When you find out that Ao3 has less than 100 fics for a novel/show and now you gotta fuel yourself
Tag this as spoilers if u want?
The last ask was about Sita ramam (i found Hindi mai on a pirated site sjdhdjdj) if not clear why i specifically am losing shit in ur asks cos YOU made me watch it (i hate and love u for that) and only YOU will understand my condition..... My keyboard was literally blur cos of all the tears but i had to scream somewhere rn so idk what the hell i was typing
Just took a breathing break and came back here to say WHAT THE HELLLLLL WAS THATTTTTTTT I'm lacking coherent thoughts and also am sleepy so idk what I'm saying but really that was the most painfully beautiful thing I've seen in a while istg ive not actually watched a Indian film in a while that has shook me to core i think? So yeah glad this movie brought back to what was missing like the era, the music, their chemistry, the subtle intimacy, THE LETTERS⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ and most importantly the symbolism especially in this scene WITH HANDS SKDHDKSHDKFKDK
Strangers...of diff castes....holding hands....fire around.....like ram is saving seeta in burning ravans lanka??????? (Atleast that came to my mind)
But really how selfless Ram's shown has no limits in terms of his love for Sita,his country,people of rival country SO LIKE HE DESERVED SITAS LOVE IN HIS LIFE WHY HE HAD TO EXPERIENCE IT FOR A SHORT WHILE :((((((( I get it now why you are this obsessed I'd have never watched it if it wasn't for u cos i hardly watch any Bollywood films these days so THANKYOU ILY also this movie kind of reminds me of Ghajini and Veer Zara both and those are one of my top fav of all time and this is definitely going in that list so!!!!!! this got long i might sound insane I'm sorry i gtg sleep we'll talk tomorrow byeeeee
SHREYAAAAAA IM SCREAMING LITERALLY IN TEARS 😭😭😭😭 i love u sooo much the way u watched the movie bc of me.. i sob <3 but also I TOTALLY AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAID!!!!like lately most of the movies i watched lacked that it factor that leaves u miserable for days once u exit the theaters and like dude i watched this movie before rakhi so like its been a while since ive seen this and like with every rewatch i get more more attached with this movie, the storyline, the characters and the oh so beautiful and heavenly soundtrack like god there hasn't been a single day where i haven't had thoughts abt this movie sfhdjd its literally been more than a month I NEED HELP 😭😭 but gosh the letters. the hands EVERYTHING UGH BRO THE HANDS THE HANDS literally this scene ..... they literally did this for us <3 so that we can forever cry about this sbfjdbd n the one that i have as my header makes me feel so many emotions like i can't even weave them into proper sentences but gosh this movie wasn't just a regular movie it was an EXPERIENCE an emotion if u will and like im so glad we got to experience it !!!!! ALSO YES RAM MY MAN DESERVED BETTER I WILL RIOT FOR REAL‼️‼️ this man ...... i swear i haven't seen a more selfless and dedicated human than him like even during his last moments he didnt once look back and regret not giving in to the offer to betray his country just so he could go back to her but they literally deserved more time together they deserved a happy ending WE DESERVED ONE im so mad about it like why FUCJING why did u have to hang him they couldve literally just let him rot inside the jail and like released him at the end or something like i know i know how the ending makes their story significant and all but I DONT CARE!!!!!! no happy ending??? in this economy??? you've got be kidding me . also i know i said that i rewatched it multiple times but i have only seen the ending twice bc i physically can't handle watching the fate tore them apart with absolutely no mercy like sita is so strong man like i couldn't have just lived my life like that knowing my other half is probably dead or even worst rotting away in a jail ............ gosh . ANYWAYS ANYWAYS im so happy that i can finally talk to u about this like im on cloud 9 heheheh ily ily and no no u don't sound insane to me at least lmao 😭😭
Top 10 favorites:
The Walk of Shame is right up my alley
General Grievious, to which my friends are freaked out by his cute little spider crawling.
To those that know, I’m glad I stopped talking about this man months ago so y'all could shut it about his grussy, istg.
He’s 7'1 and yes, I call him nakey whenever he takes of his cloak. Don’t @ me about it.
Obigrievous because Enemies to Lovers
Yes, he’s a damn coward a lot of the times but I love how amazing he is. Duel wielding and keeping trophies from the many Jedi he has killed,, and his asthmatic voice that’s one cough away from combusting, I love.
And his backstory, that’s fucked up.
Rip Gor, you shall be missed. Those Jedi should have never fucked you up.
Thel Vadam, The Arbiter, aka core childhood memories of playing Halo with my brothers.
His voice acting is amazing af, but it took me so long to realize he has the same va as the cat from Coraline. Like, you fucking go, Keith David.
Thel is also not immune to my friends’ jokes because that one time he was stripped to get branded the “Mark of Shame” and a couple comments on his grussy was made.
Also that other time where Master Chief and him were ensnared by the Gravemind,, yeah that was something.
7′9 ft, and I’m the embodiment of that one drunk dude meme where he stumbles out of his trailer, drink in hand.
Do I even need to explain myself here with Doctor Octavius? I swear to god, if I see one more edit talking about the shit relationship I have with my dad that caused me to love Doc Ock, I’m going to fuck that editor up-
Anyways, what’s there to iterate about him? He just radiates dilf energy, mad scientist vibes, and is 6'2. Alfred Molina is a godsend, enough said.
Definitely was the only villain in New York confident enough to have his tiddies out on display-
I’m sorry but the scenes where he smoked a cigar or took off his glasses with the assistance of the tentacles really did something,,
And don’t get me started on some of his cartoon variations from Spectacular Spider-Man and Spiderverse.
The amount of propaganda I’ve spread to my close circles of friends that they too, are starting to agree that he’s hot. I don’t even know how
One last note but screw that one Discord friend that asked why the fuck would I love “a fat man with glasses that would definitely kill me” because that dude is one step away from getting knocked the fuck out.
Din Djarin = Dilf
Like I love this man and his sad puppy dog eyes. Pedro Pascal, you play this lone space ranger well.
I don’t know how to explain but The Mandalorian are just,,
Also definitely the moment where “hm, strange how I also love Boba Fett and all the other 501st Clone troopers… IS IT SERIOUSLY THE FUCKING ARMOR-”
Heisenberg is just another dilf, mad scientist vibes and it blew my mind when people say him and Doc Ock are the same person, different font.
I went to my first college Halloween party in my bootleg Wrench cosplay. Dude, the host’s boyfriend was cosplaying him and I managed to get a pic of us together. It was so fucking rad, serotonin booster for sure.
This man has this big showmen announcer voice, sometimes he has a purr. It just sounds so fruity.
I love him so much and don’t get me started on the “I said sit” scene. Ethan should have helped this hefty man out.
What? I definitely did not see those YouTube videos where people added shirtless mods to Resident Evil 8. What are you talking about-
Wrench from Watch Dogs 2. This man had me thinking “wow, do I actually have a thing for characters that wear masks?”
He’s a chaotic bisexual and his bromance with Marcus just means so much to me. Like you can not tell me that this man wasn’t harboring a small crush, because you’d be capping.
I do have some cosplay pics where I took inspiration from Wrench’s design on Instagram and nearly died when Shawn Baichoo liked and commented on the post.
Also Wrench’s reasoning behind having the mask makes me want to hug him.
That one mission where Marcus was adament about getting his mask back from the feds, meeting up with him, saying how he won’t allow this shit to tear them apart,, AUGH! I LOVE!
I feel like it’s super apparent that my type can range from nonhuman, masks, dilf, or himbo. Regardless, I’m slapping FL4K on this list.
Nonbinary icon to the max, respect the they/them pronouns or you’re gonna be their Skag’s next meal.
I guess I always loved those types of characters that are kinda dramatic while spouting some nonsense about death and destruction. Their va sounds so cool.
I kinda got attached when my brothers and I were playing Borderlands 3 for the first time, and they were my pick.
Avengers Assemble Hawkeye, totally a bi-icon, I don’t make up the rules. This also goes for his EMH ’s variation, MCU can kindly back off.
He’s just such a cool, somehow competent dumbass. Plus he’s in my favorite color too!
While many of my comfort characters go through the bi-fication beam, Hawkeye doesn’t need to, especially in that episode that first introduces Hyperion.
Homie was so dang confused on why this new superhero kept winking at him, and was the first to want him on the team. At the end of the episode, he was then comforted by Black Widow who said that Hyperion tricked them all because “power can be seductive”
LIKE EXCUSE ME!?
Alright, hear me on this but: bisexual, dilf, dumpster fire of a man. It’s like a triple threat wambo combo.
I love how disorderly this man looks.
He’s just so fine, and I can’t wait to see the new Spiderverse because that damn trailer got me all hyped up.
Technically a two-in-one but we’re going to decide in ignoring that. Paul Monroe A.K.A Jesus and Javier Garcia, I love them so much.
Jesus, both from the show and video game are such fucking badasses and it’s really refreshing to see that with that pos gay representation.
You go, modern day ninja! Do that flying kick at a walker’s head in your beanie trenchcoat attire!
As for Javier, he’s my beloved man who I figured out months ago is my hispanic bi rep that I needed so much of.
I’m sure a lot of people can relate that when you’re LGBT+ in a conservative minority culture, it can be scary and you wonder if people can thrive being who they are out in the world.
ranking my favorite characters about random shit part 5
ranking my favorite characters (clarke griffin, dean winchester, fox mulder, rose tyler, newt, kaz brekker, samwise gamgee, charles xavier, bill denbrough, lord asriel, steve rogers, scott mccall, anna milton and barry berkman) about random shit. this is entirely self-indulgent
Part 5: How they’d react to a breakup (i’m imagining a completely random oc as the one breaking up with them because if i start thinking of the people i ship them with breaking up with them i WILL cry)
he’s the sweetest man on earth he’d want to talk about it and understand his partner’s reasons and he’d be so kind and understanding even though he’d be sad lemme tell you this man is a SAINT
2- STEVE ROGERS
sweet understanding KING. absolute TREASURE. he’d be so confused and sad at first but he’d be SO understanding UGH i am in love with this man
3- SCOTT MCCALL
remember when allison sorta kinda broke up with him and he was all sweet and kind about it and said that he believed they would find their way to each other again eventually. yeah. iconic behavior. king shit
4- SAMWISE GAMGEE
he’s the PRESIDENT of ‘let’s stay friends!’ squad he’ll definitely stay in touch with all his exes they’re all his absolute besties
5- CHARLES XAVIER
mr telepath mindreader therapist teacher man absolutely sees it coming from a thousand miles away and he might even be the one to bring it up so that his partner doesn’t worry about it. he will be sad but he gets over it in a healthy way because he’s (MOSTLY) in touch with his feelings
6- ANNA MILTON
for a fallen angel with a bit of a god complex she’s surprisingly well adjusted. i think she’s the kind to definitely stay friends with her exes except like two of them which she’s got five different plans to murder each. all in all if it’s a healthy breakup they stay friends if it involves cheating she’s out to get you motherfucker and you know what you deserve it i mean who the FUCK would cheat on ANNA MILTON of all people istg
7- DEAN WINCHESTER
whoever thinks dean is emotionally constipated enough to be the ‘i didnt like u anyway’ kind has NOT seen spn 1x13 road 666 like GUYS. he pretends to be this no-chick-flick-moments and no-attachment kinda dude but we all know he actually cares SO much and if you look at his relationship with cassie or lisa he’s actually pretty open and communicative and sincere and he geniunely tries to talk about shit with them?? so he does have a constructive and heartfelt conversation and says he understands but he also WILL cope by either going on more hunts to distract himself or by locking himself in his room with pizza and movies in his hotdog pants and send noods socks, s14 style. TONS of ice cream. he’ll ghost his ex for a while when he’s coping with it but then later on they do end up being besties (yes i AM on the team dean-becomes-bff-with-all-his-exes don’t mind me just spreading my dean being besties with anna, cassie, lisa,amara, benny and crowley agenda)
8- BILL DENBROUGH
he’s pissed and sad and offended and grumpy and confused he just feels a LOT of shit at the same time like he’s having a full breakdown inside but from the outside his reaction is pretty much ‘what. oh. ok’
9- LORD ASRIEL
he does not, and mark my words on this one, give a single fuck. he IS what kaz pretends to be and what ketterdam thinks he is. asriel does not give a FLYING FUCK he’s like ‘well ok then see you around i guess’ and then just moves on. he was probably cheating on his partner anyway if we’re being honest here, he’s just that terrible. god why is he my favorite character again- oh right he’s insanely hot and wants to murder god right right that tracks
10- FOX MULDER
he’s extremely sweet and compassionate and understanding but then he disappears for like five months to chase down an alien in guatemala or some shit and then comes back pretending as if nothing happened at all
11- CLARKE GRIFFIN
she’s NOT happy about it and gets all grumpy and pouty and will angrily rant about it to her friends for ages but then once she’s over it she’s like. OVER over it. she completely moves on, like full on flip the switch and the feelings are GONE
12- ROSE TYLER
full breakdown in her room with tubs and tubs of ice cream wondering what she did wrong and then probably gets offered by a friend to go throw eggs at their house or some dumb shit. rose says no but she ALMOST did it. she keeps asking if there’s someone else even when it’s very clear that there’s NOT.
13- KAZ BREKKER
allow me to introduce you to the pettiest bitch on EARTH. he will definitely not hurt his ex in any way but he’ll do his absolute best to show them how much they’re missing. like he’s PETTY about it he’ll hold a gruge months, no year, no DECADES after it happened. he shows absolutely no emotions whatsoever you’d barely notice there’s been any change in his behavior, he’s not, like, sad or angry or anything, he’s just suddenly VERY devoted to the fact that everyone must know how AMAZING he’s doing and how rich and powerful and feared he is and how much a hypothetical ex-partner is missing. like this bitch probably has a full twenty pages long plan about what to do in case he gets dumped so that his ex will regret it terribly. and the worst is that kaz is a smart bitch who knows people’s weaknesses and how to exploit them so it WORKS it works and he absolutely loves it, jesper is like ‘dude how come every single time you got dumped they came back asking you to get back together only for you to reject them EXACTLY five months later’ and kaz hiding the twenty pages long binder with his elaborated plan behind his back as if it wasn’t carefully calculated and just shrugging like ‘idk i guess im a catch’ he makes everyone SO angry and honestly good for him!
14- BARRY BERKMAN
two words: murder spree. healthy coping mechanisms WHO we don’t know her in this house he’s sad and angry and he’s going to make it YOUR problem. guns out angry bill hader face ON baby. pew pew motherfucker it’s murder time. bam thirty casualties. rip to them. and he doesn’t even feel better after it either he’s crushed by guilt and having ANOTHER breakdown which will result in MORE ptsd and more sadness and anger and eventually ANOTHER breakdown and ANOTHER murder spree. its a lose-lose situation for everyone. except for his partner who’s free of his shit now i guess so true of them
summary // you found your pile of ‘letters’ to hyunjin that contain thoughts that have never been said and decided to write to him one last time.
pairing(s) // hyunjin x gn!reader, hyunjin x oc, slight minho x reader
genre(s) // angst, letter fic
warning(s) // mentions of food, themes of being forgotten, vulgar wording, humiliation, overthinking
word count // 2.0k
author's note // happy birthday @noya-sannnn !! im sorry this was so late hhh you know how i am irl,, but i hope you enjoy this! i love you so much, jane <3 i apologize for the many grammar mistakes gn. i recommend listening to iu’s ending scene while reading this! btw y/n/n means your nickname.
hi there! it's y/n <3 i hope you're doing okay - i mean of course you are pfft anyways, just writing this short letter (more like paragraph) sort of as a venting mechanism? for things i cant tell you about lol im not so sure how you would call it, since you're so much better at words than i am. basically were like:
hyunjin: ow a brain freeze!
me: haha brain go brrrr
anyways haha yea <3 it's 4am so like,, ill see you at school!
im back with this kinda stuff haha it's been a whole? week? since ive written one of these so like yes..hi! i just wanted to say thanks, for today. you really know how to cheer me up huh? you really outdid yourself by setting up that little picnic for us. congrats on making the strawberry cake so perfectly <3 this day will always stay as a core memory in the back of my brain. you're too caring sometimes,,, istg you'll pay for this [maybe hugs?] >:)
your partner in crime,
LMAO you hate me calling you that, doesn't change a thing though. hehe,, nways i hope you enjoyed your birthday present :) i got you that really cool skateboard that you wanted. i worked my ass off for that in my mother's garden so like,, you gotta thank me for that a thousand times :D nah jk, its a sincere gift, from me to you. i rarely do this for ANYONE so consider yourself lucky to have a best friend like me -3- also, seungmin is like….kinda the cutest person ever. introduce me to him pls, thank!
<your bestest friend3,
(p.s. you're kinda cute too,,,, ig,,, still stinkee tho)
hey 'baby' (HAHAHA ihy for this)
i hope your day was okay! i didn't see much of you today (which was sort of a bummer but wtv) so like…. uh yea. you told me you were doing okay over text, which kinda surprised me because like?? we always video call lol this is kinda the first time,, but its okay, i trust you! (i really hope youre doing alright tho, i'll beat anyone up if they make you sad >:( ) you also called me 'sweetheart' today which was like…. omg wtf haha????????? that was so weird to me for some reason… a good kind of weird :D we haven't done those kinds of nicknames in a while so…. happy to know that they're back in session <3 i talked to the new girl today, she's really cool! like she knows the bean song on tiktok so like its a total win heh, ill introduce you to her tomorrow! you'll love her a lot
hey howl (hehe go back to that movie night we had)
this spring break sucks so much,, esp because youre not here (you still couldve brought me along :'[ ) but wtv i hope youre enjoying yourself. ive been hanging out with yeonnie lately and i found out she likes conan grey too like pls i love her sm. can we adopt her?? please???? she told me you guys have been video calling too and that makes me so happy!! you two are getting along so well aaa my precious babies </3
what if you developed a crush on her? haha…..jk unless?? (no jk dont shes all mine, stay away >:) ) anyways, i hope the three of us hang out soon. maybe go to that ice cream parlour where they serve the best cookies and cream?
peepee poopoo hello
heyheyhey!! (heh, haikyuu thingz) i hope youre doing okay! i mean sure you are, with everything going so well. also i feel like you're not telling me something. maybe it's just me? is it? i hope it is because you tell me everything,, we've been talking less these days but its okay! i know how busy you are, especially with your dad always bugging you,,
also, i think yeonbin likes you :0,, she keeps talking about you whenever we hang out. don't get me wrong, its not bad that she likes you but...something doesn't feel right. i feel like i'm being the third wheeler here and like ugh idk. haha laughs yea i think its just me.. im sorry, i didnt mean to do you like this,, anyways, ill see you soon + her too ofc- yall are inseparable lmao
greetings, kind sir
lol more like mean sir but like aight KSKSK,, anyways,, how have you been? we haven't really talked in a while,, our convos are always so short with it being one-sided :/ i wish you were online more. yeonnie is ignoring me,, do you know why? i think you do,,, but when i asked you just said you didnt know. did i do something wrong? pls tell me..
she blocked my contact the other day and she won't even smile at me when i pass her in the hallways. its,, sad and stressful especially because she was the only one that would genuinely talk to me. i hate to say this,, but i miss you. us, hanging out like the best trio we are, yknow? but i dont think you miss me the same way. sorry, im getting out of hand. i know im just overreacting. im just gonna sleep ig,, good night! sweet dreams,,
your pink lemonade,
i heard you and her got together?? congrats, jinnie! im so proud of you,, especially because you never had even considered getting a girlfriend a few months earlier lmaO you really woo the ladies huh? anyways,, i hope you've been well since we last talked,, how many days has it been?? i would say nearly a week or so but honestly it feels like a hundred years,, considering you and i used to talk every day. but you have her now to keep you company.
keep this a secret but can you possibly tell me why it hurts when i see her? or when i mention her or even think of her?? is it because she's connected to you? but.. you're my best friend, so why? is it because i miss you? is it because im alone now? is it because you left me with a simple 'i have to go now,, bye y/n/n.'? im not sure either. im being silly, i apologize. ill figure it out sooner or later. sweet dreams, jinnie
it's because i love you.
i miss your lame jokes. i miss your smile. i miss your laughs. i miss your funny faces. i miss the way your eyes twinkle. i miss th way you would make me happy just by doing the bare minimum. i miss the disaster you made when cooking breakfast. i miss the night when you snuck me out just to go to that pretty lantern event. i miss when you would call out my name everytime we met. i miss when we would share earbuds in train rides. dont you get it, hyunjin? i miss you.
please tell me that isn't true, please. you're too kind to do these kinds of things, right? + i was your best friend,, then, why, why did you hurt me like this. i didnt do anything wrong.. you couldve just told me you didnt like me,,, why did she have to tell me? out of all people.
youre so pathetic for this,, i thought you were brave, bold - but youre just a fucking coward. i loved you, i really did. and i realised too late… im sorry. she,, i shouldn't have talked to her in the first place, right? i bet you knew she humiliated me, in front of everyone. of course you did, you were the only one that knew. you told her. fuck, i hate you so much (yet why do i long for you on a night like this?). you know how much that'll affect me and yet, there you are, laughing about it with her.
you know who i am.
please tell me this is just a nightmare. please, please. stop just reading my texts, please answer them. jinnie. i miss you so much. i dont care bout her, please just let me be in your arms. i dont care if you love me back, please just talk to me at least. tell me what i did wrong,, jinnie,, please,,, clear these tear stains on my cheek with kisses.
why do i keep crying because of you? its been a few weeks since everything has happened. please, nothing has changed. i still love you the same even with all the hatred i have pent up in this stupid brain of mine. i wish i could just walk back in time, to where it all began.
when i first met you in third grade and you pushed me while playing soccer or maybe when we took those ridiculous prom pictures, remember those? i hope you still have them,, because i do too. i hope the pictures of us on your wall still hang there,, it'll remind you of the happy times. hm,, maybe you don't need them.
you already have millions of pictures with you and her,, i bet you printed some and replaced those with ours right? sly dog.
i went to the park today and saw both of you being happy. it's nice to see your smile again. im sorry i didnt go up to you,, i just thought it would be awkward. when i heard that adorable laugh of yours, it made me realise that i lost something special. but it's okay isnt it? as your happiness matters more than mine.
im doing fine here. how about you? gosh,, how long has it been? years? since we last talked to each other. i havent heard from you since. i would just like to say i still think of you sometimes, when watering the plants or dancing while making pancakes. sometimes i think you're here with me too, just being the pals we were.
sometimes i'd see you out, just reading a book in the park or buying pasta sauce at the grocery store. it's nice to see you having a stable life. im not sure if you're still with her or not, but its good to know that you still have that large friend group. also! you're never gonna guess who im dating--
it's minho! do you remember him? the one that i used to hate,, uh yeah. he asked me out the other day- you may wonder how tf,,, i too do not know how tf but he gives the best hugs ever. he gave me the love i wanted from you. he stitched my heart back together after it broke,, i love him so much, jinnie..
it's snowing,, do you remember when we would skate on the frozen lake in front of your house? are your parents well? i wonder if your mother still has those earrings i bought for her birthday. i never told you this but your laugh and hers sound so similar.
i would just like to say thank you, for everything. you were a big part of my life, up until now. when we see each other after this, we would just be strangers. maybe flash a little smile or give a little wave whenever we greet each other but nothing more. some memories of us would flow in every now and then but it'll just be a short teaser. well, i'll be going now. smile for me, okay?
the one that loved you the most,
taglist // @/noya-sannnn, @crvgio , @neo-shitty
reply to be in my gen taglist!
𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: scouting dilemma
𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩: hyodo juza/reader
𝐰𝐜: 1.7k words
𝐚𝐧: guess who was inspired by the 2020 gem heist? wrote a dumb little thing dedicated to all my fallen comrades bc juza won’t come home to them after the reset- sorry to the requests I have yet to fulfill! year 2 ages btw~
This was the moment you’ve been waiting for. You managed to save up a massive amount of gems, waiting to be spent on a banner with your best boy in it. For months, your fingers itched to pull but you were loyal (with a few caving exceptions) to the character who got you into the game in the first place.
When the developers finally announced a banner with him in it, an SSR of best boy in a summer outfit no less, it was as if fate decided to tell you now was the moment to splurge strike.
Staring at your phone screen, you made sure everything was prepared before you could summon. You decided to do your first pull at 10 pm (his favourite number was 10), and surrounded your phone with a summon circle made entirely out of candies still in their wrappers.
You sent your prayers to the gacha gods, counting down the seconds until the clock struck-
With a shriek, you nearly ruined your summon circle formation of sweets as you scrambled to your phone, clicking the bright, shiny button that had tempted you endlessly.
“Yes, I’m sure I want to spend! Come home, come home, come home…” you chanted, unable to decide whether you should close your eyes until the final results or keep them wide open.
Choosing the latter, you gritted your teeth at the sequence of cards arriving.
R, Event R, R, R, Dupe SR, R, R, R, R, Event SR.
Suppressing the scream that wanted to escape your throat, you tried to laugh it off. At least you got two of the event cards…? Maybe it would have been better to wait until 10:10 pm?
An SNS notification popped up at the top of your screen, and from the little summary, you could tell you were gonna get upset at the contents. Checking the chat, your mutual quickly followed up her message with a screencap of your best boy. Coming home to her.
You quickly sent your response before promptly returning to the game, ‘asdfghjkl im happy for u but like also muting u rn :’< brb soon hopefully yeet need to retrieve my boi from the game’s clutches cya’
Despite your initial optimism, as the pulls kept going, the lower your gem count, the worse your mood became.
Should… should you stop right now? Banner really said no rights to best boy, huh? Sure you were able to fully merge a bunch of SRs and even the event R and SR cards, but not once did he come home? Even his sworn rival’s initial SSR came home if only to spite you or him or both.
Mentally exhausted, you decided to sleep. Maybe your luck would be better tomorrow?
When you walked into the room with a frown visible on your face, Juza immediately knew something was wrong.
From even before he got together with you, he was always sensitive to the different expressions you made, and by association your emotions— to the little smile on your face as you ate desserts together or the eyebrow furrow-pout combo you did when the professor said something you didn’t agree with. He’d never say how fun it was, seeing the different faces you’d make.
However, while those were cute, this just made him worry.
He’d really rather not fight anyone, but if he has to beat up someone…
Juza found himself distracted during class, unable to stop himself from constantly looking at you every few minutes. With a faint peach staining his cheeks, he slipped his hand underneath the desk to grasp your own.
“… you okay?” he said, voice low and quiet as to not catch anyone else’s attention. The look on your face turns a little softer, even throwing him a quick smile but he knows you well enough to spot the traces of sadness still present.
You don’t reply, squeezing his hand back as you finally tried to pay attention to the professor.
He sighed, slowly releasing your hand from beneath the table. He’ll find a way to make you feel better later, but for now, he had to take notes— for the both of you, it looked.
It’s not every day that Juza does most of the talking, but that just so happened to be the case today. He’s getting restless, stuck between actively wanting to help you out with whatever you needed or just sticking by you and letting you overcome whatever’s troubling you on your own.
You’ll talk when you want to, he knew that, but even still he wanted to be more useful to you. Do you want him to just keep talking to help you take your mind off things? Do you want to rant to him so he can listen? Do you want him to get you something? He’s not the best at giving advice, but if you needed it he’d do his best.
He doesn’t know what to do. You’re responding to him, but your mind is all the way elsewhere.
The next thing he knew, he’s getting a spoonful of his frozen dessert and pressing it against your lips.
You get startled from your thoughts when a sudden icy temperature meets your mouth. You opened your mouth, cringing slightly at the cool before finally enjoying the shaved ice dessert.
While it wasn’t uncommon for Juza to let you taste the food he ate and vice versa, he was usually more reserved, too shy to feed you in public.
‘He must have been worried,’ you thought to yourself if he had to do that just to catch your attention. You immediately shifted your thoughts from the game to Juza, already about to apologise for troubling him before he interrupted you.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, and even though he had a scowl on his face, he looked at you with tight and worried eyes.
He knew you played games on your phone, but it was still a bit embarrassing to admit that you were upset for such a long duration because of your best boy not coming home. However, Juza deserved to know, so you pushed away your hesitance before explaining the whole fiasco to him.
Juza doesn’t get it entirely. He’s bordering between relief and confusion— on one hand, at least no one wanted to hurt you or fight you or anything; on the other hand, a 2D guy got you upset?
The concept isn’t completely foreign to him, what with Itaru-san and even Settsu constantly gaming, but usually it was his roommate being irritating and gloating while the salaryman got frustrated, eventually passing his phone to Sakuya.
He’s honestly shell-shocked that you’re upset, so even though he doesn’t understand why it’s such a big deal he’ll do what he can to make you feel better. He’s not the best at comforting people, he can never find the right words… but he’s good at listening.
He placed his hand on top of yours, grateful you don’t point it out verbally or he might actually combust. He can only hope the two of you are seated secluded enough that no one comes by.
Something’s starting to bother him though. The more he listens to you, the more he’s conflicted— if you’re dedicating that much of your… gems (?) to this guy he gets why you’re upset. Another part of him wonders what’s so great about this specific guy.
He’s not upset nor is he jealous, he’s just… figuring out what specific traits you like in this guy. For future reference. Who knew, maybe he’d get to play a role similar to the character you like so much?
“Why do you like him so much, anyway?” He asked, staring intently at you.
Your attitude quickly changed from being upset to being excited to talk about your favourite character.
“He’s just so kind and thoughtful! A total gap moe, you wouldn’t expect him to be so family-oriented because of his appearance but he totally is!” you began, barely catching a break to breathe before continuing on, “plus he didn’t start off as the strongest? But he’s constantly trying his best you just want to root for him and care for him?”
Unexpectedly, Juza finds himself a little flustered, though he’s unsure of why when you’re only describing a character. Perhaps it was the look on your face while you talked?
“Plus, he looks a lot like you! Obviously, I need him to come home, right?” you exclaimed, hitting him straight in the heart with your crinkled eyes and a beautiful smile.
The hand that was comforting you a while ago and gently rubbing patterns onto your skin stilled. You noticed right away, hoping you didn’t say anything too weird during your rant.
He’s silent for a while, unsure of what to do and ultimately deciding to say the first thing that popped up in his head.
“… then why’d you need him to come home if I’m already-“
When he heard you squeal he stopped himself from continuing whatever he was going to say. Did you hear him? Dumb question, of course, you did!
You covered your face with your hands, unsuccessfully hiding the strawberry red colouring your face, and screamed internally. You can’t see how Juza is reacting but you just heard a bang on the table?
‘Juza? Who told you to- istg I’ll have you arrested for-‘
After a few moments, you’re the one who ultimately breaks the silence, knowing neither of you had enough will to point out the warm flecks that still remained on both of your faces.
“We should get going. Our class is all the way in another building,” you said, slowly standing up from your seat.
You’re not holding hands while walking, but if he noticed the frequency of your hand grazing his he doesn’t let you know.
Reaching the midpoint between your classroom and his, you turn to face him before splitting off in the hallway. You look to see if the coast was clear, and to Juza’s surprise, you enveloped him into a warm embrace, quick but heartfelt. Neither of you saw each other’s expressions, but Juza wondered if your heart raced just as fast as his did.
“Thank you for making me feel better… I love you,” you whisper the last part, before untangling yourself from him and speed walking away to your classroom. You miss the way Juza looks back at you, body frozen but face a mixture of shock and longing and love.
want to order again?
top 10 writers and reviewing by h.melon pt.2 (skz)
(this is just my opinion as a fan of fics and ill possibly do a pt3 for dom!readers writers and underrated writers)
1, @starrychannies (10/10)
fics: yes please. it's TOO good. Not too rough but not too soft either, which is,,, quite unique from others ive read? nevertheless her skills are amazing and her fics are interesting to read, i mean i could read hers all day long!
personality: she's very sweet & lovely! and sarcastic and funny too,,,
recs: baby steps - chan
2, @skz-dark-hours (9/10)
fics: i know many of you are gonna be like why isnt she at the fist place. keep in mind that this is my opinion and i prefer sunny's more. lilo's writing is good! she writes both rough and soft! everything's detailed and well written that's why people like to read hers so much! but her plots are pretty typical,,, whats new anyways,,,
personality: naiceeeee... but idk i havent talked much to her lately 🥺👉👈
recs: anything lol here, take a scroll
3, @slut4felix (9/10)
fics: OMG what the hell am i reading they're so good bro 😳 idk if it's just me but her fics are like,,, p o r n. LIKE LITERALLY. everyone's are pOrN but why are her's make me so- 😳😳😳
personality: s w e e t i e b e b e
rec: doctor hwang - hyunjin
4, @skz-potions (10/10)
fics: wow damn this one is pretty unique istg. everything is on point she knows how to make her writing intriguing and interesting to read. the aftercares are so soft eye-
personality: TaLkEd tO hEr onLy oNcE thOugh
recs: [01:12] - minho im a dirty pig yes
5, @backhugsforhyunjin (8,5/10)
fics: she's extremely talented she excels in EVERY genre but that's not new 😔✊ i love the way she guide her plot she's so creative it i love everything 😔🖐️ read her angst theyre top tier
personality: skjslsjskdhdk she always say haha shes awkward asf thats just h o t 😳 shes my mozer
recs: drunk sex - changbin
6, @nxt2chris (8,5/10)
fics: uM eXcuSe mE? why is she so underrated i mean- many writers are too rushed on the actual smut part and didnt take enough time on those parts (chaoticminhos skjdksjsks) but this writer took her time on describing parts it was so professional 🥺 i like how she dedicate sm to her fics
personality: cutie i wanna hold her hands
recs: [22:56] - hyunjin wow damn this hit hard
7, @honeybinnies (8/10)
fics: sometimes she gives me a slow and sensual vibe. and i like that feeling. love how some of her fics dont have to be all kinky and stuff like the others instead choosing to keep things slow and lazy. q u a l i t y
personality: okay bruh at least now ik how u sound like when you suck chan's dick 😳
recs: [1:12] - hyunjin i like this 😳👉👈
8, @nightshade-minho (8/10)
fics: not @ how i only read one of her fic but still putting her into this sksjsljdkd BUT the way she comes up with ideas though everything matches so perfectly im scared
personality: c h i l l
recs: call me miss - hyunjin the only one i read ( ͡°ᴥ ͡° ʋ)
9, @lordseochangbin (8/10)
fics: aesthetic 🍹🧺🌿 theres some special vibes she gives me while reading her fluffs the way she writes makes me feel like im watching a k drama and the feeling of being in the streets with soft sunlight on your skin and the smell of the road idk but im nostalgic reading her fics everything seems so dreamy ☁️✨
personality: funny? idk
recs: barista boy - jisung
10, @bruh-changbin (9/10)
fics: her endings were obvious yes but something's really intriguing about her fics make me wanna read it over and over again. i guess the scenarios are way too good, situations are too exciting and fluttering to be in. she has talent i said what i said.
personality: umm,,, kind!
recs: prove it - hyunjin
k i l l m e it has been 2 months since ive released the first one 😳 also if anyone would wanna get untagged and off this list bcs you dont wanna. dm me ill gladly replace you.
🌼 Tag 🌼
Tagged by @pikachulein to answer ten of her custom questions, thank you 💖 💖
1. What compliment you've received meant the most to you?
I don’t really believe people when they compliment me rip. Only a few months ago, one of my professors told me I wrote at Masters level during a private meeting and it made me smile for three hours straight. I’ve been considering a career in third-level teaching and research and I hadn’t told him this but he started telling me I would be perfect for it and it was really motivating ;-;
2. Would you rather meet your favourite celebrity/group/bias and realize they're not at all how you imagined them to be like (maybe they're not as kind as you thought, for example) or never meeting them in person but it turning out that they're actually the amazing, kind, sweet, generous, etc. person that you thought they were? (I hope that makes sense hhhh I think the ethics of this question are really interesting)
I’d rather not meet them and have them be lovely. I haven’t met them yet anyway and so I wouldn’t lose anything by not meeting them.
3. What's your current favourite song you always use to get hyped up to or a song currently stuck in your head?
Boss Bitch - Doja Cat
4. If you had to write the book of your life, what genre would it be and what would you choose as a title?
I’d write it in the format of diary entries, very much a ‘slice of life’ type, with illustrations and doodles on the pages for metaphor and viewing pleasure. I think the title would be something simple too but with some depth to it, like a significant date in my life; almost like the ‘climax’ of the book, I could work the reader up to that entry and they would know something is coming up but not what 👀
5. Name your top 5 musical artists and your favourite song of each of them?
mxmtoon - Feelings are Fatal
Hozier - Movement
Kim Petras - Personal Hell
Conan Gray - Comfort Crowd
Kodaline - Ready
6. If you were invited to a big humanitarian event and had to give a speech on a topic you'd want to bring about a huge change for the better, what topic would you choose to speak about and voice your opinions/ideas? (Assume public speaking is one of your strongest assets and you'll ace this no matter what)
Okay so this is literally one of my aspirations in life, no joke, I’d love to be able to speak to a crowd and try to inspire and motivate them to achieve great things! I just really want to see people succeed and realise their potential regardless of who they are :( There are so many topics I would like to address but I think I would go for mental health in development. I study international development so I’m very familiar with humanitarian issues but often times, mental health is ignored when looking at healthcare regardless of where you are in the world.
7. What is something (a skill, personality trait, or something appearance related, it can be whatever) you wish you had and/or you really admire in other people?
I really admire team-players in leadership. People who are genuinely concerned for those around them and want them all to succeed together. They don’t leave anyone behind and remind everyone of their strengths and what they contribute to the team and actively push them to succeed. I try to do the same but sometimes I can sometimes be a bit of a pushover and not strict enough, instead just taking on more work myself rather than trusting a team member to do it... group projects, anyone??? :’)
8. What's your favourite anime/show/youtuber (you can answer whichever you got an answer for, it can be all three options of course :D)?
I don’t watch anime anymore but I enjoyed Ouran High a lot!
I’m waiting for the new season of Line of Duty to come out soon, but my guilty pleasure TV show is Bondi Rescue dsjvkdhlvjhfb I’ve also been watching that new show Five Guys A Week with my mum recently and its such good craic omfg
I tend to flock towards gaming and commentary channels most but Dashie is my fave istg there isn’t a video of his that I don’t wheeze along to 😂
9. In kpop, are you more into vocalists, dancers, rappers, maknaes, leaders, or visuals (or maybe a mix of some/all :'))?
I’ve noticed I like the rappers most!
10. What's your most beautiful/favourite memory?
This is hard...I literally had to answer this question last because I wanted to have a proper think about it. Its been hurting my head for days trying to think tbh and is it bad that I actually can’t pick a particular moment?.I’m genuinely stuck but a recent-ish one I can think of was this time last year when I had to give a presentation in front of my class of 250 people. I was presenting with two groupmates and I remember how hard we practiced and rehearsed for the days coming up to it. We wore coordinating outfits and had our lines memorised and I remember walking up on the stage and immediately feeling ‘powerful’. I don’t usually feel powerful at all but once I started speaking and performing our skit with my groupmates (who were lovely btw it made me really happy seeing the more nervous one do so well!), I seen how the faces of my classmates lit up and it gave me that warmth I had missed for so long. Random people I had never even spoke to before came up and complimented me later and it made me really proud because its what I love to do and it was so lovely knowing they enjoyed it too ;-; The lecturer we had for that class was known for being really intense but she took a shine to me and pulled me aside one of the days to compliment me and then referred to me as “her powerful speaker” in front of the class when we were receiving assignments back weeks later. It was the highlight of my whole semester and second year tbh. I’m really hard on myself but for once, I felt genuinely and I mean TRULY proud of myself and it had been a long ass time since I had felt that way 😭
Okay, now I tag @wheezing-pterodactyl @jbemin @jenoscity @starryseung @seventiddies @thegirlthatsdancingintherain @leechan-babyboy @angelwonho for the following questions:
1. What comment appeared on your report card most often as a schoolchild?
2. What’s your guilty pleasure?
3. You find a magic lamp and now a genie is here to grant you three wishes! What are you gonna wish for? (you can’t ask for more wishes though lol)
4. Imagine you have the power to control time. Would you rather pause, rewind or fast-forward?
5. When you shop for clothes, what’s the first thing that catches your eye? (could be the colour, pattern, style, price, fabric, etc.)
6. What’s the strangest dream you have had recently?
7. What is your MBTI type?
8. Do you have any unusual talents or party tricks? If so, what are they?
9. If your life were to be recreated through a form of art, which medium would you choose? (examples: painting, film, book, music, video game, etc.)
10. If you could be any mythical creature or figure, what would you like to be?
College!AU with BM [Matthew]
Member: BM / Kim Matthew
Genre: fluff, romance
Type: Bulletpoint AU
Word Count: 2k
fun fact: college!Matthew is a psych major
despite looking like a buff ass gym trainer
like all psych majors, he was interested in the human mind and how it works
it’s just so…. complicated... iT’S cOOL
in high school, he was thinking about sports, like physical education because that’s… what he’s been good at……
but then one intro to psych class in junior year totally blew his mind away
Matthew: “think about it…. we’re all so different from one another, but we’re all actually the same because of the way we all think”
Taehyung: “bro, it’s literally 3am, I am tireD”
for real though, he’s really excited about learning new things about how our minds work
lowkey probably does social experiments on all of his friends once he learns about it
(small things like taking off his hat first on purpose to see if anyone else does it too—he ain’t about to traumatize them like Little Albert)
some of his friends think the whole psych major suits him because he likes to talk to other people
but like he’s part of the rehabilitation psychology route……
…….. not the whole therapist counselor route lmao
plus he doesn’t have the voice for it because we can all hear him before we see him
anyways, he wants to help patients that are suffering disabilities that include the psychological impact of their problems
rehabilitation suits him though, because he cares about the wellbeing of others, physical and mental
basically Matthew is just a big ass softie and it shows
other than the whole psych major thing, he’s actually part of the dance team
he was gonna join some sport since he did it in high school
but then he was like
so there he is
speaking of fitness, he goes to the gym often
like…….. almost everyday
if you ever need to find him, 9/10 times he’ll probably be at the gym
all y’all knew this was coming: GYM SQUAD
basically, he met some dudes who all like to go to the gym and now they’re friends—there’s even a group chat
Matthew: bro, y’all got some big tiddies
Matthew: forget gym squad, we the Big Man Tiddie Team
Wonho: why do I feel that it’s directed at me
Seungcheol: istg Matthew just wanted a Wonho fan club
Hyunwoo: …… how do I leave a group chat?
Jungkook: I need new friends
Matthew’s got a real frat boy aesthetic
‘cause like he’s friends with almost everyone and bro and dude are part of his main vocabulary
ironically enough, he ain’t an actual frat boy tho
he’s got this whole image on campus that makes him look like he’s some type of suave player who doesn’t care about anything but his bros
it’s probably due to the fact that he’s a big dude and that’s….. real intimidating
and also the backwards hat and… tank tops…..
he knows what people say about him…. and he just tries to ignore it
**cue Jiwoo ready to throw hands EVERYTIME**
but like….. that’s not him
again: he’s a big ass softie—he’s a big dude with a mushy inside
and it’s just a shame that only his friends know how genuine he is
he’s got this thing where he’s constantly supporting others and sometimes he forgets about himself
actually for a while now, he’s had some….. sleeping issues…..
it makes no sense because his physical health is like up
so it could be a mental health thing
but, for almost every night this week, he’s just been walking around campus from like midnight to around 4am
it’s actually how he meets you
he’s been doing random stuff since he hasn’t been able to sleep
like he’d go to the campus gym, walk around, hang around the open dining halls, or like walk around his dorm hall because he’s got nothing else to do
the thing is, you’ve been having some sleep issues too
it’s probably because of stress and all the assignments caught up with you and now you’ve found yourself lying in bed awake for hOURS
so you’ve been up and about during odd hours as well
one night, at like 2am, you decided to go down to the kitchen of your dorm hall
according to google, tea or milk is a good way to get some sleep
so you decide to get yourself a lil cup of tea and as you wait for the water to boil…….
someone……. just……... shows up………
….. it’s Matthew :))))))
and like despite how hot this dude was…….
you…….. were startled…….
not without good reason, because it’s like……. late at night and this mysterious dude shows up outta nowhere
you kinda thought were gonna die because he def looks like he could kill you
until…….. he just smiles at you
Matthew: “oh hi”
you: “....... hello…….”
Matthew being Matthew just chats you up because he likes talking to people: “can’t sleep either?”
you: “yeah, tea is supposed to help though”
Matthew: “maybe it’s just me because it didn’t work that well for me”
you: “well, maybe it’s the amount, size does come into play”
Matthew: “I guess size matters huh” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
you: I barely know this man but why is he like this
so, that’s just kinda how it goes
y’all just continue talking and swap some secrets on how to get some goddamn sleep
and…... you think that’s it
like it’s just a one time thing…..
the next night, you run into him again
except it’s like 4am
the tea didn’t work last time, so you head down to get some milk instead and….
you run into him again…….
and like…….. he all sweaty….. from the gym……
Matthew: “oh hey”
you, underneath your breath: what the fu c k
the same thing happens again and y’all have a nice conversation about your lives and all that stuff
you get to find out some pretty cool stuff like
how his friends call him BM
and that he’s in dance because he’s interested in music and rap
he also loves BoA
and he is a protester of pineapple on pizza
he gets to know you too
like your major and how you got into it
your hobbies and interests
and your friends all seem really cool
the more you two talk, the more he likes you
so this whole meeting up at the kitchen at odd hours became a thing
it didn’t happen like every time, but it happened rather frequently for like a few months or so
you did see him once on campus in broad daylight, but like
he didn’t see you
because ……. you kind of avoided him
like, what if this is just like a night kinda thing
Matthew is super chill, but like you know…. what if you got that wrong idea and stuff
one day… you just stop showing up
IT’S NOT BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANNA SEE HIM
it’s just that…… you really need actual sleep because you can’t keep barely functioning like this
so your friend is like, ever heard of melatonin?
and gives you these pills that really do the fucking trick
you slept for a literal day
like 24 hours
a full ass 24 hours
since then, you’ve had a decent sleep schedule
but it meant not seeing Matthew
you didn’t really think about it because he’s got a lot of friends
why would he care about some person he meets at night
that sounds wrong but y’all get the picture
here’s the thing though
he’s worried like
maybe you are getting the sleep you need and deserve, but like
he misses you
(even though it’s literally been like a week or two)
Somin: “looks like somebody’s got a crush~”
Matthew: “your point?”
so when he spots you on campus, he can’t help but to yell your name across the quad
….. and dramatically run to you to give you a hug
Matthew: “how’ve you been? I haven’t seen you in like a couple of weeks?”
you: “have you noticed that my eye bags have lightened?”
Matthew: “gimme your secrets”
and like…. Matthew’s friends are like, hello, we are here
they actually invite you out to go eat with them
so y’all go to the dining hall and end up there for like three hours
and Matthew walks back with you to your dorm room
Matthew: “so today was fun… but maybe…. we could go out on our own next time….?”
you: “...... like…… hang out???”
Matthew: “a date”
you: “o h… uM yEA H—I mean, sure, whatever’s cool bro”
he waits for you to go in and then when you’re sure he’s gone….
“I HAVE A DATE WITH A HOT ASS MAN. HOW THE F UC K.”
**cue your startled roommate**
after your first date, it all kinda pieced together
so…... first of all, gym dates
whether you’re for them or against them, you gonna get pulled in eventually
if you work out, y’all can work out together
if not, he gonna use you as gym equipment—kinda joking but not really because he can and WILL lift you
oH and because y’all have sleeping issues, you’ve been helping him out
y’all can actually sleep when you sleep together
noT LIKE THAT GET CHA NASTY ASS OUTTA THE GUTTER
(but lowkey sleep and sleep sleep, ya know ;)))
okay but actually he’s like a giant, warm heater—you’ve been able to sleep a bit more lately thanks to him
turns out Matthew’s a cuddler…… whether it’s sleep related or not
because Matthew’s real touchy
like no shame touchy
I’m talking arm around the waist or shoulder, hand-holding, lots of kisses all over your face, or just flat out hugging you from behind
you know… one of THOSE couples
Taehyung: “y’all look like penguins waddling in the cold”
Matthew: “penguins are cute, this is good”
you: “let’s just hold hands like normal people”
Jiwoo: “Matthew isn’t normal people”
but like, his friends all love you
because you make him really happy and take care of him
and vice versa, obviously
you’re always prepared to fight someone for him
some asswipe: “he’s probably just a fuckboy”
you: “AND YOU’RE IRRELEVANT YOU BIG PIECE OF SHIT SAY IT ONE MORE TIME ASSHO—”
Matthew, tosses you over his shoulder: “babe calm down”
you: “I REFUSE TO. THIS BITCH WANNA THROW HANDS. I’LL FUCKIN—”
………… yeah, Jiwoo and you get along real well
even though you have those fight instincts
he’s real protective of you
he won’t hurt a fly until it does anything to harm you
anyways, it’s just a beautiful relationship
you can bet he’s bragging about you somewhere…. or everywhere……
Matthew: “my partner is the cutest”
Seungcheol: “....... and what does this have to do with the weights?”
Matthew: “it has everything to do with weights”
oh um, by the way, Big Man Tiddie Team
Matthew says he loves you but like……. you suspect Wonho is your competition
Wonho: “hi, it’s nice to finally meet you”
you, narrows eyes: goddamn it, I understand why now
I don’t know why, but I see him interpreting your dreams…. or at least attempting to
it might just be the whole psych major thing
ayyways, you probably are gonna get spammed with odd messages from Matthew at some point
but it’s cute—he’s like a child
Matthew: look at this dog
Matthew: can we get one
Matthew: I got these couple hoodies by accident
Matthew: I have an idea—you, me, road trip, beach
Matthew: this reminded me of you
Matthew: it’s cute
Matthew: like you
even though you’re dating, he’s probably gonna use pick up lines on you
especially the psych ones….. because he thinks they’re funny……..
Matthew: “can I buy you a shrink?” ;)
Matthew: “wanna teach me about interpersonal relationships?”
Matthew: “can I get your number in my Long Term memory?”
Somin: “if you’re being held captive, send me a signal”
it’s okay though because he’s cute
y’all are cute
you: “you know, I almost thought I dreamt you up because I haven’t slept properly in so long”
Matthew: “I guess you can say, I’m the man of your dreams”
you: “............... you’re lucky you’re hot”
Surprise - Rin Matsuoka x Reader
Requested by @felceelisa: Can I request for a Free! Scenario where Rin’s girlfriend flies to Australia to see him after a long time they don’t see each other? Thank you😘
Of course you can. This is such a cute idea <3
Y’all better not sleep on this istg there might be mistakes I’m sorry I’m tired
Word count: 2,503
“What’s your plan for the day, babe?” Rin asked his girlfriend through the phone line, they’d been chatting for the past while and Rin was completely unaware of the surprise that you had in store for him.
“Not much, I’m feeling a little under the weather so I think I’ll just sleep it off…” You lied as you quietly threw your favourite dress into your suitcase. You held your phone between your ear and your shoulder as you strolled into your bathroom and began packing up your make-up, listening to Rin’s worried voice.
“Under the weather how?” He asked and you giggled at the image of him trying to coddle you long distance style, something he often tried but rarely worked out.
“It’s alright Rin-Rin, I think I’m just catching the flu, it’s been really cold in Japan so far this winter.” You told him, still packing quietly having made your way out of the bathroom and back to your case. It was now entirely packed and all you needed was to finish up talking to Rin and close it up, you'd do it over the phone but you didn't want the sound of the zip to blow your story.
“Hm… Alright baby, just make sure you drink plenty of water, and don't sleep for too long, it's still really early and you'll feel even worse if you can't sleep tonight, you hear me?” Rin lectured you softly but firmly to which you couldn't help but smile.
“Yeah I hear you, love. You better get going your morning session starts soon right?” You inquired as you looked at the clock on your bedside table, you'd need to leave your apartment fairly soon if you didn't want to be in a rush.
“I guess so, get something to drink and keep warm, okay? I love you.” He told you again softly while you smiled and fiddled with the zip of your open case.
“Will do, now get off of the phone and go to practice. I'll call you when I wake up. I looooove you~” You chirped out, living for the chuckle that sounded from the other end of the line.
“Will do, chief. Catch you later, babe.” With that the call ended and you hurriedly zipped up your case and grabbed your purse, making sure you had everything you needed you headed for your front door.
Quickly you left your apartment, locked the door behind you, loaded your case in the trunk of your car, got yourself in and started driving.
You'd been planning this surprise for months, you'd spent countless hours making sure that your timing would be absolutely perfect, calling people up, making sure everyone you needed for the plan to be a success knew what they needed to do. It was going to be perfectly perfect, you've made sure of it.
Rin was gonna have no idea what hit him.
Soon enough your car pulled up to the airport car park and the butterflies in your stomach awoke along with your excitement.
It was hard to believe that it had been a year since you'd seen Rin, a year since you've hugged him, kissed him, heard his voice with your own ears rather than through a crackling phone line, but, soon enough your wait would be over and you'd finally be able to see the absolute love of your life again.
Your flight was a direct one to Sydney and it wasn't due to take off for another three hours as you made sure you'd gotten to the airport with plenty of time to spare, there was no way in hell you were going to miss this flight. In all honesty another day without Rin would surely kill you at this stage.
One thing you didn't enjoy was the nerves that were building up in your stomach, slowly but surely. In reality there wasn't much for you to be nervous about but you couldn't help it.
Taking a deep breath, you reassured yourself. Rin would be over the moon when he sees you, he'll probably cry he'll be that happy. You know exactly where he keeps his spare key to his apartment and how to get there so that wouldn't be a problem and the fact that you had perfect English would make sure you stayed golden until you had Rin as your guide again. There was absolutely nothing to worry about.
“Passengers traveling on Flight 483 to Sydney please make your way to gate 103, boarding will begin shortly, thank you.”
Lost in your thoughts, you hadn’t realized how much time you’d spent over-thinking and reassuring but you began to make your way to your gate anyway and before you knew it you were seated by a window on a plane that in around 9 hours would have you in the place where you needed to be.
The flight was long and boring and it took what felt like forever to actually get to Sydney, but you kept yourself busy with your thoughts that were running wild in your head. Unsurprisingly it was Rin that was causing havoc inside your head, you’d been thinking about your guys’ entire relationship throughout the duration of your flight and you couldn’t help but wonder about the future for you two.
You’d been dating Rin for the past 3 years but you’d known each other for about 5. You’d started going out in your third year of highschool and stayed strong since, when you first met you’d been managing the Iwatobi swim club with his little sister Gou and you weren’t sure what to think of him, he seemed to be a dick to your friends but Gou told you that he was actually a pretty good guy, you tended to leave each other alone so you didn’t really have anything to say about him until Iwatobi went on their training camp and you’d ran into him jogging during the night. You both got to talking and for whatever reason you had given him your number and he’d actually texted you not long after you parted ways that night.
After that you both started to build up a friendship that, according to the members of both swim teams, “painfully slowly” turned into a relationship.
In all honesty in the space of 5 years there was nobody that could make you feel the way he did, nobody who could piss you off as much, nobody who could show you so much raw passion and most definitely nobody who could show you was much love and compassion. He was one in a million and what made it so much better was the fact that you knew that’s how he thinks of you too.
Even though you were both still so young you really couldn’t see yourself ever being as happy with someone else as you are with Rin Matsuoka and as you made your way through the arrivals gate of Sydney airport with a small smile on your face you hoped you’d stay together for a very, very, very long time.
Rin’s apartment wasn’t too far from the airport, luckily, it was only around a 20 minute cab ride and you spent the 20 minutes texting excitedly in the group chat you’d made with the members of Rin’s former swim team and your own, a group chat you made to ensure everyone knew of and wouldn’t blow your plan.
You: I just landed in Sydney! I’m on my way to Rin’s apartment now… 😅
Gou: This is so exciting! You might wanna text him soon tho he keeps asking the guys to go to your apartment and check on you 🙄
Haru: I told him you were still sleeping not too long ago and he freaked out
You: What why?
Makoto: Don’t worry I was with Haru and I told him that we woke you up so you could eat before going back to sleep ☺️👍
You: Thanks you guys 🙏🙏
Rei: Aha Rin really has people doing the rounds for (Y/n) today, huh? 😂
Nagisa: Because he loooooooooooooooves her~~~ 😍😍😍😍😍
Gou: Tell us something we don’t know
You: Alright you guys, I should be pulling up to his apartment block soon, you’re sure he wasn’t onto me?
Sousuke: Nope, he thinks you’re sick and if we milk it any longer he’ll probably fly over here to nurse you back to health 😑😂
Nitori: And Mikhail just texted me to say Rin’s just finished his training for today and should be leaving in around 15 minutes which leaves you with 30 minutes until he’s back 👍😀
You: Nitori you're a star thank you so much! 😭💞
Momo: Good luck, (Y/n)! This is like something out of a romance movie 😭😭
Nagisa: A romance movie that would make Rin-Rin cry 😅
Sousuke: He's gonna do more than cry when he sees (Y/n) I can tell you that much 😏
You: Alright you guys let's keep this romance movie PG-13 😳
Haru: Stay safe…
You: Will do, dad 🙄
Sousuke: … There's a joke here 😏😂
Gou: Gross 🤮
You: Oh would you look at that I'm conveniently here 😅😅 I'll tell you all how it goes thanks for all the help! 🙏❤️
Makoto: Good luck! 💚
Nagisa: Have fun! 💛💛💛
Haru: Tell him I said hi
Rei: Have fun, I hope everything goes beautifully 💜🙏
Gou: GOOD LUCK!!!! 💞💞
Sousuke: Use protection 😏😏
Momo: ^^ also good luck ☺️
You: Who even are you two? 😂
Nitori: He just left practice, good luck (Y/n)!
Laughing you tucked your phone into your pocket, you wouldn't lie to yourself and completely disagree with what Sousuke was insinuating, but to be completely fair it had been over a year and even if it hadn't been…
Thanking the cab driver you paid him and stepped out of the car, making your way towards the entrance of Rin's apartment building dragging your suitcase behind you with a skip in your step.
Once you got in you excitedly and as quickly as your legs could lug you and your heavy suitcase up the stairs, you made it to Rin's floor and took a deep inhale once you were stood in front of his door. This was it.
Stretching up to the top of his door frame you swiped your fingers across the wood and grabbed the key, wasting no time you slipped the key into the lock and opened the door with a shaky hand.
After letting yourself in and shutting the door behind you, it finally hit you.
You were in Australia and in about 7 minutes your boyfriend of three years would walk through the door and you’d see him in the flesh for the first time in a year, exhaling a shaky breath you sat down on the edge of his bed, fiddling with the ends of the blue duvet gently. In an attempt to calm yourself down you scanned the fairly small apartment, spotting a brown framed picture on his bedside locker you couldn’t help the smile on your face as you reached over and grabbed it.
It was a group picture with Haru, Makoto, Nagisa, Rei, Gou, Momo, Nitori,, Sousuke, Rin and you that you’d all taken together the last time Rin had been home as a kind of reunion thing before he left again, everyone was smiling, even Haru. In all honesty it was an amazing photo but it’s structure resembled some sort of class photo, the realization made you giggle lightly and as soon as the sound left your mouth the noise of Rin’s door rattling began.
Quickly you set the frame back in it’s spot and stood up, patting yourself down and fixing your hair slightly as the door opened wide and he stood there in the doorway, his head down and looking at his phone, yet to notice your presence.
It seemed so surreal, he was right in front of you, you’d almost ran to him the second you saw him standing there but the fact he hadn’t noticed you standing right in front of him yet was too good, you wanted to see how long it’d take him.
Eyes still locked on his phone, he threw his duffel bag down on the floor and walked into his bathroom, you almost laughed as your phone began to buzz in your pocket, taking it out you couldn’t hold in your laughter anymore when you saw that it was Rin who was calling you, sliding your thumb across the screen to answer you help the phone up to your ear and let out a laugh, “Why hello there.”
Your laughter came out in full force as Rin backed out of his bathroom, the phone still held against his ear and his eyes wide with shock.
“I was wondering how long it’d take you to notice…” You said doubled over slightly, your hand on your stomach and small tears forming in the corners of your eyes, Rin still didn’t move, just stared in confusion and slowly lowered his phone from his ear.
When your laughter subsided you looked up to meet his gaze that was already filling with tears and you couldn’t help but want to cry yourself.
Rin’s legs seemed to move on their own accord as his phone was now abandoned and his arms had you pulled against his chest, you could hear the way his heart was beating out of his chest as you wrapped your arms around his middle tightly, closing your eyes and inhaling his scent you ran your hands up and down his back all while pushing him closer to you.
“When did you- what?” He stuttered out pulling away and bringing his hands up to cup your face, tears falling down his cheeks. Giving him a shaky smile you leaned into his touch, “Surprise.”
He only shook his head at you in disbelief, a smile forming on his face as he leaned down, pressing his lips to yours with all the passion you’d missed in the last 12 months, his lips moved in sync with yours and your hands slid up to tangle in his soft hair, tugging softly as his own hands slid down to your hips, pulling you closer and the smirk on his face breaking the kiss.
You’d never seen a boy who could have a face full of tear stains, glossy eyes and a smirk at the same time and still be able to make your knees weak but Rin Matsuoka was something else.
“Don’t seem under the weather to me.” He pointed out, his smirk turning into a soft smile as he watched you giggle up at him, “I slept it off on the plane…”
Shaking his head again he gave you a shark toothed smile, “You know you’re not leaving my side ever again, right?” He joked his face coming close to yours as you messed and tugged gently at his hair giving him a cheeky smile, “That’s what I was hoping for.”
Hi darlings! It’s May! So first thing first, THIS IS NOT AN IMAGINE OR UPDATE. ITS JUST ME TELLING MY EXPERIENCE ABOUT MY HARRY SHOW. YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ IT IF YOU WANT TO. I saw a bunch of people doing threads and posting about how wonderful their time is and I was like I want to do it! I, in no way am trying to show off or brag about it. I just want to post it here because I’m friendly with y’all and I’ll just have the story on here for safe keeping. So ignore if you want(I put the keep reading for that) but yeah here’s my concert experience. WARNING: BELOW THE CUT IS A LONG LONG LONG POST. ENJOY THE SHAKY VIDEOS AND MY ANNOYING VOICE. This all happened one month ago ughh procrastination is the devil
I WENT TO SEE HARRY FUCKING STYLES LIVE IN CONCERT NIGHT TWO MSG AND I BLEW A KISS AT HARRY AND HE BLEW A KISS BACK.
. . .
he knows I exist.
Harry Styles knows I goddamn exist.
okay, let’s me backtrack a day or two before my concert. Actually a week, shall we?
So, it’s a week before Harry’s shows in nyc and I’m at home in Brooklyn with no harry tickets for none of the nights because of course 1. Both nights are sold out 2. I couldn’t buy tickets online from strangers cause y’all ever heard of scams? So, I’m at home in misery cause all over my twitter all my mutuals are tweeting how excited they are to go and I’m like “fUcKiNg GrEaT!” I’m pretty sure I posted shit of me gloating on here. ANYWAYS FAST FORWARD TO JUNE 21st, 2018(Harry’s first night/show at msg) and I’m on my living rooms couch on twitter. AND I DONT KNOW IF IT WAS THE UNIVERSE SAYING ‘WE GOT YOU HONEY’ or just a coincidence but the first thing i See is on my timeline is a tweet from ticketmaster saying along the lines of “Due to miscounting . . . There are tickets available for Harry Styles at msg night two . . .SALE” and I . . .i can’t even explain how I felt. It was like destiny. Like “SIS YOU WERENT MEANT TO GET TICKETS A LONG TIME AGO YOURE SUPPOSED TO GET THEM NOW. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE” and I was like “fuck it! I’m going to see my mans in concert and I couldn’t care about how shitty the seats are. It’s Harry of all people” so, I download the Ticketmaster app and ask my mom and my chill ass mom is like ‘really? The day before? This is a sign. God must really want you to see harry” and I’m like “YES”. So I use my moms card(I payed her back after) and buy the two tickets. AND LET ME JUST SAY! THE TICKETS! I GOT LUCKY WITH THE TICKETS. My tickets were seat 8 and 9, row 7, section 113
DO YALL KNOW WHERE THAT IS? THATS RIGHT NEXT TO THE STAGE! THATS THE SIDE BACK OF THE STAGE. And remember Harry’s stage is 360 honeys so I was hyped up. Honestly I thought it’s row 7, it’s not like we are in front! It’s not like he’s gonna see us. I’m bringing this up later cause well, you’ll see. But just remember I’m row 7. So I print out my tickets and I text my friends “HOES GUESS WHAT?” And I immediately text my best friend emmy(her nickname) “BISH IDGAF ABOUT YOUR STRICT PARENTS I WILL DRAG AND SNEAK YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR THIS WE AINT MISSING HARRY. WE AINT MISSING SEEING THE MAN IVE BEEN IN LOVE WIG SINCE 2012” and thank god her parents said yes. Emmy and I spent like the next two hours like “Oh let’s make a sign that’s says sing Shania Twain still the one Harry!” and we talked about “what should we do in the city tomorrow before Harry’s show?” Our show day was a very busy day for us. Ready? Let’s go!
So, in the morning I had a college orientation with Emmy and my other friend(I’m calling her Anna for privacy reasons). I arrived there early so from 9:15 am, Anna Emmy and I were learning about our college and making our schedule. We left around 12:30 pm. Emmy and I decided to leave for the city after but we had to pee first so THANK YOU ANNA FOR LIVING CLOSE TO COLLEGE AND ALLOWING US TO USE YOUR BATHROOM. GRACIAS. Oooooh, fun fact: June 22nd was also my graduation date but Emmy and I wasn’t going in the first place so YAY!
Anyways we said goodbye to Anna and we took the train to the city. We stopped at canal street and went to Greenwich village? Why? My friend Emmy is a huge fan of Justin Bieber and 5 Seconds of Summer so we were just like “fuck it! Let’s go hunting for them! Maybe today’s our lucky day” so we are in Greenwich which justin was spotted in but with our luck we couldn’t find him. We were like ‘oh well! Let’s just stroll around’ so we walk and GUESS WHICH APARTMENT BUILDING WE WERE ABOUT TO WALK PAST BY?
HARRY’S. WE WERE ABOUT TO PAST HARRYS APARTMENT. WE WERE ABOUT TO WALK WHERE HARRY WALK. IM TOO HEADASS FOR HIM(btw I don’t stalk him, I didn’t stand outside his building, his apartment address is publicly online and I did not mean to walk past his apartment, IT JUST HAPPENED) I take out my phone and tell emmy where we were and luckily I took a sneak picture low quality of the building. BUT EMMY! EMMY! She was like “I WANT A GOOD QUALITY PICTURE!” Emmy goes, takes a picture of the doors and the security guards give her a mean look from inside the building. And we are like “ABORT MISSION! ABORT!” Moving on, we’re like if we can’t find Justin, we’ll try 5 Seconds of Summer. And guess what? We can’t find them either! At this time it was like, 3 or 4 Pm? And I really need to sit down cause ya girl has no energy whatsoever. So we take the train and go to the area where msg is and we get pizza. Btw msg area is mad busy. Like really busy. Continuing, we finish our pizza. We go check out the outside of msg and I learn that we aren’t allowed in until 6 pm(I heard it from girls outside) And i’m like okay? So Emmy and I buy and get these pride flags and we go to wait and sit outside where the driveway is. So we wait there for like an hour hoping we see anyone but we don’t cause that’s out fucking luck. But we saw like a dressing bag like the ones where suit and dresses are carried in. We highly doubt it was Harry’s suit but hey? Oh and I took a picture right here
Anyways it 6, we go inside, get through scanning and while we are in line, everyone decided to airdrop one direction memes and of course I joined
We were let in at 6:45 pm and we were going to our section. By going, WE RAN. Literally we had to be stopped by a security guard to see our tickets. I’m getting off point but we get to our section and I’m expecting us to be in the middle cause it says row 7. And Emmy tells me we are in the second row and I was just like “??? Our ticket say row 7” and Emmy shows me that the section starts with row 6 and I was just like “BITCH WE’RE CLOSER THAN I THOUGHT. WE’RE ROW 2 ACTUALLY”. So we were seated between where Sarah and Adam was going to be. This was our view
Then we put our shit down, I went to get my harry merch(I got a shirt) and we sat there in our seats waiting for Kacey to start at 8:30 and KACEY IS SO CUTE YALL HAVE NO IDEA SHE IS THE YEEHAW QUEEN. I USUALLY DONT LIKE COUNTRY MUSIC BUT THIS SISTER GOT SOME TUNES. Here’s me singing along(eXcUsE my cringy premature voice I’m 19) I was going crazy during crazy
Then Kacey leaves and we gotta wait another 40 minutes for Harry. I kid you not the whole arena was singing Olivia by 1d even the security guard was shook af
As I was saying, we had to wait 40 minutes more for Harry so it was like 9:30 and FUCKING FINALLY HE COMES OUT AND I SWEAR EVERYONE LOST IT
ONLY ANGEL STARTED TO PLAY AND EVERYONE WAS SCREAMING. HE WAS SHINING IN HIS GODDAMN CALVIN KLEIN BLUE SUIT AND ISTG I KEPT TELLING MYSELF “BLOW KISSES AT HARRY! BLOW KISSES AT HARRY” SO THIS BISH HARRY COMES TO OUR SECTION I BLOW A KISS AT HIM LIKE THIS AND IDK IF HE SAW ME BUT HE BLEW A KISS WITH HIS HAND TO OUR SECTION AND YES IT GOT CAUGHT ON FUCKING CAMERA HOES
I WAS FUCKING SHAKING. CAUSE I WAS CERTAIN DURING THE CHAIN HE BLEW A KISS BACK AND IF HE BLEW A KISS AT ME DURING ONLY ANGEL IT WOULD BE THE FIRST OF TWO my heart is racing just remembering it. I’ll continue. So he finishes only angel and he introduces himself and he’s so cute I can’t even
Then they play woman and someone threw a bra on stage and I was screaming inside
Then they play Carolina, Stockholm syndrome, Anna, esny, jalboyh and finally fucking MEDICINE. I was going crazy during medicine as we all should. Sarah and Adam were fucking ripping the song up and I couldn’t be more proud. Then Harry talked to the crowd more and THIS HOE CALLED THE BACK(aka us) HIS BEST FRIENDS AND IM JUST LIKE THANK YOU. Then they start to play meet me in the hallway and the goddamn back screen goes down, blocking us from seeing Harry perform the song. EMMY AND I KEPT SHOUTING DISRESPECT AND THE GIRLS IN FRONT OF US WERE LAUGHING. then he the screen lifted up again as he finished the song and he goes down the walk to the b stage with mitch. Mitch is so cute fam. And we could see him get a bunch of flowers and I’m like “it’s what he deserves”. So he’s on b stage now and he begins to sing sweet creature and iicf AND DURING IICF WE ALL HAD OUR FLASHLIGHTS ON IT WAS SO NICE AND LIKE HEAVEN. MY BABY HARRY STARTED TO TEAR UP DURING THE SONG AND I JUST WANTED TO HUG HIM. OOH AND WHILE THEY WERE ON B STAGE, SARAH ADAM AND CLARE WENT OFF THE MAIN STAGE. ADAM AND SARAH WERE TALKING OFF STAGE NEAR US I THINK I HAVE A VIDEO BUT ITS TOO DARK. BUT BASICALLY THEY WERE TALKING AND I GUESS IT WAS ABOUT HOW THEY WERE PLAYING CAUSE ADAM KEPT MAKING A GUITAR GESTURE AND ADAM HAD SUCH A GREAT SMILE AND SARAH WAS SO HAPPY So Harry and Mitch come back and they all play two ghosts and then wmyb
They finish wmyb and Harry talks to the crowd. He talks to a fan who was visiting from another country and he’s like “what did you do here?!?” being all excited. Then he talks to the girl who came with “I AM WITH CHILD” sign and then we found out she lied and harry criticizes her and he’s like “WE’RE ALL TRYING!” and I couldn’t stop laughing. Emmy said she lost some brain cells during that part. So harry begins to talk about sign of the times and me and Emmy were like “let’s shout FUCK TRUMP out loud”. WE DIDNT. We didn’t have the chance to but WE TRIED. The girls in front of us were smiling and laughing at us. I blame Harry cause he kept on talking so he couldn’t hear it anyways. Anyways sign of the times plays and everyone has their flashlights on. IT WAS MAGICAL.
So harry and the band leaves to do something and I’m like “wtf u going” so I start to record and they go under the stage. I guess they were doing a photo down there but they come back on a minute later.
They perform from the dining table and I WAS SO SAD I WAS READY TO FIGHT WHOEVER HURT MY BABY. then from the dining table was over and Harry’s like “I’m gonna sing another song” AND I FUCKING TOLD EMMY “WATCH IT BE STILL THE ONE” and BITCH I WAS CORRECT. So he brings Kacey on
They start to sing still the one and I was in my emotions fam and Kacey wore the rainbow dress and I was like YES QUEEN AND THEY BOTH MADE SO MUCH EYECONTACT IT WAS SO CUTE. Then Kacey leaves and they start to play the chain and I was like HELL YEAH AND DURING THE CHAIN HARRY SAID “DAMCE LIKE NO ONE IS NEXT TO YOU. YOURE NOT GOING TO SEE THESE PEOPLE TOMORROW” AND THAT HIT ME AND EVERYONE ELSE AND I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD THE WHOLE ARENA WAS SHAKING LIKE I COULDNT EVEN STAND BECAUSE I WAS AVOUT TO FALL FROM THE AMOUNT OF JUMPING GOING ON AND THIS IS WAS WHEN HE BLEW A KISS AT ME. SO ITS LIKE THE END OF THE SONG AND HE COMES TO THE BACK AND IMMEDIATELY START TO BLOW KISSES AT HIM WITH BOTH HANDS LIKE BEFORE AND I WAS PRETTY SURE HE SAW ME BECAUSE HE BLEW A KISS WITH BOTH HANDS IN MY DIRECTION AND THEN HE DID THAT TO ALL TE OTHER SECTIONS. BITCH I WAS SHAKING.
The chain ends and they start to play kiwi and I get sad af because I know it’s the last song and harrrys like “this is the last song” and inside I’m like “I KNOW HOE DONT RUB IT IN MY FACE” I have to applaud miss Sarah jones whose fucking drumming was amazing. She fuckingkilled it. Kiwi plays and everyone was losing their shit having the times of their lives and then in the middle of kiwi some girl splashed Harry with water and he sings “YOURE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT” HE GOES STRAIGHT SAVAGE AND SOAKS HER AND EVERYONE AROUND. kiwi finishes and Harry does the whale water spit and oh my god it was ICONIC AF. Harry leaves first then the rest of the band and I was just standing there like SHIT. Emmy had to drag me out. I felt wasted after the concert IT WAS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE. LET ME JUST TELL YOU IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO SEE HARRY LIVE GO FOR IT DONT MISS YA CHANCE. A WHOLE DIFFERENT SIDE OF ME EMERGED THAT NIGHT SO THANK YOU HAROLD I HAD PROBABKY THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE THANKS TO YOU. EMMY AND I GOT TO DANCE WITH OUR PRIDE FLAGS AND WERE SO HAPPY. HARRY MAKES HIS SHOWS SO WELCOMING AND HAPPY. MISS CLARE IS SO CUTE. MITCH AND SARAH ARE SUCH PARENTS AND ADAM IS SUXH A GREAT FRIENDLY PERSON I MISS THEM SO MUCH THATS IT I MISS MY CONCERT SO MUCH I CRY
ALL PHOTO AND VIDEOS ARE CREDITED TO ME AND MY FRIENDS. DONT STEAL. I’ll post the full versions of the videos i have on my twitter. TUMBLR IS A DICK FOR ONLY ALLOWING GIFS of them.
Btw should I also write about my 5sos iheartradio experience and seeing Harry at the Dunkirk premiere? Tell me if ya want to know byeeee
2017 Writing Reflection
*All answers should be about works published in 2017.
@horsegirlharry tagged me in this! I have been in a brief writing hiatus while I study for my licensing exam (read: I am all the way dead inside) and I miss it so, so much! Looking back over this year made me HYPE to return to the Peterick motherland in 2018.
1. List of works published this year:
Be Careful Making Wishes
Love’s A Universe
If It Helps You Control Yourself
Fall Out Boy: Live In Tokyo
Like A Chapel In A Hospital
Yes Or No, But No Maybes
Romance Is Dead
Joe Troh Band Ho
Leaves a Mark
The Mad Key
In Every Universe
The Difference Between Real Love and the Love On TV
Smash The Mirror, Break The Palm Reader’s Hand
Girl Out Boy
The Opposite of Amnesia
2. Work you are most proud of (and why):
This can’t possibly be a surprise to anyone because it’s all I can talk about, but GIRL OUT BOY. I found so much of myself in that story, far more than I ever expected to. I have never written anything more important or more impactful. Every single person who read it and told me it was important to them too, that they felt something, that it allowed them to understand their young selves differently or more kindly, made me cry. Literally every one of them. It’s the best thing I have ever done.
3. Work you are least proud of (and why):
I don’t know if I’ve ever published anything that I wasn’t proud of? I’m either arrogant or self-assured, idk. There’s stuff that turns cringey or embarrassing with age, of course, but I think everything I’ve put up this year is solid writing and good storytelling. The closest answer I have to this is that it’s really surreal that I posted two AFI fics this year, because it feels like it’s been a literal lifetime since I was in that headspace. I have an awkward-guilty relationship to my works in that fandom now, but I think that they are still good technically, and Small Things was an intensely personal and important piece about my ED experience, so I’m still glad I wrote it and proud of the work I put in.
4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:
My favorite single scene I wrote this year was the horseshoe crab scene in Girl Out Boy. It makes me laugh so hard. I almost copied and pasted the whole thing here before deciding on this:
What’s ‘boyfriend’ but another word for ‘someone who fucks other girls when you’re not looking’? No, Pete doesn’t belong to anybody anymore. Not even herself. Pete leaves grim, surly Andy at the bar, saying nonsensically, “Be our lighthouse. Guide us home” before she drags Pat out onto the cramped, sweaty dance floor.
Jo, of course, is already in the center of it, just as drunk as Pat and spinning like she personally was elected club disco ball. Pete grabs Jo by the hips and dances up on her, laughing when Jo realizes it’s her and starts grinding and booty popping with abandon. They dance til the club seems to spin of its own accord, three girls linked by heat and heartbeat and meant to be. Pete feels like the brightest thing in the room. She tips her head back, shows her throat to the ceiling ‘cause the sky’s all that she’ll submit to, laughs and laughs. If enough people see her having a good time, she must be. Happiness is brittle and splintery. It’s other people’s eyes that make things real.
Pete gets distracted for a little while by a Tall Dark and Random who hooks her by the belt loops and moves his body with a passion that moves her in return. She feels manageable under his big hands—like she can be broken down, bite-size, and swallowed. It is good to feel hands on her, like someone else is holding her together for once. His mouth is on her neck, stubble and teeth, and she thinks about how soft and vulnerable she is in all the places she gives away, how bitter and rough she is in those few hardscrabble places she keeps for herself. She’s just drunk enough to be strung between caring too much about everything and not caring about anything. His hands on her body either feel good or like nothing at all.
5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:
Okay, like I said, literally every comment I got on Girl Out Boy is basically etched on my heart forever, so this is impossible. One person said “Your writing is always where fic and lyrics collide” though, and that was pretty amazing, because I spend a lot of time steeping in lyrics and then weaving them into fic, and I’m always delighted when people have a positive response to that. Another amazing comment was when someone proposed marriage to my tryst theory and then we planned the wedding together. (It’s next Halloween. You’re all invited.)
6. A time when writing was really, really hard:
I very nearly died while writing Smash The Mirror, Break The Palm Reader’s Hand. I was so absolutely stuck and running up against a deadline, and I felt like every word of it was garbage, and it sucked to have to fight and struggle so hard for each word when it seemed like I was producing crap. Luckily my amazing beta @immoral-crow came along and said kind, soft things, and I started to see value in the work and get excited. I’m really fond of the fic now, and I love how it came out all dreamy—I was trying to channel Sarah McCarry or Francesca Lia Block and I think I did okay at that. I’m a pretty lazy writer—when it’s not working or doesn’t feel good, I’ll usually stop and come back later when things are flowing. Which means that I have noooo self-discipline when I’m up against a wall, and I get very pitiful. I complaind more in the month I was writing that fic than I did in the rest of 2017 combined, probably. Me every 2 seconds: why is it sooooooooo hard, why is my life like this, cut off my hands I shall never write again
7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:
They surprise me constantly! I’m a discovery writer—it’s fun for me because I generally have no idea what’s going to happen next and I’m delighted when the characters show me. One surprise was when I was writing The Difference Between Real Love and the Love On TV, and I had to write a sex scene but it kept ending itself in a fade-out and then I’d have to go back and try again. That’s why the big sex scene in that fic plays like the end of Lord of the Rings. I couldn’t write it through without a million cut-aways.
8. How did you grow as a writer this year:
- I wrote about queer women and their interiority in a really intentional way, which challenged me and moved me and helped me know myself better.
- I did Bandom Big Bang, wrote a fic-by-request for a fundraiser, and participated in Bandom Bingo 2017. That’s a lot of writing for specific prompts and on specific timelines that was different for me—usually I just write what I feel when I feel it. I’ve definitely been learning better discipline as a result.
- I’ve always been a really personal writer, but somehow it took me this long to realize that instead of writing out my issues through band member proxies, I could literally make them queer women and figure out my shit directly. An unusually large bit of what you’ve read of my work this year is cribbed directly from my life or my experiences.
- I made more writer friends and deliberately read and commented on more fic and I started working with a beta for the first time in my life!
9. How do you hope to grow next year:
I want to do even more of the above! Especially reading other people’s fic. I read a ton of traditionally published books, but I learned how to write from fanfiction and I want to get back into the habit of reading more of it! Yeah, that’s an open invitation to send in your recs.
I’m also hoping to work with my new pal @conditionsofhappiness to learn how to do that neat writerly thing called ‘revision’ and get more disciplined. And I want to focus more on representation in my work, especially making room for POV characters of color, because that’s something we aren’t great at in fandom and I think we could do better. (That’s why I wrote Saint Anthony, and it’s the best short thing I’ve written in ages! I’m hoping to do more of that in 2018.)
10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):
@immoral-crow, who is there for me for every problem whether it’s in-story or not. She betas my life as well as my work, and she always has something to say that I need to hear. She helps me celebrate women and rage at the heteropatriarchy, we read amazing books together, her kindness may well be bottomless, and sometimes, if I am very very good, she Facetimes me drunk and pink and silly. She’s my first beta after 15 years of writing rogue, and I have no idea how I ever lived without her.
@horsegirlharry, who journeyed out of the black pit of AFI fandom with me this year (we climbed a ladder of rainbows to escape) and has celebrated fandom community and girlhood and softness and vulnerability with me all year. She is the staunchest supporter of my commitment to the FOB fandom, to goodness and love, and to whatever project I’m excited about. I am so proud of both of us for how we’ve let ourselves grow!
And any of you who have read my work and told me how it impacted you. That shit literally keeps me going. This year and every year, I would not exist without you guys.
11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:
Always. I am more obsessed with my relationship with myself and my own past than Pete Wentz, istg. The most egregiously stolen-from-my-life things this year are the entire fic Small Things and the Girlsploration of Pat Stump in Girl Out Boy, when she’s reviewing her history and realizing belatedly how incredibly gay it is. Every story about every girl Pat recalls in that bit literally actually happened to me. My life is so specifically embarrassing.
12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:
> Write! The most amazing thing about writing is that you can package up something deeply personal and true about you and just—send it out into the ether. That means people who are ideally suited to befriend and care for you are likely to find it, to find you. I make most of my friends by posting fanfiction on the internet and letting nice strangers bound up to me and start conversations. It doesn’t matter what you’re writing or if it’s ‘good enough.’ The way to get connected to your community and find your people, the way to get better and to learn, the way to get involved in something that will inspire and motivate you and possibly change your life, is just to write and put it out there. I didn’t expect a single person to read Girl Out Boy but I wanted to write it anyway, so I did, and it’s the best thing I did with my whole year. So seriously. Write.
> Some people are assholes and that’s okay. You’re writing for yourself and your friends. Anyone who doesn’t fall into those categories is humbly invited to choose any dick in the world and suck it. Seriously—if someone is hurting you, you don’t need to listen to them, and that doesn’t mean you’ll be a bad writer. Relatedly: if you aren’t enjoying your work, put it down. Write something else. This should feel good.
> Write 20 Minutes. This is how I bully myself when I’m procrastinating or having trouble getting into a flow. Make a commitment to spend 20 minutes really writing—no tumblr, no cell phone, no distractions. Turn off the wifi. Put your phone under a pillow in the other room. And just write, or try to, really honestly for 20 minutes. When the timer goes off, if it still feels sucky, stop! Writing isn’t working today so don’t worry about it! You made a serious attempt, and now you don’t have to feel guilty. Seriously, guilt will kill you. It will never help you produce more words. Try being kind to yourself instead. You’re doing great, even if you only got seven and a half words down in that whole 20 minutes.
> Take a notebook out in public and write! This is one of my favorite treats to myself, even though it’s hard to make myself actually leave my cozy house when the moment comes. In public, you will be so bored and avoidant of stranger small talk that you’ll be forced to focus on your work. It’s also really nice to get a change of scenery, and signal to your brain that it’s time to be intentional and engaged! Try coffee shops and libraries and parks and whatever the most beautiful places are in your town.
13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:
If you saw the length of the “Peterick Ideas” doc in my phone you would be horrified. Um, I want to write everything all the time! I’m already thinking about the next installment of Girl Out Boy (it has a playlist), I’m planning a StormPilot fic, and I’m open to suggestions.
14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read.
@leyley09, @immoral-crow, and @beckettsthoughts!
Have you met someone on tumblr you are thankful for? (:
OH, OF COURSE! Tbh I met here the best people ever, that I hope will stay in my life forever, like everyone is so nice to me and I feel so happy that there are people I can always talk to and we can always support each other!
so first of all @zerodramarama I don’t wanna get sappy and just cry rn but Ashley is someone that I am so happy to have in my life! She means so much to me and I hope she knows that I love her so much! #CASH forever T^T💕
@gloomybow1 is someone I met on here and it turned out that we live in the same country, so now we are irl friends, I love her so much and she is a wonderful human that I wanna keep in my life!💕💕
Same goes to @r3dhawk we met on here through Gloomy and now we’re irl friends and I couldn’t be more thankful for having her in my life! 💕💕
@jeonsberry Asya is an angel on earth! Istg, she is a blessing and she’s the nicest person there is. She will always make sure that everyone around her is happy and she cares about everyone, a gold hearted angel!
@jungkookio Alicia is such an amazing person that I’m very thankful for! She makes my dash more beautiful, especially with her selfies, she is also so talented and makes me happy!
@saltyghostsuga a great person with great content that simply makes me happy! She’s funny and relatable and she’s so nice and cares about her mutuals a lot!
@wortmalerei even tho we haven’t been talking for a long time, I am very happy we do now. I’m happy I can have someone like that in my life ^^ I love talkig with her, it always makes me happy!
@papa-seokjin it turned out today we’ve been mutuals for 9 months and started talking today hahah But I always felt like we were good mutuals that communicated through our content and I am thankful for that as well
@namjobava I love Ava so much T^T She made me realise so many things and changed my way of thinking on so many topics as well! I miss her so much, but I know she’s making her dreams come true rn and she’s working her butt off!
@softssound Courtney is another person I miss so much but I know she’s working so hard now! She is someone who I can talk to about anything and is just such a wonderful person overall!!
I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH, THANK YOU FOR EXISTING!
Do the questions from 1 - 121 then if you're so bored hihi
thanks tbh i’m so bored
1. Whowas the last person you held hands with?
a girl in my class
2. Areyou outgoing or shy?
3. Whoare you looking forward to seeing?
greta in an hour
4. Areyou easy to get along with?
idk tbh? i guess?
5. Ifyou were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
i don’t like anyone romantically rn and i highly doubt i will any time soon but if i was drunk my sis would probably take care of me
6. Whatkind of people are you attracted to?
kind and intelligent people with warm smiles and also if the have a good sense of humor (as in looks: idk tbh i think a lot of people are attractive, idk if i have a certain type)
7. Doyou think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
8. Whofrom the opposite gender is on your mind?
atm no one
9. Doestalking about sex make you uncomfortable?
10. Whowas the last person you had a deep conversation with?
i can’t remember bc i have the memory of a fly
11. Whatdoes the most recent text that you sent say?
“Alles klar dann?”
12. Whatare your 5 favorite songs right now?
Monsta X - Beautiful, Monsta X - Oi, Monsta X - Incomparable, Monsta X - Ready or not, Monsta x - Need you and literally every other song fom their most recent album
13. Doyou like it when people play with your hair?
Y E S and do you know how man people are playing with my hair rn? NONE, seriously the audacity...
14. Doyou believe in luck and miracles?
idk tbh luck yes, miracles not so much
15. Whatthing are you looking forward to the most?
sleeping bc today was a long day for me and i’m so exhausted
16. Wouldyou kiss the last person you kissed again?
never really kissed anyone or at least it doesn’t really count
17. Doyou think there is life on other planets?
obviously, we can’t be the only beings in this entire universe, there are so many galaxies out there
18. Doyou still talk to your first crush?
19. Doyou like bubble baths?
20. Doyou like your neighbors?
they’re alright (apart from like one family, they are so fucking disgusting)
21. Whatare your bad habits?
playing with my lips till they’re dry and hit and playing with like single strings of hair ugh
22. Wherewould you like to travel?
England (i’m going there in 2 months!!), Japan (especially Osaka and maybe Tokyo), i also really wanna fly to Turkey again i miss it so much
23. Doyou have trust issues?
24. Whatpart of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
literally every single one lmao
25. Doyou wish your skin was lighter or darker?
a bit darker since i’m so are istg why can’t i have tan skin like my mom
26. Whoare you most comfortable around?
my sister and my friends
27. Haveany of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
don’t have any exes
28. Doyou ever want to get married?
idk tbh i can’t imagine anyone loving me so much that they would marry me
29. Isyour hair long enough for a pony tail?
30. Spellyour name with your chin.
31. Doyou play sports? What sports?
in p.e class yeah lol
32. Wouldyou rather live without TV or music?
without TV definetly, music means everything to me along with art
33. Haveyou ever liked someone and never told them?
yes lol my first crush in like kindergarten and elementary school
34. Whatdo you say during awkward silences?
nothing i’m usually on my phone then lol
35. Describeyour dream girl/guy?
someone kind with a warm smile and nice humor who loves me as much as i love them and makes me happy and won’t hurt me on purpose
36. Whatdo you want to do after high school?
37. Doyou believe everyone deserves a second chance?
not everyone, rapists, pedophiles etc and people who have hurt others on purpose don’t.
38. Ifyour being extremely quiet what does it mean?
i’m either really hurt, jealous af or angry
39. Doyou smile at strangers?
40. Whatmakes you get out of bed in the morning?
nothing tbh, i guess the fact that i have to go to school
41. Whatare you paranoid about?
everyone secretly hating me and getting sick of me and leaving me lol thanks @ my anxiety
42. Haveyou ever been high?
43. Haveyou ever been drunk?
44. Haveyou done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
idk not really
45. Everwished you were someone else?
46. Onething you wish you could change about yourself?
47. Lastthing you ate?
48. Firstthing you ate this morning?
49. Everwon a competition? For what?
50. Beensuspended/expelled? For what?
51. Beenarrested? For what?
no, i’ve always been one of the good kids lol
52. Everbeen in love?
53. Tellus the story of your first kiss?
i don’t count it as my first kiss so i haven’t had one yet lol
54. Doyou like your internet friends more than your real friends?
no they’re all on the same level lol
55. Facebookor Twitter?
56. Twitteror Tumblr?
57. Namesof your bestfriends?
i don’t like the term best friend so my closest friends would be Mina, Greta and Jules
58. Howmany pillows do you sleep with?
59. Doyou sleep with stuffed animals?
not anymore no
60. Howmany stuffed animals do you think you have?
a lot lol
61. Whatcolour is your underwear?
62. Favouriteice cream flavour?
orange but they don’t have it here anywhere anymore and that makes me so sad
63. Favouritetv show?
64. Firstperson you talked to today?
65. Lastperson you talked to today?
66. Namea person you love?
67. Isthere anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
so many people ugh
68. Ina fight with someone?
atm not really kind comlicated
69. Lastmovie you watched?
i can’t remember tbh
so many omg but for example one of my fav turkish actresses is Fahriye Evcen
also a lot but one of my forever favs is Will Smith
72. Howare you feeling?
not so great these past weeks have been shit again
73. Doyou have any medical conditions which affect how insecure you feel?
depression and anxiety lol
74. Doyou type fast?
75. Doyou regret anything from your past?
76. Doyou miss anyone from your past?
not really (if this counts: my grandpa who has passed away all these years ago tho)
77. Everbeen to a bonfire party?
don’t think so
78. Everbroken someone’s heart?
hopefully not omg but i don’t think so
79. Haveyou ever been on a horse?
yes twice lol
80. Whatshould you be doing?
getting ready to skpe with greta
81. Haveyou ever liked someone so much it hurt?
82. Doyou have trust issues?
83. Whowas the last person you cried in front of?
my sister i think
84. Whatwas your childhood nickname?
i don’t think there were any
85. Haveyou ever been out of your province/state?
86. Areyou listening to music right now?
yes to Bigbangs FXXK IT
87. Areyou afraid of the dark?
88. Ischeating ever okay?
89. Canyou keep white shoes clean?
i don’t really know i can’t remember the last time i had white shoes
90. Doyou believe in love at first sight?
91. Doyou believe in true love?
92. Whatmakes you happy?
rn knowing that i’m gonna be skyping with greta
93. Wouldyou change your name?
94. Whatyour zodiac sign?
95. Yourbestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
that isn’t really possible bc Jules has a girlfriend and wouldn’t fall in love with me lol
96. Who’sthe last person you had a deep conversation with?
either my sister or greta
97. Favouritelyrics right now?
the lyrics to Beautiful by Monsta X
98. Canyou count to one million?
99. Dumbestlie you ever told?
100. Do you sleep with yourdoors open or closed?
closed, i hate open doors
110. How tallare you?
around 1.60 cm
111. Curly orStraight hair?
i like both but curly hair is sooo nice omg
112. Brunetteor Blonde?
113. Summeror Winter?
neither but eeeh winter i guess
114. Nightor Day?
116. Areyou a vegetarian?
i don’t really label myself but as of now i don’t eat meat and stuff so yeah
117. Dark,milk or white chocolate?
dark when baking but milk when eating, i hate white chocolate
118. Wastoday a good day?
119. Marsor Snickers?
120. Doyou believe in ghosts?
121. Getthe closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on thatpage?
there aren’t any books next to me
thanks for asking!