#is amelia going to end up finding out she’s pregnant again?

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

heyyy, so i have a request cause i really love your amelia storys. So could you do a amelia one, where the reader is pregnant and amelia is scared to have sex. The reader goes to her best friend (maybe arizona or christina) for advise. Than the friend and the reader go to a sex shop and buy the readers first dildo. Later amelia finds the reader using the toy and the talk about amelia being scared to have sex while the reader is pregnant. And well smut at the end.

Xoxo

Can do! Hope you enjoy. :)

Playing It Safe

Amelia Shepherd x fem!reader Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, NSFW, sex, fingering, oral, masturbation, toy usage, sex shop, squirting, language around genitalia, some explicit language, previous Amelia trauma, pregnancy times, established relationship (let me know if I've missed anything!) Word Count: 2.1k

Summary: You're needier than ever during your second trimester, but Amelia has some pregnancy trauma that's getting in the way. Thankfully, you've got people who are willing to help you get what you need.

“Amy,” you prompted as she circled your clit with her tongue. You gently pulled her head up, and she looked up at you expectantly with those beautiful, blue eyes. “I love your mouth, but I need you inside me.”

She furrowed her eyebrows. “I don’t know, babe.” She crossed her arms and rested her chin on your protruding stomach. “It doesn’t feel safe.”

You rolled your eyes. “Amelia, come on. We’ve been over this. Pregnancy sex is perfectly safe. If straight people do it, we can do it.”

“It just…” she stuttered, flopping onto the bed next to you. You sighed, your body drifting down, down from where it had tensed up. You weren’t going to get what you needed. Not today. “It makes me nervous.” She shrugged, and you cupped her face as she lay next to you. How could someone so smart be so stupid.

“You’re a doctor. You should know this. I know this.” Amelia never treated you differently because you were a nurse. You had a different skill set, that was all. But at a time like this, you didn’t mind emphasizing that, of the two of you, Amelia should absolutely be the more educated about pregnancy and safe sex.

Amelia was quiet for a while, looking down and avoiding your eyes. “I keep thinking about Christopher.”

Shit, you thought. It’s not that you’d forgotten about Amelia’s first child, the one who’d died in her arms mere minutes after he was born. Christopher was a part of her. But you sometimes forgot that the hopes and fears that surrounded your pregnancy were different for Amelia than they were for you. Amelia had experience. Not only that, she had trauma. Heart-wrenching, horrible trauma that she’d carry with her the rest of her life, even as she also got to carry and treasure this new child. It wasn’t fair to expect Amelia to be completely rational when it came to pregnancy safety.

You ran your thumb along her cheekbone, your voice soft. “Hey. That’s not gonna happen again. Our baby is perfectly healthy.”

“I just don’t want to take any risks,” Amelia whispered.

“Okay,” you sighed. “Okay. Whatever you need.”

Amelia started moving her hand down your body. “I mean, I can still…”

“It’s fine, Amy,” you said, hoisting yourself out of bed and kissing her on the forehead. “I gotta go to work anyway.”

You felt bad for your patients that night at Grey-Sloan. It wasn’t their fault you were sexually frustrated. You slumped into a rolling chair at the nurse’s station, groaning, and laid your head on the desk.

“Wow.”

You looked up and smiled wryly. It was Arizona–Dr. Robbins, as her patients would call her. For a little while, you and her had been the only out lesbians on the peds floor, so you’d become fast friends. Never dated–you weren’t each other’s type–but you were excellent wingwomen for one another. In fact, it was Arizona who had set you up with Amelia.

She leaned over conspiratorially, so that the people around you wouldn’t overhear your conversation. “That’s a sad lesbian sigh if I’ve ever heard one.”

You shrugged.

“What’s going on?” she prompted. “Trouble in paradise?”

You leaned closer, trying to keep your voice low. “She won’t sleep with me.”

Arizona looked genuinely shocked. “Like, at all!?”

“I mean, she won’t go inside me.”

You had never seen Arizona look more confused. “...Why?”

“She’s afraid it’ll hurt the baby.”

Arizona sat down next to you, rolling close to continue the conversation. “There’s no fucking way she really believes that. She’s a surgeon.”

“I don’t think she really does. She’s just…” You sighed and groaned. “She’s got some trauma.”

Arizona shrugged and mumbled. “I mean, if you really need to, you could just use the strap on yourself.”

You blushed. “We don’t use a strap.”

“Ever?!”

“I don’t know… it just hasn’t come up, I guess.”

She seemed to think deeply about this. “Well, do you have a vibrator or a dildo or anything?”

“No,” you answered quietly, your face getting redder by the minute.

Arizona looked at you like you were an infant, smiling, like you were something cute and tiny. “Aw, you’re just a baby.”

“Shut up. Just because I’m younger than you doesn’t make me a baby.”

“No, you’re right,” she nodded, smirking. “Not owning any sex toys makes you a baby.”

You rolled your eyes.

“What time are you off today?” she said, glancing at her watch.

“7:00,” you answered.

“Me too! It’s a date then.”

“Wait, what?” She’d lost you somewhere along the way.

Arizona squeezed your shoulder. “We’re gonna find you something to put inside yourself.”

You’d never felt more out of your element in your life than you did standing in front of a wall of fake penises with Arizona.

She smiled at your horrified face.

“Little much?” she asked.

You nodded. “I don’t know, Arizona. These all seem way too… real.” You eyed a particularly girthy, veiny dildo and grimaced.

Arizona leaned on your shoulder. “They’re better when they’re attached to boobs,” she admitted. “Here, come here.”

She led you to another aisle where the toys were similar in shape, but much less realistic looking. They were almost futuristic. Sleeker, smaller, more your speed. But there were so many of them.

“I’m feeling overwhelmed,” you told her, staring at all the options.

“You want my advice?” she asked.

You shrugged and nodded.

She pulled a toy down and handed it to you. It was blue and small and bent and there were buttons. You felt like you were in Star Trek. “I’d start with this*,” she explained. “It’s relatively small. It bends, so it can mimic the feeling of fingers.” She looked pointedly at you. “Since that’s what you’re used to.”

You nodded, looking at it. “Yeah, okay. I’ll try it anyway. I just…” You sighed. “It’s not as good, is it?”

“As a partner?!” Arizona shook her head. “But it’ll do the job.”

An hour later, you were sitting in bed, the package opened in front of you, reading the little instruction manual. Sixteen settings. An app!? You just weren’t sure about it. And you felt a little bad for even wanting to use it. You knew you weren’t cheating on Amelia by masturbating. You both did it, you both knew you both did it. You worked long hours, sometimes things just didn’t line up. But this felt different somehow. Illicit.

But, god, you needed it. You’d needed it since last night. Since last week, even, when you’d started to show and Amelia had started treating you like you were made of glass.

You took a deep breath and leaned back against the pillows you’d stacked against the headboard, trying to think sexy thoughts. Amelia thoughts. You thought of her body against yours, the taste of her, her curves you loved to trace.

Your breath started to grow rhythmic, ragged, and you circled your fingers gently over your clit. After a few minutes, your arousal started to pool, and you spread it around, taking a deep breath and grabbing the toy. You looked at it suspiciously, as if it was an alien. It wasn’t Amelia. It didn’t look like Amelia. But, then maybe, like Arizona had said, it would get the job done.

You pressed one of the buttons, choosing a vibration pattern at random, and slowly slid the toy inside of you. You moaned at how good it felt to have something inside you, to once again feel something pressed against your fluttering walls. And while, no, it didn’t feel as good as Amelia’s fingers would, it was new and exciting to be able to control everything, all of it, the whole experience. The speed, the depth, the direction, to cater to your every want and move because it was you on both sides.

You continued stroking your clit as you thrust the toy in and out of you, shaking around it. God, you’d needed this.

When Amelia burst into the bedroom, still in her scrubs, you froze, face beet red, hands between your legs. She wasn't supposed to be home. Not this early.

She stared at you in shock, and neither of you spoke for a moment.

“What are you doing!?” she said, sounding somewhere between sad and angry. It was pretty clear exactly what you were doing.

“Amy, I–”

She shook her head in frustration, sitting on the edge of the bed. You tossed the toy aside and covered yourself with the sheets, feeling more self-conscious than you ever had around her.

You felt like crying. All you’d been trying to do was meet your own needs, so that Amelia wouldn’t have to. You didn’t want to make her any more anxious than she already was, but it seemed like you’d done just that.

She looked in your direction, but not in your eyes, and you saw that hers were full of tears.

“Amy…” you breathed, moving toward her.

“I’m sorry,” she said, wiping tears from underneath her eyelids. “I know it’s safe. In my head, I know it, but I’m just–” She sucked in a shuddering breath. “I’m so scared, all the time. And I know you need me, and I’m just–I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” you said, drawing close and wiping a tear from her cheek. “It’s okay. I’m sorry. I should have been better about telling you what I needed and, well, what I was doing to get it.”

She breathed deeply, seeming to calm down a bit, as she looked you over.

“Did you finish?” she asked, smiling slightly.

“What?”

“Just now. Did you finish?”

“Uh… no. No, but that’s oka–”

Amelia’s lips crashed into yours, hot and salty from her tears, and you pulled away a bit, surprised.

“Amy, it’s okay,” you assured her, holding her face in your hands. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to,” she said, her voice rough with lust and emotion. “I’m so tired of being scared.”

You looked into her eyes as she pushed you down on your back. They were lustful, determined, and just a little bit sorry. You brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, running a thumb along her brow bone.

“Everything’s gonna be okay, honey,” you told her, quietly. “The baby’s safe and healthy.”

“I know,” she said, pressing her lips to yours and slipping her tongue into your mouth, her hands squeezing your hips. 

And she didn’t look away. She kept her eyes–so beautiful, so brave–on yours as she pressed her fingers inside of you. You gasped, arching your back into her, so happy, so relieved to have her inside you again. The toy was just that–a toy, a tool. Amelia was a goddess.

Amelia whined, too, planting sloppy kisses all over your neck, your collarbone, your chest. “I missed this,” Amelia huffed, high on the way your body pulsed around her, tight and desperate and already so close to the edge. “I missed you.” Her breath was hot on your skin, her lips red and puffy from colliding with yours so furiously.

You felt yourself barrelling toward the cliff of an orgasm and grabbed her arms for dear life. “Amy,” you moaned. “Amy, I’m gonna–”

She grinned as you fell apart, quaking and throbbing around her, your hips thrusting, back arching. But, then–something neither of you had expected or experienced before–a tiny stream of fluid, flooding out of your body. You cried out, coming harder than you’d ever come in your life, way too far gone, too lost in your orgasm, to think about what the hell was going on down there.

When you finally came down, Amelia stared at you, gaping–her face a mixture of shock, self-satisfaction, and pure, dumb happiness.

“Holy shit,” she said, biting her lip and bouncing a little.

You propped yourself up, alarmed at how wet the bed was. “Did I–”

“Yeah,” Amelia laughed, running her hands through her hair. “You sure did, baby. Holy shit.”

You stared at the wet spot. That had never happened before. You weren’t sure you liked it.

“Jesus,” you said, your eyebrows furrowed. “I–”

Amelia crashed her mouth into yours, wrapping her arms around your neck.

“Never,” she said, pulling away breathlessly, “let me say I’m too afraid to fuck you again. Never.”

“It’s okay if you are,” you assured her, running your hands up and down her back.

“Nope,” she argued, shaking her head. “If that’s on the table, trauma can suck it.”

You laughed and kissed her again, happy to have her body close to yours–with no inhibitions–once more.

*This is the toy, in case you’re wondering. 😉

[strscrossed]

mean dom hobo eren: a timeline

(feel free to point out any inconsistencies because it’s a lot and I’m adding/retconning stuff too)

eren:

march 30, 1990 - his birth

2005-2006 - he meets lara, his first wife

2006 - 2017 - eren and lara have an on again, off again relationship. he’s constantly breaking up with her and finding other girls. she’s basically always second choice

2017 - lara secretly baby traps him and he steps up and marries her. don’t remember if he cheats on her or not

~2018 - lara miscarries and eren tries to be there but then he overhears her talking to willy and he finds out that she intentionally baby trapped him, he leaves her. she refuses to divorce him. the tyburs are too powerful

2022 - eren meets mikasa in mid 2022

mikasa:

february 10, 2000 - her birth

october 25, 2010 - koji, her brother, is born

~2011 - 2012 - her parents die, either an accident or a double homicide. she and koji go to live with kenny/levi

~2019 - she moves out and takes full custody of her brother. she’s engaged to porco at this point and she moves in with him. all is well. but then she comes home early one day to find porco in bed with one of her bridesmaids so she immediately ends the engagement and the relationship

late 2019 - she starts working in a bookshop

late 2022 - she meets eren and he immediately hires her on the spot

eremika’s relationship:

mid - late 2022: the relationship is professional, though there’s attraction between the two of them

very late 2022: they have sex for the first time and the relationship keeps going even though they try to stop it multiple times

late 2022: april 2023: eren gets super involved in mikasa’s life and even enrolls her brother in the best school in the country and pays for the tuition.

may 2023: lara comes back into eren’s life again, asking to reconcile and saying that she will absolutely not sign the divorce papers

late 2023: she starts sniffing out that eren might be in a relationship with his secretary and she gets willy to do something about it

january 2024: willy threatens mikasa after a gala and forces her to move away. eren is shattered and desperately starts searching for her

july 2024: koji makes contact with eren and he finds them. and he brings them back.

august 2024 - june 2025: eren and mikasa are are back together but secretly while he gets his revenge on the tyburs via gaslighting and shorting their stock. this becomes the climax of the story.

september 2025 - eren and lara’s divorce is finalized

new year’s eve 2025 - eren proposes and that’s when mikasa figures out that they’ve been in a relationship for the last three years

february - march 2026: mikasa learns she’s pregnant

june 12, 2026: em are married in a private ceremony

october 1, 2026: their son, kai, is born

december 21, 2028: twins kane and hana are born

may 3, 2030: twins victoria and amelia are born

april 25, 2032: their daughter, emiko, is born

august 13, 2038: they have twin girls (no names yet)

[rocknrollbabe14]

Rainbow in the Dark

Rating: 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. ADULT THEMES HEAVILY DISCUSSED.

Warnings: Pregnancy, mentions of bleeding, grief, loss, depressing behaviors, sexual situations, smut, sex (p in v sex), breeding kink? maybe? (depends how you look at it I guess but I intended it to be more like a husband just really wanting another baby with his wife because that's both of their end goals). If I forgot anything, let me know. 

Author's Note: This part one. There will be a part two to this. I am working on several different things right now so please bare with me and be patient. :) This is the start of a Dad!Joe series. I will be making a separate section on my master list. This follows my "Stuck With You" series which can be found on my master list :)

@josephs-quinns @kellysimagines

It had been one week past Amelia's third birthday. It was hard to believe your baby girl was three years old. To you and your husband, Joseph it felt like it had just been yesterday. You and Joe had been keeping a secret from your three-year-old daughter—you were pregnant again. You were ten weeks pregnant. You had begun to experience morning sickness—the first sign you were pregnant again. That was one of the first signs you were pregnant with Amelia.

Your last check-up was perfect—Baby Quinn was growing on schedule, and everything looked great. That's what your OB had said. At your daughter's third birthday party you had to sneak away every few hours—becoming nauseated at the slightest thing, especially certain food. You were living on saltines and water that particular day. Some were worse than others. His mom would come in the bathroom and check on you while Joe was busy trying to help with the party. Joe would make his way in the bathroom a few minutes after his mom, however, saying he was never too busy to check on you. 

You'd smile even after throwing your guts up, knowing Joseph was an amazing dad. You had picked an amazing man to be the father of your kids. Joe was super excited that you were pregnant again. You all had decided since Amelia was getting ready to turn three, it was a good time to start trying again. It didn't take long for you all to end up pregnant. Today, you felt super fatigued. No nausea or vomiting. You hadn't had those in a few days. Joseph was leaving to do an interview, stating he should be home fairly early.

You decided to start cleaning the house—Joe insisted on light housework. Only sweeping, laundry, dishes, and tidying up rooms. No mopping, vacuuming or lifting heavy things. He would do those for you. You had a load of laundry started, Amelia was down for a nap for the time being. You decided to close your eyes just for the length of her nap. 

Your eyes shot open at the sound of your alarm going off—Amelia's pediatrician recommended an hour nap now that she was three and would be starting preschool next fall. You raised off the couch, feeling a slight gush. Nothing major, but enough to cause concern to grow. It felt more like a period that you wouldn't be having right now. Your face crinkled in confusion, placing a hand on your stomach easily. You were cramping worse now.

Ascending the stairs, you made the first stop in the bathroom. Just to check everything. You were paranoid. You couldn't help it. You slid your sweatpants down easily, immediately seeing bright, red blood. 

"Oh shit.", you sighed easily. A sick feeling pooling in the pit of your stomach. You gulped down your emotions quickly.

You had never bled like this with Amelia. A little spotting, but nothing in comparison. You quickly debated what course of action to take. Within seconds, you decided going to the emergency room was the best choice. You'd call Joe once you got there, not to worry him right at the second. You slid out of the bathroom easily, going to Amelia's room. She was still sleeping. You took a deep breath, trying to find Joe's mom and dad's number.

"Hello dear.", his mom sing-songed into the phone. 

"Hey, is there a chance you could watch Amelia for me?", your voice was shaky, on the brink of tears but you were choking those back. 

"Absolutely dear, is everything okay?"

You silently shook your head but realized she couldn't see you. You'd have to use words. "No, I'm bleeding."

His mom was silent on the other end of the line. "Oh—okay dear, are you home?"

You could tell the change in her voice. She was concerned, realizing this situation was serious. 

"Yes, Amelia's asleep but I'm gonna wake her up and I can bring her to your all's house.", you sighed, wondering what was going to happen. 

"Okay, sweetheart. Just don't rush. Do you want me to call Joseph? Are you sure you're okay to drive? Do we need to come and get you?"

"No—not yet. I'll be okay. I'm going to go to the emergency room and see what they say."

"We'll just come to you, dear. Just stay home and we'll be right there.", his mom insisted.

"Okay, thank you.", your voice broke, and you felt the tears coming.

"Alright, honey. We love you. We'll be right there."

"We love you.", you sighed, the tears finally sliding down your cheeks.

You quickly wiped them away with your long sleeves as you opened the door to Amelia's room, immediately putting on a brave face for her. She was starting to wake up, rubbing her eyes. 

"Hey baby.", you sniffled slightly, eyeing her.

"Hi, mommy."

You kissed her head, brushing through her shoulder-length curly hair. It was just like Joseph's. Identical. 

"Did you sleep good?", you asked her.

She nodded excitedly. 

You kissed her head again, hugging her. She looked up at you with her big brown eyes. You felt like you were looking at a small copy of Joseph. You may have carried her for nine months, but she was Joe made over. Even some of her mannerisms. 

"Listen, nan and grandad are coming to watch you for a little bit, okay?", you eyed her.

"Okay, mommy."

As curious as children usually are, you were glad she wasn't asking more questions. You sat there just watching her grab her teddy bear. The one she almost cried over—Joe caving and buying it for her. He couldn't stand to see her cry. When her lip trembled, he caved. Almost every time. She was his baby girl and she has him wrapped around her little finger. Ever since the day she was born.

"Do you want to come with mommy in her and daddy's room?", you asked her.

She nodded easily climbing off her bed as you both headed for your bedroom. You grabbed a few things just in case they decided to keep you. The photo of you and Joe with Amelia that was taken right after she was born caught your eye. You swallowed the lump in your throat. Eyeing your phone, you were timing how long you figured it would take Joseph's mom and dad to get to your house. 

Before you knew it, your doorbell rang and you perked up instantly. You and Amelia headed downstairs and you opened the door, revealing Joseph's parents. 

"Hey dear.", his mom smiled sympathetically before hugging you.

You exchanged hugs with both of them before Amelia popped out from around you.

"Nan! Grandad!", she smiled excitedly as she ran to them, her grandad picking her up and kissing her head. 

"Do you need one of us to drive you?", his mom asked you quietly as Joseph's dad took Amelia and went into the living room and tickled her, causing her giggles to fill the room. 

You shook your head. "I think I'll be okay."

"Dear, we just don't want anything to happen to you."

Part of you just wanted to be alone. You were beginning to instantly feel isolated, your emotions running wild inside of you. If something was going wrong with your pregnancy, you didn't much feel like having an audience. You loved Joseph's mom. She treated you like her daughter but you didn't want to cause her any more grief or pain in the process. If you were losing your baby, you just wanted Joe.

"I think I'll be okay. I don't feel dizzy or weak. I'll call you as soon as I make it to the hospital. Amelia wants to spend time with her nan."

His mom gave you a concerned, sympathetic glance. "Call us and let us know you made it. And if something else is happening, call Joseph. Please."

"I will.", you promised.

She hugged you again, you closing your eyes, listening to Amelia's giggles and her grandpa laughing with her. 

"We love you, Y/N."

Her words replayed in your head as you drove to the hospital, the cramps becoming increasingly worse. You winced as you turned off, the hospital fifteen minutes away. Those fifteen minutes felt like an eternity. The hospital finally came into view and you pulled in near the emergency room entrance. You locked the car, grabbing your purse and small bag before going inside. You registered at the desk, telling them your symptoms.

Even the registrar's expression appeared concerning. The sick feeling in the pit of your stomach grew, realizing this probably wasn't going to end well. However, part of your mind wanted to remain positive. You waited in the waiting room for maybe three minutes before a nurse called you back. She took you to a private room, getting your vitals, height, and weight. She asked what brought you in today. You told her, describing your symptoms in detail. 

Her eyes widened as she asked, "How far along are you?"

"Ten weeks and three days.", you sighed, looking at the tiled floor. 

The nurse nodded. "I'll be back." 

She vanished. You called Joe's mom very quickly in the meantime, letting her know you had made it safely. It was five minutes before the doctor came in. 

"Mrs.Quinn, we are going to do some lab work if that's okay with you. When did your bleeding start? We are afraid you may be having a miscarriage.", the female doctor eyed you. 

Miscarriage. That word knocked the wind out of your sails, sucker-punching your gut. You didn't want to believe that. You didn't want to admit that it was happening to you.

"Yes, that's fine. And today. Just today.", you sighed, trying to ignore the last sentence. 

"Alright, we will be back, okay?"

You nodded, deciding it would be best to make the phone call to Joseph now. Your hands shook, tears threatening to fall as you grabbed your phone, unlocking it. You eyed your last ultrasound picture before moving to your call log, hitting Joseph's contact. It rang just three times before he picked up, startling you.

"Hey love, is everything okay?"

"Um you're not busy are you, Joe?", you sighed, your voice threatening to break.

"No, just finished up. What's wrong?"

He immediately sensed something was wrong in the sound of your voice. 

"Is Amelia okay?", he asked, quickly.

"She's fine but I'm at the hospital."

"What happened, baby?", he asked suddenly, worry and concern evident in his voice.

"Um,", your voice cracked, tears beginning to fall. "Well, they're getting ready to do some lab work. They're afraid—just can you come to the hospital, please? I need you.", you begged.

"I'll be right there. Where's Amelia?", he asked quickly and you heard him shuffling on the other end of the line.

"At home with your mom and dad."

You heard him unlocking the car and getting in, starting it. You choked tears back, not wanting him to worry and speed trying to get to the hospital. You sighed, just wanting to hide under a rock. You hated this. This was something you had never dreamed would happen to you. 

"I'll be there as soon as I can, baby. Just hold tight. I love you.", he said breathlessly.

You nodded, your voice breaking. "Okay, I love you too."

You clicked off your phone as the phlebotomist came in to draw those dreaded labs—the one that would test how much HCG was in your blood and would tell you whether you were losing your baby. Another part of you and Joseph. You watched your blood run into the tube, praying that your baby was alright and they could do something. They finished drawing your blood, and the phlebotomist slipping out of the room. 

Joe slid into the room. His brown eyes were wide with concern. His was face crinkled between concern and confusion. Silent at first, he slid over to you, taking a seat in the chair beside the stretcher. He silently grabbed your hand, a sigh finally escaping his lips.

"They think you're losing the baby, don't they?", he asked quietly.

His words sent a pang through your chest. Seeing Joe hurt was the icing on the cake—the thing that was finally going to do you in.

You nodded.

He closed his eyes, rubbing behind his ear. This was a coping mechanism for him to try and focus on something else. His face was blank, no emotion evident. You wanted to break down and cry right then and there. He opened his eyes, water filling them now. It killed you to see him like this. If you were losing your baby, that was hard. But this was also hard—watching the man you love crumble in front of you. 

He blinked several times to try and stop his tears from escaping. His face was growing flushed. You finally lost it, beginning to sob in your hands. You heard him begin sniffling, feeling his hand rub up and down your back, him kissing your head. You drew your hands away from your face. Joseph had tears in his eyes, one even sliding down his cheek. He took his free hand to wipe it away, keeping his eyes focused on you. 

Truth be told, he felt gutted. But he was more worried about you. He knew this would hurt you, and make you feel like less of a woman. He knew he had to hold it together for you. It was okay to show you he hurt, but now he'd have to reel himself back in. You all had a three year old at home who needed you both. She was your all's life. 

"I would have come immediately."

You looked up at him. "I didn't—I didn't want to worry you."

He smiled weakly as he wiped the tears sliding down your cheeks. "Baby, you have went through most of this alone. That kills me."

You sighed sadly. "It's okay. I just—did what I needed to do."

"It's not okay, I'm your husband. I want to be there for you."

He eyed your all's hands, admiring your wedding rings. You all said for better and for worse. This was worse. He placed soft kisses on your cheek, hoping to convey how much he loved you. There was absolutely no lust behind them. Joseph was one of the only things keeping you going right now. Amelia and Joseph. That's who you had to focus on. 

"Mrs.Quinn.", the doctor's voice finally spoke, her entering the small room, causing you and Joe to immediately look in her direction.

"I'm Dr. Thomas. We're going to order an ultrasound to be sure and send you to the OB unit for tonight. We've reviewed your labs in comparison to your last doctor's visit. Your levels have dropped. There's no easy way to say this, but this leads us to believe you are indeed having a miscarriage."

You and Joe immediately exchanged glances, sobs beginning to escape you as you leaned over into him, crying. Joe took his free hand, covering his own eyes and doing his best not to cry. You heard small sobs he was choking back. 

It finally clicked in your head—the cramps, the bright red, bleeding, nausea, and vomiting disappearing almost immediately. 

Dr. Thomas eyed you both sympathetically. "I can imagine this is very devastating news. We are going to go ahead and transfer you to the OB unit. They'll get you settled in and do further assessments. I'm so sorry.", she spoke, leaving the room to give you all time to process this loss.

It was no time before two OB nurses came to take you both to the OB unit. They took you via stretcher. Joseph held your hand the entire way. He made the phone call to his mom that they were keeping you overnight. 

"Hey mom, it's Joe. They're going to keep Y/N for the night. Yeah. Yes. Unfortunately, they think she's losing the baby.", his voice broke. "Tell Amelia we love her. Give her kisses from us. We love you too. Bye, mom."

You could only hear the one-sided conversation. Hearing him say it made you feel even worse—feeling like you failed as a mother. Your job was to keep your baby safe and you couldn't even do that. What kind of mom did Amelia have? The thoughts made you feel worse, slowly beginning to slip you into a depression. One it would take you a while to get out of. 

The nurses gently helped you over into a bed. They helped you into a gown and change clothes. You prayed Joe didn't see where you had been bleeding. But it was so bad, it bled through your sweatpants. He noticed but didn't say anything. They took your vitals again, asking you the same questions the nurse had in the ER. The story was the same. You felt a gush and went to the bathroom, noticing bright, red bleeding. They assured you the OB would be in shortly. Dr. Bennett who delivered Amelia and had been with you from the beginning.

Dr. Bennett came in, her expression was more somber than usual. She greeted you both before explaining she was going to perform the ultrasound to see if it was a complete miscarriage. She put the cold gel on your stomach. The situation was so different in comparison to just a few weeks ago. You both were so happy to see your second baby. Joe's face was filled with excitement like it was Christmas morning, causing you to giggle at him. He had kissed your head, telling you how Amelia was going to be so jealous of her brother or sister. 

Now, you both were anxiously waiting for her to say the word 'miscarriage'. Joe looked at you sympathetically as she began to run the transducer over your stomach, scanning your baby. It was still, not moving. Not bobbing about as it had been weeks earlier. A small whimper escaped your lips before you covered your face, beginning to cry again. You felt like you were losing a part of yourself. You were. It killed Joe to see you cry. He brushed his hand through your hair easily, before kissing your head, sniffling, and fighting his own tears back. 

"I'm so sorry but you are having a miscarriage. Some tissue is left so we will be giving you some medicine to help you pass it since your body is having some issues doing it on its own. I'm so sorry, dear.", she eyed you. 

Your all's worst fear was confirmed. She left to give you all some privacy. The world felt like it was crashing down on top of you all. You knew you needed to be thankful you all had Amelia but it didn't fix the fact that you'd never know who this baby would have been. Would it have been a boy or girl? Would it have acted like Joseph or you? Looked more like you or him? You'd never get to hold it in your arms, kiss its head, or rock it to sleep. It was a harsh reality to come to terms with.

The night was long, you or Joe barely sleeping. The medicine made you feel like you were in labor again but it was helping you pass your baby. Joe would go to the bathroom with you each time as you sobbed looking at the sight you left behind you. You all would stand in front of the mirror, him holding you in his arms as tight as he could, rocking you back and forth. 

It was the same he had done when you were struggling, in labor with Amelia. You were in a lot of pain, trying to decide if you wanted an epidural or not. At that point, you were still unsure. He would just rock you back and forth in his arms, your IV pole in tow, kissing your head and telling you how strong you were and how amazing it was what you were doing for him—for you both. However, right now, you felt anything but. You felt weak and broken. 

You were released the next day and told you had passed the majority at the hospital but if your bleeding was heavy and extended into another week to come back. Dr. Bennett wanted you back at the office in a week. Joseph's mom had brought some more clothes for you since the ones you wore in were soiled. You didn't need a more painful reminder right now. Joseph helped you put your clothes on, you wincing every time a cramp came. Joseph said you could go to bed when you got home. He'd get his parents to come back for your car.

Joseph held your discharge papers as they wheeled you down in a wheelchair. He had parked out front in anticipation for this moment. The last time you were wheeled out of this hospital, you had a baby in your arms. You had nothing this time. He opened the passenger door, careful to help you inside. You eased down, wincing and trying to keep from being weak and crying some more. The nurses and Joseph had seen enough of that in your opinion. 

Joseph thanked the nurses for everything before he went to the driver's side and climbed in. He eyed you carefully. He could see the pain in your eyes and on your face. 

"I love you.", he spoke softly.

"I love you too.", you turned to look out the window. 

You dreaded going home in a way. It felt bad to say but you dreaded having to put on a brave face for Amelia. You didn't know if you could. Everything was ripping apart at the seams. Before you knew it, you had arrived home. Joseph shut the car off and got out before coming over to help you out. You hated moving as it hurt extremely bad.

"I'm so sorry, love. I wish I could take the pain away."

"It's fine, Joe. I'll make it.", you whimpered easily as he helped you stand up. 

"I'm so sorry baby."

He helped you up the steps of your porch before he unlocked the door. You had missed the familiarity of home. Your favorite candle burning. It just smelled comforting. You heard Amelia and her grandpa playing which caused a small smile to spread across your lips. You stepped in first, sliding your shoes off, just ready to go to your all's room and go to bed. 

"Go on and lay down, love. I'll take care of everything down here.", Joe smiled softly.

You could tell this was hitting him hard too, but he had a better way of reeling himself back in as to not show his emotions so much. 

"Daddy?", Amelia called out loudly, instantly turning her attention from her grandparents. 

You gulped, knowing she would come running for Joseph. She knew his voice even though he was trying to be quiet. Joseph's parents watched as she ran to you both.

"Daddy! Mommy!", she squealed as she ran to you both, Joseph picking her up instantly. 

She kissed her daddy's cheek and it was the most adorable thing—the thing that usually made your ovaries ache. Now, it was making you ache differently. Trying not to ruin Joe and Amelia's moment, you turned away and held back tears. Joseph eyed you, noticing your silent pain.

"Daddy? Is mommy sad?"

Joseph looked back at Amelia. He was stunned and didn't know what to say. 

"Well, yes. Mommy just had something sad happen to her.", he answered honestly.

She reached for you. "Baby?", Joe asked easily, causing you to turn around.

"Mommy.", she reached her hands out. 

You couldn't help but come over to Joseph and allowed her to hug you while he held her. The doctor instructed you not to lift right now as it would make your bleeding worse. 

"I love you.", Amelia smiled.

"Mommy loves you, Amelia.", you eyed her, choking back tears. 

"Let's go play with nan and grandad, why don't we? Mommy needs to lay down and rest.", Joseph eyed her as he kissed her head again.

"Okay.", she agreed easily. 

Joseph kissed you before telling you he loved you and he'd be up to check on you shortly. You immediately heard his mom and dad greeting him and asking him if you were doing okay. Continuing up the stairs, you opened the door to your bedroom, instantly feeling fatigued. You closed the bedroom door, slid into your bed, covered up, and lay there in silence. You were finally alone and cried in solitude. Joseph had been very supportive but they said mothers grieve differently than fathers. 

This routine would go on for a couple of weeks before you finally found the strength and courage to get back to yourself. Joseph worried about you for two entire weeks. You barely ate and when you did, it wasn't a lot. You seemed very complacent. You weren't yourself but he understood. You both were suffering a loss. Somehow, he found strength in all of it and you admired him for that. That was one reason you married him in the first place. He always found the brighter side of things. 

He was keeping Amelia very occupied. You felt guilty, feeling like Joe was playing both roles for those couple of weeks. Joseph insisted he didn't mind. You felt as if you were failing Amelia in the process. You were letting a baby you didn't know cause you so much grief. Joe reminded you that it was your all's baby and it was okay to grieve. Dr. Bennett cleared you and recommended you wait a little while to try again just for your mental health. There was no certain reason you miscarried and Dr. Bennett assured you not to blame yourself. 

Joseph didn't push you to be intimate with him. Matter of fact, you worried you were growing apart. You knew sex wasn't everything but you hated lying in bed beside him and just sleeping all the time. Joseph sometimes fell asleep with Amelia after reading her a story. You tried to understand. But at times, it felt like he was rejecting you too. Every time of the month just reminded you that you lost your baby. You couldn't keep it safe no matter how hard you had tried.

Ten weeks had passed since you lost your baby. Joseph's mom and dad had agreed to keep Amelia for the evening so you and Joseph could go out to dinner. Dinner went fine and you felt as if you both reconnected after the tragedy you had faced. By the time you got back home, Joseph's mom and dad informed you Amelia was asleep. You all thanked them for watching her before you both went upstairs. Joseph sat on the bed, taking his shoes off before undoing his tie. 

Quiet was thick between you all. 

"Baby?", Joseph asked, turning to you. 

"Yes?", you asked.

This was it. This was the moment he was going to tell you it was over. He couldn't do this anymore. He had been too stressed out taking care of Amelia and doing everything. You had failed them both too.

"Can I ask you something?"

You nodded, feeling the sick, anxious feeling rise in your stomach. 

"Do you think maybe—we could try again?", he asked, unbuttoning his dress shirt halfway, revealing his chest. "Do you feel ready?"

You looked down at your bed. "I couldn't keep the baby safe."

Joe sighed easily before taking you in his arms. "Baby, it's nothing you did wrong."

"I've been such a shitty mother lately. I've let you and Amelia down. What makes you think I'll be a good mom to another baby?", you sighed, feeling pain in your chest.

Joe took your face in his hands easily, causing you to look directly in his eyes. "You're an amazing mother. You're so strong. You gave Amelia life, that's more than I could ever do. If it happens, it's going to be great. You'll be so adorable pregnant.", he chuckled, causing you to smile. "If not, we'll keep trying. This isn't a race. I just love seeing you as a mother. I love you, Y/N."

You couldn't help but let happy tears come into your eyes. "I love you too, Joe." 

You both hugged deeply before sharing a kiss—one that was deeper. 

"Why don't we relax first? They say it happens when you're relaxed and least expecting it.", Joe smirked at you, breaking the kiss.

You smirked. "You really did your reading?"

"Of course, love. I'll be right back.", he hopped off the bed, kissed you on the cheek, and headed straight for the bathroom. 

You heard the water running as you stood up, sliding out of your dress. You let your hair down before taking your earrings out. The bathroom door opened, causing you to eye the door. Joseph was standing there in just his boxers. A smirk across his face. You felt your cheeks heating up. It had been around three months since you all had been intimate. He walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, coming over to you. 

"Ready baby? The water's warm.", he smirked at you, feeling his breath on your cheeks. 

"Yeah.", you smiled as he allowed you to walk in front of him.

The bathroom was warm, bubble bath in the bathtub, he turned the lights down and lit some candles. You were surprised. He came behind you wrapping his arms around your waist, before kissing your neck and laying his head on your shoulder. You sighed easily as he reached for your bra, beginning to undo it. You leaned into him, the final snap undone, and your bra found itself on the bathroom floor. He kissed your shoulder blades as his hands began roaming over your chest, finding your breasts, him giving them a gentle squeeze.

"So beautiful.", he breathed in a sigh as you felt your nipples perk up under his touch. 

"You think so?", you hummed. 

You had been self-conscious of them since you had Amelia and breastfed her. You didn't feel like they had ever turned to their normal before you got pregnant. They had grown while you were pregnant with Amelia. Nothing too major just a couple of bra sizes. Joseph didn't mind it, however, you felt self-conscious. Your clothes didn't fit like they did before you got pregnant. Joseph reminded you anytime you got frustrated about your size that you were growing a baby—specifically his baby.

"Mhmm, you always look beautiful."

You rolled your eyes at him playfully as you slid your underwear down, his hands moving to your hips. His eyes went wide, finally seeing you. It was a huge step for the both of you since the miscarriage. Joe was happy to see you returning back to your normal self. Joseph followed suit and removed his boxers, you catch the first glimpse of him in three months. 

You watched Joseph climb in first, sinking himself down into the water, closing his eyes, and instantly relaxing. All he had on was one of his chains and your eyes widened, the familiar hot, aching feeling returning to the pit of your stomach. He was scooted towards the back of the tub, ready for you to join him. You gulped instantly as you threw one leg over into the bathtub, him holding onto your waist to steady you as you eased down into the water, your back turned to him. 

You fit right between his legs, laying back against his chest. You heard him exhale a sigh of relief. The water was up to your breasts once you leaned back against him. The water sloshed as he brought one of his hands and wrapped it around your waist and the other near your breast. He hummed softly, resting his head against the wall, giving you a little more room to lean back into him. 

"How does this feel?", he asked, softly.

It was very romantic and tender. You couldn't help but lean back into him further, really sinking into him and the water. 

"Good.", you lightly moaned.

He smirked as he rubbed your waist. "You know what we should talk about?"

"What?", you hummed, the water warm and relaxing.

"I just want you to know that I know you've been stretched thin.", he kissed your ear, sending chills down your spine.

You could hear the water lightly splashing as you both barely moved, the bathroom quiet otherwise. You prayed Amelia would stay asleep. You just needed a little longer. It felt so euphoric to be this close to Joseph, nothing standing between you all. The water didn't take away from being able to feel his touch or the sensations between you all. 

"Uh-huh.", you sighed, begging him to continue. 

You felt his breath against your cool neck as he lightly chucked, continuing. "And I just want you to know what an amazing wife and mother you are."

"Is that so?"

He nodded. "Absolutely, love." He placed both of his hands on your hips, running them up your stomach before they both encompassed your breasts, easily rubbing your nipples causing you to moan softly, filling the bathroom.

"Just amazing what your body has done—don't you think? Carried our Amelia for nine months, gave birth to her, breastfed her—must I go on?", he breathed as he softly kissed your neck, moving one of his hands down your stomach. 

"Joe."

"Hmm?"

"You're praising me for just doing what women are designed to do."

His one hand remained on your breasts, his fingers rubbing your nipple, perking it up. The other rubbed your thigh and you knew where it was about to go. You felt him poking you easily, he was hard. It made your breathing hitch. You just wanted to melt into him. 

"I find it very amazing. You made it look so easy. It just made me want you that much more that you'd be willing to do all that so just we could have a baby.", he lightly groaned as his hands inched from your thigh towards your core. 

You mewled at his words and he was only just beginning.

"And honestly, it's why I'm so damn determined to put another baby in you."

Your eyes shot open at his words, your core burning so hot. The room was starting to feel hot but you couldn't distinguish whether it was you or truly the room.

"You are?", you asked lightly. 

"I am.", he cooed as two of his fingers slid into your folds causing you to moan. "Careful, not too loud baby or Amelia will wake up. I love when you moan loud but I really want to try to impregnate you tonight, don't you want that?"

You moaned quieter this time, nodding against him. "I do, Joe."

"Good. How does this feel?", he asked, working his fingers in and out of you slowly as he switched to your other breast, perking that nipple up causing you to squirm slightly, splashing water. 

"So good.", you moaned lightly as you felt him getting harder against your back. 

"Do you want me in you?", he asked. "Buried deep inside of you?"

You inhaled sharply, tossing your head back against his chest, feeling his leaning into yours. "Yes."

"I'll grab a towel and we'll go to the bedroom, sound good baby?"

You nodded.

Joe slid his fingers out of you just as quickly as they had entered you, causing you to mewl at the loss of contact. You needed him—-you were craving him. You leaned up enough to let him out of the bathtub, coming off your small high and realizing the water was becoming cool. You watched the water drip from his muscular physique before he grabbed two towels, wrapping one around his waist but it was impossible to miss his hard penis. It caused you to bite your lip. 

He held the towel open for you as you pulled the plug, allowing the water to begin draining. You raised up, feeiling overly exposed as you stepped onto the tiled bathroom floor, Joe instantly wrapping you in a towel and pulling you in his arms. Your nipples were hard now from the cool air. He rubbed your back easily, kissing your head multiple times. You laid your head on his chest, just feeling relaxed from being in his embrace.

You both finally warmed up and were ready to shed your towels. You unwrapped from yours first, your wet hair touching your chest. Joseph eyed your body easily and you slightly felt like a bug under a microscope. Every morning when you looked in the mirror all you could see were your imperfections—specifically your stretch marks. There weren't many and they had faded but they were still visible. 

Joseph seemed to read your mind. "Baby, they're not ugly."

"Are so.", you sighed, running your hands over them.

"Far from—just a reminder you carried our baby girl.", bent down on his knee, looking up at you before kissing them, causing you to close your eyes and run your hands through his damp, curly hair. 

He came back up easily, his hands on your waist as he began to kiss you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, feeling the cool metal rubbing your forearms. You both had to be thinking the same thing as he slid his under your butt, lifting you up. You instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist, never breaking the kiss. He carried you out of the bathroom, kissing you deeper before you both came to the bed. He leaned over the bed, easing you down on the mattress with a soft thud, careful not to put all his body weight on you. He broke the kiss, looking deep in your eyes, a stray curling hanging down. 

"Ready for me to put a baby in you?", he asked softly. 

You nodded feverishly. "Yes.", you gulped.

That's all Joseph needed to hear. "Tell me how bad you want it, baby."

If you could sink further into the mattress, you would. You were blinking in anticipation for him, eyes hazily looking up at him. Maybe the heat had gone to your head. He was asking you feel under the influence. His hand ran through your hair before cupping your cheek, his brown eyes looking intently into yours.

"Joe, I want you, babe, so bad—make me pregnant, please.", you sighed under his touch. 

This drove his desire further. He smirked as he leaned up and kissed your neck, down your chest, down your stomach. He looked up at you as you ran your hands through his curls. He groaned softly, closing his eyes. He wanted in you so bad he could hardly stand it. He had craved you for months but he understood you needed time to heal mentally, emotionally, and physically. He wasn't going to rush you. This was hard for you to understand and cope with. 

Joseph leaned up easily, stroking himself in front of you, never breaking eye contact with you. You kept your eyes steady on him before looking down and seeing him take himself in his hands, stroking up and down his length, hissing easily. 

"God, you're just so beautiful. I've been waiting for this night for months.", he smiled down at you.

His words caused a sigh to escape your lips before you ran a hand softly down your chest, causing goosebumps to appear on your skin. He chuckled softly continuing to stroke himself. He was fully erect, his length never ceased to baffle you. It was like rediscovering him each time. 

"Careful or you're gonna end up cumming on my tummy and not in me.", you mocked him from earlier. 

He snickered at your coy response before throwing his head back. "We don't want that."

You shook your head. "Nope."

He suddenly stopped stroking himself, eliciting a groan at the loss of contact. "All I can think about is how adorable you look pregnant. I swear.", he groaned as he lined himself up with your entrance. 

"Really?"

He nodded. "And how amazing it is that you're carrying our baby—a part of both of us.", he eyed you as you felt him, without warning, shove himself deep inside of you, instantly stretching you. 

You closed your eyes, gasping at the sensation of him stretching you. The slight burning soon turned to pleasure faster than you could imagine. Things seemed to tighten back up when you didn't use them. Joseph smirked, knowing this was affecting you. He give you a moment to adjust to him before beginning to thrust deep inside of you, holding on to your thighs, sinking his fingertips in them. The bed quietly squeaked with each thrust, a sign he was giving it to you deep and hard.

You weren't complaining. It felt good as evidenced by your moans and need to grip the bedsheets. 

"I love you.", he groaned as he rubbed his right hand up and down your thigh, sending chills up your spine.

You moaned easily in response. "I love you too."

"You're gonna be such a good mom to Amelia and—and this baby.", he stuttered.

The sounds of you both having sex filled the room and you continued to hope Amelia would stay asleep. The worst feeling was being interrupted in the middle of sex with Joe. It had happened right before you found out you were pregnant last time. You both were so close to finishing at the same time until you both heard Amelia's cry come through the monitor before she began sobbing which instantly stopped you both in your tracks and killed the mood. Joe had slid out of you before sighing, throwing a pair of pajama pants on. 

You both loved Amelia more than life itself but it was hard to make time to be romantic at times. This was one of those nights. You slid your panties back on with a sigh, trying to forget the feelings Joseph had made you feel as you slid your nightgown on. You went to Amelia's room and picked her up out of her crib, her clinging to you. You felt her wet tears against your skin as she clung to you and the teddy bear Joe had gotten her. You carried her in your all's room. 

Joe's hard-on had disappeared quickly as he sat on the edge of the bed. You kissed Amelia's head.

"Did you have a nightmare baby?", you brushed through her curly hair as you let her climb in bed between you and Joe.

She nodded, pouting before reaching for Joseph. He took her in his arms and kissed her head. You flipped the lamp back off as you all settled down in bed, Amelia between you both. She was sniffling as Joseph held her in his arms. You put an arm around them both. You loved them both more than anything in this entire world. 

"You really think I will be?", you asked shakily, looking up at him as he continued to thrust himself into you. 

"I—I know you will be, baby. You're so strong—and loving—and I just love watching you with Amelia.", he grunted, thrusting deep into you, hitting the spot that made you forget your name.

"Joe.", you moaned out. 

"What, baby? I have so many pictures of you both on my phone—I just look at them when I miss you both. I just can't help thinking how bad I want to give you another baby.", he sighed, closing his eyes. 

You eyed him as he continued to thrust into you with soft groans, he was waiting for your reaction. You ran your hands over his back, gently sinking your fingertips into his soft skin. Just touching him and feeling him this close to your made you fall that much more in love with him. 

"Yeah?", you smiled.

"Oh yeah—it was so hard to wait this long to really try for another baby—and know that we are really working towards getting you pregnant.", he groaned.

His words sent chills all over your body, the twisting, aching feeling returning to your stomach. Joseph was going deep—so deep you could feel him in the pit of your stomach. You were moaning in spurts as he continued to thrust himself into you. He smiled, throwing his head back easily and closing his eyes. This lasted for just a few moments before his eyes opened, desire laced in his brown eyes. 

"Baby.", he moaned out. 

"Yes babe?", you moaned back. 

He chuckled lightly. "Are—you—ready?"

"For?", you teased lightly. 

He bit his lip, chain lightly dangling before he took a free hand, brushing it through his curls while he admired your body. Yes, your body may not be the same as before you got pregnant but he didn't want it to be. When you got married, you may have been a little smaller, breasts a little perkier, and no stretch marks. You were beautiful then. Now, your body showed signs you are a mother. You had retained a little bit of your baby weight, your breasts were a little less perky, and you had stretch marks. But Joe loved you the way you were. 

After Amelia turned three months old, you decided to try and go to the gym or go on morning walks or runs to try and get off the excess baby weight. Joseph convinced you that you didn't need to do that. He still managed to make you feel beautiful even when you were frazzled after being woken up at three in the morning, attempting to get Amelia to latch and eat. She was so fussy when she was hungry or needed a diaper change. Joseph never left you up alone with Amelia. He would run his hands through her hair as you fed her, sinking back into the pillow you had propped up against the headboard.

"For me to put a baby in you—God, I'm so close baby.", he groaned as he continued thrusting, deep and soft.

"Yes.", you whispered, smiling up at him.

He knew that look in your eyes. They were glossy, pupils were blown from the feelings he was making you feel. You were closing in on your orgasm. Your climax was building and soon, you'd release. He couldn't wait. Feeling you tighten up around him, your juices spilling around him. Your fingertips sank deeper in his skin, toes curling around his waist as his thrust became a little slower, more sensual. 

"Babe—", you moaned. 

"Yes, love?"

"I'm gonna cum—I swear I'm gonna—", you choked, swallowing as if that would keep your orgasm at bay.

"Do it, baby. I need to cum in you and fill you so full.", he groaned.

Those words spilling from his tongue caused you to hit your orgasm head-on. Your back arched, fingernails sinking into his skin as you felt your walls tighten around him, muscles contracting and pulling him in deeper. His eyes widened as your body reached its high, your eyes becoming heavy and blurred. He loved watching you have an orgasm—all because he did all the right things. 

"Such a great wife—God. Baby, are you ready for me to fill you full? To give you a baby?"

You nodded groggily. 

"So—good.", he thrusted deeper twice before you knew it was over for him.

"Oh fuck, here it comes baby—I'm gonna feel you full——give you a baby—I promise.", his chest heaved with his final words as he closed his eyes, you feeling his warm, hot liquid shoot inside of you with the pumping of his member. You lay there, allowing his member to stop pulsing. It was several pumps before he felt satisfied enough to pull out.

"Wait, before you move baby.", he breathed as he grabbed a couple extra pillows you all had in your bed.

"Why babe? You got it deep in me, I promise.", you chuckled, placing a hand on your lower stomach.

"Because they recommend you prop your hips up on a pillow to help my babies reach your womb.", he smirked as you allowed him to slide them under your hips. "Gets them closer to your cervix.", he smiled.

You giggled. It was cute how serious he was taking this and how determined he was to get you pregnant. It was actually sexy that he was putting this much effort into this. He sighed deeply, a sign he was beyond satisfied. You turned your head to face him, smiling from ear to ear. You were love drunk and it was the best you had felt in a long time. 

"I love you.", you smiled.

"I love you too, baby.", Joe smiled as he kissed you, cuddling up to you so you could keep your hips elevated.

Several weeks passed. You and Joe continued to be very intimate and try for a baby. You all did it as often as you could. Whether it was when Amelia was down for a nap or right before you both went to bed. Amelia slept with you all a few nights but other than that, you both had been working very hard on getting pregnant. Joseph was getting ready to go out of town for some interviews and red carpet events. He asked if you wanted to go, however, you opted to stay home with Amelia and prepare for Christmas.

Joseph's family came over to your house since you and Joseph had been together. You remembered the first Christmas you spent with Joseph and his family. You were so nervous, but they instantly had made you feel at home. Joseph was helping Amelia with her dinner as you sat down with just a salad. You had made lasagna and a salad for dinner, however, your stomach was turning. 

Joseph eyed you as Amelia ate her chicken nuggets. "Babe, are you going to eat?"

"Feeling a little nauseated.", you eyed him. 

He nodded as he eat his lasagna. Your nausea didn't lift until you ended up in the bathroom, throwing up. Joseph came in and made sure you were alright, careful not to leave Amelia to her own devices. She was in her curious stage and would make a mess if you let her. You stood up easily from the tiled floor of your bathroom, eyeing yourself in the mirror. You looked a little exhausted. You wiped your mouth but did not return to the kitchen table. 

Joseph didn't pressure you to test or tease you about a possible pregnancy. A few more days passed and it was the night before Joseph was leaving. You all were in the middle of foreplay when another sign popped up.

"Ouch—", you hissed, recoiling from him.

His hand had been roaming your body, running his hand over your breast before taking your nipple between his thumb and pointer finger. That's when you felt the dull, achy pain shoot through your entire breast.

"What, baby? What did I do?", he asked, his eyes immediately changing from lust to concern.

"Just my boob hurts—really bad.", you hissed, carefully massaging your own breast with your own hand gently and tenderly but you could still feel the dull, achy pain.

Joseph kissed your cheek. "What do you think's causing that?"

"Probably just hormones—maybe I'm getting ready to ovulate or have my period."

You had tried to keep up with your ovulation and period on a period-tracking app, but it was a little difficult to follow.

"We can just cuddle tonight, but will you let me try to put a baby in you when I get back home?", he brushed through your hair as he kissed your cheek tenderly, a hint of seduction in his voice.

You nodded, smirking. "Of course."

Joseph left the next day, nearly crying when saying goodbye to you and Amelia. It was hard for him to go, but you understood. You were proud of him. Amelia hated to see her daddy leave and often went and sulked for a few hours. Joseph always checked in and made sure she returned to her old self. You were on your computer, googling the symptoms you had while Amelia took her nap. You hoped she wouldn't be so fussy and agitated when she got up.

Looking back, it was dumb and naive of you to google your symptoms. You hit 'enter' on your laptop as you awaited the search results to come back. All signs pointed to yes—there was a possibility you were pregnant. Your eyes widened as you clicked a link and followed it, all the symptoms listed matching up with yours. Part of you panicked because Joseph was out of town, but you needed to know. Were you pregnant again? 

A nervous feeling rose from the pit of your stomach as you shuffled around your kitchen, trying to focus on something else. Particularly the store list of what you needed for Christmas. You eyed it before slipping it into your purse. A perfect excuse to go to the store and pick up a couple of pregnancy tests. The wait for Amelia to wake up seemed to take forever. 

Finally, your alarm went off and you went to wake up Amelia. She adjusted after a few minutes, a little grumpy at first. After giving Amelia a snack, you helped her get dressed. You opted for a hoodie, leggings, and a messy bun for your trip to the store. You bent down, helping Amelia get her winter coat on. She instantly made a pouty face, disgusted and a true copy of her daddy. 

"Amelia, stop looking like your daddy.", you laughed at her. 

"No.", she frowned further pouting and crossing her arms.

You could only imagine how she would be in a few years as she began to grow up. 

"Amelia, please do this for mommy. It's cold outside.", you eyed her.

She reluctantly uncrossed her arms slowly before letting you escort her out the door and to your SUV. You buckled her in before getting into the driver's seat, shuttering from the cold. Snow lightly began falling as you and Amelia entered the store, you placing her in the shopping cart. Distracting yourself, you headed for the groceries. You picked out everything on the list. Amelia was behaving fairly well.

However, in times like these, you still missed Joe. You picked out some Christmas decorations before saving the best for last. You went to the health and beauty section, hitting the family planning aisle. There they were, the little test that would determine whether or not you were pregnant again with your rainbow baby. You bit your lip, eying them nervously. You gained a few glances from older women. What was the big deal? You were a mother and could be pregnant again. It wasn't like you were a baby yourself. 

You were a grown woman and married to the love of your life. He was such a good provider for your family and took care of you both. Both of his girls. You finally selected a First Response pregnancy test— a box that contained two. You tossed it in the shopping cart before getting ready to check out. The snow was picking up as you and Amelia pulled into the driveway. Snow had lightly covered the ground, beginning to lie on. 

You grabbed as much as you could before getting Amelia in the house and putting the groceries in the kitchen. It took you two trips to get all your items. You quickly put the groceries away as Amelia watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on television. This was a perfect opportunity to sneak off to the bathroom and test quickly. You gave her milk in her sippy cup and her favorite blanket to satisfy her. 

In the downstairs bathroom by yourself, you opened the box and quickly reviewed the directions. It could take two minutes. You opened the test, preparing to pee on this little white and pink stick. You took a deep breath, your nerves coming to a head as you performed the test. You easily laid it on the counter. Now, you had to wait. You ran out of the bathroom, checking on Amelia. She was still glued to the television. You told her you'd be right back to join her. 

You closed your eyes as you entered the bathroom, the moment of truth. Your hand began to shake nervously as you reached for the pregnancy test. Keeping it angled enough to not see the result, you brought it closer to your face. You closed your eyes and took another deep breath before eyeing it. You gasped, placing a hand over your mouth as you noticed two pink lines. You were pregnant.

Tears filled your eyes as you gasped in disbelief again, a smile coming across your face. Joe had done it. He had given you a baby.  

[neonartistycauseidk]

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Headcannons Part 1(?):

- The Golden Tickets have some form of healing properties. I headcannon this because…well…I mainly wanted to solve that conundrum caused by Grandpa Joe suddenly being able to walk, dance, and move around perfectly after being paralyzed (assumably) for years. So, the healing properties…let's get into that. The Golden Tickets were made purposely, by Wonka, with healing properties of sorts. Reasons may vary but I’d say it was because Charlie was the pre-chosen winner and his (and his family’s) eventual fates were sealed from the beginning. And, well, what do the Golden Tickets do? Heal, of course…in more ways than one. See, when Charlie first held his Golden Ticket in his hands, I like to believe that he suddenly felt full—-for the first time in months—-maybe even years—almost as if he had eaten an entire meal. And when Grandpa Joe held it…he found himself able to walk again. Perfectly. Just like that. Completely out of the blue. Now, of course he got up because of excitement for his grandson—-but I think that if the Golden Ticket didn’t have these abilities…I think Grandpa Joe would’ve likely stood up, for a brief moment, and fell immediately after…which would lead to Ms. Bucket going with Charlie instead—which is a whole OTHER situation even in itself. But that's besides the point. So, yeah.

- Here’s one about Grandpa Joe. Remember when I said once he held the Golden Ticket he could walk perfectly again? Well…not really. It helped him get back on his feet, sure, but it’s not like the Golden Ticket could turn back time! Grandpa Joe is still old…very old…and hasn’t been in good health, in all reality, for the past couple years. This is why (even though I mainly go off of the 1971 version in terms of visioning the characters and overall story), I see Grandpa Joe using a cane…or at least carrying one just in case.

- And now…here’s one that's been spinning around my brain recently. Wonka is Charlie’s biological father. Again, I tend to use the 1971 version as reference so keep that in mind! Now, most of my headcannons for this line up with the original Reddit user (?) who came up with this theory/headcannon…However, I’m going to add something of my own. So, as far as I’m concerned, in most versions of Willy Wonka, the Bucket family worked for Wonka and even knew him personally. That being said, I don’t find it difficult to believe that Ms. Bucket (Who I’m going to call Amelia—-a name I got from a fanfic) and Wonka were close…assuming that he was particularly close with her family. Who he was close with…not only because of their candy-making skills—but also because of how nice they all were. Anyway, so, Wonka was close with the not-100%-Buckets (due to the last name likely coming from Mr. Bucket) and at some point, got closer to Amelia. So close in fact that they may have actually been in a relationship. Shocking for Wonka, I know. And at some point, of course, Charlie was conceived. However, it’s a known fact that Wonka ended up firing all of his workers under the firm belief they were all, except for only a select few (like the Oompa-Loompas and whoever was Slugworth in disguise)…which means that Amelia and her family…even if she was in a relationship with him…were fired. Leaving Amelia, not only a single mother, but also searching for jobs to support her family. Now, there are two ways to look at this: one, which I more closely believe, and another that I find less likely—-but it has appeal because of angst. Let's look at the less likely option first. There’s a possibility that Wonka—not only knew about Amelia being pregnant with Charlie…but also, even, had Amelia and her family living with them at that time. Eventually Charlie would be born and Wonka would get to be a father—-yay! But, due to the mass-firing event happening either way…even though it hurt for him (still either way…just this time it hurt more)…he just couldn’t let them stay. Leaving them to leave the factory, with a few-months-old Charlie, to go find a new job and home. Depressing, I know. But hey, here’s the more likely version of events. Wonka had no idea about Amelia’s pregnancy and fired them all just the same—-because, well, he was afraid of his recipes being sold and stolen.

- Continuation of that same headcannon—-just on a different event…So, if Wonka set up the contest to ensure that Charlie, without a doubt, gets the last ticket, wins the contest itself, and later becomes the owner of the factory someday…how did he even find out about his existence? Especially assuming he was unsure what happened to Amelia and her family after firing them…Well, I have an idea. Wonka has some pretty crazy, out of place for the time (technology wise), incredibly powerful inventions and tech, right? Yeah. So, let's say for the sake of this headcannon, Wonka had invented some kind of spy device—-that he likely never used and discarded it soon after making it (he definitely made this machine while under the belief that everyone was out to get him…but once that all stopped, he had no purpose for it). However, since I said he happened to not only be close with Amelia’s family…but also in a relationship with her, at some point he must’ve wondered what happened to her—and Mr. Wilkinson (who I think (?) was Slugworth in disguise) uncovers it for him because he’s like: “Well, Mr. Wonka, if you miss her so much, why don’t you use that machine you made to see her…only if for a little bit.” And he’s all like “No, no—-I couldn’t do that—I made that machine to spy on people. It’d be wrong to use it for this.” And then Mr. Wilkinson says something like—“Alright, then—-I suppose we don’t need to talk about this anymore.” And just as he’s about to leave the room, Wonka says something along the lines of “Wait…maybe I could. It wouldn’t be a bad thing if I’m not intending to spy on her and steal her life’s work, right?” So, Mr. Wilkinson uncovers it for him, sets it up, and they find out what happens to her. Getting his results, likely by searching her name (or something like that)…he sees her in her house, with her family, a man by her side…and a child, toddling about. The entire time, he’s probably trying not to cry—-as he realizes just how much of a horrible man he was. He caused this woman to not only lose her job but to also go dirt poor. And yet, here she is…still happy. She has a family…and she’s happy. But…the more he looks at the kid and the supposed father, he kinda can’t help but notice the baby doesn’t have any of his features. The little boy has his blonde hair, his blue eyes, and basically looks like a baby version of him. So his eyes continuously dart back and forth between Mr. Bucket and toddler Charlie…and at some point he starts counting on his fingers like he’s trying to remember how long ago something was—-so then he’s like: “Uh, Mr. Wilkinson???? I think we have a situation—” and Mr. Wilkinson goes “What do you mean, sir?” Then Wonka says “How long ago did I fire all of my employees???” And Mr. Wilkinson says “About four years ago, sir…why?” And Wonka says “And—-how old is the little Bucket?” And Mr. Wilkinson goes “I’m not sure, sir—but he looks to be about four or five—“ Then Wonka starts to freak out and like pace around the room and Mr. Wilkinsons like “Sir? What is going on?” And then Wonka goes “Mr. Wilkinson…I think I might have a son.” Then Mr. Wilkinsons like: “Sir, that’s impossible! How could you possibly have a son?” And Wonka's like “IT WAS A VERY INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP, MR. WILKINSON.” Then there's a pause…That lasts a very long time…until Mr Wilkinson says something along the lines of “So…You mean to tell me…that there’s an heir to your fortune, business, and factory?” And Mr. Wonkas like “Well, it certainly appears that way.” And then Mr. Wilkinsons all “Okay, so what do you suppose we do about this?” And Wonkas just like…“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……I don’t quite know just yet….uh…just…uh…give ME SOME TIME TO THINK, G*DDAM*IT, I JUST FOUND OUT I HAVE A SON.” And then, over the next couple years…Wonka checks in on the family every now and then while coming up with the Golden Ticket competition.

- Also, here’s a sad one, after finding out about his son…Wonka starts investing in the Lickable Wallpaper…for nurseries. Hey, since when was Wonka’s target demographic babies? I mean, I get kids, sure—-kids like candy…but, uh, babies? Yeah, something tells me that Wonka started making the wallpaper as a way to cope with not being there for Charlie as a baby…and for his entire life up until that point.

So uh…yeah, here were my goofy little headcannons. CATCF has officially claimed residence in my brain and will NOT LEAVE.

[salt-pepper-jolex]

No Matter What

A sequel to Powdered Donuts, Princess Crowns, and Bubbles; in which Jo has a nervous breakdown about having this baby and has a scare, but it ends up okay.

Side note: I'm sorry for this roller-coaster. I promise there's happiness eventually. New chapter coming soon! Okay, I'm done, enjoy!

Jo's entire body shook as her thumb hovered over Alex's number, tears falling uncontrollably from her eyes. After a moment, she decided to just press the call button. Then, the familiar voice message rang in her ears. "You've reached the voicemail of Dr. Alex Karev. Sorry I couldn't come to the phone. Leave a message and I'll get back to you."

Despite the exciting week before, Jo couldn't shake the worry and unsteadiness that came with welcoming a baby into the world.

She chose to hang up the phone, not wanting to bother him. She scrolled up to find Meredith's number, and pressed the call button again, putting Mer on speaker. One ring. Two. Three. Finally, on the fourth ring, a familiar voice filled the room.

"Jo?" Mer's voice, filled with an even mix of concern and worry, rang out.

"Hey. I need to talk to you. It wouldn't hurt if Pierce and Shepherd were there too."

Meredith, sensing the pain in her voice, offered for Jo to come over.

"That'd be nice. I'll be there in twenty." She replied, a wave of relief crashing over her. She'd needed to tell someone about...whatever this was.

When she got there, she noticed Mer, Maggie, and Amelia waiting.

"Thank you for doing this." Jo's voice held so much pain and grief that no one else but the three women in front of her could fix. She looked up to them, like a little girl to her big sisters.

"What's going on?" Amelia spoke gently as they all sat down across from Jo, careful not to sound like they were interrogating her because they knew she had asked them to hear her and listen.

"I'm, um, pregnant," Jo said, her voice soft and small, laced with sadness and panic.

"Does Alex know?" Maggie asked, careful not to assume anything.

Jo only nodded her head, as if speaking would surface emotions that she had spent her whole life suppressing.

"How do you feel about it?" Meredith asked, noticing the way Jo picked at her nails, and fidgeted with her ring.

Jo shrugged. "Honestly, I don't know. This is the first time I've been pregnant in 12 years. And Alex doesn't know because the day I planned to tell him, I lost it. I shut him out, but we worked hard, and got here. Now, I don't know what to tell him. Because I know I can't put him, or us for that matter, through that again."

Amelia moved next to Jo, wrapping her arms around the woman that felt like a fragile little girl in that moment.

Knowing the women would listen, she kept going, "It'll break Alex's heart. And the worst part is Luna was so happy, and I don't know how to tell her that she might not get a little sister or brother."

"Jo, don't think for a second that he won't support you in whatever you choose to do. And yes, Luna's young. But she's also smart. She gets that from you and Alex. She'll understand."

In that moment, Amelia gave Jo strength through words no one else could find to tell her. They'd all had losses, Maggie had been broken before, and Meredith knew her pain better than anyone, but Amelia gave Jo the best possible advice, and the strength she needed right then and there.

Suddenly, everyone went quiet, with small smiles. Jo looks behind her to find Alex.

"Hi. What are you doing here?" Jo's voice was impossibly tiny, but only Alex could see the fear in her eyes.

"You weren't home, so I came here. Luna's with Robbins and Torres."

"I know, thank you for that." She laughs, humorlessly, and Alex picked up on it. "How much did you hear?"

"I heard most of it, but that doesn't matter. C'mere." He holds her hands before pulling her into a tight hug.

"I want Luna."

"I know you do, babe. What do you say we go get her and then, we can talk about our options over ice cream. What do you say?"

"I'm lucky to have you, baby."

"I love you. More than everything else in this world. I love you. And Luna. And this baby, but you need to hear me when I say this. I am in your corner. No matter what. Okay?"

"Okay." Jo said, knowing Alex's words were sincere.

"Let's go get our girl. We have sundaes to make."

After a series of thank yous, hugs, and heartfelt see you laters, Jo and Alex left. Mer and Maggie listened as Amelia started.

"We're lifelines now. We have to be there for them."

"I have surgery with Alex, I'll see what I can find out." Maggie offered before Meredith informed the both of them.

"I'll make sure Jo stays awake because that baby will be exhausting, knowing Alex."

Mer turns to see Zola, Bailey, and Ellis on the stairs.

"Auntie Jojo and Uncle Alex are having a baby?" Ellis asks.

"Well, we don't know, honey." Mer says, kind of stunned.

Maggie continues for her, "That's up to them."

"But, no matter what, you cannot say anything to anyone about this, okay?" Amelia says firmly.

All three kids nod in response and scatter to get ready for bed.

Back at the loft, Alex and Jo talked.

"I finally got her down. Can we talk now?" Jo whispered, her voice laced with nerves and panic.

"Of course. Hey, you have nothing to worry about. I promise, whatever you choose, you got me. I'm here for you, and if it comes down to it, we'll figure out what to tell to Luna." He moves to wrap his arm around her, then pulling the both of them up to do dishes.

"Thank you." She said as she started the water, although Alex tilts his head, a puzzled expression littering his face.

"For what?" He asked, his curiosity genuine as he scrubbed a plate.

"For being so understanding about it, and being so good to me."

"Of course. I love you, and I'm there for you. Always."

"Good, because I'm keeping this baby. If you're up for a mini-me." Jo's face lit up with a fragile smile that morphed into a solid one as she saw Alex's eyes light up.

"Really?" He asked, his eyes glittering with happy tears.

"We're gonna have a baby, baby."

The next morning, Amelia, Maggie, and Mer gather at work. They pass by Alex, who normally would be grumpy by now, but had a lightness to his walk as he checked on patients.

Jo had been wobbly and tired all morning due to morning sickness. But happy, nonetheless.

"Blech, this baby will not give me a break." Jo said, her face a touch pale as she leaned against the wall.

Amelia saw the sweat beading on Jo's forehead.

"Here," Amelia handed her ginger cough drops. "Trust me."

Jo wrapped her in a hug before falling to the ground.

"Jo! Hey, stay with me!" Amelia shouted, her voice tense. "I need some help here! Pulse is thready, breathing is shallow," she announced to a nearby Maggie.

"Let's get her on a gurney, page Hunt and Bailey," Maggie announced.

In the chaos, they hadn't seen Alex exit the patient room next to them.

"What happened?" Alex asked, his question soft.

"We're not sure yet. Bailey and Owen are running tests in there for now."

"Okay." Alex's body was rigid, his demeanor instantly changed.

"Hey, go see Luna. We'll page you when they're done." Maggie said calmly as Amelia got paged.

Alex nodded as he walked away to go see his Moonshine.

20 minutes later, Jo's eyes flickered as she woke up to bright lights and rails surrounding her on both sides. Alex, attuned to his wife, sat tall, informing her of the situation.

"Hey. You fainted in the hall. Your pressure was low and you had a thready pulse. Don't worry. You're okay." He held her hand, kissing it lightly.

But still, Jo's eyes shined with an unanswered question.

Alex, ever inclined, answered quietly, his eyes red and puffy. "Baby is fine, Robbins and DeLuca made sure."

"I'm glad, but that's not what I meant. How are you? I know that was scary." Jo asked, her voice raw.

"Honestly? That scared the hell out of me, but you're strong. I had a good feeling you'd be okay." His voice hung with a tone Jo couldn't quite place.

"Why does your voice sound like that? What's wrong with me?" Jo asks, her tone loaded with despair as her voice broke seeing Bailey walk in.

"Jo, after you fell, we did a work-up, and you were severely dehydrated, but we repleted your electrolytes and gave you fluids. You are okay. Your baby is okay. But, the surgery was hard on you. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to ask you to stay out of work for a few hours." Bailey's voice was heavy.

"Can I see Luna?"

"Of course."

"I'll go get her," Alex offered, his hand slipping away.

Bailey rushed to Jo's side as she saw the tears in Jo's eyes.

"Honey, what do you need? What can I do?" Bailey's response wasn't 'What's wrong?' and Jo was immensely grateful for it.

"All I did was work a shift, one shift. I didn't think to stop and take care of myself, and my baby almost paid the price for it." Jo's voice was filled with a grief Bailey completely understood.

"Look. I'm not gonna lie. You pushed the limits of your body. That cannot happen again. If you promise to take care of your body and let us watch you, you can work so long as you listen to your body."

A smile broke out on Jo's face. "Deal."

"Mommy!" Luna squealed, because she hadn't seen her mom in nearly 4 hours.

"We'll leave you be." Bailey said, Alex and Jo eternally grateful.

"We owe her." Alex started, leaning his head on Jo's shoulder as he climbed into the bed with her.

"Big time," Jo said before focusing her attention to Luna.

"Hey, Moonshine." Jo used the nickname Luna knew only from Alex and her, motioning for Luna to come closer.

Soon after, Luna whimpered, hesitantly curling further into Jo's body.

"What is it, Luna-bug?" Jo said before mouthing a 'What happened?' to Alex, who only shrugged in response.

"Mama, you left me." Luna said, her big, bright eyes filled with unspilled tears.

"What are you talking about, baby girl?" Alex asks, coming closer to the loves of his life.

"You left me because you love the baby more than me."

"Oh, honey. Never. Never, ever, ever will Mommy and Daddy love anybody more than you. We love you and your baby brother or sister so, so much, and nobody can match that." Jo's words suddenly filled Luna with joy, evident by the smile on the little girl's face.

Two weeks later, and Jo was fully recovered.

"Promise me you'll take it easy today?"

"Obviously." Jo knew her husband was just being careful, but even she noticed the involuntary sharpness in her voice. "Sorry."

"Hey, don't worry about it. I get it." And he truly did. The words, seemingly insignificant, made her melt.

Through shaky breaths and watery smiles, she spoke.

"Thank you."

"Of course."

"No, Alex. I mean it. Thank you. For this, for Luna, for- for giving me a chance at having a baby again. For all of it."

"Jo. You know I'd do anything for you. Getting to give you a baby was just an added bonus," he smirked, waggling his eyebrows.

"You are terrible."

"But you love me anyway. I love you, Jo." He bridged the space between them, putting his forehead to hers.

"I love you. I can't believe we're having a baby," Jo spoke mesmerized as awe filled her voice.

That night, the excitement wouldn't wear off, and if Jo was honest, she didn't want it to. And neither did Alex. They were the happiest people on earth, and nothing could take that away.

fin.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you so, so, so much to everyone who reads this, reblogs, or even looks at it. Put prompts in comments, and tell me what you think!

xo, Nikki.

Also, here's chapter 2!

https://www.tumblr.com/salt-pepper-jolex/759121165155516416/mo-matter-what?source=share

[jobrookekarev]

Yearning For A Dream

Chapter One of One

Words: 2,551

Summary: After falling asleep alongside Link, worried that Alex has left her, Jo wakes up in the middle of the night to Alex kissing her cheek and telling her he is home. But in the morning she struggles to find him and wonders if it was all a dream. 

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson and Atticus Lincoln/Amelia Shepherd (Mentioned).

Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson, Atticus Lincoln.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences. 

Additional Tags: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Pregnancy, Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, but I fixed it and added a baby to make it better! 

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

………………………………………………………………...

Jo barely listened to her mother-in-law's words as Helen spoke to comfort her. Yet nothing Helen said reassured her. All Jo could think about was Alex as she tried to figure out where he was. Helen said she hadn't seen Alex for weeks and thought that he had gone home to her after helping to fix the roof. 

“Oh I'm sorry dear I'm rambling again,” Helen said as she paused, and Jo came back to the conversation when the silence ran on.

“It's just been a long day,” Jo said, letting out a breath and wishing she could let out all of her worries with it but they stuck inside her stomach like she swallowed a bottle of glue.

“But I'm sure Alex has a good reason for being away and perhaps his phone just isn't working,” Helen said, trying to stay cheerful in her explanation.

“Yeah, thanks,” Jo said, although she barely heard what Helen had said. 

“Well, I'll let you go, dear and I'll call Alex and tell him to talk to his wife,” Helen said as if a scolding from his mother could make Alex reappear in her life. 

“Thank you, Helen,” Jo said as she tried to think of anything else to say but the words evaded her. 

“Well I hope you do call again soon, I love you,” Helen said, sincere in a way that a mother would be.

“Yeah, love you too, bye,” Jo said as she quickly hung up the phone.

She stared at the screen again. It was a picture of her and Alex and she quickly pulled up his number again, but she hovered her finger over the call button. There was a list of calls going to Alex and she was sure his voicemail was full by now, yet she still felt the urge to leave him one more message. 

Jo stared at the other thing sitting in front of her, the ultrasound photo she had gotten that evening from Carina. She had insisted upon it and all but forced Jo into her office to at least take a pregnancy test. Jo e has suspected she was pregnant but hadn't taken a test as she was more worried about her husband. There was something about seeing her baby that made everything so real and terrifying. Without Alex, this was all the more complicated and she couldn't do this without him. She didn't want to. Yet here she was, faced with that possibility. 

Jo let out a breath again, this one shaky and nearly filled with tears but she had none left to cry as there was no water left in her eyes. So she just stared at the ultrasound and her phone, waiting for the universe to send her a sign. Suddenly there was the sound of someone stomping the snow off their feet and coming up the stairs. Jo leaped up, there it was, there was Alex, he was home. She ran to answer the door, pulling it open with hopefulness in her heart, however, it quickly disappeared when she saw Link. 

His black jacket was covered in snow and he was holding a bag and a box of donuts. His mood was as depressing as hers was. He frowned and came into the loft without waiting for her to invite him in. 

“Misery loves company, so I brought donuts and despair,” Link said as he passed her without a second glance and he went over to the kitchen. 

Jo looked back at him as her mind swirled. Where was Alex? Why wasn't that him at the door? What would happen to her without him? The disappointment nearly drowned her like a wave. Link put the donuts down on the kitchen counter and finally noticed her still standing in the entryway.

“Jo ?” 

“I, I thought you were him,” Jo said, and she didn't need to say who for Link to know she was talking about Alex.

Link sighed and looked over at her with a frown. “I'm sorry.”

“He left me,” Jo said looking around at his empty place in the loft, believing he was gone.

“No, he didn't,” Link said, quickly reassuring her like everybody had done the past few days. 

They all told her over and over again that Alex wouldn't leave her, that he wasn't like that. Everybody from Meredith to Link to Owen and Jackson has said the same thing. But Jo wasn't sure of their reassurance, and she truly didn't believe it now.

“I think he did, I think he woke up one day and felt the need to escape his life… and me. I called his mom,” Jo said, finally looking at Link for the first time and taking a step toward him. “He wasn't there. He hasn't been there in weeks. And I’m, I'm pregnant. And I can't do this without him. He left me… pregnant... And now I can't, I can't breathe.”

Jo gasped for breath, struggling to take in air as she broke down again. She started to cry, letting herself fall apart as she dissolved into tears. Link rushed over and hugged her, sweeping her into his arms and stopping her from falling to her knees as he held her. She cried, and cried, and cried. That's all she could do because Alex was gone and she was pregnant. All she wanted was her husband, but she didn't have him. She knew the baby in her belly needed her, but Jo couldn't do this without him. She was so scared and she couldn't breathe.

Somehow Link carried her to bed and wrapped his arms around her as she cried. The tears took the rest of her energy as she cried herself to sleep, knowing that tomorrow wouldn't be any better.

………………………………………………………………...

“I missed you.” 

The words drifted into Jo's sleep and gently woke her. She felt warmth against her cheek as a pair of lips kissed her.

“Alex,” Jo whispered, opening her eyes to see his brown eyes as his lips gave her a gentle smile.

“I love you,” Alex said, kissing her again, this time on her lips as Jo closed her eyes and kissed him back sleepily

“Go back to sleep,” Alex said, pulling back and kissing her cheek again. “I'm going to sleep on the couch but I'll be here when you wake up.”

“Okay,” Jo mumbled, closing her eyes again, already half asleep surrounded by his warmth. 

She fell asleep again all too quickly and dreamed of Alex and their baby playing in the loft. Their baby laughed and played with cars on the rug. Jo laughed too as she sat in Alex's lap as he held her from behind, his warm arms around her. She woke up with the same warmth surrounding her and she smiled, feeling Alex's arms around her waist. 

As she rolled over and buried her nose into his chest, she took a deep breath in, however, she didn't smell Alex. She opened her eyes and realized that it was Link curled up against her and snoring rather loudly. The smell of his cologne burned her sinuses and made her nauseous as she wrinkled her nose and rolled away.

‘Where's Alex?’ Jo thought as she blinked and looked around. He should be here, she thought as she got up, sitting up and looking around. But it was just the two of them and no one else was there. Jo threw off the covers and got up, quickly walking in a circle around the loft as she looked everywhere for Alex. 

However, there wasn't even evidence that he'd been there. The couch was the same with the blankets and pillows as she had been sleeping there the past couple of nights. She went to the entryway and looked for his shoes, his bag, his coat, anything, but none of it was there. Jo went to the bathroom only to see his toothbrush was there, untouched in the cup. Even the shower was dry and only her towels hung on the rack. She checked the laundry hamper only to find the same emptiness. 

“Alex, where are you?” Jo called out to him as she came back out to the empty loft. 

She ducked into the kitchen to see but there was nothing other than her mac and cheese plates in the sink. Jo nearly cried as she looked around desperate to find him.

“What's going on Jo?” Link asked with a yawn as he stretched. “Alex's not here? What are you doing?”

“He was here!” Jo insisted, going over to him. “I remember waking up in the middle of the night and he kissed me and he was home. He was home.”

Link looked around seeing the same empty loft that she did. “Jo, you must have dreamed about him.”

“No, it was real,” Jo begged herself to believe it. 

Jo pulled out her phone and looked at her last text messages from him. The last one was just the text message she had sent him of the picture of the pregnancy test. There was nothing, not even a reply. She quickly texted Meredith to see if she had heard from him. Surely she would have heard from Alex if he was back. Meredith texted back quickly that she hadn't heard from him either. Jo was devastated and she sank down onto the couch. She held her phone as she stared out into nothing.

“I'm sorry, Jo,” Link said as he sat down next to her putting an arm around her shoulders.

“Yeah,” Jo nodded, not really hearing him as she put her phone away and curled up, pulling up her legs and leaning back against the couch. 

“Why don't I get us breakfast?” Link said, getting up before she responded, although she didn't stop them either. 

Jo just sat on the couch and turned on the TV so there was something to do, something to listen to other than the emptiness in her heart. Soon enough she heard the coffee maker starting up and she knew Link was turned on a pan and she heard him rumbling around in the kitchen. He was the only one who could actually cook.

But then, the loft door opened.

Link looked up in surprise and Jo turned around to see the door slide open as Alex walked in. She was so stunned she just sat there and stared at him.

“Hey,” Alex said, greeting her with a smile before he looked over at Link. “Oh sorry, I was trying to surprise you.” 

Alex held up the coffee tray and a bag from their favorite breakfast place. The loft was completely silent as Jo and Link just stared at him. Neither of them believed that he was standing there in front of him. Alex looked around at the both of them confused as to why his appearance was such a shock.

“I guess I should have left a note or something.” He barely got that last word out before Jo was flinging herself into his arms as she started crying in relief. She was pretty sure some of the coffee splashed on her, but she doesn't care. “I take it you really missed me.”

“I thought you left me,” Jo said as she held onto him, afraid he’d slip through her fingers again. “You didn't respond to my texts or calls, I haven’t heard from you in days and I thought you left!”

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” Alex said as he struggled to put down the coffee on the side table before he wrapped both of his arms around her as she held him close.

“I'm pregnant,” Jo whispered to him. 

“I know,” Alex said, a little smile appearing across his lips as he kissed her forehead. “As soon as I saw your text I hopped on a plane and came home, I’m sorry. Everything in Iowa has been so much to deal with, but I can sort it out later. You need me more now.”

“Where's your bag and everything? I looked around for your stuff and nothing was there?” Jo said as she settled in his arms and relief filled her. 

“I left my bag in my car last night, I was so tired and I just wanted to see you,” Alex said, as he pulled back and held her face with one hand looking at her with deep adoration. 

Jo just nodded as she cried and Alex brushed away her tears with his thumb. She leaned in and kissed him again. Alex eagerly greeted her as she melted into him, feeling like she had her home back. 

“You stop returning my calls, asshole. Don’t you can't ever do that again!” Jo said, pulling back as she hit his chest.

“I won't, I promise,” Alex said, sincere with his words as he looked deep into her eyes. 

“And you are never going anywhere without me,” Jo said, tears still filling her eyes.

“That's fine by me,” Alex said, leaning in and kissing her again. 

“I'm just going to let you two be,” Link said, grabbing a coffee and peeking in the bag and pulling out a donut before he left.

Jo and Alex barely acknowledged him and their kiss got heated as they reunited. Alex trailed his hands down her waist as Jo tangled her hands in his hair. However, Alex's destination was not her hips as his fingers ghosted across her stomach before he pulled back. He put his hands over his bump, feeling the outline of it in his hands. 

“Oh my God, Jo ,” Alex said with wide eyes looking up at her. “When you said you were pregnant, I didn't think you were this far along. If I had known I never would have…”

 He trailed off as Jo leaned in and kissed him again before she leaned her forehead against his. “It's okay, I didn't know until last night. You're here now and that's what matters.”

Alex nodded, leaned in and quickly kissed her again as he held her bump. “You've got to be at least 12 weeks along by now.”

“What no,” Jo said, shaking her head as she looked down at her stomach. “There's no way. I just found out yesterday it must be your big headed baby making its appearance.” 

“I wouldn't be so sure about that. Wasn't your last period like 3 months ago?” Alex asked, raising an eyebrow at her with a sneaky little smile.

“No, it was…” Jo trailed off as she tried to remember and quickly did the math in her head as her eyes went wide. “7 weeks ago.”

“So you're at least 9 weeks along,” Alex said with a little smile.

“I guess so,” Jo said a little in awe as she looked down at her bump.

Alex got down on his knees, pulling up her shirt as he revealed her skin to his eyes. Then he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her belly. Jo smiled as she ran her fingers through his hair. He looked up at her with so much love in his eyes. He would continue to stare at her that way and kiss her bump as it grew bigger, until their baby was born. And true to her word, she never let him travel without her again.

[baylardo]

Tardi had me heckin BRAINWORMIN over future threshold au kid stuff mainly surrounding that amelia arc hohgohhioioigh REALLY MESSY THOUGHTS IM EXPANDING ON FROM MY BULLETED THOUGHTS THIS MORNING HAHA. THIS IS GONNA BE RLLY LONG IM PROBABLY GONNA JUST COPY AND PASTE SOME THINGS FROM OUR CONVO LOLOL

in re: what philippa is doing prior to the arc: just lil science missions. i wanna say shes done some triage before, so shes probably been in a warzone as a field medic by this point. i dont think shed be necessarily choosing short term missions for the sake of hearing news about her sister, i think shed do what shes assigned? (not really sure how it works tbH) and its more of an intuitive feeling just kinda eating at her. I DONT HAVE A NAME FOR THE SHIP(s), nothing too important or flashy. i dont think shed work on galaxy class or w/e the family ships are.

in re: time duration of things in general for the arc???: current influencers are like:::::::: its not enough time to where starfleet's concerned to go look for them in the DQ, but they havent contacted starfleet in a while (maybe the mission called for "comm silence") but regardless, it doesnt sit well with philippa. it also has to be enough time for amelia's ship to like, get out to the DQ for their mission, for things to go wrong, for her to take charge, for the ship to MAYBE??? be destroyed (hmmm put a pin here maybe theyll need the ship to transport crew……), for the crew to get separated/captured/enslaved/killed, for amelia to try and survive on her own, for her to get captured by the Kazon and eventually rise in status to command alongside Sessen,,,, develop their friendship,,,,, they seem a little friendship platonic with benefits to me,,, might change my mind on that idk. ANYWAY enough time for their Kazon sect to fall apart/be defeated, sessen to die, have a few months of amelia nomadically wandering the DQ again and be slightly pregnant (can be four months, can be less if u wanna heck w/ gestation) my brain wants to guess around a year???, just cuz i dont wanna waste too much time on this arc when i gotta shove philippa into command track and CAPTAIN. and it'd be like another year of philippa searching for her by the time theyre reunited.

Maje name for Amelia? not sure if id wanna do that or not, seems like something she'd adopt and then disinherit when she loses everything she built with the Kazon sect her and Sessen were in

Jace was the only one philippa confided in about leaving to go find her sister. given she's an experimental shuttle test pilot we were thinking she'd help Philippa steal a confidential secret spacecraft Starfleet's been making. :) Not super sure what all is quirky and secret and special about it rn but ITS SOMETHIN.

Not super sure what happens to the rest of Amelia’s starship crew? If any of them are found, how do they get home? PUTTING A PIN IN THAT ONE, i see a few possibilities but nothing super uuuuuh Solid haha. YEAH I DONT KNOW HOW EXACTLY IM GONNA GO ABOUT THE CREW,,,,, but i figure thats probably A GOAL TO HAVE. i figure for sure amelia's captain is dead and it put her in that command position and she didnt like it and everything went amuck under her leadership blah blah blah i was thinking like, maybe if philippa has this experimental spacecraft this whole time, maybe she ends up using that, giving it to the crew to get home at some point,,,, but IM NOT SURE, seems like things could get overpopulated rather quickly, i also figure a lot of them are dead,,,,,,,,,,,,, id have to think about what weird quirky dangerous things you could do with a classified starfleet ship. ANOTHER IDEA is that maybe Amelia's crew's starship is crashlanded somewhere, and like, its abandoned, but as Philippa and Ed find more crew members, they start getting more and more people to work on repairing the ship??? maybe they use the lil craft Philippa stole to get around, but most of them are on this crummy planet working on the ship while Philippa and Ed are out searching for more of them??? i dunno haha.

in re: how Ed meets up with Philippa out in the DQ: one idea id had was maybe theyd meet in an alien bazaar or something, Philippa getting into trouble because shes secretly carrying a starfleet comm badge to communicate and gets captured or something bc the locals hate Voyager, Ed gets her out and they escape together.

Amelia finding out she’s pregnant while she’s still with the Kazon and Sessen, just ‘cause I think they’d talk about raising baby by Kazon standards and tradition and talk about the importance of names. I think "Sessen" would have been the name Seska gave him when he was born and then he kept it rather than earning an adult name for himself, Amelia has a weird history with her name as well. She’s nervous about raising their son here, but buries those fears underneath the assurance that they’re together.

I was thinking that in the time after Amelia loses Sessen and escapes the other Kazon sects and everything that she'd kinda just drift from place to place trying to survive making ends meet doing weird jobs and trying to stay hidden. Philippa and Ed find Amelia temporarily living on a planet or in a cluster of asteroids as a space racer maybe? She’s like a little visibly preggers…

philippa midwifing for her sister as a field medic who hasnt delivered a baby but she like Kinda knows what shes doing

Maybe they have to find the rest of the lost crew, takes long enough for Amelia to have her baby and Philippa to midwife and everything?

i was yearning thinking about how likeeee theyd still be mad at each other over what all has transpired and probably are fighting while Amelia's like mid-labor lol. she has a weird lil alien boy that kathryn ends up ADORING and smothering a lot as his grandmother haha. im not really sure how it would transpire,,,, but its got me pondering today if maybe philippa convinces her to come home bc of her lil babyyyy,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like theyre out in the delta quadrant and they both have their own little damages and hurts from their shared childhood spent out in this here and just being like "this is no place to raise a child, this isnt our home" or SOMETHING but IM NOT SURE ON THAT ONE only cuz obviously ppl DO raise their kids in the DQ lololol,,,,,,,,,,, PUT A PIN IN IT

Amelia's baby name Sekh? Maybe Sek… dont want anything directly connected to Amelia's family.

in re: how old they all are during this arc lmao::::: idk how early you can make lieutenant commander tbH id revolve this whole plot realistically around that bc my current idea has it that its her first time "commanding" a ship and things go badly and she chooses to remain lost and not try and find a way home.

Amelia still wears her “war trophy” feathers, maybe one of them is Sessen’s

in re: Ed's thoughts about Suspiria dying::: i think Ed has a very unique perspective on life and death, going around studying other cultures' religions, i think both him and her would have an understanding and acceptance of things by the end of their time together. like suspiria's EFFECTIVELY the last of her kind; string theory ends with all of the Nacene "ascending" and Suspiria is presumed dead so shes not there the entire book. and LIKE, my idea with that is just that shes unknowingly searching for her people to no avail the whole time. :^) anyway Ed and Suspiria's WHOLE THING is finding weird little alien short term solutions to help keep Suspiria alive so she can return and replenish herself in the nacene realm Exosia,,, which unbeknownst to her is impossible now hohoho :3c I DIGRESS THOUGH ed's perspective on it likeeeeee i think he'd miss her but also be happy for her in a weird way that she was finally ready to move on from grasping onto life and all that. :^) dark kermit me wants to have her die protecting/saving Amelia's hypothetical baby boy but I DUNNOOOOOOOO hehe :3

Philippa and Amelia inevitably returning home to Starfleet with the remaining crew members of Amelia’s ship. Starfleet pardons Philippa for stealing a classified experimental shuttle (that Jace helped her steal) maybe Amelia (and Philippa?) is/are offered a promotion? Amelia ends up declining and resigning from Starfleet, maybe Philippa gets promoted to Lieutenant? Starfleet presumes it was more of Amelia’s doing in getting her crew home. :( Amelia corrects the error :)

[spookfished]

nov 2023 media roundup

hello again :3 welcome to the world from 2024!! im doing backlogs of media reviews lol. well i was really busy. and then i was super busy playing umineko!! looking back at this month, it seems like i didnt read a whole lot this month, but then i forgot that ruzhui is literally 300 chapters long. so.. a couple of these i read uh quite a few months ago by now so the review might be a bit stale. however i had like 80% of this written for several weeks so theres only a couple! this will be posted on my neocities at some point

books:

ruzhui by please dont laugh: f/f. after a terrible breakup, college yun an is happy to leave her life behind for some TIME TRAVEL! but while disguising herself as a man to avoid discrimination, she gets looped into a matrilocal marriage with businesswoman lin buxian?! intended as a fluffy palate cleanser after pdl's previous work a clear and muddy loss of love, i think it still kinda ended up getting mired in politics two thirds of the way in, when a lot of us were here for the moments with miss malewife yun an and her powerhouse wife? on the other hand, its hard to stretch out fluff for an entire 300 chapters without contriviances. i also really enjoyed how it managed to balance like. idk. 'returning to the simple emotions of the past' with 'holy shit guys the past actually sucked ass lmfao'. its a pretty relaxing read, so id recommend checking it out if youre into f/f!

the devil comes courting by courtney milan: f/m romance. can romance bloom while trying to create the first telegraphic encoding for chinese...? sooo cute im a huge fan of courtney milan as always. surprisingly goes into some pretty heavy topics including like. forced assimilation via child stealing?????? i thought it was well handled though the ldr stuff and the way amelia grows as a person was soo nice

the marquis who mustnt by courtney milan: f/m romance. the son of a conman returns home for one final trick. meanwhile, naomi just wants to take her medic class. the two become engaged on false premises and of course, catch feelings. once again extremely cute im very charmed. also liked the pottery details :3 i think in every fake engagement the whole 'pretending to themselves they dont have feelings' is a little ridiculous so i liked that they just like. acknowledged it at the outset. i think its honestly more compelling to be like 'yes my feelings are sincere and true however X still outweighs '. loove a guy shackled by duty

wandering souls by cecile pin: follows anh and her two siblings, refugees of the vietnam war. ok honestly i dont remember a lot about this book :( sorry but i did like it! its a really fast read and made me really sad so id recommend. (DISCLAIMER: AMERICAN) i also feel like i dont read a lot of non-american diaspora books so thats pretty interesting as well. nice prose also :]

detransition baby by torrey peters: a trans woman who yearns for motherhood, her detransitioned ex-boyfriend, and his pregnant partner struggle to find a way to live--together, or apart? ok sorry this is another review written in january so its kinda weighted more negatively. i had a LOT of thoughts about this in november but i forgot most of them. this novel is a deep look into a very specific kind of queer subculture--a subculture which is both very white and very annoying. sorry. the characters feel like a vivid, true-to-life depiction of the poeple i try to avoid at my little liberal arts college. however, it ALSO feels like the kind of really good gossip that you love to hear secondhand. also, the author shoehorns in discussions of race in ways that are really jarring and also, kinda bad? i honestly really loved the inner voices of all the characters which is why it sucked when i got to suddenly read a copy-pasted twitter thread about intersectional oppression instead. (especially coming from the mouth of a cis wasian woman..?) it feels all the more tokenistic since we immediately go back to the inner struggles of ames and reese instead. ugh. however, it sparked some really interesting conversations with me and my friends. i also got to learn more about ah i guess transfem detransition? as opposed to transmasc detransition. they are very different! um but i guess id recommend?

comics/manga:

surviving romance: action/horror webtoon?? the woman living in the body of a romance novel character is determined to get her picture-perfect happy ever after-- at all costs. everything goes according to plan until the day zombies attack the school. chaerin is forced to bond with the faceless extras of her story, and find out what is rotting at the core of *love every day*. very solid writing!! i like how the author gradually introduces characters, and how the tension ratchets up as more people to care for becomes more people that can be lost. definitely goes into some orv-lite type themes, which i appreciated. i guess my only complaint is that despite the solid execution it didnt really ~wow~ me in any way... still worth checking out though :3

run away with me girl by battan: f/f romanceish? two high school lovers meet again after midori decided that their relationship was just a childish whim. but even though midori has decided shes straight (and is married with a kid on the way!), maki still has feelings for her. dude soooo cute the art style is not personally my thing but i felt like all of the characters were really grounded and the introspective parts were really interesting. some beautifully atmospheric parts! would recommend :3 witch hat atelier kitchen (reread) by shirahama kamome: a spinoff of witch hat atelier, where the two teachers qifrey and olrugio make food together after hours! gorgeous art as always, and some cute recipes too! i reread this since an official english translation came out lol. monotone blue: short furry m/m about apathetic, aloof cat hachi, who meets aoi--a shy transfer student who happens to be the only lizard in the whole school. pretty lighthearted for the most part, but also heavily implied a sexual assault scene?? or at least the vibes?? in a way that treated it far too lightly and left a bad taste in my mouth. possibly worth reading for the art, but idk :/ definitely falls into the romance trap of having a love interest go "ill save you from these bad guys!" for like a cheap plot device and then not really going into it

movies/tv:

parasite: class-focused comedic thriller? the kim family finds a way out of choking poverty by working for the extremely affluent park family. its almost too easy--until it isnt. man everyone says parasite is so good. AND IT IS!!! i cant believe i took so long to see this movie i got to see it with some friends over thanksgiving break and it was so good :] had me stressed for my fucking life sitting at the edge of my seat. has a lot of meat to bite into analysis-wise but is also just so crushing in many ways.. the ending stuck in my head for a long time. rewatching it this january was honestly more stressful in some ways haha

revolutionary girl utena: allegory-heavy commentary on shoujo and princess narratives and the nature of heroism and-- f/f. utena is a girl who aspires to be just like the prince of her dreams. she is somehow wrapped up into an engagement with anthy himemiya, who calls herself "the rose bride." ahhhh i still havent watched the last two episodes actually. people always say "utena is a fantastic show but PLEASE mind every single trigger warning" and its true! utena tackles some really heavy subjects in a way that is delicate, understated, and vicious. i watched a bunch of these episodes late at night in the computer lab and they honestly left me breathless. has so many layers of symbolism to dig through that it can honestly be overwhelming, but also very compelling just on the surface! watch utena. also watch this amv https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THN3gYKYojs

the wonderful story of henry sugar: a netflix adaptation of one of roald dahls stories (within a story). it was cute :3 not a lot of sticking power lol but i think this is the first wes anderson production ive ever watched. very visually distinctive!

video games:

lethal company: cooperative horror game about trying to collect garbage in a dystopically capitalist world ft. proximity chat! dude this game is blowing tf up i tried playing it with neil but 1. we are huge pussies 2. its really only feasible with 3+ people

music:

TILT by nanoray: anime breakcore is one of my truly guilty pleasures. i see the anime girl on the cover and cringe a little bit HOWEVER nanoray is a really good artist. the intro is so liquid... i think the album as a whole really just sweeps you up into a groove. some of my favorite tracks are into and DOGWALK2000 THE LONELIEST TIME by carly rae jepsen: i was so mean to carly rae jepsen in middle school. im so sorry miss jepsen i was just so tired of hearing call me maybe everywhere. im now a changed man. just a really well constructed pop album 👍admittedly not as iconic to me as emotion, but joshua tree and talking to yourself are my favorites atm SAYONARA WILD HEARTS OST: ive never played sayonara wildheart, but i think its a rhythm game about girls fighting each other on motorcycles? with bisexual lighting and tarot cards? but anyways this is a synth-y lush pop album thats super fun! it feels like it tells a story (probably bc it does) and it always makes me want to listen all the way through :3 my favorites are sayonara wild heart and their clair de lune remix

anyways if you read to the end, thanks as always! its really interesting to try and condense my thoughts about something into one paragraph.. sometimes its easier than others huh! im almost done with the december one so please look forward to that 👍

[popchoc]

Something a little different, if you’re ip for it… Carina & Amelia, fluff 7 please 😊

Up for it, always! I can totally picture these two having some fun together, if the time were right. The problem, as it turned out, is... it never were. I checked the entire timeline, as the canon girl I am, only to find out that there are NO fitting moments:

Carina's introduced at the start of s14, hooking up with Arizona from the start. At that time, Amelia's married to Owen. Their marriage was a wreck, with them being separated for most of it (the brain tumor days), and they pulled the plug around the same time Carina and Arizona seemed to be over.

But right then, at 14x6, (Amelia slept with Tom and) Carina and Owen hooked up (with Amelia catching Carina naked in her kitchen 😄), which lasted for a few eps (till 14x8?). Short after, at 14x12, Arizona and Carina started flirting again, then got back together (14x14) until Arizona finale broke it off… during the same ep in which Amelia and Owen got back together (14x21).

Carina left to Italy after 15x04, returning at 15x15. During this whole period Amelia was (still) with Owen, albeit a little on and off again, as they were playing house with Leo and Betty. Amelia ended it at 15x15, which could be great timing considering Carina's return…. yet Amelia started rebounding with Link at 15x16! And though they weren't that serious at that time, to me they seemed to be focused on just each other (no side dishes), until the threesome proposal at 16x02 with - drum roll - Carina.

Yet that's when Amelia turned out to be pregnant, with Link still being around and no indication she/they ever hooked up with Carina, and Carina just very much being her doctor (doing ultrasounds etc), besides - and more importantly - starting to date Maya soon after.

During Carina and Maya's short break-up (end of s16/s3), Amelia was (still) with Link, with Carina actually being there to deliver their baby. (Not exactly the kind of "seeing her naked parts" we're thinking of here, I assume 🤭🤣).

With Carina and Maya being steady for over 2 seasons, the next and last opportunity might have happened during their s19/s6 break, but at that time Amelia and Kai were still together (damn it 😉). And (in this case) unfortunately Carina and Maya were just dating again when Amelia got dumped by Kai. And with that my last (canon) option was out of the window…

So, long story short:

the only kind-of moment they were both single (though Amelia still being officially married) was between 14x9 and 14x11 - and you have to agree with me that it wouldn't really look good on either of them to hook up at that time, considering that already messy situation.

(Besides all that, there's also the fact that Carina still calls Amelia Dr. Shepherd at 16x02 which sounds weird to me if they'd had something going on before… though I guess that's something I could "forget", as the actual writers do so all the time 🙊)

Now of course there are always options left (making one of them cheat, go for a timejump in which Maya is out of the picture, a simple rejection), but none of them sounds very fluffy to me. So unless I'm overlooking something here, I'm afraid we have to save this one for.... who knows when. Whenever it is tough, I'll be the first one writing them - you've got my word on that one! 😁)

[footprintsinthesxnd]

Love through the pages | Chapter 12

Masterlist

Synopsis: Bob Floyd isn’t the man you typically find in a love story. His awkward mannerism and unusual ways don’t make him the typical heart throb, but Bob certainly has his charms. He finds love in an unexpected place when he finds a hidden message in a book that changes his life for ever. He meets the girl of his dreams but true love is not always an easy road and can they survive the ups and downs that life throws at them.

Warnings: 18+, potential slow burn, mentions of injuries and hospitals, language, smut, 18+, swearing. Nothing too specific for this chapter.

“Baby, have you got the rings?” You called from the kitchen, gathering your coat and bag into your arm, as you checked to make sure you didn’t forget anything.

“I’ve got them in my jacket?” Bob called back, he was already sitting by the door in his wheelchair with Amelia balanced on his knee.

“All ready to go?” You straightened the edge of your dress, smoothing the creases over your growing bump. You’d bought the dress a year ago when you went suit shopping with Bradley but that was before you’d found out you were pregnant again. The dress rose a little higher over your knee than you thought was suitable but both Bradley and Jake promised you that you still looked beautiful. Your daughter hopped straight into the car and you fastened her seatbelt, before helping Bob into the front seat, folding up the wheelchair and storing it in the boot of the car.

Bob fiddled nervously with his tie and you could tell something was bothering him. He’d been acting strange all morning and you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. When you arrived at the church Bradley rushed out to greet you, pulling you away from Bob who promised he’d be fine and was going to help Jake. Bradley was near hysterical, pacing back and forth around the room, worriedly chewing his fingernails.

“Brad? Love, can you stop pacing for a moment and take a breath for me?” You lowered yourself carefully into one of the armchairs that Bradley had requested be supplied for you. You’d been having a terrible backache with this pregnancy but you were determined to be there for your best friend, so he felt it was the least he could do. Bradley slumped down into the other chair, his head in his hands as he mumbled incoherently.

“Bradley, listen to me. Everything is going to be perfect, try not to worry. You love Jake, don’t you?”

“With all my heart.”

“Then you have nothing to worry about. You remember how nervous I was when I married Bob?”

Bradley laughed, “I think Bob was more nervous. Jake smuggled whiskey into his coffee that morning so he didn’t have a nervous breakdown on the way.” You both laughed and you could tell by the way Bradley’s shoulders sagged slightly that he was beginning to relax. “It's going to be ok, Brad.” You squeezed his hand tightly and offered him a small smile.

——————————————————————————

The wedding was stunning, white flowers paved the way down the aisle, and candles were lit creating a warm glow. You were almost jealous of how beautiful it was. Bradley fiddled with his cufflinks and you kept smacking his hand away from them. Your daughter sat with Natasha and Sophie. You gave her a small wave and she called out to you, causing everyone around you to laugh. Sophie took her seat at the piano and as the music began to play, everyone stood and watched as the large wooden doors at the end of the aisle opened. Jake stood in a smart black tuxedo, his blond hair gelled neatly against his head and his face broke into a wide smile when he saw Bradley. Bradley on the other hand was crying, his face bright red as he spluttered next to you. You passed him with a tissue from the box you had at your feet, glad that you had come prepared. You didn’t notice right away until they moved further into the room, that’s when you spotted him. Bob was walking. The air was stuck in your throat as you watched Bob move slowly, supported by Jake. His legs moved stiffly and you could tell by the crease of his brow that it was taking all his str,ngth, but the wide smile on his face was worth it. Tears welled in your eyes and you placed a hand over your mouth, trying to contain the sob that threatened to escape. Luckily the aisle was short and Bob was standing next to you in no time. You flung your arms around his neck embracing him tightly. “How? How is this possible?” Bob grinned at you and pointed over to Natasha, who was smiling brightly. “Nat’s been helping me with extra physio and Jake’s been doing hydrotherapy with me when you were at work.”

“Thank you,” your voice barely whispers as you tried to contain the tears that threaten to fall. You pulled Bob in again for a tight hug, never wanting to let him go. Bob cleared his throat gently and you pulled away, realizing you’d stolen Jake and Bradley’s thunder.

“Sorry,” you said awkwardly, taking a seat at the front next to Bob. Bradley and Jake just smiled, they knew that this meant the world to you both, even if it was their wedding day. Bob was a huge part of all your lives and after the accident, everyone had pulled together to help you.

The ceremony was short and sweet. You held Bob’s hand the whole time, unable to let go of him in case you woke up and it had all been a dream. Bradley and Jake didn’t want anything too big and fancy. The ceremony consisted of family and friends and afterwards, they were going to have a buffet and dancing. The boys had decided they would rather spend their money on a two-week honeymoon on safari in Africa and who could blame them? After the ceremony, everyone made their way to the hall that you’d helped decorate that morning. You had helped Bob back into his wheelchair as he was still unsteady on his feet but you couldn’t help but smile at your husband. Bob looked so proud standing beside you as Bradley and Jake shared their first kiss. It was like finally, everyone was getting their happy ending. The scene was jovial, with everyone chatting and laughing. After everything that had happened, this was a perfect start to the rest of Jake and Bradley’s lives together. You weren’t sure how you’d have gotten through the last 2 years without their help and support. You owed them everything.

The boys were dancing slowly together as everyone watched the couple share their first dance. They swayed effortlessly and you could let help the pain you felt in your chest as you thought back to your own wedding. Bob had been gutted that he wasn’t able to properly dance with you but you assured him the day was perfect.You perched on the edge of his knee and he wheeled you around the floor, singing softly in your ear as you laughed. In public Bob had always put on a brave face and a large smile but behind closed doors you understood the true pain he was feeling. He’d found it hard to adjust to life in a wheelchair and as much as you reassured him that you’d manage together, Bob felt guilty like he was holding you back. You’d moved into a ground floor apartment so Bob could have easy access into and out of your home. You thought back to the first time he’d managed to push himself outside on his own, he’d been so proud of himself but the effort to get himself out there had taken it out of him. You’d had to help him back inside and he’d felt like such a failure. He shut you out, choosing to wallow in self pity and whatever you tried you couldn’t reach him. Over time Bob seemed to accept his fate and gradually with the help of your friends you’d managed to reach him. Bob had cried more in that one night than he had in his entire life, wrapped in your arms. You had rocked him to sleep, trying to withhold your tears until Bob was asleep. Seeing the love in your life in so much pain had killed you but what you had felt was nothing compared to Bob.

A familiar pair of arms snaked around your middle and you sighed, watching as Bob’s hands danced over your growing bump.

“May I have this dance, My Lady?” You snickered at Bob’s chivalry.

“Shouldn’t you be sitting down? I don’t want you to exhaust yourself on your first day. I know you're excited and I am too Baby, but I just worry.” Bob smiled down at you, “and that’s one of the reasons I love you so much. Your compassion and care for others are what makes me fall in love with you more and more each day. My beautiful wife.” He whispered into your ear and you blushed furiously like a schoolgirl. You took your husband's hand, smiling gratefully. “I would love to.”

You moved slowly towards the dance floor, the onlookers making room for you to pass through. Bob took your hand gently, placing his other hand on your lower back and pulling you as close as he could. You rested your head in the crook of his neck, breathing in his cologne. He swayed you slowly from side to side, tripping every now and again. You wrapped your arms around him tightly, supporting him against your body. Bob peppered small kisses across your cheek and you giggled as he spun you around slowly. “You look so beautiful,” he complimented you, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles. “Thank you for the life you have given me. You have given me everything I ever dreamed of.” Bob's eyes were filled with tears as he spoke, his voice raspy with the effort. You brought your hand up to his cheek, brushing away the stray tears.

“You don’t have to thank me, Love. You have given me everything. I’m grateful for each and every day I get to spend with you. You’ve given me our beautiful daughter and our little bump.” Bob brushed his fingers over your stomach affectionately.

The day had turned out perfectly. Bradley and Jake had danced to their heart's content, hardly able to let go of one another the whole evening. You’d waved them goodbye as they drove away, cans jingling and the just married sign strapped precariously to the boot of the car.

You had helped Natasha and Sophie clear up but Nat had eventually sent you home. “Go spend time with Bob. You guys deserve it.” You hugged her tightly, thanking her again for all her help with Bob.

“It was an absolute pleasure. Bob’s a great guy and I’m glad I was able to help him.”

You laughed, “you did more than help him, Nat. He can walk again.”

Natasha squeezed your arm tightly. “I’m just doing my job. Now take it easy, both of you, alright.”

You hugged Sophie too and complimented her on the beautiful music. She had played at your wedding too and you still couldn’t believe the beautiful music she produced with just her fingertips.

Bob was sitting by the door with Amelia sitting on his knee. He was talking quietly to her as she played with his tie. You watched as he grinned, stroking his daughter's blonde head affectionately. Fatherhood suited Bob, he’d been amazing throughout your pregnancy and Amelia’s birth. He stayed up the late nights and helped you through the early mornings. He was your rock through everything.

“Hello, my loves.”

“Mumma,” Amelia called, shoving her hands out in a grabbing motion towards you. Scooping your daughter up into your arms you laughed as she squealed in delight.

“Did you have fun, Babygirl?”

“Ya,” she babbled. “Uncle Bagley and Uncle Ake were funny.”

You laughed, “they were funny, were they?” Your daughter nodded her head, laughing.

You leant down, placing a small kiss on Bob’s forehead.

“You ready to go home, Baby.”

“Yes,” he nodded. “I'm a bit tired now.” He admitted. You nodded slowly, placing your daughter onto his lap and steering the wheelchair out of the door. You could tell that Bob was feeling tired, his face was paler than normal and his smile wasn’t quite as bright as it had been that morning. It had been a huge day for Bob and all the walking around had taken his strength out of him. The drive home was quiet and as soon as you got in you bathed Amelia and she went straight to bed, completely exhausted. When you made it to your room Bob was sitting on the edge of the bed, his back still damp from the shower. You could see the scars running up his back from his spinal surgery and the scar on his stomach was raised and rippled across his soft pale skin. You slipped behind him, wrapping your arms around his middle and placing small, opened-mouth kisses along his shoulders.

“Are you ok, Baby?”

He nodded slowly, turning to face you. He placed his large hand against your cheek, bringing your foreheads together. “I love you so much, (y/n). I know things haven’t always been perfect but I promise to be better. A better husband and a better father. I promise.”

Tears trickled down your cheeks as you pulled him close, “Bob you don’t need to be better, you are already the best. You are the better part of me and you encourage me to be better. Over the past two years, you have shown me how to be strong and resilient. You taught me how to be a good mother. I love you, Bob Floyd, with all my heart.”

Bob leant forward, pressing his lips to yours in a tender kiss, lips moulding to yours perfectly. You placed your hands against your husband's chest, pushing him back lightly until he rested against the mattress. Your lips found his neck and you began kissing down his throat. Bob's chest rumbled beneath your hands as he laughed, “someone’s eager.”

You laughed too, looking down at him. “Well Amelia is out for the count and I’ve been craving my dashing husband all day.”

Bob placed his hand on your cheek, brushing a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “Anything for you, my Darling. Anything.”

Bob Floyd had never really been much of a reader as a child but thanks to a secret code and a local bookshop, he had found the love of his life.

Tag list: @callsign-phoenix @imjess-themess @averyhotchner @mayhem24-7forever @green-socks @alexxavicry @a-reader-and-a-writer @topguncortez @maggiescarborough @callsignmaverick5 @ssprayberrythings @smoothdogsgirl @xoxabs88xox @luckyladycreator2 @abaker74 @elenavampire21 @classyunknownlover @okiegirl24 @flashyourgreeneyesatme @sunlightmurdock @basiccortez @airedale17 @callmemana @shadowolf993 @topguncultleader

[averysmolbear]

Our (not so) Little Family

I got pregnant for the first time within 6 months of us deciding we were ready to start trying for a baby. Reiner hadn’t even proposed yet before we found out that we had one on the way. Because he didn’t want me to have to worry about any kind of wedding planning while I was pregnant. Plus he wanted us to focus on the coming baby. The pregnancy was actually a lot smoother than Reiner and I expected although I did experience some morning sickness (mostly at night) and there were some cravings but Reiner made sure that I was well taken care of. He, as expected, was happily showing off the printouts of the ultrasounds both when we first found out I was pregnant and then several months later, when I was nearing my due date. We didn’t do any sort of gender reveal party or anything but we did have a baby shower. In fact, we didn’t even find out the gender of the baby until she was born. Amelia Braun was born in early June.

Four months later, Reiner surprised me with a proposal, in the middle of October. We had vaguely discussed getting married again after Amelia was born but we hadn’t really decided anything. But Reiner talked his cousin, Gabi, into watching Amelia for us for a few hours and he took me out to dinner. He actually did his best to recreate our first date and while we were walking along together, eating our ice cream cones, Reiner stopped so we could sit on a bench. It was there that he proposed, with a simple but very pretty ring. He even humored me and took a bunch of pictures although I didn’t post them to Instagram until about two weeks later, after we had told all of our family and friends first.

We started wedding planning almost immediately and since I had been thinking about my wedding day since I was a little girl, it didn’t take nearly as long as Reiner thought it would for me to decide on things. He helped every step of the way though and we got married in mid March, only 5 months after getting engaged, much to everyone’s surprise. We didn’t have plans for the next child but in May, I found out I was pregnant again and we found out it was twins. This pregnancy was a little tougher, with me ending up on bedrest for the last couple months. In late January, Mathias and Milo Braun were born.

Reiner did worry a little about having so many little ones at once but we managed alright, especially with the help of our family and friends. And everyone was so willing to help out once Reiner and I were outnumbered so quickly. While we said we were going to wait a bit before trying again, I found out I was pregnant again on Amelia’s second birthday. Thankfully it was another easy pregnancy and at this point Reiner was all for me becoming a stay at home mom. While I didn’t completely do so, I did start doing as much as I could from home. In early March, Isobelle Braun was born. Amelia was almost 3 and the twins were a year old by the time we had a new baby to take care of as well but at this point, we were pretty good at handling so many little ones at once. It did take a little extra work since we were working on potty training with Amelia while still having 3 in diapers all at the same time.

Somehow we managed a little breather before I found out I was pregnant again. Amelia was five and starting school; the twins were three and working on being potty trained; Isobella was almost 2 and also starting a bit of potty training. It was the end of February when I found out I was pregnant again and thankfully, it was yet another easy pregnancy. I realized that I was pretty lucky to have so many easy pregnancies, especially since Reiner’s mom made it clear to me that when she was pregnant with Reiner, it had been a little tough on her. In mid December, Everett Braun was born.

Almost a year after Everett’s birth, I found out I was pregnant again. Reiner and I decided that this would be our last (although Reiner said he wouldn’t be upset if we still had more!) and after a slightly rougher pregnancy, with a ton of morning sickness (more than any of the other kids), Theodore Braun was born in late August. He was born a month earlier than expected but he was still a healthy little guy.

[the-best-url-on-this-site]

SO FAR:

We follow Amelia's mother, Honora:

It's the mid 1700s:

She's an orphan and super poor but she's in with this nice priest who gets her a job with Lord Robert, who is like if Jeff Bezos walked the floors of the warehouses beating orphans.

She's the live in nanny for his nephew, Douglas, who casually drops several times that if he had a little sister, he'd want her to be named Amelia.

Douglas's father, Jeffery, is away currently because he's super fuckin sad because his wife died in childbirth

Jeffery is a Hot Guy, a Sensitive and Loving Hot Guy.

Robert tries to fire honora before Jeffery gets home because he thinks they'll fuck and he's obsessed with his (15 years younger) brother in a weird way.

Jeffery shows up though and he immediately falls in love with honora and demands she be kept on staff or else he'll leave. Robert, who is weirdly obsessed with him and can't handle him leaving, agrees.

After a few weeks of looking at each other hornily, Jeffery and Honora bang it out in the roman ruins near Lord Roberts estate. They then proceed to bang it out every night in secret for two months.

Now Jeffery is not one for a wham bam thank you ma'am. He genuinely loves Honora.

Honora is pregnant now and she freaks out and Mrs Rawson (an old lady maid who FUCKS often and well) helps her and tells Jeffery in secret.

Jeffery is like "I'm going to marry you right now immediately get in the carriage Honora we are going to live happily ever after"

So they go see the nice priest who marries them right now immediately and then they go back to Lord Robert's Estate and they have plans to go live in a little villa in Italy and it will be great.

Honora is up waiting in her room packing her things because they're gonna leave in the morning while Jeffery goes and tells Robert that he's married now and is going to go live with his wife and son in Italy, bye bro.

AND ROBERT PUSHES HIM OFF OF THE STAIR RAILING AND HE FUCKIN DIES RIGHT THEN AND THERE

Lord Robert gives Honora 1000 pounds and tells her to fuck off forever.

The funeral happens and Douglas cries out for Honora but she never ever sees him again (Mrs Rawson writes to Honora later and says that Douglas still cries at night missing her)

The priest hooks her up with a place to stay with this old lady named Maggie and they get in great despite Honora's intense depression, and Honora gives the 1000 pounds to her nephew Lambert to invest.

Amelia is born and everything is GREAT for 4 years until MAGGIE FUCKIN DIES

Turns out Lambert was totally scamming Honora so now she has nothing to her name but she gathers enough money to sue him and HE BRIBES HER LAWYER???? HELLO????

So she has to move to increasingly shitty apartments over the next 5 years until she ends up at a really bad one in St Giles and she catches tuberculosis and is gonna fuckin die, and it turns out that everything before this point has been a long ass letter to that nice priest from before, and she begs him to come save Amelia from the workhouse (WHICH ROBERT FUCKIN. OWNS) and from a life on the streets, which Honora still thinks would be better than the workhouse.

Amelia doesn't know she's technically a lady and doesn't know who her father was. She's currently slowly turning into a pickpocket.

Will Nice Priest get there in time? Will the letter even be delivered to him? Is Amelia gonna end up in Robert's work house?

FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON:

Once Again Amelia

[legends-of-time]

Amelia’s Story (BBC Merlin Story)

Chapter 32: The Tears of Uther Pendragon Part One

Masterlist

Amelia's POV

Amelia and Morgana end up staying with Morgause for a whole year. Amelia's eldest half-sister played the whole it's not just Uther that is the enemy but everyone is in Camelot. While Amelia was still angry at Uther, she can't bring herself to see those she cares about in Camelot as the enemy. But no matter what Amelia did, Morgana seemed to become more and more corrupt and angry.

Morgause never told them that she was the one that put the spell on Amelia, which meant Merlin had to poison her to wake everyone up. She would tell Amelia and Morgana that he knew how much she cared for them and did it to get at her. Amelia would try to defend Merlin when she and Morgana would be left alone but she never seemed to listen. It was always one step forward and two steps back. It hurt Amelia to see her sister so angry and vengeful.

Morgause would teach them more spells to help them develop their magic but it was all dark. Amelia had the memory of Anne and Merlin to keep her going and not fall into this mess. There was one time that Morgause taught them a spell that choked this poor prisoner and Amelia ended up running to her room, crying, at the end of it.

That wasn't the end of the trauma.

Screams pierce Amelia's ears from the small room that she has in the abandoned Castle. Morgause, Morgana, and Amelia never stay in one place for too long in fear of Camelot's patrols finding them, but Morgause has decided to stay at this place for a couple of weeks. While Amelia is happy with a break from travelling, she isn't happy that it means torturing some poor souls.

Amelia is trying to focus on the book that Morgause had gotten for her when she realised that Amelia likes to read, but all the thoughts that are filling her mind are the suffering she's overhearing. Amelia tries to ignore it at first by blocking the gaps in the door, moving to a different room on the opposite side of the Castle or using her bedsheets and pillow to block out the noise, even covering her ears but the screams are too loud. Every instinct within Amelia wants to go and help those men, but the worry of what Morgause might do to her if she finds out Amelia is a 'traitor', sister or not, stops her.

It eventually stops. Amelia hears the door open and sees Morgause entering the room.

"Yes, sister?" Amelia asks though she doesn't like calling this woman her sister.

Morgause smiles and leans over, kissing her on the cheek. "I was thinking we should have chicken tonight if that pleases you sister then we'll continue our lessons after."

"That sounds lovely," Amelia replies as if the past few hours had not traumatised her and the idea of these lessons don't scare her.

"I'll go ask Morgana." Morgause squeezes Amelia's hand and moves to leave.

Amelia's curiosity gets the better of her, and before she can stop herself, she asks, "How much longer until you're finished with your captured men?"

Morgause turns around, a slightly puzzled look on her face.

Amelia quickly shakes her head. "It's just... the screams..."

Morgause nods in understanding. "They are quite bothersome, aren't they?"

That wouldn't be how Amelia would describe it but she smiles and nods.

"Do not fret, sister," Morgause reassures her. "Their screams will not last much longer, as they will no longer have a life to scream and beg for."

Amelia waits until Morgause is gone and has shut the door behind her to let her face drop. Amelia presses her face into her hands and silently mourns the deaths that are about to happen.

Maybe ten minutes later, the screaming starts again.

Morgause would tell them more about her origins. She explains that their mother had an affair with a local blacksmith when she was engaged to some great noble but she fell pregnant, which broke it off. After giving birth to Morgause and pretending she was dead after giving her away was when their mother met Gorlois.

After a year had passed, Morgause decided it was time for them to return. For them to seamlessly go back to Camelot without suspicion, Morgause sets up a scenario that keeps up the idea that Amelia and Morgana had been kidnapped. Morgause had left a trail for Camelot search parties to find and once they reach the planned 'abandoned' camp, bandits would leap out and attack. Once the battle is over, Morgana and Amelia will make their entrance.

They wait in the distance and Amelia can hear the battle playing out. Amelia and Morgana had helped each other to look like they had been through hell as much as they can to sell the story. Amelia does not like this ploy but she's desperate to get home.

The battle is won by the Camelot party and Morgana and Amelia step forward through the fog. They stumble out of the fog to find Camelot Guards and Knights with Arthur and Merlin in the middle. All look shocked.

"Morgana. Amelia." Arthur gasps.

——

Amelia can't talk with Merlin about everything and Morgana and Morgause's plan with Morgana there as they all travel back to Camelot. She shares a horse with one of the Knights but drifts off on the way and wakes once again in her Chambers in Camelot in bed. Gaius and Anne walk in and she tries to sit up.

"No, no. Please sit." He says. He sits on her bed and begins to check her. After a few moments, he speaks, "You need to rest."

"I'll stay with her," Anne says.

"Where's Morgana?" Amelia asks sleepily.

"In her room. I must check on her." Gaius tells her. "Rest and I'll return when you have woken."

Amelia nods and watches him leave. Once he's gone, Anne flings herself on top of Amelia.

"Uh, Anne?" Amelia gasps.

"Oh, sorry, sorry. I am just so happy to see you back." Anne cries joyfully as she wipes the tears from her cheeks.

Amelia laughs. Oh, had she missed her. "I am happy to see you as well Anne." Anne smiles and steps away. "Wait."

"You need to rest. Do not worry, I'll just grab something but I'll be back." Anne reassures.

"No, it's not that. There's something I need to tell you." Amelia tells her.

Anne looks worried but nods.

——

Anne's POV

Anne leaves Amelia's Chambers feeling happy but also anxious as she walks hurriedly to Gaius' Chambers.

"She knows I tried to poison her; she knows that." Anne hears Merlin says as she nears the door. She opens it and the two in the Chambers turn to her in panic, probably wondering who had walked in and what they overheard, but they relax once they realise it's her.

"What's happening?" She asks.

"Merlin is worried about what Amelia will say about him poisoning her." Gaius answers.

"You had no choice, Merlin," Anne says, placing a reassuring hand on his arm and he relaxes under her touch. "Camelot was dying. Amelia was the source of the enchantment. Either you poisoned her, or the Kingdom fell. Amelia will understand that if she does not already."

"How do you know? We do not know what happened in the past year. She could hate me and will tell Uther that I tried to kill her, nothing else." Merlin argues.

"We can't be sure, Merlin," Gaius admits.

"She did say she wants to tell me something," Anne tells them.

Merlin looks at her in alarm. "Well, that just seals the deal! Can you think what Uther will do to me?!"

"You are being drastic," Anne says.

"Let's just wait and see what tomorrow brings," Gaius adds.

Gaius walks away and Anne turns to Merlin. "It'll be okay." He gives her a warm look. She wants to kiss him again but can't with Gaius watching so she settles for a kiss on the cheek. She hopes they'll be able to catch a moment alone soon but that is unlikely as Anne will be busy with Amelia and Merlin will go back to his usual routine, which is always busy.

——

Amelia's POV

Amelia wakes the next morning and Anne brings her breakfast. Amelia is working up the courage to tell Anne anything when there's a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Amelia can hear a bit of irritation in her voice.

"It's Arthur." Comes the reply. Arthur! Oh, how she has missed him!

"Come in." Arthur walks in and Amelia goes to stand from her bed.

"No, no. Sit." Arthur says hurriedly causing Amelia to roll her eyes at him. He nods to Anne, who picks up the breakfast tray and leaves. Amelia moves to sit on the edge of the bed and Arthur joins her, wrapping her in a tight hug.

"I'm happy to see you," Amelia says happily.

"As am I to see you," Arthur replies, pulling back. "Can I ask what happened?"

Amelia swallows uncomfortably. Here come the lies that will sell the plot. Arthur misunderstands the discomfort.

"You do not have to." He speaks.

Amelia shakes her head. "No, I want to." She pauses. "Morgana and I were kept in a Cell for almost a year. I thought I'd go mad if it were not for Morgana. We kept each other sane."

"How did you two escape?"

"They moved us about a week ago. I don't know why. It may have been the patrol from Camelot. I do not know." Amelia answers.

"The patrol found you?" Arthur asks.

Amelia nods tearfully, which isn't a complete lie. She does feel tearful and wishes that someone had found them. "We thought we were going to be free. But then we saw them killed. Every one of them cut down. But that night, the bandits were distracted by their spoils. We took our chance because who knew how much longer we would have been captive. When I saw you and Merlin, I couldn't believe it."

She sucks in a breath as if she's about to cry. Amelia doesn't like lying to Arthur like this but she knows she has to do that to stop Morgana and Morgause. Arthur leans forward and they share a hug. Amelia squeezes her eyes tightly to stop the tears as she clings to the man she sees as her brother and technically her unknowing biological first cousin considering their mothers were sisters. When she opens them, she sees Merlin lingering by the door behind them. Arthur and Amelia pull away.

"I think I need to rest." She speaks. Amelia wants Arthur gone so she can properly talk to Merlin, to tell him she's not angry with him.

"Everything's going to be alright," Arthur tells her, drawing Amelia's attention. "You're safe now." Amelia nods and gives him a watery smile. She's not sure whether to believe his words or not. Arthur gets up and leaves. Merlin begins to follow him.

"Merlin," Amelia calls out. He pauses at the door. "I want to speak to you." Merlin tentatively looks at her. "I know what you did. You tried to poison me."

Merlin swallows nervously. "I didn't want to."

Amelia gives him a small smile. "It's alright, Merlin. I understand. You were just trying to protect your friends; I would have done the same."

"Really?" Merlin gasps, as if unsure of the validity of her words.

"Of course," Amelia says. "You were in a difficult situation with very few options, but I do wish you had spoken to me about it. I would've understood. I am so sorry about my behaviour, Merlin. I don't think I really understood what I was doing, but you must understand how much I regret everything that I've done. I just...hope that you can forgive me?" Her voice breaks off as she tearfully looks at him.

"I am so sorry for everything you've been through. It's good to have you back." Merlin gives her a warm smile.

Amelia beams as she relaxes. "Thank you, Merlin. There's so much to talk about."

"Yes, of course, soon, but I need to go. Got things to do. You know what Arthur is like."

Amelia laughs though she's annoyed. "We'll have to talk later." Merlin nods and leaves.

——

Amelia loses another chance to talk to Anne when Morgana interrupts them when Anne is dressing Amelia so that they can go together to see Uther. Amelia grimaces at the thought of the performance she has to put on for that man. Unknown to Morgana, it's the only time where Amelia actually has to act like she's enjoying someone from Camelot's company. They had to go and greet him as they have to keep up pretences and fulfil Morgause's plan.

The doors to the Throne room open and Amelia and Morgana walk toward the dais where Sir Leon is giving Uther his report.

"The grain stores are running low, but we're expecting supplies from the northern borders before the end of the week..."

Amelia sees the moment Uther notices them because he lazily looks up and then suddenly straightens. "That's enough. Leave us." He dismisses. Amelia and Morgana continue walking calmly as people in the room pass them to walk out of the room. Soon Uther can't help himself and instead of walking, he begins rushing to meet them. He embraces them with tears of joy, which is what they need. Morgana laughs a little through her fake tears and wipes his tears away with a handkerchief.

"Look at the two of you." Uther sighs as he tries to stop crying. He keeps an arm around each of them. "You should sit." He pulls away but Amelia stops him.

"No, no." She says, giving him a smile through her fake tears. "If I sit for another minute, I'll go insane." Uther and Morgana chuckle tearfully.

"It's all we have been doing for the past year. Sit. And pray that you hadn't given up on us." Morgana continues. She reaches out and squeezes Amelia's hand and Amelia returns it.

"Never." He's slightly choked as he gives a kiss to each of their foreheads.

"I don't know why. I wouldn't blame you." Amelia replies. "You've done more for us than any guardian."

"You've always cared for us, loved us like we were your own daughters," Morgana adds. "And yet we've insulted you, defied you, hurt you."

"I don't know why you put up with us." Amelia jokes. They all chuckle.

"But we promise," Morgana begins, 'sobering up', "in the future I will show you the love and respect that you deserve." Amelia nods in agreement, she's beginning to feel uncomfortable. She looks at Morgana, trying to signal to her that she wants to leave. Morgana seems to have noticed and gives a slight nod. They both kiss Uther on his cheeks.

"We will leave you to your Council," Amelia says. They turn, taking each other's hand and walk away. Amelia's face drops to a blank one while Morgana begins smirking as she clutches the handkerchief in her hand tightly.

——

That night Amelia and Morgana leave the Castle and ride to a Cave guarded by the Bloodguard.

Amelia looks cautiously around the room. There's a bubbling cauldron in the middle and if Amelia wasn't freaking out internally, she would've laughed at it, maybe have done a cackle. Her attention diverts when she hears footsteps and her eyes land on Morgause, who had emerged and stands before them. As she takes in the sight of her eldest half-sister, Amelia knows she doesn't feel any loyalty, love or trust for her. Not like she does with Morgana. Or maybe she should say used to? Amelia is unsure.

"My sisters. How have you fared?" Morgause greets. Morgana begins to smirk and Amelia quickly does the same, falling into a performance she has perfected over the many months she has spent with her sisters.

"Camelot has welcomed back its daughters with open arms," Morgana reports as she pulls off her hood. Amelia does the same.

"Uther does not suspect?" Morgause asks as she takes their hands.

"He laps up our lies like the snivelling dog that he is." Morgana bites.

"And the boy?" Morgause asks, looking over at Amelia.

"Merlin?" Amelia asks, forcing herself to put a disgusted look on her face at the mere mention of his name. "He believes that nothing is wrong."

"Speaking of." Morgana interrupts as she reaches up and holds out the cloth with Uther's tears to Morgause.

"You've done well." Morgause praises them. Morgause holds up the tissue and stares at it. "The tears of Uther Pendragon have only begun to fall." She drops the handkerchief with Uther's tears into a giant cauldron filled with boiling mud, the previously yellow cloth sinking deep into the brown liquid. Morgana and Amelia watch as Morgause grabs a rather large, rather funny looking root, and drops it into the cauldron after the napkin.

As soon as it starts to sink in, a piercing scream invades Amelia's ears, and she flinches and instinctively puts a hand to her head to try and stop the screaming. One glance at Morgana confirms that she had heard it too. She looks just as befuddled as Amelia feels.

Morgause, however, is smiling away happily. "The Mandrake root is very special. Only those with magic can hear its cries. But for those without magic," Morgause begins to stir the liquid inside of the pot, "the magic pierces the very recesses of the soul, twisting the unconscious into the very image of fear and dread. Uther Pendragon will find that his great Kingdom counts for nothing when he has lost his mind." Amelia has no choice but to smile evilly, as does Morgana, though she can't help but feel slightly pleased with some of the plan.

"Mid þæm wundorcræft þæs ealdan æwþ ic þe hate nime Utheres wopdropan ond þa gemengan mid his blod. Sy he under wittig ond deofol seocnes his heorte afylþ." Morgause's eyes glow.

When she is finished, she reaches in and grabs the now covered in brown mulch Mandrake root, before handing it to Amelia, who cringes at how it feels. Morgause begins to explain the plan with what to do with the Mandrake to them.

——

So as to keep up pretences, Amelia helps Morgana place the Mandrake root under Uther's bed.

Amelia finally finds the chance to tell Anne what's going on the next morning. It all just spills out of her and Anne gapes at her in shock.

"We must get rid of the Mandrake root!"

"No!" Amelia exclaims before dialling down her voice at Anne's surprised face. "Uh, um, I mean no we cannot, it'll raise Morgana and Morgause's suspicions. We need to be more subtle about this. We need Merlin and Gaius on our side." Plus, the fact that Amelia wants to see Uther suffer a bit though hopes it'll be stopped before the Kingdom falls.

Anne nods in understanding. "You are right, of course." She then begins chewing her lip nervously.

Amelia narrows her eyes at her. "Anne... what's going on with you?"

"Well, I um, speaking of Merlin. He- I, uh, we might be or are a thing." Anne stumbles.

Amelia raises an eyebrow. "A thing?"

"A thing," Anne confirms.

"As in I like you, like you, let's kiss sort of thing?"

Anne blushes and looks down. "Maybe."

Amelia blinks in shock though she knows she really shouldn't as there had been something between the two of them for a while. "Wow, Anne. I, uh, congratulations!"

"Thank you." Anne smiles giddily to herself.

Amelia smirks at the sight of her. "It's adorable."

"Amelia!" Anne's face now resembles a tomato. Amelia laughs.

——

Amelia doesn't get to talk to Merlin all day, as he is far too busy with Arthur now that they were back to their regularly scheduled days because Morgana and Amelia had been 'found', and she is dying to catch even a second alone with him so she could spill the beans and he could go and tell Gaius the two of them would help Uther. Anne couldn't get him alone either as the preparation for the feast brings extra work and the two of them can't raise Morgana's suspicions. Can't be a good double agent if you expose that you are one.

All this intense pressure on her shoulders was exactly what was keeping her from enjoying the feast in the Banquet Hall to celebrate her and Morgana's return.

Uther stands to speak. "Standing here, seeing so many happy faces, seems almost like a dream. I can tell you, I have not felt like this in a long time."

"What, drunk?" Arthur jokes causing everyone to laugh and Amelia can't help but join in a bit.

"Drunk with happiness." Uther corrects as he swats his son with a napkin. "I would have searched the entire world, the seas, the skies, the stars, for those smiles." He gestures to Morgana and Amelia. Uther's tearful performance almost makes her waver but Amelia strengthens her resolve and puts on an adoring smile as does Morgana. This is one thing the two agree on, not liking Uther. "To have them stolen from me was like a blade to my heart. Amelia, Morgana, there are no words. You both mean more to me than you will ever know. To the Lady Morgana and the Lady Amelia." Uther holds up his glass to them.

"To the Lady Morgana and the Lady Amelia." The Court follows suit, raising their own drinks. Morgana and Amelia both stand to receive a hug from Uther. Amelia's face drops a bit once her face is over his shoulder.

Uther pulls away and stumbles. Amelia puts out her arms as if to catch him but he does it himself. "I need some air." Uther leaves the room. Amelia feels satisfied that the effects of the root should be taking effect soon.

——

Soon a Guard is whispering in Arthur's ear and he leaves the room with Morgana and Amelia hurrying after him. They find Uther outside curled up in the foetal position and rocking back and forth. Arthur and Merlin get him back to his Chambers. Amelia quickly pulls back the bedsheets as Uther is deposited on the bed.

"Careful." Morgana urges, her voice filled with fake worry. Amelia tries to look anxious and worried though seeing the genuine thing on Arthur's face helps as she genuinely feels bad for him. "Is he going to be alright?" Amelia and Morgana tuck Uther in.

"He should sleep 'til morning," Gaius suggests.

Morgana turns back to Uther to keep up the performance, as the others are still in the room as they leave, she grabs his hand and places a kiss on it. Amelia has to give her sister credit for the performance.

When they are gone, Morgana abruptly drops the hand in disgust and turns to Amelia, grabbing her hand and smiling. "It worked, sister!"

Amelia's returning smirk is somewhat real as she's glad it worked, seeing the terror on Uther's face brought her satisfaction, but she's worried about the consequences for Camelot and everyone else. "I'm glad. We must tell our sister."

——

Later that night, Amelia and Morgana slip out of the Castle again to see Morgause.

"Already the rumours are spreading," Morgana reports as Morgause makes a new Mandrake root.

"The Mandrake's poison does its work well," Morgause says.

"Soon all of Camelot will believe that their King is going mad," Amelia smirks. She would like this more if it weren't for the next phase of the plan.

"And a Kingdom without a King is ripe for the picking." Morgause continues.

"When do you go to Cenred?" Morgana asks. This is the next part of the plan. Morgause is going to use the fact that he fancies her to get him to help her take over Camelot. The knowledge that Camelot is going to be attacked makes Amelia feel antsy and wishes she can get a hold of Merlin soon.

"Tomorrow." Morgause answers.

"And he will do as we wish?" Amelia asks, pretending to be interested in this.

"Cenred wishes only to please me," Morgause tells them as she holds up the new Mandrake root.

"Then your time with him has been well spent." Morgana remarks as Morgause drops the Mandrake root into the cauldron. Amelia tries not to flinch as she hears the piercing screams again.

——

The two wards of Uther Pendragon slip back into Camelot, slipping past the various Guards on their way. They reach the battlements when a Guard, Patrick, suddenly appears. Amelia tenses worriedly.

"Lady Morgana. Lady Amelia." He greets looking at them in confusion.

"We were just taking a stroll," Morgana tells him, but Amelia sees him notice the mud dripping from a new Mandrake root under Morgana's cloak.

"What's that, My Lady?" He asks.

"Nothing."

"You're bleeding," Patrick says.

"She's fine, really," Amelia says, trying to get rid of him as she worries what Morgana will do if he doesn't let this go.

"You're wounded." He insists and before either of them can stop him, he opens Morgana's cloak. Morgana stabs him and Patrick falls over the wall. Amelia gasps at the sight of it and tries to hold back her tears at the death of the poor man.

"It had to be done, Amelia." Morgana 'reassures'. Amelia nods, not trusting her voice and lets her sister take her back to her Chambers.

——

Amelia doesn't bother to get changed and sits despondently on her bed with the candle burning.

"My Lady?" Anne calls. She enters and smiles at Amelia. "I saw the light, wanted to make sure you were alright. Have you just come back from Morgause?" Amelia doesn't answer. "Amelia? Is everything okay?" She sits next to Amelia, who feels tears fall down her face.

Amelia sniffles. "No, it isn't."

"What is it? What has Morgause done?" Anne asks as she rubs Amelia's arm.

Amelia shakes her head. "It wasn't Morgause, it was Morgana. We were returning to Camelot and one of the Guards caught us." She lets out another sob.

"What did she do?"

"She killed him! She stabbed him and he fell over the battlements! I just stood there!" Amelia cries.

Anne shakes her head. "Do not blame yourself. You couldn't have done anything. Morgana is too changed and you can't let her see your true loyalties."

"But at the cost of others?!" Amelia argues. Anne doesn't answer and Amelia knows she doesn't know what to say.

——

"We've had reports that mercenaries are streaming into Cenred's Kingdom," Arthur reports to his father as he stands in front of him in the Council Chambers with the Court behind him.

"Do we know why?" Uther asks. Amelia watches Merlin and Gaius from where she sits on Morgana's left with a hopeful look on her face. Maybe she can grab them after the meeting?

"There is a rumour that Cenred is amassing an army. I think we should send a patrol out to assess the situation." Arthur suggests. Instead of answering Uther stares past Arthur.

"Father?" Arthur prompts. Arthur turns to see what his father is staring at and so does everyone else but nothing is there.

Uther stands up and points to what appears he can see but no one else. "Leave me alone. Get out of here." Amelia tries not to smirk in satisfaction at the terror on Uther's face.

"Father, will you..." Arthur tries to calm his father by reaching for him but Uther pulls away from him.

"I said get out! Get out! I'll have you hanged!" Uther yells. Arthur and Sir Leon restrain Uther and drag him from the room. "You hanged! You...! You...!" Gaius follows after them.

——

Amelia loses the chance to get a hold of Gaius and Merlin but soon they are back in the Council Chambers due to the warning bell having been sounded. This time Arthur stands in front of his father's chair with Amelia and Morgana behind him. Once Gaius explains why they are here and what for, Amelia struggles to hold herself together.

"The sentry must've been attacked at some point during the night." Gaius continues.

"Who could've done this?" Arthur asks. Gaius hands Arthur the dagger Morgana used to stab the Guard. Amelia tenses at the sight of it.

"That is a sigil of the Bloodguard," Gaius explains.

"The Bloodguard?" Arthur sounds out the name.

"Warrior priests sworn to protect the High Priestesses of the Old Religion."

"Surely they were wiped out during the Great Purge."

"Not all of them." Gaius corrects.

"So, you believe there is a traitor in Camelot," Arthur concludes. Amelia glances at Morgana, who is looking down.

"It is possible, Sire. The sentry will be able to tell us soon enough." Gaius says. Amelia looks up in alarm though she does feel some relief.

"He's still alive?"

"Indeed."

——

Frustratingly Amelia loses sight of Morgana and only finds her later with a beaming smile on her face as Amelia walks to her Chambers.

"There's no need to worry. I've sorted it." Morgana greets.

Amelia frowns. "What do you mean?"

"I solved it. No one is going to expose us." Morgana explains cheerfully.

Amelia's stomach drops and the temporary relief she had felt leaves quickly. "You killed him again!"

Morgana rolls her eyes. "Technically I never killed him the first time."

"Morgana!" Amelia hisses. They really shouldn't be talking about this in the middle of the corridor. "Behaviour like this is going to draw attention!"

"What other choice did I have?" Morgana demands.

"Not killing him! It was unnecessary." Amelia doesn't like saying that last bit but has to say it to keep up pretences.

"Well, it's done now." Morgana retorts.

——

Anne's POV

Anne learns from Gaius that Merlin has been sent with a potion to Uther's Chambers and she takes this as a chance to finally be able to talk to him all about what Amelia has told her. She opens the door to see Merlin standing by Uther, who's sleeping.

"Finally, there's something I need to tell you—" Anne begins to say.

"Ssh, do you hear that?" Merlin whispers. Anne then hears mud dripping from the Mandrake. She walks to Merlin's side as he looks down to see some mud goo on the floor. Merlin crouches down to look and Anne joins him.

Suddenly there are footsteps and, fearing that it is Morgana, Anne joins Merlin when he darts under the bed, knocking his face into the root in the process. A hand comes under the bed and pulls off the root without looking.

"Do you have it?" A voice asks. Anne realises it's Amelia and that they are probably going to meet with Morgause. Merlin frowns and Anne hopes he isn't interrupting this the wrong way for Amelia.

"I do," Morgana says. Merlin moves to watch them leave the room and gestures for Anne to follow him. They follow Amelia Morgana through the Lower Town and into the woods.

——

Amelia's POV

Amelia notices that Merlin and Anne are following but hopes that Morgana doesn't notice. They make their way to a new location in the Darkling Forest where Morgause wants them to meet. Morgause and the Bloodguard arrive soon after on horseback.

Morgause gets off her horse and comes right over to them. "Sorry, you had to wait. There was much to discuss."

"But your visit was successful?" Morgana asks her.

"Cenred's army ride for Camelot on my command," Morgause reports proudly.

"There is nothing you cannot do." Amelia pretends to praise though she is conscious about Anne and Merlin watching, particularly the fact that Merlin still likely doesn't know about her double agent status.

Morgause smiles. "It is you two that gives me strength, sisters." She takes their hands and gives them a squeeze. "How goes the battle for Uther's mind?"

"When Cenred marches on Camelot, he will find a Kingdom without a leader." Morgana grins.

"Finally, we are ready," Morgause says.

"Not quite," Morgana says, a small frown line etching on her forehead. "Merlin suspects me."

Amelia tries not to look around for Merlin and Anne. "He does? Just you?" She's glad her voice doesn't give anything away.

Morgana nods as she begins pacing. "Just me."

"Has he told Arthur?" Morgause asks as she moves closer to Amelia.

"Not yet, but he will," Morgana replies.

"Well, then we must stop him." Morgause decides.

"That will not be difficult." Morgana deduces.

"Why?" Amelia asks curiously. Morgana hadn't noticed their followers as well, had she?

Morgana suddenly turns her head in the direction of a bunch of large rocks and a fallen tree. "Because he's already here." She calls out in that direction.

Suddenly Merlin comes out of hiding and Amelia quietly sighs in relief at the fact that Anne stays where she is. Morgana is glaring and Morgause looks surprised at the sight of Merlin. He looks over to Amelia and she feels incredibly ashamed at the disappointed look he gives her. She can't explain to him that he had just misinterpreted her role in all of this with Morgause, Morgana and the Bloodguard there. She can't blow her cover.

She avoids his eyes as Morgana asks, "Did you really think I was that stupid, Merlin?"

And with that Merlin immediately runs off. Morgause sends the Bloodguard after him and Amelia knows they'll get him eventually.

Morgause turns back to Morgana and Amelia. "You both need to go back to the Castle, keep up appearances while I take care of Merlin."

Amelia doesn't want to agree but knows she has to plus Anne is here to help Merlin if she needs to and as soon as she herself can, Amelia will slip out to help.

——

Anne's POV

Anne sits tensely as she watches the Bloodguard bring an unconscious but breathing Merlin to Morgause and he's wrapped in a chain. Anne knows she needs to wait until Merlin is alone to help him. Anne is thankful that Amelia is on their side and not truly on her sisters' side and will not get suspicious of why Anne is not in Camelot.

Merlin wakes and is yanked up by the Bloodguard to face Morgause, who observes him for a moment before speaking, "You intrigue me, Merlin. Why does a lowly servant continue to risk everything for Arthur and for Camelot?" Merlin looks away from her and Anne chews her lip anxiously. "You know the answer, but you're not telling me. Why? Come on. Time and again you put your life on the line." Morgause paces around him before crouching next to him. "There must be a reason."

"I believe in a fair and just land." Merlin answers.

"And you think Arthur will give you that?"

"I know it."

"And then what?" Morgause stands. "You think you'll be recognised, Merlin? Is that it? All this so, one day, you can be a serving boy to the King? No. There's something more. Something you're not telling me, isn't there?"

"I told you," Merlin replies.

"Well, you can take your secret to your grave." Morgause declares. "Weorc untoworpenlic." Merlin's chains glow and tighten from the magical binding. "You chose to poison one of my own. You may regret that." Merlin is then left and Anne takes her chance to dart out and pulls at the chains.

"She used magic, it's no use," Merlin warns her.

"Well, I'm going to try!" Anne exclaims.

"I can't believe Amelia would do this. I thought the Dragon was wrong." Merlin says painfully.

"You're wrong," Anne tells him, pausing what she's doing.

Merlin frowns. "How? You saw the same thing I did."

"You are though." Anne insists. "Amelia and I have been trying to talk to you since the day after her and Morgana returned."

"You have?"

"Yes!" Anne exclaims. "The only reason Amelia is with Morgause and Morgana is to find out their plans for Camelot! You've been too busy for us to tell you that the Mandrake root was the result of Amelia's sisters trying to weaken the Kingdom. Amelia can't exactly stop it without exposing her cover to which she needs to stop them!"

Merlin deflates and looks guilty. "Ah. I misinterpreted it didn't I?"

Anne snorts fondly. "Yes, you idiot. Stop jumping to conclusions!"

Then there's rustling in the leaves. Anne and Merlin freeze and look towards the noise only for Amelia to appear and they relax.

"Um, hi?" Amelia says cautiously, glancing to Anne while looking unsure.

"I've told him," Anne tells her and Amelia nods as she walks over to them.

"You really are on our side," Merlin says.

Amelia rolls her eyes. "Yes! I hate to betray Morgana but I have to protect my friends. I don't agree with their methods or their aims to harm you all."

"How did you get out?" Anne asks. She wonders how Amelia is here without Morgana lurking.

"Fed Morgana a few lies so she covers for me," Amelia replies.

Anne and Merlin take turns trying to break the chains with their magic but the chains glow, reinforcing its power. Anne hears scorpions approach and looks worriedly at the advancing creatures.

Amelia pulls out a sword. "Keep trying." She urges as she fights the scorpions but she struggles. Merlin blows a few occasionally back while Anne tries the chains.

Suddenly Anne feels this searing pain in her back and realises one had stabbed her in the back. Merlin throws the scorpion that stabbed her with a flash of his eyes and Amelia cries out and ferociously tears down the creatures.

As Anne slumps in pain, Merlin turns to the sky and yells, "Ω δρακον, έάω μαλερός σοφόνους φθέγγομαι τείδε άναδικέω!"

"What was that?" Amelia asks.

"You'll see," Merlin replies as Anne falls on him, groaning in pain. Amelia and Merlin try to keep her awake but Anne finds herself drifting into unconsciousness.

It is sundown and the scorpions continue to approach them. Anne feels the wind pick up and realises she can hear the flapping of wings.

"What?! You freed Kilgharrah?!" Amelia exclaims as the Dragon roasts the scorpions.

"Maybe..."

The Dragon picks them up with his talons. Anne faints from the poison sting as the Dragon flies off.

——

A/N: Oh Patrick! My favourite side character that would regularly turn up when I needed a Guard.

Please leave comments on how you're enjoying this story and what you think.

[rocknrollbabe14]

Rainbow in the Dark (Part 2) (Joseph x Reader)

Rating: 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! ADULT THEMES HEAVILY DISCUSSED!

Warnings: mentions of pregnancy, labor, etc, smut (p in v sex), and some fluff mixed in. If there are any additional warnings that need added, let me know. Thanks.

So many emotions flooded your mind. You were happy—beyond ecstatic to finally be pregnant again. However, you knew you were going to worry about this baby. Until you were able to hear its first cry and hold it in your arms, you would worry. You stared in disbelief for a few minutes more before leaving the pregnancy test on the counter. You were attempting to regulate your emotions before returning to finish the movie with Amelia. You placed your hand easily on your flat stomach. 

You were growing a baby. The idea just baffled you. Amelia’s eyes were getting heavy as she continued watching Rudolph as you climbed on the couch beside of her, taking her in your arms before kissing her head. Amelia was going to be a big sister. You couldn’t focus on the movie. All you could think about was this baby. You wanted so badly just to FaceTime Joseph and show him the test but you wanted to wait until he got home. Part of you was kicking yourself for testing without him.

Amelia dozed off to sleep as the credits rolled on Rudolph. Frosty the Snowman followed as you clicked the television off, scooping Amelia up in your arms. You were going to attempt to get Amelia to sleep in her bed but you didn’t know how well that would pan out. Especially with her daddy being gone. You laid her down in her bed, her barely stirring. You kissed her and told her you loved her before covering her up and turning her light off, leaving her small night light. 

You got ready for bed and laid down, covering yourself up. You lay there in silence, trying to estimate how far along you could be in this pregnancy. You lightly placed your hand on your stomach, thinking about what this baby would be. You wondered if it would look like you or Joseph more. Your phone began ringing, bringing you out of your daze.

“Hey, baby. How are you?”, Joseph asked in a sleepy voice on the other end of the line.

“Fine, babe. Just laying in bed.”

“How’s Amelia? Did she perk up?”

Your mind was still reeling from finding out about your pregnancy. 

“She did. We watched Rudolph.”

“What’s on your mind? You sound distracted, love.”

“Oh, nothing—just thinking about what I need to do before you get home.”

You hated avoiding the true answer to his question but you didn’t want to tell him you were pregnant over the phone. Christmas was in just five days. The pressure was on to finish decorating, wrapping presents, and cooking. Cooking was going to be a new challenge with your morning sickness. You’d manage it, somehow and someway. You turned over in bed, cuddling into Joseph’s pillow.

“Don’t stress, love. Anything you need help with, I’ll be home in three days.”

“Okay, babe.”

“But I’ll let you sleep, love. You sound tired. I’m exhausted. I miss you and Amelia so much. I love you both. Give Amelia a kiss for me. I’ll try to FaceTime you tomorrow.”

You exchanged your goodbyes with Joseph and assured him you’d give Amelia a kiss for him. You put your phone on charge and drifted off to sleep, imagining how amazing it would be to have a family of four—Joseph, you, Amelia, and this baby. Amelia slept through the night in her own bed much to your surprise. The next few days went alright. Your morning sickness was more so just nausea but faded soon. With Amelia, you were very sick every day for the first few months.

You hoped it wouldn’t snow badly so Joseph would make it home in time. You prayed his flight wouldn’t be delayed. It scared you as it was this close to Christmas. It would devastate you and Amelia to do Christmas without him. His mom and dad called to check on you and Amelia, asking you what kind of food to bring for Christmas. To be honest, you didn’t want to think a lot about food with your queasy stomach. 

Three days passed quickly and Joe called you, letting you know he would be boarding his flight soon. So far, there was no snow preventing travel. It was December 23rd, so close to Christmas. You both had mostly finished shopping for Amelia. Christmas was starting to get exciting since Amelia was becoming old enough to understand. Amelia was playing in the living room, watching all the Christmas movies that were coming on, however, her favorite was Rudolph and she’d watch it over and over. 

She tried to even cry when the other reindeer made fun of him. It melted your heart. It was little things like that—figuring out each baby’s personality—that excited you. She was also enamored with the Christmas tree, especially when most of the living room lights were off. Hours passed and the day was turning into night. Joseph’s flight had just landed and he would be home as soon as he could. He promised.

You were beginning to become a bundle of nerves. You knew Joseph would be ecstatic to find out he was becoming a dad again. It’s what you all had been working towards. However, it still made you nervous. You and Amelia had eaten dinner and saved some for Joseph when he got home. You decided it would be fun for you and Amelia to bake cookies while waiting on Joseph. Amelia was smiling as you both were waiting for the cookies to cool off so she could decorate them. 

It was a tradition in your family to make gingerbread cookies so you decided you would continue that tradition with Amelia. Once you felt they had cooled down enough, you put them on a plate before grabbing icing and giving her some artistic freedom. You knew she’d make a mess but it was going to be so cute and she could go take a bath as soon as you all were finished. You were sure Joseph would be ready for bed after a shower, his jet lag setting in. 

You helped her with the icing, Christmas music playing softly in the background. She would smile, admiring her work as you all finished the cookies. All of a sudden, the door opened and you both perked up.

“Honey, I’m home!”, Joseph’s voice carried into the kitchen.

Amelia immediately abandoned her finished cookies to go to her daddy. You easily smiled, standing up and following after her. Amelia had icing on her cheeks and her shirt, but it was cute. Joseph laughed as he saw her, throwing down his bags to pick his daughter up. She giggled, and Joseph took her into his arms.

“Daddy.”, she giggled as she hugged his neck, laying her head on his shoulder. 

“Hi baby, did you and mommy have a good time while daddy was away for work?”

She nodded before he kissed her head and brushed through her curly hair. 

You leaned against the wall, smiling softly and admiring the sight in front of you. You could just imagine the love this baby would experience. This baby would be born into such a loving family. Amelia was going to be a great big sister, you just knew it. She might experience some jealousy, but she’d love her little brother or sister and be a protector. 

“We missed you though, babe.”, you smirked as you came closer to him, his free arm opening wide so he could take you in his arms.

“I missed both of my girls so bad, love. You have no idea.”, he chuckled as he took you in his free arm, his arm rubbing up and down your back while you nuzzled your head into his chest before he kissed your head. 

You looked up at him, his brown eyes filled with love before you all shared a kiss on the lips. 

After Amelia settled back in, Joe teased her about the icing on her. You told him you’d give her a bath in the guest bathroom while he showered. He ate dinner quickly, questioning you about your gingerbread cookies playfully. You gave Amelia a bath and got her dressed for bed before going upstairs to her room. You sat on the edge of her bed, and the reality quickly set in that in just a matter of a few minutes, you’d be sharing the news with Joseph. 

He came into her room, curls damp. The smell of his cologne and aftershave tickled your nose but it made you desire him, a pang in your lower stomach. He was in his pajama pants and t-shirt. Amelia slid under her covers, waiting for Joseph to read a story to her. The book was entitled “The Littlest Reindeer”. Joseph sat beside of you as he read to Amelia, becoming very theatrical and doing different voices for the different characters, causing Amelia to laugh and smile. You could both see your daughter becoming sleepier. 

Joseph continued to read as she lay down, cuddling her teddy bear. Before Joseph was completely finished, she was asleep. You both eyed each other as he closed the book. You both leaned down and kissed her before turning her lamp off and exiting her room. Joseph smiled at you in the hallway before you both shared another kiss.

“Joe, can we go downstairs?”

He eyed you slightly confused. “Uh—sure baby. What’s going on?”

“I just want you to come to the living room, please.”, you gave him puppy dog eyes.

He instantly gave in. That’s something Amelia had gotten from you. You held hands as you descended the stairs. You led him into the living room, asking him to sit on the couch. You went under the tree, picking out the present you had just wrapped a few hours before he arrived home. You put it in special wrapping paper to distinguish it from the rest under the tree. He eyed you with his brown eyes as you came over, sitting down beside him on the couch. 

“Here, I want you to open one of your presents early.”, you held out the wrapped present for him.

“Baby, no—no, you aren’t going to open one.”, he laughed, being humble about it.

“I insist, Joe. I just can’t wait for Christmas morning.”, you edged it closer to him.

He eyed you before looking down at the package. “Are you sure, love?”

“Absolutely, babe.”, you smiled.

He hesitantly took the present from you, running his hand over the paper. He read the label before tearing into the paper. Your heart skipped a beat. It would be just moments now. You watched him as he finished ripping the paper off, revealing the small brown box. 

“Wonder what it could be.”, he smiled at you before he carefully lifted the lid from the box. 

You bit your lip in anticipation as he looked back at the box, his mouth dropping and his wide brown eyes looking back at you. You laughed nervously, waiting for his response. 

“Merry Christmas daddy.”, you smiled quietly.

Still, in disbelief, he took the test out of the box revealing those two pink lines—the ones he couldn’t wait to see. He brought it closer to his face, eyeing it just to make sure he was really seeing what he thought he was seeing. Tears came into his eyes as he laughed a hearty, merry laugh, eyeing you.

“You’re pregnant?”, he asked, finally.

You nodded. “Just found out a couple of days ago.”

“When did you test? I wish I would’ve been home. Oh, baby—I’m so—happy.”, he choked as a few tears slid down his cheek before you wiped them away, you both sharing a tender kiss. 

“I tested the day you left—I was having a lot of pregnancy symptoms. Amelia and I had to go shopping and I needed to know.”, you eyed him easily, smirking.

He nodded, kissing you again, a hand on your cheek as he deepened the tender kiss.

“There’s more in the box.”, you smirked.

He lifted two gingerbread cookies in plastic wrapping, laughing as he sniffled. 

“One is a gingerbread man and one is a gingerbread woman since we don’t know what this baby will be yet. Amelia decorated them.”, you smiled as his smile widened, him fighting to keep his happy tears back. 

“I love it, babe. God, this is the best Christmas present—ever.”, he eyed you.

“There’s one more thing in the box, baby.”, you rubbed his back, comforting him. 

He laid the cookies beside the pregnancy test before unfolding the onesie in the box. This set him over the edge. His lip trembled as he inhaled sharply, the tears returning to his eyes. “Little Christmas cookie in the oven…Baby Quinn….”, he trailed off, sniffling.

You watched as he closed his eyes, covering his eyes as the tears roll down his cheeks and you awed as you scooted closer to him, wiping the tears from his cheek as he laid the onesie down, taking you fully in his arms and holding you so tight. Tears began to form in your eyes as you both pulled back. You both smiled—these were happy tears—something you had prayed and hoped for since your miscarriage just months earlier. Joseph took a turn wiping tears from your cheeks this time, a tender moment between the both of you. 

“I love you so much baby.”, he smiled before you both kissed again.

“I love you so much too, Joe.”

You both shared another kiss before he placed a hand on your flat stomach. It wouldn’t stay that way for long. 

“And I love you, little Christmas cookie.”, he smiled up at you, still teary-eyed before rubbing your flat stomach gently. 

Tears still lingered in your eyes as you both shared another kiss, Christmas starting off right. Joseph and you both had an extra pep in your step as he helped you prepare for Christmas Eve and Christmas. He had a larger family and you all decided just to tell his mom and dad for now. This year, they were staying Christmas Eve in order to be able to spend Christmas morning with you all and Amelia. 

The morning was hectic trying to add finishing touches to everything, plus dealing with your morning sickness. You recovered quickly. It was exhausting to get dressed for dinner at your own house, but you did. Joseph put on a red sweater and jeans. You decided on a buffalo plaid skirt and a white long-sleeve tucked down inside. Joseph watched you attempting to zip your skirt, becoming frustrated.

“This just fit last Christmas. I don’t know why it’s so tight.”, you complained, working on the zipper.

Joseph chuckled, coming over to you. He wrapped his arms around you as you gave up for a moment to finish zipping your skirt. The zipper was on the side.

“Baby, you’re pregnant.”

“I can’t be pregnant enough for my skirt not to fit.”, you protested.

Joseph sighed, trying to help with the zipper. “Baby, we don’t know how far along you are.”

“Yeah, but I wanna wear it.”, you sighed.

Finally, Joseph managed to help you zip it and it was a little snug but you hoped it would loosen up throughout the night. You didn’t see yourself eating a lot. You felt Joseph's eyes on you as admired yourself in the mirror. 

“What?”, you asked easily.

“Just admiring my beautiful wife.”

You smirked back at him before reminding him there was a lot to do today. You went and got Amelia dressed against her wishes. You put a cute little red long-sleeved Christmas shirt on her, leggings, and a bow in her hair before she took off to the living room. Joseph’s family began arriving—his two sisters and his mom and dad. They all greeted you, his sisters happy to see you before they began making over their niece, Amelia. They carried presents that Joe offered to take and put away. 

His mom and dad hugged you and it instantly felt like home. You and Joe were a little nervous to tell his mom and dad you all were pregnant again but you knew they’d be over the moon and share the same worry—they wanted you to have a safe, healthy pregnancy and birth. You all ate dinner, catching up and reminiscing before everyone opened presents. It was hard for you and Joseph to hold in the fact you were pregnant. 

Joseph’s sisters left that evening, exchanging goodbyes. Tomorrow night you all would be going to his grandparents. His grandmother loved Amelia and thought the world of her. It was the sweetest. Joseph’s mom and dad went to get ready for bed while Joseph, you, and Amelia left cookies and milk out for Santa. You all were going to sneak back downstairs soon and put all of Amelia’s presents under the tree—some from you both and some from Santa. 

The next morning Amelia woke you both up by bouncing on the bed, saying how she was ready to see what Santa brought her. After stretching and convincing yourselves to be awake, you went downstairs and woke up Joseph’s mom and dad. You all ended up in the living room, watching Amelia rip open her presents, smiling ear to ear. She got quite a few things off her list. You drank a cup of coffee, smiling at Joseph. Amelia was preoccupied with her toys when you saved two presents for last—one for Joseph’s parents and one for Amelia. 

You handed them both out at the same time, asking them to open them. 

“Dear, you didn’t have to get us anything.”, his mom eyed you.

“Not at all. Just being with you all is all we need.”, his dad smiled.

“Just open them together, please.”, you and Joseph smiled at each other. 

His mom and dad helped each other undo the ribbon as they eyed each other. Amelia ripped into hers quickly. His mom and dad opened the small white box carefully. 

“Oh my gosh.”, his mom’s hand went over her mouth. “You’re pregnant?”

Joseph smirked at you as you nodded.

“Oh my gosh. This is too cute.”, his mom smiled as she pulled out an ornament that said World’s Greatest Grandparents. 

They both got up and hugged you both so tight. They were elated. Amelia was a little confused by her baby doll but you explained that she could practice for her baby brother or sister that would be arriving in nine months. Amelia appeared to be excited that she was getting a baby brother or sister. Everything was perfect and right in the world. That night you went to Joseph’s grandparents and told them the news. His grandma was so happy, making your heart swell with pride. 

As soon as Christmas and New Year’s were over, you called the doctor’s office and made an appointment to see your OB. Joseph’s mom and dad were watching Amelia. You were nervous after checking in. Joseph held your hand but he could read your body language. You shook your leg nervously. You had every reason to be nervous. He gave your hand a squeeze before you turned to look at him.

“It’s going to be okay, love.”

“Are you sure?”, you asked softly. 

He nodded, kissing your cheek. “I’m sure.”

The nurse called your name as you both went back. She took your vitals and told you both that Dr. Bennett would be in soon. Joseph held your hand reassuringly and kissed it as you both sat in silence before Dr. Bennett came in. She asked you some questions and told you she’d do an ultrasound to see and estimate how far along you were. You hoped this was your rainbow in the dark. You silently prayed that the baby was fine as Dr. Bennett put the gel on your stomach, using the transducer to go over your belly. 

“There’s your baby.”, she smiled. 

It was tiny. Joseph smiled at you widely. You could slightly make out its little head. You felt a relief just being able to lay eyes on it. Dr. Bennett estimated you at seven weeks. She said everything looked great but she wanted you back in three weeks to do another ultrasound. You felt confident. She printed off the ultrasound for you and Joseph to keep, congratulating you both calling this baby your “little Christmas miracle”. It was. 

Before you knew it, those three weeks passed by. Your ten-week check-up went well, everything looked good. You and Joseph heard your baby’s heartbeat for the first time—a reassuring sign for both of you. You both let a few tears fall from your eyes. All you did was stare at the baby’s ultrasound pictures on the ride home. You sent it to Joseph’s mom and she was over the moon, saying how she and his dad couldn’t wait to be grandparents again.

You went back each month and everything was going well. Baby Quinn made it past the ten weeks. At your twelve week check-up, you found out you were having a baby boy. Joseph was over the moon, excited to have a little boy to play football with, kick around a soccer ball, or pitch a baseball with. Someone to carry on the Quinn name. You all had a gender reveal for the baby, his parents were excited about a baby boy. Amelia was a little upset she wasn’t getting a little sister, pouting causing you and Joseph to laugh. Before you turned around you were twenty-four weeks and your belly popped. You were showing quickly this time. You lay in bed, waiting for Joseph to finish his shower. You were watching tv, feeling for your baby boy to kick and move around. 

He was very active at night, sometimes even keeping you awake. Joseph came into the bedroom just in his boxers. He climbed in bed, his hand immediately reaching for your bump. He rubbed your belly easily.

“Hey little man, it’s daddy.”, he spoke to your bump before kissing it. 

You smiled as Joseph laid his head on your bump. You chuckled, running your hands through his curls. Joseph loved to be as close as he could to this baby, especially after everything you both had endured. Amelia was asleep for now. 

“Woah.”, Joseph said as he leaned up quickly.

“He kicked you, didn’t he?”, you chuckled.

Joseph nodded. “Yeah, he’s gonna be my little soccer player.”

You smirked before Joseph kissed you again. You all tried to make time to be intimate as much as you could, knowing once this baby came it was going to be that much more difficult. You were feeling tired a lot more lately. Growing a baby was hard work and you’d forgotten how it felt at this stage. Your morning sickness had dissipated completely much to your relief. You yawned as Joseph laid down beside you, taking you in his arms and putting a hand on your belly, feeling your baby boy kick periodically as you both drifted off to sleep.

After hitting thirty weeks, you were going every two weeks. Your baby boy was growing fast. Your back aches became worse, Joseph rubbing it at night trying to soothe you off to sleep. He always praised you, saying how amazing you were doing, how strong you were, and how much he appreciated you carrying his baby. You appreciated his sentiments but still felt huge and so far from sexy, it wasn’t funny. However, Joe managed to show you that you were to him. 

You were now thirty-five weeks pregnant and feeling every bit of it. Your OB was seeing you every week, but your baby boy was doing great. Amelia sat on the couch beside you. Her fourth birthday was falling in the thirty-eighth week of your pregnancy and you prayed you wouldn’t go into labor during her party. You didn’t want to make her feel left out since it was her special day. She was due to start preschool in the second week of September. Your family was growing and changing.

“Mommy?”, she asked, her hand on your belly.

“Yes, Amelia?”

“He’s not movin’.”, she sighed, pouting.

You laughed. “He’s probably sleeping. He kept mommy up a lot last night.”

Joseph was taking care of dinner this evening as you were feeling how far along you were in your pregnancy. Your legs hurt, your back hurt, the whole nine yards. You and Joseph planned on working on the nursery tonight after Amelia went to bed. Joseph made one of your favorite dinners, a way to show you he loved you and appreciated you. Joseph cleaned the kitchen up before you all moved to the living room, making quality time for Amelia and watching one of her favorite Disney movies.

She cuddled up to her daddy and you understood why. She was very much a daddy’s girl. You all just enjoyed being together and spending family time together until Amelia started yawning. Joseph picked her up as you turned the television off, heading upstairs. You both kissed her and told her goodnight. She had her eyes closed before Joseph could even pull out a book to read her for the night. He chuckled as he closed the door and you all headed across the hall to start the baby’s nursery.

Joseph and his father had worked all day painting the nursery for the baby while Joseph’s mom took you and Amelia out to shop and have lunch. Joseph had surprised you when you came home, paint splattered on his face and t-shirt. It was a pale baby blue but was so fitting. You hugged Joseph, tears forming in your eyes. It meant everything to you. Joseph took you to buy furniture for the nursery, and you both agreed upon a white crib, changing table, and bookshelf. 

The most progress you all had made was placing the furniture. Joseph’s mom and dad had gotten you a rocking chair and bought some bedding for the crib. You yawned as you sat down in the rocking chair, propping your feet up on the ottoman that came with it. You began sorting clothes as Joseph began hanging up some of the wall decor. You both had decided on Winnie the Pooh for the theme of his nursery. You both loved it. You sorted his clothes as you rubbed your belly, feeling him kick as you watched Joseph hang up the plaque of his name you had ordered. 

You bit your lip easily. At this moment, it was starting to become real that you all were going to have a baby boy in just a little over a month. Joseph stood back, admiring his work as he eyed you.

“Like it, love?”

“I love it, Joe. It’s perfect.”, you smiled. 

Joseph smiled, feeling proud of himself. He went on to hang up a shelf, placing the plush Winnie the Pooh, Piglet, Tigger, and Eeyore on it. Their mute colors matched the nursery perfectly. Joseph went to the closet where you had washed and placed his bedding. You eyed Joseph as he took out the sheets, putting them on the crib bed with ease. He stuck his tongue out, really focusing on the small details. That’s one thing you loved about him. He was very family oriented. He hung the mobile, little honey bees. It was the cutest thing you’d ever seen.

Next, he placed the comforter on the side of the rails. The baby wouldn’t need it nor would be sleeping in here for a while, but he was setting off the aesthetic. You didn’t have to give him much direction. You all had decided on a going-home outfit for the baby already. You were both packing your hospital bag just in case. You never knew when it was going to happen. Joseph stood back, smiling. He was proud of his work. He came over to help you out of the rocking chair. It was hard for you to get up now with your belly in the way. 

You groaned softly as he helped you stand up. He wrapped his arms around you. 

“What do you think?”

Two and a half hours had passed since you all started working on the nursery, but you all had enjoyed it. 

“I love it, Joe. Thank you so much.”, you turned to him, hugging him as best you could with your belly in the way.

He chuckled before kissing your head and instinctively putting a hand on your bump. “You’re welcome, baby. I love you.”

“I love you too.”, you smiled.

Joseph helped you put the baby’s clothes away before you both decided to head to bed. Your nerves were starting to set in, imagining how you both would balance a four-year-old and a newborn. You’d make it work. You all always did. You chuckled imagining how jealous Amelia might be. She was used to having all of her daddy’s attention so you weren’t completely sure how that would pan out. You’d just have to see.

At thirty-seven weeks, you and Joseph had a baby shower for family and close friends. You decided on a baby blue long maternity dress. You had ordered a belly sash with light blue, yellow, and white flowers. You imagined you weren’t going to be showing as much but you were wrong. 

You stood in the mirror, admiring yourself. 

“You look beautiful, baby.”, Joseph assured, donning a blue suit himself. 

You both were over the moon to be having a baby boy. Amelia decided on a pink dress but you both gave her the freedom to choose. Especially if it was going to make her happy. You asked her about baby blue or yellow and she shook her head, clearly not on board with your ideas. Joseph came over behind you, snapping the ‘Mommy-to bee’ pin on your dress. 

“Thanks, babe but I feel very big.”, you sighed as you grabbed the other pin, turning to him before snapping the ‘Daddy-to-bee’ pin on his suit. 

At times like this when you felt self-conscious, you tried to remember this is what you and Joseph had worked hard for. It was a blessing for you all to be having another healthy baby. Joseph helped you downstairs and to the vehicle. The venue was perfect, decorated exactly for the theme. Yellow and baby blue everywhere. The food was also Winnie the Pooh-themed. You got emotional just seeing how much everyone cared about you all and this baby. Amelia behaved fairly well until she got sleepy near her nap time. Her nan and grandad tried to console her but to no avail. 

It was almost time for you and Joseph to open presents. Amelia cried, rubbing her hands over her eyes as she ran to Joseph who was seated with you at the front of the room. He asked her what was wrong but she shook her head, clearly not in the mood to answer him. She rarely got this cranky so it was out of character for her. Joseph easily picked her up, letting her lay her head on his shoulder and rubbing his hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her. She continued to sniffle as Joe told you to go ahead and start opening presents. 

You began opening presents and within ten minutes, Amelia was asleep in his arms. He didn’t go to move her, not wanting to wake her up. He held her in his arms as you opened all the presents, thanking everyone for everything. Everyone hugged you both, congratulating you on your new baby. Next week was Amelia’s party and you just prayed you wouldn’t go into labor at least until after her party. You were becoming miserable already just at thirty-seven weeks. 

Another week passed and it was Amelia’s birthday party. All the family would be there. She wanted a birthday party at the local park. It was still warm weather and it had turned out to be a beautiful day. You felt like you could barely take a deep breath anymore as this baby was pushing up on your diaphragm. Dr. Bennett informed you he was head down, a sign labor wasn’t too far off. She said there was still a good possibility you’d carry full term but it could happen anytime. 

Just not today, not on Amelia’s fourth birthday. Today was about her. You wanted this entire day to be about your oldest baby considering once her baby brother got here, there would have to be a lot of attention on him. Amelia played with some other small kids in the family, some of Joseph’s family overseeing them. Amelia called out for her daddy. He went. Joseph’s mom and dad helped with the food, his dad grilling for everyone. His mom came over asking how you felt before asking if she could feel the baby which you agreed to.

“He’s running out of room, isn’t he?”, she joked easily.

You nodded. “I definitely feel it. He kicks my ribs daily.”, you joked.

His mom admired him pushing Amelia on the swing, laughing and smiling from ear to ear. Amelia was giggling, telling him to go higher. 

“When you made him a father for the first time, he was ecstatic.”, she smiled before looking at you.

You smiled. 

“It gave him another purpose. He loved you and wanted this with you for so long. This is the happiest I’ve ever seen him.”, his mom beamed at you. 

“He’s an amazing dad. We’re lucky—no blessed to have him in our lives.”

You admired Joseph pushing Amelia on the swing, the two loves of your life in one place. Your heart was full as you imagined all the amazing things you would do with both of your kids. Soon, you all eat and let Amelia open presents. She was smiling from ear to ear, Joseph helping her open the more difficult presents. It melted your heart. Amelia had a great birthday party and so far, you hadn’t gone into labor which was a huge plus.

However, when you got home Joseph could tell how miserable and exhausted you were. He told you to go ahead and lay down and he’d get Amelia ready for bed. You changed into your short gown and climbed under the covers, turning on your side and resting your bump on your body pillow. You turned the television on for some noise as you closed your eyes, finally feeling some relief from being so pregnant. 

You heard the bedroom door open slowly before feeling Joseph’s weight sink into the mattress. He immediately cuddled up to you, a sigh escaping his lips.

“Love?”

“Yes?”

“How are you feeling?”, he kissed your cheek.

“Miserable.”, you answered honestly. 

“What’s bothering you?”, he rubbed his hand up and down your arm soothingly. 

“My back, my belly, my legs, and feet.”, you sighed, feeling like you were rattling off a grocery list to him.

“Can I help?”, he asked softly before kissing your neck easily. 

You rolled over slightly, making a face as it was becoming more difficult to do simple tasks. “And how do you expect to do that?”, you teased.

“Maybe start with this.”, he smiled as he began massaging your back, his hands kneading and squeezing your skin, instantly beginning to work the kinks out. 

You sighed softly, a sign this was helping and relaxing you. He continued kneading your back, rubbing his knuckles occasionally in your back, causing small moans to escape you. It made him desire you and he could feel himself becoming excited as you did this. You arched your back slightly, backing yourself into him. This caused his member to become harder, he bit his lip and sharply inhaled to keep his emotions at bay.

“Is something wrong, babe?”, you asked softly, a slight groan into the pillow.

“Nope, no—not at all, love.”, he dismissed, a nervous chuckle telling otherwise.

“Tell me.”, you pleaded softly.

“Uh—I just—well, if you feel something I’m sorry.”

A smirk came across your lips. “You’re sorry?”

“I mean, I’m not trying to make this sexual, I’m trying to help you feel more relaxed and less miserable.”

You smiled into your pillow, this time purposefully letting a moan escape as he kneaded your shoulders with both of his thick hands. You heard him swallow hard.

“Do you think it’d help you?”, he asked.

You perked up instantly. It had been a week and a half since you all had sex. It was becoming a little more difficult, but it honestly made you relax and go to sleep almost instantly. 

“I think so.”, you whispered softly as he kissed your neck again, this time more tenderly. It sent chills down your spine. 

“Okay, I’ll take care of you, baby.”, he whispered as he pulled your gown up and over your head, leaving you completely exposed except for your panties. 

He instructed for you to lift your hips, allowing him to slide your panties down your soft legs, tossing them to the floor. Joseph had helped you shave your legs since you were having some difficulty reaching everywhere since you are very pregnant. You felt him scoot over, flush against you. There was no space left between you all. You inhaled deeply before releasing it into a sigh. You could feel his warm, soft skin against yours. His arms immediately wrapped around you, going into the space between your breasts and your growing belly. You let out a soft moan as you felt his member poke into you.

His hands carefully went up to your breasts, his right hand was able to gain a little more movement and he immediately took your breast in his hand, beginning to tease your nipple causing you to moan, snuggling into him. He smirked, his beard brushing your cheek. You loved feeling the stubble of his beard brush up against you. He planted soft, sensual kisses along your neck and shoulders, immediately causing goosebumps to appear. 

“What can I do for you, baby?”, he whispered in your ear, feeling his breath on your skin.

“I don’t—know.”, you moaned easily as you gripped your pillow as you could not get to Joseph. 

“What’s gonna bring you relief?”

“To get this baby out.”, you deadpanned before a chuckle escaped your lips.

He chuckled. “Maybe this will help that process along.”

You felt him brush himself against you, teasing you. You wanted him. Your hormones were all over the place and you knew this would be one of your last opportunities to have sex with your husband before he’d have to leave you alone for six weeks to heal and you’d have a newborn added into the mix. 

“Joe.”, you moaned again, gripping your pillow for dear life.

“Yes, baby?”, he cooed as his hands roamed down from your breasts, across your belly, and down to your thighs. 

He was very handsy during sex. Physical touch and words of affirmation were his love languages and you loved it with every fiber of your being. You sighed into him, feeling safe and protected in your husband’s arms. You weren’t going to lie—you wish you’d both thought of this earlier. 

“Are you gonna put it in me?”, you mewled.

“Are you horny or something, love?”, he teased with a chuckle as his hands came back up your breasts.

“What do you think?”

He laughed again at your sarcastic remark. He had learned some lessons to never disagree with his very pregnant, hormonal wife. You all were in a far better place than you were a year ago. The ache was still there if you sat down and thought about it. However, you had something to look forward—a new baby boy. Joseph continued to place kisses on your neck and play with your breasts and nipples gaining moans and sighs from you periodically—a sound he loved to hear. 

You felt his right leg move, wrapping around you. This was a way for him to get closer to you if that was possible. You sighed, loving the feeling of safety and protection all while feeling like he was going to conquer you. The skin-to-skin contact made you feel closer to him than ever. This was different—a breath of fresh air and you both were all for it. 

“Ready?”, he groaned softly,

You nodded. “Please put it in, Joe—please.”

He smirked and didn’t argue any further as you felt him brush against you, eliciting a moan from you before carefully shoving himself deep inside of you. You gasped lightly, feeling him still manage to stretch you out. He gave you a minute to adjust to him and this new sex position. He placed a soft kiss on your cheek, before running his free hand through your hair. He took this moment just to take this in—to take you in. 

You looked so beautiful. You may have disagreed, especially being nine months pregnant but he loved it and he loved you. You felt him begin to thrust softly and slowly while grunting softly with each thrust into you. You sighed into your pillow. Once he felt you were adjusting to him, he began thrusting deeper and picked his pace up. Your brain was trying to comprehend this and all these new emotions and sensations coming along with this new position. It wasn’t a lot of work for either one of you, ideal this late in your pregnancy.

“Maybe I could——just wake you up like this more often, would you like—that?”, he stuttered. 

You nodded. “Mhmmmm.”, was all you could manage to get out. 

He ran his hands over you slowly, sensually. It was instantly relieving, your brain and body focusing on something else—him pleasuring you instead of how pregnant you were and how much your body ached. He grunted, his breathing hitching. 

“How does it—feel?”

“So good.”, you moaned softly, leaning your head over on his. 

He leaned up slightly, making sure he was hitting the right spot. Your moans began to be soft and came every few seconds. He smirked, realizing he was finally hitting the spot that made you forget your name. His groans were longer, you both enjoying this. Ever since you found out you were pregnant, when you and Joe were intimate it didn’t take long for you to near a release. It was the fastest orgasms you’d had. He wasn’t complaining. Your breasts finally weren’t so sore and he could use that to his advantage also.

“Joe….”, you moaned out, gripping the sheets. 

“Yes, baby?”, he hummed, continuing to give it to you at the perfect depth and perfect speed.

“I’m gonna—I feel like I’m gonna—no, I need to cum.”, you shuddered with the sensations, he could feel your nipples getting hard under his fingers. One of the signs your orgasm was not far behind. 

He sighed softly. “Cum for me, baby. Please cum for me.”, he pleaded, placing a few soft kisses on your cheek and neck. 

You breathing hitched as he felt your back arch almost immediately after he spoke his sentence. He felt you tighten up around him, clenching him inside of you. He groaned feeling your juices release on him, one of his favorite feelings. A sign of a job well done. You moaned a long soft moan, feeling the rush of your orgasm wash over your entire body. All pain and discomfort had been forgotten. That was his goal from the beginning. Joe’s thrust slowed down as he grunted with each one, a feral sound you loved hearing from him.

To be completely honest, it turned you on and made you that much hornier for him. If you hadn’t already cum, that would have made you right then and there. 

“God—I’m so—I’m gonna cum inside you right now, baby.”, he breathed.

“Please, babe. Please do it.”, you begged, attempting to help him with his release. 

He let out a louder groan, trying to soften his tone near the end. His biggest fear was waking Amelia right now. You felt his movements cease. He was pulsing inside of you, spilling his seed inside of you as he softly rubbed your hips. You could feel his chest heaving behind you, trying to recover from this mind-blowing sex. You both breathed in silence as you came off your high.

After he felt he was finished cumming inside of you, he gently slid himself out of you, pulling the covers up over you both. You felt some brush your legs but you weren’t exactly complaining.

“Feel better, love?”, he asked, wrapping his arms around you, and rubbing your belly. 

You could hardly focus on him trying to be sweet now and rub your belly. Your brain was still stuck thinking about how deep he was inside of you and how his main focus was to please you and relax you.

“Uh-huh.”, you sighed, groggily. 

He leaned up, kissing you. “I love you, baby.”

“I love you too, babe.”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

That was the best sleep you had gotten since you were thirty weeks pregnant. Joseph was satisfied, seeing you sleep through most of the night. You only woke up to run to the bathroom before climbing back in bed and snuggling into him. He loved feeling your bare bodies touching one another. It made him feel closer to you. He woke up a few times to check on you and make sure everything was okay. He was so paranoid you’d go into labor in the middle of the night. At times when he woke up, he’d just brush through your hair and admire how peaceful you looked and how he helped you accomplish that serenity. 

The next day was uneventful other than you feeling miserable and ready to have a baby. You sat down on the couch and rubbed your belly as Amelia colored on the coffee table. You let her use mess-free paint only. Joseph finished cleaning the kitchen, humming a Beatles song. You smirked easily as he finally finished and came over to sit beside you and feel your belly to see if the baby was being very active. He wasn’t at first. Joseph just rested his hand on your bump, waiting for the baby to move. 

He finally did, causing Joseph to smile from ear to ear. That night, you felt uneasy. You tossed and turned a lot. It was three a.m on the alarm clock when you peeled back the cover. The bed felt wet. 

“Oh…my God…. Joe—”, you sighed easily, shaking Joseph.

He sat up quickly, rubbing his eyes. “Hm, what’s wrong baby?”

“Joe, I think my water broke.”, you said seriously. 

He instantly came to. “You think so, love?”

“That or I pissed myself.”, you breathed as he got up to turn on the light. 

Sure enough, it looked clear with a small pink tinge and had saturated the bottom sheet. His eyes widened as he began to rummage through the drawers. He grabbed a clean pair of your underwear before laying it on the clean side of the bed. 

“Joe.”

“Yes, love?”, he asked as he began looking through the closet and rummaging through his drawers, picking out his baby blue button-up, a white t-shirt, and blue jeans. 

“I’m gonna get up and get dressed real quick.”, you said lifting yourself off the bed, feeling the pain in your back almost instantly. 

It hit you like a train. You hissed, deep breathing through the contraction. It was definitely a contraction. You remembered exactly how they felt with Amelia. 

“Oh God—I need to time your contractions.”, he breathed, grabbing his watch. 

The tight, pulling feeling lasted almost a minute before easing up, allowing Joseph to help stand you up. He helped you in the bathroom to clean up quickly. He bent down, helping you slide your panties off and your gown up and over your head. You leaned against the wall easily. Joseph wasn’t kidding when he said he was going to try and start your labor. 

“Do you want to try and shower?”, he asked, looking up at you, his brown eyes full of love and concern.

“Maybe—I feel like it’ll be impossible when we get there.”

He helped you into the shower as he turned the water on. “I’m gonna bring my clothes in here and get dressed while you shower so I can keep an eye on your contractions, okay love?”

You nodded as he went to grab his clothes. The nerves began to set in. You were having your baby boy soon. You prayed everything would go well with this labor and delivery. He had made it to thirty-eight weeks. Ideally, they had estimated you’d go into labor at thirty-nine weeks. You worried about your baby. Until you could hold him in your arms, you’d worry. Your mind snapped away from those thoughts when Joe entered the bathroom. 

“What do you want to wear, love?”, he asked as he began sliding his jeans up and over his boxers. 

“Um—just get my maternity leggings and a maternity shirt. I won’t get to wear it for long. Is our bags ready?”

“Yes, I’m gonna call mom and dad real fast. Any more contractions yet?”

You shook your head. 

He nodded as he slid his t-shirt over his head, quickly throwing his button-up on before taking his phone out and dialing his mom. He explained to her you all thought your water had broken and you were having contractions. Just as that word left his lips, you felt that tight, pulling feeling in your back and pelvis, causing you to tense up, letting out a small groan. Joseph eyed you, picking up you were having another contraction. 

“Eleven minutes, lasting a minute.”, he eyed you.

You recovered from your contraction as he hung up with his mom, handing you a towel. He helped you out of the shower and you wrapped up in the towel. 

“Are they coming?”, you asked.

He nodded. “Yes, on their way now, love.”

You nodded as he helped you dry off and get dressed. You felt much better. You went out and began pulling the sheets off the bed, Joseph eyeing you wildly. 

“Love, don’t worry about those.”

“I’d hate for your mom to have to throw them in the washing machine. It’s no big deal. I’m just in early labor, it’s fine.”, you put them in your arms.

“Okay, but you can progress quicker with the second child, you know.”, Joseph said loudly as you dismissed him, walking down the stairs with a small smile on your face.

You made it to the laundry room, tossing them in the washer and adding detergent. Looking back, you think it was a distraction to keep you from getting nervous about this baby. Joseph came down the stairs with your all’s bags and headed to the car quickly. You sat down on the couch, propping your feet up on the ottoman, eyeing the clock. You put your hand on your belly, rubbing it easily.

Joseph came back through the door, meeting you in the living room. “Any more contractions, love?”

“No.”

“Are you okay? You’re being quiet.”, Joseph sat down beside of you.

“Just nervous. What if something goes wrong?”

Just then, another contraction hit you unexpectedly as Joseph rubbed his hand up and down your back as you closed your eyes easily. 

“It’s going to be fine, love. He’s made it to thirty-eight weeks. That’s good—great, actually.”

You nodded. “I just want to hold him—in my arms. I’ll feel so much better.”

Joseph eyed the clock on the wall. Just nine months ago, this is where you told Joseph he was going to be a dad again and now you were about to go to the hospital. 

“I know, love. We will get to hold him soon.”, Joseph kissed your cheek. 

The contraction left again, and you opened your eyes. It was questionable if they’d keep you this early in your labor, but you felt better going to the emergency room. 

“Still eleven minutes, lasting a minute, love.”

You nodded as the doorbell rang. Joseph jumped up from the couch, answering the door. You could hear the indistinct greetings and chatter exchanged between his mom, dad, and him. You heard them all quietly enter the living room. 

“Hey dear, are you doing alright?”, his mom asked, coming over and giving you a small hug. 

“Other than just being nervous, yes.”

“You’ll do fine, dear. Amelia will be taken care of. Everything’s going to be alright.”, she brushed your hair behind your ear.

“She’ll be fine, don’t worry.”, his father agreed, smiling. 

“Love, are you ready?”

You nodded as he and his mom helped you stand up from the couch. “Give Amelia kisses from us, mom. Tell her we love her very much and that mommy is going to have her little brother. If she wants to FaceTime us, just text me. We’ll let you know what they say when we get there.”, Joseph hugged her. 

“Okay, honey. Be careful. We love you both and can’t wait to see our grandson.”

They hugged each of you as Joseph grabbed you all a jacket. His black and yours grey. He put his hand on the small of your back as he closed the door behind you both. He helped you down the steps and into your SUV. You remembered taking this same drive to the hospital nine months ago and four years ago to have Amelia. However, you reminded yourself this time it would most likely be a happy ending. 

Joseph rested his hand on your thigh before grabbing your hand, and giving it a squeeze. His eyes were focused on the road for a moment before looking over to you. The radio played softly in the background. You leaned your head back against the seat as you felt another contraction come on. You inhaled sharply, closing your eyes.

“Another one?”, Joe asked, turning to look at you.

You nodded, eyes still closed. 

You were taking it like a champ if he had to admit it. You made it look so easy. He couldn’t imagine the pain you went through before getting an epidural with Amelia. Your mind was made up this time. Epidural as soon as you could have it. The minute felt like an hour before Joe spoke up.

“10 minutes apart, lasting one minute.”, he announced. 

He had practically become a pro since Amelia was born. When you both got pregnant with Amelia, you all were kinda clueless to how the process worked. You being a first time mom. You didn’t have another contraction before you all arrived at the hospital. Joseph parked the car in the patient parking near the ER entrance. He helped you out of the car before grabbing your bags. You both registered at the registration desk, explaining what had brought you to the ER. They triaged you, getting you back quickly. 

The ER doctor determined based on your miscarriage and after talking to Dr. Bennett, you needed to be admitted to the OB unit. Joseph called his mom and told her they were keeping you. The nurses met you both and got you settled into a labor room. It was the very same one you had given birth to Amelia in, causing you and Joseph to reminisce. The nurse took your vitals before inviting you to get comfortable. You changed into a gown, Joe quickly tying it before they asked you to lay down and let them check you. 

Joseph held your hand, kissing it as the nurse checked you, one of the most uncomfortable feelings.

“Three centimeters dilated.”, she smiled as she shed her gloves. 

You put your legs down and the nurse asked if there was anything else she could do for you right now. You denied any needs and she said they’d give you a few minutes before they hooked your baby up to the fetal monitor. Joseph eyed you as the door closed, finally giving you both some privacy. 

“How are you feeling, love?”, he asked before kissing your head.

“Ready to have our baby.”, you answered, yawning. 

Being woken up at three a.m with your water breaking wasn’t exactly ideal to any hormonal pregnant woman, however, your baby boy was getting ready. 

Joseph smiled. “Me too. You’re going to do amazing, love.”

“Let’s hear you say that when I’m miserable with contractions.”, you joked with a smile. 

Joseph kissed your head. “Baby, I’ll love you through it.”

“I love you, Joe.”

You nuzzled your head in his chest, even dozing off for about two hours before the nurse came back in to assess you again. They checked the baby’s heartbeat intermittently at this stage. You were the same for now. It wasn’t hard to sleep through these contractions. They were pretty mild, but you knew they wouldn’t stay that way. You may have dozed off for another hour before you were woken up by a contraction, feeling it wrap around your body. You remembered this feeling all too well. 

Your face scrunched up, letting a small moan of pain escape your lips against Joseph’s chest.

“Getting worse, baby?”, he brushed through your hair before kissing your head softly.

You nodded.

He rubbed your back slowly up and down. It felt good, and relaxing. He held you against him, rubbing his hand up and down your back through the contractions. You felt your contractions becoming closer together. They were now seven minutes apart, remaining a minute in duration. You felt exhausted, wishing you could go back to sleep for a little bit but your body wasn’t letting you rest. You tried turning over, propping a pillow between your legs, lying down almost flat but it wasn’t exactly helping. The pressure was intensifying. 

Your nurse came in to check on you again. You’d spent an hour tossing and turning. Five centimeters. She assured you that you were “getting there”. You rolled your eyes as Joseph took you back in his arms, sitting on the edge of your hospital bed. He was calming and relaxing which is exactly what you needed. Joseph eyed the clock on the wall. It was almost eight in the morning. 

“Wonder if Amelia has woken mom and dad up.”, he chucked softly.

“I hope she’s doing okay. I hated to leave without telling her goodbye.”, you sighed into his chest.

“She’ll be fine, love. I’ll call mom in a little while and check on her.”, he kissed your head.

At this stage, labor wasn’t too bad. It was manageable. You had your contractions still happening every seven minutes lasting for sixty seconds. They weren’t feeding you in the event that you had to have an emergency c-section which terrified you. Joseph didn’t eat stating if you couldn’t, he wasn’t going to either. You tried to get him to eat but he refused. He said there was plenty of time to eat once the baby got here safe and sound. He was so stubborn sometimes. But you loved him more than anything. 

The next several hours consisted of you being super uncomfortable, trying to find a position to be comfortable in. Joseph had concern in his eyes. He always told you the hardest part of Amelia’s labor was knowing you were in pain and there was nothing he could do about it, however, you had reassured him that after the epidural you didn’t feel a thing. Just a little pressure. The nurse said you were still between five and six centimeters dilated. You had always heard that when you had your second baby, labor was supposed to go faster, but that didn’t appear to be the case here.

Joseph’s mom checked up on you often by texting Joe. You had remained about the same. Joseph kissed your head, holding you in his arms and rubbing his hand up and down your back as he noticed you were still uncomfortable.

“I’m so sorry, love.”, he sighed.

“It’s fine, Joe. Just part of the process of having our baby.”, you sighed into his chest.

“I know, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be sympathetic. See, it is truly amazing what you do.”

You scoffed playfully. “Tell me more.”

He chuckled. “Like how amazing and strong you are for doing this not only once but twice?”

You nodded against him.

He smirked before continuing. “I mean—it’s amazing. The fact you’re strong enough to go through this just so we can have our babies. I remember Amelia’s first cry and how you and I both looked at each other with tears in our eyes. It’s one of the best moments of my entire life.”

You pulled away from him easily, looking into his deep brown eyes. Tears were beginning to pool in the bottom of them. He chuckled and blinked them away quickly. “Sorry, love. I didn’t mean to get all emotional.”

“I love you, Joe. It’s adorable that it still gets to you.”

You both shared a kiss before your nurse came back in the room asking if you needed anything. You weren’t going to make a big deal of it but Joseph told your nurse that you were uncomfortable and couldn’t get comfortable gaining a look but he ignored it, advocating for you. You were six centimeters, and your nurse informed you the next phase of labor would be the most intense and was called the ‘transition’ phase of labor.

Your nurse also suggested walking up and down the hall for a bit. Joseph helped make sure your gown was entirely tied to not show anything. He helped you up from the bed, allowing you to stretch a little. You felt huge and couldn’t wait to hold your baby in your arms. Finally, after nine months. Joseph held your IV pump before wrapping another arm around your waist, you both going down the hallway. Ever so often, you’d have to stop due to another contraction. Joseph would immediately take you in his arms before kissing your head and telling you words of encouragement. Your favorite was, “You’re doing amazing, baby. Just think about how amazing it will be to hold our son.”

Without Joseph, you weren’t sure what you would have done. He was an amazing father and husband. You couldn’t reiterate that enough. Joseph and you walked back to your room. Another idea your nurse had was using a birthing ball. She said it would help alleviate your contractions and prepare you for the next phase of labor. Joseph made sure you sat down on it without falling. He was so cute when he was so protective of you. He squatted down beside of you, keeping his eyes on you. He smiled watching you close your eyes and bounce up and down on the ball, occasionally groaning through the contractions. Your nurse had asked you about an epidural but you had declined it. 

When you’d take a break, he’d come behind you and rub your back and shoulders before bending down and kissing you. 

“Do I look ridiculous?”, you asked Joseph, bouncing on the ball easily. 

“No—no, of course not, love. Why would you think that?”, he took your hand.

“I don’t know.”, you sighed.

“Well, I think you look beautiful, baby.”

“Really?”

“Of course, you’re about to have our baby boy. It’s beautiful what you do as a mom.”

You both shared another kiss, Joe deepening this one which caught you off guard.

You did this for half an hour before the nurse came in to check on you again. Getting back in bed felt better since you had been able to get up and move around. The nurse checked you as you looked over to Joseph. He held your hand and with his free hand, crossed his fingers causing you to giggle. 

“You’re seven centimeters. From this point on, you’ll be in the transition stage of labor.”, she smiled.

You smiled at Joseph, realizing your contractions would become more intense but that also meant your baby would be here soon. Within thirty minutes, your contractions were happening sooner and only giving you about two minutes of rest in between. It was almost five in the evening. You felt like you had been in labor for days but it had only been about nine hours. Joseph called again to check on Amelia. 

His mom and dad were cooking dinner. Amelia had been up and down since she had her nap.. His mom said she was sleeping at the moment, crying herself to sleep for her nap. It was cute to see how worried Joseph was about Amelia. It just made you realize even more so that you had chosen the right man to be the father of your children. His mom said she was worried about you all asking if her brother had been born. You instantly turned to Joe and made a sad face. You missed her so much and couldn’t wait to take her brother home for her to meet him.

From that moment on, things changed quickly. Your contractions were growing longer and stronger, even beginning to overlap. You were laid over on Joseph as the contractions were hitting, with barely any rest in-between them. It was killing him to hear you moaning and groaning in pain. He wished there was something he could do to help. He turned the lights down in the room, leaving a small one on. He was rubbing up and down your back, even brushing through your hair. 

“Babe.”, you whined easily.

“Yes, love?”

“I’m so hot—and nauseated.”, you groaned.

“Do you want to take your gown off? It’s just me and you.”

You nodded against him and he easily helped you out of your gown, leaving you in just your grey maternity bra which was super soft and comfortable. You immediately laid back over on him. You were letting him see you at your most vulnerable. 

“Still feel sick, love?”

You nodded. “I feel like I’m gonna throw up.”

He easily leaned up and grabbed the emesis basin. He held it for you and he rubbed your back once he heard you begin throwing up. It was so hard to see you like this, but he understood this was part of labor. You didn’t have very much to expel considering you hadn’t eaten since dinner the night before you went into labor. Feeling like you had finished, you told Joe he could put it down.

Your entire face was flushed when you pulled away from him. He easily got up as you fell into a pillow. He rinsed your emesis basin out, your vomit completely not phasing him. He was a dad now. He grabbed a couple of washcloths, running them under the cold water before returning to you. Your face said it all—another contraction hit you and fast. Joseph sat down on the edge of your bed, easily putting the washcloth on your forehead as you laid back on the pillow for a bit.

“Is there anything I can do, love?”, Joseph asked, holding your hand.

You shook your head. Another contraction. It was becoming worse. You didn’t remember feeling like this with Amelia. “I feel like I need to push.”

Your nurse came in during the contraction, giving you a minute to finish it out. She asked to check you. It was six in the evening. 

Her face wore a surprised expression. 

“What’s wrong?”, you asked easily. 

“You’re ten centimeters and fully effaced. It’s time to get Dr. Bennett.”

“What about an epidural?”, you asked quickly. 

“I think you’ve progressed too far. You’re ready to push.”, the nurse eyed you. 

You looked over to Joseph slightly panicked. “It’s okay, love. You’ve done great to this point without the medicine. Better than I would have.”, he chuckled, trying to make the mood light. 

“I’m just scared I’ll tear or something will happen.”

“Everything’s going to be okay, love. Just relax.”

“It’s hard to relax.”, you sighed, becoming tearful. 

Joseph immediately cursed himself for making it sound easy before bending down to you. He took you in his arms as a few tears fell from your eyes. He wiped them away with his free hand. 

“Baby, you’ve done amazing. Just a little bit longer and we’ll have our baby boy in our arms.”

You sighed into Joseph’s chest. “I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can, love. You’re doing it right now.”, he kissed your head. 

“I can’t.”, you cried.

“You are and you can, baby. You’ve got this. We will get through this together, I promise.”, Joseph smiled.

With that, Dr. Bennett and a few nurses entered the room. She was completely gowned up and gloved up, ready to go. They placed the fetal monitor back on your stomach, allowing you and Joseph to hear your baby’s heartbeat. It made you feel more at ease. This would monitor the baby’s heartbeat during your contractions and pushing. Dr. Bennett took a seat at the bottom of your bed as one nurse held one leg and another held your other leg, giving Joseph a chance to be at the head of your bed.

“Okay, looks like it’s baby time. You’re ready to go.”, Dr. Bennett eyed you.

“Okay.”

“Just push when I tell you, alright? Same routine as the first time.”

You nodded. 

“Alright, push in five, four, three, two, and now.”, she eyed you.

Your face crinkled, letting out a small cry. It was hard to do this without an epidural. You felt every contraction coming on, a sign your body was ready to push. Pushing came easier without being so numb. 

“Great job. Just breathe for me.”

You went through this process a few times, following her instructions. Joseph eyed you each time, giving you words of encouragement as another contraction come on and you pushed. He could only imagine how hard this was without an epidural. You still managed to look so beautiful to him. He assured you so.

“I need to push.”, you groaned softly.

“Just a minute, dear. Your baby’s head is crowning.”

“Is it, Joe?”, you asked meekly as he patted your forehead with a damp washcloth.

“Mhm, sure is, love. Almost there. You’re doing so good.”

“He’s got a head of hair, mom.”, Dr. Bennett smiled up at you. 

Joseph smiled at you before kissing your cheek. Part of you was so ready to be over and done with this. You just wanted to hold your baby. However, part of you felt sad realizing this would probably be your last baby. 

“Alright, a few more pushes and we’re done.”, Dr. Bennett smiled, preparing to catch the baby. 

You nodded as she gave you another sign to push. You pushed as much as you could before needing a small break.

“Come on, mom. Just a couple more.”, Dr. Bennett encouraged.

You pushed a couple more times with no cry from your baby which concerned you. You looked up at Joseph.

“Keep going, love. Almost there. You’re so close.”, Joseph smiled, tears already pooling in his brown eyes. 

“And push for me now.”, Dr. Bennett breathed.

You pushed, giving this last push everything you had. Everything relaxed and you felt the feeling leave you as you heard the loud, full-lunged cry of your baby. Joseph smiled instantly, running his hands through your hair. Tears swelled up in his eyes before he leaned down and kissed you.

“Congratulations mom and dad. It’s a boy.”, Dr. Bennett sing-songed as she clamped the cord, waiting a minute before cutting it. 

“Is he okay?”, you asked Joseph immediately.

Joseph was watching for them to cut his cord which Dr. Bennett did before handing them off to the nurses quickly. “He’s perfect.”

They weighed him quickly, wiping him off as much as they could. They assessed him quickly before a nurse brought him over to you, immediately unwrapping him mostly so you could have skin-to-skin contact with him.

“Joe, he’s perfect.”, you smiled, tears in your eyes.

You finally were able to hold your baby boy in your arms. After all the tears and the worrying, he was finally safe and in your arms. Your rainbow baby. 

“He is love. He’s amazing.”, Joe sniffled before kissing your head again, his full attention on his son and you. 

“Look at him, Joe. I can already tell—he’s got your nose and ears, too.”, you smirked up at Joseph, tears falling down your cheeks.

Joseph wiped them away before chuckling. “He does. Poor thing. I can’t believe he’s finally here.”

You rolled your eyes at him playfully. 

“Decided on a name, mom and dad?”, the nurse smiled at you. 

You could have cared less about delivering your afterbirth. Dr. Bennett said you didn’t rip thankfully. You were too busy paying attention to your baby boy.

Joseph smiled down at you. “Do you want to tell them, mom?”

You nodded. “Arthur Isaac Quinn.”, you breathed, touching his face gently.

[mystiika]

re; isaac's survival guilt

this post is not for the faint of heart so proceed at your own risk. in this i cover his mother ( amelia ), his brother ( camden ), his father ( simon ), erica, boyd, ending with allison. then at the end i go into how isaac managed confront the feeling at all & manage it the best he can

as time passed, his comfort asking his father about his mother dwindled, & cam was finding it increasingly difficult to remember things to tell isaac about their mother. isaac had been given the box mentioned in amelia's info post over here. along with a bunch of loose photos cam had collected for him — mostly of their mother & a good few of her while pregnant with isaac. at first he liked it a lot, he got to hear stories about this woman who'd loved him so much & how amazing she was. but then he started to really understand it all.

he started to notice this loss when he compared himself to his peers. where so many people had a mother's arms to run to, he was shown the outstretched hand of his big brother. where others would excitedly make mother's day cards, isaac was reminded that on top of no mother, he had no grandmother or aunts to substitute with. at first he'd made "mother's day" cards for his father, then for cam, then eventually he'd write a short note of things he wanted her to know about him & how he was doing. then once he was old enough not to be forced into it, he stopped it all together.

& as he got a litte bit older, he was slowly given more & more reminders that he was the reason she'd died. he didn't want to die, he never did. but when there's an onslaut of threats & gaslighting, h'd started to regret being born the slightest bit. if he hadn't, then his dad would be happier, cam would have his mom still, & he didn't didn't have to walk on eggshells for fear of encurring his father's wrath.

he never felt mad at her though, not really. &, from everything he's heard about her, he knows it's not an outcome she would have ever chosen & can't fault her for not knowing the future. but hewas angry about a lot of things, the number of which only increased as he got older, but never at her. instead he felt so unimaginably bad, overwhlemingly guilty just for waking up in the morning. & once he got a little older still, he started to question whether it really was his doing. cam had been saying it all along but isaac found it hard to believe for a long time. then when he felt doubts, that's when he started to get angry at his father.

& despite figuring out the truth of it all, he still had to actively stop himself from blaming himself for what happened, that none of it was his fault & that he didn't really deserve what was happening to him. once cam left home, it was hard for this voice of reason not to be overshadowed by the ever increasing reminders of just how much he was to blame.

then came the news that cam had gone missing in action & was declared dead. isaac wanted to grieve, but couldn't find it in himself, it hadn't really sunk in. he felt a little numb afterwards if he was totally honest, like he was going through all the motions but he couldn't cry. cam had been his protector, his best friend & confidante, his favourite person in the entire world, & a better role model than isaac could have asked for. cam was the only reason isaac felt loved growing up, & truth be told, he was afraid that he'd used up all the love the universe had granted him. he felt undeserving of any more than that. he was such a fuck up, maybe cam only loved him because they were brothers — after all, that was part of his fathers doctrine.

& with no one else to blame except maybe himself, simon put the fault on isaac once again. if he wasn't such a terrible son, a terrible brother, maybe cam wouldn't have run off to join the military. isaac was the reason he'd been driven from their home just as it was isaac's life that had taken amelia's. the way simon berated him, kicked it was as if isaac had killed them with his own two hands.

&so the guilt just for being alive grew larger. even if he knew nothing had been his doing, his father's voice & insistance was so loud, echoing in his mind for hours, at times even days. & when chained up in that tiny freezer in their basement, those words were the only things he could hear over his screaming & scratching & pleading to anything listening just to let him out. sometimes he passed out having exhausted himself, other times he wasn't so lucky. it was like a never ending panic attack. then once let out & back in his room, he sobbed nearly every time despite all his best efforts & then he felt so weak, so angry at his father but himself too for being able to do nothing else. he wasn't even sure exactly why he cried. not when there were so many posible reasons he'd never really been able to figure out why. it felt like it was from the exhaustion but being as young as he was, he couldn't understand why that might have been.

then when his father was murdered, he felt such intense relief knowing all those . & he felt so guilty over that feeling. deserving such a brutal death or not, he'd left that house to chase isaac down. later once isaac found out why his father was killed, he felt a little less guilty whether his father died that night or some random night after. it would have happened eventually regardless. but once simon was dead & buried, isaac had to sit with that fact that he was alone. sure he had derek & the others, but they didn't feel like they were his people. he was with them because they had use for each other, that was all. ( monkeys together strong lol )

unfortunately, his family were just the first deaths of people he felt guilty just for outliving them. after all, why him? why was he mistreated from the time he could walk, only to be thrust into the world as a teen ( as a child ) that had nothing? there were lawyers, social workers, teachers, good officers like the sheriff, but that wasn't enough. they helped him as far as what was related to simon's death, but soon enough came the day when his phone didn't ring again. once their jobs were done, what good was talking to a 16 year old just to ask if he needed anything, if he was even okay. 

he was old enough that they couldn't force him into the system but he also had no interest in keeping the house, paying bills with what money? anything his father had was locked away until isaac turned 18. but all his savings were from working at a graveyard & being forklift & backhoe certified didn't do much good for him. 

so he went to derek. the man was isaac's alpha, & if isaac couldn't go to him, what hope would he have for anyone else? all his life he'd lived for someone else, he didn't know how to be his own person & so derek became the newest star for isaac to orbit. they were a pack, he was meant to be able to rely on the alpha, meant to be cared for ( as gruff as the older man was ).

then for a time it was just isaac, erica, boyd, & derek. he didn't care for derek much, he felt grateful he was given an out from his old life, given a means to protect himself as well as others. but he also knew derek was just using him. if it wasn't isaac, it would have been someone else. derek needed a pack, he needed the strength that came with it.

erica was the first person he really grew close to after this new chapter in his life began. scott & his pack all felt more like begrudging allies, rivals even. & derek was, well, derek. erica on the other hand was kind, she was sweet, he had such comradery with her. he finally felt like he was having fun, realising the first time she makes him laugh when he can't remember the last time he had. then boyd joined them. he & isaac never really grew close. they were in the same pack but that was about where their relationship ended. especially since boyd rather wanted to monopolise erica it didn't exactly aid their non existant friendship ( isaac had a crush on her too, though he was so late to realise his feelings he'd lost her before he had the chance to do anything ).

then the two asked him leave with them or to stay in beacon hills & isaac made a decision that still haunts him from time to time. they were supposed to make it to a nearby pack they'd heard about, but it was clear something happened to them & isaac spent the next 4 months non stop searching for his packmates. he found them too, but was attacked & unable to do anything besides retreat on the verse of passing out saved only by braeden, & to come back for them with help. but when he finally did, he was too late & erica was gone. he'd left her there alive. he should have helped her leave on her own two feet instead of carrying her lifeless body past the abandoned bank's threshold. but he couldn't save her, he was too weak. he couldn't protect her & it ate away at him bit by bit just had all the others. he couldn't help but blame himself, thinking that maybe if he'd just gone with them both that night he might have been able to prevent her death. he knew that he was just as inexperienced as them & in all likelihood would have just died with them. but guilt doesn't always follow facts. besides, he already had a tally of 3 graves on his back, what was one more?

afterwards, he managed to lessen the gap between himself & boyd just slightly, both driven by a mutual desire to get revenge on the alphas for killing erica ( along with all the other atrocities that they had committed throughout the years since their formation ). but only just in time to see boyd too become another casualty isaac was left behind to grieve. after their deaths & his ever dwindling faith in derek, he found himself moving towards scott as his new alpha before he knew it. he just wanted to get away from all the loss & grief that seemed to haunt him.

what he didn't expect was to add more names to the list of those he was afraid to lose.

what he didn't expect was to fall in love with allison ( about as in love as he'd had time to do anyway ).

what he didn't expect was to watch her die, twice. once even by his own hand.

her first death was awkward for them both. he'd been selected as both her reaper & guardian. he was forced to hold her underwater, to feel her fighting back against his hands firmly planted on her shoulders & the fear he felt when her fighting stopped. then came the waiting. 16 hours of waiting for her to come back to them, tired but all too wired from anxiety about what would happen if she never woke up at all. he ran it through his head over & over. maybe the worst part of it was the idea of having to live remembering that terrible feeling when he closed his eyes or remembering the sound of her breath escaping her lips beneath the water whenever he heard bubbles, or maybe it was the idea of him having to tell allison's father chris what it was that he had done. 

the second time was a little different. his budding feelings for her clouded his mind with thoughts of envy & jealousy in equal parts at scott being the one to hold her in the end, to hear a final confession of love for her ex as if their time together had meant nothing, that he meant nothing. but all that aside, once again he was left angry at himself, thinking that maybe if he'd done more, been stronger, been faster, been smarter, then he might have been able to stop it. & its also the first time in a long time he wishes it had been him instead. he had the least to live for, the least people to grieve his death, why did everyone else have to die & leave him behind? his heart shattered too frequently, only just shoddily glued back together in time for it to break again & pick up as many pieces as he can.

he didn't know what to do with himself after that, the bulk of the shock wore off faster for himself than the others from the sight of her dying right in front of them. instead he went sooner into the pain from the loss. then chris came to each of them, making sure everyone had their stories straight. isaac seemed quickest on the upkeep, left wondering if all his practice outliving so many made it easier to focus when it came down to it. but that had been the immediate. he remembers afterwards a bit more. sitting in a row, lydia, scott, & himself in dead silence among the ever noisy police station, waiting to be called in to give their statements. it wasn't hard to pretend to be in shock, he knew what that felt like & how it looked. but he also knew his lines — he was sorry, it all happened so fast, one minute things were fine, the next they were attacked & allison fell to the ground. that he couldn't remember anything else. 

then when he didn't have to worry about remembering his lines perfectly, he starts to sit in his thoughts, his tears pricking his eyes, heart aching, stomach sick. he couldn't help but sink into the pain of it all, the regret, the hurt, the fear, the guilt.

he was grateful chris took him home, crying into his shoulder as his arms gripped isaac tight. his life with chris from then on didn't alleviate any of the depression or blame he'd put on himself, but he felt a little less alone. melissa too had been good to him, taking him in after derek kicked him out & isaac was beyond grateful for that, but at some point  after all the time, the days & nights he'd spent at the argent household, he'd started to view chris almost like a father figure — a sentiment that only grew when chris became his guardian, moving to paris together where isaac was able to get a fresh start away from his painful past. 

he's not totally fine in modern day either though. occasionally still feeling the effects of all the trauma & the seemingly never ending guilt that everyone in his life died, abandoning him behind in the land of the living to question over & over again — why him? why not him? but during isaac's final year of high school he got himself into therapy. it helped him process so much from his youth & he learned helpful coping mechanisms for once instead of running or working out to the point of exhaustion, until the point of passing out. & blasting music in his ear all the while in an attempt to drown out any thoughts swirling around in his head, sometimes successfully, sometimes not.

eventually the nightmares dwindled, lessening his insomnia & even now the nights he lies awake stewing in his negative thoughts were fewer. he felt a little less angry at the world too, for the hand he'd been dealt when he'd never even asked for a seat at the table. but he was alive, & knew he needed to make the most of his time, to finally act like a stupid teen instead of a "perfect" child who was forced to grow up too fast.

but for better or worse, he was alive. & originally he had no idea of what he wanted to do after graduation. he never really had the time to consider it, nor did he want to create this dream for himself when he was constantly fighting a balance between life & death. 

reasons for his choice to become a paramedic is a whole other meta BUT, i'm mentioning it as being able to save lives & prevent people from experiencing the same loss he had, made isaac feel a little better. no matter how many people he saves, it will never completely undo the fact he'd been unable to protect those he'd cared about in the past, nor the painful feeling of surviving them all. but with every successful call, it was like he finally found a purpose. if he'd died, he'd never have been able to do what he does & make the difference he had.

[starlingsrps]

lucy sieger.

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME: lucy amelia sieger

REASONING: nah

NICKNAME(S): lucy

PREFERRED NAME(S): lucy

BIRTH DATE: july 1

CHART: cancer sun/cancer rising/aries moon

AGE: twenty nine

GENDER: female

PRONOUNS: she/her

ROMANTIC/SEXUAL ORIENTATION:  heterosexual

NATIONALITY: american

CURRENT LOCATION: raleigh, nc

LIVING CONDITIONS: thank fuck for live in jobs

BACKGROUND

BIRTH PLACE: nyack, ny

HOMETOWN: mount pleasant, ny until age thirteen; fayetteville, nc after that. she moved to raleigh when she was nineteen with her then-boyfriend and has been here ever since. 

SOCIAL CLASS: middle af

EDUCATION LEVEL: 75% of a degree in education - that remaining 25% is a work in progress.

FATHER: alan, 62, engineer

MOTHER: amanda, 60, insurance agent

SIBLING(S): andrew, 35; robin, 32

BIRTH ORDER: youngest and black sheep

CHILDREN: nope. she's the first to say she fucked up a lot between 13-23 but at least never got pregnant.

PET: no but very fond of cats and always happy to see one

OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIVES: andrew and robin are both married but she wasn't Around her family much until the past six years so she's working on re-meeting her entire family as an adult and it's weird thanks!!!!

PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: oof, too many, none of them great. she hasn't been in a relationship for three years and she is more than fine with that. her last boyfriend did a number on her in terms of mental abuse and being a cheating sack of shit so she's very fine being single and focusing on herself and getting her life together. his name is eric. we hate him.

CURRENT RELATIONSHIP: aspiring cat mom

OCCUPATION & INCOME

PRIMARY SOURCE OF INCOME: nanny

CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB (OR LACK THERE OF)?: she really does love it. babysitting and nursery schools were always her favorite jobs so when she decide to tighten up, she decided to get credentials to be the best candiate. this is her third position, first live in, and she's happy with it. hazel is a great kid and 100% her favorite.

PAST JOB(S): the aforementioned nannying is the most recent but priors include: waitressing, hostessing, amazon warehouse packing, strip club bartender (better tips), salon receptionist, grocery store clerk. nannying is the first time she hasn't had to have two or three jobs to make ends meet.

SPENDING HABITS: she's pretty reasonable and working on some leftover debt. budgeting is non-negotiable but she's not above a little Treat.

MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION: she really doesn't own much (minimalism baby) but she guesses her tablet. it has pretty much her entire life on it.

SKILLS & ABILITIES

PHYSICAL STRENGTH: reasonable. she doesn't work out per se due to time and access but she takes pride in being able to carry her own shit and lift things.

DEFENSE: pepper spray

SPEED: quick. she works with kids. it's better this way.

INTELLIGENCE: she's sharper than she was ever given credit for. definitely got labeled someone not living up to her potential in school.

ACCURACY: not bad.

STAMINA: boundless. again, she works with kids. can't lag, they'll gang up on you.

TEAMWORK: good at teamwork but if no one is going to take charge, she will.

TALENTS: survival skills. lucy is going to find or make a way.

SHORTCOMINGS: deeply, deeply stubborn and proud.

LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: english, fry cook spanish

DRIVE?: yes

JUMP-STAR A CAR?: yes

CHANGE A FLAT TIRE?: yes

RIDE A BICYCLE?: yes

SWIM?: yep

PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?: a little bit of acoustic guitar from when she thought music might be fun for a career

PLAY CHESS?: nope

BRAID HAIR?: yes and ELABORATELY

TIE A TIE?: yes

PICK A LOCK?: yes but you didn't hear that from her.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS

FACE CLAIM: melissa roxburgh

EYE COLOR: blue

HAIR COLOR: blonde

HAIR TYPE/STYLE: longish, wavy.

GLASSES/CONTACTS?: contacts mostly, reading glasses at night.

DOMINANT HAND: left

HEIGHT: 5'5

BUILD: smaller side of average, great legs.

EXERCISE HABITS: chasing a child.

SKIN TONE: fair

TATTOOS: a half lasered off butterfly at the small of her back. she was seventeen, she had a fake id, it seemed like a good idea at the time. YES IT'S A TRAMP STAMP.

PIERCINGS: ears, closed up belly button and cartilige.

USUAL EXPRESSION: casual, a lot of basics. jeans, t-shirt, jacket, sneakers

JEWELRY: whatever's right, she guesses.

ALLERGIES: nah

DIET: nothing too out of the ordinary and a good cook

PHYSICAL AILMENTS: —

PSYCHOLOGY

ENNEAGRAM TYPE: 6 - the loyalist

MORAL ALIGNMENT: neutral good

TEMPERAMENT: sanguine

MBTI: ENFJ

MENTAL CONDITIONS/DISORDERS: nah.

SOCIABILITY: extrovert

EMOTIONAL STABILITY: steady but she also shoves a lot of things down deep to deal with later

PHOBIA(S): spiders

ADDICTION(S): nah

DRUG USE: nah

ALCOHOL USE: she used to a lot and now she doesn't at all

PRONE TO VIOLENCE?: nah but she has thrown a punch in the past five years.

MANNERISMS

SPEECH STYLE: a little fast, a little raspy.

ACCENT: nothing super identifiable

HOBBIES: cooking, reading, walks.

NERVOUS TICKS: nah.

DRIVES/MOTIVATIONS: proving that she's not who she used to be to herself (most important) and everyone else (second most). also spite. just a little spite.

FEARS: failure, another bad relationship.

POSITIVE TRAITS: independent, warm, generous, intuitive, resourceful

NEGATIVE TRAITS: insecure, impulsive, aggressively stubborn, proud

SENSE OF HUMOR: good!

DO THEY CURSE OFTEN?: yes but she works with kids. she tries but it slips.

FAVORITES

ACTIVITY: cooking - she tries to do a little project with hazel every day.

ANIMAL: cats

BEVERAGE: water and she always has her emotional support water bottle

BOOK: the invisible life of addie larue

COLOR: purple

DESIGNER: if it's not at old navy, she doesn't know about it. h&m is for special occasions.

HOLIDAY: ehhhh not really big on them but she likes halloween

MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: walking or driving

MUSIC ARTIST: harry styles

SONG: "as it was". “matilda” comes for her personally but she doesn’t want to talk about it. 

SCENT: lemons and coffee but not at the same time

WEATHER: love a good thunderstorm

VACATION DESTINATION: it's been five hundred years she doesn't even remember what that's like.

ATTITUDES

GREATEST DREAM: she wants to be a teacher and help kids like her from slipping. a family of her own is not off the table but she's still a little gun shy about getting in another relationship

GREATEST FEAR: ending up exactly where she started - miserable, broke, and alone.

MOST AT EASE WHEN: okay but she's really good at faking it so she always looks like she's at ease.

LEAST AT EASE WHEN: she's being treated like she hasn't busted her ass to grow and change aka thanksgiving with her family.

BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT: that she's where she is now.

BIGGEST REGRET: get comfy, it's a long list.

TOP PRIORITIES: finishing up her degree and starting her thirties strong.