Tumgik
#internalized ableism
Text
thinking about how i just... never complained about anything as an undiagnosed autistic kid. i was dressed in button-down shirts that made me feel like i was choking all day to the point i could only think about that and corduroy pants that filled my ears with nothing but the sound of the fabric rubbing between my thighs all day. i was fed food whose texture made me feel sick. i was scolded for being strange and rude when i was going out of my way to be nice or helpful. 
but i never brought it up. when i had tantrums or cried, it was always about tiny unrelated things that set me off after all the stress had built up. i knew that these experiences were uncomfortable, but seeing no one else around me complain about them just made me assume that life was meant to be kind of painful in those ways. 
even today it barely crosses my mind to tell people when i don’t like something, and i’m quick to accept requests that are actually too much for me because of the idea that everyone else can do it. ironically, most neurotypical people are much better at saying that they don’t want to do something, even when this is often due to something as simple as not feeling like it as opposed to me who is struggling due to sensory, executive function, or socializing issues. 
i wish i had learned earlier that it’s not just good, but also necessary to tell people when something is hurting you. that you’re both allowed and supposed to take action to make life less painful for yourself, especially when that pain isn’t going to earn you anything. i wish i was able to make requests for my own good without automatically feeling guilty for being ‘selfish’. 
15K notes · View notes
tangledinink · 8 months
Note
i’m going f*cking feral for the swanatello au
[ prev ]
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
swanatello
[ start ]
[ prev ]
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
1K notes · View notes
hussyknee · 7 months
Text
I am not broken. I have been wounded.
I am not damaged. I have been hurt.
I am not useless. I am making the best of my limited capacity.
I am not lazy. I need rest to heal.
I am not unreliable. I live an unpredictable life.
I am not irresponsible. I have limitations.
I am not incompetent. I am learning at my own pace.
1K notes · View notes
fainting-is-punk · 6 months
Text
No one really tells you that when you're disabled, visibly or not, you'll have to get over feeling the need to apologize for everything.
You'll apologize for
Not being able to move quickly through small doors and walkways
Not being able to eat foods your friends like, make, or want you to try.
Having to ask for help.
Asking for space and to not be touched.
Needing accommodations
Being passionate about something
Being tired
Being tired when you weren't an hour ago
Being in pain
Being in pain when you weren't an hour ago
Going outside
Not going outside
Being on disability
Having brain fog
Needing medication
Not being "nice"
Using mobility aides
Asking people to simply do their jobs
Wanting to be treated like a human
And so much more
I know I shouldn't apologize for these things. It's not my fault. But, when you've been raised in a world where your very presence is an inconvenience and worth apology, it's hard to not break out of that cycle.
Don't even get me started on the underlying feeling that your partner, family, and friends are saints for "putting up with you."
I know it's a thing I have to work though myself. It's internalized ableism that I need to fix. But it sucks that it was instilled in me and now I have to deal with it.
978 notes · View notes
vblehhhhhhh · 1 year
Text
My body has no consideration for the amount of shit I need to do.
2K notes · View notes
disabledbutchblues · 7 months
Text
able-bodied neurotypical people want quiet disability. invisible disability. they love it when we don’t complain and don’t shove our needs in their face. they love it when we stay home and die quietly instead of trying to live (but they don’t like it when we stay home and need caregivers).
[paragraph about self then next ones on more general and important things] i recently realized that i make many people uncomfortable irl because i talk about my symptoms. i wasn’t aware it was wrong, because i’m autistic and struggle a lot with notions of public vs private space, and what can be said to whom. i’m very open about my disabilities and struggles, both because i don’t realize i’m saying something i shouldn’t, and because i don’t have a choice and often can’t mask (i am not high masking. not low masking either tho). i don’t wear unnoticeable noise cancelling headphones, they’re not good enough for me at all, i wear big obvious ear defenders with a fluorescent part. i sit down on the floor of a store if my legs hurt. i don’t sit normally anywhere, including at school, because i can’t, i can’t sit correctly and not move, it’s painful. i don’t hesitate to tell people i have terrible executive dysfunction. i openly say i am in pain and need to rest, even if it’s abnormal for a teenager to not have a healthy strong body. when it seems relevant to the conversation, i share the fact that i struggled with an eating disorder and self harm and that i recovered/am recovering. when someone asks me how i am doing, i tell them i’m feeling terrible because i am in pain or because i am suicidal or because i am overwhelmed— this is partly a choice to be open about my disability, partly the fact that i don’t notice until it’s too late that they don’t want me to be honest, and party the fact that there are many things i cannot hide. i tell people that i am not independent, can’t cook, can’t go to new places alone, can’t shop, can’t maintain hygiene and that i don’t shower enough or brush my teeth regularly. when someone asks if i plan on learning how to drive i say that i don’t want to right now because my processing issues would be dangerous and i would get in an accident. i tell people i have meltdowns and shutdowns at school. i hit myself in public sometimes.
yet i am not visibly disabled. i’m very lucky and privileged within the disabled community. i am visibly weird and there is visibly something wrong with me but i am only visibly disabled to someone who spends some time with me and sees me unable to process informations or unable to do IADLs. strangers don’t know i’m disabled until i tell them— they mock a symptom or ask why i can’t do something and i say i’m autistic, i’m disabled, i’m in pain. and they already hate that i tell them. they say it’s private. they say my struggles are something personal. something to talk about with doctors but that no one else should have to know about.
some people are way more disabled than me, visibly disabled, disabled at first glance. some use mobility aids, full time or not. some have intellectual disabilities, some use an AAC device, some have a physical disability that cannot be concealed or an intellectual/developmental/mental disability that very obviously affects the way they move or communicate. some people don’t have a choice to mask or not to mask, don’t have a choice to be visibly disabled or not. strangers will immediately notice that these people are disabled, even without engaging in a conversation with them. and they hate it ! disabled people are supposed to be quiet and invisible and going outside with ear defenders or a mobility aid or anything, no matter if it is a small or a huge accommodation, is too much. but the bigger it is or the more you need help to do a ‘basic, easy’ thing, the worse it is. they stare at me in the street because of my ear defenders, but they don’t just stare when someone is in a wheelchair, they touch and break and don’t have any respect.
ableists think disabled people shouldn’t be in their way because they think we shouldn’t exist or that we are worthless. having an accommodation or an aid in public is already activism for them, already disturbing, already forcing them to see that they are privileged and that the world is not accessible.
to exist as a disabled person is beautiful. it’s brave. it’s something to be proud of. not because it’s inspiring that you are strong enough to live with your disability, not because "someone else would have killed themselves already in your situation," not because "i could never be like that ! you’re so courageous !", but because ableism is everywhere and it’s so hard to live in this world where they don’t want us to exist. it’s so hard to advocate for ourselves.
and for those who are not visibly disabled (like me), or at least not always ; for those who have low support needs ; for those who know how to mask : point out inaccessibility. force people to see their own ableism. make them uncomfortable. it’s also our job, our responsibility. if someone mocks me and calls me useless because i can’t do IADLs i say i’m disabled, stay very calm and inform them that many people are unable to perform BADLs without help and that they deserve just as much help and respect as anyone else. if someone points out how annoying my ear defenders are i ask why the place isn’t accessible for people in a wheelchair. etc etc. listen to people with higher support needs than you and amplify their voices. but also act irl.
we can all do better and force society to be better to.
and remember that accessibility for you doesn’t mean accessibility for everyone.
a place that accommodates sensory issues might not have accessible toilets. so it’s not good enough. an autism support group meeting has stim toys and ear defenders and happens in a quiet place ? that’s wonderful ! can a nonverbal person participate ? are caregivers welcome ? we can’t just think that "something is better than nothing." yes it is, but it’s not good enough. if a place or an event is accessible for one thing but not for something else, then it’s not accessible. and we need to be loud about it.
673 notes · View notes
pumpkinspicedmochi · 6 months
Text
I not get the logic some people say of "one day you will be old and in pain and you will think about how you treated disabled people then!" or something along those line..how about respect disabled people now because we are people , not "one day you'll be disabled too and-" no I'm a fucking human being so I deserve respect ..I shouldn't have to work , "contribute to society" etc so how about you start respecting us now?..I not understand why actual disabled people say this type of thing and like "you will be punished and become disabled too and then you'll understand!" nope.. I also shouldn't have to prove my worth to you just because you see disabled people as less
493 notes · View notes
autiebiographical · 11 months
Text
Tumblr media
Internalized ableism is taught, often at a young age.
I've seen many autistics go through the journey of unlearning their internalized ableism, but they wouldn't have to make that journey if they themselves hadn't been shamed.
830 notes · View notes
phleb0tomist · 3 months
Text
there is not some particular level of suffering you need to reach in order to ‘deserve’ accommodations btw. especially if those adaptations are simple free things like sitting down while brushing your teeth or using extra cushions to support your posture. like, if something like that improves your life by even 1% then you should do it. you’ve probably been made to feel like these little lifestyle changes are off limits to you if you can’t demonstrate your suffering first, but a lot of the time it is actually no one else’s business.
unfortunately no matter how much you suffer, it’s pretty unlikely that anybody will ever grant you formal permission to do these things. the world is ableist and nonsensical. even the most severely disabled people are often made to feel ashamed for adapting to their own needs. there is no level of suffering where you’ll finally feel worthy of proper accommodation. and there is no virtue in toughing it out. so in my humble opinion you should just go for it right now immediately
183 notes · View notes
clock-06 · 5 months
Text
Had a conversation with an able bodied neurotypical today (a group of people I had forgotten existed) about his schedule and whether or not he has daily pain and was shell shocked by how much this guy gets done and his lack of pain most days. (His only pain is soreness after basketball practice or the gym)
I’m always quick to beat myself up because other students can get all their work done in the same or less time than I get to do it, where I struggle and often fall behind. But that isn’t fair and I wouldn’t say that to other disabled people, so I shouldn’t say it to myself.
I don’t get the proper accommodations, and unmasking has led to less burn out and self destructive behavior, but it’s raised everyone’s expectations of me (everyone=ablebodied neurotypicals in my life). I know the guy I talked to would be actually destroyed by what I live with day to day, which doesn’t make him lucky for not living with it, but makes me strong for even getting close to all of my work done.
Here’s your daily reminder that you are not lazy or failing for being disabled by your disability. It’s not your fault, and there are people who understand what you’re going through and you are not alone. <3
270 notes · View notes
drifting-bones · 6 months
Text
how small do i have to make myself before you can tolerate me enough to love me? how much of me do you not want to see? what about me is too ugly for you to care for me? are you even worth my time, or is this just proof that i'm better off alone?
221 notes · View notes
i-the-spoonie · 4 months
Text
Tumblr media
PSA
196 notes · View notes
tombraiderrocker · 1 year
Text
*wakes up*
Me: time for my routine
*convinces myself I am overacting/faking my chronic illness no matter how bad my symptoms are*
Tumblr media
708 notes · View notes
aronarchy · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
[image ID: an Instagram post by wellmeaningneurotypicals with the text,
person: “But you don’t look autistic!”
me: I learned against my own will how to hide my entire being at a young age as a result of chronic, repetitive child abuse, emotional neglect, bullying, ostracism, and social isolation simply because I’m autistic that lasted for over a decade, causing me to involuntarily mask on a daily basis and become a bitter, confused dissociating mess of a human shell who for a long time believed that there was something horribly wrong with me as an existing human being and couldn’t comprehend that I was just different and that there was actually nothing wrong with me and I never came to terms with it until early adulthood and that is why, my friend, I don’t “look” autistic to you
A sarcastically smiling girl gestures at the block of text said by “me.”
/end image ID]
945 notes · View notes
disagigglebilities · 2 years
Text
Anyway, a big go fuck yourself to the disabled people who sit on a pedestal and throw rocks at their disabled peers for things like "being lazy", "wallowing", "not trying", "being a complainer", "being vague about their disability"
2K notes · View notes
bambiraptorx · 3 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
internalized ableism is a bitch huh
132 notes · View notes