#inspirated by one wh meme

[leftsharkhypocrite]

I was provoked Get well soon

[mauesartetc]

Redesigning Helluva Beelzebub

Hoo boy, roll up the sleeves for this one.

The Original

In my review of Helluva Boss 108, I mentioned that Beelzebub's character design put me in mind of how some DeviantArt kid's fursona might look. And... Yeah I stand by that statement. The most likely reason I can figure Viv Medrano wanted her to be dog-like was to make a reference to her Die Young music video, which featured an anthro wolf singing a Kesha song (for context, Kesha herself voiced Beelzebub and co-wrote a song for this episode).

But for those who are unaware, Beelzebub's traditional depiction looks nothing like this.

Really the only visual similarities the Helluva version shares with the Infernal Dictionary version are the insect wings, six limbs, and the crown thingy over the head. (At least I think that's a crown-? Kinda hard to tell on both counts.)

Bee's eyes get somewhat more insectoid later in the episode, but that feels like a cop-out. Wow, her eyes and colors changed. Totally a bug demon, right?

They had the same problem in Hazbin Hotel with Katie Killjoy, who's allegedly supposed to be a praying mantis but barely resembles one, even after her transformation.

I understand the desire for fresh takes on old figures, and taking creative liberties so the new interpretation doesn't feel generic. But the changes should at least make sense. By now it's pretty clear Viv couldn't care less about representing Ars Goetia demons faithfully, as demonstrated with Paimon, Andrealphus, and now Beelzebub. You could slap completely different names on these characters and it wouldn't change a thing. I posted this meme a while back but it's never been more relevant:

On top of that, what reason could there possibly be for the design to be this damn complex? Why did she need so many markings on her face? Why did she need so many layers of hair? Why did she need flowing goo for her hair, tail, and body, each requiring dedicated effects animation?

When it comes to a hand-drawn production, less is more. Any superfluous details on a character just make unnecessary work for the animators.

Anyway, here's what Viv has to say about it.

Alright, I'll admit: The lava lamp bit is a little clever. Basically it works as a regular stomach does, but on demonic steroids. But it wouldn't look so much like Viv's making this up as she goes if we'd seen Bee's stomach performing its intended function in the episode. Let her chow down on a giant piece of food (maybe that cotton candy she's been handing out-?) and swallow it, and let Loona (and the audience) see it dissolving in her transparent belly. As a general rule, if it's not shown or explained in the work itself, it's not canon. Like I've said before, Viv: Elaborate on the nuances in the story you're telling, not on social media.

Also, "Her ears are designed after beehives"? Wh...Wha? Ma'am have you ever seen a beehive.

(Hell, even if you told me the ears were inspired by the generic cartoon beehive we're all familiar with, I wouldn't have guessed. There's a difference between being subtle and being vague.)

I can kinda see it in the overall shape, but that's a very specific design inspiration that wasn't clear at all in the design itself. Same with the "animal trainer" thing: I never would have picked up on that if Viv hadn't pointed it out. If a character design doesn't visually convey all the necessary information, it's not a successful design. Show, don't tell. There's a communication breakdown between what Viv's telling us and what Bee's design shows us.

(It's possible she actually meant "Her ears are designed after honeycombs", but even then, each compartment has a specific pentagonal shape that's not coming across at all here.)

I also find it interesting that Bee and Loona have almost the exact same body type. Of course Viv's pretty infamous for samebody syndrome, but it's actually unnerving how similar these two are.

Might this be a reference to Vortex's "type"? Is this foreshadowing a relationship with Loona? Am I overthinking this? Yeah, probably. Viv's demonstrated a clear preference for tall, skinny body types over the years, so it's safer to assume that's the explanation. It's all aesthetics. It ain't that deep. Occam's Razor and all that.

Finally, Bee how the hell does your shirt work.

The Concept

So at this point it seems most logical to lean into the "bee" thing for the redesign, and scrap all the canine elements. As for the blobby hair and tail... yeeeah let's nix those too. We're going for a streamlined version that's easier to animate. And because I ignored the ringmaster look for my redesign of Asmodeus, it only makes sense to do the same for Bee's animal trainer vibe (what little there is) for the sake of consistency. I know this version of Hell has a circus theme with its highest-ranking demons, but there's never been an in-universe explanation for why that is.

Let's look at actual bees, then. A quick peek at Google has informed me that certain insect species have smaller, "simple" eyes (also known as ocelli), in addition to their compound eyes. In bees, this manifests as a triangular grouping of three beady eyes on top of the head.

In her Helluva Boss episode, Bee's full demon form has three eyes, which could be a reference to this triangular arrangement, plus her regular form has two spots on her forehead in addition to the third eye. So it's possible Viv actually did research for something. Pleasantly surprised on that front.

Next, the body. I've noticed that some folks find Bee's skinny body type refreshing, as the sin of gluttony is too often personified with fatness. And that's fair. That's valid. But consider this:

Imagine any Vivziepop character saying that about a chubby person. Imagine the series sending the message that fat people can be sexy too, and that they have worth outside of their appearance, enough for at least one character to consider them girlfriend material. That they're valued and appreciated regardless of this culture's beauty standards (which we know nothing about since the worldbuilding is as thin and flimsy as tissue paper, but whatever). Imagine if this show finally had a fat female character who wasn't relegated to the background. Don't know about y'all, but that would be refreshing to me. And when you take into account all the fat-shaming of a character who isn't even fat, portraying a fat character as attractive would be a nice change of pace for this show.

Now let's talk about clothing. In the episode, Bee's clothes show off a lot of her body, with a cutout crop top and short shorts. We can take a similar approach for the redesign (something that still shows off her chest, belly, and limbs, in keeping with the extroverted "party girl" persona), but that perhaps includes more queenly elements.

The Redesign

Because this is a redesign, many elements were already in place, but I still had to figure out how this character would look as a bee. Here's where the preliminary sketches came in. Lots of trial and error in this process.

Wrestling with this character's face got a lot easier once I realized I could mold it into a pentagonal shape akin to a honeycomb compartment. It took a few tries, but at last, I had a final sketch.

All that was left to do was test out some color combinations.

I tried a few different approaches, but in the end, this is the version I felt worked best.

I used many of the colors from the original, but pushed the orange much harder since orange is the symbolic color of gluttony as a sin. And overall it gives Bee a nice honey-ish look rather than the generic black and yellow we already see on so many bees in cartoons. I thought the colored outlines on her clothing would add a soft, feminine touch, as well.

And just for kicks, here's a quick sketch of her giant form, inspired by the Infernal Dictionary drawing of Beelzebub.

Conclusion

The canon version of this character exists in the form she does for no reason than to stroke her creator's ego. "Hey guys, remember when I animated that Kesha fan video? Remember how cool that was? Wanna see me foist this unnecessarily-complex character design on other animators while I take a victory lap?" I wouldn't mind so much if Viv animated any of this herself, but she didn't. I could almost excuse this if she had no animation experience and didn't know how much work it requires, but she does. The self-aggrandizing entitlement is just off the charts. But a nonsensical design is leagues better than a stolen one, so... brownie points for that, I guess.

[ferrstappen]

F1 MASTERLIST

CARLOS SAINZ

paella en mallorca: spending time with your boyfriend's family was almost as good as having him for yourself.

mónaco : pero si hay algo que nos quedó es todo lo que pasó en Mónaco (but if there's something left in us then it's everything that happened in Monaco)

CHARLES LECLERC

loving him is red: Charles’ girlfriend receives her first Grammy for Song of the Year, sadly enough the inspiration behind the song isn’t able to make it to the ceremony.

and the Oscar goes to: Charles and his actress girlfriend go to the Oscars, and he has to constantly reassure her.

AirPods and Princess George: a story of lost AirPods and Twitter memes.

titi we don't care: Charles can't seem to handle the fact a notorious singer took interest in you during Monaco GP.

Josephine, baby nº2 and baby nº3 Leclerc (dad!Charles)

the first one (dad!Charles):  Charles tries to prepare to be the best dad for his daughter, even if she’s just two days old.

aren't we supposed to surprise you? (dad!Charles): you somehow manage to overshadow Charles and Jo's gift.

ESTEBAN OCON

LONG LIVE: Esteban Ocon (aka the biggest Spiderman fan, according to himself) tried to bribe his girlfriend for spoilers, but Marvel was just too good keeping their secrets (actress!reader)

LANDO NORRIS

august: every single one of her friends warned her that he was fresh out of a relationship. but she didn't care.

when we broke up series

the first time we broke up: it was easy to remember how you and Lando fell in love, but it kept getting harder for you to remember why you love him.

the second time we broke up: there were reasons to try again, but maybe not enough.

everybody wants a taste : Lando had never been the jealous kind, but after seeing you with many co-stars, he reaches his limit. and his girlfriend doesn't like it (actress!reader)

part ii

Amalia Norris (dad!Lando)

surprise! we are a family : this wasn't planned. you are basically children yourselves and why isn't getting pregnant at 24 not considered teen pregnancy? Now Lando is waiting to meet his baby and hoping he doesn't mess up.

meet & greet : Amalia's first time in the paddock to support her dad.

let me take care of it : when papa isn't feeling his best, baby Norris knows what she has to do.

daddy's a race winner : McLaren garage with baby Amalia in what appears to be Lando’s first win.

MAX VERSTAPPEN

what happens with the kids?: Max really didn't have to find a girlfriend that soon after the divorce, and the fact that his girlfriend had a daughter of her own, didn't really help your case.

max, don't panic (driver!reader): your relationship with Max gets exposed in a non-conventional way, an accident.

max the wag: you can’t keep up with all the drama outside the track, but your boyfriend keeps you updated.

max the wag (again) max the wag (for the third time) max the wag: are we the drama? max the wag: caught in the middle max the wag: is taylor swift coming?

chicken soup: chamomile, green tea, honey, chicken soup, and your boyfriend was the best recipe to get over the flu.

primero llegó verstappen : Suddenly, Max isn't annoyed about being featured in a music video.

SLUT! : this isn’t your first time being a WAG, but people don’t seem to like the idea of you ending your relationship with Joe Burrow and falling in love with Max.

Mila & Luca Verstappen (dad!Max)

SAFE HAVEN: the Verstappen family and St. Barths

Disney World Break: Ahead of the Miami GP, Max and his wife take the twins to Disney World.

happy mother's day, sorry for the mess: Mila and Luca go rogue during Mother's Day, ignoring Max's plan.

unscheduled school visit: the twins’ teacher calls, the twins got in trouble. Max is in disbelief.

maxplaining 2.0: Luca Verstappen's first press conference during his karting career. turns out, he even speaks like his dad.

could you be more obvious? : you show up pregnant for the first race of 2024, just six months after Max won his 3rd WDC.

prompts

Accidentally referring them as "my" (MV1)

and whispering in their ears, "I love you" (CS55)

collections

THE COLLECTION MASTERLIST: pieces inspired by Taylor Swift's lyrics.

all the years we stood there on the sidelines, wishing for right now (EO31)

wanting was enough, for me it was enough (LN4)

[hypnautic-cereal]

I’ve shared about my Welcome Home au on Discord and TikTok, but not here yet

So, I introduce to you: the Wish Maker au!💫

A Welcome Home au of mine that spawned from a meme I thought of one time while I was in the shower. Essentially the WH crew in this au are able to grant different kinds of wishes, and strive to make any and all wishes come true for a more better earth

(Please note that I did each of these art pieces separately, so all the canon sizes are the ones up on this first one⬆️)

First of all, we have our Wally variant: Wally Starling💫

Wally is the newest neighbor to land on Planet Home, as he was recently born from the stardust of a recently died supernova. Wally is gifted the power to grant star wishes as well as a high/moon jump, and aspires to be Judy’s as great of a wish maker as his friends

Up next: Our spectacular star, Sally Starlet⭐️

Glowing wherever she goes, Sally Starlet is the leader and protector of Planet Home. Legends as true as wishes have told that a portion of Sally’s power was distributed among each of her friends. Who knows what power she could behold at full capacity?

Next on our list: Our lovable dog Barnaby B. Beagle🎤

It might not seem like it at first, but Barnaby B. Beagle is a dog of many cultures. Barnaby grew a swift and tight friendship with Wally Starling, even being the one who gave Wally his name when he first arrived on Planet Home! Inspired by 90s family game shows as a sign of his love for fun and friendship, Barnaby grants the wishes from different cultures (such as tanabata tags, and grapes from under the table on the new years countdown)

Next up, our dynamic duo: 🎂Julie Joyful and Frank Frankly📚

Always excited to celebrate any occasion, Julie is your girl to call for a party. Her partying expertise is always to serve for others happiness. With help from Poppy Partridge and Sally Starlet, there’s no party on Planet Home that won’t be ready on time. Once the birthday candles are blown, a dash of confetti from Julie’s hand will have the wish granted in no time

Although they’re always in a rush, Frank Frankly is the brightest/smartest neighbor on the wishful Planet Home. Any questions the neighbors have about anything, Frank is able to answer in various ways. His specialty lies in granted wishes found in nature (such as dandelion puffs or the first winter snow), as well as proofreading wishes to the wisher’s intent. With provided help from Julie Joyful and Eddie Dear, there’s no task to tough for our beloved brainiac

And last up: 🌙Poppy Partridge, Eddie Dear💌, and Howdy Pillar🐛

Looking over the dreams of those down on Earth, Poppy Partridge acts as a guide to those who don’t know what their hearts desire. A scent of lavender and lilac follow wherever she goes, as a sea of stars speckle her pillowy soft tail feathers. Her and Sally Starlet happily work side by side, making sure all goes right from day to night

Folk tales from the old west tell the tale of a person who retrieves the wishes that haven’t been granted so that they can be granted as soon as they can. That there is our confident yet clumsy and forgetful dreamer, Eddie Dear. With his Lasso of Limitless Length and Star of Time, there’s no limit to when and where ungranted wishes will be granted. He takes his job with pride, especially if Frank Frankly is by his side

Ever need that little bit of push when playing the lottery? Or need a wish from that coin you tossed into the well? Well, our terribly generous Howdy Pillar’s got your back. He’d be more than happy to grant you luck and fortune for whatever you might need for the day. He does seem to fall asleep quite often, even with all the energy he needs for the day, so he carries his pillow Benjamin in case he’s ever tuckered out (get it? Cause money…$100…Benjamin Franklin-). So, what Howdy’s Place deal are you looking for today?

JESUS OK FINALLY FINISHED WRITING ALL THIS😭

But yeah, I have a lot to share with you guys about this au, and I hope you all enjoy and stick around for all the stuff I wanna share for it! I even have a whole playlist for this au (as well as a discord server but that was made for the fun of it and doesn’t have any actual functionality lol)

[oddinary4bts]

The Forgotten Spaces | ch 6 (jjk)

☆summary: you've been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?

☆pairing: photographer and dancer!Jungkook x dancer!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there is mature content in previous/later chapters)

☆genre: slow (SLOW) burn enemies to lovers, college!au, slice of life!au, angst (oop), smut and fluff

☆warnings: mentions of sex/hot tub scene. hickey. angst (oops), might be a curse somewhere in there?

☆word count: 5.8k

☆series masterpost here

☆a/n: I am very sorry for all the angst that is to follow. Please don't hate me and please enjoy reading still haha! Thank you to @moonleeai for her beta reading on this fic, I won't ever thank you enough, you're the best <3

☆Read What Was Hidden here, the fic that inspired this whole story, written by @daechwitatamic, one of my fav human beings on this app <3 It follows the story of Jo and Taehyung before The Forgotten Spaces

☆☆☆☆☆

For this meeting of our end of the world

It's with you that I want to sing

On the threshold of the memories the dead of today

Them that breathe for us

The forgotten spaces

Je t'écris - Gaston Miron (rough translation by me)

☆☆☆☆☆

Sunday, July 8th

                Waking up next to Jungkook feels weird. You reckon it might be because you haven’t slept a lot, and people are already moving around the cottage. You’ve refused to open your eyes so far, just because you’ve heard Jiho and Hobi whispering about you and Jungkook and you feel too much of a coward to admit you probably fucked things up with him already.

You think Jiho has taken a picture. Knowing her, she definitely has, and you wish you could just disappear for a time. You eventually force yourself to get up though, before Jungkook who is still dead asleep when you move to the kitchen. You suffer through Jiho’s questioning, but she quickly notices that you’re shut off, lost in thought and maybe even dabbling in a little regret too.

From there she shuts down everyone that asks questions, and by the time Jungkook gets up, everyone is just pretending they haven’t noticed that something definitely happened between the two of you.

Jungkook doesn’t really look at you. He eats breakfast chatting with Taehyung and Jin, avoiding you like the plague. You can tell you’ve hurt him, but you don’t know how to fix it. After all, you’ve never really been acquainted with feelings yourself. Especially not after your parents’ divorce.

The day feels heavy. It’s still warm outside, far too much, and a veil of dark clouds is looming over the horizon by the time you have to leave the cottage. Your mood imitates the weather, and you find yourself brooding more than you usually do.

You haven’t been able to talk to Jungkook yet. Mostly because he’s been avoiding you, yes. But also because you don’t know what to tell him.

“Hey, I’m shit at relationships and feelings, yesterday felt too real” sounds like too much of a confession. Even though it is the truth, you’re a coward, through and through.

Jiho’s been trying to get your mind off things. Texting you random stupid things, sending you memes as Hobi drives the four of you home. Heather is riding with Chaeyeon, Lance and Bridget this time around, so there’s a space between you and Jungkook. This time, when he falls asleep, he falls asleep with his head resting against the window, and not on your shoulder.

It starts raining halfway home, and Hobi drives slower, windshield wiper going on full blast. Jiho sends you yet another meme – something absurd you can’t bring yourself to find funny. It earns you a frown from your best friend, and a second later your phone vibrates in your hand.

[1:23 pm] Jiho❣️: u’re supposed to laugh☹️ [1:23 pm] You: i want to talk to Jungkook but idk what to tell him🫠 [1:25 pm] Jiho❣️: what really happened yesterday? i wanna help but it’s hard if idk [1:26 pm] You: we made out in the hot tub then fucked when we were supposed to sleep🤡 [1:26 pm] Jiho❣️: bruh i wish i had a make-out session in the hot tub [1:27 pm] You: 🙄🙄 [1:27 pm] Jiho❣️: sorry [1:27 pm] Jiho❣️: pretty sure more than just fucking happened considering both of you are upset [1:30 pm] You: i told him we shouldn’t have fucked after and he got upset [1:31 pm] Jiho❣️: bitch he’s into u ofc he’ll be upset [1:31 pm] You: u’re not helping [1:32 pm] Jiho❣️: are u into him?

You don’t know the answer. You ask yourself that question for the rest of the day, and you reckon you really don’t know. A lot changed between you and Jungkook over the weekend, but it’s hard to ignore the fact you have never really liked him. Because he was a dick and a bully to you for years.

It’s not something you think you can just forget because you’ve had sex with him once. And you don’t even know if you’d be interested in a relationship with him anyway. You’ve never been in a relationship before at all, and the thought of it terrifies you.

The thought of Jungkook being upset with you terrifies you in equal measures, but you refuse to admit it to yourself. Maybe because you’re trying to protect yourself. It’s hard to tell. You feel like you won’t be able to go through your feelings by yourself – they’re overwhelming, all of them.

Thinking about Jungkook is overwhelming. Thinking about dancing under the stars, about his scar, about the way he held onto you after he finished. Everything is overwhelming, and it makes you anxious. Jumpy, even, as you’re sitting in your room in your mother’s empty house later at night.

You’re halfway through a Studio Ghibli movie that was supposed to help you relax when you decide to text your therapist to schedule an appointment this week. It feels like the right thing to do – you know Mary has always been able to help you sort through your thoughts, even though you haven’t seen her in months.

You don’t expect her to reply tonight considering it’s late in the evening, but you linger on your messaging app. You can’t resist but scroll down a little, down to where Jungkook’s name lies on the screen. You click on the conversation, rereading the last messages he sent you from when he was drunk a little over a week ago. It makes your heart squeeze in your chest a little, and you scroll all the way up to the first time he texted you in April. You haven’t talked much at all, so it’s not like there’s a lot, but you can’t help yourself. You reread everything, entirely ignoring the movie playing on your laptop.

When you’re done reading, you find yourself typing a text even though you don’t know what to say. It seems your fingers know, because a moment later you find yourself staring at a fully formed sentence. It looks as if it’s taunting you, and you reread it so many times the words start to lose their meaning.

[9:47 pm] You: hey, i really enjoyed the weekend with u and i’m genuinely really sorry about yesterday…

It takes you all the courage your body can conjure up to press send. You immediately turn off your phone to focus on your laptop and on the movie, though it doesn’t really work at all. The anxiety the message has brought up in you makes the story of Totoro way too hard to follow, and you’re merely watching the scenes, barely even blinking.

When the movie ends, you get ready for bed. You haven’t dared check your phone yet, but a little bit of anticipation has been steadily building inside of you. Because you hope he’ll answer. You hope you won’t have to explain why you are the way that you are for things to go back to normal with him. Maybe because offering him your vulnerability feels like too much of a commitment for someone that doesn’t do commitments at all.

You know you’ll hate yourself at your internship the next day, but you can’t really sleep after you’ve settled under the comforter in your bed. It’s way past midnight when you finally gather the courage to look at your phone, teeth worrying at your bottom lip.

Your empty notification screen stares back at you, as if to say ‘you really thought that would change anything?’

You sigh, putting your phone away on your night table before turning on your side, grabbing a pillow to hold. It’s still raining outside, and your brain focuses on the splattering of rain on the panes of the window. You think maybe Jungkook went to bed early, considering you didn’t get a lot of sleep in the last two days. Maybe he’s asleep and will reply tomorrow…

You cling onto that hope as the sound of the rain finally lulls you to a troubled sleep.

Tuesday, July 10th

                Jungkook has been in a shit mood. He knows why, and it’s strange to think that it’s not his leg for once. What makes it worse is that everyone around him knows too, thanks to the hickey on his neck.

And it’s only worse when you don’t show up to dance practice. Jiho mentions something about you being stuck at your internship, but Jungkook doesn’t ask. He feels like maybe he could text you to make sure you’re okay. His heart wants him to do it, but his mind is stronger.

And his mind has been winning the war against his heart so far. He won’t cave in now. But he’s still in a shit mood when he gets home after practice. It feels even worse when he sees Taehyung and Jo cuddled up on the couch, and Jimin sprawled up on the floor.

Jimin’s texting away on his phone, and Taehyung meets Jungkook’s gaze where he stopped by the door.

“Practice is already done?” Taehyung asks.

It brings Jimin and Jo’s attention to Jungkook. He just stands there for a time, not knowing what to say.

Not wanting to admit he wrapped dance practice earlier because he was pissed that you weren’t there.

“Yeah,” Jungkook lets out flatly. He finally starts moving again, aiming straight to the kitchen.

He misses the way Jo and Taehyung exchange a concerned look when he passes in front of them, or maybe he just ignores it. He’s been ignoring Jo since the weekend, because it feels like too much pressure to admit that her plan worked and failed in the same night.

Yes, he got to sleep with you, but he’d take it back if he could. Just so it wouldn’t lead to where you’re standing now. Because he’s never replied to your text on Sunday night. Maybe because it was too early, and seeing it just pissed him off more.

Or maybe he’s just trying to preserve himself because he’s realized being with you might be a lot more complicated than previously thought.

He’s pouring cereal in a bowl when he receives a text. He fears that he’s conjured you up for a few seconds, but then he reads the name at the head of the notification. Laura. He furrows his brows, reading her text a few times over to make sure he’s read well. On his fifth reading he reckons the words won’t change even if he keeps glaring at them.

And Laura doesn’t deserve him being upset with her too. Actually, he realizes she might be just what he needs – a distraction, perhaps. Because all he wants is to forget how it felt to be with you last Saturday. And it’s not even about the sex. No, the part that’s been sticking with him is the moment between the hot tub and the sex. When he laid his heart on the table for you.

Had he known you were going to step on it a little under an hour later, Jungkook knows he would have never asked you to dance. It was a stupid request, one that made everything too real.

He can’t really blame you for getting scared. Because he knows that’s what it is. You got scared when he told you you should have slept together before, and he’s been embarrassed since then. Because he said the words in the heat of the action, and even though he meant them – means them – he’d rather not have told you.

Because now when he thinks of you he’s embarrassed, upset, and of course he’s pissed. He’s been in a shit mood after all.

He sighs, pushing his hair back before moving to the fridge to grab the milk. He pours some in the bowl, before grabbing a spoon in the drawer and making his way to the table, where he sits to eat the cereals. He’s halfway through his bowl when he finally decides to open his phone and reply to Laura.

[9:01 pm] Laura: Hey, I gotta admit… I’d like to see you sometime this week? If you’re up for it ofc [9:08 pm] Jungkook: yes ofc! i’m free tmrw evening if u want😌

He doesn’t even know if he actually wants to see her. It makes him think of when he helped her with her camera last week. Laura is sweet. Cute and shy. She’s his type, he can’t deny it. But she’s nice, and he doesn’t think she deserves him using her as a distraction.

He reckons he’s a mess. You’ve been messing with his head far too much, and he doesn’t like that you have that power over him. He doesn’t want anyone to have that power over him.

Yet it’s relieving that for once his mind isn’t clouded with dark thoughts related to the accident. Because he can’t really think about the accident when you’re there whenever he closes his eyes. When he can almost feel your warmth lingering under his fingers, along his body. When he thinks he can still smell your shampoo, and feel your soft skin.

The way that he feels disgusts him. It makes him scoff, and he’s frowning as he finishes eating his cereals. The frown only relaxes when Laura texts him again.

[9:12 pm] Laura: I’m available too! There’s a restaurant I’ve been wanting to try? Is that something you’d like to do?

The way that she texts sounds formal. It makes him laugh, and he finds himself replying,

[9:13 pm] Jungkook: wait, so then it’s a date date uh? [9:16 pm] Laura: Maybe?☺️ [9:17 pm] Jungkook: is 7 o’clock good for u?

He doesn’t really know what he’s doing. He doesn’t usually do real dates, preferring hanging out at the girl’s place or inviting her over for one of the many parties they usually host. But he needs the distraction, right?

And when he’s texting Laura, he realizes he’s not thinking about you as much. It’s relieving after the last few days, and really, maybe he should just give her a chance.

Wednesday, July 11th

                Your therapist works in a building that’s surprisingly not too far from your internship. You were able to schedule an appointment for tonight, which is a relief.

You’ve been thinking about this weekend so much you haven’t been able to focus at the internship. So much so that you were stuck at the office later yesterday. You didn’t mind having to skip the dance practice though – you were glad you didn’t have to see Jungkook.

But now, it’s time for you to sort out your thoughts about the whole situation. As much as pretending that everything is fine can be fun, you also hate the way your mind wanders every night. Especially considering Jungkook never replied to your text last Sunday.

You feel like he’s slipping through your fingers. And maybe he is, and maybe all of this will be for nothing.

Well, not necessarily nothing, since it’s always good to get a grip of yourself.

You sigh, and you walk into the building right before a rain shower starts. You’re relieved you were able to avoid getting wet, and you walk to the front desk to give your name to the lady. She puts you in the computer and then tells you to sit in the waiting room. You thank her, and you’ve barely had time to sit when Mary comes to get you.

Mary’s office hasn’t changed one bit since the last time you sought her help in February. You sit on the same couch, and she offers you a glass of water as she greets you. And then she asks what brings you there.

At that you still. You freeze, like a deer in headlights, because for a moment you’re terrified of having to say the words aloud. Terrified to admit you felt something last Saturday, and you think you’ve already screwed it all up. She listens to you intently, and you watch her scribble on her pad as you do so. You’re tempted to read what she’s written; you’ve always wondered what it is that therapists write on that notebook of theirs.

Is she piecing out your soul the way that you feel like she is?

You tell her everything. You tell her about how Jungkook came back into your life, differently this time. You tell her about the dance practices, and about your internship too. You tell her about last weekend, and you reveal every little dirty thought your brain dared to think. Mary doesn’t judge, and when you’re done, the only thing she says is, “You’re really good at psycho-analyzing yourself”.

You reckon she’s right. Because you know exactly why you acted the way that you did – with the example your parents gave you of love growing up, it’s hard to actually love. It’s even harder to deconstruct it, to deconstruct the fear until you can build yourself back into someone that can love.

It’s not that you think you can’t. You love Jiho, Jisung and their family plenty. But it’s different when it’s love with a big L. It’s always been, and you’ve never once really wanted to change it.

But now you do. You’ve been using your fears to protect yourself from others for far too long.

Mary makes a plan with you. Nothing too big, but she does suggest scheduling another appointment next week. Because you knowing what you need to do is half of the work, yes, but you still need to put it into practice. You agree with her, and you leave her office feeling lighter than you’ve felt in days.

The plan is for you to ask Jungkook if you can talk. You have the option to wait until tomorrow at dance practice, or to text him tonight, just so he knows in advance that you want to talk to him. Mary favoured the latter, saying that it’d give him time to prepare if he has things to tell you too.

You have no idea if he does, but the moment on Saturday felt heavy. You doubt there’s been nothing on his mind since then… because you were there. You know how it felt like, under the stars and after that. And the whole weekend, if you’re honest to yourself. You doubt he was immune to it.

You decide to wait a little before you text him. Just to make sure you really are going to do this. Because it feels like you’re standing at the top of a cliff, and you’ve never been a cliff diver. No, you’re far too afraid of heights. But the fact that you haven’t been able to get Jungkook off your mind tells you enough: you’d jump off the highest cliff for him.

Because if you don’t risk it, what is there to win?

So it’s later that night, when you’re rewatching your favourite anime, that you find yourself pausing the show. You go to your messaging app, and heart beating out of your chest you type a message. Something simple, something straight to the point. Because the fact he ignored your last message says enough: Jungkook won’t cave in for apologies, especially not over text.

You settle on,

[9:31 pm] You: hey jk! can we talk tmrw after practice?😌

You press send before you can convince yourself that this is not a good idea, and anxiety blooms in every inch of you. It’s a foreign feeling: you’ve never been so anxious when it came to someone else before in your life.

Watching your favourite anime after that has never been so hard.

Thursday, July 12th

                You don’t want to go to practice. Everything feels like it’s going too fast and too slow at the same time: waiting for Jungkook to reply is excruciatingly long, and having to head to the dance studio is coming far too quickly.

Jungkook hasn’t replied. You texted Mary about it – she said to see in person if Jungkook wants to talk, but to also respect it if he doesn’t. It makes you far less hopeful than you were when you got out of her office yesterday, but you know she is right.

If this is his way of setting a boundary, you will have to respect. No matter how much it upsets you.

So it’s in an anxious state of mind that you make your way to the studio. You run into Jiho on the way, and you’re worrying at your bottom lip when she asks, “What’s wrong?”

Your steps falter a little, and you throw her a side glance. “Uh?”

“What’s wrong with you?” she asks.

She knows that you used to see a therapist. But telling her that you saw Mary again about Jungkook feels like too big of a confession. It gives him too much power, and you’re not sure you’re ready for that. But you can tell some parts of the truth, can you?

“I’m going to try and talk to Jungkook tonight.”

Jiho remains suspiciously silent for a time. “Are you sure you want to talk to him?”

“I guess,” you say, shrugging your shoulders. “I just feel bad about this weekend.” Jiho offers you a sad smile, as your eyes fall to the concrete in front of you. “It’s just like, I don’t know, I liked where last weekend was going and I don’t want it to go back to the way things were before.” You pause, already feeling a little lighter now that you’ve started talking to your best friend. “Like I know I got scared and all, but he’s actually pretty decent?”

Now, Jiho’s smile has turned knowing, and she nudges you with her elbow. “I think I saw that coming from miles away but I didn’t want you to kill me.”

“Uh?” you let out, feeling a little confused.

“Everyone always thought you two were into each other,” she admits, and she laughs loudly when you push her. “Exactly why I didn’t want to tell you,” she says when her laughter subsides as you offer her a fake glare, lips jutting out in a small pout.

“I mean, I don’t even know if that’s where things are going,” you say. Your fear returns, and you’re back to nibbling on your lower lip. “Like, maybe I just fucked up too bad?”

“Did you talk since then?” Jiho asks.

You refuse to look at her when you reply. “No. He ignored my texts.”

From the corner of your eyes you see Jiho wince. Because she knows just as well as you what it probably means, and you don’t want to hear her say it.

“What did you tell him?”

You shrug your shoulders, trying to act as indifferent as possible. “Sunday I said that I was sorry, and I asked him if we could talk after dance practice yesterday.”

“And he said nothing?”

It’s rhetorical, so you remain silent. You’re reaching the bridge, and you know the conversation will soon come to an obligated end anyway.

“Babe…”  Jiho lets out carefully. “Maybe you shouldn’t talk to him.”

It makes you scoff. “I’ll be chill, don’t worry.”

“I’m not saying you won’t be,” Jiho says. She grabs your arm to make you stop. “Maybe he just doesn’t want to talk.”

You free your arm from her grip, though she was already letting you go. “I’ll ask. We’ll see. I just want to clear the air.”

Jiho holds your defiant gaze for a while, before nodding once. “Alright. Sounds good. You let me know what he says.” She pauses for a few seconds, before adding, “And we’re still on for Thirsty Thursdays after that.”

Of course you are, and of course you’ll tell her. She’s your best friend after all, and you don’t remember a time when you really hid anything from her.

It doesn’t stop your heart from aching in your chest as you near the studio.

*****

                Dance practice feels weird. You can’t help your eyes from diverting to Jungkook where he’s standing, next to the mirrors. He’s good at pretending he doesn’t feel your gaze on him, yet more than once you catch him already looking.

He looks good. He’s in paler clothes than his usual today – light blue jeans with an oversized white t-shirt – and his hair is ruffled by the way he keeps running his hands through it. He looks like he doesn’t care, almost. Because you can tell he’s anxious about something whenever you catch him pulling at his piercing, eyebrows slightly furrowed over his eyes.

You don’t know when you started being able to read him so well, but you surely can now.

He calls dance practice off earlier than his usual, and he still hasn’t really looked at you. You’re pretty sure everyone has noticed by now, especially considering the fact Jiho hasn’t really been subtle about it. She’s glaring at Jungkook most of the time, and he just shrugs his shoulders to her.

It’s weird. Something is off, but if you’re going to do this, you’ll do it, right?

It’s in that anxious state of mind that you approach him as everyone filters out. His hands are buried in his pockets and he’s leaning against the mirror. It’s like he’s waiting for you, and you figure maybe he did read your message after all.

The first few seconds of standing in front of him are far more awkward than anything you’ve ever experienced in your entire life. You don’t know what to say, don’t know where to start, and Jungkook’s head is hanging too low for you to be able to catch his gaze without invading his personal space. So you stay rooted in your spot, and you wait for him to look at you. It takes a while, but he eventually looks up.

You’re taken aback by the bitter annoyance his features hold. “What?”

You’ve written in your notes app what you wanted to say. You’ve even practiced it, but now you don’t remember a single word.

His eyes are sad. It’s the only thing that feels different on his features. The rest is all annoyed: his eyebrows are furrowed, the corners of his lips are pointing downwards. His shoulders are low, defeated, and he seems to realize it because he straightens and folds his arms on his chest.

“Uh,” you choke out against the anxiety that’s building up inside of you. “I just…”

“If you want to apologize again, I received your message last Sunday.”

You brush a strand of your hair behind your ear, before folding your arms on your chest too. “Why did you ignore me?”

He shrugs, shaking his head a little as he looks away. “I have nothing to tell you.”

“Jungkook, can you please not? We’re adults.”

“Yeah, and I’m choosing to not be talking with you. I’m sure you can respect that?”

You can. You definitely can. But at the same time you can’t. Not when he says it like that, like it’s some sort of an insult.

“Why are you overreacting like that?”

“Because I’m fucking embarrassed about last weekend!” he bursts. “I wish it never happened.”

It hurts. It stings and burns, and you hold your arms tighter against you. “You’re embarrassed? Is that why you said you wished we did it earlier?”

His gaze turns vicious, like he’s a viper waiting to strike. “See, that’s exactly why I do not want to talk to you. I don’t think we can be friends either. We’ve never been friends, like you oh so kindly reminded me, and that won’t change.”

You close your eyes, taking a deep breath to relax, because this is not where you want this conversation to be going. “Listen,” you say after a few seconds of silence, “I really don’t want to be fighting with you. I just want to clear the air.”

“The air is cleared,” he says as you open your eyes to meet his fiery gaze again. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to do.”

You’re struck then. You feel like you either have the choice to confess or to stick to your anger. And you try to confess, you really do. It’s not like with Jiho – Jungkook was part of the moment Saturday, he was there with you under the stars. So it shouldn’t be too hard to tell him, to say you got scared.

You open your mouth to say the words, and shut it immediately as he scoffs.

“See, I don’t even think we should be speaking at all,” he says. There’s a fraction of a second when you’re convinced you can read pain in his gaze before he continues, “I’m actually seeing Laura, and I don’t want to fuck that up.”

Every word you’ve ever known vanishes from your mind. You just stand there for a moment, mouth hanging open, ears ringing as you look at him. You feel like you’re falling, or maybe you’re getting crushed. It’s hard to tell. It’s equally as hard to breathe, and your lungs burn as oxygen fills them.

“What?”

“I went on a date with Laura and I actually like the girl, I don’t want to fuck things up by talking to you,” he says, slowly, as if he needs to hammer every word into your head.

Laura? The girl from his class?

“Isn’t that the girl you told me you don’t care about?”

Your voice is somehow flat. Empty of the emotions it held just a few seconds ago.

“I went on a date with her and I like her,” he repeats as if you’re stupid and didn’t understand the first time around. As if your heart is not breaking in your chest, infinitely so.

You didn’t know how big your heart is until this moment, when every beat just breaks a little more, and all you can think to do is hold yourself tighter. As if it’ll stop the breaking.

“When?”

“Why do you want to know?” he asks, and his eyes fall shut as he pinches the bridge of his nose. You really do feel stupid then, stupid and foolish and everything in between. Like you’re a five-years-old that keeps messing her right from her left.

“I… how the fuck did you go on a date with her already, it’s been four days?”

“A lot can change in four days, Y/n,” he drawls.

You think your nails might be digging in your palms from how hard you’re clenching your fists. “Wow.”

The studio falls silent. It’s heavy, and maybe the silence is what’s been crushing you. Because you were expecting it – the moment you and Jungkook wouldn’t have anything else to tell each other. Because for everything you were willing to confess, now there’s just an empty spot inside of you.

You hold his gaze. He doesn’t look all that infuriated anymore. Defeated, yes, and maybe a little deflated. He looks like he didn’t expect the conversation to go there.

But you were right. Turns out you were right and you are too late. You can’t help but hate him for it.

“You don’t waste your time, do you?” you ask, and you scoff bitterly. “You fuck one girl and then another in just a few days. Suits you well.”

He rolls his eyes. “As I said, I wish we didn’t sleep together. If I could take last weekend back I would.” He shrugs then, shaking his head a little. “I’m sure you understand.”

You purse your lips, trying to keep them from trembling as you feel a lump form in your throat. “I can’t believe you’re already fucking some other girl.”

“Okay, Y/n, as if that’s going to change anything.”

You nod, and you find yourself fleeing his gaze. Because you don’t want him to see how you’re breaking inside. How every piece of you turns inside out, until you’re bleeding out standing there in front of him.

“Just…”

You think about the stars. You think about the way he led you in that dance, the way his eyes shone as he looked at you.

Jungkook is cataclysmic. He really is. And cataclysms are rarely good, are they? They can create, yes, the way the universe was once created, but they destroy. They destroy and destroy until nothing remains, until you just feel like you’re drowning and burning all at once.

“Save your breath,” he says. You think his gaze is shining again, and you don’t think it’s shining for the same reason that it was under the stars. “And I mean that in the most respectful way.”

“Right. As if that would ever sound respectful.”

He rolls his eyes again. “Yeah, whatever. I’m done here.”

It occurs to you that you’re about to watch someone you care about walk out of your life again. You want to reach out and hold him, to tell him how you feel, to say how everything has started to hurt, but you can’t. You can just look at him, hold his gaze until he makes the decision to go.

He’s gone before you’ve truly assimilated just how bad everything went. Just how far south things went, and how fiercely everything burns. And you stand there for a long time, holding yourself, waiting for the heartbreak to stop. But the thing with heartbreak is that it never fully stops, does it? You just learn to deal with it better.

It’s weird. You never thought you could be cold and burning at the same time. But if this is hell, then hell has frozen over because you’re shivering, just holding yourself.

You feel like you’re sixteen again, like you watched your dad walk out of your life again. Maybe because Jungkook really was the cataclysm to you, and now you’re stuck with the aftermath.

But you don’t cry. No, you hold the tears in. Force them to dry without having rolled on your cheeks, convince them that you don’t care. It’s something you’re good at. Pretending. Because maybe you’ve been pretending you hate Jungkook for a lot longer than you thought. Maybe that’s the reason why it hurts so bad.

But you won’t cry, no. You won’t cry for Jeon Jungkook.

You get home later that night, after having walked through a daze for the whole evening. You’re drunk, and you’re still aching from the inside out. Your phone is in your hand, and you’ve been on Jungkook’s conversation for so long without blinking that your eyes have fully gone dry.

You watch the text you’ve just sent, the only proof that you ever cared about Jungkook.

[2:31 am] You: i reall y wish things ddn’t go so bad

It takes you three days to realize it never delivered.

Friday, July 20th

                It takes Jungkook a little under two weeks to officialise things with Laura. It’s moving quickly, he’s aware of it, but he’s been trying to ignore the way he saw your heart break in your eyes. It seems the best way to do it is to watch feelings swell in someone else’s gaze, and so he asks Laura to be his girlfriend after their third date.

She says yes, beaming like she’s the sun personified.

Still, when Jungkook closes his eyes at night, all he sees is your heart breaking in your eyes.

Prev | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh.. my bad. I really went far with this angst uh? What do we think? What's going to happen next?

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts 2023. Do not copy, repost or translate.

Taglist (strike-through means dumblr is not letting me tag you):

@chimchimmarierie | @pamzn | @sugaluvmyg | @tearyjjeonon | @jkclouds | @libra04 | @parkinglot-nights | @ggukieasy | @omnomnomtron | @jichimx | @synnfulqt | @leedoesntknaur | @pornichett | @melodiesforari | @oopscoop | @nadzzzblog | @amylouisecullen | @sunwooful | @parkethereal | @jeonhvvrs | @daisies-and-dandelionpuffs

[risafeywritesdrarry]

Mr. and Mr. President (Trump/Biden)

Fanfic Blurb: When an assassination attempt is made on the former president of the United States and fails, Joe Biden rushes to call his political rival to see if he's okay…. The conversation takes a turn that will change their lives, as well as the fate of the United States, forever.

Rated G Crack Fic, 320 word count, link to AO3 page provided

Warnings: It's a Bidump fic... or is it Bump... or Triden?

A completely NOT serious Bidump one-shot that I threw together. Inspired by a meme shared on Reddit r/AO3. In no way does this fic reflect my political beliefs. This is purely for laughs and the rated-G butterflies for the Bump-freaks in the back.

FINAL WARNING... YOU MIGHT REGRET READING THIS, CLICK OFF NOW:

Biden: I guess I wanna say.... I'm glad you're OK.

Trump: We may be political rivals, but we'll always have something special. The MOST special.

Biden: Now, look. I've been trying to say something during this whole conversation, and you keep exclaiming over me like you always do. It's distrac—it's distracting.

Trump: Well then, let's hear it.

Biden: Almost losing you made me realize something, Don.

Trump: Oh yeah? What's that?

Biden: I lo... I mean... I lo—lo—lo... ~furrows brow as he tries to remember the words and make the corresponding sounds with his mouth noises~ Now look here, Don, I lo—

Trump: ~waves it off~ Stop. I already know, I already know. The fake news media is not only the enemy of the people, but it's the enemy of you and me.

Biden: Don—

Trump: Hold it! I'M talking now, OK? You can wait your turn, dear Sleepy Joe. The way I see it, the shooter would have shot me in the heart if he'd been able to. But even if his aim had been true, he forgot one thing.

Biden: ~mumbles confusedly~ Wh—what's that?

Trump: ~pauses for dramatic effect~ What that shooter didn't realize is that my heart is safe with you. He was aiming in the wrong place, completely and entirely.

Biden: ~mutters something incoherently affectionate~ ~overcome with emotion; brain glitches more than usual~

Trump: You too, Joe. I understand, I understand. In fact, NO ONE understands better than me what you just said, and I gotta tell ya, I feel the same. I feel the same.

~silence for a while on the phone call~

Trump: What're you doing now, Joe...?

Biden: On my private jet. On my way to come and see you.

Trump: ~hangs up the phone and dials his Rally Coordinator~ Cancel all my rallies, speaking engagements, and appointments for the next few days. Something more important just came up...

[sparklepocalypse]

🥑☁️🐝🎨 please.💜

🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help?

I'd get in touch with @cha-melodius for her anatomical knowledge (y'know, maybe I can resuscitate whoever it is?) and @happiness-of-the-pursuit for his legal expertise, in the likely event that the resuscitation doesn't work.

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

You know, I've had this username since about 2010, and I honestly can't remember the backstory. I'm fairly sure it has something to do with some sort of arts and crafts project and then-untreated ADHD, though...

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

This might get long, so I'll come back to this one and toss it under a jump. 🤣😅

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

You know, prior to the latest RWRB zine being published, I wouldn't have been able to narrow it down to just one, but this JC Leyendecker-inspired piece by @artofobsession is possibly my favorite piece of fanart that's ever been created. It's just -- even nearly a month after it was first posted, it causes beauty aggression in me and I just want to bite it because it's so pretty and glowy and ethereal and lovely and they're just so blushy and so into one another. It's the first fanart print I've ordered in years, and it's going to go on my wall of ephemeral pretty things with my Lindsay van Ekelenburg art and my various tarot card prints from Kickstarter decks.

[Send me emoji from the Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game and I'll answer the corresponding questions!]

Aight, back to 🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

I mean, obviously I'm tagging you first, @ad-astra13, because you're the Most Excellent of Doc Gremlins and your flailing in my Google Docs has been so, so motivating. Your fiber work is really cool and creative! I'm always intrigued to see which project you'll take on next.

And then there's @hgejfmw-hgejhsf, who even with a bunch of stuff going on IRL still takes the time to DM me a screenshot when someone has recced one of my fics, which -- warm fuzzies just everywhere. Val is one of the sweetest, most deeply passionate RWRB fans I have ever met, and her encyclopedic knowledge of all things book and movie have come in handy on like, dozens of occasions in the few months since I've gotten to know her.

@kiwiana-writes and I basically have the same brain in different bodies on different continents, the vibe is so consistent. Half the time I read his work it feels like it could've emerged from my brain instead of his, and now it turns out he's a pretty gifted songwriter too? Incredible, awe-inspiring, iconic, etc.

@artofobsession and I have a Spider-Man meme thing going on where I yell at Hann about their art, and they yell at me about my writing, and it's just a never-ending cycle of yelling. Pretty amazing to consider that I was Too Scared To Say Hi ™️ for awhile there, because I'm a big ol' introvert. Regardless of what Hann's got going on, I've never read an unkind word that's emerged from their keyboard, and they're super well-spoken and yeah, really glad I started making unhinged bulleted lists of art reviews as a way to break the ice, because they're good people.

Speaking of Spider-Man memes, @seanchaidh7 and I have also been Spider-Manning back and forth these last few months. She's created some really, really incredible art for my Big Giant AU, and just genuinely seems like a cool person. I'm happy we stumbled across each other in this fandom!

@duchessdepolignaca03 is one of the best unhinged idea riffers I've met. She deserves at least partial credit for the idea for my RBB fic, because a simple "fic where [x]" message can lead to a thread of dozens (or hundreds) of messages back and forth just flinging ideas out there to further the prompt. Half the time the riff is all that happens, but occasionally, the riff spawns something way bigger.

And there are folks who either I haven't found on Tumblr, or who left Tumblr behind in like 2013 and haven't looked back -- super grateful for everyone who's enabling my weird little brain to do the thing!

[wubyreal]

whole hog for marina?

(Turn back if you don't want spoilers about her deep dark secrets)

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

I randomly thought of it, and Marina stuck since then. In universe, she is named after the marina where her parents first met. Her nickname is Chrysanthemum, which is her favorite flower. Her childhood friend group is a nod to the Chinese Four Gentleman, which is comprised of the chrysanthemum, orchid, bamboo, and plum.

🌼 - How old are they? (Or approximate age range)

Early 20s

🌺- Do they have any love interest(s)?

She has been betrothed to Seric Von Plum ever since she was a child. He is the son of her dad's best friend. Unfortunately Marina hates his guts and instead dates and flirts with other people as an act of rebellion. Her logic is if she finds someone richer than Seric, then her parents will call off the engagement. Her crushes are superficial, mostly liking people for their looks and status. She managed to date Liza, but the relationship fell apart because Marina is too crazy and annoying. Despite everything, Nadir is her one true love who is a nice regular commoner.

🍕 - What is their favorite food?

Chocolate coated flower petals and red velvet desserts

💼 - What do they do for a living?

Noblewoman as determined by her family's legacy. Pirate when she became crazy. Mercenary during her runaway arc.

🎹 - Do they have any hobbies?

Bossing people around, eating sweets, being hot, shooting, fencing, and joyrides

🎯 -What do they do best?

Really really good at shooting

🥊 -What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?

She loves joyrides from sailing, flying, and driving. She hates being bossed around by people or forced to hang out with annoying people.

❤️ - What is one of your OC’s best memories?

The day she first met Nadir as a child and when she first met Liza at school

✂️ - What is one of your OC’s worst memories?

When Liza defeated her in battle thus making her become tainted. When she couldn't convince her parents to undo the engagement with Seric

🧊 - Is their current design the first one?

It's the final design for her tainted arc. She has gone through many design changes. Funnily enough my brain defaults to her with the short gray hair even though the look is temporary. I guess I haven't designed her post-redemption or post-timeskip. There are still many designs to do.

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC?

She has an inspiration chart with lots of mean bitchy girls. Special shout out to Tinker Bell, Azula, Princess Morbucks, and Panty Anarchy. There are also some retroactive inspirations that were unintentional. She is similar to Mitsuru Kirijo from Persona3, except no niceness.

🌂 - What genre do they belong in?

High fantasy with gothic post-apocalyptic stuff

💚 - What is your OC’s gender identity and sexuality?

Cis bi

🙌 - How many sibling does your OC have?

1 younger sister that she treats as a minion

🍎 - What is the OC’s relationship w/their parents like?

Good relationship. Her parents doted and spoiled Marina as a child. They put up with Marina's antics cause as long lived elvenlike people, it's best to let her let the energy out of her system until she tires out and wises up. They never foresaw her making a pact and becoming evil. Marina is a daddy's girl that pretends to hate her mom but secretly does love her.

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

She's really fun to meme and has interesting dynamics with many of my OCs as the crazy one contrasting with the straightman. I also like her design a lot.

✏️ - How often do you draw/write about the OC?

Just like Ruby I think about and meme her every day. Writing and drawing happen when inspiration strikes.

💎 - Do you ever see yourself killing off the OC?

No. Nadir will not allow that.

💀 - Does your OC have any phobias?

Failure and that she's completely irredeemable. She's doubles down on being annoying because no one gives her a chance to change, see her for who she really is, or understand her actual needs.

🍩 -Who is your OC’s arch-nemesis or rival?

Theda Thorne for trying to seduce Nadir. Derrick for being Liza's younger brother. Moriti for not putting up with her bullshit. War for betraying her. Elmindreda Endymion for absolutely no reason. Skurret just for being ugly. She beefs with a lot of people.

🎓 - How long have you had the OC?

Most likely 2015

🍥 - What age were you when you created the OC?

I don't remember the exact age. Some time in high school.

[eyeballtank]

Do most games look similar? Kinda

This image is clearly made to spark shit on /v/ but it does make me think a lot about videogame aesthetics and graphics.

Maybe one reason the games on the right look alike (Besides the cherrypicked screenshots because each has moments where they don't look alike) is because they chase "realism": Videogames may never be "truly realistic" and since the 8th gen, it feels like we hit a wall.

So if anything, these games are going for a rather "shared idea" of realism: That's how you think these games might as well have the same engine, same universe and same people behind.

Of course, you can still point out how stuff like lightning, fire, smoke etc isn't easy to do and even a cel-shaded game with 2D visuals may have some weird oddities in terms of visuals.

And then there's also the usual effects: Motion blur, chromatic aberration, bloom, lens flares, SSAO etc. Stuff tied to post-processing or something.

Is it inherit to games becoming 3D in general? Not sure.

But I believe it can't be because of "realism in general" because with 6th gen games, certain titles were always aiming for "realism" and still have a different "feel/vibe/whatever you call it" compared to 7th gen and beyond.

Maybe how Death Stranding or GTAV look and feel is something Kojima or Rockstar always wanted to achieve even during the PS1.

But it won't change the fact that how MGS2/3 or how GTA VC/SA "feel" may resonate more with people.

Remakes are another good example when you compare Resident Evil 4 to its remake.

Even Crysis, a game once praised for being graphically impressive, gets a remaster and I swear the differences barely mean shit.

I can see someone saying "is this why Zoomers think Half-Life 2 or GMod are creepy?" because of liminal space memes but it shows that even a "realistic enough" game can offer different moods not present in games with generic realism.

And people also associate boring realism with "boring colors" so you have 7th gen shooters being brown/gray and then you get a "counter trend" of Fortnite clones and "looter shooters" with overuse of purple vomit.

Another thing worth bringing up: Yellow paint, which is a result of "realism" where everything blends in visually, when good art direction of making stuff apart can work even in "realism".

Maybe why people disliked the "it knows it's a videogame" direction of Doom Eternal is because it was still a graphically advanced looking game but the yellow paint thing also gets worse because it's applied to remakes, as in, RE4 for example which never needed yellow paint before... but now it does?

It's a side effect of an issue with "realism" where stuff becomes harder to read, so developers come up with these goofy solutions that wouldn't be needed if they had a better art direction.

It also happens that "realistic" games are more likely to age compared to cel-shaded/stylized games like LOZ Wind Waker or Okami (And sometimes, some cel-shaded games get remasters that add bloom or weird color effects).

But one thing is realism, another is fiction or rather, influences/inspirations and certain trends in sci-fi and fantasy.

There's that one image of Everquest 3 I think, that shows a contrast between old and fantasy aesthetics.

One has an image that's essentially a fantasy painting with neat designs and a level of atmosphere/realism, the other shows that specific Warcraft adjacent art style you see more often.

That style people associate with Blizzard, League, Dota, Smite, DarkSiders and more.

Besides the style in itself being overused, I think people hate it because they associate it with being corporate and safe, which adds some irony to its history coming from Blizzard being into Warhammer: A series rather known for being "grim and epic" (But even WH itself would have stuff that's tame and boring).

The Demon Souls remake is a good example because you go from From Software being inspired by dark fantasy and Berserk to something with generic lightning/colors and an official reference for the Flame Lurker literally admitting using Diablo 3 as inspiration.

Even sci-fi in terms of aesthetics has its trends: Part of why Halo fans dislike the 343 art style.

(Mostly because of when tech is meant to be grounded and when it feels like "fantasy" to some degree).

(Oh and this also reminds me of that "magic tech" fantasy in stuff like Immortals Fenyx Rising which I wonder if it's inspired by the Disney Atlantis movie).

So if the fantasy side of things has WoW, Dota, LoL, etc then the sci-fi gets what: 343 Halo? Destiny? Anthem? Warframe? Gears of War?

Even then, these aesthetics could use some "studying" so one can why X feel this way and why Y doesn't etc.

The modern Doom games are at times criticized for having these trends (Specially because Doom is technically both sci-fi and fantasy).

One can at least say that even classic Doom wasn't the only thing in the 90's inspired by Aliens/HR Giger (See Metroid or Contra) and old DnD.

But I guess it also depends of why people like certain aesthetics and the mindsets behind them AND of course: Personal preferences.

A lot of iconic gaming franchises were born out of devs copying media from outside the medium, from Link being inspired by Peter Pan to MGS being a mix of movies, hence Kojima says "My body is 70% made of movies".

Gravity Rush is as unique as it is because Toyama and his team were influenced by Moebius, while the pointless movie will definitely be inspired by the MCU.

We can also bring up Signalis being inspired by Blame! but the aesthetic itself isn't trying to be an old Nihei manga.

Another id example: Hunter from Quake 3 being inspired by Simon Bisley's Full Cirkle.

I was wondering if it counts when certain artists or studios are involved in some games, like Ni No Kuni looking very Ghibli because Ghibli was sort of involved in the first game's cutscenes.

Maybe this is why some don't care that PalWorld may indeed copy Pokemon: Lot of games might as well copy each other already.

Whether it's in AAA or indie games (Even in indie, people will be aware of some trends but not others, like making fun of "quirky Earthbound clone about depression" label that probably applies to only one game but nobody mentions the amount of "boomer shooters" that exist... just saying).

And this isn't just videogames: Think of mediums like films where you see something with good setpieces and then you see something more recent with generic "ahh so pretty" special effects.

Like how people prefer older horror movies that make good use of practical effects or that one time a LOTR movie gave people headaches because of its visuals.

I just saw some images of a Wizard of Oz remake being made and how boring it looks compared to the 1930's one.

Like in general, ask yourself: At what point does this type of realism becomes part of someone's vision and not either a decision by the publisher/executive/etc or just guessing by what mass audiences supposedly like?

Pretty sure Hitchcock had a quote about realism and art: How art being too good at copying realism can make it boring because it's just reproducing nature.

Maybe a lot of amazing paintings from certain eras like the Renaissance are amazing, not because of how realistic they art, but because they're a rather "idealized" form of realism.

Edit: Might as well mention "Uncanny Valley" because of both realisitc games reaching it at times but also how a certain "idealized realism" is lik the opposite of Uncanny Valley.

And I guess how some people deslike stuff that is otherwise impressive to casual viewers like artists such as Sakimichan.

Edit 2: I could've also mentioned how some games do gore, scars, disfiguration etc and how some make it seem "plastic" looking. Look at Ghouls in like Fallout 3 and compared them to FO4, where they looked creepy in the former and look like someone in a rubber suit in the latter.

In general, I like to think there are ways to make a game more impressive nowadays.

Basically, make your game copy great illustrations instead of "realism" or live action movies.

Pay attention to how colors and brushes are used in some artworks.

Copy some designs if you have to, since you'd be less likely to end up with some designs you'd see in an ArtStation account (Even if you just mindlessly follow blogs that post old sci-fi art).

AI art may not work because you need to understand what makes some art good (And if anything, AI art is already used to mimick the more generic art styles out there).

You may not need that many polygons, maybe go for a 6th gen style at best.

Do a good job with colors, textures etc.

And while your game does a good enough job at copying Moebius, Druillet, Barlowe, Nihei etc, I guess you could also try neat tech shit like reflections or "portals", like the 2006 Prey game.

In general: Make your game look like a painting, not a movie.

And about my stuff?

My game looks ugly for a lot of reasons like its weird resolution, me focusing more on other stuff, the fact that it's my first game, etc.

But I do hope someday to not only get better art but also better at taking influences more seriously.

Lot of stuff in Nortubel already copies some things and I hope to be better at copying some things even if I can't do it alone.

Chances are that even in Nortubel itself, I'll end up with some trendy elements but I still wanna give an impression of some creativity and preferences.

In general, this blog post could've been an article or video done better by someone (So feel free to use this as a reference), because if I'm terrible at "critique" or "essays", I hope to be much better at making games and actual stuff.

This post should also be useful for anyone who wants to be a dev.

[mochiwrites]

Black, green, blue, teal, scarlet, maroon, periwinkle, mauve, blush, indigo, fuchsia, vermillion, honeydew, lavender, coral, umber, razzamatazz, arsenic, saffron, timberwolf, fallow, tangerine, sage, crimson, viridian, burgundy C:

JFC STEL THAT IS SO MANY jokes on you bc I Will write out all of those answers

black: I would date you. ( aw stel, why didn't you tell me? I would've put this book down 9 months ago..... )

green: I think you’re cute. ( sobs??? I think YOU'RE cute )

blue: You are my tumblr crush. ( !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! )

teal: We have a lot in common. (*kicks my feet* do we now? hehe )

scarlet: You have influenced my decision/thoughts on something. ( stel do you realize how scary of a statement this is /lh /j )

maroon: You taught me something new. ( wh ???? hello???? what in the world have I taught you-- )

periwinkle: You make me laugh ( goal as gf: accomplished :D )

mauve: You are really talented ( you're super talented!!!!! )

blush: Seeing you on my dash makes my day a little better. ( UNO REVERSE )

indigo: I’ve been following you for a long time ( for a whole year now! :D *not counting twitter )

fuchsia: Your blog content is gold ( ueueueue I try )

vermillion: You make me feel passionate ( right back at you <33 )

honeydew: I want to call you by a nickname ( 🥺 beloved you can call me by whatever nickname you like )

lavender: You inspire me ( UNO REVERSE )

coral: You’re a meme ( *hangs my head in shame* I'm a one man clown car what can I say? )

umber: I want to know more about you ( please I would literally spend hours playing 20 questions with you, just to learn whatever I can about you )

razzmatazz: I would share my favorite food with you ( 🥺 )

arsenic: I don’t know how to describe the way I feel about you ( it's okay, I've got enough words for both of us <3 )

saffron: I love your ideas ( I love YOUR ideas )

timberwolf: I trust you ( I trust you too 🥺 )

fallow: I want to run through the Northern wilderness barefoot with you ( that's hella gay can we hold hands while we do it? )

tangerine: I love your aesthetic ( UNO REVERSE )

sage: You make me cry ( you make me cry too <3 )

crimson: We should collaborate on something! ( stares at crime, hero, and sea fruits: we should, yeah :D )

viridian: I wanna hang out on your blog

burgundy: I get excited when I see posts from you

not to be extremely gay on main for a moment but oh my god have I mentioned how deeply in love with you I am??????

see what your followers think of you

[vladacatfire]

So um this meme from one of the wh fangroups give me an inspiration to draw welcome home encanto au.

[clevermird]

Sometimes I wonder if I would get more attention for/interest in my OCs if I did more funny, silly, or cute content with them.

Someone pointed out to me at one point that fandom seeks what they don’t get in canon - it’s why you see so many creepypastas and dark re-imaginings of kids’ shows - and it seems to hold true for the WH community. People want funny, cute, and sweet, cause there’s so little of it in canon (especially in 40k), and the best way to get interest in your OCs is to do memes, cute fluff, and wholesome bits.

I draw things that I like or am inspired for, so I’m not planning on making any major changes, but it’s something I think about a lot. Not knocking people who do make that kind of content - I follow plenty of people who do and enjoy looking at it - but it’s really not where my heart and interest is at.

[tarraxahum-ish]

can we hear your interp of max👀

Oh-ho-ho, anon, sure, I will try! Beware, my trying always entails A LOT of text. (EDIT: and I touched a lot on the ending and Chloe 'cause can we really talk about Max in this game without mentioning those points?)

So, as I mentioned in the tags of the post that inspired this ask, Max is a weird character when it comes to interpretations. As in, almost all people in my friend group alone have a different take on what her personality is supposed to be (apart from the obvious baseline) and which choices "make more sense" for her. Most of it comes down to her being a protagonist of a choice-based game, of course. She can snoop or she can not snoop. She can try to make cautious choices or she can just be reckless. She can save Kate or totally fail to do that. She can kiss Chloe, she can kiss Warren. Etc etc etc.

Because of that, I think, in a lot of ways she reflects the player. For example: when my friend and I, both "straight" at the time, played LiS for the first time, she adamantly went for the "Chloe and Max are just good friends" route and favored Warren as a romance, refused to let the alt Chloe die and then sacrificed 'our' Chloe to save the town, all the while lamenting that it would make much more sense for Max to sacrifice herself to stop everything. Meanwhile I was all THEY'RE LESBIANS HAROLD (well Max is bi but you get the meme), let the alt Chloe die (at the time) and didn't hesitate A SECOND before dooming Arcadia Bay to save Chloe. Those are two VERY different Maxes here. (We later discovered that my friend was a bisexual in denial and I was a closeted lesbian who didn't lock the door very well. So, you know. Reflection.)

HOWEVER. I feel like despite the choice trees, certain decisions fit into the story more snugly. It's especially evident in BtS, where you COULD make a choice to reconcile Chloe and David, but the consequences if she DOESN'T fit what we see in LiS much more. Granted, there are many disconnections and retcons between the games, but most of them are in the plot itself (see: Rachel, Chloe reacting to Frank's place and Wells' cabinet like she's never been there, etc), not in the player's direct choices, as is the case with David.

The question of which choices are more "fitting", however, is where that bias comes in. And my personal interpretation of Max. Finally.

Another friend of mine recently mentioned that she does not believe in the "sacrifice AB" ending because, to her, "Max doesn't seem like the kind of a person who cares about Chloe to THAT extent, what with the five years of silence and all".

And that's what got me thinking…I see Max as a complete opposite of that. The in-game Max of that one week in particular.

The five years of silence? Yeah, that was shit. Without a doubt, that hurt Chloe a lot and that's on Max.

But I also get it. I don't excuse it, I get it. Every time I move (even when I jump fandoms, truly) I lose contact with a lot of good friends very quickly. When I started my first couple of jobs, I stopped talking to some of my friends for THREE YEARS STRAIGHT. I was overwhelmed. The people that were right there in front of me took my attention and my energy, the need to assimilate and exist in a new environment took all my focus. And the more I stayed quiet, the more awkward it seemed to suddenly reach out. The more we weren't talking, the less common topics for a possible conversation we were likely to have. And if on top of THAT I'd have the whole "What do you say to a person whose beloved dad died right before I left?" kind of an anxiety? Those five years don't seem far-fetched to me. Once again, I'm not excusing the hurt that Chloe experienced because of this, but I understand how things like that happen and what levels of social awkwardness and limited energy resources go into a mistake like that.

Which brings me to the point of: Max's care for Chloe is much more characterized by what she does when she's THERE than by what she failed to do when she was a teenager settling in in a new city hell knows where.

And what does Max do, if not repeatedly puts Chloe first with rapidly growing degree of recklessness? Okay, the first time she saves her, in the bathroom, she doesn't even know it's her (which, btw, speaks volumes that she still goes back there, alone, not telling anyone, knowing that Nathan will have a gun and potentially putting herself in danger, all for an unfamiliar girl. It's already reckless as fuck, and therefore genuine - say what you want about Max sucking up to everyone by saying the things they wanted to hear, her biggest feats of bravery were never even known by most.)

((I don't know where to put it, but I'll also point out that the game itself generally encourages 'reckless' choices. Get into David's face about Kate instead of being cautious, lie for Chloe instead of being cautious, tell Kate to go to the police instead of playing it safe. Max saying 'ah, fuck it' generally ends up being the right choice more often than it's not, so that's the way of playing her that I'm mostly taking into consideration.))

Times at the junkyard and the train tracks are arguably spoof of the moment things (any sane person wouldn't just, like, NOT rewind to stop their best friend from shooting herself or getting smeared by a train, right?), sure.

But the last episodes, though. That's where the plot goes batshit and so, kind of, does Max. It's not just about simply rewinding right then and there on the spot if something goes wrong.

It's about repeatedly going out of her way, BIG time, all for Chloe.

Fucking up space and time. Technically changing her own life (it's hard to say why William living led to Max being the popular girl but sure, let's roll with what we're given, butterfly effect and all) just to make sure Chloe is happy. Immediately rolling it all back, also solely for Chloe (at no point does Max think about how HER life changed beyond the initial surprise). Tbh I think that's what they actually got right in the comics - how readily Max screws her own life just to find somewhere where Chloe is happy, even if in the end that's not the answer.

Then it gets worse. Max gets a future she technically dreamt of, one of being an acknowledged photographer, her career secure in the palm of her hand.

Throws it all away without a second thought as soon as it implies losing Chloe (sure, at the moment she does kinda think about the town as a whole, but Chloe calling and Max not being with her when she's in danger is still the catalyst of that - the point of the photo retcon is not to stop the tornado, it's to be near Chloe when it hits).

Gets drugged and tortured REPEATEDLY (all timeline jumping and rewinding considered), forces herself through multiple timelines to the point of active nosebleeds (that previously made her faint).

Still only thinks about saving Chloe AS SOON as she's out of that chair.

Is technically safe in an underground bunker (as evident by David surviving), goes out INTO the storm (tortured and drugged and having jumped and lived multiple realities on no food or sleep!) and drives TOWARDS it JUST to save CHLOE. (Does she even HAVE a driver's license or is she just winging it, btw?)

Also worth of note, if you as a player participate in all the prompts and puzzles on the way to the diner (which I'd say is logically the 'canon' Max, since that's how you're meant to play the game), then she does her best to help everyone around her, too. It's not even about the "time to be the everyday hero" anymore - she's tired, she's angry, she most likely feels like shit and she's marching through a literal tornado just doing her best at any opportunity she sees. I doubt any 'heroic' thinking went into those actions at that point. She just walks on water towards her goal and yanks out every drowning person who outstretches their hand towards her. ALL THE WHILE knowing that she's about to rewind this timeline and won't be present at this exact location to help in the next, so technically it's meaningless. But she does. She cares for people, not just their opinions on her.

But at that point the mantra isn't "stop the tornado". She'd like to, yes. But the focus is very much "Chloe". Tornado comes second. It's in her way, even.

Which brings us to the final choice. Skipping the whole nightmare sequence because I honestly think it's self-explanatory on the topic of Max's insecurities and the weight of the town and her power on her shoulders, and on how much Chloe means to her.

The final choice. On which I could say a lot more narration-wise, but we're talking about Max, and I've started with my friend's comment on which choice is more "realistic" to Max's character.

Now, I won't tell anyone how to play their game, which morals take into account and what to make of their Max.

The way I see it, however:

Yes, Max (if you took all the prompts and paid attention, etc etc) always stopped and tried to help in any way she could (be it the wrong way or the right one, re: Kate), and she's obviously freaked out by the threat to the town from the very beginning.

But that's the thing, however. Beginning.

The town was always this "Oh no, I don't want this to happen, can I stop it?!", which, you know. A pretty fucking normal human reaction, I think.

But Max specifically went through Hell, arguably multiple times over, threw away multiple great versions of her own life without a second glance, almost died, spedran her character development losing shyness, fear, self-consciousness and basic human self-preservation instincts in less than a week, didn't allow herself a second of breathing room while going through experiences that would break most people (look at Victoria in the Dark Room), and ALL of that was 99% of the time verbally (or, well, internally) justified by her with saving Chloe.

With the town and the rest of the characters, Max tried her human best. With Chloe, she all but ran herself and the whole time and space continuum into the ground.

And you're telling me, that this Max, the one still reeling from everything she went through, the one who dug her way back to Chloe through metaphorical stone with bloody fingers, the one who just jumped through multiple realities in half (if not most) of which she suffered or was in danger in some way, all without having any buffer time to process any of that shit, all with "ChloeChloeChloe" on her tongue and Chloe's necklace on her neck, THIS Max, is NOT likely to just snap and rip the goddamn photo and unequivocally say RIGHT HERE AND NOW I STILL FUCKING CHOSE YOU"?

Like, if someone wants to see it as her breaking point, her stopping to run point, her giving up point, her seeing 'common sense' point, her respecting Chloe's wishes point, well, that's their choice.

But UNLIKELY to choose Chloe? Yeah, I don't think so.

To reel it back a little from the final choice and back to Max as a character. At the beginning of the game, I see her precisely the "shy cliche geek" more or less. Not unlike me. Anxious, bad at keeping in touch, bad at fitting in with anyone but with those who are also bad at fitting in, and even then not always. Dreaming of more but not believing in herself. Wanting people to like her, 'cause really, wouldn't it just make life so much easier if we'd never had to go through the embarrassment of saying the wrong thing to anyone ever again?

She's unsure of her powers, she chastises herself for small mistakes, she doubts most of her choices regardless of which one you made.

By the second half of the game though? She grows powerful. She grows bold. She tricks people for information, she all but bullies Frank to get his keys 'cause she knows he won't be able to touch her, she starts toying with big changes in the timeline (William).

And by the end? By the end she's sneering in Mark Jefferson's face despite being scared shitless - not unlike with Nathan in the parking lot back in the episode 1 if you choose to tell him to take a step back, btw, so she always had it in her, but by ep5 she has nothing left to lose and nothing to hold her back. By the end she's smashing, forcing, gnawing her way though time and space like an unstoppable force, all caution and doubts abandoned. By the end she's standing in the middle of the storm she was terrified of in ep1 and she's ANGRY and DETERMINED instead because she has no mental capacity to even freak out again until she and Chloe are together and safe by the lighthouse.

By the end, for a brief moment before the storm finally hits, she's basically god, a kind, empathic one, but also an incredibly selfish one, who does it all for one singular person first, everyone else second. And whatever choice she makes at the end, that fact is still a fact. In my book, anyway.

For me, for how I saw her after having, what, seven years to process the story and replay it a few times, how I feel and play my Max now?

With shaky hands, she pulled the trigger at Frank back at the junkyard, and at the lighthouse, tortured and exhausted and selfish to the end, she took all her choices in stride, let her power be there for a reason, and let the tornado take its due.

(And Chloe, who has long forgotten what it felt like to genuinely be WORTH something to someone who explicitly chooses HER, deserved that tenfold in my opinion, but that's a whole other essay).

But then again, I was always a fan of 'selfish' love and 'selfish' stories. So, reflection of the player, after all? Perhaps.

But narratively, the way I personally see it, it just fits the most.

And even if for one reason or another she makes another choice, I still struggle to see how up until that point she's any less than that.

[starstruckxstray]

[ death meme ] Kerosene's death would send Alastor into murderous frenzy. First the retrieval of her remains IF at all possible. When it was not possible to resurrect her, then he would go seeking the culprit. Only to end up grasping at straws or bloodied needles in a burning haystack because he is in Hell, damned, condemned to this repeated cycle of being what he is. An unforgiving and unforgiving force. and Vengeance now and there is nobody who is NOT deserving of being smote. Even Kerosene. Een Kerosene would deserve to be snapped at if he found her and she was the one responsible for offing herself How? How did that make sense, he had to ask himself. The screaming at himself as he skulked Hell for whom he had to rescue so he could hold captive. So anyone he bumps into in his search would probably end up injured in some way, physical or emotional. He does not like when things he considers his to be ripped away. What is his? He is not his. There is nothing inside. He needs others to fill the hole. And when souls in his possession are stolen, he is robbed a little of power. And especially when those like Kerosene, with like and substance-- are extinguished, he feels it. You are Damned. Forsaken. And this infuriates him. Someone pays for it, whether it was their fault or not. Some overlord o some other. He forgets which one. May as well be Vox. Who cares. They are all the same. Even the worst of them. Even the most inconsequential. Maybe this has already happened. Charlie's hand on his ear breaks the numbness. She is holding him back. Restraining him. h "Alastor! Alastor, it's not real! Kerosene is alive! You're having a nightmare!" He is staring at the princess suddenly and the collar he is gripping is indeed a dog collar. A plain dog collar. Not the one that reminds him of the nightsky in the world he had denied himself. With the heavens and the stars that sinners were banned from. Just a dog collar. A familiar, crumbling, leather dog collar that he dropped as if it was stinging. His ears pulled back as he chirped. The static in his voice gone for an evanescent and vulnerable moment. "No..." as he nearly tripped, Charlie steadied him. "Wh-where is she?" "She's not dead, I know that. Let's go find her together, okay?But first... deep breaths..." Despite not being an overlord the powerful demonness seemed to understand how Alastor's inner gears worked. That this shock had thrown off his center. "One hoof at a time, okay...?" "One hoof..." he repeated, ears flicking as he felt the fact that, yes. It was true, the sinner was out there and not exterminated. He couldn't let the light be extinguished. ((i had a spark of inspiration. sorry if it was a bit intense. he's a complicated deer. ))

(HHHHHHH ;-; This is intense but I love seeing this rare side of him. Thank you!)

It was another night of her slipping away, to quietly climb the rusted fire escapes towards the deep red-violet sky. Another night of settling atop of crumbling shingles and staring towards the ever-distant blue star hidden behind veils of pollution and hazy neon.

Another moment of quietly romancing, pleading for Heaven's forgiveness and acceptance. The tearful prayers felt heavier at that time, and she wondered if she was calling out for someone other than just herself. For her friends, for her found family, for her master. Her collar turned hot around her neck as her thoughts turned towards him. She froze from her repeated, inner petitions as strange feelings blossomed within her chest.

Anger, that aching yawning emptiness, a crushing sense of powerlessness, all of them faint and not her own. The vortex of troubling emotions stole her breath, and her eyes snapped open. Her head was no longer turned towards the sky, but to the streets below.

Her ears pressed flat and a frown set across her features. She needed to go, she needed to find Alastor. She hadn't yet realized that the Princess was also looking for her. An even deeper remorse would have flooded her once she did.

Kerosene started down those familiar metal steps. She didn't cast one last, longing glance above this time.

[rchardgrayson]

This isn't like a dig at the anon who said the Ric arc was worse than Taylor or anything but I'd just like to expand a tiny bit,

There are some absolute balls-to-the-walls nuts things in the Ric arc that are, imo, mostly bad. (Spoilers ahead if you have not read) but whilst Dick/Ric is adamtly refusing to go back to his previous life (and you definitely sympathise with him) there's a bunch of cops (plus one firefighter I think?) who all put on Nightwing suits and try to fight crime and Ric sorta helps them out/joins them so they don't get themselves killed which I'm not even a huge fan of but there's character motivation and conflict going on there that is interesting. I really like Bea, who's introduced as a civilian love interest which surprised me because I really did not like Shawn when I first read her (though maybe I'd like her more if I did a reread) because she's a genuinely kind and interesting character with goals and motivations. There's also wild shit involving the court of owls which underpins the whole amnesia thing in general (they like stole his memories and kept them bla bla) which was a bit bleh - could've been done better and then the Joker thing which was unspeakable sjhdjdjjdjd but like all in all when I read it through a second time I was like okay? I can pick out the good from bad y'know?

Then it gets worse (imo) when Dick gets his memories back, he literally says he still likes/loves Bea and wants to see it work and then literally next issue that plan is instantly changed and he tells Bea the feelings didn't remain and she gets dropped from existence. It's such an obvious shift that was done to make way for Taylors run because Taylor very clearly wanted nothing to do with her. Another obvious shift is how, post-memory return, Dick initially says he's not ready to be Nightwing again yet and then next second Bruce has forced his hand and he is. This is all to bring it in line with where Taylor wants the comic to go but it's done so quickly I feel like I've got whiplash.

Queue Taylor and his run instantly feels so disconnected with where it was before. I understand each writer wants to bring something new and may struggle picking up from whatever place the previous writer left off but it feels so disjointed that it's jarring. And not in a good way. There's less 'wild' shit that goes on in Taylors run which should be a good thing right? Except...it more feels like there's no wild stuff because there's just...nothing happening at all sjhdjdjjd. Melinda Zucco being his secret sister is so dumb because imo she's already a compelling character as a daughter of Zucco who's mayor and seemingly under Blockbusters thumb but actually good...like there's plenty of conflict there without the dumb 'actually John Grayson is her dad' shit...like watch her be forgotten by not only Taylor but by DC in general.

And speaking of Taylor and forgetting things, there's so little movement in each issue that I, as a reader, have forgotten what the current plot even is. All I remember is the dumb billionaire plotline which is just one of Taylors liberal faux-progressive takes that reads 'actually good billionaires are fine'🙄. I'm aware he's not the one who brought Dick back to Blüdhaven or reintroduced Blockbuster but Taylors writing reads like Chuck Dixon + Devin Grayson fanfic. He's that meme from into the spiderverse where Miles looks up at Peter B like his teacher. He said himself he's inspired by Devin's era but his stuff doesn't just read as inspiration...it's literally copy+paste and idek how they're gonna work around preboot being declared canon again with Blockbuster alive and right there if they're even gonna address it at all.

Listen, Taylor is no Morrison, or Miller, he's not so wildly bad in those ways which is why he's largely slipping away with it but his writing is mediocre, lackluster and reads like he copied Chuck Dixon's homework in class. His portrayal of Babs is just downright offensive (and the art too) which he does have some control over unlike how some people claim he's powerless because the team on the Batgirls book have literally spoken about how they've fought for the meagre representation that they have. His d/ckb@bs writing is a disservice to both their characters and with each issue it becomes increasingly clear that he doesn't even want to portray Dick (the literal main character) as a capable character whatsoever and just continuously has everyone else fix his problems for him while he writes him like an unassuming idiot (I can sure see the Devin influence here jshdhdh)

So yeah, years down the line, Taylors Nightwing run probably isn't going to jump out compared to some others as the worst (so far any way) but it for sure isn't because it's good but because it's lazy. Also it's made a lot worse by problems in his other comics (being totally ignorant concerning school shootings in his superman run) and how he sucks his own cock on twitter and expects everyone to praise him like he just wrote the most progressive™️ thing yet

[unladielike]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

NAME: livita (or livi for short)

PRONOUNS: she/her but i won’t be up in arms if you happen to accidentally misgender me. 

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: tumblr ims or discord but i may be slow to respond if the topic doesn’t revolve around my special interest or roleplay stuff

NAME OF MUSE(S): vivian, kensuke hibiki from the caligula effect whose blog you can find here, and a myriad of other obscure muses on my canon multimuse

RP EXPERIENCE / HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): OH GOD... i’ve honestly been rping for a long, long while, but tumblr wise, i think i’ve been at it for eight years now? so my first ever blog was made when i was 17 years old.

PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: gaiaonline, quizilla, email, discord (but ended up discovering it isn’t for me), and tumblr

BEST EXPERIENCE: probably meeting/befriending @aaetherius​ tbh. honestly, i don’t ever regret writing with noise all those years ago, because they helped me gain more experience with novella-esque replies and inspired me to play around/experiment with language. ofc, i only ended up settling on a proper writing style after writing with several other partners over the years, but noise was prob the first one i had that made me develop a love for world building and lore oriented headcanons. ofc, i sadly cannot emulate their descriptive, thought-provoking writing, but i like to think my own writing managed to improve partially because of noise.

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS: i seriously have a lot, that i could go all day, talking about them, but the biggest is prob a lack of communication and the ‘i  don’t owe my partners shit’ mentality that is practically rampant in the rpc. ofc, as some of you might know, i’m autistic, so if a partner suddenly ghosts me out of the blue or gives me the silent treatment, especially due to issues with me they never bother addressing, chances are high i would end up softblocking, because i was previously traumatized by someone who did the exact same thing. due to this, i really, really love if a partner tells me stuff and is actually honest with me. like, seriously, i can’t stress enough how much i appreciate someone going, ‘livi do you mind only sending in one ask from one muse at a time?’, instead of internalizing that shit until the bitter end, to the point where resentment builds. but yeah, i had someone claiming i had double standards when it comes to female muses, due to the fact i never once bothered reblogging a promo for their best friend’s female oc... and i’m just ‘first of all, you never asked me to reblog it, and second of all, you have another thing coming if you think i have the attention span to constantly lurk on the dash.’

FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: sweats... is it bad i can’t really settle on one? cause i think they’re all great. granted, i need to be in the right state of mind to write smut, but i still love it.

PLOTS OR MEMES: memes, hands down... i’m not against plotting though. i just may not be the best at it.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: both can be good, as sometimes, you might want a more chill rp experience or something shorter to respond to for a change of pace, but if i write three paragraphs, only to receive two sentences back, then that to me seems incredibly lazy. like, yes, i prefer quality over quantity, but there has to be actual effort put into your replies for me to wanna respond.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: basically when i have caffeine in my system, meaning usually after i had finished drinking my first coffee of the day.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): it depends on which muse you’re talking about, because i have more than a few, but considering vivian had first started off a self insert before later evolving to become her own person separate from me, i’d say we definitely have some stuff in common... like us both being autistic and sharing the same birthday. vivian, however, is more extroverted than me, less picky when it comes to food, and not afraid to speak her mind even if it means pissing someone off.

TAGGED BY: @immoralraigan ( thank you for tagging me, bandy! <3333 ) TAGGING: @eliteimperialism / @etoilexdechue / @sadamenai / @afacere​ / @enterthestratosphere​ / @shatterher / @banditborn​ / @hehosts / @dxfiedfxte / @s-talking and whoever else might be interested!