#incorrect dungeons and dragons quotes

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Artificer: Ah, the Scientific Method. Step One: Fuck around. Step Two: Find out. Step Three: Record your results. Step Four: Confirm, or fuck around again.

[nevergetstuck]

[fundashnee-rott]

Taylor: No, no. Let him cook.

Normal, clearly embarrassed: I-im sorry that's the whole meal, it's already cooked.

[dndclassesquotes]

Sorcerer: This Halloween I’m going as a disappointment to my family.

Rogue: At least you won’t have to buy a costume.

[ladyphlogiston]

Barbarian: Sorcerer, hit the water with the Staff of Thunder. I have my shield ready.

Sorcerer: Wizard, any objections?

Wizard: I have stupider ideas.

[egyptian-enthusiast-blog]

Rare Karripost! Karri is now… A supervillain?!

At tabletop last night, one of my friends made a joke that we should give her a steel prosthetic tooth and let her “kill” (eat) all of our Dungeons and Dragons enemies. I thought it would be funny if I drew Karri with a prosthetic steel tooth, and here we are…

[butternuggets-blog]

"You would disrespect the dead?!"

"Of course, I'm an archaeologist"

[cursed-nyxan]

Guards!! My goat!!

So we were playing Waterdeep: Dragonheist with my friends and we got to the part when this Emmek guy started telling people that our tavern is full of rats... Well, we didn't take it well, so we visited A LOT of taverns in Waterdeep and started the rumor that Emmek Frewn is fucking goats.

At first nothing really happened, but after a few days we heard children playing and shouting stuff like 'here comes the goat fucker' After that we went to his place because we had to interrogate him for reasons but in a short time he started screaming for the city watch.

Emmek: Guaaaaaaaards!! Heeeelp!! Paladin: Oh, no! We fucked up. Wizard and Druid make eye contact. Wizard: Are You Thinking What I'm Thinking? Druid: We're definitely thinking the same thing. Paladin: But what the hell are you guys thinking???? Druid: Chill, mate, we got this! (turns into a goat, jumps out the window and runs away screaming) Wizard: (casts Disguise self and now looks like Emmek, runs after Druid) GUUUAAARRDS!! BRING ME BACK MY GOAT! Guard1: I didn't signed in for THIS. (out) Guard2: There's no fucking way I'm touching that goat. (out) Paladin: (from the other room) I have no idea what's happening but as long as I can punch this guy it's fine.

[iwannabealice]

holga: you look like you've never touched a woman in your life

xenk: i'm homosexual

holga: i'm sorry. you look like you've never touched a man in your life

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Cleric: You need to eat healthier. Fighter: No. Cleric: The last person who didn't eat healthier after I told them to died. Fighter: Oh my gods. Cleric: In a fire storm. Fighter: That sounds unrelated. Cleric: I cast the fire storm. Do not disobey me.

[nevergetstuck]

[fundashnee-rott]

Taylor: h-hey 👉👈would👉👈you👉👈 cha-cha slide 👉👈with👉👈me🥺 plz

End post

[reaperofravens]

Edgin: Fuck!

Doric: Language.

Xenk: Common.

[marksandrec]

Marks and Rec: Misc #2549

Shane, no. (Dialogue from Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves; suggested by @leeshajoy.)

[ladyphlogiston]

DM in character: I can give your parents back to you. All you desire can be yours.

Fighter: Save your spell slot.

[mrcreative8899]

Xenk: My kink is a happy and fulfilling relationship where my feelings are acknowledged and respected.

Edgin: Too unrealistic, stick to bondage like everyone else.