#incorrect irondad quotes
1luna1lovegood1 · 8 months
Peter: *sneaking into his room wearing spidersuit at 5 am*
May, sitting on peter's desk: excuse me whERE WERE YOU?
Peter: I was working with Mr Stark!
Tony, turning on the light: Try again.
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ironrad · 3 months
Tony: Pete, if you could be any animal, other than a spider, which would you choose?
Peter without hesitation: A Jellyfish Turritopsis Dohrnii.
Tony: That’s oddly specific.
Peter: They are the only known biologically immortal animal. Meaning if we were all Jellyfish Turritopsis Dohrnii we could just vibe in the ocean together.
Tony remembering Peter’s attachment issues:
Tony immediately pulling him into a hug:
Peter: Um?
Tony sniffling: I would love to “vibe” as a jellyfish with you, buddy.
Peter: :)
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darkkitty1208 · 8 months
Tony : Hey kid, I bought Netflix since you've been talking about it lately.
Peter : Oh, thank you Mr. Stark! I'm glad I don't have to share accounts with Ned anymore now.
Tony :
Tony : You wanted an account?
Peter : Yeah, what did you get me?
Tony :
Tony : I bought you Netflix
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azerishi · 9 months
Peter: Mr. Stark, look! I found this really cool cat, but they looked so sad and so I kinda took them with me so they can eat and now I think I've gotten attached and I really want to keep it.
Tony, on the verge of an aneursym: Peter–Peter, that's a fucking panther.
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yes-i-am-happyaspie · 7 months
Tony: Hey, kid. Did you hear that? People are calling me The Invincible Iron Man.
Peter: Yeah, but that's kind of a weird choice, isn't it?
Tony: Why would you think that?
Peter: ... because I can still see you...?
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bitrashteddy · 2 months
Tony: Why does Harley look furious?
Peter: Remember how Harley had his tonsils removed?
Peter: yea well he has tonsillitis, again, and can't sleep
Tony: how-
Harley: *angry whispering because he lost his voice*
Peter: I don't know but he's been angrily sick for a week now
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bitchy-marvel-dude · 7 months
Tony: Are you crying?
Harley, sniffling: No, it’s just an allergic reaction.
Tony: An allergic reaction to what?
Harley, sobbing, making grabby hands at Tony: LIFE!
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xpeterstarkx · 1 year
reporter: spider-man, what can you tell us about your relationship with famed stark intern peter parker?
spider-man: that guy is a huge asshole, just one big embarrassing failure of human life honestly
peter, watching the clip later: say that to my fucking face, you tool. get a real job
tony: …kid, how you doing these days?
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mcuincorrectlexi · 1 year
peter: mr stark, your bleeding out a lot and are going to need a transfusion. whats your blood type?
tony: ...b positive...
peter [panicking]: im trying mr stark but your bleeding alot
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tonymystark · 2 months
Peter gets a new 🚙 bed
Tony waltzes inside, greeting Peter and Rhodey.
Tony stands eyeing the bed with multiple jokes forming on his twitching lips
Rhodey: That's Peter's bed
Tony: That's a race car bed and it's new
Rhodey: That's always been his bed, how self involved are you-
Tony: You think I don't notice things... if the bed isn't new, what's up with the plastic on the mattress?
Peter pretending to wipe an invisible tear 😢 : Sometimes, I have nightmares
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bisexual-chupacabra · 2 years
Tony: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?
Peter: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.
Harley: I personally was created in a lab.
Y/N: I was just straight up spawned lol.
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1luna1lovegood1 · 8 months
Harley: I dare you-
Tony: Peter is not allowed to accept dares anymore.
Harley: Why not?
Peter, air quoting the first part: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.
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ironrad · 3 months
Morgan crying:
Peter: What’s wrong Maguna?
Morgan: Dad said you’re about to turn 20
Peter confused:
Morgan crying harder: Spiders can ONLY live up to 20 years
Peter: Awe, it’ll be fine. I’m not really a spider.
Peter frantically whispering to Tony: it’ll be fine, right?
Tony shrugging: I’m not a biologist.
Peter sweating profusely:
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darkkitty1208 · 9 months
Peter : Mr. Stark?
Tony : Yeah, kid?
Peter : I'm.. I'm bah- bise- bahsex-
Tony : Take your time
Peter : *points at MJ and Ned*
Peter : Both
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azerishi · 9 months
Steve: Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
Peter, nodding sagely: So, that way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
Tony, tearing up: That's my boy.
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theoneandonlyphoenix · 7 months
Peter: *after watching sonic movie* i relate to sonic! Because i too am an orphan,live with parent figures who can be in mortal danger cause of how much time i spend with them for I I a superhero and a kid!
Pepper: *sobbing into papers*
Tony,a tired dad: Peter,you want me to call your therapist-
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