#is it just because i'm a band wh*re is that it.

[yangjeongin]

JEONGIN | SUPER BOARD M/V

[13as07]

Our #2

(Shikamaru Nara Smut)

[Art work is not mine! Credit to anandaneeg]

Requested by: Myself

Keys:

None

Word Count: 3,438

Warnings and/or Pre-Notes:

Name Calling: Spoiled, Brat, Lair, Good Girl, Sir

Exhibitionism (public sex)

Biting (like twice)

Soft Domination (aka Shika's inability to not be in control but being too lazy to be rough)

Burn Marks/Temperature Play (aka getting brunt by Shikamaru's cigarettes (again))

Spanking

Creampie

Orgasm Denial (slightly)

Humiliation/Degrading/Begging

Praising

Choking

Smoking/Smoke Play (again, cause it's hot)

Cockwarming

Part 3? Probably because I like this story line and I’m a wh*re

———————————————————————

The second the door of the banquet hall clicks shut, Shikamaru's arms wrap around me, tugging me against him. "Hello pretty girl," he murmurs against my skin, his lips brushing against my throat. I soak in the feeling of my boy-fiancé, finally getting him alone now that the last partygoer is gone.

"Hello," I breathe out, my own hands clinging to his wrists.

One of his hands snakes up to my collarbone, his fingers pressing into the sensitive skin again and causing the familiar mix of pain and pleasure to coat my nerves. Shika's other hand rubs lazy circles into my hips, hiking up my dress as he does so. "Today was such a drag."

"It wasn't that bad," I whisper, squirming once the pads of his fingers come into contact with my now bare skin. Shikamaru hums in agreement, his nose nuzzling the sleeve of my clothing out of the way so he can litter my shoulder in kisses. "Shika?"

He hums again, his other hand dropping down to hike the other side of my dress up as well.

"Knock it off," I whine, trying to tug my clothing back down as my face heats up.

"Why?" He asks, his teeth grazing my shoulder as his fingers play with the band of my underwear.

"Someone could walk in."

"And yet that seems to excite you," Shikamaru teases, his fingers dipping into my panties and sliding through my folds. I can feel the smirk on his face as he kisses back up my neck.

"No," I fight back, the word coming out as a whine.

"Aw, so you're a lair now?" Shika continues teasing me, gently pushing me forward until we come into contact with the door. "Hands up, pretty girl."

"Yes sir," I murmur, laying my hands flat against the wooden door. My good behavior is rewarded with a couple of light circles pressed against my clit. "I don't want to get caught, Shika. It's too soon for us to cause a scandal."

A soft chuckle bubbles from the new chief pressed up behind me. "I just want a quickie, pretty girl," I whine at his answer, not because of disapproval but because of disappointment and he knows it. "What a spoiled brat," Shika groans, his hands working at pulling my underwear down to my knees.

"I'm spoiled because of you," I huff back, my knees clicking shut at the sudden chilliness. Shika hums in agreement, his hands clinging to my knees to pull them open again.

Shikamaru rubs himself against my ass, his pants still separating my bare pussy from his hard-on. His teeth graze my skin again, but this time it's followed by the soft sinking of his teeth into my neck. "Pretty girl," he purrs against my ear once he parts himself from me.

"Shika?" A disapproving hum escapes him, making me rethink my words. "Sir?"

"Good girl," his answer comes, sending a shiver down my spine. Shikamaru moves again, one of his hands moving behind me and the other one going back to my clit. His fingers work at rubbing circles into me, his touch being faster and heavier this time.

The sound of his belt clinking open causes me to clench around nothing in anticipation. The thought of me not being anywhere close to wet enough let alone stretched causes me to clench again.

"Stay still," Shika orders as he moves my body where he pleases. He shifts my hands further down the door before pressing me up against it, my burn marks from earlier sizzling again from the rough texture. His hand presses into my back for the millionth time today, making my back arch down, my ass arches up, and my marks grind against the door.

A whine of pain spills from me as the wood rubs against my sensitive skin. "Pretty girl," Shikamaru groans, "making those sounds are going to test my stamina." His words are followed by him moving my dress up again, leaving it and my new clan cloak to rest against the arching of my spine.

"This is supposed to be a quickie, right?" I tease, shifting my hips backward.

The tip of Shika's dick taps against my thigh before I'm pushed back against the door. "It won't be much of a quickie if you can't behave," he warns, "Stop being a brat."

     Tap, tap, tap.

     His orders are followed by soft taps to my hip, his soft way of redirecting me.

I give into what he wants, readjusting myself into place. Despite my compliance, I make a mental note to play hard to get when we get home. After all, Shikamaru can't get everything he wants so easily.

Shikamaru falls forward, his hands pressing mine into the door and his tip gently pressed against my opening. "Be a good girl and don't complain, yes? I know you can take it all." I nod my head yes in response.

     Tap, tap, tap.

     This round of redirecting is a little harsher, but not enough to sting; just enough for my body to notice the increase. "Use your words, pretty girl."

"Yes sir," I murmur, the sparks from the half-assed spanking making me clench again. Another approving hum is released, unwillingly filling me with pride. I hate how quickly I submit to him and how soft and easy it is for him. I'm definitely going to give him a run for his money when we get home.

     Shikamaru tests the water, popping his head in and out of me a couple of times before sinking himself all the way in. A long, low groan is released, contracting the sudden stretch and slight burning from the lack of prep. "That's my good girl," he murmurs into my ear, his fingers lacing up with mine. "Who's my good girl?"

     I whine, pushing myself further into the door before falling back into place. "Apparently not you," he huffs, his hips thrusting forward to keep me pressed up against the door. "Why can't you just behave? Behave."

     "I'm sorry," I whimper, thrusting my hips backward again. "Please fuck me, sir."

     Shika twitches in me, causing a smug smirk to cross my face. "Fuck," he says, a hiss of a breath following the word. The nickname gets me what I want. Shikamaru pulls himself out of me before bottoming out again. He puts himself to work, paces fast, and thrusts shallow as he moves in me. My slick starts to build up from the movements, quickly making up for the lack of prep.

     The feeling of Shika's constant pace and his hands gripping mine like a lifeline fill my head with fog. "Pretty girl?" The words cut through the fog, pulling my attention back to him.

      "Shika?"

     Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

     His pace stutters as he taps my hip again, his hand moving fast with need but a lack of will to give into me. "Shikamaru?"

Tap. Tap. Tap.

     My skin stings after this round of redirection, Shikamaru's patience running thin. "Sir," I murmur, shifting my hips back to match his thrusts.

     "Yes," he breathes out, hands back to being wrapped up in mine. "I'm filling you up, pretty girl. Do you know how lucky that makes you?"

     "Shika."

     Tap, tap. Tap, tap. Tap, tap.

     The sound of his hand connecting to me echoes through the empty room. The skin under his touch stings even more, making memories of getting my burn marks bubble into my mind.

     "You should be thankful," he whispers into my ear, his tone lazy and harsh. "Tell me how thankful you are to be used by me."

     I hum out a no, pairing it with a head shake. Instantly, Shika stops his thrusts, his dick pushed as far into me as allowed in our position. "Shikamaru," I whine, shifting my hips backward.

     "No," he husks out, pushing me against the door with the whole of his body weight so I can't give myself any friction. "If you want to act like a fucking brat, I'll treat you like a brat. So, we will sit here until you do as you're told."

     "Shikamaru," I whine, trying to wiggle under him with little success. "You said you'd be quick so we wouldn't get caught." My walls clench at my statement, making me cuss under my breath.

     "Oh ya? You seem to like the idea of being caught. Is that what you want? To have someone walk in and see how easily you spread yourself for your Chief?"

     "You're being mean," I whisper, trying to squirm around to get any kind of friction, the need for it quickly becoming intolerable.

     "If you'd listen, I wouldn't have to be mean. Be a good girl for me, behave. Tell me how thankful you are."

     I whine and whimper under him for a couple of seconds, only being met with stillness. "Shika!"

     "Stop being a dumb little brat."

     More disappointing noises fall from me, getting me a soft bite on my shoulder. "Shika." I prepare for the new round of spanking but don't get it. I'm enjoying it too much and Shikamaru knows it. "Sir," I try again, getting rewarded with a soft kiss on my shoulder. "I'm thankful to be used by you, to be used in any way you see fit."

     Bingo. Shika's hip fall back into rhythm, this time with heavier thrusts. He tugs me back into position, my back aching from the constant arch. "Is it so hard for you to behave?" His breath is shaky as he pushes out the question, his climax crawling near as he tries to keep his composure.

     "No sir."

     "Than be a good girl," Shikamaru's words are sloppy, his thrusts matching the tone of his voice. His fingers cling to mine tighter, his ring digging into my hand as he holds on to me. "Be my pretty girl," the sentence is muffled by his head buried into my neck. As soon as the sentence is out, Shika stales in me, buried deep like before. It doesn't take long for warmth to fill my insides up, the promise of my walls being coated in his cum.

     Shikamaru's breathing is heavy and hot as it collides with my skin. Despite his tiredness, I still whine and squirm from under him. "Hey," I whimper, shifting my shoulder to move his head around. "I didn't get to finish. Why didn't you pull out? Shika!"

     "Whiney brats like you don't get to finish. Besides, I wouldn't want us getting caught," he teases, thrusting into me a few more times to push his cum deeper into me. "It was too much work to pull out. Your ungratefulness is a drag. I need to teach you to be grateful and less spoiled."

     A whine spills over as I try to tug Shika's hand down to my pussy. He pulls it away from me and instead uses it for another light punishment.

Tap, tap, tap, tap.

     "Spoiled," he murmurs to himself, slowly sliding out of me. He rubs himself between my thighs, using me to clean the mess off his dick before tucking it away. "Spoiled, whiney, ungrateful brat." His degrading is followed by a hand being shoved into the roots of my hair. "Say it," Shikamaru orders, using his hold on my hair to tug my head backward, forcing me to look at him.

     "I'm a spoiled, whiney, ungrateful brat," I whisper back, tugging my dress back into place.

     "I can't hear you," he says, his grip tightening and shifting my head back further.

     "I'm a spoiled, whiney, ungrateful brat," I groan, my volume louder this time.

     My compliance is rewarded with a soft kiss and my hair being released. Once Shikamaru parts from me, I dip my hands down to pull my panties back up. "No," he murmurs, tugging my hand away. "Take them off."

     "Shika-"

     "Do not start with me again," he warns, "my patience are already thin. Keep acting up, I dare you." His warnings are paired with a sharp glare to solidify his words.

     "Yes sir," I murmur, tugging my panties off before tucking them into the pocket of my cloak.

     Once again I'm rewarded, this time with a string of kisses. "There's my good girl. You are so pretty when you behave." I can feel my headstrongness slip at his words. This is why I submit so easily, why I'm so eager to behave for him, all because of his stupid little praises.

     Shika smiles to himself, his arm wrapping around my waist as he tugs the door up. "Good girl," he repeats, hand sliding under my cloak to rub along my aching spine and gently push me along the sidewalk.

     "Shikamaru," I whine, clinging to his arm. I don't like the feeling of desperation that's causing my thighs to rub together as we walk. I don't like the chilled air stroking my pussy, highlighting my lack of finishing, the cum leaking out of me, and the wetness left between my legs.

     He does though. Shikamaru is beaming with smugness as he ushers me down the street. "You're fine, pretty girl. Be good when we get home and I'll be nice."

     Tap, tap, tap.

     His ring pressing into my hip solidifying his direction. "Be good," he repeats.

     The rest of the walk is filled with my whining and the feeling of Shika slowly leaking out of me, only emphasizing my neediness and his smugness.

     I clench around nothing when the sight of our front door falls into view; a symbol of my promised finish to come. I go to dart inside and happily spread myself out, settling on the need to cum outweighs my want for Shikamaru to work for it, but I get stopped on my path. "Hold on, pretty girl. I want a smoke."

     "Shika!"

     "Ten minutes, spoiled brat. You can wait." I let a pout sit on my face, a soft kiss from Shikamaru trying - but failing - to chase it away.

     I continue to pout, lip puffed out and arms crossed as he sits down on the porch. Watching his arms flex as he pulls out his pack and lights a cigarette doesn't help the burning need in my stomach. The sight of the grey smoke leaking from his mouth doesn't help either.

     "Come here, pretty girl. Stop pouting." I - mostly - do as I'm told. I sulk over to him, sliding myself between his knees. They lock around me, squeezing me a bit when I'm in place. "You are spoiled, you know that?" He asks, resting his smoke between his lips before messing with his belt.

     "I know," I whisper, a smile quickly replacing my previous pout. My hands slide over Shikamaru's hair, quickly finding the hair tie keeping it in place. I carefully work the elastic band off, his hair following down once it's let loose. He looks so pretty with his hair down, I wish he'd wear it loose more often.

     Once his pants are undone, warm hands collide with my waist, pulling me into his lap. "Be good and sit still, okay?"

     "What do I get if I do?" I ask, my fingers nimble as I pull him out of his boxers again.

     "Can't you behave because I asked?"

     "No," I answer back, the word coming out airy as I slide down onto him. My hands lace strands of his hair around my fingers before I shift myself into a comfortable spot. Once I'm comfortable, I settle down, making sure I do as I'm told. I can't survive being denied an orgasm again.

     Shika's eyes are closed and his jaw is shut tight. A mix of still present sensitivity and his will to fight slipping being the cause of it. "Just... be good, be my pretty girl." Shivers slide down my spine. I don't know how after all these years being called his pretty girl still gets to me.

     When his eyes snap open, they settle on me. Shikamaru's free hand wraps around my throat, squeezing it gently. My mouth parts, obeying my newest taught command. "At least you learn quickly," he murmurs, following his new routine. A long drag is inhaled from his cigarette before he exhales it into my mouth. "Hold it, pretty girl."

     I reluctantly do as I'm told, snapping my mouth shut to try and hold the smoke in my lungs better. This is a test, a lose-lose situation so Shikamaru has an excuse to continue being mean. The want to squirm builds up with my need for oxygen, and he knows it. He knows I'll either squirm or exhale before being allowed to. Shika won't admit it but he likes me bratting just as much as I like doing it. It's not stimulating enough for him when I behave.

     My lungs win out before my hips do, the smoke seeping out as I suck in a needy breath. "Why can't you just be good?"

     Tap, tap, tap.

     This time the redirection is emphasized by small sparks jumping from his cigarette, colliding with my dress before snuffing themselves out. This catches Shikamaru's attention, getting me a pushed-up dress with my thighs exposed. The spot of our connection catches in my view, tugging a soft moan from my throat.

     The promise of getting burned again today drains more arousal into my stomach, causing me to pulse around Shika. His hand squeezes my throat again, but I waiver in my submission. "This isn't a fair game, sir."

     "So? Whoever said I played fair? Don't squirm and don't exhale unless I say so. Just be a good girl." The smirk on his face makes me tingle more. This is the true punishment for being a brat earlier. I made him work to get off, so now he's going to be mean and unfair.

     Two soft squeezes dip into my skin, and again I'm reluctant, but my mouth does fall open. Two deep drags are sucked into Shika's lungs, a promise of an even harder task to keep a hold of. The smoke is pushed into my lungs again, burning the whole way down.

     A pout slides onto my face when I snap my mouth closed, but Shikamura doesn't care. He's going to win and we both know it. His fingers slide over my neck, tickling my skin to push my failure forward.

     When that doesn't work, an unneeded flick of his cigarette happens, nicking my thighs with small sparks; that does work. My thighs jerk, closing around Shika's torso before falling up.

Tap, tap. Tap, tap.

     The soft smacks cause more sparks to settle onto my skin, causing me to jerk again. The cycle repeats twice more before I'm given some relief. "Exhale, pretty girl." Once again I quickly push the smoke out and suck in a sharp breath.

     I force my pout out deeper, adding a soft whine to it. "Stop whining. Spoiled brats whine. If you were less spoiled you wouldn't be in this position."

     "It's your fault I'm spoiled," I huff, adding a soft tug to the strains of hair caught in my grasp.

     "I know," he whispers, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. "You still lost though," Shikamaru adds before taking a dying drag of his cigarette.

     "Because you're being mean," I answer, tugging on his hair again.

     "I know," he repeats, shoving the butt against the porch step before testing it against his finger. Once he's happy with the temperature, he pushes the dying stick into the side of my thigh, stamping small heated circles along my skin. The soft sizzling of my skin causes my leg to jerk away again.

Tap, tap.

     Despite my misbehavior, the circles making my skin raw are followed by light kisses being pressed into my neck. "Do you promise to be my pretty girl now? Are you going to be good?"

     "Yes sir," I answer, burying my head into the crook of his neck.

     "I don't believe you," Shika says, the almost dead heat now being pressed into my hip. "Make me believe you and I'll spend the rest of the night making you feel good."

     "Promise?"

     "I promise, pretty girl."

     "I'll be good, sir. I promise. I'll behave. I'll do everything you say."

     "I still don't believe you." Yes, he does. I know he does cause his arms wrap around my back, and hold me closer to his chest. He wants me to beg, he wants to hear my desperation.

     "Please Shikamaru? I want you to make me feel good. I need you to make me feel good. Pretty please?" He twitches in me, I win.

     "You're spoiled," he reminds me once again tonight. Shika lifts me, keeping himself buried in me as he carries me inside. I am spoiled.

———————————————————————

———————————————————————

———————————————————————

———————————————————————

———————————————————————

———————————————————————

[nothorses]

I'm curious if you have any further thoughts re; not generally liking the concept of discipline!

oh you know I do.

So okay, to preface, this is a subject that is very central to, like, my entire- and ongoing- education in education. I have read and talked and practiced about this a lot. I am very sorry for how wordy I'm about to get, and I'm sorry if I make any leaps or assumptions about where other folks are gonna be at in terms of familiarity with these ideas. (I am also approaching this, obv, from the perspective of education- not like, self-discipline as a skill).

There are two core arguments here: efficacy, and ethics. We first ask the question, "is it ethical?", and then we ask, "is it effective?", and if it's both of those things, it's probably a good idea!

Now, these questions can get a little complicated in practice... but discipline fails them both.

The "goal" of disciplining someone is to, essentially, end and prevent a behavior. Discipline does a few things to this end; it:

Establishes a boundary

Provides motivation not to cross the boundary

Provides consequences for crossing the boundary.

Establishing the boundary is, I would argue, not inherently a part of discipline itself- and oftentimes discipline comes without any kind of warning or boundary-establishing at all ("you know what you did", contradictory or nonsensical punishment, etc.- abuse, basically).

The motivation discipline provides is fear. Discipline doesn't need to be physical- oftentimes it's something like grounding, taking things away, or even just a stern conversation- but the goal of those threats is to create a sense of fear regardless. Fear of losing something you care about, fear of feeling guilt or shame, fear of being embarrassed in front of others, etc.

And the consequences for crossing the boundary are always going to be manufactured; someone has to follow through on the threat and implement them, because discipline necessarily is not natural. It is person-created and person-enforced.

Which leads to my next point:

Discipline has proven, again and again, to be a band-aid solution at best. Yes, there is motivation and there are consequences, and oftentimes it does dissuade people from crossing boundaries. But here's the thing: people are inconsistent, and people are not omnipresent. If a boundary is crossed and the enforcer doesn't know about it, there is no consequence. The threat is, at least partially, empty.

The other issue with efficacy are the lessons discipline imparts: that consequences are avoidable and/or arbitrary, and that person-enforced consequences are the only reason you should avoid crossing boundaries in the first place.

What if you can get around the consequences? What if you just decide not to care? There are other reasons to respect these boundaries, but discipline distracts from and says, if those consequences aren't enough for me to trust that you'll respect them on their own, then there is no reason for you to respect them on their own.

Discipline also demonstrates a cruel behavior and presents it as altruistic and necessary; "it's okay to treat people like this if you're enforcing a boundary". The impact of that will vary depending on the kinds of consequences we're talking about here, and whether this is imposed internally ("I can treat people like this"), or externally ("it's okay for others to treat me like this"), or both, will often depend on the person. But the core message remains the same.

It's common because it's the easiest solution, not the best one; if someone does something you don't like, just fucking fight them using whatever weapons you have until they stop. Be it physical pain, fear, shame, or guilt, the concept is the same and it is widely-applicable with pretty minimal need to adjust.

But there are alternatives, and those alternatives are not only more ethical- they are genuinely more effective as well.

First: the most effective way of preventing boundary-crossing is to avoid situations where it might happen in the first place. Whatever is motivating someone to cross a boundary, you should want to understand that. If you have the power to prevent it, you should try.

(ex: I plan the first day of outdoor ed so that my students can play freely for the last hour or so, which avoids a lot of problems that crop up if I try to get them to do anything mentally strenuous during that time instead.)

If you're at the point that you need to react rather than be proactive, your central goal should be to teach people:

What the boundary is

Why it's there

Why they should respect it.

This is most straightforward as a conversation, but it doesn't always have to be. Sometimes it's allowing people to find the boundary and learn what the consequences are, and acting as a support system, ready to step in and help if they're in any danger of being hurt. Sometimes it's asking questions and helping them think it through. Sometimes it's telling stories, or watching things with them, or even just teaching them how to pause, ask questions, and reflect on these ideas themselves.

When you can't convey all those messages, you can make do in other ways; distract and redirect away from the boundary, give them tools to avoid the boundary on their own, or evaluate natural consequences ("what is the bare minimum that needs to happen in order to stop this?")

There is a lot of theory around this in the field of education, but the gist of it is: just ask yourself why you're doing what you're doing, what messages you might be sending, and pay attention to the impact it has. Is there a better way? Is there another time/place it could happen instead? How could I prevent this from happening next time?

This carries to large-scale issues as well; incarceration and the criminal justice system relies on discipline, and it's fairly common lately to see alternatives discussed. Avoiding situations where discipline is needed at all is pretty core to that; social programs and supports are a major part of those conversations. When that fails, the next steps are to ask what the minimum we need to do to stop it is, and how we can prevent it from happening again: removal from the situation with minimal to no force, then mental health/other support as needed.

Ask yourself why someone might be doing something, and take the time to think of all the reasons you can. Is it really because they just want to do harm, or could it be something else? What kind of help or instruction do they need? What can you reasonably provide right now?

It's tough, and it goes against a lot of core self-preservation instincts- but if you're in a situation where you can decide whether or not to discipline someone, you're in a situation where you have a responsibility to evaluate whether you should in the first place.

[arysguide]

a song a week: #8

I went to Emo Night yesterday and it dislodged a lot more teenage angst than I was prepared for. I'll be honest, I enjoy the music but it's not that nostalgic for me. I wasn't really that type of emo growing up. As a little girl I misguidedly really wished I could be scene, and I tried teasing my hair and spraying it with hairspray but it didn't accomplish anything, because I wasn't allowed to take a razor to it and give myself bangs. As a teen I was actually a lot more into Tyler the Creator, I listened to some Panic! At The Disco, then got into extreme metal, and I only really got the hype around My Chemical Romance after I graduated high school. So basically I'm a poser, but today I'm gonna talk about a song that some people consider emo:

(WOW) I Can Get Sexual Too - Say Anything (2003)

I only heard this song very recently and I've become obsessed with it. Somehow it felt instantly familiar, even though I'm certain I had never heard of it before.

This is douchebag music. In the mid-2000s it seems like acts from across the musical spectrum were trying to out-edge each-other with blatantly sexual and frankly misogynistic lyrics - but emo and pop punk bands got a particular reputation for overly whiny songs about women. At the same time it was tongue-in-cheek, sarcastic or, or, ironic, right? It's actually really funny and clever if you think about it, right? Because it's self-aware, that makes it almost kind of cute, no? For reference, see The Curse of Curves by Cute Is What We Aim For (2006), or Panic! At The Disco's Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off (2005).

It wasn't just emo - check out any of the songs 3OH!3 released around this time. (I'll admit it - watching the music video for STARSTRUKK (2008) for the first time was a life-changing experience for me.) Blink-182's influence on the pop landscape surely had a lot to do with this development, here's a really good video about that by Trash Theory. And then of course there's the kings of self-deprecating rock, Weezer (dubbed losercore down bad music by NeoPunkFM).

Of course there's nothing new under the sun, there's plenty of classic rock songs about vapid and naive young women, sometimes explicitly about underage girls or groupies, countless songs about how libidinous and reckless young men are. What sets this wave of mid-2000s pop punk apart is the nudge and wink at social commentary - now you can dance along to a song about acting like a total dirtbag and giving into your basest impulse, but it's not "real", it's a caricature and not meant to be taken seriously. Sex still sells, but these bands had something to say about it. Sort of. By 2013, multiple articles had been written on this phenomenon of 'hipster sexism' - "also known as ironic sexism or liberal sexism, 'hipster sexism' is the notion that if sexism done is tongue-in-cheek it's okay, even hilarious (Kelsey Wallace for BitchMedia)." A lot of women weren't keen on laughing along because a lot of these dudes turned out to be card-carrying misogynists. It wasn't even just the men, plenty of songs of this era are by women about… how vapid or slutty other women are. (See Paramore's Misery Business (2007), complete with calling someone a wh*re, and a music video in which Hayley Williams grabs another woman's chicken filets right out of her bra and wipes off her makeup.) There was a hateful and resentful edge to it that seems like a bastardisation of the genre's distant punk roots. Plenty of better writers than me have explored the way that celebrity and tabloid culture of this time resulted in a media landscape that was intensely objectifying and hateful towards women, full of contradictions.

Let's back this up - how is any of this related to the song this post is about? I'm trying to figure that out myself.

Being familiar with the music I mentioned above, that's what I automatically associated this with. But it actually came out before any of those, in 2003. Is it really douchebag music? Or just a song that happens to be about a douchebag?

It's so catchy, and it paints a picture, it's funny but really dark: this guy knows he's pursuing a girl he doesn't care about, because he's bored, and he's willing to lie just to get what he wants - oh brother, this guy STINKS! I love that it's explicitly about phone sex, and the line about "chatting on the interweb," it feels quaint now. I also love the irreverence of : "When she described her underwear, I forgot all the rules the rabbi taught me in the old shul." Here's a great article on the Yiddishkeit of Say Anything. In fact, the song Alive With The Glory of Love is inspired by Bemis' grandparents who survived the Holocaust.

In contrast to some of the less lyrically-inspired songs that came after it, it's a lot more about how heartless and empty the guy is, rather than making the girl the butt of the joke. In short, it's actually good satire. If you're not convinced it's meant to be self-deprecating satire, the rest of the album 'Is A Real Boy' will beat you over the head with it for 21 tracks straight. … And maybe listening to it too much is making me meaner. The track 'Admit It!' lampoons the hipster attitude mercilessly, while indicating that the singer realises he's really no better than them. Too bad the hipsters didn't get the message. Being sincere and wholesome was out of vogue for, like, the next decade. At least now, years later, we can admit we enjoy cute cats, craft beers and retro music un-ironically without making a whole production about it.

All that being said, something a lot more important has shifted in the meantime. Misogyny is decidedly uncool now, at least as far as mainstream pop is concerned. The late 2010s pop landscape seemed to be all about feminist and #girlboss moments. The 2017 #MeToo movement caused a lot of people in the entertainment industry to re-examine their role in creating an environment that is safe (or unsafe) for women. Jesse Lacey of Brand New was accused of sexual misconduct against an underage girl, which he did not deny. In light of that, Max Bemis chose to retire this song, writing on Twitter "It may speak partially of my flaws but it's mostly a sarcastic caricature of someone i've never been at all and is no longer appropriate during this crisis", "we all need to care more, respect women more, respect ourselves more and GIVE A SHIT" and finally: "On a lighter, but direly important note, i don't want to hear about not hearing that song for the FIVE BILLIONTH time this tour from us because it's not REALLY on is a real boy. it now belongs to you, official emo night. go have fun." (For the full thing see this AltPress article.)

So where does that leave us? If even Max Bemis himself disavowed this song, why am I still so compelled by music like this? Does that make me a bad feminist? Is it an internalised misogyny thing? Yeesh. I'm still not totally sure. There's something fascinating to me about the vulgar display of selfishness in this song - it feels like the ultimate taboo. Everything about the way I've dealt with sex and relationships is incredibly neurotic, so there's something cathartic about pretending to be someone without any of those hangups for 3 minutes at a time. It confronts me with my own impulses towards selfishness, and ways I've been selfish in relationships in the past. It's a cautionary tale that works both ways: a) there's something seductive about the idea of behaving so recklessly but you better be prepared for the guilt that comes with it, and b) if I was the girl in this song I would really despise this guy.

These YouTube comments express it a lot more succinctly than I have:

At this rate I'll be heading for electric chairs I'm only human with my cross to bear When she described her underwear I forgot all the rules my rabbi taught me in the old shul You're too young to be this empty girl I'll prepare you for a sick, dark world Know that you will be my downfall But I call, and I call, and I call

For a longer and more informed discussion of some of the things I mentioned: check out The Misogyny of Third Wave Emo and Pop Punk on the Podcast 'Stuff Mom Never Told You'.

[migleefulmoments]

Abby is the 1 who needs a reading comprehension lesson. An anonymous person said 'You're a narrow-minded fool if you actually put any stock in whether or not a married man is wearing his ring.' Abby's reply was 'Never once did I or anyone I know say that a married person has to wear a ring.' Am I crazy or is that totally 2 different things? Sometimes Abby is so blind it makes me crazy. Also, if u could do a follow up to her blatherings re her post it would be great. I'm just gobsmacked over it.

I see you wrote another post clarifying it was Cassie who made the comments you quoted but the entire coven’s comments after Cassie just get more ridiculous- “fact” after “fact” of lies and nonsense comparisons.  It’s batty that they believe any of the lies- but they believe them all! 

Anonymous asked: My grandpa doesn't wear his wedding ring because he used to work as an AC/heating repair man (he even taught college courses on fixing heaters at one point) and then was just not in the habit when he retired. That doesn't make his and grandma's marriage less valid. Rings are a symbolic thing that most cultures don't even do. You're a narrow-minded fool if you actually put any stock in whether or not a married man is wearing his ring.

cassie1022 answered: Oh yay, fun. (Cassie -always so charming)  My dear Nonnie, once again, reading comprehension eludes someone that believes in the Miarren myth. Never once did I or anyone I know say that a married person has to wear a ring (and yet Abby pops in below to claim the same but then argue that it IS the ring coming and going that looks suspicious. Let’s pretend that cc rings were real- he didn’t wear them every day regardless of what Abby claims.). Some people don’t wear them because they work with their hands, like your grandpa, and some just don’t feel comfortable wearing them. Let’s be real though. D has never shown an aversion to wearing rings. He’s worn them quite often, even while playing a show (yes, but he also took them off.  It’s his prerogative.  Until he says he’s getting divorced, it’s none of our business). There was a time when the only time he DIDN’T have a ring on was while he was in character (so what? He has had his wedding ring on most times we’ve seen him. You are counting individual photos as entire days and that isn’t accurate)

That being said, let’s examine. When was the last time you think D fixed a car, operated heavy machinery, or, like your grandpa, fixed an AC unit or heater?  (You have no idea what he does in his spare time.  This is a gross comment-some people do things with their hands -build things- because they enjoy it)  (Maybe if he could do that, people wouldn’t be making their own sweat gravy when they go to TSG.)(So now we start with the lies and mischaracterizations. FUN. There are two comments from TSG claiming A/C was broken. Since likely Mia doesn’t own the building, she has no control over the A/C being broken). 

As I’ve already said, rings aren’t for everyone, but I’ve also pointed out that D has been an avid ring wearer most of his life, and there is more than enough photographic evidence to support this. Also, most couples that exchange rings don’t usually stop wearing them in the first year of marriage.(And he hasn’t stopped wearing his now has he?) That’s when it’s usually a point of pride and you want the world to know you are someone’s spouse. (Does Darren seem like the kind of person who is worried about “the world knowing he’s someone’s spouse”? He’s pretty open about his relationship and taking his ring off for an hour or two isn’t indicative of anything).

You know what DOES make a marriage less valid? No legitimate officiant.(LIE)  There are only a handful of states where you can officiate your own marriage, and guess what? Louisiana isn’t one of them.(He didn’t, Joe did)  You need an ordained minister and in addition to that, the minister must register in the parish where the marriage is taking place.

So, if this makes me a “narrow-minded fool,” so be it. I’ve been called worse. (It definitely does).  

ajw720 I needed to laugh this morning, thank you nonnie.(I would imagine you need to laugh a hell of a lot more than you do Abby)  You people really don’t get it (Oh lord).  Also, it isn’t JUST the ring (which is very suspicious especially as he deliberately takes it off at random times, there one minute gone the next) (Here abby argues it isn’t the ring.... except it is the ring) , it is as @cassie1022 pointed out, no officiant (LIE) , weird wedding algorithm (the fact that Abby truly believes there was a guest algorithm says everything there is to say about Abby’s judgment and the cc nonsense)  is FAMILY HONEYMOON (a joke)  constant babysitters (LIE) d’s complete lack of enthusiasm (he practically said he was bored and realized at the last moment that that was bad) (Desperate Abby, you're so desperate) , talked about pooping exes as opposed to how life changed with his bride (and you don’t get that this is was keep from speaking about his personal life? How long have you been a fan? Joking about something to distract from having to answer something private is spot-on Darren), speaks more passionately about his jacket then his wedding (we done got hitched) (This means nothing Abby...NOTHING. He wrote a boring post about his jacket and you’ve been losing your shit over it ever since. IT meant nothing...it was a coat he wore to an event. You only like it because he was boring and serious. It was the farthest thing from Darren I’ve ever read.), announced the engagement using a reference to the wrong freaking franchise (I can’t...this is one of your dumbest arguments out of a lot of arguments. It was a JOKE Abby, a joke.  He used the franchise that made the joke funny. Darren doesnt’ own a franchise)   , FIVE FUCKING encagement rings (LIE), the last of which is an advertisement that she is paid to wear and they haven’t even tried to hide this fact (LIE), utter lack of chemistry (again desperate Abby) , the weirdness with his non-relationship but clear friendship of sorts with his ex co-star (It’s not “weirdness” it’s a nonrelationship-you said it yourself). , the way she is promoted that is beyond excessive for someone who isn’t famous (This entire rant is unhinged. Nobody is promoting her, he’s living his life with her.  Like we expect he would with his wife. There is nothing untoward with their behavior together.  The fact that you have to label it “promotion” says that it worries you a lot). the fact that the sold their entire wedding to about 100 sponsors )(LIE) (I am sure there are more than we even realize), the clear references to fandom at the sham mockery (OMG Abby, give it up. Nobody cares about you), and that this allegedly private couple also released 85% of their wedding for public consumption (They released 27 photos. That is HARDLY 85% of their wedding. You saw a lot of the same photos posted by their friends and it upset you but they didn’t release 85% of their wedding. It was a 4-day event and the wedding events started at around 3 pm and lasted until after midnight -27 is not 85% of 10-ish hours of celebration).  

If it was ONLY that he randomly took his ring off depending on how the wind is blowing, fine, that is evidence alone of nothing.  All of these things, and hundred and hundreds of other facts (which are ALL LIES). (inconsistent timelines (Darren doesn’t owe you a “consistent timeline” that’s asinine)   they don’t know where they met each other RC handshakes (You know that isn’t a handshake- they were photographed together right before the “handshake’ you won’t let go of and he’s heard introducing her as his girlfriend ), D running from her every moment he can, etc, etc)(Whatever you tell yourself to sleep at night), are clear evidence it is fake that is beyond a reasonable doubt (Bwahahahahaha you are conning yourself Abby) .  Him kissing her in her bar is his job.  I suggest nonnie you pay attention to the details (Which ones- your lies or the real details?) And please pay attention to the captain, he hasn’t even been subtle lately, he has been fairly blatant (Le sigh, he isn’t the captain.  He’s a dude who loves his boyfriend Will and writes children’s books that are not cc Bibles) .

Happy Thanksgiving Nonnie!  I hope you can tear yourself away from reading blogs you disagree with long enough to enjoy your friends and family! Cheers!

notes-from-nowhere What love are you talking about, anon? M doesn’t love D and she makes this clear every chance she get (LIE- there is nothing that suggests MIa isn’t in love with Darren). Do I have to remind you how she denied to D’s mom one red carpet to celebrate her son? (LIE Abby fabricated)  Or to D’s dad to be honored for his military past?(another LIE Abby fabricated)  But why listing all of her actions when you know very well this is only the surface.

Btw, I still have to know a singer/actor lost a finger because of a wedding band. Anon, try again, this attempt failed. (SMH)

leka-1998 You know what I like about this instance in particular? Apart from the fact that the ring isn’t off the whole time, he’s still wearing the other one here.

After 284719 years, she should also know what the language D’s mom speaks is called. Seems she doesn’t care enough. (Another LIE that Abby fabricated) 

Also, former platonic roomie says hello. (LIE) 

ajw720

They still can’t explain away B/enny, the man D just praised for his new album yet D hasn’t even mentioned his brother’s (I can’t explain it but it has nothing to do with Darren and Mia.  You’re the one making it a problem) .  The man that mocked fandom on his IG by referring to M/oulin R/ouge when posting about the fraud in NOLA (Nobody-especially Ben Hudson- gives a shit about fandom Abby. You’re a nobody)  The man who seemingly officiated the wedding (Again a LIE)  And the one who appears to have a dog (yes he does, he lives with his girlfriend, Joanna, and their two dogs) . Hey remember just a few weeks ago when PBB dropped her teeth in the dog’s bowl? Funny as we know she and D don’t have a dog (Nope, they clearly don’t- stop trying so hard).…