#ipb fic

[bloodycassian]

Ice Planet Freaks - Ice Planet Barbarians fic.

NSFW, MDNI -

Reader x OC Sa-Kuhi (alien man)

The floor is freezing, your head spinning with confusion and wooziness. There’s a foul smell in the air but your senses are returning to you slowly. Your mind as fogged as it is though, knows that something is wrong. And not just because there’s several enormous, blue-gray men standing across from you.

+

“He’s the leader, he’s the one insisting on us taking this parasite.” One of the girls growls. You can’t bother to remember any of their names, not when the reality of aliens had just been dropped on you. Worse, the fact that you’d been abducted by a completely different race of aliens than the ones who were now trying to help you.

You were still hoping to wake up from this nightmare.

The beast fell with a massive, not-earth shaking rumble and the others bring you with them, surrounding the thing while the alien leader and his woman go about pulling parts out of the beast. 

You feel your face pale when the return from the depths of the thing with a long, writhing rope-like thing. It would resemble a snake, if it weren’t for it’s lack of face and the thinness of it.

Words are exchanged, and the woman - Georgie, you remember just as the leader slices into her neck - is visibly uneasy, but when she looks to the leader, she seems put at ease.

The worm-thing slides into her neck, burrowing down and in until she collapses, the big leader catching her before she can fall.

Your legs quiver, vision going hazy for a moment, your mouth going dry and stomach churning - then you’re gone.

+

“Drink this.” A voice murmurs, but you can’t see who it is. It’s one of the women from the group, you can tell that much from her soft tone and the fact you can understand her.

Something presses to your lips, warm and utterly delicious. You drink the entirety of it in only a few short moments.

“More-” You pant, suddenly ravenous. Your head is much clearer than it was when you were freezing outside before, like a fog has been lifted and you’ve finally been granted access to your own mind again.

Something is said in a guttural, uneven accent and for a moment you almost think you can make out the words of it.

“She can’t-” the woman’s voice protests.

“Make her.” The voice- undoubtedly male and annoyed states.

Your eyes crack open, and there’s only the dim glow of torchlight keeping the woman’s face lit. She’s one of the others, the ones who’d broken you out of the tube you’d been stored in, but she’s different somehow.

“Welcome to your new home.” She says, with an uneasy, apologetic smile. 

Your eyes flash over the room, and land on the giant blue man leaning on the wall opposite you. 

Your mind spins, the whole room going with it, and you have to lean back down on the warm bed to regain your ability to think.

It hadn’t been a dream. It was real - is real and you’re currently on a world that isn’t earth but also inhabited by aliens… 

You want to scream but all if it seems just like your kind of luck.

“Can I at least know if there’s alcohol here?”

The girl laughs, and the man stiffens, pushing away from the wall.

“She’s asking about ahh… Kolcharr-” She makes a motion with her hands like drinking.

“If that’s what she wants I will gladly provide-”

“Who are you, anyway?” You spit the words like an accusation. He’s trying to be nice but something about his presence in your seemingly private quarters annoys you.

“Your Resonance, human.” 

“Tarvir, give us a few moments for me to explain.” The woman requests, holding out a hand to him as he approaches. 

He takes a long, slow look at you in the bed before nodding, and walking out the hide-door.

+

She’s human. I’ve waited a century for my mate to be a human woman with no horns or tail or-

No, I cannot be ungrateful when there’s other males who would kill for an opportunity to have a mate. Even if she is angry and withdrawn and unnerving.

“Tarvir!” Vektal calls, motioning me over to the wide landing where we share feasts when a hunter returns with a large prize. 

I fear what he may say to me, as strange as it is. On top of it, leaving my Resonance behind feels worse than any physical pain I’ve had in a long time. I touch the scarred flesh at my ribs from my encounter with the snowcats. 

Perhaps she is more dangerous than a snowcat, and my body is telling me to avoid her. Yet still, my resonance hums deep inside me. 

“The humans have rules. You must give her time to gain her strength back before-” Vektal’s voice is low, his eyes scanning the small crowd that is our tribe below. They’ve taken to showing the humans our cave, pride shining in every word.

“Her Kuhi resonates as well. She is mine, Vektal…” The words sound strange coming out, choked and tearful when I should be happy. Something deep inside me wells with despair and a fear that I do not understand though. 

Vektal puts a muscled hand on my shoulder and squeezes, a reassuring gesture. My tail can’t help but rise with renewed hope in his confidence. “The Humans are weak,I know your fears. But with the Kuhi now a  part of them, they will be alright. You will live a long, happy life with your mate, Tarvir.” He says, and i can see the knowledge of the words in his face. His mate, his Georgie has changed him, and I can only hope my own mate greets me with such enthusiasm as Georgie did for him.

His words feel reassuring, and I cannot explain the leaping in my chest when his eyes go over my shoulder. It’s fear and excitement together, a strange mix of emotion I’ve never felt aside from when my mate is near. 

And of course, when I turn around she is squinting with her strange flat face into the cave, down at the glowing pools and my people and hers below. I watch her and watch, my chest thrumming with anticipation of what her reaction will be.

Her eyes dart about, from the open roof of the cave that gives us light from our sky, to the carved walls and hide doors. Her eyes are strange, filled with white still even after accepting the Kuhi, but I can learn to love them. I can learn to love all of her, should she let me. Vektal is right, they need to be given the choice, but if her Kuhi does respond.. How is that anything but acceptance?

My chest thrumming, I begin walking towards my mate and the other human female. Her head snaps in my direction, as wild and untamed as a snowcat as she eyes me.

Then, she pushes off the half-wall overlooking my people below, and vomits on the floor.

I rush to her, already calling for our healer. Has she eaten something poisonous? Surely the Kuhi had healed her of any of her human sicknesses by now. It made no sense, she should be as strong and capable as any of us with the Kuhi in her.

“Tarvir?” She pants when I’m lifting her from the ground. She is light as a Kit in my arms, and her soft skin makes my cock harden. I put away the impulsive thought, she is cleaelry sick and needs tending to. 

“I am here my Resonance.” I reassure her, hope filling my chest. She’s able to speak, that is good. If only she would stop being so confused about things. I stop my ungrateful thinking. Vektal had said they are unknowledgeable and as helpless as even the youngest Kits, I must keep that in mind when caring for my mate.

It will be a challenge, especially for one as impatient as I can be. I will learn, and make myself a better mate for her, though.

+

His skin is supple, the corded muscle beneath the silken skin a delectable contrast to what one would expect. A rumbling in your ears nearly drowns out his cooing words as he chatters to you. He’s huge, and carries you like a child’s stuffed animal, but with utmost care. 

He’s tall and built like a house, not lithe like Vektal, a bit thicker in the chest and his face was less angular. He was what you’d think a lumberjack version of these guys probably was, a huntsman of sorts. 

Great, you’d scored the burly version of their people. You couldn’t have gotten the supermodel one, like Georgie had? 

“This is real.” You’d been repeating it, over and over again since Tarvir had guided you inside the room, one you now recognized was likely his. You were his mate, after all. That’s what one of the girls had told you, and though you wanted to deny it, there was no other reason you could think of to explain the humming in your chest. 

“It’s to make the best offspring, I’d guess.” She supplied with an uneasy smile.

So, you were expected to make an alien-baby with the guy who’d brought you here, who’d insisted upon being your mate… But you couldn’t exactly blame him. You doubted he had much of a say in the matter either. And looking at him, you were glad that he was at least in one piece, unlike the one that had stolen Liz away. 

And Tarvir hadn’t stolen you away, that was also a good point to be made towards his character.

Names and information were slowly coming back to you now, like your dream-state had still absorbed all the information around you while you were in the tube. 

“So what do you want from  me?” You ask the blue man, crossing your arms over your chest. Your head is still dizzy but at least while sitting you can catch your breath somewhat. 

His large brow scrunches together, his head cocking to one side like a dog. It’s charming on him, and it makes the corner of your lip curl in an almost smile. 

“Want?” He repeats, leaning in towards you. He’s close enough that you can feel the heat radiating from him, and the furs suddenly feel much to warm on you, but it’s a comfort you’d been lacking for the time you’d been in the ship. You clutch them tighter around yourself. 

You try again, the language barrier clearly at play in this conversation. “Why.. why me?” The words are barely a whisper when you say them, and you can feel your cheeks heat with the way the question sounded so juvenile. 

His hands frame your face, forcing you to look into his magnificently blue eyes. Your heart thunders, the blood rushing in your ears almost too loud for you to hear him. Only, it’s not just blood, its the Cootie that’s also humming now. The throbbing of it reaching from your chest to your groin in a drumbeat of horniness.

His breath is sweet as he speaks, entrancing you further. “I want you. Only you. I want whatever you will allow me to have, whatever your own wants are will become mine, and we will live happily together. Whatever it is I want, it is only because you wish for it as well.”

Your heart soars, the rumbling in your chest spiking. Your breath is shallow and uneven as you fight the urge to grab on to his horns and pull him in for a demanding kiss. It’s just the cootie, that’s all that’s making you feel this way. 

But his words… You groan and lean back in the bed, freezing in place when he slides in beside you. It’s not like you can kick him out after he’d just said something sweeter than any human had ever said. 

“My Resonance, whatever your wants are will be mine, I promise. So if you wish to lay here, I will do the same. Until you ask me to leave, I will always be here.” He places a hand on your chest, and it’s a weight you can’t describe as anything but needed. 

His presence alone is already so comforting, is it because of this thing inside you now or because you truly are already falling for him? How couldn’t a girl, when their man spoke like a freaking shakespeare play? 

“This is real.” You breathe, and look over to him. 

He’s staring at you, eyes full of wonder and admiration. You turn on your side to face him, but his hand on your chest doesn’t move from it’s spot, as if waiting for you to do something with it. He’s waiting for your permission, you realize. 

You take his hand and bring it to your cheek, then kiss the soft skinned blue man for the first time. In his cave. On a different planet. After you’ve been freshly given a parasite. 

Yup, totally real and not a dream.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

My human’s skin is soft, and so very different from my own. It’s not a bad thing, but strangely intoxicating as I breathe in her scent and her lips press against my own. This is a strange sensation, but I’ve seen Vektal and Georgie do this, and know that it must be some kind of acceptance of our bond together.

My heart soars. She’s accepted me, at least on this physical level. If she is willing to press her lips to my own, it may be similar to humans as mating is to us. Will I need to show her what mating truly means to us? Surely the lip-pressing doesn’t create human kits on their world, does it? 

I am silently cursing Vektal for not giving us more information when my human rolls on top of me, straddling my waist. My cock is achingly hard and I feel shame for it, she may not be ready for such kinds of mating ritual-

She grinds her hips down onto me and I suck in a breath, my eyes going wide in surprise at the heat I can feel from her with even two layers between us. I growl and bear my teeth, my fingers digging in to her soft hips as she sways atop me. My Kuhi is humming violently, filling my space with the sounds of our shared pleasure, fueling my drive as I arch into her.

She wouldn’t be doing this if she did not accept our bond. I sit up and take her small face in my hand, bringing our lips together again. This is a strange talent that I must learn, and what a better time than now? It sends shocks of pleasure through my body at her taste, the way she touches me back is delicious and more precious than the twin-suns. 

“Need your cock-” She pants against my skin. She’s already left love-bites on my shoulder and I am ecstatic at this. Many of the mated pairs in the tribe share love-bite ink marks to signify their love for each other. I hope my human will want the same for us. 

I’m off the bed the instant she rolls off of me, stripping off her own clothes. Mine are much faster to remove, so I take the pleasure in removing her tunic ties as she undoes the laces at her borrowed trousers. They look ridiculous on her, tied in different places and cuffed at the bottoms to stay up, but they are mine and I am proud to share any part of myself with her. 

She moves to take my cock in her hand and as much as I’d love to feel her soft grip upon me, I catch her wrist in my hand and move her to lie back on my bed. I pull her hips forward, off the edge and wrap her legs around my shoulders. I’ve never had a lover of my own people, but I’ve heard enough. 

I lap at her slowly, and her taste is like seeing new colors, scenting new spices. I groan, my kuhi responding with desperation as I gorge myself on her wetness. My cock is rock solid and dripping with lubricant, but as much as I want to bury myself inside her, I resist. I’ve heard enough stories from the mated males about this that I know they like it slow at first, a building thing. 

But my human seems to not want this. She grips my horns and pulls me close, like she wants me elsewhere, and I worry for a moment that I’m hurting her. I relent my lapping at her entrance, and look up at her. Her maine is tangled and I make a note to help her wash it later, but the delicious flush of her cheeks has me dripping to the floor of the cave. 

She pulls me, and I place my lips every inch of the way up her body, but she stops me, moaning in a particular spot. She pushes me back down, and I cock my head to the side. Does she want me or not? 

She removes a hand from one of my horns and reaches for her sex. I nearly protest her touching herself when I am right here, but she rubs a small circle over the very top of her opening, and I see it then. Ahh- This is what Vektal had mentioned, the nipple. 

I nudge her fingers out of the way and lap at it slowly. It is a strange bud, less similar to how I imagined nipples and feeling much more like sucking the meat from the river-creatures that live in the streams in the summer time. I dare not bite my Resonance, though. I know this is working for my mate, because she writhes below me, her hips arching off my bed and her cries growing louder as I increase the speed of my tongue. 

Her hands are gripping my horns, holding me in place with her desperate pleading. I do not relent my tongue upon her, even when she’s panting “Please, please–” because she hasn’t pushed me away. I do not know if this part is the human custom, but she isn’t pushing away, so I continue. 

Her slickness is better than any catch, even the rarest. She’s warm and balanced and I can’t imagine how I’ve lived before having this. She’s saying something about moving or going somewhere when her thighs suddenly crash against my head, deafening me. I keep my mouth open as she rocks and shudders upon my tongue. I use a hand to ease the aching in my cock, relieving some of the pressure she’s caused me to build. 

I cannot tell if she’s like the other humans, or if this mating is strange for them. After her thighs ease from my head I go to lick her more, but she pushes me away with a strange, small foot. She waves me toward her, wrapping her legs around my waist and pulling me down atop her.

Her hand goes to grip my cock once I am holding myself above her, and I cannot deny my own need for any longer.

The moment her small hand wraps around me, my mind goes blank aside from the pleasure of it.

+

He’s huge. Okay, he’s massive, thick and veiny and with the built in ridges it has you seeing stars before he’s even entered you. 

But he’d just made you come so hard that you need more, and your clit is much too overstimulated. You guide the crown of him to your entrance, and he sucks in a sharp breath. Yeah, you doubt he’ll last long, which is a good thing considering his size. He’s thick and muscled and holy shit, the ridges feel amazing. 

The first inch of him is a stretch already, and he pulls out to spread your wetness and his own along his shaft. His re entry is smoother, drawing moans from both of you. He’s shuddering within the first few minutes, and with those kinds of muscles you know its not because he’s getting tired. 

You adjust your hips, angling upwards more and your mind goes blank. He’s brushing your g-spot already, and he’s only making shallow thrusts. Your legs squeeze him, pulling him in harder and your eyes roll back. God, he’s perfect for you- your nails bite into his soft skin and you think he likes it, because he leans down and places a bite mark on your shoulder, the elongated canine teeth leaving gentle pock marks where they intended your skin. He looks there proudly, and slams into you. The slapping sound of his thighs meeting yours echoes through his home, and your moans join it.

You’re wet, dribbling wet and it’s about halfway through fucking that you notice his hands aren’t what keeps brushing over your clit, but a second, smaller and softer dick that has been nudging you the whole time. Your legs quiver at the idea of it alone, all the things that it could do-

He stiffens when your insides clench around him, his thrusting faltering for a moment. Then, he’s gripping your hips and lifting you, pulling you forward with every one of his thrusts into you. His pace is demanding and with the g-spot stimulation and his second dick… You’re a mess. You're spilling profanities and cursing him to the worst places imaginable. Thankfully, he doesn’t understand what half the shit you’re saying means. Doubly thankful, he doesn’t stop his relentless assault on that tender spot inside of you. 

The ridges on his dick are fucking incredible as he pulls out and slams back in, and it heightens the experience even more. There’s no chance you’re not going to cum from this. It’s hard to hold back, and with the new positioning you’re nearly drooling with the immense pleasure of it all. The second he palms your breasts, your eyes squeeze shut and you’re trying to hold back your climax, but it washes over you anyway. you’re squirming, cumming on him with an intense sense of need and belonging. You’re sent through the peaks of it relentlessly, his second dick rubbing away at your clit as you ride through it. It’s intense and demanding and possibly the most mind-shattering fuck you’ve ever had. Even without the whole giant-blue-alien-mate thing.

He doesn’t stop thrusting, and as you pant and groan he’s bringing you into another orgasm with the way his other member rubs against you. His strokes are becoming frantic, feral and completely brutal as he fucks deep inside you. Your pussy clenches, milking him and he snarls something in his language that you don’t yet know. He stiffens, providing only shallow thrusts that have you seeing stars. Your body is jelly as he pumps into you, then he’s tightening his hold, his blunt nails digging into your skin. His eyes flare, and you can tell he’s wishing he had the restraint to keep fucking you.

He’s groaning, a guttural feral sound that is like a sweet song in your ears. He spills inside you, pulsing and twitching and god he’s gorgeous and so sweet as he fills you. He licks at your neck and flicks his bumpy tongue over your nipples, his hands going to cradle you in his arms. 

His tail is wrapped around your ankle like some kind of anchor point as you lose yourself in the pleasure of it all. 

You’re brushing his hair back and nuzzling into his neck the moment he lies down beside you, pulling you into his embrace. Like you’ve been lovers for your entire lives. 

His plan is likely to be just that.

[c-e-d-dreamer]

Barbarian Bat: Part Four

A/N: Omg we're back again! I would like to apologize for this taking so long. I genuinely forgot about this fic. That's the lesson here. Don't be like me and have so many WIPs you accidentally forget your own fics.... anyways! Happy Lover day of @cassianappreciationweek! Hope everyone enjoys some blue alien man Cassian and some NSFW goodies!

Read on AO3 // Chapter Masterlist // Previous Part

When Nesta blinks her eyes open, she feels more rested than she has in days, in much longer if she dares to admit it. The fog in her mind has finally cleared, the hollow ache in her chest finally dissipated, and for once, all Nesta feels is warm and content. It has her burrowing deeper into her furs, has her basking, if just for a moment longer, in the heat of the fire in front of her.

And the fire along her back.

Perhaps, she can blame the way she’s not fully awake yet, the way her mind is still trying to shake those final twisting vines of sleep. But it takes her a moment too long to register the weight across her waist, the warm hand splayed across her stomach and holding her close.

It all comes back to her in a rush fast enough to knock her off her feet, threatening to pull her under and drown her beneath dark waves. The Elder Cave. The metlaks. Cassian.

Almost instinctively, Nesta’s entire body tenses, a hand flying to her chest to press where her khui lives beneath her skin. She waits for the inevitable purring to fill the cave, for Cassian to make some comment and that awkward air that had cloyed against her skin like nails last night to return. Waits for the inevitable conversation about what will happen next, what they will do next.

But it never comes.

Cassian doesn’t even stir behind her, his breaths still slow and steady. Each one has his chest brushing along her spine, has warm air skittering across the crown of her head where he has his face buried in her hair. It shouldn’t be as relaxing as it is, but it’s a soothing balm over each and every one of Nesta’s frayed nerves, her muscles unwinding with each counted breath of his.

She’s not sure that she deserves it, this comfort. She certainly doesn’t deserve the male still sleeping so peacefully behind her as if he somehow finds comfort in her. How could anyone ever find comfort amongst the prickling thorns of her soul? If she gives in to the quiet of the cave enough, she can still hear Tomas’s words echoing and clamoring for attention in the back of her mind, can still feel his grimy hands on her body.

Even worse is the way she can still hear her mother’s voice too. Nesta is sure that back on Earth, her mother is rolling in her grave at Nesta being mated of all things to a big, blue alien man. It’s nowhere near the high-powered family name and riches her mother prepared her for, molded her for, expected of her. Another failure to add to Nesta’s lengthy list.

That familiar ache starts to solidify in Nesta’s chest, curling and piercing like claws around her heart. It sends ice flooding through her veins, has heat beginning to press behind her eyes, and Nesta takes a deep, stuttering breath against the way it gnaws and numbs at her insides.

A soft mumble of words sounds from behind her, and then Cassian’s arm curls tighter around her, tugging her back even closer against him. With his large size, it leaves his body practically curled fully around hers now, like his own sort of protective shield and cocoon. She hates that it works, that it has the voices in her mind quieting, Cassian somehow comforting her even when he’s fast asleep.

“Stupid alien,” Nesta mutters under her breath.

Despite her words, Nesta allows herself to give in to the comfort, allows herself to count each of Cassian’s breaths and match her own to them. Until her muscles finally unwind and relax, until all she can hear is no voices but just the quiet of the cave. With a soft sigh, her eyes flutter closed again, sleep curling back around her limbs as surely as the warmth between the furs, as the male wrapped around her.

When Nesta next opens her eyes again, she finds herself alone in the furs. She frowns, scrubbing the remnants of sleep from her eyes until the cave comes into full focus. The fire has been stoked back to life, flickering flames filling the cave with light and warmth. Cassian sits just beside it, hunched over slightly. He has a stone in one hand and what looks to be some sort of bone in the other.

For a moment, Nesta just watches him. Watches the way his hands work, knocking and sliding the stone against the bone. Watches the way his forearms flex, muscles working with the movements. Watches the way his mouth twists while he concentrates, his lips shifting until the left side tugs up into an all too familiar smirk.

“I have burned you some quill-beast meat.”

Cassian doesn’t look up from the task he’s doing, and Nesta is glad. She can feel heat creeping up her neck and threatening to spill across her cheeks at being caught staring. With a huff, she sits up, pushing the furs off her legs and shifting closer to the fire.

“Thanks,” she mutters, taking some of the quill-beast meat and nibbling on it. “What are you making?”

Cassian holds his hand up, and Nesta realizes it’s a knife that he’s been carving. “It is for you. I have used a small bone, so you will be able to grip it comfortably.”

Nesta can do nothing but blink dumbly at him, her mind reeling and trying desperately to wrap around his words, what they mean. Her silence doesn’t seem to deter Cassian. He reaches forward, warm fingers curling around the wrist of Nesta’s right hand. He draws it closer to him and turns her hand until it’s palm up, gently placing the handle of the knife against it.

“You will want to keep a firm grip with all fingers,” Cassian explains, guiding her fingers to curl around the handle, her thumb pressed over her forefinger and middle finger.

“Why?” Nesta whispers, finally finding her voice.

“If your grip is too loose, your hand will slide when you strike. Keeping any fingers off the handle will risk cutting on the blade.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

Cassian sighs softly, pulling his hand away from hers. “I told you that I would train you. I want to help you feel safe, Nes.”

Nesta looks down at the knife in her hand, carved so carefully with care. Her fingers flex and tighten around the handle. It’s certainly the perfect size, the perfect weight for her. A lump presses painfully against her throat, threatening to choke her, and she has to swallow hard around it.

“What will you do?” Nesta asks, desperate for a change in topic. “When we go back to the main cave?”

Cassian’s brows pinch, his lips dipping down into a small frown, as though he’s really thinking about it. “I will return to my hunting duties. I am sure they will need me back on the trails. Perhaps, I will volunteer to take one of the trails that is a farther journey. Many males have not wanted to take such journeys, especially since the humans have arrived.”

“You won’t want to stay at the cave and find someone new? I’m sure plenty of the women would be more than happy to share your furs.”

Even as she tries to force the teasing words, the joke falls flat even to Nesta’s own ears. It doesn’t change the fact behind them, though. She’s certainly seen the way some of the other women look at Cassian, at his broad shoulders and large hands, at his easy smiles and kind disposition. She’s seen the way they offer flirty smiles of their own. And she hates the way the thought has a sour emotion suspiciously close to jealousy churning in her gut.

“I do not wish for anyone else to share my furs,” Cassian tells her quietly. “There will never be anyone else for me, Nes. I would always choose you. Even if you do not choose me.”

The confession has Nesta’s breath catching in her lungs. Of course, it’s that moment that her khui decides to voice its own thoughts on the matter, thrumming to life. Cassian’s own khui begins to hum in response, the cave quickly filling with the purring sound. His gaze drops down at the response, his hand rubbing at his chest.

“But I hope you will still allow me to train you,” Cassian continues, meeting her eyes again. “So you can feel strong. Feel safe.”

“I feel safe with you.”

The words are out before Nesta can stop them, but it’s the truth. She knows that Cassian would never hurt her, that he'd never let anything hurt her. She knows that he’ll always protect her and have her back, even when she keeps pushing him away. Because he wants to. Because he cares.

When was the last time anyone truly cared about her?

Nesta's been fighting tooth and nail for what feels like her whole life. Fighting against the pressures and expectations placed upon her by her grandmother and mother. Fighting against Tomas and his words and his hands scraping against her skin. Fighting for her sisters. Fighting against her own failures and demons trying to drag her down under the raging waves.

And if Nesta is being completely honest with herself, she's tired.

“I will always keep you safe, Nes,” Cassian tells her, hesitating for just a moment before his hand reaches out and closes around hers. “No matter what. You leave, and I will follow. Always.”

“Why?” Nesta whispers, the pressure in her chest threatening to swallow her whole.

“You are my mate.” He says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, like it’s as easy as breathing. “You were mine from the moment you landed here, the moment I saw you. And I am yours.”

“You shouldn’t say things like that. You shouldn’t be kind to me.”

“Am I supposed to be cruel to you?”

“Yes.” Cassian frowns at her answer, his hand shifting to cradle her face. His thumb slides across the apple of her cheek, swiping away a tear she hadn’t even realized slipped free. “I’ve been cruel to you.”

“I told you that I like our game, our back and forth. I wish for more of it.”

Nesta rolls her eyes before she can stop it, the laugh that tumbles free from her throat so at odds with their current conversation. But judging by the grin that tugs across Cassian’s face, drawing the reaction was his exact intention all along.

She doesn’t know how he keeps doing that, making her feel better, putting her at ease. How he keeps seeing her, truly seeing her past every cut and bruise and mask. How he keeps holding every jagged and broken piece of her and holding them like they’re precious rather than something that needs to be sanded down or fixed.

How he keeps being everything she needs, everything she wants.

She glances back down at the knife still in her hand, and it all hits her with a stark sort of clarity she doesn’t think she’s ever had, that she certainly didn’t think was possible these past few days. It settles with surety in her chest, around her heart like a golden thread, and determination straightens her spine. Setting the knife aside, Nesta pushes up to her feet, Cassian making a confused sound as he watches her.

“Do you not like it?”

“Who cares about the knife?” Nesta fires back, stepping closer and into Cassian’s space.

Cassian’s brow furrows in confusion, even as his hands come up to rest on her hips almost instinctively. “Are you well, Nes?”

“Stupid alien,” Nesta mutters under her breath.

She settles her own hands on either side of Cassian’s jaw, tilting his head up to where she wants him and pressing her mouth against his. She remembers a moment too late that the sa-khui don’t kiss, Cassian all but freezing against her. But then he’s responding with fervor, lips moving in tandem with hers. His fingers tighten around her hips, hauling her closer still until their chests are pressed together.

She lets him lead, lets him get a feel for mouth-mating as the sa-khui have been calling it. His tongue presses past the seam of her lips, sliding into her mouth, and Nesta has to hold back a whimper. The other women back at the cave had certainly spoken about the… differences when it came to the sa-khui compared to the men back on Earth, but no one had warned her that their tongues had ridges.

His tongue slides and drags against her own, flicks along the roof of her mouth, and Nesta is all but putty in his hands. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she’s surprised how good at kissing he is for a beginner, but she also can’t find it within herself to care. She dares to bury a hand in Cassian’s hair, tugging at the dark strands, and Cassian groans into her mouth, his tail flicking forward to curl around her thigh as though holding her in place. As if she has any intention of stopping now that she’s had a taste.

“I now understand why the other males enjoy mouth-mating,” Cassian pulls back enough to say. He reaches a hand up to Nesta’s face, his large palm spanning her whole jaw and down to her neck, dragging his thumb along her bottom lip that she’s sure is kiss bitten and pink.

“So then why’d you stop kissing me?” Nesta asks, leaning back down to steal another kiss.

Cassian groans again against her lips, his fangs teasing at her bottom lip before he pulls away again. “Perhaps, I wish to kiss other parts of you, my mate.”

Nesta swallows hard, her voice breathless even to her own ears when she asks, “like where?”

The smirk that pulls its way across Cassian’s face is slow and all male bravado. One of those large hands slides along her back and curls back around to her waist, cradling her against his body. He keeps his grip on her, even as he pushes up and to his feet, as he shifts them both. The cave is small enough that Nesta barely has time to react to the movement before her back is pressed into the furs.

Cassian dips his head again, but this time, his lips latch onto her neck. His mouth is hot as it slides across her skin, fangs scraping right against her pulse point until Nesta is shuddering against him. She tilts her head back, presenting him with more access and keening when Cassian moves his attention to that spot just behind her ear.

“Cassian,” Nesta moans softly, arching her body up, desperate to get even closer to him.

“I like the sound of my name from your sweet mouth,” Cassian murmurs against her skin.

His hands slip beneath the leather fabric of her shirt, sliding up over her waist and leaving heat seeping beneath her skin. His fingers flex, squeezing the flesh, and Cassian groans where his face is still buried at her neck. His khui practically echoes the sound, his whole chest all but vibrating where it presses against Nesta’s own.

“You’re so soft.”

The words are enough to give Nesta pause, to pull a genuine laugh out of her. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“Yes,” Cassian answers easily in that same matter of fact tone of his. His hands continue sliding up, lifting her shirt up completely and tugging it off. “I like it. You are not hard like the sa-khui.”

With her arms newly freed from her shirt, Cassian’s fingers circle around her wrist. He guides her own hand to his chest, sliding it down over his pectorals, over the muscles of his abdomen. Despite the almost suede softness of his skin, despite the warmth that exudes from him, there’s no denying the hard planes just beneath. Her fingers curl of their own accord, a shiver skittering down her spine that has nothing to do with her chest now being exposed to the cool air of the cave.

“We might need to start some sort of flirting lessons on this planet,” Nesta teases, desperate to regain some sort of control.

“Are you not impressed with me, Nes?” Cassian teases right back.

He pulls back enough that he can push to his feet, his hands reaching for the laces of his pants. It’s with slow, careful movements that he unties the knot, his eyes never leaving Nesta’s face. But Nesta’s own gaze dips to where he finishes loosening the laces, to where his pants drop away and to the ground. Her mouth goes dry as he tears away his loincloth and tosses it aside, his already hard cock bobbing free.

He’s large, certainly larger than any man Nesta ever saw back on Earth, and his cock is thick. She can see the vein running along the underside of it, the set of ridges along the top, the horn-type piece protruding that Nesta assumes must be the spur she’s heard the other women in the cave mention. The head of his cock is thicker than the rest, a darker blue than his whole body, and already it glistens with his own arousal.

“Are you impressed with me now?”

Nesta’s attention dances back to Cassian’s face, and she supposes she shouldn’t be surprised to find that cocksure smirk of his firmly in place, glowing eyes practically sparking with male pride.

She intends to wipe that look clean off his face.

It takes some shifting against the furs, but Nesta is able to shimmy out of her leggings, leaving her fully bare. She leans back on her hands, bending her knees and spreading her thighs. It’s well worth it for the reaction she garners, satisfaction burning bright in her chest at Cassian’s expression, at the way he literally drops to his knees before her.

“Nesta,” Cassian whispers, his voice reverent. His hands skate over her ankles, up her calves and thighs. “I must be the luckiest of males for my khui to resonate for you.”

Nesta surges forward, crashing her mouth against his before he can say anything else. He responds immediately, capturing her lower lip in his mouth and sucking. He’s clearly gotten too good at kissing already, but Nesta can’t find it within herself to care, especially when Cassian tears his mouth away to press hot kisses down her throat and across her collarbones.

His mouth closes around one of her breasts, and Nesta all but arches up against his face. With her khui vibrating in her chest, it only adds to the sensation licking like flames down her spine. She feels needier than she ever thought possible, the inside of her thighs already sticky and wet with it. She knows it’s her khui to blame for how keyed-up she feels, but it’s hard to care when all she can focus on is the heat of Cassian’s body pressed against her skin, the feel of his tongue swirling over her nipple, the ache in her cunt that she knows can only be filled by the male above her.

“Cassian,” Nesta pleads, bucking her hips up against him.

“Is there something that you need, sweetheart?” Cassian teases, shifting his mouth’s attention to her other breast.

Nesta moans again, grasping onto one of Cassian’s horns desperately. “Please. Cassian, please.”

“I enjoy the sound of you begging even more.”

Cassian’s mouth never leaves her skin, but he begins to trace a path down, along her sternum, over her stomach, across her hip bones. His hands slip up and tighten around her thighs, prying them far apart to make room for his big, alien body. It’s a simply obscene sight, her legs thrown over a set of blue shoulders, a head of dark curly hair and horns between her thighs. His warm breath fans across her cunt, and already, she can feel herself clenching in anticipation.

“Already so wet for me,” Cassian groans softly. “They say there is no sweeter taste than that of a resonance mate, and I cannot wait to find out.”

Before Nesta can fully register Cassian’s words, before she can say anything back, Cassian presses his mouth against her. Just the first lick has her gasping, her thighs squeezing instinctively around his head, but the reaction only seems to encourage Cassian. He devours her with a ferocity that has her seeing stars.

Suddenly, she feels like she understands why he was so good at kissing because the way he uses his mouth is practically unfair. She can feel every bumpy ridge along his tongue as it slides and swirls against her clit, and her toes curl at the sensation. And then he spears that tongue into her. It reaches deeper than any human could, those ridges dragging along the walls of her cunt.

Nesta cries out, it all too much and not enough at the same time. It feels too good, and she tries to rock her hips, tries to ride Cassian’s face, but his grip tightens on her thighs, holding her in place exactly how he wants her. Too fast heat pools low in Nesta’s gut, threatening to send her tumbling over the edge already, but she can’t find it within herself to care so long as Cassian doesn’t stop doing what he’s doing.

She whines at the loss when he pulls away, but at least, it gives herself a chance to catch her breath. She tilts her head enough that she can look down, but it’s instantly a mistake. His lips and chin are coated in her arousal, and he licks his lips with a groan, smirk still out in full force as his fingers flex against her skin.

“As sweet as I expected.”

That’s Nesta’s only warning before Cassian dives right back in. He focuses his tongue’s attention back on her clit, slipping one of his hands down so that he can sink a finger into her cunt. It’s all that Nesta needs, all that it takes for her orgasm to tear through her like a tidal wave. Her back bows off the furs, but Cassian doesn’t stop. He continues to lick at her and rock his finger, his ferocity and eagerness only seeming to grow with her release.

“Cass… Cassian…” Nesta chokes out between gasps, trying to squirm away from his ministrations and the overstimulation.

Cassian growls, gripping her hips and yanking her right back over his mouth. “Mine.”

For a moment, Nesta isn’t sure where one orgasm ends and the next one begins. Her entire body feels like it’s ablaze, head dizzy with the pleasure of it all. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she’s aware that she might be screaming Cassian’s name.

At least, Cassian finally relents, his tongue swiping one last time through the mess of her two orgasms before his mouth pulls away. Nesta slumps back against the furs, her chest heaving and aftershocks still skittering down her spine. She can feel Cassian’s hands slide down from her hips and over her thighs, humming at the warmth of his touch. Her eyes flutter open, and she finds Cassian still on his knees before her, his own glowing eyes half lidded and watching her.

“The next time we do this,” Nesta begins, still catching her breath. “Remind me to teach you about blowjobs.”

Cassian blinks a few times, his head tilting to the side, and Nesta wonders how that translates for him, what sort of imagery the word draws forth. But she doesn’t expect him to smile. It’s a slow thing, the way it pulls across his face, and it’s lopsided. Just the sight of it has Nesta’s heart skipping a beat between her ribs, and she has to swallow hard before she finds her voice again.

“What’s that look for?”

“You said next time,” Cassian explains, leaning over her until his face hovers above her own, that same dopey smile still firmly in place.

Nesta can feel a blush creeping up her neck and threatening to spill across her cheeks, but she refuses to look away from his gaze. “Well, yeah. We’re mates, right?”

“We must accept resonance first to make it official.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” Nesta challenges, lifting her legs enough that she can hook them around Cassian’s hips.

“I would like to kiss you again.”

The earnestness of his voice is enough to give Nesta pause. Enough for her heart to trip over itself and warmth to flood between her ribs. This stupid alien. Stupid alien with his warmth and kindness and tender care. Stupid alien with his heart so proudly on his sleeve, handing over that heart to Nesta without a second thought, without an ounce of fear or worry. Who cradled Nesta’s own heart so carefully before she even realized she’d placed it in his awaiting palms.

And he’s all hers.

“You don’t have to ask. You can just–”

Before Nesta can even finish speaking, Cassian leans down and seals their lips together. The kiss is surprisingly gentle. It’s at odds with the way Cassian’s hands slide under her ass, lifting and tilting her hips up. At odds with the way the head of his cock slides across her cunt and the arousal pooled there.

His tongue presses into her mouth at the same moment he thrusts his hips forward, sinking his cock into her. Nesta gasps against his lips, her head falling back against the furs. It’s indescribable, the way he presses so deep, the way he stretches and fills her. She swears she can feel every ridge along his cock, that vein that runs along the underside. And gods, the spur. It somehow glides perfectly along her clit like another finger, only adding to the intensity of it all.

“Look at how you take me,” Cassian breathes, his attention locked on where they’re joined. “You were made to take my cock, weren’t you, sweetheart?”

“Fuck,” Nesta whimpers, clenching down around him.

“That’s it,” Cassian praises, dragging his mouth over her neck and finding that spot that has her clenching again. “That’s a good girl.”

Nesta tries to buck her hips up against Cassian’s hold. “Please. Cassian, please.”

Cassian groans, but he pulls his hips back just to snap them back forward again. Nesta thought the stretch of his cock was one thing, but the drag of those ridges along the walls of her cunt with each hard thrust has her every nerve ending flaring with pleasure and heat. She lets out a loud moan, fingers slipping against Cassian’s skin as she digs her nails into his shoulders.

“We will need a cave far from the others if these are the sweet sounds you will make each time your cunt welcomes my cock.”

Cassian continues to rock his hips, setting a brutal pace. His cock somehow sinks deeper still with every thrust, his spur pressing tantalizingly against her clit. It’s all that Nesta can focus on, that burning pleasure, the way it threatens to swallow her whole. She can think of no better way to go, lost into those flames with the male above her.

“Don’t stop,” Nesta gasps out between moans. “Please, don’t stop.”

“Do not worry, Nes. I do not intend to,” Cassian pushes out between gritted teeth, clearly just as affected as she is. “I intend to have your delicious cunt wrapped around me every night until you are carrying my kit and then every night after that still.”

The imagery and the future it paints tugs a fresh litany of moans from Nesta’s chest and past her lips. She’s not sure she’s ever been this turned on in her life. She can feel the absolute mess she’s making between her thighs, can hear the wet slap of skin echoing off the walls of the cave around her, but it’s hard to care when Cassian continues to play her body like his own personal instrument.

“Do you like that, my sweet mate? I can feel the way you’re squeezing me.”

“Yes! Please. I need…”

Nesta doesn’t even have time to finish speaking, another choked off moan tearing through her. Cassian picks up the pace, slamming his hips against her own. Each hard drive of his cock sends her cresting higher still, release glimmering just within reach.

“Then come for me, Nes. Come all over my cock.”

One of Cassian’s hands slides up to her breast, thumb dragging against her nipple and palm kneading at the flesh. It’s all it takes to push Nesta over the edge. She all but screams Cassian’s name, spots dancing behind her eyelids as she arches up off the furs. Cassian groans against her ear, only snapping his hips a few more times before he stills above her. His cock twitches deep within her, flooding her cunt with warmth and his own release. It has her moaning again, has her cunt fluttering still and milking his cock.

She slumps back against the furs, taking a moment to catch her breath. Her heart continues to pound in her chest, but there’s silence otherwise in the cave, her and Cassian’s khuis finally quieting. It’s jarring, but there’s a peace to it too, wrapped up in this cave with Cassian’s warm body pressed against hers.

He pulls out of her, but he doesn’t go far, settling beside her in the furs. Nesta barely has time to shiver at the loss, at the cool air of the cave settling over her, before Cassian rearranges the furs to cover them both. His arms wrap back around her waist, tugging her to close to lay across his chest.

“Now we are mates,” Cassian declares proudly, burying one of his hands amongst the strands of Nesta’s hair.

Nesta snorts softly, but she curls tighter into Cassian’s embrace. “Guess you’re well and truly stuck with me now.”

“Stuck? I am not stuck.”

“It’s just a joke,” Nesta consoles him, patting his chest soothingly.

“I do not like this joke. I told you, Nes. I am the luckiest male to resonate with you,” Cassian tells her, his tone fierce.

“I know,” Nesta whispers. She shifts and turns her head up enough that she can meet Cassian’s gaze. “I’m lucky too, you know.”

Cassian smiles softly, the expression taking over his face in the most beautiful way. His hand moves from her hair to her cheek, his fingers carefully tracing over her features. Nesta’s eyes flutter closed at the gentle touch, and she leans fully into him, leans into the comfortable warmth this male gives her.

“My Nesta,” Cassian says, his own voice quiet, revenant. “My heart. My world.”

“Is that a declaration of love?”

“And if it is?”

Nesta opens her eyes again, unable to bite back the smile threatening to spill across her own face. “Then I’d say good. Because I love you too.”

—

Taglist (let me know if you’d like to be added or removed): @moodymelanist @nesquik-arccheron @sv0430 @talkfantasytome @bookstantrash @eirini-thaleia @ubigaia @fromthelibraryofemilyj @luivagr-blog @lifeisntafantasy @superspiritfestival @hiimheresworld @marigold-morelli @sweet-pea1 @emeriethevalkyriegirl @pyxxie @dustjacketmusings @hallway5 @dongjunma @glowing-stick-generation @melonsfantasyworld @lady-nestas @goddess-aelin @melphss @theladystardust @a-trifling-matter @blueunoias @kookskoocie @wolfnesta @blurredlamplight @hereforthenessian @skaixo @jmoonjones @burningsnowleopard @whyisaravenlike-awritingdesk @ofduskanddreams @rarephloxes @thelovelymadone @that-little-red-head @readergalaxy @thesnugglingduck @kale-theteaqueen @tarquindaddy @superflurry @bri-loves-sunflowers @lady-winter-sunrise @witch-and-her-witcher @fieldofdaisiies @freakingata

[prythianpages]

Ice Planet has been on my list for a while, so I'll have to check it out. Sometimes you need those type of books in between the more serious reads

Naga Brides is pretty fun. It's a sci fi, kind of? But set on Earth. It definitely has fun smut with primal, possessive, hot snake men who give the 'touch her and you die vibes' but, it's fun seeing them interact with their human women and some parts made me laugh out loud. They're also obsessed with their partners and it's so sweet. There's a wide variety of ages and diversity with the FMCs too, so that's really fun too

The first book is called Viper

It's on KU, and I want more people to read them! They're so fun!

Gives similar vibes to Naga Brides so I feel like you’ll enjoy the Icy Barbarians (and Vice versa for me 🥰) Main difference is that it’s set on the alien planet.

I do have KU so I’ll definitely check it out!

[ohh-my-starss]

I have very very mid drawing abilities, so I made my characters from my fic "Not-Hoth Reveries" in sims. It was a lot of fun and I have no where else to share them so hereee we goooo

Of course we have our wonderful main character, Odette, first!

And then I had to put glasses on her for fun. Yeahh she doesn't have them on Not-Hoth, but she still looks so cute in them!

Next up, we have the queen Isabel 💅 I adore the mischief in her eyes.

Bonus because shes so pretty

Next up, sweet sweet Felicity ♡

Of course, I can't forget the best boy, Jude

The hair isn't exactly how it's supposed to be, but im working with base game. Im not paying for all those expansion packs. I also wanted to represent Jude before haircut and after his later haircut.

My best friend says he looks like "he's very passionate about the performing arts" and I think thats one of the funniest things I've heard 😭

Next is kinda a fic spoiler as the next chapter isn’t out yet, but here's who's been referred to as "Pod girl".

That slight spoiler below

Here's number 5 of our Not-Hoth survivors, Farah!

I just think she's so pretty 😭

[shyspider]

I just read a fic called Bedlam. It's a really original story thats a mesh of transformers universe but mainly focuses on tfp. I doen't want to spoilt to much if you haven't read it but there is a 'soulmate' situation later in the story thats made in a very interesting and well written way. I was wondering if you have any plans for a future story that has a bot-human soulmate/sparkmate situation? I Like the thought that a con or bot find themself before a human and then realise that their 'other half',and the ramification that comewith the realization that other could be in simular situations .Also if you haven't read this fic I highly recommend it!

First I'm going to leave a link to the fic you mentioned in case that sounds like it's up anyone's alley. https://archiveofourown.org/works/39643506/chapters/99242037

Do I currently have plans to write a soulmate AU? No. But do I have a concept and a few notes written for a Transformer soulmate AU? Yes...

Full disclosure, soulmate/fated mate tropes are one of my least favorite romantic relationships to read in a story. But it is the fave of my best friend, who really wanted me to read her favorite series 'Ice Planet Barbarians' by Ruby Dixon, which is ALL fated mate pairings. So I do, and of course I immediately come up with an OC who just defies the soulmate premise, just fights and rages against it, refusing to let their freedom of choice be taken. And then I applied that concept to Transformers.

So, currently, I have the worldbuilding mapped out: TFP universe with a soulmate concept that I haven't seen in any other fics (but I don't read a lot of soulmateAUs, so maybe someone has). I have our friend group planned, and I know the kind of role I would want 'you' to play. And I know I'm going to lean heavily into the 'enemies to lovers' trope. I'd give more details, but I want to leave some for mystery. Right now, the idea is just sitting in a text doc, waiting for an ending (because I never move to phase 2 in my writing process until I come up with an ending)

[thisblogisaboutabook]

Kind of want to do a series of one-shots with an overarching storyline that’s an ACOTAR and Ice Planet Barbarians style crossover.

So basically a symbiont like in IPB is required for the survival of fae and humans, but it causes resonance in an effort to repopulate Prythian after a lost war and each chapter would feature a pairing of an OC with an ACOTAR character.

Heavy on the whole mating bond/breeding kink/strong males simping for delicate humans and trying to “woo” them type of thing.

[separatist-apologist]

Omg I’ve actually been meaning to ask if you have any book recs that are similar vibes to any of your monster fics!! specifically dragon Lucien and the demon ones I literally am in love with those ones 😭 I’ve been thinking about reading IPB so it’s good to hear you like that one!! What is the title of the dragon shifter series?

It's her Fireblood Dragon Series, the first one is Fire In His Blood. It's set in the same timeline as IPB, but on Earth. So a hole in space lets in all these dragons and human society devolves into chaos, and what could make these dragons tame again? A mate, obviously.

If you like monsters and fated mates that's pretty tame, these are a lot of fun.

I also will never shut the fuck up about Zoey Draven's Hoard King books like whatever are they trashy? Maybe but they're well written and the aliens have tails. Sometimes thats enough

[ofstarsandvibranium]

IPB is basically published teratophilia fics x’D

...excuse me?

[itssarahwithanh]

Sebenarnya Mau Apa?

Dulu saat SMA, saya pernah suka sekali sama wafer Richeese. Tiap hari kalau ke kantin pasti jajan itu. Ngambek dikit, terus dibujuk temen mau dibeliin apa, pasti minta itu. Begitulah sampai akhirnya berangsur-angsur jadi biasa saja (meskipun masih suka sampai sekarang, but not that addictive like that time).

Beberapa waktu berlalu dan selain wafer Richeese, saya terus-terusan ‘ganti obosesi’ mulai dari suka novel teenlit, lalu suka sci-fic, kemudian suka oppa oppa korea, kartun disney, musik klasiknya mozart dan beethoven, dan sebagainya yang saya sendiri gak ingat saking banyaknya dan saking randomnya.

Meski sudah lama punya penyakit “kalo suka cenderung terobsesi” tapi baru baru ini saja, saya sadar mungkin hal tersebut merupakan penggambaran diri saya sendiri sebagai orang yang masih belum tau apa tujuan hidupnya.

Hal klise ketika saya pergi KKN beberapa bulan lalu, dan berkesempatan untuk mengajar anak SD, entah secara sadar atau tidak, saya nyeletuk lantang (?) dikelas dan bertanya pada anak-anak apa cita-cita mereka. Tanpa banyak ragu mereka langsung adu panjang-panjangan tangan sambil teriak macam-macam.

“Mau jadi pemain bola kak”

“Mau jadi guru kak”

“Mau jadi polisi”

bahkan ada yang bilang “Mau jadi juragan sayur”

Lalu saya bertanya pada diri sendiri “kalau kamu mau jadi apa?”

Itulah pertanyaan yang kian lama terasa semakin sulit seiring berjalannya waktu dan bertambahnya usia. Hal-hal yang dulu terasa sederhana dan bahkan jadi obsesi untuk kita mendadak hilang dan entah apa jadinya yang mau kita lakukan.

Begitulah akhir-akhir ini saya menemukan obsesi baru, yaitu menemukan jawaban tentang mau jadi apa, dan mau melakukan apa sih sebenarnya saya dikehidupan ini? Barangkali lambat-laun akan ada jawaban pasti, atau paling tidak sekedar mencukupi.

Karena semakin dewasa kita, kita belajar bahwa hidup tidak harus melulu tentang melakukan hal yang kita suka agar bisa bahagia. Tapi dengan bertahan dan menjaga diri baik-baik saja serta tidak jadi beban untuk orang lain, sudah merupakan kebahagian tersendiri yang terkadang tidak pernah bisa disyukuri.

14-11-2017 (Lantai 3 LSI IPB - ditengah-tengah stress mengerjakan proposal penelitian)

Tertanda, mahasiswa tingkat akhir (yang galau).

[c-e-d-dreamer]

Barbarian Bat: Part Three

A/N: Let's all just pretend that I'm not super behind on writing and updating.... aha? But I hope everyone enjoys this next part! We're getting angsty up in here.

Read on AO3 // Chapter Masterlist // Previous Part

Nesta’s heart pounds between her ribs, the thrumming beat in time with every hurried step through the snow. She’s half aware of the cold biting across the skin of her cheeks, of the numbness beginning to creep into her fingers, but it’s hard to focus on anything other than forcing air into her lungs, forcing it around the lump pressing painfully in her throat. Her whole chest feels hollowed out, feels bruised and empty, and she can feel the familiar prickle of tears burning just behind her eyes.

The snow and the trees pass by in a watery blur, but Nesta keeps pushing forward. She refuses to give in to the dread that weighs heavy in her gut, refuses to give in to the darkness swirling in tighter and tighter and threatening to pull her under. Perhaps, if she keeps walking far enough, she’ll finally wake up back in her bed in her tiny apartment back on earth.

“Nes!”

Nesta takes a moment to close her eyes, a near hysterical laugh bubbling up and out of her. Of course. Of course, he followed her. Of course, she’s never truly allowed a second of peace.

“Nesta!”

“You are quite literally the last person I want to see right now,” Nesta calls over her shoulder, rolling her eyes.

“Nes, please. Stop.”

“I’m serious. Leave me alone.”

Nesta hears Cassian let out an annoyed huff, hears him jog through the snow to catch up to her. “If you are going to storm off, at least do it in a different direction.”

“Just because we’ve resonated that doesn’t mean you get to tell me what to do, you insufferable alien,” Nesta seethes, trying to pick up her pace.

“And your stubbornness is walking you straight into Metlak territory.”

Nesta whirls back around to face him, her hands clenched into fists at her side. “Didn’t you know? I’m the stubborn one. The scary one. So why don’t you take a hint from the rest of the tribe and finally just steer clear?”

Cassian frowns, and even across the distance still between them, Nesta can see the pained look that mars his expression as he presses a hand to his chest. “You are my mate. The one my khui has chosen as mine.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t want to be.”

“Yes, you have made that perfectly clear. I am sorry. I am sorry that your khui did not choose someone better for you. I am sorry that it is me you are stuck with.”

The words hit Nesta hard enough that her breath stutters for a moment, cracks ricocheting through her chest. The defensive quip dies on her tongue, any other words tangling into a tight knot.

How could he not know? How could he not know that she had been drawn into his gravity from the moment she laid eyes on him? How could he not know that every teasing remark, every smile, every laugh he directed her way left something warm and dangerous blooming within her that Nesta refuses to name? How could he not know that he is all that is good and brave and kind, and it is her that does not deserve him?

“Cassian…”

But Nesta trails off as Cassian’s eyes widen, his attention drifting firmly over her shoulder. He looks nothing short of alarmed, and it has every hair on the back of Nesta’s neck rising, anxiety beginning to spark in her veins. Tentatively, she turns back around and comes face to face with a pair of large, round eyes. The white fur of the creature is dirty and splotted with brown spots, and when Nesta takes in a gasping breath, she’s hit with what smells a lot like a wet dog. The creature tilts its head, peering up at her almost curiously, before opening its beak-like mouth and giving Nesta a perfect view of its fangs.

Nesta tries to slowly back away, but her feet have sunk too deeply, her snowshoes catching and dragging in the snow until she’s toppling backwards and landing with a quiet cry of surprise. The metlak lets out some sort of call, a sound that reminds Nesta of an owl hooting, and then two more creatures are stepping out from the tree line and approaching her.

“Nesta!”

Nesta's heart stutters and pounds in her chest, and she tries to scramble back away from the creatures, away from their large unblinking eyes that are pinned on her, away from their mouths full of fangs. Another hooting sound and that first metlak dares to take a step closer to her, Nesta's whole body locking up with a full body flinch in anticipation of an attack.

A roar sounds from behind her, and Nesta can do nothing but gape as Cassian goes rushing forward and barrels into the group of metlaks. The creatures are quick to fight back, arms swinging and dragging their claws against his skin. Cassian reaches to pull his knife free from his belt, but one of the metlaks sinks its fangs into his arm, and he lets out a pained shout of surprise as his knife falls into the snow.

With a growl, Cassian throws his arm out and shakes the metlak free, sending the creature sailing through the air until it goes crumbling into the snow. The other metlaks are briefly distracted by their fallen comrade, so Cassian whirls around, his hands sifting through the snow to find his missing knife. But the distraction is short lived, and soon, the two remaining metlaks have their attention solely back on Cassian, letting out more of those ominous hooting sounds.

“Cassian!” Nesta screams out in warning. “Cassian!”

Cassian looks up in alarm just as one of the metlaks pounces, claws and fangs burying into his back. He turns around before the remaining metlak can join the attack, kicking out his leg and sending it back toward the tree line. His hands reach back to try and grasp at the metlak still attached to him, but the creature rears its head back and takes another bite out of Cassian’s shoulder.

Cassian stumbles, dropping down to one knee and clearly in pain. Nesta can’t take anymore, can’t just sit by and watch. She pushes back to her feet and rushes forward. She spies Cassian’s abandoned knife, scooping it up out of the snow as she goes. She curls her fingers tight around the hilt, drawing her hand back and swinging forward until the carved bone is embedded deep in the metlak's fur. The metlak lets out an anguished sound, squirming until warm red spills across Nesta’s hands and between her fingers, but it releases its hold on Cassian and collapses at their feet.

Nesta’s chest is heaving, and the knife slips from her grip as she staggers back a step. She swallows hard around the bile threatening to rise up in her throat, blinking down at the metlak blood staining her skin. A finger beneath her chin has her gaze raising and meeting a pair of eyes glowing with concern.

“Are you well, Nes?”

A hysterical laugh threatens to bubble up out of her at the question. “You’re the one who was just attacked, and you’re asking me if I’m well?”

Nesta reaches her hand up in the space between them, trying to put pressure on the wound left behind from the metlak’s claws on Cassian’s chest. Between the way her fingers have started to tremble and the slickness of the blood, her hand slips against his skin, but Cassian’s own fingers curl gently around her wrist, halting her movements. With everything that’s happened, the touch shouldn’t be as warm and grounding as it is, but there’s no denying the calming feeling that washes over her.

“Do not worry about me,” Cassian tells her as he reaches down and grabs his knife, standing up with a grimace. “We must get you somewhere safe, away from metlak territory.” Cassian looks up and around them, taking in their surroundings. “I know this area. There is a hunter cave not far.”

Somehow, numbly, Nesta nods her head. She stumbles back to where their packs are laying in the snow, shouldering the weight of both of them. Cassian tries to take them from her, but she holds firm, especially as blood continues to slide along his skin in streaks of red. He seems less than impressed, but he leads the way through the snow, keeping his knife raised and ready in case of another attack.

Thankfully, they really don’t need to walk too far before reaching the hunter cave, but Nesta still lets out an exhausted sigh as she drops their packs to the floor. She goes to move the privacy screen into place at the cave entrance, but a pained grunt draws her attention back to Cassian. He’s dropped to his knees, whatever adrenaline that was keeping him going now gone.

He winces as he pulls his vest off and tosses it aside, and Nesta gets her first look at just how bad the wounds to his back are. The gashes are deep and still bleeding, the one at his shoulder where that metlak bit him especially gruesome. When Cassian falls forward, just barely catching himself with his hand, Nesta rushes to his side. She drops to her own knees beside him, stretching an arm across his waist to try and hold him up.

“You need to see Madja,” Nesta tells him, eyes raking over the concerningly high number of scratches and gashes. “We need to get you back to the main cave.”

Cassian shifts enough that he can slide his palm along Nesta’s cheek, thumb skating across her skin. The way his eyes droop and are unfocused has fear spearing icy cold through Nesta’s chest, twisting tighter and tighter until it hurts to squeeze air into her lungs. She curls her fingers around his wrist, squeezing hard and holding him there. Holding him here with her.

“Cassian…”

“My mate,” Cassian whispers, his words slightly slurred. “Safe.”

Cassian’s eyes flutter closed, and then he’s slumping forward, Nesta just barely able to brace him and the dead weight before his face makes contact with the stone floor of the cave.

“Shit,” Nesta whispers to herself, giving Cassian’s shoulder a shake but he doesn’t move or make a sound. “Shit shit shit… Okay… Okay.”

Nesta closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, steadying herself and willing her thundering heart to calm. She can do this. She has to do this. With a determined nod, Nesta pushes back up to her feet. She goes over to where she dropped their packs, rooting around in Cassian’s until she finds his flint. She finds fuel in one of the baskets tucked along the far wall of the cave, stacking them in the makeshift fire pit the way she’s seen the other members of the tribe do before.

It takes a few strikes of the flint, but finally, Nesta is able to get sparks. She holds her breath until the sparks grow into proper flames, the orangey glow quickly filling the cave. She grabs their waterskins next, stepping just outside of the cave and filling them both with snow before setting them above the now crackling fire to melt. It takes some tugging on Nesta’s part, but she’s able to drag the heavy privacy screen in place over the cave entrance, trapping the warmth from the fire in with them.

Nesta uses the first waterskin to pour the now melted water over her hands and clean them, and then she turns back to Cassian and his wounds. She frowns and tilts her head, trying to determine the best next steps. She doesn’t exactly have a first aid kit handy on this planet. She decides to reach for her furs, untying them from her pack.

She takes Cassian’s knife and slices the furs into strips, cutting the final strip into squares. She crushes some soap berries into the waterskin and dips the first square of fur into the sudsy water. She keeps her touch careful and gentle as she cleans each of Cassian’s wounds. Amazingly, some of the more shallow scratches have already begun to heal, his khui clearly working hard and quickly.

She covers the worst of his wounds with the strips of fur, finding some twine in Cassian’s pack to tie the ones on his shoulder in place, then sits back on her haunches with a soft sigh. She only allows herself a moment before pushing back to her feet. She discards the now pile of bloody furs and dumps the dirty water. It takes some awkward maneuvering with Cassian’s large body, but Nesta is able to roll out his furs and get him into them.

He hasn’t moved or made a sound since he lost consciousness, but his chest continues to move up and down with each breath, and when Nesta presses the palm of her hand there, she can feel the beat of his heart beneath her fingertips. With nothing to keep her hands or her mind busy anymore, it’s hard to stop the dark thoughts that swirl and roll in like storm clouds. A lump presses in against her throat, her stomach churning as she grips at the leathers of her clothing until her knuckles turn white. She has no idea if she’s done enough, no idea if Cassian will be able to heal, if he’ll even wake up. And she has no idea where they are. No idea how to contact anyone from the main cave to get help.

“Please don’t die on me,” Nesta whispers, brushing the dark strands of Cassian’s hair out of his face. “You can’t die on me, you stupid alien, you hear me?”

Nesta holds vigil until exhaustion sinks into her limbs and threatens to tug her under. Until her eyelids start to droop and she has to shake herself to keep them open. She curls up beside Cassian, keeping her hand firmly on his chest, on his still beating heart. She allows the assurance that, for now, he’s okay to wash over her, allows the steady thrum under her hand to finally lull her to sleep.

It’s the cold beneath her hands that she feels first. Cold and hard, and when she curls her fingers, it’s the distinct feel of metal beneath her touch. In a second, her eyes snap open, taking in the white, clinical walls, the various metal panels, the flashing lights. Fear grips her tight enough that Nesta swears she’s being burned from the inside out by its icy grip. She opens her mouth, tries to scream, but all there is is a lump pressing into her throat.

Nesta tries to sit up, tries to clamber off the table, but she can’t seem to get her limbs to work. It’s like she’s pinned down, like she’s paralyzed, and that fear turns into a full blown panic, clawing at her chest and leaving it heaving. She thrashes her head, trying to escape, but as she turns to the right, she realizes she’s not alone in this room.

Cassian is sprawled across the floor, and it takes Nesta a moment too long to realize that his eyes are staring unblinking up at the ceiling, that his chest isn’t moving. In fact, the longer she stares, the more gashes that seem to appear across his skin, blood gurgling and pooling beneath him. Nesta thrashes harder against her invisible restraints, tries desperately to reach for him as the familiar sting at the back of his eyes blurs her vision.

Nesta wakes with a jolt, Cassian’s name weighing heavy on the tip of her tongue. Her heart pounds between her ribs, squeezing and twisting in a way that leaves a steady ache. Her stomach roils, and she’s confident that if she had anything in her gut, she’d have lost it. Her breath still heaves out of her as she turns her attention to Cassian, but he hasn’t moved, his condition still the same as before she fell asleep.

She lets out a quiet breath and lays back down beside him, tries to lull herself back under, but sleep does not come easily, and it’s fitful for the rest of the night. By the time pale morning light starts to creep into the cave around the privacy screen, she feels more exhausted than any sort of rested. Her chest still aches like a festering wound, her limbs heavy as she shifts and stretches.

But Nesta still pulls herself up. She slides the back of her hand along Cassian’s temple and cheek, and she frowns at the way his skin feels warm, like he’s practically radiating heat. Does that mean he has a fever? That his wounds are infected? How is she supposed to know what the normal temperature of an alien is? She peels back each of the strips of fur to check, but almost all of his wounds have closed up, even the worst of them scabbed over.

“Cassian,” Nesta tries, gently shaking his shoulder.

Cassian lets out a quiet groan, a soft murmur that Nesta can’t quite make out what he’s saying, but she decides any sound is a good sign. She quickly adds more fuel and stokes the fire back to life, tugging the privacy screen back enough that she can reach a hand out and pack more snow into a waterskin, melting it down. She adds soap berries and takes the time to reclean all of Cassian’s wounds, carefully laying the strips of fur back in place and tucking him back in.

By the time Nesta has finished, her stomach seems set on being louder than even her khui, and she knows she’ll need to venture out of the safety of the cave. She grabs Cassian’s knife and keeps it poised in her hand as she slowly pulls back the privacy screen the rest of the way and peeks her head outside. When she’s sure the coast is clear, she steps out properly into the snow and the two suns already sitting high in the sky.

Nesta knows that the hunters have caches near each of the caves. She knows that she just needs to find the tree that has the markings in the bark to indicate where this cave’s cache is. She heads for the tree line, making sure she keeps the cave in her line of sight at all times as she wanders through the snow. Her eyes scan the different trunks until she finally spots the one with knife markings on it. She drops to her knees and digs through the snow until she finds a quillbeast buried there, tugging it free and piling the snow back on top of the cache.

It’s messy and imperfect, skinning the quillbeast when she makes it back to the hunter cave, and it takes much longer than Nesta thought it would but she makes it work. She cooks the meat over the fire and nibbles on the pieces, occasionally glancing toward Cassian to check on him. She’s going to need a proper plan soon. A long term plan soon.

But for right now, all Nesta can think about is how gross she feels. The trek to the Elder cave and everything that’s happened since then hasn’t exactly lent itself to the opportunity to bathe and she’s certainly feeling it. Her braid is practically crusted over with grease, and there’s a layer of grime and sweat clinging to her skin that has her nose scrunching in distaste.

She clambers up to her feet, grabbing one of the waterskins and making for the cave entrance. Darkness has started to creep in outside, and Nesta swears she can feel eyes staring at her from behind the tree line. It has her shuttering, memories of the metlaks still fresh in her mind. She makes quick work of packing the waterskin with snow and securing the privacy screen firmly back in place, some of the tension finally loosening from her shoulders when she’s sat safely back at the fire.

She sets the waterskin above the fire to melt the snow and gets started on her hair while she waits, tugging the leather strap free and carefully unwinding the strands. She digs a bone comb out of her pack and uses it to work through the tangles. By the time she finishes, the snow has melted and the water has warmed, so she crushes up some soap berries, lathering up her hair and carefully rinsing the strands.

Just that one thing already has her feeling infinitely better, but she peels off her shirt and sets it aside. She uses the spare squares of fur to scrub and rinse down her arms, along her shoulders, across her collarbones. Her khui begins to sing loudly in her chest, sending vibrations skittering through her veins, heat creeping up her spine, and her hands pause their movements. A shudder takes over her body, her breath catching in her throat, as if it knows what’s happening before her mind catches up.

She didn’t even hear him get up. Didn’t hear him move across the cave and closer to her. But now she can hear the way his own khui answers the song of her own, can feel the warmth radiating off him as much as the fire in front of her.

Despite his overly large hands, Cassian’s touch is surprisingly gentle. The tips of his fingers whisper across her exposed shoulder, tracing shapes and patterns along the skin. Nesta can feel her heart starting to trip over itself between her ribs, can hear her damn khui practically screaming away, but she can’t find it within herself to move away from him, can scarcely breathe. Goosebumps bloom down her arm at his touch, and she hates it.

She hates his tenderness and his kindness and the fact she doesn’t deserve it. She hates the way their khuis sing and twine together, filling the space of the cave around them. She hates the way she wants to lean back into him, to give in until she’s consumed. But, instead, she stares resolutely at the shadows cast across the cave walls from the fires, focusing on anything other than this big, blue alien and his intense stares and his easy smiles and his charming words and his boisterous laughter and his stupid gentle touches to her shoulder.

She tries to focus on being back on that spaceship with her sisters, back to what she left behind on earth. Tries to focus on every barely sutured wound, every chink in her armor weighing her down and promising to pull her under. Tries to focus on the sorry bruised and battered state of her heart, not even close to worthy of being offered over.

Cassian switches his attention to her other shoulder, fingers still tracing those soft, aimless patterns. The shuddering breath that tumbles past Nesta’s lips sounds too loud even to her own ears, but his touches don’t falter, and she swallows hard, forcing herself to find her voice again.

“Freckles,” she breathes, turning her head enough that she can meet his gaze. It’s a mistake, their faces now close together, but she pushes on anyway. “They’re places where the skin goes darker. Often from the sun.”

“Free-kels,” Cassian repeats, his brows dipping as he focuses on speaking the word.

Nesta snorts amusedly at the pronunciation attempt. “Close enough.”

Cassian drops his gaze back to her shoulder, his fingers resuming their movements. “Your sisters have them too.”

“Yes. Feyre on her nose, and Elain on her cheeks. I have mine on my shoulders.”

“I like them.”

He says the words so genuinely, almost reverently, and Nesta’s heart gives a traitorous squeeze in her chest. That tightness only seems to grow when Cassian shifts his head, his mouth brushing along the same path his fingers had traced moments before. Nesta closes her eyes, letting the feeling wash over her, but her eyes snap back open again when Cassian’s hand skates across her cheek. She blinks in surprise at the tear he caught, not even realizing it had slipped free.

“I’m sorry,” Cassian murmurs, shifting away from her.

The loss of his presence and his warmth is jarring, the cold seeping in around her and sinking its claws into her. She wraps her arms tightly around herself, her bottom lip finding home between her teeth.

“I had this boyfriend back on earth,” Nesta begins, her voice quiet. She’s not sure where the need to tell him comes from, but once she starts, the words continue to flow out of her. “Sort of like a pleasure mate, I guess. But he was… cruel. He was awful. He made me feel weak. And when I finally left him, I swore to myself that I would never feel weak again. But I did. On that spaceship. Waking up there and seeing Elain and Feyre and knowing there was nothing I could do to save them. That I couldn’t save them. I felt just as powerless again. I want to stop feeling weak and powerless.”

Cassian reaches across the space between them, settling his hand overs and stopping her from twisting her fingers into knots. “I could train you, if you want. Teach you how to use our hunting weapons, so you can always protect yourself. So you will always feel strong.”

For a moment, Nesta can do nothing but stare at him, her heart lodged firmly in her throat and tangling with the words there. This is a ledge, one that she can’t come back from if she steps off it, and the ground is shaky beneath her feet. If Cassian picks up on her trepidation, he doesn’t let on. He merely watches her quietly, patiently, his thumb sliding almost soothingly along the back of her hand.

“And what if I decide to use those skills to fight you?” Nesta teases lightly, hoping to steer the conversation back to familiarity, to steady footing.

“Then I would know that I trained you well,” Cassian tells her sincerely. “I would be proud of you.”

Nesta pulls her hands free from Cassian’s touch, turning her attention fully back to the fire. “You should be resting. You shouldn’t be up. You’re still healing.”

Cassian lets out a soft sigh, but Nesta can’t bear to turn and look at him, to see the expression she’s sure is on his face. She hears him move away, the shuffles as he moves back toward the furs. She bites her lip to keep it from trembling, grabbing her shirt and yanking it back on.

“What is your plan then?” Cassian asks from behind her. “We will have to go back to the main cave.”

“I know,” Nesta murmurs, curling her knees up against her chest.

“Rhys is a good leader. He will not force… it will be your choice, but we will not be able to keep it a secret any longer. Everyone will know that we have resonated.”

“Maybe just you should go back to the cave then. Then, no one will know your mate is the scary one.”

“You think that is what I wish?”

Nesta lets out a dry, mocking laugh, whirling around to face him. “It’s what you should want. There’s something wrong with me.”

Cassian frowns, tilting his head curiously. “Are you well, Nes? We will have Madja speak with your khui. We will fix it.”

“You don’t get it,” Nesta huffs frustrated, barely stopping her eye roll. “You can’t fix it. They can’t even fix it back on earth. It’s… it’s inside my head. In my mind.”

Cassian’s expression is pained as he watches her, like his own heart is breaking at the admission. He hesitates for a second before closing the distance between them again, his hands reaching up to frame her face. He presses his forehead against hers, each touch so gentle, so caring, and Nesta’s vision starts to blur.

“Then tell me how I can help. Tell me how to ease this pain in your head.”

Nesta shakes her head, swallowing down a choked sob before it can escape. “I’m telling you. You can’t. I’m broken.”

“I refuse to believe that,” Cassian tells her fiercely, his thumbs catching every tear that slips free and slides down her cheeks. “Because there is nothing broken to fix.”

“You just don’t understand,” Nesta scoffs.

“And you do not see what I see. I know that you are hurting. That these males in your past have hurt you. But I see how you still walk with your head held high. You are still so strong. I see how fiercely you care for your sisters, that you would do anything for them. I see everything that you do at the cave and everything that you are doing now, and I am honored that my khui has chosen you as my mate.”

Nesta pulls her face free from Cassian’s grip, scrubbing the back of her hand against her cheeks. “I thought I told you to rest.”

“You need to rest too.”

“I will.”

Cassian scrutinizes her for a moment, but when he finally seems satisfied with what he sees, he nods his head. He moves back over to the furs, but rather than slip beneath them, he begins to rearrange them, fluffing them up, preparing them.

“What are you doing?” Nesta demands even though she already knows the answer. “Cassian.”

“I will not have my mate be cold,” Cassian explains, as if it’s that simple, shifting the furs closer to the fire.

“I’m not the one who’s injured. You’re still healing.”

“I do not care.”

Nesta rolls her eyes at that, crossing her arms across her chest. “Gods, you can be so stubborn, did you know that?”

“Then we are evenly matched,” Cassian tells her, meeting her gaze head on.

Nesta sighs, already knowing she’s going to regret this. “Fine. We can share. Then everyone wins. Just… just don’t make it weird.”

Cassian’s expression betrays nothing, but he gestures toward the furs for her to go first. With another roll of her eyes, Nesta moves and slips beneath the furs. She shifts as far to the edge as she can, keeping her back to Cassian as he clambers beneath the furs beside her. She relaxes once he’s settled, but it’s short lived when his arms reach out and curl around her, tugging her back into his chest.

“Cassian,” Nesta warns between clenched teeth.

“I am not making it weird. I am merely helping to keep you warm.”

It's a lie and they both know it. Especially with the way his hand flexes against her waist, his arms tightening. As though he's afraid she'll disappear on him, as though he's desperate to keep her here in his embrace just a little bit longer. And maybe Nesta should call him out on it, maybe it makes her selfish, but she allows herself to sink back into him, allows her eyes to flutter closed, allows his warmth and the security of his arms around her and the steady beat of his heart at her back lull her into blissful sleep.

—

Taglist (let me know if you’d like to be added or removed): @moodymelanist @nesquik-arccheron @sv0430 @talkfantasytome @bookstantrash @eirini-thaleia @ubigaia @fromthelibraryofemilyj @luivagr-blog @lifeisntafantasy @superspiritfestival @hiimheresworld @marigold-morelli @sweet-pea1 @emeriethevalkyriegirl @pyxxie @dustjacketmusings @hallway5 @dongjunma @glowing-stick-generation @melonsfantasyworld @isterofimias @goddess-aelin @melphss @theladystardust @a-trifling-matter @blueunoias @kookskoocie @wolfnesta @blurredlamplight @hereforthenessian @skaixo @jmoonjones @burningsnowleopard @whyisaravenlike-awritingdesk @ofduskanddreams @rarephloxes @thelovelymadone @books-books-books4ever @tenaciousdiplomatloverprune @that-little-red-head @readergalaxy @thesnugglingduck @kale-theteaqueen @tarquindaddy

[c-e-d-dreamer]

Barbarian Bat: Part One

A/N: It's everyone's favorite day of @nessianweek aka AU Day! And I'm taking everyone to Not-Hoth for it ;) That's right. It's the Ice Planet Barbarians and ACOTAR crossover that literally nobody asked for. Unfortunately, I didn't finish it all in time for Nessian Week, but hopefully, everyone enjoys this first part :) Also, I jokingly named this document Barbarian Bat in my files because I thought it was funny, but then I realized I accidentally matched the actual names of the series in a way (aka Barbarian Lover, Barbarian Mate, Barbarian Mine etc. etc.) so I decided to keep it.

Read on AO3 // Next Part

Nesta just barely swallows down a sigh, curling her knees tight against her chest. She watches across the cave at the way Feyre is curled up beside Rhysand, watches the way he has an arm so casually slung behind her back like it’s the most natural thing in the world, watches the way he leans down to say something quietly and makes Feyre laugh. It’s so comfortable, so easy, Feyre stepping so seamlessly into the role of the Chief’s mate as if the Mother herself predestined it. As if everything that happened, that they went through, is nothing more than a distant memory that led to this moment, this happiness.

Feyre turns her head, tilting her chin up so that she can kiss Rhysand, and Nesta has to look away. Her gaze flits instead around the rest of the cave, to the other human women and sa-khui sat around and in the hot spring that takes up most of the space at the center of the cave. Everyone is chatting or smiling, and Nesta presses her knees that little bit tighter against her chest, digs her nails in that little harder into her arms. She just doesn’t understand how everyone can be so normal. How everyone can act like this whole thing is normal.

“Hello, Nes.”

Nesta snaps her head to the right, finding Cassian standing there, his dark, curly hair falling around his face for once, around the horns twisting up and back. He folds his long legs to settle into the seat beside her, offering her one of his easy smiles that tugs the left side of his lips up higher than the right, that shows off his fanged canines.

“What do you want?” Nesta asks, hoping her cool, clipped tone will scare him off the way the rest of the sa-khui have steered clear of her. Unsurprisingly, Cassian’s grin only seems to grow, his glowing eyes almost seeming to glint.

“I brought you some meat,” Cassian explains, holding out his hands and showing off the food in question. “I have burned it the way you humans like.”

Nesta rolls her eyes and turns away from him. “I’m not hungry.”

Cassian is silent for a moment, and when Nesta chances a glance back toward him, he’s frowning in confusion. “You must be. You have not eaten at all today.”

“What? Are you watching me?”

“Yes.”

Nesta scoffs at that. If there’s one thing these aliens are terrible at, it’s reading a room. She decides not to deem him with a response, hoping that with her extended silence, he’ll finally take a hint and leave her alone. Instead, she focuses on the steam that curls off the hot spring, watching as it floats and dances through the air before vanishing.

“Are you sick? Should I ask Madja to speak with your khui?” Cassian continues when Nesta doesn’t answer. He reaches a hand up toward her face, but Nesta is quick to smack it away before his fingers can make contact against her skin.

“Don’t touch me.”

Cassian shifts so he’s kneeling in front of Nesta. It blocks her view of everyone else in the cave, but it shields her from any prying gazes too. It’s their own bubble, their own cocoon cast by the wide set of his shoulders. His face is pinched with concern, eyes watching her face in that unnerving way of his. Something in that stare has always had Nesta swearing that he could see through her in a way no one ever has, swearing that he could somehow see all the way down to her soul. From the moment Nesta met Cassian back on the crashed ship, that stare had her hackles raising, had her building her defensive walls that little bit thicker, that little bit taller.

“Are you well, Nes?” Cassian asks, his voice quiet and just for her.

Nesta almost wants to laugh at the question, at the absurdity of the notion of her ever being alright. How could anyone be alright after being kidnapped by aliens right from the safety of their bed? She's not sure she'll ever forget the feeling of waking up in a literal cage on that ship. She'll never forget the sight of both her sisters huddled together, both still in their night things and Elain silently crying. She'll never forget the fear that gripped her when Feyre, stubborn and determined as ever, decided to brave the snow of the unknown planet around them. She was sure that she'd never see her youngest sister again, watching her climb out of the safety of what remained of the cargo hold of the spaceship.

She sees it all every time she closes her eyes. She feels the cold metal biting into her skin through the thin material of her sleep shorts. She hears the hum of the engines as they flew through space, hears the clicks of those weird basketball head aliens. She feels that roiling fear twisting in her gut, tastes the tang of failure at the back of her tongue when she realized it wasn't just her but her sisters too that were going to suffer, that she couldn't save them.

Even now, even in this cave supposedly surrounded by aliens who say they only want to help, who swear they'll protect Elain and Feyre, Nesta can't shake that feeling. It still makes her pulse jump. Still makes her stomach twist and turn. Still has bile crawling up the back of her throat. Still makes her chest feel tight enough that it takes active effort to breathe in and out.

So, Nesta lets out a derisive snort, keeping her tone cold and cruel. “Are you fucking with me? I was thrown onto an alien planet covered in snow, and I have this stupid blue alien that never shuts up, that can’t take a hint and leave me alone, and you want to know if I’m well?”

Cassian continues to frown at her, and Nesta wonders if she’s finally hit the mark to drive him away, if she’s finally crossed the line. Wonders if he’ll give up on her now, grow tired of the effort and decide to cut his losses and walk away. She hates the way her heart gives a squeeze at the prospect, quickly squashing that feeling back down.

Rather than hear what Cassian might have to say, Nesta pushes up to her feet and walks away, pointedly ignoring the way she can feel Cassian’s stare prickling along her spine the whole way. She heads for the bathroom, ready to unwind for the evening and take refuge away from any more annoying aliens with piercing stares and concerned words in her personal cave, but when Nesta pulls down her pants, a small, quiet ping draws her attention.

She bends forward, squinting down at the ground in confusion, when she sees the culprit of the sound. Her blood runs cold, a ringing taking up home in her ears and her chest starting to heave with panicked breaths. Her fingers tremble as she reaches down and picks it up.

It’s an IUD.

It’s her IUD, the one thing that’s been keeping her from resonating with anyone.

“Fuck,” Nesta mutters to herself, her heart starting to thunder between her ribs.

Nesta tries to take a deep, calming breath in, but the air stutters in her lungs, catching on the lump pressing in around her throat. She curls her palm around the tiny device, her grip tight enough that her fingers bite into her skin, but just that small shock of pain is somehow grounding. She can’t let the panic get to her. She merely needs to come up with a plan, with her next steps.

The next breath that Nesta takes in is much more steady, and with a decided nod, she steps back out into the intricate cave system. Thankfully, there’s no one around and she’s able to slip back to her personal cave without running into anyone. She quickly slides the privacy screen into place, stepping over to the side of the cave where her furs are laid out. She grabs a pack and starts to stuff her spare leathers inside, tying a pair of snow-shoes to the straps before she stashes it in the corner out of sight.

And then she waits.

Nesta climbs beneath her furs and rolls over so her back is to the cave entrance. She keeps her focus on the wall instead, on keeping her breathing slow to give the illusion that she’s asleep. She’s not sure how much time passes before she hears light, lilting laughter just outside the cave, hears the deep rumble of a response. The privacy screen slides aside and Gwyn steps inside, quiet rustling coming from the other side of the cave as she slips beneath her own furs.

Despite the quiet that settles through their cave, Nesta can still hear the sounds of others in the main cave, but soon that dies down too. And then, just to be safe, she begins to count. She counts all the way up to a thousand before she finally sits up and pushes her furs down her legs. Keeping her movements slow, careful, she rolls her furs up, pausing periodically and glancing back toward Gwyn’s sleeping form. When her furs are gathered, she grabs her pack again, adding the furs and sliding the straps over her shoulders.

She pulls the privacy screen away from the cave entrance inch by slow inch, each scrape along the stone floor too loud in the silent cave and causing her to whip her head back around to check on Gwyn. When there’s finally enough space, she sticks her head out to check everything really is clear. The area around their cave is all empty; although it’s not all quiet. Nesta can hear one of the other women having an exciting end to her evening, and she rolls her eyes. At least, she can use it to her advantage, fully stepping out of the cave and carefully sliding the privacy screen back in place behind her.

She keeps to the walls, to the shadows, as she moves toward the main cave. Her steps are light but quick, and soon, the entrance is in sight. Freedom is in sight. Nesta spies two aliens on guard and standing between her and said freedom, Balthazar and some other name she can’t remember, but they seem to be invested in some sort of game that involves dice carved from bone.

It’s now or never clearly.

Holding her breath and keeping her eyes on the two aliens the whole time, Nesta makes a break for the cave entrance. It’s only when she steps outside that she finally releases the breath in relief, but she doesn’t waste any more time. She grabs her snowshoes and straps them onto her boots, readjusting her pack against her back and marching through the snow. Her steps are slow moving with the way her feet still sink in with every step, but her determination is stronger. She squints up at the sky, at the two moons glowing amongst the inky blacks and purples and tries to remember the way. They had passed a thick forest of trees, or what counts as trees on this godsforsaken planet, and there was—

“Nes!”

Nesta’s whole body freezes up at the sound of that nickname, at the sound of that familiar voice. She decides that she’ll just ignore him. Maybe, he’ll just assume that she’s going for an evening stroll, that she’s just getting some fresh air, and he’ll leave her alone. Of course, she should have known better when it comes to Cassian. Should have known that with his long legs, it would take him only a few strides to catch up with her.

“Nes, what are you doing?” Cassian’s grin falls away as he takes in her pack. “Where are you going?”

“I’m fine,” Nesta snaps, continuing to trudge forward through the snow. “Just leave me alone.”

“You should not be out here at night. It is dangerous.”

“I said I’m fine. I’m just going to the spaceship, the Elder’s Cave, whatever the fuck you call it.”

“Come back inside. We can go in the morning.”

“No,” Nesta argues. She can feel panic beginning to well up in her chest, digging in its claws and clogging her throat. “You don’t understand. I have to…”

Nesta’s words trail off as a strange sort of vibrating starts to take up home between her ribs, sending warmth ricocheting through Nesta’s veins all the way down to her toes. The hum even reaches her ears, seeming to grow faster, louder with each passing second. It’s somehow unsettling and leaves her feeling comforted at the same time, and Nesta is about to ask Cassian if he hears it too when she notices the way his eyes widen. The way he presses a hand to his chest, that odd humming seeming to echo from him too, a response to her own.

Realization of what’s happening hits Nesta like a bucket of ice water, that warm feeling vanishing quickly into icy dread. She swears that she’s going to be sick, her stomach twisting and roiling as she and Cassian continue to resonate with one another. This can’t be happening. She refuses to let this happen.

“No no no,” Nesta mutters, already shaking her head and backing away from him. Her snowshoe gets stuck with the movement and sends her stumbling backwards. Cassian’s hands reach out to her, but almost on instinct, Nesta’s entire body flinches. “Don’t touch me.”

Cassian’s expression looks pained, but slowly he reaches a single hand palm up toward her. “I just wish to help you up.”

Nesta can feel heat start to creep up her neck, but she swallows it back down. She settles her hand in Cassian’s, allowing him to pull her up and back onto her feet. As soon as she’s steady, he drops her hand and takes a pointed step back, giving her space, and Nesta hates the way her heart squeezes and swells at the gesture. Words twist and clog in the back of her throat, pressing and desperate for release, but she swallows them down and wraps her arms around herself.

“Are you going to make me go back inside now?” Nesta asks instead, staring Cassian down, daring him. “Lock me away in your cave?”

“No,” Cassian tells her, and Nesta’s shoulders slump in relief. “But only if you tell me why you wish to go to the Elder Cave so urgently.”

Nesta considers lying to him, considers making up some easy excuse, but she has a strong suspicion that Cassian would see straight through it. “There’s a… device that I have from earth. It’s what kept me from resonating, from having a mate, until now. It’s fallen out, and I need to go to the spaceship because it has a machine that can… put it back in basically.”

“And that’s what you want? To have it put back and to stop resonating.”

“Well, I certainly don’t want to be resonating right now.”

Cassian is quiet for a moment, and Nesta can do nothing but watch as a muscle in his jaw ticks beneath the moonlight. He turns his face away from her, gaze searching across the snow banks, and when he finally looks back at her, there’s something different about his expression, something colder, more closed off. Since the moment that Nesta has met him, there’s always been a warmth to Cassian, an easy openness that’s been a bit terrifying, especially when it’s directed at her, but now, it’s as if his own walls have risen and slid into place.

“Then I will escort you to the Elder Cave,” Cassian finally says. “I just need to grab a pack.”

Cassian turns and starts to move back toward the cave entrance, but Nesta steps forward and reaches out instinctively. “Wait! Will…” She takes a moment to swallow hard. “Will they know? That we resonated? They can't know, Cassian.”

“Almost the entire tribe is already asleep,” Cassian explains, not bothering to turn and look at her, his shoulders tense. “And if you stay out here and wait for me, then our khuis should be silent for now.”

“Okay…”

“Just stay here and wait for me.” Cassian finally turns to look at her again, a flicker of desperation dancing across his face. “Please.”

When Nesta doesn’t say anything else, when she doesn’t move, Cassian jogs the rest of the way to the entrance of the cave, and Nesta watches as he vanishes inside. A breeze blows past her, a shiver skittering its way up her spine, and she wraps her arms tighter around herself to fight off the chill. She glances out toward the expanse of snow around her, the light of the two moons bouncing off the crystalized flakes and leaving everything with an almost eerie glow. It’s unnerving, the quiet and the dark, and while Nesta would never admit it aloud, she’s suddenly glad that Cassian will be traveling with her.

As though her very thoughts have summoned him, the sound of a deep voice prickles her ears. The sounds of multiple deep voices. Nesta whips her attention back toward the cave entrance, her stomach dropping when she sees not just Cassian but Azriel standing there. They stop just outside the cave entrance, too far away for Nesta to hear what they’re saying, but it’s clear what, or whom, the topic of conversation is from the way Azriel’s gaze darts toward her.

Nesta waits for them to approach her. Waits for Cassian to announce their journey isn’t happening. Waits for Azriel to tell her to come back inside the cave. She considers what would happen if she refuses, if she decides to take her chances and see how far she can get trekking through the snow. But before she can even take a step, Cassian and Azriel are clasping forearms, Azriel turning and vanishing back inside the cave.

Nesta watches warily as Cassian walks back over to her. She tries to read his expression, tries to look for any sort of clue about what was said between him and Azriel, but Cassian keeps his face decidedly blank. It’s odd not seeing that teasing smirk he always directs at her, the wrongness of it all clanging through Nesta hard enough that she has to look away.

“What was that about?” Nesta asks once Cassian is close enough. “What did Azriel want?”

“Do not worry about it,” Cassian dismisses, tugging her pack off her shoulders and slinging it alongside the one on his own. “It’s this way.”

Something about his tone, about the way he starts to walk away from her through the snow without even a glance back, has her anger flaring. Those flames lick across her skin and leave her blood simmering. She’s been itching for a fight for a while now, pushing down the urge to let it all boil over, to release her claws, but she gives in to that feeling now. Clenching her fists at her side, she whirls around, storming after Cassian through the snow.

“So, what? Now you’re mad you have to escort me?” Nesta calls after him. “Did you forget that I didn’t ask you to? I was perfectly fine on my own.”

Cassian stops walking, turning back to face her, his tone dripping with a dry sort of sarcasm that Nesta didn’t know the sa-khui were capable of, as he drawls, “sorry I thwarted your wish to get eaten by a snow-cat.”

“You have no idea what I wish,” Nesta seethes, daring to step closer until they’re toe to toe.

“I know that you do not wish to be mates. You have made that perfectly clear.”

The words hang in the air between them, carried away on the night breeze. The world is quiet around them, nothing except their heaving breaths as Nesta glares up at him, Cassian meeting her stare head-on, a twin flame to meet her own blazing through his eyes. But it’s Cassian that breaks away first, taking a step back and readjusting the two packs slung across his backs before he continues the trek through the snow.

“It’s this way.”

—

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[c-e-d-dreamer]

Barbarian Bat: Part Two

A/N: It is sadly the last day of @nessianweek but I have had so much fun writing lots of fics and reading lots of fics! And I want to thank everyone for reading part one of this silly little AU earlier this week. Hopefully, you all enjoy part two, and I'm hoping to update with part three soon. :)

Previous Part // Next Part // Read on AO3

The trek through the snow is awkward and quiet, Cassian leading the way and Nesta trailing behind, trying to keep up with his long, easy strides. He slows to a stop each time that Nesta’s steps trip up, each time her foot sinks too deep, but he doesn’t turn back to look at her. He merely waits for her to regain her footing, to dig her snowshoe out, and then they continue on through the dark and the mountains of white.

If the entire journey to the spaceship is going to be this way, Nesta isn’t sure how much longer she’ll be able to take before her anger and annoyance really get the best of her. She remembers taking the journey once before, when all the women were given the knowledge transfer so they would understand the language the sa-khui spoke. It had taken almost a day between the spaceship and the main cave that they now call home. A day of awkward silence. A day of this tense energy that’s thrumming in the air between them. A day of her stupid khui vibrating and singing away, the damned thing still not shutting up.

As they walk, Nesta looks around, trying to recognize any landmarks from that previous journey, but everything on this planet looks the same. It’s all endless waves of white, snow reaching as far as the eyes can see in every direction. It’s only broken up by the strange bushes on this planet, by the purple and pink wispy stalks that are meant to be some kind of trees.

Perhaps she’s seen that particular cluster of trees before?

But any familiarity Nesta swears by vanishes as she takes in the rocky cliff face they’re walking toward. Under the pale light of the two moons, the snow covered rocks look especially looming and ominous, like sleeping giants waiting to wake, to rise. It has a shudder skittering up Nesta’s spine, and she hurries her steps enough to stick close to Cassian’s side as he walks parallel to the cliff face.

He makes it about halfway along the cliff face before coming to a stop before some sort of small opening, the abruptness of it almost sending Nesta careening into his back. She scowls and glares at his shoulder blades as she almost trips over her own feet, her snowshoes sinking deeper with her effort to stop quickly. She doesn’t let up even when Cassian finally turns over his shoulder and looks at her again, letting him feel and see all of her ire.

“Stay here,” Cassian tells her before slipping through the opening between the rocks, a cave Nesta realizes. He doesn’t stay inside for long, stepping back out into the night and gesturing with his hand for her to enter. “It is safe.”

But Nesta doesn’t move. She stays rooted to the spot and crosses her arms across her chest. “I thought you were taking me to the Elder Cave.”

“It is too dangerous to travel that far at night. We will rest here then continue the journey at first light.”

“How do I know you’re even taking me to the Elder Cave? That this isn’t some trick where you pretend to go along with what I want.”

Cassian’s eyebrows dip low at the accusation, his mouth pinching as he crosses his own arms. “Do you not trust me?”

“No,” Nesta answers matter-of-factly, unable to stop her scoff even if she wants to. “Human men, those weird green alien men, the basketball head alien men, even giant blue alien men… you’re all the same. You’re all just men.”

It’s more information than Nesta means to share, a part of herself that she hadn’t meant to hand over so easily. She’s never been good at any type of openness, any type of vulnerability. She’s always preferred claws and masks and armor. Snap and snarl now, and no one will ever ask questions later. Push someone out the door, and they never have the opportunity to leave.

But Cassian has always seen through her every defense, her every wall, ever since she stepped on this godsforsaken planet. She feels it now as Cassian’s eyes sweep over her frame, stripped bare, every crack, every nick, every bruise to her soul on full display. It’s as though he’s cataloging her every expression, tucking each reveal from her away.

“Give me their names, then,” Cassian finally speaks.

“What?” Nesta whispers, blinking in confusion.

Cassian steps closer to her, the breeze carrying with it the heat that always seems to radiate from him, the scent of low burning embers and what Nesta has always sworn was pine. He’s close enough that Nesta has to tilt her head back to continue to meet his gaze, a fire practically blazing across his expression. His hand reaches up in the space between them, a whisper of his touch skating along her cheek, before he seems to think better of it. His fingers curl back into his palm, hands settling into fists at his sides instead.

“Give me the names of these men that have hurt you, and I will find a way to hunt them down, to shatter every bone in their bodies for ever laying a finger on you.”

The declaration has Nesta swallowing hard, even as her traitorous heart skips a beat between her ribs, even as her khui starts singing again. “Don’t make promises that you can’t keep.”

“Then I will make a promise that I can keep. I will never hurt you, Nesta. I swear it,” Cassian says, pressing a hand to his chest, to where his own khui answers.

He says the words with such conviction, with such earnestness on his face, that Nesta doesn’t know how to respond. Words tangle on her tongue, clogging the back of her throat and battling with the emotions swirling like a storm in her chest until all she can do is try desperately to breathe around them. There’s no stopping that cold and cruel voice whispering in the back of her mind, digging its claws in with doubt and hesitation. Even if she wants to believe him, even if she wants to speak those words, she’s been burned too many times. She knows exactly how this will play out in the end. So she merely presses her lips together, wraps her arms tightly around herself like that will help hold herself together.

Cassian sighs softly at her extended silence. “If it will make you more comfortable, I can stay outside the cave for the night.”

“I thought you said it was dangerous. Snow-cats and all that,” Nesta reminds him before chewing at her bottom lip and turning away from his piercing gaze. “It’s fine.”

Before she can change her mind or take the words back, she ducks down and steps into the cave. It’s certainly small, clearly meant to just house a single hunter for the night. There’s a designated area for a fire, and when Nesta squints through the dark, she spies a few supplies like fuel and spare spears tucked neatly along the far wall. The way the walls seem to press in around her has Nesta’s hackles raising, especially when Cassian steps inside just behind her with his tall frame and wide shoulders, but she takes a deep, steeling breath, refusing to give in to those swirling shadows within her.

She spots where Cassian set down their packs, and she cuts across the small space to them, more than happy to have something to do with her hands. She unties her furs from her own pack first, unrolling them out across the cave floor and straightening them how she likes. She chances a glance over her shoulder, watching as Cassian strikes flint to start a fire.

An orangey glow flickers to life in the cave, casting shadows and shapes across the walls and floor. The firelight bounces off the dark strands of Cassian’s curls, his hair pulled back and tied off with a leather strap. It draws emphasis to his horns, to the plates and ridges on his arms and the way they shift along with his flexing muscles. Nesta finds herself tracing the dark colored lines and swirls across his blue skin, Cassian one of the few sa-khui with tattoos.

As if he can feel her attention on him, Cassian turns his head, meeting her gaze. Nesta is quick to snap her own head back around, swallowing down the heat threatening to creep up her neck, the way her heart skitters and skips for a moment. She grabs for Cassian’s pack to distract herself, untying his furs and laying them out in what little space remains of the cave floor.

“You should try and get some sleep,” Cassian’s voice breaks the quiet. “If we want to leave for the Elder Cave at first light.”

Nesta knows that he’s right, so she takes a moment to tug off her boots and her various outer layers of leathers, damp from the cold and the snow, and rests them near the fire so they can dry. It leaves her in just the long, loose leather tunic she wears beneath, her legs exposed. She can feel Cassian’s gaze on them, goosebumps prickling across her skin in the wake of his attention, so she quickly slips beneath her furs.

She burrows deep into them, tugging the furs up and around her shoulders as she turns to face the cave wall. Nesta has never done well in the cold. Back on earth, she always kept her thermostat higher than most during the winter months, always had plenty of blankets on her sofa to pile on when she curled up with her books.

And of course now she’s stuck on a planet literally covered in snow.

Even with the furs wrapped tight around her, even with the heat of the fire, Nesta can’t help but shiver. She nearly jumps out of her skin when another layer of furs is gently placed atop her. She cranes her head enough to watch Cassian move away and back to the space where she had laid out his own furs earlier, her lip finding home between her teeth.

“Won’t you be cold now?” Nesta dares to ask, fingers toying with her now extra furs.

“I will be fine. I have slept in worse conditions,” Cassian dismisses, getting comfortable against the cave floor. “Go to sleep, Nes.”

Nesta sighs softly but she rolls back over and tries to get comfortable herself. She watches the way the shadows flicker and dance across the stone of the cave wall from the fire, and tries to focus on emptying her mind. This whole night has already been bad enough, and the last thing she needs is another round of nightmares to make things even more awkward between her and Cassian. She squeezes her eyes shut and keeps her breathing a steady in and out, in and out, until finally the blissful darkness sweeps her away.

~ * * * ~

Nesta blinks her eyes open slowly, sniffling softly as she rubs at them and tries to reorient herself. It takes her a moment to remember where she is, to remember the events of the previous night. Resonating with Cassian. Making the trek to this hunter cave. She presses a hand against her chest, but her stupid khui is surprisingly silent.

With a quiet huff, Nesta sits up, rubbing at her arms against the chill. A glance around the cave tells her that the fire has banked to just embers. It also tells her that she’s alone in the cave, Cassian nowhere to be seen. That fact has Nesta frowning, and she scrambles out of her furs, grabbing her now dried clothes and yanking them back on. She heads for the cave opening and the privacy screen still in place, her anger already beginning to spark at her supposed escort being MIA.

“Ho,” Cassian’s voice sounds from outside, and Nesta freezes. That’s the greeting the sa-khui use with one another, which means…

“Ho,” another voice answers, followed by the sounds of footsteps in the snow coming closer.

“I am surprised to see you out on the trails so early,” Cassian comments.

“I wish that I came with good news,” the other sa-khui explains. Azriel’s voice Nesta realizes. “Rhys is furious. He has accused you of stealing the human female to force resonance.”

Shit. That’s definitely not good news. Rhysand had made it very clear to the tribe about how the women who had crashed on the planet here were to be treated, had set very firm rules and very strict punishments. If he thought Cassian had kidnapped her, that meant he could banish Cassian from the tribe. And it would be all her fault. Guilt churns in Nesta’s gut, and she squeezes her eyes shut to try and fight off the wave of sickness.

Cassian lets out an annoyed huff. “I did not do that. You were there.”

“I know. Luckily, when I told them what had happened, how she tried to leave on her own and you tried to stop her, that you went with her to ensure she was safe, Feyre was not surprised. She said that her sister would do something like that, and many in the tribe agreed. They do call her the stubborn one. The scary one.”

“Do not call her that,” Cassian all but growls, his tone fierce.

Azriel lets out a pained gasp as though he’s been shoved hard, a moment passing before he speaks again. “I am sorry, brother. I know that you have a soft spot for her.”

“She is hurting. It is very clear. I do not know why no one else can see it.” Cassian sighs, his voice dropping quiet enough that Nesta has to lean even closer to the privacy screen to hear him. “I just wish to help her.”

His words, the unwavering sincerity of his tone, they have Nesta’s chest tightening, her traitorous heart skipping between her ribs. None of the men back on earth ever spoke of her like that, least of all when they thought she couldn’t hear them. She’ll never forget the words she overheard in school. The words Tomas would sneer with his friends behind her back.

Cassian barely even knows her, and still he defends her, still he declares how he wants to help, and he says it all without an ounce of doubt, without any hesitation. It has something suspiciously like hope threatening to bloom and take root within her, tying like a golden thread tighter around her heart and flooding warmth through her veins. Nesta tries to swallow hard around the feeling, around the way it thrums and purrs.

She realizes too late that it’s actually her stupid khui thrumming, realizes too late that the sound gives away the way she’s practically pressed up against the privacy screen and obviously eavesdropping. She scrambles away and to the other side of the cave, knocking her elbow back against the stone wall in her haste. She slumps down to the floor, curling her knees up tight to her chest as if smothering her khui will make it shut up.

“Do not worry,” Cassian’s voice startles her, and she snaps her head toward the cave entrance just in time to watch him slide the privacy screen back into place behind him. “I have made Azriel swear not to tell anyone about our resonance.”

“Thanks,” Nesta mutters; although her khui starts singing anew. Whether touched by the gesture or in protest, she’s not sure.

“But Rhys and Feyre have demanded we return right to the main cave when we are finished at the Elder Cave.”

“Okay…”

Cassian opens his mouth as though he intends to say something more, an emotion passing across his expression that Nesta can’t quite pinpoint, but he seems to think better of it. With a shake of his head, he settles near what remains of the fire, placing the quill-beast in his hand down in front of him. He tugs a knife free from his belt, skinning the small animal with practiced ease and slicing the meat.

“I’m not hungry,” Nesta tells him when he places a few pieces on the meat atop the embers to cook.

Cassian’s grip on his knife tightens, a muscle in his jaw ticking. “I do not believe you. You need to eat, Nes.”

“You said we would leave at first light for the Elder Cave.”

“I will not escort you until you have eaten something first.”

“Fine,” Nesta snaps, turning to yank her furs close enough that she can begin rolling them up. “I don’t need you anyways. I never asked you to escort me. I’ll go to the Elder Cave by myself.”

“Good luck finding your way,” Cassian drawls.

When Nesta finishes securing her furs to her pack, when she finally turns to look at him again, Cassian is smirking. It’s a challenge if she’s ever seen one. They both know she doesn’t know where she’s going, both know she’d just end up wandering aimlessly through the snow. It has her bristling, has her eyes narrowing as a scowl twists across her face. With a frustrated huff, she tosses her pack to the side.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re annoying?”

Cassian’s smirk morphs into a full blown grin at the retort, and he picks up one of the now cooked pieces of meeting, holding it out in offering. “Not nearly as much as since you have come into my life, but do not worry. I like it.”

Nesta snorts, but she scoots closer to take the meat. “You like when I insult you?”

“I like this game we play. I like the way your eyes blaze. The pink that floods your skin here…”

Cassian’s hand reaches up between them as though to demonstrate exactly where he means, but his fingers just barely brush the skin of Nesta’s cheek before he freezes. Just that single, simple contact has a shiver skating up Nesta’s spine, has her breath hitching in her lungs. She can’t tear her gaze away from his, from the way his glowing eyes seem to bore straight through her. She swears she can feel the energy crackling in the space between them, just as surely as she can hear both their khuis singing away.

But Cassian seems to jolt back to himself, clearing his throat awkwardly and dropping his hand back down to his side. He turns his attention away from Nesta, focusing back on cutting the rest of the quill-beast meat up and popping the pieces into his mouth. Nesta nibbles on her own piece of cooked meat, trying to will her still thundering heart to calm.

“That sort of makes you a creep, you know,” Nesta finally comments. “Noticing all that. It’s almost like you admitting to watching me all the time.”

The comment draws a soft laugh from Cassian, and he offers her a sidelong smirk. “I cannot be blamed for always wanting to watch you. You are the most beautiful female I have ever seen.”

“Wow,” Nesta drawls sarcastically, rolling her eyes. “Does that line work on all the females you’re interested in?”

“The only female I am interested in is you.”

The words have Nesta swallowing hard and she tosses her last remaining bite into the fire. “I’ve eaten now. Are we going to the Elder Cave or not?”

Any good natured teasing between them, any hint of returning to the way things were before their resonance, it crashes around Nesta in the blink of an eye. Cassian’s smirk falls away, his entire expression hardening again. He shoves his knife back into his belt with enough force that she winces, but he pushes to his feet and begins to move about the cave, using snow to put out the embers of the fire and grabbing his and her packs.

Nesta can do nothing but pull back on her cloak and boots, can do nothing but follow him back out into the snow and biting wind. The two suns shine high above in the sky, but with their small size and pale light, they provide almost no relief against the cold, and Nesta wraps her arms tight around herself, just barely holding off a shiver. If Cassian notices, he doesn’t say anything. He shoulders both of their packs, letting out a sound somewhere between a grunt and a grumble, and then they’re off.

If Nesta thought that their trek the night before was terrible, it’s nothing compared to the rest of the journey. They hike in silence, Nesta trudging through the snow just behind Cassian. By the time the Elder Cave comes into view, Nesta has never been more happy to see that stupid spaceship, her chest heaving from the steady exertion. Cassian pauses just outside the large, main door and ramp that acts as the entrance, his shoulder tensing for a moment before he lets out a breath.

“I will wait out here for you,” Cassian offers, not even meeting Nesta’s gaze. “I am sure you do not wish for our khuis to give away our resonance.”

“Good idea,” Nesta murmurs quietly.

Nesta offers Cassian one last look, but the sa-khui male keeps his gaze firmly on the line of trees around them, his arms crossed over his chest. With a soft sigh, she walks up the ramp and steps inside the large main room of the spaceship. She finds just Jurian sitting around the fire, skinning what appears to be a hopper. He looks up when Nesta enters, but doesn’t say anything. There’s always been a strange, almost unsettling, wildness to Jurian, especially since he spent so little time with the main tribe. It has Nesta keeping her distance rather than stepping closer.

“Is Vassa here?” Nesta asks, refusing to back down from the way Jurian’s eyes narrow, the sa-khui male still slow to trust anyone outside his mate.

Jurian still doesn’t say anything, but he lets out a quiet grunt and turns his eyes toward the door that leads deeper into the spaceship. The meaning is clear enough. With a quiet thanks, Nesta heads through the doorway and into the winding hallways. She steps around holes in the floor, making sure to give a wide berth to any crumbling walls and crushed doors, and follows what sounds suspiciously like someone singing a Taylor Swift song.

When she turns around another corner, Nesta finally locates Vassa, the redhead toying with the wires of some sort of panel in the wall. Vassa pauses what she’s doing when she hears Nesta, but her friendly smiling of greeting morphs into a confused frown when she glances over Nesta’s shoulder and finds the rest of the hall empty.

“Nesta? What are you doing here? Did a whole group come?”

“Just me,” Nesta explains, raising her chin and straightening her spine. “I came to use the medical machine.”

Vassa’s eyes sweep over her, confusion growing. “Medical machine? For what?”

“That’s none of your business. I just need to use it, okay?”

“Well, if it was working, which it isn’t, I would need to program it to do what you need.”

The world seems to stop spinning beneath Nesta’s feet, everything crashing down around her as she swallows hard. “The medical machine isn’t working?”

“It started smoking the last time I tried turning it on, so definitely wouldn’t recommend climbing in there,” Vassa explains with a shrug. “I might be able to fix it, but it’s probably going to take awhile since I don’t exactly have a manual handy, so if you need something super urgently? Not happening.”

Nesta lets out a quiet, defeated scoff, closing her eyes and tilting her head up toward the sky. This can’t be happening. This cannot be happening to her. She’s not sure what sort of grievances she must have committed in another life, why the Mother has apparently seen fit to issue this sort of punishment, but it’s clear the gods are laughing at her now. Bile starts to claw its way up her throat, and she swallows hard around it, shoves down the panic threatening to well up in her chest. With trembling fingers, she pulls out the IUD from the small pocket in her clothes.

“Is that…” Vassa starts, leaning closer to see. She glances up at Nesta’s face, as if looking for confirmation, before letting out a bright laugh. “Come on. Your periods can’t be that bad that you need an IUD still. Our khuis help with that now. Besides, that was probably keeping you from resonating. Now you can have a hunky alien husband like Jurian.”

“So what?” Nesta snaps, her temper beginning to flare at this turn of events. “You won’t help me then?”

Vassa sighs, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms. “I can try and fix the medical machine, but just know that it probably won’t make much of a difference. Our khuis are living organisms, remember? Now that it knows how to push your IUD out, it will just do it faster the next time.”

Nesta hates that she’s right. Hates that it’s a fact she’s been pointedly ignoring since she first realized what had happened back at the main cave. A fact she’s been running from since she resonated with Cassian. But there’s no more running, no more denying, and there’s certainly no reversing it.

Vassa keeps speaking, her lips moving as she says something else, but Nesta doesn’t hear a word of it. She doesn’t hear anything over the ringing that takes up home in her ears, over the rushing and pounding of her blood. She clenches her hands into fists, her nails biting into the skin of her palm, but it does little to help ground her. Already, she can feel herself spiraling, falling down beneath the crushing waves until it hurts to breathe, until she’s sure that she’s going to drown and no one will hear her scream.

It’s like an out of body experience, like being on the outside looking in, as numbly, Nesta turns on her heel. As she walks back through the winding halls of the spaceship. As she walks out through the entrance and into the sun and the snow beyond. As she walks and walks and walks. She doesn’t know where she’s going, where she will go, but Nesta knows one thing with absolute certainty.

She needs to get out.

—

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[c-e-d-dreamer]

I heard we're posting angst for WIP Wednesday? 😇 Anyways, please enjoy this snippet of the next part of Barbarian Bat! I promise I'm still working on finishing up this fic. Work has just been kicking my ass over the past couple weeks.

“Just because we’ve resonated that doesn’t mean you get to tell me what to do, you insufferable alien,” Nesta seethes, trying to pick up her pace.

“And your stubbornness is walking you straight into Metlak territory.”

Nesta whirls back around to face him, her fists clenched into fists at her side. “Didn’t you know? I’m the stubborn one. The scary one. So why don’t you take a hint from the rest of the tribe and finally just steer clear?”

Cassian frowns, and even across the distance still between them, Nesta can see the pained look that mars his expression as he presses a hand to his chest. “You are my mate. The one my khui has chosen as mine.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t want to be.”

“Yes, you have made that perfectly clear. I am sorry. I am sorry that your khui did not choose someone better for you. I am sorry that it is me you are stuck with.”

The words hit Nesta hard enough that her breath stutters for a moment, cracks ricocheting through her chest. The defensive quip dies on her tongue, any other words tangling into a tight knot. How could he not know? How could he not know that she had been drawn into his gravity from the moment she laid eyes on him? How could he not know that every teasing remark, every smile, every laugh he directed her way left something warm and dangerous blooming within her that Nesta refuses to name? How could he not know that he is all that is good and brave and kind, and it is her that does not deserve him?

[c-e-d-dreamer]

Barbarian Bat: Chapter Masterlist

Main Pairing: Nesta Archeron/Cassian

Summary:

Nesta has no interest being on this snow and ice covered planet, and she certainly has no interest in a resonance mate, least of all with the sa-khui with the cocksure smiles who keeps calling her Nes.

AKA the ACOTAR and Ice Planet Barbarians crossover no one asked for. That's it. That's the plot.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

[c-e-d-dreamer]

Happy WIP Wednesday, lovelies! Feels like forever since I posted one of things. But the people have spoken and asked for more of the IPB AU! Clearly, I really need to get my ass in gear and finish this in time for Nessian Week lol

“Nes!”

Nesta’s whole body freezes up at the sound of her name, at the sound of that familiar voice. She decides that she’ll just ignore him. Maybe, he’ll just assume that she’s going for an evening stroll, that she’s just getting some fresh air, and he’ll leave her alone. Of course, she should have known better when it comes to Cassian. Should have known that with his long legs, it would take him only a few strides to catch up with her.

“Nes, what are you doing?” Cassian’s grin falls away as he takes in her pack. “Where are you going?”

“I’m fine,” Nesta snaps, continuing to trudge forward through the snow. “Just leave me alone.”

“You should not be out here at night. It is dangerous.”

“I just said I’m fine. I’m going to the spaceship, the Elder’s Cave, whatever the fuck you call it.”

“Come back inside. We can go in the morning.”

“No,” Nesta snaps. She can feel panic beginning to well up in her chest, digging in its claws and clogging her throat. “You don’t understand. I have to…”

Nesta’s words trail off as a strange sort of vibrating starts to take up home between her ribs, sending warmth ricocheting through Nesta’s veins all the way down to her toes. The hum even reaches her ears, seeming to grow faster, louder with each passing second. Nesta is about to ask Cassian if he hears it too when she notices the way his eyes widen, the way he presses a hand to his chest, that odd humming seeming to echo from him too, a response to her own.

Realization of what’s happening hits Nesta like a bucket of ice water, that warm feeling vanishing quickly into icy dread. She swears that she’s going to be sick, her stomach twisting and roiling as she and Cassian continue to resonate with one another. This can’t be happening. She refuses to let this happen.

“No no no,” Nesta mutters, already shaking her head and backing away from him. Her snowshoe gets stuck with the movement and sends her stumbling backwards. Cassian’s hands reach out to her, but almost on instinct, Nesta’s entire body flinches. “Don’t touch me.”

Cassian’s expression looks pained, but slowly he reaches a single hand palm up toward her. “I just wish to help you up.”

[c-e-d-dreamer]

@dustjacketmusings won the WIP Wednesday games, and she said Monster Cassian so what bestie says goes 😌 but this snippet is also especially dedicated to @isterofimias who is graciously allowing me to steal IPB Cassian. You just know that man was made to be a big, blue alien, am I right? 😉

Despite his overly large hands, Cassian's touch is surprisingly gentle. The tips of his fingers whisper across her shoulder, tracing shapes and patterns along the skin. Nesta can feel her heart starting to trip over itself between her ribs, can hear her damn cootie practically screaming away, but she doesn't move, scarcely breathes.

She hates the way goosebumps bloom down her arm at his touch, hates the shudder threatening to richocet up her spine, so she stares resolutely at the shadows cast across the cave walls from the fire, reminds herself of all the things she misses from back home. Chocolate. Books. Her studio apartment and actual privacy. The lack of this big, blue alien and his intense stare and his easy smile and charming words and his boisterous laugh and his stupid gentle touches to her shoulder.

"Freckles," Nesta finally breathes, breaking the quiet of the cave.

Cassian's movements pause for a moment, but then he's back to his tracing. "Free-kels."

Nesta snorts amusedly at the pronunciation attempt. "Close enough. They're places where the skin goes darker. Often from the sun."

"Your sisters have them too."

"Yes. Feyre on her nose. Elain on her cheeks. I have mine on my shoulders."

"I like them."

He says the words so genuinely, almost reverently, and Nesta's heart squeezes tightly in her chest. Even more so when Cassian shifts his head so that his mouth brushes along the same path his fingers had traced moments before.