#innerstruggle

[elysianwing]

Fireworks

Explosions of light. Fireworks, blanketing the sky. Cascading colors in pleasant design, descending in patterns similar to the willow's leaves. Flooding my perception... I dare not look directly, its beauty far too strong, I fear I'll go blind. I'm too far away to properly appreciate such visual perfection... not close enough to you to even try and understand. I reach out, but try as I might you only seem to fall further away. Explosions of self... now the light is darkness. Pure crimson, with a backdrop of black. Born inside,  from a feeling of displeasure, it illuminates my very being. How can I look away when the dark is coming from within? This is not beautiful... just another failed attempt.

Posted 6/30/2003 at 9:29 PM by Alexander Learmont https://www.patreon.com/Elysianwing

[caesarandthecity]

Love in Prison: Seeking Affection Behind Bars

Gay for the Stay. That’s what they call straight men who, during their time in prison, decide to enter into a relationship with another man, being “gay” only while they’re behind bars. Can you imagine how amazing my life would be if I could just decide to be gay for a while, then not be, and then turn it back on whenever I wanted? Like flipping a light switch on and off. I’ve always been gay, never changed, and I suffered a lot until I learned how to survive.

In the beginning, in criminal prison, I behaved more cautiously, which made me an easy target, prey that was easy to spot. And believe me, there are so many men in there looking for someone to live with in a cell as a couple. I won’t deny, some of them were very attractive. Think about it: many were Latino, tattooed, in shape, just looking for someone to exchange affection and care with while in prison. It’s fascinating to see how humans, in this case, men, can change in the search for affection, in the search for love.

And I fell in love. I had my heart broken more than once in prison—multiple times, to be honest. One of the first was Chad. He was special, beautiful. His eyes were an incredible shade of blue. When I first arrived at the psychiatric ward of the prison, Chad came to greet me. And when I saw those eyes… “Chicos, those eyes!” I knew something would happen between us, and it did. We never kissed. We got so close once that our lips almost touched. He looked into my eyes, and I looked into his, and then we pulled away.

We were two madmen locked up in the psychiatric ward of the prison. And you know, they say that mad people don’t realize they’re mad. Deep down, we were just two people desperate for affection. We spent our days together, talking, laughing, sharing stories. When I met Chad, he had no money to buy food at the canteen, and neither did I. We helped each other whenever we could; if one got extra food, we shared it. Chad would talk about all the drugs he’d done and how heroin was his favorite. He would tell me how he loved living on the streets, always saying, “It’s a lifestyle, Bro!” Something inside me believed I could save him, that he deserved saving.

Sometimes, Chad would come to my cell, sit next to me, and just stare at me with those deep blue eyes. We would play-fight with each other, a way for us to touch without anyone saying anything. Someone started putting money in Chad’s account, and he began to gift me sweets and food. Sometimes, other prisoners got jealous, but Chad didn’t care, and neither did we. But Chad was very jealous. Once he realized how much I was into him, he started to change. He would complain that I walked around the block too much, that I didn’t want to sit next to him, that I talked to Scotland, that I didn’t play with him. Many times, out of jealousy, Chad would refuse to share food with me, doing it on purpose.

One day, Chad snapped out of jealousy and tried to attack me, saying he was just playing. The guards decided to lock down the block, and Chad refused to go back to his cell, so he was taken to solitary confinement. And just like that, Chad and I never spoke again. Maybe it was for the best. Many other inmates told me real stories about him that scared me and opened my eyes.

Chad was the first, but many more would come after. The interesting thing is that during that time, I never questioned Chad’s character. I never evaluated his actions towards me, and now, almost two years later, I can look back and see it all—and most importantly, see myself too. Remembering all this only made me realize how desperate I was in my search for love, not knowing that I should never have been searching for it because love isn’t something you search for; it’s something you build from the inside out.

I was desperate to love, to be loved. In my mind, I thought I could take Chad out of that life. Today, I know that no one leaves drugs for someone else. We only leave when we want to, and for ourselves. And I allowed myself to be close to someone who was toxic, violent, just because he said he liked me. Today, I understand the reason for my solitude.

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

[lentes-e-linhas]

[elfuegointerior]

240924

Soñé que los loros cantaban en la noche, lo cual era inusual. Descendí a investigar y me encontré en una sala que parecía parte de una iglesia. Al encenderse las luces, observé cuatro camas dispuestas en el espacio. En una de ellas, mi padre estaba con varias mujeres; en otra, un joven que me recordaba a alguien que conocí, consumía una sustancia; no puedo recordar lo que sucedía en la tercera cama, pero era de naturaleza similar; y en la cuarta cama, me encontraba yo. Sentí una atracción intensa hacia el joven, y el humo de su consumo parecía jalarme hacia él, inmovilizándome. Empecé a agitarme y a gritar por ayuda, experimentando una sensación similar a la parálisis del sueño.

I dreamt that parrots were singing at night, which was unusual. I went down to investigate and found myself in a room that seemed to be part of a church. When the lights turned on, I saw four beds arranged in the space. In one, my father was with several women; in another, a young man who reminded me of someone I had met was using a substance; I can't remember what was happening in the third bed, but it was of a similar nature; and in the fourth bed, I was there myself. I felt an intense attraction to the young man, and the smoke from his usage seemed to pull me towards him, immobilizing me. I began to thrash and scream for help, experiencing a sensation similar to sleep paralysis.

Este sueño parece explorar temas de confrontación con aspectos ocultos o reprimidos de la psique. Los loros cantando por la noche pueden simbolizar una revelación o despertar de pensamientos o emociones que normalmente no se expresan. La imagen de las camas en una iglesia sugiere un espacio de conflicto entre lo sagrado y lo profano, especialmente en términos de relaciones y deseos personales. La parálisis del sueño refleja una sensación de impotencia o incapacidad para actuar frente a estas revelaciones, lo que puede indicar una lucha interna para reconciliar diferentes partes de tu identidad o moralidad.

[letsflynow]

The little red book

I feel an inexplicable sadness, an endless abyss, a colorless void pulling me down, like a Black Angel on a rainy day, like a recurring death, a heavy, growing gravity. It makes me believe that there is no escape, no release, no freedom. Just to stop, to let go, to die, to be buried, to decompose. To leave my body, to shed this skin, to cut off the weight, to walk away, to leave everything behind. To leave him alone with life, with adulthood, with its sorrowful, challenging, and confusing parts.

[lhitil]

SHADOWS OF DOUBT

I was scared, I had to run and hide, I had to conceal myself away, And I had to put myself in the dark spaces, In my mind, I saw this as a game. I was scared that this is another trick. I have been there before, I could feel the shiver through my spine, This is another story, With no glory. But then again hope, despair, thoughtless minds, You have come crawling into my arms, Asking me…

[tarot-duality-art]

XV. The Devil

Medium: Charcoal on paper

Key Words: Addiction, Enslavement, Fears, Awareness, Breaking Free, Empowerment 

Description: We are all controlled by something in our lives, even if it’s just our emotions. There is this tangible sense of control that can wreck our lives and limit us. In trying to break free of these feelings, we often find ourselves fighting invisible forces. However, to resist what controls us is to reclaim power. The crossing of the man’s arms resembles the placement in a straight jacket, a device meant to prevent people from harming themselves. Both in falling victim to our additions and breaking away from them we can harm ourselves, but there is still something empowering about resisting. 

10/14

[orientedgal]

My design for 11-year-old Claire. In my DIY Diaries middle school AU fanfics,Claire comes back from camp with an all-new personality...and doesn't believe Piper outgrew her food allergies. Claire winds up with the wrong crowd,and must learn how to be a friend again,all while dealing with inner troubles. Any fanfic writers willing to help? (Don't worry,I'm starting to enjoy DIY Diaries a bit,even though change isn't my favorite. I can't eat candy with red dye anymore because I had an allergic reaction to it a few weeks ago. I have to avoid almonds,too,since I react to them now) What should the inner struggles be? #fanfiction #fanfictionwriter #mypetslime #diydiaries #epic4kids #aufanfic #needcollab #writersneeded #innerstruggle https://www.instagram.com/p/ClO5xmpOsKy/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[cartoonvibe]

Ken Kaneki is the protagonist of the manga and anime series "Tokyo Ghoul." At the beginning of the story, he is a shy and introverted college student with a passion for literature. However, his life takes a dark turn when he goes on a date with a girl named Rize Kamishiro, who turns out to be a ghoul—a flesh-eating creature that preys on humans.

After a fateful encounter with Rize, Kaneki becomes the victim of a ghoul attack and ends up receiving an organ transplant from Rize, turning him into a half-ghoul, half-human hybrid. This transformation thrusts him into the hidden world of ghouls, where he must learn to navigate their society, hide his true nature from humans, and grapple with his newfound hunger for human flesh.

[tomthomasblog]

Navigating Inner Struggles: Finding Strength in "The Deceptive Heart"

Jeremiah 17:9-10 sheds light on the complexity of the human heart, underscoring the ongoing battle against temptations and worldly desires. Embedded in this wisdom is the song "The Deceptive Heart," a compelling anthem resonating with individuals striving to confront their internal conflicts and seek solace in a tumultuous world. With its haunting melody and poignant lyrics, the song serves as a guiding light in our spiritual expedition. It rekindles hope and underscores the significance of resilience, reliance on grace, mercy, and faith in traversing the trials stemming from the intricate nature of the human heart. It urges listeners to fortify themselves against the allure of darkness and pursue virtue, recognizing that genuine fulfillment emanates from choosing the path of righteousness.

"The Deceptive Heart" encapsulates a profound message, serving as a poignant reminder of the relentless struggle against the deceptive allure of worldly desires. This evocative piece of music resonates deeply with those navigating the tumultuous waters of their inner conflicts, offering a beacon of hope and encouragement. Its captivating melody weaves a narrative of perseverance, inspiring individuals to forge ahead despite the relentless tugging of temptation. The lyrics, imbued with wisdom, prompt reflection on the intrinsic battle between right and wrong, light and darkness, within every human soul. As the song unfolds, it underscores the indomitable strength found in embracing grace, mercy, and unwavering faith, fostering a sense of empowerment and resolve in the journey towards spiritual fulfillment.

In today's fast-paced and tumultuous world, the song "The Deceptive Heart" serves as a poignant companion for those grappling with internal tumult. Its hauntingly beautiful composition and resonant lyrics offer a poignant reminder of the enduring struggle against the seductive nature of worldly enticements. Through its evocative verses, the song implores listeners to fortify themselves with the virtues of resilience and unwavering faith, enabling them to navigate the complexities of the human heart with steadfast determination. "The Deceptive Heart" invites individuals to embark on a journey of introspection and fortitude, cultivating a spirit of resilience and inner strength as they confront the ceaseless tug-of-war between their aspirations for goodness and the tantalizing lures of darkness.

In conclusion, "The Deceptive Heart" stands as a testament to the enduring human struggle against the allure of worldly desires. Its haunting melody and profound lyrics offer solace and inspiration to those striving to navigate their inner conflicts. By embracing the virtues of resilience, grace, and faith, individuals can confront the deceptive nature of their hearts and strive towards a path of righteousness. Let us heed the poignant message of "The Deceptive Heart," finding strength in its melody and wisdom as we navigate the complexities of our innermost struggles.

Jeremiah 17:9-10 has been transformed into three distinct musical styles.

Christian Rock: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCIuKPJ9C3k Metal Rock: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-C-rutmMd-M Techno: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khs3R1jvRCI

[swan-song-production-blog]

Production may have to shift off of the kitchen checks. Work doesn’t seem to be ordering them anymore. I could probably try to find some cheap pads online, but at that point…I dunno. I should be more structured in this, but this project is very much something that will not be forced. Every leap it has made has occurred in a moment of darkness where I turned to an informal outlet with no expectations and let the pen bleed onto the paper. Not worrying about erasing or making anatomy perfect. Letting every line give form to emotion. Not worrying about “getting it right” the first time. I can bang my head against the wall, but this project very much will find its own way and I just have to be paying attention when it tells me where it is going. Assignment turn ins want a schedule, a script and a production book. The schedule would be a lie or wishful thinking. I have never taken on a project like this before. Anything I put in that schedule is a guess and a generous one at that. A script…I know the general flow, but I also know stuff will change. Professional? Nope. Very much nope. I am aware that if this were a project being pitched in the industry, this would die faster than gossip travels in a small town. But this ISN’T. This is important because, this is an opportunity for me to learn how I approach something like this. This is a personal piece that I am attempting to squish into an assignment for a grade. This is for me, to prove to myself that I can do it. This is for everyone else, to serve whatever purpose they need it to for themselves.

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

[fanciedfacts]

Many times when you're feeling sad or upset you feel it in your heart! But you why? The article below explains why?

[lifeunchartedjourney]

Believe in Your Inner Strength

[mroczna-strefa-internetu]

This striking artwork showcases Pain from Naruto, split into two contrasting images. The first portrays him with a warm smile, saying 'I wanted to love,' while the second reveals a more somber, battle-hardened version with piercings, stating 'but all I had was Pain.' It beautifully captures the depth of his character.