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#incorrect harley keener and peter parker
bitrashteddy · 1 year
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Tony: Why does Harley look furious?
Peter: Remember how Harley had his tonsils removed?
Peter: yea well he has tonsillitis, again, and can't sleep
Tony: how-
Harley: *angry whispering because he lost his voice*
Peter: I don't know but he's been angrily sick for a week now
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strangeironaf · 1 year
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*Family group chat*
Tony: who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Peter: >:0 language
Morgan: yeah dad, watch your fucking language
Stephen: OKAY WHO TAUGHT MORGAN THE FUCK WORD
America: 'the fuck word'
Pepper: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time.
Harley: oh my god she censored it
Tony: Say fuck Pepp
Christine: do it Pepper. Say fuck.
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TONY: Stephen and I--
PETER: Are getting married?
STEPHEN: No, we--
HARLEY, PULLING OUT A GIANT BINDER: Sit down. We've planned out the entire thing.
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Tony: I didn’t drink that much last night.
Harley: You were flirting with Strange.
Tony: So what? He’s my husband.
Peter: You asked if he was single.
America: And then you cried when he said he wasn’t.
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marvel-lous-guy · 25 days
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Peter: are you sure this is a good idea?
Harley: trust me.
Friday: protocal 'they're about to almost blow the building up by accident again' has been activated
Peter: that can't be good
Harley: oh come one! That was one time
*sprinklers spray directly at Peter and Harley*
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whatsanari · 3 months
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Marvel + incorrect pictures (mostly young avengers)
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Tony: think about the possibilities, you could stab your enemies with this
Stephen: it isn’t efficient: the heat will immediately close the severed arteries.
Harley: I’m sorry Stephen, but it actually works just fine.
America: and you just witnessed a Gryffindor, a Ravenclaw and a Slytherin having a conversation.
Peter: why use it to cut people when you can have toasts?!
America: and here’s the Hufflepuff
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Harley: Doc won’t be able to trace this back to us- Peter: Are you for real? He traces everything back to us! He traces things we haven't even done back to us!
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incorrect-assvengers · 5 months
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Peter: 11 year old me would think current me is insane
Harley: He'd be right
Harley: 11 year old me would call current me a slur
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[ Someone says something 15/18+ ]
Steve: The children are here.
Kate: I'm twenty-fucking-three.
Wanda: I'm russian.
Tony: Peter is from Queens.
Peter: I've got nothing to say abt that.
Harley: I'm much worse then all of you.
Wade: You're not counting me as a child anymore.
Clint: Why the hell we adopted them?
Kate: *blink blink*
Clint: Oh yeah, nevermind.
Bonus
Sam: I thought the hawk girl is like, twelve.
Bucky: How they all ended up here?
Natasha: Since when there's so many kids?
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funkylittlebidiot · 3 months
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Harley: please! You HAVE to remember Peter! He’s really annoying and talks too much and his friends are always in our business for some reason- but he’s your son and my brother!
Stephen: it’s okay, Harley, we believe you.
Tony: You really love him, huh?
Harley: yeah! And you guys love him too!
Peter: Most of the time more than him!
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bitrashteddy · 8 months
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Harley: What's your favourite flavour icie
Peter: Blue
Harley: Blue is not a flavour
Peter: Yes it is
Harley: Why is red not a flavour though
Peter: Because its not blue
Harley: Blue is not a flavour I will die on this hill
Peter: Then perish
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strangeironaf · 1 year
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Harley: Small creatures are much more vicious because they have a smaller body to bottle up all their emotions.
Peter: Ridiculous. Give me some examples.
America: Wasps?
Tony: Terriers?
Stephen: Tony.
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emmedoesntdomath · 4 months
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peter, facedown into a pillow: I hate him
mj, reading next to him: I thought you wanted to have his children?
peter: I can be multifaceted!
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Peter: I think we should get a divorce.
America: What are you doing?
Peter: Just practicing for my hypothetical divorce.
America: Why are you already planning your hypothetical divorce?
Peter: I don't know. I'm 18. I think I'm having a quater-life crisis.
America: You don't even have a partner.
Peter: Hypothetically divorce me.
America: Okay, then I'm hypothetically taking half your assets.
Peter: Well, you didn't sign the hypothetical prenup.
Peter, to Riri: It's called a prenup, right?
Riri: Yeah, it's a prenup, and you DID hypothetically sign one.
America: Who's this guy?
Riri: I'm his hypothetical lawyer in this divorce case.
America: Well then, I'm taking the hypothetical kids.
America, to Harley: We can get those, right?
Harley: Yes, we can definitely get the hypothetical kids, don't worry about it.
Peter: Who's this nerd?
America: This is my hypothetical lawyer.
Peter: Well, Riri is MY hypothetical lawyer, and we have been hypothetically seeing each other.
America: How could you hypothetically do this to me?!
Peter: Because you hypothetically are an alcoholic!
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marvel-lous-guy · 8 months
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Tony: What happened to you two!?
Harley: I dont want to talk about it
Peter: Seriously!? Tell him!
Harley: Fine. I got shot at.
Tony: YOU WHAT!?
Peter: But I was the one who got shot because I took the bullet for him
Harley: OH MY GOD! Shut up! Quit bragging about it already!
Tony: ARE YOU OKAY!?
Peter: Yeah, Harley drove me to the hospital
Harley: and he criticised my driving the entire way!
Peter: YOU ALMOST CRASHED INTO A TRACTOR!
Harley: How was I supposed to know I'd see a tractor in New York!?
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