#is unrelated to how i consider and meta abt his canon arc.

[crimeronan]

this is a bit silly but while i'm thinking about adam being low-empathy: another thing that hurt my feelings about Adam Discourse (TM) a few years back was the insistence among some people that you can't draw parallels between adam's dad and adam himself because adam's worst fear is becoming his father. this is probably uncharitable but a lot of it felt like it came from people who either hadn't been abused, OR people who HAD been abused but were Perfect Victims (TM).

like. adam isn't a perfect victim. he's vicious and temperamental and cold and easily frustrated and lashes out and cannot process his own emotions. he's stubborn and a control freak and a neurotic prey animal and he makes mistakes and he makes insane assumptions not just about himself, but also about other people.

it felt like some people read the "too much monster blood in him" line, when he's like Well I Guess I'm Broken Forever, & they were like oh nooo honey no baby you don't have any monster blood in you. you're not a monster and never could be

when the whole point is like. the whole point is that actually, adam COULD be. he could be!!! he's NOT a monster but he could be. pains are taken repeatedly to show that his first instincts are Not to nurture/care/be kind. he's (reasonably) callous about ronan's situation in the beginning, he doesn't give a fuck when kavinsky dies, his first thought about opal is "ugh i wish we could just get rid of her" and then he hates himself.

my point here is: he has to TRY. adam is trying so fucking hard for all four books. people who read him in bad faith read sins into him that he didn't commit -- wanting to hit blue once is equated to having actually hit her, etc. but people who stan him often have the opposite problem of acting like "monstrosity" is a quality that Good People couldn't have, and therefore adam can't have, because he is Good People.

adam isn't a monster. adam could easily be a monster if he stopped trying. the reason adam isn't a monster isn't bc he's a perfect victim, it's because he Gives A Fuck. u know??