Tony: I have no idea where my stuff keeps going! I just put some tools and wires and shit right here and now it's gone!
*2 hours later*
Harley: Me and Peter have invented a new game!
Peter: It's called "Web Tonys Shit On The Ceiling Until He Notices"
Harley: I pass Peter the shit and he webs it to the ceiling
Peter: It's been a month and he still hasn't noticed yet!
Harley: I dare you-
Tony: Peter is not allowed to accept dares anymore.
Harley: Why not?
Peter, air quoting the first part: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.
Y/n: *walks downstairs*
Steve: Hey Y/n! How was prom?
Y/n: It was awesome, dad! Stacey and I stayed after to clean up and I got to meet next years trig teacher!
Tony: That’s not the prom I remember.
Harley: I have such a bad headache
Tony: That’s the prom I remember
Bucky: Steve, we raised a good kid
Y/n: You two didn’t raise me, HYDRA did. Everyone knows that
Peter: Fun fact: blueberries are the only fruit named after a color
Harley: Star fruit?
Peter: So close!! That is a shape
Tony: Peter, have you ever heard of the trolley problem?
Peter: I mean it’s not much of a problem anymore.
Tony: What do you mean?
Peter: I can just stop the trolley with my bare hands.
Tony: Ok, well, for the sake of the question, pretend that you can’t.
Peter: But I can. Why wouldn’t I factor in what I’m physically capable of?
Tony: Sure but we’re talking hypothetically-
Harley: Hypothetically I’d step in front of it because I can’t handle the pressure of decision making.
Tony: Harely no-
Peter: Don’t worry, Mr. Stark. I’d stop the trolley with my strength before he could do that.
Tony: Why did I even ask…
Tony: Why does Harley look furious?
Peter: Remember how Harley had his tonsils removed?
Peter: yea well he has tonsillitis, again, and can't sleep
Harley: *angry whispering because he lost his voice*
Peter: I don't know but he's been angrily sick for a week now
Tony: Are you crying?
Harley, sniffling: No, it’s just an allergic reaction.
Tony: An allergic reaction to what?
Harley, sobbing, making grabby hands at Tony: LIFE!
Tony: Harley, we need to talk about-
Harley: The building was already on fire when I got there.
Peter: *drinks all of the coffee meant for Tony, surprise hugs him and at the same time gives him a heart attack, and blows 2 of Tony's labs all in the span of one (1) afternoon*
Harley: How do you cry when your sandwich falls apart, but then be able to do this with no fear?
Tony, fighting off a forming headache: I've already fallen apart so it’s too late for him to cry about it.
[ Harley and Peter sitting in jail together ]
Harley: So who should we call?
Peter: I’d call Tony, but I feel safer in jail.
Peter: would you rather stab Flash or-
Peter: I didn’t even say the other option
Harley: I didn’t need to hear it
Flash: I’m feeling a little unsafe
Peter: If I had a dollar for every time I got confused I'd be like "where'd this dollar come from?" Then I'd get another dollar and I'd be like "where are all these dollars coming from?" Leading to more dollars and more confusion and eventually I'd be crushed by dollars and have no clue why.
Harley: Or you could just get a bank account
Tony: For the love of God PLEASE just go to sleep!
Peter: Isn't it weird that we pay money to see other people?
Tony: Plane tickets?
Stephen: Concert tickets?
Peter, holding their broken frames: Glasses.
Tony, walking into his house: "Hello, people who do not live here."
Tony: "I gave you a key for emergencies."
Peter: "We were out of Doritos."
Harley: Look. I may not be a saint, but it’s not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.
Peter: Okay, that’s really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.
Peter: Am I in trouble?
Tony: What why would you be in trouble?
Peter: Oh, sorry you just looked at me.
Harley: Mr. Stark, stop looking at him.
Harley: AVERT YOUR EYES