#incorrect history quotes

[thetiredprometheus]

oh so when Evelyn Hugo has seven husbands she's 'an icon' and 'a girlboss', but when I, Henry the eight-

[bambismoonlight]

1783

Marie Antoinette: whoops, lost his footing.

1793

Lafayette: whoops, lost her head.

[iamdefinitelyaperson]

Imhotep: yeah but what if we take a mastaba and put another smaller mastaba on top of it, and another one on top, and so we have a stack of mastabas on top of each other

Djoser: how much coffee did you drink?

Imhotep: i can see time

Imhotep: also i haven't slept three days, help

[your-local-jedi-commander]

I just looked up when was “hell nah” first used and it said some shit like 1500’s so here’s the first thing that came to my mind lol, enjoy!

Columbus: duuude, guess what!

Random person: what?

Columbus: i just discovered a new, cooler way to go to India!

Random person: umm… gimme a map!

*map appears*

Random person: bish, that ain’t India that’s a whole ass new continent!

Columbus: HELL NAHHH

(It’s 2:00 so pls forgive me)

[incorrect-romanian-history]

Sigismund Bathory: I think I'm ill.

Sigismund Bathory: Because my ears kind of shut down whenever Basta starts speaking.

[stupidincorrectgreekhistory]

Two guys in an ancient text: *fighting together, living together, literally described as being in an intimate relationship*

Historians: we love a bromance!

[lyrichi]

[mc is reading a devildom textbook that is on human world history]

mc: .......

satan: ... you look troubled

mc: yeah cause it's all wrong

satan: what do you mean?

mc: well, first of all it says the earth is flat

[marksandrec]

Marks and Rec: Misc #2564

Excited about Puppet History~ (Dialogue from tumblr.)

[sleepy-hyperfixations]

Mav: Ice is out of town for some meeting, so im gonna try to go mach 10 in the mustang.

Rooster: Why?!?!

Mav: Ice is 95% of my impulse control, baby goose you should know that by now.

[hoarder-of-dragons]

[Meanwhile Back on Earth] Crowley, drunk : I mean, I thought I did everything right. He was certainly giving hints yesterday but if i wasn't distracted by the demons trying to fucking attack the bookshop I would've been more receptive. And why did he leave for Heaven when he knows he can't the change its's bureaucracy! And to leave me here and say he forgives me like the bastard he is well I ought to....I ought to...What should I do? The Ducks: ..quack? Crowley, still drunk: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

DAVE: if nicki minaj was around in ancient times her favorite words to rhyme would be eunuch and tunic

ROSE: Elaborate.

DAVE: shed be like

DAVE: step out the palace with my tunic on. im so bad i can turn a eunuch on

ROSE: Genius comments of this caliber should enlighten the world, and yet their nature is to fall upon deaf ears. And this is one of history's greatest tragedies.

[kohampster]

Traveler: Why are you a history major?

Wanderer: The failures of men amuse me.

[minyooon3012]

I’m reading the secret history and one thing I loved was Bunny talking about Henry being, like, murderous or smth and Richard thinking they were a gay couple I’m WHEEZING

[incorrectpuppethistory]

The Professor: Hey, Ryan! Did you know your my BFFLWYLION?

Ryan: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

The Professor: Best Friend For Life Whether You Like It Or Not.

Ryan:

Ryan: That’s one way to say it, I guess…

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

I’m sorry, but can you just imagine:

Elves in Valinor: i wonder how the elves that choose to remain in ME are doing? Are they suffering? Are they thriving? Have they faded yet?

Meanwhile, Thranduil: *sipping a pina colada out of a coconut, hanging out in a hammock, on a beach, with some reggae and a nice book* i don’t care that staying in ME means that i will face hardships and horrors that are beyond valinor’s wildest dreams, because i’m sure i’m also relaxing and living the good life beyond valinor’s wildest dreams.

[chaoss-incarnate]

*talking about killing a man*

francis: yes, such a shame, i feel bad

henry: of course, but i don't feel so bad that i want to take responsibility for it

francis: oh of course *chugs whiskey* not that bad at all