#incorrect greek god quotes

[h0bg0blin-meat]

Interviewer: Why do you have a gap in your résumé?

Hermes: Actually I pressed the Enter key twice.

[0lympian-c0uncil]

Poseidon: Which one of you was going to tell me that tea taste different if you put it in hot water

Athena,*slowly puts down her book*: Y-You were putting it in cold water....

Poseidon: ....

Hera: Poseidon. Answer the question. Poseidon!

Poseidon: Yeah I thought for like 5 years that people just put it in hot water to speed up the tea-ification process. Didn't realize there was an actual reason.

Everyone: ....

Poseidon: You think I have the patience to boil water?

Dionysus: You don't have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes????

Apollo,*grabbing him*: Why are you. putting it in the microwave to boil it?!

Dionysus: Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove?!

Apollo: It takes less than a minute!

Hermes: BESTIE IS YOUR STOVE TOP POWERED BY THE FUCKING SUN?????

Apollo: HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO BOIL A CUP OF WATER ON THE STOVE!??!

Hermes: Like 7 minutes!

Dionysus: *nods*

Apollo: Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat and it boils in like 2 minutes less than that and you use a saucepan.

Zeus: HA- You're putting the whole mug on the stove?????? on medium heat???? You're stove is enchanted!

Athena: Every single person in this room is a fucking lunatic...

Demeter: Do none of you own a fucking kettle!?

[mytholots]

Apollo: You disgust me.

Hermes: *eating a kitkat sideways* And?

[incorrectgreekgods]

Zeus: When I got married, you know what Hera often said to me? Poseidon: Please stop sleeping with other people?

[echo-stimmingrose]

Persephone: Hades! Hermes and Thanatos are fighting again!

Hades: *groans like the tired father he is* Not again.

Hades: Every week they do this! Why do I have to handle it? When did they become my children?

Persephone: *amused*

Hades: At least the other children are behaving, right?

Melinoe: *about to cause chaos with the new magic Hecate taught her* Yes, of course.

Zagreus: *learning how to blood bend* We're always behaving.

[paradisechid800]

Au where Dite and Perse raised Adonis together

Hestia: Adonis bit a kid at school today.

Persephone: *gasp*

Aphrodite: What!?

Hestia: I know this is hard to hear, bu-

Persephone: How dare you!?!?

Aphrodite: Our son is a saint!

Hestia:???

Baby Adonis: *running with a flame thrower burning everything he sees*

Hestia:!?!?

Hestia: Are you seeing this!

Aphrodite: Of course we are.

Persephone: Who do you think gave that to him!?

*

Baby Adonis: *holding a giant battleaxe*

Demeter: Little boy, where do you think you're going with that?

Baby Adonis: Um...

Demeter: Give it too me.

Baby Adonis: *Hands to her*

Demeter: Thank you. *hands him a bigger, sharper one* this cuts much more proficiently.

Baby Adonis: Thank u, uwu *starts chasing people*

Aphrodite: That's my boy.

*

Zeus: *Bouncing baby Adonis on his knee* What an adorable little scamp.

Hera: Careful, we don't want him developing a bad vocabulary.

Zeus: Don't be silly. Perse's the one raising him, this is the most innocent thing in the world.

Baby Adonis: *Points at Zeus* Slut!

Zeus: ...

Zeus: Well he isn't wrong.

[wolfer13579]

Hades: *on top of a building* I’m going to jump!

Zeus/Poseidon/Hestia: *collectively* NOO!

Demeter/Hera: Do a flip!

Dedicated to: @0lympian-c0uncil, cuz of that one post relating to The Office

[perish-the-creator]

Aphrodite: You'd have to be sick to look at THAT man and want to fuck him unironically. Aglaia: **uncontrollable coughing, wheezing, and gagging** Aphrodite: **grabs Hephaestus** Actually-

[xstarrydawnx]

Apollo: I'll take care of you.

Ares: ...It's rotten work.

Apollo,cupping Ares' face: Not to me...Not if it's you.

[hemogoblin-art]

Gaia: Alright, I need you to swear-

Nyx: Fuck.

Gaia:

Gaia: Swear as in 'promise'...

[greekfamily]

*In a meeting* Erebus: Nyx is something under your cloak Oneiroi: *Peeks out* Atropos: *Peeks out* Clotho: *Peeks out* Lachesis: *Peeks out* Hypnos: *Peeks out* Aegle: *Peeks out* Thanatos: *Peeks out* Erythea: *Peeks out* Arethusa: *Peeks out* Hestia: *Peeks out* Hespera: *Peeks out* Hesperusa: *Peeks out* Hespereia: *Peeks out* Geras: *Peeks out* Momus: *Peeks out* Moros: *Peeks out* Eris: *Peeks out* Hemera: *Peeks out* Aether: *Peeks out* Apate: *Peeks out* Oizys: *Peeks out* Philotes: *Peeks out* Eros: *Peeks out* Hecate: *Peeks out* Tisiphone: *Peeks out* Alecto: *Peeks out* Megaera: *Peeks out* Deimos: *Peeks out* Ponos: *Peeks out* Styx: *Peeks out* Dolos: *Peeks out* Euphrosyne: *Peeks out* Hybris: *Peeks out* Hydros: *Peeks out* Eleos: *Peeks out* Sophrosyne: *Peeks out* Epiphron: *Peeks out* Anaidea: *Peeks out* Epiales: *Peeks out* Achlys: *Peeks out* Eurnomos: *Peeks out* Nosoi: *Peeks out* Ker: *Peeks out* Zephrus: *Peeks out* Chaos: i- HOW! Nyx: Technically i am under it Gaia: You have 44 people under your cloak plus you Nyx: dont ask Erebus: Its too early for this Nyx: Meeting Adjourned.... Lets go my children!!

[h0bg0blin-meat]

Ares: I just stubbed my toe.

Ares: But did I cry like a baby?

Ares: Of course not.

Ares: A baby don't have the lung capacity for the sound I just made.

[0lympian-c0uncil]

[mytholots]

Apollo, *acting tough*: You guys don't want to mess with me.

Dionysus: Yeah, Apollo will straight up cry in public. Don't try him.

Apollo: Exactly, I will straight up-

Apollo: ...

Apollo, *tearing up*: Dio, why would you say that?!

[salvepersone]

Ares:it's ok to ask for help!

Apollo: you're not a burden!

Dionysus: murder is ok.

Hermes: you're feelings matter!

Hermes:...wait

[echo-stimmingrose]

Artemis: You didn't hear it from me, but everyone thinks your gay.

Apollo:

Artemis: Not me though. I know it.