#incorrect irondad quotes

[1luna1lovegood1]

Peter: *sneaking into his room wearing spidersuit at 5 am*

May, sitting on peter's desk: excuse me whERE WERE YOU?

Peter: I was working with Mr Stark!

Tony, turning on the light: Try again.

[ironrad]

Tony: Pete, if you could be any animal, other than a spider, which would you choose?

Peter without hesitation: A Jellyfish Turritopsis Dohrnii.

Tony: That’s oddly specific.

Peter: They are the only known biologically immortal animal. Meaning if we were all Jellyfish Turritopsis Dohrnii we could just vibe in the ocean together.

Tony remembering Peter’s attachment issues:

Tony immediately pulling him into a hug:

Peter: Um?

Tony sniffling: I would love to “vibe” as a jellyfish with you, buddy.

Peter: :)

[darkkitty1208]

Tony : Hey kid, I bought Netflix since you've been talking about it lately.

Peter : Oh, thank you Mr. Stark! I'm glad I don't have to share accounts with Ned anymore now.

Tony :

Tony : You wanted an account?

Peter : Yeah, what did you get me?

Tony :

Tony : I bought you Netflix

[azerishi]

Peter: Mr. Stark, look! I found this really cool cat, but they looked so sad and so I kinda took them with me so they can eat and now I think I've gotten attached and I really want to keep it.

Tony, on the verge of an aneursym: Peter–Peter, that's a fucking panther.

[yes-i-am-happyaspie]

Tony: Hey, kid. Did you hear that? People are calling me The Invincible Iron Man.

Peter: Yeah, but that's kind of a weird choice, isn't it?

Tony: Why would you think that?

Peter: ... because I can still see you...?

[bitrashteddy]

Tony: Why does Harley look furious?

Peter: Remember how Harley had his tonsils removed?

Peter: yea well he has tonsillitis, again, and can't sleep

Tony: how-

Harley: *angry whispering because he lost his voice*

Peter: I don't know but he's been angrily sick for a week now

[bitchy-marvel-dude]

Tony: Are you crying?

Harley, sniffling: No, it’s just an allergic reaction.

Tony: An allergic reaction to what?

Harley, sobbing, making grabby hands at Tony: LIFE!

[xpeterstarkx]

reporter: spider-man, what can you tell us about your relationship with famed stark intern peter parker?

spider-man: that guy is a huge asshole, just one big embarrassing failure of human life honestly

peter, watching the clip later: say that to my fucking face, you tool. get a real job

tony: …kid, how you doing these days?

[mcuincorrectlexi]

peter: mr stark, your bleeding out a lot and are going to need a transfusion. whats your blood type?

tony: ...b positive...

peter [panicking]: im trying mr stark but your bleeding alot

[tonymystark]

Peter gets a new 🚙 bed

Tony waltzes inside, greeting Peter and Rhodey.

Tony stands eyeing the bed with multiple jokes forming on his twitching lips

Rhodey: That's Peter's bed

Tony: That's a race car bed and it's new

Rhodey: That's always been his bed, how self involved are you-

Tony: You think I don't notice things... if the bed isn't new, what's up with the plastic on the mattress?

Rhodey:

Peter pretending to wipe an invisible tear 😢 : Sometimes, I have nightmares

[bisexual-chupacabra]

Tony: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Peter: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Harley: I personally was created in a lab.

Y/N: I was just straight up spawned lol.

[1luna1lovegood1]

Harley: I dare you-

Tony: Peter is not allowed to accept dares anymore.

Harley: Why not?

Peter, air quoting the first part: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.

[ironrad]

Morgan crying:

Peter: What’s wrong Maguna?

Morgan: Dad said you’re about to turn 20

Peter confused:

Morgan crying harder: Spiders can ONLY live up to 20 years

Peter: Awe, it’ll be fine. I’m not really a spider.

Peter frantically whispering to Tony: it’ll be fine, right?

Tony shrugging: I’m not a biologist.

Peter sweating profusely:

[darkkitty1208]

Peter : Mr. Stark?

Tony : Yeah, kid?

Peter : I'm.. I'm bah- bise- bahsex-

Tony : Take your time

Peter : *points at MJ and Ned*

Peter : Both

[azerishi]

Steve: Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

Peter, nodding sagely: So, that way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Tony, tearing up: That's my boy.

[theoneandonlyphoenix]

Peter: *after watching sonic movie* i relate to sonic! Because i too am an orphan,live with parent figures who can be in mortal danger cause of how much time i spend with them for I I a superhero and a kid!

Pepper: *sobbing into papers*

Tony,a tired dad: Peter,you want me to call your therapist-