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#incorrect sam wilson
firegal19 · 1 year
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Peter: Guess what happened while Y/n and I were on patrol
Steve: What?
Peter: Y/n got cornered by 5 men twice her size
Bucky: Is she okay!?
Steve: Did she win?
Y/n walking in the room: Of course I won, I have 3 times the super soldier serum.
Steve: *fist bumps Y/n* Bucky: Steve, stop encouraging her!
Sam: Damn. Like father, like daughter
Bucky: Shut up Sam
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marvelflame2010 · 8 months
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*Scene: it's vaccine season and all the Avengers don't want to be the first one to get theirs*
Bucky: This is stupid. Only babies and ex-junkies are afraid of needles. Stick me, Banner
Bruce: *gives Bucky the vaccine*
Bucky: *on the verge of tears* Can I have Y/n please?
Y/n: Aw, honey. *kisses Bucky on the cheek*
Bucky: *blushes and smiles a bit*
Sam: No PDA!
Y/n: Fuck off, Birdbrain and get your own vaccine
Bruce: Yes, Sam, it's your turn
Sam: 😐
Bucky: Ha!
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ironrad · 1 year
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Clint who just learned a new game from his kids:
Clint: Alright guys we’re all going to pass the phone around and say who we’d warn someone about before coming to the Avengers compound
Clint: I’ll start. Personally, I would warn people about Tony because I never know what he’s up to in that lab…
Nat: What are we doing? Oh ok, I’d warn people about Peter. He acts innocent, but I see right through it…
Tony: You want my honest answer? Steve. Next question-
Steve: Um maybe all of us because we have powers and can be dangerous when crossed.
Steve: That wasn’t the question? Ok, fine, I’d warn them about Queens. He scares me sometimes…
Bucky whispering: …Peter.
Sam: Why did you whisper that?
Bucky: He’s always listening.
Sam: Yikes, anyways, I’m gonna go with Bucky.
Bucky: Hey-
Bruce: Hi! I’m Bruce Banner, and I think I would warn people about Peter and Tony. Alone they’re both trouble, and together they’re a train wreck, but the good kind. Hang on-
Peter: Oh EZ, I’ve seen this on Tik Tok. Mr. Stark, no questions asked. That guy is everywhere all the time. I can’t get shit-
Steve: Language.
Peter: Sorry! I can’t get anything over on him.
Happy: Peter and Tony.
Thor: Ah, yes, hello. I would warn them of ME.
Thor spinning his hammer and chugging a keg:
Stephen: Tony. I try to avoid him at all costs.
Pepper: Awe thank you for including me. I’d warn them of my husband and his teenager…sometimes I need an extra warning.
The Avengers watching back the footage:
Tony: I’ve done nothing but be a pleasant member of this team.
Peter: Yeah, sounds about right.
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marvelnatasha · 10 months
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Sam: I am an expert at identifying birds. I'm THE Falcon.
Bucky: Okay, what about those ones flying over there?
Sam: Yeah, they're all birds.
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marvel-lous-guy · 2 years
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Peter: *storms into the room, fuming*
Tony: Hey, what's wrong kiddo?
Peter: *slams down a sheet of paper* I failed my history assignment!
Tony: What!? But I thought Bucky helped you!?
Peter: Yeah! But it turns out, that our history teacher wanted us to write about why JFK was assassinated! Not about how it was actually the Winter Soldier who killed him!
Sam: *spits out drink* you killed JFK!?
Nat: pfft. That's old news
Bucky: yeah, I thought you already knew?
Sam: I meant it as a joke!
Bucky: oh. Anyway. Sorry kid
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incorrectanything · 2 years
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Sam: Why are Bucky and Y/N sitting with their backs to each other?
Steve: They had a fight.
Sam: Then why are they holding hands?
Steve: They get sad when they fight.
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Bucky: Nice onesie! Does it come in men's?
Natasha: Oh I think you come in men enough for all of us
Clint:
Sam: *without looking up from his newspaper* He's a bottom
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lovelyinspiration1463 · 8 months
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Bucky: We have a problem-
Sam: No, you have a problem. I have a psychotic idiot who keeps making them.
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skylarinfinity · 7 months
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m/n: [checking out shirtless sam] i know we're friends, but i would fuck you if you ask me.
sam: what? [turn to see m/n checking him out]
m/n: [shrugged] i would fuck you if you ask me.
steve: do you- do you guys need some times alone?
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incorrect-wandanat · 1 year
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Sam: You can’t skip mandatory therapy. This is your final warning.
Wanda: But I had a good reason!
Sam: What?
Wanda:
Sam: *sighs* Was it Natasha-related?
Wanda: *slow nods*
Sam: Goddamnit Wanda
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topknott · 2 years
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Bucky: Do you or do you not still have me saved as "Jesus took my wheel" in your phone??
Sam:
Sam: Your hair looks amazing today.
Bucky: Answer the question.
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firegal19 · 1 year
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What an eventful night
Bruce: *leaving Thor’s room*
Loki: *leaving Strange’s room*
Y/n: *leaving Bucky’s room*
Loki: Really sister? The Russian assassin?
Y/n: First of all, he’s from Brooklyn. Second of all, Bruce, did you just leave Thor’s room?
Bruce: Yep
Loki: I knew it
Valkyrie: *leaves Carol’s room*
Peter: *comes back from MJ’s house*
Bruce: You too, kid?
Loki: Nice 🙂
Steve: *leaves Nat’s room* 😳
Scott: *leaving Hope’s room*
Sam: *leaves Maria’s room*
Sam: I knew you were fucking Nat!
Y/n: I already knew.
Peter: My OTP is real?!
Steve: Shut up!
Val: I just wanted toast
*Silence*
Steve: No one tells Tony or Pepper
Peter: Deal
Loki: Captain, my sister is fucking Sergeant Barnes
Y/n: Loki!
Steve: I have been shipping you too for so long
Sam: Haha! This is awesome!
Bruce: *enters Thor’s room* Thor, I’m sleeping with you
Y/n: *enters Bucky’s room* Yeah, dekta I’m sleeping with you
Bucky: *laughs because he overheard the entire conversation
Wanda: *opens her door* Shut up! Vision doesn’t know about all this and he is too fragile to comprehend this!
Peter: Yes Miss Maximoff
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marvelflame2010 · 9 months
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Bucky: Alright fucklords
The Avengers: ...
Sam: ...
Bucky: Shit, I forgot this wasn't a Thunderbolts meeting
Bucky: Forget what I just said
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gothgoddess2010 · 2 years
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Bucky: In my defense, I was left unsupervised
Sam: Wasn’t Y/n with you?
Y/n: In MY defense I was also left unsupervised
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marvelnatasha · 1 year
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Sam: When I first met you, I did not like you.
Bucky: I'm aware of that.
Sam: But then you and I had some time together.
Bucky: Uh-huh?
Sam: It didn't get better.
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marvel-lous-guy · 8 months
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Sam: I'm still not over that time you ripped out my steering wheel while I was still driving!
Bucky: first off, the time I WHAT!? Second off, that wasn't my fault! I was brainwashed! Now I'm a person again!
Sam: Oh please, you're less a person and more a loose collection of personality flaws
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