoat transgender women. Whenever a transgender woman is assaulted for using the restroom or labeled as a pedophile for existing in the same room as a child, TERFs celebrate it. They still face discrimination at work and they still have to constantly worry about being raped or murdered whenever they're around men, but they can pretend that the transgender woman being attacked is somehow retribution for that, even though the vast majority of bigoted men would gladly abuse both cisgender and transgender women.

Ableists scapegoat narcissists. Whenever a narcissist commits suicide in response to not receiving enough validation from others, ableists celebrate it. Abusers are still everywhere, but ableists can pretend that the narcissist committing suicide is "one less abuser", even though they're literally celebrating someone committing suicide in response to trauma from being abused, and even though abusers still continue to exist because the vast majority of abusers are mentally sane people whose patterns are normalized by society.

[pissditching]

I've noticed something in the discussion around Gerard Way and trans identity that I am officially fed the fuck up with. While talking about Gerard's outfits from the second leg of the tour, people love to use use the line "clothes ≠ gender" as a gotcha for those of us who are keen to the fact that they aren't cis. This pisses me off for three main reason plus a fourth mini reason that's more of a history blurb than anything else.

Before we start anything, Gerard has been out as not cis for the better part of 8(!) years now. To not acknowledge that is doing them a disservice. Some of you have purposely chosen to ignore that fact. Right out the gate that's fucked up. Ok now we can proceed.

First off, you're right. Clothes do not, in fact, equal gender. I know this, and it sounds like you'd like me to believe that you know this. So forgive me for being a little confused when you go on anon after they're photographed wearing what you dub to be "masculine clothing" (i.e. anything that's not a skirt/dress with heels) and tell me I'm an idiot for implying that they aren't a cisgender man.

Secondly, the concept that clothes don't equal gender in only true to us very recently. If you think that Gerard Way, a 45 year old ex-Catholic Gen-X'er who grew up in an wildly conservative suburb of north New Jersey doesn't have a different relationship between clothing and gender than you, a 14-to-20-something year old who hasn't closed tiktok in three days and averages 0.3 minutes of critical thinking per week, then you're extremely delusional and self-centered. People are socialized in entirely different ways. As humans, our experiences are not in any way universal. What doesn't mean anything to you means everything to someone else. Maybe you don't equate femininity with skirts and dresses, but I guarantee you a 45 year old who has openly struggled with gender identity their entire life does in some capacity. This is not a bad thing.

Thirdly is that in your attempt to sound as woke and morally upright as possible, you're unintentionally (or intentionally, seeing as a considerable number of you are terfs,) discrediting and invalidating the way someone experiences gender euphoria because you personally don't get it. Gerard Way has only ever said "I don't use labels" in response to people implying that they're cishet. If your first reaction to seeing someone who could even potentially identify under the transfem umbrella experiencing visible gender euphoria in a dress is to say "oh well clothes don't equal gender, so I'm going to assume that he's a man in a dress until he explicitly outs himself", then congratulations! You're transphobic. Because that's the thing. When you use the rhetoric of clothes ≠ gender in that context, it becomes crystal clear you don't actually care about trans people. You just want to sound like the smartest person in the room. And you're willing to throw GNC trans people under the bus in order to achieve that goal.

I think people have forgotten big time that "don't assume my gender" originally meant "don't assume I'm cis", because now the way people interpret the rhetoric (don't assume my gender, clothes ≠ gender, I don't use labels, etc.,) and use it to prove a point only use it as if to say "it's inherently wrong and creepy to identify and acknowledge when people aren't cis. Cis is the default and the only safe assumption. Anything else is offensive and crossing a major boundary" and you can tell it's because they view transness as an insult to someone's character. We have to, collectively, stop viewing transness as an allegation you either have to beat or bear with. Alongside that, we have to stop assuming cisness.

[lakesbian]

thinking about how good the chapter of twig where the lambs catch up with sy and jessie for the first time after jessie's transition would be if twig was good. sy & jessie's cisgender third would not even be there or exist as a character when the lambs bust into jessie and sy's bedroom, obviously. lillian would do the thing she does in the text where she gets self-centered and upset about jessie's transition bc she feels like it's robbing her of being able to look to jessie as Proof That Decent Boys Exist (which she's obviously desperate for as a girl in the 1920s who dated and then grieved sylvester) and be like but you were such a lovely boy :'(. and jessie would be like Not Fucking Cool Lillian and sy would be like Yeah. Not Fucking Cool Lillian. Dont Talk To Jessie Like That. and everyone else in the room including jessie would go Shut The Hell Up Sy simultaneously. it would of course still have the scene where he piteously runs at mary & hugs her and surreptitiously takes a knife from her and she immediately disarms him and was like. yeah im sure that was a really innocent hug with no ulterior intent to escape. and he's like it WAS though :( i just couldnt hug lillian because it'd be weird or helen because she might murder me....i was just taking your knife as a friendly greeting from one assassin to another :'(. helen would completely derail the attempt at taking sy & jessie prisoner by wanting a tour of jessie's new wardrobe. if we want to get really crazy with it there could even be helen/jessie crumbs. i think there might be a 50% chance that jessie guilt trips lillian re her immediate shame over being a dick so successfully that it derails the entire search-and-return attempt into an awkward kitchen table polycule catch-up discussion. like, the same kind of thing sy & jessie did to dog and catcher, where they are fully having meaningful conversation as people who care about each other, but also jessie is fully ready to pull the level under the table that drops the other lambs' chairs into The Basement Spike Trap Pit at a moment's notice. of course they still hash out sy's really funny canonical king solomon solution wherein he & jessie trade their academy hostage for one helen and half an ashton. i think when lillian is saying goodbye to sy (after the Lambs Polyamory Discussion) she automatically wants to kiss his forehead but then awkwardly looks at jessie for permission and jessie is like yeah id ont care. and then lillian also awkwardly looks at mary for permission. and jessie is like. HM. THATS INTERESTING. WHAT WAS THAT LOOK FOR LILLIAN. AT MARY. WHAT WAS THAT LOOK YOU DID THERE. and this is how sylvester learns that mary has been fucking his ex(-ex?) girlfriend like crazy and also they consider themselves to now have a romantic bond deep enough that no words exist to describe it and also lillian has actual legal custody over mary as a human experiment and mary thinks it's awesome. this is how he learns that girls can like girls by the way. like he knew it cognitively but he hadn't processed it yet

[genderqueerdykes]

I (21 AFAB) honestly feel like my femininity is more like transfemininity than cisfemininity. I'm autistic and intersex(ish? I've got hypoestrogenism) and spent a lot of my life (10 to 20) identifying as transmasculine. I've had top surgery and I was on testosterone around 3 years. I was cis male passing at 14 and 15, and again at 19 through...uhh... now sorta. I still pass as a young man (although people might think I'm a trans boymoder) if I speak in "guy" voice. I'm seen as female enough to not have any issues in women's restrooms since I started using them, but I stay quiet and use the men's room if I look too masc. I identify I guess as a girl, but not as a cisgender one, and not in the way that a binary woman would call herself one. I also identify as androgynous (or an androgyne). I'm submitting this ask sort of hoping that it makes sense how I feel connected to transfemininity and not cisfemininity. I'm also wondering if anyone else feels the same?

heya! that's actually almost exactly my experience, and many other peoples'. i've been wanting to explain this for a really long time so i hope this will make sense

often times when someone afab or transmasculine transitions and either pauses or stays on a lowish dose of T, our genders get garbled in the eyes of strangers. i don't know how to say it any other way than: often times when trans people who have taken testosterone for long enough have gotten deep voices, 'masc' faces, facial hair, etc. are dressed in a feminine way they will get read as a transfeminine person. like this is an extremely common phenomenon

we instantly become fags and "those type of girls". like it really doesn't take much for queerphobes to perk up. a little 'gay/tranny voice'. a little too limp wristed. when they see strong jaws, Adam's apples, strong cheekbones, and long hair they assume MtF. if the trans person is packing or had phallo things can escalate further, especially if they have breasts.

it's poetic and a bit silly but sometimes people's experiences are so deviated from the standard definition of "man" "male" "female" "woman" that they have to, in a way, transition into that identity for the first time. a lot of intersex people, poc, gender non conforming, people, gay folks, non binary people, lesbians and butches have gotten heavily misgendered as children. sometimes you just were not allowed to be that gender you were assigned at first and it's okay if you feel you're transitioning into that, especially given where you're coming from and where you're headed

i identify as transfemme for many reasons, but this is one of them. i was NOT allowed to be a girl as a child. i was deemed too masc. my nose was too big. my hooded eyes were too masc. i didn't wear flowery or feminine clothing. i acted like a boy. i had a very shitty haircut because my hair was causing me dysphoria. my mom kept calling me butch and a bulldyke. nobody saw me as a girl. i never was one until i transitioned into womanhood as an adult. there i found out i love being a butch woman- but i've had to fight for it.

i also use androgynous and androgyne :)

it's okay if you feel like youre headed on that path. i have met so many people who fall under this umbrella of experiences. many people use transfemasc or transmascfem, some people just call themselves whatever. folks who feel the same feel free to share input. thanks for stopping by, let us know if you need anything else

[apas-95]

one of my favourite instances of watsonian cope is the people going 'well maybe spider-gwen had all those trans flags because she has a trans cousin or something and she's just a really big ally' where like. okay. why the hell would that be what the writers intended though gsgsgs like in what universe would they have sat down and put all these trans flags in her room and given her these trans elements, referenced them in their own social media, as a way of conveying that she's.... a cisgender cousin to a transgender person. you could argue some in-universe explanation that the flags were already in the room when she moved in and she never bothered to take them down, but the real question is... why anyone would ever write that. do you *really* think that's what's being communicated here, or are you just pretending to be a solipsist because you don't like the idea that she's trans? sadly we can't know for sure

[leaves-lilies-and-esther]

Why being against trans rights as a feminist is bull

Generally I fall pretty neatly into line with the radfem line of thinking about things (anti surrogacy, anti sex industry, pro choice, anti beauty industry etc). And I don't think that radical feminists who disagree with me on this are evil or anything, but I do believe that it shouldn't be a priority and that this whole effort will be remembered badly.

"But the bathrooms-"

Letting trans women into female bathrooms does not increase sexual assault. According to Media Matters, "...the fear is baseless- completely unsupported by years of evidence from states that already have non-discrimination laws on the books." To give examples:

Rhode Island reported "no increase in sex crimes due to 2001 law"

Karen Richards of the Vermont Human Rights commission said she is "not aware" of any problems from a 2001 law

Jim O'Neill said he was "unaware of any sexual assault as the result of the CT gender identity or expression law" in Connecticut

If you search "Debunking the Big Myth about Transgender Inclusive Bathrooms" from Media Matters you can see the other twelve state level examples

There's also a very well written article from Time called "Transgender Bathroom: Advocates Say 'Predator' is a Myth" . They detail several locations like New York City and California which protect trans rights without seeing a spike in sexual assaults, the fact that school officials and police departments have not seen a spike either, and that several organizations dedicated to stopping violence against women all agree that bathroom rights aren't a threat.

Moreover, according to Vox's article "Anti-transgender bathroom hysteria, explained"- all of the incidences commonly cited of men dressing up as women or posing as a woman in order to commit sexual assault happened before a non-discrimination bathroom law was passed. Meaning that these laws don't cause sh*t.

But to add onto another point, there's a very good reason why we cannot simply say that women's bathrooms must be defined by sex alone. Which is that we end up exposing transgender or nonbinary youth to extremely avoidable violence instead.

According to an article from Harvard entitled "transgender teens with restricted bathroom access at higher risk of sexual assault", quote, "Transgender and non-binary teens face greater sexual assault in schools that prevent them from using bathrooms or locker rooms consistent with their gender identity." 36% of trans or nonbinary youth with restricted access had been sexually assaulted in the past year. In no world is that an acceptable number. Not only does restricting bathroom access not solve anything for cis women, it actively inflicts male violence on transgender women.

And even in the outlandish world where this wasn't enough of a reason, it also leads to cis women being policed on their appearance and how feminine they present in order to avoid looking trans. In Las Vegas a woman named Jay was kicked out because they mistook her for trans according to Advocate article 'cis woman mistaken as transgender records being berated in bathroom'. Aimee Toms in Danbury was similarly harassed, as was Jessica Rush in Dallas. There's several videos in the Vox article "Women are getting harassed in bathrooms because of anti-transgender hysteria". And guess what? This sort of policing what a cis woman can look like is only going to get worse as people continue to advocate against trans women in bathrooms.

And women's sports-

Any physical advantage that transgender people have in sports goes away several years after medical transition. According to the NBC article "trans women retain athletic edge after a year of hormone therapy"

(1) "For the Olympic, the elite level, I'd say probably two years is more realistic than one year" - namely, trans people have standard hormone levels if they wait two years after medical transition. "After two years, Roberts told NBC News, 'they were fairly equivalent to cisgender women'".

There were some limitations to the Roberts study, but there's also a 2015 Harper study backing this up.

(3) Joanna Harper, a medical physicist in Portland, already ran a study on this. "...found that trans women ran at least 10 percent slower after beginning hormones. And, relatively speaking, they did no better against cisgender female runners than they previously done against cisgender men".

Namely, as long as there's been a medical transition for several years, it's still a totally fair competition.

But laws which ban transgender women from sports have had the incidental effect of allowing for state-sanctioned genital inspections on minors. This sounds fake, right? But in Ohio Republicans have passed a bill which "...has a verification requirement, if someone is 'accused' or 'suspected' of being trans... she must go through evaluations of her external and internal genitalia, testosterone levels and genetic makeup." And believe it or not, they only had one transgender girl who was an athlete in high school. One! This is according to the Ohio Capital Journal's article "GOP passes bill aiming to root out 'suspected' transgender female athletes with genital inspection."

Similarly, Florida has just passed a ban on transgender students in sports in April 2021, with provisions similar to the Ohio law. "A dispute regarding a student's sex shall be resolved by the student's school or institution by requesting that the student provide a health examination... provides for 'routine sports physical examination' of students' reproductive organs, genetic makeup, or testosterone levels." This is according to Changing America, titled "Florida's new ban on transgender students in sports would allow schools to subject minors to genital inspections."

I don't know about you, but as someone who has enjoyed track, swim team, and basketball all through educational institutions- I don't want the government in my pants.

Beyond the creepy implications of the state demanding invasive inspections on literal children, this also goes back to the point I made on bathrooms above- that when we take spaces away trans people, we take spaces away from any woman or girl who society deems as presenting too 'masculine'.

As feminists we can absolutely support trans rights without compromising our integrity. And not only can we, we should.

Edited August 24, 2023: I wanted to add a section about the provisions of these bills for literal genital inspections. I regret that it wasn't in the original, but I remembered these articles earlier and thought that it was important to add here.

The other thing I did later the same day was take out the part referencing women like Caster Semenya competing in the Olympics and being removed because of high testosterone levels. Someone has kindly pointed out that these are intersex women, which the original article I had read referred to as cis. I feel that intersex women in athletics deserve their own discussion, and I haven't (a) read enough on the issue or (b) learned enough about the intersex community as a whole to take part.

[dairy-farmer]

Okay but re-reading the Ra's part of the Timeloop ask I sent? And the part you wrote? Oh... On No(tm) this man's out here dead set on being a BAD Idea Boyfriend.

Gonna seduce Timothy with his cock. KNOWS he has absolutely no chance of convincing him to Join Him with the usual flowers, dancing, and casual dating approaches for romance... soooo.... Wanna See Him Naked, Detective? *evil sexy eyebrow quirk* *is shirtless and on a throne Just Cause doing his best Slutty wide legged gonna conquer everything sit*

Like? Come on~ make a TERRIBLE life choice. Give him ONE(1!) Chance to rock your world so hard it ruins you forever. He has a multi-step plan. He just needs to pump your guts so good you permanently associate the concept of pleasure with HIM. THEN? You'll feel compelled to return..

It's always "just one more time", isn't it? Detective. Always "this is the LAST time". Stubborn, proud men like Timothy are so WEAK to pleasure, aren't they~? Pain they can handle. But pleasure? That addicts them.

He just needs an opening. Just ONE misstep. A low moment. Some time when Timothy's hunger for warmth outways his rightful caution of Ra's. And? All things are inevitable, if you are patient enough. Especially if you tilt the odds by hand.

Maybe he shows off the goods. Is shirtless more often then he has been in years. Low cut poet shirts and impressive capes. Tight, tight pants. Oh isn't it DISTRACTING, Detective? You aren't having THOUGHTS you won't admit too, aaaare you? Eyes CERTAINLY aren't lingering a bit too long~

Ra's has done this before and he'll do it again. CENTURIES is a word people keep using but honestly, they DO so fail to grasp what that MEANS. He has seduced THOUSANDS. And he's not even that hedonistic. He could have had far more.

He's faced off against genuine Femme Fatales. Homme Fatales. Battles of seduction and wit, daggers and poisons. Death in the night. Beautiful silks stained forever with the blood of their masters. He has nearly died more then once and come out stronger for it.

And? Like when the Bat was lost in time. Eventually his Detective WILL have to be in relatively close quarters with him again. Just close ENOUGH. The last time, he thought him cisgendered. Didn't realize his OPTIONS. Now? Now Ra's wants an HEIR out of him. Preferably a legion. They would be glorious.

But to GET that... first he needs to SEDUCE the Detective. Can't put offspring in a womb you haven't fucked. He ramps up his petty bullshit. TARGETED petty bullshit that will require Tim, specifically, too fix. He sword fights shirtless. Makes sure to subtly oil up a bit first. One MUST take care of their skin of course. It has NOTHING to do with the fact it will both perfume the air AND catch the light, drawing Timothy's attention to his muscles as they fight. Of course not.

Perish the THOUGHT, Detective~

And it eventually works. Because of course it does. Tim is stressed. Horny. Stressed AND horny. His life has gone to shit AGAIN. Everyone is fighting AGAIN. Everything hurts mentally, emotionally, and physically. And fuckin' Ra's is there... once AGAIN swanning around topless. All rippling abs and deep rumbling purr. Threats and word play. Posturing.

Telling him he'll GLADLY deactivate the bombs if Tim spends the night with him. Not even in his bed. Just... just in his company. Bastard being all assured and decadent and offering him food. And... and... Tim is so fucking tired. The thought of fighting of ninjas and swinging all over the place tonight sounds god awful.

His body hurts. HE hurts. He's hungry. Sore. Ra's is vaguely behaving. This room is warm and those seats look soft. That food looks good. Tim decides... "You know what? Fuck it. Why not." There are a LOT of reasons why not. Starting with "This is EXACTLY what Ra's wants" but? Tim is past caring.

He says sure. Ra's isn't even gloat-y about it. Just casually calls off the bombs. Tim should probably be pissed about that but... mmmm, food. He collapses into a chair instead. It's absurdly comfortable. The night is surreal. He gets fed. They talk about furniture as Tim tries to pry the chair makers name out of Ra's to no avail. Ra's gives him an honest to gods feet and hand massage.

It's... it's nice? Really nice. Relaxing even. Tim is suspicious. Not so much he DOESN'T take the deal again... but you know... suspicious.

And Ra's keeps feeding him. There's pleasant conversation about interesting things. Massaging of sore muscles. Hands that drift higher and higher. Lower and lower. Casually. And Tim is... is so WARM. Full belly, comfortably cradled by the various seats, muscles massaged loose.

Then he makes the mistake of getting SO used to this... he just starts showing up. Not changing into his RR suit first. Ra's is patient, but crows with victory in his mind. He waits until Tim is wearing a lovely suit. No particular day but not too soon into the change in behavior. Can't spook him, after all.

His fingers are lighter then any pickpocket's unbuckling the belt. The Detective of course still notices. Becomes more alert. Attention focusing. Ra's uses a move he's done countless times before. He cradles the Detective's head with one hand and plunders his mouth, even as his other slides like a thief down somewhere it should not be, to pay immediate and overwhelming attention to the heat below.

Tim jolts so hard it's nearly a thrash. But Ra's has caught has caught him off gaurd and does NOT intend to let him get his wits about him. He teases Tim breathless, confused and horny. Then his pants are GONE. Ra's is sliding with a dangerous grace to his knees between those powerful legs and hiking them up over his shoulders, spread wide.

Tim has just enough time to be confused before everything lights up, as an impossibly skilled mouth descends onto him. He'll never live down the sounds he makes. How quickly, EASILY, Ra's is able to drive him incoherent. Even before thick, calloused fingers slide in deep. Torment his best spots with ruthless accuracy.

Then Ra's is looming over him. Looking so damn PLEASED with himself. Tim should be furious. But all he can do is gasp for air and hold on as he's split APART. Big. So big. Ra's is whispering something filthy in a long dead language, watching his body take it with so much HUNGER on his face. Has anyone EVER wanted Tim this bad? He feels impaled.

The he's being taken APART. Hips the roll and grind, snap forward and pull slow. The rhythm keeps changing. Drawing out the pleasure but not letting it build enough to get Tim off. He thinks he starts crying. Can't seem to stop. Begs Ra's to just... to j-just let him get off. Please. PLEASE. Everything is so hot. Squelching and gushing and... and...

Ra's practically glows. Backlight by the ceiling lamps. Oil and sweat catching the light, coating his body. Unbearably focused on TIM. Looking and seeing and No Where To Hide. Exposed and conquered. Everything feeling so good. Tim's brain feels likes its short circuiting. He comes apart beneath Ra's. Then is made too again. And again. And again.

There's even a soft bed and fantastic breakfast in the morning. Tim refuses to fall for this.

He of course, falls for it. It's the best sex he's ever had. He's furious. Ra's is unrepentant and openly admits to his plans. Consent IS important, after all. Tim blows up several of his bases and then three days later? Him.

It takes all of five years of routinely threatening Gotham and then fucking the Detective incoherent for it to take. The Bat's eldest sends his lover after him. Wilson is a formidable opponent but sadly, they are unable to finish their duel. As the Detective has come to kill him, himself. The usual response. His lovers are rarely the sort to appreciate being made pregnant. They tend to demand satisfaction and his head on a spine.

As equally usual, he is able to convince the Detective of why he is more useful alive. He has a very persuasive tounge. The Kryptonians sent after him though? Those are a bother. Apparently his grandson sends his regards. Well played.

tim gives into Ra's once and it absolutely messes with his ability to remain impartial and fight ra's because he's just remembering how good ra's made him feel 😩😩😩😩. tim is just human afterall and its not like dick or bruce had any leg to stand on about tim sleeping with the enemy given their own histories.

tim is furious with ra's for being good at sex and making it so he often gets all weak-kneed around him now and he HATES his pussy for getting so attatched to ra's and just automatically getting wet at the sight or sound of him.

it's so obvious what ra's wants when fucking him (aside from just fucking tim) and tim falls for it every single time thinking nothing will happen. but then 5 years after he's started sleeping with ra's, tim messes up with his birthcontrol somehow or maybe all those creampies finally caought up with him because birth control is only SO effective- and tim is pregnant. he's several weeks along and if it had been five years earlier tim would've dealt with it without a shred of remorse.

but...now tim is older and more sentimental and...he's been thinking of leaving the caped business behind for awhile....and being the mother to ra's al ghul's child means tim's baby will have built-in round-the-clock monitoring and babysitting courtesy of the various shadows ra's sends his way to watch over his newest heir. well...if he lives long enough considering the look on his friends and family's faces when he told them he was pregnant and retiring.