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#incorrect team red quotes
headcanonthings · 9 months
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Wade, bleeding out, holding Peter's arm in a death grip: PETEY PLEASE DONT PUT ME ON DRUGS Wade, sobbing: PLEASE I OWE THE HAT MAN MONEY
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siriuslyli · 11 months
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Wade: I'm so hot even life gets hard
Matt: ...
Peter: pls stop
Wade: I gotta print that on a T-shirt
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hypnogoopgardennerd · 11 months
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Daredevil: We need a distraction.
Spider-Man: Is anyone here good at jumping and making weird noises?
Deadpool, whispering: My time has come.
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Wade: ..and that’s the plan!
Matt: That’s the most idiotic plan I’ve ever heard in my life.
Wade: Well, it’s a good thing I don’t value your opinion then.
Peter:
Peter: So, are we doing the plan or no? Because they’re getting away.
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Tim: So anyways, my boyfriend-
Jason: Woah woah, “boyfriend?”
Tim: What’s that supposed to mean? Come on Jason I thought you were cool don’t tell me-
Jason: Pump the breaks, I’m not homophobic. Just surprised anyone would date you.
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tf2incorrectquotes · 5 months
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Scout: I always keep a bat by my bed.
Spy: I sleep with a gun under my pillow.
Sniper: I sleep with a knife.
Medic: Ho ho ho, the three of you are pathetic.
Scout: Oh yeah? What do you sleep with?
Medic: Heavy.
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dc-and-damirae · 9 months
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tim: If I see the word gaslight one more time... I'm getting off the internet forever.
jason: You're not even seeing it that much.
damian: Yeah, it's all in your head.
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ladymarvel27 · 3 months
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Charles: You're giving me a sticker? Max: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me- wow!” Charles: I'm not a preschooler. Max: Fine, I'll take it back Charles: I earned this, back off!
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f1incorrects · 7 months
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Toto: I’ve met a lot of pricks in my time, but you Christian, are a fucking cactus.
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ungrateful-sneeze · 6 months
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Peter: *bored in his apartment so he turns on the news*
The news: “New York and the world are in mourning as Spider-Man was seen last night being stabbed in the head by pole. The city has been setting up memorials for the hero and-“
Peter: …
Wade: *bursts through his window, still wearing Peters suit and still with the pole in his head* ok, so I know you said not to take the suit…
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deluzionalfantisea · 5 months
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Medic: Can we dress up like Frankenstein and his monster
Heavy: Creation. Not monster. Frankenstein is real monster in book because-
Medic: Yes or no if not I will get Engie to dress with me
Heavy: Yes dear
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headcanonthings · 11 months
Conversation
Matt: Would you say you’re sympathetic?
Wade: I’d say I’m simp pathetic.
Wade: For Peter. I’m a pathetic simp for Spidey.
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poopyboiman · 5 months
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kaethefangirl · 3 months
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Matt: I thought you were unserious and childish when I met you.
Peter: oh.
Matt: But then I met Wade, and now you seem professional and serious.
Peter: Wade isn't that goofy.
Wade: *in his room interrogating his stuffed unicorn* WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MAMA!?
Peter: Statement retracted.
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Matt: Sometimes I think that life can be beautiful and that I will one day find happiness. And then I remember you two are here.
Peter: aww double d
Wade: that’s so sweet!
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incorrectbatfam · 8 months
Conversation
Tim: This—
Tim: *plonks a bucket on the table*
Tim: —is a bucket.
Dick: Dear God!
Tim: There's more...
Dick: NO!
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