#inedible blubbering

[deus-ex-mona]

nacchan attending an aizo solo live so true~~ second lip w h o—

[snorgless]

Heated Heft: Chapter 1

This story is inspired by the Starbound mod "Starpounds" by ShyDispatch

Eight days. It had been eight days since you were abandoned by your team on the frozen planet of Corsu 6. It had been two days since you ran out of rations, and not long ago the heating malfunctioned and broke.

You rub your thin, empty belly as it groans angrily. You're running out of options and it's becoming difficult to ignore the hunger pains.

There's one option. One that's been sitting out there in the snow, tempting you with its nutritious abundance. You shake your head and turn away from the window, clutching your stomach as hunger pains grip you once more.

Corsu 6 wasn't a barren world. Far from it, but the conditions were obviously less than ideal. Beyond the freezing temperatures, most of the available food on the planet was inedible to humans.

There was only one edible food source on this entire planet. But you've already seen the consequences of consuming it. It's why you're trapped here in the first place.

Your colleagues had concluded that eating them was safe, but just be safe, it was asked that a volunteer test them.

They were small creatures without arms or legs, just two, large protruding ears that reminded you of a bunny rabbit's. They were effectively just balls of dense fat and sugar and, as it turns out, they were also highly addictive.

After eating the first, the volunteer, a young woman named Emily woke up 20 lbs heavier the next morning, and with a new found craving for the "Lardlings".

The other scientists tried to stop her from eating more of the creatures, but she always found a way. Other the next couple of months she ballooned to ridiculous sizes. Suffice it to say, she lost mobility and had to be removed before anything else happened to her.

Of course, someone needed to stay behind to keep the systems running, and you drew the short straw. You've no idea what happened to the ship or it's crew. For all you know, Emily ate them all you suppose, chuckling to yourself.

Another stab of pain in your gut ruins your brief moment of amusement.

The way you see it there's three options. Starve to death, freeze to death... or... You look down at yourself, unzipping your jacket to reveal your slender frame, flat stomach and modest boobs.

You sigh, shaking your head. Death was never going to be an option, so what if you got fat? It would be better than being unalived by your own ego, you think to yourself. Only, Emily wasn't just fat. The last time you saw her she was completely immobile.

Your thoughts drift to the number of chins... Her hands and feet slowly being enveloped by blubber... Her enormous backside, capable of swallowing a whole couch... And how her tits and belly were competing for the crown of "fattest body part".

But that was only after two months. You've only been stuck here for little more than two weeks! There's no way it would take THAT long before you were found... right?

It only takes one more hunger cramp for you to angrily storm towards the base's main entrance. It's an airlock built to keep out the cold, as well as basically anything else. The room is huge, designed to accommodate a whole away team... or one massive blob, you suppose.

Once the door behind is secured, the one in front of you swings open to reveal the snowy landscape of Corsu 6.

Your booted feet stomp through the snow as you make your way away from the base and into the snowy tundra. The Lardlings are everywhere, just rolling around happily in their own blubber. Was "happily" even the right word? Analysis had revealed the things were basically brainless, only possessing a rudimentary nervous system.

As such, it's no surprise that the thing just lets you pick it up without so much as a squeak from itself, or from the other Lardlings around you.

It's heavy... A lot heavier than you were expecting, but that probably explains why there's so many calories. You hold it steadily and trudge back towards the base, cradling it in your arms.

Back inside, you plop it down on the dining room table and sit down before it. It jiggles softly with each mindless movement. You stare at it, unsure how to proceed. You poke it, sending a ripple cascading across it's soft flesh.

You remember seeing Emily just stuffing them straight into her mouth and swallowing. Sitting down in front of the Lardling, you're really not sure how. They aren't small creatures. You estimate that it's as big as a bowling ball.

You lift it up again, this time being more explorative. It's so soft! Squishy and fat, it was almost like holding a loosely filled water balloon.

You take a deep breath and shove the Lardling into your mouth. Without effort, it slides down into your stomach where it lands with a splash. You double over, the sudden feeling of fullness being a shock to your system.

You feel awful. Filled, bloated and stretched, you stumble back to your room to sleep off the instant food coma you've inflicted upon yourself. Already, you feel heavy... and hot... The rapid changes your body is already undergoing is producing a lot of heat.

You shrug off your winter jacket and climb into bed, slowly and carefully. You're already dreading what you will look like in the morning. But something stirs as you drift to sleep, you begin to absentmindedly caress your bloated orb of a belly.

[avrelia]

What do you headcanon Mai’s pregnancy cravings were when she was pregnant with Izumi? Did Zuko cave into all of them? Haha

Any answer to this question will be random and not based on anything solid. After all, there is no rhyme or reason to pregnancy cravings. One might not even have it at all, speaking from personal experience.

So I decided to go for maximum entertainment value, and decided, that while being pregnant with Izumi, Mai couldn’t get enough of Aunt Ashuna’s Famous Blubbered Seal Jerky.

They are famous for being so tough that they are borderline inedible. Sokka loves them. More like a symbol of home than actual food, true, but he’s always got a little stash in case he gets homesick. After all, Aunt Ashuna’s seal jerky is almost indestructible and survives both cold and heat equally well. It probably still would be there in another ten thousand years.

Occasionally, Sokka offers seal jerky to his friends. Sometimes, out of politeness. Sometimes, just to see their reaction. Normally, Mai refuses, equally politely. However, she is pregnant, tired, uncomfortable, and just wants something… she doesn’t know what. And against her better judgment, she takes and eats one piece.

Surprisingly, it hits just the spot. Much to Sokka’s astonishment, Mai finishes it quickly and asks for more. Soon his whole stash is finished, and Zuko sends the fastest messenger hawk to order more seal jerky for Mai.

Aunt Ashuna makes a small fortune during Mai’s pregnancy, and even opens a small shop in the Fire Nation, as her product becomes fashionable. Soon enough she is set for life, which is all well, since as soon as Izumi is born, Mai cannot touch seal jerky anymore.

However, despite that, Aunt Ashuna’s Famous Blubbered Seal Jerky acquire small but dedicated following in the Fire Nation.

I hope I answered your question to satisfaction, dear anon! Please ask more!

[evolutionsvoid]

Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if most folk thought this creature wasn't real. Not saying it is too outlandish to exist, or that it is a beast of myth. It is just that its name sounds so much like an insult, that I think most people think it is only that. You say "Flab Rat," and they think you are just making fun of someone. How could that possibly be a serious name? Well, it is! You can find them in the volcanic deserts, which is probably another reason people wouldn't know about them!

The "rat" part of the name may seem like an answer to what they are, but that is only partially correct. They are not true rats, but they are indeed rodents! They have those huge incisors that never stop growing, the classic tell! I am sure some folk may think them different, what with their strange hide, but they are certainly mammals and definitely rodents! They roam the obsidian fields and black dunes in search of food, and their strange bodies is what helps them do that! In a land of razor stone, endless storms and lightning wielding creatures, one needs a lot of protection to survive! Their answer to these problems is their signature hides, which are surprisingly thick and hang loose in folds. If you were to feel this skin, you would find it similar to rubber! It is made of special layers of skin and blubber, making it sturdy and flexible. Its loose connections to the body cause it to look wrinkled and rolled, making it quite "flabby" looking! It probably looks quite awful to some, but it is incredibly useful! These thick rubbery layers cause most blades to bounce off it or fail to bite in. Short nerve endings mean that they feel no pain in this skin, so the irritating sands and sharp stones hardly bother it. And such a thick skin is also good with insulating from nasty shocks, cutting down the power of some lightening wielding predators! Some say it could run through a tunnel of swords and not come out with a single scratch, and I believe it! Honestly, they live with much worse!

These strange rodents scour the volcanic desert for food, which is usually anything they can eat. They are omnivores and opportunistic ones at that. They will pretty much eat anything they can find, as the land is harsh and unforgiving. Have to take whatever meal you can find! A major staple of their diet is the variety of fungi that can be found growing all across the desert and lava rivers, their incisors gnawing through tough rinds and dense shells. Side note, this also means they are quite inedible to most outsiders, as who knows what their flesh collects from these meals! They also go after small critters like Elmis Spires, whose shocking defenses have little impact against their flabby hide. A strong nose helps them sniff out prey, and tough claws allow them to dig them up. Flab Rats can either hunt in packs or may hunt alone, this is usually dependent on food availability. On their off time, they tend to hang around their dens, which are made from old lava tubes or sheltering rocks. When caught out in the open during sandstorms or violent lightning, Flab Rats may bury themselves in the sand and wait it out, relying on their tough hides to protect them. It isn't a foolproof situation, but it is better than nothing! While some may not think much of them due to their appearance, they are quite clever creatures! When hunting in packs, they have a variety of strategies for surrounding prey and baiting out their defenses. Some packs have been seen chasing after storms, as they want to scour the wake for any prey that has been exposed. They are known for collecting excess food and burying them in hoards for later use, and they even set up temporary dens for when their hunts take them far from home! They have smarts that would make any rat proud! And yes, rats are smart! However, this thinking has also caused them to become quite the problem for any towns around these violent regions. Flab Rats desire food and, once they find a good source, they are rare to let it go. After individuals found tasty treats in villages and houses, they have started to associate the local populace with dinner. Packs of them have been known to raid homes and markets, going after any morsel they can get. While it may seem easy just to shoo them away, these Flab Rats have been getting wiser. Some packs send decoys out to catch the attention of guards, while the others sneak in. Some have intentionally wounded pets, livestock or even children to lure folk away so they can swoop in and steal the goods. And when they aren't stealing, they are bringing more trouble! While the hide of Flab Rats protect them from a lot of things, it does little good against the power of the infamous "Lightning Wyrms" of the volcanic deserts. Sadly, it seems these hides make it worse for them, as these vicious dragons enjoy devouring the rats that would dare ignore their power. With no real way to combat these menaces, the Flab Rats have realized that locals have come up with ways of repelling these beasts. So when threatened by one, they lure it to town so that the people can deal with them! Good for the rats, but terrible for the population that now has to battle with these crackling monstrosities! It is a smart trick, but it makes them absolutely despised by any locals who have ever had to deal with them!  

I can attest to their cunning and vicious cleverness because I had the unintended "honor" of a close encounter with one of these rats. Obviously I was on a research expedition in a volcanic desert, but I was not alone in this situation! I was with a team of researchers looking into the shock-producing capabilities of native species like the Shockscale Urchin and Elmis Spire. We were hunting for specimens, which required us to be out in the open desert. This posed a danger to us, as we would be exposed to the violent storms that frequently tore through, but we had the luck of finding an empty lava tube nearby that could be used as shelter. As we were searching the sands, we spotted a lone Flab Rat amongst the dunes, no doubt hunting like we were. Knowing it could prove to be a danger, we stuck close together and made attempts to drive it away. Noise and thrown objects succeeded in keeping it at bay, and eventually it retreated. We continued our work but were soon stopped by the arrival of a nasty storm. We ducked into our tube and waited it out. When it passed, we emerged and scoured the swept dunes for any new clues. We spotted the Flab Rat again, who must have sheltered nearby. It kept its distance from us and soon scurried out of sight, so we believed we finally proved to be an bothersome target. Work went along quickly, especially since we knew we were on a timer. Alas, that time was used up and another storm roared across the desert. We grabbed our stuff and dived back into our shelter. As we collected ourselves, I realized we had been rushed with packing up our equipment. I was worried that our haste had meant some of our more delicate pieces may not be properly packed, so I decided to double check them as we waited out the storm. I moved myself further back into the tube for some more space and started to get into the gear. Away from the group with my back turned and head buried in my pack, I made myself the perfect target for our unknown guest.  

What we figured is that it saw us hide in the lava tube when the first storm came, so it picked that as an ideal place for an ambush. When we were busy hunting for samples, it slipped past us and crept into the hole. It hid far back in the tube, hoping we would miss its presence. Maybe it was hoping one of us would run blindly into the depths, too scared of the storm to expect danger. What it was offered instead was a separated dryad who was lost in equipment checks. Meat or plant, it didn't care and it probably didn't even know what I was. In the end, I was just another meal for it. In that moment, it attacked and I was oblivious to the threat. The first sensation I felt was a powerful pressure on my leg, and then a violent pull that dropped me onto my stomach. Pain blossomed in my leg, as I realized its teeth were sunk in deep. Trapped in its jaws, I was dragged back farther into the tube, no doubt trying to get me further away from my companions. My screams caught their attention and they scrambled to save me, but the rat was not ready to lose its meal. It dropped my leg and readied to finish the job, perhaps thinking they would abandon a corpse. That brief second of release allowed me to flip onto my back and witness it launch itself at my face. I seized what I could with my arms and pushed it back, keeping those snapping incisors away from my head. It clawed and hissed as it tried to move in for the kill, but I did not relent. My friends came and started wailing on it, but its rubbery hide and fierce determination allowed it to ignore these attempts. They did provide a momentary opening, where I could drop my hand and find my knife. When it pushed back again, I was ready. Its maw opened for a savage bite and I thrust my blade into it. Its protective hide kept its outsides safe, but not its insides. I jammed my knife into the roof of its mouth, stabbing right into its brain. In an instant, the rat fell dead, its body toppling onto me. The threat was slain but I did not come out unscathed. My leg had been ravaged, and my arms were torn up from fending it off. In a kinder ecosystem, I could have hung around camp as my injuries healed, but volcanic deserts offer little mercy. I was in no shape to survive such a brutal land, so they patched me up and sent me and a coworker home. I felt terrible for being such a weight upon the expedition, as they had to lose days of time fixing me and getting me back to civilization. To top it off, they were losing another worker because I couldn't be sent off alone. It was a miserable feeling, but a part of me was relieved. It is no secret that I despise this ecosystem, as it is a nightmare to work in. Being sent home felt like getting sick leave from school, where I could return to the comforts as I tended to my wounds. I know Vera was delighted to have me back early, maybe more so when she learned my injury would keep me home for a few weeks. We cracked some jokes about it then, but now I feel a pang of guilt when I think about it. Only when I was mangled or bedridden did my daughter get the chance to have her mother. What must it be like, to hope for some trouble or injury so that you could even have a moment? I really wish I had listened to you sooner, Eucella. If I could have just found the courage...

But, the rat that mangled me did provide me with something else. It served as a specimen for dissection and study, and when they were done with it, they presented me its hide. At first I thought it was just a tacky trophy, but then got the idea to put it to use. Its rubbery skin made for good protection, and I was able convert it into a fine pair of leggings! Durable and strong! They turned out to be so good for field work, I sought out some other Flab Rat hides to make a whole outfit! One of the best bits of gear I ever got! I still have them to this day, though I admit it doesn't look all that flattering! Flabby hide isn't the most visually appealing material!

Chlora Myron

Dryad Historian

----------------------------------------------------------------------

“Flab Rats”

Naked mole rats made of rubber! Kind of cool but kind of hideous!

[sgwrscrsh]

vi. double firsts

☁️a/n☁️ this chapter has a couple lil blurbs (i say 'lil blurbs' as if i didn't write 500 words for each of them) bc i didn't wanna make them talk about these moments retrospectively over text. i tossed around the formatting w the readmore so this is where it landed, i hope it still reads clearly enough. i'm having a lot of fun w this series i just wish i could have a full free day to mass produce n schedule future chapters. maybe if i keep saying it'll happen, i'll manifest it eventually

the long awaited jangling of keys in the front door has you leaping off the sofa with two fussy babies in tow. you bounce them in your tired arms as you make your way down the hall to greet your husband.

an exhausted but relieved sigh escapes your lips at the familiar sight of the blonde hair you helped him touch up a few days prior when you were blessed with a quiet night.

before atsumu could lean down to kiss you like he always did when he came home, your daughter excitedly babbles, "dada!", big round eyes bright with recognition.

the two of you freeze, eyes wide with surprise, and look at her leaning against your shoulder.

"baby, can you say it again?" tsumu asks softly, almost as if he couldn't believe what he just heard. "who am i?"

"dada!" and with her answer comes a flurry of bubbly giggles, followed by the setter's megawatt smile.

"that's right! i'm your dada! dada's home!" he plucks hana out of your arms to spin her around. then he stops mid-turn and looks you dead in the eye. "that was her first word, right?"

you sigh again, unsuccessfully suppressing a smile of your own in an effort to seem exasperated and jealous, though the latter felt easier to portray for some reason. "yes, tsumu. that was her first word."

the man is ecstatic at your confirmation, cradling his pride and joy to his chest and whispering sugary sweet praises that cracked your half-hearted facade with ease.

apparently, you aren't the only one envious of the exchange as your son begins to wriggle in you grasp. fully expecting ryuki to crawl towards his father like he had before, you set him down on the floor. but of course, the little bugger has a surprise of his own in store; he shakily gets to his feet and wobbles across the small distance until he crashed his face into atsumu's paint leg, grabbing the fabric in his tiny fists for dear life.

this time, tsumu doesn't miss a beat before scooping his son up with his other arm. you laugh at the visual of your husband blubbering into your children's tiny necks as you coo at them internally, still kind of a little bit butthurt over their blatant betrayal of favoritism.

once he calms down, atsumu kisses you properly and leaves you a little more breathless than usual despite your kids sandwiched between you.

“jealous, babe?” he smirks, knowing the answer even before you crossed your arms and pouted at him. 

“not at all. and even if i was, i think i’m entitled to be. you aren’t the one who carried them for nine months and gave birth to them after hours of labor.”

“but i am their amazingly cool professional athlete dad. huh, my little prince and princess,” he murmurs as he rains dozens of kisses against their pudgy cheeks.

tinkling laughter fills your ears and your heart with content.

“yea, you really are the best dad.”

“i’m home!” osamu calls from the front door as he trades his outdoor shoes for a pair of house slippers.

“hurry up and bring the food in here! i’m starving!” you holler back amidst your sons’ gurgles and the snapping of plastic against plastic. osamu walks into the dining room, muttering something about no welcome home, and finds you getting ryo and takumi situated in their high chairs so they could eat with you at the dinner table. 

“please tell me you didn’t only bring home your funky test fillings. there better be regular fillings in there or so help me, osamu-”

“relax, love,” he interrupts you with a warm hand splayed across your lower back and a reassuring kiss against the side of your head. “of course i made your favorites, too. just in case these testers turn out to be inedible.” 

“samu!” you exclaim, mildly worried for your kids’ safety, but ultimately you had full faith in your husband’s cooking. he never fed you anything you didn’t end up liking before, so you entrusted him with your heart and stomach, certain that you could do the same with your sons’.

“it’ll be fine. besides, look how cute the little ones are; i only used three fingers to shape them.” chest warm with affection, you watch osamu’s eyes light up as he eagerly demonstrates his technique for you with an imaginary onigiri. you were the one who helped him open up and express his emotions better, and now, the excitement for his passion clear as day on his face convinced you that you were reaping what you sowed for years.

“i can’t wait to see them, love. though, i still don’t think meatball onigiris are gonna taste the best.” 

“see, this predisposed bias is why you aren’t one of my taste-testers anymore.” he sticks his tongue out at you, which you playfully roll your eyes at, while unbagging the riceballs wrapped in parchment paper, saving the few minis for last. peeling away the brown wrapping, you set one in front of each of your boys, watching them take them in the chubby hands and pick off grains of white to shove in their mouths, fingers popping out covered in drool.

ryo pauses his thoughtful chewing, staring at the filling peeking out from underneath the rice. “oni,” he says, almost too quiet for you to catch. 

“oni?” you and samu look at each other in confusion as you try to telepathically determine whether ‘demon’ was really his first word or if he just mispronounced ‘older brother,’ which would’ve made for a much cuter story.

your unsaid questions are answered when takumi pipes up beside his twin with a bright and cheery, “giwi!”

“they really are your boys, aren’t they?” you shake your head in amusement.

finding the situation too funny to register the weight of the moment, your mirth-filled gaze finds the stars in osamu’s eyes when the two of you realized their first words were ‘onigiri.’

“yea, they are.”

v. || mlist || vii.

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[greywindys]

So thinking about this week...that’s yet another Russel and Murdoc similarity that would be fun to address - they both seem to have been linked to the supernatural at some point in their lives. Before i used to think they differed in that Murdoc sought out this link while Russel was just..idk born with it, cursed with it or something but I’m starting to think it’s the same of similar with Murdoc. The memory of past lives? The weird book following him? The raven just like, siting there on his carriage as a baby? (I have a theory that the raven was actually Cortez and that Cortez is actually some spirit and/or guardian angel of sorts but that’s a different discussion) SOMETHING is going on there, or, at the very least there could be something going on there which I personally think would make a good conversation between the two of them. And by “something” I mean something outside of his Satanism. Some of the weird stuff that happens to him precludes and exists outside the realm of Satanism. Also on a separate note- funny how every band member but 2D has what you could arguably think of as a super power or special ability: Noodle being a combat expert, Russel being a vessel for wayward spirits, Murdoc having an immortal soul...and 2D is just there chilling (though if you really wanted to you could count his ability to eat inedible things- clothing, rotten whale blubber, dog food etc.- as something)

[jdpink]

Though whale is eaten in very small amounts today—just one and a half ounces per person a year—whaling is still heavily subsidized by the state, with most of its output stored, uneaten. In 2019, a researcher at Rikkyo University estimated the Japanese stockpile of whale meat at thirty-seven hundred tons. After the I.W.C. imposed its global moratorium on whaling, Japan was undeterred. Until 2019, when the country withdrew from the I.W.C., Japan openly exploited a loophole that allows whales to be killed for research purposes, and any leftover whale meat to be sold as food. Between 2005 and 2014, around thirty-six hundred minke whales were killed by Japanese whalers in the Southern Ocean, resulting in just two peer-reviewed scientific papers.

The irony is that pilot whales, like whales the world over, are becoming inedible. Whale blubber stores toxins that have made their way to the sea, in the form of agricultural and mining runoff or condensed emissions—an effect magnified by whales’ longevity. Mercury levels in pilot whales are so elevated that scientists have advised the Faroese to drastically reduce their consumption of whale meat, which might in turn force them to import farmed protein from elsewhere, increasing their carbon impact. The breast milk of Inuit women in Greenland, one of the least industrialized places on earth, has, because of mercury levels in beluga whales and other marine animals, become a dangerous substance. Some studies suggest that the Inuit’s mercury exposure is comparable to that of people living downstream from gold mines in China. Orca in Washington’s Puget Sound have been declared among the earth’s most toxified animals; the carcasses of beluga whales that wash up on the shores of Canada are classified as toxic waste. 

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2020/08/24/what-have-we-done-to-the-whale?utm_source=digg

[famishedfeline]

*They carefully reach over the ball of blubber that is Meulin, and tap the tip of a wand on her nose. Boop! They say some nonsensical words, and Meulin glows for a brief moment.* There! That should last a day or so. Now, nothing can stop your teeth from chewing to your hearts content! Just don't try to eat anything inedible, because your jaw/mouth won't know the difference!

Meulin tests her newfound chompers by biting right into one of the wheels of cheese. She cleaves through it like a hot knife through butter.

(^・o・^) WHOA, IT REALLY DID MAKE MY JAW STRONGER, THAT’S INCREDIBLE!!

ヾ(=°-°=)ノ BUT IF IT ONLY LASTS A DAY I NEED TO GET AS MUCH OUT OF IT AS I CAN!!

For now, that means gobbling up entire wheels of cheese. Eating a cheese wheel is a novelty in and of itself, and Meulin revels in the knowledge of its relatively dense caloric content. She’s doing herself a huge favor with this, AND it’s tasty!

[deus-ex-mona]

t h e trip awaits~~~~~~~~~~

[deus-ex-mona]

man.

something midosena never prepared me for was just how comfortable the train seats are

[deus-ex-mona]

unmentionable a h e ms are aligned right behind this shelf btw

[deus-ex-mona]

ajxhcjjsxjhd n O PUT IT DOWN

[deus-ex-mona]

let it be known that the first thing i did upon arrival was to get us onboard the ✨wrong train✨

[deus-ex-mona]

bribery may or may not have been involved in the pursuit of said discovery

[deus-ex-mona]

i like hw a normal amount i swear

[deus-ex-mona]

the april fool was me all along—