#is really less divergent than if they were actually gay

[ale-arro]

Idk…. I don’t want to be antagonistic but I really truly hate the “a stands for ally” argument. Like, as an aroace person I will always be separated from the cishet mould of society, but allies ARE cishet…. Why should they be apart of the community when they share none of the experiences of being ostracised, othered and shamed?? I don’t believe that being queer should be measured by sufferance, but by divergence from the cishet mould and allies… Just arent. The “a” should not stand for ally bc they’re intrinsically not part of the community. If they were, they wouldn’t be “allies” lmao. Just my point of view id like to hear your thoughts!!!

my thoughts are mostly that nobody is actually saying this. i think maybe the only time i've seen someone use the A to represent ally in the past several years is in like. target pride merch. and i can't bring myself to give a shit

but also like, i don't know! i'm tired all of the time! i don't think dedicating energy to being like this ISN'T for allies actually does anything at all to uplift aspec/agender/etc people or anyone else

[writingwithcolor]

My alternate universe fantasy colonial Hong Kong is more authoritarian and just as racist but less homophobic than in real life, should I change that?

@floatyhands asked:

I’m a Hongkonger working on a magical alternate universe dystopia set in what is basically British colonial Hong Kong in the late 1920s. My main character is a young upper middle-class Eurasian bisexual man.  I plan to keep the colony’s historical racial hierarchy in this universe, but I also want the fantasy quirks to mean that unlike in real life history, homosexuality was either recently decriminalized, or that the laws are barely enforced, because my boy deserves a break. Still, the institutions are quite homophobic, and this relative tolerance might not last. Meanwhile, due to other divergences (e.g. eldritch horrors, also the government’s even worse mishandling of the 1922 Seamen's Strike and the 1925 Canton-Hong Kong Strike), the colonial administration is a lot more authoritarian than it was in real history. This growing authoritarianism is not exclusive to the colony, and is part of a larger global trend in this universe.  I realize these worldbuilding decisions above may whitewash colonialism, or come off as choosing to ignore one colonial oppression in favor of exaggerating another. Is there any advice as to how I can address this issue? (Maybe I could have my character get away by bribing the cops, though institutional corruption is more associated with the 1960s?) Thank you!

Historical Precedent for Imperialistic Gay Rights

There is a recently-published book about this topic that might actually interest you: Racism And The Making of Gay Rights by Laurie Marhoefer (note: I have yet to read it, it’s on my list). It essentially describes how the modern gay rights movement was built from colonialism and imperialism. 

The book covers Magnus Hirschfeld, a German sexologist in the early 1900s, and (one of) his lover(s), Li Shiu Tong, who he met in British Shanghai. Magnus is generally considered to have laid the groundwork for a lot of gay rights, and his research via the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft was a target of Nazi book-burnings, but he was working with imperial governments in an era where the British Empire was still everywhere. 

Considering they both ended up speaking to multiple world leaders about natural human sexual variation both in terms of intersex issues and sexual attraction, your time period really isn’t that far off for people beginning to be slightly more open-minded—while also being deeply imperialist in other ways.

The thing about this particular time period is homosexuality as we know it was recently coming into play, starting with the trial of Oscar Wilde and the rise of Nazism. But between those two is a pretty wildly fluctuating gap of attitudes.

Oscar Wilde’s trial is generally considered the period where gay people, specifically men who loved men, started becoming a group to be disliked for disrupting social order. It was very public, very scandalous, and his fall from grace is one of the things that drove so many gay and/or queer men underground. It also helped produce some of the extremely queercoded classical literature of the Victorian and Edwardian eras (ex: Dracula), because so many writers were exploring what it meant to be seen as such negative forces. A lot of people hated Oscar Wilde for bringing the concept to such a public discussion point, when being discreet had been so important.

But come the 1920s, people were beginning to wonder if being gay was that bad, and Mangus Hirschfeld managed to do a world tour of speaking come the 1930s, before all of that was derailed by wwii. He (and/or Li Shiu Tong) were writing papers that were getting published and sent to various health departments about how being gay wasn’t an illness, and more just an “alternative” way of loving others. 

This was also the era of Boston Marriages where wealthy single women lived together as partners (I’m sure there’s an mlm-equivalent but I cannot remember or find it). People were a lot less likely to care if you kept things discreet, so there might be less day to day homophobia than one would expect. Romantic friendships were everywhere, and were considered the ideal—the amount of affection you could express to your same-sex best friend was far above what is socially tolerable now.

Kaz Rowe has a lot of videos with cited bibliographies about various queer disasters [affectionate] of the late 1800s/early 1900s, not to mention a lot of other cultural oddities of the Victorian era (and how many of those attitudes have carried into modern day) so you can start to get the proper terms to look it up for yourself.

I know there’s a certain… mistrust of specifically queer media analysts on YouTube in the current. Well. Plagiarism/fact-creation scandal (if you don’t know about the fact-creation, check out Todd in the Shadows). I recommend Kaz because they have citations on screen and in the description that aren’t whole-cloth ripped off from wikipedia’s citation list (they’ve also been published via Getty Publications, a museum press). 

For audio-preferring people (hi), a video is more accessible than text, and sometimes the exposure to stuff that’s able to pull exact terms can finally get you the resources you need. If text is more accessible, just jump to the description box/transcript and have fun. Consider them and their work a starting place, not a professor. 

There is always a vulnerability in learning things, because we can never outrun our own confirmation bias and we always have limited time to chase down facts and sources—we can only do our best and be open to finding facts that disprove what we researched prior.

Colonialism’s Popularity Problem

Something about colonialism that I’ve rarely discussed is how some colonial empires actually “allow” certain types of “deviance” if that deviance will temporarily serve its ends. Namely, when colonialism needs to expand its territory, either from landing in a new area or having recently messed up and needing to re-charm the population.

By that I mean: if a fascist group is struggling to maintain popularity, it will often conditionally open its doors to all walks of life in order to capture a greater market. It will also pay its spokespeople for the privilege of serving their ends, often very well. Authoritarians know the power of having the token supporter from a marginalized group on payroll: it both opens you up directly to that person’s identity, and sways the moderates towards going “well they allow [person/group] so they can’t be that bad, and I prefer them.”

Like it or not, any marginalized group can have its fascist members, sometimes even masquerading as the progressives. Being marginalized does not automatically equate to not wanting fascism, because people tend to want fascist leaders they agree with instead of democracy and coalition building. People can also think that certain people are exaggerating the horrors of colonialism, because it doesn’t happen to good people, and look, they accept their friends who are good people, so they’re fine. 

A dominant fascist group can absolutely use this to their advantage in order to gain more foot soldiers, which then increases their raw numbers, which puts them in enough power they can stop caring about opening their ranks, and only then do they turn on their “deviant” members. By the time they turn, it’s usually too late, and there’s often a lot of feelings of betrayal because the spokesperson (and those who liked them) thought they were accepted, instead of just used.

You said it yourself that this colonial government is even stricter than the historical equivalent—which could mean it needs some sort of leverage to maintain its popularity. “Allowing” gay people to be some variation of themselves would be an ideal solution to this, but it would come with a bunch of conditions. What those conditions are I couldn’t tell you—that’s for your own imagination, based off what this group’s ideal is, but some suggestions are “follow the traditional dating/friendship norms”, “have their own gender identity slightly to the left of the cis ideal”, and/or “pretend to never actually be dating but everyone knows and pretends to not care so long as they don’t out themselves”—that would signal to the reader that this is deeply conditional and about to all come apart. 

It would, however, mean your poor boy is less likely to get a break, because he would be policed to be the “acceptable kind of gay” that the colonial government is currently tolerating (not unlike the way the States claims to support white cis same-sex couples in the suburbs but not bipoc queer-trans people in polycules). It also provides a more salient angle for this colonial government to come crashing down, if that’s the way this narrative goes.

Colonial governments are often looking for scapegoats; if gay people aren’t the current one, then they’d be offered a lot more freedom just to improve the public image of those in power. You have the opportunity to have the strikers be the current scapegoats, which would take the heat off many other groups—including those hit by homophobia.

In Conclusion

Personally, I’d take a more “gays for Trump” attitude about the colonialism and their apparent “lack” of homophobia—they’re just trying to regain popularity after mishandling a major scandal, and the gay people will be on the outs soon enough.

You could also take the more nuanced approach and see how imperialism shaped modern gay rights and just fast-track that in your time period, to give it the right flavour of imperialism. A lot of BIPOC lgbtqa+ people will tell you the modern gay rights movement is assimilationalist, colonialist, and other flavours of ick, so that angle is viable.

You can also make something that looks more accepting to the modern eye by leaning heavily on romantic friendships that encouraged people waxing poetic for their “best friends”, keeping the “lovers” part deeply on the down low, but is still restrictive and people just don’t talk about it in public unless it’s in euphemisms or among other same-sex-attracted people because there’s nothing wrong with loving your best friend, you just can’t go off and claim you’re a couple like a heterosexual couple is.

Either way, you’re not sanitizing colonialism inherently by having there be less modern-recognized homophobia in this deeply authoritarian setting. You just need to add some guard rails on it so that, sure, your character might be fine if he behaves, but there are still “deviants” that the government will not accept. 

Because that’s, in the end, one of the core tenants that makes a government colonial: its acceptance of groups is frequently based on how closely you follow the rules and police others for not following them, and anyone who isn’t their ideal person will be on the outs eventually. But that doesn’t mean they can’t have a facade of pretending those rules are totally going to include people who are to the left of those ideals, if those people fit in every other ideal, or you’re safe only if you keep it quiet.

~ Leigh

[iamnmbr3]

I always viewed the Malfoy family dynamic as something very complex, and I'm sorry if you talked about this before but considering canon events without Cursed Child, I was wondering if you they would accept a possible drarry relationship.

Thank you so much for your patience waiting for an answer to this ask. You raise a really interesting question and I wanted to sit down and write out a good answer.

First of all, you had me at "considering canon events without Cursed Child" lol. Every time I remember that people were paid cash money dollars to write that atrocity and then actually put their names on it I get so mad. Imagine getting PAID to write a followup for a beloved series and not even bothering to read it. Because I know I can't prove it but I feel so sure that the two dudes who wrote it just skimmed the wiki. And even if viewed as it's own thing it's so bad an lazy and just ugh. Anyway, that's not what this ask is about. I just had to rant about how much I hate CC for a minute.

I definitely think the Malfoy family dynamic is very complex - and would only grow more complex in a postwar world where Draco canonically changed his views and rejected what his parents taught him (and probably largely still believed in...even if they would know better than to admit it out loud.) I think Lucius was definitely glad by the end that Voldemort got defeated, but not because he gave up his blood supremacist views (though I'm sure he professed to have changed his ways...not that anyone bought it this time). This divergence in ideology would probably lead to some tension. Especially between Lucius and Draco since Draco would probably come to have an increasingly negative view of his father's actions and might also blame him for a lot of what their family ended up going through.

When it comes to their reaction to drarry I think the first factor to consider is what their views of a same sex relationship would be. If we assume a HP world where that's fine, then the only issue is how they would react to Harry. In that case I think they probably are less than thrilled and more than a little suspicious (although Narcissa did canonically expect Harry to know where Draco was and if he was alive so actually maybe she at least wouldn't doubt Harry's motives as much as we might expect). Certainly Draco's relationship with Harry is advantageous so I think they wouldn't complain too much. Not to mention I think Narcissa's entire life focus is on Draco's safety and happiness so if he's happy she's happy.

Now, if we take the lack of visibility of any canon gay characters and the fact that unmarried characters like Alphard (or Sirius or Muriel Prewett for that matter) seem to live a "confirmed bachelor" coded lifestyle as evidence that wizarding society's regressive social values include deeply engrained societal homophobia then we also have to deal with what Lucius and Narcissa would think of Draco being with a man. In that case obviously it would be a much bigger shock and they would have a much more difficult time coming to terms with it. Of course, Draco might also not tell them in that case, but if we imagine a world where attitudes are starting to change he would eventually tell them if/when the relationship went public. They'd have a harder time coming to terms with it and might never fully be comfortable with it - especially Lucius who I think values the Malfoy name and image a bit more and also seems to care about Draco a bit more as idea - as the Heir TM - than as a person.

Again though, I go back to how we could plausibly argue that during the Manor scene Narcissa figured out just how much her son cares about Harry - to the point that she possibly dragged him away from the fight because she was afraid he would do something rash. And she asks Harry in the forest where Draco is and if he is alive - because she expects that Draco would have gone to find Harry and that Harry will know where he is and what his status is. I wonder if she actually thought something was going on between them. I mean, even VOLDEMORT knew something was up. Perhaps when she lied to save Harry it wasn't just to get to Draco but also to protect someone she knew her son loved. Anyway, given all this, I think she loves her son and I think she would accept him for who he is and that would include accepting who he loved, even if it was a love she had been taught was wrong. And I don't think she would tolerate Lucius openly mistreating Draco even if their relationship became rockier as a result. (Not to mention the last thing Lucius wants to do is get on the wrong side of The Chosen One TM given that his position in a postwar world would be precious enough already).

[meggiejolly]

Best Friend's Boyfriend's Cousin - A RNM Malex Fanfic

Happy Holidays @bloggingbisexually! Here is your @rnm-secret-santa gift, I hope you enjoy it. It's a canon divergent AU where Michael never went back to Roswell and didn't meet Max and Isobel again until after High School. So Michael and Alex never met and when Alex plans to move to New York to pursue his music, Liz and Max think it would be a great idea to move in with Michael, who is in New York to go to NYU. As far as Alex knows, Michael is a cousin of Max and Isobel who they found through one of those DNA test kits and databank. I hope this fluffy roommate AU is to your liking, I certainly enjoyed writing it. Read it on AO3 (The formatting doesn't really translate onto Tumblr, so I recommend reading it on AO3)

“This is a terrible idea. I don’t even know this guy.”

“You don’t know anyone in New York. At least you know someone who knows him.”

“To be honest I barely know Max and Isobel, so it's more that I know someone who knows someone who knows him." Alex argued. "And what if I don’t get along with him? Then that will be much more awkward than if he was a random stranger with no connection to me or anyone I know.” 

Liz rolled her eyes, “Oh come on, give him a chance. Where else are you going to find a roommate that already has an apartment lined up?” 

Alex sighed, he didn’t like the idea of living with some relative of Liz’ boyfriend. It seemed too complicated and there was just something off about the whole situation. This Michael guy Liz wanted him to live with was supposedly a long lost cousin that Max and his sister had found through one of those online DNA test kits a few months ago and that they were just getting to know each other now. Michael was about to move to NewYork because he had a scholarship for an engineering program and was looking for a roommate. Alex was planning to move to New York as well to pursue his music and Liz, Isobel and Max had gotten it in their heads that that was the perfect coincidence and meant Alex and Michael should be roommates. Alex was not convinced and he had no idea what Michael thought about the whole idea. 

“What if he turns out to be a homophobic dick?” Alex asked in an attempt to convince Liz that this wasn’t the perfect idea she thought it was. 

“Iz and Max know you’re gay. They wouldn’t recommend him as your roommate if he’s gonna have a problem with your sexuality.” 

"Do they even know him well enough to know how he feels about queer people?"

Liz looked a little uncomfortable, "I think so."

Alex just raised an eyebrow at her in response and she rolled her eyes. 

"Oh come on, as if you would know if a complete stranger you found on the internet was homophobic or not."

Alex was about to reply, but Maria, who had been silently following their conversation for a while interrupted him. "Stop arguing you two. You both have good points, but honestly Alex, Liz is right, your chances in finding a good roommate in New York from a distance aren't any better than taking a chance on Max' cousin. Just ask for his contact info and set up a meeting or a call or something before you agree to live with him."

With a sigh Alex agreed, “I guess, but I’m blaming you two if this goes wrong. You four, actually.”

Liz grinned and pulled out her phone to get the contact details from Max. “I have a good feeling about this, so I’ll take that risk.” 

“Nope, stop. One of you with psychic feelings is enough,” Alex said with a groan which Liz and Maria only laughed at. 

Max replied with Michael’s contact information soon after and even though it took Alex a few days, he eventually reached out to Michael. They didn’t end up meeting, but they texted back and forth for a bit and had a short conversation over the phone. The convenience of it all won out in the end and Alex agreed to share the small two bedroom apartment that Michael had lined up in New York. 

A little less than a month later Alex arrived in New York. He'd been there only once before when Mimi had agreed to take him, Liz and Maria after they had saved up for it for months when they had been 15. They had gone to an open mic thing at a small coffee shop/bar place that Alex still wasn't sure three 15 year olds should have been allowed in, but Mimi had known someone there and gotten them in. It was that night that Alex' dream to someday be a musician in New York had been born and now it would finally become a reality. Hopefully.

He pulled out the key that Max had given him on behalf of Michael and opened the door to the apartment building. Michael had texted earlier that he was out and that Alex should just make himself at home, he would be back later and bring pizza. 

Alex was actually pretty relieved that he had the first few hours to himself. He walked up the multiple flights of stairs to the apartment, glad that he only had a backpack, a duffel bag and a suitcase. Apparently there were perks to having so little stuff to call his own. 

He unlocked the apartment door and stepped inside of his new home.

After exploring the apartment and unpacking his things, Alex ended up sitting on the couch, aimlessly scrolling through his phone and feeling awkward. He didn't have the wifi password yet, so he couldn't get any of his work for the remote programming course he was taking done, he didn't feel up to working on his music and he didn't want to miss Michael coming back, so exploring the neighborhood was out as well.

Half an eternity of boredom later - or at least it felt like that -, Alex was just about to go out after all, when he heard keys in the lock and quickly sat up straighter to make a good first impression.

The door opened and Alex' mouth went dry because, damn Michael Guerin was hot.

He had expected someone who looked like Max or Isobel, who were, in Alex' opinion, good looking but not his type at all. Their cousin on the other hand... Alex took in the grease stained jeans that looked well-worn and hung low on Michael's hips. He was wearing a slightly frayed but soft looking button up shirt that had more buttons undone than strictly appropriate for just coming back from work. To round out the look he was wearing a cowboy hat. In New York. And it didn't look pretentious at all, he just looked like a cowboy, which Alex supposed, he was. He was from New Mexico after all.

Michael set down the pizza box he was carrying, took off his hat and revealed messy, slightly sweaty curls that made Alex consider sitting on his hands to keep himself from reaching out to run them through Michael's hair. Fuck that guy was hot. This had been a spectacularly bad idea. He was in New York to become a musician, not to develop a crush on his roommate who also happened to be related to his best friend's boyfriend.

Michael smiled at Alex and pushed his curls back before extending a hand to Alex. "Hi, you must be Alex. I hope you found everything ok."

Alex stood up quickly and shook Michael's hand. "Yeah, it was no problem. Thanks for setting everything up." 

"No problem, it wasn't much. Just some cleaning and a few general repairs. The previous tenant was a bit… optimistic in his assessment of the furniture they left behind."

"Don't worry about it, we'll figure it out," Alex said with a shrug and realized he was still holding Michael's hand.

He quickly pulled his hand back and cleared his throat. "Uhm, I brought some beer to go with the pizza. I'll go get it."

"Oh sure, thanks. Let me just go wash up, I'll be right back."

Alex grabbed some napkins and a beer for each of them and then pulled out his phone to text Maria and Liz. 

05:43 pm

This was a terrible idea

Why did no one tell me he's hot?

Michael came out of his room a few moments later and sat next to Alex on the couch and Alex handed him a beer.

"Thanks, I went with plain cheese pizza, I hope that's ok. I wasn't sure what you like."

"Cheese is always good, thanks for getting it." 

"No problem, Isobel probably would have had my head if she found out I didn't do anything to welcome you."

Alex laughed, he didn't know Isobel Evans that well, but that sounded like her.

"Sounds like you three have gotten pretty close in a short time."

Michael shifted slightly uncomfortably and Alex regretted bringing it up instantly. It was way too personal a question for someone you met less than half an hour ago. He was about to take it back when Michale answered.

"Yeah well, they're the only family I've ever met, so…"

Alex took a swig of his beer to get a second to come up with an answer. "Well, it's really good you guys found each other through that DNA thing then."

"Yeah…" Michael nodded and took a swig as well, "What about you, are you close to your family?"

Alex couldn't help but laugh. "No. Not at all. That's part of the reason why I'm here. But let's not get into that tonight, ok?"

"Yeah, of course. Sorry to bring it up."

Alex just shrugged and they both ate their pizza in silence for a moment. Alex felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, probably with answers from Liz and Maria, but he chose to ignore them for now. 

The silence was starting to become awkward and Alex was racking his brain to come up with a good topic, when Michael spoke again: 

"So, Max said you're here to make music? What kind of music?"

That proved to be a shared interest as Michael played guitar as well and they fell into an easy conversation of their favorite music and bands. Alex told Michael about his plans for getting into the New York music scene and soon the pizza and beer was gone.

Once they both went to their respective rooms, Alex had a chance to check his phone. 

Liz Ortecho

05:57 pm

Is he? I haven’t met him yet.

Maria DeLuca

05:59 pm

Send us a picture!

07:19 pm

I can’t just take a picture of him, that’s weird. Ask Max or Isobel if they have one. 

Liz Ortecho

07:21 pm

Hold on, I’ll text Max.

Marie DeLuca 

07:22 pm

How’s the apartment besides the hot roommate?

07:22 pm

Pretty good It’s nothing fancy obviously. I definitely need a new mattress but it has everything I need.

Michael and I just had pizza and beer and talked for a while. I think we’ll get along fine. 

As soon as I get over how hot he is. 

Liz Ortecho

07:24 pm

Max sent me this picture of the three of them. He’s cute

07:25 pm

Okay, now picture him in grease stained work clothes and a cowboy hat. 

Marie DeLuca 

07:27 pm

I can see that I just didn’t know that was your type. I thought you were more into the brooding musician guy

07:28 pm

Yeah well I didn’t either. Maybe it’s just really early homesickness or something

Also he does play guitar. 

Maria DeLuca

07:29 pm

😂

Liz Ortecho

07:29 pm

😂

Good luck with that! Do you want me to find out if Max knows if he’s into guys?

07:31 pm

No! Don’t you dare! 

He’s just hot, I’m not starting anything with him. He’s my roommate and related to your boyfriend. That’s just way too much drama. 

I’m sure I’ll find other hot guys to hook up with in New York

Liz Ortecho

07:34 pm

Oh sure Still… the convenience… ;)

07:35 pm

LIZ!

Maria DeLuca

07:36 pm

😂 

07:38 pm

I miss you already. 

Liz Ortecho

07:39 pm

❤️

Maria DeLuca

07:40 pm

We miss you too! ❤️

07:42 pm

I should get some work done though so I can explore tomorrow. Talk to you soon! 

Alex put away his phone and pulled his laptop out. Michael had given him the Wifi password, so he could get started on his programming homework. 

Their life as roommates went pretty smoothly. Michael wen't to class and to his job, and Alex did his remote course work, worked on his music (so far none of the neighbors had complained), and he had also found a part time job at a little record shop. In his spare time he checked out as many bars, coffee shops and clubs that were known for letting newcomers play there as he could find. So far he hadn’t been brave enough to sign up for any open mics or anything similar, but he was starting to make some connections. The networking was his least favorite part about the entire thing, but it was necessary.

Since they were both busy and their schedules didn’t always line up, they didn’t actually see each other that much, but when they did, they got along great. From time to time they played music together, Alex had been able to organize Michael a cheap guitar from the record shop, and that really helped when Alex was hit with music block. It was also just a lot of fun, he hadn’t had many people to just jam with back in Roswell. 

Sometimes they tried to cook together. Neither of them had really had the chance to learn growing up, so now they were trying to teach each other. The kitchen usually looked a mess after they finished, but so far they had only managed one truly inedible thing, to both their surprises. 

Tonight they were attempting to make soup and since lots of sources on the internet had said they could basically just throw in vegetables and broth, cook it and then puree it, they weren’t using a recipe for the first time. 

“Okay, we have potatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots, bell peppers, peas, tomatoes and broccoli. Do you think it matters what we start with?” Alex asked, looking over all the produce that was spread out in their kitchen, which was too small to hold it all. 

Michael shrugged, “I don’t think so, I mean we’re cooking and pureeing it all together, so we don’t have to keep the different cook times in mind, right?”

“Probably not. Okay, I’ll start peeling the potatoes.”

“Good, I’ll tackle the broccoli.” 

They both got to work, luckily they had invested in some decent knives but even with those they were both cursing. Who knew it was so hard to peel sweet potatoes and cut broccoli?

“How do these little green bits get everywhere? I’m pretty sure we’ll still be finding them by the time we move out.” 

“Eh, I’m sure ants or something will get them. Maybe mice.”

“Don’t even joke about that.” 

Alex laughed and then somehow launched the sweet potato he was battling across the room. That stopped him short until both he and Michael doubled over laughing. 

“How the hell did you manage that?”, wheezed Michael. 

“I have no idea. That thing is surprisingly slippery.” Alex went to retrieve the sweet potato, rinsed it off and removed the last bit of skin before starting to cut it. 

“How can something that turns to basically mush when you cook it, be so hard when it’s raw?”, he grunted as he leaned his weight onto the knife to cut the thing. 

Michael chuckled, “We could probably find some pretentious life lesson in that, if we wanted.” He had finished with the broccoli and deposited the pieces into the big pot. “What next?”

“You could do the bell peppers.”

“On it. How is your sweet potato battle going?”

Alex dumped a batch of orange cubes into the pot. “I think I’m winning.” 

After the sweet potatoes, the regular potatoes were a piece of cake and Alex had them peeled and diced in no time. 

When they were finished with all the vegetables, the pot was much fuller than expected. 

"Uhh… how are we going to puree this when it’s done cooking?”

“I don’t know, it might shrink some during cooking?”

“Yeah… maybe.” 

Michael got the broth they had bought from the fridge and dumped it into the pot with a little too much force and some of it spilled. “Oops…”

Alex laughed and got a cloth to wipe it up, before peering in the pot. I don’t think that’s enough liquid. Maybe we should add some water?”

“You’re probably right”, Michael got the water and poured it in more carefully. Then he lit the stove and stepped back.

“I think we earned a beer.” 

“Good plan, but we should use the cooking time to clean up some of this mess”, Alex gestured at all the peels and vegetal bits on every kitchen surface and even the floor. 

Michael sighed, “I guess… But beer first.”

Alex laughed and handed Michael a beer who took a healthy swig before starting to get rid of the mess. 

The vegetables did not shrink significantly and they had nothing they could put over the pot and still have space for the stick blender they had borrowed from one of their neighbors. They looked at each other at a loss. 

“I guess we’ll just have to be really careful and clean up everything that spills after”, Michael said with a  shrug and handed Alex the blender.

“Why me? Admit it, you just don’t want to be responsible for the mess”, Alex complained but took the blender anyways. Michael just winked at him, which was severely unfair. Alex had managed to build up some defenses against the way Michael looked, but not against winks and smirks. He sighed silently and carefully put the blender in the pot. For some reason Michael hovered right behind him and watched the pot in concentration as Alex started to blend. It made him nervous. 

“Are you trying to telepathically keep the soup from splashing out?”

For some reason that question startled Michael, which in turn startled Alex and made soup splash out of the pot and all over their shirts. 

“Fuck!”, they cursed at the same time, thats stuff was hot. Alex quickly turned off the blender. 

“You ok?”, they asked, again in unison and then laughed. 

“Yeah, I think so.” Michael pulled open his shirt to check for burns and Alex’ mouth went a little dry. 

“Doesn’t look like an actual burn. You?” Michael looked up at Alex who quickly averted his eyes and pulled up his own shirt. There was a slight red spot, but nothing serious. 

“I’m good too.” He looked up just in time to see Michael quickly look away just as he had done. Huh. Was he maybe not the only one appreciating the view? Sometimes it seemed like Michael was flirting with him. He still didn’t know if Michael was into guys. The few times he had brought someone over, it had been women, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be into guys too, right? He definitely didn’t seem to mind that Alex was gay. Alex had come out to him a couple of days after he had moved in, to avoid any ugly homophobic scenes later and Michael had been cool with it. He also hadn’t seemed to mind the one time Alex had brought someone home. 

“Good,” Michael’s voice pulled Alex out of his thoughts “let’s try again. Maybe without talking this time.”

Alex nodded and they got back in position. For some reason again with Michael hovering behind Alex and focusing on the pot. Alex did his best to ignore it and carefully blended the soup. Surprisingly, nothing more splashed out. It looked like it would a couple of times, but then somehow it didn’t. Alex decided not to question it. 

When they were done blending, they added in a little heavy cream, since Alex had read somewhere that it made the soup creamier. Then they started with the seasoning. Very carefully, because they had added too much or too little to their first few attempts at cooking. They took turns trying the soup, asking what was missing, adding a little and repeating the process over and over. Eventually they were happy with the result and looked at the finished soup. 

“Okay… that’s much more than expected. I think we might be eating soup for the next week straight”, Michael said. 

“Yeah… Maybe we can bring Mrs. Welly some when we return her stick blender?” 

“Good idea. Let’s eat some first, though. Who knows if it’s actually good if you have a full bowl.” 

It was surprisingly good and once they cleaned up, they went over to Mrs. Welly who was very grateful for the soup. She told them they could borrow her kitchen appliances any time, made them take two huge pieces of a delicious cake she had apparently baked earlier and promised she would have them over for dinner soon. All in all a successful evening.

Michael was a good roommate, but there were some things that were… a little strange about him. 

For one thing, he always kind of smelled like rain. Even when it hadn’t rained in a few days. Alex was pretty sure it wasn’t some sort of aftershave or lotion or something, they shared a bathroom after all. 

And somehow, it was a specific rain smell, one that kind of reminded him of going to the Reservation with his mom when he was a child. He couldn’t quite put his finger on why, he didn’t have a clear memory of it smelling like rain there, but sometimes, when Michael was standing close to him, he breathed in a whiff of that smell and it was like being back at the Res. Memories linked to smell were weird like that. 

Besides the rain smell, Michael sometimes smelled like nail polish remover, which was even stranger. Alex had never seen him wear any nail polish. Alex did sometimes, and he had bought a bottle of remover when he’d first moved in. The bottle was still standing in the little cabinet over the sink in the bathroom, but Alex could swear that the fluid level changed constantly. It was never empty, but sometimes it was fuller than other times. And he had seen an empty bottle of nail polish remover in the trash a couple of times. What was Michael doing with it? Did he need it for school, or for work? Alex had no idea why though, there had to be better solvents at a fancy science lab and a mechanics shop than regular nail polish remover. 

In the end he mostly chose not to question it. Michael was already distracting enough without analyzing strange smells. 

It felt like Michael became more distracting every day. The more comfortable they became with each other, the worse it got. Michael would tease Alex in an almost flirtatious way, which was a little unfair, if you asked Alex. 

Sometimes he brought whatever he was tinkering on into the living room and worked on it while Alex did his course work, or messed with his music. Alex loved watching Michael tinker, he was so focused and he would mumble things under his breath that Alex couldn’t make out, but enjoyed hearing anyways. It wasn’t like he would understand a word Michael said, even if he could hear it properly. Michael was a lot smarter than him and really talented with his hands. Sometimes it seemed like the parts Michael was putting together slotted perfectly into place without him even touching them. 

Alex had to be careful that he didn’t watch too long, because eventually he would start to wonder what else those hands could do… 

And, if he stopped playing music, or clack away on his computer, Michael would eventually look up with a questioning look and a smile and ask him if he was stuck on something. If it was music, he’d offer to help and if it was programming, he would suggest that they take a break and go out for a bit, or watch an episode of whatever show they were watching currently. Because yeah, they had become the kind of roommates that always had a TV show project they were slowly watching together and one person was not allowed to watch a single minute of the show without the other one there. Alex had never thought he could ever be someone who did that, but it was nice. It was time they spent together and a great way to wind down after a long day. 

Had they fallen asleep on the couch once or twice and woken up leaning against each other with a crick in their necks? Maybe. Did Alex secretly wish that would happen more often. Yeah, well… He was only human after all. 

A few times he had dosed of on Michael's shoulder and had woken up to Michael watching him with a look on his face that made Alex wonder if maybe starting something with Michael was worth the risk after all. Alex' slight oh-fuck-my-roommate-is-hot-crush had certainly grown into something more serious lately. 

There were moments when Alex thought Michael might feel the same way. When they were watching TV together, when they played music together, when they vented to each other after long days, when they stayed up too late because neither really wanted to go into their respective bedroom alone and leave the comfortable togetherness of the living room. Neither of them ever made a move though and so their lives just went on.

Alex' music was coming along pretty well actually, with Michael cheering him on. He had enough original songs for a small set now. Not that he was ready to perform an entire set of original songs yet, but he was considering signing up for his first open night. It was at a little coffee shop called Sip & Sing that he and Michael hung out at sometimes. He knew most of the regulars there and had become friends with one of the baristas. They had open mics once a month and the next one was coming up in two weeks. 

“You should do it Alex. Come on, you know you’re good enough. And you’ll know almost everyone there, it’s low risk”, Michael encouraged him one night when Alex had opened and closed the sign up page on their website for the fourth time that day. 

“Yeah but what if I tank and then I can never go there again?”

“First of all, you won’t. And second of all, Lucy forgot the text twice last month and everyone still welcomed her back there the next day. Everyone there will be supportive no matter how you do.”

“Isn’t that cheating then?”

Michale snorted. “Now you’re making excuses. Finding a friendly audience for your first live performance is not cheating.”

Alex sighed, Michael was probably right. “Okay, I guess… But only if you promise to come.” 

Michael put an arm around him. “Of course I’m coming! You couldn’t keep me away.” 

Alex smiled and leaned into him just a little. “Okay, I’ll sign up. And then you’re helping me pick out which song to perform.” 

“Which you will then change fifteen times until the actual night.” 

“Yeah well, everyone needs a system”, Alex said with a huff and pulled up the sign up for the fifth time. This time he actually filled it out though and even submitted it. Even though Michael had to threaten to do it for him before he finally hit enter. 

“Oh fuck, I’m gonna regret this, aren’t I?”, he said with a groan and buried his face in Michael’s shoulder, who was still sitting next to him. 

Michael laughed softly. “Yeah, multiple times probably. But you’ll be glad you did it in the end.” 

Alex regretted it that night in bed and even more the next day when he stopped at the Sip & Sing to get a coffee before heading to work and Rema, the owner, spotted him. 

“Alex! I saw you signed up for the next open mic! That’s great, I can’t wait to hear your song!” 

They insisted on giving him a coffee on the house and gushed about how great it was that he’d be performing. Alex kind of wanted to sink into the ground in shame. Especially when Lucy, one of the regulars, came in and heard Rema. She started to reassure him that he’d be great and that he definitely wouldn’t forget any lines. 

Alex was very glad when he managed to get his coffee and escape with the excuse that he was running late. 

Alex had decided not to tell Maria and Liz about the open mic. He knew they would try to come and honestly, that was too much for him for the first time. Maybe the second or third. He would text them the day of and risk their wrath. Michael would be there and a few friends from the coffee shop. That would be nerve-racking enough. 

He spend every free second working on the song (and just as predicted by Michael, changing his mind which song to perform almost every other day), which was finally too much for their very patient neighbors and they got a noise complaint. Alex was forced to not play between 11pm and 6am and to avoid playing around noon, which was probably for the best, he was starting to be a bit obsessive. Michael threatened to hide his guitar and music sheets regularly. 

When the day of the open mic finally came, Alex was a nervous wreck. 

6:36pm

Don’t be mad at me, but I’m performing at my first open mic tonight at 8. 

Liz Ortecho

6:38 pm

And you didn’t tell us?!?! Rude!

6:39 pm

I’m sorry! I’m nervous enough as it is, I promise I’ll tell you next time so you can come.

MariaAwww DeLuca

6:40 pm

It’s ok Alex, we understand. Good luck tonight! You’ll kill it! 

Liz Ortecho 

6:41 pm

Of course we understand. But I will ask Max for Michael’s number and pester him into recording it of us. 

He is coming right?

6:42 pm

He is, I wouldn’t have made it without him. 

Marie DeLuca

6:43

Aww, aren’t you glad we forced you into moving in with him?

6:44

Shut up!

… Yes, thank you. 

The alarm that Alex had set to get ready went off and Alex nervously rushed to the bathroom. He was already dressed and his nails were painted, he just needed to do his hair and put on his eyeliner. 

When he was done, way too early of course, he stepped out of the bathroom to find Michael waiting for him. He gave him once over and let out a low whistle. 

“Damn, you clean up nice Manes.”

Alex hoped his blush wasn’t too noticeable. “Shut up Guerin.” 

Michael laughed and slung his arm around Alex’ shoulder. “You’ll do great. Come on, I know it’s early, but if you sit around here, you’ll just drive yourself crazy. We’ll take the long way there and maybe get a milkshake on the way or something.”

Alex was really glad to have Michael to support him today. Something about him was very calming and maybe his crush on him distracted him a bit from his nerves. 

They got their milkshakes and an order of fries to dip in them. Michael always complained that it was weird, but he did dip his fries as well, so Alex had stopped listening months ago. 

By the time they arrived at the Sip & Sing, Alex was much more relaxed. Michael had kept him distracted the entire way there by telling him funny things that happened in class or at work, or quoting things from the group chat with Isobel and Max. 

Alex' phone dinged with good luck messages from Liz, Maria, Arturo, Mimi and surprisingly even from Max and Isobel. He smiled at his phone and put it back into his pocket. It was nice to know they were all thinking of him. 

“Hey, did Liz convince you to record my performance?”

Michael laughed, "She wanted me to livestream it for what felt like half of Roswell. You're popular." 

Alex groaned, "Please tell me you won't."

"No, don't worry. I'll record it and send it to her and then she can distribute it to whomever she wants." 

"That's only slightly better", Alex said with a sigh and went over to greet Rema and find out when his turn was. He was number three of six performers tonight, which suited him fine. 

Rema told him where to put his guitar and to give any needed details to Luke, who handled the technical side of the performances. 

When he got back to Michael he had gotten them drinks and found a table. Alex sat down and took a sip from his drink, his nerves were starting to come back. Michael seemed to notice and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Alex smiled at him thankfully. 

Rema came onto the little stage area and introduced the first performer. She was good, Alex had heard her here a few times before and two months ago there had been a flyer on the pin board advertising that she was part of the lineup for a mini pop-up concert in a nearby park. 

He didn't catch much of the second performance, it was a duo, but that was about all that stuck. When they were done, Michael squeezed his shoulder and whispered a quick "Good Luck!" to him as Alex stood up and made his way to the stage. 

"Our first first-timer for tonight is Alex Manes, who most of you know, I think. He's performing an original song. Give him a hand!", Rema introduced him and Alex nervously sat on the little stool and adjusted the mic and his guitar. 

He focused on Michael for the entire song, who was smiling widely and encouragingly while holding his phone up that represented all the other people in his life that loved and supported him through this. Suddenly he almost regretted not inviting Liz and Maria and swore to himself he would invite them next time. 

He got through the song without any problem and got a satisfying amount of applause and cheering from the audience, topped by Michael's best, earsplitting cowboy whistle. Alex couldn't help but grin from ear to ear on his way back to the table and when Michael greeted him with an equally wide grin and a hug, something in him clicked and he pulled Michael in for a kiss instead. Which was met by an enthusiastic response both by Michael kissing him back and the audience cheering. 

They were interrupted by Rema "Okay you two, there's time for that after the show. Now let's move on to our next performer…" 

Alex blushed and sat back down, a little closer to Michael than before. Michael smiled at him in a way that gave him butterflies and he couldn't wait for after the show. 

For now he settled in to listen to the rest of the performers, but not until he pulled out his phone.

8:23 pm

I kissed him. 

He kissed me back

8: 25 pm

The open mic thing went great, btw.

He was met by a ton of celebratory emojis from Liz and Maria and put his phone back into his pocket with a grin. 

[ilistentogirlinred]

a bunch of ideas for essays i have

ESSAY IDEAS:

fandom and parasocial relationships with celebs

primarily musicians

KPOP!!!

shipping

how this effects the idols themselves

and the fans perception of idols

“delulu”

competitive nature

groups

positions

obsession

racism

infantilisation

“maknaes”

lisa, jungkook

ONE DIRECTION

fucking larries

obsession

FITTH HARMONY

SWIFTIES

the idolisation

white feminism?

performative activism

NOT SEEING CELEBS AS REAL PEOPLE WITH FEELINGS!!!

mysoginy in fandom culture

internalised mysogyny

mysogyny in the works themselves

how that is internalised

the prevalence of m/m ships

patriarchy!

boo

KPOP!!!

shipping

how this effects the idols themselves

+ their friendships with each other

and the fans perception of idols

homophobia in the industry

“delulu”

competitive nature

groups

positions

obsession

racism

non fans who dislike the industry/fans

infantilisation

“maknaes”

lisa (crazy horse)

jungkook (seven, etc)

DEBUTING ACTUAL CHILDREN

THOSE ARE CHILDREN WTF DUDE

SHE IS BARELY 14

SHE IS 13

SHE WAS 12 WHEN SHE WAS ON THE SHOW

possible human rights violations?

work hours

neglect

mental health issues

suicides

beomhan therapy video (managers)

homophobia in the industry

if an idol comes out, fans will treat it as “proof” that their ship is “canon”

or will just be outright homophobic

FANSERVICE

its not gay but…

influence of fandom on modern media

queerbaiting/queercoding to attract an audience

destiel

teen wolf

bbc sherlock

tropes

enemies to lovers

DONE WRONG

queer rep in media

queerbaiting/coding to attract viewers

supernatural, sherlock

destiel, johnlock

teen wolf

queer coding in disney!

accidental?

LUCA!!!

cultural differences?

anime

YOI, SK8, Haikyuu

Naruto

superwholock -> ourgoodshadows

early 2000s/2010s YA dystopia plague, ya books in general

hunger games

marketing

movies

divergent!!!

bad

no second half of the third one lmao

maze runner

technically first!

LOVE TRIANGLES

twilight (either read or consult ms elloy, mya, etc)

hunger games

“big strong guy” vs “childhood friend”

predictable

repetitive

c’mon guys make it gay for once

try a conga line love triangle

that resolves itself with polyamory?

SPORTS ANIME

why is it so popular?

fandom, duh.

ok but why?

easy. gay anime boys

why is sports anime so gay?

power of friendship?

close bonds between people of the same gender

lack of characters from the opposite gender so less heterosexuality and f/m ships

but thats fandomy

the inherent homoeroticism of sharing a locker room

referring back to friendship/close bonds

BLUE LOCK

HOLY CRAP BLUE LOCK

its gayer than haikyuu but there’s no power of friendship really

there are very close bonds and strange definitions of attraction tho

bachisagi, reonagi, ryusae

REONAGI SHOUJO SPINOFF

attraction -> obsession

soccer -> dream -> lack of care about self

RYUSAE FUCKED UP IDEA OF (and perception) ATTRACTION

soccer = attraction, bond, romance/sex, etc.

BACK TO HAIKYUU

rivalries

rivalry -> close friendship

mirrors enemies to lovers very slightly

tis the power of friendship

power of friendship combined with coming of age?

YUURI ON ICE!

the canon gays

SK8 the infinity

queer coding?

QUEERCODING IN ANIME

is it all perceived and unintended due to differences in cultural upbringing?

possibly but the undertones are still very much there

maybe its censorship? who knows

killugon -> possibly find sources

the homoerotic queer-coded rivalry or friendship

established from the start

sasunaru, kagehina, bakudeku, renga, killugon, fucking soukoku, etc

also tsukkiyama, matchablossom, leopika, etc

SOUKOKU (and the rest of bsd)

the irl authors - were they queer?

FIND SOURCES!!!

[fitzrove]

Thank you for the video! A very astute analysis of the show’s change over the years, and how marketing played into it. As someone who has been seeing TdV on and off for fifteen years now (but mostly Hungarian-Viennese-Russian branch), it really did strike me when I saw it again after a long pandemic break a few days just how “predatory gay” trope the Herbert scene is. I guess the world was a bit different back when I was in my teens, and we were just happy to get *any* overt representation there, but that bit didn’t age well, and there sure seems to be little point to Herbert in the show at all.

That said, I always saw this as a complex story about hedonism and human nature without a protagonist, or, rather, letting the audience pick the protagonist, which is not always a bad thing. My main qualm with the show going against the theme of freedom is how passive Sarah is during the escape. For a girl who is more of less defined by agency, who manipulates so skillfully, she sure does not have much agency during the ballroom sequence. Her wants are so clear throughout (*translation dependent), but are completely absent in that moment.

Anyway, please do more videos. I am *very* curious to hear your thoughts on SE.

At the risk of going into a ramble...

When I was a youngish teenager, a group leader at a summer camp I went to sang Totale Finsternis and mentioned it was from a musical, which piqued my interest. I watched some clips from Youtube and they didn't really hold my interest at first, not at all... not before I came across what was probably this video. And then this one. And then this. I didn't speak any German at that point but I was so intrigued (as someone who loved musicals, was obsessed with fanfic and absolutely devastated at the lack of canon lgbtq rep in the types of historical/goth mainstream media I liked - it was 2016). So it's literally Wenn Liebe that originally got me into the show, even though my views on it have done a complete 180 after I grew up and started to look at what was actually going on ajfkkslf. I still think that some of the portrayals are a bit less... well, cruel - Máté Kamarás' Herbert is very earnest for the most part, which makes the portrayal feel more genuine, like the character is more than a parody, even just a little bit.

But it's still an uncomfortable scene and it's uncomfortable that the fandom reaction to it is so overwhelmingly positive even now 😅 Canon divergent fanfic is one thing (I definitely know the feeling of being so starved for lgbtq rep that you just rewrite the story to be able to have a ship), but a lot of people's takes even for the canon show amount to "he secretly likes it", which... 😭 My take still is that a lot of people ship it just to get Alfred out of the way of Krolock x Sarah. And that's annoying ahfkdk, where are the Alfred x Krolock x Sarah fics (Krolock isn't my favourite character but like, that has more canonical basis than alfbert lol)

I agree that Sarah just completely loses her agency for post-bite Tanzsaal, which is a somewhat odd choice! And I think a hedonism reading of the story is really interesting and checks out - in my video I mostly skipped over Chagal and Magda because it's a Can of Worms, but they definitely reinforce the idea that it's the central theme.

Thank you so much for the compliments and the ask!!! :D

Ajfkfk I must admit that I don't get what SE means in this context 😁😁 feel free to educate me in the notes!

[tragicclownwrites]

im curious, when did you first get interested in squidbob?

Ooh, my first ask 🤗 and what a great question to start with!

It's honestly such a weird story lmao but the short version is that I didn't find SquidBob. SquidBob found me. 🧽🐙

As for the long version, answering/rambling below the cut!

I think it happened just under a year ago or so? It was definitely sometime in late 2022/early 2023. Before then, I wasn't even remotely in the fandom and was more or less part of the group who had seen SBSP but wasn't involved beyond that.

When we were younger, my sister and I played Battle for Bikini Bottom on the PS2. So when the "Rehydrated" version came out, she hit me up and was like "omg they made a remake! we have to play it!" and I was all "hell yeah! nostalgia ftw!" (def worth it - it's a good time and everyone looks so damn adorable 🥹).

If you've played that game and you're in the fandom, you're probably pretty familiar with this moment (clip actually starts at :12). 😉😂 HOWEVER, this wasn't even the moment that initially caught my attention. In fact, it was actually THIS one between Robot Plankton and Robot Spongebob (who is terrifying btw). My sister and I got to this part in the game and were just...👀👀. Like, why was Robot Plankton (who is essentially a clone of real Plankton) thinking of Robot Spongebob like that? Kinda gay if you ask me. Long story short, I shipped PlankBob (ironically) for a hot minute lmao.

I started looking online to see if anyone else was crack-shipping it up like I was and I think that's when I came across SquidBob in earnest. I had remembered seeing some rather interesting moments between them in the past, but strangely never thought anything of it until I started looking below the surface. A few YouTube clips later, my memory was beginning to refresh - and those clips weren't even close to exhaustive! I just couldn't believe how unsubtle these two were! Like, HOW COULD I BE SO BLIND!?

For shits and giggles, I then decided to check AO3 to see if there were any fics about them. One of the fics I came across was none other than NBYF - the very fic that inspired my first work in this fandom! After reading it like four times, I was HOOKED. I needed more. So, I ended up on Tumblr and have been here ever since. 🥰

For added backstory, I've been in and out of fandoms over the years, but never felt the need to be active in any of them. Whether it was fandom discourse, fleeting interest, etc., I didn't want to get involved in any of that and, oftentimes, the canon just didn't inspire me to create my own works.

Needless to say, I'm so thankful to have found this small corner of the internet. Everyone has been so cool thus far and it's been really fun to write fics for SquidBob. I've always been a bit of a sucker for the grump x sunshine ship dynamic, so this pair is just perfection. 🌧️❤️☀️✨ One of these days I'll do an entire post about why I ship them. Someday lol. And given how episodic the SBSP show is, that actually helps a ton for writing - it's great to be able to stay true to the canon while not committing to any solid timelines or anything like that. I mean, even the actual show has continuity issues, so no one can fault me if I decide to switch things up a bit. 😜 I tend to prefer canon divergence vs. AUs when it comes to fanfiction as well because I really enjoy the challenge of working with an existing world/characters and creating a unique story for it all.

So, that's my fandom origin story. Not the most cut-and-dry (and probably not what you were asking) lmao but that's essentially where it all started! I'd be interested in hearing when/how you got into SquidBob hell, if you haven't already posted about it. 😊

[mdhwrites]

Love your wenclair fic! Your meta about Enid's character arc is also really good. It was great reading your thoughts, but I wish you'd go into more detail on the failed allegory of it all.

I just absolutely can not get over the sheer ridiculous failure of an idea that was "lycanthropy conversion camp". What were they thinking????? It doesn't work on any level at all. Apparently being a "late bloomer" is a common enough issue they run multiple camps for it? But if it's that common why is it so stigmatized??? The show never seems to come right out and say there are wolves who never fully shift, and Enid's claws point to her shifting eventually, so it becomes merely a matter of timing before the person "converts". That's a disgusting thing to have associated with the fucking torture of queer youth to force them to conform. And the attempt to cash in on lgbtq+ sympathy through this is just gross.

Ughhhh. I really loved Enid and Wednesday's characterization, some of the dialogue was spot on, but it really felt like whoever wrote the overarching plot had no idea what they were doing.

Thank you! I'm really happy with everything I've been doing in Risk Life, even though I still wish I was getting more done. DAMN YOU MENTAL HEALTH! *sigh* I am curious how much having three different directors for the show caused some of the issues with the arcs honestly. Tim Burton seems to push more for the idea of puberty early on, thus the term late bloomer at all and the idea of never finding a mate. A werewolf that never 'grows up' can never be a part of their society is what it feels like effectively. It also makes the claws kind of make sense because it's such a minor and small thing that it makes Enid feel like she's almost playing at being a big bad wolf when she's got her claws out. Then, when it changes directors on episode 5, that's when we start seeing more of the LGBTQ+ allegory. Unfortunately, the two just... don't mix. As much as I would love the reality to be different, this is the only story I've ever seen where coming out as gay or the like is how you are MORE accepted by your society which feels disingenuous to the experiences I mostly see from LGBTQ+ youth. A lot of people do find comfort in Enid's plotline though so if they do, I say more power to them. Also, the directors theory doesn't really explain everything since I think the writers don't change between episodes? I'm not as certain about that. Oh, and for anyone who doesn't know: Tim Burton directed the first four episodes, then the last four were split between two other directors who did two episodes each. As for the camp stuff, I'm still on the side of it just being... dumb. Especially since yeah, you're right, there's MULTIPLE camps for this? How large is the werewolf population then that you can run multiple of these? That multiple of them are possibly profitable? These are outcasts and rare divergences from 'normies', right? And yeah, as you said, it'd s SUBSET of that race that then needs to go to these camps. It's just... It's impressive how many levels of failure this is, not just on an allegorical level but a world building level. The one saving grace I'll give it is that the show doesn't take its fantasy elements seriously, for better and for worse. It's very much so there more for flavor than substance so it makes a general audience less likely to care about the actual world building. And for some stuff that's fine. For something directly correlating to real life atrocities done to the LGBTQ+... Less okay. That's why from a general writing standpoint I'll give it a sigh and a roll of my eyes but as allegory, I still growl and hiss. I also want to shout out though one theory a friend of mine had for the camps. It's that you get thrown into the wilderness with nothing to survive with so it's wolf out or die. Not literally, as the people running the camp will save you but you're meant to be put in such a do or die situation that you do transform. How does that fit into anything allegorically? It... doesn't so it still doesn't work but at least from a fantasy perspective it explains what they are. It's more of an answer than we'll likely ever get from the show at this point.

And my final note for 'they didn't seem to know their overarching plot' is going to be to Crackstone. Not even how he's a hypocrite who only has power because of his staff. No, it's how we go from a show that has fairly light fantasy elements to "SHE PUT A BLOOD CURSE ON HIM, DOOMING HIS SOUL!" Lady, I think we have skipped about at least a whole season's worth of build up to this level of fantasy, thank you very much! When the fuck was this shit on the table!? But yeah, I could rant more but this is long enough as is and getting off topic. ^^; I'm happy you're enjoying Risk Life, Not Love so much and uh, I might have some original sapphics of mine being free in a few days so keep an eye out for that!

[saltsprite]

ao3 wrapped [writers edition]

@boogerwookiesugarcookie

look what you made me do <3 (from ao3 wrapped [writer’s edition])

How many words have you written this year? 105,124!

How many works did you publish this year? 22!

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? take my revolution. Longest thing I’ve written, practicing pacing was a doozy. 

What work of yours has the most hits? take my revolution

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? maybe waste not? I so rarely see any works that have Cobb as less experienced than Din, so I wasn’t sure what the reaction would be

Favorite title you used hmmmmm ‘burn the heart from you’? maybe?

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most? I’ve only used song lyrics a couple times, but I think the answer is Halsey. It’s that gay yearning, man.

Pairing you wrote the most for this year? DinCobb

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? Boba/Cobb >:3

What work was the quickest to write? answered here~

What work took you the longest to write? answered here~

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year? 14

What’s your longest work of the year? take my revolution

What’s your shortest work of the year? secretary

What WIP are you taking into next year with you? all of them?? lmao

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag? Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence 

Your favorite character to write this year? I MEANNNNNN. Cobb Vanth, my beloved <3 

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? mmmm probably Boba Fett. He still gives me a little trouble, but I like playing around in his space

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year? Boba/Omera >:3

Which work of yours have you reread the most? ooooooh, boy. Might be burn the heart from you, the one in my BobaCobb series where I said “actually let’s get a little weird with it” 

How many kudos in total did you get this year? 2,576

Which work has the most comments? take my revolution

Did you do any collaborative works this year? Kinda? Most of my gifts that I wrote for others were taken from chat messages and expanded upon. There is also the under the hot July moon series, which I started and then @thrvrnd​ wrote a sequel too and it’s SO GOOD and i loved it so much i wanted to have our our pieces connected together TT^TT <3

Did you write any gifts this year? 9

Did you receive any gifts this year? 10

What’s your most common category? in a surprise to absolutely no one, m/m

What do you listen to while writing? Really depends on my mood and the vibe of the piece I’m writing. Sometimes it really will just be one song on repeat until I’m finished, because nothing else vibes right. Mostly, I match the vibe of the music to what I want the writing to feel like.

Favorite work you wrote this year? Officially, burn the heart from you. Unofficially, shrouded and that same old song and dance. shrouded gave me room to write out some sweet domestic ideas I’d had for a while, and song and dance was fun because I let them just be stupid as fuck. 

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? A couple, actually! 1) “Put your softness in my hands.” Cobb tightens his grip on Fett’s hand, just a little. “Let me care for it, and you.” (to touch and feel)  2) Fett is the boulder that the river cannot hope to move, only wrap itself around him and lap uselessly at his flanks. (take my revolution, ch7)

Biggest surprise while writing this year? somehow i came here for the DinCobb and stayed for the Boba Fett LMAO turns out i love him a lot

[dontfuckingbite]

Yuletide Letter

Dear Writer,

Thank you for taking the time to write for me, I'm excited to see what you come up with! If it'd be helpful for you, I've listed some likes and interpretations below along with my Do Not Wants. For any potential treaters, I have allowed automatic gifting.

LIKES: messy relationships - morally grey characters, doing the right thing for the wrong reason, doing the wrong thing for the right reason - character study and character-driven plot - competency and loyalty - being immersed into a culture, place, or time - soulbonds, a/b/o, and other supernatural tropes that draw from destined for each other, whether they like it or not - smut (some particular likes: D/s and power imbalance, rough sex, mouth kink, exploring erogenous zones, dubcon -- especially with these requests, I'm really into exploring sexuality outside of its most traditionally romantic and tender expression.)

DO NOT WANT (unless specifically requested): serious, graphic injury on screen - body fluids other than come, spit, and sweat, and preferably not an overwhelming amount of those, either - genderswap, focus on genderplay - natural disasters or apocalypse scenarios - requested characters in happy, endgame relationships with non-requested characters

My definition of "graphic injury" is basically going past canon typical depictions. Video game logic that says getting shot isn't that big of a deal, "Johnny felt his knee seize up," William has done very bad things are all fine. But I don't want to read about the specifics.

The unrequested endgame DNW also has some holes in it. I'm very down to my requested characters just going after each other, but I don't mind and can really enjoy flirting, flings, relationships that aren't meant to last, trying to move on and failing, or unresolved/unaddressed sexual tension. The only route I absolutely don't want is anyone I've requested happily ending up in a romantic relationship with another character.

I also realized as I was writing this that for each of my requests, someone ends up (presumably) dead. This is more of a preference than a DNW, but I'd prefer if the story kept away from "cold" grief, for lack of a better word. In Far Cry, for instance, grief is obviously, canonically a massive motivating force for Dani, and I don't at all mind a fic exploring that. This is opposed to, say, the nothingness in The Month Pages of New Moon. There's no right way, but within a story, the former is more engaging to me in this moment in time. I'm also, of course, not at all opposed to presumed dead fix-its, canon divergence, or just placing the story before the canonical death.

FANDOMS

Bullet Train (2022) - Lemon, Tangerine

Admittedly, I did fall into the trap of considering whether the twins were twins the same way gay couples used adoption as a familial loophole -- they just had so much chemistry! The bickering! The familiarity! ... Finding out they really are brothers did not make me ship it less. For the purpose of this request, I'm cool with reading a platonic brother relationship, they actually are husbands AU, outright incest, They Grew Up Together In Such A Way That "Brother" Is The Best/Easiest Way To Describe Their Relationship But It's Still Not Really Really Incest; whatever floats your boat.

Whatever your preferred answer is, I really do love their relationship, and I'd love to read more about their history, how they got into the business, developing their (very, very messy) style...

The Card Counter (2021) - Cirk Baufort, William Tell

I must have entered the theater with my twisted homosexual hat on very tight when I saw this, because I genuinely thought there was a chance that they might go there with Cirk/William, with William/La Linda purposefully being a stiff, unbelievable testament to how Tell will never be able to adjust to a more normal, moral life. C'est la vie.

But, as is the magic of fic, I'd move to read about Tell's attempt at pseudo paternal guidance falling off the rails; Cirk being very very very stubborn about the things he wants; Tell's variable ability to get what he wants and maintain control and how far he really wants to push it (preferably, for me, not that far, at least not with Cirk, but still with a healthy scoop of fucked up).

Far Cry 6 - Male Dani Rojas, Alejo Ruiz

Again, I was shipping it immediately, only for it to be taken from me only slightly less immediately. But Alejo still stuck with me -- maybe in part because this is the first time I was really motivated to go for the "secret" ending immediately -- and I felt very vindicated while tripping balls on the mad dash to Matías.

There are a couple layers I found really interesting and gut-punch about that scene: that Dani and Alejo weren't just like "lmao fuck outta here!" but had actual plans and dreams for once they left; the guilt and insecurity that Dani carried throughout the game; that "Lita" wasn't exactly fully wrong that Dani moral motivation wasn't exactly iron clad at all times; and that Cortez was definitely a negative influence on Dani's self conceptualization.

So, basically I'm really interested in The Orphans' lives leading up to the revolution, the messes Dani got himself into and out of, the decision to leave, the inability to go to. Has Dani always attracted older male figures that want to sculpt him in their image? Did Alejo have a Feeling that an active civil war might not be the best space for Dani to be in, even as a survivor? If Dani and Alejo were fucking, as I like to assume, what was going on that made him think "Yeah, we're all in together but also he's still in it for the girls on the other side"?

Point Break - Bodhi, Johnny Utah

I mean. It's Point Break. It's hard to even express how gay it is and how much doomed chemistry Bodhi and Johnny have better than the movie does itself. Let them fuck! Let Johnny go bad! Let Bodhi live and have them figure how to live on the edge without, you know, killing and robbing!

One angle that I do find interesting and that didn't get unpacked enough, unsurprisingly given the genre, was Johnny's dissatisfaction within being The Good Ohio Boy Who Does The Good Things With The Good Guys, and how flawed that whole structure is to begin with. He's obviously disillusioned with it all by the end, but I'd love to spend more time with Johnny as he discovers himself and his likes and goals after losing so much of what he'd been grounding himself in.

Thanks for reading, and happy writing!

[moghedien]

Lupe, Carson, and Gaydar

I've joked about the scene when Carson confronts Lupe in the gay bar constantly. It is maybe my favorite scene in the show, definitely the one I’ve rewatched the most, and it's my motivation for writing this. Because while it is an extremely funny scene, and it's very funny that Lupe seemed to be the only one that didn't realize that Carson was gay, I feel like it reveals a lot about their dynamic up until this point. I've made jokes about Lupe having a busted gaydar, because on the surface, sure, but I feel like its a lot more complicated than that.

Ignoring the scene itself for now, let’s start in the beginning-ish. Carson and Lupe don’t really interact all that much in the first episode. The one significant scene they do have is when all of the Peaches are at the bar (not the gay one), and we get the ending of a conversation they’re having. Lupe has apparently told Carson that her dad didn’t want her going there, but she went anyway. Then Carson says that she kinda ran away too. Lupe asks if that’s why she looks so different now (given her recent haircut from Greta) and Carson says she doesn’t look that different. Lupe says she does and then walks away. It's not an unpleasant conversation. There's not really anything negative going on here, and it honestly seems like Lupe is flirting at the end there. Carson doesn't really pick up on that though, and Lupe just sort of leaves and they don't really have any similar interactions after this.

This scene alone shows that while Lupe might not have straight up known that Carson was gay, she was at least willing to test the waters to see if that was a possibility. But even though their interaction here ends well, she never really attempts to flirt with Carson again. There is probably reason for that.

In the second episode, again there isn’t much in the way of interaction between the two of them. However, this is where you can begin to see that they’re in very different worlds. In fact, they’re both living in very different worlds than the majority of their team. First, let’s address Carson, and to explain Carson’s big divergence from the rest of her team, I think Greta actually explained it best.

During Charm School, it's made apparent that Carson is more or less immune to the danger that a lot of the girls are in here. Not only is she not masculine presenting like some of the girls are, she’s married. She’s not a danger to the team’s image, if anything she’s an asset. Because what better way to prove that they aren’t destroying womanhood than to have women who are not only married, but married to men currently serving in the war. Carson isn’t fucking going anywhere. Lupe on the other hand, is at risk, and she seems to know it. 

She is trying to smile and give a good attitude and appearance when she's being judged.

While Jess and Fern (the girl who gets kicked out) are joking with Carson, Lupe is taking this all very seriously. You don't see her often in these scenes, but when you do, she's focused. It's almost bizarre when you notice it for the first time.

And then afterward, when they pass and the surviving Peaches are going out to eat, Lupe isn't visibly uncomfortable in the same way that Jess is. Jess is physically uneasy with herself. Lupe, maybe has some of that too, but she seems more to be trying to mentally snap out of something. As if she had to put herself in a headspace that isn't comfortable or easy for her to get out of.

Lupe isn't the only one uncomfortable after Charm School, but she definitely was one of the ones that was, where again, Carson wasn't. Carson was always safe, and she wouldn't have even realized how unsafe the others were if Greta hadn't been blunt with her about it. They are exceptions within their team, but while Carson's exceptions makes her safer, Lupe's puts her in danger.

So let's jump ahead to their first game.

So the very first game starts for Lupe with racism. Not only are they playing on racist tropes in order to get the "customers" interested in her, but they also also have to lie about her to make her more palatable. Her being Mexican isn't appealing and might actually upset people, so the league has decided to make her Spanish instead. This along with the sexism that all of the other girls received from the announcer, is what she's greeted with on her first game.

Now, maybe Carson received some sexist comments too. I'm sure she did to some extent, but she's again, married to a man currently serving at war. I don't think that she would have gotten nearly as much as the unmarried girls, especially since the announcer seems to feel the need to point out which girls are single. And she definitely didn't get any of the racism that Lupe (and probably Esti, though I don't recall a specific instance of that) got while playing. Not to mention that when the girls get their first pay checks in episode 3, Lupe and Esti are the only ones that Bev feels the need to tell this to:

For some reason they are the only two that Bev feels the need to suggest they be patriotic. I'm sure its nothing.

None of this specifically connects their relationship, but it's important background knowledge to keep in your head when looking at the next few episodes. Because this is the world that Lupe is living in when she really starts to see Carson very differently than her initial flirting.

So episode three is where you really start to see the conflict between Lupe and Carson develop, and for the most part it initially just revolves around them independently trying to deal with Dove. No one on the team seems unaware that Dove is an issue, though it seems on a surface level that Lupe doesn’t notice it, given that she appears to just goes along with everything Dove says without question. Even the other girls think that Lupe is “up Dove’s ass” and would rat them out if she knew they were doing secret practices, so they don’t tell her. They all exclude her. Even Esti. Even Jess. And she knows that she’s being excluded from something because she wakes up for breakfast and nobody is there. 

Now, the secret practice itself isn’t entirely Carson’s doing. They all came up with the idea more or less together and went along with it, but Carson is the only other one on the team that is seen trying to deal with the Dove problem (outside of Jo telling him something and him lashing out on her). Her initial attempt was to give him a conversation pie. Now to literally anyone with eyeballs who isn't experiencing this show through Carson's point of view, it would look like Carson is sucking up to him. This is after Greta repeatedly made jokes about Dove being her “daddy,” and making Carson reveal that she and Dove have talked privately. So, Carson looks like she’s sucking up to Dove. Not only that, she made him a fucking pie. Can you get more stereotypically conservative American housewife than making someone a pie and then trying to talk to them about some problems you want them to fix.

Let’s talk about Lupe’s reaction to Dove. Lupe is not comfortable with Dove, but like Charm School, she sees it as something she just has to get through. If you think she likes Dove, let’s look at her initial reaction to when Dove gave her the nickname that sticks with her for the rest of the season.

Dove just says a bunch of racist stuff to her face (after indicating that she would be the keeper of his legacy, of course) and then goes on with the interview. Lupe is visibly upset by this, and looks to the other two authority figures that could stop Dove, and she gets told to keep smiling. So she nods, and continues to smile through the interview while Dove strokes his own ego. 

Lupe does not like this man. Lupe tells the reporter that she’s just excited to get some in before Dove interrupts her, and reminds them all that they’re here to talk about him. So it's made clear to Lupe that the way to get through this is with Dove. So Lupe sticks with Dove. Early on, maybe she could have been convinced to go against him some, but why would she go against him later on? When the other girls did so, they specifically left her out.

Lupe injures herself doing Dove’s stupid pitch because she’s not given any other way to make it for herself except through Dove, because her own teammates excluded her. There might have been ways to get through to her if they’d tried, but they didn’t. So now Lupe has to double down and stick with Dove’s plans entirely because its the only one. 

Now, let’s think of some of the reasons why Lupe might think she has been left out. She might realize she’s “up Dove’s ass.” Maybe she does, maybe she doesn’t. But Carson made him a fucking pie to butter him up. She’s looks like she's up Dove's ass too and she went to the secret practices. So what else could there be? She’s not the only Hispanic person in the house who’s whiteness and patriotism is actively questioned. Esti went to the practice. And she’s not the only visibly queer person. She is however, the only one that hits all of these "faults." Others might be different, but Lupe is too different. At least, she is if you're someone who would be bothered by different things.

We the audience know that this isn’t why Lupe was excluded. But why would Lupe know that? Especially when Esti eventually outs Carson as the person behind the practices. Regardless of whether or not it's actually her doing entirely, she’s the one that gets pointed to, and you know what, that would just make sense, wouldn’t it. 

Little Miss American housewife with the army husband, from a farm in the country excluding Lupe specifically. When Lupe gets injured, Carson is the one that jumps on benching her. Carson seems to be the one isolating her from the team, and is now trying to get her off it. Unlike that first night in the bar, now Lupe would be well aware that Carson is married with her husband at war. That she’s from a farm (not really but ya know). Lupe doesn’t know about Carson’s internal goings on. She doesn’t know about her getting close to Greta or any of the others that might be queer. Lupe sees her own experiences with Carson and has figured out who Carson is: a typical white conservative housewife from rural America that would turn her ass in the second she had a reason to. Genuinely, why would Lupe think anything else of her at this point? She hasn't been able to see any other side of Carson.

So jumping forward quite a bit to when Dove leaves. Lupe has up until this point been doing everything that she was “supposed” to do and gets rewarded by most of the team picking Carson over her as the coach. Lupe was the one that stuck with Dove like management wanted and Carson was the one that lead the coup against him, yet Carson gets rewarded. Wonder why? 

This entire time, tensions between them increase. When they’re playing the night game and trying to call out the cheating, Carson gives some stupid speech about what her soldier husband would want. Lupe actually knows the rules and gets something done about it. Carson is given authority because she’s the token white married woman on the team (except maybe Terri but ignore Terri we have no idea if she’s actually married). She’s the safe one. Lupe ticks too many boxes on why she isn’t acceptable despite doing everything right. 

Then, we have Greta making things a bit worse.

Here we have Greta just sticking her beautiful birdlike neck in where it shouldn't be in order to try to stick up for her girlfriend. Lupe doesn’t know they’re together or even that they're gay. She probably doesn’t even know they’re friends because of how discreet they've been trying to be. She just sees Greta confirming that she’s known all along. Carson is the poster girl. Lupe is the one that’s too much. After Greta leaves, she angrily and sarcastically asks “Why’s that?” and then beats her hat against the post when Carson leaves. The woman is at a breaking point. 

And then the fight happens.

It’s the fucking hick comment that convinced me, really. 

Lupe tells Carson that she hasn’t been able to play because of her, because yeah, from where she’s sitting it does look like Carson’s fault. Carson is the one that didn’t include her in practices. Carson is the one that got her benched. Carson is the one that took the job that she was more qualified for. And every single person has sided with Carson against her. Can we blame Lupe for finally having enough? Because even if she’s missing very important context that would explain things some, she has no way of having that context. 

And to cap things off, when she finally just has enough and the fight happens, everyone still sides with Carson against her. Carson becomes the full time coach, everyone blames her for the fight, and the only person that eventually somewhat understands what the problem is, is Jess. Even then, that’s only when Lupe explicitly points out to Jess that she’s dealing with shit Jess doesn’t have to think about.  And while Jess eventually gets that, she still has more context than Lupe because she not only was included in all of the things that Lupe wasn’t, she also knows that Carson and Greta are fucking. So she knows that Carson isn’t entirely the impression that Lupe has of her.

And now we get to the scene. 

Lupe has been through all of this. She has had to deal with this woman for the entire season. Things are finally calming down. Then one night when she’s at a gay bar, where she is explicitly safe from people like Carson, Carson fucking follows her to the bar. 

Now this is terrifying. Because while Carson could only argue and complain before, now she caught Lupe doing something no one is supposed to do, someplace none of them are supposed to be. Like, literally, Carson is now a serious danger to Lupe, a danger to Jess, a danger to Lupe’s date, and a danger to the entire bar. It initially seems to Lupe like Carson knows exactly what is going on and is disgusted by it. And if she said something, people would believe Carson. Because they always have before, and honestly, who wouldn’t believe it if Carson outed Lupe? 

See I joke about Lupe’s broken gaydar here, because it is funny. Like, literally every other queer person knew something was up with Carson, but none of them were Lupe. None of them had to deal with things that Lupe had to deal with, and none of them were excluded as much as she was. Lupe’s gaydar is broken with Carson because she never had a chance to have any other impression of Carson. And clearly it wasn’t actually broken, because she tested the waters with Carson the very first night in Rockford. It was everything that happened after that made it seem like that initial impression was very wrong.

 This revelation that Carson is not only queer, but sleeping with Greta really flips everything for Lupe. Because what she thought she understood as passive aggressive hostility was clearly just Carson being fucking stupid and clueless. And now she’s not the bigot that is gonna turn her in and ruin her life and dreams of pitching, but she’s a little baby gay who didn’t even know that places like this existed. That didn’t know the Jess and Lupe were gay, or what butch means, or that half of the league is gay. Now Lupe's laughing with Jess as they try to explain queer shit to Carson, and that is the first time she really seems comfortable around Carson. Because this is when Lupe realizes that Carson has been excluded from something this entire time that she didn't even know existed.

It's not just that she hated Carson and so assumed that she was straight, or that she learned that Carson is gay and so suddenly likes her. It’s that she didn’t have any reason to believe anything but the worst about Carson, and now she has the context that makes a lot of things suddenly make some sense. And because now, she’s clearly the authority on things that Carson really wants to learn about. Now they actually know each other’s secrets, and they’re shared secrets and it’s found in a place where they don’t have to hide it. This is the first time that Lupe and Carson are instantly on the same page about something.

After this, there’s no real tension between them. It's not so much that everything is ok and fixed. Lupe is still dealing with stuff, it's just clearly not Carson that's the issue anymore. It's not Carson who seems to be doing these things to her. Carson's now one of the few people that's approachable and who Lupe is willing to loosen up and joke with. Whereas before she might have tried to avoid Carson entirely unless absolutely necessary, now she's pulling Carson in to mess with other people and have fun with their ignorance. It's other people that won't know what's going on now.

Now that they share something, it's almost everyone else on the team (and otherwise) that’s excluded from their fun. Now, they’re both actually understanding each other and can work together for the first time.

Now it's not Lupe excluded from the rest of the team, and it's not Carson thinking that she and Greta are alone in their queerness. Now it's all of the queer Peaches having their own celebration together and not letting anyone else in on it. Because as overdone the metaphor is, now they all know they're on the same team.

So, no, I don't think Lupe's gaydar was broken, no matter how funny that joke is or how many times I make it (and will continue to make it). I just think that there was some very understandable interference preventing her from getting a good reading.

____________________________________

Other ALOTO essays:

Queerness, Contamination, and the Neurosis of Shirley Cohen

Greta Gill: Visibility and Isolation

Max in Oz

[babesonly]

fic recs 2.0!

hello kings (gn) ive got significantly more fic than last time which means this is gonna be a little more organized than the last post bc it is much longer <3 categories in order are non casefic canonverse, casefic/roadtrip fic, finale fixits, endverse, non supernatural aus, and then non destiel ones. titles will be in bold for my favs! also within each category they’re in order from shortest to longest

Canonverse

I’m a tulip in a cup by godtiering (1.2k)

I worry that I never really came back from hell. I wonder why, if I got remade by heaven, I’m still the same screwed up kid that I always was.

Sometimes I worry I’m not into women at all.

"Guess not,” he looks at his shoes.

a REALLY good fic that’s basically just a look inside dean’s head during my bloody valentine do not read this looking for a fun time but please do read it

on vessels by flightsofangels (1.9k)

“You know,” Cas mutters into Dean’s bare skin. “When I was still… an angel, I used to dream that I would take you as my vessel.”

hello consumehimnatural fans!!!!! read newt’s fic right now its incredible

dean winchester is not a nicholas sparks protagonist by microcomets (1.9k)

Dean fell in love with Cas the way you fall asleep--slowly, and then all at once. Or some other hackneyed and trite bullshit. God, this is embarrassing.

dean is in LOVE. he’s also a disaster who keeps staring at cas’ hands. sigh

Stay by aeli_kindara (2.5k)

Coda to 13.06 (Tombstone). In which Castiel reckons with the aftermath of Dean's grief.

hello fellow widow arc fans <3 click here to see cas find out abt the events of advanced thanatology !

walking on a string by swordfishtrombones (2.7k)

Between the doomed offensive at the Firmament and the impending retreat from the ravaged northeast border, Castiel left camp long enough to answer one of Dean Winchester's prayers.

S6 DEAN IS A WAR WIFE. been really into early seasons deancas lately and this one is very good. god

the flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k)

Ezekiel 39:17 "you shall eat the flesh of the mighty and drink the blood of the princes of the earth."

MY GOD. anyone who saw the @autisticandroids​ purgatory cannibalism talk and was interested read this right now. also anyone who enjoyed nbc hannibal OR raw (2016). if romantic cannibalism is remotely aligned with your interests read this right now. god

Sam Winchester, Ally At Law by alittleduck (3.3k)

Sam was pretty sure he could read every single gay friendly guide to coming out or supporting queer family members ever written and literally none of them would even imply that arguing with gay people that they were actually just homophobic constituted as "ally behavior". However, Sam was equally sure that none of those book authors had found themselves accidentally watching their brother get pounded by an Angel of the Lord at 9 am on Tuesday, so Sam was pretty sure he might actually still have the higher ground. Now, if only Jack would stop trying to bond with Dean using gay slurs long enough for Sam to convince everyone of that, he might just be able to cobble together some remnant of sanity or, failing that, dignity.

Or, the one where Sam desperately wants to invent PFLAG but Dean won't stop teaching Jack gay slurs

JACK VOICE HEY COCKSUCKERS. 

hummed low by microcomets (3.3k)

Dean pulls the Impala over at a cider barn about thirty miles out; doesn't really think about it, just sees the hokey orange lettering off the roadside and lets his hands guide the Impala off the interstate with gravel spitting under the wheels.

they get a nice day out together and dean has a gay crisis and it’s written beautifully mwah

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi (3.9k)

In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything.

sometimes i think about this fic and it hits that at this point dean and cas would have been married for more than a year. cas my beloved...

an exploration of gender; angelic by sometimeswelose (4k)

Castiel's true form is made of electromagnetic radiation. He has spent the majority of his life, if you really want to add it all up and average the whole thing out, as a wavelength of celestial intent.

The thing about being made of light: it's light in the physics sense of the word. Castiel's waves are gamma, x-ray, micro, and radio. He's visible light too, of course, a visible light so intense that it is blinding to most humans.

hello trans cas community <3 he’s literally trans he was assigned genderless and then went hm actually i will be a man! love of my life

Some Boys are Sleeping Alone by prosopopeya (4.2k)

This isn't something that's okay, not for him, but it chases him through the years until it turns into something he can't -- doesn't want to deny. 

ohhh deans tenuous relationship with his sexuality my beloved...

love. worship. consummation. consumption. by redeyedwrath (4.3k)

ConsumehimNatural (copyright marcusantonius) the Series!

These are all snapshots centered around the idea of you know. Hunger in Supernatural. Both carnal hunger and other kinds. Fics are shown in semi-chronological order but this series is generally nebulously early seasons.

for ANYONE who is a consumehimnaturual this is required reading it is INCREDIBLE and gorgeous and very visceral and i am so very obsessed with it. thank you redeyedwrath for enabling my brainrot

the reach of human sense by perilously (4.5k)

“You know what Jimmy Novak looked like. You think he was beautiful—gorgeous, hot, all of it. It’s him. Not me. This isn’t my face.”

“But,” Dean says. He doesn’t know where he’s going with it. Just that Cas’ face is right there, brows drawn together and cheekbones gleaming in the lamplight. It’s a face that’s made his heart skip probably a couple hundred beats collectively since they met.

And it used to belong to someone else.

this one is just very nice <3 cas gets uncomfortable w dean calling him attractive since dean has never seen his trueform and they work it out

Down in the River by Ias (4.7k)

Alone in Purgatory and hunted by Leviathans, Castiel finds himself praying to the one person who can't hear him.

cas i love you <3 cas alone in purgatory praying to dean bc dean is the only thing he still worships i love you so much

Creature of Habit by trinityofone (5.1k)

The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well.

written in s5 when cas was depowered and completely nails the later seasons bitchy husbands dynamic it’s very good and fun <3

sink by crackers4jenn (5.4k)

"Where to?" A 9.06 coda.

very bittersweet very well written and also canon compliant so do not go into this one looking for a happy ending but i DO recommend it it’s very good

Sensational by castiowl (6.1k)

“When I first came to earth, it was advised that we temper the senses bound to our vessels. They were a distraction, we were told. An antiquated form of experiencing existence that would hinder our ability to complete our missions, whatever that may be. My true form can better facilitate these experiences. What you would recognize as heightened senses of sight and sound, among other things.”

Or, how Dean helps Cas experience all five human senses for the first time in one night.

early seasons deancas man. i love the sound part i love dean being so worried about doing a good job with this. god. read this please

Something to Protect by Sass_Master (6.2k)

Dean’s violent reaction to being unexpectedly woken has become something of a running joke among them, but Castiel can’t help but look past it to the underlying cause. It makes him ache to think that Dean feels so unsafe, so persecuted, before he’s even fully conscious.

Secretly, Castiel has been determined to work on that, to ease Dean into awareness in a less jarring way, smooth away one of the many stresses that follow him even in sleep. Now’s as good a time as any to try.

oh to sleep more soundly in the presence of someone you love...this fic is very nice i enjoyed it a lot

all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers (7k)

“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”

Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.

“I mean it,” Dean insisted.

“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”

hello trans dean community here is 7k of trans dean having to deal with his internalized homophobia now that he’s sleeping with cas <3 it is SO good

The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k)

He takes a shower and the pressure is not especially good, but it doesn’t matter. It’s warm and he stands under the spray a long time. Human skin, he knows, constantly renews itself, shedding the dead cells of the epidermis. He wonders how long it will take until he is an entirely new person, until every cell on his surface is a new one. He looks at his hands under the water. It might take less than a month.

this might be the only post 9x03 fic on here with a happy ending actually? plenty of good melancholy leading up to it though <3 canon divergent after 9x03 though which means no 9x06 fanfiction gap but it is absolutely worth reading

till the juice runs by deathbanjo (8.4k)

Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.

hello this one is SO funny dean finally gets comfortable enough with his bisexuality to start having sex with men and it goes so very bad every time so sorry about your shitty choices beloved </3

First Date by aeli_kindara (8.9k)

“We should go on a date. You and me.”

Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.

“I’m asking you out, Cas.”

this one is very sweet i liked it a lot <3 good refreshing little fic where they just get to have a nice evening together

Entertaining Strangers by cadignan (9k)

Dean settles on to his side, lying in the bed facing Castiel. “So you had sex without me and you bit all my moves. I think I deserve to hear about it, at least. What was her name?”

op im in love with you. premise is established relationship deancas and cas mentions he did have sex before dean and not only that it was a threesome. good for him <3 this fic is cas describing the story of what led up to the threesome and what happened during it while dean interrupts regularly. incredible

the shape you take by noviembre (10k)

“What?” Dean says, fake-offended. “I’d be hot as a girl, you know I would.”

And this is when he really, really should have stopped talking. When he shouldn't have whipped back around and asked, “Cas, if I was a woman, you’d fuck me, right?”

Because if he hadn’t said that, then he wouldn’t have had to deal with this:

Cas, meeting his eyes, forehead wrinkles all smoothed out like there’s nothing to be confused about anymore. Cas with something at the corner of his mouth that might barely be called a smile.

Cas saying, calmly and without hesitation, “Yes, Dean.”

--

Dean Winchester fucks around and, with the inadvertent help of some witches, Finds Out.

dean winchester your gender is diabolical. this fic is insane and its the only thing that matters actually. dean fully convinced its normal and straight to think about being a woman so you can fuck your male friend. incredible. op im proposing to you

Sinnerman by a_good_soldier (10k)

Dean listens to Nina Simone, reads Anne Carson, and makes out with a dude (sort of).

yall want to read about dean realizing he’s in love with a man as a direct result of learning to better respect women right?

you’re fooling yourself by cowboydeanwinchester (13k)

Dean Winchester and Castiel retire from hunting to raise baby Jack. Dean struggles to allow himself the things he truly wants.

Jack is two, Castiel and Dean are idiots, and Sam's gotta solve everyone's problems.

love a married couple who doesn’t know they’re married <3 everyone say thank you sam for bullying dean 

The Girlfriend Experience by rageprufrock (15k)

While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

a classic for good fucking reason. we’ve all talked about dean thinking holding hands is too gay after having just had gay sex but my personal favorite was sam accusing dean of cheating on cas because dean bought condoms. incredible

No Kingdom To Come by domesticadventures (16k)

“We should fuck,” Dean says.

Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.

There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.

Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”

literally the only quarantine fic i’ve ever bothered to read in any fandom and completely worth it it’s SO good. they become fwb and dean has an existential crisis and he keeps bringing up meaninglessness and death during sex

Bodies by Speary (18k)

It was a secret they never acknowledged even with each other. It would change everything, end everything if either of them ever dropped the act. So they became very good at acting, at keeping up the lie that gave them what they wanted. Even if that lie involved constantly seeking out temporary, consenting female vessels, Cas would do it. He told himself it was worth it for Dean. He just hoped that he could stop wanting more, or maybe one day Dean might stop pretending that he wasn't really sleeping with Cas every time.

i don’t even have anything to add tbh if that summary did not immediately make you click we are very different this fic is incredible. god. fellas do you ever make yourself a woman so you can fuck the man you love without him having to talk about it or confront his sexuality

it’s such a mystery (the way you know me) by fleeceframe (20k)

So the man crouching in front of Castiel is named Dean. He wonders if that’s supposed to mean something to him.

“Cas must’ve got hit with something earlier. He just dropped like a sack of fucking potatoes a minute ago. By the time I was checking on him, he had already woken up again, but now he doesn’t fucking know who we are.”

“I’m right here you know,” Castiel says testily.

Sam’s eyes are wide even as his eyebrows are furrowed, and he looks between Dean and Castiel again.

“What do you remember, Cas?”

“Firstly, that I’m not Cas. I don’t know who Cas is, but it’s not me. I don’t know who either of you are, either."

or the one where castiel is hit with a memory curse that makes him forget the winchester brothers and is stunned to find out he has a family... also why can't he stop thinking about dean?

BEST amnesia fic oh my god. cas my beloved you deserve the world. everyone read this that is not a request.

More Than Ever by Sass_Master (20k)

Dean’s getting some pancakes together for breakfast when Cas saunters in after a run.

He’s trying to focus on whisking batter, unfairly distracted by Cas a few feet away, breathing heavily and shining with perspiration. Dean’s been painfully aware for a long time that Cas is pretty easy on the eyes, but he’s used to seeing Cas buttoned-up and unflappable, looking straight-laced in a stiff oxford and an unflattering trenchcoat.

Now Cas is sweating, Dean’s borrowed t-shirt clinging to his skin, flushed from exertion and Dean really can’t deal with that in his kitchen right now.

this entire series is really good i enjoyed it a lot, i’m just putting this one specifically on the list bc the rest of the series is very explicit and this is really good as a standalone for anyone who wouldn’t be into the rest of the series!!

Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous (20k)

"You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."

Who the fuck was this bitchy "warrior of God" doing talking to him like that? Fuck Cas-tee-el and his dumbass trench coat and abrasive motherfucking attitude.

Dean was done with this shit.

***

Wherein a monster of the week steals the essence of Castiel's vessel, so he must use Dean, recently raised from hell, as a vessel instead.

it is at this point i realize that there are more fics than i expected there to be on this list that involves a threesome with only two people/using the presence of a female body to act like what’s happening is heterosexual. deangirlism is a disease 

I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k)

His grace is burning out, and the wasteland it leaves inside him becomes an echo chamber for all the memories, all the fear and doubt and self-loathing he's collected over the years. Things said and done hound him on endless repeat until he's convinced they’ll break through his skin and fill the silence of the bunker.

His head is killing him, and he sits hunched over an open book, not really reading, just digging his fingers into his skull and praying nothing slips through the cracks.

this one is GORGEOUS i love it so so much. dean and cas are both struggling so much to get by and they’re trying to support each other but fucking it up and they have to grow together and learn to cope with the fact that this is where their lives are and they fall in love i need everyone to read this

To Boldly Go by 8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess (24k)

Title: Just One of Those Things Author: Impala67 Series: TOS Rating: M Summary: Four years into their five-year mission, and all the planets start to look the same.

In which Dean is not Gene Roddenberry, but he does write Star Trek fanfiction.

mx winchester writing star trek fanfiction to process his own trauma <3 this is a wip but it’s SO good and i also have not consumed a single piece of star trek media so it IS definitely readable to anyone who isn’t a star trek fan. please read this

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo (30k)

“Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”

this is on here just for the 1.5 people who were putting off this one like i did for no reason. it’s extremely good and it is just gentle. i enjoyed it a lot

Heroes for Ghosts by pantheon_of_discord (42k)

After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.

Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.

yall ever wonder what it would’ve been like if the sam and dean arrest storyline in s12 was interesting? yeah <3

Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara (52k)

In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean.

(A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)

cas learning about humanity through poetry before dean and thats what led to him developing enough emotion to be lobotomized....cas i love you so much

Emergence by ellispark (58k)

Something’s been missing from Dean’s life for the past three years, a void left after a hunt gone terribly wrong. He often feels a sense of longing with no discernible cause, a need to talk to someone who isn’t there.

A call from an acquaintance leads Dean to James Novak, a man who disappeared more than a decade ago, and suddenly Dean gets the feeling he’s found what he’s been missing. But James isn’t really James — he’s the angel Castiel, who’s wanted by angels, demons and hunters alike. And he may be at the center of the storm that wrecked Dean’s life all those years ago.

another cool amnesia fic!! for unknown reasons everyone forgot cas three years ago but cas didn’t forget anything. cas deserves so much love and support. god

a turn of the earth by microcomets (95k)

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

cas getting to meet and fall in love with pre hell dean just as much as he loves the dean he already knows oh my GOD. i love this fic so much. turn of the earth my beloved

Crossing Lines by sometimeswelose (122k)

Two Deans, one Cas - it's not as sexy as it sounds

Or

An ethics lesson from Hell

Or

The one where Dean from the past meets Dean in the present. They're not sure they like each other very much.

deans intense self hatred vs cas’ unwavering love for every version of dean oh my GOD also this is a wip fair warning but it’s so worth waiting for updates i’m having such a great time with this one i cannot wait to see how it gets ended

Plot Holes by saltyfeathers (160k)

Of course it wasn’t over after the apocalypse.

There was season six. Then there was season seven. Against all expectations, there was season eight. There were the alphas and purgatory, and then the Leviathans, and then the angels fell. Enter season nine. Loose threads Metatron, Abaddon, and Crowley have to be tied up. Sam, Dean, and Cas have to try to tie them while at the same time dealing with their evolving relationships and newfound graceless states.

Amidst all the chaos, someone has started publishing the Supernatural novels again. Convinced there’s something amiss in the pages, Charlie starts her own quest to suss out the truth behind the Winchester Gospels.

With the help of various faces, old and new, they must now not only deal with the typical runs of demons and recently fallen angels, but also reconcile the battles raging inside themselves, as the fate of the world, once again, quite literally lays in the palm of their hands.

saltyfeathers said i WILL make the plot holes in this show mean something because the showrunners are sure as shit never gonna adress them ! and i thank them for it bc this was a really cool read

Casefic/Roadtrip Fic

Deprived Of Every Planet by KelpietheThundergod (9k)

Dean's breathing is audible in the scant space between them, irregular. The motel room is dark, pale blue shadows falling in through the gaps in the blinds. Throwing a pattern of uneven white stripes over the bunched up covers. Over Dean's fingers twisted in the sheets. One half of him in shadow, softened by the dark. The heat of his skin. The tremble of him under Castiel's touch.

He caresses a hand over Dean's chest, slowly. Dean's mouth falls open, his body arching into Castiel's touch. Castiel stops over Dean's heart. Through the fever of his desire, he rejoices about the wonder of experiencing another's heartbeat through one's own senses.

Dean gasps, but then he turns his face away and towards the dark. Eyes closed tight and brows furrowed like something is hurting him.

Castiel stills.

“Dean?”

the case is background on this one but it Does take place over the course of a case so im putting it here. god touchstarved dean trying so hard to work through his shit for cas head in my hands i love this fic so much

before and after breakfast by spocklee (10k)

The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.

chapter 2 of this one.....god. dean and cas you are both so unwell <3 i love everything abt this fic everyone read it now

we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon (15k)

Dean’s always known things were headed this way. He just figured getting dragged under would be cleaner and easier than jumping in feet-first.

fics that make you go Oh they love each other...also there’s lesbians in it literally what else could you want.

thunder road by dothraki_shieldmaiden (20k)

After Chuck is defeated and the Winchesters settle into life without God, Dean Winchester is bored.

OR: Dean and Cas take a road trip and figure out some stuff along the way.

this fic is just like. it’s kind! this fic is kind it’s just a pleasant experience and i enjoyed it thoroughly. they’re in love and it’s good

Suck It, Judy Garland by GlitterDwarf, midrashic (20k)

It had to be St. Louis. Or, the one where Sam and Cas get fake married for a case, and Dean loses his mind.

actually im gonna defend dean here imagine youre dean and cas gives what definitely sounded like a deathbed love confession while making eye contact with you and then immediately afterwards fake dates your brother. who among us would not have been a bitch about this

best friends without benefits by lizbobjones (20k)

It’s nearing three a.m. and they’ve been on the road a long time. Sam’s been asleep in the back seat since eleven. Giving up and handing the wheel over to Cas and letting the guy who doesn’t sleep drive had seemed like a good idea.

the premise of this fic is so funny. cas voice dean you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid. everyone read this

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo (22k)

This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore.

alt version of getting rid of the mark of cain, the darkness never happens. this one is VERY heavy but it’s so good and it has a hopeful ending. ive read this one twice and loved it both times

Someone Who’s Feeling For Me by ellispark (45k)

Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.

Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.

Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.

hello op please contact me. please contact me and let me see the inside of your brain. this fic was an unparalleled experience and everyone should also go through it. i love it so very much

Bumper Cars by mansikka (111k)

Two teenagers are missing from an abandoned carnival, and there’s enough to raise suspicion that their disappearance involves a ghost. Dean, Sam, and Cas arrive in town to investigate, though what they find leads them away from those teenagers, and on the trail of a ghost story that churns up things from their past.

Can newly-human Cas, and Dean, with the help of shipper!Sam, work out the mystery behind the abandoned carnival and its ghost, and along the way, figure out the riddle that is them?

one of my absolute fav case fics it forces dean to confront some aspects of johns parenting and work through some shit and also him and cas fall in love and it’s really well done. love this one a lot <3

Finale Fix-its/Finale Denial

Sorry Jimmy by K_K_TiBal (2.1k)

Based on the tumblr textpost:

jellydeans: so are cas and jimmy novak just up in heaven existing at the same time katebushstandean: #jimmy moves to heaven timbuku so that dean stops trying to make out with him every time they run into each other at the heaven grocery store

this one is just extremely funny. local midwestern heterosexual man is forced to play relationship counselor to the dumbest gay people in existence because one of them wore his face

Dean Winchester Really Needs To Make Some Gay Friends by AreYouReady (2.2k)

“Like, I’m trying to think if I’ve had, I don’t know, crushes. If I ever had a gay thing before you came along and just didn’t notice,” Dean said.

Cas suddenly looked down, and away from Dean. If Dean didn’t know better, he would swear Cas looked guilty.

“What is it, Cas?”

“You have had several… gay things before.” Cas still wouldn’t look at him.

“What? When? How come you know this better than I do?”

There was no way the answer to this question wasn’t funny as hell.

dean learning about gay ppl via the memories of dean smith...incredible.

tiny difference (between ending and starting to begin) by sunforgrace (2.4k)

Sometimes Dean catches Cas staring at the sky.

It doesn’t happen often. Not when Dean’s around to tell, anyway. But often enough that he starts to notice.

Eventually Dean starts to recognize the pattern.

Cas just doesn’t watch the sky. He watches the birds.

Chuck is gone, Cas is human, and the world is safe. In the quiet aftermath Dean and Castiel find each other again.

i really don’t have much to say abt this one it is just very good and they love each other so much

Bring Home by cenotaphy (3.8k)

Dean's phone doesn't ring on the drive back to the Bunker, but that's okay. Because—well, maybe Cas lost his cell, what with getting shuffled back and forth between a cosmic void dimension and all. And anyway, Dean doesn't want this conversation to happen over the phone, he wants to—he wants to talk to Cas face-to-face. They should talk face-to-face.

Dean will tell him—

Dean doesn't know what he'll tell Cas. Dean is, in fact, terrified by how utterly and completely he does not know what he'll say to Cas.

cas being forced to face the consequences of sending the risky text that was despair <3

dean’s coworkers vs the heteronormative agenda by cowboydeanwinchester (4.1k)

Dean started working at a local auto repair shop in Lebanon, Kansas about a year ago. His coworkers don't know much about him. Except that he has a wife. Or maybe he doesn't. But he has a kid. Who is either a toddler or a high schooler. Who is either named Jack or Sammy. He also might have a best friend named Cas, but that also might be his wife.

Truth is nobody knows what to make of Dean.

obsessed w people not knowing a single fucking thing about dean because he talks so much and never explains anything. this fic is SO funny

Enhanced Extraction Techniques by goldenraeofsun (5.8k)

The Empty takes Meg’s shape, Samandriel’s, Duma’s, every one of the thousands of angels Cas killed up in heaven. But in the middle of lecturing Cas in the form of Balthazar, it explodes in a burst of light and sound.

Dean Winchester stands in the aftermath.

the empty playing mind games on an awake cas bc it can’t put him to sleep is a thing i like a lot and this is very very good 

Speak Silence No More by rea_sunshine (8.1k)

When Dean imagined this moment, it went like this:

Dean bursts into the Empty—guns blazing, chin high, righteous anger coursing through him. No matter what form his plans and fantasies and whiskey-drunk-whispered-promises took, he is always, always successful. When he imagined it, he was finally the hero Cas deserved.

The reality of the moment is this:

It’s fucking cold.

dean and cas STILL managing to not communicate with each other properly after the confession is so funny to me and this fic does it really well. also i like that a human being in the empty, where humans do NOT belong, had some like. consequences

my heart is a compass by lagaudiere (10k)

“There you are,” the Empty says, in Dean’s voice. It’s cold, like Dean’s eyes are cold, his expression set in contempt. It’s the expression Cas feared, he realizes, all the times he thought about saying it. Revulsion. It makes him feel sick in the way that goes beyond physical, here where there is nothing physical left.

The moment before it happened had been so sweet it covered up all the hurt. For years, Cas had been holding back those words, biting down on his tongue to keep from saying them. And now he had said it, and he knew that it was good, knew that it was worth it. But on the other side there is only this.

--

In the Empty, Cas dreams of his regrets, until someone comes looking for him.

one of thee best dean rescues cas from the empty fics out there i love the way his memories are written i love how many of them were ones that this fic came up with to give me new things to have brainworms over instead of just making me more fixated on He Watched Him Rake Leaves than i already am

killing time by orestespdf (11k)

It's been four years since Dean saved Cas from the Empty and confessed his feelings in return, and in their Vermont lakehouse, the retired couple is now learning how to heal. One morning, Dean gives Cas a haircut.

(A character study of Castiel.)

perfect fic perfect fic no notes no complaints they love each other so much and now dean is giving cas a haircut and they’re spending the day together. god.

and every time we kiss, i swear i can fly by knameless (14k)

Every time, Dean tells himself it’s the last.

--

aka, twelve times dean and cas kiss.

a just boy best friends kiss for every season <3 mwah

for which no words exist by MediaWhore (14k)

'a prayer for which no words exist' // richard siken

"Dear Cas who art in my bathtub, give me the strength to be honest about how I feel. For your sake and for mine. Forgive me all the times I wasn’t in the past, all the words I should have said but didn’t. And please stay. Please stay with me when all is said and done. Amen. "

Dean rescues a newly human Cas from the Empty. That's the easy step.

mediawhore i am in LOVE with you oh my god this fic. this fic. dean taking care of cas after rescuing him dean wrapping cas in a blanket oh my GOD

swimming with the fish pond fish by februyuri (17k)

Some time between Dean bleeding out on a makeshift hook in a barn in Ohio and Sam making marshmallows on his funeral pyre, Dean was brought back to life. By Castiel. Again. Dean agreed to it if only to give Jack time to work out the glitches up top. So, now Dean’s back in the land of the living and things are ... actually good, for once.

Or, as good as they can be when demons are attacking Earth, Dean’s failing to get over why he died in the first place, and Cas is suddenly, inexplicably taking every opportunity to casually tell Dean that he loves him.

this is a wip! but it is so good and so worth the read i love it a lot and am very excited for the last chapter. it IS pretty heavy though dean has a LOT to work through

looking like a true survivor (feeling like a little kid) by courfeyrac (20k)

"Jack’s a clever kid—has been ever since he was born, maybe even before that—but Dean’s pretty sure he hasn’t figured out where they’re going yet. And Dean’s… Dean’s excited about it. He remembers planning surprises for Sammy when they were little—saving up quarters and sneaking off to the arcade the year he turned seven, or slipping a book Dean had seen Sammy admiring into his jacket before sprinting out of the store the year he turned twelve. There was only so much Dean could give him back then, hindered by lack of finances and transportation and a father who paid attention. Now, though, Dean’s got a wallet full of cash, a tank full of gas, and the freedom to give his kid the kind of birthday he deserves."

Or, it's Jack's fourth birthday, and the kid wants to go to Build-A-Bear.

EVERYONE READ THIS RIGHT NOW. that is not a request this fic undid me. oh my god. oh my god. they’re a family and they’re going to build a bear and they love each other. oh my god. also no it isn’t a baby jack fic he is 4 and he is also alcal

what’s missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles (27k)

It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.

~~~

"But have you ever just met someone and maybe it wasn't from the first moment, maybe it was after all these other moments that meant more than you ever expected them to, and it seems like your soul just—just—" Kaia makes a helpless gesture with her hands, pushing out, and she breathes out loudly. "Like it can finally exhale. And that person isn't guaranteed to make you happy, but they're—they're important. You just know it, you can't even escape it, you can't let them go. Ever met someone like that, Dean?"

"I—" Dean halts, his mouth hanging open. He's looking at Kaia, who's looking at him, and his heart is fluttering in his throat like a caged bird aching to soar again. His mind threatens to spiral out of control, but he focuses, swallowing hard. "Yeah. Um. I—yeah, I have."

deancas AND dreamhunter we love to see it also dean DOES smoke weed with kaia and apologizes for pulling a gun on her what more could you want in a fic

Command Me To Be Well by prospopeya (28k)

Dean did a lot of thinking about when and how he would get Cas back. Months of it, actually, stretching into a year, because while Sam and Eileen were settling into their new lives, Dean was stuck. He was stuck in a faraway corner of the bunker, dark and empty and hollow, ringing with the sound of a vibrating phone.

So when he falls to his knees in that same room, exhausted, hurting, breathless, and he feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Cas, he realizes that he doesn't have a single clue about what to do now. Getting Cas out had been easy--actually, it'd been the opposite of that--but the planning of it, the methodical desperation of one attempt after the other had been a familiar rhythm. It'd been soothing almost, solid, something to focus on that wasn't Cas's eyes, watery and jubilant in a way Dean hadn't ever seen that up close on anyone, let alone Cas.

And now Cas is pulling him to his feet, and Dean's stumbling, and he instinctually grabs Cas's arm, and his hand lights up with a fire that he isn't prepared for.

"Hello, Dean."

oh post despair lack of communication....oh dean refusing to work through his feelings...this fic is incredible i love it everyone who enjoys dean doing everything in his power to avoid talking about feelings up to and including having sex with the guy who’s in love with him multiple times should read this

break the skin (to break the barriers) by sobsicles (29k)

The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment.

SOBSICLES TATTOO FIC MY BELOVED. dean grieving and getting tattoos and it turns into tattoo therapy. im SO in love with mitzi it’s insane. requires some suspension of disbelief for how long a tattoo takes but it’s an incredible fic and an unparalleled experience. sobsicles does not miss

ascend by quiettewandering (53k)

Something in the world is wrong.

Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.

But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.

Or can it?

SUPER cool concept i liked this a lot i’m pretty sure everyone’s read it already but just in case someone hasn’t you absolutely should

oh sooner or later it all comes down to faith by sobsicles (62k)

Getting used to Heaven is something of a marvel. It ain't perfect, and Dean thinks he'd hate it if it was, which is probably why it isn't.

~~~

"You don't understand," Dean whispers, exhaling shakily. "I know you don't, because even I don't. The instant you were gone, I wanted you back. Cas, I wanted you back. I wanted—I wanted—"

Cas stares at him, searching his face. After a moment, his own face falls slack, eyes widening just so. "Oh," he breathes out.

Dean wants to be furious that Cas has figured it out before he has—whatever it is—but he's not even that surprised. Cas knows him too well, always has, even more than Dean knows himself. He's been kicking Dean in the goddamn teeth with how deeply he understands him, even about the things Dean doesn't, ever since they first met. You don't think you deserve to be saved, that's what Cas had said. All bundled up in impossibilities and power, this being that looked at Dean Winchester and knew every single inch of him, as if he had a right to each part.

"What?" Dean grits out.

"I love you, too."

the ONLY heaven fic. i do not read heaven fics bc i refuse to budge in my finale denialism i refuse to read fic where it is accepted that dean dies. i was hesitant to read this but god im glad i did it was so good. literally the best possible outcome of dean dying

Endverse

final fantasy. by orange_crushed (1.9k)

“If I’d actually been born human, would I have gotten sick like everyone else? Would I be running around gnawing on the neighbors?” Castiel tilts his head up and even from here Dean can see the black ring of his pupils, wide and dark as dead stars. He’s high as fuck and he’s been loading the guns for forty-five minutes. He stares into the space where Dean is. He smiles and shows his teeth. “Maybe you’d have already put a bullet in my head.”

"This is why you don’t lead storytime anymore," Dean says. "This kind of shit."

endverse last night on earth fics are something that can be so personal actually. god

The Last Song by Moorishflower (3.5k)

The very last song is the Song of Solomon, and Castiel sings it only for Dean. Set in "The End."

this is like. pre endverse and the tone is so like. wistful? is the best word ive got? it’s gorgeous i love it but fair warning there is graphic description of like. viscera and infected wounds

to think that we could stay the same by cipherwriter (6.5k)

cas has all he needs; himself, his creation, and enough power to continue this cycle for a long time. he's fine. dean wants to take care of him anyway.

oh my GOD this one is good it’s based off the thing of how originally endverse cas was supposed to be just sitting in a room killing and resurrecting the same cockroach over and over. very bittersweet at some points i love it a lot, do not read it if youre looking for something happy though lmao

the first church at the end of the world by withbloodstainedclothingon (11k)

The angels don’t eat the brain. Only Croats do that.

this one is fucked but it’s incredible it contains very heavy and violent subject matter and cas is an Actual cult leader he doesn’t just have orgies it is SO well done and i had a great time reading it i recommend it very highly if the warnings sound like something you can stomach

Down to Agincourt by seperis (1.1 million. i know. yes it’s a wip)

There is no such thing as a guarantee when it comes to war.

The outcome's known. Why try? Return your rusty sword to battered sheath, bow your head and bend your stubborn knee. Why take the field when you cannot win the war? But Harry -- he went down to Agincourt.

PLEASE. i know the length is intimidating i KNOW it’s a very long fic but please. please read down to agincourt i am begging you. head in my HANDS this series is incredible.

Non Supernatural AUS

Long-Term Relationship by bendingsignpost (2.7k)

Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”

Reflexively, Dean laughs.

Castiel does not.

“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”

look man it’s bendingsignpost okay. it’s bendingsignpost it’s good and it’s sweet and you should read it

One White Lie by komodobits (11k)

Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.

He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”

do you ever pretend to be a jehovahs witness for months to hang out with the guy you like because you fucked up asking him out? yeah.

separate ways and sleeping dogs by sobsicles (53k)

Dean is three years sober when Cas comes back into town.

~~~

For a moment, they just stare at each other. Dean, once again, has to swallow the urge to offer to swallow something else. It's very hard to resist the gut-wrenching pull of want that hooks in his chest whenever he looks at Cas. And to think, he used to have him, used to be able to act on that want.

God, he's so fucking stupid.

Well, there's no point in kicking himself three years later for shit he can't change. He'll just sit right here and pretend that his fingers aren't twitching with the urge to reach out and touch. He can't do that anymore, and it's his own damn fault.

"Three years ago," Cas prompts.

Dean huffs a weak laugh. "Yeah. Eventful."

this fic hit me SO hard emotionally oh my god. don’t have much to say bc most of my thoughts on this fic are very personal but my god read this please

Everyone’s a Critic by Englandwouldfall (109k)

The one where uninspired chef Dean Winchester has a one night stand with the male (!) food critic who described the flavour of his garlic bread as 'closeted' and accidentally ends up dating him to try and prove that he's a kick ass chef, thank you very much.

(He may have a point about the 'closeted' thing).

this one is SO fun. dating the food critic who called your garlic bread closeted and lying about your career because you’re embarrassed and you want to redeem your food in his eyes but then you fall in love with him

Non Destiel Centric

gender? you mean that thing i have that pisses people off? by bigender dean winchester (homosexualitie) (946 words)

sam and dean paint each other's nails and dean abuses the technicalities of her gender. what more could you want? 

HELLO HE/SHE DEAN COMMUNITY oh my god the pure rush of euphoria reading this. oh my god. oh my god. 

the quiet road to a distant city by rottingbrains (1.2k)

Sam stares out the windshield again. They’re approaching a city, and she can see the lights in the distance. She’s past the danger zone, and she feels like the world around her reflects that in some way she can’t put into words- as if God is telling her that it’s okay. She did the right thing, and soon she will be past the lonely unknown and into the warm, forgiving light of acceptance. Or something. Come to think of it, the lights only look warm from far away, and she knows that the actual city will seem far less welcoming. Still. Best not to imagine the worst when it’s already going well.

required reading for transfem lesbian sam fans. fics that live in your ribcage to make your heart feel good

Four People Ruby Seduced & One She Actually Fell For (Or: Ruby's Epic Love Affair with Humanity in General and Sam in Specific) by tuesday (3.7k)

In which Ruby has a lot of sex, is not any kind of therapist that would be legal, and helps a few people out for her own reasons. (S4/S5 AU)

for everyone out there who enjoys ruby being a girlboss <3

Fractured Link by Trell (orphan_account) (5.5k)

Meg goes on, resolute despite the way Dean flinches, "He likes me. He likes me a lot, and I like him back, and that's probably good enough for both of us. But fuck me for saying so, Dean-o, he loves you, probably more than anything else on his daddy's green Earth, and you need to man up and give back what Clarence over there has been devoting to you for years."

this is meg/dean/cas which is not smth i really seek out but this was extremely good. set in s7 so it’s meg and dean and honey cas and it’s a lot of dean figuring his shit out and trying to forgive cas and i love meg a lot in this

[thissugarcane]

qaf rewatch notes, 1x15

...apparently i'm just making notes for the bdsm au I AM NOT GOING TO WRITE instead of the other canon divergent AU I HAVE TO FINISH WRITING.

anyway, 1x15 is "the ties that bind" and... is this the one where Lindsay says she's marrying the french gay? [nope, it's jack kinney and the leather ball.] I think it is. if only they'd let her..... there's ANOTHER AU I'd like to read: where lindsay goes through with the marriage (but brian keeps his parental rights and makes sure Mel gets visitation). etc.

we open with Justin in the shower, oh hotass. now I know what this one is about, it's the one where Brian finds out about his dad's cancer. oh yeah, and the leather ball!

also, wait, Lindsay is asking Brian to watch the baby. Didn't he just give her two fucking grand to pay for childcare? It's obviously a weekday since Justin is getting dressed in his uniform. fuck, nevermind, let's talk about how Brian clearly asked Justin to come over on a school night then Justin crashed. :D

Oh yeah, Dr. Dave's kid is coming by. whatever! the kid is smarter than dave and mikey, maybe I'll watch those scenes.

okay so let's talk about an AU where brian takes Justin to the leather ball and presents him with an offer of maybe, a real evening/weekend of D/s. right? or plans to, except Lindsay comes by and ruins his whole grand gesture.

also, to note: Ted's able to talk and flirt, ish, with the really hot Alpha Dale Wexler; he just does it by being self-deprecating. Oh Ted.

In the diner: Justin's smile drops when Michael's mean, even though nobody notices. also, when Justin calls someone's fetish "gross" deb immediately corrects him to "kinky". lol. also in the same conversation Brian definitely admits to fucking a guy "for a while" that liked to wear diapers. more interesting to note than him being ok with infantile play is him admitting to having a semi-steady fuck, hey?

Jack shows up and clearly he's never been there -- which probably suggests that Brian hasn't been living there aall that long, but also that Brian always goes to J. not a surprise, but.

"nonfat sugar free organic mueslix", yeah, this kid is DEFINITELY from portland.

Justin is making waffles and hand-juiced sauce for them in Deb's kitchen. something brian is gonna have to bend on in order for them to be happy together is be grateful and start to enjoy Justin's need to cook and feed people.

okay so deb is great when she thinks brian's positive, but let's note: deb doesn't hesitate to hand the baby to Justin! also justin looks so excited to look after gus!

I will die on the hill of Justin's problem / issue with Brian is less about monogamy and more about family. he wants to build and share a life and a home with the man he loves, and if he got the surety and security of that, I don't think occasional tricking in specific times and places would threaten it. there was a fic where in s5 -- maybe it's a canon scene? -- where Justin's all "if we had what those guys had, that'd be good. But we don't. They're a couple. We aren't." about the guys they have the foursome with. Like, non-monogamous or not, those guys were obviously a strong couple.

anyway, I think it was a fic. but it was good. Justin Taylor loves to cook for people he cares about, Brian is just going to have to accept that as part of their life together.

randomly, ted calling the leather ball weird is hilarious, it's not even too risque. otoh Brian coming onto Emmett with "hello big bottom, how'd you like to polish my boot with your tongue" is flat-out great. brian always appreciates emmett's efforts to be fabulous.

I forgot about the st andrew's cross scene! and Brian being like, aesthetically impressed rather than like, hot and into it.

ugh, now i'm even like "okay, so if Brian's looking for a real Dom to ask questions of in terms of getting back into the scene he could talk to Dale..." no, self! no more AUs.

interesting how uninterested brian actually is in the real leather play. he's there to watch and he's there to fuck, but he doesn't actually get much into the play itself. I mean yeah he shoves off the guy offering to take him on because of his dad's news, but even before that he's entertained, not into it. not willing to show his hand in public? or not into it?

I wonder why they never brought up Ted's foray into bdsm again? you think blake ties him up? that'd be interesting, blake venturing into domination.

So Mel has a good point about Brian putting his own needs above Gus's. But Brian also has a pretty good point about he only went out for a couple of hours and left him with Justin, who's one of the most important people to Brian.

Also David just dumps his kid on Michael as if that's okay. he really does want a wife with a dick.

the entire coversation at the diner after the leather ball where Brian tells Justin he'll tie his balls together if Justin spills to Deb: they're so cute together.

randomly: hank just said "fuck yeah!" lol this kid IS smarter and cooler than dave and mikey.

the whole conversation between jack and brian: what I don't have the capacity to write, but I always find super awesome when people pull it off, is the whole... like, Brian's remembering good stuff about his childhood and his dad along with the abuse and the bad. deb says "I know you think your dad never loved you" and he doesn't hesitate to call his dad "you selfish old prick". but he also smiles when jack mentions the bowling league. Brian doesn't just hate his dad, which is actually harder to write.

Lindsay reaming Brian out for taking care of Gus.... okay. mostly fair, Lindsay. Also while Lindsay pretends to be nice to Jack Brian's in the background with his hand on his temple-- it's hilarious, like "why is this my life". I wonder if Brian would have admitted to Jack he was a grandfather if he wasn't dying? If he didn't know there was limited damage Jack could do.

Also, I always forget that most of S1 doesn't hinge around the relationship between Brian andJustin-- like, Justin's often a minor part of it.

[utilitymonstergirl]

Some months back I was pondering a Three Worlds Collide-esque story (IE, a Three Worlds Collide ripoff, in the non-derogatory sense of ripoff hopefully) wherein the invention of crosstime communication brings our near future into contact with two alternate history timelines that invent it at the same moment. The focus is then on the different gender and sex politics between the three timelines, and how they came about, having diverged in the early twentieth century.

Our own timeline (or at least the timeline closest to our own) is identified by the other two as the "gay timeline", or "homosexual timeline", that being the most distinctive social feature they see. The working narrative of the other two timelines is that our distinctive historical feature was the HIV epidemic, which led to a widespread feeling of sympathy for gay people that enabled our version of the gay rights movement. Timeline 2 has a more patronizing view of gays as a pitiable stigmatized-in-the-mainstream-but-someday-maybe-who-knows fringe group, and Timeline 3 is an outright regressive fascist dystopia where the topic is forbidden.

Timeline 2 is the "cross timeline", although the prefixes "cross" and "trans" are practically flipped there, with "crossgender" being their acceptable term. It isn't just a timeline where cross people were mainstream before gay people, though; it's a timeline where cross people became mainstream a long time before gay people did in our timeline, and have had lots of time to settle into the mainstream. Cross people rose to prominence in the early days of film through drag culture, and this social change is seen as inextricably linked with the medium; assorted reactionary movements failed to suppress it. Their equivalent of Marilyn Monroe would have been a cross woman. Their version of the sexual revolution centered on cross people, and was essentially the final word on the issue (although there was another political battle over cross people in the early '00s, which the cross faction again won; this one was to establish something like a limited "right to be forgotten", albeit only applying to cross people's pre-crossing lives). On other gender and sexual issues the timeline is actually relatively regressive in our eyes; gender roles have considerably more cultural weight than they do here, more like what we'd associate with the '50s or less hyperbolically the '80s. Homosexuals, nonbinary people, GNC people, and even detransitioners (or "double-crossers") are all varying shades of outcast, seen as undermining the existence of cross people by feeding into the narrative that gender crossing would leave the public confused. With time people have grown more tolerant, but not by much. Notably, feminism is a purely historical movement in Timeline 2, with no meaningful extant support, as the movement schismed over cross issues and neither half of this schism was successful in inheriting public perception of the term; gender equality is seen as a solved problem, although of course it isn't.

Timeline 3 is the "feminist timeline", the "fascist timeline", or the "feminazi timeline" (and believe me, I was facepalming when I realized I'd stumbled into that dead meme term descriptively applying); in many ways it's the bad timeline. It's basically a timeline where early-twentieth-century fascism won and is still the ruling ideology of the hegemonic global power, but it held onto its ties to early-twentieth-century progressivism and feminism, the three of them being basically synonymous in this context. The dominant force in their gender discourse is feminism, but it's not really a feminism any of our world's feminists would recognize; it's an extrapolation of the first wave - the "lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine", Order Of The White Feather wave - in an extremely right-wing direction. Where there are female politicians in this timeline, they're Thatcheresque, but they aren't necessarily the norm (not that they're forbidden either - scripture has been twisted to bury or downplay any such prohibitions on female leadership and spin a narrative of feminism as trad/Western); this is more a timeline of "women behind the men", where men are seen as natural leaders outside the home and women are seen as natural leaders inside it -it's just that the latter is seen as much more important than the former, not to mention much more morally pure. This is essentially a timeline where feminism is the hegemonic ideology of gender relations and identity politics, but feminism is explicitly and inextricably identified with a form of chivalry, and where Klansmen defending their women's honor are explicitly glorified as heroes of feminism. This is a timeline where feminism is idealized women on propaganda posters looking accusingly at the assumed male audience, asking him if he's done his best to be worthy. Although this is inarguably the timeline of the three where restrictive tradcon gender roles are most harshly enforced, this is a timeline where misogyny, sexual deviance, and dissent are all equated with one another and enthusiastically suppressed; the revolutionary man is assumed to be dissatisfied with society because his masculinity is weak such that he fears and hates women, the promiscuous (or "fallen") woman is assumed to be a slut because she was weak enough of spirit to betray her fellow woman, and likewise the real genuinely vile testosterone-poisoned misogynists have an easy time rising to leadership roles in resistance groups because this is what is expected from rebels anyway. Forget any kind of LGBT people; this is a timeline where it's unthinkable that we're living in a twenty first century that hasn't sought to eugenically stamp out the disabled or implemented a racial caste system. Woman-initiated divorce is heavily promoted, but as a force for eugenics and putting social pressure on men, not particularly for "women's lib".

Timeline 1's signature technology is computing; the other two timelines are extremely impressed that we're on the cusp of AGI, which is much more in the realm of science fiction in Timeline 2 and has hardly even been conceived of in Timeline 3. (Think Timeline 2 has computers at least twenty years behind ours, and Timeline 3 has computers at least forty years behind ours.) This is attributed to the particulars of our version of World War II, and Alan Turing's involvement surely doesn't go unnoticed.

Timeline 2's signature technology is medicine, and this is clearly attributed to their research into gender crossing, but has had other much further-reaching implications; for example, this timeline has essentially solved aging and natural death (on the technological level, although these services are expensive enough to often be class markers). AGI in this timeline is actually seen as somewhat likelier to come out of attempts to improve the human brain than it is to come out of inorganic computers, although both possibilities are a ways off.

Timeline 3's signature technology is space travel, and on a superficial aesthetic level, this renders them the most futuristic of the three; they've made significant progress in colonizing the solar system. However, this is very much a "zeerust" future with a weird mish-mash of the futuristic and very basic missing technologies, a timeline where interplanetary travel in city-sized ships is common but dangerous in the vein of sea travel hundreds of years ago, a timeline where supersonic flight is at least as common as airline flight is for us but primitive color television is a significant status symbol coded as new and advanced, a timeline where the elite consult computers the size of skyscrapers but those computers are barely even able to play Doom. (Not that the concept of a video game would have ever been able to get traction in such a puritanical and censorious timeline, where propaganda is explicitly upheld as a central universal value of art and anyone interested in an art career had better get used to spending much of their time interacting with an official state standards committee; art and academia are stereotypically rebellious areas of life and so the state exerts considerable effort cracking down on them and ensuring compliance with a heavy hand.)

I don’t really have anything to add to this but Jesus Christ do I salute your determination

[july-19th-club]

What happened in the magicians?? Please say your doom, doomsayer, I want to know what to be afraid of

o stranger, it is your humble doomsayer's greatest wish not to disturb your sweet ignorance to the fiasco that was the magicians, since you have got thus far without it, and especially because it really bears no relevance on any other show except in my addled and unrested mind...but you asked and i have seen all of the magicians and know all the discourse, so i will tell you and you'll also know why my yardstick for anticipation is so god-awfully long

the magicians as you may know was a contemporary fantasy series on SyFy based on the books 'the magicians' by lev grossman (which are quite good in some ways and a little iffy in others but not the point of this post bc the show diverged from the canon plot fairly early), intended to be a sexy, sort of millennial deconstruction of the narnia concept. it ran from like 2016 through 2019ish and it was pretty good actually until it wasn't

what gave it that extra special sauce was that it had a good-sized following consisting of 'gay people who read the books' and it put a serious amount of effort into teasing a relationship that had been more subtextual in the books between two of the main characters - quentin (the little nerd maincharacter guy) and eliot (the troubled-misanthrope bisexual guy). in the third season an episode was devoted to following them as they build a little life together in a cottage somewhere, which they then of course have to leave in order to do the plot. point is, it was teased so heavily that it stopped being 'idle audience speculation' and started being 'plots reviewers are aware of and keep in mind when discussing the magicians.' many people fully expected that this stuff would get explored further in the fourth season, and it was, a bit, and then quentin, the main character of the goddamn show, is summarily killed in that season's final episode and....that was it.

audience reaction to this was pretty poor for many reasons (he doesn't die in the books, he's the main character, he has a long arc early in the series about overcoming suicidal impulses and then dies in a way that is explicitly linked to suicide) but especially because this character had been built up as part of the next big game-changing queer pairing. the showrunners justified killing the character early in the fallout by saying that (iirc) not even white men were safe on their show! which, if they'd bothered to give their black and brown characters better writing might have come off a little less performative and stupid-sounding. for a lot of people, the writing that had been on the wall re: a decline in general quality for the show and wrt some of its less successful features (aforementioned thin writing for characters of color, an overall overstuffing in the plot so nothing ever got fully wrapped up, only more complicated) meant that its viewership for the fifth and last season was abysmal. they'd yanked their main character without ceremony for shock value and now nobody wanted to watch it!

this show was also, for what it's worth, a sera gamble joint (she was the showrunner of supernatural for seasons 6 and 7 and she's currently the head of the show 'you,’ which seems like her ideal project and good luck to her but i won’t be seeing it). and for my money, one of the things that got people most up in arms about the magicians was that there was a lot of press about how much better it was doing than other shows in its niche. the uproar over stuff that happens on spn mostly stays in the 'spn people' corner; this wasn't supposed to be a little CW show where you went in halfway expecting some sort of clexa thing to happen sooner or later. there were thinkpieces written about it. there were queer people in the cast who spent months eagerly giving interviews about how groundbreaking and exciting it was to be involved in it. we soon learned that aside from the guy that got killed off, nobody else in the cast was told he wasn’t coming back until like, three days before the episode aired. audiences took this to mean they probably would not have talked the season up so enthusiastically if they'd know more about it. so the magicians petered out in infamy and now lives in the sad halls of 'shows that didn't do it', sharing drinks with 'the 100' and other sad, neglected stories of production mishandling.

now, that’s a very long and involved post about something that i don't actually expect to see happen exactly this way again (knock on wood). and you shouldn’t allow it to color your opinions of other projects the way it’s colored mine; it’s just that it was such a ridiculously shitty situation that it still sticks in my craw enough to write about it for forty-five minutes at 7am on a work morning. it was a perfect storm of incompetence, poor engagement, bad writing, and deliberate misdirection of both the audience and their own creative team. but it has become the smoking, still-uninhabitable volcano that my doom prophet points to whenever someone admires a nearby mountain, lush and green in the spring. you know, mountains can blow up at any time! i screech, and i wave my sign around.

[finelythreadedsky]

wait ! if you have the time could you explain where 'Achille and Patrocles as lovers' comes from then please ? I am very ignorant on the subject and assumed it was in the Illiad (which... I never finished reading sorry)

you have my sympathy there, the iliad is not particularly reader-friendly, even compared to other ancient literature. so the iliad does not explicitly depict achilles and patroclus as lovers, but it is very clear that the bond between the two of them is incredibly powerful, such that achilles essentially has nothing left to live for after patroclus is killed. but just within the iliad, that relationship is one of two friends and close comrades (and possibly cousins? not sure whether the iliad specifies patroclus’s genealogy) and does not explicitly have a sexual/romantic element to it. and the iliad (an oral tradition fixed at some time around the 8th century bce) is the earliest source we have that discusses achilles and patroclus.

however, from really early on in antiquity, people clearly understood the two of them as lovers. madeline miller definitely did not invent that, she drew on a very long tradition nearly as old as the iliad itself. plato (late 5th-4th century bce) talks about them as lovers, and it’s pretty clear that he wasn’t the one who invented this idea. there was a strong tradition of reading achilles and patroclus as lovers long before plato. personally i suspect that this tradition dates back as far as the iliad does: there was a vast amount of oral mythological material circulating in the greek ‘dark ages,’ and what we have in the form of the iliad and the odyssey is just a small fraction of those many different and divergent narratives, so it’s pretty easy for me to imagine that bards singing other ‘versions’ of the iliad might have specified a romantic/sexual element of their relationship, and even that people hearing a ‘version’ more similar to the iliad we have today might have been familiar with or assumed the narrative of the two as lovers even if the bard they were listening to didn’t include it. of course that’s not much more than speculation and is totally unprovable, but i’m finding it very interesting right now to speculate about counteriliads and alternative odysseys and the traces they left in the homeric corpus itself and outside of it.

anyway by plato’s time people were clearly reading the iliad (in the form we have it) with the assumption that achilles and patroclus were lovers, and that reading persisted throughout antiquity and beyond. early modern to modern christian readers might have totally discarded that reading because they were unable to reconcile two male lovers with their ideas of sexuality and morality and heroism, but often gay readers fixed on it and the accompanying idea that male-male sexual/romantic relationships could be good and heroic, and we see that from the early modern period as well. so at different times the understanding of them as lovers has been more or less the dominant reading, but it’s not actually technically in the text or the “canon”, which raises some really interesting questions about gaps between the actual text of the iliad and various cultural perceptions of the iliad, and then brings me to my favorite point that maybe the real homeric canon was the friends we made along the way.