#is it the fact kingdom hearts 1 is what started my path to gaming?

[videogame1up]

Some of my favorite games of all time

If you were to ask me what my favorite game of all time is, i would probably say something like "Of all time? I don't know, depending on the day and my mood it could be ten different games" Or something to that effect. The games listed here are a healthy mix of some genuinely amazing, ten outta ten games and some "I played it a lot when i was a kid" With that said this list is in absolute no order, the #1 on this list is not my all time favorite game, just one of them.

10. Sims Bustin out

Alright starting off with a bit of a left curve, but Sims Bustin out is one of my favorite games of all time. Which is a statement i trust not too many people have said. Is Sims bustin out the best Sims game? No, that's probably Sims 2. Bustin out beats out 2 mostly for that sweet sweet nostalgia. Anyone who has played, and gotten into the Sims knows how addicting the game play is, balancing work, personal life, relationships is so much more enjoyable when done virtually than in real life. I have so many memories of booting this game up late at night when everyone had fallen asleep, excited to get a new promotion in my criminal career path. The gameplay of Sims Bustin out is purely addicting, and it's an addiction i haven't really shaken from childhood. Now I'm off to never say or type "Bustin out" ever again

Release Date- December 16, 2003

Consoles-PS2, Xbox, Gamecube

9. Donkey Kong Country

I remember the first time playing this game, my friend invited me over and about half way through i asked "So, whats the plot exactly? Like, are we trying to rescue your girlfriend or something?" I was beside my self when my friend went "Nah, we're getting your bananas back" It's such a funny premise and shows the game doesn't take its self too seriously, beneath the surface of this over the top goofy game is genuinely one of the greatest 2D platformers of all time . One of those games that has infinite replay ability because its so much fun going through these stages. The difficulty curb isn't too crazy, and eases you into some of the most challenging but fair levels from any game. Not to mention this one of the best looking games to come from the Snes, with one of gamings best soundtracks. I genuinely love this game, and believe its worth playing, even if for only a few levels.

Release date- November 18, 1994

Consoles- Snes, Switch (online snes library)

8. Kingdom Hearts

*silence* WHEN YOU WALK AWAY

The Kingdom hearts series has had its up and its downs, it has had it's Organization XIII and it's time travel (for some reason) the original Kingdom Hearts is still a pretty simple and straightforward game which i definitely think helps with it's longevity, i don't know what is going on in Kh3 and i played all the other games leading up to it. KH is a beautiful marriage between Square Enix and Disney, it should not work out nearly as well as it does. The developers really got things right off the bat, the worlds (for the most part, fun fact you can actually skip under the sea) are fun to explore or at the very least, thanks to the enjoyable combat system, they are fun to fight your way through. Each world of course has its own vibes, they have their own unique heartless and boss fights. If you want extra content KH has you covered. Two (pretty difficult) secret bosses to find in the Peter Pan world and Aladdin world. You also have the coliseum to go back to, eventually making your way up to the Hades cup filled with enemies you have fought along the way as well as a few boss fights including of course Hades him self. You can't talk about side content without talking about Sephiroth. You can beat the game, credits will roll, Sephiroth will still kill you. Or for giggles you can attempt a speed run (for me my best time is around 5 hours) Kingdom hearts was also the first game that was purely just mine, after having to share with my siblings no one but me in the house was all that interested in saving my friends and returning back home to Destiny islands. This is game that scratches that nostalgia itch, and is just a genuinely fun game

"Remember what you said before? I'm always with you too, I'll come back to you. I promise"

"I know you will"

Release Date-March 28, 2002

Consoles-PS2,PS3,PS4, Xbox One

7. Wind Waker

Link to the past was my first Zelda game, but Wind Waker is my favorite Zelda game. Wind Waker, how do i love thee, let me count the ways

The open world was vast with so much to see and explore, this is a point of contention as there are those out there who don't like the great sea. And those people are wrong. The great sea offers such a great sense of exploration. Feed the fish to learn about each island (49 of em) take on each enemy outpost you encounter, hunt for treasure, fight sea monsters, explore ghost ships, or simply watch a storm roll in. While Zelda stories are never very deep, i quite like this one. (slight spoilers for a 20 year old game) you discover what happens to Hyrule when it's hero fails to rise, for a cartoony game its story is fairly dark. And of course the game looks fantastic, even going back to play the original gamecube release it still looks very good. Some complain that this is one of the easier Zelda games, but that criticism goes out when you consider Breath of the wild is the easiest Zelda game and that's the one everyone says is perfect. Zelda games aren't meant to be dark souls, and i really do love just sailing around.

"This is the only world that your ancestors were able to leave you. Please....forgive us"

Release date- March 24, 2003

Consoles- Gamecube, Wii U

6. Sonic the Hedgehog (Sega Genesis)

A.K.A the official Nostalgia representative. The Sega Genesis was the first console i ever played, games like Eternal Champions, Phantom 2040, X-Men, Alex Kid in the enchanted castle, while i do have a soft for these games and many others that kicked off my interest in gaming, not many hold up exceptionally well today, that is of course expect for Sonic on Genesis (I'm cheating here a bit and including the three main line sonic games on the genesis ) These games represented the best that the Genesis had of offer and are still a blast to play to this day. Who wants to play as a slow Italian plumber when you can play as a cool blue hedgehog with attitude. Just try and put your controller down, he will tap his foot impatiently. It was the 90s, and being cool was so cool. Speed? Oh speed was the coolest. Race through the levels with master reaction time jumping over enemies and obstacles to race to the finish. 30 years later, and these games still hold up exceptionally well

Release date- June 21, 1991

Consoles- Genesis, and countless re-releases on nearly every console since the ps2.

5. Red Dead Redemption 2

I wanna be a cowboy baaaaby

There is no such thing as a perfect game, but RDR2 is pretty close. The Story is this game is one of my favorites. Following a gang in the dying days of the wild west, it has some twists. It has some turns. And in the end, it had an emotional and satisfying conclusion. RDR 2 excels at what any sandbox strives for, an amazing world to explore. As fantastic as the story is, the world has so much to see and do and explore. Stranger missions (side missions) scatter the world from becoming hunting friends with a war vet to gathering dangerous and exotic animals that have escaped from the traveling circus. Like searching for creepy Easter eggs? Because great, you can explore a haunted swamp, find a woman imprisoned by her own family, and follow the clues leading to the lair of a serial killer. With over 200 animals living in the world of RDR 2, it really does feel alive. The world is diverse and never a bore to travel through, in part thanks to the fact RDR2 is one of the most graphically impressive games I've ever played.

"When the time comes, you gotta run and don't look back. This is over."

Release date- October 26, 2018

Console-PS4,Xbox one, PC

4. Animal Crossing New Leaf

I bought a 3ds just for this game, i went to Gamestop the morning the game released and bought a Red 3Ds XL along a copy of Animal Crossing New Leaf. I won't get into New Horizons here, but New Leaf is still by far the series has offered. New Leaf was peak Animal crossing, it took the game several steps forward while still staying true to the Animal Crossing formula. You move to a village and become the new mayor, which allows you freedom over your town like never before. With public work projects you could decorate your town, as mayor you could set ordinances so villagers either stay up late with your, or maybe they wake up early with you. The music is arguably the best Animal Crossing has given us. Fortune cookies allowed you to decorate your home with items from Zelda, Mario, Pikmin, Starfox, etc. Forge friendships with your neighbors, try to force the ugly ones out, actually upgrade your shop all the way. Maybe the best part, no incredibly long tutorial. The game just, starts. It's easy for anyone from any age to get into New Leaf.

Release date- June 9th, 2013

Console- 3DS

3. Hit and Run

You ever wanna play gta but your mom wont let you? Just play The Simpsons Hit and Run, its sorta the same game. Hit and Run has a fair amount of flaws, like the fact you essentially repeat the same 4 or 5 missions over and over again. Race that car, follow that car, destroy that car, collect stuff the car drops (worst of these missions) However, i am a Simpsons fan and also it's a game from my youth, it was always going to make it on this list. (I see you Road Rage, get outta here) Even though the missions aren't the most thrilling, the game it self is still a lot of fun to mess around in it. Springfield is honestly pretty faithfully re-created, outside the standard missions there are plenty of extra goodies (level gags, collector cards, bonus cars to unlock, costumes such as cool Lisa, Bartman, Donut head homer and officer Marge) driving around feels good and doesn't take long before you start discovering shortcuts in each level, allowing you to absolutely smoke the computer players. For all these reasons Hit and Run is a game I'll consistently go back to and play

Release date- September 16, 2003.

Consoles-PS2,XBOX,GAMECUBE, PC

2. Pokemon Red and Blue

Is Red and Blue the best Pokemon games? Nah. Are the the only ones I'm nostalgic for? Nah. As much as i love Gen 2 Pokemon games Gold and Silver, i just can't justify having them over Red and Blue. These are the games that got me into Pokemon, i was the Pokemon generation and these games are so important to my childhood i just couldn't leave them off. I was on the playground when kids went "Hey you know you can catch a mew by moving that truck" It pained me that it was never true and Justin's dad did not in fact work at Nintendo. Red and Blue have not held up as well as many other games on this list, and even when the complaint for newer games are "Well this is nothing new" They still add onto and improve upon the original formula, however Nostalgia is an incredibly powerful force and this game like few others has the ability to make me feel 5 again.

"Do you believe in ghost? Hahahaha, i guess not. That white hand on your shoulder, it's not real"

Release date- September 28, 1998

Console- Gameboy

Super Smash bros ultimate

Each new Smash bros game instantly becomes the new best Smash game (sorry, Melee fans) at least that's the case for the general public. Each new game updates and adds onto the previous game, Smash ultimate is a rare beast in that whatever comes after it, can't possibly top it. The next smash game will more than likely be a great game, much like all old smash bro games are, but the next smash won't be able to say "Everyone is here!" The amount of characters and stages really does feel like a once in a lifetime thing. You'll never be able to say "Let's play a round of smash, you'll be Pichu, you can be Snake, you can be Ken, and I'll be Sora" Ever again. Smash ultimate is a game i have fairly regularly gone back to play since it's release in December 2018. As of writing this now i have played Smash Ultimate for 535 hours, that's 22 days of my life spent playing this game, and i have no regrets. I'll boot it up only expecting to play a few minutes but then I'll start playing as one of 80 some characters i haven't give much attention to. Figuring their move set out, figuring out whether or not i want to make them a main or not. Each character feels unique, but the controls are simple enough you never feel overwhelmed stepping out of your comfort zone and maybe trying out a little mac if you're used to playing as a Mega Man. Sakuria and his team created one of the greatest fighting games of all time, a game that will be re-visited years after it's own release.

Release date- December 7th, 2018

Console- Switch

[clemsimunch]

*THE LAST OF US PART 1 & 2 SPOILERS*

I got the game when I was 13. I received it for free with the ps3 I had just bought. This was my first non Nintendo console, so I was stepping into an entire new world and gender of games.

Being that young and that inexperienced with shooting games or even realistic games, I didn't get far. I remember being too scared to attack my first clickers and turning off the game.

To this day, it resides on my shelf along with a couple of kingdom hearts games and beyond two souls that I only finished thru letting my friends play it for me.

Now we're in 2023, and everyone on the Internet is talking about the HBO show, so by pure curiosity of all the hype, I decided to watch episodes 1 & 2 with some friends.

I knew the beginning of the game. But revisiting the story now as an adult and confronting the disturbing and frightening sight of the clickers through a mature lense made the experience so much better.

It didn't surprise me that I became obsessed with the game and show, and so, in a very short time, I binged part 1 of the videogame.

The end of part 1 is good, but it leaves you a bit conflicted. What Joel did was morally wrong, but after spending so much time with Ellie and him, you totally understand why he did it. Killing people is never a good action, even if it's to save your daughter. Joel knows this ence why he lies to Ellie about it, but she is smart and knows he is not telling the truth but decides not to question him.

That's how it ends. Them trying to live a normal life in an apocalyptic world. Knowing there's nothing they can do to help.

I didn't want to watch part 2.

Part 1 finished in a satisfying bitter sweet ending with an open ending that led to so many possibilities we could imagine. And I liked to be able to imagine what life Joel and Ellie would live after. How Joel would have to tell her what he did one day and how Ellie would learn to accept his actions and accept that she can't save everyone.

In a way, that's exactly what part 2 did. I just hated the way they did it. (it wasn't poorly done it just broke my heart and stepped on it)

I started part 2 with high hopes and so much love for the father daughter relationship the two main characters had built in the first game. To me that what was the core of the last of us. This found family in the chaos of life.

Of course we can't have nice things.

I had a panick attack as a reaction to Joel's death. The whole scene made me want to throw up, and I was sobbing for hours after the fact.

I had to FORCE myself to continue part 2, and even then, I skipped most of Abbys' story because I couldn't bear it ( I'm weak, ok ). With every memory Joel Ellie presented us with, came the tears of my broken heart.

I'm very sensitive, and when I watch a show, I always feel what the character feels. So I felt like I had gained an amazing father figure, and someone brutally murdered him in front of me to then just remember how the last couple times we interacted weren't the best.

The scene where Joel finally tells Ellie the truth and their very last conversation where Ellie tells him how she doesn't think she'll ever forgive him but she wants to try and you can hear with Joel's broken voice how relieved and happy that made him feel.

Then IT happens, and the rest of the game is Ellie making very questionable choices. I'd even go as far as saying she does way worse than Joel in this game. Joel killed to save his daughter, by necessity. Ellie killed for revenge for her own cause. And that does not lead her to a great path...

Overall, part 1 is a masterpiece, and I have a lot of conflicting feelings about part 2. I dont like how it's just Ellies revenge and not her fighting for a cause or something like they did in the first one (mostly). The second one feels selfish. I guess it makes her human.

Then, there's my brain wanting to find solutions.

1 WISHFULL

Scrap part 2 and just write "they lived happily ever after" after the first part....

2 REASON

The morally right thing that should have been done at the end of part 1 ( not only by Joel but by any other person in that damn hospital ) would have been to wake Ellie up and tell her the situation and let her choose. I'm sure she would have chosen self-sacrifice, and Joel would've been really sad, but he wouldn't kill everyone knowing it was HER choice.

3 LOGIC

Ok, I'm no doctor and I don't claim to be all knowing so if I say anything totally wrong please correct me but, at least in the HBO series, they tell us AGAIN AND AGAIN that nothing can cure the fungus infection. There's no medicine. No vaccine. EXPERTS in the field say so. But then come Ellie, who is immune. I'm gonna take a guess here and say she got a mutated dna gene that made her immune. That's my guess. Then this doctor comes here and tells Marlene he can make a vaccine.... last I check, you can't really alter the gene of an already entirely made person. You can't change your blond hair gene to black etc etc. Soooo how exactly would they have done it ? This is not a bacteria it takes control of you. You can't really fight it. The only "cure" I see is just Ellie passing her genes thru her children. That's how humanity is probably the only way TLOU humanity would survive. Survival of the fittest. Only the ones with the mutated immune gene would survive. Yes, that means you can't heal or prevent the people not immune from getting sick, but that's the whole point.

Again I'm no doctor but my logical brain is convinced of this HC and just thinks Joel's action or Ellie non sacrifice or whatever. There was no cure. There never was they never will be so they should not feels guilty of not "saving the world" I know only Ellie has that issue ( but she is the only one alive in the end sooooo) but I wish she could know that her surviving didn't doom the humans more than they already were.

Overall, TLOU is a beautiful story about what it is to be human in the worst conditions, but I think I'll only watch season 1 for my own mental health. Part 2 did give me 2 fully blown panick attacks, and I dont think I can watch Bella scream at Pedro being beaten to death in HD without going thru another one.

[createandconstruct]

My fav scene in FF9, is right at the end of burmecia when Beatrix party wipes you. Up until that point you felt like a hero (through Zidane generally) who is galavanting through a fantasy world. Yeah there are dark aspects like in the village of Dali, the war, and why the black waltz exist. But they are all things you could overcome with enough grit, can do attitude, and a bit of luck. But in Burmecia things are different, the devestation already happened, the heroes weren't there. And throughout this Freya is struggling between her guilt and pain at leaving to chase after her love, only to come back to the place she once protected covered in death and destruction. Even Zidane can't pull a brave face, its bleak and clearly so.

And then we finally see Beatrix, the woman who stole Fratley from Freya, standing and taking orders from the queen and her assistany as if she was some common knave. And I think that thought is what spurred Freya on, the fact the woman who turned Freya's world grey was just a lapdog to the queen.

During the fight proper, I imagine Freya being filled with too much fury to think logically. Zidane knows Beatrix, everyone does, and he's only fighting to stop his friend from killing herself upon Beatrix's sword. And then, all of that didn't matter.

Thats the most amazing, and horrific part. None of it mattered to Kuja, Brahne, or Beatrix, just another interruption (obviously Kuja was enjoying the show, but it wasn't pivotal to him.) And we as the player feel just as helpless, as powerless, and in some cases just as weak was Freya was feeling. It is such a good and poignant way to get the players to emphasize with the characters and doesn't feel heavy handed/forced.

This is such an absolutely perfect analysis of why Burmecia is such a potent part of FFIX. The only thing I can add to this phenomenal breakdown is my own experience which I think reflects how well the game forces the player to feel the tonal shift that comes from Burmecia. And how it does so using Garnet and Zidane's argument after the Harvest Festival.

I remember playing the game for the first time and during Disc 1, when the Burmecia soldier crawls his way into the royal chambers to inform Cid and Lindblum of the attack on Burmeica, and absolutely not jiving with Zidane's perspective and attitude towards Garnet. Garnet demands to come with him and Freya to Burmecia so that she can confront her mother and hopefully stop the war that has already begun. We've been given small hints that Brahne's plans for Garnet are maybe not entirely good-natured and motherly (calling her 'wretched girl' not great mothering) but there isn't any true evidence of malice, yet. The Black Waltzes that came before also all spared Garnet of any harm and so as a player (at least for me) its possible to think that Garnet could be the one person to stop Brahne.

Also, at this point, Garnet has been an integral member of the party as a healer and she's been struggling with her own shortcomings that you want to see her overcome. Despite her work and effort, her own planning and consideration for Alexandria and her mother weren't as original as she thought. Cid was steps ahead of her, already planning to evacuate her from Alexandria (and it was not for plans of collaboration with her on how to stop war but instead to keep her safe from it). And so Garnet argues to come along so she doesn't get left behind and anyone who doesn't want to lose their healer would agree. As Brahne's daughter she could be the one person who can talk sense into the war-bound woman. The tone of the game at this point makes it seem like a possible card that could be played.

Yet for the first time Zidane says no. And as the player I found the way he spoke to her condensing and his argument lacking. And you're exactly right: with enough grit what can't the party face? They've done it thus far after all. That's what's running through the players ahead. Instead Zidane doesn't exude that confidence. He simply asks Garnet how she felt seeing the soldier die and questions her attitude in the face of war, which she has never experienced. Even freaking Steiner agrees with Zidane, after Garnet has knocked out the party, telling her its not her battle to join, and one he would never wish her to. Without Ultimania's added info to Steiner's character you could interpret it that Steiner once served as a solider for Alexandria in the previous Gaian wars however it makes sense that now (with Ultimania) he was speaking of his experience as a child orphaned by war. We later see that Garnet does take some of this heart as she doesn't venture to Burmecia but instead to Alexandira so she can directly face the source of the problem and avoid the battlefield.

During this whole scene I was on Garnet's side and I think the game intends you to be. At this point Zidane has been swinging and missing with her because of his own developing feelings and insecurities (he pulls a line on her that he used on another girl, uses a date with her as a reward for Vivi, and then seemingly looks down on her) all while Garnet has been faced with the limits of her title and her own power as person. By the start of the war, Garnet and Zidane aren't on the same page and as a player you can feel that, it just depends on who you side with. Though tonally, it feels right to side with Garnet. Her view of war (or specifically her mother) and your ability to overcome it as the player are in tune.

And so you have the original core party splitting in half. It's awesome to watch Garnet declare and fight for her own agency in this conflict, doing all she can to save her mother, kingdom, and others from this brewing war. It's refreshing to see a female character fight back when male characters stress her naivety and ignorance, and there's expectation that the characters will all reach Burmecia together and Garnet will prove Zidane and the others wrong.

But... then you reach Gizmaluke's Grotto. Bodies litter the entrance and your path. You make your way through and hit Disc 2 and after we learn that Garnet and Steiner have aimed their path towards Alexandria (unbeknownst to Zidane and co.) the fun lighthearted fantasy world ends. The battles you could take single-handedly are over. You find North Gate which Freya declares smells of blood and smoke and you walk your way to the gates of Burmecia....

...and you understand Zidane's words. When that soldier crawled his way to Lindblum, only to die at everyone's feet, war had already begun. While the party waits for the gate of Burmecia to open innocent people have already been killed and are being killed. When you visit North Gate before the Ice Cavern Alexandria has raised its war banner, and now they have attacked. There is no matter of convincing Brahne of anything, at this point, she must be stopped. Yet when you arrive at Burmecia you're already far too late. A kingdom and its people have been decimated. The corpses of citizens are strewn about in the city streets. Zidane only prays Garnet hadn't come this way.

At some point when reflecting on the game I realized the weight behind Zidane's original words I had found condescending towards Garnet. He questions her feeling of sadness towards war because he knows his own. He's afraid. At the prospect of war even Zidane is scared and by walking through the ruins of Freya's home, you know why. Watching Beatrix, Brahne, and Kuja think nothing of the loss and destruction they've caused you know why. The game shows you the true colors of war and while Garnet knows the significance she does not know (or rather cannot yet remember) the experience of it which is why she can still face her mother, the perpetrator, with hope of change and pacifism. Such a realization hit me hard. Add it to the list of why FFIX is incredible.

[subwalls]

Tales from the SMP Presents: The Pit

Another Tales, another Kingdom Hearts comparison post! “The Other Side” is a mix between the soundtrack The Other Promise and the cinematic “Another Side, Another Story” (both of which come from Kingdom Hearts, of course), which evokes a very specific KH character that... yeah. So let’s get into it.

Karl gets stabbed by the king’s new general and finds himself back in the Inbetween. A cool new logo pops up as we enter the Inbetween, which actually is a... very typical example of a Kingdom Hearts world logo / intro card / name card? I honestly don’t know what it’s called, it doesn’t have a name, it’s just a thing that happens every time the character enters a new world.

Castle Oblivion is just one (1) example, but if you just look up “Kingdom Hearts worlds” and scroll a bit, you’ll see what I’m talking about, haha. This doesn’t really change anything, it’s just another little wink and nod to the Kingdom Hearts series.

... Except, of course, the fact that there’s a title placard for this world implies the existence of other worlds. Which we eventually find out is, in fact, true. Fun! There’s a number of associations I could make based off the aesthetic of the logo (the castle reminds me of Radiant Garden, etc) but honestly they’re not worth much without more information.

So, the Inbetween is vividly aware of Karl’s straying from “the path”. It makes a huge attempt to still be pleasant and “nice” and whatever, but we can tell quite obviously that there’s an undercurrent of threat under all those pretty quartz blocks and smiles :]

Speaking of the :] smile, the reveal of Quackity’s previous lore stream actually doesn’t push me to think that it’s directly related to him in any way. It’s not impossible that c!Quackity achieved such heights as... becoming? The Inbetween? Because he’s got reason to be invested in Karl’s powers and keeping him in line. But it’s a reach or long-term thing at best, honestly, so I’m shelving the Quackity-smile association until further evidence appears.

(I could go bonkers and say that this is the culmination of c!Quackity’s ascension after ripping Information out of Dream or even XD, but that’s well into AU territory, so it’s all just shrug emojis for now.)

Which, of course, leads to the question of who that smile actually is associated with, and I think as clear an answer as we’re going to get is... The Inbetween itself. Clearly.

There’s a lot of meaning I could take from that; is it associated with Dream or XD then? Or maybe is it tapping into Karl’s memories of c!Dream doing the :) thing and it’s appropriating that for itself? Why? To intimidate Karl into obeying it?

Mayhaps. Mayhaps!

Anyway, Karl goes up to the tree, and as he approaches, the video feed distorts as the game abruptly switches to a higher-level shader like BSL or something.

Now, I haven’t confirmed it, but the way the audio shifts makes me think it suddenly started playing backwards, too. It’s just the way it sounds; it’s got that... sucking effect that’s pretty typical of musical tracks played backwards.

Karl swims down to the hidden room, which is very dark now. There is a book that tells him to go up the ladder for a surprise.

Also, by the way, I’m back on my wither rose pot association brainrot, because I can’t help but notice that there isn’t one here. There was one in the previous Inbetween segment, but it’s gone now. Now there’s a new book with the :] smiley, which of course should set the audience on edge, since we just saw the first book use it in a... mildly threatening manner.

We know that in Dream SMP it’s a pretty common thing to use redstone as blood. Other characters have used it in bits, some more seriously than others, and I think that’s what this room is trying to emulate.

If I had to guess, I’d... hm.

A part of me wants to say that the blood is probably from the different versions of Karl wandering around. Nobody’s going to notice if a few abruptly take a swerve to bleed themselves out in a room or something, right? But that carries a lot of implications, namely that of control so perfect it borders on possession. So either the Inbetween can control Karls, or it has some other agent capable of dragging something into this chamber to bleed it all over the room.

Neither of those options are particularly nice, I’ll admit!

There’s no Kingdom Hearts associations here, by the way. Due to being so closely tied with Disney, KH is deathly allergic to portraying blood in any way lmao. Not so many messages carved into the walls.

Or painted onto the walls with blood, if that’s what that is. Color correction gets a bit odd with shaders, so I’m not saying anything for certain; the closed books don’t look enchantment-purple, for example.

What does catch my eye are the torches, which will later be the flickering lights that guide Karl to the portal. The fact that they are here makes me think that this was definitely the scene of either a battle or some other conflict between the two sides to this story (haha, get it, Another Side, Another Story, because that’s a Thing in KH—), or at least proves that an influence from The Other Side was here at some point in time.

Karl quickly gets the fuck out of there, and when he swims back to the surface the shaders/music switch back to normal.

Oh, and for all you people who like to point fingers at anything vaguely false and scream “that’s gAsLiGhTiNg!!!1!!111″ about it, here’s an actual attempt at gaslighting. Note the language used here: “Your mind seems to be playing tricks on you :]”. It’s explicitly trying to convince him not to trust his own senses and mind. It’s saying, let me think for you. And that is a very dangerous thing.

Wither rose pot exists again, yay. Definitely a Inbetween voice, this book.

More wither rose book, this time in the, uh, grand entrance hall? The lobby? Yeah.

This book basically goes on a spiel about how the Inbetween is so great for Karl (a declaration, by the way, rather than a hope) and says that he is doubting himself or being less like himself, which is odd, because what he’s really doing is doubting the Inbetween and the path it has laid out for him. In a way, by questioning the Inbetween, Karl is being truer to himself than anything else.

The malicious way this place frames its words becomes more and more obvious with each passing page; it again reminds him that it’s a place to be “feel at ease”, which is super sketch that it has to tell him outright rather than actually being that place. It continues attempting to gaslight him, telling him that his imagination is getting away from him and that he can’t trust himself or anything else but this “path”.

I’ll get back to the “path” thing in a minute, but I really want to drive home that this is the truest instance of gaslighting we’ve ever had on the Dream SMP. Nothing has ever so clearly declared that it must be trusted over the victim’s own senses, practically infantilizing the victim’s concerns and trying to make them think that their worries are just flights of fancy. Please, please keep this in mind any time you want to accuse a character of gaslighting in the future; not all psychological abuse is a form of gaslighting. Sometimes it’s just... abuse. It’s not any more or less worse than gaslighting, it’s just different.

Anyway, about the “path” that the Inbetween is so obsessed with. No idea what the fuck that’s talking about.

In Kingdom Hearts, the only paths that are really of import are is a specific character’s “road to dawn” (redemption without fully yielding his edginess, essentially) or the “paths” that characters take to traverse between different worlds. I really don’t think the Inbetween has anything to do with either of them, but I’ll leave the options there if you want to peruse the possibilities.

What’s more likely, I think, is that this is a vaguely more subtle version of control/possession. The “path” is just “whatever the Inbetween wants you to do”.

Our next book is from the other side, and is plastered nonchalantly but boldly against the wall with no flower pot or anything.

Karl picks it up, puts it in his inventory (which probably indicates that he’s keeping this particular route close to his heart, rather than whatever the Inbetween is trying to make him do), and then the video stutters and he teleports back to the main entrance.

There’s a new book. It’s spooky as fuck, and hilariously hypocritical.

The tone shift is immediate, of course, aided by the abrupt change in background music since he got teleported back here. (I can’t quite nail it down; I assume it’s a slowed KH track like the others, but it doesn’t quite ring any bells for me.) The way the Inbetween speaks through these books has changed too, though; it addresses him by name without any attempt to cover up its intentions with flowery softness.

It does a cool fun thing where it says that it knows more than Karl, and knows what’s right, and then goes on to say that those visions shouldn’t dictate his opinion on the inbetween. (I’m keeping an eye on that lowercase, by the way. Not sure if it’s a typo or intentional, since it’s still one word, but.) As though he should trust the Inbetween’s opinions of itself rather than his own brain? A’ight. Sure, Jan.

Again it tries to tell him that it’s safe here. The lying is getting more transparent now.

He puts this book back, the previous book back, and runs after a double of himself until the shaders and music glitch again.

Fun thing about shaders is that they make dark areas... much, much darker. Especially since we saw that Karl’s got night vision (the effect, for cinematic purposes) on.

The music has a few notes that again sound as though they’re being played backwards.

The book on the tree in this courtyard does not come with its own little wither rose pot, and neither does it seem to come from the Inbetween, since it’s telling him some awful things about these other versions of himself.

It confirms a few things about the mystery other selves, namely that they’re definitely condemned to walk the castle forever, but it doesn’t really tell us why this happens or why the Inbetween (probably) wants this to happen. What’s the end goal?

We’re probably a bit early in the story to figure that out, but they’re questions worth keeping in mind as this storyline progresses.

Karl gets teleported back to the main lobby, which looks very dark and spooky, though in the transition we do see a glimpse of that portal. There are torches around the wither pot book pedestal, and the audio really kicks into high gear with the creepy notes and the visuals get stretched and glitch quite a bit as he opens the book.

Funnily enough, the audio kind of reminded me of some pokemon encounter music, but I think that’s just because I’ve got those notes wired into my brain from years of playing those games. Anyway! The book tells him this is not a warning, and that they’re gonna fucking come for him to make sure he sticks with their path.

“We”.

Who is “we”? Is the Inbetween a collective? Is the Inbetween just part of a different whole? Maybe it counts all the different Karls as a part of it.

Either way, it’s creepy and threatening. Karl starts running; the screen glitches and tells him to follow the torches, which at first I was kind of leery about trusting, but the next series of words helped clear up exactly what side those words are on.

Also, you’ll notice that some other text kinda skitters across the screen before the English, like it’s getting translated. I think it’s Galactic, which is something different from the thing that Ranboo uses for Ender? I think Ranboo uses the Alien language thing or something? I’m not 100% sure on that, feel free to correct me and I’ll fix this portion.

It certainly implies that the speaker isn’t communicating in the server equivalent of “common”, however. Not sure if they’re translating into English or if Karl inherently understands it and it’s translated into English for the audience’s convenience, but either way, the other speaker might be linked to something completely different.

Karl runs on with encouragement and creepy music until he finally arrives at the portal, which is not barred off like it was last time. Thanks, whoever’s responsible for that!

The music dies for this final book.

The Inbetween’s last-ditch attempt to make him stay. It calls him silly a couple of times, and smiles at the end with a :]

Problem is, we and Karl already know that staying with the Inbetween will keep him from his friends. And the voice tells him to leave for his friends.

Karl looks around at this place that calls itself his sanctuary, and makes his decision.

He arrives at The Other Side.

The music appears to be drawn from parts of either The Other Promise or Roxas’ Theme, both of which are heavily tied to the character known as Roxas. The version that Karl uses is slower and lower, the same as with the Dearly Beloved track he uses for his Inbetween segments.

Honestly, I’m not as certain on this as I could be, because I couldn’t find the exact variation on Youtube and there are parts that could just be Emotional rather than Roxas-related, I’m not sure. I’ll probably come back and fix this if it’s untrue.

EDIT: Yeah, uh, it’s Ven’s theme, not Roxas’, but the world itself is still heavily associated with Roxas in naming themes.

For now, I’m going off the assumption that the decision to make both the name and the theme of this world relevant to Roxas is purposeful, which means I’m... going to attempt to explain who Roxas is and what his story is.

Oh boy.

To grossly oversimplify the situation, Roxas is a “part” of Sora who develops his own sense of identity, is betrayed, gets coerced into murdering his best friend, gets kidnapped, gets memory wiped, and then—when he gets his memory back and realizes he super hates his captors—is convinced by those same captors to give up his existence because he “isn’t a real person” and if he lives then Sora will never wake up. So he “dies” and becomes a part of Sora again until later.

(Sora, by the way, is asleep due to the events in Castle Oblivion, which you might recognize as That Place I Keep Associating The Inbetween With.)

He’s also a fan favorite lmao. Take from that as you will, and, I don’t know, flip through his wiki page or something. Can’t guarantee it’s all understandable though.

My point to bringing Roxas up is that his arc... kind of parallels Karl’s. He did his job working for superiors he didn’t really understand in a white castle, with the higher-ups trying to control him, until he realized he was losing his friend/s to them. At that point, he defects. I think this is the point that Karl has reached, in his own storyline. He’s pulled away from the thing that’s made itself known to him, and now he’s wandering down something that hopefully isn’t as awful as the beast he’s just left behind.

Roxas also doesn’t get his happy ending for a long, long time.

Let’s hope Karl is different.

Off the top of my head, I can tell you that the mood this world creates is very reminiscent of some areas that the Kingdom Hearts games explore in 0.2 (yes, zero point two, that is the number of that game. This fucking series, man), specifically Castle Town, in which the player character has to smack a bunch of clock gears to make time go backwards in order to proceed, which is fun. But no exact inspirations come to mind the same way that Castle Oblivion did for the Inbetween.

Until we get a better look at the interiors, I’m going to gently claim that this build is more original and doesn’t take inspiration quite as directly from a Kingdom Hearts source, so there might not be an exact parallel. There isn’t a black castle in Kingdom Hearts that I can think of, honestly.

Also, I will say that I’m going to take this episode as confirmation that the wither roses are associated with the Inbetween and appear next to books that come from / are related to the Inbetween, especially since The Other Side associates itself with a completely different flower: the white tulip.

Anyway, The Other Side tells him he’s home, and that they’ll explore more soon.

This... eerily parallels the Inbetween, which told him that he’s safe, and has lots to explore.

I can’t say that I immediately trust The Other Side, but neither can I say that I inherently distrusted it the same way I did with the Inbetween. We’re going to have to wait and see how this place behaves in future episodes to get a good grasp of it. Who built these places? Are they alive, and writing the books, or is there a mastermind behind them? We still don’t have a lot of the answers, but that’s okay.

For now, I’m content to know that Karl is away from the more obvious perils of the Inbetween.

It could still be a trap, but for now, it’s a refuge.

[violethowler]

False Start: Analyzing Kairi’s Arc After Melody of Memory

In October 2019, I did an analysis of Kairi’s character arc as of the end of Kingdom Hearts 3 and what I felt was being set up for her going forward.

My major point was that Kairi's fear of change was holding her back from reaching her full potential and catching up to Sora and Riku, but that by the end of Kingdom Hearts III she had overcome that fear and was ready to move forward. 

In hindsight, I jumped the gun in assuming that the end of KH3 marked the definitive point where she got over her change and could truly move forward. While she had some good moments in Re:Mind, Limit Cut promptly put her to sleep for an entire year, trying to search the memories in her heart for a clue to Sora's whereabouts. 

But then Melody of Memory happened. 

When Kairi faces the memory of Xehanort, she says in the original Japanese version that Sora and the others being hurt was the result of her strength not being enough. I'll save the rant about how the English localization consistently removes Kairi's moments of self-reflection throughout the series for another day, but my main point is that this sets the groundwork for her decision to remain behind while Riku goes to Quadratum. When she chose to increase her training under Aqua, I was thrilled because finally this was the sign I was looking for that Kairi was really, truly, ready to move forward. 

A lot of people were disappointed by this decision because they felt like Kairi needing more training was the whole point of her being brought to the Mysterious Tower at the end of Dream Drop Distance. But there are a few things that set this moment apart and explain why her training in Kingdom Hearts 3 did not amount to as much as fans were hoping. 

First, it's that this time Kairi is exerting her own agency and making the choice herself. Her training in Kingdom Hearts 3 was never something we saw her actively choose. So Kairi making that choice on-screen has more weight than Riku bringing her to the Mysterious Tower for training on Yen Sid's orders. 

Second, while the memory of Xehanort notes that she did improve in the brief time she was training, the way she was being trained wasn't suited to her style. The description we get of her training in Kingdom Hearts 3 mostly seems to amount to her and Lea sparring each other repeatedly - which is exactly how Sora and Riku developed their sword fighting skills growing up. And when you look at her battle stance and the way she holds her Keyblade in Kingdom Hearts 3 compared to how she held it in previous games, her stance is an exact copy of Sora's. It's no wonder then why she changed into Sora during the final boss fight in Melody of Memory then when she was clearly trying to imitate him. 

In the 2006 Characters Report Vol. 1 book, Tetsuya Nomura's comments about Kairi in the early games identify the fear of growing apart from Sora and Riku as a major source of anxiety for her. The fact that her training and combat stance in Kingdom Hearts 3 imitate Sora so heavily indicates that Kairi is trying to catch up to Sora and Riku by trying to be exactly like them in that area as much as possible. With how much the series has focused on personal identity with regards to Roxas and Xion being their own people, it makes sense why Kairi doing that failed her in Kingdom Hearts 3. Because Sora and Riku's style isn't suited for her. 

Because she isn't them. 

For Kairi to achieve her goal of catching up to Sora and Riku's level, she needs to step out of their shadow and figure out how to be herself instead of trying to be Sora. And the best way for her to understand herself will be to understand her past. 

The Xehanort that Kairi faces in Melody of Memory is explicitly identified as a construct of her heart. He tells her that the answers she seeks "lie in memories that are long gone," and tells her that there is nothing for her to find in her heart. However, that isn't really true with what previous games have established about how memories work in this universe. Chain of Memories establishes that memories are stored in the heart, and that while the connections between them can be rearranged, they are never gone for good. 

So while Kairi may not consciously remember her childhood before arriving on Destiny Islands, the memories are still there deep in her heart. All she needs is something or someone to help her restore the connections between them. To rebuild the links in her Chain of Memories, so to speak. Kingdom Hearts 3 and Melody of Memory both specifically call attention to Kairi's first meeting with Aqua in Birth by Sleep, as well as the fact that Kairi doesn't remember it. From a narrative standpoint, the series has set up that remembering that first meeting will help Kairi regain the rest of her memories from Radiant Garden. 

But remembering her past is not the only arc the story has set up to help Kairi understand herself better. Training with Aqua also puts her in a position to interact with another teen who has a heart of pure light.

Who was also in a coma for a time while his heart rested in Sora's body. 

It's not a coincidence that Union X first revealed the existence of the entity known as Darkness just a few months after KH3 revealed that being a Princess of Heart was a mantle that could be passed on rather than a permanent state of being. Then Re:Mind revealed that Darkness is still hiding within Ventus' heart in the present day. And following the release of Melody of Memory, the next Union X update revealed that Darkness had killed Streliztia because it saw her death as the best way to grant Ven's desire for strength. The ability for Princesses of Heart to pass on their powers serves as set up for Kairi to do the same, opening herself up to struggling with darkness in her heart for the very first time. 

Kairi wants to become stronger in order to stand alongside Sora and Riku. But she has not struggled with her negative emotions the way that Riku has or that the narrative framework sets up Sora will be in the near future. But her decision to train alongside Aqua puts her in a position that has the potential to force her to go through that struggle herself should Darkness try to grant her desire for strength in ways that she doesn't want. 

I know that I was wrong before about Kairi getting over her fear of change. But this time, I'm confident that Kairi's character arc is finally picking up momentum. What Melody of Memory has that previous games didn't is a clear sense of narrative direction. All Dream Drop Distance did was vaguely establish that she was going to start training. Kingdom Hearts 3 didn't give enough information to form concrete theories about the trajectory of her arc. 

But all the Kingdom Hearts content released in 2020 has set up foreshadowing for a very specific plotline in regards to Kairi's character growth. And not only that, Xehanort's monologue in the flashback to her childhood where he says "if you arrive in a world that is neither light nor darkness, but somewhere on the other side, your task will be far from easy" adds a significant connection between Kairi rediscovering her past and the mysteries of "unreality." Especially because Xehanort acting like it was actually possible for her to end up there instead of Destiny Islands raises the question of whether she truly went straight to Destiny Islands after Xehanort sent her off. 

Kairi's connection to "unreality" makes her the lynchpin of all the major story arcs being set up for the other characters while Sora and Riku are in Quadratum. The parallels between them foreshadow Ventus regaining his memories of the Age of Fairy Tales just as Kairi is set up to regain her memories of Radiant Garden. Ventus regaining his memories of the past logically connects the Birth by Sleep trio to Lauriam and Elrena through his role in Strelitzia's death, as well as to the Twilight Town crew considering that Subject X is heavily implied to be Skuld. Then of course there's Luxu, who is directly responsible for Subject X's disappearance, and the Foretellers, who are still with Luxu last we saw them.  

With Sora and Riku off in Quadratum with Yozora and the Master of Masters, Kairi is narratively set to step up and take charge in dealing with the major unresolved plotlines from Union X and KH3 that need dealing with. By the time Sora and Riku finally make it back, she'll be a whole lot closer to their level.

TL;DR: I was too hasty in 2019 when I declared that Kairi had gotten over hear fear of change. I only had nebulous ideas of what would come next. But now I can pick out all the subtle foreshadowing that illuminates a concrete path forward, and I'm confident that now she's finally on the right track.

[anomalytale]

Part 3 - Waterfall (pacifist)

[This is honestly the part I fleshed out the least when I was working on it. Unfortunately I do not have any designs or plans for the random battles, however there's a bunch of new and interesting stuff in the area which i hope is interesting enough to make up for that].

[Just imagine what Tem would do with a human soul. Probably get a PHD idk.]

[if I were to add new things now, I'd make some sentry gun enemies to prepare you for the metta-tank boss fight (encountered later on, only in genocide route), using the same 'safe zone' mechanic. As well as spider enemies.]

Anyways, the first half of waterfall would be shorter than UT, without the Undyne chase, with the major changes happening once you get to the village area. The village area with Undyne's house is now connected to a new cave, with the old dark area blocked off by thick walls of cobwebs.

(pacifist route)

In the meantime, Mad Dummy has been able to deal with their anger issues and moved in at Mettaton's old place. Neither him nor Napstablook are home. Monster kid and Firedrake are waiting patiently for the Demon Squad to arrive because they're coming for a recon mission. Spoder is also there and claims the spider kingdom is close and finally they'll be able to reunite with their own kind.

Following a series of tunnels infested by spiders, you arrive at the Spider Kingdom, an old dungeon reclaimed by Muffet, who now goes by "Spider Queen". She sits on a throne, adorned by the legendary artifact. She announces she has closed the old way to Hotland and offers a quick elevator ride to the Capital for a fee. However, you don't have enough money [it's always your gold+1], after which she'll force you to work to pay for the toll [insert minigame here].

After you're done, you can walk around cells and interact with people who have been enslaved because they didn't have enough money to pay the toll. The annoying dog has also been caught for illegal possession of artifacts. The food and comfort provided by Muffet are enough so he won't escape (For now) (he cannot be contained).

After returning to the Queen, she tells you you can now use the elevator to the capital. She shows you the way. Unfortunately, it's so old it breaks into pieces. She hides her embarrassment with her signature laugh. "Guess you'll have to use the long way around anyways". Once you return to the throne, you find your old pal Spoder. Sitting on the throne. With the artifact. "Who is that?! What are you doing with my precious orb?" The queen screams.

Spoder smiles and a flash of light covers the room. "You. Idiot."

Their legs grow in size, joined by two new pair of limbs, one of which is topped with a sharp scythe-like appendage. "Do you trust anyone with a cute face around here?"

A massive pair of bug wings sprout from Spoder's now fuzzy back, followed by a spiky abdomen full of stingers. "Well, look at me, you two. Look at my true self."

Spoder's head is split vertically by a single, knife-like horn. "This is what a true demon looks like!"

The gargantuan bug monster looms over you and the Queen.

"I"

"AM"

"BEELZEBUB"

-BOSS: BEELZEBUB-

Being a true demon, they are much stronger than any boss you've encountered so far. In fact, they'd be as strong as the game's final bosses if it weren't for the help you receive from Muffet. It is also the first "full-screen" fight you face, in which the arena covers the entire screen, allowing for the massive boss to chase your soul and attack based on AI rather than randomly picking attacks.

With ACTs, you can perform team tactics with the Spider Queen, allowing you to distract BEELZEBUB while she sets traps around the room.

They attack using: stomping attacks, spit attacks that spread in various directions, charging at you with their horn, swiping with their scythe appendages, spawning miniature spoders that follow you dealing contact damage, as well as creating spiderwebs around the arena that slow you down. Later during the fight, they gain additional attack in spinning around with the sharp horn out and a massive acid laser spit, as well as powering up their previous attacks: stomp gains several shockwaves, spit has slight homing, scythe has no endlag, charge can be chained and causes shockwaves when it hits a wall, spoders are larger and explode into smaller spoders.

BEELZEBUB’s turns are very long, but the fight only lasts around 5 of them. The Queen has set down a large spider web trap in the throne room which incapacitates BEELZEBUB. You can then grab the artifact right out of their mouth. The demon reverts back to their spoder self and screams "My soul! I wasn't finished! May you be cursed for the rest of eternity, half-demon!"

-BOSS END-

Spoder tries scurrying away, but they're grabbed by a massive hand made of thousands of spiders. "Let me be! I AM THE DEMON PRINCE. I AM YOUR RIGHTFUL RULER. I-Hey! Stop tickling me!"

The Queen faces you and lets out a sigh of relief. "Who the hell was that?" She only then realizes the amount of damage the creature caused to her 'palace' "M-MY CASTLE!" She falls to her knees. "I didn't think being a ruler would be this hard. My kingdom...in ruins in just a week. Maybe I wasn't cut for it." Her spider underlings comfort her, forming a circle around her. "You're right. As long as I have you sweeties, everything will be alright. Thank you."

She smiles before ordering them to throw what remains of the Demon Prince in a secure vault. "Please keep this artifact with you and bring it as far away as you can from here. You will make better use of it than me." The artifact turns into a memento item. Muffet walks you to the old path to hotlands announcing she'll open it again and, even if it pains her, lower the price of the toll to pass through.

However once you get there you notice the webs blocking the entrance to the dark/mushroom area have already been removed. You hear a big commotion coming from the village area so you both decide to check it out. Undyne has arrived to Waterfall to carry out a mission, much to Firedrake and Monster Kid's. She announces she was supposed to look for a human child, but later her mission changed due to an extraordinary DETERMINATION reading which, according to Alphys, indicates the return of a DEMON. She checks her determination detector and is surprised to see that the source of determination has seemingly disappeared. Her attention is caught by a new source that seems compatible with the primary target of the mission.

She heads toward you. “So you are who I was looking for. I’m sure you’ve been the one to defeat the DEMON. Well, I can’t ACT without Alphys’s approval, so for the time being I’ll be keeping my eyes on you.”

Undyne heads out towards Hotland, with the Amalgamate following closely behind, stopping for a moment to look back towards Firedrake.

Muffet breaks the silence: “So uncouth…They didn’t even pay the toll. They could have helped with the castle’s repairs. Alas…”

She turns towards you “It hurts for me to ask you after you’ve helped me deal with that thing, but I would appreciate it if you spared some money for a struggling Queen” [it is optional, however donating money will grant you some healing items in return].

Regardless of choice, she will let you through the old exit to Hotland.

The Amalgamate returns in random encounters until the end of the area, using stronger versions of previous attacks [not as strong as those used in the genocide route].

At the end of the area, on top of her cliff, Undyne awaits you. “Bad news, little fella. I have received...orders.” She jumps off, starting the fight.

-BOSS: UNDYNE (pacifist)-

She uses stronger versions of her green heart attacks from UT but will never turn you SOUL red so as to not let you escape. To compensate, her white bullet patterns allow your green soul’s shield to rotate 360 degrees, meaning you’ll have to be precise with how you rotate the shield.

In addition to the returning attacks, she would feature new attacks in: a barrage of homing spears coming from various directions, a spear spiral [similar to Jevil’s spade attack], bombs that cover the entire screen [you have to shield the blast].

After surviving for about 8 turns, she’ll use her final attack: a combination of all of the above, followed by a long homing spear barrage coming from random directions. Surviving it will frustrate her, causing her to pull out a flask containing a dark fluid. “Alphys said I should only drink this if you retaliated, but...I’M SICK! SICK OF FOLLOWING ORDERS! I OVERTHREW THE GODDAMN KING TO FREE US FROM THIS PRISON! AND FOR WHAT? TO BE SECOND IN COMMAND, AGAIN AND BE TOLD TO SPARE ONE OF THEM?”

She unscrews the container, but out of nowhere…! A small white dog barges in and steals the flask right out Undyne’s hand!

“WAIT! MY HOPES AND DREAMS, CRUSHED BY A DOG?! GET BACK HERE!”

-BOSS END-

You can then access Hotland from the tunnel in the cliff. Right at the entrance you can encounter a demoralized Undyne. “That was embarrassing. Bested by a child and then by a dog. Maybe I do deserve to be second in command. I was just supposed to test you...fine. You can proceed. But don’t expect me to treat you with respect.”

[next: waterfall - genocide route]

[syndianites]

The After; The Athar: Chapter Four

Chapter 4/?

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 [Here] - Chapter 5

AO3: This Chapter - Full Fic

Summary: Post Season 2, non-Mianitian Compliant. Wag escorts Martha to Jordan’s house and decides to have a day out with Sonja.

Relationships: Sparklington (end-game), Marthlington (temporarily), Sparkanite (Spark x Ianite) (past, mentioned), Motanite

Content Warnings: Death Mentions, Implied Depression, Implied PTSD, Self-Deprecation, Breaking up a Relationship (Marthlington)

AN: It’s Wednesday, totallyyyyyy. Just a little late haha, but here it is! Chapters 1-4 already written out. That means I actually need to finish chapter 5 and continue onward. I mentioned this before, but I’d been sitting on this since September of last year, and had chapter 4 done in... December? Of last year.

——————————————————————————————

“So, did you actually come to talk, or did you need something from me?” Jordan was looking towards the town now, legs crossed. With his arms splayed across the back of the couch, chin up, he looked like the perfect picture of nonchalance.

 Wag knew that that was far from correct.

 However, he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, drawing Jordan’s eye. “Well, I did actually come to see if you knew where Martha was, and if not Martha, Spark.”

 Jordan gave him a thoughtful frown.

 “Not that I didn’t want to talk to you,” Wag added in, “It’s just that I really need to see Martha. Rip the bandage off as soon as possible. I’m, uh. Breaking up with her.”

 Jordan’s face crumpled into a harsh discomfort, like someone had just doused his socks in water and told him all his other socks were missing.

 “Ah. That’s. Unfortunate?” He winces. “I’m sorry about your loss. Eventual loss. Yeah.”

 Wag shook his head, a smile playing at his lips. “She’s not dying, Jordan. I just realised that we- well, it didn’t matter what I realised. We’re better as just friends, if she’s okay with that.”

 Jordan nodded, lips pinched together. “I’m afraid I don’t recall where she was going today. Spark, however, should be at Town Hall handling some paperwork. She might be with him, might not. I’d ask him.”

 Getting up with a stretch, Wag replied, “Thanks. The faster I do this the better.”

 Jordan stood as well, following Wag to the front door. They stood there. Wag shuffled his feet. “I, uh. I’m not sure where the Town Hall is. Could you show me?”

 He had a fair idea, but not a sure one. The Town Hall was a building Wag often forgot about. But not because he didn't care to commit it to memory.

 To start, it looked like all the other buildings around it. Acacia based, a foundation of sandstone that peaked up from below the ground, and an easy, sloped thatch roof. It gave the buildings a log cabin feel, while still fitting in with the landscape. The edges were built with acacia logs to bring in a nice neutral gray which held it all together.

 Now, if it just looked like every other building that’d be fine. But it also had no marker to identify it as Town Hall. Or, rather, the marker it had was easily mistaken for something else- an open book with a quill. For example, it could be the symbol for a courthouse, or the symbol for a law firm. Or the Records Hall.

 Wag didn’t know where the Records Hall was either.

 Add in the fact that no one really went in there since the majority of citizens specialized in fishing and you have a place that is forgettable at best.

 That being said, Wag would rather have some company on his death march to breaking up with Martha. Using his unsureness of where, exactly, the Town Hall was would be a good excuse to keep talking to Jordan. At the least, it would help with his nerves.

 Jordan looked off to the side. “Isn’t it right next to-” He cut off. Thought for a second. “Yeah, it’d be better to just show you.”

 Wag smiled. He swept his hand towards the path and gave Jordan a shallow bow. “After you, my dear.”

 Shaking his head, Jordan began to lead the way, Wag trailing along just behind his shoulder.

 They descended the hill in comfortable silence. Jordan was clearly thinking about something, looking for a good moment to bring it up. Wag welcomed the change from thinking about his future.

 He side-eyed him. “Got something on your mind, my good fellow? Want to talk more about how the world has it out for us?”

 Jordan rolled his eyes. “No, I think that’s enough of that depressing topic for now.” A beat of silence. “I was just thinking-”

 “You’ve got to be careful with that.”

 “-Thinking about Tom.”

 Wag gasped. “Thinking about another man while we take such a romantic stroll together? How dare you.”

 “Yes, walking over to the Town Hall so you can talk to the man who looks like an older version of me and has a superiority complex is so romantic” Jordan wrinkled his nose. It’s not like he’d know much about romantic. Between Jordan and anyone else that was ever interested in him, the other had done more work. Jordan’s idea of romance was probably ‘let’s build some complex contraption together’.

 “We could always detour,” Wag suggested, lightly elbowing Jordan’s arm. “Take it across the beach, pick up shells that we’d think the other would like, hold hands and go barefoot to walk in the waves. Call it a date.”

 “I beach you it’d be a good time, but I’ll have to wave the idea off. I do have things I want to get done today.” Jordan turned to him with a glimmer in his eyes and a bashful, yet impish smile.

 “Wow.” Wag blinked a few times. “That was forced and you know it. ‘I beach you’?” He fake gagged. “So cheesy.”

 Jordan turned away with a huff.

 Wait.

 “Oh, my gosh, wave was also a pun. That was a double pun. I don’t know whether to be impressed or appalled.”

 “Thank you, I’ll be taking cash donations for my genius.”

 “I’ll be taking cash compensation for having to hear that with my own two ears.”

 Jordan laughed, a lovely, quiet sound. It was breathy, and just off of squeaky, but it made Wag’s ears burn.

 Weird.

 “I’m afraid,” Jordan followed up, “That we have a no refund policy. Once heard you can’t get your investment back. It was on page 8 of the contract you signed upon meeting me: ‘You accept any and all amazing, lovely puns that come out of Jordan’s mouth.’”

 “Wow. 8 pages? I don’t remember 8 pages. What I remember was, ‘Hello, I am most likely going to be inside, at home, for most of our friendship. And this is to say I’m not avoiding you, I’m preparing the most intricate, strong things imaginable for when shit inevitably goes to hell.’ That’s not even a page, it was a sheet of paper torn in half.” Was that overly accurate about Jordan? No. But the dig was worth it.

 Jordan shook his head, indignant, “I don’t stay inside that much! How dare you assume I’d be able to stay cooped up inside for so long. Clearly, if you wanted to be precise, I would have written ‘I’ll most likely be working on cool and awesome things that make me super prepared to help My Lady in any way possible.’ Inside versus outside means nothing in that regard.”

 “Ah, my bad. Let me rephrase that, ‘I am so loyal to Ianite and her existence that I will breathe balance, eat balance, and become balance. People will look at me and think ‘Wow, that guy sure is the epitome of balance. Almost enough to rival Ianite herself.’, except I’ll just look cool and be a good champion.”

 “Ok, ok, let’s back up here.” Jordan turned to look at Wag. To look up at Wag, more specifically. Shorty. “Going that far makes me sound like Spark, and I am nowhere near as bad as him. Like, c’mon, he was so dedicated to Ianite he married her.”

 They were in front of the Town Hall now.

 Jordan lowered his voice, like Spark could hear him. “He honestly needs a hobby.”

 Wag shook his head, stifling a laugh.

 “Well,” Jordan’s voice rose back to a regular volume. “Looks like we’re here.”

 “Looks so.”

 They stalled for a second.

 “I better get going,” Jordan started. “If you ever need anything, you know where to find me. I’ll help you with anything.” He side-eyed Wag, a joking look in his eye. “As long as it’s reasonable.”

 “That means a lot to me.” Wag smiled. “I promise that my next visit will actually be for you. It’s only fair, especially since you’re a dear friend of mine.”

 With a huff and a returned smile, Jordan pushed him along. “You don’t have to promise that.”

 “I want to. Since it’s you.”

 Wag turned and began walking up the steps into the building.

 Jordan felt his heart beat just a little faster. He tried to convince himself that that didn’t mean as much to him as his heart said.

 It really wasn’t that deep.

 ---

 The Town Hall was one of the first non-residential buildings placed in the town. In the time that they’d all been gone, there had been some remodelling to the valley.

 The first, most prominent, in Wag’s opinion, change was the removal of the Dianite statue head thing. If it was still there, Wag would not have built his tower right next to that. No siree.

 The rest of the changes were fairly mild: the paths around were fiddled with to give access to the beach and town buildings, the farms were cleaned up, and so on.

 Now, the Town Hall was delicately placed between the farms and the Tea Pot. The Tea Pot which was left standing. In all the revisions that were made to the land, someone looked at the Tea Pot, looked at the space it took up, and decided it should remain.

 There was a goddamn Tea Pot next to Town Hall.

 And Wag still struggled to remember where the Town Hall was.

 Needless to say, Wag head inside, giving a wave to the secretary. While there was no official “Mayor” of the town, there was a general administrative body made up of some of the townsfolk. It was a democratic setup, which leaned towards a more free-market, socialist style of living.

 Quite the turn around from Ruxomar.

 Spark, it seemed, had either learned from the eventual disaster that was Ruxomar- not that he was there to see its final collapse- or wanted a change of pace, seeing as he founded Dagrun under a monarchy. To be fair, there weren’t many people around to start a kingdom.

 After Wag exchanged conversation with the secretary and was waved towards the back, he found Spark. His office was small with a full window alongside one wall and a desk with neatly organized papers set up in multiple stacks. He sat behind the desk, pondering over a sheet laid before him, reading it with careful eyes.

 He looked up at Wag’s entrance, a polite smile forming on his face. “What brings my daughter’s favorite wizard around today?” Spark stood, moving around the desk to offer a handshake in greeting.

 “Oh, only Martha’s? Not yours?” He took the hand, trying to give a firm shake despite his nerves. “I came here to see if you knew of Martha’s whereabouts. I have something I need to talk to her about.”

 Spark took a step back. “Ah, she just stepped out to grab some records from the Record Hall. She’ll be a few minutes at least.” He moved back to his desk, motioning for Wag to sit in one of the guest chairs.

 Wag sank into it quickly.

 If Spark could see he was nervous, he said nothing. But Wag was sure it radiated off of him, from the way his fingers drummed against his legs, to how he would look at the door every so often, to how he kept shifting in his chair. He’d thought the walk and quiet pondering over the town’s brief history would help.

 It didn’t.

 Still, they sat in silence. Outward silence. His thoughts fought to be heard, to break out from the delicate prison he’d pushed them into when he steeled himself to potentially see Martha here, next to Spark.

 “Can I ask you something?” Wag blurted out. Spark looked up. “If you’re- if you’re not busy, that is.”

 He set aside his pen- something he’d carried from Ruxomar- and gave him an inviting wave.

 “What’s the difference between loving someone and being devoted to them?”

 Wag bit his lip as Spark mulled over an answer.

 “That depends,” he said, after a moment. “What kind of love and what kind of devotion?”

 Wag could see in his eyes that Spark knew what he meant, but was giving him space to elaborate on his issue.

  He has to know, right? What I’m about to do.  

 “Devotion to,” Wag took a breath, “To your goddess versus the love you have for her.”

 Spark stretched and sat back in his seat, relaxed. “It’s based in different things. Devotion is based on a shared belief, a shared idea. I followed,” Spark swallowed hard, “My goddess because I, too, believed in the balance she stood for, and the peace it upheld.”

 He swiveled the chair half-way around to gaze out the window. “I loved her because of who she was. Her laugh, her smile, her energy and joy and spirit and how she’d get that sparkle in her eye when she’d see me, a mix between something soft and something loving and-”

 He clears his throat, clearly holding back emotion. “I loved her because she was everything right in the world. In my world.”

 Wag did not mean to open up something this heavy for Spark. But he wasn’t done with his questions.

 “Did being in a relationship affect how you followed her?” He shoved his hands underneath his thighs to stop from fidgeting.

 “Yes. And no.” Taking a moment to compose himself, Spark swept his eyes across the landscape, the solid silhouette of Jerry’s Tree in the background. “After getting together, I was devoted to her in the sense of any typical boyfriend; I doted on her, did romantic things with her, the whole shebang. In terms of being her follower and champion, I knew when to be professional and to act upon our shared belief system. It took practice to not let one bleed into the other, but I made it work.”

 Though Spark wasn’t looking, Wag nodded.

 “How.” He cleared his throat. “What would be the best way to... separate that? To pull apart your devotion and your relationship so they don’t affect each other?”

 Spark turned back to him, his figure highlighted by the glow from outdoors, creating a regal picture of a tired, broken old man. “Separate them? You don’t. You can’t. It’s impossibly hard to have the maturity to stop your feelings from changing how one part of your relationship goes.”

 “To be a lover means to be ready to defend your partner at all costs, just as you would a champion. To be a champion means to love your goddess to the ends of the world, just as you would a lover. Devotion and love are centered from different places, but once your feelings in them cross they cannot be unlinked.”

 “But they’re not the same.” Now Spark was starting to get confusing and muddled to Wag. “

 You just said so! Loving someone can come in different forms. You can love your goddess and not be in love with her.”

 “But you still love her, regardless of which side you love through. Champion, partner, it's all love. If you let them slide together, they die together. What’s the difference? What creates that gap?” Spark had a glint in his eyes, now, something removed from the quiet, tender sadness from before.

 “There’s a big difference!” Wag freed his hands to gesture wildly. “To love your partner is to cherish every moment with them, to be apart and still, somewhere in the back of your mind, be thinking of them. You see sweets, or goodies, or just nice things and think about if they’d like them, or you see the soft purple of lilac and think of their hair, or wander past a library and think of spells and sitting up late at night pouring through books. Or-”

 He threw his arms up. “Loving your goddess is different, I think. I’ve never followed one before this. I followed a god without any care for that god. I didn’t even really follow him, we followed something adjacent to him.”

 “And,” Wag breathed, “loving your goddess is like seeing the value in what they preach. Like.” He was frustrated now. Didn’t he just tell him that love and devotion came from different things? If that was the case, how did being a champion in a relationship with your goddess stop that from being different things? “Like how you devote yourself to an idea!”

 Spark raised an eyebrow. “So? You devoted yourself to the idea of being in a relationship with her, you crossed that divide and filled it in.”

 “But I didn’t! I just built a bridge over it and tried to figure out which side I was on.”

 “Which side are you on?”

 “I don’t know!” Wag was starting to breathe heavily. It was like every moment he had built up his confidence to cut it off with Martha was being uprooted like grass in a plowed field. “I just don’t want to be in the middle anymore.”

 Spark watched him silently. He wasn’t going to give Wag a break this time.

 “It’s terrible.” Wag continued, quieter. “Being stuck between the desire to stick by her side and protect her and the desire to be right beside her and love her, and hold her, and be the one person who can always make her laugh.”

 He looked away, towards a wall with an older oil painting. “But that’s the thing. I don’t have to choose. We chose on our own without knowing. We drifted away, lost to our own problems and grief. The bridge back to her side is broken and torn and I don’t think I have the strength left in me to repair it.”

 “Don’t have the strength, or are scared to?”

 “Both! Neither? Fuck, I just.” Wag shook his head, trying to rattle his thoughts enough to make sense. “I can’t promise that if I do fix things they won't break again, weather down and fall away under my negligence. And I’m afraid of what would happen if I let things get that bad again.”

 “Fear is natural.” Spark eyed him up and down. “But you can’t let it get in the way of your life.”

 “It’s not. I swear it isn’t. But we feel fear for a reason and that’s to stop us from making poor decisions.”

 “But sometimes fear is a knee-jerk reaction, what you feel when you’re uncertain or when things change around you and you’re not ready for it.”

 “I’m not,” Wag whispered. He cleared his throat and tried again, louder. “I’m not ready for change. And that’s ok. It’d be better to take a step back and see what I need to do to be ready and to adapt, rather than to try and go arm deep into whatever mess comes my way because I’m afraid of losing everything I love.”

 “Even if that means losing your relationship with Martha?”

 “I’d rather be friends than nothing at all.” And that was the truth. For all he cared about her romantically, he also cared about her as a friend. As someone who’d been through hell and back with her. You don’t just leave people like that behind.

 Spark nodded. “Then you know what you need to do.”

 Now that wasn’t what he was expecting to hear. “Wait.”  Did I just get lead on? “Was that whole conversation just a way to make me figure my shit out?”

 “I wouldn’t say it like that,” Spark was smoothing out the papers on his desk. “But yes, I did pull the conversation in a way that made you think about your decision. I wouldn’t contradict my own words without purpose.”

 “I doubt anyone does.” Wag rolled his eyes. “So you approve? Of me choosing to break up with Martha?”

 Spark looked up at Wag, already having grabbed his pen. There was a beat of silence. Wag started to sweat.

 After all of that, surely he does?  

 Silence.

  Right?  

 He felt like a kid that got sent to the principal’s office. Getting stared down by the head honcho that doesn’t want to see you in front of them but also doesn’t want to let you off easy.

 Still, he was scrutinized.

 Holy shit man.  

 Finally- finally!- Spark looked back down.

 “I’m impartial,” he said at last. “To be honest, it’s not my issue. While I do want the best for my daughter, she is a grown woman. You are a grown man. My approval shouldn’t matter here.”

 Wag relaxed. He had a point.

 Spark shook his head, signing off on a document and moving it aside. “I had the same doubts about my relationships when I was your age. That was before-” he coughed. “-you know, and when I still fancied this lovely lady from my hometown. We’d been going strong for a while, but I was dedicated to my faith and she was not interested in faith at all.”

 He tsked. “We wouldn’t have worked out at all, no matter how much I cared for her. Still kept in touch until,” Spark gave a pointed look around, “This happened.”

 “Okay, grandpa.” Ah, yes, he definitely wanted to hear about Spark’s love life.

 A thought struck him.

 “Now wait a second, when you were ‘my age’?” Wag glanced over Spark. “I’m older than you.”

 Spark chuckled. “Thanks for the compliment, but I’m sure we can both see I’m older than you.” He tilted his head to the side. “See that gray? That’s age and stress. Enjoy your youth while you have it.

  “I’m a wizard.”

 A narrowing of the eyes.

 “I’ve been a wizard.”

  He sat back in his chair.

 “I’ve been a wizard for a long time.”  

 Spark turned his gaze back to his documents. “You must be pulling my leg.”

 “No, sir, I am not.” Wag was fidgeting again, this time bored. “I think I’m a little over a century old? Maybe more.”

 “I can understand you being a wizard, but there’s no way minor magic- non-divine magic- could extend your life.”

 “I killed a god to become a wizard.”

 Wag stared Spark down with a straight deadpan. Spark’s mouth worked at a response.

 He’d never get one.

 “So I didn’t find any proof of purchase document for Lichens- ah, hello Wag.” Martha stopped dead in the doorway, face stuck between surprised, pleasant, and a flicker of discomfort. “To what do we owe the pleasure of a visit?”

 Well. It seemed Martha found him.

 Now that they were both staring at him, Wag felt far too exposed. He tugged at his hood. It was already as low as it could go on his head. That didn’t make him feel any better.

 So he opted for a smile instead. “I needed to talk to you about something Martha.”

 She exchanged a glance with Spark, who had a thoughtful look in his eyes. It was the kind of look that said they’d talked about him before. And, based on the look he gave Wag in turn, it was not a very positive kind of talking.

 Oh dear fuck.

 Martha gave him a shy smile. “Can it wait? I need to wrap this up real fast. Then, after that, I should be free for a bit.”

 It couldn’t. If it did, it would never happen. Wag knew it wouldn’t. From the way his heart stuttered to the way his hands shook, he knew that if he gave himself the time to back out he’d take it. And as much as he didn’t want to make an ass out of himself by saying no, wouldn’t trapping them both in this be worse? Keeping the two of them together to pretend that things were going well?

 No, it couldn’t wait.

 The words, however, stuck in his throat. He shook his head. Took a breath. “I’m sorry, it really can’t.”

 Martha took it in stride. “Alright. This must be important to you, let me set this down and I’ll be right out.” She motioned him to wait outside the door.

 Wag took the opportunity. Once safely in the hallway, alone, he ran his hands over his face and through his hair.

 Calm down.  

 It wasn’t like he was signing his life away. Or like he was telling Martha he killed her dad. They were just breaking up.

 But it felt like it was more than that. It felt like he was betraying her, like all those promises he made were for nothing. Hadn’t he said he’d follow her to the end of the line? That he’d be her champion? What would become of that if he broke up with her?

 Where did devotion and love meet and where did they separate?

 Wag wasn’t sure anyone knew. It was a challenge to be in love with a goddess.

 The sound of the door swinging open caught his attention. Martha stepped out, smoothing her shirt out. She caught his eye and sent him a smile. He gave a shaky one back.

 “Gee, Waggles,” That nickname hit something soft in his chest, “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were going to break up with me.”

 Fucking shit.  

 He sat silent as his mind fell down a flight of stairs.

 Martha caught on. “You, you are, aren’t you?”

 Her eyes were wide, now, and Wag wasn’t sure how to follow that up. This was not going as he’d planned. Except, he hadn’t really planned it so much as made a vague idea about how he was going to.

 Get your shit together man, now's the time.  

 “Yes.” His voice strained and he cleared his throat. “I am.”

 Before she could get in a word, he pushed onward. “And it’s not because I don’t love you. I do. I love you so, so much. I’d follow you to the ends of the world, spread your name as your champion until my voice ran out, I would-” He stopped himself. This was supposed to be a break up. “I would do a lot for you.”

 He took a deep breath.

 “But I’m not what you need.”

 His heart was free falling, bouncing between his hard and fast love for Martha and his desire to be loved. Between knowing they weren’t good for each other- not anymore- and wishing that they could be.

 “What are you talking about?” Martha’s voice, though she kept her volume level, was thick with emotion. “Of course you are. I love you so much Wag, what would I do without you?”

 “I’m not!” He swallowed heavily. “You don’t love me the same. I don’t love you the same. Haven’t you seen it? How we never see each other? How we can’t be around each other without walking on eggshells? How it feels like there’s someone missing that I could never replace?”

 Martha had loved Steve so much. And she’d loved Wag. But after everything, he’d realized that they’d grown apart. That for all they loved each other, they didn’t.

 Wag took a brave moment to look Martha in the eyes. Her tears were held back by pure willpower and rapid blinking. Her mouth was set in a thin line. For all she was trying to keep her cool it was breaking at the seams.

 She was quiet. Wag could practically feel the storm of thought and emotion rolling off of her. A whisper. “You’re right.”

 He held his breath.

 “You’re right. You can’t replace him. No one can. But you don’t have to. Why can’t I just love you and him both? What’s wrong about that?”

 No, no, no. That wasn’t his point at all.

 “You can.” His voice was just as low. “Of course you can, there’s nothing wrong with that. But you’re letting your love for him get in the way of us. Your grief, your longing, your bone deep aching for him is all you see when you’re with me, isn’t it?”

 “No!” Martha looked away. “Yes. Kind of. No. I don’t look at you and see Steve. I look at you and see you and I think about how much it would hurt to lose you. Like I lost Steve. How much you mean to me, how much he meant to me.”

 She had closed her eyes now, putting her hand over her mouth.

 “I miss him so much. Sometimes it’s all I can think about. There are days were I long to go home and see him, to be able to hold him again. But I remember that he’s not there. The thought of going home without him feels awful.”

 Wag was torn, again. He felt awful to make Martha talk about this, to make her relive every time she missed Steve, mourned Steve. But on the other, this was where they were falling apart.

 “I’m not innocent in this, I must admit.” He started slowly. She looked back at him, tears on the verge of falling. “I feel like I’ve lost everything. My old life, my fellow wizards, the world I used to know.” Wag couldn’t meet her eyes on the next sentence. “My powers. They haven’t come back.”

 “And I’ve drawn away from everyone and everything. Even you. And as easy as it would be to blame you for us falling apart, that’s not fair to you or to your grief. But we can’t keep killing ourselves like this.”

 Martha had wrapped her arms around herself now. She pushed her chin up. “You’re right. Again. This dance we’ve been performing, it’s gone on long enough hasn’t it?” A wet laugh. “We can fix this now, fix,” she gestured between them, “Us. Now that we’ve pulled the facade away. That’s the first step, right? Taking down the act.”

 Wag shook his head. He wanted to. So badly. To let this be the start of something better, to remake what they had. But the roots were rotten, not just the tree. Even if they cut off every dead branch, they’d only die out again.

 “I’m sorry. I can’t. I’m not ready to try again.” His voice wavered. If he could cry he would.

 All he had were tears of blood, ever streaming.

 She was quiet. Then she bowed her head. “I understand. And I’d need time, too, if we were to try again.”

 The conversation fell off, but it didn’t feel resolved. Wag pushed up the energy to ask one last question.

 “Will I- will I still be your champion?” It was a dangerous question. And yet, still not the one he needed to ask.

 Martha appraised him. “I don’t know. I’m not sure how to deal with my champion being a recent ex.” Nonetheless, she gave him a watery smile. “I’ll let you know when I make a decision.”

 Wag nodded. Already, she was piecing herself back together. Faster than he ever could.

 She went to turn away, opening her mouth to say one last thing, but Wag interrupted her. “Will we still be friends after this?”

 A laugh, real this time. “Of course.” She shook her head fondly. “Goodbye Wag. Until we meet again.”

 “Until we meet again.”

 Martha made her way back inside, most likely about to tell Spark the news.

 He felt detached from the world, thoughts echoing farther and farther away with each step Martha took. His eyes tracked her, watching how her hair moved, the grace in her stride- even has her body shook with hurt. Her neatly pressed and clean clothes, changed up from what she had worn in Ruxomar. A breathable, white silk long-sleeved shirt and dark leggings.

 From the way her fingers curved in an elegant arch against her thighs to how her shoulders had slumped ever so slightly before the door closed behind her. In his head he could see her eyes sparkling, a lovely lavender to match her hair. He could hear her laugh, her voice, see her radiant smile that he always sought to draw out.

 Wag could feel the floor disappear out from under him, feel himself sinking into the void. Empty, empty, empty. A chapter of his life was over, now. And it was by his own hand. For all he had feared change, he had caused it.

 Was this better or worse?

 A quiet, muted drip caught his attention. The world blurred back in. Wag looked down. A tiny, pink-ish speck on the floor. Another joined it with a plop. A shaking hand rose to his cheeks. Still bloody, but when he pulled it away it was also pink-ish. Runnier.

 Tears.

 He wanted to laugh. Instead, he strode out of the Town Hall, finding the familiar path home in a daze. A pink trail of bloody tears followed him.

 He was going to miss her.

[today-only-happens-once]

Have you talked about your DnD PCs before? Can you talk about your game on tumblr? What's all been going on last few sessions :o

ANON you are one of my favorite people today this ask made me so freaking happy. (So is @psychedelicships  who said I had an invitation to ramble about my d&d campaign) Sorry for my excited gushing and rambling slkdfjdsklfjskldfj

My D&D Player Character

So my current D&D PC is named Kyssarda. She’s a half-elf neutral-good monk. I’ve rambled about her backstory before but the condensed version is that there’s a pattern of people leaving her/abandoning her in her life. Her parents died in a fire that her older brother rescued her from when she was four. She passed out on the way out, and when she woke up, she’d been told that she’d been left on the doorstep of the temple. Her brother was no where to be found. When she eventually made her way back home, her home was ash. Monks trained her, but they weren’t really equipped to raise a small child, so Kyssarda had a very lonely upbringing. The monks follow Sehanine (d&d deity), so she was raised on the tenants of her teachings and the teachings about following your own path led to her eventually striking out on her own. As a result of her upbringing and past, the people in her life (i.e. the party) are super important to her, because they are the first friends she ever chose and in some ways, they’ve chosen her too. She has abandonment issues up the wazoo, and hoo has she been reminded of that in recent sessions.

She’s very... empathetic and soft. She pays close attention to the mental/emotional state of her party members. Part of that is just who she is, but a lot of that is informed by her own loneliness. She doesn’t want others to feel like they’re alone, because she knows very intimately how much that can suck. Her loyalty and protectiveness of her friends leads her to sometimes not make the most tactically advantageous decision in combat, and also means that she has basically no self-preservation instincts (which is the main reason I’m pretty sure she’s gonna die before the campaign is over).

Campaign Stuff/Ramblings (under a cut because I’m literally just never going to shut up lets goooo):

So the original party consisted of a Teifling Paladin, a Wood Elf Rogue (who is multiclassing in monk), a Leonin Blood Hunter, and Kyssarda. We met during a fighting tournament and was contracted by the king to retrieve something for him. We teamed up for that, and convinced the king to come along too. So we traveled to some ruins, fought some stuff, and found the relic the king needed. We ran into a Jotenheim giant and fought that. In the process, the Leonin ended up attacking Kyssarda (cuz he’s basically a werewolf lion, and when he goes to his hybrid form and drops below half-health, he has to save on a wisdom saving throw or he just attacks the closest figure which happened to be meeee). 

Later on in a different fight in the same place, Kyssarda freaking died thanks to 2 chain lightnings (I took damage while unconcious and then rolled a Nat1 on the death save). But the king we brought along was a cleric who had what was needed for revivify. So Kyssarda came back, with a withered left hand. The Leonin felt responsible for her death because he’d attacked her earlier, and vowed to help her fix her hand. 

I forget exactly when, but during this journey, Kyssarda and the Leonin learned that there was a war brewing between two different kingdoms and that the Elf Rogue seemed to have a personal (but vague?) stake in the outcome of that war.

but ON OUR WAY BACK to the city, we got side-tracked with a quest to help a little girl rescue her family. So we also fought a troll and a hag. And when we were getting her family out, we also found (Surprise!!) the estranged (kinda) sister of the Elf Rogue. 

This lead to some downtime back at the main city. Kyssarda got her hand fixed at a temple. We got the sister of the Elf Rogue healed up at the same temple. The Leonin had a hilarious and embarrassing fight with a creature I can’t remember the name of. And lots of research was done by all about various things. Kyssarda did the most research, as she grew up working in the library section of the monk monastery so she’s always curious. So she starts looking into things about the war going on, and learns that Mr. Elf Rogue is in fact ROYALTY. He’s a prince of one of the countries at war. And we had learned already that he had fled the city with his siblings but not that he was royalty?? So that was a trip to learn. 

Meanwhile, Kyssarda is also helping the Teifling Paladin with some research because he’s been having weird dreams. And while they’re chillin’ in the library, the Paladin finds this book and gets sucked into it. Like. One minute he’s there, one minute he’s not and the book is floating before it closes and slams on the table. So Kyssarda (Ms. Abandonment Issues and also Freshly Traumatized By Havivng Died) panics and takes the book and runs. Our Paladin is still in the book. We sent him a Sending Scroll asking if he was okay and he basically said “Yeah im fine I’ll be back eventually”. Kyssarda also had a nice heart-to-heart with the Elf Rogue about the reemergence of his sister and told him a little about how her own brother abandoned her and encouraged him to just be patient with her (because the sister is not happy with him). 

But the show must go on, and our Elf Rogue really wants to get back to his home and help in the war effort somehow, plus find his brother who also is MIA. So Kyssarda, the Leonin, the Royal Elf Rogue, his sister, AND another human PC (a guy who helped sneak the Elf Rogue and his siblings out the city all those years ago and was being played by the guy who used to be the Paladin) all travel out headed towards the Elf Rogue’s homeland. 

But we get to the border at a bridge, and the party finds themselves facing down some harpies, some marrows, and a water elemental. In the fight, Kyssarda casts silence to help against the siren song the harpies were singing. Which was mostly a good thing. The water elemental was something else though. It engulfed both Kyssarda and the Elf Rogue, and Kyssarda was down to 1 HP when the Leonin yanked her out. However, because of a REALLY unfortunate roll by the human pc to save from a drop into the river (rolled a 2 and had a minus 2 on the modifier), he was unconcious and drowning. And none of our characters knew because. y’know. Silence. He kept drowning as the fight went on. And he eventually got washed up on some rocks and could make one death save after two failed ones. And he failed. And we had no cleric, and besides... it was more than a minute before we found his body down river. 

And all of our characters felt terrible. Kyssarda has a tendency to take blame for things that maybe aren’t strictly her fault, so she definitely feels a weight of responsibility for complicated reasons. The Leonin expressed that he felt some level of responsibility as well, and also hesitation about going forward with the journey though some conversation between Kyssarda and him lead to him continuing on regardless. The Elf Rogue was pretty torn up about it. 

We got some Elf Rogue backstory that addresses the fact that he was royalty (which was something Kyssarda had thought about asking) and more explanation of what’s been going on with him and his connection to the land we’re heading towards. We run into a fey creature that was an old ally of the Elf Rogue and Teifling Paladin, and we agreed to help him.

Cue the session last night.

We go to get some stuff of his back from an Incubus/Succubus pair. And sh!t hit the fan. Our Elf Rogue rolled really high stealth and decided that was a fine reason to dive through the broken window. Meanwhile, we were going on this side-quest with a half-orc barbarian (played by the guy that’s usually the paladin and who had the first PC death of the game the session prior). And the Incubus and Succubus can each essentially mind-control people, or try to. And both our barbarian and our Leonin Blood Hunter failed their wisdom save and so our two biggest heavy hitters were mind-controlled by the enemy. THAT went about as well as you’d expect. 

Over the course of the fight, the Leonin went unconcious twice. Kyssarda once. The Elf Rogue twice. And the barbarian would have gone unconcious but thanks to relentless endurance, he was brought back to one HP. In fact, we reached a point towards the end where the Leonin, Kyssarda, and the Elf Rogue were all unconcious and our barbarian was the only one standing...at one HP. That’s when the incubus (we’d killed his mate by then) took the Elf Rogue’s sister and made a break for it. The barbarian brought me back first (because I was dying in acid and therefore automatically failing death saves). Then I brought back the Leonin and we got the Elf Rogue up too. We managed to chase down the Incubus and save the sister as well. but HOLE. EE. SH!T. Most terrifying, stressful D&D combat of my LIFE. Kyssarda came very, very close for two rounds to offering herself up as a willing victim/slave/whatever if they’d let her friends go. She didn’t because the tide was starting to turn by then in the fight but it was a ROLLERCOASTER.

Before we closed the session, we went back to that fey guy and got paid though Kyssarda stormed off kind of? She didn’t vibe with the guy because she almost lost her friends over his stupid book and she was shaken and upset. But she had a conversation with the Leonin at the end of the session just kinda... dealing with the trauma of the past few days in-game. It was actually a really nice moment. I think my favorite RP moment for Kyssarda so far. 

So yeah! If you read all of this, I’m surprised and touched. Heh. I literally love D&D so freaking much, and I’m especially attached to this party and this character... though her lack of self-preservation does have me starting to plan for another back-up character just in case. ^u^

[strayneoculturekids]

On my Own - part 1

Pairing: Prince!Woojin x Knight!Reader

Summary: You and Woojin had been friends for as long as anyone could remember, the entire kingdom adored the two of you- Woojin, the young prince and his little friend, a child born from a long line of knights that served close to the King and Queen. You thought you’d be friends with Woojin forever, but when you’re appointed his personal knight, his attitude towards you takes a sharp turn.

Royalty AU, Childhood friends AU, Friends to Enemies to Lovers AU, Knight!AU

Genre: fluff, angst

Warnings: I’m not a historian, who knows how accurate this is, I sure don’t

A/N: This fic has two parts, but part two has two different versions- essentially two different endings, one is angsty and one is fluffy, I was originally gonna do just angst but @writenowskz​ would’ve killed me so please enjoy 🙃 - the angsty one will be posted first though :)

For convenience sake, we’ll pretend that ‘Knight’ is a gender-neutral term, or, if you really want to, you can replace the word ‘Knight’ with ‘Lady’ or ‘Dame’, but all three titles have the same status

[Part 1], [Part 2 - angst], [Part 2 - fluff]

----

~18 years earlier than present~

You giggled as you ran through the intricate stone pathway, barely even noticing how hard the rock was beneath your bare feet, too focused on running away from your pursuer, Woojin.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Woojin called from behind you, obviously out of breath, his voice adorably high, matching yours “pause the game,”

You immediately stopped, turning around and being met with the young boy.

“What’s wrong?” You questioned, going closer to him, not even bothering to stay out of arms reach

“Unpause!” He said quickly, tipping you and running off in the opposite direction

“Hey! Cheater!” You called, beginning to run after him

There was nothing but small, childlike giggling, the sound of birds chirping, running water, and the rustle of the neatly trimmed flower hedges surrounding the path, creating an intricate maze, in the backyard of the palace. 

You were faster than Woojin, and after not too long, you began to catch up to him. You reached out your arm, almost certain that you would tip the boy, but, just as you lunged forward, Woojin turned a sharp corner you weren’t expecting, causing you to go tumbling into the bush in front of you. He turned around curiously when he heard the crash, and there was a moment of shocked silence, you blinked a single time before crying out. Rose thorns were digging into your fragile skin, drawing blood from all over, and two large scrapes presented themselves on your knees, along with dirt smears to top it all off. Woojin gasped, his eyes wide, and he began to run again, as fast as his short legs could carry him, to find someone to help.

“Help!” He called at first glance of the nearest palace servant “Y/N got hurt! They’re bleeding really badly!”

The servant immediately sprung into action at the words, and called over to another servant before asking Woojin to show her where you were. Woojin nodded dutifully and brought the servant back to you.

“Oh dear,” She gasped, looking at you, who had managed to get yourself out of the bush, but blood was tricking all over your body, a heavy flow of tears going along with it, and your loud, pain-filled cries.

Before you knew it, you were picked up and were being brought back to the palace. Everything seemed to be going by quite fast, but soon you were in front of who you recognized to be the palace doctor.

“I-it hurts,” You bawled, hiccuping through your words, flinching away when the doctor tried to touch you

“Yes, it must,” The doctor sympathized, bringing out tissues and some alcohol, sparingly pouring the alcohol onto the paper

“I don’t want to,” You vigorously shook your head, trying to, once again, move away

“I have to treat the wounds, or you could get an infection,” The doctor soothed “Woojin, hold their hand,”

Woojin, who had been watching from afar immediately obeyed and grabbed your hand, squeezing it tightly.

“Be brave for me, okay?” the doctor spoke “See? Woojin is here, too,”

You nodded, squeezing your best friend’s hand in return, letting the doctor disinfect your wounds, trying not to cry more. Soon, you were wrapped in bandages and were dirt-free.

“Are you okay?” Woojin asked, grabbing both your hands, pouting slightly, looking at you with his big, innocent eyes

“Yeah,” You confirmed, nodding firmly “I’m brave,”

“yeah! That looked like it hurt!” He said, suddenly becoming excited “You were so awesome! You didn’t even cry that much!”

You felt an overwhelming sense of pride build up in your stomach and you smiled broadly, puffing your chest out.

“Y/N? Baby, are you okay?” The voice of your father interrupted your conversation with your best friend, and he immediately scooped you up into his arms

“Yes,” You smiled proudly at him, “Everybody said I was very brave,”

“You were,” He said softly, smiling back at you “You’ll certainly make a perfect knight,”

“Y/N will be amazing!” Woojin agreed, practically jumping up and down “I want to have them as my knight!”

Your father smiled down at Woojin.

“Maybe one day, Prince Woojin,” Your father said, and you watched as Woojin’s eyes lit up

~8 years earlier than present~

“Y/N!” Woojin’s voice came from behind you, and you turned to him

“Your majesty,” You greeted, bowing mockingly

“Hey!” He laughed, wacking you slightly “If you’re gonna call me by my title, at least do it genuinely,”

“I guess when I get appointed knight, I’ll have to, huh?” You mused, looking fondly at the rose bushes you used to play so much in

“Speaking of,” He said, cocking his head slightly “Don’t you have training right now?”

“SHIT!” You yelled, so loudly that the birds stopped chirping “Thanks, Woojin!”

You waved a goodbye to your friend as you ran off, and he waved back with an amused smile.

“Y/N’s really becoming a knight,” He whispered to himself “...hm...”

You ran through the garden, jumping over bushes and cutting across lawns you weren’t supposed to be on, making it to the guard training grounds just in time.

“I’m here,” You panted, keeling over

“Just in time,” Your father said in a reprimanding voice, “Get in line,”

You gulped down your saliva and quickly joined the rest of the training guards on their straight line, all already standing at attention. ‘I’m on my way to becoming a knight’ you thought proudly to yourself.

~2 years earlier than present~

The king stood in the large, silent room, his sword brandished, you kneeling down in front of him, your head bowed.

“I, in the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit-” He spoke majestically, placing his sword gently upon your right shoulder, and then your left “-dub thee, stricken with the sword upon their back and shoulder, a knight,”

The room seemed to have stopped breathing, and you could feel beads of sweat forming on your forehead.

“Rise up, Sir/Lady Y/N,” He finished, and you obeyed, slowly and steadily rising up

You secretly smiled to yourself, your heart swelling with pride as you caught sight of your father, who was smiling subtly at you. You looked behind the king, to Woojin, to find that, unlike you thought he would be, he wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t even looking at you. You gulped, shaking slightly as the room filled itself with chatter.

“Y/N,” The king addressed you

“Yes, your majesty?” You looked to him, a small smile on your lips

“You understand that you will be a personal knight to my son, do you not?”

“I do, your majesty,” You bowed slightly

“I would like to inform you...” The king trailed off “He does not exactly enjoy the idea of a personal knight,”

You paused for a moment, processing the information

“Which is exactly why I chose you,” The king continued “You two have been friends for almost as long as you’ve been alive. I’m hoping he won’t be too hard on you,”

You hesitated slightly, chancing a glance at Woojin, who still refused to meet your gaze

“I understand,”

~present day~

“Woojin-” You called, running up to the boy

“I am a prince and you’ll address me as such,” He interrupted you, speaking curtly and formally

You froze. Two years. That’s how long it had been. And you still weren’t used to his new attitude- it didn’t make sense to you.

“Prince Woojin,” you corrected, pursing your lips shortly, keeping your eyes focused on the ground “I apologize, but it’s my duty to protect you, and you can’t keep running off like this-”

“Protect me from what?” He asked harshly, finally looking at you, but this time, it was you who was hesitant to meet his gaze “You won’t even look at me when I address you. How brave can you be?”

You gulped before fixing your posture, standing up straight and looking up, locking eyes with the boy.

“With all due respect, prince Woojin,” Your eyes were intense, and Woojin found himself wanting to look away, but he refused too “I’ve had years of training,”

“As have I,” He countered calmly

“I’m well aware of that, however, I do think that I’ve had harsher training, and, no offense your majesty, but I could probably best you,”

“Is that a challenge?”

“...Only if you’d like it to be,” You said bravely, knowing that no matter how much Woojin pretended to hate you, he could never have you punished severely for speaking slightly out of turn

“Fine,” He turned around “We’ll duel,”

You fully expected this, but you didn’t want it to happen. You didn’t think you’d be able to win in a duel with Woojin, you knew you’d be able to win. Which is what scared you most. You could either let Woojin beat you, and have your relationship get worse because he’ll see you as even more unfit to protect him, or beat him, and have your relationship get worse because he’ll be annoyed over the fact that maybe, just maybe, having you to protect him is a good idea.

“Woojin, I don’t-”

“Prince Woojin,” He corrected, starting to walk away “Come,”

“Wait- right now?” You asked, slightly surprised

“When else?” He asked, not stopping

You hadn’t even processed what was happening, but eventually, you found yourself in a dueling ring with Woojin, both of you brandishing training swords with pads covering vital areas. A crowd had formed around the two of you, the king, the queen, your father, and your mother included, and you knew that you couldn’t lose.

“En garde,” He said, raising his sword

You raised yours, too, but in a different manner. The thing about Woojin’s training was that he was trained in a practiced, controlled manner, while you were trained to fight in a battlefield, you were trained not to fight an opponent who you knew the next moves of, but an opponent who is trying to kill you, an opponent who is unpredictable, an opponent who is much harder to beat than Woojin would be.

He began swinging his sword in a graceful manner, and you caught it immediately. There were moments were you hesitated, but you soon learned that Woojin didn’t, and you decided to follow suit. The duel was over minutes, four minutes, if you had to guess. Woojin’s sword was across the field, out of his reach, and he was beneath you, your training sword to his throat.

There was a moment of silence before clapping ensued. You looked to the king and queen, and they nodded their heads, as if to say that there was no harm in beating someone who had challenged you, even if it was their own son.

“I don’t like being underestimated, Woojin,” You said, your words harsh but your voice soft

You took your sword away from his throat and walked off. He got up, glaring at you.

“Y/N is your knight for your safety, my son,” The king walked up to Woojin, who jumped slightly at being addressed

“There’s nothing I need protection from,” Woojin said to his father, speaking rather rudely, quickly changing his tone once he realized his voice “I mean- I’m sorry...”

“That’s okay. I understand you’re agitated,”

----

Woojin sighed as he traveled along the halls of the palace that he had been through so many times before. He was heading to the garden, like every day, and sat by the lake where so many fish gathered, the same spot you and him used to play at, fruitlessly trying to catch fish while laughing so hard you almost cried; splashing each other, then being reprimanded for it, only to do it again the next day. He smiled fondly thinking about it, almost not hearing the voices around the corner. He quickly came out of his trance, stopping just in time to listen in to the conversation without interrupting it

“Hey Y/N,” Jisung called to you, smiling brightly

“You’re lucky you’re so adorable, Jisung,” You mused at the boy, he knew that he was supposed to address you as your title

“I am, aren’t I?” He said, “Oh, but besides that, you absolutely killed it in that duel with Prince Woojin!”

You chuckled

“No, really! I always heard Woojin was a good sword-fighter, and it’s really true! But you took him down in no time at all! No wonder you’re a knight!”

“Thanks, Ji,”

“Well, Woojin had it coming, don’t you think?”

“You shouldn’t speak badly of the prince so loudly,” You reprimanded, jokingly hitting him on the back of the head

“Ow!” He stumbled forward, rubbing the back his head “Well, for the way he treats you, really,”

“It’s fine,” You sighed

“Doesn’t it ever hurt you?? You guys were best friends for who knows how long-”

“Han," You cut him off sternly, “I said It’s fine,”

“Doesn’t seem like it,” He persisted despite your obvious warning, Jisung never knew when to quit “He still sits by that lake, you know. How come you never go there?”

“I doubt he sits there because it’s where he and I used to play,” You tried to keep your voice steady but couldn’t help but let it falter slightly, so slight that the only person who was ever able to pick up on that falter was Woojin

Woojin pursed his lips, chancing a quick look around the corner. He frowned when he saw your face, it looked as stern as ever, but he could tell by the shake of your pupils that you weren’t exactly comfortable.

“Y/N, Jisung,” Woojin turned the corner, acting as if he’d only just come within hearing range

“Prince Woojin!” Jisung immediately stood at attention, his usual, cheeky smile on his lips that always made people think he was up to something, even when he wasn’t

“Prince Woojin,” You greeted courteously

Woojin opened his mouth to say something, but the words didn’t come out. Instead, he nodded, and continued walking.

“Fuck,” He muttered to himself once he was sure you two wouldn’t hear him “I’m a fucking coward,”

----

You creaked open your door, slowly walking out in the pitch-black halls with a single lantern to illuminate your journey.

“Sir/lady Y/N?” A curious voice came from behind you

You turned around, being met with Felix.

“Felix,” You greeted with a small smile “What are you doing here?”

“I’m on duty,” He replied “What about you? If you don’t mind me asking,”

“Just going out to the gardens for a walk,”

“Ah, okay, stay safe!” He smiled brightly, waving a goodbye

“You too, Lix,” You waved back, vanishing behind the corner

Felix wandered around his station for another few minutes in silence. Jumping and turning around when he heard footsteps. He placed his hand on the hilt of his sword, ready to draw it.

“Felix,” Woojin greeted, coming around the corner

“Ah, prince Woojin,” Felix bowed, lowering his guard

“Is Y/N in her room?”

“Oh- no, she went out,”

Woojin nodded, walking in the direction of your room

“Thank you,” He said as he passed Felix

“No problem, your majesty,” Felix replied

Once Felix was out of sight, Woojin quickened his pace, and before he knew it, he was at your bedroom door. He breathed in, it had certainly been a while since he was in there. Without knocking, he entered. Woojin didn’t know why he was going in even though he knew you weren’t there, he didn’t bother to think of it, the sense of reminiscence that swept over him the second he entered the room had blocked any coherent thoughts. It had barely changed since when you two were teenagers. The same ornaments and jewels were strung sparingly throughout the room, the same sheets covered the same bed, the same dark-oak wood desk was littered with books, along with the bookshelf next to it. The only thing he noticed immediately that was different was the sword hung on the opposite side of the room to the door, the sword that you'd been knighted with, a gift.

He knew he shouldn’t look around, but once he saw an open book that was so obviously a diary, he couldn’t help himself, and he closed the door behind him, walking up to it and carefully picking it up, like evidence at a crime scene.

“Wow,” He breathed as he flipped back to the very first page. It was the date that you were knighted

Reading through the very first entry of the book, he couldn’t help but smile. You were so excited, so adorable. The smile dropped when he saw his name.

Woojin didn’t look at me, though

The king told me it was because he hated the idea of a personal knight. Well, that’s what I assume he meant by it. It’ll be fine, though. Woojin doesn’t hate me, I refuse to believe something like that.

Woojin gulped and shakily turned the next page. Him again.

This entire diary might be filled with Woojin. He’s been avoiding me the entire week...I really didn’t think this is how he would act

Next page, dated a few days later, the page was stained and creased with tears, and Woojin felt his heart stop and his lips shake

I don’t know if this is worth writing, maybe it’s stupid. Yeah, it is stupid. Woojin talked to me for the first time in what’s felt like forever, but he was...not the Woojin I knew, I guess. The king was right. Sorry.

Woojin couldn’t read any more properly, instead, he skimmed through the pages, finding that each page had his name written on it, and every few pages, he would feel his fingers flip past a page that was creased differently from the others- a page creased with tears. Finally, after too long, he got to the latest entry, and willed himself to read it.

It’s...a shame, really. I just want to protect him. I just want to talk to him. I just want things to go back to how they used to be.

That was the only thing he was able to read before he heard a rather loud splash come from outside. He jumped, going over to the window once he recovered. Outside, he saw...you, at the lake, where you and he used to play. Your pants were rolled up, and you were standing in the water. He couldn’t quite make out what you were doing in the dark, but it looked like you were watching the fish.

Hesitantly, Woojin placed down the diary. He looked around once more before exiting the room, cringing at how loud the creak of the door was in the dead silence of the night. He blinked away the tears in his eyes. Most of the diary entries were dry, but that’s how he knew they were bad. You never knew how to express extreme sadness, you would just switch off your emotions, you didn’t know how to portray it, which is exactly what he saw in that diary.

Determined, the boy marched through the long hallways. Towards the garden. Towards the lake. Towards you.

----

Part 2 is coming soon~ Feedback is always appreciated :D

[chriscolfernews]

Chris Colfer is renowned for his Golden Globe-winning performance as Kurt Hummel on Fox'sGlee, where he helped bring the story and struggles of a gay teen to an international audience.

However, the 29-year-old actor-turned-writer is also taking the literary world by storm. Colfer has written an impressive 15 novels, most notably his The Land of Stories children's fantasy series. He does not shy away from LGBTQ activism on the page. His latest book, A Tale of Magic..., which centers on people persecuted for practicing magic, "is an allegory for being gay," Hummel told The Advocate in a recent interview.

Evoking a children's version of The Handmaid's Tale, A Tale of Magic presents a world where women have no rights and are barred from reading. Additionally, practitioners of magic are condemned to death or life imprisonment. A young girl, Brystal Evergreen, rebels against this tyranny by engaging in both. In turn, she is sent to a correctional facility to "cure" her of her magic. A mysterious savior, Madame Weatherberry, rescues Brystal from detainment and recruits her on a mission to change the hearts and minds of the kingdom.

In the following interview, Colfer discusses how antigay politics of the real world inspired his magical allegory, which he calls a "manifesto for compassion. I’ve never written anything like it before." A Tale of Magic, now available on Amazon and wherever good books are sold, also recently debuted at #1 on the New York Times Best Seller list, demonstrating how Colfer's message of political resistance has resonated with young audiences.

The Advocate: Congratulations on your new book! What inspired A Tale of Magic?

Chris Colfer: Trauma, mostly. I was 11 years old when 9/11 happened. I remember I was old enough to understand what was happening, but I wasn’t old enough to understand why it was happening. And I don’t think anything is scarier for a child than confusion. I can’t imagine how scared kids must feel nowadays. So I wanted to write a book that parents and teachers could use as a point of reference when they explain the troubling things their kids and students see on the news. I hope it puts things into perspective while giving them a magical adventure at the same time.

You’ve written 15 books. What’s the secret to your productivity? Caffeine. Lots and lots of caffeine. Also, isolation. Sometimes I’ll go weeks without seeing anyone besides my boyfriend and our dogs.

Who are your literary influences? Well, I apologize for sounding like a millennial cliché, but J.K. Rowling had the biggest impact on me. I wasn’t a good reader when I was young, and Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone was the first book I actually enjoyed reading. And some of my happiest childhood memories were going to those midnight release parties. I then went on to devour everything by C.S. Lewis, Eva Ibbotson, and Bruce Coville. On some level, I think I’m still mourning the end of Harry Potter. It left a void I’ve been trying to fill by writing my own books.

What appeals to you about the fantasy genre in particular? I suppose it’s the escapism and encouragement it provides. In fantasy, a mouse can slay a dragon if it’s courageous enough. That’s very therapeutic for those of us still battling our own dragons.

A Tale of Magic, much like The Handmaid’s Tale, shows a bleak world where women have no rights. Also, practitioners of magic are subjected to imprisonment or even the death sentence. While writing the book, how much did the real world and the current political climate influence your storytelling? The current climate was the entire inspiration. A Tale of Magic was supposed to be an easy task for me. It was supposed to be the start of a simple prequel series. The working title was The Land Before Stories. But when I sat down to actually write it, I felt so angry and helpless by the state of the world, I had to do something more so I could sleep at night. Even if I was the wrong messenger, even if it didn’t do well, I wanted to do anything I possibly could to guide the next generation onto a better path. It ceased to be a prequel and became a completely original story. Now I consider A Tale of Magic my manifesto for compassion. I’ve never written anything like it before.

What is the overarching message you wanted to send by centering your story on a character who is not only discriminated against for her gender, but also her extraordinary abilities? I want young people to know that just because they’re born into an environment that doesn’t accept or appreciate them, that doesn’t mean there isn’t an environment that will. There’s a lot of love waiting for you out there if you’re willing to look for it. I’m living proof. Also, the more the world discourages you, the more it needs you.

The protagonist is sent to a “Correctional Facility for Troubled Young Women” in the hopes that she will be “cured” of her magical gifts. This storyline echoes the experiences of survivors of conversion therapy. How do you think fiction — your novel in particular — can fight against antigay forces like "ex-gay" therapy in the real world? Thank you for making that connection. In my opinion, the purpose of fiction, besides providing an escape, is to subconsciously plant seeds of reason and compassion in people’s minds. That was the sole mission of the Brothers Grimm and Charles Perrault. After reading about the horrible and abusive experiences at the Correctional Facility in A Tale of Magic, I hope my readers will grow up with a resentment of conversion therapy already ingrained within them. If I can get them to sympathize with the struggles of a fictitious magical community, then maybe, just maybe, they’ll be more likely to sympathize with the struggles of other communities fighting for acceptance in the real world.

In addition to A Tale of Magic being a novel, do you see it as a work of LGBTQ activism? I’d like to think so. Although, I have no control over how other people will interpret it. For me, the magic in A Tale of Magic is an allegory for being gay. The characters are raised to believe magic is demonic and unnatural. They’re sent to camps where they “pray the magic away.” And they’re all on a mission to prove "magic isn’t a choice." But what magic represents for me may be different for a little girl in Egypt or a teenage boy in Japan. We all have obstacles that hold us back. We’re all assigned different stigmas based on our circumstances. So, whatever your “magic” may be, A Tale of Magic is about overcoming the forces that suppress it.

We’re living in a world when books are still being banned — and the written word itself is under attack. As a novelist, do you see it as your duty to fight against censorship? Absolutely. You have to be incredibly strategic to get your book into the hands of the people who need it the most. Especially when your books have LGBTQ themes. So many authors get criticized when they reveal a character’s orientation or gender identity after publication instead of on the page. But I don’t always agree with those critics. In some places books are instantly banned if they have any LGBTQ characters or LGBTQ references whatsoever. But there are ways of getting representation into those territories that goes under the radar. That’s the purpose of the character Xanthous Hayfield in A Tale of Magic. His orientation is never directly addressed in the first book, but there are enough clues so a closeted little boy living in an oppressive country can relate to him and know he’s not alone. But I don’t think censorship can survive the modern age. In fact, I think governments shoot themselves in the foot when they apply censorship. It instantly triggers a wave of curiosity and publicity you can’t buy. So please, by all means, ban me.

Did you have a Madame Weatherberry, the "fairy godmother" character in A Tale of Magic, in your life? My grandmother was my biggest cheerleader growing up. She made me believe in myself, and I think that’s the greatest gift you can give a kid, even if you don’t necessarily believe their dreams are practical. I used to sit with her for hours and hours on her back patio and talk. We’d make game plans of how I was going to accomplish my goals while she smoked and polished her guns.

You dedicate your novel to those whose shoulders you stand on — presumably LGBTQ pioneers. Did you have any particular figures in mind when making this dedication? There are a hundred names I could list that everyone knows, but it’s really about the people who are unknown. I get pretty emotional when I think about it. There are millions of people who never got to reap the benefits of their courage and honesty, but because they stood up when they did, I get to do what I love and be with who I love. I can’t imagine the bravery it took. Even right now, there are people in other parts of the world reading this website in secret, looking for encouragement as they fight for their right to exist. Wherever they are, I hope they can feel the future’s gratitude.

If you could have any magical ability, what would it be? Honestly, I’d be happy with just a faster metabolism. That sounds pretty magical.

What appeals to you about your literary work, versus the world of television and film? I suppose it’s the control. When I write a novel, it can be anything and everything I want it to be. I get to tell the story and describe the images exactly as they exist in my mind. In film and television there’s always so many cooks in the kitchen it’s difficult to produce a pure vision. There’s a lot of compromising and negotiating and it requires a lot of patience. Also, I can write books in my pajamas. It doesn’t get better than that.

Would you adapt A Tale of Magic into a movie or TV series? I would love to see A Tale of Magic come to life. I guess it all depends on my experience with the Land of Stories film adaptation. For my own physical safety, I hope the Disney/Fox merger settles so we can finish it. There are millions of kids around the world who are going to want to hurt me if they don’t get a movie soon.

[violethowler]

Dark Enchantress

Following on from last week’s essay, I would like to talk about one character who has often been overlooked both in-universe and out. Someone who was a major character in the first game, but whose presence has diminished in the years since, even as subsequent games have subtly laid the groundwork for her return to prominence. 

I’m talking of course, about Maleficent. 

Because of the fact that she hasn’t been a major threat since the first game, many fans tend to overlook Maleficent in later Kingdom Hearts games and dismiss her as an unimportant distraction, or even an outright joke. Outside of Re:coded, her schemes have had no immediate impact on the overarching plot of any games, and she’s constantly overshadowed by bigger antagonists like Xehanort. 

However within the framework of the Heroine’s Journey, Maleficent fills a crucial role that has not yet been completed. To explain, I must first elaborate a bit more on the narrative archetype into which Sora and Rikus’ relationship falls: 

The character dynamic between the protagonist and their Animus in a Heroine’s Journey often follows what I have heard others informally label as a Dark Youth/Light Youth narrative[1]. There is no official name for this archetype, so I will be referring to it by the terms it was labeled as when I first learned of it. While the archetype is not exclusively used for romances, many Heroine’s Journey romances fit into this dynamic, as romantic Dark Youth/Light Youth stories tend to follow Beauty and the Beast, rivals-to-lovers, and enemies-to-lovers archetypes.

The Light Youth is most commonly the protagonist of a story, while the Dark Youth typically serves as a Shadow figure to the main character. While there have been rare instances where a Dark Youth is the protagonist of their own story, in most examples, the Dark Youth will be a deuteragonist to the Light Youth. The Dark Youth represents what their counterpart could have become had their circumstances been worse, and in a coming of age narrative they symbolize the more turbulent aspects of growing up. 

They typically begin the story as an anti-villain or tragic villain before transitioning to an anti hero or outright hero by the end, with their interactions with their light youth counterpart gradually driving them to change for the better. For all that various groups in fandom spaces will debate about whether or not a character “deserves” redemption, a well-written Dark Youth archetype is meant to teach younger audiences that no matter how many mistakes you make, it’s never too late to turn things around and do better.

Some examples of Light Youth/Dark Youth pairs include:

Belle & the Beast (Beauty & the Beast)

Aang & Zuko (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Rey & Kylo Ren (Star Wars: Episodes VII - IX) 

Lucy & Edmund Pevensie (The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe)

Allura & Lotor (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

Kagome & Inuyasha (Inuyasha)

In many examples of this dynamic, the Dark Youth often spends a significant portion of the narrative under the spell of an Evil Sorcerer figure. Someone whose actions and influence create or maintain a rift between the Dark Youth and their counterpart. In order for the story to reach its climax, the Evil Sorcerer’s control over the Dark Youth must be overcome. This hold can be literal in the sense that they are physically holding the Dark Youth captive, or it can be metaphorical in the sense that their words and actions influence the Dark Youth psychologically. 

While the character that fills this role in the narrative isn’t required to be magical at all, one of the most common forms this archetype takes is the Wicked Witch (hence why I refer to it as the Evil Sorcerer). In Dark Youth/Light Youth stories that deal with themes that are relevant to real world experiences, they can often take the form of an abusive parental figure, like Fire Lord Ozai in Avatar or High Priestess Haggar in Voltron.

Thus, we come to Maleficent. Despite the fact that she hasn’t been a serious threat since the first game, her influence still lingers. She spent much of her screen time in the original game convincing Riku that Sora had abandoned him, driving him down the path to villainy. Despite working in every game since to redeem himself, her influence still casts a shadow over his interactions with Sora. While they reconciled during their reunion in Kingdom Hearts II, Sora and Riku did not meaningfully address the latter’s behavior during the first game. 

Sora’s views about “Riku” in Chain of Memories prior to the Replica reveal indicate that he believes Riku was not in control of his actions and was therefore blameless for what happened. But we as the audience know that despite being manipulated by Maleficent, Riku was in control of his actions. In order for the rift between the two to fully heal, they need to have a conversation where they talk about why Riku behaved the way he did and, in doing so, they must get to the heart of why Riku was so jealous of Sora.

As mentioned in my previous essay, the depiction of Riku and his bond with Sora across the series is consistent with how love interests in the Heroine’s Journey are portrayed. In addition to this narrative pattern, multiple textual parallels with canon Disney couples point towards Riku and Sora having romantic feelings for each other: 

In the first Kingdom Hearts, we have two prominent moments of one character calling out for another as the party flees the location of the world’s boss while it quakes around them: Aladdin calling out for Jasmine as the party flees the Cave of Wonders, and Sora calling out for Riku as the party flees Monstro’s stomach.

Kingdom Hearts II uses plot details involving Disney Princess romances to foreshadow Sora and Riku’s reunion in The World That Never Was.

Aladdin is avoiding Jasmine at the start of the first visit to Agrabah just like how Riku is avoiding Sora throughout the game as a whole. 

After being freed from Xaldin’s influence in the first visit to Beast’s Castle, the Beast is afraid to talk to Belle after how he behaved, just like how Riku didn’t want Sora to find him after how he acted in the first game. (Notably, we don’t get to see the Beast’s curse broken until *after* we’ve seen Riku no longer trapped in Ansem’s form)

Ariel is afraid that since she’s a mermaid and Eric is a human that he’ll reject her, just like how Riku didn’t want Sora to see that he’d taken on Ansem’s form. 

When Sora, Donald, and Goofy are separated from Rapunzel and Flynn in the Kingdom of Corona during Kingdom Hearts III, Goofy says that Rapunzel and Eugene will be fine as long as they’re together. The last time this phrasing was used in the series, Goofy was saying that about Sora and Riku. 

Kingdom Hearts III connects Riku’s sacrifice for Sora in the Keyblade Graveyard with Hercules diving into the River Styx to save Megara’s soul. (This is more clear in the original Japanese, as the localization translated the term taisetsu na hito [literal meaning: precious person] as “person I love most” for Hercules and “what matters” for Riku.)

In Jungian psychology, which the Heroine’s Journey is heavily influenced by, the Evil Sorcerer working to keep the romantic leads apart is symbolic of romantic/sexual interference. They represent cultural forces attempting to dictate what kind of romantic relationship is socially acceptable for people who share some aspect of the protagonist or Dark Youth’s identity. 

Maleficent got her hooks into Riku at the beginning of the series by convincing him that Sora didn’t value him or their bond. Since then, he’s gone to the opposite extreme. Instead of lashing out over his jealousy of not being the center of Sora’s attention, he bottles his feelings up. While some fans perceived his distance from Sora in recent games as him stepping back, it ‘s more accurate to say that he has resigned himself to the belief his feelings for Sora will forever be unrequited. This is best demonstrated in the Limit Cut DLC, where even after a year of multiple characters attempting to trace their connection to Sora with no results, the idea that his own bond with Sora could be important never crossed his mind until the Fairy Godmother said there was a clue in his dreams. And until Riku learns to let down his walls and admit to Sora how he feels, Maleficent will still have a hold over him. 

Despite the narrative setup for a romance between the two of them, they will not be able to get together until Riku has fully broken free of Maleficent’s influence. This is the reason why the “Healing the Wounded Masculine” stage of Murdock’s formula where the protagonist and the Animus mend the rift between them is placed very close to the end of the sequence. Freeing the Dark Youth from the Sorcerer’s influence represents their relationship with their Light counterpart triumphing over the societal forces that the Sorcerer archetype represents. Until that has been achieved, neither lead is emotionally or psychologically ready to begin a relationship.

So while Maleficent may not have been as significant a threat as she was in the beginning, she still plays a major role within the framework of Sora’s Journey, and she will continue to have a presence in the series until that role has been completed in full.

Sources:

[1] Death of a Dark Youth, Desecration of the Animus; December 20, 2018. https://www.teampurplelion.com/death-of-a-dark-youth/

[hoseingh]

Historical Identity: The role of History on identity Layers

“It’s not just that I’m a woman of color running for office. It’s the way that I ran. It’s the way that my identity formed my methods.”

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

 What I realize from the notion of identity, especially when I

start thinking about myself; it is like onion made by various layers. as I

mentioned before in another post about constructing historical identity? I believe a Human has

labeling various tags to his character for identifying himself from others.

however, it’s wondering the mind for defining his unique identity, using total

similarities. he is constantly labeling himself whole tags like Gender, Race,

Family, Language, Geography, caste, culture, nation, religion, etc. he

continues this way until he makes sure, he will the only and unique person who

maintained in all of these whole layers. 

we can define these whole tags in 2 main subjects: 1- private

self-2- public self. some layers of our identity coming from the deep question

of who am I? we constantly listening to our inner voices.so our mind trying to

construct a unique individual character for ourselves. moreover, we are social

sapiens.so other fundamental question arises of what I mean? we are affected by

the outside world. the society forcing us to build a clear definition of our

existence in society and accept our specific roles in it.

whatever right or wrong, the mind is building constantly a maze

with multilayers for his identity in every moment of life. these identity

layers defining our point of view to life. and lightening the path to future

destiny. These identity layers are shaping our values and belief system. as

they are dictating types of action to our consciousness, facing the outside

world. 

despite how history has made an active role in identifying our

character? history help us to organize and choose priority in these whole

layers. essentially we need principal and basic identity. in other word, we

have to choose the top priority layer for our self. private or public self,

patriot or religious, rock music, or pop music? normally we use history to

resolve in every dilemma in our mind. 

if we do not suppose to choose an item for our character,

probably the spirit of history will force us to fall in an unwanted role in our

life. history is playing an active role ever in our DNA. hence we are highly

dependent on our memory to make a decision. and every decision is an active

move to construct our identity structure. and playing our role in the story of

life.

history of life is teaching us that we have no choice except to

define our point of view about some circles. such as what is my role in a

family? how can I improve my place in my neighborhood? which worldview fits

best with my future destiny? is nationality would help me to achieve my goals?

or how becoming a fan of a certain sports club can express better my identity

and helping me to make a better relationship with others? etc. some hashtags

are essential and we cannot neglect them. On the other hand, some whole layers

are optional and it’s up to you, whether joining in or not. 

here are essential layers of human identity: 

1

2

3

 how history forcing you to get your basic layer of identity?

the palace of Self needs a solid and very stable foundation. and you have to choose the best fitting layer as a basic layer of your identity. which one you would choose? for an answer to this fundamental question, you have to study well your inner world and compare it to your outside reality. now just zoom out from your own identity to the bigger scale of public society, nation, state, or even universal. now think again about the basic layer of identity. what is your best reference for research or study? and in the next step, how you can expose your point of view? My answer is culture, literature, or history in the light of philosophy. 

 Iran as a great example

let me dive into the ocean of history and continue this argument in a real example: we have a controversial issue about what is our main layer of identity in Iran, for the last 2 centuries. either we believe individualism or communitarianism. there is still a bigger question: what is a true definition of Iran as part of Iranian identity? in the late 19th century the sense of nationalism arose in the Iranian community and by the beginning of Reza Shah’s kingdom in the first of 20th (1925). Iranian nationality had been established as the official government in Iran. but there was some great issue still maintained. what does Iran mean? which language, culture, or tradition represents the notion of Iran? 

this issue has Absolut roots in the history of this land. Iran is one of the oldest civilizations in human history in the heart of middle east. the history of Iran has divided into 2 major eras: before and after Islam. I would not be discussing the long ancient history of Iran. although you can read it on the internet if you want. anyway, there is still a hot controversial discussion about the role of Islam in Iranian identity in our contemporary era. Islam was Iranian official religion for more than 1000 years. Besides that, Islam has its own official language, culture, and traditions. for a long time, Persian and Arabic languages have used in Iranian culture. but in the age of enlightenment and by rising the essence of nationalism in Iran some Iranian intellectuals were tried to remove Islamic identity and refer back to Iranian ancient history had known as Arian-Persian History as a basic layer of Iranian national identity. 

Despite Iranian intellectual movement has a major problem by any religions, following western modernization. besides that, they were seeking a way to bold Iranian differences against Arabic culture. then Reza shah has begun the modernization process he based the foundation of Iran national identity on Persian-Aryan history. this occurred serious paradoxical issues in Iranian society. Because some great parts of Iranian were not descendants from the Aryan-Persian race. For example, Turks people in the northwest, Gilanian, and Turkmens in the north, Arab, and other tribes in the southwest had maintained outside of this main layer of identity. although the Islamic religion is more rooted in Iranian culture to remove it overnight. 

the idea of a new identity for Iran as a Nation-state has occurred more clashes instead of the unity in the country. until the Islamic revolution of Iran in 1979, revolutionaries had calmed Islam as the principal layer of Iran identity. On the other

hand, modernists intellectual movement had stressed the ancient history of Iran and define the Aryan race as a fundamental layer of Iranian identity. although this paradox still remaining in Iranian politics, culture, and society. this caused more identity crisis in Iranian history. 

the exciting part is the role of historians and writers. because they were trying to rewrite new history from scratch and bolding their point of view as Aryan domination history over Islam. in the 20th century a new version of Iran history had been coming up that there is no record in Iranian written memory. 

some Iranian writers supporting by western imperialism had founded a new vision about Iranian history. a lot of thinkers including myself believe that all of this new history is part of western Imperialism plan to rip off Iranian oil sources. although this approach to history is setting to make more identity crisis in nations than creating a solid national identity. 

anyway, the issue of Iran is one of the best examples for discussing the importance of historic identity. and I’ll be writing more about the issue of Iran in my next papers. 

 History vs most essential identity layers

let’s presume we consider nationality as a basic layer of public identity. hereon all of the other layers most expose somehow to fit this principal layer. economy, culture, ethnicity, and religion should represent the best of nationality. but there is one question that will twinkle: which one of these essential layers we would choose for the basic identity layer?

this is one of the greatest subjects that free thinkers especially philosophers have thought and wrote about it. this question is out of our discussion. but the point is whatever is the right answer, we need history in the process of think production. 

in fact, the question of which layer of Self, should place as principal, is not in our intention. In fact, our main question is: how we can design a fundamental layer of identity? the short answer could be referring to self-referential encoding. including private or public memories. this is the active role of History, literature, art, or philosophy. 

the game of Self building will be becoming more exciting when we consider our point of view to history is highly dependent on the order of sortation of our identity layers. these layers in the loop circulation are forcing us to review and rewrite human history. individualism, socialism, racism, nationalism or religion, etc. all of these isms, need to interpret history as their point of view. although the best interpretation of history is what laminate all of the human layers. the main issue in the 21st century is not which worldview is true. the problem is most of them are true layers of human identity.

 historical obstacles for constructing identity

history is an ebullient source of legitimation. the repetition of procedures in time laps is making traditions. and traditions have caused legitimacy. hence constructing new ideas isn’t always congruous by the stream of history. history could become a strong barrier against any changes as much as it could become the main tool to build a new self. Historic studies would be reminding us that every new idea did face serious resistance from historic traditions. therefor if we are neglecting to examine these historic obstacles we will fail as many great ideas did fail because of that. 

people are highly dependent on their current situations. Thus we need precise situation awareness, for every fundamental change or evolution. On the other hand, we need relevant force to change in the current stream of history. we can point out to enormous examples in human history. 

 Axis layers, Savior layers, link layers

sometimes titles are more important than paragraphs. maybe it’s better to get rid of these paragraphs and spend our time thinking about headings. any way by observing history or historiography we can find out that it’s not just Axis identity layers that matter. the portrait of self (such as private or public self) is like Photoshop picture including background and various layers, effects and patterns, etc. although the result is just one frame of the picture. every main category has its own functions and attributes in the structure of self-identity. 

the main Axis of self, most support by relevant pillars. for example, if we presume nationality as the kingbolt of public identity. then there is no way to build the roof of nationality except on the columns of language, race, culture, religion (any worldview) geography, etc. thus we would define the exact position of every of these supporter layers under the whole public self. 

[peppermintbee]

15 easy changes that would have made Kairi a more compelling character

Ever since finishing KH3 I’ve been completely preoccupied with what a disservice the writing does for Kairi. This isn’t an unpopular opinion; the KH3 tag is full of complaints regarding Kairi’s treatment. I think what’s really disappointing is that fixing her portrayal wouldn’t require that much work. So, if I was Nomura’s co-writer for KH3, here are the changes I would have suggested.

1. Don’t put her in the time chamber to train

Not only does the pocket dimension cause plot holes (Why can’t Sora train there? Why didn’t Kairi and Lea become high level in there?) it’s only narrative purpose was to keep Kairi and Lea out of the story while Sora was visiting Disney worlds. Having her literally anywhere else, where Sora can see and talk with her, would have been better than that.

2. Let her train and travel with Sora

Conveniently, the game is set up perfectly for having Kairi as a team member. Sora starts the game at LV. 1 and Kairi is a beginner keyblade wielder. They could visit the Disney worlds and git gud together. We know team mechanics were programmed for Kairi, since she briefly fights alongside Sora at the end. In the Disney worlds you can have up to 4 team members, so it doesn’t seem like a stretch that at least one of them could be Kairi (and/or Lea). With that, the opportunities for character building are endless: team banter, selfies, special team attacks, commenting on the Disney stories, etc. 

3. Or, give Kairi her own missions

Riku and Mickey are off screen because they are trying to find Aqua. Even though we don’t see much of them, this makes them active participants to the plot. Therefore, if she can’t be a team member, have Kairi be on her own  important story mission. A really easy one would be involving her in the Twilight Town investigation to find Roxas’ data and/or rescue Ansem the Wise. Maybe one of the turncoat Org 13 members works with Kairi. At some point, Sora and Kairi’s paths would cross, and they’d work together just like Sora and Riku did.

4. Have Sora mention Kairi every once in a while

Honestly, this is such a low bar it’s sad the game didn’t clear it. Sora frequently mentions Riku in the Disney worlds when something reminds him of him, he tries to call him, and he even talks about Riku in the social media loading screens. Kairi doesn’t get the same amount of attention. (Riku also doesn’t talk about Kairi.) It makes it feel like Kairi is not a priority to the characters, which makes it hard to be invested in her while playing.

5. Have Sora and Kairi greet each other when they finally meet

The first time Sora and Kairi are in a room together is after Ventus gets saved and everyone is talking in Yen Sid’s room. During this scene, most of the time Kairi is OFF SCREEN and has almost no lines. When she finally talks, she apologizes to Aqua and says something about saving Namine. Sora and Kairi stand about 5 feet away from each other and he only looks at her when she’s talking. This is dumb, especially considering Kairi and Sora haven’t seen each other in person since KH2 (!!!), a game that she also had very little presence in, and now that she’s finally here, she may as well be a part of the wallpaper. While Sora and Riku are reunited in the most badass way possible (a dimension crossing rescue and summoning of the great rainbow keyblade), Sora and Kairi aren’t even given so much as a chance to say “hi.” Simply include few lines of them being excited to see one another. A hug, a compliment, an “I missed you,” ANYTHING.

6. Just rewrite the entire paopu scene

This scene has such wasted potential. It’s the first time Kairi and Sora really talk to each other, which already starves the scene of emotional impact because their relationship feels underdeveloped and unearned. If this scene had even a little bit of foundation setting (see the above list) it wouldn’t have felt so forced. I’d argue the only foundation their relationship has is from KH1, which not only is over a decade old for players, but the characters themselves have changed a lot since then. 

Secondly, it is almost funny that a scene that’s supposed to be about Kairi and Sora starts with Sora talking about Riku. Would it have been so hard to put a scene change between the Riku/Repliku talk and this one and not awkwardly segue from Sora worrying about Riku to Kairi proposing to Sora.

Third, Sora shows almost no excitement about sharing a paopu fruit with Kairi until the very end, which only makes it feel more forced. He expresses shock, confusion, and even insinuates they don’t need to share a fruit since they are together in spirit. He says he’ll protect Kairi, which is kind of a lame promise since Sora protects all of his friends. Instead, Sora should have looked genuinely touched and excited about the paopu thing, and they should have made a promise that went beyond protecting each other, since that’s a given. (I do really like that Kairi vows to protect Sora, but considering what happens later it feels pretty hollow.)

8. Sora should protect Kairi with his keyblade, not a hug

Honestly, this was so dumb I don’t even know where to start. If there’s gonna be a Kairi hug, it should have been when they were reunited, or the paopu scene, or like... any other time. I get that it’s supposed to be a parallel to KH1, but that defense-hug made sense because Kairi was unarmed and untrained. (Plus, Kairi could actually shield heartless-Sora with her body. In this scene, Kairi and Sora are about the same size so it just looks like a normal hug, not protection). Just hours ago, Sora protected Riku from Aqua with his keyblade and it was badass. At the end of this scene, Riku protects Sora with his keyblade, and it’s badass. The hug isn’t badass, it’s stupid and it makes both Sora AND Kairi look incompetent, which it frustrating to witness.

9. Let Kairi literally protect Sora

As much as I like the scene where Riku protects Sora from the heartless cyclone, that would have been a perfect opportunity for Kairi to make good on her promise and protect Sora. We already know Riku will defend Sora, he did that in all the other KH games. Kairi shedding her damsel persona to defend Sora would have been amazing.

10. Play as Kairi in The Final World

If Kairi’s “light” is the reason Sora can persist in the final world, just abandon the whole deus-ex-kairi and let us play as Kairi. Kairi should collect the Sora fragments (or her own fragments), and save at least Sora and Riku’s heart. I think we should have been able to play as Kairi at some point anyway, but this seemed like an especially good time for it. That would elevate her role in saving Sora into something really believable, instead of Chirithy and Kairi just telling us she saved him when it feels like Sora just saved himself and everyone else (as usual).

11. Give Kairi a cool team attack

We only get to fight alongside Kairi for like, 10 minutes. At least give her a cool team attack. I’m not asking for a lot here.

12. Kairi doesn’t get kidnapped (and if she does, she goes down fighting)

Literally anyone else. I don’t care who. In fact, I think Riku would be a good candidate for kidnapping: not only does it subvert the damsel thing, but it would make the bad guys look pretty formidable if they were able to pull it off, and, Riku is important enough to Sora to “motivate” him to rescue him.

I’d rather she not get damseled at all, but if she really has to get kidnapped, it should at least be because she compromised her safety to save Sora or Lea. Then, when she’s grabbed, she should go down kicking and screaming, maybe taking out an Org member on the way out. Instead, the way it’s framed makes it looks like she got kidnapped because she sucks at fighting.

13. Give Kairi’s death/disappearance some real weight

I still stand by the fact that Riku is the one who should have been kidnapped but I digress. When Kairi explodes, Sora gets upset briefly before talking about closing Kingdom Hearts and receiving encouragement from his other friends. Xion reassures Sora that Kairi is fine, likely to justify why Sora gets over losing Kairi so fast. With a smile, Sora goes into the next battle and doesn’t mention Kairi until long after Xehanort is defeated. This makes her death feel like a cheap way to add superficial stakes and write Kairi out of the story (again). This can be fixed by having Sora react like a normal person, such as falling into complete despair or wracked with grief and vengeance, and having the other characters react appropriately too. 

At the end of the story, Sora and the gang are weirdly understanding of Xehanort when he gives his sob story, even though he exploded Kairi just a little while ago, and they don’t even demand to know how to save her. It really makes it feel like they forgot about her.

14. Don’t gloss over Sora’s end-game rescue of Kairi

We’re shown that Sora saved her somehow and now he’s gone. That’s all the script thinks we need to know because the next game is about Sora and Riku just like most of the KH games. Not that I really want another game about Sora rescuing Kairi, but the fact that this is barely graced with explanation really makes it clear that Kairi is little more than a plot device to set up the next game. I don’t really know how to fix this other than not fridging Kairi, or bringing Kairi back right after Xehanort is defeated, or making the next game about Kairi saving Sora. Which brings us to my last fix...

15. Send Kairi after Sora, not Riku

Kairi explicitly said she was going to protect Sora. Therefore, she should be the one implied to search for Sora at the end of the game. Having her cry on the beach while Riku went after him was lazy and cheap and everyone knows it. But, I suppose it’s fitting end for a character that Nomura clearly didn’t care enough about to write decent character development for.

And there we have it, 15 ways to make Kairi more compelling. If the game included even a few of these, Kairi would have felt like a more meaningful person and not a watered down version of KH1 Kairi. I can only hope that the next game has some strong female characters that we can all root for, but honestly, I’m not getting my hopes up.

Let me know if you have any other suggestions, I want to hear them!

[of-bug-and-beast]

Okay, before we go anywhere with this, I do not wish MatPat any actual harm. He may have annihilated the last of my brain cells with his most recent theory (as of 2:27 PM, 07/07/19, when I started writing), but I will not advocate actually hurting him for all that. His channel is run for fun, and dare I say, attention. And I can understand that to an extent.

But with that said, he pissed me off this close to my birthday and I am having none of that shit.

Second, I will be calling the player character (the Knight) Ghost, as this is how Hornet has named them, and it has more or less become their name at this point.

So, are we good? Then let’s get started with this.

There is no way Ghost is the Pale King’s reincarnation.

I will concede that, as @take-a-bug​ has brought up here, this would make an excellent AU. But as a theory, even by MatPat’s standards, it literally has more holes in it than a block of Swiss cheese.

First and foremost, Ghost is literally seen about five feet away from the Pale King himself in the flashback cutscene, as most of the comment section of the video has brought up.

If Ghost really was simply the reincarnation of the Pale King, there would have been no reason for them (who is clearly moving and doing things without him) to be in the same room as the clearly-living Pale King. Quite in fact, it solidifies that we were indeed a rejected vessel.

But let’s pretend this never happened, as MatPat clearly had. Surely the “theory” holds water now?

No. It sure doesn’t.

Let’s progress as he had.

Point #1: The Lore Tablets.

The tablets indeed refer to “Higher beings.” Now, the answer to what are the “higher beings” is a subject that, as far as I’m aware, has not actually been closed, especially with the Wanderer’s Journal that was published. But the one most seem to follow- including myself- is that the Higher Beings are the god-like beings of Hallownest, as this is supported by Team Cherry’s dev notes and AMAs[1] as well.

The Pale King is among the ranks of the Higher Beings, then. But how would Ghost be able to read these tablets, if they weren’t officially called such? Godseeker sure doesn’t recognize them as a god, at least not until they become the Shade Lord. This fact also makes the “theory” very suspicious; if they really were the Pale King’s reincarnation, where’s the godly aura? She should have recognized them as such.

Admittedly, her behavior as a whole kinda throws everything for a loop. But in the end, there’s still this.

Ghost, along with every other vessel to exist, is child of the White Lady and the Pale King. Or perhaps the term might be was, as they were kind of dumped into the Abyss, and the Void kinda seems to hate the Pale King’s guts and likely his kids too. But may they be a reanimated corpse filled with void or simply a product of not one, not two, but three incredibly powerful entities, the White Lady claims Ghost as her own spawn. This is directly stated with her stating that “Your companion's eyes burn with a familiar flame... Success then for the scarlet heart, and irony, to use my spawn to grow its own.”[2]

Likewise, Hornet- daughter of Herrah and the Pale King (the White Lady confirms this by bringing up how she was born of a dalliance between the two aforementioned parties)-  refers to the Hollow Knight as “Our birth-cursed sibling.”[3]

Not “my.” “Our.”

She is the vessels’ half sibling, sure, but this shows she recognizes them as the children of the Wyrm as well.

And being born of such powerful beings, it would be strange if they couldn’t read the text at all.

Now, the alternative possible meaning of “higher being” is those given mind by the Pale King, or similarly originated from Hallownest. Ellina from the Wanderer’s Journal book had shown no signs of being able to read the tablets in the Basin[1], which begins with the same phrase as those in the cliffs.

That in itself means nothing; after all, she is no god. But there is a lore tablet in the Howling Cliffs that rather supports this.

Higher beings, these words are for you alone.

These blasted plains stretch never-ending. There is no world beyond.

Those foolish enough to traverse this void must pay the toll and relinquish the precious mind this kingdom grants.[4]

It seems odd that the gods would so heavily rely on the narrow range of Hallownest, and since none (save for maybe Grimm, who has definitely not been here the entire time, judging from the looks of things but also has a very good knowledge of what has transpired) actually seem to have left, it seems near pointless to have the tablets.

However, we do know a bug that has left Hallownest, and came back with impaired memories besides Ghost themself: Quirrel. Now, perhaps it has to do with Monomon’s mask as well, but most likely being of Hallownest himself, he could have easily have been affected by the beyond. Those who were implied to have come from elsewhere (such as Tiso[5], Cornifer[6] and Iselda[7], Cloth[8], Ze’mer[9], and Zote[10]) have also shown no signs of memory loss despite having to have made the trek through the wastelands.

Now, Ghost has been out there, and apparently has memory loss, which does support that the wastelands do indeed strip the minds of some. Being born in Hallownest (or the Abyss, to be a little more specific), they would have been among those that would have a mind originating in the kingdom.

“But no mind to think!” you may cry, if you are one of the few people who actually think Ghost is a pure vessel. “They don’t have a mind!”

Au contraire. All the other vessels have shown to be imperfect, so they must have had at least one of the traits they were supposed to lack: will, voice, and mind. The Pure Vessel- later Hollow Knight- was tarnished by “an idea instilled”[11], which is likely tied to the cutscene at the end of the Path of Pain. But even then, the moment they had paused to glance back at Ghost, they were clearly impure; a creature without mind would have not hesitated to follow its master, yet they did. And they were judged the purer one between Ghost and themself.

In addition, if we take into consideration what we do in-game, they have made strategies to defeat enemies (or just rammed headfirst into fights until it finally worked out, which requires will and mind as well) and can choose to listen to what others say and retrain the information for their own use. They have a mind. They have a will. And what memory and knowledge they had was locked away, only able to be unlocked by some more forceful means.

So, conclusion to Point 1? Ghost can read the tablets not because they’re the Pale King, but because they are inherently tied to him and the kingdom. This can still be wrong, but it seems likelier than the suggested alternative.

Point #2: SOUL

While the Pale King has been suggested[12] to have a great ability of SOUL manipulation, it’s not far off to suggest that his kids might be able to do something similar. Hornet’s silk, as shown by the Silksong demo, seems to have a parallel to the SOUL meter back in Hollow Knight, mainly in part that it takes blows against enemies to fill it up.

But let’s ignore that for now, because there’s a more pressing thing at hand.

Guess where Ghost learned most of their spells from!

The snail shamans.

Hell, Ghost didn’t even know anything related to SOUL besides Focusing (healing), and it was only after meeting Mr. Snailman in the Ancestral Mound did they have any combative use for it. But even after getting all the spells (and out of these, Howling Wraiths, Shade Soul, and Descending Dark are likewise given by Snail Shamans, albeit dead ones), it doesn’t compare to what the Pure Vessel has.

Why do I bring them up? They were the one to be raised under the Pale King. SOUL manipulation seems a likely part of training. And between the “Focus” attack and the two “light lances” attacks, they do seem to have a firm grasp on SOUL. In fact, Ghost’s spells like quite untidy in comparison. But they weren’t the Pale King, either, and likely his abilities outshone their own. So, as the Pale King was likely a master with SOUL, why would he fall so low to be worse than his void child? Losing memory might at least leave him with something more than a rather sloppy heal.

So, as shaky as my arguments are here, it seems a little more plausible that Ghost just has the ability to manipulate SOUL because they are the Pale King’s child, and Hornet seems to support this as well, as mentioned before.

Point #3: Elegy for Hallownest and Ghost’s First Appearance

I’m not going to deny that the poem is directed to the Pale King. I mean, it clearly is.[13] But that being said, while MatPat’s logic seems at first glance slightly plausible, I remembered something that reftes this entirely. The first thing we see directly after the poem is actually the Hollow Knight in their prison, not Ghost.[14] Does this mean the Hollow Knight is the Pale King? No, it doesn’t, and don’t you dare suggest otherwise because the Pale King sure as hell locked up the kid with the Radiance in their head. It’d be kinda dumb to also be in the Hollow Knight beside his enemy, and as messed up as he was, the Pale King never struck me as that stupid.

As for the cutscene, I know this for a fact, because besides seeing the many videos of the game on YouTube, I’ve spent a lot of them playing this game, and I have seen a lot. The intro is no exception to this. So screw you and your misleading words.

Point #4: Usage of the Word “Dream” and “Ghost”

Surprisingly the most solid of his work, it’s a little harder to refute.

But this said, Elderbug may very well be meaning “dream” of grandeur, not the Radiance’s, or even the Pale King’s. His usage of the word “ghost” for the vessel is not unique either, as Ghost is given this moniker by Hornet as well[15]. Since her first pieces of dialogue in Greenpath, she refers them as “ghost” or “little ghost,” before eventually even calling them “Ghost of Hallownest.” While she gives no real explanation for the name, Ghost’s silence could easily be a main part in this.

Dreams and ghosts are also not always tied to the Radiance or the Pale King, either, as the Pale King’s palace is in the Dream realm (yet still away from the Radiance), and there are a lot of ghosts in Hallownest, if you know where to look.

So, do these words really have a deeper meaning? Not necessarily.

Point #5: Being Compared to the Pale King

Also a little hard to refute, but I’ll do my best.

The lines used to support this idea were “I almost feel like I'm once again in the presence of my beloved Wyrm,” from the White Lady and “Your noble bearing reminds me of our dear King,” from Ogrim, the Dung Defender (or White Defender, if you’re picky).

Let’s start with the first. Now in full, it actually goes “Ahh! So it bears our once-fractured soul, now complete. Such strength, such resolve, such dedication! Is it more than simply a Vessel? I almost feel like I'm once again in the presence of my beloved Wyrm.”[16]

She refers to the Kingsoul, the charm symbolizing the holy union of two higher beings[17], in this text first, before saying she almost feels like she’s in the presence of her husband. The Kingsoul would, by some degree of logic, have something that reminds the Queen of the Pale King, as half of the union was him. Besides that, Ghost has the Wyrm’s heritage, which could hypothetically amplify the effect.

But most important is still the Kingsoul. Half of it is based on the King, and that’s enough reason to remind the blind White Lady of the Pale King.

Quite in fact, she recognizes both Grimmchild and Carefree Melody to be linked to the Grimm Troupe (she tells them that “[… Ghost has] been consumed in the ritual of that scarlet clan.”[2]), so the actual presence of the primary higher being linked to the charm is unnecessary.

As for Ogrim, he says, “How funny that I see you in my dreams too, little one. Your noble bearing reminds me of our dear King. When he returns, I'll ask him if you can become a Knight! What jolly adventures we will have...”[18]

Noble bearing. Ghost literally could literally be holding themself up as if they were noble. In addition, Ogrim also recognizes Ghost as a vessel like the Hollow Knight, as he realizes that “...So there were others...” and even apologizes for the “cruel means” the Pale King used, despite his otherwise near-blind loyalty to the King.[19]

As for the Royal Retainers bowing to Ghost, there’s not much to say. While, yes, they do bow to you regardless of having the brand or not, it’s not far off to think they would have still bowed to the Hollow Knight back when it was a child, as it was the product of their beloved King. Ghost resembles the Hollow Knight, so it could easily be that. That said, since most would actually have the Brand by the time they go to the White Palace, it could also be a coding oversight. With the King’s Brand, Ghost is the King. This does not mean the Pale King, of course, but the King as in the ruler, as the brand has marked them as such.

And what does their Hunter’s Journal say about them, as MatPat so clearly points out? “The most loyal and devout servants of the King.”[20] Not even the Pale King, but simply the King. Doesn’t argue against the aforementioned points much, does it?

So, does it have to be that deep? No. Absolutely not.

Ghost’s heritage and the fact they hold the Kingsoul could essentially cover all the bases here.

Point #6: The Pale King Can Transform

This is a true fact. However, the most damning evidence here is that the King’s Brand in the Wyrm’s corpse seems to be on an egg, as Ellina states in the Journal.[21] This is likely the place the Pale King “hatched” from. Since we find no such egg near his corpse in the White Palace, it appears he’s pretty damn dead and isn’t coming back.

Bardoon may say that the death of a Wyrm may lead to “More transformation methinks,”[22] but that’s not quite solid enough to say that the Pale King had molted again. Bardoon also shows no signs of thinking of Ghost as a Wyrm, despite recognizing the Pale King and his brand being linked to such.

Point #7: Void

Let’s make this simple. The Void hates all forms of light, as seen by the lighthouse. The Pale King was using Void as well, and the Void hates his guts for that. To be reborn as a being primarily made of Void? He would probably self-destruct.

The Pale King also left the Kingdom in stasis, as Hornet states,[23] which could easily explain the “But yours is potential, eternity potential, force that could deny Time,“[4] quote.

MatPat also said he believed the egg near the throne room is where the Pale King hatched, and I think this has already been mentioned to likely be otherwise.[21]It’s more likely a failed attempt to hatching vessels in his little lab, as this resembles the egg Ghost had presumably hatched from.

Point #8: The Nursery Musicbox

This one’s also hard for me to explain, but it could also be MatPat made it illegal that leitmotifs are apparently not allowed to just be a callback.

I’m one to hate refuting a theory with another theory, but it has been suggested (and mentioned above) that the vessels may be the reanimated corpses of children of the Pale King and the White Lady. In this case, it would mean the children they had once been may have heard the song long ago, and the Shade remembers this past life.

Alternatively, the way Ghost and the Hollow Knight’s tales are entwined may also explain this, as it could have been the Hollow Knight’s room, once. But it’s shakier than the theory above.

Point #9: No Cost Too Great

This is the man who sacrificed millions, if not more, children just to contain a problem he caused. The cost was never directly tied to himself. Also, sure, maybe he’s redeemable somewhere, but I really cannot see him reincarnating into an even shorter entity.

And again, Ghost had hatched while the Pale King was still alive.[24] So. No.

Point #10: Ghost Can Wake Up Bugs from the Infection

I know we rouse Sly and Bretta from the infection’s clutches. But if we could really do this to any bug, why didn’t we do this with Myla? Or anyone else infected?

The first two seemed in a very early stage, maybe like sleepwalking at most. They could likely have been awaken by anyone else, had not the world been filled with infected individuals already.

Point #11: Monarch Wings

This is more my headcanon territory, but I would like to think that the Pale King could summon his own wings, and that set of wings? Might have been the Broken Vessel’s. Besides, we’re never given the opportunity to see if someone else can use the item.

Point #12: ...Father…?

Cut dialogue should always be taken with a grain of salt. That said, this could be a plea to their father, who Ghost does apparently remind some others of. Their mind has long since fell to the Radiance, so it’d be no surprise if they can’t distinguish the two. But this doesn’t mean Ghost is their father. The Hollow Knight was given a purpose by the Pale King, and they seemed to have loved him, and wanted to please him by being perfect, so to call out to their father in their weakest moment, wondering if he’s even out there…

Well, they were given the World Sense.[4] If they couldn’t find him that way, their resolve might have been shaken, but they’re still trying.

The rest of the cut Dream Nail dialogue[25] reads as if from the Radiance instead of the Hollow Knight, which leads to some interesting things. While “usurper” and “ancient enemy”[26] could hypothetically be linked to the Pale King, the Void is as much her enemy. Through Myla, she calls Ghost “the Empty One”[27] instead of “Wyrm” or some other term. She also states that “...THE LIGHT CANNOT BE CONSUMED...” The Pale King never consumed the Radiance and he is also of his own pale light.[28] But (while it can be held back by light) the Void wishes to snuff such radiance. In both the Dream No More and Embrace the Void endings, the Radiance is literally consumed by the Void. This makes it seem that in the end, she’s not talking to the threat of a Wyrm, but of simply a being of Void, no longer affiliated with Wyrm or Root.

Conclusion:

MatPat is a little shit that really should research more.

This is not to say I’m correct. Hell, I’d be glad if I’m even half correct. But when I can piece together an argument against that without too much issue, there’s something wrong here.

I need a source on this, but I remember seeing a post on Tumblr on how Hollow Knight is a game of acceptance, of who you were, of your past, and ultimately, your fate. It’s not about redemption.

It’s just achieving peace with your regrets and moving on, stronger.

Or at least, that’s how I’ve seen it.

I don’t see myself as right, but at least, I think I wrote something vaguely more solid, and found evidence to back it up. If nothing else, it was an excellent writing exercise. And for that I am thankful for the video.

I hope this was an enjoyable read for you, and I thank you for persisting this long.

SOURCES

1: https://youtu.be/dofQaoqecDk?t=920 – Mossbag brings this up. I do not own the book, nor have dived that far into either code or reddit.

2: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/White_Lady#The%20Grimm%20Troupe – source of quote.

3: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Hornet#Black%20Egg%20Temple – source of quote.

4: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Lore_Tablets_of_Hallownest – source of quote.

5: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Tiso#Dirtmouth – while I have seen all his dialogue, the fact remains he never outright says that he is from beyond. However, his line of “Hallownest... What challengers await in its ruin?” does seem to imply such.

6: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Cornifer#General – the fact he has only recently moved to Dirtmouth and expresses such wonder about Hallownest gives the impression he is from beyond the kingdom.

7: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Iselda#Additional%20dialogue – Iselda likewise supports this with her statement of “Of all the places to end up, we've picked this dreary town. I'd thought it a temporary stop, then my husband became obsessed with that old ruin.”

8: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Cloth#Ancient%20Basin – though vaguest of the list, her use of “this kingdom’s beasts” does imply she’s seen some others.

9: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/White_Lady#Delicate%20Flower – while she herself never said such, the White Lady says, “Not of me that flower, nor of this kingdom. Far it travelled to reach this place, brought by one beloved, fair knight of lands serene.” The Grey Mourner, presumed to be Ze’mer, was the one to give you the flower, and refers the blossoms as hers, with her words of “Che's sacred, precious, one of its kind flower,” at the quest’s fail.

10: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Zote#Colosseum – while the article likewise states he’s from beyond, he does outright say he came to this kingdom. Hard to come into a place you’re already in.

11: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/White_Lady#General – source of quote.

12: I have no memory of a source, but the entire fandom seems to have taken it as at least a headcanon, and it’s bound to have reasoning somewhere.

13: To those who may not remember the poem, it goes as follows:

In wilds beyond they speak your name with reverence and regret,

For none could tame our savage souls yet you the challenge met,

Under palest watch, you taught, we changed, base instincts were redeemed,

A world you gave to bug and beast as they had never dreamed.

- From 'Elegy for Hallownest' by Monomon the Teacher

14: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Y6DKBqXlmU – intro footage; self-explanatory.

15: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Hornet#Greenpath – the page also has all her other dialogue pieces, but this is the first of her many uses of the name.

16: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/White_Lady#Reacting%20to%20Charms – source of quote

17: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Kingsoul – has charm description.

18: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/White_Defender#Defeats – source of quote.

19: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Dung_Defender#After%20the%20fight – source of quote.

20: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Royal_Retainer – source of quote.

21: https://youtu.be/dofQaoqecDk?t=735 – Mossbag brings it up; again, I do not own the book.

22: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Bardoon#General – source of quote.

23: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Hornet#The%20Abyss – Hornet says, “A difficult journey you would face, but a choice it can create. Prolong our world's stasis or face the heart of its infection,” as seen here.

24: https://youtu.be/kOHdVy1BFNE?t=295 – Birthplace cutscene.

25: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/The_Hollow_Knight – the cut dialogue is in trivia.

26: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/The_Radiance – the Radiance’s own dream nail dialogue is found here.

27: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Myla – Myla’s dream nail dialogue is found here.

28: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/The_Last_Stag#Additional%20dialogue – while I do not actually remember who said “pale light” (I do remember hearing it), the Old Stag also called the Pale King “bright and radiant in visage.” So it works.

[mundane-pleasures-are-best]

Just Another Day

Happy 8/1, Master!Isa AU world. Concept by @saixbosom on Twitter, continued from IsaXig fic by @thoughquaking . NSFW. Murderclown Norted!Axel warning.

Ships:AkuXem, heavily implied XigXem and Akusai.

Summary: Axel finds that if he can't keep his old friend out of his head after their recent encounter, then filling the time with nothing is the next best thing. Even if nothing is a pit of ego and zealous perfection.

The flame nobody knocked once before swinging open the door to Xemnas's office, not feigning the fear the others had for him when he entered and making his way to the large desk at the center of the room. The heart-shaped moon hung over, its rays spilling through the window and illuminating Xemnas poised at his desk. He was writing a list of possible missions for Xigbar to consider upon, even if the Freeshooter simply agreed without much fuss. Axel slapped his report down on the desk, skipping Xigbar in the chain of command due to a lack of respect for the aging nobody. The Superior's eyes didn't leave the paper he was working on until he was done, then he lifted the charred report and glanced at it, never once looking at Axel.

"Disappointing."

Newly-turned yellow eyes narrowed, a hiss threatening to escape his mouth and flames tickling at his fingers. He calmed himself considering the nobody might mean the results themselves, not his own abilities-

"Are you trying?"

Axel met the darker orange eyes of Xemnas and glared, the smell of sulfur briefly wafted off of him, a smell most members feared due to his impulsive nature and clicking fingers. He spit out, "No, I was having a party."

Xemnas hummed, crushing the report in one hand and tossing it into the trash. "Number VIII I am starting to believe you are incapable of producing results, has your mind been distracted lately? Do you not know of our true goal?"

The redhead bit his lip, so Xemnas was aware of Isa's pursuit of him and his missions sliding down on the scale of his priorities. If Isa was on the world he was sent to, he finished the mission quickly, even sloppily, and then left. It wasn't effective for the Organization but it kept him from wasting time talking to something used and broken, “I’m aware, you want a big fluffy glowing heart in the sky yeah?” He waved his hand in a goofy gesture, arms drawn out towards the window in a mockery of Xemnas on the roof. 

“Cute.” The deep voice was curt, not feeding into the anger Axel was trying to provoke. He was like an overgrown child, not able to play with his favorite toy and lashing out at everyone around him instead, pathetic, emotions only bred weakness, and Axel was swimming in them. 

Axel’s eyes narrowed, his nose crinkling, “Is that a compliment?”

Xemnas went back to the paperwork on his desk, ignoring Axel’s presence completely as he hummed to himself, trying to resist a smirk as he heard the snap, and the paper started to curl and char under the sudden flames, turning into ash within seconds, “You’re still here?”

“You’re right,” Axel swiped his hand and knocked objects off of his desk.

“Oh, I often am.”

“I was distracted, I am cute, and I am bored.” He reached a hand across the desk, his lanky arm gripping a silver bang and yanking the other’s head forward and up to meet his burning eyes, “and I can see you are bored too.” 

The tan nobody did not shift, not faltering in his expression of blank interest, nothing made a person who craved attention like Axel more angry than ignoring them completely. It was a little fact he had learned from Xigbar’s daily observations. It was also the reason why Axel hated Vexen with every fiber of his being. The scientist simply thought the flame nobody was below him in rank and intelligence, to be fair, Vexen wasn’t wrong to Xemnas’s knowledge. Axel was easily provoked, manipulated, encouraged, and led. He was a fox in the hen-house, overwhelmed with choices and his mind only leading him to utter destruction.

He hadn’t named him Flurry of the Dancing Flames for no reason after all, Axel was a flurry of wanton destruction that would leave everything in his path ash, even his friends. 

“Am I now? How do I seem bored, Number VIII?” Xemnas slowly rose out of his chair, making Axel have to strain against the other’s height and bulk to maintain his grip on the dangling silver bangs. Axel let go. 

With a quick lunge the assassin was over the desk and tackling Xemnas to the chair, he didn’t have enough weight to stun the larger male, but he did have enough surprise on his side to make Xemnas land on his ass on the chair and blink, “My, what a grave you are digging.” He chuckled despite himself, watching Axel’s eyebrows knit in confusion, Xemnas rarely laughed, and this one sounded chilling. 

“You know what? I think I’m going to dig it a little deeper.” Axel placed his hand on the leather chair, burning away a strip of leather then cooling it, when Xemnas opened his mouth to ask what he was doing now he shoved it in there and tied it behind his head. He made short work of burning the chair to bind his arms as he felt Xemnas kicking his legs to avoid the metal curling around the rest of his appendages. The ginger grinned like a cat, pleased at his work as he leveled his eyes with Xemnas, waiting for the nobody to make a move to counter him. But he didn’t, Xemnas just stared back at him, waiting. Then he raised both brows at Axel with a clear look of ‘And that’s all you got?’ 

Challenged by the look the redhead tugged at the other bang, “I have to ask, but Superior are you a virgin? I mean, I think you might not want me to pop that cherry first.” He waited in anticipation for the fear, but the other appeared even more bored. What the actual fuck was wrong with this man?

The Superior maintained a blank look, calming his body as he tried to feign disinterest, it took a person very familiar with him to see past the charade. He cocked his head in a mocking gesture at the other, watching flames flick from his loose hand as he began to melt away the zipper of his Organization coat, what a waste. Xemnas wondered how long it would take to find another replacement, they didn’t grow on trees. 

A sharp tug on the fabric and the chains fell loose, again Xemnas was aggravated as he watched the metal beads scatter. This better be worth it, or he would destroy the other himself, even if he made a good vessel. 

Axel took a moment to admire the toned abs and chiseled chest as he burned away sections of fabric and ripped the rest, scorching the other’s skin in places and making Xemnas bite on the leather between his teeth, “Well well, so you do go outside your office and do physical work, and here I thought you sit on your ass all day. Surprise Surpriiise.” He purred the last word, repeating it in a taunting way that made Xemnas raise a brow. Honestly what did these idiots think he did all day? Yes he was in the castle, or a split shadow of him was to keep them on their toes, he had other duties to a higher power than himself. 

The flame nobody ran a warm hand up the other man’s chest, watching the rise and fall quicken as Xemnas panted, his fingers poised over the dusky nipple; with a hard and very warm poke he began to twist one, rolling a thumb over it until it hardened, then leaned over him completely to nip at the other. A muffled noise gave him what he wanted, unbeknownst to him it was also exactly what Xemnas wanted. In a very simple game of reverse psychology he found that acting displeased with any action Axel did would make him do it more, giving Xemnas the pleasure he wanted. He wondered if Axel was always a terrible lover, or if he was simply too hard to read for normal people. Something to ponder later....

Axel bit down and amber eyes rolled in pleasure, a happy noise escaping him as he took a foot, his toes curling, and used it to kick at him, trying to remove the thin male from his immediate proximity. The ginger put an end to that immediately by gripping him firmly between the legs, his hand tightening in a display of power and control. It took all of Xemnas’s willpower not to moan in delight. It was so pleasant when someone knew he liked rough play and he didn’t need to state it, well, Axel was using it a threat, but it was the same difference.  

The younger male was smirking more, as he loosened and dropped the other’s pants, sliding down the boxers and gripping his length firmly in one hand. Axel chuckled, “So you’re superior in one aspect, it doesn’t really matter.” He slid his hand down to the shaft and back up, toying with the foreskin as he began to pump the organ as it rose due to stimulation. “I never thought you’d be uncut though, seems you can be surprising.” Xemnas closed his eyes, feeling the other’s hand mercilessly squeeze at his testicles to gain his attention back to him, “Ah ah ah, pay attention Number I, are you too distracted to perform your duties?” He smiled, mockingly repeating Xemnas’s own words back at him. His eyes were back on Axel as he watched him drop down his pants and boxers, not bothering with his shirt. Rude and disrespectful. 

Axel followed the disapproving gaze and chuckled, “You think you’re worth me getting completely naked for?” He lifted a leg to show the pants and boxers around his ankles and boots still on, “Please, you know we’re not going further with this. Why the act?” He reached for the gag and pulled it down, “Do you want me to kiss you too? Declare my nothing-love for your nothing-ass?” He looked up at Kingdom Hearts and grinned, “I do hope she enjoys the show.” 

Xemnas was less bothered by the display than Axel would know, he didn’t think love would be involved in a fuck, simply some level of logic. Eventually positions would change, and someone would move, and Axel would trip over his own damn clothes during the fucking. That would be humorous, and maybe that story would top some of Luxord’s drunken tales. 

The flame nobody started to melt the chair anew, letting the base sink to the floor as he melted the frame, moving Xemnas’ hands and legs apart in a conventional position of submission, one Xemnas disliked for the lack of class involved in such a move. The material quickly cooled and held him in place, as Xemnas sighed, “Are you going to do something or taunt me? Spare me your trivial threats and insults. I highly doubt you have the ability to maintain my stamina, given your pathetic shape and weight.” He smirked to himself, glad Axel couldn’t see it as he heard anger drive the rational side of the other’s brain out as the primal side took over, nails raked along his hips and sides, Xemnas bit down on his lip. There were bites on his back, the lips leaving a singe along his flesh, his panting now uncontrollable. He felt the other’s cock against his ass, warm but not as hot as his lips and fingertips, sweat starting to layer his skin as his body shuddered in anticipation. 

Axel’s voice was at his ear, purring now, “ H̱̣̭̗͑̇̂̾m̰̃m̟̫͠͠m͔͂,̬̋̃͢,̮̝͋͘,̠̇ .” The tone had changed, it cracked in the middle of a sentence or word and sounded jagged, unnatural. Xemnas was fond of it now, Axel rarely hit his breaking point. He bit the pointed tan ear, tugging as he started to grind his length between the other’s cheeks, moaning as he did, his nails in the other’s hips,  “͚͇̀͒Ÿ̩̣́̈ö̜̲̗̺̊̒͘u̬͈͊̕ ̮̑w̼͚͗̅oư̳̲̖͆̀͐͟l̥̹͍͒̍̿ď̛̹̜͎͊̍͜n͎̗̰͆͌͠’͎̠̰͊͛͞t̳̔ ̠̓h̦̓a̠̩̩̅̅̑p͕̞̼̝̏̏̄͘ṗ̤e̺̜͓͒͊͋n̥̓ t̢̧͓̮̠͗́̚͠͡o̳̯͌̂ ̧̧͖͈̖̏̈́̈́̃̚h̫̤̳͖̓̒̅̕ä̱̱́̑v̼̗̓̉è͎͓͂ ̛̦͕̋̂͟l̰̭͎̒͒͠û̢̮̟͈͔̆́̿̕b̩̜̑͛e ̤̓ŵ̺o͕̻̿͛u̧̅ld̗͓̀̓̈́͟͝ͅ ̠͙̔͘yo̞̮͖͈̍̅͛͘̕͢ṵ̧̑̀?̳͉̂͠”̜͍͖̗͂̔̄͐

The lanky male reached into the back of his own pants in a bunch against the floor and pulled out the liquid, “Guess we’ll just have to use m̸̙͔͎̞̝̤̀̾̍́͐͆̋̍i̴̧̧̗͉͙̯̣̫͔͗̃̃͛̈́͝ņ̷͈̱̰̗͚̫̝̟̽̅̍͆ḛ̴̖̫̯͍̿̈͛͠.” 

The Superior jumped a little at the cold liquid being applied with a warm finger, the sensation causing him to shiver as his hairs rose and a shiver ran up his spine, “How convenient. Almost as though you planned this.” 

The finger pushed inside and coated his insides, he tried not to squirm as he heard Axel chuckling in delight. 

There was a sudden uncomfortable sensation, as Axel pushed in without warning and Xemnas had to control his instinct to tense immediately, which would only result in pain for him and pleasure for the other. He relaxed his body, shifting what little he could with his hips and arching his back into the other nobody, hearing the pleased groan in response. When Axel began to pump faster he kept rocking his hips in opposite rhythm, feeling the annoyance building up from his subordinate as Axel grabbed his hair and pulled, using one arm to hold him down and his body weight to lean into him as he thrust harder and deeper, Xemnas trying to control himself from moaning with glee. Another yank on his hair and his eyes rolled, his fingers gripping the ground and jerking his hips back aggressively to receive the thrust. 

The redhead seemed to not expect that, pushing the older male’s face into the ground as he fucked him harder, steam rising from his back as burn marks appeared on Xemnas’s sides, another hard bite at his throat and he felt it, the intense burning of another sort as his climax blurred his vision and attention. Xemnas gave up the charade, placing his hands down flat and rocking back as hard as he could, challenging the other male as Axel decided to fully dick him down as flat as possible, ignoring his Superior’s throbbing erection and leaving it it unwanted in the stagnant air, his thrusts becoming maddening as he too felt the tightening in his gut and the impending end. One more hard thrust and Xemnas cried out, no names just a guttural moan, and Axel slammed against him, burying himself balls deep as he came, shivering in delight as he imagined another burned form below him, breaking the pale form and pulverizing his insides with fertile seed. 

Axel panted, Xemnas had made a mess on the ground and he was going soft, pulling out and looking at the sweaty form with a mild look of disgust mixed with pride. 

It was a fuck, nothing more. He stood, tripping over his tangled clothes and gripping the desk for balance, yanking his boxers and pants up, tugging his cloak on as he gave Xemnas a curt wave before disappearing into a portal. 

The Superior caught his breath when he heard the portal close, letting his knees sink as he used his thorns to bend and break the chair to free him. He reached for some of his tattered clothing and wiped himself off, looking at the burn wounds with a sigh. He began the tiring work of a Curaga spell and sat there waiting before he was restored. A mild limp, more than he expected but less than he had received from previous lovers. He stretched one leg then the next as he rose, yawning a bit as he summoned a dark corridor to his bedroom and warded off the office, having dusks clean up the mess. 

----

The dark corridor to his room closed and Xemnas moved under the covers of the bedspread, feeling the crisp sheets against his sweat-covered body and shuddering. He heard a snap, and two feet landing beside the bed with a predictable soft tap. The Superior flipped over the covers as he watched one boot then another get tugged off before the cloak was left on the ground next to the bed.

"Now look at you having fun, I thought we weren't allowed to play with the other vessels?"

The Freeshooter slipped under the covers in his boxers, stretching in the king-size bed without touching the other man, their familiarity unseen in the quiet room. Xemnas looked over, watching in an amused way as Xigbar unfastened his ponytail and shook his hair loose with his hand.

"That was never an explicit rule, now was it?" The taller male started to sink into the pillows and yawned. His nose crinkled when the sniper shoved two fingers under his nose and the distinct smell of arousal filled his nostrils. Xemnas looked the other male in the eye and sighed, "Wash your hands II, you know basic manners, don't you?"

Xigbar wiggled the fingers once more before laughing, rolling out of the bed and going to the bathroom to wash his hands. He returned with the dramatic flourish of the accompanied bathroom door whipping open and doing a bow, "Aren't you proud of me Boss?" He waved his hand and smirked, "Little Master was quite the vocal one, if you catch my-"

"So you managed to 'get' the Master to our side? I do not see him. And you wouldn't be here if the arrangement had been mutual, now would you?" The amber eyes twinkled in amusement, the implication that Xigbar had been pleasuring the blue-haired keyblade master and not the other way around. The Freeshooter sneered at him, looking at the other’s still healing form with a condescending look.

"And you?"

Xemnas blinked slowly, the way a cat does when it's pleased, "I got what I wanted, I never try to play with my food too much or it grows stale. If you continue this little game of yours with him, we might not have the future vessel that was promised. Do not be dependent on the whims of a lonely man desperately clinging to the fantasy of a friend and lover long past."

As long-winded as usual Xigbar snorted, "Thanks Mom." He placed his hands on scarred hips and looked at Xemnas for a moment. The Superior always seemed to radiate during the afterglow, maybe due to its rare occurrence and unbridled pleasure that joined it. He felt something, jealousy? No. Their relationship, if one could call it that, was wide open. It was the instinctual urge to claim and mark over the ginger's lingering presence on the other. This was twice now Axel had been the focus of attention. He was a little disappointed Xemnas hadn't shared, but he was greedy, and Xigbar had found that out firsthand.

"Is he close to being ours?"

The older male scratched his neck and stretched his back, "No, not unless we let Flamesilocks dangle in front of him again." Their disgustingly needy dynamic let a bad taste in his mouth, thankfully he had washed out his mouth in the bathroom. He tried to forget the name moaned that was not his, his eye flicked back to Xemnas watching him, his amusement heightening when he smelled the weakness permeating from his second.

"I see. Didn't go as you had hoped, now did it?"

He waved his hands dismissively, "Whatever." He crawled back under the covers and leaned on the other's muscled arm, his toes seeking out the warmth of the other's, chuckling again when he heard Xemnas make a displeased noise at the cold digits touching his own. Xemnas wrapped the arm around him, shifting as he burrowed his head under the sniper's chin, no one but Xigbar aware or having experienced this side of him. The need for affection saved only for the other, but usually only after a heated session before in the other's office.

"Now now Kitten, you didn't think I had replaced you huh?" He raked his fingers through thick silver hair, almost envious of how soft it was despite everything.

"I cannot be replaced, so no, I did not think a needy virgin could compare." Xigbar smirked, the other's confidence was infectious and somewhat flattering, if only for the fact he had sole access to the nobody over everyone else. He waved away a few sniper nobodies gathered in the corners, noting the sorcerer nobodies’s lack of movement without a direct order from their leader, it was funny to him how Xemnas kept those worshiping things so close to him. Only things he trusted ended up being around him while he slept. He watched the other's chest rise slowly and fall as he drifted off, working an arm loose of the other's weight to hook around the wide chest.

The Freeshooter looked out at the glowing moon, contemplating why exactly Xemnas was stupid enough to let him be that close. Or maybe that was it, the empty vessel next to him acknowledging his rank amongst them and lacking the true ability to fear the unknown thought process of his partner and second. Perhaps, although he knew this thought might be pushing even the largest of assumptions about Xemnas's intelligence, but perhaps Xemnas was aware of everything and simply ignored it, feigning stupidity to convince even himself of his own worth in the grand scheme.

[asiryn]

tagged by @primrose-path-of-dalliance (!!!!!! thanks!!! (lmao, it’s been so long since i’ve been tagged in anything XDD))

Rules: Name your top 10 favourite characters from 10 different fandoms, then tag 10 people!

i’m putting this behind a cut, bc i rambled on for quite a while XDD these won’t be in any particular order, and the fandoms will be chosen based off of what i’m currently most into/whichever ones i think of first XD

1. Maleficent [Disney]

okay, i lied a little.....she is clearly my #1 favorite character of all time, so of course she’s first (the rest of the list won’t be in any particular order :P). but....yeah, i love her forever and for all time and eternity, i love her class and elegance, my hunt for all merchandise of her that i can get my hands on is legendary and knows no bounds, she’s my forever girl, etc, etc. if you know only one fact about me, it’s probably that i love maleficent. there’s nothing i can say here that i haven’t probably already said a million times over, so i’ll move on XD

(moana has risen to be a pretty close second, tho)

2. Anthony J. Crowley [Good Omens]

i read the book from a library over a decade ago, and i liked it well enough, but it like....wasn’t an instant new fave that i had to immediately buy for myself (tho it is on a list of books that i wouldn’t mind owning...but maybe it’s finally time, who knows). i’m halfway through the show, and i’ve finally fallen in love with it (i think it finally being a #confirmed love story between our favorite ineffable idiots finally gave it the push it needed XD). it’s still a bit early for me to have a solid, definite fave, but lbr, if i know myself at all, it’s gonna be crowley XD i love this dumb demon (who’s rivaled in his idiocy only by his equally dumb angel husband), i love how he’s so soft even as he tries desperately to convince himself and everyone else that he isn’t, that he loves so many things and humanity and an angel even as he tries to say that he isn’t capable of it, that he never stopped questioning even after it had made him Fall. also, i am so thankful that the fandom has really embraced the potential for the shenanigans of crowley’s snake form.👍

(second place is probably aziraphale, but i also really love anathema too)

3. Namine [Kingdom Hearts]

another one that probably comes as no surprise, if you know me. i love this girl to the ends of the universe. i love the way she reclaimed her agency, her selflessness and determination, her empathy and kindness, how she went from a damsel in distress to pretty much saving everyone, over and over and over again. she deserves only happiness and the best things from now on. and please, for the love of god, give her some new clothes, nomura. >_>

(second fave is roxas, tho really, i love 98% of all the characters in this series ;;;)

4. Aerith Gainsborough [Final Fantasy VII]

my precious sunshine girl 💖 i prefer her in the original game, where she was sweet and optimistic, yes, but she was also sassy and fierce and took shit from no one. i love the girl that decided she wanted to wear a sexy red dress just for the hell of it, and threatened to rip off a mafia don’s balls. i love the girl that was confident and flirty with cloud, but never let any kind of bullshit ‘rivalry’ get in the way of being friends with tifa. i love that she always called cloud out on his bullshit, that she never let tragedy and oppressive shinra forces grind out her optimism, that she never stopped dreaming of a better future. i love that she was exposed to the worst of human nature, and yet still believed that they were worth saving. i love all versions of aerith, obvs, but they’ve definitely smoothed out her edges over the years, and i think that’s a shame. so here’s hoping that she’ll be more like her original self in the remake. 

also, can’t wait to see aerith die again :)))))))

(my second fave tends to flip between cloud and sephiroth)

5. Ling Yao / Greed [Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood]

look. listen. i can’t choose between them, i just can’t. and hey....technically they sort of combine into one entity, so it’s totally fine to count them together, right?? XDD so yeah, it’s really fucking hard to pick a fave out of this cast, bc there’s only like....3 characters?? that i don’t love. but ultimately, it had to be these two. every single second they’re on screen, they totally steal the show, and they have a lot of the best scenes and moments in the series. i love ling, how he seems like a total goofball and comic relief at first, but fairly quickly you come to see just how fucking seriously he takes his duties and responsibilities, how selfless and devoted he is to his people, how he would walk through hellfire for the people he loves. he’s just....he just loves, so fiercely and intensely, that he moves even greed into loving him and the people he cares about without even trying. 

and then there’s greed, who even from the beginning, you can’t help but be charmed by, with his sarcastic slow claps and laidback attitude. but over time, you see that he’s just like ling, really, in that he can’t help but get attached to these humans, that he loves them just as fiercely and intensely, even as he desperately tries to play it off. i love the way his character serves as a means for the story to have a really thought-provoking rumination on the nature of sins and desires, and on humanity (as do all of the other homunculi). i could go on forever about these two, and about the show in general, bc it’s just so deep and incredibly layered and complex, so i’ll stop here. 

(next fave after them is winry)

6. Bucky Barnes [MCU]

it’s hard for me to talk about bucky without just dissolving into endless sobbing, but i’ll try my best. he’s just.....he’s someone who has ended up suffering so fucking much, who has every reason in the world to be angry and bitter and resentful and if this was the villain origin story, you’d probably find it hard to blame him. (also, i refuse to say that bucky was ever a villain, bc he never willingly chose to be with hydra, he’s a victim goddamn it--) and yet....he still chooses to be good. to be kind. he could have chosen to go on an endless revenge tour against hydra, but instead he focuses on his own recovery. and always, always, always, he puts other people first. he chooses to goddamn freeze himself, possibly forever, so that he doesn’t hurt people again. he’s truly an inspiration to me, because even after everything he’s been through, he still doesn’t give up. ......and if you’ll excuse me, i need to resume crying about bucky barnes for the rest of eternity 😭😭😭

(next faves are sam and steve. what can i say, i love my caps XP)

7. Keladry of Mindelan [Tortall]

speaking of inspirations, few (if any) characters inspire me more than kel does. unlike every other tortall protagonist, she has absolutely no magic at all, and she starts her story with more odds stacked against her than any of the others. the system and institution are against her, and most people actively, viciously hate her and want to see her fail, all for being a girl and daring to openly step outside of her gender roles. and yet, kel never gives up, and wins through pure will and determination. more than that, she never stops fighting any oppression that she sees, and is always looking out for the abused and marginalized of society. she is fair and just and righteous, and full of a quiet, immovable strength that i, frankly, envy. she’s a fucking mountain; you haven’t a hope of ever tearing her down. 

(other faves....george, raoul, and dom. it’s really fucking hard to choose between them, i can’t even)

8. Oree Shoth [Inheritance trilogy, by N. K. Jemison]

oree is pretty much single-handedly responsible for me loving this trilogy, and is the reason why The Broken Kingdoms (the second book, of which she is the protagonist) is in my top 3 favorite books of all time. she is....just so fucking radiant. she’s a blind artist, and is flung so far out of her depth in the story, and yet she holds her own. in this world of gods, she brings this incredibly human element, and is celebrated because of her humanity. she’s angry and flawed, but also full of love, compassion, kindness, and mercy. she teaches gods the meaning of forgiveness. she takes shit from no one. just....do yourself a favor, and read this series, even if it’s only so that you can read this book. 

(second fave....it’s probably shiny, lbr XD)

9. Sirius Black [Harry Potter]

ahhh, a classic fave. but yeah, i still love him, even after all these years. yes, he’s incredibly flawed, but at his core, he’s just so loyal, and he loves so fiercely, and he tries his absolute best to be there for harry, that i can’t help but love him. also, i have a Thing, for characters who suffer so tremendously, but who don’t give up, and still try their best to be good people anyway. also, wolfstar was the foundation of a very formative part of my life, and put me onto the road of accepting my queer identity, so i’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for the characters who were a part of that. 🤷‍♀️

(other faves are luna and harry, always)

10. Gladion [Pokemon]

mostly his anime incarnation, tho i do like him in the games as well. i love this soft goth boy with all of my heart. he’s so gentle and kind and loving, and i can’t even with him. 

(other faves are lillie, n, zoey, and kukui)

if you guys want to do it, i’ll tag... @dabiden, @green-piggy, @seasbelow, @theroyalweekend, @toomanyfeelings5, @ashetrashe, @neddea.....i can’t think of anyone else, and i’m running out of steam, so if you want to do it, then consider yourself tagged! :)