#incorrect teen wolf quotes

[sleep-deprived-teenwolf-addict]

liam: so, hypothetically, if i were to destroy my boyfriend’s truck, which i absolutely didn’t do, and proceed to tell my best friend about it first, which also almost definitely didn’t happen, would you say that — again, in the hypothetical sense of things — my boyfriend would have the right to be mad at me?

theo: why do i get the feeling like you’re trying to tell me something?

[incorrect-teenwolf-quotes]

Peter: *sniffs*

Chris: Hale, why are you smelling me?

Peter: No reason *aggressive sniff*

[noyzinerd]

[After the pack runs into one of Derek's ex's from his time in New York]

Stiles: Oh my god, that girl was gorgeous! I mean, did you guys see her?!

The pack:

Stiles: Why on Earth would Derek ever break up with someone so beautiful? What was he even thinking?!

The pack:

Stiles: I know if I ever landed someone like that, I'd probably never let them go.

The pack:

Stiles: Aw shoot, I gotta get going or I'm gonna be late. See you later guys!

The pack: The pack:

Malia: So, are we all still pretending Derek's ex-girlfriend didn't just look like Stiles in a wig?

[sarcasm-and-stiles]

Stiles: WHAT’S YOUR TYPE

Y/N: sarcastic brunettes

Stiles, desperately, as Y/N bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE

Y/N: Oh! B positive.

Stiles: DONT TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE

Y/N:

[scottywolf]

Stiles: Duck!

Scott: [quickly getting down]

Derek, getting hit: Ow! What the hell, Stiles?!

Stiles: I told you to duck!

Derek: How was I supposed to know that you would hit me with a bat?

Stiles: Scott ducked.

Derek: Scott is used to your crazy antics!

Scott: I have 10 years of experience.

[haleripley]

Stiles: Derek I lost the thing!

Derek: What thing?

Stiles: Y'know the thing!

Derek: *turns around holding Eli*

Stiles: *relieved* Oh there he is!

Derek: Wha-YOU MEANT OUR CHILD?!!?!

Peter: Boy you better run

[celestialvoid-fanfiction]

Derek: Did you have a good day?

Isaac: Yes.

Stiles: No.

Isaac, to Stiles: Shut up.

Derek: So, you had a good day?

Isaac: Yes.

Stiles: No.

Isaac, to Stiles: Shut up!

Derek, to Isaac: You were meant to make sure he got some sleep.

Isaac: I made sure he got some sleep.

Stiles: He knocked me unconscious.

Isaac: It’s the same thing!

[hiseyebrowsaregone]

Stiles texting Scott

Stiles: I WANT TO GIVE HIM THINGS

Stiles: LIKE BLOWJOBS AND SELF ESTEEM!

Scott: Please stop talking.

[teenwolf-incorrectquotes]

Scott: Woah! You managed to escape the Hale house? That must have taken some serious cunning! Stiles: It certainly did! -----[earlier]----- Stiles: Can I go outside? Derek: Okay, but be safe, it's getting dark. Call me when you're home. Stiles: Okay! [walks out the front door]

[sharksandsquirrelsandsnakes-ohmy]

Derek: Does everyone understand the plan?

Cora: Uh ya but I have one quick question. So, you've explained plans A and B but, since plan A never works and plan B usually goes to shit, what are plans C through, I don’t know, F?

Stiles: I'm so glad you asked. Plan C is when I yell 'pizza's here' which is your sign to hit the deck so Allison and Chris can shoot anyone standing. Plan D is Lydia going full banshee scream on their asses. Plan E is some spontaneous magic by yours truly and Plan F is to just mountain ash trap everyone in and hopes for the best.

Derek: There’s plans C through F?

Stiles: And Plan G but that involves some coffins, a nice plot at the cemetery, and a very heartfelt rendition of the Independence Day speech from Coach Finstock.

[incorrect-teenwolf-quotes]

Cora: Derek just said "I have an appetite for destruction" and then he reached down and untied my shoe.

[noyzinerd]

Stiles: Reasons why I hate the Nogitsune: #1. It made me kill people. #2. It tortured the people it didn't kill. #3. After it took control of the Oni, it said "There's been a change in ownership" when "There's been a change in Oni-ship" was literally right there! #4. It completely unravelled my brain. #5. It tried to get me to gut myself. #6.-

Derek: Wait, hold on. Why did the "Oni-ship" thing make it so far up on that list?

[sarcasm-and-stiles]

Y/N: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?

Stiles: It was autocorrect.

Y/N: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?

Stiles: Yes.

[scottywolf]

Stiles: When I was a kid, I always wanted to be a magician. Scott: Tell them why you stopped? Stiles: I... I almost cut someone in half with a saw. Derek: What the fuck?? Isaac: What kind of kid were you? Stiles: I didn't know a magician was fake! I thought they were real! That's why I didn't become one. Isaac: That's why?? Derek: Not you nearly cutting a kid in half?! Stiles: The kid was fine. My dad stopped me before I could hurt him. Isaac: Poor guy. At least he's safe from you now. Stiles: Huh? He's standing right beside me. Scott: I'm the kid. Derek: And you still ended up being best friends?! Isaac: I take it back. What's wrong with the both of you?!

[mxflora]

[harlstiel]

Derek: if you were arrested what would the charges be?

Isaac: Theft

Jackson: disturbing the peace

Erica: aggravated assault

Jordan: Arson.

Peter: Murder

Stiles: all of the above in that order.