#incorrect harley keener

[marvel-lous-guy]

Peter: People will swim in the ocean, even though there are definitely many corpses in it. People will not swim in a pool with a corpse in it.

Tony: ...that is correct

Peter: that means all humans have a corpse:water ratio that is acceptable for them to swim in.

Harley: yeah, it's called "being able to see the corpse"

Peter: So if I put you in an L shaped pool and you knew there was a corpse around the corner, you'd be fine?

Harley: Huh. I guess I do have a corpse:water ratio

[topknott]

Steve: We call that a traumatic experience.

Steve, turning to Harley: Not a "bruh moment".

Steve, turning to Shuri: Not "sadge".

Steve, turning to Peter: And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO".

[thatoneguyinthechair]

King Peter Quacker

Peter, hungover: Please tell me I imagined claiming to be the king of all ducks. Harley: I would, but then I'd be committing treason by lying to the king of all ducks.

[incorrectpeterparker]

Harley: Look. I may not be a saint, but it’s not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.

Peter: Okay, that’s really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.

[headcanonthings]

Tony, texting Harley while in a meeting: Call me in five minutes and say I gotta come get you.

Harley: On a scale of 1 to 10, what kind of emergency is this.

Tony: 10, get me out of here.

Harley: Put me on speaker, I'll even start crying.

[strangeironaf]

*Family group chat*

Tony: who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Peter: >:0 language

Morgan: yeah dad, watch your fucking language

Stephen: OKAY WHO TAUGHT MORGAN THE FUCK WORD

America: 'the fuck word'

Pepper: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time.

Harley: oh my god she censored it

Tony: Say fuck Pepp

Christine: do it Pepper. Say fuck.

[totallyaccurateavengersquotes]

TONY: Stephen and I--

PETER: Are getting married?

STEPHEN: No, we--

HARLEY, PULLING OUT A GIANT BINDER: Sit down. We've planned out the entire thing.

[hearts-4buck]

Marvel + incorrect pictures (mostly young avengers)

[ironstrange-is-the-endgame]

Tony: think about the possibilities, you could stab your enemies with this

Stephen: it isn’t efficient: the heat will immediately close the severed arteries.

Harley: I’m sorry Stephen, but it actually works just fine.

America: and you just witnessed a Gryffindor, a Ravenclaw and a Slytherin having a conversation.

Peter: why use it to cut people when you can have toasts?!

America: and here’s the Hufflepuff

[salty-ironstrange-shipper]

Harley: Doc won’t be able to trace this back to us- Peter: Are you for real? He traces everything back to us! He traces things we haven't even done back to us!

[marvel-lous-guy]

Peter: You're so dumb

Harley: my mom says I'm smart! Does your mom say your smart?

Peter: Well I've been a little too busy to get out my ouija board recently!

Harley: Oh that's a great comeback! Really smart! Unlike you!

Tony: Hey, hey, hey! Why are you guys fighting?

Peter: Harley blew up my volcano for the science fair!

Harley: So!? Elementary school kids can make a volcano!

Peter: But this one exploded synthetic lava! Now there is a hole in the lab table!

[topknott]

Peter: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate or manwhore our way out of it this time.

Harley, cracking his knuckles: Manslaughter it is.

[obsessedwithmarvelbecausewhynot]

[ Someone says something 15/18+ ]

Steve: The children are here.

Kate: I'm twenty-fucking-three.

Wanda: I'm russian.

Tony: Peter is from Queens.

Peter: I've got nothing to say abt that.

Harley: I'm much worse then all of you.

Wade: You're not counting me as a child anymore.

Clint: Why the hell we adopted them?

Kate: *blink blink*

Clint: Oh yeah, nevermind.

Bonus

Sam: I thought the hawk girl is like, twelve.

Bucky: How they all ended up here?

Natasha: Since when there's so many kids?

[incorrectpeterparker]

Peter: How are you gonna carve a gigantic pumpkin?

Harley: The same way I make onion rings.

Harley: *grabs a chainsaw*

[headcanonthings]

Harley: Tony, can you sign something for school? Tony, shaking his head: If I sign this, you're going to have to learn how to forge my signature. If you sign it from the start, you'll be able to sign whatever you want and they'll never know.

[strangeironaf]

Harley: Small creatures are much more vicious because they have a smaller body to bottle up all their emotions.

Peter: Ridiculous. Give me some examples.

America: Wasps?

Tony: Terriers?

Stephen: Tony.