#incorrect call of duty

[ms-rampage]

Y/n: "I am easy to lift, but hard to throw. What am I?"

König: "A leaf? Nein, a feather!."

Y/n: "Correct!."

König: *happy German noises*

****

Y/n: "What is more useful when it is broken?."

König: *mumbles in German* "... Ein ei?." [An egg]

Y/n: *translates* "Correct!."

[geasthewritingrat]

Soap: it stunted my brain a little bit

Ghost: stunted your brain? i thought your brain was already stunted

[megumifushigucci]

Alejandro and Rodolfo incorrect ship quotes Pt.2

—

Alejandro: Hermano-

Rodolfo: No, no, hold up, rewind.

Rodolfo: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me Hermano??

—

Alejandro: Hey, Rudy , what do you think it would be like if we had kids?

Rodolfo: What would it be like? Inconvenient, mostly.

Alejandro: No, I mean, what would they be like, the kids? You ever think about it?

Rodolfo: Can't really say I have.

Alejandro: You know, for someone as eccentric as yourself, you can be boring as fuck sometimes.

Rodolfo: Sorry, Sir . For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl. Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.

—

Alejandro: Rudy , you love me, right?

Rodolfo: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

—

Alejandro: I’ve been dropping him the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.

Rodolfo: Wow. He sounds stupid.

Alejandro: But he’s not. He’s really smart actually. Just dense.

Rodolfo: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”

Alejandro: I guess you’re right. Hey Rudy , I love you.

Rodolfo: See! Just say that!

Alejandro: Santa mierda.

Rodolfo: If that flies over his head then, sorry, Sir, but he’s too dumb for you.

Alejandro: Rudy.

—

Alejandro: Are you ready to commit?

Rodolfo: Like, a crime or a relationship?

—

Alejandro: As top in this relationship, I think we should-

Rodolfo: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.

—

Alejandro , sweating: Rodolfo , there’s something I need to ask you-

Rodolfo: Finally! You’re proposing!

Alejandro: How’d you know?

Rodolfo: Alejandro , you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.

Rodolfo: I even picked it up once.

—

[welldonekhushi]

This meme, but replace it with Scarlet and Soap.

Soap is the one making those weird noises while Scarlet is driving the car holding onto her dear life not to fall for Soap's cheap jokes again 😭

Soap: OH LOOK, SCARLET! IT'S OPTIMUM PRIDE! Wait and watch as it slowly goes like *weird Transformer noises*

Scarlet, trying to hold her laugh in front of Soap while driving:

Soap: Hey hey, just take a look, Scarly, he goes like *back at it again with those weird Transformer noises*

Scarlet, snickering: You're going to make me crash the car, Johnny.

And they just don't stop being chaotic 🥹

[silelda]

Alejandro: How did you get like this?

Price: You really wanna know? Then pour a drink, light a cigar and hand 'em both to me.

[soapskneebrace]

Would they play D&D?

Most people would be surprised to find out that Captain Price is a forever DM if they didn’t know him. But he’s been playing since 3.5E, and while he doesn’t have much opportunity to play anymore, it wouldn’t be hard to convince him to sit down for a session if he had the time. He’d usually choose to play pre-written modules, but tweak them as he’d see fit. He misses it a lot. However, he will never—repeat for emphasis, NEVER—DM a game for the 141 ever again.

Laswell played with Price a couple times before the job took over both their lives. And actually, Laswell and her wife both played, mostly because the Mrs. batted her eyelashes and convinced Kate to try it out. Their minis, a half-elf ranger and a gnome druid, still sit on a shelf at home cuddling romantically. Laswell knows why Price won’t DM for the 141 from his own firsthand account, but was not there for the catastrophe.

The first time Alejandro played, it was because Rudy made a bet with him about something unrelated and won. Rudy used to play as a kid with some other children from his neighborhood, and he liked DMing partly for the power and partly because he’s always been a cinnamon roll who likes to make sure everyone has fun. Alejo meanwhile played a human fighter, because Rudy told him it was the easiest to play. Alejo fell in love instantly with the game, but none of Los Vaqueros ever have time.

Graves played a TON of D&D in high school but quit cold turkey right before enlisting. He is horribly embarrassed by it and will deny even knowing his old campaign buddies. Phil thinks that Real and True and Good soldiers don’t do cringe shit like that, because they’re doing the COOL shit in real life. He’s been meaning to throw away those dice for years, and keeps telling himself he could probably make ok money if he just sold them instead. He played a human paladin all the way up to level 20.

He likes D&D a lot, but Gaz actually prefers Blades in the Dark or Monster of the Week. He has a lot of opinions about the virtues of d6 gaming systems over what he thinks is an overly-complex ruleset that involves dice with so many goddamn sides, and really, D&D doesn’t support as large a variety of playing styles and—hey, where are you going?? Anyway, he likes to play tieflings, and vacillates between bard and sorcerer. (Also he secretly and desperately wants to play Honey Heist with the 141. Ever since That Fateful Night, he knows it will never happen. It continues to disappoint him.)

Ghost has played once. Only once. Soap convinced him, and by convinced I mean he annoyed Ghost about it into submission. And Ghost wants to play again, actually, but he will literally jump off a cliff before admitting it, because it was That Fateful Night when Price ran the session for 141 which would go down in history as the worst time Price has ever had including active combat. Ghost played a half-orc barbarian, and secretly read through the entire PHB the week leading up to the session.

And finally, and perhaps not surprisingly, Soap is the reason Price will never DM for the task force ever again. Soap is a rule of cool kind of man, plays dwarf and halfling barbarians almost exclusively, and is practically allergic to the PHB, which is ironic because he’s so FUCKING good at minmaxing. This clashes with Price’s very rules-lawyery DMing style, and Soap doesn’t know how to not pick a fight over dumb rules like having to roll survival checks when he wants to know what time it is in-game.

Soap was not, it should be said, actually trying to come to blows with Price—taking the piss out of people is a Scottish love language—but Price had been tired. Price had been on his last cigar. And Price already spent too much goddamn time with these men. The fourth time Soap declared that he wanted to do some especially dumb bullshit that he would absolutely need to make a cascade of d20 rolls for, Price just folded up his makeshift DM screen (a couple of manila folders) and hit the fucking bricks. No one brings up That Fateful Night, but no one will ever forget it.

Bonus: Valeria would shove any D&D player she ever met into a locker. And honestly, they should thank her for it.

[lisbetadair]

Incorrect Quotes

[The Las Alamas cartel, trying to get captured Ghost and Soap into the boot (trunk) of a car]

Ghost: Well. You see that's quite a small space and I'm quite a large man.

Soap: And I just don't want to.

[metallictastinglifesupportliquid]

Y/N: Hi I'm your medic and I'll be drawing your blood today, as soon as I finish this capri sun Y/N: *misses the hole four times then finally punches the straw through the side* Ghost, sweating: PRICE

[v1x3n]

[crestapex]

Price: What kind of girl do you prefer?

Ghost: My wife.

Price: Now what kind of girl do you prefer?

Soap: Ghost’s wife.

[witchthewriter]

Gaz: I sleep with a knife under my pillow.

Soap: Weak. I sleep with a gun.

Y/N: You’re both pathetic

Soap: What do YOU sleep with?

Y/N: Simon.

[ms-rampage]

Y/n: "How did you take down Captain America?."

König (understands the reference): "We shot him in the legs because his shield is the size of a dinner plate, and he's an idi-."

Y/n: *proud noises*

[Reference]

[geasthewritingrat]

Nik: who cares what gender someone is when you can just vibe with them?

Price: exactly!

Nik: oh what a homosexual you are.

[megumifushigucci]

Alejandro and Rodolfo incorrect ship quotes Pt.1

—

Alejandro: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.

Rodolfo: That's great, Colonel. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.

—

Rodolfo: I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Soap asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight.

Alejandro: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?

Rudy, already taking off his clothes: God, Colonel, you’re so fucking stupid.

—

Alejandro: Do you want to know your gay name?

Rodolfo: My... my gay name?

Alejandro: Yeah, it's Rudy-

Rodolfo: Haha. Very funny, Sir-

Alejandro: *gets down on one knee* And Vargas.

Rodolfo: Oh- oh my god.

—

Rodolfo: Let’s watch Coco.

Alejandro: Okay.

Rodolfo: And make out during the scary parts.

Alejandro: Th-

Alejandro: The scary parts.

Alejandro: Of Coco.

—

Alejandro: Two brooooos!

Rodolfo: Chillin' in a hot tub!

Alejandro: Five feet apart 'cause we're not gay!

Rodolfo:

Alejandro:

Rodolfo: *tearing up*

Alejandro: Amor, c'mon...

Rodolfo: AND HERE YOU REALLY HAD ME THINKING WE HAD SOMETHING.

Alejandro: Amor...

—

Alejandro : *seductively takes off glasses*

Alejandro : Wow...

Rodolfo : *blushes* Haha... what?

Alejandro : You're really fucking blurry.

—

[neoarchipelago]

On mission

Y/N: *taking out a knife* every room can become a panic room if you give just a fucking minute...

Soap: I'm scared LT... LT?

Ghost: I'm horny.

[blingblong55]

therapy, maybe? -Simon Riley

R/N: we're dating, of course I'll ask to wear your clothes

Ghost: we're dating, of course I installed tracking apps in your phone so I can see where you are at all times because I'm afraid my enemies are going to kidnap you

R/N: are you being serious?

Ghost:....no it's for the video *camera cuts*

R/N: we're dating, of course I love when you get sick so I can baby you

Ghost: we're dating, of course I gave you that necklace that has a tracker in case you realise you have tracker on your phone and the necklace also has a camera and its not because I don't trust you but because my family was killed and now I fear you're next

R/N: Simon- *camera cuts*