#incorrect spiderman quotes

[mamaspidershit]

Peter: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE! Natasha: Uh... What's up with Peter? Maria: He's trying to yell mental health and well-being into all of us. Peter: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU! Clint, wiping away a tear: It's working.

[glouris]

[spideyspetertingle]

Peter: Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good. Stark: Underoos, you CANNOT use our collective trauma to get out of school

[haystarlight]

*Gwen comes home with a hickey*

Mr. Stacy: Hey, what's that?

Gwen: Umm... spider bite?

Miles: Hi, Mr. Stacy!

Mr. Stacy: Big spider you have there

[esmerxyaugusta]

peter: HELP ME, I HAVE A PROBLEM!!

nat: i need to hide a body problem? or i like someone problem?

peter: no.... maths problem

nat: oh, nevermind then.....

[incorectquoteswlw]

Yelena and America hitting on the other side of a thick window as gas leaks in, Kate and Peter are unaware

Yelena: Kate!

Kate: Wha?

America: You're breathing in poison!

Peter: Huh?

Yelena and America: You're breathing in POISON!

Kate: Oh it's fine, we grew up in New York!

America: What?!

Kate: Yeah, we're fine!

Peter: We're immune!

Both are turning blue

Yelena, clawing at the window: you're going to DIEEEE

[wingitbold]

A Random Rainy Night:

Peter: *Enters completely drenched & shivering*

Tony: Underoos!! *starts screaming & pampering him*

*While making cold chocolate to warm up his little spiderling*

Tony: Why didn't you swing in your suit? It would have saved you from resembling a kicked & drenched puppy.

Peter: *pouts* I am not a puppy

Peter: Also, it’s a million dollar worth suit, Mr. Stark. Couldn't get it wet

Tony: astonished, slackjawed, flabbergasted

Tony: Is my age catching upto me or did you actually took a nose dive into a freaking lake with that suit?

Peter: oh! It was waterproof?!

Tony: Flabbergasted Stark

[1luna1lovegood1]

Peter: *sneaking into his room wearing spidersuit at 5 am*

May, sitting on peter's desk: excuse me whERE WERE YOU?

Peter: I was working with Mr Stark!

Tony, turning on the light: Try again.

[angelofthenight]

Maguire!Peter: My (y/n) is ranked for top 10 on Pokémon Go.

Garfield!Peter: My (y/n) is top 8 in candy crush

Holland!Peter: My (y/n)’s top 5 on FBI’s most wanted list

[the-lil-silver-cowboy]

Miguel to Hobie: Whatever you just stole- put it back!

Hobie: I didn' steal owt!

Miguel: I literally just saw you!

Pavi: Sir, he can't help it! It's his culture!

Hobie *absolutely shocked*: Wha-?! 'Cause I'm black?!

Pavi: No, because you're British

[the-poor-miranha-quotes]

8 year old Morgan: When I was 4 I went out into the backyard and let a spider bite me so I could be like the spider man.

Morgan: then my parents took me to the doctor and he diagnosed me with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder

Morgan: I was terrified that the spider had done this

Peter: you… you what?!

[mamaspidershit]

Natasha: Do you ever think to yourself, “Hey, maybe I shouldn’t do that?” Peter: yes but then it’s quickly followed by Clint’s voice saying “yolo”. Natasha: You put too much trust into that man.

[glouris]

[volos-wish]

Norman Osborn: This is my son-in-law, Peter, and his Husband, Harry.

JJJ: Is Harry not your actual son? Why does he not get the son title?

Norman: I don't ljke him.

[headcanonthings]

[my-life-is-a-bad-sitcom]

Wade: Do you want the burnt cookie pieces from the pan?

Matt: …

Matt: Do they taste good?

Wade: God no, I would rather remove my arm with a spoon than eat these.

Matt: Then why do you think I’d want them?

Wade: You just seem like the kind of guy who likes to make himself unhappy