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axwalker · 3 years

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If The World Was Ending: Even if he was wicked

Synopsis: When Bianca leaves her son without looking back, Drake has to live on the streets until he finds a home with Angelica Ortiz--Lexie’s grandmother and a foster mom. With the Ortiz, Drake finds a family and falls madly in love, until a tragic night changes everything, threatening the life Drake fought so hard to get.

To catch up (HERE)

Pairing: Drake Walker x Lexie O’Brien (MC) The Royal Romance.

A/N: This will be a very angsty, full of drama, small town romance.

Words: 4,120

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry, except for Lexie’s grandmother and mother.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Child neglect, abandonment, sexual assault, prison and a very entitled, “evil” Liam

Due to the several trigger warnings and some of the subjects I’ll be dealing with, I will only tag people who actively asked for it. If you want to be tagged in the following chapters --or untagged, please leave a comment.

Drake

2008

When I was 12 years old, my mother took off with my little sister leaving me in Cordonia with my father's best friend. I reminded her too much of my father, too much of a life she would do anything to forget. That "anything" included abandoning her oldest son. I'd like to say I was surprised, but the truth is I wasn't. Bianca Walker had never been a motherly woman. The only reason she had taken Savannah with her was that my Aunt Leona adored her. I was sure my mother would dump my little sister on her and never look back. I hoped that was the case, Leona despised me, but she was great to Savannah.

A short time after that, Bastien passed away and my mother was nowhere to be found. That's when I started to go from one home to another. The first year and a half were the hardest ones. I lived with four different families, each one worse than the last. First, the Lockes, where the family barely talked to me. Then, the Ruiz that made me take cold showers and sleep on the floor. The Godwins where the “mother” used the check the state gave her to buy alcohol instead of groceries. And finally the worse, the Fields. They seemed nice enough when I met them. Not kind but polite. The first few weeks everything seemed normal. Then one day, I got in trouble at school, and Mr. Fields --the pastor of his community, beat me up to “teach me some manners.” His punishments became a usual thing after that.

Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I escaped. Better to be on my own than believe some family was going to love or adopt me. Obviously, there was something very wrong with me. My own mother had left me, and I had never found my place anywhere else.

I lived on the streets for 6 months. I did all kinds of jobs. Not a lot of them were legal but there were few opportunities for a 14-year-old runaway kid. The most money I got was when I stole car parts that I got to resell to a gang called the Mercy Park Crew. The boss, Mr. Kaneko was fair and paid well enough. I could’ve kept living by myself if something hadn’t got terribly wrong at my last job. One of the boys from a rival gang decided to teach me a lesson and I ended up in the hospital with a concussion. A nurse called social services so here I am in a car with another social worker on the way for another foster home. It doesn’t matter, I know it won’t last anyway.

When you’ve been in the system as long as I had, you learned to look for certain warning signs when placed in a new home. Drugs, ulterior motives, threatening fathers, drinking mothers. After an hour, we drove through a town looking like something straight out of a movie. Valtoria. I’d heard of it before. The family my dad had been protecting when he died lived there. The house we pulled up to, was a large two-story construction with dark brown siding and an immaculate green lawn.

Joelle, my new caseworker had popped up out of nowhere in the hospital and told me I was coming with her. Just like that. From the way Joelle talked about the new place, I figured it was some sort of transitional home for rejects like me. Too old to get adopted and too troubled for anyone to voluntarily take on. I didn’t ask her anything else because I knew I didn’t have a fucking choice. Besides, I knew words don’t mean anything. I was a kid in the system. I went where they took me. Sometimes, I hated it. Sometimes, I really hated it. This time was different. In more ways than one. Usually, I was dropped off by my caseworker, and the people receiving me were about as excited as they were about junk mail. No one has ever come out to greet me before. As long as the woman at the door wasn’t sizing me up for a skin suit, it didn’t matter.

The social worker got out of the car as I grabbed the trash bag that I used to carry my shit around. She rang the bell, and a small, older woman opened the door. Joelle had told me in the car that the woman fostered several boys and I knew what that meant. She wanted the money the government gave her for keeping us. Well, I wasn’t going to make it easy for her. If she wanted to cash a check at the end of the month it was going to cost her. I’d make sure of it.

I had seen it all, but I still was caught by surprise when the tiny woman opened her arms at me and gave me a one-sided hug. A fucking hug.

“I’m very happy to meet you, mijo,” she said in a strong accent. “My name is Angelica Ortiz but everyone here calls me Abuela. Grandma in Spanish.”

The woman was deluded if she thought I’d call her grandma. She was obviously trying to impress the social worker with her fake kindness, hugs, and stupid names. I wasn’t going to be fooled that easily.

I didn’t even answer her as we stepped into the house. Another woman, a younger version of the one staring at me was waiting for us in the living room.

“Hi, you must be Drake. I’m Elena. Welcome.” She gave me a smile. Fake, I was sure but at least she hadn't tried to hug me. The older woman was talking to Joelle about me. Probably about my problems with authority, anger issues, and lack of communication skills. I knew my file by heart.

I barely nodded at Elena, and the three women exchanged a look. “Let me take you to your room, Drake. You’ll be sharing it with Maxwell. He’s doing his homework with my daughter in our house across the street. You’ll get to meet all the boys and my daughter Lexie tonight.”

She walked me to a room on the second floor of the house. It seemed clean and comfortable. Another ploy for the social worker. Two bunker beds with blue blankets and a wooden desk full of books were the biggest pieces of furniture. The left side of the room was covered in posters of who I figured were famous boy bands. There were a few of David Beckham, the only guy I recognized. Other than that there were clothes everywhere. That Maxwell dude was a fucking slob. Great.

“I told Max to take down some posters so you can decorate half of the room to your liking; This is your room as much as it is his. He's usually much more organized than this." I notice she speaks with a sort of fondness. "It was picture day for the school yearbook and he took hours getting ready. ”

I shrugged. I wasn’t planning to stay long anyway. I couldn’t care less if that Max kid left his posters on the walls or not.

She glanced at my garbage bag. “Are those your clothes, mijo?”

I scowled at her. I knew what mijo meant and I was nobody’s son. “My name is Drake.”

She smiled. “Of course, Drake. So, are they?”

I didn’t bother with an answer. A nod was enough.

“I cleared you this part of the closet, so you can keep them there. When you’re ready come downstairs; my mom and I will show you the rest of the house. The boys are out but we’ll all diner together tonight. Do you like Mexican food?”

I shrugged.

The woman smiled. “Shrugging is not an answer, mij- Drake. Either you like it, you don’t, or you haven’t tasted it in which case I can tell you, you’re missing out. Especially when mami cooks.” She winked at me as if we were friends or something. The woman was insane. “So, what is it, Drake?”

I’d never had it before, but she wasn’t going to tell me how to answer a damn question. “I hate it.”

She frowned --clearly disappointed, and I almost felt bad for her. Almost. “I’m very sorry to hear that. We already made Enchiladas for tonight and we don’t waste food. You can tell us your favorite dish though so we can make it for you.”

I shrugged again. Generally, that's when the person talking to me loses her patience but Elena Ortiz only smiled at me again. “Think about it. Every Sunday night, we pick someone’s favorite and cook it. It’s really fun. Next Sunday will be your first here, so you get to pick. Mami is a great cook and she can make anything from a mean chocolate cake to the best cheese pizza. See you downstairs, honey.”

Great. I’ve only been in this house for a few minutes, and I already hated it. The only thing worse than a home where you were beaten up as a welcome was a home where people pretended to care. My third foster home had been like that. Ms. Godwin had been all kind and nice at first. I almost felt like she cared about us. A week later, she had gotten drunk. For two days, neither I or the two girls she fostered had anything to eat because she hadn’t bought any groceries. I had to steal a twenty euro bill from her purse to buy food. She got angry and called the social worker who had come for me and taken me to the Fields. The worst home I ever lived in.

I wasn’t going to go downstairs but I decided that if I wanted a chance to escape it was better if I knew the house. Before I could explore a little, I heard my name from what I assumed was the kitchen.

Elena was crouching in front of the oven. “Drake has such sad eyes, mami. He’s only 14.”

The woman that had asked me to call her abuela, answered as she chopped an onion. “This boy has been living in the streets for more than a year. Do you realize it? Pobre angelito. So young and he has already seen more horrors than most people see in a lifetime.”

“Joelle told me that he had escaped from his last foster home.”

The older woman scoffed. “Home? If that’s how you call people that foster kids only for the money, they get in exchange. I don’t want to imagine why he fled those places." She turned to her daughter who had finished whatever she was doing in the oven and was drinking a bottle of water. "Stop watching me work, Elena and help me with diner, por Dios.”

Why was she pretending she didn’t care about the money? It was obvious. No one did anything for free. There was always a catch.

“Dónde está mi venadito?”

“Lexie and Max are at our house doing homework, mami. Be careful, though, if Lexie hears you calling her “your little deer” she’ll kill you. The boys called her Bambi for months after they heard you the last time.”

“Nonsense. She’s my venadito and that’s that. You two will come to eat here tonight. I want Drake to meet everyone.”

Elena rolled her eyes but patted her mom on the back. “Yes mami. Lexie is dying to meet him, she and Max made a chocolate cake for him. I’ll call her in a minute. Where are the boys by the way?”

“Bertie is trying to teach Leo how to drive. Poor boy, I hope he makes it alive.”

“Don’t worry. I’m sure Leo will be careful. Bertrand will be fine.”

“Oh, it’s not Bertie I’m worried about, it’s Leo. Bartie has no patience with him.”

I left the kitchen before they said anything else. I was sure I was going to hate this stupid place. I was angry. More than angry. Furious. After a year of successfully running away, I was back in the damn system. Back in yet another home where people seemed to care about me in front of the social worker just to ignore me –or worse, once she left. I had to admit that my new foster “moms” played their part better than most. The old one had hugged me and the other one had given me a smile that seemed real. But I knew better. No one really cared for me. No one gave a shit where I slept, what I ate, or if I was ill or scared. Not that I was ever scared. I had seen everything.

The front door was locked so I went to the backyard. I saw a small wooden house on top of one of the trees. I decided it was a good place to hide and be myself.

I sat there for a few moments when I heard someone climbing the tree.

“Hi!”

I looked up and saw a girl a couple of years younger than me. She had the biggest pair of brown eyes I’ve ever seen and was smiling at me as if I was her best friend.

“I’m Lexie! I live across the street. I’m Angelica’s granddaughter. You’re Drake, right?” I didn’t think it was possible to smile more but the girl proved me wrong when her grin widened. I simply nodded.

“Welcome! I know that it must be hard for you to feel at home because you like just arrived but you’ll love it here. I promise. Valtoria is great. We have lakes and the mountains and when it’s warm enough we can go camping all night. You’ll love the house too. I mean between you and me the boys are kind of a pain in the ass but they’re pretty great when they want to. Or when they're not teasing me. Especially Leo and Maxie. Bertrand is a know-it-all. He thinks because he’s sixteen he knows everything." She rolled her eyes clearly offended by the idea that someone could know more than her. "Abuela, that how we all call her because she’s Mexican and would murder us if we call her grandma, is amazing. I mean don’t get me wrong, she's super strict, and as my mom says the woman is never wrong but she’s the best person I know.”

I blinked. I didn’t know a person could talk that much without taking a single breath.

“Do you camp?” She asked as she folded her legs in front of her.

I did before. Before my dad died and my whole life blew up in a million pieces. Not that I would explain any of that to the chatty girl, so I just nodded again.

“Great! It’s getting warmer and Leo wants to go to a new camping site next weekend. Don’t tell him I said this but he’s like the worst camper ever. I have to double-check everything he does but I don’t tell him anymore because my mom said it wasn’t nice.”

I wondered how could someone carry a whole conversation by herself. I hadn’t pronounced a single word since the girl had shown up.

“I want to be your friend but I can see we’re about to have our first fight.” She told me in a teasing tone. “You’re wearing a Liverpool t-shirt. We worship Barcelona in this house. Well, Abuela, Leo and I do. The others couldn’t care less about soccer.”

I looked at the shirt she was wearing. It read "If they don't have soccer in heaven, I'm not going."

She noticed I was looking at her shirt and beamed. "Abue said my shirt was disrespectful to God but mom thought that was dumb and bought it for me anyway."

"Do you like soccer?" I finally asked.

“Like it? I love it! Did abuela saw your shirt? She hates European teams. She thinks Tigres is the best.”

“Tirgues?”

She laughed, and the sound of it did something weird to my stomach. “Tigres. It’s a Mexican team. She goes crazy when they play.”

“What team you like?”

“Barcelona, obviously.”

“Liverpool made it to the finals of the last Champion’s league.” I pointed out.

She shrugged. “They lost so it doesn’t count. Do you play?”

“Sometimes.” I tried not to show how much I loved it. It was something else my dad and I shared that had stopped when he died.

“I play too. How old are you?”

“Fourteen.”

“I'm twelve. Well, almost thirteen, my birthday is in May.”

I frowned. “It’s November.”

“I know. I’m almost there.” She beamed. "I'm almost closer to thirteen than twelve anyway."

“Do you always talk this much?”

She laughed and my belly did that weird thing again. “My mom says I was a parrot in another life. I talk more when I’m nervous.”

“You're nervous?” I liked that I could make her nervous but I didn't know why.

She blushed and I liked it too. “A little. What happened to your eye?”

“I got into a fight.”

“Wow. You can’t do that here. Leo is always getting into fights and abuela has to ground him.”

She sure mentioned that Leo guy a lot. “Is Leo your boyfriend?”

“Gross!! Leo’s is like my brother. He, Bertie, and Max live with abuela. We’re a family. You’re family too.”

Fuck that. No matter if the girl was sort of cute. I didn’t have a family. “No, I’m not. I’m not staying.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I don’t belong here.”

“Yes, you do; I swear. Plus, I need someone to coach me, so I can get into the school team next year. Leo promised he would, but he never has time.”

“I suck.”

She shook her head and smiled at me again. “Somehow I don’t think you do.” Then she gave me a conspiratorial look as she pulled out something from her jacket pocket. "You can't tell my mom about this but I took this from her room." It was a white iPod. After scrolling a little through the screen she settled on The Beach Boys. She couldn't possibly know it but they were my dad's favorites. She passed me an earbud and we didn’t talk after that. We just sat together for a while hearing music until we heard our names being called.

“That’s abuela. We should go. She hates to wait. Plus, I'm starving and we're having enchiladas. You'll love them.”

Lexie ran to her house to --as she put it-- 'hide the evidence.' I went back to her grandma's house and stepped into the kitchen.

“Drake, pass me the salt, mijo. It’s next to you on the counter,” Angelica said as she kept on turning the sauce she was making. “You like enchiladas?”

What was with all these women asking me what I liked to eat? I leaned against the black counter while she opened the lid of another steaming pot on the stove, and stirred its contents with a long wooden spoon. I shrugged. I didn’t know if I liked it. But it smelled better than anything I ever tasted, so it couldn’t be all that bad. My mouth started watering, and my stomach growled. Come to think of it, it had been a while since I’d last eaten.

“You know, I know you feel weird now. And you don’t like to talk a lot. Soon, you’ll learn that this is a safe place. We aren’t gonna judge a single word that comes out of your mouth or any of them that don’t.”

I suddenly felt like I owed her a verbal response in exchange for her kindness. Fake or not. Besides, I just knew the chatty girl I’ve just met wouldn’t be happy if I was rude to her grandmother. “Yes, ma’am.”

She smiled at my verbal response. “But just so you know. We do have a few rules in this house.”

Here it comes. The catch. Angelica put the lid back on the pot and leaned over the counter on her elbows. “You just need to go to school, find a hobby or sport you like, don't swear, respect the curfew and keep your room clean. Every child in this house has chores but it’s too soon to figure out yours. For now, you only have to get to know us.” Her eyes crinkled as she smiled at me. At that moment the timer of the oven rang and Angelica took a huge dish out of it. She covered it with more steamy, tomato sauce, sour cream, and grated cheese and put it back in the oven. At least, I might get some good food while I figured what I was going to do next. Because no matter how nice and kind everybody acted, I was not going back to school. I used to be good at it without much effort; I had friends and a soccer team. But I had missed a lot in the last two years. I felt dumb and stupid.

Suddenly, the front door slammed open. “Cuidado muchachos! Be careful with that door against the wall, or you’re going be spackling and repainting this entire house,” Angelica yelled out. Three teenage boys filed into the house, followed by just as many apologies.

“Sorry.” “Oops.” “It was Max’s fault.” “

“These are Maxwell, Leo and Bertie,” Angelica introduced. “Boys, this is Drake.”

“Hi, man!” The blond one said with a shit-eating grin. “Abuela, Lena, you guys didn’t tell me you were buying a Liverpool fan.”

“Adoption is not a purchase of people, Leo” the oldest one --Bertrand, corrected.

“Yeah, cause if it was, then you got Leo from the clearance rack,” the youngest one joked, checking his reflection in the hallway mirror, smoothing back an out-of-place dark hair. “I hope you kept your receipt.”

“Fuck, off,” the blond one replied with a middle finger.

“Watch it, Leo,” Angelica warned. “Boys.”

Max kissed her on the cheek. “Sorry, abue.” She forgave him with a smile, then swatted at his hand with her spoon when he dipped his finger into the pot.

“I’m glad you’re here, bro” Leo said. I stood, and he gave me a fist bump without touching my hand.

“Me too! And we’re going to be roomies,” the kid named Max said. He grabbed a stack of plates from the counter. I followed him over to the long dining room table and helped set the table for seven people.

2020

I lost count of how many days I’ve been in the hole. It wasn’t my first time in here and it sure as hell it wouldn’t be the last. It was always the same routine. Days and nights blended into one making it impossible to know what day it was or how much time I had been in here.

I have been in jail for six excrutiating years. I had known from the day I heard the sentencing that the only way I was going to survive was if I didn’t think about her. It was the hardest thing I had to do but after a while, my routine was running smoothly and when my head hit the pillow at night, I was too fucking exhausted. She haunted my dreams and my nightmares, but I didn’t think of her beyond that. Except for the hole. Locked up there, cold, hungry, and utterly alone her face, my memories of her were the only thing that helped me go on.

I replayed in my head our first encounter, our first kiss, our first time. I obsessed about her full lips, her expressive brown eyes, her gorgeous smile. I could spend hours picturing every single corner of her soft delicate curves. Sometimes, I wondered if --maybe, I didn’t start fights in the hope of being sent to the hole where I could spend my time fantasizing about her. It was pure torture, but I couldn’t help myself. The memories I had of her, of us and our short time together were the only light in my otherwise bleak life.

She still wrote me every week but I hadn’t open any single one of her letters. I didn’t want to know if she was moving on with her life or worst if she was waiting for me. Because that was what Lexie didn’t understand. Even if nothing happened and I was released in one year, I would never be that boy again. The Drake Walker she had known and loved was dead and she wasn’t going to like the man that had been left in his place. I was damn sure about that.

Tagging:

@mskaneko

@burnsoslow

@kingliam2019

@kat-tia801

@petiteboheme

@tinkie1973

@twinkle-320

@thegreentwin

@forallthatitsworth

@marshmallowsandfire

@marshmallowsaremyfavorite

@princessleac1

@lilacsandwhiskey

@lovingchoices14

@nomadics-stuff

#tw child neglect #tw child abandonment #tw children #tw child labor #axwalker writes #drake walker #drake walker fanfic #drake x mc #drake x lexie #trr fanfic #trr au fanfic

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chryuhwan · 3 years

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helloooo i’m sol (21+, they/them) and this is yuhwan. he’s an old oc revamped too many times so if he seems familiar... my b dude i’m attached i guess. anyway, i’m excited to be here! please like this post if you’re interested in plotting and i’ll hit you up. i’m not on twitter and pretty sparse on discord, so i prefer tumblr im! but if that’s difficult for you, we can figure smth out! i have a short (haha) tl;dr under the cut, but you can also read up more on his BIO and PROFILE pages.

RUNDOWN

TRIGGER & CONTENT WARNINGS: physical abuse, underage drug/alcohol consumption, (attempted) suicide (lmk if you want a redacted summary!)

BASICS — born and raised in busan up until the tender age of seventeen, when he was sent (“exiled”) to seoul to live with his aunt and uncle and attend hannam. the catalyst was a rebellious phase turned lifestyle (a lot of really reckless decisions involving drugs, alcohol, vandalism, swiping money from the tithes & offerings, u name it) and his parents deciding they a) didn’t want to deal with that and b) didn’t want that to reflect on their reputations. he’s been in seoul ever since and has never stayed in busan for longer than a couple of days.

ON RELIGION & FAITH — the only son of the head pastor of a well-known megachurch in busan, yuhwan was raised under the strict and watchful eye of his obsessive parents! he’s not religious anymore by any means, but faith (or his lack thereof) has shaped a huge part of his mentality. his lack of belief in a higher power is the foundation of his ‘if i have the confidence to own up to the potential consequences of my actions, then i’ll do whatever i want to’ mindset. he’s not going to be discouraged by a god that doesn’t exist!

ON SEOUL — hates it. yep. he hates seoul, but he doesn’t really have the drive to try to find somewhere he does like because he hates busan too. when he was sent to live with his aunt and uncle, he was treated pretty poorly (still flinches when people raise their hand at him), like a glorified punching bag. hannam wasn’t any better, and the military was nice in the way prison cells might be. he hates cramped things and the only decent jogging path he knows runs him right by the bridge he almost jumped off of after his military service ended so. you know. you win some, you lose some.

ON HANNAM — hated it. yep. straight up hated it. he was pretty good about being friendly around virtually anyone who held his attention for more than a couple of seconds, but yuhwan hates the idea of hierarchies! finds them downright stifling, and he doesn’t like the idea of being placed in a box, etc. hannam felt like an oppressive social pyramid and he thought that kinda sucked so as friendly as he was on the outside, he had zero interest in making friends and has probably only willingly kept in touch with a handful of people since graduating.

ON GOSSIPS, RUMORS, AND SECRETS — he’s a tabloid writer. once a regular editor for a small newspaper, he gave that up and decided to sacrifice his morals for a higher paycheck. he blames his mom because she, as the pastor’s wife, had a lot of access to juicy gossip and liked to tell yuhwan about it. yuhwan’s probably the least trustworthy person he knows. he’s careful to keep the secrets of people he cares about, but as it turns out, he doesn’t really care about that many people. he’s friendly, open to listening, and honestly not that bad at giving advice etc., but be on your guard. wouldn’t want your dirty laundry to be aired out for the world to see, after all.

ON THE PRESENT — he’s minding his own business. really. like i said, he’s probably kept in touch with some people, but otherwise he’s not really interested in the busy lives of almost-strangers unless they’re going to get him a bonus on his next paycheck. yuhwan very much so marches to the beat of his own drum. he doesn’t care much about the world around him and only cares when it inconveniences him. like a kite without a string, he’s floating wherever the fuck the wind’s going to take him!

ON HIS SECRET — after graduating from high school, and then university, and then finishing military service, yuhwan thought he might literally lose his fucking mind if he didn’t set himself free in one way or another. ultimately, he decides he won’t be able to coexist in peace with his parents unless they change. and because they won’t change of their own volition, he submits an anonymous tip about his father’s embezzlement of church funds. in the end, it doesn’t destroy his dad’s legacy or anything; the church is still up and running—but it’s an ordeal that takes months, years of being humbled by the weight of the world. he doesn’t feel bad about it. his mom gossips less and his dad’s less of an asshole, after all. makes family gatherings that much more bearable when they’re all tired of existing!

CONNECTIONS

BEST FRIEND — just one. no dramatic childhood friends story or anything like that. just one person he actually really genuinely sincereeeeeely liked from hannam that didn’t take any effort or slow build to figure out. probably the only person he really trusts in this big, bad city. you’ve got a huge weapon in your hands! he’s not used to putting this much trust in others. (+1000 if in a two-day relationship that ended terribly. ‘i would never date you again, but i’ll still die for u’ kinda vibes)

HANNAM FRIENDS — there won’t be many, but! anyone? anyone?? he was a friendly, easygoing person (still is, tbh) during his hannam days, but was definitely a free spirit who did whatever he wanted. if you could keep up with his pace, then he might have liked your company. he’s not a fan of overly serious people unless they have the patience of a saint! (trust me, you’ll need it.)

HANNAM... NOT FRIENDS — he’s not so conscious of his surroundings as to have enemies himself, but he definitely did get pushed around for a little while when he was first getting settled. and he’s also definitely spoken out of turn and said some rude shit (not on purpose) (he just doesn’t have a filter) here and there. want to hate his guts? please do. negative energy’s welcome in this house!

COUSIN — a similar-aged cousin, also the child of the aunt and uncle yuhwan absolutely fucking abhors. they might have a contentious relationship. might even be a positive one. either way, they lived under the same roof for a few years!

TABLOID VICTIM — got a little fame to your name? have a nasty scandal you didn’t want to get out? well, now it’s out. and sensationalized, too! maybe you know it’s him who leaked it (and wrote the article, while we’re at it). maybe you don’t!

BUSAN BUDDIES — and i use the word ‘buddies’ loosely. grow up in busan? have religious parents? religious yourself maybe? well, maybe you bumped into each other then. yuhwan had the reputation of being a prim and proper pastor’s son, amiable and cheerful and so so devoted, up until he was suddenly sent to seoul. all of his bad habits and reckless adventures were largely done behind his parents’ backs (until he got caught, at least!)—you know of them? partake in them, maybe? or maybe you didn’t know, and you’re wondering why the fuck he came to seoul in the first place

BLACKMAIL — he’s not above using underhanded tactics if they’re made available to him. sometimes he doesn’t even need a big reason. maybe he found out a secret of yours and he wants a secret you know about someone else. he’ll hold it over your head! call it a little game of cat and mouse!

#thank you for the welcomes! will get to them soon #chrintro

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everybodyscupoftea · 4 years

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to grandmother’s house we go

sigma chi jj x reader

you bring jj to your family’s christmas

ope. two days late again

(warnings: a little bit of cursing, minor editing)

The first Christmas JJ came home with you, you felt like you should warn him. The two of you had been together for just over two years, and he was used to your immediate family, but your extended family was a different story.

“Okay,” you started when he crossed over the state line into your home state, “I feel like I should say that we aren’t going to be at my house much.”

“What?” he asked, glancing over at you out of the corner of his eye.

“Yeah, um, my family normally goes to stay out of town with my Grandma. We do one half of the family on Christmas Eve and the other half on Christmas Day.”

JJ raised his eyebrows, “Your family knows I’m coming right? Like your extended family?”

“Yeah, definitely! My mom told them.”

“And they were okay with it?” he asked, sounding cautious.

“They’re eager to meet you,” you reassured him, “I think they’re just happy to see me finally dating someone.”

He snorted, “Yikes.”

“Yeah, well, my family lives to pressure my sister and I into marriage.”

“Wait,” he looked a little panicked, “they’re not expecting us to be engaged, right?”

“No, but they might bring it up. Just ignore it.”

“I-” he cut himself off, “okay, if you say so.”

You were just glad the conversation had gone as well as it did.

“Three hours?” JJ hissed at you when your dad took both of your duffle bags out of the car and stuck them in your parents’ trunk.

“It’s a long drive,” you offered innocently, “but at least you don’t have to drive.”

“Nope, just get to sit in the backseat.”

“J, at least you get a window seat, I’m sitting in the middle.”

He rolled his eyes, “Yeah and you’re going to fall asleep on me no more than 45 minutes in.”

“Slander,” you protested.

Your sister walked out in time to hear him and she laughed, “He’s right.”

“You can’t talk,” you argued, “you’re worse than me.”

“Twins,” she singsonged in a high pitched voice, and you rolled your eyes.

“Brought headphones for this ride thank god.”

“I can be louder than headphones,” she spoke confidently.

JJ let you climb in first before reaching across you to give your sister a fist bump, and you sighed, “I hate that you two know each other. Y’all are the worst together.”

He squeezed your thigh, “You love us.”

“Unfortunately,” you muttered.

You did fall asleep, but much to your satisfaction, so did JJ. Your sister woke you up first when you pulled into your grandma’s driveway, elbowing you straight in the ribs. Jolting, you woke up JJ immediately, and his head flew up from where it was resting on top of yours, looking around wildly.

“Christ,” you muttered, glaring at your sister, “that was rude as hell.”

“I got a cute picture of you two.”

You paused, “Okay, send it to me.”

JJ blinked adorably, trying to get a grasp on his surroundings, and mumbled, “Did we make it?”

“Yeah, bud,” you told him, grabbing his hand.

He smiled softly, maybe even a little thankfully, and took a deep breath, “Okay, let’s do this.”

“If it makes you feel better,” your sister leaned around you to talk to him, “you aren’t meeting the problematic side of our family until tomorrow.”

JJ paused for a second to process, then nodded, “That does actually, thank you.”

Before you could say anything else, JJ climbed out of the car, seemingly more awake, to help your dad carry in the bags and presents for his side of the family. Your dad nodded at him, a satisfied little smile on his face, “Thanks, son.”

“You’re welcome, sir.”

Together they carried them through the porch to where your grandma was waiting with the door open. Your sister muttered, “Kiss up,” under her breath, and you snorted.

“He’s trying to make a good impression on grandma and pawpaw, we both know that they’re super laid back and judge more based on conversational ability, but he doesn’t.”

She widened her eyes at you, “You didn’t tell him?”

“I didn’t tell him we were staying here until like five hours ago.”

“Oh my god,” she muttered, “you’re actually a disaster.”

Your grandma cooked dinner, traditional Christmas dinner with the turkey and ham, macaroni and cheese, dressing, sweet potato casserole, and green beans. JJ was staring at it in confusion, arms stiffly by his side even though you knew he’d normally have an arm around your shoulder.

Leaning into his side a little, you told him, “We eat steak on the actual holiday here, that’s why it’s traditional early. You don’t have to look so scared, bud. I promise they’re super chill.”

“What does everyone want to drink?” your grandma asked before JJ could react.

“Water,” you answered, and JJ nodded, signalling the same.

“Guests first,” your pawpaw urged, and JJ hesitantly grabbed one of the plates in the stack to start filling it up. He was careful to not spill anything, and his grip on the plate was like steel. You reached over to pat his hand in some sort of effort to soothe him, and he relaxed the slightest bit.

Until he finished and walked over to the table where there were five spots for 10 people. You almost ran into his back, “J, what’s wrong.”

“Where do I sit,” he hissed, clearly anxious about it.

“Find a place with a glass of water and sit there. It’s not like assigned,” you answered, secretly hoping you could steer him toward the seat you normally sat in.

You did, and he sat down, not starting to eat right off the bat until he saw you dig in. It was slow, as if he was trying to wait for everyone to sit down, but you elbowed him until he picked up the pace.

“I’m trying to be polite,” he whispered.

“Trust me, you wanna hit the dessert before my dad.”

JJ snorted, finally relaxing a bit. Your grandma, cousin and his girlfriend, and sister sat down next and immediately started asking JJ questions about his major, his frat, his favorite hobbies, and what he wanted to do in the future.

That he’d gone through before, with your immediate family, and he had the answers on deck. He spoke confidently, and you could tell your grandma was impressed. It helped him relax, and by the time everyone moved to the living room to watch a Christmas movie before bed, he sat on the couch next to you and was even comfortable enough to put an arm around your shoulder.

When he left to get ready for bed in the one bathroom, your pawpaw finally spoke up, “He’s a good kid.”

“He’s the best,” you agreed.

“We got him a gift,” your aunt added, “so that he has something to open on Christmas Day.”

You teared up, knowing it would mean the world to him. JJ didn’t talk about his childhood much, especially holidays. You knew he had no interest in going home to his dad, and from what you did know, there was never much of a Christmas celebration involving gifts.

“Thank you guys so much,” you finally managed.

Immediately JJ went straight back into discomfort mode as soon as your family walked into your aunt’s house. Everyone was already there, and the small house felt stuffed.

You leaned close, “Party vibes, huh? Should be pretty familiar.”

He snorted, “Not even close.”

“This is the problematic side,” your sister reminded him, “they’ll definitely get in your business and you’re going to hear a ton of small town gossip.”

“ The gossip is pretty interesting,” you admitted, “but the yearly questioning isn’t the best.”

“How often do you see your family?” JJ asked.

“Christmas. And sometimes a trip during the summer.”

He hummed, and followed you and your sister deeper into the house. Your sister took over, introducing him to whoever you ran into on the way. You could hear your mom in the kitchen catching up with her sister, and your dad took his normal spot on the couch with your uncle and cousins.

JJ shook hands with your favorite cousin, who immediately started asking him questions.

“How’d you two meet?”

Glancing over at you, JJ cleared his throat, “We were in the same orientation group and became friends through that.”

He hummed, looking at the two of you skeptically before turning back to JJ, “Major?”

“Marine biology.”

“You fish?”

JJ nodded eagerly, finally in his element, “Definitely.”

“Saltwater or fresh?”

“Either, but back home mostly salt.”

Your cousin looked impressed, “Where are you from?”

“Outer Banks of North Carolina.”

“Sometime when it warms back up, you’ll have to come visit again and we’ll go fishing.”

“Looking forward to it.”

JJ relaxed, stretching back into the couch a bit while the conversation picked back up around him. Your cousins’ kids were in another room napping, and you leaned over to him, “We’re getting the gossip early while the kids sleep. Board games after lunch.”

And as you explained, your grandmother dove into the rumors she’d heard about the new pastor in town. She leaned forward and you knew it was going to be a particularly interesting take.

“And then we saw the preacher’s wife smoking a cigarette outside the movie theatre.”

Your sister dramatically gasped, “How dare she?”

You snorted, but your grandmother, used to ignoring both of you, kept on talking until she finally came back around and landed on your sister.

“Your sister has a boyfriend, when will you be bringing one for us to meet?” she asked.

“Well, whenever I can get a boy to like me, I guess.”

She looked at JJ, “Are you planning on marrying my granddaughter.”

He froze, staring at your grandmother with wide eyes, “We haven’t really, uh, talked about marriage.”

“Mhmm, yet here you are, at family Christmas.”

“Okay, grandmother,” you cut in, “he’s family, and you know family doesn’t have to be by blood or marriage. It can be friendship.”

“You love her?” your grandmother ignored you to ask.

JJ reached over and took your hand, meeting your grandmother’s eyes, “Of course.”

She nodded and backed off, seemingly satisfied with his answer. Turning back to your sister, she added, “I expect a boy to be at Christmas with you soon, young lady.”

“What if it’s a girl?” your sister asked, clearly trying to egg her on.

“I’ll take either at this point.”

Clapping your hand over your mouth, you held in a loud laugh at your sister’s indignant face, and your dad didn’t even try. JJ squeezed your hand and you looked over to see his eyes squinted, biting his lip, to hold in his laughs.

“Just wait until I never get married,” your sister crossed her arms with a huff.

“I’m going to murder you,” your uncle glared at you, “you better stop looking at my sheet.”

You scoffed, “Don’t put it in my eyesight then. Hold it up.”

“Just don’t cheat!” he exclaimed.

“Not cheating, just using my resources.”

And when he didn’t respond, you started crossing out the weapons on the sheet your uncle had just accidentally let you see. Your sister cleared her throat, “Well since he threatened her, Colonel Mustard is the killer and I’d like to make an accusation.”

“We started five minutes ago,” your cousin told her, “hush.”

She lunged forward and almost elbowed JJ’s empty gumbo bowl off the table.

“Hey,” your dad yelled, “relax.”

“No. I simply will not relax until you let me accuse.”

“Dude, you haven’t even had a turn yet,” you rolled your eyes

“I’ve been looking at mom’s card,” she admitted.

Your mom gasped, scooting away from her, “Cheater!”

“How’s it feel to raise two cheaters,” your uncle taunted your mom.

“Only at board games,” you added, looking over at JJ.

He smiled at you, clearly amused at everything unfolding. The game went on for 30 minutes before JJ eventually won it. Your sister glared at him, “Should’ve left you at Grandma’s.”

Reaching over to ruffle her hair, he teased, “Sore loser.”

“I’m keeping your gift.”

“You won’t.”

“I will. Better show some respect.”

“Respect is earned.”

Her jaw dropped and your mom snorted, “Give up now.”

Your sister, always needing the last word, “Watch out, new kid, you’re the replaceable one here.”

JJ leaned forward, elbows on the table to look into her narrowed eyes, “Until I propose.”

Cheeks heating, you stared at him in shock, and he moved back, a satisfied smile on his face.

“Damn,” your dad coughed, “got her again.”

“Okay, any present marked JJ comes to me now,” she announced, “now that we’re family.”

Before anyone else could answer, one of the kids walked in holding a box, and your cousin stood, “Time for presents.”

JJ had a few, one from your parents, two from your grandmother, and a couple your cousins chipped in on. His eyes widened when he actually had a small pile, mostly gift cards, but he was still excited.

And at the end of the night, the five of you walked out to the car to drive back to your grandma’s house. Your dad looked at JJ over his shoulder, “You made it through. How’re you doing?”

“Pretty good.”

“Well, you got yourself a standing invitation.”

JJ’s smile was small but pleased as he stared at the window. You reached down to grab his hand and he squeezed in response. Right as you got to your grandma’s house, it hit midnight, and you leaned over to kiss his cheek, “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

day 10 of @obxmermaid‘s holiday challenge: visiting relatives

#sigma chi!jj #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x you #jj maybank fic #outer banks #outer banks fic #obxmermaidholiday #frat!jj

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cowboyified · 3 years

Text

Below are some WIPs I’m releasing into the wild. They were all written at different times over the past two years so any mistakes/cliches you can blame on past June, I don’t know them.

Go, be free.

This first one I think is the one I’m most fond of. I had such a vision for it; bottlecaps in trees, river swimming, making out against the fridge, all that good stuff you get with weecest.

The summer Sam is seventeen they stay in one place for long enough Dean starts referring to it as ‘home’.

It’s an old farmhouse, miles from any other structure, bar an outhouse and hay shed. There’s a porch running the length of the front and back, the wooden boards pulled up from their nails, wavy with the weather. Weatherboard paint peeling, wallpaper inside torn and missing in most places.

They’re squatting, technically. The property owned by a family saved by hunters once, friends of friends of Bobby’s, too distraught by what they’d witnessed to raise their kids on cursed land. Dean had told Sam that Dad had been told by Bobby that had been told by Pastor Jim that it was chupacabras. A whole pack of ‘em, feeding off the lambs in the back paddock, tried to take a bite out of the baby girl and Sam had said, “As if man, those things are tiny, I’ve seen pictures, you could kick one and it would limp away like a fucking chihuaha, you scared of chihuahas, huh, Dean?” But Sam still hikes his sheet up under his chin when he hears scuffling under their window between sleep.

There’s remnants of the house’s past inhabitants still scattered around the place. Sam had stood and slid two inches on the wheels of a tiny replica car that had been jammed under the couch the second day they arrived, piffed it at his brother’s head, who’d caught it, exclaimed that it was Camero, dude, treat her with some respect and had sat it on top of the fridge.

The bookshelf in the corner of their shared bedroom holds mostly dust and tattered occult books stolen from libraries from all over the country, left by hunters who have found what they’ve needed and moved on. There are a few of the worst Stephen King novels shoved haphazardly on the top shelf and Sam finds something funny in that, the irony in enjoying bad horror when the real deal lurks behind the screen door.

Dean gives him a look when Sam pulls down and cracks open a copy of The Tommyknockers, snorts, “Haven’t you read that one already?” and Sam says, tucking himself into bed, “Yeah, it fucking sucks, King was royally off his head while writing it, that’s why it’s so good.” Sam finishes three quarters of it in one sitting while listening to Dean’s quiet snores from the other side of the room.

It’s a ten minute drive to the closest town, an off the highway, invisible to the outside world, kind of one-street community. No reason to take the exit if you don’t already know it’s there, one store, one gas station, one bar in an old brick post office building, unfitting, the carpet pulled up at the corners but home to the best fries Sam has ever had in his life.

Sam follows Dean out to the courtyard, neither of them are legally old enough to drink but there’s nothing else to do but to get respectably drunk in a place like this, anyone that has lived long enough in the true country is some kind of functioning alcoholic, so Dean orders a beer and isn’t asked for ID. In a town small enough for everyone to know every intricate detail in the threads of dirty laundry, they are foreigners. No one knows where they’re from or where they’re going and Sam knows that Dean likes it that way.

It’s never been a secret that Sam prefers to feel like he has a part in everyday normalcy. Dean thrives under anonymity, gets a kick out of it because it makes him feel dangerous. He had stopped accompanying Sam to school two states ago, a silent agreement with their father when Dean had come home early and helped John cut splits into the tips of bullets instead. Like hell I’m signing up for compulsory extra curricular activities. What’s the point in making friends with people whose biggest concerns are the answers to whatever bullshit test and who fucked who last Friday?

Finding comfort in a nine-to-five kind of community is a flaw Sam’s been burdened to deal with.

It’s early afternoon, the courtyard is empty and the table they chose rocks on its legs every time Dean slides his drink over for Sam to share. It’s bitter and Sam hasn’t had enough beer in his life to know if it’s supposed to be like that or if it has just soured from the long journey it took to get from the brewery to their glass. He drinks it and doesn’t grimace because his brother is looking at him through the rays of warm country sun.

“Tastes like piss, huh,” Dean says, leaning forward out of the light so Sam can see him clearly again. He takes back the glass.

“S’not that bad,” Sam replies, rubbing the leftover condensation into his hand, doesn’t look at Dean, finds it hard these days, twists in his gut all wrong. Sam knows why.

His brother hums, “There’s gotta be something else to do around here.”

Sam thinks, Dad’s left the car, we can go wherever we want, but doesn’t say it because his brother is loyal to a disastrous fault.

That’s a recurring thought. Sam in the shotgun seat, his brother behind the wheel, driving away. Just away, to someplace else and they’d be okay because they’d have each other and all Sam ever needs is his brother, like water. But John will be back in two weeks, term starts again in a month and he needs his father to sign the enrollment forms. Two more years.

“You see the old dredge outside of town?” Sam asks, remembers passing it when they arrived, all twisted, rusting metal, the bones of it against the setting sun.

“What did I tell you about respecting your elders?”

“You told me that they all smell like porridge and are easily susceptible to sleight of hand. No, Dean, Dredge,” Sam stresses. “Big rusty old machine that pulls minerals out of water.”

“Looking to strike big, Sammy?”

“Yeah, you see, my family is poor, brother at home too dumb to get a job. Our father went to get milk and never came back,” Sam sniffs for effect. “I can’t go home empty handed again, sir.”

“Ah, a real sob story,” Dean nods in understanding, tips his head back and finishes the beer. “Let’s get out there then, sonny. We shan't let that simpleton, downright fool of a brother go hungry.” Dean jabs Sam in the ribs when he stands, hard enough for him to gasp, gets Sam’s head under his arm before he can recover. Sam claws embarrassingly at his brother’s torso, face pressed warm into the side of Dean’s waist.

“I will pray for us young Samuel, for I too, dream of riches,” his brother is exclaiming, tripping them out and onto the street. “I only ask that we share whatever bounty dredged as I saw the most exquisite pony a few miles back and I simply must have it.”

And Sam thinks - with his flushed cheek hard against Dean’s skin through the thin sweaty fabric of his shirt, heart beating too fast against his ribs in a way that has nothing to do with exhaustion - you can have it all.

---

Sam’s brother’s perpetual state of being is ten miles over the speed limit; this can be applied to almost every aspect of him. Dean goes and goes and rarely stops. They’re pushing double that out of town, north of their property, into the forever stretch of flat land and Sam loses himself in it. That idea of away, of going and going and that Dean could take him because he’s an expert in the field.

The Impala blasts Born To Be Wild and Sam imagines the lyrics spreading out over the dry grass. He rolls the window down and throws his head out, trying his best to keep his eyes open against the road’s wind. The sun beats down, warmth soaking through and into his bones and Sam laughs as the cattle turn to catch a glimpse of them soaring.

Dean pulls him in, tugs at the back of his shirt, says something along the lines of, what are you, a dog? Should get you a shock collar for all the times you’re a little bitch, but Sam can’t hear him over the roaring of the open window and the look of transparent glee on Dean’s face, it’s loud and assaulting and Sam has to turn away because seeing Dean like that wobbles him dangerously from the nonchalant facade he has going on in relation to how he feels about his brother. But mostly his face hurts from smiling too wide.

Used as a warm up last year. Boyking!Sam

He thinks he’s in Louisiana, maybe. That he got here in the tray of a pickup and that he couldn’t feel the wind in his hair like maybe he should. The driver had stopped for a piss-break and Sam had snapped his neck without his hands.

He rubs them together now, tries to feel guilty but there’s nothing to feel guilty about because his hands are clean; he doesn’t have to use them anymore.

Sam thinks he’s in Louisiana because he stepped out of the truck and into a wet kind of heat. There’s a church with thick greenery growing over the roof and white wood that’s been mold-blackened by the humidity. He laughs to the darkness because it's very funny to him that he’s driven himself subconsciously to a place of grace.

He skips up the steps, two at a time, gleefully. The smell of the bayou and rotting wood has put him in a good mood. The lock snaps when he blinks, the chain unraveling and snaking into a coil at his feet. The doors open for him and maybe he did that with his mind too, or maybe they were just expecting him.

The church has been used recently, its interior better kept than the outside, bibles tucked neatly in the backs of pews, ribbons tied into plaits. The white of the moon falls in blankets through the windows, shadows of leaves moving over the floor like rippling water and the bust of Mother Mary prays for him at the altar.

Sam spreads his arms and addresses her, says to the room at large, “Shall I repent for my sins, oh Lord?” and it echoes, gives him goosebumps, a current under his skin. He has an audience here because God is omnipresent, this is a place of worship and Sam has always been good at that.

A church in Louisiana, standing before a plaster of his mother’s namesake in a church for a God he used to think could have some defying factor in a destiny that was always going to be concrete. It’s funny, blatantly. Sam puts his hands gently to Mary’s cold face, kisses her on her lips before crushing her head, spraying ceramic.

Sam stands behind the lectern, hands red with his own blood now, sticking the pages of the Good Book. He’s read it before anyway.

“Am I to be forgiven?”

Last is a casefic I had planned out in 2019. I didn’t get very far into the actual writing part of it, but I still think the setting is cool, less so the plot I had in mind.

Just outside of Bridgeport, Connecticut there’s a community built on a sandbar. A small secluded semi-island, connected to the mainland by a mile-long beachfront. A town of forty to fifty now abandoned, vandalised residences.

The police find the bodies of the boys there, bleeding out and into the sand, each other’s skin caught under their fingernails.

Sam watches as his brother pulls the sheet back from one of the corpses, laying blue on the steel morgue tray. He’s a kid, a boy, not even eighteen. Hairless, lanky, multiple stab wounds puckered around his belly and Sam thinks he does not look peaceful for someone who is meant to be at rest.

Dean is quieter than usual, his body language stiff. They’ve seen their fair share of dead kids but Sam thinks that this one might look a little too much like an adolescent version of himself. Shaggy brown hair, too long limbs, college on the horizon. Sam blankets the sheet back over the boy’s face and hears his brother exhale in what he thinks might be relief.

The coroner tells them that the other two are the same, besides the youngest one. He’d been blinded, thumbs pushed through his eyes until they popped like grapes. He asks if they want to see him too and Sam says no, thank you, we’ve got what we need.

Which is a whole lot of nothing, but they’ve only just arrived and there’s evidence that doesn’t involve corpses that needs to be checked.

“Pussied out in there huh, Sammy?” Dean says as they’re walking down the funeral home’s front steps, past the manicured roses and trimmed lawn. You see these perfect hedges? We’ll treat your dead mother with the same detailed care!

Sam pulls at his tie and scoffs because he knows he wasn’t the only one uncomfortable standing in the morgue; cases that involve kids always rub them both wrong.

#wip dump #wincest #my words

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jawritter · 4 years

Text

The Arrangement

Part 2

Summery: You are a young girl that was raised in a small church in Dallas, TX. One of the only churches left in the state that still practices arranged marriages. When your betrothed ran off to California you thought you'd escape the fate you were trained for ever since a small child. Now upon the death your parents your fate seemed to be inescapable as he's returned, and is ready to take you as his bride.

Book Warnings: Arranged marriage, loss of virginity, smut, unprotected sex, angst, language, suicide attempt, battles with anxiety, struggles with mental illness, age gap (about 11 years), I think that’s it, chapters will have warnings of their own!

Chapter Warnings: Grief, dealing with the death of parents, talk of arranged marriage, some language probably? I think that’s it really.

Word Count: 1866

A/N: This book is a book about Christian and church based arranged marriages, I would like to take this moment to say that I DO NOT have ANYTHING against the Chirstian faith, and mean absolutely no harm to anyone! Especially Jensen’s family! This is a complete work of fiction, and should be treated as such!

Beta’d by the amazing @deanwanddamons who was awesome enough to do all this for me! It was a lot of work, and she deserves all the praise for it!!

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Want More? Check Out My Masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***SERIES MASTERLIST***

Jensen's POV:

The church was quiet today, contrary to the place that Jensen remembered from his childhood. The gray carpets and dark auburn pews that sat on top of it in three rows were empty. There were no sounds of the musicians warming up, not the quiet rumble of chatter as people made their way to their Sunday seats.

Just silence.

All the lights were off, all but the small spotlights above the pulpit that matched the color of the pews.

A large cross with a battered man with his head hanging down on his chest hung on display for the whole of the church to see. A crown of thorns on his head, and a cloth draped around his waist.

Jensen sat in the very front row in the middle of the dark church, staring up at the man on the cross, wondering if he even knew he was down there looking up at him.

For years he'd played a character on a show that emphasized the idea of a higher deity which was God. He had been raised to know this God. He'd been taught all the Sunday school lessons all the good boys learned. He’d been baptized as a young child like so many others in the baptistry that now stood empty in the very back of the church behind the choir loft.

He knew the bible, he knew the story, he'd heard the sermons. Still something was missing; something still felt out of place.

He'd been taught how to go through the motions. He’d been able to fake it through most of his young and adult life. Now though, he couldn't help but find himself wondering if this man that had supposedly died, hung on a rugged cross, bearing the sins of the whole entire world even knew he existed, because here lately he sure felt alone.

Looking down at his hands that were folded in his lap, he could see they were starting to show his age. He wasn't a young man anymore, he could see it even in his hands. Middle age had hit him harder than he wanted to admit. All the stunts that he'd insisted on doing himself had scared his knuckles. He's body felt all the aches and pains of the stupid things he'd done when he was younger.

He was the same person that sat on this pew every Sunday as a young man and child, yet he wasn't.

He was scared now, inside and out. He let a woman lie to him. Tell him she loved him, when really it was just a breeding marriage of which she got three children, and a whole lot of money.

Which is what she wanted more than anything. The money that is.

The night he'd caught her with his best friend was the night he'd done a whole lot of rethinking. What if he'd have never left home for California? Sure he was successful and rich, but what had that gotten him? A gold digging whore, who loved nothing but money and herself.

Most men his age had a family and a home. He had nothing. A broken family, and three kids that barely recognized him at best.What if he would have married her? She probably would have given him children, a home and a family of his own. She would have been faithful. A good wife.

Fulfilling the duties that he'd watched his mother and grandmother perform. What a wife should do.

Not run around on you, and steal money that didn't belong to her.That's when Jensen decided it was time to come home, and do what he should have done all those years ago.

He knew about Y/n. Hell he was 11 years old when she was born. He held her at the hospital. She was the first baby he'd ever held. All his childhood he'd been told that was who God had picked for him to marry.

He remembered how heartbroken his mother was on his wedding day to Danneel. How disappointed his father was.They were right about her. He should have listened.

If he'd just married y/n, he'd never would have had to go through this heartache. She'd be by his side with a family that he could be proud of. Even if there was 11 years between them.

Thankfully, the night he filed for divorce with his now ex wife he called his dad, telling him he'd seen the error of his ways, and wanted to make it right. Y/n wasn't married off to another man. She was still living at home with her parents.

The arrangement was made at her birth.

It still held to this day.

The tragedy of her parents passing had definitely made things a lot more difficult. More so than they had to be.

He'd allowed her to go through the motions of the proceedings of her family's funeral. Holding off on coming to marry her until she was past all of that. He'd waited this long, which was two more days.

Right now, she was at her parents house packing their belongings. He'd wanted to go meet her there and help her, but the pastor said it best to just wait here for them to bring her to him properly.

Jensen heard the heavy wood door drag across the carpet behind him and close with a pop, echoing through the empty sanctuary.

He didn't bother to turn around, just continued to stare at his hands and play with the expensive Rolex that sat on his wrist just under this black dress shirt, and black suit coat as his father's distinct heavy footsteps made their way towards him until they stopped and took a seat next to him.

"Pastor Burton just called. They are en route to the church now. Your mother is on her way with your siblings to witness the exchanging of the vows, and to sign the marriage license as witnesses."

Jensen didn't say a word, just nodded his head. Now looking back up at the man on the cross they called Jesus.

"You're doing the right thing son. I want you to know that." Alan said, looking at his son carefully. Trying to read his features.

Jensen though, showed little to no emotions.

He'd learned how to bury those types of things in the industry. Emotion that wasn't written on paper was a sign of weakness. Not something you needed to portray unless asked to. No matter how deeply you felt it.

"Jensen, there's something you need to understand. I'm not lecturing you, I realize you are a grown man. You’re 41 years old and perfectly capable of making your own decisions, but this girl, even though she's 29 years old, she's been heavily sheltered. Like all the girls in the church chosen by God to marry. Don't take her to that fast Hollywood lifestyle and expect her to be able to conform, cause she won't."

Jensen sat up a little straighter, and threw his left arm over the back of the pew, playing with the wood grain with his fingers.

"I know Dad. I didn't plan to. I'm going to be lying low for a while, I need a break. I spent 15 years of my life building Supernatural.It's my turn to build a life. I can't do that if I'm off somewhere filming, and just leaving y/n at some large house somewhere and expecting her to fall in love with me."

Alan nodded his head in agreement, silently breathing a sigh of relief.

"So are you planning on staying here in Dallas? So she can continue in the church?"

"No." Jensen answered finally, looking at the man that was an older image of himself.

"I told you a long time ago dad, I don't agree with everything that goes on here. I've been out in the world, I've seen how normal people function, and this isn't going to hold me. I can't just let it all go."

"So where are you going to take her?" Alan asked, trying to hide the disappointment that Jensen would once again be disappearing.

"Austin. I've been living in a hillside house that I purchased a while back. The one we were using as a rent house after the renovations on the lake house were done. I'm going to take her there in the morning while we get to know each other a little better. Once we're a little more sure of each other we will decide together where, and how we want to put down roots."

Alan nodded his head, watching his son intently.

"So you intend to make this girl fall in love with you."

"Yes, I do. I want this to be a real marriage. I realize that this would have been a lot easier if I’d have done it when I was supposed to, and her parents were still alive. I understand she's going through a lot emotionally, and I'm not looking forward to asking her to consummate the marriage tonight, even though I know it's what has to be done."

Alan tried hard to swallow the lump in his throat. He hadn't even thought that far ahead.

"Just be patient with her son. She's never done anything like this before I'm sure. They are rarely let out of the slight of their family. I'm sure she's tired, stressed, and scared. She's only seen you on what little bit of TV she was allowed to watch, I'm sure they didn't allow her to watch Supernatural. Her mother was deeply involved and devoted to the church."

Jensen nodded his head. He could feel his heart racing at the gravity of what his father was saying. For the first time he was getting nervous.

"Does she even remember me?" Jensen asked his father, feeling very small right now in the situation that was weighing down on him.

"I don't know son, I haven't spoken to her since the wake of her parents."

Another sound of the door opening and both men turned to see Donna, and Jensen's siblings making their way down the aisle. Jensen stood and wrapped his arms around his mother as she approached him.

"It's good to see you again Mom." He said, breathing in deep the comforting smell that was his mother's perfume, something that he hadn't done in a very long time. A flood of childhood memories filled his mind.

Pulling away from her finally, he greeted his siblings with a short nod that they'd returned. Both of them kept their distance.

"Are you ready Mr. Ackles?" Bro. Charles said, making his way down toward the small group of people. Jensen took a deep breath, and looked over at the young man who was clearly trying to keep his distance.

"I'm ready." Jensen said, as Charles went to turn all the lights on in the sanctuary.

Jensen took his place standing in front of the altar as directed. He looked down at the small table that said, "Do this in remembrance of me" on it. Where the marriage license lay, awaiting their signatures.

This was it. There was no turning back now.

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Tag List: @deanwanddamons @imabitch4jensen @rvgrsbrns @bi-danvers0 @onethirstyunicorn @i-love-superhero @akshi8278 @lyss-dw79 @magssteenkamp @lemondropirwin @squirrelnotsam @hobby27 @spnbaby-67 @mrsjenniferwinchester @defenderrosetyler @screechingartisancashbailiff @thecreatiivecorner @aflamboyanceofgays @vicmc624 @busy-bee-angel-misska @justanotherwinchester @brilovesdeanwinchester @idksupernatural @lyarr24 @amandamdiehl

#jensen ackles #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles x you #jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen ackles fanfic #jensen ackles smut #jensen ackles series #jensen x reader #jensen x you #jensen series #x reader inserts #fanfiction #fanfic #spn #spn fanfic #spn fanfiction #dean winchester #jawritter #jawritter 1k celebration

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calypsoff · 3 years

Text

Sixty.

When Joyce was telling me how she has told Chris to go to church, I mean back home in Barbados, I would go to church, but it just came to me. We probably do need to go to church because all we get constantly is hate, especially Chris, I feel like bad vibes follow him a lot and it is because like she said, there is a lot of people that don’t like him. Imagine your own family wanting shit on you, those bad vibes can get you, so I decided to come to church, Chris was side eyeing me, he was like I am being dramatic, but I believe in it, I do think it’s right and with the baby coming, Chris going to court we need the luck because I do not want to lose Chris, I need god to help me through it. When I was with Rakim, I felt so lost and I turned to god, he blessed me with Chris. He bought the love of my life back and I feel like maybe we lost that by not going, by forgetting god “this is a cute church, so did you go here with your Sunday best yes?” Chris shrugged “I was forced to come here and I played up, my grandma would beat my ass and give me those looks to stop fucking around but it’s me so yeah, but I did come here until I went jail, after jail I didn’t go even though I could gone to the church in the jail, I just was hating everything, I was so angry at why, why me. Every nigga is dealing but why me, so I was hateful” I can imagine he was “well we going today so come” Rich and Frank got out of the car “mhmm, we will see if this blesses us” he is so negative, his ass “thank you” Frank opened the door for me, I slid out of the car with my ever so baggy clothing, I hate it but you never know, people do take sneaky pictures and I don’t like that so I rather be safe. Also with what I posted, people are guessing now, some believed that it happened. TJ’ son really made me excited, he was so adorable and kept patting my bump anyways.

Frank walked inside the church first, it is so eerily quiet, and I am glad it is, I hope nobody is here so we can get some peace. Walking inside and it’s silent, nobody is here. Frank just stood to the side, looking behind me. Chris is of course dragging his feet because he thinks he doesn’t need this, he does. Only thing you can hear is my heels hitting the floor “you’re very heavy footed” rolling my eyes, Chris is annoying “thanks” sitting down near the front but one back, shuffling along “church reminds me of Dolly so much, we had so many good memories with her” Chris sat next to me “do you not believe in god?” I had to question it because he is being negative “I do” he looked at me “then?” I asked confused with him “just you lose it when so much shit happens, is god playing with my life? Why is it I am always on edge, how is that possible. It just makes me think and lose that, I really do believe in it because he bought me you but now I am always thinking I will never get to see my kids grow, so that is it. God ain’t going to fix the fact I like your feet either” he is so annoying but I understand what he means “I am in no way preaching so let’s just sit here and think for a little, we both have things we need to think of” that is if Chris can keep quiet because he likes to play a lot.

I am proud of Chris, he remained quiet and had his head bowed down. He was thinking, the pastor finally came out. I fully expected him to be here earlier but no, he smiled at me “welcome” he spoke “thank you” Chris lifted his head up “not coming on Sunday?” he asked “I think we will be gone by then, this is Chris’ church more then mine” the guy smiled “I know him” he chuckled “Joyce’ boy” he made his way over to us “I am here if you need to speak, it’s nice to see you here today. Both of you, god is always with you” Chris sniggered “god is out here trying to kill me, like am I supposed to be here? Or is god teasing me with the good?” the pastor smiled and made his way closer to us “do you mind” he asked, I am going to keep quiet because this is Chris’ time not mine “no sit sir” he sat in front of us and turned to us “god will never give you something you can’t handle Chris, do you have good?” Chris nodded his head “yeah, I have the love of my life. My literal soul mate. I am sick and tired of feeling like I have to watch myself, like I want to live but I can’t” the pastor nodded his head understanding “son, it’s because you are losing faith. Once you start to lose faith, you start to feel scared. God can’t protect you, the fear you feel is the devil getting to you, the words you hear and fear you feel is what the devil wants you to feel. You’re letting the devil in more then god, bad times happens son. But you are reaping the bad with the good, stop thinking on the bad. Once you divert yourself away from the devil talk and listen to god, which is the good. You will see the difference. Tell me the good?” he asked Chris “married, going to be a father, moved out of VA, have my own business. I can get my parents their own home” the pastor smiled “and the bad?” he asked “losing my best friend out of this, being shot. Three times I kissed death, I been dead I know I was, then my family wishing death on me” he nodded his head understanding “the good outweighs son, if you lose people now then they aren’t meant for your new life and let them go. Let god in Chris” Joyce really knows her son, he needed this.

In the SUV going to see the house Chris chose, he got it because he likes it and didn’t even go to look at it. it’s out of the way from where he lives originally anyways “how you feel?” I asked Chris, he seems to be quiet “ok, he is right isn’t he. I let the devil speak to me, I think of that. I just need to think of the blessing I am getting, I can’t let the shit my family want to happen to me affect me. The best thing I can do for my parents, sister and nephew is move them from that place, the family that hate me can choke when they see this. Anyways I told them where to meet us, after the realtor is gone. This home is perfect. I just want to say thank you Robyn, like you been my rock. Even though we have disagreements, but you have my back, you’re supportive of me. Even though you know I am thinking of the bad, you’re there dragging me out of it. Also just allowing me to buy a home for my family, the fifteen million is both of ours and it was earnt mostly on your name” I cooed out, that is so sweet of him “Chris, what is money to me. I have what I want in my life. Your family treated me so well, Joyce treated me like her own. They were so good to me and I remember those things, you’re my husband. I want the best for you, I just don’t want your family to be harassed because it can happen, it did for mine in Barbados. Then you don’t have to worry” Chris smiled at me lightly.

Staring out of the window as we drove by homes, the area looks nice “are we here?” I asked, the car cut away and onto a drive “oh my god, is this the home, Chris this already looks amazing” the home is really big and remote “yeah, you like it. The only thing is that it is a five car garage space, and they have one but who cares” he shrugged but who cares, this looks so nice “I love it, it’s very VA. And the price tag on this is amazing, you know this would be millions?” I laughed, I laughed because it’s true because it’s six bedrooms too so that would be over a million” Chris really just bought it so he has to like it either way, Chris jumped out of the car, he didn’t even wait for the bodyguards to open the door, he is excited and I am excited for him. Rich opened the door for me as I got out, I am randomly feeling tired now “Mr Brown we have no had sale like this, where the person didn’t wan tot see it but you won’t find a single thing wrong with this home” walking over to Chris and the realtor “wow Rihanna” he didn’t even stop himself and said it “that is me” I laughed “nice to meet you” shaking his hand “oh yes, erm nice to meet you too” he is shook clearly.

I have looked through the whole home, this house is amazing. A dream home from when I was a child, I would be so jealous of people with nice homes. The home we had wasn’t bad but it’s tiny, it’s better then what Robyn came from but it’s just something I always wanted to do for them “here you are” pulling back the dining chair “I am tired, I don’t know why but what do you think? How is it? I really love it, see I can see us visiting here and staying here. I feel secure here too, it’s where I know if I don’t come with you that you will be safe here. I am so happy you have done this for them, even so if our baby comes here we can be happy about that. I don’t mind leaving it here for the grandparents to spend time with our baby, it needed to happen didn’t it?” my smile grew hearing Robyn say that “you would let our baby stay here?” I questioned, I had too “of course, I mean now they have moved to a much quieter and remote place. It will be safe for us to do so, it’s a shame they are here in VA but if we go on holiday we can” I like to know that Robyn would be happy to let our baby stay with my family “I think they are here Chris, excited” I clapped my hands “yes! I hid the champagne the realtor left us, I can’t wait” walking off to the door to meet my parents, they are going to think what the hell we doing.

Rubbing the top of my nephew’ head “you good big man? Come, come in” my mother is suspicious “there you are, I was about to say Christopher where is Robyn?” my mother cares for Robyn and that is it “so you renting this place now? It’s a little dead” my sister would point “yes well who cares, you should be blessed I even invited you to see the home Robyn and I are staying at” side eyeing my sister “boy shut up” she waved me off “oh my word, you look so well!” my sister yelped “wow, I wish I looked this perfect pregnant, I gained so much. I was a whale; my thighs were huge. You are glowing, oh my god” my sister complimented Robyn as they hugged “your sister is right, a little empty” my dad is noticing “so what, y’all always complaining. Look how nice the home is, let’s just think of that. Come” waving them over “calm down hyper aren’t you, you sister is talking to Robyn” oh boy here is Tootie taking up my time “it’s ok, Chris is excited. We can talk after” Robyn knows, I just want to say it to them “go on, what you want to show me” my mother gestured for me to walk ahead, I jumped walking ahead of them.

Walking to the back yard, seeing the pool and jacuzzi outside “look at this private land, and pool. What you think” turning to my family grinning “this is so cool, is you and auntie moving here?” Desean asked “auntie? Who that?” I asked all confused “Rihanna uncle” letting out an oh “yeah, no we not just you know seeing but what you think? It’s got six bedrooms and it’s private” Robyn slowly made her way over to me “it’s lovely son, I mean of course you both going to get the best home and we love it. Are you both going to tell us you moving here now?” my dad said with the biggest smile thinking I am going to say it “well I can tell you one thing we won’t be moving here but erm, this home. It’s yours, this home is for you mom and dad. I couldn’t be living the way I do and not have my family living good too” my dad’ face softened “what?” he said in disbelief “the home, everything. It’s paid for it’s yours” my mother looked around in shock “no way Chris, serious. This home!?” Tootie spat “oh my god” my mother of course cried “son, really?” nodding my head smiling “it’s yours, this is yours” my mother rushed over to me in tears “it’s yours, honest mom” hugging my mother close.

It’s crazy seeing my dad crying “I don’t cry, I don’t but this” my dad paused looking ahead “just” he put his head down “I always wanted the best for you kids, I am sorry if you felt I didn’t” shaking my head “no dad, you did a great job but it’s time you both just relax now dad. You are the best parents and I wanted to repay you both with this home” my dad smiled at me “we thank you son, we do. I get to be away with the negativity and just see peace, thank you. Thank you Robyn, I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter in law, you have healed my son and loved him when he needed the most. You blessed us, you have” my dad is emotional “wow, this is really our home now, so I get to have my own room when you come” I chuckled “yes, and then we can also stay over. Mom, I told you I would have you living good, I want to be here for you all” my dad placed his arm around me “thank you god, thank you son” he pressed a kiss to the top of my head “now I am going to need to buy you four more cars huh” my dad chuckled “mom please stop crying, it’s ok. And if you need anything at all, I am here. Robyn is right, this makes you all safe too and we can come here without issues, we want to stay with the family” my dad pulled me along as he made his way to Robyn “and I would like you both to stay with us” he also placed his arm around Robyn “I love you both so much, thank you to the both of you” Robyn cooed out “stop it Clinton” she said, my dad is so thankful but he really doesn’t need to be “Chris said it, he said he wanted to make his money and buy his family a new home, and he did it. I am so proud of him” putting my head down smiling.

#fanfiction #fanfic #chrianna fanfiction #chriannaff #chrianna ff #chrianna

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missperfectlyfine13 · 4 years

Text

A Bandaid For Your Bullet Hole (1/?)

I’ve been sitting on this idea for a while now and I’m still not sure how I feel about it (I kind of feel like it’s crap lol). Let me know if I should continue!

Summary: Outside of Barden, Chloe’s life is harder than she would like to admit. When she’s at school she gets to forget all about problems, she gets to be normal. She doesn’t like to let people know about her life outside Barden, with the exception of her best friend Aubrey. Then she meets Beca Mitchell, and somehow she becomes the second exception. Will Beca be the answer Chloe has been looking for?

Read Below or on AO3/FF

“Our Sorrows and Wounds Are Healed Only When We Touch Them With Compassion” – Buddha

May 2012, End of Chloe’s Junior Year

Chloe watches sadly as Aubrey packs up her bags, her side of their shared room in the Bella house looking dreadfully empty. Their last day of classes was yesterday and all the girls in the house are working hard to pack.

Aubrey and Chloe are going to be the only Bellas left next year, so Aubrey is moving all of her stuff from their shared room to the room across the hall. Leaving Chloe feeling even more empty than she already is.

“You sure you don’t want to come home with me this summer?” Aubrey offers one more time, her eyes soft and sympathetic, because she knows, she’s the only one who knows.

Chloe shakes her head, “No I’ll be fine here. It’ll give me a chance to clean this house up before next year anyways. The other girls aren’t exactly cleaning up their mess.”

“Ok, but if you change your mind…the offer stands,” Aubrey zips up her last bag of clothes, standing up to survey the damage.

Going home with Aubrey for the summer actually sounds amazing, but Chloe feels bad. She feels like she would be imposing. Aubrey’s home isn’t the happiest most days with her dad gone 90% of the time, so she doesn’t want to cut into the little family time they’ll have.

Chloe stopped going home over summer after her freshmen year. Her mom has only gotten worse in the last 6 years, making her near to impossible to be around. Not to mention the endless stream of men in and out of their house. Her brother Jake isn’t an option either, with him being on the road for his job most days. Which leaves her with her only other option, staying on campus all summer.

“I appreciate it,” Chloe thanks her best friend quietly, knowing she won’t take her up on her offer.

“Have you talked to her lately?” she immediately knows who Aubrey is talking about.

Chloe shakes her head, “No. I know nothing has changed…she knows I won’t come home unless she gets her shit together.”

“I’m sorry it has to be that way,” Aubrey reaches a hand out and places it on her shoulder.

“Yea me too.”

************

September 2005

Chloe watches grimly as her mom polishes off her second beer of the morning. There’s an empty case next to her recliner in the living room, providing an awful memory of the night before. She had been angry, angrier than Chloe ever remembers her being. Chloe locked herself in her room and hadn’t come out until this morning.

“Mom,” she tries to keep her voice steady and strong, but it still quivers betrayingly, “the funeral is in an hour…are you going to be ready?”

“I’ll be ready,” she replies flatly, tossing her empty bottle into the recycle bin.

��Grandma and grandpa are coming to pick me up,” Chloe clarifies.

It sounds awful, but she doesn’t trust her mom not to be drunk. She doesn’t want to ride in a car with her. Chloe would drive the both of them, but she only has her temporary license. She’s not 16 until next year.

“They could take you too,” she offers quietly.

Her mom shakes her head, “I’ll be fine to drive myself…I could drive you too.”

“Um that’s ok,” she shifts anxiously between her two feet, “just be careful.”

Her mom gives her a dark stare, before cracking open another beer. She always liked a drink, but it was something that never got in the way of her life. It never got in the way until her dad died. The day the call came that he had been in a car accident and most likely wasn’t going to make it, her mom just lost it. She hasn’t been the same since. Well, neither has Chloe.

Chloe and her dad were so close. She always got along better with him than her mom. A part of her died that day and she’ll never get it back. The only other person in the world who gets her like her dad, is her older brother Jake. Jake is in college across the country, so Chloe rarely sees him. He flew into town yesterday, but after assessing the situation, he refused to stay at the house, checking himself into a hotel instead. Chloe almost hates him a little for it, for leaving her here with their mom. Regardless of her feelings about him chickening out, she’s aching to see him. Chloe just needs a hug; she needs to talk to him. She needs someone else around her, someone other than her drunk mother.

Chloe’s still worried about her mom driving, so she throws a last-ditch effort at her, “I could see if Jake could come pick you up?”

Her mom scoffs loudly, “He didn’t even want to come home, what makes you think he’s going to pick me up.”

She’s clearly not winning this one, “Ok, well I’m going to go put my dress on before grandpa gets here.”

************

The funeral is just as painful as Chloe had assumed it would be. It makes it real, she’s really saying goodbye to her dad. She’s really left here with her mom.

Chloe’s not sure her mom will ever pull it back together and that scares her. She smelled like a 12 pack of miller light when she got to the church. As person after person walks up to her to give their condolences, Chloe cringes. She knows they can smell it too, it’s embarrassing.

“You going to be ok with her Chlo?” Jake walks up to her, the two standing side by side watching as their childhood pastor talks to their inebriated mother.

Chloe sighs deeply, “I’m going to have to be, someone needs to watch after her. I’m worried Jake.”

“I am too,” Jake runs a hand through his hair anxiously, “you know I’m only a phone call away though.”

“Like you can do anything to actually help though, you didn’t even stay at the house last night,” Chloe replies bitterly.

“I’m sorry about that,” he shuffles his feet nervously, “I couldn’t bear to watch the train wreck…I should have been there.”

“Dad would want someone to make sure she’s ok,” Chloe swallows back tears as she says it, “I have to stay with her.”

“He loved you so much Chloe, he’d want you to be safe and happy.”

Chloe knows that’s true, but in three years she’ll be in college. She has an out, she owes it to her dad to hang in there.

“I’ll be fine,” she forces a smile at her brother.

Jake pulls her into a tight hug, “Love you Chlo.”

“I love you too Jake,” she mumbles into his shoulder, willing her tears to not escape.

************

September 2012, Chloe’s Senior Year

“I can see your toner through those jeans!” Aubrey barks out into the mostly empty practice space.

Chloe cringes internally. She likes Beca…ok she also likes Beca. Something about the little alt girl drew her in right away. She’s not sure if it was the sass she dished back to them at the activities fair, or when she had an impromptu duet with her in the shower. Maybe it was her audition, where she blew everyone away with a simple song and a yellow cup. Chloe can’t put her finger on it, but she can’t seem to shake the brunette from her mind.

And Beca is talented. Aubrey has such a grudge against her she can’t even stop to see it. They desperately needed talent, especially after last years explosive ICCAs finals. The two of them had a hard enough time getting the girls they did, it’s a miracle they got someone as talented as Beca. Even if it took a little coercing from Chloe.

“That’s my dick,” Beca spits back, before turning on her heels to leave.

The response rips a quiet chuckle from the back of Chloe’s throat, but she manages to conceal it before Aubrey turns around. The blonde is red in the face, her hands shaking slightly.

“You don’t have to be so hard on her you know,” Chloe knows she’s playing with fire by saying something like that to her best friend right now.

She can practically see the flames roaring in her pupils as she turns to look at her, “Yes I do Chloe. She has an attitude and no respect for authority. Do you want any shot at finals this year?”

Of course she does, she’s not going to deny that, so she nods.

“That’s what I thought, so don’t question my methods,” Aubrey retorts quickly.

Ever since the year started, and Aubrey and Chloe took over the Bellas, there has been a certain bite to Aubrey that Chloe has never seen before. This isn’t the Aubrey Chloe knows, she’s starting to think she never knew her at all.

“I’ve got to get going Bree, I’ve got homework to do,” Chloe grabs her bag and slings it over her shoulder.

Aubrey is staring intently at the white board in front of her, wiping away some of the marks she made on their master plan, “Ok, see you back at the house.”

Chloe rushes out of the building, hoping that maybe she can still catch up to Beca. She wants to apologize, wants to make sure the other girl is ok. Chloe doesn’t want Beca to quit over this incident, for some selfish and not so selfish reasons.

Luckily, Beca is leaning against a large tree right outside the building, large headphones covering her ears, her face looking down at her phone. Chloe stalks quickly over to her. As she gets closer, Beca’s head snaps up, immediately making eye contact with her.

“Hey Beca,” Chloe chirps, as the younger girl slides her headphones down around her neck.

“Hi,” Beca replies cautiously, like she’s not sure what Chloe is here for.

“I’m sorry about Aubrey, she’s been extra control freak lately, that wasn’t cool of her to accuse you like that,” Chloe is quick to get her apology out, Beca doesn’t look like she would want to beat around the bush.

“I appreciate the apology,” relief washes over Chloe, that is until Beca continues to talk, “but that’s a really dumb rule. I’m not even sure I’m into Jesse, but I should be able to be with him…if I was.”

Chloe sighs, “I know it’s dumb…and if you really do like Jesse, I wont say anything to Aubrey. I’m pretty sure Bumper and Fat Amy have something going anyways.”

Beca wrinkles her nose, her mouth turning downward, “Oh uh wow…didn’t see that one coming.”

“Me either,” Chloe laughs.

“Thank you, I don’t see anything happening with Jesse, but still, thank you,” Beca says sincerely, before starting to slide her headphones back up.

This must be Chloe’s cue to leave, “Ok, well I’ll see you around!”

Beca nods, “Yea, see ya.”

************

Chloe wakes up the next morning with an ache in her heart and a sour taste in her mouth. She rolls over groggily and sees the date on the calendar above her desk.

September 14th. The anniversary of her dad’s death.

The hardest day of the year for her. Much like years gone by, she just wants to get the day over with. Go to class, go to practice, come home and go to bed. Tomorrow will be a better day.

“Miss you dad,” Chloe mumbles, clutching the locket around her neck.

The locket was a gift from Jake, a year after the death. There’s a picture of her dad inside. She hasn’t taken it off since the day she got it.

Chloe eventually manages to pull herself from bed and start her day. She goes to class, she tries hard to pay attention. She goes to practice and sings and dances like she means it. Inside though, she feels like she’s barely there. Her body is present but her mind is miles away.

None of the other girls seem to pick up on her mood, except for Aubrey…and surprisingly…Beca. She catches a few sympathetic glares, but Beca’s are more worried, presumably because she has no clue what has Chloe under the weather.

So, she’s almost not surprised when practice is over and Beca hangs around until it’s just the two of them left. Just as she’s about to leave, Beca walks over to her.

“Hey Chloe,” Beca pulls the straps of her backpack tight against her, “are you ok?”

Chloe nods and gives her a small smile, “Yea, I’m fine.”

“It’s just…you don’t seem fine, you kind of seemed really distant today,” Beca shrugs.

Beca clearly isn’t going to let it go, normally Chloe would jump on the opportunity to share with the younger girl, but she’d rather not share. But something in Beca’s expression lets her know that she’s not going to drop it.

“Um well, I guess I’m just kind of depressed today,” Chloe answers her as vaguely as she can.

“Why?” Beca immediately fires the question back.

Beca has never seemed to care much about any of the other girls like this. It has her wondering why she’s pushing so hard. Maybe her little apology yesterday spoke to Beca louder than she thought.

Chloe sighs quietly before answering, “Today is the anniversary of my dad’s death.”

“Oh god, wow,” Beca casts her gaze to the floor, “Chloe I’m really sorry.”

“It’s ok, I’ll be better tomorrow,” Chloe tries to reassure her.

The two stand in awkward silence, while Beca shifts around uncomfortably. This is Chloe’s cue to leave.

Before she can even consider walking past her, Beca puts a hand out, “Um, I don’t know if this would make things worse…or if you’d just prefer to be alone, but would you want to grab dinner with me? Or we could just go back to my dorm for a while and just chill, we could order take out. My roommate is going to be gone tonight and I thought maybe it would take your mind off things?”

Normally Chloe would prefer to spend her day in her bed and not move until tomorrow. But even under the circumstances, she doesn’t want to pass up an opportunity to spend more time with Beca and maybe get to know her better. Something tells her that spending some time with the other girl really would make her feel better.

“Sure, that would be great,” Chloe grins and Beca looks shocked that she said yes.

“Ok, cool,” Beca leads the way out of the building and towards her dorm.

“Do you like Chinese?” Chloe asks as they walk through the crisp autumn air.

Beca nods excitedly, “I love it.”

“I know a great place we could order from.”

Being with Beca already has her calmer. She’s not sure if it’s because of how much she likes her, or if it’s just the girl’s presence in general. Something about her puts all of Chloe’s anxiety behind her, it helps her forget why she was even sad today. Which makes her almost feel guilty, but she knows this is what her dad would want for her.

One thing is solidified in her mind now. Beca Mitchell is special and Chloe would be a fool to let her slip away.

#bechloe fanfic #pp fanfic #bechloe #my stuff

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wizardessheart-sideb · 3 years

Photo

Even at ten o’clock, Gedonelune Town was still bustling. To be honest, as exciting as it was, it was also weird. In Reitz, most things closed around seven so no one was out later than that. For the city to be alive right now was different and exciting. Time didn’t stop anyone here!

“Let’s move along! We don’t want to get to the Academy too late.” My Acceptance Letter to my dream school, which was unfortunately animate and a jerk, popped out of my pocket.

“Let’s get some food first. I’m starving,” I told him. I tried to head towards a cafe, but he got in my face, forcing me to take a step back.

“No. You need to get to campus as soon as possible,” he said.

“I mean, it’s already night and I need to get used to being up late anyway since I’m in the Night Class,” I pointed out.

“Keep your voice down!” he shrieked, trying to cover my mouth with one of his corners. I quickly grabbed him and forced him away.

“You’re literally yelling,” I pointed out angrily.

“I’ve had enough of your attitude! I’ve guided many students to the Academy, but none of them have been as rude as you!” he scolded me.

“Excuse me?” Okay, NOW I was mad. “You rushed me out of my house at six in the morning, barely gave me time to pack and I only had time for one meal on the train. You’ve been belittling me through this whole trip. If I’m the rudest student you’ve ever had, it’s because I’m the only one speaking up.”

Maybe I was being rude. Maybe he was right. But I was running on too little sleep and after this long day, I wasn’t really feeling like going along with a letter that told me a couple hours ago that I was lucky to get in and that he wouldn’t be surprised if I flunked out.

“If you keep up this attitude, you’ll be sent home before you can even have your Judgment!”

“I’d rather that happen that refuse to stand up for myself!” I fired back.

“Well, if that’s how you’re going to be, then I’ll just be on my way!”

“Your way?”

“You can wait by yourself for Prefect Nox. And I hope by then you’ll realize you need to listen to others!” How dare he?! I’m fine behaving when the people around me behave too! I opened my mouth to give him a piece of my mind but in a puff of smoke, he stiffened and glided limply into my hands. The slight glow around his edges were gone.

“Mr. Letter?” I called out.

Silence.

“Well, okay then…” I rolled the letter up and stowed it away in my bag. Maybe it wasn’t the best thing I got into a fight with him, but he was so rude! I wondered if everyone at the Academy would be as terrible as he was. No… Surely no one will be as bad as him, right?

I sat down on a nearby bench and watched people pass me by. I had no idea what Prefect Nox looked like, so I just had to hope he’d find me somehow. The minutes crept together and the gnawing feeling in my stomach grew and grew. There weren’t any nearby food stands for me to grab something to eat. Sure, I could go somewhere, but I didn’t dare leave before Prefect Nox found me. We agreed to meet here and I needed to stay put.

My eyes glossed over as I stared off into space but suddenly, a Magic Note floated in front of my face.

“Huh?” I grabbed it and quickly unfolded it. The handwriting was kind of sloppy, to be honest. I could still read it, but clearly, this had been written in a hurry.

I’m sorry, but Rex and I can’t come get you. Something happened on campus and we have to focus on that. We will give you your orientation later. - Nox

“No way…” I murmured under my breath. So I was on my own. There was a bit of disappointment; I had really wanted to meet one of the prefects but apparently, that wasn’t in the cards.

At least I could go eat now.

I gathered up my things and wandered into town, looking for something that looked good. Places were already starting to close down, it was so late. That wasn’t good. I turned off the main road and found myself in front of what looked like a large warehouse. The sign outside said “Hidamari Market” and it looked festive, with golden lights hung up and the lights in the windows still on. Maybe they had some open food places?

The marketplace wasn’t lively, per se, but it wasn’t empty. A few people sat on benches placed in the walkways, but most people were in the stores. I turned into the first restaurant I saw. There was a very handsome blond man sitting with a dog-like familiar in the corner, notebooks in front of him alongside his food. A blonde girl around my age was behind the counter, counting something. She looked up and gave me a warm smile.

“Sit wherever you like! I’ll be with you in a moment,” she told me. I nodded and snagged a booth, appreciating the plush seats. That bench hadn’t been very comfortable.

I opened the menu, looking over the fare. It was a mix of Hinomotan and Gedonelunian food, the menu written in both languages. I liked that. But man, everything sounded so good that I had no idea what to get… As I stared at the menu, trying to decide on something, there were footsteps right beside me. Oh no, I’ll have to tell the waitress I’m not ready. But when I looked up, there wasn’t the waitress. It was a guy who looked about my age with piercing green-gray eyes and spiky hair the color of dark chocolate.

“Mind if I grab this seat?” he asked. I blinked and he didn’t wait for me to say anything. He just slid into the seat across from me.

“Uh, hi?” I replied. There were more footsteps and a waitress appeared, her face in that perpetual smile food service people had to always wear

“Hi there, welcome to Haru’s! Are you two ready?… Oh, it’s you!” A look of surprise came over her as she stared at the guy opposite me.

“You didn’t see me come in?” he asked. She gave him a tired look.

“No. I don’t keep an eye out for you. And what do you think you’re doing, dragging your poor partner on a date this late at night?!” she demanded, hands on her hips.

“Date?! Oh no, he just sat down here -” I said quickly, but the guy cut in.

“It’s not a date right now, but maybe in a few minutes it will be.”

I was going to commit murder in this restaurant tonight.

“Jeez,” the waitress rolled her eyes. “Well, should I get you the usual, Zett?”

“I’ll just have some water,” he replied.

“Okay. What will you have?” she asked, turning to look at me. She adopted that friendly smile again and if I didn’t already feel confused, I certainly did now.

“Um, can I have the cheeseburger and some water? And bills separate, please?” I asked. The waitress was clearly fighting back a laugh.

“Of course! I’ll get that right out for you. And I’ll tell Kevin you’re here, Zett. Haru already went home for the night,” she added, turning to him and dropping that smile.

“That’s fine. Thanks, Kristina,” he gave her a nod. She left us alone but came back moments later with our drinks. Zett didn’t look concerned at all, sipping away and leaning back in his seat like we were friends. Honestly, it kind of irritated me.

“What’s with the face?” he asked.

“Um… Aren’t you going to order anything?” I didn’t even know where to begin.

“No.”

“So you’re just… going to sit there… while I eat?”

“Yeah. Is that creepy?”

“I mean, yeah? You just came and asked if you could sit with me and then didn’t wait for me to answer,” I told him. He laughed.

“Well, it’d be rude to let someone as cute as you sit all alone.” He leaned in towards me, a charming smile on his lips and a devilish shine in his eyes.

“I’m not interested,” I shot him down. He immediately straightened up, that flirty look on his face melting away.

“All right, that’s fine.” He sounded nonchalant, but I needed to stay alert. He knew the waitress and I couldn’t count on her if something went wrong. You can’t talk like that to someone you don’t know well. Maybe the man across the aisle could help me? The market seemed pretty big, so I could probably find a good hiding spot if worse comes to worse.

“So, are you just using me as an excuse to sit here?” I inquired.

“No, I’m actually waiting for a package from the restaurant owner,” he told me.

“‘Package?’” He grinned

“It’s a secret.” He winked at me. Gods above, give me patience not to slap this weirdo.

“Hm. That sounds sketchy,” I commented. If I couldn’t hit him physically, I could at least get some verbal jabs in.

“Maybe that’s for the best,” he laughed. “I’ve got a bad boy image to preserve.”

“You can’t preserve what you don’t have,” I said. Zett choked on his water and burst into laughter.

“That’s rich coming from someone who looks like they call their boyfriend ‘daddy’ and would burst into tears when told their age regressing in public kink makes other people uncomfortable,” he replied.

“Excuse me?!” What is with people trying to get on my last nerve today?! I stared at him for a moment, trying to think of a good comeback. “You look like a pastor’s son who’s going through a punk phase to punish your dad for taking away your vape.” Zett howled with laughter, head thrown back and shoulders shaking. The waitress, Kristina, smiled softly as she approached us, placing my food in front of me.

“I’m happy to see you two are having fun. Zett, Kevin’s back in his office waiting for you,” she said.

“Thanks, Kristina.” Wiping tears from his eyes, he got up and gave me another grin. “I’ll be right back.” He left, following Kristina to the counter, chatting with her. I slumped back in my seat. But I barely had time to be alone. The blond sitting across from us walked over to me.

“Is Zett bothering you?” he asked, voice tense.

"Sort of?" I wasn't sure what vibe I got from him. He seemed like a devilish kind of guy, but did I feel threatened by him? Not exactly, but it was always safe be be cautious. "I don't know him and I wasn't too comfortable with him sitting with me all of a sudden." The blonde man’s shoulders slumped.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner. I wasn’t sure if you two were a fighting couple or not. I can ask Kristina to get you a box so you can leave, if you want,” he offered. I thought about it. It’s true I needed to get to the Academy before it got too late. My food would be cold once I got there, though. But maybe that was the best option. I could reheat it, anyways.

“I’d really appreciate that, thank you,” I replied.

“Hey, Kristina? Can we get a box and their check?” he called out. Kristina poked her head from around a corner.

“Sure!” She quickly came over with a cardboard box and I quickly started filling it up. “Here’s your check, Mr. Hagakure.”

“Oh, I actually need theirs,” he replied, gesturing to me.

“Theirs is already paid,” she replied. “Zett covered it and the tip before he went to talk to Kevin. You’re good to go.” He… he paid for my food? That didn’t seem right...

“He did?”

“He did.” She gave me a wry smile. “You’re awfully lucky. He’s usually pretty stingy.”

“I’m stingy? Kristina, you’re killing me, here.” Out of nowhere, Zett returned, a large package tucked under his arm. Part of me wondered what was in it. He glanced at the table, looking at the box. “You’re heading out already?” he asked.

“Yeah, I got places to be.”

“Do you want an escort?”

“If they wanted one, they would have asked,” Mr. Hagakure cut in.

“Where are you heading?” Kristina asked.

“The Magic Academy.” Her face lit up.

“Oh, really? My brother goes there! I’d walk you over, but I still have a couple hours to work.”

“I’ve got some friends there. I could take you, if you want,” Zett offered.

“Oh, uh, it’s fine! I couldn’t possibly impose,” I said. “Mr. Hagakure said he’d given me directions, so it’s fine.” It sounded like it was going to be a long walk, but it wasn’t like I could get a hotel and go in the morning.

“Well, then. I’ll see you later,” Zett spoke up as I stood up.

"Later?" I wasn’t sure what else to say. I gave him an awkward wave and hurried down the path Mr. Hagakure told me to take. As I walked, I couldn’t help but think about Zett. He seemed so strange. Secretive, slightly annoying. There was something about him that I couldn’t quite place. While he didn’t feel that threatening to me, it felt like that could change in an instant. Perhaps I was overthinking things. After all, it was night and I was alone. Of course I’d be more on-guard than normal.

But still. I wondered if I’d see him again. Probably not, since I’d be cooped up in the Academy most of the time. At least he made my first night in Gedonelune memorable.

---

Somehow, I managed to get to campus and the Night Class dorms. The map that’d accompanied the packet I’d received along with the Acceptance Letter wasn’t great, but after wandering, luck was on my side and entered the dorms.

The building seemed so dark yet grand on the inside. A large staircase wrapped around an elevator shaft, dark wood gleaming in the light of several chandeliers. I can’t believe this is my dorm. It’s so extra. I took the stairs up to my floor. The hallways were lined with windows and stern stone statues. Honestly, even if it was fancy, there was a goth touch to everything. This place could seriously double as a haunted house during Halloween. Just throw up some cobwebs, splatter some fake blood everywhere, and it was good to go.

Suites were labeled with letters and lists of names. How many would be in my class? Who would be in my class? Would we all get along? I sure hoped so. I wouldn’t want to be in a class where no one got along. That’d be a special kind of hell.

Even though class was in session, most of the doors to the suites were wide open. At least I wouldn’t need keys for getting in. And finally, on the second floor, I found my suite, my name tacked on to the bottom of the plaque. That looked like the only bit of personalization in the suite. The doors weren’t decorated at all. I peeked my head through one of the open doors to find a plain kitchen with a girl sitting at the table. Her long, curly purple hair framed her beautiful face and when we locked eyes, she jumped a bit.

“Oh, sorry!” I spoke up. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“That’s fine… Uh…” She looked at me blankly.

“I’m the new transfer student,” I told her before properly introducing myself. Her cheeks flushed a bit as she got up to come shake my hand.

“Right, Nox told us you were coming. Sorry, I’m a bit sick and my head’s just not on right today,” she laughed. I made a mental note to wash my hands as soon as possible. “I’m Isabelle, I’m in the center room. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too!”

“Are you going to be joining classes later tonight, or...?”

“No, I’m just moving in and then going to the Prefect’s office for orientation,” I told her.

“All right, well, I’ll leave you to it! If you need anything, I’ll be in here or my room.” She gave me another warm smile. I’m sure we’d become fast friends!

The doors were labeled with names so it wasn’t hard to figure out which one was mine. It was a smallish room. There was enough room for a bed, a dresser, a desk, and a chair. This would be my home for the next couple of days. Hopefully longer, but after all, I was just a provisional student. I still needed to pass my Trial first to become an official member of the student body. The next few days were going to be hard, I knew that, but I have to do my best.

I refuse to fail.

#zett #zett wizardess heart #zett wh #wizardess heart #wizardess heart fan route #shall we date wizardess #wh

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alias-b · 4 years

Text

angel cake.

Summary: Former enemies, now friends and maybe lovers, Billy Hargrove and Evie Fenny start teasing in a church confessional. Things take a turn for the heated when Billy's imagination gets away from him. ~Also posted on my AO3

Billy/plus size!OC. Fucking in a confessional. Sin. Filth. Thanks for reading. Weird to write them romantically bc the start of the fic is Rough. They have work to do. Billy Being Nasty In Church. Teaser at later stuff for my new enemies to friends to lovers Billy/OC Fic, Sins of My Youth, that I want to start posting. XOXO.

Billy Hargrove x Evie Fenny

angel cake. 🍰

“You really have to go to this thing?” Billy’s Camaro roared into a church parking lot. Looked out of place there. Multicolored tulips swept against the spring wind, too pleasant before the fender.

“Told mom I’d help out. I’m not staying for the festivities, they just need extra hands setting up the food and Easter egg hunt.” Aviators flashed at Evie in the passenger seat.

Billy with his arm propped in the window. Denim jacket and white button down tucked into tight jeans. Cigarette dangling out his lips. Exceptionally pretty, even against all the pastel flowers and banners set for the holiday.

“What a good daughter. Santa ought to put you on the nice list for sure.” He plucked the smoke out to exhale as she brought the car mirror down.

“Hell, I forgot I had red on today.You have napkins in here?” She opened the glove box to sift through papers. Billy extended his arm.

“Use the jacket, give me something messy to remember you by.” A wink followed before she took his wrist and smacked a ruby kiss into his forearm, printing the light wash. Eyes flicked as some of the red lipstick got swiped away, leaving a more pink tint behind.

“Thanks, I guess.”

“Red is the devil’s color, Evangeline.” Came some mocking in a horrid southern accent. She scoffed with her eyes elsewhere.

“You could always come help if you’re going to pout.” She dug around her purse.

“Not pouting. Churches and I don’t mix. It’s the one thing dad and I agree on.” Billy pulled his shades down and folded them into his front pocket with the cigarettes.

“Well, pick me up in an hour, we’ll go catch something scary and sinful.” She applied chapstick and rubbed her lips together.

“Sinful? I like that.” Billy’s fingers squeezed her thigh, hot on skin and just barely under the little black suspender skirt. Evie wore a brightly colored tee with sunflowers all over it. Her usual green bomber jacket covered in patches. “That new?”

“The chapstick? No, it’s tinted and smells like watermelon though.”

“Let me try.” Billy saw her offer the tube and instead pulled her in by the collar for a kiss. Mashing their lips together. He flicked his tongue out for good measure and heard her gasp against his ferocity. It still managed to catch her off guard. A light smack when he parted, tonguing his bottom lip. “Mm, tastes like watermelon too.”

“Billy, there are people over there.” She pushed his wandering hand out of her skirt.

“I’d like to see Jesus himself come out and...what the fuck is that?” Billy’s finger lifted so Evie followed it to see the Easter Bunny leaving a lone side door. Lavender fur with white tufts, huge goofy grin.

“Yeah, they have someone dress up every year for when the kids arrive, which is in about sixty minutes, so I gotta go.” Evie had Billy’s wrist again to check the time. Pecked his cheek and shifting before he about howled. “What?” Her body jumped at the sound.

“No fucking way!” Billy was scrambling out because the bunny head had come off so a quick smoke could be snuck around back. “No way! Hey, Harrington! That you, amigo? What’s up, doc?”

Steve spun on his heel, holding a cigarette in one hand and the bunny head under his other arm. His head fell back with a groan because Billy was leaning up against his chair, bent over to belly laugh.

“Hargrove?” Steve looked mortified, but played tough. “Are they really letting you within five feet of a church?” Billy was too busy cackling to retort. Fist clenched and head resting upon his arm on the Camaro.

“The fucking tail.” Billy wasn’t stopping so Evie crossed her arms.

“What happened to Gary?” Evie approached Steve, head cocking. “Ignore Billy.”

“I try to… And food poisoning. I dropped Dustin off at home yesterday to help Claudia out and she begged me last minute. I’m getting fifteen bucks for it though. Not bad for the Saturday before Easter.” He flashed a half smile. “Suit kinda smells like potpourri, I-...Is he gonna stop or what?”

“He’ll tucker himself out eventually.” Evie turned her head to see Billy unable to get air. “Billy, take a breath already before you pass out!” A huge gulp followed. More wild laughter. “Jeez.”

“I’m never gonna live this down, shit.” Steve mumbled around his smoke, flicking it. “Asshole.”

“Might want to get back in, Pastor will have a cow if he catches you smoking in the suit.” Evie took the head to help Steve back into it.

“See you, Hargrove. Remember to breathe, dick.” The bunny snuck back in the side door. Another round of laughs at the sight of the puffy tail.

“I wanna kick his ass so bad. You don’t understand.” Billy stretched out, eyes watering and cheeks blushed. Freckles glowing.

“You short circuiting still?” Evie peered down at her boots.

“I don’t know what Easter is about, but that...was the best shit I’ve ever seen.” Billy snickered like a little boy with his hand in the cookie jar. Evie only rolled her eyes.

“New beginnings, Billy.” Heels clicked up behind them so Billy straightened quick to get his composure.

“Hey, mom.” Evie leaned out from behind the boy.

Mona Fenny appeared from the main doors, her arms full of bags. Brightly colored plastic eggs packed with treats about to spill out. Hair pumped, unable to move, with a short 60s sheath dress clinging to her body. Yellow and orange print. Something that was definitely noted by the men around. Single and ready at all times. Evie felt her cheeks heat at her mother.

“New beginnings, Miss Mona?” Billy repeated, one hand sliding into his jean pocket.

“That’s what I always thought, sugar.” That southern twang thick beyond all reach.

Billy always liked to poke fun at Evie, she had the slightest Louisiana touch to her voice that came out when she was in a more fiery disposition. She swore it wasn’t true.

“Evie, they’re trying to get the dessert table set up. I didn’t realize Billy was joining us.” Mona continued.

“Oh, I-”

“You know, Billy was actually telling me he’s never been to a real Easter gathering before. Not a church event.” Evie’s sly smile crossed and he shot her a look. “I’m sure those big, strong arms you got would really help out setting up.” Evie came to him and gave his bicep a pat.

“That’s lovely, Billy. You know the kids just love this event, fun in the sun and more food than you’ll ever eat. Go on inside, you two. We have decorations to get going.” Mona clicked away, peppy in stride.

“I had a hair appointment.” Billy hissed through his teeth when Evie’s mother was gone.

“You want to tell my mother that you’re going to get your hair done somewhere that isn’t her salon?” Evie’s lips pressed. Billy’s face scrunched because she had him there. “I panicked, the people here are too much. Please stay.”

“Your mom never turns her volume down, does she? Looking more like a brunette Sharon Tate than a Dolly Parton.” Billy locked his car, stuffing the scorpion keychain into his pocket.

“Been like that since dad left, she’s...on the market. Trying to feel good. People notice and they say some not great stuff. She went from dressing like a nun to a model overnight.” Evie was holding her arms close to her chest still, making this unconscious patting motion Billy always noted like she was trying to console herself.

“Really bugs you, what people think.”

“It’s a small town, it bugs everyone.” Evie turned, skirt flitting while her curls bounced. “Don’t like all these guys ogling my mom.”

Doesn’t like that one might replace her dad. Evie peered back at Billy, lips pushed up to appear brighter. He decided he wanted to see her happier without force.

“I’ll stick around. You owe me.” Steps followed. One hand gave her bottom a firm pat.

“You know, the Easter Bunny has to do a dance before the festivities begin?” She whispered then. “It’s tradition.”

Billy perked up like a dog.

“Right, so, decorations?” He waltzed ahead with a giggling girl in tow. Spotted the moms passing boxes off. All stilling to see him there. Wind sweeping his blond locks like a beefcake out of a romance novel. Shirt open with his saint chain glinting upon his tanned chest. “Ladies.”

“Hi, Billy.” Came the chorus.

He ate that up a little.

Sunlight was barely felt through the spring breeze. Balloons and streamers glowed every direction. Twisted around Evie’s manicured fingers as she passed them up to Billy to be tied around the banner.

“Feel like I might float away here.” The wind swept up her unruly curls as she smiled below when Billy peered to see her. Pink and violet balloons. Yellow streamers. She looked like a piece of decadent candy there. “What?”

Billy snapped out of it.

“Why do I have to be on the ladder?” He snatched another bundle of strings from her to tie them up.

“I wore a skirt so I wouldn’t have to be.” Came the cheeky reply. Hawkins residents hurried all over to set up the grassy field.

“Let’s switch. Although, the view here ain’t half bad. I can totally see down your shirt.” His tongue swept over eager lips as eyes lowered to her breasts. Brows furrowed to glare at him. It was striking how cute she was, even angry. High, apple cheeks and pillowy lips. The sun brought some gold into lush, dark curls.

“Jerk.” An arm hanging with streamers covered her chest. “We’re standing next to a church. Behave yourself, you’re fixing to get smited.”

“God’s got bigger problems than me.” He shrugged, caught his tongue in teeth. Smirked. “Fixin’ to. Your Louisiana is showing.”

“Shut it, I got too much family down there still. Sometimes it jumps out. I don’t have an accent.”

“You so do. Just saying it’s cute.” He caught her cheeks flooding all strawberries and cream.

“Hey, I have to keep my clinically unapproachable ice queen reputation. You’re not helping.”

“Damn cute then.” Billy’s head cocked. A wink of those sinfully, long lashes. “Hand me another one.”

Evie’s hand came to his to offer a new bundle of balloons.

Green grass swept about as parents worked to hide eggs all over and a full spread of picnic food was set out on blue gingham tables. Kids started to pile in so Billy decided it was time to hide around the building after snagging the biggest piece of apple pie he could. Alone, they watched the crowds play beyond a row of vibrant tulips.

“One fork?” Evie leaned up against the wall.

“You had my tongue in your mouth this morning, don’t complain about sharing a fork.”

“Fair enough.” She let him feed her a bite. “That wasn’t so bad, time flew. You want to jet?” A bouncy tune played as Billy craned his neck around the corner after a huge bit of pie. Evie followed his line of sight.

“Easter is my new favorite holiday.” He let Evie snag the fork to finish off the slice, tossing the plate into the trash. Genuine laughter as Steve Harrington did a jig in his costume across the open field. Billy’s arm slid over Evie’s shoulders. “You think I can pay one of these kids to kick bunny in the nuts?”

“We’re leaving… Before you traumatize some child.” She tugged at his wrist to sneak in a side door. “Left my coat and purse over here.”

Absolutely empty and dim save for the morning sun spilling into stained glass. They passed rows of pews to the tables covered in empty boxes. Evie went for her purse and realized she already lost Billy, curiously rooting around.

“Hey, don’t touch that.”

“They actually have one of these things? I thought movies made this shit up.” Billy poked his head around the little confessional booth. Hardwood and sleek to touch. Ornate and out of place against bright blue wallpaper. Two doors on either side. “So, everyone’s planning on staying outside right? Should be entertained a few hours, hm.”

He went in and a lock clicked.

“Billy, hey.” Evie felt the urge to keep her voice low. “Get out of there. They actually don’t really use this thing anymore.”

“Doesn’t get use, eh? Too bad.” His snicker was muffled. “Get in the other side, Angel, confess your sins.”

“I’ll confess that I think the nickname is still silly.” She wiggled the handle and poked her head into the opposite side. Saw Billy’s pretty silhouette through the tiny mesh window. Both sides were cramped like an airplane bathroom.

“Roomier than I thought.”

“Some of us have hips here.” Evie huffed at him, the door shut while she slid inside. “Kinda creepy actually, let’s go.”

“You gotta confess first, it’s the rule.” His wild curls flicked so she plopped into the wooden bench.

“This is not even sexy, I feel like I’m about to be murdered here.” She pressed her hands on either wall.

“Better confess quick in that case,” Billy leaned in, she saw his lashes flutter, “what color are your panties today?”

“Billy.” She covered the mesh with one hand.

“Do they match the bra?” He continued, voice lowering.

“I’m not doing this.” Evie lifted her skirt and shifted a lacy pair of shorts aside to see. Billy’s breath drew heavier. “What’s it matter if they match?”

“If they match, you walked into this church thinking you’d be getting some later.” He said that far too matter-a-factually. “Sinner. What color? Describe them exactly.”

“You’re being gross.” She knew he heard the band of her little biker shorts snap. Caved. “Purple. Like a lilac.”

“Cotton?”

“...Satin.”

A lengthy hum from Billy at that.

“And the bra. I’m assuming the same.” He already heard Evie shuffling to check.

“Ah, shit.” She let her shirt go and he chuckled. “I didn’t even plan that. I wasn’t thinking about it.”

“Your subconscious knew, Angel. No denying it.” Billy propped his arm up.

“Okay, what do you have on?” The challenge was easily met.

“Nothing under the jeans, currently. You should try it.”

“In a skirt? Without my little shorts? My thighs would rub, I’d be miserable.” Came a whine.

“I’d massage your poor thighs, maybe blow the hot skin to cool it off if you like.” His suggestion wasn’t helpful. “Spread them and rub some ice to make you feel better. Few kisses all the way up.” That damn low baritone lingered upon the syllables like he might lick them. Evie gave a silent snort out her nose. “You’d probably squirm a little bit like you are now.”

“I am not squirming.” Evie’s chest lifted, eyes turned to Billy’s outline.

“Now, Angel, you can’t tell lies in here. The sins are just piling up for you today.” Billy peered around, couldn’t see much in here. Spotted her lips parting, but sound came out. “Betcha, you’re already soaked through those satin, lilac panties.” His purring was met with hard silence before a forcibly huff.

“Billy...quit it.” She bit her lip this time sounding like she’d smiled. Billy spotted her cheeks lifting, full and blushed all pretty he figured.

“I’ll confess, it took every ounce of fight in me to get you here on time. Lot of places in this town to stop and...park at for a bit. The one charming thing I discovered about this place.”

“How sunny side up of you.” She hummed.

“You would have let me have it because we would have parked for awhile. You’d be late. Probably left your wrecked panties in the backseat and walked around here with fireworks still going off under your skin. We both know it.”

“Probably wouldn’t have made it here at all.” Her slow reply was uttered and Billy grinned.

“See, I behaved.” He got closer to the window. “Confess, Evie.”

“Confess that you’re a total horn dog.” She drew in to meet him.

“Confess what you want me to do to you in there.” Billy murmured. She blew a curl out her face at that. “I got it, I want you to be my first.” He’d offered that with huge, glittering eyes she’d caught the glint of. Eyebrows jumped.

“What? Literally yesterday, we-”

“I never fucked in a church before.” He got her eyes rolling hard, almost to the back of her skull.

“Jesus Christ, Billy.” She covered the mesh again, heard him laughing on the other side.

“Not the name you need to be moaning right now.” Billy smacked the window closed and came out.

“Finally, we can go-” Evie had the door open. Still blushing. Chest puffed.

Billy appeared from smoke, had his hands on either side before he pushed in. Catching her lips on the way until the door could shut behind them. Cupping Evie’s face so she pressed into the wall. Back of her legs hit the bench and managed to not buckle. Palms felt around the hardwood for something to grab for until fingers bunched up Billy’s jacket.

She broke for air. Gulped on it before his tongue was back into her mouth.

“We should…” Lips swelled with kisses. “Go to the car.”

“Will you make that walk? I know I won’t.” Came the hushed reply. “We could cross something big off the bucket list.” Persuasive lips were already working on her neck, teeth tugged her ear and grazed back down. Billy got a handful of her tits and hummed.

“Not...Not sure it’s on my bucket list.” She just held onto him. Knees wobbling as Billy massaged through the bra.

“I’d add it now while you have time.” He pecked her throat. Felt the pulse under tender skin racing. “Confess.” It was a sinful purr. Evie’s head tipped back. Lungs starting to sputter. Billy made her heart a pile of volcanic mush.

“What if someone comes in?” She let him tuck her curls aside. Lips on her cheeks and jaw. Finding her mouth again. Tasting sweet sugar from the apple pie they shared.

“We’ll just have to keep it down and pray the party is entertaining enough to keep people outside.” He mumbled, coming out to pull the shirt from her skirt up over the pretty bra she had on.

Hands pulled her suspenders forth until Evie molded into him. Kissed back with the same fierce vigor he gave. Felt the chain around his neck while her fingers slipped under the collar of his shirt, four buttons already undone.

The hard lines of his body sweltered with fire. Whatever resolve she might have had melted away completely.

Evie liked how he always cupped her face to look at her features close between steaming kisses. Fingers trailed to work her bra down just enough for her to spill into his touch. Into his mouth. Bruising suckles. Teeth edging across silken skin. Tongue swirling one dark, rosy nipple than the other as she tried to quiet herself and ran fingers into his gold mane. A hiss and Billy’s eyes lifted. Evie’s head was turned aside, teeth in her bottom lip. Eyes shut.

“Cute when you try to hold it together.” Cool breath against her hard, wet nipple sent a vibration down her spine. Billy licked up her chest to inhale that amber perfume, a floral scent with a touch of vanilla from her lotion. Smelled lush to match him. She pushed his face back into her cleavage, partly to quiet him because he was too cocky.

Chuckling and breathless, Billy came up to tease her lips. Twisting her nipples just so to elicit a sigh. Low and even, Billy ran his finger over her mouth.

“Just confess, Angel, it’ll feel so fucking good when you do.” He caught her bottom lip and let it go.

“Promise?” Evie’s lips parted involuntarily at his touch, let his finger stroke her tongue and slip out.

“I promise.” That same hand already hiked her skirt to tug at shorts until they came down. His finger inched under the waistband of her panties, teasing sensitive skin. She pressed into his body, vibrating for more. Swaying. Arms snug around his shoulders to stay upright.

A shameless sound when her lips collided with his. Thigh hitching around his hips in a needy motion. Not shy about what she desired for one beat because he knew how to coax that side of her out. Billy teased lighter kisses, let his deft fingers dance along her inner thigh. Evie was stubborn and she knew what he wanted.

Confession.

A growl rippled out her tense vocal cords. Trying to reel sound in despite Billy’s inherent ability to make her see new sparks of vivid neon colors here in pure darkness.

“Okay…” She panted, pulling for him until their foreheads touched. “Okay.” A drunken moment where eyes could close. One beat of peace in obscenity. His free arm tightened around the small of her back so they were flush together. Perfect fit. Every curve to her body sloped easily into him. An almost Biblical fate because of how good they felt together. Evie parted her mouth to ghost it over his. “I sinned.”

“Yeah?” Billy’s palm inched up to reward her sighs. A smirk crossed. “How’s that?”

“Because I was hoping you’d pull over on the way here. Would have seen the new underwear in a better light. And I squirmed the whole way. Your loss.” All that cheeky strength simmered down when fingers pushed between thick thighs. Wet satin fabric slipped deliberately against her and Billy moaned at the mere feel. Rock hard.

“Fuck, you’re soaked, Angel.” His tone thickened.

Evie wasn’t able to articulate. Face in his chest with her needy fingers tight on his jacket. She played her demure self again. Billy felt her legs tremor, nudged them further apart with his boot.

“All for me? I wouldn’t call it a loss. You gotta hold yourself up a bit longer, open that mouth again.” He gave her two slick fingers to suck so he could kiss down her tits some more. Plucked and nipped at every sensitive part of her body. “Fucking god damn it, I might give religion a shot after this.”

“Yeah?” Evie licked the pads as Billy slunk down to marvel. Thought about taking her skirt off, but he decided he liked the way the straps framed her breasts partially spilling out of the bra.

One hand forced her thigh up until her foot hit the bench. Evie was curved back into the wall, holding the side frame and gripping Billy’s shoulder.

“Long as I get to go where you’re going, I don’t give a shit about anything else.” A chuckle warmed her leg as he pushed her skirt up out of the way.

“That sounded oddly sentimental.”

“Maybe I’ll bring you down to my level instead. Sinner.” Billy’s mouth placed one open kiss against her wet panties. Tongue following the hard swell of her bud. She decided she’d let him there in darkness. Every muscle in Evie’s body jumped at full attention. His divine and equally wicked mouth hummed blissfully. She craned to dig teeth into her own arm. Fists clenching.

Billy maneuvered her leg over to get the ruined fabric down. Tucked them into his coat pocket and she figured she wouldn’t be seeing them again. Kneeling, Billy scooted closer and pushed her thigh back up, baring her to his mouth.

A cry hitched, snuffing out immediately as he tasted her. Filthy, open mouth kisses until her fingers tangled into his hair. Pulled. Billy moaned into her folds. Squeezed her thighs and loved the feel of them. God, he really couldn’t get enough of this girl. Every whine she let him have. Every nerve that wanted him. Needed him to ease the frays and sizzling. He just couldn’t get enough and was fine with following her into the dark.

“Don’t stop.” Evie whispered. Hair falling into her face while her breasts rose and fell. She licked her lips and savored him.

The dirty sounds he made against her that barely carried outside the booth. Billy squeezed her breast once he was certain she could stay up so she covered his hand. Craned to suck fingers. A gasp left. Evie’s hips rolled into his mouth. Asking for even more until two fingers pushed inside.

Billy moaned when her walls clamped. Pumped through the resistance to massage her nice and deep. Evie was quivering there. Using both arms on the sides to stay up. Shameless working into him now. Billy made a vaguely amused sound and gave an obscene pop around her clit, leaning out with arousal slicking his pink lips. It was music, the sounds her body let flow into crisp air.

“Damn, no wonder you don’t go here anymore. Fucking yourself so hard and pretty on my fingers like this. You couldn’t make the nice list if you paid.” Being eye level with the sight had his cock twitching almost painfully. Evie’s head was tossed back. Clearly getting herself closer so Billy pulled away. Silenced her whine with a kiss. Let her suck and nip at his bottom lip. “See how fucking good you taste?”

Evie’s hands were opening his belt. Quick and eager. Billy hitched as one palm slipped in, fingers ghosting trimmed blond hair to ease him out of the denim.

“Confess, Evie, how bad you want me to fuck you right here.” He spoke as if he still had the upper hand.

“Bet you I can do it without words.” Evie had his hips, guiding Billy to switch so he could sit. The question died and buried itself the second she sank down to lick precum pooling at his tip. Billy’s hips thrust up, eyes heavy and hooded.

“That bad?” He shuddered, legs opening so she could lean into him. Evie unbuttoned the rest of his shirt to kiss the steel muscles. Twitching and molten. Nails scraped his skin. Stopped to stroke him idly. Kissing his abdomen, thighs, and tip. Evie traced the lines of vein and muscle. Down his shaft and back up his chest. So many sharp angles to explore.

Little butterfly kisses while she leaned in until his cock slipped snug between her breasts. Spit slick and beading clear arousal. Billy moaned at the sight and gave a rut as she noticed and started to come out.

Hands latched to her shoulders. Billy hummed and rolled her nipple. Felt the weight of her tits and pushed them to squeeze his shaft. Idle fingers stilled to tuck her hair back in a way that was almost tender.

“You’re pretty like this,” he said thoughtfully, “you’re pretty every which way.” Teeth tugged at her bottom lip. A shy kiss followed. Sometimes, he got so bold, she sank. Learned to savor it. Billy whispered against her. “Have I ever told you my cock looks great between your tits like that?” Frankly, he’d be happy to get off rubbing between her breasts or thighs alone. Fingers digging into supple skin. Evie had become a drug to him. Vanilla and amber immersed him in a high.

“The occasion hasn’t really crossed.”

“I’ll have to fix that next time I can lie you down.” Billy let her stroke him again and come up. Hesitating so he had to encourage her. “Get in my lap.” He was already pulling her into him. Smoothing hair back sweetly for lingering kisses.

She long stopped worrying about feeling too heavy for him. Billy threw her around a mattress like it was nothing. Spread her legs, bent them up how he liked. Marveled at her flexibility. Kissed her obscenely and told her how pretty and blushed she looked. She liked when he was ample with her body. The boy certainly lifted enough weights, a fuller girl with hips was nothing to that. Jeans shifted lower as she straddled him. A kiss before she sank down.

Billy moaned. A low honeyed sound into her ear. Almost musical. Arms wrapped tighter. Evie thanked God for birth control and moved at his coaxing.

“C’mon, fuck me. I want it.” Billy kissed her fiercely. Nipples. Collar. Throat. Jawline. Mouth. And each time, he felt that same thrill rush his bones. A palm smacked her ass, squeezed it. Got drunk off the pulsing and little whines she gave him as if they were gift wrapped. “Confession. I want pictures of you. Spread out with my cock in you every way you like. They won’t beat the real thing, but fuck, I can’t...stop with you. Don’t want to.”

Billy looked vulnerable when he moaned so pretty.

His knuckles traced the curve of her cheekbone. Evie bounced, gripped his shoulders to stay upright with her spine curving. Unable to respond to something so passionate. Billy had that mode on him, sometimes it came out in odd ways. Filthy words to match his obscene way of caressing and worship. His manner of making Evie feel bold and sexy. Cute. Pretty. Fierce. Desired. The fact that sometimes he’d lie still for once and seek out her fingers across his curls and her lips on his cheek.

Evie Fenny was a drug and cure to him, all at once. She gave back. Made Billy feel full and light. Made him feel present. Like he could shed his fangs. Lie back and feel the sun on his skin.

“Confession,” Evie said between quick kisses with her thumb tracing the edge of his jaw, “I want more of you too. After....”

“After?” He scoffed. “Like tonight?”

“Just… After.” She slowed to rock into him. Deep thrusts that made them both moan in sync. So close. “After what’s next for us. Life. High school. Whatever. I want you to be apart of my after.”

He could blame the sex for short circuiting her brain, he’d given it to her pretty hard.

“I don’t know what I’m saying.” She rubbed her eyes, laughed because it felt silly. Felt Billy swoop in to kiss her. Wordlessly validating it wasn’t silly at all. That was another thing they did, pumped life into hopeful hearts and dwindling thoughts of something more. Something that was waiting...after.

“We’ll deal with the after.” Billy skimmed a hand between them. Stroked her until she gave a cry into the denim of his jacket. A beautiful note. Evie thought she heard the twinkling music from outside, joyful and airy. Realized that maybe it was just playing in her head. “Right now, I want you to come.” He pecked her parted lips. “Cum for me, Angel.”

“Billy.” She found his mouth again. They shared a godly nectar in one kiss. He worked her hips into his as she climaxed. Lungs heaving with a great arch. Billy watched her tits bounce and found his own release quick. Let her slip into him as he fell back to the wall. Lungs tried to find some peace. That New Orleans accent laced her tone again. “God damn it, Billy.”

“Still a church, Fenny.” He massaged her thighs. Eyes shifting while she breathed even and fixed her bra. Tucked her shirt back in.

“I need a bathroom. This is about to be a mess.” She slipped off him, pulled her undershorts back on because he wasn’t giving her panties up. Thighs hummed, sore and blissful. Billy tucked himself away to fix his own clothing back. Evie poked her head out. “Coast is clear.”

Without thinking, she laced her hand in his. Hurried him out to the bathroom to pee and wash up. Saw her patchy, red cheeks in the mirror and huffed. Patted cold water on them. Billy finished at the sink and lit a quick cigarette by the window. That chipper music lingered outside.

“Your mom is going to be here awhile. I vote your place.”

“Movie on the couch.” She flicked hair aside. Billy flashed a smile, nodding as he snuffed the smoke out.

“To start, maybe.” Two fingers grasped her chin, angled Evie’s mouth for a slow kiss. Tasted sweet, obscene, and smoky all at once. Made her dizzy.

“I’d come back here under certain conditions.” He passed to go out with Evie behind him. She found her purse and coat again.

“Let’s go, you had your fun.” She chuckled as they rejoined the event outside. Wind and all.

“Uh, I think you did too.” Billy’s arm hung around her shoulder. Easy with their height difference.

“You two leaving?” Mona had called, edging from her conversation to cross once the teens were outside. Evie pressed her legs together. Smiled. The Pastor who’d been speaking to her mother followed too. Plastic grin upon his face.

“Ah, yeah, I’ll see you later, mom.” Evie had replied.

“Thanks for coming to help.” Mona beamed. “Pastor Ray, you know Billy. Our neighbor. He was kind enough to help out.”

“Mr. Hargrove. I’m surprised to see you here.” They shook tense hands.

“Only thing I like more than Jesus is Christ. Who doesn’t want to turn water into wine.” Billy’s sarcasm was almost charming. He got a flat look in return.

“I see...”

“Evie, can you take some of the food home, honey? We’ll feed the neighbors.” Mona grasped Evie’s arm to pull her forth. “Just put it in the fridge. I’ll organize later.”

“Sure.” Evie started to follow.

“Be sure to grab the cherry pie if there’s any left. The ladies outdid themselves this year. Billy, you’re free to take some food home, son.” The Pastor addressed him kindly again. Billy’s grin flashed shiny teeth.

“I love a good cherry pie, but I filled up on angel cake.”

He caught Evie’s head whipping toward him as she went. Eyes ablaze which made his smile bigger.

“Oh?” Ray’s head cocked. “I didn’t see that over there. Must have went fast.”

“Like you wouldn’t believe, sir.” Billy patted the man’s shoulder and sauntered by. “Nice church, by the way. Pointy.” Evie hurried to his car with her arms full of Tupperware and boxes. Settled them in the backseat.

“You’re so dead.” She looked sweet, waving at her mother across the lot. Billy laughed, starting his car. “I pick the music.” Her hand swatted his and a groan followed as she tuned the radio to some Etta James. Billy revved out of the parking lot, turning some heads as he went.

“Admit it, you wouldn’t change what you did today. Sinner.” Billy’s free hand found her leg out of his usual habit. “Made my first church going experience special.”

“Don’t turn on the waterworks just yet.” She teased back, sucking her cheeks in without looking at him. “Still mad at you.” A smile pulled her forcibly grumpy expression. Billy came to a stoplight. Tugged at a curl to let it bounce so she peered at him. Nose crinkling when she broke to chuckle.

“Admit it.” Billy gave her thigh a squeeze, vibrant eyes flickering.

“Make me.” Evie said, facing the road. “Later.” Lips lifted before the light turned green. His Camaro lurched forward.

“Happy to.” Billy caught the song change. “Hey.”

“Hm?”

“It’s that song you’re always singing to yourself.” Billy turned it up. Irma Thomas. “The mushy one.” Her favorite. He played like it was a careless thing, but Evie stared at him. Warming. Reeled in too easily.

Anyone…

“Shocked you paid attention to that.” She offered after a beat.

“I have to hear it every day I see you, Evie.” Billy snorted, ocean eyes intent on the road. Evie knew better. “Not like I have a choice. Singing and plucking that guitar constantly.” He peered at the trees. “That stuff you were rambling about during the sex high about after.”

“Sex high.” She scoffed.

“Was that the fucking making a mess of you?” Billy asked slower. “Used to hate me.”

“I didn’t hate you,” Evie paused when he shot her an unconvinced look, “we weren’t agreeable.”

“Agreeable? Okay, now you sound like that prissy Austen chick you like to read.” Billy’s retort made her giggle. These little details he picked up about her that stuck with him. It was true, their relationship used to be in the negative for good reason.

“I like when we hang out.” Evie shrugged. “Labels. Whatever. I just meant, we should...keep hanging out.”

“After?”

“After.” Evie produced simply. Billy twitched amusement at her, turned a corner.

“Well,” he parked, “I don’t know, good. I guess”

“Fine.”

“Great.” Billy cut back in, challenged.

“Wonderful.”

“Fan-fucking-tastic.”

Evie grasped his jacket, shut him up with a kiss. Made the boy breathless there. Billy’s blue eyes glimmered at her. Calm seas for miles. The sun shined into his car. Made the teens glow.

“Movie?” She unbuckled to get out with him following. “Gotta get this food into my fridge.”

“Only if I pick.” Billy stood there and let her set boxes into his arms before she grabbed the rest so they could walk up the driveway.

“Sure. Our tastes align.” Evie peeked back at him with doe brown eyes. “I trust you.” She’d offered that too casually, Billy stilled at the door to watch her unlock it. Blinked.

That was the thing about them, how nonchalant their hearts beat together. A totally on purpose accident. Billy remembering Evie’s quirks and her reluctance to show certain petals sprouting from her stem for fear the world might not like the colors. Budding to flash them with some fire and vibrancy because she had a boy who encouraged them despite it all. And she teased this incandescent quality back out of him with ease. Made him work to be still and feel the world turn once in a blue moon. Billy gave this little smile to himself without her noticing and followed Evie into the house.

They hadn’t trusted each other before. And now it was approaching the after. Whatever that meant. Evie glowed to beam at him there and few things were mattering today. New beginnings.

Billy let himself hope that the after would last.

#billy hargrove #Billy hargrove x oc #Billy Hargrove imagine #billy hargrove fanfiction #Billy x Angel #writing #mine #Angel Fenny #SOMY

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cptsdstudyblr · 4 years

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Hey, I saw your religious trauma series thing and I was wondering 1) if questions are still open and 2) if I can ask questions even if I wasn't in a cult, technically?? I'm still not sure.

Up until this summer I was in a very bad church environment that made me hate the faith I was raised in. My father is a priest and graduated seminary when I was about six years old. Our first church was too small for him to have a good salary on, he had to get a second job, and people kept leaving so it got to the point where, six or seven years in, we were forced to move. The church we moved to had more priests, so it would maybe ease my dad's role as pastor, but it also had a really bad reputation. It was a community in which, generations ago, but not long enough, it had been controlled by this guy who was ignoring his bishop and the Metropolitan (he's the guy who runs the faith, kinda like the Pope but we're not catholic, we're Antiochian Orthodox Christians) and went on a power trip essentially brainwashing the church. The church ended up splitting up because half of them realized what was wrong and wanted to start their new church across town, while the rest stayed. Skip a few generations, and my father becomes the new pastor of the older church. Because he followed the rules of our religion, and obeyed the bishop, people thought he was too controlling, when it was really the opposite. It was really hard on my family and made me and my siblings start to resent the faith, even though we knew that wasn't the issue. Not to mention, all three of us kids were very uncomfortable with how traditional our faith is about LGBTQ issues and other outdated values, but never felt comfortable talking about it with our parents. I was in this situation from 7th grade to junior year of high school, when we were essentially kicked out because someone close to our bishop tried to paint my dad as a bad pastor. He's still a priest of our new church, but if anything I hate my new church more bc it's someone else at the pulpit, someome I just couldn't agree with. Now I'm almost an adult and I'm scared about how to treat my faith in the future. My parents don't make me go to church anymore bc I came out as nonbinary and talked about some of these issues, and they're very kind and try to be understanding and supportive in the ways they can be. But I'm still very nervous about how to go forward with this, particularly in my relationship with my family and friends who also grew up Orthodox, particularly ones that are more politically conservative. Any tips on processing this?

(sorry about the wall of text haha)

TW: religion, Christianity, cults

I’m so, so sorry it took me so long to answer this. I was out of power for a while due to a natural disaster, and now I’ve been trying to catch up on schoolwork in the aftermath of that.

Questions are always open on this blog, even if they aren’t relevant! I have a couple more parts I might add to the religious trauma series, but I’m not sure whether I’ll post them at this point.

My biggest advice would be to open up a conversation with your parents first. Obviously, make sure you’re safe and that it won’t blow up in your face, but based on your question it seems like they are pretty supportive of you already. They’ll likely be able to help you with how to approach other people, especially family. They may also have a better idea of how some family members will react and/or may be able to act as mediators or facilitators.

I’d also recommend talking to them about your boundaries when it comes to religion. For example, talk about how comfortable you are with being asked to attend church for holidays, whether you’re okay with religious music in the car, whether you’re okay with them talking to you about the sermon when they get home, etc. You might not reach a total agreement on boundaries, but it’s good to know where everybody stands on those issues going forwards and might also allow you to compromise in a way that satisfies everyone and avoids potential future discomfort.

Unfortunately, I’m not super familiar with your denomination or situation, so I can’t give much specific advice. However, I’ll give you some general suggestions that worked for me with talking to friends and family about leaving religion.

The biggest thing I can recommend is to avoid framing it as a discussion. What I mean by this is that you need to present it as “This is a choice I’ve made and here’s why. I’d appreciate your support.” Especially when it comes to older relatives, they are likely going to want to change your mind and convince you to come back. Framing your discussion this way may not totally avoid that issue, but it will avoid it coming across as if you’re asking for advice.

One tactic I used that satiated some family members was to basically say “This is my choice for right now, but it is not totally out of the question that I might return to the faith at some point in the future. Please don’t pressure me to return soon though, because I’m not in a place where I’m ready to consider that and your pressure will likely push me farther away.” I think framing it as though I might come back (even though I almost certainly won’t) made a lot of people feel a little more comfortable with the initial conversation when they might have not been supportive otherwise. This is an approach I’d personally recommend for people who are much more traditional and unwilling to acknowledge that it’s okay to have a difference in beliefs because it gives them permission to accept your current beliefs and still cling to that hope.

Make sure that you have your reasons prepared before any conversations. They will want to know why you are leaving religion, and you need to be prepared to give thorough, good reasons and have a discussion on the reasons. If you’ve clearly thought it through and are familiar with the beliefs of the religion and how they compare to your own beliefs, it will make a lot of people more comfortable with your choice because they can tell you have put a lot of thought into it.

Make it clear that you don’t have any issue with them continuing to practice religion. Be supportive of their choice to stay and try not to act uncomfortable around their expression of religion (unless, of course, it’s hateful or harmful). It’s a two-way street and if you want them to be comfortable with your lack of religion, you need to be comfortable with the presence of religion in their lives.

Best of luck!

#answer #reply #replies #cult #religion #tw #christian #christianity

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doof-doofblog · 4 years

Text

"Us Staying Together Is The Biggest Mistake Of All!"

Thursday 12th November 2020

Hello again everyone! Hope you're doing okay. Okay so even though I'm writing about yesterday's episode (Thursday 12th) - today is Friday 13th! I know it's just superstition, but I hope your day goes well without any issues or unfortunate happenings. I hope today will be lucky for us all! As it's Friday, EastEnders will not be on tonight due to Children In Need, which is why there was two episodes on Tuesday evening. I'm looking forward to getting right into it, so let's not dilly-dally! Let's get started!

The episode begins with Kat waiting by her Dad's taxi, it looks as if this could be the day she and Phil plan that robbery. Phil makes an appearance as he walks out of his household towards her whilst carrying a carrier bag, he makes a slight point that he won't be going into an office whilst wearing what's inside the bag. I'm beginning to wonder what it might be, considering he's doing a job with Kat, who knows! Kat informs him that they will have the whole place to themselves as everyone who works there will be working at home, but she instructs him that she will the uniform she's provided for him. Can I just mention that I am loving the recent scenes between Jessie Wallace and Steve McFadden, it must've been so much fun to film!

At the Minute Mart, (again, another brilliant scene I thought) Shirley and Tina are discussing the things that Gray owns in his house. How he specifically uses almond milk and how he owns a juicer, an ice maker, a rice cooker and all sorts, Tina appears jealous that her sister is living in the lap of luxury, but then Shirley does remind her that he has just lost his wife and he hasn't been in a good place recently. It's then she changes the subject to Mick, admitting that she hasn't been sleeping properly since Katy arrived. She reveals to Mick that since Katy appeared on the Square, she has been in the dog house and it looks like she will be for quite some time, Tina tries to reassure her sister that she was literally just trying to help her son and that he can't stay angry at her forever.

Meanwhile, out on the Square, Denise is taking little Raymond off to church. Little Raymond looks incredibly smart and yet still a bit shy as Jack approaches the young boy. Can anyone else sense that there's still love between Jack and Denise? Something tells me they might rekindle their romance, who knows - it might end up being because of little Raymond that brings them back together? They both visibly flirt with each other as they leave for the church.

In a posh looking building, Kat is waiting for Phil, only when he appears from behind she looks highly amused, and needless to say - I never thought I'd see the day that Phil would wear something with leopard print! Not looking very satisfied, he appears wearing a leopard print piny. But what followed afterwards was even more hilarious, Kat appeared to know someone who worked in the building and was making friendly conversation as Phil was stood not saying a word, Kat informed the man that he was actually named Malcolm and was her cleaning apprentice. I just love the fact that Phil just had to grin and bear it, but just to wind him up that little bit more, Kat informed the bloke that he pretty much a 5 year old stuck in a middle aged man's body. As Kat and man walked on ahead, Kat informed Phil to and clean the men's toilets, now of course, none of us can actually imagine Phil cleaning anything, least of toilets! I really do love these scenes, I hope we'll get more of Kat and Phil in the future.

At the Prince Albert, Tina is confiding in Iqra about her family issues at the moment, explaining that things are going to be completely different this year regarding Christmas if Mick and Shirley don't make up by then. Iqra tries to persuade Tina to get them together and talk things through, but Tina explains that they have already tried, Mick seems to be the one causing the problems at the minute, but whereas Shirley has done nothing but beg for her son's forgiveness, but he's just not having any of it. Tina then mentions that Mick hasn't been the same since he's moved out of the Vic, which then Iqra suggests that maybe it would help if he was given a job back at the pub, perhaps it would make him a bit happier? Tina admits that Mick wouldn't ask, but then it makes perfect sense, why doesn't she ask on his behalf? But then again, will that be something that Mick will be happy about? Who knows? He may feel right back in his element if he was back behind the Queen Vic bar.

Arriving at the church, Denise is visibly nervous as she approaches the doors. Gospel singing can be heard from behind the door, Denise turns to Jack before they enter and suggests that it was a bad idea and they turn back. But it looks to be a little too late as Raymond happily wonders in ahead of them, with a huge smile on his face he heads towards the front of the stage watching the choir singing. Denise and Jack slowly sneak in and sit at the back, taking in everything around them. Denise turns to Jack asking his thoughts, his response made me giggle a bit "Yeah, it's better than the Lord Is My Shepherd!" - with that they both smile and share a laugh, just then Denise turns to the front to see Raymond enjoying every single minute, clapping his hands with a huge smile on his face, Denise smiles seeing her son look so happy.

At the Vic, Tina has approached Ian about giving Mick a shift, at first he seems reluctant to help, explaining that they haven't got enough space on the rota. However, Sharon speaks up and claims that she is in desperate need of some help behind the bar now that her son, Albie is sleeping less. It's then that Ian agrees to give Mick and shift and that he will tell him himself, as Tina begs him not to let on about Tina asking for him.

Returning to Phil and Kat, Phil dressed in his piny and pushing along a mop bucket, walks into a room to find Kat chatting away with the man she was with earlier. Once the man disappears, Phil questions Kat on what he was talking to her about, she explains that they were talking about his Mum and how ill she's getting and that how tomorrow the place would be empty, and she has volunteered to clean again the following evening. Phil then asks her what her plan is for the following evening, it's then Kat reveals about a safe that they keep two floors down and she believes that there must be somewhere between 9/10 grand inside it, she proposes that if Phil helps her then she will split the money 50/50 and they will get £5,000 each! But Phil seems less than impressed of her idea and admits he doesn't want to risk the chance of going to prison for such a small amount of money. Much to Kat's disappointment, she kicks off at Phil for making her feel small and instructs him to finish his shift before they leave the premises.

Back on the Square, Kush approaches his stall and apologises for keeping Shrimpy on it for so long. Martin looks on as his friend makes himself comfortable on his stall, he slowly approaches him and asks whether he's okay. Kush admits that he's had a bad morning, but what happens next is what Martin reveals, he mentions to his friend that he called around and Jean informed him that Kush was still in bed, even though Kush tries to defend himself saying that it's not what he thinks and that he's put all the gambling behind him. But Martin reveals that in fact last night, he was snooping through all the poker and gambling websites trying to find his friend and reveals that it only took half an hour until he spotted his friend online gambling again. Kush once again has been caught out and admits to Martin that he simply can't help himself, he claims that he's trying his absolute best to try and fix the situation that he's caused, but Martin tries his absolute best to get through to his friend that by gambling again to get himself out of the situation is not going to help, as it was the thing that got him there in the first place! How is Kat going to react when she finds out he has once again been gambling behind her back? Especially when he promised her he wouldn't do it again!

Back at the church, the gospel singing comes to an end. Raymond is still clearly enjoying himself, after the pastor makes a speech, he notices Raymond stood right in front of him and acknowledges the little boy, saying how good it was to see him. After her persuades little Raymond to play with some toys, the pastor approaches Denise and begins informing her how nice it was to see Raymond again after they were concerned about how he never turned up again with his Grandmother. He questions who Denise is to young Raymond and she admits to him that she is in actual fact Raymond's birth mother and reveals that the little boy is now living with her. She informs him that she's seeking help regarding his family, as she hasn't been told much about them, the pastor introduces himself and smiles as if he'd be glad to help her out.

Returning to Phil and Kat, Phil is making his way to some kind of parking bay as he's taking some bins out. He seems to notice the handful or flashy cars parked up and dumps the bins to one side as he goes to take a look. As Kat appears, he questions her whether they always park their cars there, to which she admits they do as they must think it's a safe place. Phil laughs and informs her that she was in fact right, there is a job for them there, but she could've been looking at the wrong one. Something now tells me that perhaps Phil might nick one of the cars and attempt to sell it, we know that Phil is known for dodgy car deals, so perhaps this might be the way that he and Kat get a decent amount of money?

Back at the Vic, Mick is looking dapper and happy to be working a shift at the place he once called "Home!". As he makes himself comfortable behind the bar, Shirley and Tina make their way inside. Shirley is surprised to see her son working at the Vic and questions her sister, who simply just smiles and shrugs but Shirley knows instantly that he sister set it up for him. As they approach the bar, Tina, pretending to act suspicious questions her brother as to why he's there. Mick informs them that Ian approached him and asked him to help out. Tina acts very happy for her brother and happens to mention how nice it is for all of them to be back in the Vic again together.

(I know this is quite repetitive, I apologise about that!) Returning to the church, Denise is getting all the information she's seeking about Raymond. She questions whether Raymond knew he was adopted, and the pastor informs her that his parents did tell him when they felt he was at the right age to know. Sorry to be so blunt here, but am I right in thinking that Raymond is only 3 years old? Or is perhaps a little bit older? Only because a child that age I don't think will understand what being adopted means, how could they even begin to understand? Hmm - but I'm not one to judge, who knows, maybe some kids are told in their much younger years that they're adopted, I really don't know?! The pastor can tell that Denise is nervous to inform Raymond about who she really is to him, and Denise admits that she feels that she fears it would be betraying them in a way. The pastor reassures her that Raymond's adoptive parents wouldn't have seen it that way, and they would only want him to be happy and want what's best for him. He assures Denise that Raymond knows exactly who his parents are, but also gives her some food for thought, for him at such a young age, living with a stranger who he has no connection with, is bound to be confusing for him. Perhaps this may give Denise the comfort to tell him the truth about her identity? She asks whether she'll be able to bring young Raymond back to the church more often, just for him to keep that connection to his adoptive family and the pastor is more than happy to oblige.

Ahh so, Kat and Phil have returned from their cleaning job. They're sat in the Mitchell household around the table with Ben. It looks as if they have informed Ben about everything they know about the potential building and plan they have made to rob the place. As the conversation continues, Kat is adamant that it's still her job whether she came up with the plan or not, considering she was the one who found the building in the first place. As they discuss their way of getting inside and the possibility of needing another driver to make their escape. Kat informs them that she wants to make sure either Phil or Ben are inside with her, otherwise the job won't happen. It's understandable, I guess you could she wants to make sure her share of the money is safe. It sounds as if the people involved in this robbery is going to be Phil, Ben, Shirley, Kat and someone else - who is going to be that 5th party? - Who will Kat drag into doing this job with her? Kush? or Stacey? Only what they don't know is while they're discussing their plan, Callum has been listening to everything behind the door. Something tells me that their plan is going to go horribly wrong - is Callum going to use this information and tell DI Thompson that this will be the only way of getting Phil behind bars? Also I do fear that perhaps the 5th person they get involved in the plan will also cause them problems, I don't know why, but something tells me something is going to go wrong. A successful robbery between Phil, Kat, Ben, Shirley and someone else - nah! Something is going to happen!! What do you guys think?! Maybe if Ben finds out that his boyfriend knows, he could persuade him to take part?! You never know?!

Back at the Vic, Tina is adamant she's wanting to celebrate Mick working behind the bar again, back in his comfort zone. As she starts speaking about a memory about her and Mick getting drunk on vodka, she recalls how Katy had to put Mick to bed. But Mick's mood does a complete U-turn as she mentions Katy's name. Tina pleads to her brother to try and make up with Shirley, but as Mick move his arm along the bar he knocks off an expensive bottle of vodka on the floor. Ian comes from behind and (in typical Ian style) has a go at him for breaking an expensive bottle, Ian also lets slip that it was Tina who got Mick the job. Mick once again looks disappointed and leaves the pub, Tina following him as he does so. Once their outside, Tina is begging her brother to tell her what's troubling him. She mentions how she can see he's been struggling the past couple of weeks, she explains how she was trying to cheer him up by asking Ian to give him a shift at the Vic. As the camera zooms closer onto Mick's face, it looks as if he's about to admit something to her, it looks as if he's finally going to tell someone exactly what's been troubling him. But instead he tells her sister to not apologise and acknowledges that she tried to do a nice thing for him, he admits that he's not angry with her and makes up the excuse that it was hard for him to be working at the Vic as it brought back so much memories of what he missed. As he goes to walk away, he calls back to his sister not to worry about him, he reveals he'll go and stay with Lee for a few days to help clear his head. They send each other their love and as Mick walks away Tina looks over to pub to see Ian look back at her with a really smug grin. She softly speaks to herself threating Ian to enjoy it while he can - what does she mean by that?! Is she going to attempt to get the Vic back off Ian?! What do you guys think? We know Tina will be leaving, could this be the start of her exit storyline, could she get herself in so much trouble in an attempt to get the Vic back that she'll need to leave the Square? What are your thoughts of this?!

The final scene of this episode, Kat arrives home, she informs Kush that she now has Phil on her side. Kush is stunned to hear that Phil has listened to her plan. She admits that if her plan is a success, they wont have to worry about money for a long long time. They make themselves comfortable in the kitchen and Kat informs Kush about everything, the fact that Phil knows someone who will be able to give them 100 grand for the cars. The only thing they need for the plan to work is one more driver, Kush then suggests himself for the role, but Kat isn't sure whether Phil would agree, but Kush insists that seeing as he was the one to get them into this mess, he wants to help get them out. Kat admits that it's a big job and there is no room for mistakes, she makes the point that she could go to prison for doing this job, she has her children to think about. It suddenly becomes clear to Kush that she no longer trusts him, but then again - she probably has good reason to, as she makes the fair point that he has been making a lot of mistakes recently. He pushes her to admit that she doesn't trust him and eventually she does, which appears to hurt Kush as he then asks her why are they together? Why are they still a couple if she no longer trusts him? He then states that perhaps them still being together is the biggest mistake of them all and he leaves the room, leaving Kat speechless.

But does he have a point? Her point is also a valid one? Will she agree and let Kush help her out with the job? What do you guys think is going to happen? Will the robbery be a success or will something terrible happen? What do you think Callum will do now he knows the full idea that they're all planning?! I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions as to what's happening in the soap at the minute and all the storylines. Please feel free to drop me a comment or a message and I'll always reply when I can. Thank you for reading, I hope you all have a brilliant weekend! Love you all xXx

#eastenders #katslater #kushkazemi #philmitchell #benmitchell #mickcarter #tinacarter #shirleycarter #ianbeale #sharonwatts #denisefox #jackbranning #callumhighway #martinfowler

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tylergparker · 4 years

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— && guests may mistake me as ( kaylee bryant ), but really i am ( tyler parker + cis female + she/her ) and my DOB is ( 10/31/97 ). i am applying for the ( waitress ) position as part of the EHP and would like to live in suite ( #215 ). i should be hired because i am ( + playful, ambitious, clever ), but i can also be ( - hot-headed, crass, resentful ) at times. personally, i like to ( paint, collect cute socks, make playlists ) when off the clock, but that won’t interfere with work. thank you for your consideration!

ooc;; when will i not be throwing new kids at y’all amiright? maybe one day i’ll leave y’all alone lmfao. but for now, here is my child, tyler. i hope you like her but if you don’t, that’s chill, too, i can’t make you do things. as we know, i’m not your mom.

{ TW: religious undertones / general religion + emotional abuse + teen pregnancy + mentions of abortion + mentions of depression }

background;;

Tyler Grace Parker was born and raised in a suburb of San Diego, California to Daniel and Janine Parker. Daniel was a pastor at their local church, and Janine was a stay at home mom - though the woman had always desired more for herself; in particular she had goals of being a prima ballerina, but when she had tried for it at a younger age, she didn’t make the cut.

Tyler was raised predominantly Christian, given her father was a pastor and all. It was mostly something that stuck with the family - they went to church as a family unit every Wednesday evening and every Sunday morning as well as taking part in church community events, they prayed before every meal and most nights before bed, Tyler was in youth group for several years while her mom and dad both served in the church in some capacity. It was a big part of her upbringing, but it didn’t stunt her socially - she didn’t try to feed the same beliefs to her friends at school, and outside of home she didn’t talk much about church or what they believed; that was her family’s business.

Something else Tyler was raised with was ballet. She started when she was just four years old, and as a child it was a fun activity for her. She loved ballet because she had other little friends she got to see, recitals were fun for her, it wasn’t anything serious - she got to be pretty and she got to dance; it was simple for a young child. When she hit about 10 years old, though, her mother really started in on the projecting her own squashed dreams of being a ballerina on her daughter. Janine became very intense about putting pressure on Tyler to be the best, to not miss classes, to practice more. She would critique her daughter’s form, have her run the same things over and over in a practice studio, etc. It became something that made Tyler begin to almost resent this thing that she had once loved doing. She spent a handful of years trying to grapple with a love that she had for ballet and how it was slowly but surely being taken away from her.

When she was fifteen years old, early on in her sophomore year of high school, Tyler met Dylan Patterson. He was a year above her in school, but that didn’t change how fast and hard Tyler fell for him. Dylan was in the school’s jazz band, but he also happened to be the son of Tyler’s favorite art teacher, Ms. Patterson. Dylan was the oldest of three siblings, and his mother was a single mom, he picked up a part time fast food job to help his mom out on top of going to school, that Patterson’s weren’t a church-going family, either. Tyler saw nothing but good things in Dylan, she loved the way that he was so good to his family, the way he was creative, the way he could easily make her smile. Her parents, however, were not thrilled about this first boyfriend of hers. Her mom and dad thought that Dylan was a ‘bad influence’ on her, and despite the fact that she didn’t let their disapproval stop her from dating Dylan, things never got better on that front.

In fact, things got worse when at fifteen years old, Tyler found out that she was pregnant. Having sex out of wedlock was already “bad” enough, according to beliefs she had been instructed to follow all her life - beliefs she had distanced herself from little by little as she reached adolescence - but having a baby? Not to mention the fact that she was only sixteen, Dylan only seventeen. Tyler went to her mother, because that felt like what she was supposed to do - she definitely had no idea what else she was supposed to do. Janine, however, did not react as Tyler expected. She wasn’t expecting happiness at all, some tears of distress maybe, but what actually came was nothing the teenage girl had thought up in her head.

Janine wanted for Tyler to get an abortion. For a number of reasons this threw Tyler for a loop. Being pro-life was practically expected in their congregation, for her mom to insist that that was how she needed to handle her pregnancy was more than a small shock. On top of that was the fact that the woman had every intention of having her daughter get the abortion and never even telling her father she was pregnant at all. Confused and a little in shock for a few different reasons, an emotional Tyler argued with her mother against going through with that plan. The argument hit a boiling point that ended up Tyler leaving and staying at Dylan’s house for a couple of weeks.

Despite how young they were, Dylan reassured Tyler that things would be okay, that they could do anything as long as they were together. He very nearly convinced an exceptionally conflicted and concerned Tyler to keep the baby and be a family, the three of them. However, when her mother convinced her finally to come back home with the promise that they would tell her father everything and figure things out together, Tyler jumped on the opportunity. She loved Dylan so much, but she didn’t feel like either of them were in the position to make such heavy calls, and neither of them were ready to have a baby, that was for sure.

Telling her dad that she was pregnant went about as poorly as one might expect. Daniel was angry, notably so. It showed in the way that he yelled that night; telling Tyler what a disappointment she was, that she had ‘some nerve’ expecting some sort of support from them for something that was ‘entirely her own fault.’ There were things said about how she’d sinned, that she had gone against anything they had ever taught her. After that, her relationship with her father was distant, cold. What interactions they did have were exceedingly brief, and even what length they were, they weren’t particularly kind. Tyler was told not to come to church with them anymore - people at church inevitably found out about the pregnancy, but the way that her father put it “it was easier to avoid talking about if she wasn’t in everyone’s faces with it.”

Her mother was there for her through her pregnancy, despite being so against the whole thing in the first place. Dylan and his mom also were on top of getting her to appointments, helping take care of her, being there every step of the way through the pregnancy. Dylan did more attempting to convince Tyler that they should keep the baby, that they could do it because they loved each other. Ultimately, however, Tyler still gave their baby girl up for adoption.

After giving up their daughter, Dylan did his best to stand by Tyler, but Tyler could feel the distance between them - he wasn’t fully supportive of them giving the baby up, he thought that she was caving into her parent’s desires when he didn’t see them as right or fair. Ultimately, Dylan ended up ending their long-term relationship about a month after Tyler had given birth. Between the heavy - and admittedly unexpected - weight of having a child and giving her away, and the heartbreak of Dylan giving up on them after everything, Tyler became exceptionally depressed.

Going through the motions became just about all Tyler felt capable for a little while. She finished that school year in summer school, she started going back to church - because her father was back to acting as if nothing had even happened and she was actually his daughter once again - and she let her mother convince her that she should focus on ballet. Admittedly, Tyler held onto the smallest bit of hope that she could re-fall in love with ballet once again; she knew she had loved it so much when she was younger, she thought having that kind of positive feeling for it again might turn things around for herself.

Starting out with ballet again, it was a solid 50/50 in terms of the time that Tyler loved what she was doing, and the time that it came with heavy amounts of pressure from her mother. Once again, it became something that Tyler had to come to grips with: she wasn’t going to be given the option to just love being a part of ballet, getting to dance, her mother wasn’t going to let her have that, it was too serious for the woman. After the way that her teenage pregnancy had effected their family, though, Tyler didn’t have it in her to fight with the woman or cause anymore “rifts” in their home. So instead, she just pushed through, kept dancing.

At the end of that same summer, Daniel abruptly suggested that the family move out of state. There was a sister congregation to their church in Chicago and they were willing to give him a position in their ministry. He sold it to his wife and daughter as “a new beginning that they all needed” - something that Tyler still subconsciously holds resentment toward him for saying. Because what the hell had they gone through to need anything?

Moving to Chicago came with a big shift in Tyler’s persona. Essentially she gave a big middle finger to who she was - who her father in particular wanted her to be - and gave into a version of herself that felt like more like what she felt after the things that she had been through that year. She went from a sweet and cute and soft lady to something tougher, someone more blunt and confident. Someone darker, tougher. She stopped going to church which was a whole fight that she had to have with her dad after moving there, and since her relationship with the man has been nothing short of awful. Back to the minimal communication or whatever communication that there was between them being unpleasant, just as it had been when she’d been pregnant - if not worse because Daniel was angry with her for consciously making the choices she was.

Despite this notable switch and growth in her personality, one thing that Tyler did stick with was ballet. Not because it was something she really wanted to do, but because as long as she was doing it, it gave her something that kept her mom on her side. Living in a home with her angry and cold father was enough, she didn’t need for things to be any worse with her mother, too - even though the woman already made things difficult by putting the amount of pressure on the girl that she did.

When Tyler graduated high school, Janine pushed her daughter to immediately go to auditions for ballet companies in Chicago, and even in a couple surrounding cities. When Tyler didn’t make the cut for any of the few ballet companies she had auditioned for, she knew that her mother was devastated - given all the projecting that she had been doing. It was more out of self preservation than actually feeling bad for her mom that kept Tyler continuing to dance ballet all the same. She went to a specialized school, even started co-teaching a couple of lower level classes during the week, if only so she wouldn’t have to hear how “after all the work they’d put in, she gave it all up, it amounted to nothing.” In reality, the girl has more resentment for the dance than anything at this point.

Year 20 came with Tyler finding out about the EHP at the Malnati, and given her less than great home circumstances, she jumped on applying. She had done a couple different serving jobs while going to dance classes still, so taking a waitress position in the fancy hotel’s restaurant fit things she was already familiar with. Leaving her mom and dad’s house was like letting out a gigantic breath she had been holding for all her life. Living in the Malnati gave her freedom to do what she wanted, when she wanted. It gave her freedom to be who she wanted without a fight, without judgment. She’s been working and living in the hotel for nearly two years now.

Something she did in her first year outside of her parent’s house was reach out to Dylan on Facebook for the first time in several years. The girl came to learn that Dylan was in contact with the couple that had adopted their daughter. He gave her the information for Rick and Shannon Carlson after asking the pair if it was just as alright for her to contact them. She now gets photos of her daughter - Sophia Marie Carlson - every now and again, usually around holidays or special occasions. She’s still yet to meet the child in person, given they live in Southern California still, but she has been given the opportunity to FaceTime with the couple and the little girl only a couple of times ( explaining that she is a friend of mommy and daddy’s, given the adoptive parents still want not to make things confusing )

personality / miscellaneous tidbits;;

Tyler was born at like 3:12 in the morning on Halloween the year that she was born and she has a running joke/theory that it was actually a curse and that’s why her life had been the mess that it’s been, and/or why certain bad things happen to her. “It’s the birthday curse, it’s fine.”

Has her septum pierced, she just either takes it out for ballet or tucks it up in her nose if she’s feeling ballsy about it.

She has a tiny ‘S.M.C.’ tattoo with an equally small heart beside it, on the inside of her right wrist; for her daughter. ( That being said, her teen pregnancy and her daughter isn’t really something she talks about openly, she’s gotta trust the person to see that like full side of her )

She’s got three, count em, three pet lizards; two bearded dragons named Jack and Sally, and a leopard gecko named Oogie. There’s a running theme there. Her room is like a lil reptile room with Jack and Sally sharing a cage and Oogie having his own - she’s serious about taking care of them, obviously.

Loves most things Tim Burton, in case her lizards being named after Nightmare Before Christmas characters didn’t give that away.

Would die for Brendon Urie and Hayley Williams, no question

Loves pop punk and general emo music; it’s something Dylan introduced her to and she kind of just fell in love with the whole style and the lyrics some of these bands wrote and stuff.

That being said, she’s a huge huge concert goer; big on shouldering her way to the front barricade at general admission shows, not afraid of being on someone else’s shoulders during things either, has definitely caught guitar picks and other such things thrown into crowds, she’s into it.

She’s a server, and has been for quite some time so she’s got customer horror stories for daaaays, probably has one of those #serverproblems tiktoks favorited and shit, because she hard retweets.

To be honest, she cares very little about what other people think at this point in her life. She spent the earlier part of her life in his little perfect cookie cutter daughter box, and then she derailed it on accident and her life has felt something like a mess since, so there’s not a lot that people can say to her that would like legitimately offend her.

On the other side of that coin is that she’s really not afraid to tell it like it is because she doesn’t particularly care if you like her adjflkajdfkl. If she thinks you’re annoying, she’ll tell you, etc. She’s also known to antagonize people who she doesn’t like just for the fuck of it, so. ...Sorry lmfao.

wanted connections;;

here’s another episode of me SUCKING AT THESE, EYYO

generally just like..... people who show her what an actual loving supportive family that doesn’t expect extremes from her would be great.

potentially someone that they hooked up like ONCE to get it out of their system and now they just antagonize each other and never let it die that they slept together when they’re picking on each other

server friends unite?? realistically works for bartenders, too, realistically lmao.

FRIGGIN CONCERT FRIENDS. GIVE THEM TO HER.

whoever's down to geek out about her lizards with her, that's the kind of friend vibe we fuck with

someone she genuinely doesn’t like and either doesn’t like her just as much for whatever reason, or maybe they keep trying to make her like them who knows

a person who asked her out on a legitimate date once and she laughed at them thinking they were fucking with her and now she can’t tell where they’re at because she won’t talk about it??? IDK BRO

somebody to help her explore the fact that she’s kind of bicurious?? got some shit to unpack there a little, though, so.

idk how it would happen, but this hard ass shell of hers has gotta be broken, she’s got so much shit repressed that she hasn’t opened up about - between shit with her parents to her pregnancy and heartbreak, and then some - and she’s not super great at trusting people on a deep enough level to let them in on all that and see that side of her so like again idk what would make this happen BUT !!!!!!! SURE.

honestly as always, i suck at this part, and i’m always open to just talk some shit out and work out some brainstormed ideas. so just hit ya girl kay up. or don’t. not your mom.

#tyler. | about #tyler. | headcanons #i'm not crying you're crying it's fine #heavy on the tw's bc i'm playin it safe ok ilu #also also this is quite long but i never shut up so who's surprised not me

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technicolordeams · 4 years

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So some things happened this past week since I wrote my last entry and I'm rethinking my stance on leaving or not. I was able to talk to the one girl who is befriending me and my pastor had a long talk about what makes me me and what I struggle with. I followed what my therapist told me to be which was to be more assertive. I felt very awkward and scared to do it but if I didn't, I'd end up right back where I was feeling anger and abandonment. So for now, I'm still on hold on what to choose to do.

But a couple other things popped up. Not too big but unsettling. My mind just blanked on one of them so I'll just type about the one that's stuck out the most to me right now since it happened literally within the past hour.

So obviously I have problems eating enough to keep my weight stable, let alone gain any without a LOT of work. I've been struggling with it since my gallbladder decided to take a shit on me and demand to be removed which happened on my birthday. During that time I started getting suicidal again and I hadn't dealt with those intense emotions regarding it in several years. But since December it decided to rear it's ugly head and bite into me as hard as it could ever since. It's been 8 months now with very little improvement. And during that time span my health has tanked. I developed breathing problems after my surgery which was horrific enough as it was (imagine not being fully awake but aware that you are out of control of your body and unable to utilize your coping techniques. Just like having a massive panic attack like seizure feeling but you are barely able to be aware of anything besides the viceral fear and blackness because I couldn't wake up. Just... Out of control. And you have no idea how long you were in that state before the nurse could sort of pull you out of it and even communicate more than like two words and slowly peek my eyes open a fraction. Yeah, that's what happened. I had major fear over that for at least a month. Sleeping was hard enough from the surgery and adding in that... Yeah no.) Anyways, since that started up and obviously after surgery it's hard to eat and stuff like that normally. But after the surgery I was (am) having breathing problems. I would have endless coughing fits that would even hit me and make me unable to take a full breath without coughing horribly whatever air I could get right back out. It also made me almost throw up several times (which is my biggest phobia that triggered my eating disorder to go out of control and send me into hospital stays and feeding tube hell). So at least I lost 10lbs since the surgery or even before that. I creep closer to 15lbs though most likely. I haven't been keeping track of it very much because of how much distress I've been dealing with. And I've been dealing with A LOT. Things I wonder if I will be able to get up from without more intense medical help that I probably can't get because of covid.

I've gone through several tests to see why I'm having coughing fits and every answer is that they don't see anything wrong. Well, the ENT appointment I went to the day before I went to see the pulmonary doctor really screwed me over tbh. The ENT doctor gave me steroids that day that I took that same night and told me that the pulls wouldn't affect the asthma test they were going to perform next day. It did. So I had to wait like two months before I could go back and be re-tested. But then covid hit and those practices have been closed ever since. So I can't get an accurate reading on what's going on. They did spot that I had some breathing abnormalities but because of the steroids, they couldn't say for sure. Mind you I had to literally book these doctor appointments and tell my dad you have to take me to these because he didn't think it was that important. Which has pretty much been like everything doctor related that has come up this past year. Just had to put my foot down and tell him I NEED to go to these and I'll be going whether you agree with me or not. Which adds to the distressed feeling and like I'm overreacting and being too paranoid or some shit. Also because I couldn't get actually tested for asthma properly, my regular doctor had to prescribe me with an inhaler but insurance won't help because I have not been diagnosed with it. So I had to cough up (almost literally) over a $100 for medicine that we don't know is right for me or not or whatever.. so that's like $60 every two months? Idk. Which is a lot considering I have a bunch of other bills to pay which includes when I got my wisdom teeth removed (ALL FIVEEE because I'm that extra) which cost $3,000. I have to pay my mom back for another at least year? I don't even know anymore at this point.

I've also been dealing with vision blackouts recently where I almost pass out when I get up here and there. My blood pressure tanked and went to like 70/52 and pulse all over the place. That's better now at least. Chronic fatigue, dehydration, can't sleep very well... Etc. Vitamin D and B12 are on the lower side of the normal range and my body isn't producing enough carbon dioxide.

Now along with all of this bag of shit, I have lost every friend I thought I had and the feeling that I can call anyone friend anymore. I am terrified of calling anyone a friend now because I am afraid that if I let someone in, I will be taken advantage of and lied to like I have in almost every type of relationship I've had since I was little. I am afraid of speaking because I am afraid what I say will offend or upset or whatever someone when all I do is mean well (usually unless you're an asshat). It has made me regress back to my childhood where I couldn't trust anyone and I had nobody except for a penpal on the east coast to keep me company through msn messenger, emails, or rarely phone calls. She was the only one I could call my best friend for a long time and the only one I could open up to about things and the only one who tried to consistently cheer me up when I was hospitalized at 16 by spamming me with emails. I will forever love her and no matter how far we've drifted apart over the years, I will still love her and respond to her as quickly as possible if she ever needed me again. But if we never talk again I'm okay with it. We were there for each other during really bad times in out lives and I like to think we kept each other somewhat sane. She has done more for me than I could ever ask anyone and I'll always be grateful to have "met" her.

But since all of the shit happened with my ex friends... I don't feel safe to get very close to anyone or open up to anyone. Even the girl who defended me and stuff when I was being bullied and manipulated hardly speaks to me now. I wouldn't want to talk to me very much either if all I had to talk about were extremely negative and talk about dying. I can hardly go to my parents about things. I am home alone with just my puppy that likes to get into mischief about 80% of the day. Hardly interact with people online. Usually I just now watch YouTube videos about what's going on with people. I find very little satisfaction playing video games or anything honestly. I have lost art, something that I loved dearly and way too much. I cannot go out most often due to my health. I am stuck at home. I can hardly go outside too. It's too hot (sometimes heat can trigger flashbacks), I found out I'm allergic to grass, and last week I broke out in hives from God knows what so I can't go outside even more. I was put on steroids again for 6 days which causes your immune system to weaken so it won't produce histamines that causes the INSANE itch because every topical and oral medicine OTC would barely help at all. All I do each day is very basic hygiene, sleep when I can, eat as much as I can, and try and relax while taking care of my puppy.

Only two good things has come from all of this: one, I can finally work with a trauma therapist. Hopefully she can help me. Two... Ah I forgot what the second one was actually. Maybe being able to talk to my psychiatrist more frequently? Not sure. I'm very tired right now again lol.

All I know is that I feel very much alone and there's nothing I can do about it. The world outside is extremely dangerous and I am trapped inside my mind too frequently. And there is no extra help I can get.

So all of this led up to my main grievance for today- so far at least lol long ass story to tell just to explain what I'm upset about. My mom earlier asked me if she could give me advice. I told her it depends on what it's about. But she said it anyways. Told me to check my weight each week. She knows I'm not in the most stable state of mind and she knows that me checking my weight constantly can cause a panic attack of it goes down. (thankfully it hasn't really in a month. Only reason why I know is because I had to go to my doctor's twice the past month) I told my dad what she said and he just told me to say okay and leave it at that.

I know I don't want to go back to the state I was in in 2017. I don't want to go through that hell again. Even if I did want to, there'd be way more restrictions with the threat of covid ravaging our place and infecting everyone there. When I pass the eating disorder clinic that I was forced in when I was 16, there is literally nobody there. Maybe a couple cars but they obviously are not treating kids right now. I may be wrong but it would be very dangerous. I know over at the ERC I went to in 2017 is extremely limiting any visitors from coming. The apartments when you graduate to living in temporarily while you go to just a day program only allow maybe two people to stay there at a time and instead of walking to the van pickup spot, they pick you up at your apartment. Psychiatric wards here, or at least one of them that my therapist and I talked about going to, is still slightly operational, but it's over Zoom. So you literally can't get very good support. If you fall off the deep end while at a meeting nothing can be done to help you right there and then if you run away from the meeting.

My psychiatrist told me that if I do feel that I'm in grave danger (I think the trauma therapist I met also said the same) was to go to the ER. But I am afraid to go to the ER and then be turned away quickly and also take a chance that I might catch Covid while there, not to mention the price... And since my parents are essential workers, any one of us could come down with it at any time or be a carrier without knowing. So I'm isolated from people in real life and I don't feel safe talking to anyone online as well. Even if I had someone who wanted to talk to me to begin with that isn't some creepy horny guy wanting pixel sex... I can't think of anyone who I could potentially talk to about anything in my life... I'm just so lost and afraid of both the virtual and real world... Who can I turn to besides my therapist, psychiatrist, or maybe parents depending on what is bothering me, and of course God? I'm told I need a support system. But I can only talk to the doctors so much and my parents aren't very good at being compassionate... I have no one.

I also think about how badly I want to be hospitalized for a little while just so I can get fluids and rest and proper care but that most likely will only happen unless suicide was a big risk.

I am utterly alone...

If anyone reads this long post to the end, you're a crazy human being. xD Going to stop rambling now and put the dishes away and put the pup away for his nap and try and get one in myself.

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