#it breaks my heart because nc is my home and i want to stay but jfc we can barely afford to exist

[dolfin]

a friend of mine is looking to buy a house now that his wife is pregnant and the shit ass place we live is raising property taxes by 70% 🙃

[acourtofthought]

I love how the IC just can't seem to help themselves from rooting for Elucien:

“Who else thinks it’s a terrible idea to leave the three of them up at the House of Wind?” Cassian raised his hand as Rhys and Mor chuckled. The High Lord’s general said, “I give him an hour before he tries to see her.” “Thirty minutes,” Mor countered, sitting back down on the divan and crossing her legs.

“You come between a male and his mate, Nesta Archeron, and you’re going to learn about the consequences the hard way.”

“Poor Lucien,” Cassian said, smiling. “If Lucien shows up,” I corrected. No word about whether he would be joining us. Or remaining in that mausoleum Tamlin called a home. “My money’s on yes,” Cassian said. “Want to make a wager?”

“You couldn’t say a single word to him? A pleasant greeting?”

“He is a good male,” I repeated."

“Stay out of it. She’s not ready, and neither is he. Mor continued, “Just be patient. It’ll sort itself out. It always does.” Another kernel of truth.

Elain, the wretch, had taken the seat between Feyre and Varian, about as far from Lucien as she could get.

Cassian’s heart strained at the pain etching deep into Lucien’s face as he tried to hide his disappointment and longing.

“Do you think she and Lucien match well?”. But I will say that Lucien is loyal—fiercely so.”

"I'm talking about you, about to kiss Elain, in the middle of the hallway where anyone could see you....including her mate".

I didn't dare mention that if she had been wearing the enchanted gloves Lucien had gotten her last Solstice, nothing would have pierced them at all ".

And that's kind of a big deal when you consider that they have previously had reservations about Lucien because of their history with Tamlin and him. It would be so easy for them to encourage Elain to break the bond, to seek out companionship within the Night Court (say someone they're already good friends with). Instead we have Mor telling Feyre to give them time to sort themselves out before getting to know one another, we have Cassian feeling sad over Lucien's disappointment, we have Nesta mentally calling out Elain for sitting far away from Lucien, we have Feyre vouching for Lucien's character and thinking about the Solstice gift he had given her sister, we have Rhys acknowledging that Lucien's loyalty is worth noting, we have Rhys calling out Az for trying to hook up with Elain in the middle of the hallway which is disrespectful to Lucien.

In real life love doesn't happen according to what friends and families want for you but the characters aren't free thinking individuals who have no say in the direction the story is going. They are a product of SJMs voice and she uses them all to hint at where things are going (and I highly doubt SJM wants to tarnish every member of the IC who she loves by making them the villains who stand in the way of Az and Elain's true love 🤦). When Lucien has their backing for his bond, it's telling us something. When we see a positive progression in what some character initially thought about him in book 3 to how they feel about Lucien now, it's telling us something.

A last thought:

At this point they all probably realize there's a good chance that Lucien will never remain in the NC on a permanent basis. They know he's living in the human lands, they know he's still visiting Spring and interacting with Tamlin, and Feyre and Rhys know that he's the likely heir to Day Court. Yet knowing all that and knowing what that would most likely mean for Elain should they end up together and they are still supportive of Lucien's bond with Elain?

That's pretty major.

As much as no one ever wants to admit it, sometimes friends and family (especially ones you have a decent relationship with or whose opinion you respect) do see things with a clarity that you might not (especially if you're being stubborn over something). I do not take the ICs support of Elucien lightly or ignore what it might be hinting at for the future of the series.

[sundaysundaes]

Falling

Lee Donghyuck/Haechan X Reader | Smut, Fluff, Angst | NC-17 | 11K

Summary: In the absence of your warmth, Lee Donghyuck begins to reminisce the loving memories he’s shared with you in the past three years, regretting how your first fight turned into something that ended it all. Lyrics are taken from this beautiful song: Harry Style’s Falling.

Warnings: Unprotected sex (please practice safe sex!), oral sex, alcohol consumption, swearing

I'm in my bed

And you're not here

The small, barely prominent crack on the ceiling of his bedroom has always gone unnoticeable. It stands only as a silent witness of the meeting between a pair of plumps lips to redder ones, the breathless sounds of frantic moans, and the sacred exchange of loving words. But not tonight. Tonight, as he lays on his bed, sheets all crumpled but with the absence of your warmth, Donghyuck notices everything.

He notices how quiet his room—his entire apartment—feels when it’s only the sound of his own, soft breathing echoes through the air. The walls, the carpet, the bedsheets, the framed photographs that remind him of the joy that used to bloom on his face—everything feels monochromatic. Empty. Shallow. Because ever since you walked out of his life, you’ve taken all the colors with you, leaving him solely in black and white.

And there's no one to blame

But the drink in my wandering hands

With the bitter taste of vodka sitting on his tongue, Donghyuck closes his eyes, allowing himself to remember but not forgive the words he once said to you. 

Regrets start to suffocate him at once.

Forget what I said

It's not what I meant

And I can't take it back

I can't unpack the baggage you left

What hurts from a break-up is not the parting of two hearts, but the memories that had been drawn deep within them. It’s not the kiss that he misses, it’s the taste of your lips—the faint scent of strawberry that sits pale in comparison to your natural flavor. It’s the way they move against his own, timid at first then consuming all at once. And how there will be no other girl that will taste the same, feel the same, or emit the same kind of feelings from him.

It’s funny, Donghyuck thinks, how he can only see your smile behind his closed eyelids these days. But he doesn’t find himself laughing. He can’t even remember the last time he found a reason to smile, now that you’re gone.

The moon was hiding behind thick clouds, he remembers, that night when fate walked in and introduced you to one another.

Donghyuck’s eyes were glued to the silver screen, adrenaline pumping through his veins as he witnessed the battle between the villain and the protagonist grew deadly. The thrill of it soon perished, however, when a scent of chamomile shampoo fleeted through his nose.

Your head was falling onto his shoulder as you waned into your dreamland. Unbeknownst to you, you had been leaning your weight entirely to a stranger whose bergamot perfume compelled you to focus on anything besides the movie. It was as pleasant as it was distracting. But after being sleep deprived for three days, exhaustion finally took over and you fell asleep so deeply, you didn’t even have the strength to dream.

Your weight on his body was unfamiliar but it wasn’t uncomfortable for twenty-two years-old Lee Donghyuck. As he took a glance at your face, it wasn’t your beauty that kept him frozen—except for the gentle smile that broke on his lips. It was how peaceful you looked, almost like an enervated child curling up after spending her time chasing butterflies on the field.

Donghyuck shifted carefully on his seat, attempting his best to give you comfort by providing more space for you to lean your weight on. Then he stayed still, his smile never faltered away, the movie long forgotten. He didn’t spare a glance at the screen even when people were gasping at the sight of the protagonist dying in his lover’s arms. He was more intrigued by the thought of your name, wondering whether it would sound as nice as the smell of your shampoo.

When the credits rolled, Donghyuck told Mark and Jeno in hushed whispers to leave without him, throwing icy glares at them when they grinned devilishly at the sight of you sleeping on his shoulder. He went as further as kicking Jeno on the shin when his voice rose too loudly, afraid that he’d wake you up, which made the other man complain because certainly, the background music was louder than anything else in the room.

Nevertheless, you were still deep in your slumber.

Donghyuck begged for more time when one of the concessions workers asked him to leave. Refused and left with no other solution, he sighed and turned his head toward you.

“Hey,” he whispered, heart palpitating in anticipation of finally hearing your voice. “We have to go.”

His voice was foreign to your ears but it was so soothing, almost like a lullaby, that you snuggled closer, wanting to hear more of it. It took Donghyuck three times more with his cheeks reddening to call upon you until you finally found the power to detach yourself from your stupor.

“Hey there,” a boy—beautiful boy—with glowing, sun-kissed skin; round, enticing eyes; and a voice as sweet as honey, beamed at you with a smile so warm, it nearly melted your heart, and you decided ah, I don’t ever want to wake up from this dream.

It was when the usher popped into your vision, stating, “I’m sorry, Ma’am, but we’re closing,” that you internally screamed oh God, no, this isn’t a dream, what have I done?

“So that’s what he said.” Donghyuck’s smile was sheepish with a tint of teasing, and your heart moved on its own, yearning for him to display you another one. “But if you still have time to spare, we can go get some coffees or something. I can fill you in on the details.”

“A—” Your voice was hoarse from sleep, embarrassingly so. “About what?”

“About the movie you just missed.” The grin he showcased grew wider and this time, it was so utterly mischievous that you had to break your gaze before heat rushed to your face. “The fact that you’re here watching a movie by yourself must mean you’re interested to see how it ends. I can help you with that.”

“Umm—” You rummaged your purse, pretending like you were searching for something when it was only a poor excuse for you to not be captivated by his eyes longer than you already were. “It’s fine, I can look it up online.”

“But then what should I do with this?” He brought his right hand in the air, pursing his lips. “My arm’s falling asleep. Shouldn’t you take responsibility for it?”

The horrified look on your face made him laugh, and his laughter became the reason why you decided to throw all common sense away and just went with what felt right.

Awkward conversations made you anxious but they died before you could finish your coffee. They were reborn into something that was supposed to only be shared between friends instead of strangers, but with Donghyuck, everything felt so natural, you didn’t even find the will to question it. His affable, carefree attitude was almost inspiring, breaking through your facade as easy as counting his fingers.

“So, how come you went to the movies by yourself?” Donghyuck asked, his coffee long forgotten on the table as he was more drawn to you and the little smile you retained on your lips. “Boyfriend too busy to come along?”

A bit flustered, you brought your head down, hiding your eyes behind your fringe. “I don’t... have a boyfriend.”

Donghyuck raised an eyebrow, lying his chin on his palm as he rested his elbow on the table. The way he stared at you made your stomach flip, and he reciprocated with nothing but a hum, tapping a finger to his cheek. His tiny smile held a thousand meaning.

You hurriedly took a sip of your coffee. “I, uhh, I had some free time today and it’s my favorite movie franchise—I just got to see how it ended. But all my friends have seen it, so…”

“They didn’t invite you?”

“They did. I was just busy with work.”

His voice dropped an octave lower. “And they didn’t wait for you.”

“It’s—” Your chest tightened. “It’s fine, really. I mean, it would only make me feel bad if they waited for me. My schedule is crazy. I haven’t been sleeping properly for three days because of my deadlines.”

“Yeah, I noticed that.” He chuckled and you noticed how his teeth were a little jagged. “I could still smell your drool on my shirt, actually.”

“Oh my God,” you spluttered. “I’m—Please let me wash it for you.”

“And you expect me to walk home half-naked?” His naughty eyebrow raise made your skin tingle. “Or are you inviting me to stay over?” Seeing you part your mouth but lost for words, Donghyuck tittered. “I’m kidding. I would’ve waited for you. No matter how busy you were, I would. And even if I’ve watched it first, I wouldn’t mind watching it again with you.”

You shook your head, both in attempts to disagree with his words and to erase your blush away. “But that would be a waste of money—”

“That wouldn’t be a waste, and you know why?” He leaned closer, body almost halfway through the table. “Because for me, it’s never about the movie. It’s about watching it together with you. About us complaining about the plot holes, talking about the bad acting, laughing at each other when something reminds us of one of our inside jokes. That’s what makes it worth.” As Donghyuck realized how your eyes were locked with his, your breath hitching in your throat with the proximity, he quickly plummeted back to his seat, flushed. “I mean, it applies to everyone—not you, specifically.”

So he could be shy, you wondered. And what else could he be? Maybe buried underneath those mischievous grins, laid a caring heart. Maybe he could be the one who’d understand when you missed three of his calls as you tried to survive your deadlines. Maybe he would cook you breakfast instead of just reminding you to take one. Maybe he could taste sweeter than any boy you’d ever kissed.

So when his curiosity for you matched the intensity you had towards him, you let your walls crumble, welcoming him with open arms.

“It’s going to rain,” Donghyuck mentioned, eyes observing the night sky, dark clouds rumbling as they hovered above you. You were walking next to him, knuckles nearly grazing one another from how near you were though none of you was brave enough to close the distance.

Although obvious, you decided to humor him. “Yeah? How can you tell?”

“‘Cause I’m psychic.” The added wink in the end was a bonus but to you, it became the main reason why you had to drag your gaze to your feet.

Funny how for the past three hours, your smile never faltered away—almost to the point that your cheekbones began to hurt—when you could barely remember the last time you found amusement in anything.

“Are you cold?” he asked, and you promptly shook your head no. Unfortunately for you, your body betrayed you. Donghyuck chuckled softly when he noticed the shivers that ran through your spine. “Want me to lend you my jacket?”

“Oh—no, it’s fine, I’m—”

“It was a rhetorical question, dummy.” The body heat that was imprinted on his leather jacket made you well-aware of just how warm he actually was. The scent of his bergamot perfume was overwhelmingly delightful, but there was another scent underneath it—something that reminded you of summer, sunlight, and sandalwood—that made you wonder, maybe, if he wasn’t wearing this perfume, he’d smell just like this.

He pushed your hair away from your neck, straightening the jacket until it enveloped you entirely with its warmth. “Better?”  

You eventually managed to snap yourself out of your reverie. “Were you always this smooth with women?”

“No, I just practiced in front of my mirror a lot.”

“Practiced what?”

He wiggled his eyebrows. “The art of seduction.”

“Is that so?” Your cheeks began to warm but it was probably because of the jacket. “Guess I should try that sometimes,” you joked.

“I don’t think you need it,” he cooed, bending himself down a little so you were eye-to-eye. “You already have me wrapped around your fingers from the second I laid my eyes on you.” When you became petrified by his words, his laughter reverberated through the air. “Now, that’s an example. How did I do?”

Ignoring your racing heart, you retorted, “Terrible.”

“Then will you let me practice on you so I can get better?”

Just like that, you found yourself sporting another smile. “Now, that’s smooth.”

Your life had been dull, repeating the same routines over and over again with your job taking most of your precious hours. Being with Donghyuck was a breath of fresh air—a stranger who was attentive to every little gesture you made, every little word that escaped your mouth, as much as he easily stole your attention away. His confidence was inspiring, his laughter was contagious, and you adored every little bit of his quirkiness.

“This feels like a date,” he professes, smiling diffidently to himself. “Would it be okay for me to think of it as a date?”

Suddenly, your vocabulary had diminished into nothing but his name. You nodded, and surprisingly enough for you, Donghyuck snickered, hand reaching out to playfully—almost childishly—ruffle your strands. “Thanks. Then a date it is.”

You wished time could go slower so you could savor the moment, memorizing the heart shape of his lips when he grinned.

You stopped in front of your apartment building, a breeze of cold night wind caressing your cheeks. “Umm, this is me,” you said, dismantling his leather jacket of your body. “Thank you... for this.”

Donghyuck’s fingertips grazed against your knuckles and it took longer than necessary for him to retrieve it from your hand. “You’re welcome.”

“And...” Your mind strayed away from forming the right words as you took notice of him wearing his leather jacket, how it fitted him so perfectly, how handsome he looked. “Umm, thank you for walking me back.”

“Thank you for giving me the chance.” His smile reminded you of spring, your favorite season, the way it blossomed on his face, so warm and beautiful. “I could’ve been a serial killer, you know. Showing me where you live isn’t too smart.”

“You don’t look like a serial killer to me.”

“Yeah?” His smile turned impish. “Then, how do I look like to you?”

You were fast to pivot on your heels. “I think I should go.”

His laughter filled the air. “Wait, I haven’t even said good night yet.”

“Then good ni—“ Your words died on your tongue when a pair of plump lips found their way to your cheek, just brushing lightly against the skin but your entire breath escaped your lungs at once. He retraced his steps before you could respond properly, biting the corner of his lip, looking somewhat unsure.

“Sorry if that’s—“ Donghyuck cleared his throat. “Umm, good night.”

You felt lightheaded, and you shortly blamed it on the amount of espresso you’d gulped too much during the day. “Good… night…”

Donghyuck was too bashful to meet your eyes, which was why you were brave enough to sneak a glimpse at his face. You decided that his sly, confident grins looked alluring on his face, but they were nothing compared to how adorable he seemed when he evinced that nervous, shy look on his face.

It took a few seconds before Donghyuck gave you a weak nod and walked away, taking the same direction from where you came. Something queasy grew inside your stomach, your grip around your purse tightening. 

Is it all there is? Am I never going to see him again?

With a heavy sigh, you walked toward your building.

Maybe he doesn't like me that much... But what do I do now? I want to see him again.

I don’t want to let him go without knowing whether I could see him again.

God, for once, just do something for yourself. Do something that makes you happy, be brave!

Taking a deep breath, you chose to gamble.

At the same time you turned on your heels, shouting his name, Donghyuck was calling upon yours and you both met each other halfway, breathless when it didn’t even take you more than twenty steps to reach one another.

“H-hi,” you greeted, voice quivering but not as much as the fingers you curled around the hem of your blouse.

“Hey.” Donghyuck’s gaze softened. “I was wondering—”

“Can we meet again?” You didn’t intend to cut him off so abruptly, but the anxiety within you nearly made your heart burst that you ended up asking the question without waiting for him to finish his. “I—I mean—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt—”

“Yes, a thousand times yes,” he answered in one breath, with his sentence ending in chuckles. “You’re adorable, do you know that?”

Your heart was still about to burst but for an entirely different reason. “That’s…” You tucked a loose strand of your hair behind your ear—a habit that seemed to appear whenever you were too embarrassed to function. “That’s great. I mean, the fact that you want to see me again, not—” Oh God, okay, stop. “Well, then, umm, I guess I should leave now.”

He concealed his grin. “Aren’t you going to ask for my number or something?”

You mentally slapped yourself. “Y-yes, that would make it easier.”

The way Donghyuck was gazing at you made you feel like you were about to fall from the edge of your seat. He must think I’m an idiot. But had you been brave enough to see the gleam in his eyes, you would’ve noticed how he was staring at you so adoringly. “Give me your phone then.” When you just stood still, too busy trying to comprehend that a cute boy was really going to give you his number, Donghyuck added, “To add my numbers, Sweetheart. What, do I look like someone who flirts with pretty girls just to steal their phones away?”

“I wasn’t—” You quickly handed him your phone. “Here.”

Donghyuck’s smile grew playful again. “Care to make it interesting?”

“What?”

“I’ll add my numbers except for the last digit. You gotta guess it.”

“What? Why—”

“Because you’re cute,” he repeated, cocking his head as he returned your phone. “And it makes me want to tease you even more.” You unconsciously began to pout and he nearly whimpered at the sight. “Don’t do that, that’s not fair.”

You mumbled quietly, “I don’t like being made fun of.”

“I’m not making fun of you, I’m teasing you. There’s a difference.” He sighed, fingertips aching to reach out and swat your bangs away from your eyes. “A huge difference.”

You jutted out your bottom lip. “Feels the same to me.”

Donghyuck leaned in, calloused palm finding its way to cup your cheek, lifting your face so the streetlight could illuminate your features. “You need to wash that pout away from your face,” he whispered, eyes slowly going down to your lips that you had to remind yourself to breathe. “Or else I won’t be able to hold myself back.”

It was supposed to be another teasing, you knew he only meant it that way. But all trace of playfulness quickly vanished from his face when he noticed your eyes drifting to his lips—just for a split second—but that was enough. He saw the sign, he felt the chemistry, and there was no way he was going to let it pass just like that. Not when he had been thinking the same thing repeatedly for the last three hours you’d been together.

It wasn’t your first kiss—nor your second or third—but it was the kiss that mattered and you weren’t sure why. Three hours ago, he was a stranger. Now, he sent a trickle of electricity through your bloodstream, as if he was your first love. As if you had been wanting him for years.

A gentle rain began to pour over your heads, tiny droplets staining your cheeks but all you could think about was the way his thumb was caressing your cheekbone, how his lips were warmer and softer than anything you could have imagined, yet fierce and powerful at the same time.

“Am I going too fast?” He asked in a broken whisper, parting away just enough to murmur the question but close enough that you could still feel his words grazing your lips.

“Yes.” But you curled your fingers on the front of his shirt, tugging him closer. Donghyuck sighed into your mouth, eyebrows furrowing as he let himself drown deeper in passion. What started as a chaste kiss became ardent, and you allowed him to taste you enough so that he would fall asleep thinking about your lips. Donghyuck took a hold of your wrist, detaching your grip from his fabric and moved it up, silently telling you to wind your arms around his neck instead. The second you did it, he melded his lips with yours in a passion that matched the blazing sun, entangling his long arms around your waist, nearly lifting you off your feet as he embraced you tighter.

You wanted to preserve this moment. Right here, kissing fervidly under the soft rain in the arms of a stranger, drowned in the feelings of excitement. Because if you were oxygen, then Donghyuck was dying to breathe.

When it ended, you wished it didn’t have to. Donghyuck’s eyes were deep and intense as they peered into yours, growing a bit half-lidded when he shifted them back to your lips. “Hey.”

You mirrored his gentle smile, forehead pressing against his. “Hi…”

“I don’t know about you,” he chuckled lowly, “but as far as first kisses go, I think that was the best first kiss in the history of mankind.”

You tried to suppress your laughter but failed instantly. “Hyuck?”

“Yeah?”

“Judging from that line, I think you need to practice harder on your art of seduction.”

“Let’s just go back to kissing for now. I like kissing.” He pulled you in again, exchanging muffled giggles between playful kisses.

And if happiness had a form, it would’ve had his smile.

What am I now? What am I now?

What if I’m someone I don’t want around?

I’m falling again. I’m falling again.

I’m falling.

It’s almost laughable that the memories that once sparked so much joy in his heart have taken a shape of javelin, striking him deep in his chest, right where he ached for you the most. It tasted like summer when he kissed you in the rain, and the pain that swells in Donghyuck’s heart whenever the memory of it suffices is harder than the storm. And now, it’s the silence of the room—the absence of your presence—that pierces his skin.

It was easy for him to fall in love with you. So easy, it frightened him at first. After his first relationship, the way his first love shed his heart to pieces, he thought he wouldn’t be able to love someone ever again. Wouldn’t have the courage to even try. But when you came into the picture, Donghyuck didn’t even have the strength to resist. You were everything he ever wanted, an epitome of the woman that graced his dreams. And he was a prisoner, trapped under your spell.

So, why does everything have to end?

Now that he’s falling without you catching him, what is he going to do?

He hates who he’s become. He loathes the fact that he can no longer easily smile like he used to. He despises how grimly he envisioned the world these days. As if you were his entire future, and now that you’re gone, his whole world collapses. Donghyuck no longer knows himself, as you were the one who defines him. The one who gave meaning to his life. The one who mended his broken heart.

What if I’m down? What if I’m out?

What if I’m someone you won’t talk about?

I’m falling again. I’m falling again.

I’m falling.

You must hate me now, Donghyuck ponders, bringing his arm over his face, nibbling at the corner of his lip. The things I said… How I let you go without even giving us a chance… I must have hurt you…

It all began that night, on the day of your twenty-sixth birthday. Two years had passed since you shared your first kiss. Little fights over your differences couldn’t be avoided, but they helped nurture the bond you had with him, making it stronger. And each forgiveness was sincere and was rich in kisses. Donghyuck always made sure of that.

As you were fond of movies, your perfect date must involve watching a movie together with him so Donghyuck, dressed unusually handsomely in a white button-up shirt and black khakis that caught you off guard, took you out to the movie theater—the place where fate once meddled in and brought you to one another.

Knowing your taste, he paid two tickets to see the latest romantic movie, two buckets of popcorn, and a coke for him but iced green tea for you, realizing full well how soda had become one of your biggest enemies ever since your diet started. He made sure that your seats were located on the corner top of the theater, private enough for him to snuggle close to you or steal kisses whenever he felt like doing. You didn’t mind because Donghyuck would only kiss you when you seemed bored, never wanting to bother you when you were too immersed in the movie. He simply kept his hand laced with yours the whole time to make up for the loss.

Complaining about the plot holes and making jokes that only you two could understand had become Donghyuck’s habit to keep you entertained during the movie and it was something you always looked forward to. But that night, he was quiet, his eyebrows creasing in irritation but because of what, you were clueless.

“Are you okay?” You asked as you exited the building, this time being the one who reached out for his hand first. Donghyuck stiffened but his shoulders soon relaxing as he intertwined your fingers together.

“I’m fine,” he assured. “Why, do I not look fine?”

You weakly smiled back, uncertain. “You just seem awfully quiet, that’s all.”

He rubbed his nape, somehow looking a bit perturbed. “I just… It made me remember something I’ve been trying my best to forget.”

“You mean the movie?”

“Yeah.” He sighed into the night, puffs of hot air erupting from his slightly chapped lips. “I don’t know about you, but I think the way the movie depicted their long-distance relationship is just bullshit.”

There was so much bitterness in his words that it nearly made you stop walking. Suddenly, there was a thick tension around you, one that made you aware that it would be wiser to drop the conversation. But curiosity was eating you from the inside. He looked so crushed, so angry, and Donghyuck was turning into a whole other person before you.

You asked him what happened.

“I don’t think I want to talk about my past relationship when I’m celebrating a special night with my girlfriend.” He forced himself to laugh about it, but it sounded hollow.

You unconsciously tightened your grip around his hand. “I just wanted to understand you better.”

“Hey.” He pulled you toward him so abruptly, you ended up falling on his chest. His smile was warmer when he looked at you. “Without even knowing my past, you already understand me better than anyone.”

You were still unsettled when Donghyuck kissed your lips to divert your attention, softly biting your lower one just to joke around to ease the tension. “Ah, I can’t wait until we’re home,” he whispered when all laughter had receded and he had his fingers tucking your loose strands behind your ear. “I want to make love to you.”

Your heart beat thunderously inside your chest. “You’re—you’re just gonna say it so blatantly like that?” He used to be so shy about it, asking you to join him in bed by pressing open-mouthed kisses down your neck instead of using words.

“Just wanted you to know my plans beforehand.” He simpered. “Or do you not want to?”

Face aflame, you hurriedly took a couple of strides forward, leading the way with your hand clamping his wrist. “Where are we going?” Donghyuck frowned but followed you nonetheless. “The restaurant is right there.”

“We can have dinner after.” You threw a look over your shoulder, too nervous to smile, but hoped your words would deliver. “Aren’t we going to make love?”

His astonished look soon turned delicate. Donghyuck’s smiles were always beautiful, but the ones that were caused by you were the brightest. 

As soon as the door clicked open, Donghyuck half-pushed, half-carried you inside his apartment that smelled pleasantly like him. He didn’t wait until it was properly closed before he latched his parted lips on your softer ones, fusing perfectly in the way no one ever could. A stinging pain erupted from the back of your head when Donghyuck drove you to the wall, not knowing his own strength, but when you groaned against his mouth, it was solely because you needed him as much as he needed you.

“I love you,” he breathlessly said against your neck, tearing your coat away from your body, fingers slipping underneath your dress. “I love you so much, it’s insane.”

It had been three months since you first exchanged the sacred three words, but no matter how much Donghyuck had whispered them to your ears, painted them to your skin with his lips, it still felt like the first time you heard him say the words. It wasn’t just because of how many promises he held underneath them, it was the way he said them—so sincerely, so desperately, as if you were running out of time and he needed you to hear them before you disappeared from his life.

“I—” You flinched, pulling him for another kiss again when Donghyuck hooked his fingers on the side of your lingerie, hastily pushing it down your thighs. “I love you too—Hyuck—”

The bed was not more than twenty steps away but it was long forgotten when Donghyuck, still with his teeth ghosting across your lower lip, hastily unzipped himself and pushed his jeans and boxers lower enough for your hand to find and stroke him to life. “God, baby—” he hissed when you curled your fingers around him, hot breath caressing your jawline. “I want—I need to be inside you—just—”

No one had ever wanted you the way he did. Every kiss was nearly bruising, every hug was almost suffocating, the thrill of it all was overwhelming. 

It was almost a whine that escaped his lips when he vocalized your name. As soon as his desperate gasp and pleading moan reached your ears, the butterflies came alive in your stomach. Your skin tingled, even with the lightest brush of his lips. Your fingers found home in his hair when he kissed the valley between your breasts, tugging at his soft strands and earning a low grunt in response.

You gave him a sign, affirming that it was okay to continue and Donghyuck wasted no time. Pushing the fabric of your dress as much as he could until it pooled around your waist, he lifted one of your legs and wrapped it around his hips, one hand sliding down to prop up your thigh, the other one aligning his tip against your entrance.

The friction made you moan, both in pain and passion, as Donghyuck slid himself in one swift motion. The second he was sheathed deep inside, waiting for you to adjust to his size, he drew out a long sigh, eyes shut close as he relished the sensation. But when your gaze met, his half-lidded eyes were gentler than they had been the entire day. Careful fingers framed your face, his thumb rubbing comforting circles along your cheekbone. “Are you okay?”

You weakly nodded, smiling sheepishly. “Are you?”

His chuckles were light and bashful. “I’m feeling great,” he said. He moved his hips without warning, just a little, not too fast, not too deep, but the sensation was enough to make you whimper and Donghyuck swallowed every little noise you made directly with his lips.

A certain thrust made you squeeze around him and he drowned out his moan by mouthing against your shoulder, teeth prickling against the skin. “Fuck, do that again, baby, please.” And as he continued hitting the same spot, it was a given that you provided the same reaction.

Donghyuck was insanely good at making you feel good, and in return, you wanted to give him everything that he desired. “I love how you feel around me,” he confessed under his breath, as if he was talking to himself. “Perfect—you’re so perfect for me—”

Your arms were frantically clutching around his neck, trying to maintain stability when Donghyuck pushed you up the wall, now lifting both of your feet off the ground. He buried himself deeper, moved his hips faster, and kissed you with the desperation of a dying man.

You tried to hold back but you couldn’t. It was too much. His breathless moans in your ear, the frantic sway of his hips, the closeness of your bodies—everything was overwhelming and you came hard on his length, legs wrapping tightly around his waist as Donghyuck chased after your lips. 

“Fuck,” he breathed heavily, his jaw hung low. The way you quivered and clenched around him sent fire through his veins. “Did you just come?” he whispered and you bit your lip in shame. The tiny laugh that broke free from his lips were both playful and filled with tenderness. “Already? That was fast.”

Flustered but not given the chance to react, you inhaled sharply when Donghyuck picked up the pace. He was almost growling when his lips grazed against the shell of your ear. “Actually, me too,” he moaned, “Is it—can I come inside?”

You nodded fervently, embracing him tighter and Donghyuck buried his head in the crook of your neck, hips stuttering as he came.

When he let you slide down to your feet, your knees gave out under your weight and you stumbled back to his chest. He held you close, laughing as he kissed the top of your head. “I’m sorry, come here.” Bending down slightly, Donghyuck hooked one arm under your knees and another one behind your back. He carried you in his arms, teasing, “The sex was so good, you could barely stand, huh?”

You playfully slapped his chest. “Shut up.”

But all of his mischievousness dissipated as soon as you both slipped under the duvet, his bedsheets felt silky smooth under your spine. He cleaned the stain that dripped down your thighs with a warm towel, but dipped his head down to taste you directly with his tongue the second he was finished with it. Donghyuck’s eyes never left yours, placing gentle kisses on the inner sides of your thighs and two more on your clit before he slid his tongue along your folds, slowly, as if he had the whole time in the world to please you.

He was always gentler the second time, slower with more feelings instead of sheer passion. So when he slid himself into you again, his forehead was pressed against yours, lips curving up into an innocent smile. “I never want to let you go,” he chuckled between tiny moans. “I want to stay just like this with you, forever.”

“I don’t think it’s physically possible,” you giggled, raking your nails down his spine and he arched his back in response. 

“Wouldn’t it be great if we could stay connected like this all the time, though?” Donghyuck broke away, sitting on his heels as he rested one of your legs on his shoulder. His fingers were kneading the skin of your thigh, hugging your leg close to his chest as he rocked his hips slowly, savoring every moment. “I mean, ah, doesn’t this feel good?”

You nibbled at your lip, sighing. Good was an understatement but you weren’t sure you could find a term to perfectly define how amazing he felt around you. From where you laid on the bed, you could take a good look at Donghyuck’s eyes—the way they drooped slightly, clouded with both affection and infatuation every time they met yours. How the muscles in his abs were flexing with every movement. The sinful, obscene sway of his hips. The little smirk that broke on his face when you accidentally moaned his name too loud—Donghyuck was... Beautiful. Irresistible. Sexy. 

“Baby?” Donghyuck called, chuckling softly as he peppered open-mouthed kisses to your ankle that made you stare in a haze. “You okay down there?”

You pursed your lips. “Just enjoying the view.”

“Yeah?” He brought your leg down so he could fall back into your arms, mouth meeting your jawline before it moved to playfully bite the tip of your nose. “Well, I’ve got something else you could also enjoy.”

You hummed, trying your best to contain your moan when he suddenly brought his fingers down to rub against your clit. “And what’s that?” Though by the way he slammed his hips harder against yours served as an obvious answer.

“Some caramel pudding,” he answered, nipping against your neck as he grinned, careful enough not to leave any marks. “They’re in the fridge. You’ll love them.”

It was hard to focus when he kept hitting the spot that made you curl your toes. “Hyuck...” You pushed a loose strand of his hair behind his ear before you caressed his cheek. “I love you.”

His movements stopped, eyes peering into yours, stunned at first, then melted into something softer than the breath of summer. “I love you too.” His lips never left yours as they spoke each loving word with more sentimentality and less urgency. “And happy birthday, baby...”

When both of you had no strength left but to cuddle in each other’s arms, you gathered the courage to ask once more. “Hyuck?”

“Hmm?”

“I still want to know, after all. About what happened to you earlier. You looked so distraught—I can’t rest before I know what upsets you.”

Donghyuck’s fingers stopped momentarily from carding through your strands but with a heavy sigh, he surrendered.

It was his first relationship with his first love, back when he was sixteen. They were together for four years but knew each other for ten. She was a close friend that grew into something more. Even loving words didn’t need to be exchanged as they could practically finish each other’s thoughts. You felt a pang of jealousy gnawing at you from the inside, at the thought of him having someone so important in his life—someone who had stayed with him longer than you’d met him—someone whose name couldn’t be spoken as it triggered too many emotions.

But for the sake of understanding him, you cast your jealousy aside, no matter how much it hurt.

Donghyuck’s voice had lost its usual cheeriness when he reminisced his past. By the time they graduated high school, she decided to continue her study in Japan. Donghyuck let her go, supporting her plans and dreams like the perfect boyfriend that he was. They were committed to each other, faithful to one another. Donghyuck never doubted her, not even once.

Until one day, during a summer break, he decided to pay her a visit. He bought airplane tickets with the money he’d saved up for months, along with a thoughtful gift for her birthday. But the second he saw her opening the door to her apartment, he realized that she wasn’t alone.

She was never alone. He was.

“Why are you here?” She asked, as if his presence was a bother. Him, the man whom she claimed she’d loved with her entire soul for the last four years. The man whom she had made love to on his bed just six months earlier. Donghyuck would never forget the look she had on her face that day.

“It’s funny how you’ve been with this person your whole life,” Donghyuck breathily said, eyes locked to the ceiling. “And you thought you knew them like the back of your hand and then one day, they betrayed you in the way you thought they were incapable of doing.”

You couldn’t find your voice, blending in with the silence of the room.

But he didn’t hate her, Donghyuck confessed. He hated himself. He hated how stupid—how innocent and gullible he was. He hated how easily he let someone else carry his heart around and let them do whatever they want with it. He knew that she wouldn’t have the power to destroy him, if he didn’t give her the chance. Maybe, if his thoughts weren’t as clouded by his feelings, he would’ve noticed the little sighs she made whenever he told her he loved her. He would’ve noticed the way she sounded much brighter when she talked about her life instead of their lives together during their late-night calls. He would’ve noticed how distant she sounded whenever she spoke his name, as if it was just another meaningless word and not the one that she used to murmur in short gasps near his ear.

And maybe if I hadn’t fallen in love...

Donghyuck fell mute for a few seconds as if he was drifted to another time and space. The hurting look on his face was so vivid that it broke you just by seeing it. Attempting to wash the pain away, you placed a hand on his cheek and Donghyuck grew rigid once before he melted into smiles, leaning into your touch.

“I had to stay for a whole week in a country I didn’t know because I couldn’t refund my ticket. All alone, since my girlfriend cheated on me and didn’t even care to apologize about it,” he murmured against your palm, still sounding bitter but with more ease. “So yeah, I probably have some trust issues now because of that.” He tried to laugh it off. “But it’s all right. I don’t care. I have you now, right?” He laid on his side, facing you with a boyish smile that made your heart race just a little bit faster. “I’m starting on a new page with you. And as long as you’re here with me, I’m the happiest man in the world.”

You reflected his smile though your heart was unsettled. “You’re lame.”

“Excuse me, I’m in love,” he corrected, pouting. But when his hand found yours, his expression grew tender again. Kissing each of your fingertips, he murmured, “We’ll always be together, right? Promise you won’t do that to me, ‘cause I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He knew what loving you could cost him, but you were different. And he was different. He wouldn’t fall into the same trap. He knew how to protect himself this time. So he allowed himself to love you just as much, if not more, moving on but never forget.

Your eyes were focusing on the way he brought your index finger between his lips, the tip pressing against his hot tongue. “Yes,” you softly whispered, hooking a finger around his silver necklace, pulling him in for a kiss. “We’ll always be together.”

So when you received a job promotion a year later, you didn’t know what to say to him. It was your dream job, finally achieving that position after practically hanging on for dear life for five years working in the company. The salary exceeded your expectation, and you would be working under a senior that you admired. The company would pay for all your living expenses, give you your own flat to live with a balcony where you could see the sun rising behind the skyscrapers. It all sounded so perfect. Too perfect.

Except for the part where you had to move to another country that stood three thousand miles from where he was.

You knew you should’ve said something to Donghyuck the first time your director broke the news to you. But you couldn’t as you didn’t know how. During the three years of your relationship, both of you had avoided talking about matters that could lead to fights, only allowing yourselves to discuss trivial, daily things that would make the other pout in annoyance but not fury. The first time you noticed this happened, was when both of you became too busy dealing with your own lives. You had your job to think about, while Donghyuck had his thesis to work on and there wasn’t much time to focus on each other even when you were staying in the same room.

Donghyuck often released his stress by nuzzling his nose against your neck, pulling you into his lap, whispering, “I miss you,” and you reciprocated each time with a kiss but you both stopped before it got too much, with you patting his cheek, apologizing to him with both words and your eyes, “I’m sorry, but I have a Zoom meeting in an hour so I really need to get my presentation done.”

He just sighed, pressing a tiny kiss between your eyebrows. “Well then, I’m gonna go catch some sleep. Don’t work too hard.”

And as he walked to the bedroom, closing the door behind him, leaving you alone in his living room, you realized the distance that grew between you. He used to look back, peeking his head through the door, saying, “Would it really kill you to just join me for, like, fifteen minutes? I’ll be fast, I swear,” which you would answer with a laugh, assuming he was joking. “Why are you laughing? I’m serious!”

Now, he doesn’t even stop to say good night.

You knew you could fix it—he knew he could fix it too—but none of you ever said anything about it, afraid that it would trigger something bigger that neither of you wouldn’t be able to fix.

It didn’t mean that you didn’t try. Every weekend, you would commit yourself fully for him and Donghyuck would accept your unspoken apology with all his heart. You once attempted to drop some clues about your promotion during dinner when he made you your favorite dish, grinning from ear-to-ear as he waited for your reaction. Donghyuck’s Spaghetti Aglio e olio never disappointed you, but you know your words would. So when he was smiling at you, his thumb gliding along your knuckles as he took your hand in his, how could you tell him? 

I just need more time to prepare myself. To find a better way to explain.

But before you could find your words, Donghyuck found your promotion letter.

“What is this?” He asked to your horror, body leaning against the doorframe, your letter in his hand.

The maroon dress you were trying to fold fell from your lap as you stood up abruptly, eyes widening in shock. “That’s—where did you get—”

“What is this?”

“It’s...” You trembled. “My promotion letter.”

“Are you planning to tell me about it?” He wasn’t shouting, didn’t even raise his voice, but to your ears, his voice was thunderous.  

You fidgeted, fingers fisting the hemline of your shirt, desperate for comfort. “Of course, I—” But there were no words. Your brain was too jumbled to find a proper excuse. So when Donghyuck just lowered his gaze, eyes growing colder, and left the room, you could only call out his name.

He only stopped in his tracks when you grasped his wrist. “Did you say yes to this?” His voice was quiet, eerily so, that it sent shivers down your spine.

You nibbled at your bottom lip. “I was—”

“Yes or no?”

He only allowed you to choose, not explain. With a deep breath, you mumbled out, “Yes.”

There was a moment of silence where you could only hear your stuttered breathing but none of his. “Three months,” he murmured, voice deep and hoarse that you barely recognized it. “The letter is three months old. You had all this time to tell me.”

Panic was bubbling up your chest. “I was going to tell you but—”

The rest of your words died instantly the second Donghyuck slammed the letter on the dining table. Without another word, he stomped off to the front door, grabbing his coat.

“Wait!” You chased after his trails, knees wobbling. “Where are you—”

The door was shut close with a bang.

No matter how many times you tried to call him, he never answered. The only thing you could do was stay in his apartment and waited until he came back to his senses. Now that you were alone in the living room, you began to notice just how much of your belongings were positioned in every corner of his apartment. Your toothbrush was next to his, your clothes were hanging inside his wardrobe, your favorite books were on his shelf, and the walls were painted with more photographs of you than his own. In every picture, you could see yourself smiling in his arms, laughing at something he did or said because that was it, wasn’t it? Donghyuck was the only one who could make you smile so freely, without a care in the world.

So why are we in this position?

It was your first big fight and you had no one to blame but yourself. Hours had passed by and tears began to well from how frustrated you were with yourself, but the front door flung open before they could outline your cheeks.

“Hyuck,” you called out, heart breaking at the sound of his name. Donghyuck’s hair was ruffled by the wind, his nose and cheeks reddening from the cold night air. His hands were in his coat’s pockets, his eyes hiding behind his bangs as he kicked his shoes away. He walked past you as if you weren’t there, heading straight to the bedroom.

Judging from the scent and his droopy eyes, you knew he had been drinking. “Are you okay?”

No answer. He took his coat off, throwing it to the bed, along with his phone—which was clearly functional as always. You had expected him to dismiss your calls, but it still hurt being ignored.

Eyebrows knitting in concern, you went to the kitchen to make him a cup of coffee, hoping that a little caffeine would ease the tension as it was something you were both fond of. You stopped to catch your breath, noticing that it was one in the morning.

What should I do?

“Hyuck…” You carefully said, voice quieter than usual as you walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind you. “I’ve made you some coffee. It’ll help warm you up.”

Donghyuck was sitting at the edge of the bed, his phone in his hands, blatantly ignoring you.

“Can we…” You hesitated, fingers curling into tiny balls of fists. “Can we talk..?”

But the silence was deafening.

“Hyuck—”

“What?!” He suddenly roared, making you take a step back, flinching. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I…” You swallowed your breath. “I know you’re upset about me leaving and I’m sorry—”

“Oh, so now you want to talk about this? After I found out about your letter?” Donghyuck didn’t wait for your response. “I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this a secret from me! What else are you not telling me?”

Heart dropping to the stomach, you weakly replied, “Nothing, just... I was going to tell you—”

“Yeah? When, exactly?” Donghyuck stood up, throwing his phone to the bed. “When you’re about to go? When you’re about to disappear from my life just like her?”

Being put in the same position as the person who tore his heart to pieces was both sickening and infuriating. “Of course not, I won’t do that to you! I won’t leave you—”

“But that’s all that everybody fucking said!” He threw his hands in the air. “That’s what she said when—”

“Well, I’m not her!” The booming sound of your voice startled you both, but it grew weak in comparison when the eerie silence followed. “Hyuck, you can’t blame me for what she did. I’m not her. I’m not her replacement. Don’t compare me with her.”

For a moment, Donghyuck’s lips were pressed tightly until they grew white. “I never compared you with her,” he said through gritted teeth. “Not until now when you’re doing the same thing, saying the exact same thing to me.”

You cowered slightly under his gaze. The sound of the ticking clock had never felt so loud when you fought for words to say. “It’s my dream job, Hyuck. I’ve been waiting all my life to get this position.”

“Congratulations.” He scoffed, clenching his jaw. “I’m so glad you get what you wanted.”

“You don’t have to force yourself to say words you don’t mean.”

He clicked his tongue in vexation. “Yeah, well, I would’ve meant them, if you had told me about this sooner.”

“I wasn’t able to tell you because I thought you’d be upset about it—”

“Well, I suppose, postponing it until we’re counting days till your leave is going to make me feel fucking elated, isn’t that right, Sweetheart?” There had never been a day where you thought his adorable, warm laughter could turn into something so spiteful. “Let me guess. You’re leaving in like, what, a month?”

You rubbed your tears away before they fell. “Six weeks.”

“Oh, that makes everything so much better! Six weeks!” He cynically laughed, throwing his head back. “You know what? You’re right. I’m so happy. Never been this fucking happy in my whole goddamn life—”

“What do you want me to do?!” The frustration that welled inside your chest finally broke through your lips. “You want me to turn back time so I could tell you right after I heard the news three months ago?”

Donghyuck averted his gaze, his hand going to his head, pulling at his hair roots. “I just don’t understand why if this is so important to you—and if I’m so important to you—why don’t you talk this out with me? Don’t you care about what I think? About how I’d feel?”

Tears were running faster than you could wipe them off your cheeks. “I couldn’t find the right time to tell you.” You choked out. “ And you were busy working on your final thesis too, I didn’t want to bother you—”

“That’s your excuse?!” he gasped in disbelief. “I don’t fucking care about my thesis. I care about you! And you knew how I felt about this—about being in a long-distance relationship—"

“That was the reason why I was waiting for the right time until—“

“Until you can tell me that you’re leaving.” He sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose. “Look, I’m tired and we’re going in circles. Why are we even discussing this when you’ve made the decision all by yourself.”

Embittered, you asked, “Do you want me to choose between you and my career?”

“No. I don’t.” He finally peered into your eyes, and you could see how there was not as much anger as sadness that emerged in his eyes. “But I’m making my own decision.” When you frowned in confusion, Donghyuck looked away, staring at the wall that was filled with memories as he spoke. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

“What?” It felt like the world was swallowing you whole. “What did you say?”

Exchanging stares with you, Donghyuck appeared more weary than furious. “I just don’t see how this is going to work.”

“You’re drunk.” You reasoned out, both in efforts to calm him down and to wash the fear away from your chest. “You won’t be saying any of this if you were sober.”

Donghyuck’s eyes grew colder. “If that’s what makes you sleep at night, sure. Go ahead and think that way.”

Dread was coursing through your veins, making you feel terrified of what was coming. “Wait,” you almost pleaded, “We need to talk about this.”

“I think we’ve talked enough.”

“Can’t we at least try—”

“I can’t.” The confession escaped his lips, his eyes were heartbroken, as if it was you who was breaking up with him and not the other way around. “You know I can’t do this. I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes. I don’t want to be that guy who constantly gets suspicious or overly protective of you because of my past. It won’t be fair to you.”

“I don’t care if you’re being unfair,” you replied shakily, “I just don’t want us to end what we have now.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” His voice grew softer. “If we continue this, I know I’ll end up saying things I never mean to say. With three thousand miles between us, how often do you think we can see each other? With you being so busy with your new job, how often can we speak?” But the bitterness in his voice came alive when he added, “We could barely do that when we were in the same room before.”

“It’s about that..?” Realization washed over you like a wave. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“Same reason as you,” he replied, “To protect our relationship. That’s what we always do, isn’t it? Pretending everything is fine when it’s not?”

“Hyuck, I’ve tried my best to spend time with you... I thought you’d understand that I have a job—”

“You’re right, but unlike you, I don’t.” Donghyuck weakly smiled. “I don’t have anything going on with my life except you. I don’t even know if I can graduate in time. But you’ve achieved so much. You’re only a few years older than me and yet you’ve already had everything figured out, and I admire you for that.” His words sounded sincere but it only tore your heart open even more. Donghyuck walked closer, his fingers pushing the bangs out of your eyes like the way he used to do but it didn’t feel the same. “You’re already perfect the way you are now. You don’t need me in your life.”

“No.” The desperation was so thick in your voice, that it made you wince but not regret. “You’re wrong, you—There’s not a day where I don’t need you, Hyuck. I want you to stay with me. Come with me. We still have time.”

You don’t mean that. Donghyuck brought his head down, unable to meet your eyes. If you did, you would’ve told me about this sooner. “And then what?” he sighed, sounding so tired. “What am I going to do if I come with you? I haven’t even finished my study, let alone having a job.”

“You can find one in—”

“In a country where I can’t even speak the language?” He bitterly smiled. “I doubt it. I’m not gonna let you pay for my needs—”

“Then, I’ll make some time for you, I promise. Better this time.” Your fingernails were sinking into your palms from how tightly you curled them. “No matter how far we are from each other, I’ll call you every day.”

“I don’t want that.” His words were laced with frustration. “I don’t want you to force yourself to do something for me. And I don’t want to spend my nights imagining whether you’re spending yours with someone else.”

“You...” You were so quiet, you wondered if he could hear you properly. “You don’t trust me?”

But Donghyuck shook his head, gaze softening. “I do. I just don’t trust myself.”

Your mind turned into a blank slate, unable to form a word. Donghyuck’s breathing tattered a little when he exhaled, walking to his wardrobe to pick out some clothes. “I’m gonna go stay at Mark’s for the weekend. Feel free to take out your stuff. Just drop the keys at the lobby when you’re finished.”

You stood still, frozen. It almost felt like a heart attack from the way your heart was hammering against your ribcages. “I don’t want to lose you, Hyuck,” you quietly professed, “I thought we could work this out...”

Donghyuck’s movements were put to a halt, just for a couple of seconds, before he continued shoving his clothes down his bag.

You stood on the side as he walked past you, his natural sandalwood scent had disappeared, buried under the amount of alcohol he’d consumed. “So, this is it…?” You fretted. “For us..?”

Donghyuck stopped walking, glancing at you from over his shoulder. “It’s better for both of us, don’t you think?”

But he didn’t wait to hear your answer.

When you dared to appear at his front door six weeks later, it was the night before your departure. He hadn’t called, hadn’t sent you a single text, as if he was a ghost, only living in your imagination. But knowing it was your last chance to see him, you decided to take the first step.

Donghyuck was wearing the same navy blue knitted sweater that he wore the first time you told him you loved him. You remembered how startled he was back then, unsure of what to say as he was afraid to love someone else after knowing how it felt to have his heart shattered to pieces. That time, he only responded with a hug and a small “Thank you.” As you laid in his arms later that night, you spent every second with your eyes closed but your thoughts awake, trying to figure out why won’t he say it back? 

But when you left for work early on the next morning, one arm holding an umbrella over your head to protect you from the morning showers, Donghyuck was chasing after you in the same knitted sweater, his hair messy from sleep but soon be drenched by the rain.

“I love you too!” he shouted, breathlessly, both from running and the rush of adrenaline that pumped through his veins.

You turned around, eyes wide in astonishment, though you didn’t catch his words. “What—” You were about to run so you could shelter him from the rain, but Donghyuck reached your spot faster than you could reach his. “What are you doing? Why didn’t you take an umbrella with you?” You dropped your handbag to the ground, not caring if it got wet from the rain as you focused more on the man who was shivering in front of you. You rubbed his arm up and down before cupping his face. “You’re shivering.”

“I’m fine. I just have something to say before you go.” He broke into a tender smile, pressing his palm against the back of your hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it back last night. I was afraid. Being in love with someone means you’re giving your heart for them to hold or to crush and I didn’t want to go through that pain again but—” He stepped closer, his temple nearly touching yours as he brought his head down. “I love you. I want you to know that I love you too. I don’t want to lie to myself anymore and I don’t care what’s gonna happen in the future. I just love you, so much, that both my heart and my head feel like they’re going to burst.”

And you could only stare, dumbstruck and in awe.

“Say something, please?” He begged, cold fingers caressing your cheek. “Otherwise, I might have to crawl into a hole and die from shame.”

You chuckled lightly, overwhelmed by the sheer happiness that washed over you. “I love you too.”

He seemed so relieved, almost as much as you were, and he twisted his fingers around your strands, chasing after your lips. The kiss was sweeter than honey but knowing him, even the sweetest kiss emitted so much passion, it left you breathless.

“I’m sorry, I know you gotta go to work,” he said, slightly pushing you away before his emotions defeated him once more and he slanted his lips against yours in a more frenzied manner. “God, I know you have to go,” he whispered between needy kisses. “But just—one more—”

When he finally had the strength to break apart from you, his eyes were conflicted, his thumb caressing your cheek, and Donghyuck wetted his already glistened lip as he stared at yours. “Must you go? I want to be with you today.”

It didn’t matter that the two of you just spent the entire weekend together. No amount of time would be enough to satisfy your needs for each other’s touch. So you answered him with your lips meeting his in a frantic kiss, casting your umbrella aside and it didn’t matter that it was cold, with big droplets of rain easily drenching you from head to toe, because Donghyuck was always ready to warm you up. 

“Then take me home, Lee Donghyuck.”

But you realized as he tugged you back into his arms, soft lips pressing against your temple, you were already home.

Now… That memory felt like a fantasy, one that you could only dream of having.

“I…” You couldn’t meet his eyes. “I just wanted to get the books I left on your shelf.”

He didn’t say a word, only stepping to the side to give you some space to enter. A month had passed by since he broke up with you, and his apartment still smelled delightfully like him, but instead of making you feel joy, it broke your heart even harder.  

“It’s in my room,” he said, all stern with no warmth like he used to have. You nodded, making your way to his bedroom. When you closed the bedroom door behind you, hot tears were about to spill and you tried your best not to be suffocated with the memories of the nights where you used to share your feelings with him, bodies tangled underneath the sheets, lips carving marks on each other’s skins.

You couldn’t breathe.

By the time you managed to collect yourself, you came out of his room with two of your books in your hands while you left ten more on his shelf. You didn’t need any of them. It was only a poor excuse for you to see his eyes once more before you bid your final farewell.

“I made you some coffee,” he said, leaning against the coffee table. “It’s cold outside so…”

You weakly smiled. “Thank you.”

You used to spend hours chattering behind a few cups of coffee, talking about the things that mattered and things that didn’t because everything felt special when you shared them with someone you loved.

But today, every sip of your coffee sounded louder than your voice as no words were shared.

You said you care

And you missed me too

And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you

“How are you?”

“I’m doing great,” he answered formally. It’s funny how he didn’t need spiteful words to hurt you. The absence of his affection in his sentences was more than enough to strangle you.

“Are you… still writing lyrics for Mark’s songs these days?”

“No. I’m busy these days.”

“Oh… With your thesis?”

“Sure.”

Donghyuck didn’t tell you the truth. Didn’t tell you how many papers had been written, scratched, discarded just so he could deal with the thoughts of you. Didn’t tell you the words he wrote about your pretty eyes, your pretty smiles, your kindness, your passion, your everything.

The reason why he let you go was because he knew, you would probably stay with him if he’d asked the question. He didn’t want you to have any regrets. Didn’t want you to choose him because you felt like you had no other way.

It felt like you betrayed him when you kept it a secret for months.

What else will you keep from me, if you can’t even tell me you’re leaving? Will you keep it a secret when you no longer love me the way you used to? Will you keep it a secret when you find someone new, someone better, someone who can stay to wipe your tears and hold you in their arms while I’m three thousand miles away from you? Will you pretend like everything is fine, when we’re straying further away from each other every day?

In Donghyuck’s mind, he thought you’d be better on your own. At such a young age, you managed to chase after your dreams while he was still unsure of what he wanted to have in the future. To him, you were always a step ahead. And tomorrow, you’d be taking your first step to another place where he wouldn’t have the strength to follow. 

His thoughts about you were never-ending. And he wrote so much, poured every feeling down to papers, that now as you stood before him in person, there were no more words left to be said and he could only reply your sentences with silence.

And the coffee's out

At the Beachwood Cafe

And it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things we can say

“I’ll be leaving tomorrow,” you eventually said and Donghyuck glanced at you from behind his bangs, but never stayed for a second longer.

He knew. Of course, he did. He had been counting the days, dreading every second of it. “Take care of yourself,” he responded in a way a stranger would say to another stranger at the end of their brief meeting. “Good luck with your job. I’m sure you’ll be fine, Noona.”

Noona... He didn’t even want to call you by your name or the sweet terms he’d once associated with you. You were truly strangers now.

“Thanks.” You forced yourself to smile, nails sinking into your thighs as you brought your hands to your lap. “You too. Don’t forget to take your breakfast every day. You always skip it.”

It was your job to remind him, who used to serve fried eggs and toasts on his plate and maybe Donghyuck remembered that too because he brought his head down, and simply replied with a hum.

When you took your leave, you handed him a note to your new address. “Just… Come visit whenever you’re in the country. I’d love to show you around.” It sickened you how formal you sounded, but you couldn’t say it any other way.

When Donghyuck took the note, your fingers brushed against his, it almost seemed like the time stopped, just for a little, and he wanted to pull you into his embrace, to tell you how much he’d been missing you the same way you’d been missing him. To tell you how much he wanted to be selfish, to have you choose him over everything in your life because that was how you meant to him. You were everything to him.

Just like how you are to me.

So when he dropped his hand, tucking it inside his pocket, you knew it was really over. Finally, the word goodbye took its true form.

And I get the feeling that you’ll never need me again.

[fortheloveofwonderland]

Sixty Six Percent [Spencer x fem! Reader]

A/N - This is for my “girls night out” square on my CM bingo card for @cmbingo​, which you can find the masterlist for here. Also loosely based off this prompt I’ve been wanting to write for a while - Our best friends are that awful “cute” couple that make out in public and call each other “sweetie” and “sugar” and god they’re awful, let’s talk about how awful they are – develops into “oh we’re that awful couple now”. Includes some Galvez and is set circa season 14 ish. Bottom right image taken from Kirsten’s Instagram. 

CW - not much really - just drinking and fluff.

In which girls night takes an unexpected turn when it coincides with boys night.

WC: 2.2K

Find my full Masterlist here.

Western’s bar in DC on a Friday night had been a must for girls night out. It was known for its cheap drinks, loud music and packed dance floor. Everything you and the girls were looking for. 

When your closest friends worked for the FBI, arranging girls night was always a near impossible feat. You’d lost count of how many times Penelope, Emily, JJ and Tara had to bail on your plans because another case had come up. 

You understood, you’d been best friends with Penelope for years now and you appreciated their schedules were hectic but you were always left downtrodden when they’d had to cancel again. 

But finally after weeks of cancellations and rescheduling, tonight they had been free for girls night. 

Shots were flowing and you all showed off your moves on the dance floor. You and Tara being the only single ones of the group danced with a few men but it was all harmless flirting, nothing serious. 

You weren’t looking to take someone home tonight. 

It was nearing midnight and you had all taken a break from dancing to rehydrate with vodka. You noticed Penelope’s eyes shift away from the girls across the room and her perfectly sculpted eyebrows knitted together.

“What is it, Pen?” You asked her, having to speak loudly to be heard over the music. 

“We can’t just have one night.” She rolled her eyes but then her face broke out into a large smile. “Excuse me.” And with that she sauntered off.

Your gaze followed where she had gone to see her throwing herself into the arms of her boyfriend, Luke Alvez. 

You chuckled to yourself, nudging Emily in the arm.

“They just can’t stay away from each other can they?” You laughed.

“It’s disgusting really.” Emily also laughed. 

“Looks like they're having a boys night. We should probably go and say hi.” JJ shrugged.

“I suppose it would be rude not to.” Tara agreed.

The four of you followed in Penelope’s footsteps across the room. You’d met most of the team over the years thanks to Penelope and you said your hellos to Luke, Rossi and Matt. 

The last man you came to had incredible hazel eyes, which even in the dim lighting of the bar you could see were flecked with gold. He had a light stubble on his cheeks and untamed curls you had a sudden desire to run your fingers through. 

Spencer Reid, you assumed. You’d heard of him countless times but for whatever reason the two of you had never met. You got the impression he avoided social situations in lieu of more academic pursuits. 

You’d heard stories of his time in prison and looking at him now it struck you that there was a hint of sadness in those hazel eyes and you assumed that must be why. 

“You must be Spencer.” You smiled a little shyly at him. You had no idea he’d be so attractive. “I’m Y/N.”

He smiled at you but you noticed it was stifled. Like he knew the fact you knew his name meant you knew what had happened to him.

“Yes, I’m Spencer. I’ve heard a lot about you Y/N, I can’t believe we’ve never met before.” Despite the sadness about him, his eyes seemed to sparkle as they looked at you and it made you feel hot under the collar. 

“Me either.” You couldn’t help but beam, had Penelope been hiding him from you? He was just your type. 

You turned to look at your friends briefly but were surprised to find them gone. Tara, Emily, JJ and Matt were now dancing in the middle of the floor while Rossi propped up the bar, sipping his single malt. 

A few feet from where you were standing with Spencer, Luke and Penelope were swapping saliva in an extremely NC-17 fashion. 

He had his hands on her voluptuous backside and her fingers were clawing at his shirt. 

“Are they always like this?” You turned back to Spencer with a grimace.

He shrugged.

“Not always but often enough not to be phased by it anymore.” He chucked a little. 

“Young love.” You laughed too. 

“They’re actually pretty cute when they aren’t pushing the boundaries of public displays of affection.” 

“Pen always refers to him as bunny, it makes me sick.” You laughed harder.

“Oh gosh.” Spencer pulled a face. “They flirt over the phone on cases all the time. It takes forever to get an answer out of Garcia because they have to flirt in every single call.”

“I bet he hasn’t described to you their sex life in graphic detail. Because Penelope has.” You shudder a little. “I know more about Luke’s anatomy than I ever needed to know.”

“That’s...that’s unfortunate.” Spencer laughed. 

“Yeah that’s one way to put it.” 

“Can I buy you a drink?” His smile was much less sad now, and more genuine as he looked at you. The way he was smiling at you made you feel weak. 

“That would be really nice.” You nodded. 

You followed Spencer to the bar where he ordered you both a drink and paid. He then led you over to a small booth away from the chaos where you sat next to him to allow you to be able to converse over the music. At least that’s what you told yourself.

It had nothing to do with the fact you wanted to be close to him. Absolutely nothing. 

“One time we were on a case in Boston and I called Garcia and for whatever reason she thought I was Luke and she started graphically describing what she was going to do to me, Luke when I got home. It was...disturbing to say the least.” 

“Oh wow. That sounds...horrible.” You laughed. 

“I’ve not been able to properly look her in the eye since.” Spencer pulled a face.

“They are the definition of sickening. But they’re happy. I guess that’s all that matters.” You shrugged, sipping your drink. “They’re lucky, one night stands have never worked out that well for me.” 

“No?” Spencer looked inquisitive. “I’ve never had one.”

“Really?” You raised an eyebrow at him. “I thought everyone had had at least one.”

“Statistically only sixty six percent of American’s have had a one night stand before.” 

“I forgot Penelope told me you were a genius.” You laughed again. “That’s a surprisingly low number.” 

“It’s still over two hundred and sixteen million people.” he didn’t even look as though he had to think to know something like that. You were impressed and felt slightly inadequate in comparison to him.

“Oh, in that case I suppose it is a lot.” you didn’t really know what you could say to that. “Can I ask why you’ve never had a one night stand?”

Spencer contemplated his answer this time. Facts and statistics rolled off his tongue but when he had to speak of personal things it often took him a moment to find the right thing to say.

“I suppose I’m a romantic at heart. One night stands seem kind of...disheartening to me. I’m not saying never but I’ve never felt the need thus far in my life.”

“See I don’t agree.” you turned in your seat so you could look at him properly. This close you could really see his incredible bone structure, high cheekbones and a sharp jawline. You wanted to run your fingertips over the delicate curves of his face, kiss the stubble on his soft skin and make your way to those plump lips of his. “Being single is hard, especially when your best friend is Penelope who is and is all loved up with Alvez. One night stands provide a little solace from the loneliness I guess.” you shrugged, trying not to sound like you were throwing a pity party for yourself. 

“But isn’t it just lonely all over again when it's over?” Spencer leaned closer to you and your eyes were fixated on his lips. 

“I don’t know.” mirroring him, you leaned closer. “We could always find out.” you smirked at him. You had just met him and you knew being so brazenly flirtatious could be dangerous territory. But you’d gone all these years without ever crossing paths so you supposed if this went south and Spencer rebuffed you then avoiding him wouldn’t be that difficult. 

His facial expression didn’t change so you had no idea what he was thinking or how he had taken your advances. He leaned even closer and your eyes were still locked on his lips.

“Are you asking me to come home with you Y/N?” his eyes were dark, lust perhaps? 

“I’m asking you to join the sixty six percent Spencer.” 

For a few long seconds neither of you moved or spoke. Spencer eyes fell over you, lingering longer on your lips. You shifted a little in your seat feeling hot under his intense gaze. He leaned even closer and you thought he was about to kiss you, but just as he inched towards you, a voice snapped you back to reality.

“Y/N there you are!” it was Emily. “And Spence, hey.” 

“Hi Emily, what’s up?” you would never forgive her if she had gotten in the way of Spencer kissing you.

“Come and dance, it's girls night!” she tugged your arm, pulling you so you were on your feet. 

Spencer shuffled out of the booth behind you. As Emily started dragging you towards the dancefloor, he came close to your ear and whispered “I’ll come and find you later.” and then he headed over towards Rossi who was still propping up the bar.

You danced with the girls for hours, even Penelope when she came up for air and pried herself away from Luke for more than a few seconds. The drinks kept flowing, laughter was aplenty; it was a great night all round. It had been worth waiting for.

Around three am you and the girls decided to call it night. You were a little tipsy and your feet hurt from all the dancing. You had lost track of Spencer earlier in the night, you were a little disappointed but it was probably for the best. A one night stand with your best friend's colleague would no doubt only end in disaster. 

You said your goodbyes outside, hugs and cheek kisses were dished out and they all promised you would have another girls night as soon as their schedules allowed. You lived on the other side of town than the girls so you waved off their cab from the curb and awaited the next one. It wasn’t long before another cab pulled up and to your confusion the rear window rolled down as it came to a stop.

“Told you I’d find you later.” Spencer smiled at you from the backseat. 

You tried to hide your blush as you slid in next to him. 

“I thought you left.” you buckled yourself in and almost immediately Spencer took hold of your hand.

“Not without you.” he leaned closer and then his lips pressed against yours in the backseat of the cab and you felt your whole body turn to jelly at the sensation. He used his free hand to cup your face as he deepened the kiss.

You felt a jolt of electricity coarse through you, something you had never felt before. Your lips moved in such a synchronized fashion it was crazy to think you had never done this before. You felt as though you’d waited your entire life for this moment. 

The kiss lasted a few minutes and when it ended you both panted slightly, trying to grasp at the air that had escaped your lungs. He kept his hand on your cheek, stroking small circles on your skin with his thumb. 

“Are you ready to join the sixty six percent club Spencer?” you smirked at him in the dark. 

He kissed you again, softly this time, more cautiously. 

“I’m quite comfortable in the minority. And I already know I am not going to be able to settle for one night with you.”

Your heart melted at his words, and the loving look he was giving you. You squeezed his hand, kissing him once more.

“If you take me for breakfast in the morning, you can have as many nights as you like.” you winked at him which made him blush a little.

“I’m sure we can arrange that, my love.”

“Thirty four percent it is then.” you laughed, settling your head on Spencer’s shoulder. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and kissed your head. 

You would have to berate Penelope for not introducing you to Spencer sooner. But you might also need to cut her and Luke some slack, because you had a feeling you and Spencer were going to become an awful, cutesy couple just like them. But when it was happening to you, you didn’t mind so much. Maybe you’d even let Spencer call you bunny…

...On second thoughts, maybe not. Somethings would never change. You’d leave the cringey nicknames to Penelope and Luke. At least for now anyway. Tomorrow was another day. 

[ijustwant2write]

The Visit-Shelby Brothers x Shelby!Sister

(GIF credit to @mormarsli​)

Requested by anonymous: ‘Heyaa there, just want to say i love ur writings esp the Peaky fics *^*May i ask a request, Sister!Shelby one. Where they're at a cemetery, they talking and reminiscing about their childhood and stuff. They're always mentioning the reader and John memories (cause they're twins). Hope my request will be selected. Thank you in advance have a nc day 😊💕’

Characters: Thomas Shelby x Shelby!Reader, Arthur Shelby x Shelby!Reader, Finn Shelby x Shelby!Reader, John Shelby x Shelby!Reader

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: Death, graveyard, swearing, mourning, mentions of alcohol, violence and vandalism, fluff

                                     *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

With no clouds in the sky, the sun was able to shine bright, a lovely change to Small Heath’s usual dark, depressing weather. It was still cold, due to the biting wind that had arrived due to it being so close to Winter. But no one was complaining about this today, it made a lovely change, even the most miserable person could put on a small smile, for just a second.

For the Shelby’s however, it was ironic. With Arthur in the driver’s seat of the car, Tommy beside him and Finn stuck in the back, they all had solemn faces. The youngest Shelby stared down at the bouquet of flowers in his lap, both hands cradling it. They were a mix of white and various pink colours, the stems were trimmed and any thorns or leaves had been cut off. He couldn’t take his eyes away from them, they were the brightest thing he had seen around him for a long time, but he wasn’t sure whether that was ironic or mocking.

Arthur pulled up and braked, gripping onto the steering wheel as Tommy instantly got out. Finn hesitated before following, glancing back at his older brother who couldn’t seem to move. 

“Arthur.” Tommy gently said, not having closed the door yet.“Come on.”

“Yeah.” Arthur mumbled, still staring straight ahead.“I’m...I’m coming.”

With everyone out of the car, they clutched onto their coats as the cold hit them, though still taking long strides into the graveyard; it was big and open, stretching across a large field with rich, green grass, and a variation of headstones scattered across it. They made a beeline to the ones they were looking for, having done this walk many times. 

Arthur always dreaded the walk, the initial feeling of being there. It made him sick. To think someone from his family was in here, and no longer with them, it was an incredibly hard thing to get over. Finn couldn’t help but feel upset every time, almost on the verge of tears. He was always the one to carry the flowers, it had just become some sort of tradition. So it wasn’t surprising to see Tommy’s blank expression whenever they visited. Of course he had sobbed and wailed as he mourned over the death, but the lack of expressing his emotions made him easily hide how he really felt. And he knew that if he let it all out, his brother’s would become concerned, no one would have control.

“Well, here we are again.” Arthur said. 

Finn laid the flowers against the headstone, seeing the names before running his fingers along the engraving.“Here you are.”

“The girls were here a few days ago, hope they spoke to you as well. I’m sure they did, probably complaining about the likes of me.” Tommy coughed after speaking.

“Let’s be honest, they’re complaining about all of us.” Arthur tried to lighten the mood, though his smile held sadness.

A chuckle came from Finn.“Pol would always rant to me about (Y/N) and John, when I was still living with her. She would tell me everything they got up to as children, especially if I had done something similar and she was telling me off.”

“They were a pair of rascals.” Arthur added.“Never did anything without each other. And you could always tell when they were plotting something, there was just something in the air.”

“Remember when they stole the Christmas turkey? We were just kids then.” Tommy managed to smile.

“Fuck me, that was a long time ago. They thought it would be funny to take the turkey before it had been cooked, poor Pol had been slaving away in the kitchen all day. When she realised, all hell broke loose! Turns out, they had put it in next door’s chicken coop! Oh, remember their first night out? Their proper night out?”

“Even I remember that! I was only five, but the sight of them stumbling into the house was funny to me.” Finn exclaimed.

“You don’t know the half of it.” Tommy started.“We took them out, knowing they would be a mess the entire night. Your sister danced with any boy that glanced her way, jumping on top of tables and the bars. John was exactly the same, I’m sure he almost got two girls pregnant in one night. But John being John, he had to get into a fight at some point. Except (Y/N) also joined. As soon as she heard her brother yelling, she was right beside him. That confused those lads, especially when she started throwing punches just as hard as John.”

“No, but you know what was one of the best memories? Us finding them out of school, when they were trying to break into their teacher’s car.”

Finn’s eyes widened.“Why did they do that?!”

“Apparently a teacher disrespected our name, but to be fair, he was a bastard. They always complained about him when they returned home, so one day they decided to do something about it. They sneaked out of the school, found his car and used a wrench and a screwdriver to break into it. It wasn’t spontaneous because they brought the tools. We caught them in the act, obviously furious because this was proving the man’s point.”

“So you just left it?”

“Oh no, we smashed up his car. It was his fault for parking it in such a rough area. There had been loads of reports about vandalism.”

Finn laughed, making his older brothers smile. Their attention went back onto the headstones as they calmed down, a slight sadness returning to the atmosphere. 

Tommy sighed.“I’m sorry, we can’t stay for long. Got business to attend to, business that you would want to attend.”

Arthur clamped a hand down on Finn’s shoulder.“But we’re going to show the little one the ropes. Hopefully he’ll be just as good as you were.”

“I hate when we leave early. I could stay here for hours.” Finn said.

“I know, Finn. But Arthur’s got a point. We need to get you out there. Come on, before we start stalling.”

They all said goodbye to the stone, never feeling odd for speaking to it. It was a coping mechanism, almost a place to vent, to feel connected. Tommy lead again, Arthur catching up beside him to start talking about their plan. Finn looked over his shoulder, seeing that the flowers were no longer resting up against the stone. Rushing back, he propped them back up, kissing his hand before placing it to the headstones.

“I miss you both.” 

Slowly standing, he read their names, and the dates, hating how his heart sank. He was broken from the trance when Arthur called his name, running after them. But those etchings never left his head, the saddest thing he thought he would ever see.

John Shelby 1892-1926

(Y/N) Shelby 1892-1926

[murdershegoat]

(inspired by this // on ao3 // ko-fi)

she’s had the voice in her head for as long as she can remember

well, it’s not exactly a voice, more just like a really strong, disembodied feelings that echoes loudly in her head and body. like, it’s not her gut feelings, it’s an outside force and it’s loud and sometimes scary.

so whatever she calls it a voice when she’s explaining it to others.

this voice, it guides her decision making. it’s not an exact science (yet) but if she thinks in her head ‘i’m gonna go get ice-cream’ the voice will either say WARMER or it’ll say COLDER

well, it won’t say it because it’s not a voice. it’s more like this disembodied feeling feels like it’s saying WARMER or COLDER and she’ll physically feel it as well.

if she’s supposed to get ice cream, she’ll feel a sudden warmth

if she’s not supposed to get ice cream, she’ll feel a sudden chill

she doesn’t know why the voice makes the decisions it does, but she has to assume that it’s leading her towards something, towards success or whatever

at the very least, she has to believe that it’s trying to keep her alive. it’s a survival thing. whatever it is, it’s kept her alive for 26 years and counting.

and though it keeps her alive, it doesn’t always save her from pain. the voice tells her kissing veronica sinclair in the horse stables is a warm idea and veronica ended up breaking her heart and humiliated her in front of the whole school.

when she was four, the voice told her to trust lillian. and that’s led to a whole life of pain.

anyway. the voice. 

andrea is the first person she tells about it.

they’re hiking in the amazon during spring break. and, as happens sometimes in life, they come to a diverging path and have to choose. left or right. andrea looks at the compass. ‘it’s not working,’ she says. ‘how fucking convenient,’ lena replies. she sighs and steps to the left path.

‘we’re going left,’ she says emphatically as she feels a familiar warmth roll through her. ‘why?’ andrea asks. ‘i just have a feeling.’

only andrea isn’t swayed by ‘just a feeling.’ she demands more and she refuses to go left until lena finally breaks down and explains the voice

(not a voice.)

‘well what happens if we don’t listen to it??’ andrea asks after a barrage of questions, her analytical mind whirring a mile a minute. lena shrugs, ‘i dunno. i’ve never taken the risk of not listening.’

they go left.

they survive the amazon. the voice is always right.

‘you know,’ andrea says, her head resting against the plane window. ‘my nanny used to tell me stories.’ ‘isn’t that what all nannies do?’ ‘she would tell me stories about people having unexplainable powers or whatever, i don’t remember the details… but i remember her saying that the powers always lead people to the thing they need the most. and it could take months or it could take years but it’s a part of your soul, like, intrinsically in you.’

andrea’s xanax kicks in soon after that and she sleeps for the rest of the plane ride home

lena stays awake the whole flight, wondering what these choices are and what this voice is leading her towards.

the voice leads her through the end of high school and it leads her to MIT (fun fact: she’s never felt a firmer COLDER than she had when she held harvard’s acceptance letter in her hand.)

it really helps her in college. sure, she still makes a lot of what she deems voice-sanctioned mistakes (sleeping with veronica sinclair is at the top of that list) but her grades are stellar and she’s on track for getting her second masters and she has a load of friends.

and then her brother goes insane and tries to kill superman. the sky is red and lena stands in lex’s office overlooking downtown metropolis. ‘join me lena,’ he says. ‘help me and we’ll be unstoppable. we’ve always been a strong family  but believe me, we’ll run this country together one day, i promise you that. all i need you to do is trust me.’ he holds out his hand

for a second, she considers doing it. she doesn’t want to lose her family. i am going to trust my brother. 

the voice says COLDER.

lena listens to the voice. she always listens to the voice.

it’s the first time the voice has made her lose something - someone - as important as lex. it’s the first time she thinks that maybe this voice thing doesn’t know what it’s doing because it’s never hurt her like this before. 

the fallout from lex’s breakdown feels cataclysmic. her friends stop speaking to her, her professors stop calling on her in class. she can’t even work at the library without being harassed.

and to top it all off, she becomes the youngest female ceo of a fortune 500 company. which means board meetings and strategy sessions all while writing a thesis. 

but meeting jack spheer feels like finding a life raft in the middle of a ferocious ocean, keeping her afloat, letting her catch her breath. he’s cute and he’s funny and well-to-do, and he’s the type of person lena knows she should date and possibly marry.

jack is the second person lena tells about the voice. she’s scared because she isn’t sure he’ll believe her, that he’ll drop her like the rest of her friends have.

but jack, bless his heart, just asks a hundred questions. ‘so even things like which sodas to drink?’ ‘the voice doesn’t let me drink soda.’ ‘whoa.’

jack is the first person who’s not veronica sinclair lena tells her other big secret to. they’ve been out drinking and eventually they stumble back to jack’s place and she feels brazen enough to blurt it out while he makes her a grilled cheese sandwich. she doesn’t even have time to wait for the voice’s opinion; the truth just falls out of her, unable to stay contained any longer.

‘i’m gay,’ lena says. ‘and i understand if you don’t agree with that lifestyle, but i’m still the same person i’ve always been and i would like to remain friends with you.’

‘a person with terrible gaydar apparently,’ jack replies. ‘as the kids say, it takes one to know one. i would’ve told you sooner but… i’m sorry i didn’t tell you sooner.’ she surges forward and throws her arms around him, hugging him tightly. neither of them lets go.

the grilled cheese burns.

‘should we just get chinese instead?’

the voice says WARMER.

she’s scared of starting over in national city, but the voice in her head seems to think it’s a WARMER sort of idea.

so she packs her bags and jack says goodbye to her at the airport and before she knows it, she’s looking down at NC from her pristine white office. the CVs of two assistants she’s interviewed. ‘i’m going to hire jess chin-salva as my PA,’ she murmurs to herself. ‘WARMER,’ says the voice.

when jess tells her two reporters are at the door, the strapping frame of clark kent isn’t whom she is expecting. she also isn’t expecting kara danvers to follow close behind, kara danvers whose smile is much too bright and friendly to work for a hardened journalist, whose blue eyes twinkle with a kindness lena has seldom been gifted by others, whose biceps are clearly visible through the cardigan she wears.

lena doesn’t have a choice to make, and yet for some reason it screams at her. WARMER. WARMER. 

and then it says something new.

WARMEST

the feeling won’t leave lena’s body, and she struggles to focus on the interaction with the journalists, but she thinks she’s managed to tell them the truth. she’s just trying to rebuild her family’s business. she just wants to do good things and make the world a better place. but it’s hard to focus on any of that when her mind and her body feel like they’re on fire.

it only dies down when kara leaves the room, and lena’s pretty sure that there’s something special about that woman.

except maybe there’s just something about the blue eyed women of national city. because later that day lena’s helicopter is shot down and she finds herself being carried to safety by supergirl and the voice goes batshit crazy again.

‘focus on the fact you’re about to die,’ lena tries to tell it, but it doesn’t listen to her. so instead, she doesn’t look away from supergirl’s steady, reassuring gaze until she flies away. and she wonders why supergirl is a ‘WARMEST’.

‘i heard you almost died,’ jack says when he calls her that night. ‘who cares about that?’ she responds, ‘the weirdest thing happened with the voice.’ she tells him of feeling ‘warmest’, of feeling it twice in one day with two different people, of how it refused to go away and occurred without any decisions to make.

‘ok i’m about to share a document with you,’ he says, and lena can hear him typing on his laptop. ‘there, open it.’

it’s a spreadsheet. holy shit.

‘this is every big decision you’ve ever made,’ jack says. ‘there are also some medium sized decisions thrown in, but mostly just the big ones.’ ‘how the hell do you know all this?’ she asks, shocked. ‘why else do you think i’ve been asking you about all this for so long?’ he replies. ‘every time you tell me something the voice says, it’s gone into this spreadsheet. now, i only have limited knowledge of decisions you made before you met me, but i’ve been able to put in a lot of them based on your stories alone. i thought, what better way for you to try and understand this than to put it into words you understand best?’

‘you’re phenomenal,’ lena tells him. ‘i just… i never thought of this. i just assumed it was all some unknowable hippy dippy nonsense.’

‘i mean, it could definitely still be hippy dippy nonsense. but still take a look at it, see if there are any patterns or anything.’

‘i love you, jack.’ ‘too bad i’m gay, huh’

lena sees a lot more of kara and supergirl, though never at the same time. kombucha dates with kara and supergirl swooping in to save her life every now and again. the voice isn’t as overwhelming in their follow up visits, though a pleasant hum of warmth resides low in her being whenever either of them are around. 

maybe, lena thinks, it’s not the voice at all. maybe, she thinks, it’s about time she starts dating again. 

but none of the women she sees bring the same warmth that kara and supergirl do.

the decision data that jack put together doesn’t seem to make much sense either. but she continues to add to it, bit by bit.

and then something weird happens. 

‘you’re getting more potstickers?’ lena laughs. ‘don’t you have any self control?’

‘i’m only human, lena.’

‘i suppose i should believe you.’

COLDER.

COLDER? she’d never gotten a COLDER near kara before. and why? she shouldn’t believe that kara’s human? of course kara’s human! she’s just an awkward, sweet, kind girl from midvale. it’s not like she’s supergirl, for crying out loud!

holy shit

what the fuck

kara’s supergirl?????

kara’s supergirl. it totally makes sense. why hadn’t she seen it before??????? had she been willfully blind to it?

she made a fool out of me, lena thinks. i should hate her. but the voice says COLDER. huh. so hating kara is off the table.

 maybe, she thinks, maybe i knew and i didn’t want to admit it to myself. because clearly kara doesn’t want me to know. and i don’t want to push her into telling me because i don’t want to lose her. i can’t lose her. because i lo---

‘i’m so fucked,’ she tells jack over the phone later that night. ‘kara is supergirl and she doesn’t know that i know and i--’ ‘what is it?’ ‘i think i’m in love with her.’ ‘oh my god FINALLY,’ he yells into the phone. ‘i havent even met kara and i knew you were in love with her. you know she’s all you talk about right? like, you run one of the biggest companies in america and you have a disembodied voice that lives in your head and a million other things going on in your life, and the only thing i’ve heard you talk about for months now is kara danvers.’

‘you did not know’

‘i really did. but im glad you know as well because i can finally present you with my biggest theory on The Voice.’

‘not a voice’

‘remind me what it was that andrea’s aunt or nanny or whoever thought it could be?’

‘that was a million years ago,’ lena says; she hasn’t thought about andrea in ages. she should give her a call. ‘i think it was something about… these types of abilities lead a person to thing they need most in the world.’

‘right. i’ve been doing a lot of new age reading and it hasn’t been pleasant at all and i sort of hated every moment of it, but i think i have some idea of what this could be. it’d explain everything.’

‘well then, what is it?’

‘i don’t think it’s the thing you need most in the world,’ jack says. ‘i think it’s the person you need most in this world.’

‘you mean like-’

‘a soulmate. think about it. somehow every decision that voice has gotten you to make has led you to standing in your office in national city where you met kara for the first time. and what did the voice say when you met kara, completely unprompted?’

‘warmest,’ lena whispers. 

‘exactly. warmest. as in, as warm as can be. because the whole time, the thing this voice has been leading you towards is kara danvers.’

lena’s plan for handling all of these revelations is drinking herself into a stupor. and it’s truly wonderful for the most part.

that is, until she wakes up with a headache and someone pounding their fist on her front door.

‘wHAT,’ she yells as she throws open the door.

‘do you want to explain the voicemails you left me last night?’

oh shit. lena’s hungover brain processes that it’s in fact kara standing at the door. she ushers kara in and shuts the door behind them.

‘to be honest with you,’ lena says as she puts on a pot of coffee, ‘i think i’m still a bit drunk and i definitely dont remember what those messages said.’

you said you know i’m supergirl. you said you’re not angry at me for lying to you--’

‘oh that’s not so bad’

‘-- and you said you have proof we’re soulmates.’

fuck.

‘do you want to explain yourself?’

‘can i drink my coffee first?’

… kara watches her drink her coffee.

‘okay,’ lena says. i’ll explain but you can’t ask any questions til the end. deal?’ kara nods.

the third person lena tells about the voice is kara danvers.

‘my whole life i’ve had this… this sort of voice in my head. and when i have a decision to make in front of me, it says WARMER or it says COLDER. it’s how i’ve made every choice since i was four years old, from the clothes i picked to the type of coffee i drink to the college i went to.’

‘like intuition.’

‘not intuition. fuck. i shouldnt tell you any of this.’

COLDER.

‘well. guess i should tell you about this.’

WARMER

‘it’s not intuition. it’s not a gut feeling. it’s not a part of me. it’s something bigger and otherworldly and it’s been leading me my whole life to something… i can only assume something much bigger and more important than i am. except i also think that the thing it’s been leading me to is you. and you don’t have to believe me at all, and god, you don’t have to believe in soulmates but… but far out, kara. i’m in love with you. i’m so in love with you it’s insane. and if you don’t feel the same way, i understand, but please don’t shut me out. i can live without you being in love with me, but i don’t think i can live without you in my life anymore.’

they stand in silence, lena’s plea still hanging in the air between them.

‘on krypton,’ kara says softly. ‘there’s only one way to know if somebody’s your soulmate or not.’

‘how do they do it?’ lena asks, imagining a blood test or a swab or something.

instead kara takes a step closer to her and she puts her hands on lena’s hips and she presses their foreheads together and she says ‘do you feel it?’

‘what--’

but she feels it. a sort of calm washing over them both. the air stills and lena swears she can hear kara’s heart beating and she feels serenity like she’s never felt it before.

‘wow,’ kara says, and before she can stop herself, lena kisses her softly, barely. but it’s still a kiss.

and she can’t really describe it, but she feels the voice leave her. 

‘i want to kiss you again,’ lena says. but there’s no voice that says warmer or colder. all there is is kara danvers, nodding her head and saying ‘then kiss me.’

lena has many thoughts about soulmates. she thinks if the universe gives you some sort of magical powers, it should also give you an instruction manual for them. she thinks her soulmate is the most perfect soulmate that’s ever been created ever. but this is the real kicker: lena knows that the voice may have led her to kara, but she’s the one who has to make sure she stays there. they have to put in the work together. love isn’t just a magical feeling, it’s building trust and learning to be selfless and letting someone into your life in a multitude of intimate ways. and now that kara’s in her life, in all of her wonderful glory, there’s no way lena will ever let her go.

[collecting-stories]

Blue Lagoon - ep. 01 - Rafe Cameron

Summary: Ward announces a family vacation while being the absolute worst and you meet Rafe for the first time. 

A/N: Can’t believe I’m making a Rafe series...super nervous about this one. If you like the first chapter and wanna be tagged let me know! (Also, all the chapters are named after beach cocktails). This is a re-write of Chapter 1!

Holiday in the Sun Masterlist | Outer Banks Masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

Thirteen had been a tragic year. The year of braces and that terrible hair cut that could only be described as the love child of a bowl cut and a mullet. Your best friend had taken scissors to your hair and you had regretted it ever since. It was the year of hoodies and basketball shorts and more layers than Billie Eilish. The year you fell and busted up your face so bad that you suffered through vacation with a bruise the size of Texas on your jaw. The year all your friends caught up to you but you were still taller and your boobs were still bigger and you still felt more awkward. 

The worst thing about thirteen though, had been the vacation. It was the first time your mom had decided to do a joint vacation to the Bahamas over break. You were thirteen and an absolute tragic mess and already so embarrassed just by your existence and then she flew you to the Bahamas to spend Christmas with the Camerons. 

And if Rafe wasn’t already so attractive and beautifully self-assured; fifteen and already tall and funny and you felt arguably worse about yourself in comparison to him and his sister. But especially him. And part of that was entirely because he’d been so nice. You were fully prepared for him to treat you like every other kid at your school treated you but he didn’t. He was so nice to you and you’d spent a vacation that you thought was going to be horrible having an incredible time. 

But that was the last of the joint family vacations, your mom focusing her time on her new job once you’d gotten home, so you were surprised when she proposed the idea again your junior year of high school. 

“The Bahamas?” 

“Over Christmas...with the Cameron’s.” Your mom replied, barely looking up from her notepad. 

“Oh uh, okay,” there wasn’t much else you could say. She wasn’t about it accept a no from you and yeah, the last trip had been fun, but that nervous insecurity ate away at you from the moment she mentioned it. 

You certainly weren’t the tragic thirteen-year-old mess that you had been back then, and maybe that should have inspired some confidence but instead you were just nervous. If you had gotten arguably better than what did Rafe look like? Probably even more gorgeous than he’d been before. One of your friends suggested trying to find him on instagram but you didn’t need any more anxiety pre-vacation so you avoided the possibility of seeing him before you really saw him at all.  

-

It was Rose who first suggested the little change of scenery for the New Year. Winter break was fast approaching and Ward was at the end of his rope with his oldest and Rose, in an ill-fated attempt to make his exhaustion work for her, mentioned the house in Nassau. Late at night, while Ward sat in his office trying to calm his nerves with a bottle of scotch. He’d been woken by a call from Peterkin that Rafe had been arrested, the third time in two months, for driving under the influence. He didn’t ask what his son was under the influence of and he almost left him in lockup for the night but he got dressed, picked him up, and drove him home in silence. Something had to change and then Rose broached the topic of a vacation. Of course it came with a catch, as everything with Rose seemed to do.  

“Dad,” Sarah groaned, looking up from her homework when he announced the trip over breakfast the next morning. “you can’t be serious?”

Ward had come down to breakfast, calling Rafe into the kitchen where Sarah and Wheezie were already eating. He didn’t hate Rose’s idea, even the part of it that benefitted her need to show off, and he decided not to waste time telling his kids the news.  

“As a heart attack Sarah.” He replied. “It’s been a busy year and I think this is exactly the kind of family trip we all need right now. Take some time away from the island and our,” he looked across the room at Rafe disdainfully, “more objectionable pastimes.”

“It was one DUI.” Rafe said, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. He was still a little hungover from the night before and the weed he’d just been smoking had his eyes bloodshot. He would’ve really loved to get some sleep but just as he was starting to doze off Ward was banging on his bedroom door.  

“And it would’ve been your third if Peterkin didn’t owe me a favor. I’ve only got so much clout Rafe, I can’t keep bailing you out every time you decide to do something reckless. Your choices-”

“Reflect the family.” Rafe replied, “I know.”  

“Then you’ll know this isn’t up for discussion. We’re going to Nassau in a week.”

All of them missed Wheezie’s groan as she laid her head in her hands. The silent onlooker to her family’s revolving door of drama, Wheezie’s role was that of mediator, instigator, and observer, but she wasn’t granted the privilege of an opinion.

“I’m supposed to go to the Keys with Scarlett!” Sarah mentioned, as if it mattered, “why do we all have to be punished just because Rafe screwed up?”

“I didn’t screw up Sarah, I was barely drunk. Shoupe was just trying to give me a hard time.”

“Oh, of course, our mistake.” Ward replied, “the world is out to get you. Do you know where your classmates are right now? In college. Yale, Harvard, Duke, even NCS...and where are you? That’s right, sitting at home every day, smoking weed, wasting my money.”

“I said I’d do some work for you.”  

“Because this is what I want representing my company? You can’t even get out of bed before three in the afternoon most days.” Ward snapped, “take this vacation as an olive branch. And when we get back start thinking about what you want your life to look like because any more ‘wrong turns’ and you can forget the nice stuff and the free room and the bailouts.”

“Dad!”

“That’s not fair to me and Wheezie!” Sarah piped up, repeating her earlier argument, “why are we being punished?”

“Don’t rope me into this.” Wheezie commented. She wasn’t going down with this ship. At least not yet.  

“I hardly think a week in the Bahamas is a punishment Sarah.” Ward replied, “now, is it possible to get through this without any other objections?”

“Can I invite Topper?” Sarah asked, “you said Rose’s friend is coming with her daughhter so I don’t see why I can’t invited someone.”

“Rose’s friend?” Rafe asked, looking up from his phone.  

“Yes. We’ve been on vacation with them before. You remember? He daughter is a year older than Sarah I think.”  

“Yeah,” he nodded, the slightest smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth.  

“Can I invite a friend?” Wheezie asked.

“No.” Ward said.  

“If Sarah gets to bring someone why can’t I? That’s not fair!”  

“I’m done with the arguments and backtalk. We’re leaving in a week. If Dr. Thornton says Topper can come, he can come. But I’m not a babysitting service for you and your friends Wheezie.”  

“Sarah always gets to-”

“Louisa!” Ward snapped, hand hitting the marble countertop. Sarah’s eyes went wide and Rafe looked up from his phone, standing up a little straighter at the notable anger in his father’s voice.

“Sorry.” Wheezie shrunk down in her seat, looking away from her dad.

“Now, do you think it’s possible that we can all get through this without any more arguments? We leave on Sunday. Since I have actual work to do, unlike any of children,” Ward said, looking over at Rafe, “I’ll be in my office.”

All three of them stayed put as they listened to their dad’s footsteps as he headed upstairs to his office. Sarah got up from the table, grabbing her phone and heading outside to call Topper while Wheezie still sat there looking close to tears for being yelled at.  

Rafe put his phone down on the counter and crossed the kitchen, putting his hand on his sister’s back and rubbing small circles. “Hey, no worries, okay? I’ll hang out with you on the trip.”

“You’ll just off with Topper and Sarah and I’ll be stuck with Rose while she day drinks.” Wheezie muttered, rubbing at her eyes.

“I promise Wheez, I won’t ditch you.”

“Okay,” she looked up at him, holding her hand out, pinky extended, “pinky promise?”

“Yeah, pinky promise.”

-

The week went by faster than any of them wanted it to, Sunday creeping up too soon. Trips to Nassau were usually staggered. Ward might go with Rose, or Rafe and Sarah went with friends or Ward took Wheezie, but they never went altogether. A family vacation hadn’t happened in almost four years.

Rafe could remember the last trip. Sarah had brought Scarlett because, once again, she was their father’s favorite child. Ward told Wheezie she couldn’t bring someone, pretending that she was too young but Sarah had been twelve and she’d been allowed to bring someone. Scarlett was a nightmare on vacation and an absolute bitch to you, Rose’s best friend’s daughter. Rafe had spent most of his time with you just to avoid his sister and Scarlett but he’d actually had a great time. Probably the last great time he had sober.  

On Sunday morning he stood at the back of the SUV, helping his dad load it up for the drive to airstrip.  

“Alright, do we have everything we need to go?” Ward asked, looking toward the house as Rose came out with her biggest suitcase rolling alongside her. “Rose, it’s a week for godsake.”

Sarah leaned out the window at her stepmom before sharing a look with Rafe, rolling her eyes. Rose caught the look and frowned. “Sorry all my clothes aren’t the size of Malibu Barbie and require a little extra space.” She said, glaring at Sarah.

“Here we go!” Sarah swore.

Ward took a deep breath, “just get in the car. Please.” He passed the suitcase to Rafe before following his wife around the side of the car, “and Sarah, behave.”

“Are you kidding me? She literally started it. I said nothing.”

“I don’t wanna hear it.”  

Sarah groaned, sitting back in her seat, “this is the stupidest vacation, why do we all have to go?”

“Sarah!” Ward shouted, “not another word! Some of you are lucky that we’re all going since you certainly don’t deserve a nice vacation.”

Rafe shut the door as he climbed in the backseat beside Wheezie, “am I supposed to say thank you?” It didn’t surprise him that somehow his dad yelling at Sarah had turned into his dad taking a dig at him.  

“It’s beyond my comprehension how I managed to raise such incredibly spoiled, ungrateful children.”  

“Sorry dad,” Sarah muttered.  

“Well I won’t wait for the other two apologies.” He said, looking in the rearview mirror at them. Wheezie had her airpods in, staring down at her phone, “this one probably can’t even hear me.”

Rafe nudged his youngest sister and she looked up, “huh, what?” She took one headphone out and looked around the car but Ward had already changed the subject.

“Is Topper meeting us at the airstrip or am I supposed to be picking him up?”  

“He said he would meet us.” Sarah replied, slumping in her seat as they backed out of the driveway and headed to the airstrip.  

“You know Sarah,” Ward mentioned, always happy for an opportunity to dig for a dig at Rafe’s expense where he could find one, “I really do like this young man. He’s very responsible. It’s a shame my own son couldn’t be so disciplined and mature.”  

“This is gonna be a great vacation dad, you were right.” Rafe piped up.

“You can save the snark Rafe.”

The only thing quieter than the rest of the drive to the airstrip was the flight to Nassau. Quiet and awkward, so much so that Topper spent the entire trip too tensed to even move, aside from his knee bobbing uncontrollably. None of the Cameron kids seemed to notice the unease or they were all so adapted to it that it didn’t seem to affect them.  

Ward had eased up on the commentary and Rafe was silent, hoping he wouldn’t have to listen to anymore of his father’s opinions if he just stayed quiet. He knew that wasn’t the case but it was working so far. Rose was too engrossed in her phone to bothered with any of them, Sarah and Wheezie taking up similar approaches to the flight.

-

“You know we could be taking a private plane to like, Paris or something right now? Wouldn’t that be kind of incredible?” You asked, reaching for one of the bagels that your stepdad had laid out on the table.  

“The Bahamas are equally incredible,” Your mom piped up, smacking your hand and making you drop the bagel, “eat some fruit, you look bloated.”

“I’m not bloated mom.”  

“Well, you're either bloated or pregnant and let’s not hope it’s the latter.” She snarked, pushing the bowl of fruit closer.  

“Thanks mom.” You rolled your eyes, “and thanks so much for this vacation when I was supposed to be in Ptown with Ben.”  

“Ptown’s not going anywhere.” She replied. “Try to be positive, remember what Dr. Nygaard said, try not to decide the outcome of an event before it happens.”

“Thanks for that inspirational advice,” you said, “you should get it printed on a t-shirt.”

Your mom had announced the trip not three days after you had committed to going to Provincetown with friends for Christmas. You’d paid for a fifth of the house that your friend group was renting for the week only for your mom to announce that you had to cancel. Rose had invited her (and you and your stepdad) to the Cameron’s Nassau house and she had accepted, effectively canceling any plans that you had. There was no chance of arguing the point with her, if she said you were going then you were going. And to be fair, part of you kind of wanted to go, just for the opportunity to see Rafe. Though it was for that same reason that you were really dreading the chance to go to.  

-

The Cameron’s landed at the airstrip in Nassau an hour after your family had already arrived and your mom had taken the liberty of renting two SUVs for the week. When Ward did land, Wheezie pressed her face to the window, looking out at the private port. “Who is that?” She asked, not recognizing Rose’s friend or her family.  

“My friend LeAnn, you remember we went to Nassau with them last time.” Rose replied.  

Your mom nudged you, a silent jab meant to tell you to turn your phone off. You were only making yourself more depressed anyway, seeing that your friends were having a great time while you were stuck on a family vacation.  

Rose waved as she exited the plane and your mom waved back enthusiastically. “LeAnn, I’m so happy you could make it!”  

“Thank you for inviting us,” your mom said, hugging Rose before looking to Ward, “we always talked about vacationing together again, I’m so glad it finally worked out.”

“Oh me too,” He replied though it sounded half-hearted.  

“It’s so beautiful here.” LeAnn said, looking around as if she hadn’t had the opportunity to before, “didn’t I tell you how nice it would be?” She asked you.

“Yeah, it’s super warm here.” You made a point of moving your hand up to block the sun, squinting behind your sunglasses and scrunching your nose.

“Don’t mind her, she was going to spend her vacation in with friends but she’ll get over it.” LeAnn said, excusing your behavior.

The rest of the family, Rafe, Sarah, Topper, and Wheezie, caught up with Ward and Rose, bags in hand and ready to get to the house. Wheezie avoided introductions, a quick wave before she headed straight to the second car, putting her airpods back in as she did. Rose ignored her daughter, going through a round of introductions anyway, as if you had all completely forgotten each other. As she pointed to Rafe you looked up from your phone, your eyes meeting his. Four years since your seen him and that same familiar pull in your stomach was still there when he smiled, like butterflies erupting. It lasted only a second as your mom spoke up and you turned to look at her.  

“I can’t believe how old you both are now! And Wheezie, the last time I saw you all you were just kids.”

“Well it’s been four years mom.” You pointed out.

“I know how long it’s been.” She said, glaring at you. “I guess we’ll see you all back at the house right?”

As everyone piled into their respective cars, your stepdad offered up the backseat if anyone wanted, noting that they had four people to get in the back of their car and your family only had you. Rafe looked at the back seat as Sarah climbed in, bag still in his hand as he slowly stepped away from the car.

“If you don’t mind?” He said, catching your attention.

You stopped what you were doing, hand hovering over your bag as you stood there at the open trunk, your stepdad answering Rafe, “not at all, hop in.”

He nodded, coming around the back of the SUV and putting his bag in the back. You were still standing there, practically frozen as you followed the motion of his bag getting tossed in the trunk as he turned to you, “need help?”

“I can lift a bag, promise.”

“I mean, last time-”  

“The latch wasn’t on my suitcase last time!” You laughed, “I can’t believe you remember that, that was so embarrassing.” You had been lifting your suitcase onto the cart at the hotel last time you were here and dropped it on the ground, the latch popping and spilling your clothes and belongings everywhere. The worst of it being Rafe picking up the stuffed dog that you had brought with you. “I did bring Wilbur though,” you said, just to get a laugh.  

It worked, Rafe shaking his head at you as he put your bag in and shut the trunk door. You followed him around to the backseat and he let you get in first, sitting so close to you that his thigh touched yours. It was unnecessary, since there was plenty of room with just the two of you, but he acted like he didn’t even realize it.  

“Sorry you had to give up vacation just to come here.” He whispered, turning to look at you.

“And miss the opportunity to hang out with you for a week?” You asked, grinning.

-

taglist: @maplelattes22 @poguesrforlife  @freckled-and-daydreaming  @chasefreakinstokes @millie-753 @fangirlwithme @alex12948 @katherine097 @tangledinsparkles @carbonated-beverage @mariofgreengables @damonsalvawhore27 @dopedoodes @dolanfivsosxox @belledutchess @poguelifeeee @faded-blue @parkerpetertingle @thebookwormlife @summer-clouds-and-long-days @jellyfishbeansontoast @minigranger @hoewkeye @love-someone-special @tiredfeels @strangerthanfanfiction713 @the-only-nana @tomzfrog @mozz-are-lla @vindictive-hearts @poguestyleskye @ssprayberrythings @jenahbell @beautyandthebleh @gothackedalready @teenwaywardasgardian @sarahcxmeron @haha-fuck-you-thot @stillbelieve398-5 @rewindlr @queenniccimicci @kissessforharryyy @thedarkqueenofavalon @alytavzla @bqmblebee @linniep @nerdypartytrashpsychic @xxchxrryxx @spencer-reid-is-a-cutie @mirjanak @danielladreaming @obx-saltlife @youngestxhearts @spnobsessedmemes @wowitswondergurl @celestialmaybank @mybnkjj @pineappleandcherries @mysterious-adventurer @justawilddreamerchild @rhyetaylor62 @calm-rejects @balletandyuzu @oh-annaa @aiifandomsunite @x-lulu @ceruleanjj @wicked-laugh @obxwriterfan @allie-mcginn @pcterparxer @literarycharleton @khiaraaa-in-spacee @crushe-s @teamnick @daydreamlilys @lemur46 @haute-shawn @collectiveuniverses @activist-af @mdgrdians @buckys-sunflower @vindictive-hearts @copper-boom @talksoprettyjjx @5am-cigarette @smiithys @dontjinx-it @outerbanksbro @mysticsthinking @heavenlymama  @rudy-pankow-needs-an-oscar @babymatilda @raekenliar @prejudic3 @drewsephsmiles @starrystarkey93 @n1ghtsh4d3-67 

[sundaysundaes]

Iridescent

Lee Donghyuck/Haechan X Reader/Female OC | Romance, Smut, Fluff, Angst | NC-17 | Soulmate AU, Childhood-Friends-Become-Lovers AU

An epilogue to Monochrome. Contains HEAVY SPOILERS, so please read Monochrome and Spectra before you read this.

Summary: Lee Donghyuck once believed in the concept of soulmates—how fate would connect a red thread from one lover to another, in a form of dreams and memories. That was how his parents met, that was how they claimed their happiness, and he wanted nothing more but to live his life the way they lived theirs. Until one day, as he sees her slipping away from his hands, he has no choice but to stop believing entirely.

Broken bones can be mended and bruises may vanish over time, but what befell Lee Donghyuck after the accident was deeper than fractures and scars. It took him five days to wake up from his comatose sleep, eight months for his body to fully recuperate, and another ten months in rehabilitation to overcome his trauma and mental state. But even then, he was never the same. He would never be the same.

As he could never be able to see the light again.

“Vision loss may strike as a devastating injury that could change your life,” his doctor once said during his regular check-up, “But it doesn’t mean that your life has ended, nor should you stop living. There’s still a beautiful world out there waiting for you. It may feel hard today or tomorrow, but you will get through this. You will get better.”

But to Donghyuck, they sounded like a string of murmurs as if the older man was drowning but still trying to mouth the words to him. Or maybe he was the one who was drowning instead, with no chance to resurface. And he didn’t mind, not at all. He wasn’t sure he had the will to do it anyway.

A gentle caress of warm fingertips and a voice as smooth as a lullaby to a child’s ears were the only ones who kept him sane. She was there, from the very first day he’d opened his eyes and seen nothing, and she continued to stay, no matter how much he’d cried in agony or screamed from bottled-up anger. She would hug him when the thought of hurting himself became too much to bear, and she would tell him over and over again, how lucky she was to have him alive and breathing in her arms. And she would still call him in the same way—Haechannie, Haechannie—between loving words that were filled with nothing but honesty, even if he no longer shone as bright as the sun.

She was the sole reason why he continued living, though not truly alive. The only one who gave comfort to his shattered heart and soul. To him, there would be no life without her.

On the day he was discharged from the hospital, dressed in his favorite white tee and a knitted navy-blue sweater she often borrowed to wear around her figure, his chocolate brown hair was long and untrimmed, nearly brushing against his collar. His skin was starting to lose its beautiful tan, and his collar bones were protruding from how much he had lost weight during his recovery. His matching dark eyes were  slightly opened and they shone in a soft glow under the sun, but they were as lifeless as the waves before the storm.

But to her, he was still a sight to behold.

Pushing his bangs out of his eyes with her fingertips, she smiled. “I haven’t seen you standing under the sun for a long time,” she said, mesmerized by the way his hair was fluttering under the wind. “My Haechannie is so pretty.”

He responded by kissing her inner palm and they hugged once before she accompanied him walking down the stairs.

“One step at a time, okay, Haechannie?” 

Her voice was always warm, always filled with the passion of life, as if she was trying hard to be happy for his sake as well. And it made him feel various emotions at once, from the elation of having someone as patient and loving as her nurture him back to health, from agony for being the one who always caused her trouble, and from fear of losing her if one day she woke up and decided to not love him again.

“Don’t let go of my hand. I’m here with you, Haechannie. I always will be.” 

Her promise found its way to his heart, and instead of making him feel drowned like anybody else, she was the one who pulled him out of the water.

“I won’t,” Donghyuck said, tattered voice escaping chapped lips. “As long as you’d let me.”

He couldn’t see her smile, but he could somehow sense it in the way she let out her breath, in the way she squeezed his hand, in every time she spoke his name.

“I got permission from your parents to take you somewhere today before we head back home,” she mentioned before a small, excited giggle tumbled down her lips. He was sitting in what he supposed to be his father’s car by the smell of it, and he let himself stay in silence as she dragged a seatbelt forward and tied it around his body with a click. “I hope you don’t mind taking a walk because I’ve been dying to go on a date with my boyfriend.” He could hear her placing her seatbelt and the sound of dangling keys. The car engine soon started with a stutter and Donghyuck’s fingers immediately tried to find reassurance by sinking their nails into the edge of his seat, his heart ramming against his ribcages.

“Hey, it’s okay.” She hastily laced their fingers together, stealing his shivers away with how firm she held on to his hand. “Breathe, Haechannie. I’m here. I won’t let anything happen to you, do you hear me?”

It reminded him of their old days when she tried to protect him with a plastic sword from the monster that hid under his bed. She still had the same effects on him as to how she did back then, clouding his entire mind with the feeling of safety and assurance.

He followed her guidance and tried to smile even when his throat felt like burning and his heart trying to find its way to leap out of his chest. “I’ll—” he swallowed when an inevitable crack appeared in his voice. “I’ll be fine.”

There was a pause and he desperately wanted to see what kind of expression she had on her face, but the thought went away when he felt a pair of lips meeting his in a soft, chaste kiss.

“I’m sorry,” she said, sounding somewhat shy when she parted away but close enough for him to feel her breath on his face. “I know you’re shaking in fear and a kiss would probably be the last thing you wanted right now, but…” She brushed her thumb along his lower lip, yearning for him. “I really miss you.” 

 Given the situation, perhaps it wasn’t the right thing to do but to him, it was exactly what he needed. She made him feel wanted, made him feel like his existence did matter to her more than just as a burden. So Donghyuck blindly reached out to her, searching for her hands, her face, her everything, and she met him halfway, lips melding into his as naturally as breathing.

To her, he still felt the same—just as warm, just as pleasant, just as passionate although his touch felt frail on her skin. Donghyuck was still Donghyuck she remembered, the one who reminded her of the sun, and how his entire presence made her feel joy in the way no one had ever given to her before.

She was devastated when she nearly lost her sun. Countless nights were spent with her crying with her face sinking at the sheet of his hospital bed, just a few moments after he fell into his slumber with lines of tears smearing his cheeks. She had always tried to be strong in front of him and his family, but when she was alone in the dark, listening to his soft breathing as he slept, she would allow herself to break apart, just for a few moments.

Those five days when he was in his comatose state was the  loneliest, most painful time she had to endure in all her years of living. Her fingers were desperately squeezing his just to feel a slight movement and she had called and called and called but he never answered. Her life was suddenly as dark as the night, where the moon had crumbled to dust with stars transforming into black holes.

So when he finally opened his eyes, her name escaping his lips, she felt like she was being reborn, finding back her purpose in life and there would be no way, no matter how hard it would be for them, for her to let go of her sun again.

“I love you,” she whispered between kisses, finding her way back to his lips with a sense of urgency every time, “I love you, Haechannie.” Fingers curling against his soft locks, lips moving from his mouth, nose, temple, cheek, before they went back to the start with shy tongues darting only to take a hint of how they other tasted. “Don’t ever leave me again. Please.”

It was he who should’ve spoken those words. It was he who should’ve begged her to stay. So knowing that she felt the same way, Donghyuck whimpered against her mouth, lifeless eyes began to spark in the way they used to.

***

He didn’t know where she was taking him away but by the briny scent that traveled the air, he muttered his guess, “Are we going to the beach?”

“Correct. Any idea which one?”

“The… The one where we spent our summer vacation?”

“Try being more specific.”

He curled his fingers, flush bloomed on his cheeks. “The one where I confessed my feelings for you for the first time?”

A soft chuckle. “That’s right. The one where you made my heart flutter, as promised.”

“I didn’t know I succeeded at that time.”

“You’ve always won against me, Haechannie. Even if I did win at something, it was only because you’d let me.”

The trip was a three-hour drive from the hospital, and they filled the silence by recalling their memories or humming songs to whatever the radio was playing. She begged him to sing, but he was only brave enough to do it after the fifth time she’d tried, and although he hated the croaky sound he made from his throat, she squeezed his thigh, saying, “Thank you for making me so happy.” He wasn’t sure what she was referring to—was it his voice or his entire existence?—but he realized he didn’t care, as long as he could fulfill his sole purpose of living.

The evening sun was warm on his face when she opened the car door and guided him to step forward into the sand, his sneakers sinking slightly into it under his weight. “Careful,” she reminded, circling one hand around his waist as he shakily wrapped his around her shoulder. “Can you smell the air?”

He could smell the scent of her strawberry shampoo. “Yeah. Salty.”

She quietly laughed. “Do you want to get closer to the water?”

“I’m…” The thought of him not wanting to trouble her was heavier than his desire. “I’m fine here.”

There was a pause, which made him ponder whether he said something wrong but then she huffed loudly. “You’re no fun. Well, we’re going to get, at least, our feet wet, whether you like it or not. So come on, keep up with me, slowpoke.”

Hearing that coming from a girl who didn’t even want to get sand on her shorts was something that made his entire body feel warm, and the sun had no part in it.

She helped him untie his sneakers, rolled up his jeans to his knees before she pushed him slowly into the water. He could feel the waves meeting his skin, could imagine how it would look like—the sand being carried away by the pressure of the water, his feet sinking a little deeper into the ground, perhaps a strand of seaweed catching around his bare toe.

“The sun is setting,” she said and he could somehow hear the grin in her voice. “Isn’t it romantic?”

“I guess.” He felt her wrapping her arms around his neck. “What are you doing?”

“I’m gonna take you dancing.” Her smile was sheepish, her cheeks reddening almost the same color as the glow that illuminated her features. “Oh, wait. I forgot the music.”

“Noona—”

“Just a sec.” She held up a finger to his lips as she fiddled with her phone with her other hand. “Where’s that song you—oh, here it is.”

Donghyuck could hear the song—the exact same song he’d played back then when he’d asked her to do the same thing under the starry sky. “You’re right,” he murmured with a weak smile, as she tucked her phone back into her coat’s pocket. “I should’ve picked a better song. Thinking Out Loud is way too overrated.”

“It’s okay, it’s been growing on me these days. Been using it as my alarm even.” 

Her giggle was adorable and gleeful while his was soft, almost inaudible. “Is that so…”

She caressed his face, eyes becoming tender when she noticed him leaning more to her touch. “I’ve missed hearing you laugh.”

Donghyuck’s breath hitched a little so he stayed in reticence. The sound of the wind and the crashing waves were louder than her speaker, so she urged him to sing, knowing that he already remembered the song by heart. He disinclined at first but he grew soft at her pleading.

As he began to hum along the first chorus, she stroke the skin on his nape soothingly with her fingertips. “Have I told you about the day when I realized I loved you?”

He smiled, another flashback hitting him like the soft waves around his feet. “Enlighten me, please.”

“There were two different times, actually.” She leaned closer, swaying their bodies side-to-side ever so slightly. “The first time I realized I felt something for you was back when we were still in junior high. An asshole in my class stole my sketchbook and you got into a fight to retrieve it back—even though you said you got your bruises from tripping down the stairs. I felt so happy knowing that there was someone out there who cared a lot about me.”

“I did trip down the stairs, actually.”

“Of course, you did.” But like the old days, she saw right through his lies. “The second time was when we were celebrating your birthday. I wore this yellow dress that looked way too tacky for the occasion and people were looking at me weird. And you stayed by my side, ignoring everybody in the house even though it was your birthday, and you told me that I was the prettiest girl in the room.”

He hummed in agreement. “Prettier than me even.” 

“That’s right.” She snickered but her tone gradually turned into something more sincere. “So when I told you that you were my first love, I wasn’t lying nor was I exaggerating. I’ve loved you just as long as you have, I just wasn’t brave enough to admit it unlike you. And I still regret that, even to this day. We wasted so many days, and I hurt you so many times—”

“It’s okay.” He shook his head, his closed eyes somehow began to feel hot. “It’s in the past.”

She broke down into another smile, fingers reaching out to swat his bangs away from his face. “You’re right. We still have the rest of our lives to make up for it.”

When he suddenly became mute, it made her heart thump faster in anxiety. But Donghyuck soon tugged her closer into his chest, his arms enveloping her entire figure and she sighed in relief as he laid his chin on top of her head.

“What are you wearing?” He asked, his lips brushing against her hair.

“Only in my skimpy bra and g-string, lover.”

“No, I’m serious.” He could feel his laugh reverberating from his chest and it still felt unfamiliar after all this time. “Describe it to me in detail. I want to imagine the scenery.”

She was smiling but her eyes grew softer. “I’m wearing that red dress you said you loved.”

“O-oh…” He wetted his lips. “I didn’t realize that since you’re wearing—what is it, a coat?—“ She confirmed with a nod. “Right. What else?”

“My hair is untied, but I’ve cut it short since it became a nuisance whenever I have to go to work early and don’t have time to style my hair.”

“How short?”

“Short enough to show the necklace you gave me.”

His heart was loud in his ears, almost deafening. “You’re still wearing that?”

“Yes.” He could sense her moving away, sliding her hand down his arm in a silky-smooth touch before she intertwined their fingers. “Along with something else.”

“Wha—” He felt her guiding his fingers to trace hers and the second he touched it, it felt like his world was turning upside-down. “You’re wearing… a ring…” whether it was a question or a statement, he wasn’t clear himself.

“Yes,” she gently replied, moving even closer. “Want to guess what ring it is?”

His heart was in his throat. “Please don’t…” he shook his head, taking a step back. “Please don’t say it’s the engagement ring I was about to give you.”

But she didn’t need to answer, because what else could it be?

She reached out for him but he slapped her hand away when it reached his sleeve. “Haechannie—”

Donghyuck tripped on his feet, falling to his knees and felt the ocean swallowing him inch-by-inch, seawater seeping into his clothes. His face was nowhere near the water and yet he was gasping frantically for air, his chest suffocating and sending jolts of pain to his entire body. 

He could hear her shouting his name in concern, could tell the panic in her voice, but how could he comfort her when he couldn’t even help himself?

The world was swirling in his head even when he could only perceive the darkness with his eyes. His stomach lurched as he coughed multiple times, throat burning in flames.

“Oh God, okay, you’re having a panic attack,” she sounded breathy, afraid, as she clutched her hands around his shoulders. “Breathe with me. Haechannie, focus, I need you to breathe.”

He had a hand on his chest while his other one was sinking deep in the sand. The memory of the accident—how it ruined everything he had planned for her, for himself, and the future they were about to face together—and knowing how useless he had become, to simply reduce himself into nothing but a burden who couldn’t even pass through a door without help, made him feel like his world was ending.

She pulled him into an embrace, sinking his face into the crook of her neck—a habit he once grew fond of—and whispered his name over and over again until it sounded like a prayer, steadying his heartbeat little by little with every second passing by. She only hugged him even tighter when he managed to calm his breathing. “You’re okay,” she exhaled in relief, “You’re okay. We’re okay.”

He brought his hand to the back of her head, feeling her strands under his fingers and finally noticing how short it was. “You should let me go,” he whispered, voice quivering.

Whether he was talking about her embrace or letting him out of her life, she didn’t care. The answer was the same for both. “No.”

“I’m fine now.”

“Well, I’m not. I want to stay like this.” Her voice was muffled by the fabric of his sweater. “Let me stay like this.”

He kept still but he no longer answered her hug, letting his arms fell loose on the side of his body. “Why did you wear the ring?”

“Because I want to.” 

It soothed him a little that she answered with those words and not “Because it’s something you wanted to give me and I know how much you want me to wear it.”

He noticed her body shivering as their knees were still buried in the sand, engulfed in seawater. “We should move. It’s getting colder.”

She eventually nodded, helping him up to his feet and went back to their car, immediately turning the heater on before she carried him to the back seat where they settled close next to each other. 

“Are you cold?” She asked, her voice quivering as she took her half-drenched coat off. “Guess it wasn’t a smart idea going back to the beach in autumn, huh?” He didn’t answer, too busy maintaining his composure so he wouldn’t freak out again. “Your clothes are soaked, we should get you changed. I brought some spare with me. Oh, and a blanket too.”

She was doing enough talking for both of them to fill the silence so Donghyuck kept his lips pressed tightly shut and followed her order, lifting his hands so she could pull his sweater over his head. She unbuttoned his shirt, blushing a little when his chest and stomach came into view, reminding her of the times where they spent their days raking nails down each other’s skin, exchanging wanton moans between wet kisses.

When he was left only in his jeans, she unzipped her dress, the clothing falling off her shoulders before she slipped it off her body entirely. Grabbing a blanket from the trunk, she scooted over to his place, wrapping the fabric around both of their bodies. She took his hand in hers, rubbing his cold one with hers over and over until he stopped shivering. “You really are sensitive to cold,” she mumbled to herself, “Warm enough?”

“You should’ve just thrown it away.”

She abruptly stopped moving, hands freezing as they were holding him mid-air. “What?”

“The ring,” he murmured, sliding his hand away from hers and bringing it down to his lap. “It doesn’t have any meaning now, so…”

She took her time to reply, begging herself to stay calm even when the pain was tearing her apart. Her tone was expressively hurt when she finally spoke, “You don’t want to marry me anymore?”

He could feel his jaw tightening. “Do you still want to marry me?”

“Yes, just as much as I did on the day you proposed to me for the first time. If not more.”

She answered him fast and firm, without a trace of  hesitation or doubts. But the fear that his thoughts screamed at him echoed louder in his head, reducing her promise to sound nothing more than a whisper being carried by the wind. To him, she seemed like she was about to cry, and perhaps she was, but not because she had doubts about marrying him. She was heartbroken because he appeared like he was forcing her to do something she disgusts, when marrying him had been her wish all along.

If he could see her, he would’ve seen the hurtful look that painted her face. She became mute, averting her focus to her hands that laid frozen on her lap. “Haechannie,” she eventually called, “When I think of you, what do you think comes into my mind?”

A liability. A deadweight. Someone you should abandon to make your life bearable. But he stayed as soundless as the night.

“Do you think I’m doing all of this because I’m forced to do it?” Her voice was soft, but he could sense a hidden rage between her words. “Because I’m obliged to take care of you as your girlfriend—your fiancee?”

“It’s not that, it’s—” He spluttered, turning to look at her although his eyes could only see the darkness. “I just wasn’t sure it’s still the future you want us to have.“ He hesitated, his voice became quiet. “And I’m not sure whether you still want me in this condition—”

“Why are you saying that?” Her voice grew frantic. “That’s really—That’s not—“ She buried her face in her hands, her chest tightening. “I want you—of course, I want you. You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.”

Somehow, her affection felt like a stabbing pain from all the self-loathe that bubbled in his chest. “But I’m not the same now.”

“Doesn’t mean that I’ll stop loving—God, Haechannie, why can’t you see that we—”

“That’s the fucking problem, isn’t it? I can’t see!” His voice was resonating loudly, colored with dismay and agony, muting the sound of waves crashing behind them. “I’m fucking blind! I don’t know what kind of face you wear around me these days. I can’t tell whether you’re lying or not when you say these words—”

“I will never lie to you—”

“Yes, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m afraid!” He broke apart, voice filled with quivers as it nearly reduced into short gasps. “I’m afraid of having you look at me like I’m a liability. I’m tired of trying to convince myself that I can be some kind of help to you when I can’t even button my fucking shirt properly. I want to marry you—God, I want to marry you so bad—but what do I have to offer? I can’t function like a normal person, I’ve lost my job, I’m going insane, and I can’t see a damn thing!”

The second he stopped speaking, only the sound of their surroundings could be heard, along with their ragged breathing. Donghyuck brought his face to the side, hiding half of his face behind his shaky fingers, inhaling a few times to control his breathing but failing on each try. 

Her eyes began to water as well but she erased the tears before they could stroll down her face. “I’m not sure if you know this already but,” she said, forcing herself to smile between hot tears. “I know how you’d prepared everything that day. I was shocked when my mother told me that you’d asked for their permission to marry me. I didn’t know you were so serious about this. I was so happy, but even then, I wasn’t as happy as the day you finally woke up, five days after the accident. I was just so relieved that I could see you alive and breathing again—to hold you in my arms, to hear your voice saying my name. I know how devastating this feels to you, losing your vision so suddenly like this, and I know how insensitive I will sound to you but let me just say this.” 

She reached out to him, cupping his cheek with one hand so he could turn his face around. His eyes were tightly shut, but his eyelashes were wet as they rested against his cheeks.  “I don’t care that you’re blind,” she said, rubbing her thumb gently along his cheekbone. “And I don’t care if you can’t walk without hitting walls, or if you can’t make your own coffee or wear your own clothes—what I care about is that we’re both here, together, alive and well, and there is nothing in the world that could change my mind.” When he was about to turn away again, to be swallowed by his emotions, she held his face with both hands, forcing him to bare his soul in front of her eyes. “I’d rather have you in this state or worse, rather than losing you entirely, Haechannie. I need you just as much, if not more. So, if you could just trust me, please.”

Donghyuck laid his palm against the back of her hand. “You’re better off without me, Noona. And it’s not just because of how I am now. Bad things do happen when you ignore the signs and deny your soulmate—you should’ve been with Mark—”

“I don’t care about soulmates.” She was frustrated, he could tell, by the way he was so adamant about this. “Isn’t that what you said to me too back then?”

“I know, but seeing how this happened to me, I—”

“Haechannie,” she called, gripping his hand tightly until his knuckles turned white. “What happened to you is an accident. It has nothing to do with soulmates or fate—people get into accidents, these things happen—”

“Yes, I get that, but what if it’s not? I don’t care if anything happens to me, but I can’t—” He took a sharp intake of breath. “I can’t afford anything happening to you. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Then do you want to spend your days alone instead of being with me?” Her tone was inscrutable, almost impersonal to his ears. “Be honest.”

Donghyuck bit his lip. “It doesn’t matter what I want—“

“Stop listening to your own thoughts. Listen to mine. Listen to what I’m saying.” Her temple was pressed against his, her breath fanning against his lips. “I need you, Hyuck. And if you’re too afraid to be with me, just like how I used to in the past, then let me fight for this. Let me fight for us the way you used to.” Her lips were so close to him that he could almost feel every syllable with his own. “And before you regret everything as much as I did about us, accept me.”

And just like a twig cracking under pressure, Donghyuck snapped.

He rushed to close the gap between them, his lips meeting another pair in a searing kiss and she gasped against his mouth, body tumbling backward to the seat with him pressing hotly against her. He finally let himself go, finally caved into his desires, finally devoted himself back to her like how he did in the past.

He was rushing everything, hands desperately clawing against every part of her skin that he could reach, his kiss frenzied. But all of that was a mere distraction so she wouldn’t be able to hear him whimpering against her mouth, lips quivering as he tried to contain his sobs. 

“I love you,” he hastily said, holding her face with one hand as he kissed her fervently. “I’m sorry for hurting you over and over again—” The way he smashed his lips against hers was both bruising and comforting. “I just—I want you to be happy,” he groaned at the back of his throat when she tugged his lower lip between her teeth, “With or without me, I don’t care, as long as you’re happy, I—”

“With you,” she immediately confirmed, yanking against the strands of his hair as she peppered kisses down the column of his neck. “I’m only happy when I’m with you, Haechannie, so—” And she melded their lips together again, tongues sliding against one another, drowning in passion.

It was a mystery to her when Donghyuck said he wasn’t the same. He still felt like flames, burning her skin with his every touch, igniting sparks of fire in her heart with whispers of her name. But even if he was transforming into an entirely different person, she knew she would still dedicate herself to him either way.

There’s no life without you.

What started as a rush of a moment gradually turned into something slow where they began to savor each touch with more affection and less uncontrollable lust. As he needed her guidance, she switched their positions, letting Donghyuck sat with his spine pressed against the seat, the skin on his back sticking uncomfortably against the leather. 

She noticed how he flinched more under her fingertips, sensitive to even a small graze of skin meeting skin. “Are you okay?” She asked, settling on his lap, straps of her bra falling off her shoulders.

He nodded anxiously, tilting his face so she could take the sign and kiss him again and she did, but her touch was paper-thin. “You seem nervous,” she commented, caressing his cheek in concern as he circled his arms around her waist.

“I am,” he admitted, cheeks turning rosy. “I’m going crazy because I can’t see you. I’m afraid that I’d do something wrong and make you feel—”

“Then I’ll let you know,” she assured him, thumb tracing his lower lip. “I’ll say everything if that’s what you want to know, so stop thinking too much.” She leaned down, pressing a sweet kiss to his forehead before she brushed the tip of her nose against his. “And just… feel me more.”

Donghyuck let her take his hand and exhaled softly when she pressed it against her cheek, shaky fingertips began to trace her jawline, the shape of her lips, her chin, her neck. His eyes were closed but his eyebrows were furrowed deep in concentration, and she would’ve smiled at the sight if his touches weren’t scorching on her skin, enveloping her with sensations she had been longing for months.

His other senses were heightened, noticing her scent better, listening to every gasp, every moan of his name, feeling her veins, her small scars from her childhood days—everything.

“So beautiful,” he praised under his breath but she caught it, sending goosebumps all over her body. “A-are you okay?” He asked, noticing how she fidgeted and shifted her weight. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, it’s just—“ She bit her lip when his fingers ran along the valley of her breasts, stopping when he reached her bra. “It’s been a while since we last—” a moan escaped her lips when he slipped his thumb behind the fabric, calloused skin meeting her sensitive nub. “Haechannie…”

Donghyuck gulped, his ears turning scarlet. Not being able to see the whole thing yet hearing the sounds she made really drove him to the brink of his sanity. “God, I wish I could see you,” he nearly whimpered. “I want to see your face.”

“Do you— ” She shuddered, as he brought his lips to trace every line he made with his fingertips before. “Do you still see me in your dreams?”

He nodded once, cupping her breast and sighing in content when it fit his palm perfectly.

She flinched, pressing her hips down to meet him more, urging him to move even closer. “Present ones?”

“N-not these days,” he moaned against her neck at the needed friction. “I see your past memories more often.”

She had to stop him and push him away for a moment because she couldn’t concentrate with his lips shyly sucking bruises on her sensitive parts. “Then let’s make as many memories as we can,” she said, slightly out of breath. “Maybe you can’t see me now, but you’ll see me in your dreams. Maybe then you’ll realize just how happy I am these days, because of you.”

He parted his lips in realization. He was too consumed by his depressing thoughts that he never tried to look through a new perspective. Even when he had lost his vision, she still managed to paint a spectrum of colors in his mind, in one way or another. As long as he’s with her, his life would never be monochromatic.

So this time, he could truly smile.

“Then…” He brought his hand down, whispering against her ear, “I can see you when we’re doing this too?” He suddenly slipped behind the fabric of her underwear, sliding his finger along her folds and she almost leaped out to her feet, yelping in surprise.

“Haechannie!” Her face was flushed, even going down to her neck and for the first time in what felt like forever, Donghyuck laughed, so airy and so him, making her eyes widen when she realized just how much she’d missed seeing him like this. “Ah, you’re really just—“ but she never finished, already moving her hips against him again, lips meeting in a heated kiss as it became a necessity for both of them to fulfill.

“Marry me,” he said, breathless and desperate as he kissed her shoulder, almost sinking his nails on the sides of her hips from how tight he was holding her. “Please marry me. I want—I need you to be my wife.”

Her eyes were unfocused, just like his were. Hooking her fingers around his silver necklace, she tugged him closer before she mouthed against the mole on his neck, making him moan her name.

“That’s what I’ve been saying this whole time.” She giggled, grabbing him by the chin in preparation for another kiss. “Idiot.”

***

[captain-josslett]

Overcome

Anonymous asked:

Maybe one where B!D is still a teenager but lives with her sisters in NC?

Summary: Emma Danvers has always struggled in school. Her talents not lying in the school system, but the arts. How does she cope moving into National City with her sister’s and can they help her overcome her insecurities?

Word Count: 1.4k+

Warnings: TRIGGER WARNING! Suicidal Thoughts, Violence, Blood, Bullying, Angst

Two fics so close together? Whoop! Anyway... I was given this request and my brain went into override mode! This is the first part showing what has happened and building the foundations of the story. B!D is a teenager in this fic with a nine and seven year age gap between her and her sister. Things do get better. I promise. 

Tag list: @natasha-danvers​, @life-is-hella-unfair, @supergirl-writingz​, @finleyfray​

Fifteen year old Emma Danvers really thought today couldn’t get any worse. But then it rained heavily as she was stumbling home, mixing with her blood and tears. Her blonde hair was sticking to her face and she didn’t have the energy to brush it away. Her hazel green eyes, bloodshot from her tears and the force of the punches. 

The usual gang of bullies had torn her clothes, cracked her glasses, broken her phone, punched her face until it was a swollen mess and kept kicking her when she fell down. Emma was certain a few of her ribs were broken. Unfortunately she was used to their abuse by now and she had learnt how to hide the evidence from her Mom.

But today, for some reason, the bullies were out for blood and left Emma a heap on the floor around the back of the school. Because of this she missed the bus and had to walk the long trek home. Well, try to walk. Her head was getting fuzzier by the minute and the pain in her chest was becoming unbearable. For some reason Emma thinks cutting through the forest by the fallen tree was a good idea. To her it was a good idea until she trips on a root and falls flat on her face. Her glasses crack further and her body throbs in pain.

She coughs violently and wheezes, wanting to cry but not  having the energy too. So Emma just lays there for a while, listening to the rain and wind sweeping through the trees. The animals scurrying around trying to find shelter.

Emma’s mind soon drifts to her Mom and two sister’s. How they would be better off without her. A complete failure who has to redo 9th Grade due to not fitting into the schooling system. Emma was smart but just not academic. She has dyslexia and though Emma can read she’s better at doing things to learn it. Excelling at subjects like art, drama, dance and music where she can express herself. But give her a textbook on maths, science and english and she’s lost.

Not like her sister’s who excelled in school and were considered geniuses. Which didn’t help Emma’s case as her teachers remembered Alex and Kara well. Even though they left school seven and nine years ago. Emma constantly heard her teachers comparing her, which added more ammunition to the bullies arsenal.

“I wish I was dead.” Emma whispers. Her eyes were growing heavy and she just wanted to sleep forever. To rid herself of the crushing pain that was pressing down on her. “I’m sorry.” Finally Emma closed her eyes.

———

“Alex come on!” Kara yells as they near their Mom’s house, who had called them three hours ago in a state of panic. Their baby sister was missing and the sun was setting. Alex had broken a lot of speed laws to get to Midvale in record time. Kara was tempted to use her powers but she hadn’t used them for a while and now wasn’t the time to try and fly. Especially if she held Alex too. She couldn’t risk it.

Both sister’s hoped Emma had already been found and was under a ton of blankets, being held by their Mom. But as they pull into the driveway their hearts sink at the sight of Eliza sitting on the bench on the porch, phone in hand and a grave look on her face. She stands immediately and races to her girls. The rain had stopped hours ago.

“Any news?” Kara says as soon as she leaps out of the car.

Eliza can’t speak, instead she just shakes her head and pulls Kara into a hug. A sob escapes her lips and Kara holds her close. Alex rushes around the car and wraps her arms around her Mom and sister.

Eliza pulls away and wipes her face. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be Mom.” Alex rests a hand on Eliza’s shoulder.

“Yea, it’s completely understandable.” Kara holds Eliza’s hand and tries to sound encouraging. Not to let the dread she feels take over.

Eliza squeezes the other blonde’s and takes a shaky breath. “Kara, I know we keep telling you not to use your powers. But, could you, just this once, use them to find Emma?” Eliza gazes deep into her adoptive daughter’s eyes. Pleading that Kara would do this. “A search team has been looking for her for hours and I’m worried we are running out of time.”

“Of course!” Kara says immediately.

“Where have they searched so far?” Alex asks, going into FBI mode.

“Mainly along the roads.”

“They haven’t checked the forest?” Alex frowns.

“Not yet, they need more volunteers before they can do that.”

“Okay.” Alex runs a hand through her hair. “Mom, you stay here and man the phone. Kara, I’m going to come with you. Will be easier if I drive and you listen out for her.”

“Alright.” Kara nods and hugs Eliza again. “We will find her, I promise.”

“Thank you Kara.” Eliza whispers before hugging Alex. “Bring her home.”

“We will.” Alex says as she rushes back to the car. She quickly reverses down the drive and heads out into the forest. Kara frantically scans all around them, hearing every noise around her. It was starting to get overwhelming.

“Do you remember the walk we would sometimes take to cut off the huge corner?” Kara says as she thinks through every route Emma could take.

“The one by the fallen tree?”

“Yea.”

Alex puts her foot down on the gas, feeling Kara’s hunch is the right one. She pulls over outside the entrance to the trail. Grabbing two torches, her medical bag and a blanket, the sister’s race into the forest. They call out for Emma as they look all around them with their torches, scanning the ground for any sign of their baby sister.

Kara suddenly stops as she listens intently. A faint heartbeat thumps in the distance.

“Kara?” Alex turns around when she realises the blonde has stopped. Kara’s wide eyes fill the redhead with dread.

Suddenly Kara rushes past her, not realising her quick speed was kicking in, making it harder for Alex to follow.

Finally Kara nears the heartbeat, she gasps when she spots Emma’s blonde hair and she falls to her knees next to her fallen sister.

“EMMA?!” Kara reaches out but freezes, she doesn’t know what to do. Emma’s face is turned towards her, but it’s so swollen. Bruises colour the pale skin. Her glasses are cracked and askew on the blonde’s face.

“Kara?!” Alex yells nearby, searching frantically for her sister’s.

“H-H-Here!” Kara stutters. Her emotions bubbling beneath her. Soon Alex is beside her and instantly gets to work.

“Kara, I need you to hold her head while I roll her over, okay?” Alex orders, when Kara doesn’t respond she looks at her. “Kara?” Tearful blue eyes snap to hers. “Hold her head while I roll her?”

Kara nods and gently cups Emma’s head.

“Ready?” 3, 2, 1.” They gently roll the teenager and Alex starts examining Emma. “Kara, call Mom.”

Kara gets out her phone, her hand shakes violently and she has to take a few deep breaths to calm herself. She selects the home number and Eliza instantly picks up the call.

“Hello?!” Eliza answers with both dread and hope.

“We found her. On the trail by the fallen tree. Alex’s car is by the entrance.”

“Oh thank God! I’ll call the Sheriff right away! How is she?”

Alex looks up at Kara with sad eyes and nods. they need to tell Eliza the truth. “Unconscious… She’s been attacked.”

Eliza gasps. “Keep her stable. Help… Help is on the way. Okay?”

“Okay.”

They hang up and Kara opens up the blanket, covering her fallen sister. Tears fill her eyes as she looks over Emma’s broken face. Her anger bubbles up at who dared do this to her baby sister.

“Kara?” Alex’s voice breaks through Kara’s racing thoughts.

“Yea?”

“Can you go back to the car and lead them here? That way it will be quicker to get her the help she needs.”

“Okay.” Kara nods and gets to her feet. Taking one more look at her sister’s Kara races through the forest. She paces by Alex’s car and finally an ambulance with a rescue team and police vehicles arrive. She leads them back to Alex and Emma, making sure she doesn’t use her powers to quicken her pace.

The rescue team get to work in securing Emma in a special stretcher and carefully head back to the ambulance. Alex and Kara follow behind, holding each other's hands to comfort and support each other.

Though Alex isn’t showing it, her heart is breaking and her blood is boiling. She saw the bruises covering her sister’s body. The boot prints and the clear sign Emma’s ribs were broken. Whoever hurt her baby sister is going to pay.

(Part Two)

(Side-note: Took me blooming ages to scroll down everything to add the link!!)

[nymphigeon]

Roses Have Thorns

♡ Pairing; Jungkook x Reader

♡ Genre; Angst, Fluff, Fantasy!AU, Supernatural!AU, S2L, Student!Jungkook, Wizard!Jungkook, Angel!Reader, Demon!Reader, Student!Reader

♡ Warnings (for this chapter); Panick attack

♡ Rating; NC-17

♡ Words; 2950

♡ Summary; A girl forced to live in fear because of her own power. Even though she isn’t supposed to exist, she wants to live. She’ll just make sure that she breaks herself over and over until there is nothing left of her. He, of course, won’t let her.

♡  A/N; Sorry it took me so long... T_T

Series masterlist

Chapter Two Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Jungkook waits, and then waits some more. Nothing happens. There’s no huge fiery impact, no one is currently screaming their lungs out in agony and it is actually rather cold. The previously bustling street full of people seems to have become completely deserted in a mere few minutes. Apart from a gust of wind now and then, nothing happens.

“It’s okay, you’re safe.” A beautiful voice reaches his ears, a sugary scent accompanies the pleasant sound. For a moment Jungkook wonders if he died and ended up going to heaven. Surely only an angel could have such a soothing voice? Or maybe he went straight down to hell instead, getting stuck with a mysterious siren.

“You can open your eyes now, the danger has passed.” If Jungkook has to describe their voice, he would say it reminds him of flower fields. The colourful ones with sweet smells all around. It calms him.

Deciding to trust the voice, Jungkook lets out all tension in a low sigh. The rate his heart is beating at slows down, his breathing following soon after. If he doesn’t listen, will they speak again? Is it strange for him to want to hear that soft sound once more?

Still, he slowly opens his eyes. A few steps away from him stands the owner of the voice. She isn’t looking at him, only showing her back. Her hair carefully follows the direction of the wind, a light glow present on the strands despite the sun not showing itself.

As the mysterious girl promised, all danger seems to have vanished. Nothing is on fire, nothing has been destroyed. Except for the absence of all the humans normally walking through, nothing has changed.

Sensing that Jungkook has opened his eyes, the girl turns around. A fancy mask covers her face, hiding everything except for the radiant colour of her eyes. The black mask in what looks to be the shape of Anubis’ head seems to be crafted out of a fine sleek material, adorned with little sparkling crystals along the outlines.

“I’m not sure why they’re targeting you…” As she speaks she takes calculated steps towards the still slightly frozen boy. “But I know they aren’t a group you should mess with.” Bending down, she picks up the plastic bag with groceries Jungkook dropped earlier, holding it out in front of her for him to grab. He makes sure not to touch her hands as he accepts the bag, scared that the silk laden fingers might burn him. Who is she?

“I-I..” So many questions and so little answers. Jungkook has no idea where to start, but he knows he has to find his voice. Everything is happening too fast.

“I didn’t do anything..” It would be surprising if she didn’t hear the way he swallowed, or the way his heart slowly picked up the pace in her presence. Jungkook has always prided himself in being rather fearless, and although that was before he almost met death himself, he can’t help but be a little embarrassed.

“It’s okay, I believe you.” She smiles, even though he can barely see it. “Stay out of trouble okay?” Raising her hand, she slowly waves at him, turning around while she walks back to the ground she previously stood on. “Wait!”

Jungkook is surprised at his actions, but there is no turning back now. He reaches out to her as if to grab her, his hand however only meets air. She doesn’t wait. When Jungkook opens his eyes after a blink, she is gone. Regret creeps up his back. He never got the chance to thank her.

The ringing of his phone brings him out of the self-deprecating spiral he got stuck in. Without looking at the name of the caller, he picks up. “Jungkook! Are you okay?! Where are you? You’re not hurt right? Do I need to come get you?” Namjoon rambles on as soon as Jungkook answers the phone, not really giving him time to actually answer any of the questions.

“I heard there was an attack near the grocery store. Should I call an ambulance? Police? Are you dyi-” “Joon, I’m fine.” Jungkook interrupts him. “I’m not hurt at all, I’m on my way home.” Jungkook can hear Namjoon sigh in relief. “Stay inside, I’ll be there soon.” Jungkook hangs up after, knowing the other will start rapidly throwing sentences his way again as soon as he gets the chance to speak.

Determined to not make the same mistake twice in a row, he quickly texts Namjoon a ‘Thank you for worrying’ before returning the phone to its original place. The bag filled with food feels heavy in his right hand. Jungkook definitely isn’t going back to get that eggplant now.

“Where have you been?” Haeun questions as soon as you come through the door. Her arms are crossed, her facial expression neutral. It’s almost like she was waiting for your return. “Does it matter?” You don’t look at her as you take off your shoes, long having gotten used to her behaviour.

“Would I be asking if it didn’t?” She taps her foot on the ground in annoyance. “Makes me wonder what you’re trying to hide.” Tired of leaning against the wall, Haeun closes the distance between you two ever so slightly. Not to intimidate, but to figure out. Maybe both.

“What are you trying to protect dear sister?”

Even while looking the opposite way, it’s not hard to miss the smirk on her face, amusement clearly evident in her voice. Teasingly she searches for your eyes, circling around like you’re the prey she just can’t let go of. A predator’s gaze rests upon you, burning through the barrier you set up in between.

“Where I’ve been, what I’ve been doing, it’s none of your concern. Please just leave me alone.”

With that you escape past her, not sure how much longer it will take before her treating gaze gets to you. Getting to your room is the goal, preferably without her presence following you around.

“You won’t gain anything by being secretive.” There is nothing to be hidden, nothing to be uncovered. Though your older sibling has always been leaning more towards the creepy dark side, she can be of no harm to you. At least, as long as you didn’t want her to be.

“Maybe not. That too, doesn’t concern you.” No more words float through the air after that. You turn the first corner after getting up the long flight of stairs, hoping to lose her attention for you. It seems to work as the sound of her walking gets further and further away.

Each and every time it was like this. Never straying away from that awkward strangers phase. If only she would treat you like her younger sister. If only she wouldn’t turn those cold eyes on you each time, perhaps the two of you could’ve been friends. If only.

Upon entering your room you immediately fall unto your bed, the action causing a loud dull sound to echo throughout the room. It’s always been too big for simply one person, the bed, the room. From the moment you were born, the next bedroom always had to be bigger than the last. Though, not because you wished for it to be that way. The real reason was always left from your ears.

Out of your pocket the soft melody of a notification sounds. It hasn’t changed since your 16th birthday. Nothing has changed since your 16th birthday.

‘I’m sure you heard the news already. I’m glad Haeun reported your safe return home, I got worried about your wellbeing. No details are out yet, so please be careful. They might return sooner than you think. I love you.’

The message makes you smile. Despite being the youngest at home, your dad never worried about your ability to take care of yourself. Since haven proven yourself to him a long time ago, he was never overly worried. Your mother wasn’t exactly the same.

Your parents have never been home a lot, always out and about for reasons you weren’t all that interested in. Business has never been your major of preference. As one of the few powerful individuals of society, both your mother and father had lots of work to do. Your mom having just a little bit more work than the man she married.

‘I’m fine, don’t worry. I hope you’re being careful too.’

After texting back you let your phone fall next to you. You need a hot shower to clear your mind.

It had taken Jungkook a lot longer to get home than normally. Despite him calming down considerably, his legs wouldn’t stop shaking. Even getting the key to fit in the lock took more effort, his hands refusing to stay still.

The key rapidly ticking against the metal door handle must’ve alerted the person still inside. Before Jungkook can insert the piece of metal, the door flings open, almost hitting him in the head. If it wasn’t for the leftover adrenalin giving his reflexes a much needed boost, it would’ve actually struck.

He doesn’t even get the chance to step inside before a familiar body flings itself at him. “Thank god you’re okay.” Namjoon sounds like he is about to cry, his worried state awfully clear. For a few seconds Jungkook just stand there, not being used to Namjoon showing that much physical affection. He however is quick to return the hug when his brain as made sense of the situation.

“Let’s get inside okay?” Jungkook pats his back and pulls away from the older boy, speed walking inside to drop the overfilled bag on the dinner table. Those can be put away later, when the remaining traces of adrenalin running through his veins have lost their effect. That might take a while.

Namjoon, who had quickly closed the front door behind him, pulls out a chair to sit on, motioning for Jungkook to do the same next to him. As soon as both of them are comfortably seated, Namjoon decides to talk. “So, what happened exactly?”

It takes a while for Jungkook to form a coherent response. Despite the fact that only 20 minutes have passed since the incident, his memory is foggy. “Just… People started screaming all of a sudden. Everyone was running in the same direction, away from whatever threat was rapidly approaching. I looked up and right there was a massive ball of flames heading in my direction.”  The sight he witnessed at that moment still managers to send shivers down his spine. Never before had he been that close to dying.

Jungkook takes in a few breaths to calm himself down. It’s okay now, he’s safe. At least, he hopes. “I didn’t know what to do, while my mind was screaming at me to run, my whole body just wouldn’t cooperate. Before I knew it, it was too late to run. All I could do was wait for it to hit, which it, as you can see, never did. When I opened my eyes everyone was gone.”

“So they just retreated like that?” Namjoon’s face shows his confusion. It doesn’t make sense, though Jungkook still nods. He doesn’t have any other explanation. “I don’t know what happened. One moment they were there and the next they had completely disappeared.”

He feels dizzy, something isn’t right. “Jungkook, you said it was a fire attack right? The sender can’t just stop those once fired. The only way is to create a barrier in front of the fire, which requires a lot of skill. Too late and your attack has already hit it’s target, too early and it might backfire right into yourself. Besides that there’s also the strength and the type of the barrier…” Namjoon sighs, realizing there is too much to this to properly explain right now. “In short, even the most well-practiced get it wrong all the time. You would’ve definitely noticed had they tried something like this.”

Jungkook trusted Namjoon, he really did. Namjoon has always been the one with all the facts, no matter the subject. So then why was it so hard to believe him right now? Jungkook didn’t see anything, didn’t hear anything and surely didn’t feel anything.

“If it wasn’t for the news reporting the attack I would’ve thought you had been hallucinating.” It’s not weird for people to forget details after traumatic events, Jungkook is well aware. Though the story in his head seems logical, it obviously isn’t. What is missing however, Jungkook doesn’t know.

“Did nobody see what happened?” It’s the only hope he has. The only way he’s going to get any answers.

“There’s no footage. Before the news crew could arrive everything had already ended. As it seems right now nobody has recorded the event either and since the attack took place in the sky security camera’s probably haven’t captured anything except for a bunch of people running. You were the only one who wasn’t running. I assume it won’t be long before the police contact you.”

Despite the increasing dizziness he’s experiencing, Jungkook manages to put on a sheepish smile. He knows Namjoon doesn’t mean any harm, but the statement does hurt his pride a bit. The smile doesn’t stay long, the unease takes over.

Nothing makes sense. Nothing about this whole story makes sense. Jungkook realizes he must have missed something. A vital piece of information. If it was so important, then how did he forget? What exactly happened?

He couldn’t have been alone, or rather, he definitely wasn’t alone. “Wait no, there was somebody else…” There was someone there. “Who was there?” Namjoon looks at Jungkook’s expression with worry. “Somebody else…” He can’t finish his sentence. There was someone there. “I-” He isn’t going crazy, or maybe he is. A slowly disappearing silhouette. Something happened, something must’ve definitely happened.

“Jungkook, are you okay?” Namjoon puts his hands on Jungkook’s shoulders, trying to shake him out of whatever spiralling thoughts he was stuck in. It doesn’t exactly work, as Jungkook keeps blankly staring into space.

“I-I need some rest.” Jungkook stands abruptly, nearly knocking over the chair he was seated on. The feelings that had calmed down slowly rise up again. Perhaps they did do something to him. Perhaps he might still die, falling over out of nowhere, succumbing to the curse put upon him.

Who was there? Jungkook almost sprints to his room and slams the door closed behind him. In the comfort of his own space, he lets himself go. The panic he never got to properly process returns. Heavy breaths escape, heat creeps up his back. He can’t remember anyone.

Screams, running, hot, blue, flaming, silence. The order doesn’t change, the information doesn’t change.

Sitting on the corner of his bed, Jungkook lets his head fall into his hands. He can’t focus anymore. Words repeat, scenarios bounce around, the room is spinning, his hands are sweating. The unwelcoming tells of needing to throw up introduce themselves. Jungkook tightly closes his eyes. He needs this to stop.

“Jungkook breathe! In and out, come on..” Namjoon’s voice sounds so far away. When he had arrived here Jungkook doesn’t know. The company isn’t unwelcomed, nor is it helpful.

Pulling his knees up to his chest, Jungkook tries to make himself as small as humanly possible. Had he truly been hallucinating? Each time he seems to recall something it slips through his fingers. There was someone else. Fragments of sentences exchanged distort, unclear.

The room is void of any oxygen, he can’t breathe. This is it, it’s the end, suffocated by his own thoughts. He wasn’t alone, and yet he was. He was alone, and yet he wasn’t. Is this his own fault? Was he cursed?

What if the attack was supposed to go this way? They never intended on killing him straight up, they wanted him to suffer. Slowly accepting the darkness surrounding him.

Jungkook’s eyes had long been closed when a loud crash was heard. “Jungkook! Please listen to-” It didn’t matter anymore, he would die anyway. Namjoon’s voice slowly drifts away, the beating of his own heart slowly dims. It’s all too loud, but way too quiet.

And then it’s dead silent.

A low humming can be heard in the distance. Accompanied by feather light footsteps, the sound comes closer, stopping right beside him. He loves the sound, wants to keep listening to it. And so he does.

“It’s okay, you’re safe.”

All of a sudden Jungkook realizes how exhausted he feels. Slowly he lets himself go, calming down in the safe environment filled with their voice. Before he can completely fall into the deep slumber luring him in, he decides to take one more deep breath.

“Sweet..”

Namjoon looks down at the sleeping boy on his shoulder. For the second time that day he lets out a relieved sigh. At last, the younger one felt at peace.

Carefully he moves Jungkook to lay on the bed instead and stands up to take cleaning supplies from another room. “Strong negative emotions must result in a significant loss of magic control..” Namjoon mumbles to himself, watching the different sized shards on the ground.

As he opens the door to exit the room, he looks back at the smiling sleeping boy on the bed. Reflecting his friend, Namjoon takes on a smile of his own. Today had brought a rollercoaster of emotions to them both. Ending like this was probably the best possible outcome.

“Are you having good dreams?” It’s whispered into the awaiting air. The only reply given is Jungkook slowly curling into himself, clearly happy with the flower field he ended up in.

[northcarolinanative]

𝙲𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 (𝟾)

Chapter 8: “Code 45759 JJ” 

A/N:  Okay I hope this chapter makes sense, like I said before my knowledge of the boats and ferry systems are very limited haha. Thank you all for all the wonderful support!! I actually feel like the fic is starting to pick up speed. I hope it doesn’t come across rushed, which is why I am a little worried about this chapter. Please let me know what you think! or any other requests, either for this story line or something else! :) 

Description: John B’s Sister comes home from staying with their mom, only to find out that her brother is missing and her dad was murdered. JJ may have just lost his best friend. Her and JJ have to figure out what to do and how to pick up the pieces.

Need to catch up? Ch.1 / Ch.2 / Ch.3 / Ch.4 / Ch. 5 / Ch.6 / Ch.7

JJ was the first to break the silence that had built between us. “Let’s go for a swim?”

“JJ what? I’m not even in my bat–” I couldn’t even make out my sentence before I was pulled into the cold water. I slowly kicked myself back up to the surface of the water. I wiped my eyes off to see JJ beside me. He came up in front of me, both of us kicking to stay up. We held onto one another loosely for support. Once again, close enough for me to realize. “JJ what the hell?” I said. I started to feel my clothes sticking to me in that uncomfortable way. 

“You did say that you came out here to cool off right?” He laughed. I splashed him laying back on my back just floating. It was nice, being able to look up at the few white clouds in the sky. JJ followed suit, laying back and just staring up at the clouds. 

He lifted his hand up to point at a cloud, just over a tree, “That one there he started.” I looked up to where he was pointing. “Looks kinda like a bong.” He caught me off guard, causing me to laugh. When I did I submerged my head in the water, sucking up water. I came back up coughing out the salty water. “What?” JJ just looked at me. 

“Seriously? A Bong?” I raised an eyebrow at him. 

“What?” He shrugged. “Maybe I just wanna smoke.” He laughed looking down the shore. “I’ve got an idea.” 

“Oh no” 

“The last one to Old Man Jones dock cooks dinner.” I rolled my eyes as he started counting. “One. Two.” I took a deep breath. “Three.” We both took off down the shore. I dove quickly underwater trying to gain a little foot ahead. I may not have been on the island all year, but mom and dad made sure that John B and I knew how to handle ourselves in the water. I resurfaced and took a breath of air before going back into the water. JJ was right to my left, and I was too competitive to let him win. I pushed in a little more effort trying to out swim him. I looked up and dove back down, realizing we were only feet from the dock. I reach up grabbing the edge and pulling myself up. One I was holding the edge for support I saw JJ surface and grab the dock. We were both a little out of breath. Taking a moment to catch our breaths and relax. The sun was directly over us, helping to warm the water. 

“You’ve been gone for like over half a year,” JJ said, still catching his breath. “On the mainland no less. How did you beat me? It was witchcraft wasn’t it?” 

I laughed. “Oh you caught me! Burn me at the stake” I joked. “So what’s for dinner Chef J?” I smiled, beginning to swim lazily back to the house. JJ followed after me. 

“Hmmm. I was thinking of pizza maybe?” 

“I thought the deal was to cook?” 

“I don’t think you want that Y/N” I laughed at his comment, knowing full well JJ was actually a decent cook if he tried. “Plus if we're gonna be up all night looking at the maps again we’re gonna need brain food.” 

“Right, pizza, brain food” I laughed with him. I turned to float on my back, shutting my eyes from the harsh sun. “So what happens if we find a lead, like a ship that went through? What do we do then?” I had not thought that far ahead. 

“We track them down,” JJ said. 

“How do we do that?” 

“That’s all on you Nancy Drew. What if we go to the ports? Call the captains and ask questions?” 

“Yea, uhu JJ. We can do that.” I laughed. “Maybe look at new reports. If it is another country, the police might not have those on their radar yet. Check out that place however we can.”

We had finally reached the dock, making our way to the house to dry off. JJ went into the bathroom to change, while I went into John B’s. Every time I went into his room it was like a punch in the gut. The air was thick and hard to breathe. After what Kie said, it feels like JJ and I are the only ones that believe he’s still alive, which sucks. I feel like we can’t do this, just JJ and I. We’re both so irresponsible and here on our own, how are we going to pull this off? I pulled my new dry shirt on over my head. Hanging the wet clothes over the railing on the bed frame. I turned, walking out the door to find JJ on the landline phone. 

“Yes that’s two cheese pizzas, with half the sauce.” He looked over at me sending a wink my way. It made my cheeks turn red. I started grabbing the papers and maps from the bin on the counter and settling into the barstool beside JJ. 

“Half the sauce?” I questioned. 

“I know how you always try to take the sauce off of your pizza” He chuckled. “So I figured I’d save you from looking foolish around here.” He moved to grab one of the papers from the table and the third map. The map from the day after the storm. My heart was beating quickly. I could not believe that JJ remembered how I liked my pizza. 

“You remember that?” 

“Kinda hard to forget Y/N. It’s weird.” I pushed against his shoulder pretending to be hurt by his statement. 

I took the sheet that had all the boat listings. “What time did they..” I stopped. It set in JJ was there when they told him about John B. He was there, with the other pogues, he didn’t have someone to gently guide him into the idea like you did. It was just in the open for him. 

“What time did what?” JJ said breaking me from my thoughts. I looked at him. I could feel the worry in my glance, but he seemed to be oblivious, or ignore it. 

I cleared my throat. “What time did they say that they lost them?” 

“Oh umm. I have no idea honestly. I mean, when I got in the car with the Heywards it was like almost one A.M?” 

“Alright. Then we’ll start at 00:00 and move from there.” 

JJ and I were deep into marking up the map, to where the Phantom was found, could have drifted, and the radius they might have swam to. There were lines everywhere, annotations at different times. Lines that went right over where the boat was but were way too late in the day. When the pizza got there, I beat JJ to the door, quickly paying for the pizza. 

I walked in carrying the box to see JJ tracing a line down the page with his finger, and the silver Juul hanging from his mouth. He looked up. “I thought I was cooking dinner” 

“Ah I changed my mind, you did buy us groceries” I ruffled up his hair, setting the pizza box on the stove. I grabbed a piece from the box. I took the Juul from his mouth and handed him the slice of pizza. I took a hit from the Juul, feeling the familiar effect of the nicotine before sitting down on the map and grabbing myself a slice. 

-- 

I lifted my head from my hands and looked at the clock on the microwave. 2:30 am. JJ and I had been looking at the map for so long that my eyes were burning. We had since finished the pizza, smoked a joint, and a line of beer bottles was forming along the wall. 

“What stamp time are we at?” I asked JJ as he crossed another ocean liner path off of our list. 

“8:02”. I let out a frustrated groan. 

“Okay only one more hour then we can get some rest.” JJ smiled at me and rubbed my shoulder. Over the last few hours we decided that we had to start moving quickly if we were going to actually find them. We realized that things were more time-sensitive than they seemed before. 

“Okay next one,” I said, gripping the map. 

“This one is a Cargo ship, smaller, it left from Port of Wilmington Delaware, and crossed into the NC Atlantic at 5:45. The trail is a solid purple line, Code 45752” 

I squinted at the map, all the numbers starting to run together. I found a purple line leaving the side of Delaware reading 45752. “Here, I’ve got it.” I used my finger to trace the boat’s path down the coast for a bit, then out to sea, then coming toward the banks. I followed it till it hit a sharp turn toward land. It came right to the Phantom wreck, then turned a right angle back down the coast. “Code 45759 JJ” I said tapping at the point, scared that if I looked away it would disappear. “JJ what does it say?” I said urgency in my voice. 

“All it says is ‘detour’,” JJ said, looking at me with a confused look. “They probably just weren't watching the boat and got off course.” 

“Look at this J,” I said, still tapping on the spot. I began to trace. The boat’s line “Here they are going down the coast, following the same path that literally every other damn boat we have looked at did.” I reached the turning point. “But here they turn here and go towards the island.” I stopped, tapping on the gold star that we had put where the Phantom was found. Then turn back course right here, at the wreck of the Phantom. I looked up to see JJ looking at the map intently. “Then here they stop, then continue. Something caught their attention in the water, the wreck. What is the time stamp for those two marks?” 

JJ rushed to grab the paper, tracing his finger along the line of stamps. “Uhhh. It’s 7:56 and 8:32.”

“That’s too long for them to be on that tiny strip for it to just be an unmanned ship.” I felt the hot tears start to fall from my eyes. I didn’t even mind, because this time they were tears of joy, tears of hope, we had something.

“He did it, he got out.” was all JJ said. 

“It is the only one who turned this way, had any weird activity. JJ this has to be it. It has to be.” 

“John B and Sarah are alive,” JJ said. I could see tears on the brim of his eyes. 

“Holy shit J” We both stood up. JJ put hands on either side of my face and connected his lips to mine. I was frozen at first but quickly began to kiss him back. It was brief, but I felt a spark as he pulled me closer to him. 

He pulled away, still holding my face in both hands “You, Y/N Routledge, are a damn genius.” 

“We really did it J. We found something.” He started to wipe the tears off of my cheeks with his thumbs, both of us smiling like idiots. 

“Do you want to tell Pope and Kie to suck a dick or should I?” He said with a laugh.

Tag List: 

@nikki082489 @lovelymaybankk @dolanfivsosxox @alexa-playafricabytoto @downbytheouterbanks @heyhargrove @heywards @kayln021 @readysteadygo23 @im-a-stranger-thing​ @thatsonobx @dumbxgurl @ameera21 @zehnuhrfunf​ @imagines-and-preferences1216​ @mileven-reddie​

If you wanna be added to a tag list please send me an ask, it makes it easier to keep up with:) if your user is crossed out it wouldn’t let me tag you?

My Masterlist 

[xingplytwelve]

𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝟪 𝓁𝒾𝓂𝒷𝓈

Author’s Note: It’s quite funny, this prompt came to me while I was doing Muay Thai in the gym. If only I have a hot-ass instructor like zyx! Pairing: Yixing x Reader Genre/ AU: Fluff, Smut, Gym AU Rating/ Warnings: NC-17 Word Count: 4.6k 

Epilogue 

‘What the fuck, y/n! What have you been doing?!’ Your boss raged as he slammed the deck that you’ve been working on, burning the midnight oil for the past few days. You flinched at the impact of his anger, as you looked at him blankly. You did exactly what he had told you to, but he must have forgotten what he had mentioned to you, for the nth time. You had been in this creative agency for the past two years, and sometimes, you don’t even know how you managed the time you spent here. Your boss, though not the worst boss ever, but definitely not the best either. You were getting sick and tired of how you had to handle his ever-changing moods, and how he always told you one thing but expect the other. You remained silent, while your boss shouted over to your colleague, ‘You do it instead!’ She gave you the ‘he’s being crazy again’ look before acknowledging your boss, and you gave her a faint smile. Luckily for you, you knew exactly how to relief your stress through the art of the 8 limbs. Not to mention, you were also crushing on one of your instructors as well. But that’s only normal right? Who won’t have a crush on zhang yixing, the best-looking muay thai instructor around. The girls in the gym were always talking him, about how he’s the hottest and the most attractive. There were even some who joined the gym because of him. But unlike the rest who were head over heels for him because of his good looks and physique, you were secretly crushing on him because of how he’s always so focused, serious, and attentive to each and every student during classes. The way he helped and cared for the students was what caught your attention, and his looks were really just a bonus. You just couldn’t wait for the day to end, so that you can head to the gym and smash some pads, not forgetting to also take a look at yixing. 

‘Hi y/n! How are you?’ Yixing greeted the moment you stepped into the gym, as he walked past you to go for a quick break. You nodded at him as a form of acknowledgement, knowing that he was simply being courteous, greeting the regular students. Though you knew that very well, but you can’t help but to feel heebie-jeebies whenever he talked to you. Not to lie, but the way his training attire showcases his lean body was definitely breath-taking. An hour of drilling cardio ended fast, and you started to packed your things lazily, staring into space at times. You had vent out all your frustrations through the bags earlier on, leaving you with little energy to barely do anything. Very soon, you were one of the few students left in the gym, since it was getting a little late. You then gathered your remaining strength and took your belongings, heading to the changing room to take a quick shower before heading home. 

You undressed yourself, and drips of water started falling on your skin. This has got to be one of the best feelings in the world, taking a shower after a workout. As you immersed yourself in the shower, you started to think about what happened in class earlier on. As if intensity of the workout wasn’t enough for your heart, you could have sworn your pulse was racing double its pace when yixing looked into your eyes, his soft skin brushing against yours while correcting your techniques. He was simply oblivious to the effect he had on you, or rather, women in general, or so you thought. Your thoughts were interrupted when you heard a voice saying, ‘the gym is closing soon!’ You then got out of the shower reluctantly and prepared to head home, when you saw yixing stepping out of the guy’s changing room. Your heart skipped a beat, not expecting to see him still here. He gave you a charming smile, which you returned with a tight lipped one, trying to hide how flustered you were to see him dressed in casual clothes, which made him even better-looking. You left the gym quickly, and were waiting for the lift when someone tapped on your shoulder. Your heart might have stopped beating for a second when you turned around, to realise that yixing was the one who tapped on you. ‘Hey y/n, are you okay?’ He started off, leaving you puzzled at his question. ‘You were really smashing the bags just now, doesn’t your feet hurt?’ He added, pointing at your legs which were still a little reddish from the impact earlier on. You blushed a little at his attentiveness, as you answered while avoiding his gaze, ‘Just a bad day, I guess.’ ‘You wanna talk about it?’ He then asked, taking you by surprise. You were lost for words, not knowing what is the best answer you could give. You wanted to say yes, so badly, to talk to someone about your problems, and also to spend a little bit of time with yixing. But at the same time, you wasn’t sure if he was just being polite, or was he really extending an invitation to you. You didn’t want to sound silly and desperate for him, even though you were in fact, silly and desperate for him. ‘I’m actually heading for a pint of beer before heading home, do you want to come with me?’ He prompted, seeing that you’ve yet to give him a response. Oh my gosh, he’s not just being polite, you thought to yourself as you try to formulate an answer that doesn’t expose your inner thoughts. ‘I would really love to, can I?’ You answered, as you mustered up your courage to look at him, trying to hide a grin. ‘Of course! Would be nice to have some company,’ he said with a bright smile, showing off his sweet dimples.

‘You know, you’re the type of girl that I won’t expect to see in the gym,’ yixing said, as he took a sip of his beer, leaving some of it’s foam on his lips, his seemingly tasty lips. You can’t help but to stare at them, after which letting a chuckle escaped. ‘I’m sorry, what do you mean?’ You then asked, as you looked at the slightly embarrassed yixing who was wiping his mouth with a napkin. ‘I’m not going to tell you after you laughed at me,’ he responded, as his brows drew together to form a tiny frown. ‘So, what happened?’ He asked, shifting his attention to you. You wasn’t sure how did you managed to feel more at ease with his presence now, perhaps it was that he had abandoned the context of a instructor-student relationship, and the fact that you guys were just chilling at a bar like normal friends, so you started sharing more about yourself with him. You told him how your day went, and how you anticipated to hit the gym everyday just so you can get rid of your stress, leaving out the part where you actually looked forward to seeing him. Time flew past and it was getting pretty late, as yixing took a look at his watch and exclaimed, ‘I’m sorry y/n, I didn’t know it was this late already! Is your boyfriend coming to pick you up? It’s dangerous for you to go back by yourself at this hour.’ You shook your head, answering, ‘It’s fine, yixing. I didn’t realised the time too. And don’t worry, I can go back on my own, I don’t have a boyfriend.’ A familiar expression soon came into your sight, when he asked while frowning, ‘what? Why?’ Why? You knew the answer to his question, but simply shrugged it off. How could you tell him that you’ve been single because you were having a crush on him? Though you did not answer yixing’s question, he was actually pleased with it. He just had to ask, to make sure, before he make any more moves. He stood up, and yanked you off your seat by tugging your wrists. Not knowing how to response yet again, the most you could manage was a, ‘Where are we going?’ Yixing simply ignored your question, till he reached his destination. You guys were at a carpark near the gym, in front of a bike. ‘I’m sending you home, silly,’ was his delayed answer to your question. ‘You don’t have too, really…’ you mumbled, but yixing, as usual, simply disregard whatever you were saying, as he put on his extra helmet for you. ‘Oh, I see that you’re scared of riding bikes,’ he teased, as he gently adjusted the helmet to ensure that it fits you, then clipping the sides together. ‘I’m not, ok!’ Your answer came in a rush. You were always a sucker for such goads, and yixing knew exactly that. He could tell from the way you were when you had your gloves on in the gym. A small smirk appeared on his face, barely noticeable. He hop onto his bike and started the engine, while you carefully got on, placing your hands underneath the seat. 

He laughed at your actions, without you knowing since you could only see his back view. But he was determined to make your hands leave the seat, and he knew exactly how to do that. He started off slow, but soon speed up when it was on the expressways, making you tugged onto the hems of his leather jacket. You could feel your heart thumping almost out of your ribcage, at how fast he was going, instantly making you regret your answer earlier. Maybe you should have admitted that you were just a teeny weeny afraid of riding bikes. As he made a sharp drift once the roads hits a turn, you hugged his waist tightly, fearing that you might just fall off the bike if you did not do so. ‘You should have done this earlier on,’ yixing shouted, his sentence disappearing into the strong wind that was blowing against y’all. Fear soon disappeared, since you felt safer holding onto him, and you were starting to enjoy the ride back. He soon arrived at your place, and helped you to take off your helmet once you got down from his bike. He smiled, showing you his lovely dimples as he patted your head, before bidding goodbye and speeding off again. You stay put, looking at him before he completely disappear within your sight, before finally heading back home. You threw yourself down onto the couch, and replayed every single part of the night you spent with yixing in your mind. Not only did you had a proper, and in fact, deep conversation with your crush over a beer, he had also sent you home, and you had also held onto his waist so tightly. Not forgetting that you had also shamelessly exchanged numbers with him earlier on, as you took out your phone and contemplate if you should drop him a text. But what are you going to say? You started crafting your message, but edited it repeatedly over and over again. You just couldn’t think of a way to express yourself without sounding that you were overly infatuated with him. Just as you were about to give up, a notification popped up. 

Yixing Z

Don’t worry about me (if you are, even). I just reached home

You stared into your phone unbelievably, and was consumed by your own thoughts before another message appeared. 

Yixing Z

I’m guessing you’re asleep already? 

It brought you back to your senses as you quickly typed away, and finally pressing send on your carefully crafted reply, hoping that you won’t regret it. 

Y/N

I’m still awake, haha. Thank you for the night, I had a really great time just now. And thank you for sending me back too! 

Yixing Z

You’re very welcome ;) 

What does that wink even mean, you wondered as you looked at his reply. You soon head to bed, and giggled inevitably when yixing flashes in your mind again. The bad day at work turned into a great one after all, you thought, and soon drifted into deep slumber. 

Since then, you had undoubtedly gotten closer to yixing, and it was getting pretty obvious among the people in the gym. He was always disturbing you during classes, and you knew he was seldom like this to other students. You didn’t know exactly how he felt towards you, but you had always assumed it to a normal friendship that had blossomed by chance. Even so, you felt contented, and happy, that your crush had somehow became a part of your life, not only as your crush, but as a friend. This whole twist of fate was simply, bittersweet. 

You had ended work especially late this day, and since you had already brought your training stuffs out, you figured that you should probably go for the last class, even though you were pretty exhausted from the crap that you were getting from your boss. It was a rather quiet day in the gym, there were barely any students when you stepped in. Typically, there would still be a few students who would still be here, but today, you were the only student taking the last class before the gym closes. Yixing, who had just woken up from his nap, walked out of the resting room reluctantly, but a bright smile soon appeared on his face at the sight of you. ‘Ended work late?’ He asked, as he walked towards you and patted your head gently. You nodded, as you said coyly, ‘I’m so tired, let me off today ok?’ Yixing looked at you in surprise, before asking, ‘How about some light sparring today?’ You returned him with a pout, hesitant about his suggestion before finally agreeing to it since it was a good chance for you to apply the techniques that you’ve learnt during classes. ‘Great! We can take all the time in the world, I’m also the one closing the gym today,’ he added. What you didn’t know was that he actually had some other plans in mind to make full use of the empty gym, though you were pretty certain that you saw a tiny smirk escaping his lips when he ended off his sentence. 

You were sure that you were going to get owned by yixing the moment you guys started sparring. You found it hard to focus on the swift movements of his body, when all you could see was the entire universe beneath those beautiful eyes. Yixing noticed that, which he then questioned, ‘Are you okay, y/n? You’re not focusing that well.’ You nodded sheepishly, as you snapped out of your thoughts. You were getting more and more fed up as the minutes passed, no matter what you threw, be it a jab, a hook, or a roundhouse kick, yixing seemed to have predicted everything, in which he dodged all of your attacks perfectly. You, on the other hand, were unable to foresee what he was going to throw. Though he was very soft in his attacks, the fact that you wasn’t able to get a successful hit was beyond frustrating. He then threw a jab that you didn’t managed to dodge, causing his gloves to brush against your cheeks lightly which made you flinched a little. ‘Oh my gosh I’m so sorry y/n, are you alright? That must have hurt,’ he apologised, after which taking off his gloves and placed his hands on your cheeks gently, examining if you’ve been hurt by him. ‘It’s nothing, you didn’t really hit me. I’m alright!’ you replied. Your cheeks were getting heated up, and it wasn’t from the jab, but from the way he was caressing your face. In that instant, all your frustrations were gone and you actually regretted avoiding some of his attacks earlier on, if you had known that he would have done this. That was how much you were craving for his touch. ‘This will lessen the pain ok,’ he said as he stared into your eyes, before giving you a soft peck on your cheeks quickly. Your blood were streaming with hormones by his actions, your pulse racing, as your cheeks gave out how flustered you were with shades of pink. Yixing chortled at his sight, making you extra embarrassed, while your mind went into fight-or-flight mode, in which you fled. You ran off to the changing room, and looking at your reflection made you want to vanish into thin air immediately. Your body had totally given you away on how you’ve felt towards yixing, despite trying to hide it all these while. You took off your gloves and splashed a few drops of cold water on your face, hoping that it’ll ease the blush, still evident on your cheeks. Just then, you heard a knock on the changing room’s door, and yixing’ voice. ‘I’m coming in,’ was what you heard. You remained still nervously, as yixing walked towards you. He took a  few steps closer, while you took the same number of steps back, until you found yourself up against the wall of one of the shower cubicles. Great, you don’t even have anywhere to flee off to right now. Yixing had one of his hands up against the wall, while the other one on your chin, raising it up so that you’ll stop avoiding his gaze. ‘y/n ah, you’re so oblivious, do you know that?’ He started off. What does he mean by that? You thought he was the one who had zero idea of the effect he had on women. ‘I know there are many girls who were nuts over me, I just didn’t care. Because I liked you,’ he whispered, looking at you fondly. You almost couldn’t believed your ears, it was as though you were living in a fairytale, whereby the prince that the princess loved so much, loved her back too. 

Before you had the chance to even said anything, yixing had playfully lifted the lever right next to him, and warm water was soon pouring on the both of you. You shut your eyes at the impact of the water droplets, and felt yixing’s lips crashing on yours. You were now tasting his lips that was like honey, and that answers your question of how those lips would have tasted like, which had probably came across your mind countless times. The kiss was gentle and affectionate, and you found yourself getting lost in it while drips of water continued to soak the two of you. You opened your eyes the moment he parted your lips, and the sight in front of you was simply mesmerising. His rash guard, already tight-fitting, was now damped thoroughly, allowing you to see how defined his body was. Noticing that you had your eyes fixated on his body, yixing then said, ‘you’re quite a sight yourself too.’ He meant what he said, you were just as soaked as he was, and your top had sank into your skin, allowing the outline of your sports bra to be seen. You could tell that he was extremely pleased with what he was looking at. He then leaned in, tilting his head slightly as he kissed you again. You were expecting him to go soft like earlier on, but instead, he was demanding and harsh. He was literally tasting your lips, and was taking over your mouth like it was his property. You eventually gave in and returned his kisses, releasing soft whimpers along the way. As the two of you broke away, you saw a smirk on yixing’s face. He already had his hands on the curves of your waist, and his touch had set your hormones on fire. His sneaky hands were slowly creeping up to your breasts, followed by him asking, ‘May I, princess?’ You wanted to scream yes, so damn badly. You wanted him to continue whatever he was doing, leave traces of himself all over your body, and to have him inside you so bad. But the way he called you princess so delicately made you weak, causing you to only manage a nod. ‘I swear, I’ll make you feel good princess. So good, that you’ll forget everything else but me,’ he added seductively. 

You could already feel your knees weakening merely by his dirty talks, and you just couldn’t wait for yixing to take you however he wanted to. You had your hands tugging onto his rash guard, which you then helped him to remove the moment he ended his sentence. His body was simply a splendid result of his consistent workouts, his abs were so well-defined, and not forgetting his deep V lines. ‘You wanna touch it?’ Yixing asked, extremely satisfied with the way you were thirsting for him. ‘Yes… yes yixing,’ you answered softly, as you reached out for them, but your hands were gently slapped away by him. ‘You have to please me first. Take off all your clothes, now’ yixing ordered. The way yixing switched between his traits of a complete gentleman and a dominant alpha was driving you fucking insane, and you did whatever you were told immediately. ‘Good girl,’ yixing said, as he checked your naked state out, before grabbing onto your hands and placing them on his V lines, as he promised. ‘Yixing, please… take me already,’ you begged, as you bit your lips in desperation. Yixing sneered at how helpless you were, before pressing his body against yours, making sure that you felt his hardening cock, to let you know how much he wanted you, before showering you with sloppy kisses all over. You started moving your hands down his hips, when yixing whispered, his face only inches apart from yours, ‘you have the honour, princess.’ You then helped him to remove his satin shorts, pulling them down entirely with his underwear, as you watched his thick cock being released. ‘How will you like to be taken?’ Yixing asked, as he started nibbling your damp skin, his rock-hard dick rubbing against your entrance. Just as you were enjoying that, he started to suck on your nipple gently, in which you returned with a moan. You’ve yet to answer yixing’s question, which got him to pinch your other nipple that he was playing with with his fingers. You whined, as you ran your fingers through his wet hair when yixing said, ‘I asked you a question, and I expect an answer.’ ‘However you want, yixing,’ you answered breathlessly. 

Hearing that, yixing then shoved himself into you immediately without wasting much time, causing you to mewl at the impact of his length. ‘Trust me ok?’ Yixing said softly, as he gave you a light peck on your lips, before carrying you up by the underside of your thighs. You grabbed onto him naturally, and then swing your arms around him so he could have a better grip, in the position that he wants to fuck you in. Yixing then started thrusting inside you slow and gentle, making sure that you’re comfortable. Having his cock inside of you had became very much pleasurable as your clit soon got used to him. ‘Mm yixing…Keep going mm,’ you moaned right beside his ear, which you then hid your face in his neck. Yixing grinned, as he started to intensify his pace by rocking you upwards and down with his masculine arms. Your hands were starting to run wild on his bare back, your nails leaving markings of yourself and your mouth, biting into whatever was available uncontrollably. Yixing groaned as you bit into his flesh, but he clearly enjoying it. He’ll gladly take in anything, as long as it’s from his little princess. Your walls were clenching onto his dick, as you started begging yixing to go even harder. It was exactly what he had been waiting for, to fuck you rough straight up against the wall. He smirked, as he teased, ‘Is that what you want?’ You had your face up to look at him, as you nodded excessively. Yixing then gave you a heated and possessive kiss, before placing you down gently and said, ‘turn around please, princess.’ He had no idea how aroused you get all over again whenever he calls you that, as you obeyed obediently. Yixing had his arm over your stomach, preparing you for the impact as he penetrated into you in one powerful stroke. You squealed from his thrust, as you held onto his arm, your grip tightening as he continued thrusting inside you hard from behind. His name was escaping louder and louder from your lips as you grew closer to your orgasm, and had your other hand up pressing against the wall. ‘YIXING,’ you screamed in pleasure the moment you felt tingling sensations all over your body, and yixing wasn’t too far behind as well. He went even faster, while you were still trying to catch your breath from your high, the sound of his hips slapping against your butt cheeks were nearly as loud the splashes of water that hit the floor. ‘Ahh,’ yixing moaned, and you felt him filling up your insides with his thick, hot cum. He rested his chin on your shoulders for a few seconds, hands running up and down your curves while the two of you overcome your euphoric state, before planting a soft kiss on your nape as he took a few steps back. He took your hand, turning you around so that you were facing him. Tucking your damped hair back so that he could see the whole of your face, yixing then explained, ‘A hot girl like you in a martial arts gym full of boys, I’m a lucky one, aren’t I.’

‘Oh, so that was what you meant back then,’ you answered, as you tried to pinch his cheeks but had your hands slipped off from his wet skin. Yixing chuckled, as he pressed on the shampoo dispenser, and started applying them on you. You were extremely sweeten by his gesture, and noticing that, yixing then said, ‘when I call you princess, I really meant it, ok. It’s not a this only happens during sex kinda thing. Unless you don’t want to be mine?’ You looked at him in disbelief, how could this man even had thoughts like this going through his mind when he had just fucked the hell out of you. ‘Haven’t you just had me already?’ You answered, as you started poking his chest with your forefinger shyly. ‘I want to hear it coming from you,’ yixing said in a firm tone, as he tugged onto your wrist. He had made you giggled like a little girl, as you added, ‘I’m yours, yixing, all yours.’ ‘That’s more like it,’ yixing answered in delight, placing his forehead on yours as he gave you a peck on the tip of your nose. As you attempted to give him a hug, the slippery wet floor had given you the chance to fall into his arms. If he haven’t caught you perfectly, you probably would have been kissing the floor then. ‘Wow, you’re so eager to be mine huh?’ Yixing laughed, holding onto your arms to prevent you from slipping again, as you simply hid your face in his chest in embarrassment. ‘You’re hella cute when you’re shy,’ yixing confessed, before adding, ‘stay over at my place tonight ok?’ You nodded, and you could have sworn hearing yixing said, ‘maybe we could have another go at it, clean and dry this time.’ 

[abusednotraised]

COVID-19 and Abusive Parents: Something to keep in mind...

Hey yall, I hope you're having a good week so far!

I know that COVID-19 has pretty much everyone in panic mode, so I wanted to talk about something really quick. I've been seeing a lot of posts lately on social media where parents are using the coronavirus outbreak as a way to manipulate their kids, teenage or adult, into breaking No Contact and forcing them back into an abusive situation. I know it has to be difficult for those that have heard from their parents claiming they're sick. There have already been plenty of cases that I've seen where the parent convinces their child to come home because

the parent wants to make sure the victim is "socially distant" & then refuses to let their victim communicate with anyone or go outside

the parent or someone in the family claims to be experiencing symptoms, but then the supposed sick person refuses to actually get tested for COVID-19

other various reasons/excuses for breaking contact or being trapped in yet another abusive situation

If you know that your parents/guardian/whoever your abuser may be has a tendency to lie, PLEASE be careful. There are lots of people out there right now that took their parents at face value and are now struggling. One person on reddit posted that they believed their mom when she said she was having symptoms, but as soon as they got home the abuse immediately started again. Now they want to leave but are struggling with the guilt of possibly leaving their parent behind when they may be ill.

Above all, educate yourself on how the virus is spread. Arm yourself with knowledge and use it as a shield. If you get a message or voicemail from your abuser begging you to "come home"? IGNORE IT. If you're already in a situation where you've been duped and have the means to leave? Make an excuse and LEAVE. They are counting on you to feel guilty enough and scared enough to force you to stay, but as long as you stay away from crowds & have the essentials you need to stay in there is no reason for you to be there other than for them to take advantage of the situation.

Please, please, please stay cautious and safe, yall. It breaks my heart to hear from all these people being forced to stay in abusive situations after being able to escape and keep up NC for awhile. Put yourself first and do your best to not fall for their antics!!

[trrriple-rrr]

Story Giveaway - Ivan Sonnenschein!Underwater AU - Part 5

This story is the second prize of my current celebration story giveaway. It was won by the amazing @shropshiregirl79. She asked for a new part of the Underwater!AU. Thank you so much for giving me the chance to visit the underwater world again. I hope you’ll love the story!

This story is reader insert with a female reader and rated NC-17!

This is the fifth part in this AU. It can be read as a stand alone but if you want you can read the other parts here.

***

„There’s no future here!“

His words make you flinch as much as the sound of the door banging shut when he storms from the room.

You bite your lip and try to fight off the tears welling up in your eyes but you know you are fighting a losing battle.

You squeeze your eyes shut and reach out to press your palm against the door. It’s smooth, warm. Solid wood. Your fingertips follow the grain while tears are running down your cheeks.

“There’s no future here!”

His angry shout is still echoing in your mind – circling like a hungry shark just waiting to meet its next victim.

His words seem to have found them. Your dreams.

And you have so many of them. Dreams. About the future. With him. For your people. For your world.

But his words are eating them up alive now, making them pop like soap bubbles. One after the other.

With your eyes closed you start to wander around your house. Feel the texture of the stone and wood underneath your fingertips. You flinch when you brush against the cold smooth windowpanes. Glass. It’s a small part of your world here and it’s his entire world there. Beneath the water.

You sigh and press your back against the wall. It feels good to have this support in your back right now.

You open your eyes again and look around.

The room is so empty without him. You’ve gotten so used to having him here. With you. Wearing comfortable clothes, his cheeks reddened from the sunshine. His lungs breathing fresh air. He looks happy and healthy here. His eyes as blue as the spring sky.

You huff and wipe away your tears angrily.

But if there is no future here… is there a future for you?

He has made it clear. He will return below water after these current negotiations and his “little holiday” are over. He will leave you here. On earth.

“I’m so stupid.” You say and press the heels of your palms against your eyes.

“No, you’re not.”

You bang your head against the wall in your haste to look up. He’s back. Standing in the doorframe. Looking at you.

“Ouch.” You murmur and rub the back of your head. He’s with you in three long strides and kneels down next to you. His touch is gentle as he lets his fingers slide through your hair.

“I hurt you.” He whispers and holds your gaze.

You can’t look away from him and you know he knows you so well by now.

“You did.” You murmur.

“I didn’t mean to…” He says and sits down next to you and holds your hand.

“There’s no future here….” You whisper. Whatever this is between you now, you are scared you’ll make it disappear if you move too quickly or speak to loudly.

His thumb brushes against the back of your hand.

“I didn’t…I didn’t mean that.” He says.

“Yes, you did.” You reply and look at your hands. Just seeing them together makes the differences between you very clear. His skin still feels cool even after spending weeks up on Earth. It warms slowly as you squeeze his hand.

“Yes, I did.” He says after a long while. At least he’s not lying to you.

“I thought…with your time in office ending….I had hoped…” It hurts to even say the words out loud now. You can’t put a burst bubble back together and you can’t piece a broken dream back together either. It’s just won’t ever look the same again.

“I know” He whispers and lifts your hands up to lips. He presses a kiss against your warm skin. Letting it warm him. The old gesture. It feels so familiar to you now. But it still leaves a slight tingle.

“But you know….I have hope too….” He murmurs and looks at you again. “And dreams. And that’s why I…”

You swallow hard. “Yes. That’s why…”

It’s not that you don’t understand. You know exactly why he made the decision he did.

“I just wish…I wish you...” You say and look at your intertwined hands again. You thought you were in this together.

“I was scared.” He admits with a grimace. No one likes to admit they are acting cowardly some time. “I feel like…like I have to decide. Between my world, my people and…you.” He says and lowers his gaze.

“You made the decision. Alone. Without me.” You say and feel anger and hurt bubbling up inside of you again.

“I did. For my world. My people. But not…not against you.” He says and swallows hard. “I can’t…I don’t want to.”

“There’s no future here.” You manage to get out between your clenched jaw. You are holding his hand so tightly now it must hurt him. Good. “But I am here.”

This is your home. Has been since you drew the first breath of fresh air. You know it so well, every stone and tree, every flower and plant, the birds, the clouds wandering over the sky. The hot sunshine, the soothing rain. You know the people, the food, the music and dancing and laughter.

“I don’t want to say it…” He starts and takes a deep breath.

“Then don’t.” You beg him and dig your fingernails into his skin.

“But you have to hear it.” He says quietly. He looks around the room, looks out of the window into garden. There’s something in his eyes now. A piercing pain. “Your world is dying.”

The words fall between you like crashing stones, making you feel worlds apart even though you are sitting next to him. Holding his hand.

You can’t speak. Can’t think.

There’s just this noise growing in the back of your throat. A painful whimper, a desperate scream. It comes out as a sob.

You’re crumbling, falling down.

But you don’t hit the ground.

He’s there. Holding you. Wraps his strong arms around you, cools your burning skin with his soothing cold touch.

“I’m sorry.” He murmurs and you just feel that he means it. You feel it deep in your heart, a spark of light in the painful black darkness.

You don’t know how long you are wrapped around each other. You cling to his shoulders, his back. You need him to hold you together or you’ll crumble into a million pieces. Just like your world.

The bees where the first to die. The seasons followed next. The waters are still rising, taking over the lands. It has been a while since you heard the song of the birds or laughter and music. You are dependent on the ‘world below’. The Underwater City. With their science, their processed and artificial foods, their money and resources.

“I don’t want to lose you.” He whispers quietly and presses his lips against your temple. The touch grounds you, gives you something else to hold onto. His words make the spark in your heart glow brighter.

Your world is dying. And he doesn’t want you to die with it. His arms hold you tighter, want to keep you safe. He’s trembling. He is scared. He was scared of telling you about his decision but he is even more afraid of losing you.

“I have decided to run for a new term as major because….” He starts and you hold your breath. This is it. The decision he made just on his own. Which destroyed your dreams of having a future with him outside of the water, on Earth, with fresh air in your lungs, warm sunshine on your skin and happiness in your heart. That’s what you dreamt of. Having it all. Your home and him.

But this world isn’t his home. Not anymore. He can’t remember living here. Not really. He grew up surrounded by glass and blue. So much blue. He grew up never having to worry about his food, about his health.

“…Because I… I’m not done yet.” He sighs and rubs his face. “I…am the major of the city. I worked so long for what we have now. We. Your people. My people. We have this…connection now. You know how difficult the negotiations are and I don’t want to break down the bridges we built. I want to help people on Earth. Help them find their safety under water.”

You shudder and press your lips together.

“Because that’s the only place they have a future. And they deserve one. And even….even if…some of them….decide that they don’t want to leave Earth. That they…that they want to stay…here. Then…Then I want to support them. Help them. To…to live. While we can.” He says and lets out a long breath. Saying these words hurt him. Because he feels you might be one of those who’d never leave their home.

You feel new tears running down your cheeks. You’re crying because he’s in pain. You’re crying about your world.

He just keeps holding you, through your shudders.

You know he’s a man of his word. He would not leave the people on Earth alone in their suffering. Not if he can help them. You also know that other voices are getting louder in his world. Shouting in the glass halls. Full of hate and fear and prejudice. They fear they would lose their own future if they help someone else. They care only about themselves and not the people who need their help.

You know there would be no future in his world either if these voices get louder, maybe even get into some powerful positions.

You blink away your tears.

“I made that decision for myself. Not for you…” He says after a while and gently brushes his thumb against your cheek. “I wouldn’t dare…” He says and finds your hand again.

You’re lying on the nice wooden floors of your home and press your forehead against his.

“And no matter what you decide… there will be a future for us.” He murmurs and you hold his gaze. “If…if that’s what you want. No matter how it looks like, no matter where we are…” He says and stops himself from saying anything more even though you can almost see the words barely hanging on to the tip of his tongue.

You just look at him. His handsome face, so wonderfully familiar now. His blue eyes, that calm you down and make you heart beat faster at the same time.  The lines on his face, etched into his skin by stress and worry and laughter.

You reach out and let your fingertip run along the line on his mouth, then his lips. He presses a kiss against them and smiles into your teasing tickling touch.

Seeing his smile in your hurt is like seeing a ray of sunshine after a dark storm.

You hold his gaze and close the small gap between you. Your lips brush against his and he pulls you closer, back into his arms.

You let the kiss linger, let your lips brush against his, gently, carefully. Till he can’t stand it anymore and lets his tongue flicker against your mouth. You open your lips and he sighs as the kiss deepens.

Your hands slide through his hair and down his back.

He presses his entire body against yours as if he just needs to be closer to you. As close as humanly possible and you slowly feel the same need taking over.

You groan into the kiss when he sucks on your tongue. He pulls you on top of him and you enjoy feeling your body pressing down into his. You kiss him harder now. Making him gasp for air.

He doesn’t seem to mind.

His fingers are combing through the strands of your hair and again it looks as if he wants to say something but decides to kiss you instead.

You moan his name against his lips and let your hands slide along his broad shoulders and strong arms.

You only pull back when your lungs are burning with the need to breathe. You sit up and push your hands under his shirt. Your skin is so hot it warms his up instantly. He hisses and helps you to get rid of his shirt. You need to be closer, closer together. Skin against skin. Lips against lips. His heart pressed against yours.

Your shirt lands on the floor next and your bra follows quickly. He moans and cups your breaths, feels your heart beating against his palm.

He holds your gaze for a moment before he lowers his head and kisses his way to your nipples. His thumbs flick over the sensitive skin before his lips close around them.

You arch your back and rock your hips against his as he sucks your nipples, making them and your entire body ache with lust and desire.

“Ivan! Please.” You groan and press his head closer to your chest.

He hums and nibs on your skin with his teeth, making you hiss as a new wave of pleasure flows through your body.

You let the arousal take over, wash away lingering pain and doubts. He’s here. Now. You’re together. And you want him. You want him so much.

You move with him, pull his hair to kiss him again. All teeth and tongue and roaming hands.

Your fingernails scratch along his shoulder blades and he arches into the touch.

You smile into the kiss and bite his bottom lip before pressing your palms against his chest to lie down.

His skin is reddened and his chest is heaving. His lips look wet and swollen.

You groan and reach between your bodies to undo his trousers. Just barely pull them down, his pants too. His cock springs free.

You have felt it between your legs before. Hard, long. His skin is hot when you touch it with your fingertips.

His erection follows your touch when you pull away. He moans your name, his eyes a dark blue now.

You lick your lips and stand above him to pull off your own trousers and underwear. He sighs. “Please.” He murmurs, sounding so sexy and needy.

Seeing and hearing him like this is a powerful rush.

You let him enjoy the view and stand over his head. He groans and lets his hands slide around your ankles, your shins and up to your knees. His thumbs tickle the backside of your knees and you feel a tingling jolt run through your entire body. You sink down onto your knees when he gives your legs a little tug.

He moans and you hold onto his chest when he hums and his mouth meets your vagina.

He tastes you, licks through your wetness. His tongue spreads you open, teases your entrance before he finds your clit.

You moan and hiss and he starts to let his tongue curls around and over it. You rock your hips in time with his licks. You need his touch. “There. Right there!” You moan and let your surroundings disappear around you. You don’t feel the wood beneath your feet. You don’t see the stone walls of your home or the garden outside. You just feel him. See his hard cock leaking precum onto hit stomach.

You lean forward and take him into your mouth. His loud moan vibrates against your sex, makes your toes curl. He spreads your lips with his thickness and you press your tongue against him. Taste saltiness and lust.

You suck him and moan around his length when he closes his lips around your clit. You give as good as you’re getting and nearly shout out in anger when he manages to pull you away from his cock. But the you feel his tongue between your legs, curling and flicking and you can’t think anymore.

He pushes you over the edge between one move of his tongue and the next, making you soaring high instead of tumbling down. Setting all your nerve endings on fire, your whole body shuddering, his name falling from your lips like a prayer.

His hands hold your hips, a gentle kiss guides you through your lust, helps you to find your way back. To him.

You blink and see his cock. Still hard, glistening wet, pulsing with desire.

You moan and quickly move over, kneel over it.

“Yes. Yes, please.” He groans and throws his head back when you reach down and sink down onto him. Your slick wetness embracing his needy cock. He grabs your hips again, his fingers digging into you skin, pulling you down so he can fill you completely, sheats himself with your hotness.

Your inner walls clench around him and he moans your name. You hold his gaze and let the dark blue mix with the lustful red haze filling your veins as you rock your hips, circle them, let him slide in and out. Your name fills the room. A low groan.

You feel your next orgasm approaching and press down against him. He gasps and lets you take over, lets your body pull him with you, down into dark purple pleasure crashing through your bodies now, harsh and hot. Shuddering, trembling, so incredible good.

He fills you with heat and wraps you into his arms when you collapse onto his chest. You hear his murmur against your ear, feel the warm puff of air.

“You’re my world.”

***

“I want to show you something.” He smiles and takes your hand.

“Now? The party! The people! The voting results will be in any minute!” You try to resist him pulling with you. But he just shrugs and smiles. “I want to show it to you now though.”

He says and leads you through the long glass tunnels. His white uniform is your guiding light in the sea of blue that’s surrounding you.

“Your house? I’ve been in there before, you know?” You chuckle.

“I know. But I…made some changes. Had them made.” He admits with a shrug and a smile. He opens the smoky glass door and leads you inside. Green and yellow envelops you. Soothes your eyes.

“There’s nothing different here.” You wonder and look around. It all still looks like it did when you left it this morning.

“Not in here. But over there.” He smiles and pulls you around a corner to his bedroom.

“You want to….now?” You laugh but stop immediately when you see it.

There is something different.

He looks at you intently and leads you closer.

“No matter the results…I just…” He says and you make him shut up with a kiss. He sighs and wraps his arms around you and presses you back against the new door leading to his bedroom.

It’s made from solid wood.

[jaeknightorbats]

Tunnel Caprica [M]

Pairings: Baekhyun x Sehun (SeBaek) 

Ratings: NC-17

Genre/AUs: Smut, dark romance, slice of life

Description: It was a normal day for convenience store worker Byun Baekhyun when Sehun—a wealthy looking man—entered the store, only getting overdosed by drugs afterwards.  It was the encounter that would change Baekhyun’s life. It was the encounter that introduced him to a world that should never exist in this already problematic world. 

Warnings: Graphic sexual content, substance use, drug overdose, alcohol, and strong language

Chapters: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 (NEW!)

Synopsis: Tunnel Caprica connects two cities under the huge and long mountain ranges of the country Ioca [a-yo-ka], making it one of the longest tunnels in the world with a distance of nearly 40 kilometers. However, people choose to drive the 3-hour long pass than driving through the tunnel, because driving through the tunnel can be claustrophobic—an hour drive with nothing but repeating images of the never ending tunnel. But through the tunnel also hides the entrance to another world that Baekhyun is yet to find out.

Part 1

Word count: 3.9k

Just a single response—a single response that could make everything better.

Or could make matters worse.

It had not been long since his girlfriend replied—five hours outmost. But five hours felt like a day to him. Getting used to quick replies, it’s making him crazy as to why he wasn’t getting any response even after sending her messages and giving her calls.

She’s mad.

He couldn’t help but think, and it’s making him weak. He doesn’t like anyone getting mad at him, especially if it was her.

Ple—

He stopped typing. He shouldn’t bother her, she’s at work. He shouldn’t annoy her. She must be annoyed. He wasn’t at work—it was his rest day, leaving him alone with his thoughts and his phone. Nothing worse than that—overthinking.

He dug his face on to his phone, praying to the gods to make a miracle for him.

He waited, and he waited. Still got no response.

Maybe staring at the screen would make a difference. He stared at every icon he could see, scrolled from side to side.

Why am I lying to myself?

Nearly 30, he was, but he could be still naïve at times. He was a high school dropout with divorced parents.

What divorce? They have no money for such things, his parents only lived separately, and things were too confusing for him. He ran away from his home at the age of 17, and started to find ways he could live on his own. Things never worked out for him, still broke at the age of twenty-nine. He’s renting a small, cheap apartment, and he had a third-hand car that needed constant maintenance. He worked at a convenience store near where he was staying, only a 15 to 20-minute walk.

Byun Baekhyun considered himself as a good-for-nothing, and was only working to survive. The only thing that was making him somewhat happy was his girlfriend’s affection. Now, the person giving what he wanted was mad at him.

He took a deep, hopeless breath as he dropped his head down to his table from where he was sitting. At the brink of losing hope, his heart jumped when his forehead felt the vibration of the table coming from his phone.

He didn’t check from who it was, and immediately clicked the notification and read the message.

Disappointed, he was, when the text message was from his carrier, reminding him that his phone bill’s due was approaching.

This girl, now this. His grip to his phone loosen, feeling weak—he could hear his heart beating. He felt like he was losing his mind.

A picture of his wallet flashed through his head, remembering exactly how much money he still had before his next pay. $43.05.

His phone bill usually cost $45.

He didn’t want to double check his wallet, it was too heartbreaking for him. He recently spent most of his money buying his girlfriend a nice dinner and a new phone—a phone she didn’t like that’s why they’re in a fight. She wanted an iPhone. He couldn’t afford such phone. He himself was sticking to his 3-year-old phone. As long as he could send his girlfriend a message, he was fine with any phone.

He pressed his eyes closed, thinking what should he do to pay his dues and to make his girl happy. His feet couldn’t stop tapping—he couldn’t think of a solution.

“Money can’t buy happiness?” he muttered to himself. “Bullshit.”

He stood up from his chair, threw his phone to the sofa just to release some stress—even a tiny bit. He needed a break.

He started walking circles in his small place, thinking of different things how to earn enough money to, at least, pay the bills.

Baekhyun never turned his head so fast when he saw his phone screen flashed from his peripheral view, hearing the vibration from the sofa. His feet dragged him fast towards the sofa and his hand grabbed the phone.

Disappointed again, it was from his friend, Park Chanyeol.

Im coming 2 ur place.

Baekhyun felt so pissed. He was hoping it was from someone better—his girlfriend. “I don’t need you to come,” he muttered to his phone.

Subsequently, a rapid knuckle impatiently knocked on Baekhyun’s door. It paused for a quick while, then started knocking again.

Baekhyun already knew who it was. He stomped his way to the door to stop the noise.

The grin on Chanyeol’s face faded, cocking his brow after he saw Baekhyun. “What’s with the face?” He made his way into Baekhyun’s place without permission and went straight to Baekhyun’s living room.

Baekhyun followed Chanyeol with a glare as he closed the door. “What are you doing here?”

What a stupid question—Baekhyun realized immediately. Chanyeol only visited Baekhyun for one thing, and one thing only—sniff drugs.

“I’m telling you, bro. You should break up with Yuri. She’s just using you,” Chanyeol said as he was pulling out his cheap snuff set from his jacket, placing it on the glass coffee table afterwards.

Chanyeol already knew what was bothering his friend, especially when Baekhyun made a face like what he was wearing. Nothing else bothered Baekhyun but women. Sometimes, Chanyeol knew Baekhyun doesn’t know how to straighten his priorities just for the sake of a woman.

But Baekhyun doesn’t like anyone minding his own business, so Chanyeol only watched him be stupid.

Baekhyun ignored him, and changed the topic. “Hey, when are you going to take home your shot. It’s taking a lot of space on my fridge.” He only had a mini fridge, it could only fit a few drinks and few foods.

“For as long as I don’t need it,” Chanyeol blatantly replied. “I don’t want my mom seeing that, she’ll start asking questions.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You already said that.”

Chanyeol still lived with his parents since he spent a lot of his money on the things he liked to snort.

Baekhyun pulled a chair on the dining table, and watched his friend do his thing.

Chanyeol carefully released a portion of his powered drug from a tiny airless balloon on Baekhyun’s table. Chanyeol pulled his wallet out and took a card to collect the scattered powder on the table and made a thin line with it. He licked the remaining powder that was on his card. Then, took his already-rolled-up bill from his kit. His nose made a loud noise as he snorted the powder. He twitched both sides of his nose and sniffed again, just to make sure his brain received that well. His eyes slightly became watery from the mild burning sensation that went through his nose. He cleaned the white dust excess on the table with his finger and brushed his gums with it—every bit counted.

Chanyeol sighed, satisfied, as he rested his head on the sofa.

“What was that?” Baekhyun asked.

“Heroin.”

Baekhyun was still a traditional man. Drugs never interest Baekhyun. He’s tried a pot, but it was never for him. He’s seen people around him done it, and he didn’t like what it did to them. Besides, these substances cost too much.

“By the way,” Chanyeol lifted his head up and pointed at Baekhyun, “I told boss you’re gonna take my shift tonight.”

Chanyeol also worked at the same convenience store, that’s where they met each other.

Baekhyun reacted, “What?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I didn’t tell you. I have some business tonight.” Chanyeol winked mischievously—obviously planning something sketchy.

Baekhyun thought he’d have his rest day for himself.

Then, Baekhyun remembered his bills and his girlfriend.

Maybe he needed that shift.

“Breaking news: Kang Sunmi filed a divorce. The fifteen year old allegedly—“

Snapping fingers diverted Baekhyun’s attention from the television back to his manager who was in front of him. The manager pointed his pen to Baekhyun and said, “That news will stay for a while, customers don’t.”

Baekhyun nodded lazily.

It was past 3AM. He was on his second cup of coffee but he still felt drowsy, his eyes wanted to close itself. He’s not used to night shifts unlike Chanyeol, who could do any shift at any time of the day. Baekhyun still had an 11AM shift after his shift at 4AM. He’ll have less time for sleep, but a little more money for him. He needed every cent.

Less than an hour left.

There weren't many people at the store, so he was pissed off at his boss for being such an uptight motherfucker.

He couldn’t wait for his shift to end, he missed his bed. But he missed his girlfriend, Yuri, a lot more. She was still ignoring Baekhyun’s call and messages, making him miserable. He didn’t know how to make her notice him again.

I’ll pay her a visit after my shift. I’ll be there before breakfast, before she leaves for work. She’ll be surprised, see my effort and sincerity, he thought.

The idea washed away his sleepiness in a snap. He got excited to see Yuri’s face again. Baekhyun hoped she would forgive him and give him a kiss or hug.

His brain cells started to work actively, thinking of what things he should say.

How should I apologize?

Thinking of what he should do.

Should I text her first or knock straight away at her door?

Should I buy her a chocolate?

No, maybe hotcakes. She loves hotcakes.

He was alone with his thoughts, distracted by the challenges of love.

The bell on the top of the door rang when somebody pushed it open.

It woke Baekhyun up from his thoughts, his instinct greeted the customer who got in. “Good evening.” He, then, realized it was already early in the morning. He corrected himself, “Morning, sir.”

They were trained to greet anyone who came in the store.

Baekhyun watched the tall man take big steps as the man walked in, not even turning his head to Baekhyun’s direction. The tall man vanished from Baekhyun’s sight as he passed by the tall shelves.

Baekhyun had seen different types of people enter the store when he took night shifts on some occasions. There were people in pajamas buying food for breakfast, or maybe for their late night snack. Guards, drivers, and night shift employees buying coffee. Normal looking families who were on a trip buying snacks. Bunch of drunk teenagers wearing cropped tops and/or bomber jackets who came from a party buying cigarettes, or water for their friend who kept throwing up. People of any age wearing tacky clothes who were obviously on drugs—he could tell it from their teeth—buying lighters. Some people looked dangerous, he dared not to judge the things they buy, but they were usually alcohol and cigarettes. And, some men buy condoms.

But Baekhyun had never seen a person walk wearing sunglasses. Who wears sunglasses late at night?

What was also striking was the man was wearing an obviously expensive black coat. It was beautiful how vivid the color was; it was the blackest of the black he had ever seen. If the man came from a party, it must be a fancy one, might be a ball, or a fancy wedding of a multi-millionaire. Baekhyun thought the man was lost. The man should have asked his butler or driver to buy things for him.

A pair of heels started to echo his ears—it got louder as it got closer.

Of course, he has matching Italian shoes.

Even the most decent shoes don’t make a sharp sound like that.

Baekhyun turned his head to the man’s direction as the man got closer to the counter.

The man stopped in front of Baekhyun, still holding on to his items. He slightly lifted his head and scanned his eyes around the top shelves that were behind Baekhyun.

Baekhyun noticed the man was wearing a high-end brand of sunglasses. The way the light reflected on the black frame and on the black lenses, it was something else. His skin glowed as the light met his face, showing his healthy and almost poreless skin.

“Do you have anything besides Jack Daniels?” the man started to speak.

Baekhyun turned around and scanned the shelves himself. He knew the man was looking for something hard. “We have Johnnie Walker. Red, black, and double black.”

He rarely drank such expensive alcohol, but he enjoyed the scotch he recommended when he tasted it.

The man scoffed. “I’d take the bourbon.”

Baekhyun nodded and stretched his arm to reach the box of Jack Daniels.

The man placed his item on the counter. Baekhyun scanned the box, and the cotton balls that the man placed.

“Is that all?”

The man looked down at the front of the counter, turned his head from left to right, searching for something. He finally reached for something that caught his interest. He lightly threw the item on the counter

“That’d be all,” he said as he revealed a part of his side body under his coat, reaching his back pocket for his wallet.

“$27.14,” said Baekhyun after scanning the box of condoms—the ultra-thin one.

The man took another item in front of the counter the moment it caught his attention.

Baekhyun scanned a small bottle of lubricant. “$38.54”

The man initially took a hundred-dollar bill out from his wallet but he put it back. He extended his arm, slightly revealing a shiny silver watch under his sleeve, and gave three 20s instead.

The man looked at Baekhyun and said, “Keep the change.”

Baekhyun's eyes slightly widened, his lips curved upward. He couldn’t be happier, he needed every cent of money he could get.

It must be his lucky day.

“Thank you, sir!”

The man cocked both of his brows as a response while he put the smaller items inside his coat and carried the bourbon by the hand. Then, Baekhyun watched the man leave the store.

Baekhyun couldn’t stop grinning as he put the change on his wallet after he cashed in the payment.

“That was a nice watch,” he muttered to himself. It was like love at first sight when he saw the man’s watch. It was still at the back of his head.

Baekhyun looked at the store’s watch.

Ten minutes left before 4:00.

He started to fix his things at the staff room. Removed his tacky uniform under his white shirt, and wore a cozy jacket. He bid his goodbyes to his co-worker and manager and left the store at 4:05AM.

Cold wind blew on his face, making him shiver. He dug both of his hands on the pocket of his jacket, and started to walk across the almost empty parking lot.

He couldn’t spot a single person around. Few vehicles, yes. It was still early. The area of the city he’s in wasn’t exactly the busiest.

Baekhyun put a smile on his face. “I’m gonna buy hotcakes. I’m gonna see Yuri.” He felt excited. He tried to paint the look on Yuri’s face when she saw him at the front of her doors.

“We’re gonna have breakf—“

A long honk of a car distracted Baekhyun from walking. He turned his head where he heard the noise, but he couldn’t see anything—it was too dark, and the parking lot was too huge.

He turned around, checking if other people were around. But he was alone.

It was still honking, it wouldn’t stop. There was panic in Baekhyun’s eyes, his heart started to pound hard, he was nervous. Other parked cars seemed peaceful. His eyes searched everywhere, but he seriously couldn’t see anything. He started to walk hesitantly where the loud beep was coming from, he was unsure.

Silence.

Baekhyun’s ears rang and felt deaf after the vehicle stopped honking. But he was still worried. His feet wouldn’t move, his mind went blank, his ears still ringing.

Then, a tiny, orange light suddenly emerged from his sight from where he was walking to. The light was from inside a car. He could see tiny silhouettes in it.

He started to walk forward, but still hesitant. He turned his head from left to right to check if there were other people besides him. He was still alone.

The light got closer and closer as he walked nearer.

“HEELP!”

A loud screech of a woman alarmed Baekhyun, putting him to a stop.

“HEEELP!”

Baekhyun ran as fast as he could to the light, to the woman’s voice who cried for help. He saw the woman looking in his direction. Baekhyun was having a hard time to breathe because of the cold wind blowing against him, but he ran faster after he saw an unconscious man next to the woman.

Baekhyun panted heavily when he finally reached the vehicle. Him and the woman looked at one another with panic in their eyes.

“HELP!” The woman cried while she was shaking the man on his shoulders.

Baekhyun shifted his look to the man—it was the man who tipped him earlier. He was unconscious.

Baekhyun opened the door. “What happened?!”

The woman was in a state of panic, she didn’t know what to say. She was only worried for the man.

“Have you called 911?”

The woman blinked. “Are you fucking crazy?!”

Baekhyun looked around the vehicle. He saw a spoon, an elastic band, a syringe, a dust of power, and cotton balls. Baekhyun suddenly noticed the man had his sleeve rolled up.

“He fucking OD’ed?!” He concluded after he saw the things around them. The man got overdosed by some drug.

The woman didn’t know what to say. Her eyes were shaking—she was unsure if she should trust the man.

“You must call 911, or he’ll die!” exclaimed Baekhyun.

“No, no, no. Please don’t call them!” the woman begged.

Baekhyun knew if they called 911, they'd go to jail after he regained his consciousness because they were doing illegal drugs.

“Fuck,” Baekhyun cursed, he knew the woman won’t change her mind—he had met a lot of people on drugs, so, he somewhat understood. He removed his jacket, dropped both his bag and jacket on the concrete.

He stepped up to their high SUV and searched for the recliner lever of the man’s seat. But he couldn’t find it. “Where’s it?! How do you recline this fucking seat?!” Baekhyun yelled at the woman.

The woman jumped in panic, “Fuck.” She pulled something behind the seat of the man she was with to recline the seat.

Baekhyun lent his face to the man’s face to feel and listen if he was breathing. He wasn’t. “Fuck.”

“Don’t fucking die on me, Sehun,” the woman begged, pulling her hair. Her eyes began to tear up.

Baekhyun held the man’s face upward. He’s going to perform CPR.

He had his face close to the man, then the woman spoke. “What the fuck are you doing?!”

“Do you want him to fucking die?!”

Baekhyun exhaled all the air from his lungs and passed it to the man. He pumped his chest with both of his hands intertwined.

No response.

Baekhyun performed another around. He gave air, pumped the man’s chest.

Still, no response.

Baekhyun performed another, and another, and another round.

“Fucking shit. Don’t die on us, man.” He kept pumping his chest, sweat was breaking on his forehead despite the chilly climate.

The man wasn’t breathing.

Then, Baekhyun remembered his friend, Chanyeol. He remembered that he had Chanyeol’s adrenaline shot in his fridge.

“Fuck.”

Baekhyun carried the man on his shoulders and transferred him to the back of the car.

“What are you doing?!” The woman freaked out, confused. She followed them behind the car.

“Keep giving him CPR. I have something in my place that might help.”

Baekhyun went in front of the car, fixed the seat, and started driving. He drove as fast as he could to his place, he had the hazard lights on, he didn’t stop at any red light, he kept honking the car on every car that was on his way. Every second counted. The man could die at any moment.

They reached his place in 3 minutes.

Baekhyun carried the man on his shoulders and ran as fast as he could to his door steps.

Baekhyun’s eyes widened. His keys were in his bag.

He left his bag in the parking lot.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This isn’t happening,” he muttered to himself.

“What? What’s happening?!” The woman freaked out while she held the man’s face behind Baekhyun’s back, trying to wake the unconscious man.

“Fuck,” Baekhyun panicked. He didn’t want to let the woman know. She’d make him freak out more if she knew.

Baekhyun searched his pockets. He was starting to feel the weight of the man on his shoulders. Baekhyun gulped. Then, he felt the bulk in one of his pockets. It was his wallet. He remembered he had a spare key in his wallet.

He immediately took his wallet and searched for the key inside his wallet.

It was the biggest relief of his life when he felt the cold brass meet his finger. It was his key.

He opened the door, then carefully placed the man in his living room.

“Keep giving him CPR,” he ordered the woman as he ran as fast as he could to his mini fridge, and took a package on the top shelf.

He ran back to the man. His hands were shaking. He had read the instruction of how to use the shot countless times when he had nothing to do with his time and when he attempted to throw it away because it took a lot of space. Chanyeol had also told him how to use the shot once or twice just in case Chanyeol got overdosed himself. But Baekhyun still read it, just in case he read it wrong before.

But he was shaking, his head couldn’t think straight. There was an unconscious man in front of him.

“Fuck this shit.”

He’ll have to trust his memory.

He opened the package, and there was a tiny bottle that came with a huge syringe in it.

“Rip his shirt open,” Baekhyun commanded the woman as he tried to inject the 6-inch needle to the bottle with his shaky hands.

Baekhyun breathed heavily. He held his hand high over his head with the syringe, focused on the man’s chest. He had to inject the shot hard enough to get through his ribcage to his heart—to make his heart pump again with the adrenaline shot.

Baekhyun’s breath got heavier and heavier by the second.

Just a single response.

Baekhyun held his breath and stabbed the man with the needle.

A single response that could make everything better.

The man arose from his position, making a loud noise as he inhaled every air his lungs could get as he came back to life.

In a shaky voice, breathing rapidly, the man cursed, “Fuck.”

Or could make matters worse.

To be continued...

J/N: Send notes, reblog. Follow me on twitter @/jaeandbats for updates

**

Read next chapter

**

Tunnel Caprica: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 (NEW!)

[jade4813]

Temptation, Chapter 3

Title: Temptation

Rating: NC-17

Synopsis: Iris West is a famous supermodel who has been getting a string of death threats. Barry Allen is the bodyguard hired to protect her. A Westallen AU. Gift for @andie1223​ in appreciation of her grand prize-winning contribution to the 2019 Westallen Sock Drive!

Chapters:3/?

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

  Barry prided himself on always being professional. He had worked as security service for everyone from movie stars to diplomats. He’d once even provided backup security for a visiting duke and duchess who were in line for the throne of a foreign country. At each of his jobs, there had never been a question of whether he would maintain professional detachment. He often got along with his clients. At times, he even genuinely liked them. But he’d never forgotten that they were clients, and he was on a job.

Until now.

He found himself unable to concentrate as Iris escorted him into her house, showing him where he would be staying for as long as they worked together. When she went over her upcoming schedule, he found he was only half-listening, his gaze wandering to focus instead on the curve of her cheek, the gentle swoop of her lips. She was breathtaking.

But he couldn’t afford to give in to the distraction. He was here to do a job. That was it.

“So where do we start?” Iris asked, dragging his attention back to the present. Chastising himself silently, he forced himself to focus.

“I know you probably won’t like this, but there’s a chance the person we’re looking for is someone close to you. Someone who’s had access to you, to your life. Someone you trust. I’m going to need a list of names so I can look into them and rule them out.”

He watched her shoulders lift and fall with the force of her sigh. “All right,” she agreed, changing direction to head to her den. She crossed to a laptop sitting on a desk and opened one of the desk drawers. Pulling out a yellow legal pad, she handed it over.

“What is this?” he asked, surprised that she capitulated so easily. He flipped through the top few sheets to find name after name listed. Some were crossed off, but others had notes jotted to the side.

“That’s everyone who has worked for me, for Linda…everyone who’s worked at one of my shoots. Everyone Linda and I could identify who could have gotten the access to me that this would require.” At his visible surprise, she laughed lightly. “I may not have ever done this before, but it had occurred to me that this person might be someone I’ve met before.”

“Oh. Okay. Um…what about…boyfriends? Is there anyone you’ve dated who might be -”

“It’s not someone I dated,” she said firmly, her face flat and devoid of expression.

He considered pressing the point, but their working relationship was still fragile. He didn’t want to push her too fast. Besides, it would take some time to work through the list of names she’d just provided. So instead, he just offered her a slight smile. “All right.”

He saw her visibly relax and he shot a glance at his watch. “I’ll need to call my team with an update, ask them to bring by some of my things.” He was used to traveling from one job to another, so he always had a duffel bag filled with necessities ready to go. A member of his team could drop by his office to retrieve it and bring it by with his car. “Once I have my computer, I’ll be able to get started. You said you had an event tonight? What time was that again?”

She nodded. “Eight o’clock sharp. But I’m sure there will be plenty of security there, if you wanted to get settled in instead.”

“Trying to get rid of me already?” he asked, his voice slightly teasing.

Iris’s grin was unrepentant. “Can’t blame a gal for trying!”

She could feel his eyes on her as she stepped forward, smiling for the cameras that flashed as she passed by. Knowing he was watching her every move, she swept the slit in her skirt aside, letting the cameras pick up on the long line of her leg beneath the fabric. The slit went nearly up to her hip, and she threw the cameras a flirtatious smile. Though she pretended her actions were for the delight of the watching paparazzi, she knew she was showing off for only one man. Barry.

He was attracted to her. She could see it in his eyes when he looked at her. And when she’d come down her stairs earlier that evening, dressed in the provocative gold dress on loan for the evening, she’d seen his desire. She’d watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down as his gaze swept her body, though his voice was even – bordering on disinterested – when he finally spoke.

She recognized his attraction. His desire. That was nothing new. She often saw it in the faces of the people she met. She made her living off recognizing it. Even cultivating it. What was unusual was the desire she felt in return.

She was attracted to Barry. She had been from the first time she saw him. It was true she’d kissed him to break the ice. Thinking he was her modeling partner, she had wanted to get over the initial awkwardness of feigning intimacy with a stranger. But the truth was, she’d wanted to kiss him, as well.

Standing there in his suit, there had been something about him that was so different from the men she worked with every day. The men she worked with were all attractive, of course. But there was a preoccupation to their good looks – a constant awareness that their appearance had to be perfect, that they had to be ready to show their best angles to the cameras at any given time.

Iris had noticed Barry in part because he seemed to lack that awareness. His suit jacket was slightly rumpled – unfashionably so. His hair was just a touch longer than current fashion dictated. It was a little windswept; not mercilessly held into place through copious amounts of product. She’d been tempted to run her hands through it, to see if it was as soft to the touch as it looked, and had been gratified to find that it was.

It was inconvenient, being attracted to her new bodyguard. At the very least, it was a complication she didn’t need at the moment. But every time she caught sight of him out of the corner of her eye, she felt the same temptation to run her fingers through his hair. Knowing his eyes remained locked on her as she walked the red carpet, Iris ran her tongue along her lower lip, remembering the taste of his kiss.

It was inconvenient, that was true. But there was no point pretending she wasn’t attracted to him. And she had no doubt he was attracted to her. The question was, what were they going to do about it?

Countless times over the course of the evening, Barry had scanned the crowd, watching for Iris’s stalker. For anyone who stared at her a little too intently, anyone who seemed a little too interested in her every move. Anyone who couldn’t seem to look away from her. Anyone other than him, of course; try as he might to keep his attention on the crowd, his eyes kept traveling back to her. The event was attended by models and movie stars, a veritable Who’s Who of A- and B-list celebrities. But Iris outshone them all.

He was attracted to her, and he knew he couldn’t be. He couldn’t afford to desire her when he was supposed to be protecting her. He definitely couldn’t afford to be watching her when he should be watching everyone else. Maybe he should pass on the job – or at least pass it off to a member of his staff. He knew Linda insisted that he work on the case, but surely he could come up with some sort of story that would make her understand. Or at least one she would buy.

There was no way he could tell her the truth. He couldn’t tell her that he’d almost tripped over his own feet earlier that evening at the sound of her laughter, his heart racing in his chest as he glanced around to see what had made her smile. He couldn’t tell her that the sound of his name on her lips swept across his skin like velvet. That when she smiled at him, she drew him to her like a moth to a flame. That every time he closed his eyes, he could remember the taste of her kiss.

He couldn’t tell Linda the truth, and he didn’t dare tell Iris. So, as they left the event that evening, Barry drove her back to her home in uncharacteristic silence as she gazed out the window, lost in her own thoughts. Finally, as she let them into the house, she asked, “You heading to bed?”

“Not unless you are,” he replied, striving to match the lightness in her tone.

Iris rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You really do take this whole bodyguard thing seriously, don’t you?” But she didn’t seem to expect an answer as she kicked out of her shoes and tossed her bag on the table. “I’m too wired to go to sleep just yet, so I was going to work out. Join me?”

“Now?” he asked in surprise. It was almost two in the morning.

Iris just shrugged and walked towards the back of the house. He followed, surprised when she didn’t turn down the hallway that he knew led to her indoor gym. Instead, she opened the door leading to her back patio and stepped outside.

Barry watched as Iris walked to the edge of the pool and leaned against the doorframe. From force of habit, he scanned the yard, looking for threats, but they were alone. He expected Iris to head to the small pool house, where he imagined she kept her swimsuits and towels. Instead, she reached behind her, unzipping her gown to let it fall at her feet. He gulped when he saw that she wore nothing underneath.

Iris dipped a toe in water, sending ripples across its smooth surface. Lit from below, by the bright blue pool lights, her skin seemed to glow. Like Aphrodite, goddess of love and beauty, come down to Earth to tempt mere mortals. Or a Siren, leading him to his doom. Wherever she led, he already suspected he had no choice but to follow.

There was laughter in her voice when she threw a mischievous smile at him over her shoulder. “Well?” she asked. “How about it? You want to join me for a swim?”