#instead of chilling playing gay little video games or listening to gay little music or watching gay little shows without me

[bloodstainedcanines]

fuck i forgot to reply

[imjustabeanie]

Hello there! I'm here for my half of our Matchup Trade! I'd like to request a character from Hazbin Hotel please! The only character I'd like not to be matched with is Angel, on account of him being gay and me being a woman.

Thank you for doing this, and please don't hesitate to reach out if you need any further information or have questions!

----

BASICS:

Name: Mochi

Gender: Female (she/her)

Sexuality: Pansexual (any gender is fine)

PERSONALITY:

MBTI: INFP

Enngram: 9 dominant

House: Slytherin

Zodiac: Libra sun, Libra moon, Leo rising

Love Languages: Quality time, physical touch, to a lesser extent gift giving

Hobbies: Writing, Drawing, listening to music, playing video games, daydreaming, debate

General: Introverted and quiet, I usually don't say too much unless I'm passionate about something (in which case good luck getting me to shut up about it) or am directly addressed. Despite being quiet, I'm actually very friendly and bubbly. I'm not really shy, though I am guarded and put up an overly cheerful front when I'm not with people I trust.

It's important to me to make people feel welcome and seen. I'm super non-judgemental and open minded about most things, and I'm a good listener which I'm told makes me easy to be around. Though I'm mature and can give good advice, I can be cowardly and tell people what they want to hear instead unless prompted. Getting my real thoughts and feelings out always takes a bit of prompting, actually... I'm working on being more honest, though. Self reflection and self improvement is super important to me and I'm always trying to be a better person.

I AM an introvert and can be easily overwhelmed in large crowds or in loud places -- especially with my anxiety. New people wear me out quickly. That being said, I absolutely cannot get enough of my loved ones and I can be a little clingy without meaning to be.

Though I'm chill most of the time, and pretty even tempered and level headed, I suffer from mental health issues that make me moody and volatile at times. I work hard not to take it out on others, but mood swings are noticeable.

I'm neutral and passive right up until I'm not. If someone hits the wrong button I'll go from 0 to 100 real quick. I'm not an aggressive person like, ever, but I will go full sassy debate mode. I don't have a lot of hills but I'll die bloodied and battered on the ones I do stand on.

I'm always trying to see the best in others, and I'm stupid loyal - to the point that it's a fault. Sometimes this gets me used or manipulated. I'm extremely gullible and can be pretty naive. It's too hard for me not to be a bit of an optimist.

APPEARANCE:

General: I'm about 5'4 and pretty chubby-- which is chill by me. I have shoulder length dark brown hair, brown eyes with long lashes (probably my best feature), olive skin.

Distinguishing Marks: I have roughly 7 tattoos, mostly pretty small, and I think 7 piercings between my ears and face.

Style: I primarily dress lazily in all sweats or camis and leggings, but when I feel fancy I'll either go full girly with pink, ruffles, bows and skirts, or full alt with dark graphic tees and a jean jacket or smth. I seldom wear makeup but when I do it's dark and heavy on the eyeliner, light on the lips.

I think the hardest was writing with literally 31 webttore on my screen. They kept hidding the save button!

Anyways, I hope you enjoy this matchup!

Your hazbin hotel match is....Charlie!

Not gonna lie, Vaggie was considered but then Charlie won. Reason why Charlie is would start a conversation more easily than Vaggie. It would be better for an introverted person because she can make you feel comfortable enough to be yourself. When you did she actually was so happy! She highly encourages you to be this bubbly but understands that you don’t feel comfortable to do so. On the other hand, she actually feels comfortable enough with you to talk about all her problems. It’s later on that she confesses (I don’t know why I see it as a planned confession that somehow went sideways lmao). You’re similar to her but tamer if we can say so you two understand each other rather well.

You’re like two peas in a pod. She feels you and you feel her. It can get overbearing for those around you because you fuel Charlie personality but it’s so cute that they can’t say anything. She’s the type of girlfriend that fully trust her partner and believes they can’t really do anything wrong. She’s big on honesty, you opening up to her is very important in her eyes. I do not believe you two would argue about things or any issues because communication is key.

Charlie loves spending time with you. Every night you two cuddle in your room and talk about your day. She relays all her troubles and drinks up your advices like water. She doesn’t realize at first that you sugar coat come things but when she does she’ll softly take you in her arms and explain that it hurts her when you’re not fully honest with her. If anyone judges you or get angry at you for speaking your mind she’ll personally deal with them. She likes how you’re always working on improving yourself and helps you reach your goals. She’s also in the same mentality. The two of you always bring out the best in each other and that’s why the dynamic works so well.

Charlie is a big extrovert. She always wants you to be by her side but understands if you get worn out easily. She’ll never put you under the spotlight since you don’t want it and does her best to keep you safe from the journalists and paparazzi (I am sure some are interested in her new relationship and would try to dig out things about you). If it doesn’t work she’ll put her foot down and sternly tell everyone to fuck off.

Charlie is very understanding. When you get moody she’ll try to know why and won’t take it personally when you lash out. She doesn’t really know personal boundaries and tend to overstep. High chance that Rosie will calmly guide her to do better (she’s her couple therapist for real lol). She goes to learn more about your mental issues and does her bast to make you feel comfortable and make you forget about them. She’s patient and will ask you about your wrong buttons to not upset you. She defends you but will still help you calm down when she feels you getting all worked up. She loves you, you’re the apple of her eyes and always make her day shine so that’s the most important.

Charlie loves pda. You’re clingy, she’s clingy, you two are the lovey dovey couple. Her love language is words and acts of service. Since you love writing and drawing she’ll actually reserve a room for your hobbies. And she’ll actually partake in them too! If you draw her she’ll be over the moon and all heaven and hell will know about it. A rare scenery at the hotel is you laying your head on her laps and daydreaming and her, thinking about her plans/rambling. Speaking of rambling you’ll actually see hearts in her eyes when you get passionate about something and start talking. She’s very attentive and will interject with questions. I believe video games aren’t her things but introduce her to sims like games and she’s gone…she likes management games.

Charlie isn’t as gullible as she seems, she’s pretty sharp and if she feels like someone is trying to play you she’ll sternly scold them. It helps because when you rant to her she points out who’s being dishonest. If someone actually wronged you they’ll see an angry princess of hell, not Charlie, at their door.

Charlie definitely had an era with piercings. I can see her with a nose or eyebrow piercing. With you there’s a high chance she gets one and later on she gets a tattoo with you. She likes tracing your piercings/tattoos when you’re snuggling.

[fruitcoops]

Could you maybe write a “73 questions with Sirius Black” Vogue one? Or something like that.

Yes! I had never seen these videos before and it was a fun challenge to write. Hope you enjoy! Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove!

The house is large, two stories tall and painted a soft gray with white trim around the windows. Holiday lights have yet to be taken down and shine in all colors of the rainbow from the eaves as the camera crew walks up the front steps. The curtains in the window tremble for a moment, then a dog pokes her head through—she is all-black and curious, and looks quite large.

Dorcas Meadowes knocks on the front door; a moment later, it swings open and reveals Sirius Black. “Hey, guys, come on in! You can leave your shoes by the door inside.”

“Thanks, Sirius.” Dorcas kicks off her flats and follows him inside as he sets a dish towel on the end table and leans against it. “How are you today?”

“I’m doing pretty well. Morning practice was productive and I’m feeling good about our upcoming game.”

“We’re here today to ask you 73 rapid-fire questions while you lead us around. Sound good?”

“Sounds good. You can all come inside instead of freezing on the porch,” he laughs, waving them closer. The door shuts with a gentle click.

“First question: on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?”

“Hmmm. A solid seven.”

“Do you have any pets?”

“I do!” Sirius leads them into the other room, where the dog is curled up on the couch below the window; he picks her up and gives her a kiss on the head. “This is Hattie and I love her very much.”

“Cute! If you could do a dramatic love scene in a movie with anyone, who would it be?”

Sirius sets the dog down and thinks for a second. “Aside from my fiancé, I’m going to say James Potter. We would kill it and I don’t think it would be that awkward.”

“What’s the origin of your name?”

“Pretty much my whole family has star-themed names. Sirius is the dog star from Canis Major.”

“Brightest star in the sky, too. What’s one thing people don’t know about you?”

“I’m an introvert. Lots of people assume that I’m super social because of my job, but I’m very quiet in real life.” He walks back out to the entrance and takes the towel off the table, then moves into the kitchen. It’s well-lit and painted a deep, warm red. The countertop is scattered with knickknacks and picture frames—clearly, this is a place people spend a lot of time. Hattie, who followed them in, lays down by the oven with a heavy sigh.

“What’s your wakeup ritual?”

Sirius reaches up and pulls two mugs out of the cupboard. “I wake up around seven am and make coffee while Re is in the shower, then rinse off and get dressed while he makes breakfast. It’s a good system. Want some tea?”

“Sure. What’s your bedtime ritual?”

“I don’t think I have one,” he says as he puts the kettle on and ignites a burner on the stove. “Usually we read or watch a movie, then go up to bed and talk for a while. There’s not a big routine or anything.”

“Sounds nice. What’s your favorite time of day?” Dorcas sits on the other side of the kitchen island while he takes a box of peppermint tea down.

“That’s a tough one. I like the in-between spots, like just after sunrise or dusk. Three in the afternoon is usually pretty chill as well. Does anyone else want a cup?”

There are a few murmurs behind the camera and he takes two more down. “What is one thing no one knows about you?” Dorcas asks.

He raises an eyebrow. “If I told you, everyone would know, and it wouldn’t count.”

“Fair enough. Dream country to visit?”

“Anywhere. I think I want to go to Ireland first, though.” Small wisps of steam begin curling out of the kettle, but it doesn’t whistle.

“Do you ever feel pressure to post things on social media?”

Sirius makes a face. “I used to. Eventually I just got tired of it, you know? The whole point of social media is sharing bits of your life with people and it makes me happy to show off my dog, or Re, or my friends. I post things just for fun now.”

The kettle begins to hiss and he reaches back to turn it off. “Sneakers or skates?”

“Skates.”

“Vintage or new?

“Vintage, especially for t-shirts and sweaters.”

“Who is your biggest role model?”

“Pascal Dumais.” Sirius stops pouring for a moment to look up at the camera. “If you ever get a chance to meet him, listen to what he has to say. You’ll be better for it.”

“Wise words. How do you deal with negativity? Oh, thank you.” Dorcas wraps her hands around the mug and takes a small sip while Sirius passes the other ones to the crew.

“Honestly? I don’t give a shit. It used to really bother me, but I’m happy, I have a job I love, and my family cares about me. Why should I care what people I’ve never met think of me?” He sits on the counter and rests his elbows on his knees, blowing on the hot water.

“What are three things you can’t live without?”

“My dog, Remus, and my family.” There is no hesitation in his voice.

“Not hockey?”

“I’d be devastated if I couldn’t play, sure, but it’s not the central focus of my life anymore.”

“What’s one ingredient you put in everything?”

“Does salt count?” He winces as he takes a drink. “Ugh, burned my tongue. I put salt on a lot of things because I drink so much water that it throws my balance off.”

“What is something you’re completely bored of right now?”

Sirius rolls his eyes. “Gossip columns and tabloids in general.”

Dorcas hums in agreement. “What’s your biggest fear in life?”

“Losing my loved ones.”

“Window or aisle seat?”

“Window. Anyone walking by always steps on my foot or hits my elbow if I’m in the aisle. Plus, I get a good view and an easy nap spot.”

“What’s your current TV obsession?”

“Avatar: The Last Airbender, which I’m watching for the third time already.” He shakes his head. “It’s just so good.”

“Favorite app?”

He takes a second to think. “Spotify.”

“Secret talent?”

Sirius looks at her over the rim over his cup. “This is going to shock you. Ready?”

“Ready.”

“Hockey.”

“You’re the worst.” Despite her words, Dorcas smiles. “What the most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?”

“Uh, probably going to Europe with some of the guys last year. We had a lot of fun, but it was crazy.”

“I can imagine it was. How would you define yourself in three words?”

“Tall, dark, and handsome.”

“And apparently not humble,” Dorcas teases. “Favorite piece of clothing?”

“Hoodies.”

“Clothing item everyone should have?”

“Hoodies.”

A door opens behind them and the camera turns; Remus walks out of the basement, covered in sweat as he wipes his forehead with the hem of his shirt and holds his skates in his other hand. “Baby, have you seen…” he trails off when he sees the group of people in the kitchen. Hattie’s tail thumps on the floor. “Um. Hello.”

“Hey, Remus, how are you doing?” Dorcas asks mildly.

The camera pans out to catch both Sirius, who is laughing quietly, and Remus, who flushes pink. “I’m good. I thought you were coming at ten?”

“It’s ten-thirty, sweetheart,” Sirius says, hiding his smile in his tea.

Remus glances at the clock before giving an awkward nod and walking toward the stairs. “I guess I’ll take a shower, then. Sorry about that. Uh, carry on.”

“What’s a superpower you would want?” Dorcas asks as soon as he disappears.

Sirius shakes his head with a grin. “Uh, teleportation. That would be really cool.”

“What’s inspiring you in life right now?”

“Ah, une grande question.” He thinks, then tilts his head toward the staircase. “Moments like that. And the Stanley Cup, of course.” He reaches back and knocks on the wooden cupboard.

“What cause is closest to your heart?”

“LGBT+ rights, especially trans rights. I’m privileged enough to have a platform and I intend to be loud as hell about that.”

“Good.” Dorcas sets her almost-empty mug on the table. “What’s one thing you’d say to your teenage self?”

Sirius lets out a long breath and drums his hands on the light blue ceramic of his cup. “I would say…it gets better. It really, really does. You’re going to feel super shitty for just a little bit longer, but then I promise you will be so incredibly happy that you wake up every morning and it hits you all over again.”

Dorcas nods, and the kitchen is quiet for a moment. “What’s a book that everyone should read?”

“The Hobbit, by J.R.R Tolkien.”

“What would you like to be remembered for?”

“This is going to sound so corny, but I want to be remembered for just being a good person.”

“That’s not corny. How do you define beauty?”

“Remus Lupin.”

“That’s corny,” she laughs, making him smile. “What do you love most about your body?”

“I’m a big guy, which can be a little bit intimidating, but it means I give really great hugs. I’m sure everyone saw the video that went around a while ago.”

“Cap Cuddles?”

He snorts. “Right. You’ve got Finn O’Hara to thank for that.”

“In your opinion, what’s the best way to take a rest or decompress?”

“Being alone,” Sirius says. “There is literally nothing better than getting home and sitting down with a book or something while I can hear Re doing his own thing and Hattie’s napping. It’s one of my favorite parts of the afternoon.”

“That’s the most introverted thing you’ve ever said.” Dorcas grins and finishes her tea just as a faint beeping noise begins in another room. “What’s your favorite way to experience art?”

“Through music, for sure.” He slides off the counter and walks down the hall, leading them toward the laundry room. He gives the camera crew a look as he pulls dry clothes out of the machine and heads back to the living room. “What? Did you think I didn’t do my own laundry?”

“You lost a sock,” Dorcas informs him, picking it off the ground and laying it on top of his head.

“Thanks, D.”

“What question do people ask that you wish they wouldn’t?”

“Lots of people have asked me when I decided to be gay, which is wrong on so many levels.”

“If you could master one instrument, what would it be?”

“Guitar or piano.” He dumps the load of laundry on the couch and opens the back door, holding it for the crew as they walk out into the sunshine. Hattie weaves through their legs and disappears into the bushes along the back.

“I might have to take your dog home with me. If you had a tattoo, where would it be?”

Sirius mock-glares at her. “Let me have my girl! Um, I would love to have a tattoo somewhere on my arm.”

“This might be a hard one. Dolphins or koalas?”

“Oh, that is hard. Probably dolphins. The ocean is terrifying but those little guys are just having a blast.”

“What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?” Dorcas asks as he picks up a tennis ball and throws it across the yard. Hattie emerges from the bushes and races after it in a blur of black fur.

“An engagement ring.”

“Yeah, it was.” Remus walks into the backyard and kisses Sirius’ cheek before bending down to catch Hattie in his arms. His hair is still damp from the shower. “Hello, sweet girl!”

“Who’s your favorite musician?”

“Queen.” Sirius laughs at her surprised look. “I’m gay, what did you expect?”

“True. What’s your favorite board game?”

“Monopoly.” Remus and Hattie disappear from the frame, but the bouncing sound of the tennis ball creates some background noise and Sirius watches them for a moment with pure affection.

“Favorite color?”

“Blue.”

“Least favorite color?”

“Orange.”

“Bowties or knot ties?”

He frowns. “Don’t they all have knots?”

“Smartass.”

“Yep! Uh, regular ties.”

“Bowties are superior!” Remus calls.

“Get your own questions!” Sirius laughs.

“Going off your music answers: records or CDs?”

“I don’t own a lot of records, so I’m going to have to go with CDs. I love the way vinyl sounds, though.” His eyes widen as he looks to the side. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” Remus wheezes. “I didn’t need those ribs anyway.”

“For the viewers, the dog just football-tackled him into the grass,” Sirius says, and Dorcas snorts.

“Your hair is famously luscious. Blow-dry or air-dry?”

“Air dry.”

“Coffee or tea?”

“Coffee, but tea is nice in the evenings.”

“What’s the weirdest word in the English language?”

Sirius laughs. “There are so many. Uh, ‘jeez’ is the one that comes to mind first.”

“What about the French language?”

“Oiseaux,” he says in a crisp accent. “It means ‘birds’, and you pronounce about three of the actual letters.”

“Good to know. Do you prefer dark chocolate or milk chocolate?”

“Dark chocolate.”

“Stairs or elevators?”

“Elevators. I don’t want to walk up three floors after playing hockey for two and a half hours.”

“Summer or winter?”

Sirius bites his lip in thought as they walk around the yard, where small flowers line the fence in beds and colorful pots. “I love summer because I have actual free time to be with my friends, but winter is hockey season. I don’t know, next question.”

“What’s a dessert you don’t like?”

“I’m not a huge fan of caramel. It’s too sticky.”

“A skill you’re working on mastering?”

“Will you ban me from more interviews if I say hockey?”

“Yes.”

“In that case, I’m working on keeping plants alive, as you can probably see.” He taps the nearest flowerpot gently with his foot; it has ‘Harry’ painted across it in sloppy blue letters. “My godson made that for my birthday.”

“What’s the best thing to happen to you today?”

“This, for sure,” he says with a smile. “I haven’t seen you and Marley in ages.”

“We missed you, too. What’s the worst thing that happened to you today?”

He pouts slightly. “Burning my tongue on tea.”

“Hugs or kisses?”

“Hugs! Though I’ll accept kisses from a few very specific people.”

“Do you have a favorite smell?”

He pauses and cranes his neck to look behind the cameras. “Re?”

“Yeah?”

“What shampoo do you use?”

“Uhhh…” There’s a moment of quiet. “It’s something with lavender, I think.”

Sirius turns back to Dorcas. “Something with lavender.”

“How specific,” she laughs. “What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?”

He smiles to himself. “There was a young woman, maybe sixteen or seventeen, that came to one of the games earlier this season. I saw her standing with a puck and went over, and while I was signing it she looks at me and says, ‘you are exactly what I wish my older brother was like’. Turns out, she was bisexual and her brother wasn’t super accepting of her. That was…” He shakes his head. “That meant the world to me. I’ll never forget it.”

“You’ve definitely made a big impact on the community,” Dorcas agrees. “What’s the last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?”

“I watched ‘Soul’ the other night and almost had to pause it at one point to pull myself together.”

“Do you prefer animated movies or live-action?”

“Animated, mostly because I wasn’t allowed to watch Disney movies as a kid, so I’ve been catching up as an adult and they rock.”

“What’s your nerdiest quality?

“I love watching documentaries.”

“Sweet or savory?” The back door creaks a bit as they walk back inside and the camera catches a few frames of Hattie and Remus running around the yard together.

“Sweet.”

“In ten years, you have a daughter. What age do you let her date?”

Sirius gives Dorcas a look. “Whenever she wants to. I’m going to impose curfews and stuff, but I’m the last person on the planet to police her love life.”

“Good answer. What’s a song you can listen to on repeat?”

“Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen. Absolute banger.”

“If you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be?”

“Arthur Weasley,” he says after a moment. “I would love to know what it feels like to get up in the morning and know you’re about to spend another day wrangling our team. It’s a miracle he hasn’t killed us all with his clipboard.”

“How do you know you’re in love?”

“Oh.” Sirius blinks at her in surprise at the sudden topic change. “Well, for me, I think it’s just…being comfortable around someone. Being able to spend time with them without saying anything and knowing you’re safe, no matter what. It’s the best feeling in the world.”

“What are you most excited about at this time in your life?”

A slight smile crinkles his eyes. “Getting married. That’s going to be awesome.”

“Who is your go-to for having a good laugh?”

“James Potter. He’s the best, and I love him.”

“Last question,” Dorcas says, sliding her list into her pocket. “Many LGBT+ people, especially teenagers, have spoken about how you’re an inspiration. Any words for them?”

Sirius hums in thought. “First of all, thank you for being so open and welcoming. I would never have expected the sheer force of people’s love to come through like that when so many people were saying horrible things. Second, to any kids out there who need to hear it: I’m proud of you. It takes a lot to be true to yourself and even if you’re still in the closet, you’re just as valid as the rest of us. Stay proud.”

“That’s a wrap.” Dorcas gives him a quick hug that he happily returns. “Thanks for letting us crash your morning, Cap.”

“Any time. Thanks for tuning in to Lion Pride, everyone!”

[razanartuk]

about me tag game thing

i was tagged by the wonderful @nothingunrealistic! thank you very much ily <3

under read more bc i was not capable of keeping my answers brief this time around

why did you choose your url?

this...was supposed to be a short explanation but it turned into quite a tale so strap in i guess because we are going on a ride. back in 2017 i was just getting into musical theatre rp and i was still feeling too shy to really talk to anyone ooc so i would just wait for people i wanted to interact with to post starter calls so i could just do things in character with them the easy way. So i did this with my friend cam, who posted a starter for me using a lyric from If I Could Tell Her. she linked the song so i could listen to it, so i did and i went ‘wait a minute, is that Ben Platt from Pitch Perfect?? (and other things too, but i only recognized his voice at the time bc of the acappella girl movies)’ and yes it certainly was.

i had zero idea what the plot of Dear Evan Hansen was about at that point, and for some reason based off Just That One Song and the poster art of who i assumed was Some Guy in a Polo Shirt i started to think it was about some jock guy who broke his arm and had an emo/goth friend who had either died or gone missing under mysterious circumstances. also i intuited that Evan had a crush on his friend’s sister but he couldn’t tell her that directly or his emo friend would kick his ass. so i was like mostly wrong, but a little bit right.

oh and i knew jared and alana were characters from the show bc cam said that they were i think?? but i had no idea what their role was. so after listening to if i could tell her, i listened to good for you and all i really got out of that was that evan the apparently not-jock guy had done...something... that really hurt jared and alana. and at that point i finally decided to go look up a plot synopsis and i found out i was waaay off base. but honestly this is why cast recordings should include scene dialogue in the songs bc otherwise you just get soundtracks like dear evan hansen where the songs have like. zero context. we really just go from waving through a window to for forever to sincerely me without like. any reason as to what is happening huh. It’s honestly not a surprise anymore that all those people on twitter had no idea the plot isn’t about gay teenagers.

anyways. cam was writing jared and she made a post at one point about wishing somebody would write alana and i was like ‘oh i could do that!’ (after i had actually Seen a bootleg and finally knew what the whole story was, of course) so i made a multimuse rp blog featuring alana beck, nabulungi hatimbi, chloe valentine and some other characters, and cam started sharing her headcanons with me that alana is trans, jared and alana were close friends when they were little kids but they sort of drifted apart as they got older and their priorities in life changed, jared was the first person alana came out to when she realized she’s trans, etc.

one night i started talking about wanting to pick a more theatre-relevant url for my blog and trans-[character name] urls were getting pretty popular, and at least 3 of the friends i made through rp had changed theirs to coordinating trans-[character name] and i think it was cam suggested i should make mine be trans-alana so i did. eventually i realized the unhyphenated version was available so i changed it to transalana with no hyphen and i have lived here ever since. sometimes i think about changing it but i feel like transalana has become a part of My Brand and i am not so great with coming up with cool names for things.

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

in theory, i have sideblogs... i don’t really use them, but of the ones i do have, there is:

emsbookblog - this was supposed to be where i would post excerpts of the book that i’m working on, but i think i did that maybe one time roughly 2 years ago and then promptly forgot about it/got nervous about my writing and was scared to share anything else. the rest of the stuff that is there is assorted writing tips. i don’t really know what to do with it now. i probably should post all my little thoughts about em and anita and caleb there instead of infodumping on my main from time to time, but if i do that then i have to promo a sideblog and direct people over to it which is always annoying to me when i could just do it on this blog which is much easier

dearnovelhansen - this is basically no longer used, but was a sideblog i made specifically to talk/complain about the novel adaptation of Dear Evan Hansen which was about 3 years ago?? maybe? i can’t be trusted to understand the passage of time. but to summarize: i thought it was an honor just to have the story be made more accessible since many of us couldn’t see the stage performance, but i hated a lot of the creative liberties that were taken. my main grumbles are that everyone who isn’t evan or connor is done so dirty in the novel. connor’s still kind of done dirty in the book, but not as much as like. heidi, alana, jared, and zoe are.

horseisle3 - this one was meant to be a place where i could just enthusiastically post screenshots from hi3, but instead it turned into a blog where i occasionally reblog other players’ hi3 content and bitch about how bad the game admins are bc hi3 is the tumblr famous (infamous?) homophobic horse game. the game where it was once okay to call your club store the gulag bc according to their head of hr, ‘it’s just a russian word for prison’ but you can’t say ‘im gay’ without somebody accusing you of corrupting young children who play the game. unfortunately there aren’t very many good interactive horse games out there, so this one is still about as good as it gets. it’s either that or star stable and i don’t care about star stable.

mlaenie - i’ve had this url saved for i don’t even know how long. way way way back in the day when i wanted to escape from the clutches of the onceler fandom i abandoned my first blog where i basically had an alter ego i guess?? and i decided to just be myself on the new blog. i don’t fully remember who came up with it, but one of my sister’s mutuals suggested that if you scrambled the letters in your name you could come up with aesthetic-looking urls. so lauren’s url became lrauen, and to match with her mine became mlaenie, which i abandoned on tumblr after about a year or so? but have continued to use as my main username on twitter, reddit, youtube, xbox, steam, and discord. i barely ever use any of these accounts aside from twitter, steam, and xbox, but yeah. so i’ve decided to try and turn this empty sideblog into a place for video game thoughts maybe. we’ll see how long it lasts this time around.

how long have you been on tumblr?

i made my first tumblr account in december of 2010, but i didn’t understand how to use it at all or how to customize my theme to look cool and unique so i quickly abandoned it. i made a new account in september of 2011 after some kids at school and my sister told me i should and i have been trapped here with varying degrees of activity/inactivity ever since. i have witnessed the rise and fall of the lorax/onceler fandom, hyperfocused on lord of the rings, star wars and back to the future all at the same time, and for the past 4 years i’ve mostly been a musical theatre blog with assorted other fandom stuff mixed in. i feel i have seen everything and nothing, but mostly i’m just tired and bored.

do you have a queue tag?

no bc i don’t use a queue. i’ve tried using it in the past but i irrationally feel pressured to sustain a coherent theme to queued posts and my brain simply does not vibe with that so i just don’t use it at all anymore. Instead i instantly reblog or post several unrelated thoughts in succession and then don’t post again at all for 3 days. the way god intended

why did you start your blog in the first place?

my very first blog was intended to be a place for me to post all of my petz 5 animals’ profile info, but i didn’t have any understanding of how coding worked at all and i don’t think i really wanted to learn, either. so it just sat there, unused. my second attempt at blogging was as a classic rock fandom person, so as you can probably imagine i was pretty pretentious about ‘modern pop’ vs the beatles, the rolling stones, the who, the monkees, and so on. and then i slowly devolved into a lorax fandom blog and everything went to shit so i made a new blog for lord of the rings/the hobbit which later evolved to include star wars and back to the future blogging. and then for the past 4 years i’ve been mainly a musical theatre blog with other random stuff i like thrown haphazardly into the pot. wonderful.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

because my url is transalana and two of my most prominent lgbt headcanons are that alana beck is trans and a lesbian. i gotta be shouting out @kinqmike though bc she’s the one i adopted the trans alana beck headcanon from in the first place!

why did you choose your header?

in 2017 i was hyperfixating on Dear Evan Hansen (and Be More Chill, but there weren’t many gif-able videos then considering it ran for a month in New Jersey in 2015 and there was only one yet-to-resurface 35 minute bootleg) so i just grabbed a random gif off of google. i really should get to replacing it with a new header of my own though. i just don’t know what i should do for it.

what’s your post with the most notes?

i have lost track of how many notes it has (i think it’s somewhere around 200 now?) but when Will Roland and George Salazar performed Two Player Game on Good Morning America, i posted a screencap of their Jeremy and Michael along with that one quiz answer meme that says stuff like ‘i want to see it grow up healthy’. i didn’t tag it with any ship names or anything because i was anxious about having it show up in the tags, but somebody who reblogged it from me did tag it as boyf riends and i firmly believe it took off because of that. i don’t think i make posts that are relevant enough to amass thousands of notes, even by accident. which is probably a good thing bc if i did i would have to block so many of them.

how many followers do you have?

on this blog? 175 according to the counter. how many of those are still real people and how many are bots and abandoned accounts? i have no idea.

how many people do you follow?

i try to keep it somewhere around 200. i think i’m sitting at 180 right now but i kind of need to go through and clear out the really inactive blogs.

have you made a shitpost?

let’s think about this for a second. i’ve been on tumblr for nearly 10 years. you might even be able to say i’ve made more than one. they’re just not what you would call...popular shitposts.

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

that stuff makes me so incredibly anxious that i have to fight the urge to want to yeet my laptop or mobile device through the closest window whenever i read it, so i try very hard to avoid any sort of ‘if you don’t reblog this, i’m judging you’ posts. i find them very manipulative and not particularly helpful

do you like tag games?

yeah babey!! i just frequently forget to do them, but please know that if you have ever tagged me in a tag game i felt incredibly touched by the gesture and the @mention even if i completely forgot to do the thing afterward

do you like ask games?

i do! but also rip to literally anyone who has ever sent me an ask meme bc it takes me so long to answer them. i’m still working on a micro fic prompt from a few weeks ago. also, horrified to realized that it has in fact been a few weeks and not 3 days anymore.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i don’t know that any are tumblr famous as a whole. but probably @neverheardnothing

do you have a crush on a mutual?

in any sort of romantic connotation? no. not that i’m aware of. there are mutuals that i have friend crushes on where i want to be friends with them but i get so anxious when it comes to meeting new people that usually nothing ever comes of it. i’m really not good at small talk or other casual conversation either which, as you may or may not be able to imagine, sucks. i just wanna skip over all of the awkward introductions and ‘hey how are you, how is life, what are you doing with yourself?’ stuff. not because i don’t care about it. i do, but i think most of my friends/the people i want to be my friends are also depressed and anxious so asking these basic questions about life tends to uh. make us all nervous. and i don’t do much with my life so i always have the most boring answers anyways.

i’m not tagging anyone officially bc the @ thing has just completely given up on me at this point, but if you want to do it, go for it. and then say i tagged you so i can read it c:

[severelyimpossiblecrown]

Tricked, No Treat.

Today, I have emotion sickness. I’ve injected too much expectation again.  I thought I had learned some lessons from occasions past where I’m supposed to have no expectations at all.  It was my birthday weekend, and I just wanted to have fun. To feel special and wanted. Instead, I let one of the women I’ve obsessed over for years ruin another Halloween.

I’ve known her forever.  For the sake of this fun-and-not-at-all exercise in catharsis, we’ll call her Anna.  We’ve had our ups and downs.  I often wonder if she actually likes me and sees me as a person. After last night, I feel like she doesn’t.

We had planned to hang out on Halloween, which is the day after my birthday.

I thought this would be a sexy evening eventually.  I made those intentions plain.  I’m 36 now; I can’t mince words anymore.

We texted back and forth about how we were looking forward to the night. Anna said she was “excited to see me.”

To the millions of women reading this, why do y’all do this to us?  Gas us up when you don’t seem to like us that much?  Is attention and validation of making us crawl through the dirt worth burning the genuine people in your life?

I wore my orange skeleton Morphsuit to have a costume on despite the cold.  We were going to hop around the city with a couple of friends of hers. Graciously, my close friend decided to come along.

So we at least had a ride to get around Brooklyn.  We’ll call him Grant.  Thank god for him deciding to come along. Without him, I might’ve gone crazy or came out of my face to these people.  We met up with them at a bar in Bushwick. It was just Anna and one male friend.  My heart sank.  I knew what that meant from past experience.  This guy was probably one of her lovers and she had fronted on me about it because she didn’t want me to get upset.   

This friend of hers was a man she told me earlier in the week I didn’t have to “worry about because he’s gay” when I asked if I would be the third wheel. We’ll call him Jason.  I spent a fair amount of the night watching them visibly make out on the coke I ended up sharing with them.   

There were supposed to be more of her friends coming, but they stayed in the city at some secret Gothic Renaissance party.  So it was Grant driving, Anna, Jason, and me.  

We got a drink at the bar outside of which there was a cool mariachi band playing covers and hits.  Jason knew someone in the band, which is how he knew about the show.  Seeing live music took a bit of the edge of the rapidly growing and gnawing anxiety in my stomach about how the evening was going to go.

“Just stay calm. Getting mad isn’t going to work.”  I said to myself for the first of many times that night.   

Something that will come up a lot in this confessional story-thing is: I wish she would’ve told me several vital things well in advance like “you’re not fucking me on Halloween” and “I’m going to meet up with someone else after I chill with you.” You know, some real communication from some who say they see me and “adores” me.  I always find it funny how the ones who show the least love are always telling you how much they love you.  

I know what many of you are thinking.  “Anna doesn’t owe you her body, her time, or her love.”  Y’all are absolutely right.  Again, I’m the one who plunged the needle into my neck and shot all that juicy expectation into myself.  I read more into the signals I thought I was receiving. I’m the one who spent his own birthday running around to get the drugs for Halloween SO WE COULD ALL HAVE FUN.

All she had to say to me is, “you’re not fucking me on Halloween.”.

So the night progresses.  We leave the first bar in Bushwick and walk back to Grant’s car that was parked nearby.  On the way to the car Jason is all over Anna as they remark on the beautiful moon and sloppily make out.  I clenched my fists and remember Anna’s text about how I didn’t have to worry about Jason.  Of course I didn’t.  He was obviously one of her lovers and I came to a hard realization that I’m just a friend/source of attention to Anna and I always will be.  My anger rose sharply as I tried not to stare too jealously at the pair.    

We get into Grant’s truck to go a metal bar in southern Brooklyn.  I pulled out the cocaine I had on me to regain some confidence in myself and in the rest of the evening.  I share with the happy couple in the back and we have some small talk ranging from Grant and I’s experience in security, to my referencing how Anna used to treat me like garbage in our twenties, to tales of Jason’s sluttiness and how even though he fucked men, he loved fucking Russian girls like Anna.    My heart dropped even further into my stomach.  This was going to be a long night for me.         

After what seemed like a very long car ride to southern BK, we arrive at Lucky 13 Saloon and hang for a bit but didn’t stay long.  The vibe there was one of impatience, like folks were just here to figure out what was going on elsewhere as they got drinks.  We got a drink and largely stayed to ourselves talking.

Eventually, we leave to drop Jason off at the Atlantic Avenue train station as the trains shut down after 1 AM.  They continued to make out and be talkative from the backseat on the cocaine as we drive to the station.  Grant and I are making conversation with them while we exchanged knowing looks of “this night is some bullshit” to each other   We get to the station, and my assumption was that Anna would leave with Jason, given how the night had gone.  But to our surprise, she stayed in the car and asked if she could come to my house. Confused, I got out of the vehicle to switch seats with Jason as he went toward the station.

He turns to me and hugs me, thanks me for the coke, and tells me to “take care of her. I’m trying to FUCK her tomorrow.”

*sigh*

“I’m trying to fuck her tonight,” I said, offering some false confidence.

Giving me a slight smirk, he strolled off into the station.  Still shocked at the fact that Anna didn’t leave with Jason after all the PDA they showed all night, I figured I’d get into the backseat with Anna to start my own pushing up on her. 

The three of us spent the car ride back to my house talking as I rub my Morphsuited hand along her inner thigh and slide my left orange hand around her nice and tight ass.  She didn’t pull away or show any sign of dislike, so I thought maybe, just maybe, the night would go my way. 

WHAT A FUCKING FOOL I WAS.

We get back to my home, and Grant goes to the store for some beers.  I take Anna up to my apartment.  When we get inside, I walk right up to her and grab her by the waist lightly.

“I missed you so much. I’m so glad you came.” I speak, gathering the little bit of nerve I have left, beginning to come in for a kiss.

Anna gives a quizzical face and pulls away.

“Don’t go and start hitting on me now.” She says.

I did my best to conceal my tremendous disappointment and feelings of rejection and raced for something to say to alleviate the awkwardness of getting shut down.

“Aw. We can’t even cuddle?” I say, my heart breaking.

“No, that always leads to things,” she said.

It is here I will repeat yet again, bored reader, all she had to do is tell me, before Hallow-goddamn-ween, my favorite holiday, is “I’m not going to fuck you on Halloween.”

Instead, we were standing in my room awkwardly.

“See, now you hate me,” she says almost flippantly like she hadn’t known me for nearly a decade.

Grant walked back inside just then as my mind raced with questions.

“Why did she come back here then if I wasn’t tonight’s lover? Why not go home with Jason, who was one of her present lovers?  Why even invite me out at all to her adventure, making it seem like she wanted me to be a big part of it?”

Grant sat down, and we start to listen to music videos and drink Jamison. I tried very hard to stay calm and salvage the night.  We managed to have a good time, even having Anna sit closer to me on my couch.  At least things wouldn’t end too bad.  We started in on the remaining fishscale I had left.  My logic at that point was to get good and fucked up so I could at least appear to be having fun.

Part of me felt off about sharing my drugs with Anna, but I always try to be a good and hospitable host to my guests and I knew that I was just feeling petty at that moment.  During this time, I noticed that she was actively texting someone on her phone in between videos when she thought I wasn’t looking.  That was it.  That was why she didn’t go home with Jason.  She had someone else already lined up. 

I then felt the same sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach I had felt all night. The coke now spiraling through my body made my mood and level of annoyance spike, but I managed to maintain my composure.  

Grant is being the best sport in the world about all of this.  He’s heard many stories from me about Anna and was an impartial observer in this subtle game of power that Anna was winning easily.

I again cannot stress enough intrepid and obviously bored reader, that all she had to tell me, a day or even hours before this “date” that “she wasn’t going to fuck me on HALLOWEEN.”

Eventually, Anna tries to shoehorn in her intent to leave.  Saying she found out about another party. Stupidly, I ask if I can come, full well knowing I’m about to get fronted on.

“It’s private.” She says with a sly smile.

It all dawns on me then.  Anna was only killing time here/getting high on my drugs to get ready for the last stop of the night with whatever lover she had been waiting all night to hear from.

And she had heard. She got ready so quickly, eagerly awaiting her Uber, trying to remain jovial even though Grant and I both felt a certain type of way about what had just happened.

Inside my mind, I was screaming.

Outside of it, I was fidgety from all the coke I’d done tryin’ to keep any feelings of upset off my face.  Something I’ve never been good at being an emotional Caribbean-American raised by Puerto Rican women.  At the beginning of the night, my heart was thudding with excitement and was now thudding with cocaine, anger, and anxiety.

During one of my bathroom breaks, Anna leans over to Grant (who told me about this later) saying:

“I think Brian’s mad at me because I said I was going somewhere else. I’m just gonna leave.”

As she was saying this, I was in my bathroom talking myself down in the mirror from showing anger or extreme emotions toward her because I didn’t want to do what I had done in the past and explode for something not worth exploding over.  Washing my face and hands, I walked back to my bedroom.

We watched a video or two more when her car arrived downstairs.

“Will you walk me out?”  She asked; it almost sounded like a distant echo as the voices in my head started to laugh audibly at me.

I nodded and mutely put on my sneakers over my orange feet.  I didn’t even know why I wore that thing. Why did I do anything for this woman?

She happily says bye to Grant, who had been nothing but a good sport in helping me to entertain Anna as he watched me go through it internally. He accepts her thanks for driving her and Jason around.  We walk out of my place into the hallway, where Anna tries to make small talk about my Morphsuit and my ass as we leave my building.

“Oh, sure. Now you notice me. Like I haven’t been wearing this thing all fucking night.”  I thought, hands clenched.  I don’t remember if she saw them or not.  I imagine my body language wasn’t the best from her viewpoint.

I gave her queries about my suit short and terse answers.  She clearly knew she upset me and tried to do that weird thing some women do to preemptively calm a man down with lighthearted questions like there isn’t a goddamn two-ton elephant in the room.  

I repeat, stalwart reader, all Anna had to do in the WEEK leading up to this awkward ass debacle was say, “I’m not fucking you on Halloween.”

We get outside into the appropriately frigid night as her cab pulls up.  I’m inhaling deep breaths through my nose and out of my mouth to keep warm and also calm.  She saw this and turned to me and repeated the same thing she said earlier:

“See? Now you haaaate mee..don’t hate me!” she cooed in an attempt at soothing me.

“I don’t hate you. I just feel super rejected. You’re going to spend time with someone else you’d rather see.”  I mutter tiny like I hadn’t just turned 36.  

I wanted to ask her why she even bothered to invite me, but there was no time, and I didn’t want to pick a fight, no matter how the night had gone. My experiences with Anna had taught me that there isn’t any point anyway.  She is a free woman, and she was always going to do her.

Pity and impatience perhaps flash in her eyes and she hugs me.

“I’ll spend some personal time with you if you want.” She offered.

“You are always busy with your other lovers..” I said, barely making eye contact, hard lump in my throat , desperately trying to hold onto some last disparate shred of masculinity.

She laughed slightly and offered me a hug and two kisses on the mouth. With her black facemask on.  

If that wasn’t the perfect image to capture the night and our entire relationship, for that matter, I don’t know what is.  

She almost skipped off toward the cab across the street and hopped in, immediately getting on her phone.  Undoubtedly to tell her chosen lover that she’d ditched the loser that was trying to press up on her all night.  At least that is the story that I made up in my brain.

I trudged back up my stairs, gritting my teeth due to the coke and my frayed nerves, walked back into the crib, and immediately began punching myself in the forehead with my orange and black hand a couple of times.

Grant, who had been mainly a combination of amused and saddened for me by the evening and it’s events, interjected sharply.

“We’re NOT going to do that, sir.”

I take a deep breath and stop.  We then spent the next three hours or so breaking the night down so I could at least see if I was tripping for feeling like I had.  I’d go more into it, but it was really just commiseration, cocaine, and our long-running dialogue about why we keep loving women who expect us to dance in a tornado for them when they would never walk through light rain for us.

Lastly, I add a predictable ending, brave, and durable reader: I am aware that I did everything to myself.  Anna again, doesn’t owe me anything and didn’t have to give me anything that night.  I doped myself up with a heady fantasy that was never going to happen.  As Grant so astutely pointed out: 

“You should’ve known what it was as soon as you saw her kissing on ol’ boy”

I agree.  Probably would’ve skipped the the aggravation that came up later.  Precious reader, I am man enough to admit that I fucked up and essentially ran face first into a brick wall repeatedly.  This story comes off like I am mad at Anna, and I was, until I realized that everything that inspired my pissiness on Halloween is my fault.  I let pride and ego walk me right into a night of embarrassment.

I’ve known Anna for 9 years.  She’d done this kind of bait-and-switch thing before.  I was hoping this time, now that we’re older, I’d get some more courtesy or honesty. At least for my goddamn birthday.  Let me go and pull this shit on her birthday, and I’d be a fucking monster.  But I guess she still only sees me as her pet and not a person, which hurts most of all.

Especially when ALL SHE HAD TO DO WAS TELL ME THAT “I’M NOT FUCKING YOU ON HALLOWEEN.”  

[dyingunknown-blog]

BEGINNINGS + GENDER

As said in the introduction: this is a selfish blog where I rant about myself and my feelings. Here goes my first ramble. Within this ramble contains bits of: gender, femininity,  sexuality and eating disorders. Y’know, the usual mix of edgy Tumblr content. I am posting this in celebration of Pride Month (!!! YAY!!! I HONESTLY LOVE PRIDE MONTH) but also because I’ve had this build up in my heart for too long. 

A NOTE BEFORE I BEGIN...

I know you (reader) cannot hear me doing this, so imagine me (author) taking a deep breath, filling my semi spacious lungs, and releasing all that pent up air with a heavy sigh. 

Here we fucking go. Here’s to tip of the iceberg, from 4 years of pent up gay shit to recent moments of gentle gender dysmorphia. Do not expect my writing to be fully coherent, nor written in the best grammar. I am writing for my own therapeutic needs, because I gotta get some of this energy released and I have nowhere else to dump this. This piece is a full on rant, as in I literally wrote this angrily tapping away at 2-4 am. However, I’d like to mention that I mean no offence to any parties, and simply want to vent out some of the deep thoughts I’ve been pacing around for the past few years. Feel free to send me a message regarding your personal feelings, or to just chat. I’m always here as a friend and listener <3 

WHERE IT ALL BEGAN...

I think I owe myself and you (reader) an explanation on where things began to really start. The main “spark” that got me going and prompted me to start this blog was when I found myself unable to stop playing songs by Dorian Electra. Actually-- to be honest-- it was the music videos that really got me going. The glorious explosion of just “QUEER” screaming and banging its head at my 13 inch Mac Book Pro got me extremely inspired to actually do something about the gross reactions of confusion that were occurring in my brain and body. As Dorian Electra put it, “You know I’m not straight, but I’m gonna give it straight to you.” So here’s my best shot at “giving it straight.” 

By the way... I’m from a fairly traditional family with high hopes for me, so the most freedom I can really grasp onto is starting an anonymous Tumblr blog at 2 am laying naked with just my underwear on. 

PERSONAL TOPIC 1: GENDER...

So here’s the thing, I stick to my biological birth gender like it’s my lifeline-- my comfort zone-- I guess, if anything. I personally feel like gender and sexuality have their own little symbiotic (or perhaps parasitic???) relationship, where one’s gender impacts their sexuality-- but I can also accept that my understanding is probably not politically correct. I can say, however, with a heavy heart: 

I am utterly fucked when I think about my gender and sexuality. 

I’ll take it easy first and rope down my feelings towards my gender and its definition. I jokingly scream in the halls that gender is a social construct, but let’s be honest-- is it not?  Other than our dongle-longs and hoochie-has, what makes a woman different from a man? I mean maybe it is just the sausage and the grapefruit, but I’d like to argue that... Just kidding, the more I think about it the more I fall into a rabbit hole where I can’t figure out what a male is and what a female is. I mean what are they? Is it based off of the definition I provide for myself, or what society conveniently slams into my face? Is the LGBTQ+ community the people who get to decide or is it the Westboro Baptist Church??? 

Note: these are not a rhetorical question, please answer this to your opinion because I’m in desperate need of some kind of direction beyond biology. I accept all ideologies and concepts. I’m just hella confused. 

Ehem.

Anyways, my own battle with gender goes beyond not knowing where the “line” is, or if it even exists (again, I’m still not sure if this is a personal question or something based on society...) It also goes into where I stand on this polarised scale. See-- I have a bean, a hole, and melons. Alas, in slightly more proper terms, I have a clitoris, vagina and breasts. So what does that mean for me? Am I automatically a woman? For the first 17 years of my life, I would respond to that question with a VERY confident nod. Pink was once my favourite colour, I like boys, dresses, cute animals and romcoms. My physical body only went to assure what I already knew. Now? I’m not so sure. As it is more acceptable nowadays to be “queer,” I’ve slid into the an identity crisis where I realise I’ve never revelled in the fact that I had tiddies, nor felt comfortable about having a coochie. I used to blame my confusion regarding my comfort in my biological gender on the growing queer influences in my life-- after all, everyone wants to be special and sometimes being apart of the LGBTQ+ community is the best way to stand out, especially when it’s being shoved in your face with media. Everyone who comes out of the closet is faced with incredible amounts of love and attention, and my younger self thought “maybe I should get on the boat” hence, labelling myself as bisexual for the longest time without truly feeling like I am (until in recent years.)  I blamed my confusion in identity and sexuality on the attention whore who lived inside of my heart. My feelings were only justified as true this year, when I found myself staring at myself in the mirror and couldn’t help but to feel unhappy with what I presented myself with. Undies clad with a slightly cropped black muscle tank, I could see the linings of a “V” line on my lower abdomen and felt kinda hot about it. I did the annoying fuckboy pose (you know, the one where the guy is biting his shirt to reveal his oh-so-humble six pack) and found it... kinda fun? I did have a 36D underboob flail around, but my focus was more on my bottom half, with my Victoria Secret blue lace underwear and masculine illusion.  It wasn’t like a grand glorious moment, nor was it like I was the tomboy of the house and everyone just “knew” and I only had to convince myself. Instead, it was an anti-climatic moment where I realised “fuck, I have another problem on my hands that I can’t ignore anymore.” 

I don’t know if I truly identify as female or male. Honestly, I don’t really think I need to identify myself, but that’s the 30% of my consciousness who is super queer, chill and cool. See, the other 70% of my mind is going in a frenzy screaming, because I just lost one of my key defining attributes. Think that episode of Spongebob, where Spongebob’s brain cells are screaming and throwing papers around the office setting of his brain.

Another question has also become increasingly relevant in my journey of finding my “true inner zen self.” 

Who am I choosing my gender for?

In 2018, and most of the years before, I adored being loved by boys and having guys waggle their dicks like dog tails for my tits and ass, but in 2019, I randomly figured out that I never liked my boobs for anything but that. I mean having an hourglass figure was always (and still is) a goal of mine, but I question for what reason. I’d like to say it’s for personal aesthetic appeal, but it wouldn’t be surprising to me if I just do it so people will like me more. In fact, I battled with bulimia for the very reason of: I don’t know what the fuck I want or like, but  the crowd likes “skinny thick” girls so lets do that by purging. Am I currently wearing a waist trainer and corset on top of each other because I like the outcome, or because the people around me like me more for it? I’m trying really hard not to segue into the alluring topic of toxic femininity, because I can rant for HOURS AND PAGES about that, so I’ll just say: I don’t know if I’m being a girl for myself or because I’ll be more liked for it. 

In all honesty, the truth regarding my gender became clearer the more I self conscious I became. In 2018, I fell into the trap of sending boys nudes (apologies for the TMI and sorry family if you somehow came across my blog and are currently reading this.)  I liked it for a millisecond. Why? Because it felt good to have someone desperate for me. That millisecond died off real fast. My own thoughts pooped my nude Alpha Female party with insecurity and fear of how my body compares to other girls my age. Three days after the first nude I sent I realised I hate my body. I felt empowered in the moment (honestly I do love the feeling of tease. I still do send ohohoho raunchy pics for the pure euphoria of just having someone crave me) but overall just left the experience with lingering guilt and self hatred. I wasn’t sure if I was doing this to please myself or others. I also abhor taking nudes, because I do not think I embody femininity and dislike my body for that very reason. Identifying as male makes me far more comfortable than as identifying as a female. I might have tits, I might have soft facial features, but I just don’t like how I mentally feel like I can’t compare to the unrealistic standard of femininity that women uphold. I spent my whole life trying to  tick the boxes under “female,” but always felt like I was just doing the bare minimum... Hence my past is full of desperation, the need to show skin for the sake of proving I’m “sexy” and being perfectly fine with getting mislabeled as a slut at school. Nowadays, I show skin because I’m comfortable and am learning to love my body. I am not okay with slut shaming in general, but I am most definitely not okay with being called a slut either because I’m still a fucking virgin. So hun, I really do wish I could call myself a slut and have that much game, but I’m very far from that.

Anyways, uh more on my gender crisis:  I’ve also always adored mens fashion and absolutely revel the aura of being the “alpha.” Ever since my middle school days, I’d secretly snoop around and envy the men’s section of Barney’s and Saks, because it just looks so damn cool. Excuse my lack of “high quality language,” I can hear my English teacher sighing about my lack of “professional” or “appropriate” language, but I really can’t express my feelings regarding mens fashion other than it’s fucking cool. I must say though, my style of clothing and expression of self doesn’t stop itself at mens fashion. In fact, I enjoy dressing to exhort a more dominant presence, whether it’s with a short denim skirt and tight crop top or a loose fitting silk blouse and skinny jeans with a belt. So I guess in a way, my fashion and what I feel comfortable in explains my gender for me. A little bit of both and a little bit of neither. Although the next step would definitely be playing around with my hair and piercing, but I think my traditional family would whoop my ass to the moon if I do it now, and I can’t say I’m not scared of regrets. I just want to discover myself a little more this year...

Regardless, I just wanna further clarify that I don’t feel comfortable being put as female, male or hell-- even androgynous.

And I gotta say, after holding this in and denying it for 4 years, it feels damn good to type it out and admit it.

 In deciding to be a “gender”, there are standards. Deciding to be anything comes with the price of standards. I just can’t personally handle not being able to fit into the standards there are for them... Especially now since people are so bothered on being politically correct, so if I’m “not being properly androgynous” or “not properly female,” I’ll get shit on, and if I’m not accepted by the mass majority, I’ll feel societal hate mixed with self hatred. 

I also want to say that sometimes I don’t feel like I have the right to be confused or declare a gender because I’ve been on the judgemental side before. 

In middle school one of my close friends moved away, and soon later began to label themselves as gender fluid. It was such a new concept that I initially thought that they were doing it as a publicity stunt, but slowly realised that it is indeed who they are. I wasn’t hateful, but I can’t say I’m innocent, even if it was when I was far younger and less understanding. I remember when they first started using their current pronouns, I was confused on how to utilise them and initially disregarded them. Today, I regret my ignorance. Misgendering can always be a mistake, but it can also be extremely spoiled, belittling and condescending. So even though I know someone that probably went through a similar journey as I am today, I feel guilty asking them about it because of the shit I gave them when I was 14.

 Additionally, I’m scared of being wrong about myself. I can’t describe it too well, but I’m just scared that I’ll slip up a wrong opinion and then be automatically thrown into the can of “special snowflake wannabe LGBTQ+” when in reality: I truly feel like I’m not of “cisgender” or anything normal. I don’t want to dip too deep into my history with crippling anxiety and experiences with depression, but I will say that I can’t help but to hate myself for being queer too.. Alas, I’ll have to learn how to get over that and continue loving myself, but what the hell am I going to do now? 2k words later and things aren’t exactly clearer, but I can (somewhat) confidently say that I know what I’ll do (for now.) 

As of today, June 17, 2019, I have decided to not give a fuck and to simply just identify with the LGBTQ+ community. I don’t feel comfortable identifying as male, female, neither, both, gender fluid, or anything else. I will simply put off gender and let people call me by whatever pronoun they want.

I just wanna be me. 

Until I find out something else, or become more comfortable with myself, or gather the confidence to “come out of the closet” and stop being so selfish and finally decide what the hell I am, it’ll probably just be like this for awhile.

And honestly? I think I’m okay with that.

[theclubofhomies-blog]

System introduction.

Greetings, we are the Club of Homies, also known as the Homies’ club. We are currently a system of 26 and this will be a brief introduction of the ones of us that are comfortable with writing something. 

( n ) = nicknames.

Benji ( n ) : They / Them, Main host, Middle ground of system, Teen alter.

assuh dudes. im benji, the main host of the homie’s club. i enjoy art, baseball, memes and listening to trap music. im taken by axel, the main host from @fragmentedcollectors. theyre my best friend of many years, whos also the most adorable ginger in the world and i always want to spend time to with them because theyre fucking precious. a random fact about me is that i have a shit ton of water bottles because i have an unquenchable thirst.

Benevolence : She / Her, Insider / connected to Benji, Teen alter.

Hello, I’m Benevolence but you can call me Bene for short! I like watching makeup tutorials, kinky stuff, and dramatic love movies! I’m a bit of a talkative person and definitely am not able to keep my mouth shut when I’m interested in a topic discussion. I love the 90s fashion style and have a bit of a mixed music taste. I have a twin and two sort of brother figures in my life, one of them being Benji; We’re a very tightly interwoven family of sorts and I adore them all very much. Feel free to talk to me, I’m not very mean!

Vincent : He / Him, Protector, System manager, Leader.

Greetings, everyone, My name is Vincent. I am the main system manager of the Homies’ Club, working with many others to make sure that my system is stable and that all the alters in my system are always in a good state. I am one of the most flexible alters when it comes to jobs around my system and I am often seen working many jobs. Though despite me always being busy, I am currently in a happy and content companionship with James (@ceruleansaturdays). Some facts about me are that I enjoy songs from the 60s to the 90s and also have a leaning preference to always wearing suits.  Thank you for reading. 

V

Ace : They / Them, Main rationalist, System manager, Second in command.

My name is Ace, I’m the main rationalist of my system and the second in command, working under Vincent and his counterpart. I’m happily fucking taken by Al, the main rationalist of the Fragmented Collectors (@rationalisticsinner), so if you direct any flirty shit at me, expect to get quickly shut down. I’m in charge of how most of the system runs and am the one that usually takes charge in making plans. I generally don’t type in perfect grammar but for the sake of this introduction, I will. Just don’t fuck with my system and we’ll be on a good note. ♠️

Sky ( n ) : She / Her, Main caretaker of H, Emotional alter.

Hello! My name is Sky, I am the main caretaker of the child alter in my system, H. I love the colour yellow, flowers, spending time with children, reading on sunny afternoons, hot chocolate and having soft lights in rooms. I’ve been told that I’m a very friendly person and that I am a little too nice but caring for everyone is just part of my personal values. I love spending time during special days of the year, such as Halloween and Easter as that’s when I’m able to spoil H and see him have fun! : )

Jonathan : He / Him, Second unconsciousness.

what’s up? name’s jonathan. i’m an alter that’s usually responsible for the vessel falling asleep, not the main one as that’s usually my girlfriend, monet but.. as she’s not able to do the role right now, i’ve taken over. i like sleeping on couches and in the car while music is playing in the background. i’m interested in poetry, photography and am always a sucker for astrology because I just love looking up at the night sky and identifying constellations. i’m not much of a fronter as i generally only come out when it’s time to sleep but i am hoping to sometimes spend some time writing here. 

Jon

Evan : He / Him, Insider, Connected to unconsciousness.

Hey Tumblr, my name is Evan. I’m part of the small group of alters who play the role as unconsciousness ( Monet, Jon, Leo and myself ). We all used to be merged together until recently this year when we all decided to fully split and become our own people, though it’s unfortunate that by doing that, the numbers of alters increased but we all really did want to live individual lives instead of being one all the time. I like bands such as Panic!AtTheDisco, Falling in Reverse and Set It Off and prefer to nap during the late afternoons on beds. My best friend is Leo and there’s no one I’d rather ever be with than him because of how nice and caring he always is. 

Leonard : He / Him, Insider, Connected to unconsciousness, Fragmented.

Heeeeeey everyone, my name is Leonard but Leo for short. I’m part of the unconsciousness crew and am a pretty down to earth guy. I’m like the type of guy that sends you wholesome appreciation memes at 3am when you’re not having a good night so I guess you can consider me as a pretty good friend lol. Despite me always being tired and sleepy, I really do like spending time outside and sleeping in the sun or under a shady tree is always like the best thing ever. I also am very huggy and am a bit of a foodie. Will be honest though, my cooking skills aren’t like Gordon Ramsey quality, kinda just chucking stuff into a pot until it tastes good lmfao. Anyways, that’s me, just a random guy. ;)

- Leo

Ikere : They / Them, Insider, Emotional protector, Slider alter.

Heya~ <3 uwu My name is Ikere, I am an emotional protector of the system and is an alter that specializes in the love department, in the aspect of relationships and crushes. I adore people, love songs, walking in the park during spring and writing love letters and poetry. I like watching fashion shows, makeup videos, and anime in my free time. I’ve been told that I’m a good person to chat to and that I’m very nice so, if anyone would ever like to talk to me about interest or just about life in general, I’m always happy to meet someone new! uvu <3 

Avian : He / Him, Rationalist, Teen alter.

Hello, my name is Avian. I am much like the teenage version of Ace and we both are obviously very close and share many of the same things, such as similar signatures, food choices and music tastes. I am the backup rationalist in this system and work with Ace most of the time as well as with my own friend group whenever errands need to be run. I am taken to BZ in the Fragmented Collectors so like Ace said in their introduction, please do not try anything with me, I’m simply not interested in anyone else. Thank you for reading. Avian ♠️ .

Bradley : They / Them, Insider, Teen alter.

What’s up, Tumblr? I’m Brad, a teenager stuck between a punk and normal sense of style. I’m the younger sibling of Siobhan and have always wanted to grow up to be like her because she’s honestly pretty cool, despite her weird ways of eating takeaway at 2 in the morning and watching rock band interviews on Youtube. I like drawing and doodling on my hands and arms and I’m really into sci-fi stuff. I love my friends and I couldn’t ever live without them because they generally really complete my life and make me happy. In the future, we all plan to get matching tattoos. ^^’ Bradley

Siobhan : She / Her, Internal self helper, Slider alter.

Hey party animals, I’m Siobhan, leader of a group in the Homies’ Club and kinda always just co-leading with Vincent.. or at least just supporting the system. I’d describe myself as a pretty gay, punk, rebellious lover of technology and rock who also likes eating junk food and burgers instead of salads because who the fuck wants to eat kale and lettuce?? But yeah, I love rock music, leather jackets, tattoos, and burgers. My favourite band is Hollywood Undead and you best believe I jam out to their songs whenever I’m fronting. Not much else about me honestly, I’m just a simple chick. 

Marien : He / Him, Internal self helper, Slider alter.

what’s up my dudes and dudettes? i’m just a promiscuous nerdy blond punkster you can call Marien. i’m chill, relatively loud sometimes and love being with my friends or people I just genuinely like. i love video games, cyberpunk shit, loud music and watching people fail, gives me joy. i enjoy being reckless and a little too energetic sometimes and am usually the one at parties who jumps onto the table and chugs two bottles of beer before raiding the person’s fridge for food and passing out in a bush the next morning, so i guess you can call me the life of the party haha. anyways hmu whenever, totally free to chat

Marien Ⓐ

Nathaniel : He / Him, Internal self helper, Slider alter.

Hello, I’m Nathaniel. :D I really like pop music, the colour green, birds and coding. My wardrobe is always filled with green sweaters, hoodies and my favourite beanies. All the people in my friend group are my best friends and I always treasure my laptop and phone because they’re my most precious belongings. A lot of the times I make spelling mistakes but thankfully a lot of my friends point it out to me and I sometimes use an app to correct everything! Technology, ducks, and cereal are honestly my favourite things! Nathaniel :D

Oli ( n ) : She / Her, Emotional alter, Teen alter

Hi, my name is Oli. I love everything pastel, comfortable sweaters, and blankets. I have a little bit of trust issues and I’ll be honest, I’m not the strongest alter out there so I am very dependent on others sometimes. I like making cheesecakes, taking care of plants and sketching up fictional characters. I do promise that I’m nice and very approachable! :o <3 

Mallory : He / Him, Persecutor / Perpetrator, Slider alter. 

Hello. My name is Mallory but do feel free to call me Mal. I’m not an alter that usually fronts but I am a very important alter in this system, just preferring to spend time in my own place. I like to spend most of my time in the dark and with the people I like. Other than that, I also do like laughing. Always helps lift up the mood. 

MALLORY.XX

Anyways, that is a short introduction from most of us. We’ll be posting and reblogging whenever we have time. Do feel free to chat if you’d all like, we’re always happy to make new friends.

- TheClubOfHomies

[felicityb-reviews]

Kim Jonghyun - Feature Spotlight

Hello, babies!! My name is Jace (aka Felicity B), and welcome to the debut Feature Spotlight (aka your January surprise)!! Today we will counting down some of my favorite songs by the one, the only - Kim Jonghyun. Jonghyun is someone who was important to me, because he was somebody who fought tooth and nail to be happy and himself. And that's so important to someone like myself, because I have depression. It's actually the reason I created this blog - if I could keep myself occupied, doing something I love (talking about myself), then maybe the bad days won't seem so bad. Sometimes it's a fight for me to hold myself together, so seeing someone like Jonghyun, who was very open about the state of his mental health, throw his everything into being happy and free inspired me to do the same.

I figured if there's one thing I can do to honour him, it's to keep his memory alive through his music. And so that's what we're going to be doing for the month of January!! Today's Feature Spotlight will be drawing from Jonghyun's solo material, but the next three weeks will be dedicated to SHINee's discography. The next two Friday's will be lists featuring music from SHINee's Korean discography, and the final week will be music from their Japanese discography. I can't wait!!

Before we begin, we are some rules (I guess) I used to create this playlist -

The order is nothing special, sis; I don't like ranking songs, it feels Wrong™.

No feature tracks /Edna Mode Voice. Anything that has a music video AND was promoted on daily music shows is disqualified. These lists are for spotlighting b sides and music casual fans might have skipped over.

These lists aren't meant to a "The Best of". They're just a collection of songs I happen to like a lot, and think other people should list to, as well. Please do not get hung up on your favorites not being here, this is just my opinion, baby.

So now that we got all the rules out of the way (watch someone try me on this bullshit), let's begin with...

Hallelujah (BASE)

Hallelujah is a song that feels like it lives and breathes. No one created and arranged song to be what it is, it spawned into being the way it is. And boy is it an experience. The arrangement is sparse, but that's okay - it makes you pay attention to the few elements that are there. It's just an amazing listening experience, sis.

Inspiration (SM STATION)

Inspiration is about sex. Straight up. This song sounds like what I'd expect a filthy and rough fucking to feel like. But beyond that, this song is interesting because, despite how musically uncomplex it is, it sounds like there's way more going on than there actually is. Sometimes listening to Inspiration is like listening to a Hitchhiker song; idk if that was Jjong's intention, but I like it.

AURORA (She Is...)

AURORA is another one that sounds like sex, but it's quite the opposite of Inspiration. Where Inspiration is rough, AURORA is soft. Where Inspiration feels like pure need, AURORA feels like a soft want. Yes, that's cheesy af, but it gets my point across. AURORA feels like coming home to bae and relaxing into the sex cause y'all can. A brilliant track, if I do say so myself.

(And just so y'all don't get it twisted, Kim Jonghyun is the Kpop King of Funk; I will entertain no one else in this position.)

Suit Up (She Is...)

Oh look, another song about sex!! What can I say, songs about sex are great. Especially, Suit Up. Suit Up trades in the Funk elements of AURORA for a soft RnB back drop that is oh so effective. Suit Up is the Ultimate™ in soft sex songs (it's literally about having sex for the first time as a married couple). If we aren't dancing to this at my wedding, know I've been kidnapped and replaced by aliens.

Wouldn’t It Be Like That? (Fine) (The Collection ~Story Op. 1~)

First of all, that title is extra as all hell. But I'd expect nothing less from Kim "King Of The Drama Gays" Jonghyun. Secondly, this is a very straight forward acoustic RnB song. But that's what I like about it - it's no muss, no fuss. Jonghyun is extra as all hell (as all the members of SHINee are), but he knows when to scale it back. And he does so very nicely here.

Orbit (She Is...)

Orbit is (surprise, surprise) another Funk song. And, for those of you who remember the She Is... teasers, the first of the songs we heard. Not quite what we were expecting with its left of center arrangement, but then again, that teaser was just weird as hell. Anyway, underneath Orbit's quirky arrangement lies a very standard Funk song. But as was the case with Fine, I am very much okay with that. Orbit gives me happy brain tingles.

Love Belt (featuring Younha) (BASE)

Oh Love Belt... you make me happy brain tingle so hard. If Jjong had elected to go for a more bombastic arrangement for this song, it would have gone completely wrong. This is a love song that plays fast and loose with it's major elements. But thankfully, Jonghyun decided to scale it back (notice a trend here), and let the vocals shine. And speaking of vocals, how you doin' Miss Younha?!?!?!? Such a lovely addition to song. In fact, I'd say her voice goes with it better than Jjong's, but I'm not trynna fight with Blingers today.

No, ma'amsir!!!

Just Chill ( The Collection ~Story Op. 2~)

In case y'all haven't clockt my boring ass, I quite like what I love to call Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempos. They're pretty self explanatory - RnB songs you could listen to at a coffee shop. If you can't quite place the sound (even after listening to this list), just wait for Spring; you'll be bombarded with them. Anyway, I say all that to say that Just Chill is an excellently written Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo. There's just a lil Funk thrown in their to keep your ears interested as the rest of you blisses out to the pure happiness of the track. It's just so good, sis.

Déjà-Boo (featuring Zion.T) (BASE)

THE KPOP KING OF FUNK MEETS THE K-RNB KING OF FUNK!!! FUCK Y E S!!!

Deja Boo is a song I was not fond of, at first. I thought Jjong and Zion.T sounded really awkward together, but (obviously) the song has grown on me quite a bit. It's just a really cute and endearing song by two very cute and endearing people.

02:34 ( The Collection ~Story Op. 1~)

02:34 has a few false starts (for lack of a better phrase), before she actually gets going. First, you think she's gonna be a ballad; then, you think you're getting a Funky uptempo; and finally, it resolves into an Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo. You'd think Jonghyun was playing basketball with hard he jooks us with that intro, sis. But I digress. 02:34 is a nice RnB midtempo with a touch of melancholy to it that keeps it interesting.

I’m Sorry ( The Collection ~Story Op. 1~)

Oh look, a ballad. How quaint. You'd have thought the hardest part about doing this list would've been the uptempos, but it was actually the ballads that got me. Jonghyun has some very arresting ballads in his corner. Take I'm Sorry, for example. It's got the piano and strings that you'd expect from a song like this, but he throws out the classical ballad formula to do his own thing. And instead of using this as an excuse to show off his vocal prowess (we know that Kim Jonghyun can blow), he gives us a very breathy delivery that relays the emotion of the lyrics effectively.

Blinking Game ( The Collection ~Story Op. 2~)

Blinking Game is, in many ways, a spiritual successor to Happy Birthday (a song that features on the first Story Op album that I was unable to fit on this list, but a very lovely song, nonetheless). They're both caberet songs - downtempo little ditties I can see Jonghyun performing in a club for his boo thang. He's sat at a piano with a band playing behind him, and he's got this content little smile on his face. A lovely image. But back to Blinking Game. Despite not feeling like a ballad, it's got the pulse of one; it doesn't have anywhere urgant to go, sis. I'd say it meanders in a circle, like a slow dance, till it ends. A really nice song to relax to.

Elevator ( The Collection ~Story Op. 2~)

Listen to the first 10 seconds of this song, and you'll realize why this song is on this list. Idk if this is a standard diatonic progression or modal (my theory is not that good), but that progression makes my brain happy tingle like mad cray, fam. And then when Jonghyun sings... GIRL, WHEN HE SINGS OVER IT!!! It feels like I've disintegrated into a mass of star dust. God, this song is just so GOOD!!! I said that Jonghyun has some arresting ballads in his collection, but this one takes the cake, guys. I simply lack the words to fully describe the feeling this song invokes in me.

And that's it, guys!! Don't forget to tune back in on Wednesday at 6pm EST for my debut Review Roundup, featuring new songs from this week; and the first part of the SHINee Feature Spotlight on Friday at 6pm!! I hope you all have a lovely night (or morning if you happen to reading from, idk... Japan!!)!!

And he's the songs in a playlist, in case you wanna listen to the songs as you read my blathering. Love, you guys!!

[thnks-fr-th-mngs]

run me over

welp. it’s finally here. the last real part of run me over. if an epilogue is desired i suppose i can write one, since i do end off sort of ambiguously... i hope im using the word right, english is hard when it isnt your first language

Part One: thump

Part Two: melt

Part Three: do you even meme?

Part Four: laugh

Part Five: fall

Part Six: don’t even think it...

Part Seven: twist

Part Eight: tangle

Slight NSFW: no smut, but it gets a little hot at the end...

Time. There was time for everything, theoretically speaking. Felix never thought, however, that he’d have time to figure out that he was slowly falling for a guy he could consider to be one of the best friends he ever had. They hung out normally for the past two months. Felix did whatever he could to make Sean happy. If there was something he saw that Sean liked and he could get it without it looking too weird, he did exactly that.

For example, a month ago, Sean and Felix were playing video games on both their days off. When Sean mentioned loving the music to the game and wishing he could find the soundtrack in vinyl, Felix had it delivered to his house and called Sean to come take a listen to it. When Sean fell in love with the sound, Felix couldn’t resist giving it away to the green haired boy, claiming he could just get another for himself. He didn’t.

Last week, it had started getting incredibly cold in the city, and Sean forgot to bring a coat with him when he went to hang out with the Swede. Felix loved seeing the goosebumps on his arms, but didn’t like that they were there because of the cold. So, when Sean left for the night, Felix handed him his coat, which probably wasn’t good for his own sanity. Because to see a smaller man he wished he could kiss the fuck out of in his own clothes – even if it was just a jacket – was incredibly frustrating. Sean never made a motion to return the coat, which made Felix think extra hard on the situation.

Girls didn’t return sweaters or shirts either, if they could help it. It was something Felix himself loved seeing, especially with his ex-girlfriend. And now with Sean… he was still trying to figure out if this would be a thing where he just wanted a good dose of sex or he was actually getting emotionally attached to the guy. He hoped it was just the former. Because if the latter was the case, then he was screwed.

Not to say that they acted straight together in any capacity. Definitely not. In fact, last week, the same day Felix had given away his coat, Sean basically sat in Felix’s lap, almost unironically. They were hanging out with a few other friends whom Felix decided to introduce the Irishman to, and Sean had almost never left his side. In fact, when PJ held up a piece of paper where he drew mistletoe, Sean had basically flipped over and near straddled Felix, running hands through the Swede’s hair and pretended to furiously make out with him. All Felix could do was yell out a cry of, “Jesus!” and leave one hand on Sean’s back and the other trying to grab his waist but it ended up brushing up Sean’s thigh instead.

And that was only one night. When Felix’s assistant, Brad, took a picture of Sean to mess around with his photography skills and Felix saw it, he made a joke saying, “I’d fuck that guy in the ass.” Felix had no idea Sean was secretly screaming on the inside but played it off by replying with a very cheeky, “You have already.” Of course, it was a lie. Felix hadn’t fucked Sean in the ass. But both were secretly dreaming of the complete animal lust in them to commit that very act. Both acting so mocking gay with each other, that they were convinced the other was actually straight.

PJ was, needless to say, absolutely loving the tension between the two. And of course, he added to it whenever he could. Such as… daring Sean to do an Irish dance and then sing to Felix. And when he lost a bet, having Sean be Felix’s personal slave for an hour – which was something that PJ knew Felix loved doing, ordering people around, especially people he was attracted to. He didn’t know that Sean really liked it too.

“You have to stop doing that,” Sean begged PJ over text later. “I don’t know how much more I can take of you taking advantage of how I feel about him.” Sean was having one of those day’s where not even music could take his mind off of Fe. Every thought hurt to imagine and think of. Physical pains panged in his chest and vibrated through his stomach. It was torture to go through. He didn’t regret feeling this way since he first lay eyes on Fe, but he regretted that it was – in his mind – completely one-sided.

“You have to tell him at least that you’re gay,” PJ advised.

“I can’t!” Sean argued. “It’d get so awkward and he probably wouldn’t want to hang out like we do. I can’t be without him Peej, I know I can’t do that. That’d ruin me.” Sean almost wanted to cry at the thought of not having Fe, his Fe, in his life anymore. That kind of pain would be a whole different thing altogether. It’d be numbing and destructive. Sean wouldn’t find the courage to get up in the morning. What would be the point if the one thing that made him happy didn’t want to be around him anymore?

“Look can you trust me on this?” PJ pleaded. “I know it’s probably going to be the most difficult thing you’ve done. I realize that, but you can’t… you can’t hide it either. Don’t you think he deserves to know who you are?” Sean stared at the screen. PJ did have a point. There was a certain level of honesty that had to come with being really close friends with someone. After all, he didn’t have to tell Fe that he was in love with him. All he had to do was admit his own sexuality… and face the idea of losing the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Felix and Sean had met up again, this time for a chill one on one time to watch a horror movie. Felix had initially invited PJ, but at the last minute, he canceled. Something Felix didn’t appreciate. But Sean knew why. The night initially had been going well. They hung out like friends normally would. But each of them were thinking their crude little thoughts.

God, he’s so cute when he’s excited, Felix thought when Edgar gave Sean a kiss when Sean puckered up.

If he spoke just one more time in Swedish I’d probably drown, Sean thought when he asked how to say ‘boy’ and ‘girl’ in Swedish.

The things I’d make you do with your mouth, Felix fantasized when Sean smiled and took a sip of water.

You look at me like you’re thinking so hard. What are you thinking about, Fe… Sean noticed the amount of time Felix’s eyes stayed focused on him when he was doing small tasks. Swallowing the spoon of ice cream, taking a sip of water, petting Edgar, anything and everything.  

“Question,” Sean said trying to distract himself from the feeling of wanting to lean on Felix. “Remember when you said you play guitar? Can you play for me now?” Felix looked at Sean briefly before nodding.

“Yeah, I can play you something,” Felix said getting up. “Come and pick a guitar.” Felix had three guitars. Two of them electric, one acoustic. Depending on which guitar Sean picked was which song Felix would play for him. Sean was excited beyond belief. This would probably make him love Felix even more – if that was even possible at this point – and that would make it so much harder to tell him what he had in mind to tell him.

They walked into Felix’s home office, which had the three guitars hanging nicely on the wall. A red one, a blue one, and a dark finished one.

“That one’s a beauty,” Sean said pointing at the acoustic one with the dark finish. Felix smiled. It wasn’t his favorite guitar, but he loved that his Little Potatoe recognized how beautiful it was. He went to the rack and took it down. He sat on the floor in the middle of the office attempting to tune the guitar by ear. Sean sat across from him. Now to pick a song…

“Fair warning I suck at singing,” Felix laughed deciding on Oh! Darling.

“I don’t mind,” Sean said already drinking in the sight of Fe handling the instrument. Your pupils increase in size when you look at someone you like. If Sean could see his own pupils, he guessed they’d probably the size of the moon.

“Okay then,” Felix strummed the strings to get the final test as to the tuning. He was satisfied. “So here’s Wonderwall,” He joked before he started playing and sort of mumbling through lyrics. He didn’t look at Sean so often, but when he did, he saw a huge smile on his face. It gave Felix the satisfaction to play through.

Sean paid rapt attention but the back of his mind imagined a little scene. He imagined a couple of kids running around the house. A girl, a boy, and a dog – not Edgar, thought he loved the little guy. He imagined that when the kids were old enough they’d ask their parents about their song. And Sean with eyes and heart still so full of love and nostalgia would look at Felix when he answered, “The Beatles gave me the courage to come out to Papa.” Felix would smile sheepishly and chuckle as he sat with the kids.

One thing was for sure. Sean had to say it. No building up to it, he’d probably lose his nerve if he tried to do that. He had to just tell Felix straight up. So as Felix finished up the bit of the song he was doing, Sean tugged at the carpet of the room and looked shyly at the Scandinavian. Felix trailed of when he saw Sean’s eyes looking at him the way they were. He wanted to kiss him. Make him blush. Tell him how much he wanted him, which right now, was escalating exponentially. There was a moments silence before Sean broke it with a shattering statement.

“I'm gay,” he said quickly. Felix looked at Sean blankly, almost not believing what he heard. He blinked before Sean continued. “Look I know this might change our friendship, I get it, it gets awkward, especially since… anyway, I understand if you don’t want to hang out anymore but I had to tell you. You deserve to know that and friends should be honest with each other an-”

“I'm bi,” Felix interrupted before laughing. It felt good to say to Sean. After all, he had only realized this because of him to begin with. Honesty was important. Sean had widened his eyes at the information that hit him like a semi-truck. The two were so surprised that the other wasn’t straight. But both were taking it differently. While Felix was laughing so hard he almost couldn’t breathe, Sean was looking mesmerized and the blonde man across him and ecstatic at the fact that perhaps one day he could elicit at least a one-night stand from him.

“Bi?” Sean finally whimpered. Felix nodded, his laughter ebbing away.

“Yeah,” he said. “I only found out a couple months ago though.” He wasn’t going to be shy about admitting it. At this point he saw that if the situation were right, he could have Sean. Maybe is Sean was having a bad day, or they were a little tipsy, or if Sean were into dressing up and wore his clothes again…

“W-what made you realize?” Sean looked shyly at Felix now.

“Why you wanna know?” Felix raised an eyebrow and smirked. Maybe that day would come sooner than he thought.

“I just…”

“Say why.” Felix ordered. He looked at Sean incredibly lustfully, not even trying to hide it anymore. The guitar had been set aside out of the way by now. Sean gulped. He didn’t want to say. That would ruin everything. Yes, Felix may be bi, but to admit to having been in love with him since the beginning, that was a game changer even bigger than admitting he was gay was. This was the Hail Mary of all Hail Mary’s. it could make or break the game. Felix put his elblows on his knees and leaned forward.

“I gave you an order. Don’t disobey it.” Sean shivered. He very much liked Felix doing that. He had a huge urge to say ‘I’m sorry, Daddy,’ in response. Instead he whimpered again and responded weakly.

“I love you,” he said looking directly into the blond’s blue eyes. That itself was all Felix needed to hear before leaning over the rest of the way and kissing the green haired boy. Sean immediately kissed back and was both hyperaware and melted against Felix as much as he could. This… this had been everything Sean had wanted his whole life. For one amazing man to love and at least like him back enough to do this. A man who drove him insane with all the chemicals running around his brain just by thinking about them.

Sean moved automatically, wanting to get as close to Fe as possible. He straddle the Swede, bringing himself as close he could  to him. Felix grabbed Sean’s hips and gripped them tightly. Sean’s fingers tangled themselves in Felix’s hair. The tugging was enough to make Felix want to pounce on him already. When he couldn’t wait any longer, he pulled away from Sean and pushed him down onto his back on the floor. His lips slightly w=swollen from the kissing.

“You really have been trying my patience the past two months, baby boy,” Felix growled leaning over Sean who’s eyes looked wild with desire. Felix nipped at the Irishman’s neck. Sean couldn’t hold back gasps and the attempt to grind his hips upward.

“You have no idea how hard it’s been,” Felix said between bites and kisses. “Thinking I wasn’t ever going to be able to have my way with you, especially when you were wearing my jacket the other day. I wanted to take you in the hall right then and there.” Sean had started whimpering again. Felix’s words and touches basically ruining him.

“Have you anything to say for yourself, baby boy?” Felix said this roughly, almost a menacing growl. Sean did nothing but shiver uncontrollably.

“I'm sorry, Daddy,” He answered breathily. Felix smirked when Sen called him daddy. The way things were going, Felix definitely wouldn’t want this to be a one time thing. He was definitely going to want something permanent. And although he may not love Sean yet, he definitely knew that he could. Felix kissed Sean on the lips again. This was going to be good…

[girls-scenarios]

To Be Young and In Love

Idol: Sana (Twice)

Prompt: Yes requests are open! I've had this scenario stuck in my head: it's a Twice Sana scenario (high school au) where Sana's parents have to bring Sana to a company dinner to set her up with their boss' son/daughter but Sana instead tells them how she's already dating someone and asks the reader, who is well acquainted with Sana, to be her fake girlfriend for the dinner (sorry if it's long)

Writer: Admin Kiwi

A/N: My title skills are quickly beginning to dwindle. Please forgive me. I really liked this prompt though, and I hope I did it justice! Please enjoy! (I was also listening to Lee Hyori’s latest album as I wrote this. BoA also came back. Please support our queens.)

Warnings: Some pretty minor cursing. Dramatized, please don’t try fake dating at home.

Sana didn’t know why her parents refused to believe she was happily gay and single. She was in no hurry to get into anything serious, and she certainly wasn’t interesting in anything serious with a man. But her parents apparently had other ideas.

“Sana, we think he’ll be a very good match for you.” She resisted the urge to roll her eyes as her mom spoke, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back in her chair.

“I don’t know why you guys wont listen to me. I’m gay, Mom. I like girls.” Her dad shook his head and sighed heavily as her mother simply raised her eyebrows, face clearly showing her belief that Sana didn’t know what she was talking about.

“You’ve never dated a girl, Sana. You’re still young, it’s not like this phase will last,” her father said, looking down at his phone. Sana felt like screaming.

“A phase for five years?” Her mother stood from her chair, rolling her eyes.

“Sana, just give him a try. Youngjae is a sweet guy, I think he’d take care of you well.”

“Maybe I don’t need anybody to take care of me.”

“Sana....” Her mom looked seconds away from pinching the bridge of her nose like she did when she was on the phone with an annoying customer. Something bubbled up inside Sana’s chest, white-hot, and burst out, turning her face red with the heat of it.

“I have a girlfriend. Just stop.” Her mom at least looked surprised. Her father had the decency to look up from his phone.

“Oh yeah?” He said, hitting his power button and raising his large eyebrows. “Since when?” She hadn’t thought this through - not like she’d had any time to - but she realized that this could be a way out.

“Only a few weeks ago. She’s a friend from school.” She hoped her face wasn’t too red, and swallowed the lump in her throat. It was obvious that they still didn’t believe her.

“Then why don’t you bring her to the dinner? We’d all be happy to meet her.” As he spoke, her father turned his phone back on and looked down, signalling the end of the conversation. Her mother turned and strolled out of the room towards the kitchen, pulling out her own phone. Silently, Sana turned and walked out of the room and to her own space, eyes on the floor until her door was closed behind her and she could collapse on her bed, tears threatening to spill out onto her pillow. She clutched it tightly and rolled over onto her back, staring up at the ceiling.

She was screwed.

Her friends were far from helpful. Jungyeon almost choked on her chocolate milk she started laughing so hard. Nayeon hit her on the back, hard, while Chaeyoung looked at her with disgust. Mina took another bite of her carrots and watched, amused.

“Guys, this is serious. Really.” Jungyeon snorted, and Sana almost gagged as milk came out the other girl’s nose. Mina burst into laughter, and Nayeon started off on an high-pitched tirade, stating “disgusting, what the actual fuck, Jungyeon” as her opening statement.

“Listen, Sana unnie,” Chaeyoung said, looking away from the scene in front of them. “Is there anyone you can ask to fake it with you? I mean, you give them something and they pretend to be your girlfriend. Or they’re nice and do it for free. Maybe because they want to be your girlfriend anyway.” Sana stopped and thought. Technically she could....

“What’s this about girlfriends?” Momo sat down hard, tray clattering against the table and making the rest of them jump. Behind her, Jihyo (looking with dread at Jungyeon and her mess) and Dahyun and Tzuyu, both sharing earbuds and staring down at Dahyun’s phone. Jihyo had to guide them around the nearby trashcan and towards the table.

“Sana told her parents that she has a girlfriend,” Chaeyoung says, nonchalant. Jihyo’s eyes widen considerably.

“Wait, since when have you been dating someone?” Sana groaned and moved her tray back towards her as to avoid the splash zone that was apparently Jungyeon. She was pretty sure she had Jungyeon’s chocolate milk in her chopped veggies.

“I’m not dating someone, that’s the problem.”

“Ohh,” Jihyo said, sitting down beside Momo and tugging on Dahyun and Tzuyu to get them to sit down as well. “I feel like I’m missing some context. Why exactly did you tell your parents that you have a girlfriend when you don’t?” Jihyo had on her mom face, and Sana sighed in relief, launching into the story once again.

By the time she was finished, Jungyeon and Nayeon had cleaned up the chocolate milk all over the table, and Mina had finished her carrots. Dahyun and Tzuyu had even finished their video and tuned in, halfway interested.

“Well, damn. I can see how that’s a problem.” Jihyo picked at the pizza on her tray as she spoke. “And I’m guessing these guys were no help.” Jungyeon snorted, again. Thankfully there was no more chocolate milk.

“It was just so funny, I couldn’t help it.”

“I tried to help!” Chaeyoung put up her hand and leaned forward, vying for Jihyo’s attention and beaming when Jihyo reached out to pat her head with a smile.

“Of course you did, Chaeyoung. My reliable little Chaeyoung.” Nayeon huffed and crossed her arms over her chest as Chaeyoung glowed with pride.

“I just don’t understand what the big deal is. Can’t you just ask someone to pretend to be your girlfriend? Hell, once of us could just do it.” Sana shook her head.

“My parents know you guys too well, I don’t think they’d buy it. They’d also get weird because you’ve all slept in my room. More than once. In my bed too.” Momo wiggled her eyebrows, and Sana elbowed her as Jungyeon looped her arm around Nayeon’s.

“Plus, you can’t do it, ‘cause you’re my girlfriend.” Nayeon rolled her eyes, but leaned into her girlfriend anyway.

“Fine. Not one of us. But what about (Y/N)? They’ve never been to your house or met your parents.” Sana nodded, stopping to think. You’d be a perfect fit. The two of you had recently become good friends, and she felt pretty certain you’d agree to help her out. But the thought of dating you, even if it was fake, made her nervous.

“You really think she’d be okay with fake dating me?” Nayeon nodded.

“I do. You guys are pretty close, I don’t see why she wouldn’t. Just explain the situation and see.” Sana picked up her pizza and took a bite, staring down at the table. Well, it wasn’t like she had many other options.

“(Y/N)!” The halls were crowded and loud with voices and the bell telling them to hurry back to their classes, but you spun around at the sound of your name, eyes wide as they looked around until they landed on Sana. She swallowed and stepped forward, shoving her hands into her pockets and grinning at you. “Hey! I’m glad I caught you before class.”

“Yeah! What’s up?” You looked a bit confused, but overall happy to see her, which made her feel a bit more at ease.

“I have a favor to ask of you.” You shifted the books in your arms, raising your eyebrows, and Sana rubbed her arm nervously as she launched into the story, feeling as if she’d already told it 100 times. When she finished, she clutched her hands together, as if praying. “Please. I just need you to pretend to be my girlfriend for a night. Maybe come over once or twice. I think my parents will buy it after that.” You looked as if you were thinking hard for a moment before shrugging.

“Why not? Sure, I’ll help you out. When’s the dinner?” Sana’s shoulders sagged in relief, and she resisted the urge to fling herself dramatically against you, praising you for your help.

“This Wednesday night. Are you free?”

“Yeah. I’ll be there.” You grinned widely, and Sana grinned back. “Sounds like a great time.

“Wait, so why are we doing this again?” You flopped down onto your bed and patted the space next to you, telling Sana to sit down. She closed the door behind her and dropped her backpack to the floor, shrugging her shoulders as she walked over.

“I just feel like we should make sure we know a game plan, you know?” The bed squeaked as she hopped onto it, and you squinted at her.

“Game plan? This isn’t sports. We go to dinner, you introduce me as your girlfriend, I chill out at your house a few times, your mom is convinced, you get out of dating some weird dude you’ve never met.” Sana huffed and pressed her back against the wall, letting her head fall back and knock against it.

“I just. What if they ask questions? Like, how did we meet, when did we start dating?” You looked at her for a moment before shuffling back on the bed to mimic her position, letting your head fall to the side so that you could look her in the eyes.

“We met at school, which is true. I’m friends with Nayeon, so we met through her. We started dating two weeks ago, so its not weird that nothing’s come up before this.” Music was playing downstairs, where someone had turned on the radio. It trickled up through the floor, the faint sounds of some pop love song and the words ‘don’t be shy’. “Are you nervous about tomorrow?” She finally broke eye contact and looked up at the ceiling, throat bobbing as she swallowed. She could feel your eyes on her face.

“There’s a lot riding on it. It’s not just not having to date some guy. It’s my parents believing I’m a lesbian, finally.” She closed her eyes, and wondered what kind of face you had on. “It’s them believing I’ve been telling the truth for years. It’s them accepting me.”

“I’ll make sure that all happens.” She opened her eyes and looked over at you again. Your face was serious, and determined, and for a moment her heart skipped a beat before she could catch it. “You shouldn’t worry so much about it though. If you’re too nervous, it might be obvious.” A side of her wanted to cry, but she smiled instead, and nodded.

“Right. Thank you.” You reached over and held her hand, making her jump a bit in surprise.

“We’re dating, right? We should act like this.” She picked her head up from against the wall and looked down at your fingers tangled with her own, and listened to the faint music swirling around her head.

“Right.”

Sana stared at herself in the mirror, then glanced at the pile of clothes on the bed behind her. God, how many outfits had she tried on now? She’d lost count after 10, but for some reason nothing felt right. She wanted to look good, but suddenly nothing in her closet looked good on her. Was it too fancy, or too casual? Too flashy, or too boring? It made her feel like pulling her carefully curled hair out.

The dress she had on was one of her favorites. Jihyo always told her it was her favorite because it was red like wine and looked cute, yet sophisticated. It was sleeveless, but the straps were thick and covered most of her shoulders. The pockets made it look more casual, despite the fact that it could very much be something worn to a meeting, or a wedding, or a dinner.

Sana sighed and sat on the edge of the bed (the only space not covered in clothes), looking down at her feet, clad in black flats. Why was she suddenly so anxious about everything? Of course, she’d been nervous since the time she spouted that she had a girlfriend, and when she’d asked you to be her fake girlfriend, but somehow the idea of going with you as a date made her want to make sure she looked her absolute best. She really didn’t understand why though. You were just a friend, right?

“Sana! It’s time to go!” She jumped up as her mother’s voice came from the living room, where she was no doubt picking up her purse and heading towards the door. Grabbing her own clutch, she quickly made one last check on her outfit, tucking a hair back into place, before tripping out of her room and slamming her door closed behind her.

The restaurant was much nicer than Sana had imagined. Sure, she was expecting nice, but she hadn’t been expecting fancy. Mouth opened in slight awe, she stepped out of the car and looked around her. Then she looked down at her phone to make sure she’d sent you the right address, typing a quick text.

-We’re here.

-Awesome! I’m right around the corner, I’ll be in soon.

-Can’t wait to see you.

Sana mentally kicked herself. What kind of weird text to send to a friend was that? When her phone buzzed in her hand, she kind of didn’t want to look. She did anyway.

-Same here.

Butterflies screamed in her stomach, and she shoved the phone away in her purse in an attempt to forget it happened and make them stop.

“Are you okay, Sana?” Her mother was looking at her with raised eyebrows, and Sana figured she must have made a weird face.

“Yeah, I just got a text that, uh. Made me happy.” She totally said that so her mom would believe her more if she looked at her texts. Not because just a simple text had made her brain break down for a second. Definitely not.

“Sana!” She whipped her head around so quick it hurt her neck, and she winced, hand coming up to rub at the sore spot. You laughed as you approached her, reaching out to move her hand away and massage the spot instead. “Did I startle you that bad?” Sana’s face broke out into a blush and she glanced away, putting on her best pout.

“People are going to be startled when people just yell their name out of the blue,” she said, wrinkling her nose again in a wince as you attempted to rub the cramp from the slight whiplash out of her neck. You just laughed again, using your free hand to pat her cheek.

“Whatever you say, baby.” Sana’s heart stopped for a moment, jumping up into her throat, before she remembered. Fake dating. This was fake. A fake date. And her mom was standing right beside her, watching their interaction with curious eyes.

“Shoot, I didn’t even introduce you guys yet.” She stood up straight and rotated her neck slightly before stepping aside and gesturing to her mom. “Mom, this is (Y/N). (Y/N), this is my mom.” You smiled politely and reached forward to shake her hand.

“This is your girlfriend, right?” The two of you nodded, smiling at each other.

“Yep,” Sana said, wrapping her arm around your shoulders. “This is my girlfriend.” Steps sounded on the floor, and the three of you looked over to see her father, looking between you and Sana. “And this is my dad, (Y/N).” He smiled and reached out his hand, nodding his head in a polite gesture.

“Nice to meet you, (Y/N). I was surprised to hear about you.” You laughed and shook his hand, not once moving away from Sana.

“It’s nice to meet you too, sir. We only started dating a few weeks ago, really. My mom was surprised too. This will be our first date.” He pointed towards the host stand.

“Well, it’s quite a nice place for a first date, I will say. Our boss and his son are already here, so our table is ready.” He turned around, and her mom moved to follow him, and the two of you shared a glance, nervous and a bit excited, before her hand moved down to hold yours. You looked at her, surprised, and she grinned.

“We’re dating, right?” You rolled your eyes and knocked her hip with your own when you heard your own words whispered back to you, tugging her hand to get her to move forward faster.

“Oh, hush. I’m hungry, come on.” Her grip on your hand tightened and she turned away, a small smile on her face, taking the moment of peace to look around. The place really was immaculately decorated, with chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and glittering candle holders lining the walls. It was dimly lit, so she could barely see who exactly was sitting at the table until they were only a foot away. Still, it didn’t click until who was sitting there until a voice rang through the hushed whispers of the other customers.

“Wait, Sana? (Y/N)?” It clicked.

“Youngjae? You’re my parent’s boss’s son?” Your mouth was dropped open, and Sana’s face split into a smile as the parents looked on, confused. “Wow. Who would’ve thought.”

“No kidding!” Youngjae turned to a man in a suit who had stood up to greet her parents. “This is my dad, Mr. Choi. And apparently, your parent’s boss.” Sana turned to her own parents.

“Mom, Dad, this is Youngjae. We go to school together.”

“Well, tonight is just full of surprises,” her dad said, pulling out her mom’s chair. “At least dinner wont be awkward.” Mr. Choi laughed as he sat back down and patted his son on the shoulder.

“Small world around here, isn’t it?” As Sana pulled out her chair to sit down, she realized that you hadn’t said anything and looked over at you. You looked a bit concerned, which confused her because you were closer to Youngjae than she was. She gave your hand a quick squeeze before dropping it and sitting down.

“You doing okay?” You jumped a bit when she whispered, but flashed her a quick smile and nodded.

“Just got a bit nervous in the moment. I’m okay.” As she spoke, Youngjae leaned across the table on his elbows, completely disregarding the fact that it was a fancy restaurant that probably regarded table manners as law.

“So. Fill me in, guys, when did (Y/N) finally get the guts to ask you out, Sana?” Surprised by his forward question, Sana almost choked on the water she’d just taken a sip of. Beside her, you laughed and reached across the table to shove at his arm.

“Stop teasing me! I’ll have you know that she confessed to me, not the other way around.” Even in the dim light, she could tell that your cheeks were beginning to turn red, and she squinted to see you better. Beside her, her parents were already in deep discussion about something, apparently ignoring the other conversation. Was Youngjae in on everything? Was this just a ploy to help their parents believe everything. Her eyes darted over to the parents before she leaned in, joining the conversation.

“I did. Why? Did she talk about me much?” Your face even more red, and suddenly you were very interested in the napkin now sitting on your lap. Youngjae just grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Has she not told you yet? She’s had a crush on you since the beginning of time, pretty much. Since she just saw you. It’s cute, really.” Sana laughed and nudged you with her elbow.

“She hasn’t told me yet. I’m pretty surprised hearing it from you.” He nodded, crossing his heart.

“All that I say is good and true. I can tell you about one time that-.”

“Let’s change the subject, because this bread is amazing!” Your sudden exclamation made both Sana and Youngjae jump, and then burst into giggles because of your red face and the way you were holding up one of the bread sticks. Youngjae had to cover his mouth to calm his giggles, while Sana patted your cheek.

“You’re so cute, (Y/N). I’ll taste the bread sticks!” Youngjae reached over for the bread basket, calming himself down.

“Yeah. For you, we can talk about the bread sticks.”

The rest of dinner was less eventful. The grownups talked mostly to each other, only interrupting the other conversation to ask simple questions. Sana used the time to ask Youngjae about how the drama team was doing, and your blush died down over the course of the meal. By the end, Sana was collecting Youngjae’s number and he was promising to get her an audition for the next play, while you teased the two of them for still having not traded phone numbers after 3 years of school together.

When everyone was finally done eating and got out into the parking lot, Sana looped her arm with yours.

“I’ll walk you to your car. It���s the least I can do.” You smiled and bumped against her, looking at the ground.

“Wow, Sana the gentleman.” She flipped her hair in fake vanity, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Of course. What else could I be.” You shook your head at her antics as you pulled out the keys, eyes searching over the lot for your car. She took the opportunity of your distraction to look at you. Really, even in the light from street lights and headlights, you were attractive. There was something about you that made her want to spend forever with you, even if the two of you weren’t even doing anything. Something about you that made her heart have troubles when you did basically anything.

“Thanks for inviting me out tonight,” you said as the two of you approached your car, looking up to give her a grin. “I had fun, and the food was really good.”

“You’re welcome. I’m really glad it was Youngjae as well.”

“Yeah, well. Had you known it was Youngjae you wouldn’t have needed me here.” Sana looked at you, confused, as you opened your car door, head tilted slightly to the side, puppy-like.

“What do you mean?”

“Youngjae’s like, super gay,” you said, withdrawing your arm from hers. Her arm hung limp in the air.

“I know. But I still liked having you here.” You seemed shocked by her answer, and Sana wondered why everything was making so sense to her recently.

“Really? Even if there’s no chance he would have tried to date you?”

“I like being with you.” There it was, the red again. Except this time it was on Sana’s cheeks. She coughed awkwardly, bringing a hand up to tug at her hair. “I’d like to spend more time with you, if that’s okay.” You nodded slowly.

“Yeah. I mean, if you want to.” Her hand dropped away from her hair.

“So, uh. What was that with Youngjae?” She’d never seen a face turn colors so quickly. You whimpered, as if in pain, and put your head in your hands.

“I’m so sorry, pretend that didn’t happen. He doesn’t know when to quit sometimes.”

“But was he. You know, in on everything? Or was that all real talk?” It was silent for a moment, you looking at the pavement, leaning against your car, as Sana looked at you, searching for something in your expression. A buzz came from the street light beside your car, and the sounds of cars wizzing by on the nearby highway filled the air with background noise. Somewhere in the distance, club music could be heard, and someone called for their friends to walk faster. Finally, you lifted your head up.

“Um. It was all real talk. I hope that’s okay.” Sana felt her stomach jump up into her throat again and she couldn’t wipe the smile off her face, nerves on end and bouncing on her toes.

“That’s more than okay with me.” At her words, a small smile spread over your face as well, and you rubbed your arm nervously.

“It’s still okay if I come over?” She nodded enthusiastically, curled hair flying.

“Absolutely. Please do.” You stood away from your car.

“I will. Now you should go. Your parents are waiting on you.”

“Yeah.” She paused, looking at you with hopeful eyes. “See you tomorrow?”

“Of course.” She reached out and grasped your hand, holding it tight for a moment before letting it go and beaming at you, street lamp casting odd shadows over her face.

“I can’t wait to see you again.” You smiled, cheeky.

“So you can ask me to fake date you again?”

“I was thinking about asking you to for real date, actually. But we’ll see.” Sana huffed at your teasing, crossing her arms, and you reached out, holding in your laughter as you touched her arms.

“I think I can answer that right now so we don’t have to wait until tomorrow.” The smile she was fighting to keep off her face returned, and her eyes flitted from your lips back up to your eyes.

“Then please do.”

[coffeeandflora-blog]

Spla2n fanfic

heyo! this is my first fanfic so stay tuned for more if you like this and give feedback. It is going to be a gay fanfic between 2 inklings.

The winter in inkopolis was so cold that Jay rarely went outside. There wasn’t really much for him to do outside besides go to work as a barista or go shopping for food. On top of not having much to do outside it was one of the coldest winters ever but was coming to an end. Jay’s life was very dull but he did have quite a following on his social media’s with thousands of followers listening to his music. Jay used to be very popular at school but every since he graduated he hasn’t kept in contact so the only friends he had were a few from university and at his workplace.

Jay’s job as a barista was almost perfect since it was chill, payed the bills and he was very good at it. Since he worked as a barista where people come almost every day before work, there were people he got to meet every day that would either order their coffee and leave of stay and grab a bite to eat. There was this one guy named Lucas that was a daily customer who always bought a chi late and occasionally buy a sandwich. Jay was gay and secretly had feelings for Lucas. 

Lucas was famous for being competitive at rainmaker. Lucas wasn’t extremely famous but famous enough that fans of rainmaker would recognize his name. Jay had no idea what sexuality Lucas was but still admired him none the less. Jay sometimes had parties at his house with his close friends from university and from work but wanted to invite Lucas. Lucas always left before Jay’s shift at work and the work policy was no private conversations with customers during your shift. Jay didn’t want to risk losing his job for asking someone to come to a party but one day he quickly asked Lucas to come over to his place while Lucas was making an order.

All seemed well because no one noticed that Jay had invited Lucas but when the day of the party came Lucas didn’t arrive. Jay was really sad the whole night but never told his friends why. The next day of work came and when Lucas came to make his order Jay asked why Lucas didn’t come without hesitation. Lucas said that he was sorry and that he was at a late night training match for a big game that was happening tomorrow. Jay was relieved that Lucas didn’t just forget or didn’t want to come and now that Lucas and Jay had finally had some communication Jay asked Lucas to come to another party and Lucas promised he would be there. after the conversation, Lucas ordered the usual chi late and all was fine.

The conversation between Jay and Lucas was a little bit too long because Jay’s manager came back and saw them having a conversation while there was a que behind Lucas.

Danny who was the manager reported to Jay “you know the policy here, we are a major and popular business and with a job as important as yours I wouldn’t be risking it just to invite some guy to a party, this is a warning but if you do this again you will be fired”

Jay muttered “this won’t happen again”

Lucas implied to Danny “give him a break, I was apologizing to him, if you should be getting angry at anyone it should be me not him”

Danny walked away and didn’t reply because he knew that if he got into an argument then Jay could of told the owner of the barista that Danny was also going against his policy by having an argument with a customer. Jay thanked Lucas quickly for getting him out of trouble.

Finally it was the day of the party and all of Jay’s friends came but Lucas hadn’t turned up yet. Jay was losing hope the there was knocking at the door, Jay ran to the door and opened it to find Lucas holding a beer pack and was clearly ready for the party. Lucas came inside  and apologized again for not coming to the last party. Jay was open about being gay but hadn’t told Lucas because they have hardly talked much. All of Jay’s friends were excited to see another person at the party and Lucas gave his friends beers and they all had fun. As the night went on Jay and Lucas got to know each other more and shared contact details.

it was Friday so neither of them had work to do tomorrow. It was pretty late and Lucas decided to crash at Jay’s place over night. All of jay’s friends had gone home so it was just Jay and Lucas at Jay’s house. Jay incised for Lucas slept on his bed instead of the couch because it was more comfy. Lucas was too tired so he just did whatever Jay said and slept on his bed. Jay turned off the lights, brushed his teeth and went to bed thinking that Lucas was asleep, Jay quickly kissed Lucas on the back of his head thinking that he was asleep but then Lucas turned around and blushed as Jay was lying next to him. 

Jay implied “I...I. I am sorry I thought you were asleep” Jay was sweating

Lucas implied “oh um I didn’t know you liked he in that way, I am too tired we’ll deal with this in the morning” Lucas quickly fell asleep but Jay stayed up a bit longer thinking of what he would tell Lucas tomorrow. Lucas woke up to Jay making him breakfast.

Jay said “sorry about last night, I didn’t think you were awake”

Lucas replied “oh it’s fine, I just wasn’t expecting someone, a boy to like me in that way, wait so are you gay”

Jay replied “yeah, sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, I didn’t want to tell you too fast because then you would probably leave”

Lucas replied “well it is okay, i’m just not into guys in that way and it’s okay, we all make mistakes, also thanks for this breakfast it smells delicious”

Jay and Lucas ate breakfast but Lucas had to leave for his weekend Competitive practice so they said goodbye and Lucas left. Jay was relieved that he could get the big secret off his back that he liked Lucas but was also sad that Lucas didn’t like him in that way back. Another week went by and every day the usual of Lucas buying a chi late but on the last day Lucas asked Jay if he wanted to come to his place and play some games. Because they were friends.

The day came and Jay arrived at Lucas's house with a pack of beers. Lucas took Jay to his living room and they played some video games and also pool and black jack. Lucas drank a lot of beer and was really drunk but Jay was still sober. They both were about to sleep on Lucas’s couch but because Lucas was so drunk Lucas fell over, Jay picked lucas up but then lucas fell on top of Jay on the couch with their heads right next to each other.

because Lucas was so drunk Jay went in for the kiss and Lucas went along with it, They were both tonging and Jay put his hands around Lucas’s back slowly pushed his hands down to Lucas’s butt. Jay was loving it because he finally had his crush right where we wanted him. Lucas put his hands around jay’s tentacle hair and sunk his fingers in the squishy Tentacles. They both had boners so they walked to Lucas’s bedroom which kissing each other. they unzipped each others pants and took off their shoes and tops.

Jay and Lucas were both naked and jumped onto Lucas’s bed together. Jay moved down Lucas’s body and gave him a blowjob, Lucas was loving it and got up, he then told Jay to bend over in front of him and Jay eagerly bent over. Lucas spat on his hand and rubbed his saliva on his dick for lube then rubbed the rest on Jay’s ass. Lucas held onto Jays shoulders and started thrusting him. Jay was feeling so good whilst Lucas was fucking him. Jay started masturbating while Lucas was fucking him and then Lucas filled up Jay’s ass. Jay quickly came after and they both layed down next to each other on the bed.

Jay went in to kiss Lucas and they were both really tired so as they were kissing they slowly stopped and fell asleep. Jay and Lucas woke up, Lucas was no longer drunk and asked Jay what happened because he had forgotten from being so drunk. Jay told Lucas what happened and he was confused to how it all happened but Lucas accepted himself as most likely being bi since he liked Jay. From then on they were both boyfriends and Jay moved out of his house to live with Lucas, everything was perfect, Jay was with the man he loved for ages and they were living together.

As Winter ended Jay took some time off work with Lucas to go on a trip together.

The end.

hope you guys liked that, might make some more fanfics and if you comment a ship I will probably make a fanfic of them.

[fuckinnproblems]

1-150 if ur not a pu$$y

1. Do you bite or lick ice cream? •lick def2. What is home to you? •home is a lot of things to me. Home can sometimes be my actual house. Home is my family in KY and the little house my nana lives in and the farm my grandpa own. Home is Bowling Green , which is connected to the same family. Home is the softball field I grew up on. Home is hunter’s arms. Etc. 3. What was the last lie you told? •idk I don’t lie?? But i think I did tell someone I would call him back and I had no intentions of doing so lmao 4. Does everyone deserve the truth? •woah tf …. uh. I’d say so yes. Yes. 5. What is the creepiest toy ever made? •those fuckin dolls like idk what they’re called but good god 6. Describe a moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation. •oh good heavens. My mind is really going to this one time when I accidentally dined and dashed but idk if that’s what this question is asking. 7. List two things that are more easily done than said. (No, I didn’t mix them up.) •giving directions, like I would much rather show you where than try to tell you. And idk I think it’s easier to show someone how much you care for them instead of just trying to find the right words (in most scenarios)8. When was the last time you worked really hard to achieve something? •few months ago 9. How many all nighters have you pulled? •not a ton tbh I’m weak 10. If humans didn’t evolve to laugh or smile, how would we express our happiness instead? •with our hands11. How many romantic “things” or “flings” have you had? •wtf does this mean um well as far as girls go,l I’ve had 3, including hunter right now. Guys… lmao …. let’s just say 3-4 roughly lmao. 12. What is your paradise? •a gorgeous beach with bright blue water with sailboats and white soft sand 13. What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) •I personally love piano music in the background tbh OR waves crashing 14. How many hearts do you think you have broken? •well I don’t make it my goal to have a running count of broken hearts , I want to say 1, maybe 2 , let’s say 1.515. What is the most important thing about electronics? What does this say about you? •I think electronics are an amazing way to keep in touch with not only your close friends and family, but the world and it can allow you to educate yourself and learn things. I guess this suggests I’m a pretty progressive person lol and I’m all about learning. 16. Why do people care about celebrities? Do you care about celebrities? •People care about celebrities because everyone likes to have someone to “idolize” or to “mimic.” I don’t care about them on this level because they’re just people, but if there are celebrities doing really good things with their “power” then I’m here for that And if they’re acting ridiculous then sometimes I gotta catch up on the beef. 😌😌😌17. What is the most annoying thing someone can do to you?•sit there and crunch on some food and chew obnoxiously 18. Do you overexaggerate? What are the pros and cons of this? •oh yes all the time, I’ve gotten bad at it but you can always tell I’m joking so I mean I never do it to cause harm. 19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments? •yesss clarinet 3rd chair wooooooo & I had a brief date with the piano 20. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not? •uh well sometimes I do and then other times I hate it because when I decide I wanna take them it’s usually Bc I feel like I’m lookin good and then I take a selfie and I’m like AHH WHAY A MONSTER21. List 3 things you like about yourself? •my eyes, my smile , my arms22. What is the best advice someone has ever given you? •I have received a lot of amazing advice over the years honestly, like I could @ a lot of people right now and I’m truly blessed to have had that and on so many different aspects. It really depends! But honestly the most recent advice was just generally how to not let people walk all over me (although it was said much prettier)23. Do you have what it takes to raise a child? Why or why not? •well not now but I like to think I will eventually. 24. How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? •who said I cheer myself up 👀👀 nah jk, a lot of the times if I’ve had a bad day I treat myself to some Starbucks 25. When was the last time you felt awkward? •like an hour ago . Basically 24/726. Are you introverted or extroverted? Or a mixture of both? •introvert all the way. Like literally took a test in psych and I got a perfect 10 in introvert and not a single point in extrovert. 27. What constitutes a good friend? •this is tricky. There are different levels of friend!!! Lmao. Honestly a GOOD FRIEND will support you and never try to change who you truly are. Like above all. 28. Would you rather have a lot of friends to hang out with or just one best friend? •one bff29. In a regular day, what do you not want to hear? •Idk what this means like I’m taking that three different ways 30. What is your dream job? •right now an orthopedic PA 31. Is it better to be lazy but smart or hardworking but unintelligent? •hardworking 32. What is a truth about yourself that others find hard to believe? •33. What have you always wondered about the other gender? •LMAO many things but honestly how you ride a bike with a dick34. Which fantasy world would you like to visit the most? •I don’t do fantasy N/A35. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. •IVE HAD SO MANY WINNERS. Honestly the cake goes to the most recent someone that was my close friend for an entire summer, learned me, talked about serious stuff with me, cared, etc and then suddenly dropped me and then talked shit and then told lies and then told people I was gay and her reasoning for why she thought I was gay (when she had literally made me feel so safe months before) and the reason was an extremely personal story. :) but honestly there’s another one that prob beats her but I just can’t even rn. 36. Imagine that you have switched bodies with someone you don’t know. You can’t switch back. What do you do? •make the most of it I guess idk 37. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? •I have mixed feelings on this because I’ve always wanted to live forever while at the same time I think that would be miserable so 38. What is the most important, applicable class you have ever taken? •I took a finances class it was good 39. Name the last book you read. • I think “love anthony”40. Imagine that you are unable to express emotion. How would this affect your world? •it would suck not being able to show people I was happy to be with them and it would suck being trapped in my own mind 41. When was the last time you made the first move? • @ hunter have I ever 42. What is your opinion on electronic music such as dubstep or trap? •I’ve listened to both. I don’t shut down either. But I’m not some big fan. 43. What was the last movie you watched? • I watched a documentary the other day about the NCAA I can’t remember what it was called 44. Do you like and appreciate your life? •rn I do like my life and I appreciate life in general 45. Do you like and appreciate yourself? •I suppose. 46. When was the last time you cried? • 4 or 5 days ago I think 47. What are you scared of? •death, heights, spiders etc 48. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? •there is so many tbh but the one in mind rn is when I walked right by this sweet sweet Spanish teacher as a senior and she said “hola, coma Estas?” And I looked at her…. smiled…. and walked right by her. KMS on that one 49. What are some of your hobbies? •photography is my biggest tbh 50. What is a superficial yet annoying mistake you constantly make? •I don’t know but I’m sure it’s something 51. Are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a bad friend? •I think I’m pretty good I’m pretty chill I give lots of chances I give advice etc 52. Do you honestly learn from your mistakes? •some better than others but at some point yes 53. What have you learned the hard way? •not to stay with people that are bad for you just because you think you owe it to them 54. What is the most important thing to have in order to attain happiness? •respect for yourself 55. Which medium do you use for expressing your artistic emotions? (Singing, writing, etc.) •writing or photography 56. Are you a creative or a logical thinker? •I feel like logical 57. What is the smartest thing you have ever done? •I don’t know lol58. What is your ideal meal? •pasta is always a go to but idc I’m not picky 59. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date? •not speak or be interesting 60. Do you like animals? Which kind is your favorite? •love them. Love tigers a lot and sting rays 61. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? •62. Do you have any guilty pleasures? •yes 63. What is the best thing that the internet has ever created? •the ability to search for wonderful tutorials 64. Do you like playing video games? Which video games? •yes imma fuq u up on Mario kart 65. What is your opinion on beauty in today’s society? •it’s twisted and fucked up and honestly fuck society 66. Are you a morning person? When do you usually wake up? •no and between 930-10 usually 67. Do you have a favorite Disney movie? Character? •I love me some finding dory or finding nemo 68. Would you rather live in the city or in the countryside? •I go back and forth on this one. 69. Would you rather live near the ocean or in the mountains? •ocean 70. What are the best things about winter? •getting to wear hoodies !!! 71. What scares you most about the future? •inadequacy 72. What makes you feel old? •little kids I played with as a kid that are suddenly about to enter high school , movies I loved as a kid 73. How many hours do you spend on the computer or phone on average? •eh i dunno. I check my phone all day but I don’t really sit downnnnn on it but a few times a day74. What are some of your New Year’s resolutions? •to better myself, workout gains, and as always , grow 75. What is your life story in 6 words? “Struggle, fight and the come up 76. Describe yourself in one word. •shy77. What bad habits do you do? •bite on pens, pick nails, etc 78. What genre of music do you listen to? •literally everything except country tbh 79. Most prominent childhood memory?rn my head is going to rolling acorns down my grandpas steep driveway idk why 80. Imagine if you had an older brother. If you already have one, what is it like? If you don’t, how would this change your life? •I feel like it would change how I didnsports and how I interacted with people 81. Spirit animal? •tiger or panda 82. Do you believe in horoscopes? •eh whatever they’re fun 83. What is the worst advice you’ve ever been given? •once you’re not s teenager, this will all get better”84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now. •hunter, kayla, Avery/alex85. Favorite memory of your family. •too many to choose rn 86. What do you look for in a relationship? •not controlling behavior lmao 87. Do you have a role model? Why or why not? •i do and mostly because of the time I was going trough and how they were for me 88. What is your opinion on social media? •it can be super good it can be super bad 89. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? •eh sometimes both 90. List some things that you think are overpriced? •feminine hygiene products tf, bottled water, real necessities 91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience? •I’d rather not 92. What superpower would ruin the world? •WTF IDK PROB INVISIBILITY 93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? •I swore I’d never ever even date in high school but I totally did 94. What lessons have you learned from movies and which movies were they? •idk the movies but really just to not ever give up 95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? •I wanna do lots of traveling so anywhere 96. How do you approach people? •I let them approach me :)))) or I do it prob awkwardly 97. What is your opinion on first impressions? •they can be impactful even falsely, and I’m awful at them 98. What are some things you did as a child that you no longer do? •I used to collect those pressed pennies 99. What languages can you speak? •English barely 100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years? •at this rate a fuckin DISASTER 101. What do you do on your lazy days? •I spend time outside or I read 102. What ended your last relationship? •extreme jealousy and controlling abusive behavior 103. Favorite food? •idek im not picky I love pasta 104. What is the most terrifying dream you’ve ever had? •school shootings 105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? •few months ago. Prob either February or April. 106. What was the last friendship you broke? •few months ago also 107. Do you have any pet peeves? •TONS108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to? •coach terry109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed? •today 110. What part of your personality do you want to change? •how forgiving it tends to be 111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now? •hunter tbh like she stays giving me fire advice and helping me out and is my best friend 112. What is your biggest motivation? •those who doubt me 113. What did you want to be when you were little? •this is funny but I went from wanting to be a “baby doctor” (basically OB/GYN) to the flag waver at NASCAR races (I don’t even watch NASCAR) 114. What are some things that you are good at? •I’m good at sporty things usually, photography I think, etc 115. What is one thing you want to be good at? •piano 116. What distracts you the most, especially when you’re trying to work? •noise 117. How important is privacy to you?•I like privacy tbh so I guess fairly important but in the right times 118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be? •acceptance 119. What’s the craziest lie you’ve ever told? •I used to be a cheerleader 120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties? •nothing ?? Idk121. What is the lamest thing that you have seen someone do? • idk I see some dumbass shit on insta daily 122. What is the stupidest thing you’ve done to impress someone? •pretended I was into things I wasn’t 123. What is your morning routine? •I wake up and eventually go in the bathroom and brush my teeth and wash my face and pee 124. What’s the last thing you did that is worth remembering? •last night w hunter 125. If karma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you? •I’m sure hurt me idk 126. What is your opinion on playing “hard to get?” •tf even stop it 127. What are the pros and cons of straightforward? •it can be good because you know straight off the bar but it can also mess with people who have been thru stuff or are quiet or unsure and it could spook them 128. What do you consider “leading” someone on? •letting someone believe they have a chance when really they don’t 129. Are you the friendzoner or the friendzoned? •friendzoner130. What do you admire most about your friends? •their passion for their interests 131. What do you admire most about your family? •their humor 132. What is your opinion on “going with the flow?” •it’s a great concept how do you do it 133. Do you enjoy talking or listening? •listening 10/10134. When is it time to end a friendship? •when it is no longer benefiting you and making you question yourself 135. What is the worst excuse you’ve ever come up with? •my phone was just on the fritz tbh 136. If GPA didn’t matter, what courses would you have taken? •some AP history 137. What are your favorite baby names? •I love girls with “boy” names, so like Carter or something. I also love the game Jay or Alex or 138. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? •today kinda 139. What instantly ruins a conversation? •no longer conversations but TELLUNG 140. Biggest turn ons and turn on offs. •check the anon tag tbh. Turn on: lip biting , apparently aggressiveness and teasing and hair pulling etc Turn offs: bad breath, weird talking 141. Biggest disappointment. •shit myMom did 142. Do you have any self-restraint? •yes143. When did you last do something outside of your comfort zone? •it’s been a while 144. Prized possession(s)? •idk that I have one tbh. 145. What is your opinion on second chances? •well I seem to give them out like candy so . But nah they can be worth it for sure 146. Text or call? •text unless you’re hunter then I don’t mind a good call 147. What do you like about the 21st century? •technological advancements 148. What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago? •this sucks and I know you don’t like a whole bunch right now but this seriously will get better and you don’t have to believe everything you hear and you can learn to love yourself and you don’t need to let people manipulate you. 149. How organized are you? •very150. Favorite mode of transportation. •car for the naps but don’t mind planes these days

[andialmostdo]

selena gomez, jade thirlwall, taylor swift and tori kelly for the rp meme!!!

ahh hey bb!!

thanks so much for these!!

selena gomez // annette sanchez, 24. – addicted to youtube, iced tea and sleep.

essentially the world’s best dad trapped in the body of a 24 year old girl who is slowly trying to earn a degree and just….. not doing it.

she goes to school for a semester, drops out, takes a year off, reapplies, goes to school for a semester, drops out, and repeats the process over and over again it’s literally mind blowing how this is happening.

she is a youtuber but like not a beauty youtuber or anything, she’s a video game youtuber and by that i mean she plays pokemon and the sims games and gets paid to record it and put it on the internet while talking.

her favorite holiday is halloween and she has been a witch every single year for the past 23 years of her whole entire life.

she is one of those lesbians that is trying really hard to look gay while also looking femme so she wears a lot of muscle tanks and snapbacks but also makeup.

she’s got an iron stomach and fast metabolism. she can eat literally anything she wants and however much she wants. she’s a master at chubby bunny. she sort of lives on coffee most of the day and eats pizza all night. 

she’s always been interested in martial arts and fighting. so don’t say fight me because she will literally fight you.

she is legitimately obsessed with lush bath bombs and other products and spends way too much money on them. so if you can’t find her she’s probably taking a bath.

she’s really fucking competitive at mario kart and mario party and most board games. she rages when she plays and she plays when she’s drunk and it’s the most entertaining thing. there are videos on youtube of it.

jade thirlwall // sutter nasser, 22. – wants to end up on a deserted island with bruno mars and twenty million dogs.

her dad isn’t the same as her siblings bc her parents were told they couldn’t get pregnant so they did in vitro with a sperm donor with sutter and then by the time her siblings were popping out they basically learned that the doctor was 500% wrong.

wants to be on house hunters but realizes that her budget would be like $1000 and that’s not something she super wants to broadcast on television, so.

frugal to a fault. would rather live in a dumpster behind a grocery store than have to spend money on food and shelter, but that’s socially unacceptable so she lives in an apartment with like 30 other people.

she was the Biggest Disappointment to her rock and roll dad when instead of picking up the bass and tearing at the strings, her instrument of choice was an old, beat up cello she brought home from middle school one day.

she is almost always playing with her hair, putting it in buns, twirling a strand, always something ridiculous and elaborate to have attention kept on her face.

she has really strong opinions and doesn’t always like to be told she’s wrong which often leads her to getting confused rather easily in regards to some things.

taylor swift // luna sullivan, 27. – a spontaneous person who loves pastries.

she and her siblings lived that silver spoon life, but luna was almost completely independent by the time she left high school. i say almost, bc no one is gonna say no to financial help when they’re getting started in their adult life.

she really still has all the sensibilities of an eleven year old boy. she lives for danger and if someone tells her no, she’s going to want to do it all the more.

she’s boisterous with a capital b. she has no time for anyone’s bullshit and will not beat around the bush for anyone.

she also owns a crossbow and more than knows how to use it so, like, maybe don’t cross her? pun intended.

biggest flirt ever. about 70% of her flirting is because of genuine interest in at least hooking up with someone, 10% is because she learned that you can get ANYWHERE if you flirt with the right people, and the last 20% is because, WHY NOT? but if someone makes it very clear they’re not interested in her flirting, then she’ll stop. she’s a flirt, not a monster who doesn’t understand boundaries.

a lot of fun to be around, as she’s full of energy and life, and often has an interesting point of view to offer people that many others don’t have.

was never truly interested in school, or books, and is more of a hands-on kind of girl, and excelled well in a technical high school, where she studied culinary arts and went on to do that at the community college, too.

she used to enjoy cooking extremely interesting and foreign dishes, but stepped into the life of a pastry chef, which resulted in her becoming a baker and sticking strictly to desserts, which are her absolute weakness.

completely open to the existence and ideas of reincarnation, ghosts, bizarre scientific theories, and has the time to occasionally dabble in equally strange conspiracy theories that she really has no clue about.

she has a tendency to know things before they actually happen, which may come from an awesome ability to read people well, or just the ability to predict events because she can see the clues leading up to them.

while she can be straightforward and a little tough, she’s a sweetheart deep down on the inside.

tori kelly // sunny alexander, 24. – a little cutie with a love for art.

she is a 24 year old art student who is slowly meandering her ways towards her master’s in education but she keeps taking time off and dropping classes so it’s taking her quite awhile considering she initially did a 5 year program that would give her both her bachelor’s and her master’s.

she was supposed to graduate may of 2017 but….. that’s not happening.

is the daughter of two weird hippies who thought it was so great to name their twin daughters sunny and moon.

she’s a feminist and it will usually take someone about 20 seconds of conversation to figure this out about her, and that’s only if you didn’t notice her feminist tattoos and her fave t-shirt that says “this is what a feminist looks like”.

she’s not as intersectional as she really should be and tbh she believes in feminist unity above all else.

a huge part of the reason it’s taking her so long to get her degree is because she spends huge portions of her time in the library reading stuff that has nothing to do with her bachelors or masters degree just because learning interests her.

her favorite snapchat filter is the dog filter and she will tear you a new asshole if you so much as imply she should stop using it at the frequency that she does.

when she’s not all riled up, she’s a really cool person to be around. she’s super chill and likes listening to music and doing her art and writing.

she still watches disney channel and she falls asleep every single night with it playing in the background.

has a lot of feelings, and the strongest one is that there’s something wrong with her. she doesn’t really know what is wrong with her or missing, but it’s something. it’s kind of why she keeps herself so busy all the time, so that she can ignore that she is somehow an incomplete person.

writes a lot, and some of it is fiction and some of it is scholarly things about gender. her largest area of interest is female beauty standards in the media, so if you want to get her talking, that’s a good subject to bring up.

she’s really flighty and has a hard time sticking to plans that she’s made, especially if she’s having a great time by herself (which happens frequently) she finds it difficult to stop what she’s doing and go interact with people, so she will just cancel the plans that she made instead.

cannot cook anything without burning it, so her kitchen goes entirely unused and she eats exclusively take-out and things that don’t need to be cooked.

[chinchilla-ocs]

Jess & Antonio

Jess is a 15 year old kid who is tall as heck and adorable and wears skirts and hoodies and flower crowns and knows magic and can be sarcastic sometimes, but mostly he’s really nice and awkward. They have long curly blonde hair, that they sometimes dye blue, and dark blue eyes. He has really faint freckles that become more obvious during summer. They’re non-binary and use he/him/they/them pronouns. Their father kicked him out when they were little, and he was adopted by someone else who raised him and taught him magic. He likes musicals, fashion, reading, and playing video games. He has an adopted sister named Ryana. His biological sister Jane still lives with their father and eventually gets adopted by Jess’s adopted dad later on.

Antonio is a 16 year old guy who’s a junior in high school. He has white hair (dyed) and brown eyes. He’s involved with a lot of sports (Soccer, track, wrestling and swimming) and does well in school. His favorite classes are history and English and will go on forever about whatever thing he was learning about in class that day if it interested him. He can’t use magic, but his cousin Ophelia is very skilled at it. He has no siblings. He likes reading, motorcycles, classical music and video games. He has anxiety, although he often tries to hide his symptoms from people he’s not comfortable with.

- Jess steals Antonio’s sports jackets and they fit him, although the sleeves are a bit short.

- When Antonio gets a new interest Jess listens to him talk about it even if they would have no interest otherwise (Jess knows an awful lot about random topics that otherwise he would never have known)

- when jess wanted to dye their hair blue the first time, they made a huge mess and Antonio ended up having to help them (“Babe you look like you just killed a smurf or something” “I know I messed up, just help me”)

- Jess shows up to Antonio’s games and practices even though they dont understand some of it ((They still enjoy it a lot) “touchdown!” “Wrong sport” “oh”)

- Antonio listens to musicals with Jess and watches the bootlegs and listens to Jess ramble

- Antonio can pick up Jess easily, Jess is lowkey terrified but also lowkey is like: omg my bf is so strong

- Antonio once tried to figure out how to make flower crowns without Jess to surprise them and ended up with a ton of failed flower crowns and a surprising amount of frustration (“FLOWER CROWNS SHOULDN’T BE THIS DIFFICULT TO HANDLE”) Ophelia was there, although she didn’t help, instead sometimes making sarcastic comments.

- Antonio can’t figure out math to save his life, Jess tries to help him but they don’t use the same methods as the school does and they both end up frustrated

- Antonio gets Jess a Tumblr

- Jess’s Tumblr is Gay, aesthetic, and social justice stuff and some memes. He also has a boyfriend tag where he posts pictures of Antonio (with his permission) and tags stuff Antonio would like. He tags everything and is organized

- Antonio’s tumblr is several years old and a giant mess of gay stuff, sports, and memes. Once he started dating Jess, he made a boyfriend tag as well. He also writes like love letters to jess in the tags of his posts like every night and Jess gets embarrassed but he loves it

- Jess mumbles in his sleep, Antonio likes to tease him about it (“awwwww you were talking about me” “probably cuz you keep hoarding the blankets” “rude”)

- Jess likes hugs and holding hands and cuddling, Antonio doesn’t complain (he won’t admit it but he likes it too)

- they made a playlist and it’s like. 2000’s music from their childhood, classical music, and musicals, and any other random songs they like.

- Antonio also tried learning how to braid hair and stuff, and is slowly getting better at it

- At Halloween Jess gets really into the costumes and they dress up as a couple together

- Both of them have no chill and talk about the other a lot to their friends (Antonio: “I love-”) (Everyone: “you love jess, they’re amazing and adorable, we know.”)

- Antonio gets really freaked out by thunder storms and bugs. Jess and Antonio have a lot of sleep overs, Jess calms Antonio down, if they’re not together he and Antonio text or are on call. Jess usually gets the bugs and takes them outside, he teases Antonio a little about it (“my big tough boyfriend is scared of a little cricket” “IT JUMPS AND ITS CREEPY JESS”)

- Jess likes anime and Antonio watches it with him

- Jess watches sports with Antonio

- Jess pronounces gif like Jif, Antonio pronounces it like gif. They get into arguments about it (not too serious though)

- Antonio sometimes has trouble sleeping, but not when he’s with jess

- Jess convinced Antonio to let them do his makeup (“what’s that pencil” “eye liner” “why is it a pencil” “I don’t know, I didn’t make the makeup, now sit still”)

- Antonio decides the makeup isn’t for him, but he does start painting his nails

- Jess has a love/hate relationship with horror/creepy stuff. (“I can’t sleep” “Maybe don’t watch horror videos before bed?” “….. babe”)

- Antonio loves the ocean, Jess can’t stand it, but he likes looking for shells. (Antonio got them to go in by carrying them and not letting go. Jess would only go in knee deep. Although that is deeper for Antonio than Jess)

- Antonio is 5'4 (“AND 3/4S!!”) and Jess is 5'10"

- Antonio’s birthday is in the summer, Jess’s is in late December

- Antonio loves summer and Jess can’t stand it (“It’s too hot” “it’s only like 70 degrees” “I’m literally melting” “okay”)

- Antonio hates cold, Jess loves it (“babe you’re wearing a t-shirt In below freezing weather you need to put on a jacket” “oh come on, it’s not that cold”)

- Jess puts his hair up a lot (Antonio starts to carry around hair ties for Jess)

- Jess makes 1 inappropriate joke or swears once and Antonio is shocked for like a full 24 hours afterwards

- Jess’s dad refers to Antonio as “Ant farm” especially ironic considering his fear of any and all bugs

- jess can sing, and Antonio can too although he’s not as good at it (Antonio quit chorus in freshman year) Jess makes him sing duets from musicals sometimes

- Antonio’s team mates are super supportive of them

- Jess works in his dad’s shop, and Antonio visits a lot

- “Babe that’s gay” “we’ve been dating for months” “I know!!! It’s great”

- “What’s that musical, the one with the death?” “Be more specific” “the high school one!” “… be more specific”

- Why were you up at 3 AM" “excuse you. It was 2:53 when I messaged you, Not 3 AM”

- Antonio really loves Hamilton because history!!!

- jess uses too many emojis and !!! And ????

- Antonio thinks it’s adorable

- Antonio: *holding a puppy* it’s so small… I love it Jess: I love you Antonio: what Jess: what

I have no chill or self control

[ohhimatt]

Reasons Why

1. You’re hot. Like super hot. Like Lauren was like wtf Michaela when I was like idk if I should hook up with you 

2. You’re super smart. There’s this Frank Ocean song “Novacane” and he’s describing like this perf girl(?) idk he’s gay so maybe a guy but anyway “brain like Berkeley” that’s a line in it. That’s you. Frank Ocean would date you for your brain. How does that make you feel? 

3. You know how to handle your alcohol. This feels like a skill I would never possess, so it’s cool that one of us can do it 

4. Head. Game. Strong. Like I was super not down for that and then it happened, and wow 

5. You’re really just great in bed in general. I mean, I was willing to hook up with you more than once, and that’s not very me of me 

6. You’re always complimenting me. And like yeah I don’t really know how to handle that, and it makes me kinda squirmy, but it’s still kinda great tbh 

7. You put up with me when I’m a mess, and you listen to me complain about things that really don’t make sense to be complaining about, and you don’t invalidate my feelings or make me feel dumb for feeling things 

8. You basically kept me alive on Fourth of July, and you didn’t make fun of me for being the definition of shit show, and that was supposed to be a fun holiday for you to get drunk, but you had to deal with me, and you didn’t even (appear to) get mad at me for ruining it 

9. You put up with me at concerts even though we’re very obviously in two different places, and I sometimes look like I’m really not having much fun, and you don’t get annoyed with me for not having the same energy that you have 

10. You remember a lot of the things on the seemingly unending list of health issues I have, and it’s nice that I don’t have to keep explaining why I can’t or shouldn’t eat or do things 

11. You just remember things about me in general, which is really sweet 

12. You get wine for me. This is actually very important. Like yeah a $5 bottle of wine doesn’t seem like much, but it is. It’s super important 

13. You let me hang out with your friends. Your friends are an important part of your life, and you’re sharing that with me, and like idk that’s just super cool 

14. You’re super funny. Like yeah part of it is because of how obnoxious you are, but this is like so so so important. I’ve slept with super not okay guys because they were funny, but you’re great and funny and also somehow interested in me. Idk why but wow yay awesome 

15. You got me into snapchat. I used to not be into it as an app at all other than for sending nudes sometimes, but wtf this app is fun, and I would have never realized that if I hadn’t started using it just to keep our streak going 

16. You were willing to be friends with me. Okay this one really doesn’t seem like much, but it is. It is so so so hard to find guys who are willing to be my friend without the promise of sleeping with me in the future, and we hung out for months without hooking up, and besides Justin you’re like the only guy I’ve met in college that was willing to do that, so like idk it was just really cool 

17. Your choice in movies is A+. Okay yeah this one goes both ways because we like the same movies, but I wanted to say it anyway 

18. You brought me Taco Bell when I was super drunk, and if that’s not the sweetest thing ever than idk what is 

19. You let me steal your shirts. This is also super important because stolen shirts are more comfortable than non stolen shirts, especially when they come from a significant other 

 20. You don’t get angry with me when you’re drunk. Maybe this is one of those bare minimum things again, but I’ve never experienced this, so I’m going to count it 

21. You don’t get super jealous about things. Like I can still go out, hang out with my friends, go to frat parties, and I don’t have to worry about you getting all weird about it 

22. You finish my alcohol for me when I severely overestimate me drinking capabilities 

23. You put up with Lauren. This should honestly count as two. If you’re not the kind of person that wants to be her friend, she can be a lot, so you hanging out with her and not hating her or me for bringing her along is great 

24. You have sick friends, and I feel like that reflects on how sick you are as a person 

25. You’ll sit and chill with me after I eat things I’m not supposed to, and you don’t just tell me that I did this to myself the whole time even though I definitely did 

26. You don’t even realize what a gem you are. Like you’re somehow unaware that you’re the coolest person ever, and it’s kinda adorable lol 

27. You play soccer. My tinder bio used to say “My only weakness is soccer players” Yeah sure I can’t play anymore, but there’s just something about soccer players that makes them better than everyone else. Idk

28. You share things with me. I know sharing isn’t really your thing, but you still do it sometimes, and it’s really cool when you do, and then I feel all special that you feel comfortable enough with me to do that 

29. You put in effort. I guess this kinda relates to the last ones, but you try to do things that matter to me like sharing things, and idk it’s just super cool 

30. You understand consent. Okay yeah I guess this is one of those bare minimum things again, but understand that this can’t be said for most of the guys I’m around on a regular basis 

31. You like my cats. So many people are so against cats, and yeah maybe dogs are better, but my cats matter lol 

32. You have good taste in music. And now that I’m not afraid of concerts anymore this is super important because I feel like I could pretty much ask you to go to any concert with me and you would be down because we’re kinda into the same people 

33. You’re always boosting my self confidence. Even when I don’t feel like I look that great you tell me that I do, and it’s annoying as fuuuuuuck, but I guess I kinda like it too 

34. Okay this one is going to sound so so lame, so never repeat it. Just read it once and never talk about it again. But you make me feel all warm and fuzzy, and I really forgot what that felt like, but now I feel like that all the time, and fuck you for that, but also thanks I guess lol 

35. Sometimes you do this thing where you’ll push my hair back behind my ear, and normally that’s something I would hate because ew human contact, but I kinda like it when you do it 

36. You sorta made me question everything I thought I hated about relationships, and I hated that at first, but I’m happier now, so I guess that’s a good thing. I’m a lot less salty about relationships in general now 

37. You’re super reassuring. Whenever I tell you about how much I’m doubting myself or my life choices, you make me feel better about not having myself as together as I would like to be 

38. I swear every single time I wake up in the middle of the night and move a little you move closer to me or pull me closer to you, and it’s adorable. It’s something I would have absolutely hated a few months ago, but now I really like it 

39. You get along with Max. This might not seem like it’s that hard, but he hates everyone, so this is actually really big 

40. You let me be extra. I’m so so so extra, and I normally just feel like I’m being super annoying, but you let me do me, and that’s cool 

41. You’ve seen the absolute worst snapchats and videos of me, but for some reason you’re still into me? That’s wild 

42. You passed my vine test. Okay yeah this one doesn’t seem like much, but it shows that you were actually paying attention to all of the vines I sent you instead of just kinda looking at them because you had to 

43. You’re always down. Like for whatever. I feel like I could come at you with any idea of something we should do and you would be like yeah 

44. I made the worst first impression on you. The first thing I said to you was oh my god you’re the guy who cheated on my sorority sister. And for some reason you didn’t just say fuck off and walk away. And here we are now, so thanks for not being a dick lol 

45. You for some reason don’t think I look like some sort of weird alien without eyebrows. And? You?? Tell??? Me???? I????? Look?????? Good?¿?¿?¿? 

46. Your bed. This counts because it’s an extension of you. I love your bed oh my god how is it so comfortable??? 

47. You make me drinks. Not only that, but you’ll make me drinks that are only 50% the strength that they should be because you know I’m a lightweight when it comes to that 

48. You’re weird, but you’re a good weird. I don’t know why it took me until now to list this. This should have been how I started the list tbh 

49. You didn’t freak out on me and tell me I was being weird or rushing things even though I made you meet my dad already and I’m about to make you meet my mom when you get back. I def felt like as far as normal relationships go, I kinda did this earlier than I was supposed to, but my parents like to be super involved in my life like that, and I don’t want to deal with them complaining about not knowing who you are 

50. You make me happy. This probably should have been number one. Not that these are in any type of order, but this one is probably the most important. And even before we were dating, just hanging out with you as a friend made me happier, and idk like not a lot of people actually make me happier just by existing in my general vicinity, but you do. So yeah.. okay I’m ending this list for now, but this is in no way a complete list. It’s just complete enough for me to fairly say that you’re the gem. You’re the national treasure, and you’re honestly such a catch that it’s obvious that I’m the one who tricked you into liking me

51. You didn’t freak out when I was like, “oh. hey. yeah. I’m really fucking depressed.” Not only that, but you were super understanding, and I don’t even think you know how helpful you’ve been, but like.. Just thanks

52. You (as far as I know) don’t go through my phone without asking me. I really hate it when people do that. Not that I have anything to hide, but I just feel like it’s really rude, so good on you for not doing that, especially since you know this blog exists and is pretty much only accessible through my phone

53. You put up with how fucking indecisive I am literally all the time. Like wow I’m basically incompetent when it comes to ordering anything off of a menu, and you don’t get mad at me for staring at it forever

54. You’re a super reasonable person. I know you know this because you say this a lot, but it’s true, and that’s nice. I feel like I never have to worry about you getting mad at me for something small or insignificant

55. You let me play drinking games with your friends on your team even though I suck. You don’t make me sit out to save yourself the embarrassment of how bad I am

56. You aren’t weirded out that I made this list or the fact that I keep adding onto this list in my free time

57. You don’t get weird about how much I like your friends. Like I fucking love John, but you’re not like weirdly threatened by that, which is super nice

58. You do this really cute thing where you’ll come up behind me when I’m staring at myself in a mirror, and idk, but like, I like that

59. Free frozen yogurt. That should count for something. I don’t even care if I’m lactose intolerant. This has to count as a perk of dating you

60. Oh god. You listened to me when I was puking on FaceTime on New Year’s, and you weren’t like ew wtf why am I dating her? You just like kinda dealt with me, and I know a lot of these numbers are me just talking about times I made you put up with my drunk ass, and I could probably condense them all into one, but I feel like I’m so bad when I’m drunk that they should all count as individual points

61. You’re not hella weird about my body count or the fact that I don’t even know my number. A lot of guys get really fucking weird about that, so it’s cool that you’re not like that

62. Tbh you got me back into tumblr. I know this wasn’t directly you, but I had to replace Tinder with a different time wasting app, and I had forgotten how much I liked tumblr and being able to type out my feelings, and now I’m doing that again, and tbh typing things out is really cathartic, so even though this isn’t something you really did, it’s a result of you existing, so I’m counting that

63. You like La Burrita. I swear to god everyone tells me it’s trash, but I don’t care. It’s good, and I’m no longer the only one who likes it

64. You don’t feel threatened by my friendship with Justin. Not that there’s any reason you should feel threatened, but I’m used to guys feeling threatened by any friendship I have with another guy (which tbh doesn’t make much sense because they don’t mind my girl friends, and I like girls too???)

65. I can be like, “I fucking hate all men” and you don’t feel attacked, and you get that it’s’ not about you or all men but like a lot of men

66. You got me to break celibate summer/school year seventeen, and if you hadn’t done that, I might still be celibate, and wow what a sad life

67. We’ve spoken every single day since we’ve met, and I’m pretty bad about texting first a lot of the time, so that means this has probably been due to a lot of effort on your part, so that’s just really cool tbh. I appreciate the effort

68. You weren’t like wtf Michaela when I told you I look up statistics on when the average couple had their first fight, said I love you, met parents, etc. I know it was a little weird that I was so concerned about that, so thanks for not making me feel weirder about it

69. Lmao 69. The ratio is so bad. So so bad. So in my favor. I’m so sorry, but also wow ty. You’re the best

70. You don’t get frustrated with me when I get overwhelmed by seemingly simple things like ordering off of menus or being in large crowds

71. You put up with the fact that the paint is literally peeling off of the walls in my room, and I don’t do anything about it. Like I know it’s really bad..

72. You still wanted to be my friend after dropping acid with me. I was super annoying and not okay, and I know that, so I’m glad that that didn’t make you hate me lol

73. You send me things on twitter. It isn’t just me sending you a bunch of stuff and you being like lol. Like having someone send you a tweet like hey thought you might think this was funny too is such a great feeling

74. You like Black Mirror. I don’t feel like this really needs explaining. You shouldn’t date people who don’t like Black Mirror. Something is probably wrong with them

75. I can call you out on things, and you don’t get really angry with me. Like I don’t have to be worried about being like, “hey you’re wrong” which is cool because that has always led to problems in my past relationships

76.  You aren’t super weirded out by how invested I get in your friends’ relationships. I care a lot about Min-cob, Max-chaela, and C-an (New development: Car-lex)

77. You make me drink water, which is really nice because I forget to do that really often when I’m hanging out with people

78. I just feel comfortable around you. I feel like I can speak candidly about my mental disorders or my past traumas, and you’re not going to judge me for any of it

79.  You like Taco Bell. I know that Taco Bell has already been mentioned, but it deserves its own number on this list because it’s so important to my life. I honestly don’t think I could date you if you didn’t like Taco Bell tbh

80. Your laugh. I don’t think I’ve said anything about this yet, which is weird because I’m literally already at 80, but I really love your laugh

81. You’ve helped me to be a better person just by existing. I went from being the most vindictive person ever (like actual snake emoji personified) to being completely uninterested in revenge or ruining lives. I don’t even know why. I guess I just felt like you would like me better if I was nicer because Stephen introduced us, so obviously you like nice people, and I kinda like nice me better too tbh, so thanks

82. You didn’t want to stop being my friend when I stopped having coke all the time, and I know this doesn’t seem that big, but I’ve had it happen enough times that it’s a big thing

83. EDC is a thing. And this year it’s going to be a thing that both of us are at. Together. Wow. Just the idea of this has me excited af. Tbh the idea of future plans with you in general has me super excited

84. I have now experienced Korean barbecue thanks to you, and you didn’t make fun of me for having to switch seats with you part way through because there was too much going on in front of me

85. You supported my tuna egg, even though it turned out to be (unsurprisingly) gross..

86. Cheez-Its vs. Cheese Nips. I hate you, and you’re wrong, but I also kinda feel like this is going to be a debate that goes on forever, and it’s kinda funny, so I’m going to count it as a reason

87. You only kinda made fun of me for how much I cried watching South Paw, which like fuck you for making fun of me, but you cuddled me to make me feel better too, so I guess I can’t complain

88. Okay you don’t know it yet, but since we’ve been dating I’ve had this playlist of songs that just make me think about you for whatever reason (Actually, now that I think about it, I’m going to make a post explaining them), and I listen to it when I need to cheer up because thinking about you makes me happy. Sorry I’m so lame wtf omg

89. You’re willing to binge watch shows with me. We literally watched three seasons of The Great British Baking Show with me, and you weren’t like okay maybe chill down on the netflix Michaela

90. You spent like a week straight with me, and you somehow didn’t get tired of me or decide that you hated me, or come to some realization that I am a mess that should be avoided at all costs

91. You give me your pickles at Chick-fil-a. Normally I would consider it a problem that you don’t like pickles, but I think I can let it slide and actually consider it a good thing because of this specific reason

92. When we were on our way to go bowling when I was super upset I put you in charge of music in the car, and you put on that one Area21 song that I’m always saying I love, and I know it wasn’t like anything big, but like it lowkey meant a lot to me

93. You let me talk about my friends with you. Like you’ll let me explain all of their problems and all of these elaborate theories I have about their lives to you, and you don’t get annoyed with me for doing that. You just let me talk, and it’s nice

94. Bread OH MY GOD. You’ll go with me to get bread even though you know that I’m going to be useless for the next few hours after eating it, and you don’t just look disappointed in me for ignoring my gluten intolerance

95. Soft Girls Club playlist. It’s just so good. It’s so good

96. Same. Christmas. Present. Idea. Trick ass bitch. Lowkey I guess that’s kinda cute though

97. You’re okay with my job. I was really afraid to tell you what I actually did for money because I guess it would make sense for you to not be okay with it, but you are okay with it, and I wasn’t expecting that, so it’s just really cool

98. You don’t get we’rd about me making jokes about how slutty I was, and occasionally you’ll make them too. Some people get really fucking weird about this, and then I feel weird about it, and then it just kills my mood, but you don’t, and that’s great

99. You took care of me when I had my stomach ulcer, and you didn’t get mad at me for literally just sleeping in your bed and puking in your bathroom all day. Bless your soul for putting up with literally all of my health problems

100. I say I love you on accident kinda a lot, and idk maybe I do kinda almost mean it, but it has only been like three months, and it’s way too early to be saying that by normal relationship standards, and you don’t get hella weird about it, which is really nice considering how often I keep doing that

101. You put up with the fact that all of my friends are actually certifiably crazy. Like Alex is getting a little weird about the whole Carlo thing right now, but you’re not getting weird about how she’s getting weird, and you’re being supportive of me being supportive, and it’s just nice

102. Oh man. I literally had a seizure during sex, and you weren’t like hmm maybe this girl is a little too much. Maybe I should save myself. You were just like nah it’s cool

103. You’ll just sit on FaceTime with me when I’m feeling meh. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but you just kinda being there is helpful

104. You still text me back even when I’m being a drunk mess and making no sense. “Son I don’t have water just sink”

105. Drunk you being like I’LL CALL YOU AN UBER RN JUST COME OVER was actually one of the most adorable things ever honestly. I just think about that sometimes and awwww

106. Every single time I hear anything from one of your friends about any conversation you had with them about me before you admitted you were into me is just so cute. Like oh my god of course I liked you back

107. The fact that your twitter is literally four random retweets and three replies to my fwitter account is kinda hilarious. Definitely good enough to count as as reason

108. You’ll talk to me on the phone when I’m driving so that I don’t drive my car off of the bridge. This doesn’t seem that big, but it is

109. You’ve been putting up with the fact that I’ve been a broke bitch for the past few weeks and paying for things like Carlo’s birthday dinner, and I really hate when people do that for me, but also thank you so much for doing that for me

110. You taught me how to find someone’s nipples. Ty for teaching me useful skills

111. No dying rule. It’s a pretty good rule. Glad it exists

112. You don’t hate your ex. Okay I know that this might seem like a weird reason, but I think it says a lot about a person when they can be like okay yeah that relationship didn’t work out, and we were both at fault, and that’s okay, and I wish them the best

113. You’re eskimo brothers with Alex, and I’m eskimo brothers with Carlo. Maybe this shouldn’t count for anything, but it does

114. You believe in me even when my parents don’t, which is really insanely helpful right now. Oh my god 

115. You are so cute in your fancy clothes oh my god. So adorable. I’m so lucky to have you 

116. You’re actually down for beer die with Justin, and he’s hella down. He’s actually trying to coordinate it rn, soooo that would be rad if it actually happened

117. Idk if I’ve said this yet, but Stephen introduced me to you, and that’s actually so great. Like I can trust his opinion on damn near anyone, so the fact that he was like hey this guy is cool says a lot 

118. I know I mentioned vines already, but you quote the vines with me, and that’s so important. Thank you for participating in vine quotes with me 

119. Hanging out with you is literally the best part of my week tbh. Like I just look forward to seeing you, and I’ve never had that feeling before, and it’s great 

120. Your sister added me on Facebook! And I think she’s great, even though I don’t know her yet. Just Slytherin things tbh 

121. I feel like you see the best in me. Like I could hate myself, but I feel like you can’t, which is wild because I’m such a mess 

122. You like Harry Potter. Oh my god that’s so important. I care so much about this fandom, and I’m glad that I don’t have to feel weird about it 

123. We have a Twitter message with Carlo now! I feel like I’ve successfully infiltrated your friend group 

124. Sometimes I make really really bad jokes, and you still laugh at them. I really appreciate that 

125. You’ve never gotten cum in my eyes. I know this sounds weird, but it’s happened enough times that it matters

126. You always help me carry things. It’s so unnecessary 99% of the time, but I still really like it when you do it

127. You let me meet Dan’s girlfriend on FaceTime! Thank you for letting me insert myself into your life in all possible ways

128. The tape. I know there’s a whole post about this already, but thank you so much for looking for my tape with me when I wanted to pretend that was the biggest problem in my life so that I could pretend that my other problems didn’t exist

129. You let me vent to you. Sometimes everything in my life feels like a mess, and honestly there isn’t a whole lot that can fix any of it a lot of the time, but you let me talk to you about it, and that’s honestly the most helpful thing

130. You want to get a candle for your room that I’ll enjoy. THAT’S SO FUCKING SWEET OF YOU OH MY GOD

131. You’re starting to get interested in Carlex. I have shipped them so hard since day one! We can be the Carlex fan club. We can make bracelets!

132. You’re so good at Cards Against Humanity. I don’t understand, but you’re actually ridiculously good at this game. It’s super not fair, but also wow life skills

133. You actually like hanging out with my friends. This is so amazing. You not hating my friends is so important and amazing. Wow. Literally Dakota never let me have friends that weren’t his, and Max hates all of my friends and talks shit about them as soon as they leave, but you’re willing to hang out with them, and that’s so amazing

134. You don’t hate the fact that there was (and there still kinda is) a slutty Michaela. And you aren’t weirded out by my fapchat or the following that it had (has?)

135. We can get hyped about the same concerts together! Like wow. We have Crush, Wobbleland, Brownies & Lemonade, Coachella, and EDC all within the next few months together, and I’m so excited for all of that! 

136. We can still function as individuals without each other. Like you could have your party at your house, and I could go to Nicole’s thing, and obviously I wish that you had been there, but neither one of us is mad at the other for doing different things that night, which is rad

137. Drunk FaceTime calls. Maybe I mentioned these already. I probably did. I just think they’re so funny. And they’re fun. And we can both be drunk and dumb together. And maybe I forget most of what happens and most of what we say on them, but we just kinda keep doing it

138. Even though I was the biggest fucking mess the first time we took acid together, you’re willing to do it with me again. Not only that, but you’re willing to do it with me at a concert. Hell yeah. Let’s go! I’ll be better this time lol

139. You aren’t hella mad that I won’t be able to do anything for Valentine’s Day since I’ll literally be in class until 9:55 that night

140. You have good taste in Girl Scout cookies. This might seem like it’s something small, but I care a lot about Girl Scout cookies

141. You want a dog, which is great because I want a dog, but I live in a small apartment with cats, so I can’t have one, but you can have one, and that’s what matters

142. You watched me put someone’s phone and then my own fist into my mouth, and for some reason you still want to date me. Not sure why, but I’ll take it

143. You’ll drink my (trashy) wine with me. You don’t complain and tell me that it isn’t real wine or that it’s wine for freshmen or something stupid like that. You just drink it with me

144. We somehow (kinda accidentally) got coked out and then drunk and watched Dallas Buyers Club and Moana while you did coding challenges. I guess it doesn’t seem like anything special, but it was just a weird combination of things, and I really enjoyed it, but I also feel like it’s one of those things that I feel like I couldn’t do with other people. Like it was one of those “only with you” things, and idk it was just cool

145. You remind me to take my Lactaid. Thank you for helping me not die

146. I lowkey make fun of you a lot for taking sooooo long to make an actual move on me, but I’m highkey so glad that we had a good friendship first because wow everything is just so great now, and you’re so great, and yeah 

147. You don’t make me feel hella bad about my weird quirks like not wanting to bite things in front of other people or hating metal utensils

148. Naps. You take naps. Naps are so important, and I love naps, but a lot of people hate them. You are not one of those people

149. When I was high af and dancing around on FaceTime last night, you didn’t make me feel like I looked hella dumb even though I know I looked hella dumb

150. Going along with that last reason, when you randomly FaceTimed me, I got so excited. Dillon was in the room with me, and I went from chillin to OH MY GOD MATT IS CALLING ME I’M SO HYPED

151. You help me sort out my life when I start feeling overwhelmed. This is super not your responsibility, but it’s so insanely helpful, so that’s amazing

152. You sat with me on FaceTime until I fell asleep after I came home drunk from the night before at 2 pm on a Sunday. And somehow you thought that was cute? Sounds fake, but okay

153. I posted not so great pictures of you on twitter, and you responded with an embarrassing video of me instead of getting annoyed with me. What more could I want in a significant other?

154. You’re going to be my Coachella buddy when Lauren and I don’t want to see the same artists, and that’s so great!

155. The other day I was talking to Max about you, and I cried because of how great you are and how helpful you’ve been and just everything about you. I cried. Literal tears

156. You sent me one of those obnoxious slutty holiday chain texts that I love, and you didn’t make fun of me for loving those, and you said you would send me more whenever you got them. Wow. Yay

157. Last night when I was walking with Kimmy, we were talking about Crush, Wobbleland, and EDC, and she was like wtf you guys are such a rave couple, and at first I was like nah, but then I was kinda like wait yah.. But like.. It’s cute

158. I can talk to you about how annoying the whole Irlanda/PiKapp situation is without having to worry about everybody finding out about it, which is nice because PiKapp is hella trying to keep it on the down low

159. You don’t hate me for venting about my problems with Irlanda. I don’t get how she’s still a problem in my life, but I also don’t get how I haven’t figured out how to deal with all of this on my own by now

160. Wine and movie nights take literally no effort, and I love them, so I’m glad that you’re willing to do those with me

161. You save my oblivious ass from mosh pits. I might actually be dead without you

162. You don’t mind me hanging out with your friends when you’re not there, which is great because I like all of your friends

163. You actually felt bad about having me kinda surprise meet your sister, which shows that you actually made a note of it when I said that surprise family meetings were the only thing that I could really see myself being upset about, and like yeah it made me really anxious, but it wasn’t terrible

164. I love your sister. She’s smart, and funny, and gorgeous, and definitely a Slytherin, and maybe this shouldn’t count because it’s about her instead of you, but I’m going to count this anyway because your family is an extension of you. I am v worried that I didn’t make the best first impression though, but I guess I’ll just have to try really hard next time

165. We took acid together again, and you didn’t have a drug induced realization that you don’t actually want to date me anymore, so that’s nice

166. You are my boyfriend, my festie bestie, and my rave bae all in one, and that’s the greatest combo ever tbh

167. You got me Asa Akira’s book omfg. I’m mad because I’m a terrible gift giver, and now it’s very clear that you’re an amazing gift giver, so I’m always going to be stressed about gifts now, but omg wow. Great book. Great present. A+

168. You’re interested in going on a concert cruise with me, and so far you are literally the only person who I’ve mentioned this to who is actually willing to try to save up for one

169. You have now dealt with my dumb ass crying uncontrollably while on acid two times. I’m sorry that I do this every time. I don’t know why it happens

170. You have good taste in candle scents. Floral candles are almost always the way to go tbh

171. You don’t hate that I spend an absurd amount of time at your house, which is nice because I love it there (except for the fact that showering there isn’t really a thing)

172. Even though I feel like it probably won’t happen, the fact that you even mentioned trying to get me a little at your house is so amazing. I care so much about littles and my Greek fam, and you know that, and that’s great

173. You will let me talk endlessly about Carlex with you. I know I talk about them a lot, but I just really care about them, and you’ll analyze their relationship with me. It’s like watching reality TV together, but it’s just reality, and it’s not on TV, and it’s our friends

174. You didn’t make fun of me for cooking far too much spinach and then not being able to eat it because I had already eaten toast. Thanks for putting up with me and all of my food issues. Also, please venmo charge me for my food

175. You’ll let me come grocery shopping with you. I know that usually this is seen as a mundane task, but it’s actually something that I really enjoy doing just in general, but especially with you

176. You let me meet your family, which is wild because I don’t feel like I’m impressive enough to be shown off to parents, but for some reason you feel like  I am

177. You didn’t get mad or annoyed with me because I spent the whole first night with your family crying because of how insecure I am about my major (but you did kinda make fun of me for being obvious even when I’m trying to hide that I’m crying, ya dick)

178. You let me meet your friends! I guess you didn’t really have much of a choice here because you kinda had to bring me along, but I’m going to count it. They seemed cool! I mean, one of them said “The BART,” but everything besides that was fine

179. You don’t get mad at me for being literally the worst navigator ever, which is amazing because I suck

180. You went to Holy Matcha with me! I am in love with this cafe, and I obviously can’t go back for a while because I spilled everywhere, but wow I got to have my two favorite things at the same time; Matt and matcha

181. You actually want to spend your spring break with me, which I feel like means a lot because this is your last spring break, and you should be doing fun things, but like.. you’re hanging out with me, and I just feel like you could be doing cooler things tbh

182. You let me get you pants! And honestly you should let me get you more pants because you need more khakis, but this is a start. Baby steps

183. Shinx loves you. She doesn’t just come hang out with anyone. She avoids most of my friends, but she comes and sits on you, which is adorable

184. You don’t get annoyed with my music choice and with my singing in the car, which is super cool because I’m even annoyed with myself

185. You don’t get annoyed with me being obnoxious and taking videos of everything you do, so that’s super nice because I’m going to keep doing it so that I can add more to the video of you, which is super cute tbh

186. You always offer to help me out in any way you can no matter what the situation is, and I know that I always tell you that I appreciate it, but I like really really appreciate it

187. Honestly I keep adding to the video I’m making of you, and it literally just makes me so happy whenever I watch it. Like just seeing it is enough to make me smile, and it’s literally a video that I’ve seen a thousand times, so that’s p special

188. You get drugs for me, which is super nice because I’m generally terrible about getting my own, so ty for that

189. You let me drag you around places in Livermore, and I talk shit about Livermore a lot because it does suck, but it’s also very near and dear to my heart, and I’m glad I got to share my downtown area and my creek with you. Also, next time I’m going to make you go into Donut Wheel with me, just saying

190. I’ve started to not hate black coffee, and that’s because of you. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or not, but I’ll count it

191. You’re supportive of whatever I do, which now includes trying to be friends with Irlanda, and I get that that’s weird, and I def think it’s weird too, but it’s rad that you don’t mind that I’m doing it

192. You’re riding in my car with me and Lauren to Coachella! Excited is a complete understatement when it comes to this. I don’t think there’s a word for how stoked I am that we’re going to all be together for this

193. You don’t get annoyed with me wanting to take pictures together. Honestly, I think I’m more annoyed with myself that you are with me

194. Whenever I get excited about something, you’re the first person I want to tell. Whenever anything cool happens, I want to share that with you because you’re the first person I want to share my happiness with, and idk maybe this shouldn’t count as a reason, but I’m counting it as a reason

195. At this point, I have a toothbrush, shampoo, conditioner, and a bunch of hair ties all living at your house. Thanks for letting me leave things there

196. The drunk texts you send me are absurd and hilarious, and I love them and you

197. You always hype me up whenever I send you a selfie, and it’s definitely annoying because wtf I don’t deserve it, but it’s also kinda nice, and it makes me feel good about myself

198. We can have normal adult conversations whenever we have problems, and oh my god wow. This is wild. A relationship where we can talk to each other about things that bother us and sort out any issues before they become actual issues? Groundbreaking

199. You let me rant about things that I’m passionate about like feminism, sex workers’ rights, and the adult industry, and you don’t complain or tell me that you’ve heard me say it a million times before, and this is all really important to me, so this is really big tbh

200. You’re such an all around amazing human being that I was able to make a 200 point list about things I like and/or appreciate about you, and that’s pretty astounding. I don’t like most people this much, so this is p special.

Also I think I’m going to start making new posts for every 200 points, maybe every 100. It just makes it easier tbh