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#incorrect batfam
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Jason: HA! You secretly care about us!
Dick: I was never hiding that!
Jason: FUCK! YOU'RE SO EMBARRASSING!
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Bruce: We need to talk about what’s going on with Tim-
Dick: The stalking?
Bruce: No, we settled that-
Jason: His cloning experiments?
Bruce: I thought he stopped that?
Damian: His hit list?
Bruce: What?
Dick: Dami, we’ve already talked about this it wasn’t a “HIT list” hit list- Is this about his spleen?
Bruce: spleen?
Jason: No it’s gotta be the-
Bruce: This was about his weed stash but I’m sensing there are more pressing issues I’ve not been made aware of?
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yjcorefourenjoyer · 2 months
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AU that the batkids are all serious and bat-like ONLY WHEN BATMAN ISN’T AROUND
Like when they’re on their own team/out of Gotham? Most respected, calm and serious person there. They have a plan and it will work. “Oh yeah I memorized all the exits and people here the second I entered, you didn’t?” That’s them.
But in Gotham w/ Batman? Pranks galore and singing on patrol, they forget to sleep and forget to eat. When Batman tells them their gonna have a longer patrol they all sigh and complain while trying to give other siblings their work in exchange for doing that sibling’s chore.
But nobody knows that they act like that!! Batman would say something like
“Gosh my kids blew something up I have to go,”
AND EVERYONE WHOSE EVER MET THEM IS ALL CONFUSED LIKE “BUT THEIR A BAT?!?! HUH??!”
and Batman would respond
“Oh yeah you know them, always doing something their not supposed to”
JL: “NO?!”
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strange-birb · 5 months
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Based on og bost by @thethirdtriplet
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Order left to right pic 1 lolz
Damian, cass, dick, duke, Tim, Steph :)
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lucerneatery · 3 months
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Brucie Wayne, mid speech: Hello everyone! Welcome to tonight’s charity gala, so glad to have you here-
Damian, interrupting said speech: Father, Jason is attempting to do a backflip off the roof because Richard ‘triple dog dared’ him
bruce, voice dropping five octaves: i thought i told dick to stop with the dares
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wondersinwaynemanor · 26 days
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Bruce: Jaylad, I need you to be at the Wayne gala this weekend.
Jason: But why me, B? Why not pretty boy, Dickie? I'm sure the ladies miss him.
Bruce: Your brother has a double shift this weekend.
Jason: How about the brat? He needs the socialization.
Bruce: Will be at the Kents' for a sleepover.
Jason: How about -
Bruce: The rest of your siblings will be busy, lad.
Jason: But Bruce, I'll be busy too. And even though I wasn't, I don't want to be around those pretentious fuck - people.
Bruce: Diana will be there.
Jason: Why didn't you start with that? Absolutely! I'll be there, old man. And I'll need a new suit.
--
at the gala
Diana: Aw, you look really handsome, little prince.
Jason blushes and smiles like the little boy who saw Wonder Woman for the first time.
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arguablysomaya · 10 months
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Jason: I think I’m coming down with something. I’ve been so nauseous lately
Dick, seriously: Maybe you’re pregnant
*they sit there in silence for a moment*
Jason: I don’t know who’s the bigger idiot. You for suggesting that, or me because I almost had a panic attack
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arianna-creates · 8 months
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@aliteralchicken 's old textpost made me go feral a few months back and after seeing it again I decided to finish this sketch, color it, and post bc Tim's fit made me think of the barbie movie
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yourmomxx · 1 year
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Bruce, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.
Robin!Dick: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!
Bruce, with the tone of someone who is used to Dick: Outstanding.
Bruce: This is what I'm talking about people.
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bruciemilf · 1 year
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Stephanie: What's everyone gonna be for the Halloween party? I'm going as Daphne, so no one can take her
[Dissapointed groans]
Dick: Elle Woods in her pink bunny costume
Cass: John Wick
Duke: Pikachu
Damian: Mother
Jason: Jason Vorhees for the first half, and my funeral clothes for the other
Tim: I'm going as a dissapointment
-
Tim, walking in with a red hood costume: Hey, guys, having fun?
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dick-the3rd · 2 years
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Red Hood and the rest of the Bats working together
Nightwing, pointing to a fallen henchmen: Hood, care to explain why is he bleeding from the head?
Red Hood: Don't worry, he's just unconscious. I hit him with a bat
Nightwing: Hood. I don't think-
Red Robin: Wait, with a bat or with a Bat?
Red Hood: For fucks sake. A real bat, like a wooden bat. I didn't throw the gremlin if that's -
Red Robin, now just being a little shit: A wood bat? Like, a wooden batarang?
Red Hood: No, you ass, like a- Wait. Do you think we could do it? Change all of B's batarangs for wooden ones?
Nightwing: Guys...
Red Robin: I mean. Probably? There must be a glaze we could cover the wood to make it stronger right?
Red Hood: And with Ivy covering Gotham in trees every month or so we could find the material easily
Robin: It has the benefits of also being biodegradable
Nightwing: Okay I need the focus back to the bleeding-
Red Hood, nodding: Right, sustentability is trending these days
Red Robin: But we would still need metal ones. What if there's a fire? Also, we can't throw wooden batarangs at Ivy, this is like, throwing dead bodies at a person
Nightwing, now getting interested too: You're right, throwing wood at Ivy would only make things worse, she would get mad and at the end we would only be giving her more ammo since she controls plants and all
Red Hood: So what, half of the batarangs should be wood and the other half metal?
Oracle, who had been listening this since the beginning: No, the proportion wouldn't fit. We haven't been fighting Ivy that many times these days, and with the right coating the wood could become fireproof. If we made everything right, about 10% of the batarangs would need to stay metallic, but the rest could be made of wood.
Robin: We would need to find a way to make the weight right. Unbalanced weapons are more of a liability on the field, doesn't matter how much of a improvement it becomes on other areas
Nightwing: We could try adding some metallic alloy to the glaze, not enough to cover it, but just so the weight between the two isn't so different
Red Hood: But a metallic alloy wouldn't mess with the biodegradability of the thing?
Oracle: Not if it's something natural and unrefined, it's a bit crass but it would work
Red Robin: It's a plan then.
--
A few months later,
Batman, glaring at the batwoodrangs: What the fuck is this
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shade9o9 · 1 month
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Batboys as a convo I had with my brothers
Dick: Me and Jason are going to Metropolis for a secret mission.
Damian: For what?
Tim: I believe that's the secret part of it.
Jason: *starts laughing*
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Dick, at Damian soccer game, watching from the sidelines: Wooo! Let’s go Dami!
Random lady: Oh is he your son?
Dick, touched: Oh ha, he’s actually my brother!
*Later*
Dick, hanging out with Tim: Come on we should get ice cream.
Random Guy: Oh out for some father son bonding time?
Dick, grasping at the thought of looking old enough to have a college aged son: w h a t
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raphael-angele · 2 years
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The Board
Damian, coming home from school woth paper in hand: AKHI! AKHI! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! *Shows paper*
Jason, looking at the paper: What's this?
Damian: I got an A+ on my book report!
Jason: Aww, habibi. That's amazing, I'm proud of you. This is going right up the board
Damian: Yaaay!
---
Duke, coming home from school: JASON! *bursts into Jason's room*
Jason: What's up?
Duke: You'll never guess what happened in school today
Jason: Tell me
Duke: In Literature class, our final semester project was to perform a play
Jason, excited: And??!?
Duke, shows paper: I GOT THE LEAD!!!!
Jason: AAAAAAAHHH!!!! *fangirling*
Duke: AAAAAAAHHH!!!! *also fangirling*
Jason: *takes paper and puts it on the board then hugs Duke* AWWW YEAAAH! CONGRATULATIONS, BUDDY!
---
Dick: Here you go, Jason. *Gives picture*
Jason: What's this?
Dick: Evidence. I killed someone and hid the body
Jason: So?
Dick: It was a guy selling kids
Jason: I'll be sure to put it on the board
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Tim: I just punched a guy
Jason: And?
Tim: He was being homophobic to me and Bernard and Kon
Jason: You got a picture?
Tim: No, but I knocked out 2 teeth and put it in this small ziplock *gives ziplock with teeth*
Jason: Oooooh. Great job, Timmy. Never thought I'd be prouder of you.
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strange-birb · 6 months
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I had too… I just had too
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rube-too-many-fandoms · 7 months
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[Dick is showing Tim, Duke, Steph and Barbara a video on his phone]
Steph: OH MY GOD-
Tim: I can’t believe he actually—
*Jason walks in*
Jason: What’s everybody laughing about?
Steph: Nothing! So much nothing. No one did anything
Jason: -_- What is it?
Duke: Nothing, like Steph said. Totally nothing.
Jason: …right. Tim, you’re too sleep deprived to lie, what’s going on?
Dick: Tim, nO—
Tim: Dick took a video of you last night drunk at a karaoke bar singing Only the Good Die Young by Billy Joel.
Jason: Oh! I finally did it! I’ve been wanting to do that for a while. Hell yeah, nice job me. *self-five*
Steph: Did he just high-five himself???
Jason: *wandering away for coffee* Damn this hangover is such a bitch.
Barbara: …All of you are idiots.
(edit) bonus:
Jason: *pouring coffee, lazily singing to the tune of Piano Man by Billy Joel* Only the good die piano man…sing us a good die young…
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