#in thinking theyre doing right... when they might not be.....
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maxeys chart 😭😭
#he also has one more scorpio in mercury#next time harden or doc is baffled at maxeys constant need to work.... just show him this#scorps do NOT like going into things without preparing or trying in some way or form#put that with the go getter in cap and ure gonna have a scorp whos IN in that gym namean?#the scorpio venus....#it's like with most scorpios. when theyre doing right theyre really doing right... but when theyre doing wrong...#in thinking theyre doing right... when they might not be.....#i can see how maxey .. despite the way WE love him... perhaps.. is not the most... critically acclaimed partner to be#in wagsites#he needs a cancer or a taurus bad#BAAAD !#hmm... ill make sure to keep an eye out for that#maxeys relationship with gemini iq and his constant pestering of iq#with the 'he too big time to answer my facetimes now 😔' from max rlly was written by the stars lmao#great deep lover and great overall surface/summary go well in a person but in two persons#always looking n feeling in two opposite extremes!! can be tuff! scorps need that LOYALTY loyalty#so they can feel secure enough to give all that back n more#if they see too much 2 sides of the coin goin on when theyre so focused on one.. might not be so gr8 !#scorps can take a joke against themselves as can cancers n tauruses#but they all have a kinda Stop barrier to that that only scorps/cancers/tauruses can feel out the best b4 that happens#and feelings actually get hurt then#gems might be too outwardly to see that sometimes and a misunderstanding might happen that a scorp will harbor forever#maxeys cap keeps his bond strong with iq tho!! they just have to keep checkin in with eachother n stuff!#just to make sure theyre doin alright!!#i love not traditionally compatible people being a couple/friends. i love seeing what theyre wary of n what works#anyways!!!#maxey#mr power with a purpose !!!!#it's either bball or superhero and one gets paid the other gets comics!
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it
Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.
#there's a variety of reasons for this#part of it is that im GROSSLY unqualified to be handing out diagnoses when it takes a full on PhD to do that in real life#part of it is that psychology is inchoate and we are still very much in murky waters#for example: complex ptsd isn't even IN the DSM yet#and iirc my therapist told me it was because theyre still figuring out how to classify it (attachment disorder? trauma disorder? etc.)#part of it is that (from my limited and undereducated understanding) there are diagnoses that you can assign by completing a checklist...#but some that require a hell of a lot more testing and ruling out other potential causes#and the cluster-b personalities are (IIRC) not even ones you're supposed to diagnose minors with#bc of fears of self fulfilling prophecy and because minors in general are still developing personalities In General#and like the fact that i can't say that with authority speaks to how unqualified i am to do any diagnosing right? hahaha#and part of it is just because like#unless the story is specifically About That and the author has stated so explicitly#i think diagnosing characters tends to put blinders on analysis#like if i were to seriously go 'eridan is autistic' then it would massively bias my reading and understanding of his character#and we have 0 indication that eridan was ever explicitly intended to be autistic or that the author was trying to do an autism specifically#that doesn't mean that the reading is invalid because like thats what death of the author means#all readings are technically valid including stuff the author didn't necessarily intend#but that's just not the way i like to engage with media and not the way i like to approach character analysis#because PERSONALLY it just feels kind of reductive - but also -#i'd wager MOST of us don't have degrees in psychology#so when i say 'X character has Y condition' it might mean something totally different to somebody reading my analysis#even people who have Y condition aren't exempt because a lot of mental illnesses differ from person to person#whereas if i explain “X character has Y thoughts and Z behaviors” there's no ambiguity in that#eridan struggles with noticing that people are suffering and with realizing that he should care#at least part of this is due to his horrific murder-filled upbringing which rendered empathy a detriment & so he learned to ignore it#it could be autism - but it could also be trauma -#or he might just be Like That without actually meeting the diagnostic criteria for autism#& you can't even technically be diagnosed with C-PTSD#or maybe he has a burgeoning personality disorder but you aren't supposed to DX those too early anyway#or maybe hes just 13. see what i mean hahaha. ive reached the 30 tag limit
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2012 Malaysian Grand Prix - Sebastian Vettel & Fernando Alonso
#it is like always palable shock whenever i notice how significant their height dif is#by significant i mean theyre both small to me so seeing that seb is actually noticeably taller is so ?????????#logically i know hes taller but still. it doesnt feel right#it just is not noticeable usually bcs theyre both often around taller men so to see proof of it breaks me#okay about these. they seemed pretty friendly with each other in early 2012 ngl 🥺#its one thing being friendly when youre on a podium or something bcs its courtesy even if theres tension imo#but them walking together randomly hehehehe 🤭🤭🤭#i wonder what they were talking about. i think they were prob going to the drivers meeting tbh#aaahh also there were other pics(but imago watermark ugh) and theyre just walking so close...pressed shoulder to shoulder#EEEEEEEEE seb always looks so pleased and happy and giggly to be talking to him#every day a catie in your area gets taken over by looking through vettonso pics. it is truly an epidemic.#you can only save her by talking to her about vettonso. ...might make it worse though.#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#vettonso#f1#formula 1#formula one#we do a little bit of f1#2012 malaysian gp#I LOVE MALAYSIAN GP SO MUCH BRING IT BACK ALL MY FAV PICS ARE FROM SEPANG AAAGAHHHH
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while aaravi remains firmly within "yeah miranda has a difficult personality and isn't very easy to get along with + has many rough edges which are slowly being worked on but still going to be an issue" after having been very much so within the camp that miranda is a Vexing Bitch upon first contact/getting to know her, she DOES go from "miranda is unpredictable and dangerous as a merfolk and large macropredator and her emotions are inscrutable and random" to "merfolk aren't very hard to understand or predict and it's very easy to stay on the safe side if you keep basic rules in mind and don't freak out the second something unexpected happens"
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#miravi.txt#just. thinking about it!#thinking about specifically how merfolk (like most other animals) growl/hiss specifically as a deterrent#like if you start really upsetting miri and she wants space and you to Please Stop#she will probably turn her face away from the other person or turn her body away from them#while growling or hissing and pulling her fins back#and will open her mouth to bare her teeth or gape her mouth open to show her teeth (including heavily panting)#where the point is ''i will hurt you if you touch me/get closer/dont stop so please dont do that''#but a lot of people read it as her being either obtuse (if she turns away from them)#or outright aggressive for the showing of teeth and growling#when shes really not. shes being very polite in merfolk terms in giving multiple chances to avoid violence#shes going ''i am worried i might have to hurt you so please reconsider'' in a way thats very readable if youre another merfolk#who will then step away or give her her space and switch the tone of the conversation#to see whats wrong#whereas her being more deliberately aggressive/violent usually comes with minimal vocal cues at all#or (if shes specifically threatening someone such as in the case of getting aggressive over perceived threats to her social bonds)#she will often turn towards them and open her mouth and flare her fins#often deliberately closing the distance and making herself appear Extra Large#she WILL growl here but will never hiss (hissing being a more defensive sound)#and will often smack her tail against the ground or show her claws or otherwise demonstrate how large and how scary she is#as a deliberate point of ''you crossed a line and this is what is going to happen to you if you dont make it up right now''#which! both require VERY different responses but might look similar to a human!#and might end up coming off as unpredictable or random in her actions and cruelty!#when shes not! shes just doing things the way a merfolk does them#which means aaravi realizes VERY quickly after learning about all of this#just how many cues miranda gives that people are starting to make her uncomfortable and feel Not Okay#that are ignored or written off because theyre merfolk cues#merfolk are very tolerant of stress but have basically no concept of escalation of violence for that reason#because if youve ignored every chance to prevent something dangerous up until the point it goes too far
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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queen did you forget that the biden "apple" we picked is very much also killing people. like literally thousands of people. currently and actively??
#sorry like i get it. i do i promise. i get the urge to believe in a lesser of two evils#i get the desire for your vote to mean something REAL#but like. sorry there simply is not a lesser of two evils when both evils are genocidal#those lives matter. theyre not a campaign issue or a sacrifical lamb for MAYBE having abortion rights and student loan forgiveness#vote for him all you want! thats fine i get it. but how dare you criticize people for declining to vote for a man#who is literally MURDERING their friends and families??#like genuinely would you look a palestinian american in the face and tell them theyre selfish or pigheaded#for not voting for the man who paid for the bombs to kill their family's entire BLOCK#just bc he what? might help protect IVF??#fuck off#like. genuinely!!#sorry if this isnt worded well i am still a bit high!!#but this sucks!#think about it for a minute! is anything meaningfully changing! this leg of the genocide is happening UNDER 'vote blue no matter who!!'#this isnt trumps legacy!! this is all biden!!
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Understandably So no one mentions charles when talking about the Logan movie and again Understandably So This Aint Bout Him however i do confess that as someone who had never seen Logan until like. a month ago when i was binging all the movies and without knowing a single thing about it aside from laura i cant lie i was in fact jumpscared by him being there. especially for at least like 3/4s of the movie
#xmen#logan movie#snap chats#i be ramblin today hello ...#it was a pleasant jumpscare. yk until he died. after realizing he committed atrocities by accident 😭😭💀 OLD MAN NOOO#but no please LIKE I READ THE DESCRIPTION WHEN GOING TO WATCH RIGHT#AND I WAS JUST THINKING 'oh he'll probably be here for like twenty minutes. wdym he's here for way longer than that'#i THINK years ago i REMEMBER seeing a screenshot of the hotel bit with laura and charles but again that was years ago#and i might be tricking myself maybe its a false memory jealvvelka either way i just know they were cute :(#point is he was here for. i cant even say So Little cause again He Was Here For An Hour And Thirty Minutes Out Of Two Hours#and lets be clear 'snap has your brain molded that much you know exactly how much screen time charles gets in the movies'#girl no not yet i only know exactly when he punches his clock cause i had to keep restarting the movie cause it kept pausing vjAELKAJE#and it just so happened to struggle literally like. ten minutes after he dies- like when logan was dealing with x24 THAT part#so rude for that.. anyway I Repeat i miss charles and laura bein cute :(#it wasnt a lot but it was just sweet.. i always like how charles always got that Professor in his soul with these movies#like in dofp when logan's losing it after. getting future ptsd jvALKVLAJ??K charles is there to ground him#despite being. Like That vjeaLKj like sir please ily. i will accept the Youre On Acid answer youre trying your best#and then with THIS movie evidently charles is having. the worst time upstairs#but he's still super sweet with laura like oh stop you grandpa im gonna throw up#and to STRESS. they were EVIL about that wholesome dinner bit like :((( oh to see the fam happy and safe again :(((#like im throwing up frankly. people were right this movie IS sad i underestimated their assessment 😭#to lighten the mood in my heart. charles really do be an old man in this movie hes such a menace to logan JELKAK#god. Most Normal X-Men Movie Watcher Focuses On Professor X During The Movie About Logan VEJLKJA#ok im done. sorry i just keep replayin that bit in my head where theyre in the car and logans just 'Did You Take Your Meds SHOW'#like pelase. jaeRLKEaj ok im gonna try drawing i looked at my wall long enough and i think i can draw something
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real nonbinary experience tbh
#fgkhfghjgh#sometimes youre a daughter sometimes youre a son#im guessing figlio is like the 'neutral' choice?#in that 'if youve got at least one guy in the group its masculine' romance language kinda way you know?#i get figlia tho like tbh i think at the start when the piano teacher is like 'him' thats sorta unintuitive?#if youre gonna misgender them you'd go with 'her' wouldnt you?#not to Assume anyones Gender here but youd assume feminine right?#tldr i think being like 'youre the toymakers daughter' is not a weird thing to say#if your only options are son or daughter you know?#but i think figlio might be functioning as 'child' here idk#hang on wait#i just realised#does english not have separate words for child as in the opposite of parent and child opposite of adult?#neither does dutch tbc but like italian has like. ragazzi bambini figli#theyve got so many children gfhgkjh#just funny sometimes to realise what a language has words for and what it doesnt#these obvs are all very close cousins so theyre similar#but like the other day i realised that dutch has separate words for fire you want and fire you do not want#while english just has fire i think#forest fire do Not want. house fire dont even know if thats a word. bonfire Do want
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i love my friends so much. i feel like yesterday i had a lot of shit going on in my head and i woke up to my friend explaining things in a way that put my mind at ease. i dont feel as anxious anymore because i know i was overthinking. i think my dad said it best when he told me that he thought my wonderful brain of mine just wants to think problems are bigger than they actually are. he is right! im just inexperienced in life and half of the time im scared im doing something wrong but- HEY. i need to be more confident in making mistakes. making mistakes doesn't define me as a person!! i need to stop worrying about doing life right and just live for the sake of living and doing what makes me happy!!!!!!!
#thank u blake. u really helped#also nessa!! thank u for that reblog about your perspective on my one post about feeling lost career wise#it helps me to know im not the only one living this life because holy fuck i can feel confused sometimes because.. am i doing this right?#and you know what? theres no correct path that i think there is but im just not good without a direct direction. it makes me a little#anxious about things#i dont know if its because i have some form of a disorder but i function better when i plan stuff out and give myself something to#decompress the problems and thoughts because in my brain theyre just all stuck and clumped together#and that can get a bit scary and overwhelming!!!#im just glad i have people that care about me. it means literally everything to me#so even if i dont 100% reply dont think i dont care because literally any ANY advice or kindness you show to me means the world#we're all just living this little life and we might as well make the best of it#people care..... thats just.... its good... it makes me feel less alone that people do#i love my friends so much#evennnn if we dont talk every day or are only mutuals in passing!!! it literally means a lot if people show me kindness#like holy shit!!! your older than me? and your dealing with a similar experience??? and your telling me that its okay??? and that itll be#okay?????#like#just the reassurance that things will be okay and work out and that im not the only one dealing with a feeling like mine#idk sometimes i just feel like im crazy and like my thoughts make no sense?? you know?? but yall get it#im glad that i have people who are older than me in my life cause yall have experienced stuff that i can use to be better#like your life experiences can help me in a way that can make a difference on my perspective on things#its why i like talking to my coworkers. because theyve seen things and done things i havent and their perspective can teach me potentially#i just dont feel so overwhelmed with life when i talk to people who understand#i feel so young and yet old enough to know but even the people who are older dont know so im sort of on the right track i suppose depending#on how you look at it#so- im just gonna live my life and smile because!!! you gotta.#you gotta surround yourself with people who can enrich you and teach you things for the better and make you want to grow#some of you are like that#you may not know that#but that kindness means so much
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I know several people who like LOVE seasons 5-7 (11th doctors run) and think the storylines and moffats writing are brilliant and I don't get it!!! what am I missing??? why does literally every single episode have the exact same stakes: Rory/Amy/the doctor is dead. forever. so dead. but wait!!! what if they aren't!!! why do so many of the explanations for why they're not actually dead feel so rushed like they were added at the last minute!! why does every single queer character act kind of weird and awkward about being queer!! why does the doctor casually say that women are inferior when no one's around!!! what the fuck!! hello!!!
#why is rory continuously proving himself as the Only Man To Ever Exist only for the characters/narrative to continuously imply hes lesser#amy tries to kiss the doctor?? at her wedding??????#when amy is stuck for 36 years why is she like i forgot how much rory loved me?? GIRL HE WAITED 1000 YEARS FOR YOU???? WHAT????#he is CONSTANTLY the butt of the joke despite being unequivocally without a doubt the best character from this era#what the fuck was up with river being their kid#THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY???? WHAT?? THAT SHIT WAS WEIRD RIGHT???#does anyone else find it annoying that moffat changed the opening theme and the tardis and the sonic and the doctor ALLLL at once#and then retconned the entire storyline the early seasons are based off of??#WHY IS THE DOCTOR SO GODDAMN ANNOYING?? LIKE SO MUCH MORE ANNOYING THAN THE OTHERS#and fucking sexist!!! so sexist!!!#anyone remember the characters who were like 'were the short fat and tall skinny gay men why do we need names' LIKE HUH???????#gay people still have names steven 😭#i feel like im going insane bc i have no one else to talk to abt it until my partner catches up#but you guys still think these seasons kinda suck right? like coming off of martha and DONNA and her AMAZING storyline#these just kinda pale in comparison right??????#the last centurion is probably the last really good plot of that era imo. none of the other plots come close to having an ending that cool#like rivers story couldve been amazing and then it was just uh. kinda weird. a bit confusing IDK#i dont want to be a dick when talking to people and like shit on smth they love but i genuinely have a hard time#finding kind things to say abt a lot of this era#also and this might just be me but i do not like amy and clara v much 😭 theyre so fuckin mean and not even funny#why were martha donna and rose sooooo well written and they all have rich backstories. we know their fuckin families!!#literally its never even fully explained what the fuck happened to amys parents 😩😩 they just move on. the only friend of theirs#ever shown is fucking river??? as a kid??#am i the only one who found all thay confusing
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Everyone's mad at that Brittney broski girl but...... She's right. It IS dystopian to ask some white tiktoker to use her podcast to talk about genocide. And the reaction to her saying she's not the one for that job, people making it online cancel culture discourse bc this white woman who makes poop jokes doesn't think she should be the spokesperson, is just even more dystopian. This girl is RIGHT. Y'all co opt these tragedies and are opportunists and just TALK AND TALK AND TALK AND TALK SOOOOOOOOO MUCH that the actual victims never get a voice. Never get heard. Never get the stage or the platform or mic. And WHITE PPL, THEIR ABUSERS, BECOME THEIR VOICES. PRIVILEGED PPL WHO NEVER FACED GENOCIDE GET TO BE THEIR SPOKESPERSON. do you understand how infuriating it was when non indigenous folks jumped on the bandwagon for like 2 months a couple years ago, and ALLLLLLL the indigenous voices got silenced, and NONE OF THEM were promoted or platformed or given the mic, and then we had ignorant Non indigenous ppl speak FOR us while having no clue what the fuck they were even talking about and it did WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY more harm than good. A lot of y'all need to realize you're opportunists, and you only care because you're self centered and can make everything about yourself (while deluding yourself and manipulating others into thinking that's not the case) and God forbid you have to shut the fuck up for 2 seconds and amplify an actual victims voice for once.
#im not saying dont talk about it#but be conscious#be mindful of what you post and repost#be mindful of your intentions#make sure youre not speaking louder than victims#or taking their spot on stage#its a lot more naunced than ppl like to think#privileged north americans especially#they really have no clue what theyre doing or saying#you can't truly understand something youve never been ACTUALLY effected by#realize that theres ignorance you have that you might not know you have#americans don't have the actual know how to fight genocide and fascism#most americas actively and happily support white supremacy and fascism even when they're pretending to be communists#they have zero idea what theyre actually standing for#because theyre too privileged to have anything besides high rent#to fight for#even if we did become a communist leftist nation#all the white leftists would become right wing super fast#if you guys werent already sacrificing yourselves for indigenous north americans#youre not gonna have what it takes to fight this war efficiently#all you can do is talk about it#and sometimes your talking gets so loud and the spotlight on you becomes so bright#it washes out the voices that actually matter#i dont consent to ppl reading this in bad faith#try to understand whats being said#instead of jumping to fury due to your own ignorance
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...
#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan#i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch#shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else#even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress#but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside#academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project#i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send#myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it#but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or#maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something#just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there#it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so#tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing#ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position#and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle#sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux#i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices#even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany.#and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it#unrelated
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do I buy the cd player.
#post posting#it wouldnt be and impulse buy ive been wanting one for like two years now#i found one with really good reviews amd i can get it used for a good price#i have a cd coming with with my sports hoodie#(now the cd might have been an impulse but but i did get it with the hopes i would get a cd player for christmas or something)#but i have money right now so i should just buy it right.#its only 20 dollars used and the brand has good reviews on multiple websites.#but idk.#i have this slightly irrational fear of buying electronic devices#the reviews say nothing about melting or catching fire or exploding but hwat if theyre LYING#ok my fear might be more than slightly irrational#but i wont apologize for not wanting to die in an electrical fire#although i think it uses batteries#but battery acud is just as bad#ugh i should just buy ut it has good reviews amd i wont find it for a better price#ive also been wanting one forever#probably since i lost my hello kitty one i had when i was six#(lol)#someone tell me to just do it
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i just remembered the time my sister was trying to explain the word she couldn't remember and said "you know. the guys who can't escape" and i was like escape????? escape from what. and she was like "i dont know. nobody knows but them" and i was pondering the deep and frightening implications of that until i realized she was talking about a mime. im so obsessed. theyre such tragic creatures
#this was many months ago but i do still think about it.#the ontological horror of it all but something even scarier which is relatability#like yeah ill incorporate that into my worldview and use that as a framework for character analysis.#tag ur faves! mime alert#whos trapped in a prison of thiwr own perceptions while at the same time understanding that suffering for entertainment might be more#worthwhile than walking away. or needing it to be#clown vs jester vs mime: discuss#c#txt#i did die laughing when this happened much as a mime does. no wait theyre sad right? ill be honest idk much about mimes
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Stupid period vent
If youre a cis man; kiss a uterous haver on the forehead today
Cus fuck this feels like a mental parasite
#:(#i hate getting my period :(#im so emotional#fuck a stupid tiktok has me hyperventalating over hpw i miss my mom and i was 4 again#my dad doesnt come home for another 3 hrs......#i need a hug so badly i wanna call him and ask him to come home but i shouldnt#.....fuck i think i might need to#i hate that i was literally fine until that stupid tiktok....#have you guys seen the cat Mao cartoons on tiktok? i always get sucked and forget theyre always emotional#this one was about a mom cat and a kitten and the mom cat died#i hate my mom and think she did horrendous things to me i shouldnt be screaming how much i miss her#fuck.#i dont wanna keep growing up and watching everyone die or leave#fuck im spiraling so bad#the safe thing might be to call my dad but i really really shouldnt make him leave work#i can never do the right thing im so fucking broken#i really need a hug and a joint#if i dont message you back im ok: i just feel very uncontrollable rn#going back n forth between anger and heartbreak#ALL OF THIS OVER A FUCKING TIKTOK#im so fucking stupid..#ill be okay i just hate being alone when im thinking about my mom/dark stuff#im not even sewerslidal im just extreamly emotional and its scaring me#if im not ok by 3pm ill call my dad#i feel nothing one minute and then i feel everything and rinse repeat#i just hate that i get triggered so easily#i already feel a lil calmer im just tired n need a hug#i know that im safe my body just physically does not feel safe#so im like trapped in my head#but if my dad was here hed be able to pull me out
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