#it doesn't ring EMOTIONALLY TRUE to me so I just have to pretend

[whybedennydifferent]

.

[decepti-thots]

for the different headcanons - Arcee, if no-one else has asked and you've time?

Headcanon A:  realistic

arcee is autistic. this is just straight up an 'always true' headcanon for me when i'm reading stuff she's in, ngl, because it puts a lot of her material from exRiD onwards in a very interesting light with regards to how she talks to other people and about herself in internal monologue. in particular, she has enormous difficulty isolating and identifying her own emotional reactions to things and therefore assumes that she lacks what the people around her have in a way that i think rings very true in this context. arcee sincerely believes she just doesn't HAVE a lot of the feelings the people around her do for a long time, i think, and doubts her own interiority as a full person as a result.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

arcee and cyclonus post-canon are going to finally catch up on earth or something, and their respective spouses observing their stitled but polite exchange have no idea why these two are very awkwardly trying to make polite smalltalk. neither of them will mention anything to do with galvatron. or any of that. but what are you gonna do. pretend you don't know each other? it makes me laugh to imagine these two clocking each other across the room like 'what the FUCK, that mech settled down and got married???' because it is, objectively, very funny for either of these specific characters to somehow have done that. let alone both.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

arcee is always going to feel kind of guilty about being a little sad galvatron is dead. she knows he really doesn't deserve it, and to say they were ever emotionally close as siblings would be pushing it, but he was someone who almost because of how unaffectionate they were was very easy for her to be around in a way most people aren't, and understood her without judgement more than she really got anywhere else. but saying as much sounds terrible to her own ears (because i mean. galvatron was really awful), so she just avoids mentioning him and never really talks to anyone about it.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

there is more than one autobot who straight up does not believe arcee exists and thinks she is an urban legend or something told to spook new MTOs or whatever. like oh yeah mate, there's totally some random mech out there who got experimented on and has murdered eighteen bajillion robots without getting killed with just her swords. totally believe you. this means there is a minor frenzy on autobot social media when she does, in fact, show up hanging around optimus prime all the time. she doesn't discover this til post-canon when things settle down on earth, and aileron wishes she found it less funny and would stop replying to people talking about it to try and scare them.

[licncourt]

I think Lestat's love language and the way he interacts with his partners (Louis mainly) is very different in the show. He is too open and direct about his feelings and demands love from Louis, but in the book Lestat has a closed personality despite being extroverted and he doesn't talk about his deepest feelings, except in the books he writes. What do you think about this? Do you prefer Lestat being more romantic from the beginning? Or do you prefer Lestat who, due to his trauma, always tried to hide his feelings?

Disclaimer and reminder that I really don't like what the show did with Lestat/his dynamic with Louis in general, but I definitely have opinions about that.

The tl;dr of my take on this is that IWTV-era book Lestat at his most fundamental is a loving, well-intentioned, even kind person who puts on a front of cruelty and callousness to protect himself. Show Lestat seems like a controlling, calculated, abusive person who pretends to be kind, loving, and understanding to get what he wants, which is much less sympathetic to me.

In the book, you don't feel like Louis was manipulated into becoming Lestat's partner. Lestat was a dickhead right out of the gate, there was no lovebombing or months of intense romancing and wooing. In the book, it's very sudden and immediately a toxic dynamic that they both contribute to. It's super dysfunctional and Lestat is emotionally abusive sometimes, but there was no fronting. If anything, he represented himself much worse than he actually is.

Book Lestat is also all bark and no bite when it comes to Louis, so the cutting comments don't feel as gross as show Lestat's do knowing what happens in the fifth episode. Even after Louis lights him on fire and leaves him for dead in a swamp, Lestat came back to talk, not to attack him. That demonstrates his true intentions pretty clearly imo.

Show Lestat, for all his openly affectionate behavior in the beginning, flew into a violent, homicidal rage just over being dumped. It doesn't feel like he loves Louis as much as he wants to own him, so the past romance rings hollow. It feels like textbook abuse tactics rather than a deeply traumatized twenty-one year old handling his feelings in an abysmally awful way, and the latter is what makes me root for him as a character.

[oceanic-sunsets]

Mike and El's fight: getting each other and not understanding each other at the same time

I was rewatching some s4 scenes last night, and during Mike and El's fight, there's always been something that makes my brain start making desperate alarm noises, and This post portrayed perfectly what the scene always reminds me of.

So let's see:

We know this is true. Mike does know what it's like to be bullied. But despite having seen him confront bullies and almost dying jumping off that cliff in s1, El doesn't feel understood. Mike is trying to connect with her and let her know she's not alone, because yes, he does get it.

And El not feeling understood doesn't only come from Mike's cold attitude toward her when the incident just happened, or Mike not being able to say "I love you". These factors definitely add to it, but that's not all.

For El, there's nothing out of the ordinary with Mike, something that makes him REALLY different, unlike her with her powers and being raised in a lab. From El's perspective, the bullies Mike has come across are wrong in targeting Mike because what they say it's not true, they're just being mean. But they're right about her.

She is actually different, she doesn't fit in society in a conventional way thanks to her powers and her childhood, and she never will. She can't ignore her past and it's not that easy to move on and pretend when you're different from other people who expect you to conform to their vision of how someone should be like.

But the thing is, El is unaware this rings true for Mike too. Inadvertently, she's describing exactly how he feels and why he's a target for bullies. This isn't her fault, as she wasn't raised in society in a conventional way. She probably has no idea homophobia is a thing or how it's a systemic issue, bigger than one or two random bullies.

Mike still tries to connect with El, but their fight starts getting worse from this moment on, and yes, their issues aren't JUST because El told Mike he doesn't understand, but a big part of their crumbling relationship does come from not understanding each other.

Queer kids feel like they don't belong all the time, because that's what society teaches them as they grow up. Love stories are not about them, adventures aren't about them. Songs and art are all about falling in love with the opposite gender. (Yes this is slowly changing, but this is the 80's and homophobia is still a thing in the world in our current era.)

El says "anywhere", and this still applies to queer kids. No matter where in the world you are, homophobia is present in some way or another. Especially in the 80's.

And something funny happens. Because here's Mike not understanding El, despite this applying to his experience with bullying too. This is him not understanding her troublesome, abusive childhood, and how having superpowers doesn't automatically make it better. But Mike is baffled, because in his eyes, El is amazing, a superhero, she has people who care about her and love her (her family, not just him), and she gets to be the hero of the story. The bullies are obviously just dumb and don't get it!

....That's exactly how El perceives Mike's story with bullying, too. She doesn't realize he feels and is different too. She's unaware of the repression, of how society turns against certain groups of people and makes their lives a living hell simply for existing.

Mike has people who care about him and love him. But you never know who is going to turn their backs on you the moment the truth is out. And anywhere you go, homophobia is still present and it's not only emotionally draining and affects your self-perception, but it can also be physically dangerous.

So, in the middle of their discussion and failing to understand each other.... They do get it, but aren't communicating it clearly. El is going to understand once the truth is out, because they aren't so different after all.

So no, they don't understand each other. But they could because their experiences and feelings of self-worth and how they (not)fit into the world aren't that different after all.

[chubphoe-linkclick]

A Defense of Li Tianchen

BECAUSE HE SUCKS BUT SO DOES HIS LIFE

At some point, I started thinking about how the twin's consciousnesses actually work when Li Tianchen possesses Li Tianxi, because it's implied that LTX is aware somehow when they're combining powers. And while LTC is doing the actions, it also kinda raises the question of how responsible LTX is for this since she is an accessory to a series of murders. Which lead to me remembering: she's 12.

But, like, they're twins.

They were both 12 at the same time when they were orphaned, an incredibly vulnerable point in their lives, and then pushed into this line of work by the very person who was charged with caring for them. We met LTC being the pos he is as an adult, but Qian Jin had been their parental figure, getting them to assassinate people from such an early age, likely deploying the emotionally manipulating even earlier with play pretend kindness that LTC had to resist against by himself. Like LTC's options were incredibly limited, I'm not gonna beef with the 12 y/o who's just trying his best here.

Especially after being asked to carry out the murder of the alleged adulterer, LTC realises that QJ is the type of person he despises the most: a woman-abusing husband that runs off his own paranoia. To LTC, he is garbage and stinky stinky doo doo, leaving LTC nor LTX with only each other to trust in the world. Only Xixi is in need of someone (LTC) to care for her due to her disability. And being mute, she's never able to provide LTC with the much needed emotional warmth to help his heart survive the dark road they're forced to walk, the road he's forced to navigate by himself.

This leaves LTC stuck in this weird situation where he just has to accept this life and the line of work QJ is giving to him despite detesting the bastard probably more than anything else. He can't really tell anyone because it sounds batshit insane. LTC also has benevolent reasons to stay with QJ and keep doing what he asks of them because QJ can guarantee LTX's wellbeing (e.g. access to a special school so she can finally get education and support). The only person who cares about him can't do anything to help because life is cruel. Like holy shit this tween isn't gonna have the balls to confront QJ about this even though he's sussed the rat bastard out. All the twins know are toxic, abusive adults that can’t be trusted; why would the next foster family be any different? “A familiar devil is better than an unfamiliar angel” is often a saying that rings painfully true for a lot of people in an abusive situation; more uncertainty and powerlessness is the last thing victims need in their lives. Even more so since QJ clearly has mafia connections. Especially so since LTC choosing to cooperate with QJ ensures that LTX will have the building blocks of good life. Safety, sheltered, food, and clothing can look like luxury when you’re use to so much less.

By the time LTC is big enough to have a chance of breaking free of his circumstances, he doesn't.

Why?

Because that's how it's always been. Because he and Xixi never talk about anything. Because they're both messed up kids on the inside that have no one to guide them and are still running on the same infantile survival mode that they have been before being orphaned. Because even if LTC does has the power to change things, how can he have any belief that his actions will ever be enough; enough to escape the grips of the darkness that he's forced to live with, enough to hope for happy and fulfilling lives, enough for the siblings to finally go back home.

LTC is ten types of awful and he should probably get the death penalty, but wow has his life been a special type of hell. I have so much beef when people don't give due sympathy when it's sorely needed, which imo I see a lot in the fandom with it's favouring of Xixi even when we only knew about the twins as children.

I don’t think he’s redeemable nor do I want him to be, but I do think he’s misunderstood as heck. But I will admit that the OTT characterisation season 2 decided to give him and QJ early on wasn’t doing him any damn favours.

[steely-eyedmissileman]

The Vampire Diaries, Ep. 1x20

Blood Brothers

true in more ways than one, good vampire pun.

i'll sum up my thoughts on this episode with an excerpt from my notes, 'oh this is so… that thing french chefs do with their fingers.' (i believe i meant italian chefs.)

the most important thing to know about this episode is that it is all about parallels. everything is paralleled from damon to stefan and back. the brothers are at their most shadow/self dichotomy, both of them playing both parts. it's a story best enjoyed by thinking about the ways that history is repeating itself, the ways that the brothers work for and against each other, how their stories intertwine as they hurt each other in myriad ways.

so we begin the episode by watching both brothers get shot in the chest as stefan flows in between his past and his present. in a set of interesting historical/present parallels, elena and katherine exchange places (not the interesting part) and damon changes places with jonathan gilbert (the interesting part). stefan views his brother and the man responsible for his death in the same way. let's let that one sit.

we also learn that damon doesn't care about his brother, according to damon. contrary to his words, we have plenty of examples of damon caring about stefan. he wants to pretend he doesn't love his brother, but he does. he's also emotionally constipated, so he's incapable of saying so.

back in the past, we've got my favorite person again! bianca lawson is back!!! she explains what happened to the brothers, how they got their rings, what the whole situation is. she is working for katherine (still don't know why) even after katherine has been sealed in the tomb. from bianca lawson, we learn that stefan was compelled to drink vampire blood, but damon was willing. he wanted to become a vampire and spend his life with katherine. also, stefan has a very amusing almost perfectly circular blood stain on the center of his chest. and damon's hair is cute.

back in the present, damon is wearing a really good sweater. damon proves that he cares about his brother by encouraging him not to die. then ht calls damon about a vampire house he learned of. so now they're going to go on a date to investigate the house. the two of them have so much sexual tension, and it doesn't look like it's going away anytime soon. elena's trying to figure out how to get stefan to eat and damon is not being helpful. elena gets in the zinger 'i would say drop dead but...' which was very funny.

back at the house, i want john gilbert dead. john tries to guilt trip elena into giving up stefan and damon by invoking her mother. she says, 'which mother?' which is another excellent way to end a conversation.

in the past, damon says that he intends to die because he only wanted to become a vampire to be with katherine and she's dead. stefan says, 'i don't want to survive.' for once, they're on the same page.

elena and damon are talking about stefan again. elena is concerned that he is so upset. but damon takes a more cynical view, 'he feels bad about hurting that girl. it's very typical stefan martyr stuff. it will pass.' damon believes that time (and blood) heal all wounds. he's a big believer in repression, moving past things by internalizing them. he does not punish himself for his actions, unlike his brother. damon thinks stefan should just move on, but that's not how stefan works. they have two different ways of handling things, and there are positives and negatives to both.

damon and ht go to the vampire house. damon says 'you just brought me along for my company?' further cementing the idea that this is a date. of course, it's a date where the goal is to find their mutual ex, which is all kinds of awkward. they also prove that this tomb plot line is not over, which makes pearl's declaration in the last episode even more strange.

elena and stefan's conversation in the crypt is particularly interesting: elena: 'talk to me, stefan. Why are you doing this?' stefan: 'i'm making the decision i should have made years ago.' elena: 'what are you talking about?' stefan: 'you have to feed in order to complete the transition.' elena: 'i know that.' stefan: 'it was a choice i shouldn't have made.'

stefan feels guilty about his very existence. he has not processed his guilt over becoming a vampire, even though it has been over a century since these events. having seen it, the way he became a vampire is pretty brutal. he kills his father, who had already shot both him and his brother. killing your father is a classic vampire move, but it is quite traumatic, especially when the father seems to have not sucked that much until recently. freud (*vomit sounds*) considered replacing one's father to be one of the most important steps in a young man's progression. that process is often deeply upsetting, and made worse in this case because of the death and stuff.

stefan: 'how can you even look at me right now?' elena: 'you need to be able to talk about these things, stefan. i need to hear them. come upstairs. we can talk about it more, and we'll keep talking as long as you need.' stefan: 'you're so sure i'm ready?' elena: 'and when you feel the same way...i'll be upstairs.'

elena's trust în stefan is so great. she truly believes that he is not inherently evil, and now that he has no human blood in his system, he must be okay. she believes in his innate goodness, which illustrates a few fundamental things about elena. one: she is quite naive. two: she believes in the goodness of all beings unless there is very very very good evidence to the contrary. three: she does not have a huge amount of concern about preserving her life. she's not suicidal or anything, but her own safety is always a lesser concern than the well-being of the people around her. i think that's part of why she seems so uncomfortable when stefan asks her if she's sure—it had never occurred to her not to be. that sort of overwhelming self-denial is such an eldest daughter trait (as an eldest daughter, i'm a bit of an expert). it's not that she doesn't want things or have desires, it's that it never occurred to her she could. we see throughout the season that she's always more concerned with damon or stefan or jeremy or bonnie or matt or caroline than herself, even when she is in mortal danger.

back to ht and damon, they are being very gay. the vampire whose home they've infiltrated is almost criminally dumb and gives up so much of the plan it's hilarious. and then they have to kill him, and they do it in the gayest possible way (by pushing his body in between them onto a stake). it was at this point that my girlfriend said, 'they need to fuck nasty.' after all this, ht says, 'i'm through with isobel,' therefore ensuring that she will immediately appear.

then, damon reveals to elena that stefan made him become a vampire. stefan says, 'the guilt, the pain...damon, i can turn it off. like a switch. katherine was right. it's a whole another world out there, damon...you can turn that off, too. you don't have to feel that pain anymore...don't fight it. we can do this...together.' the girl that damon drinks from is spencer from pretty little liars. the allure of vampirism, in this show, is particularly interesting. thus far, tvd has associated life with pain. living is painful, and being truly alive, truly a good person means accepting that pain and trying to overcome. becoming a vampire, turning down your life is seductive because it allows you to escape from that overwhelming pain. vampirism is a way to escape from the emotions that are too overwhelming. it's drugs, kids, vampirism is drugs.

stefan recently went on a bender and now he's getting clean. but that made him suicidal. he's gone, left the house, without his ring. he's going to go wait for the sun, like another vampire on another show that i won't mention here. stefan has gone to the place where he forced damon to turn. he's here to die.

in the past, we see bianca lawson again, and she and stefan have an amazing conversation. bianca lawson: 'katherine saved my life once. i owed her. That doesn't mean i'd wish her curse on anyone.' stefan: 'it feels more like a gift.' bianca lawson: 'that will change.' stefan: 'why is that?' bianca lawson: 'because even in death, your heart is pure, stefan. i sense that about you. that will be your curse.' she was right, of course. stefan is unwilling/unable to turn off his emotions. instead he spends most of his time regretting his past mistakes. as soon as he became a vampire, he did terrible things and now he can't escape them. stefan is unwilling to give up his emotions, but he is also unwilling to work through them and move past them. he's decided that the right thing to do, the thing he deserves is to suffer. when he tasted human blood, he stopped suffering. he wants the suffering to stop again now, but he's unwilling to become a monster to do it. thus, death. bianca lawson called it—his heart is pure.

back in the present, the sound design is killing the vibe. i feel a bit bad for putting so many full conversations in this, but we need at least one more (probably two). elena: 'damon told me the rest of the story. i thought i might find you here.' stefan: 'i should have died that night, just like i had chosen. i should have let Damon die, too.' elena: 'but you didn't. and if you die now, it's not gonna change what happened.' stefan: 'every single person that's been hurt...every single life that's been lost, it's because of me.' elena: 'the night that my parents died...i blew off family night so that I could go to some party. i ended up getting stranded, and they had to come pick me up. that's why we ended up in the car at wickery bridge. and that's why they died. pur actions are what set things in motion. but we have to live with that.' stefan: 'i made a choice, elena. because of that choice, a lot of people were hurt.' elena: 'you also made a choice to stop, to reject the person that the blood made you. you made a choice to be good, stefan.' stefan: 'no. please don't do that...please. don't make this all okay.' elena: 'that's the person who saved my life.' stefan: 'it hurts me. it hurts me, knowing what i've done, and that pain...that pain is with me all the time. and every day, i think that if i just...if i just give myself over to the blood, i can make that pain stop. it would be that easy, and every day, i fight that. and I am so terrified that one day, i'm not gonna want to fight that anymore, elena. and the next time i hurt somebody...it could be you.' elena: 'there will be no next time.' stefan: 'you don't know that.' elena: 'maybe i don't. but what i do know is that you can take this, throw it in the quarry, and let the sun rise. or you could take this ring and put it on and keep fighting. it's your choice.'

elena brings up the relevant argument, the argument that stefan can't fully disagree with. stefan has saved people. he has done good. sure, he hasn't done all that much good, but he has done some. just like the good doesn't cancel out the bad, the bad doesn't cancel out the good. stefan needs to keep trying to do good, to keep trying to leave the world better than he found it. and it's hard, it sucks. living well is a difficult thing, a horrifying thing, the hardest thing a person can do. but it's still worth doing. elena believes that wholeheartedly and she wants stefan to believe it too. and he does. he is convinced, here at the end of the episode. he's going to self-actualize!

back at the salvatore house, after a few quips, damon says something genuinely kind and insightful to stefan, 'you brood too much. everything on this planet is not your fault. my actions, what i do, it's not your fault. i own them. they belong to me. you are not allowed to feel my guilt.' this is a shocking expression of care from damon. this is a man who has historically made fun of everyone for feeling any kind of guilt. and now he's claiming his own. i don't think it's just to make stefan feel better either, i think damon really does feel guilt over his actions, whether he shows it regularly or not. damon is also self-actualizing!

[dankusner]

The 2nd time I interviewed TAMMY FAYE...

Because she's returning to daytime TV, Tammy Faye cancelled her "cabaret show" that was scheduled to stop in Dallas on Oct. 11.

MORE CHRISTIAN CONTROERSY

So-called gay icon Tammy Faye goes on record as 'disagreeing' with gay community, says Bible is against same-sex marriages

By DANIEL KUSNER | Oct. 3, 2003

In her new book, I Will Survive … And You I Will, Too! Tammy Faye Messner offers T-shirt-like slogans about overcoming hardships.

These cutesy little tidbits are called "Tammy-isms," which match her baby-voiced approach to life.

After a recent phone interview with the former Queen of the Electric Church, one Tammy-ism seemed to ring especially true:

"People are like tea bags — if you want to find out what's inside them, just drop them in hot water."

Ever since the RuPaul-narrated documentary The Eyes of Tammy Faye was released in 2000, Tammy Faye has become a queer icon by making appearances at a number of gay pride events.

In 2001, she charmed Dallasites as the star attraction at the rally in Lee Park following the Alan Ross Texas Freedom Parade.

Wearing a black military-style jacket with gold fringe and a bright red wig, Tammy Faye told a story about a rainstorm erupting while visiting Disney World.

As the Disney employees handed out yellow waterproof jackets to everyone, Tammy Faye made a stunning observation — race, gender, color and sexual identity were suddenly invisible.

"That's how God sees us," she told everyone in Lee Park. "God sees all of us as if we are in a yellow raincoat."

Until very recently, Tammy Faye had always backed away from commenting on issues important to gays and lesbians, such as same-sex marriages.

But I Will Survive will probably startle many gay readers — especially anyone who heard her "little yellow raincoat" sermon.

In chapter 47: "The Gay Community," the First Lady of Televangelism recalls how she showed compassion by reaching out to a gay man dying of AIDS.

After the PTL scandal erupted, it was gay men who first reached out to a financially and emotionally depressed Tammy Faye.

"They helped pay my bills while Roe was in prison," she writes, noting that one gay fan gave her $10,000 — tax-free! "They sent me beautiful things — clothes, jewelry, flowers. They overwhelmed me with the love I no longer felt from the Christian community."

She returned the kindness by ministering in gay churches and attending AIDS benefits.

But Tammy Faye also writes that she doesn't "even pretend to understand the gay lifestyle," and when she discusses the Bible and sexuality that her gay friends "allow me to disagree with them."

With 35 years of experience on live television, sermonizing and singing, Tammy Faye has her act down to a science.

When she's not playing the tear-stained victim, it's hard not be won over by her sparkly wit and spunky demeanor.

But in a recent phone interview, she repeatedly flew into hysterics like the little girls from The Crucible — especially when it came to clarifying her beliefs on same-sex marriages and trying to figure out what her "disagreement" with gays and lesbians is all about.

"I don't think there should be gay marriages. I think that marriage is between a husband and wife. I think the Bible decided that many years ago. I feel sorry for the gay people, but I think that there can never really be a marriage between gay people. That's just my opinion and a billion other people's," she says.

Does the Bible actually say anything against marriages between people of the same gender?

"I just think that that is not how God meant it to be — as far as getting married. I know people who have lived together forever but they didn't take it as far as getting married. They just lived together and loved each other and cared about each other," she says.

As the interview continued, Tammy Faye shows her agitation by launching into a hyper-shrill response that almost seems rote, and she constantly repeats that she doesn't want to "argue."

Instead of commenting further on gay marriages, she offers "You can read it in the Bible yourself, honey."

Isn't she a preacher?

Isn't it her job to proclaim the gospel?

"Well, what do you think?" she throws the question back into my lap.

I explain that I'm trying to figure out Tammy Faye's message for gay people regarding salvation.

Is her philosophy "love the sinner, hate the sin?" I ask.

"I don't have a message. I tell them to read their Bibles and seek the Lord. That's exactly what I tell them. And I'm not going any further on it," she says.

Why does discussing this topic upset her so much?

"Because it's all I ever get asked about," she says.

Gay people have been asking her these questions?

"I'm not saying gay people — I'm asked by the straight people about this all the time," she says. "I am trying to bring the gay world and the church world together. So that they love each other and care for each other and realize that the gay people are wonderful people and they should be allowed in the churches."

Is it "gay sex" that she thinks is sinful?

"Listen, if it were me, I would never be gay because I'm a heterosexual. I don't understand it at all. I think that the gay community and I — we have agreed to disagree. And everywhere I go, we talk about this. And they say, 'Well, Tammy, that's fair,"' she explains.

"The gay community knows I have a disagreement. I got right on Larry King and I told him, 'The gay people and I have agreed to disagree. I am heterosexual. I do not understand the homosexual life. But I agree to disagree with them and I love them. And we're going to work together.'"

When it comes to being gay, what is it that she doesn't understand?

"Listen, this interview is over. And I'm sorry it didn't go better than this," she says before she hangs up the phone.

Tammy Faye was scheduled to bring her "cabaret show" to Dallas in mid-October, but those plans have been scrapped because she's planning to bring Tammy's House Party back as a daytime talk show in 2004.

In the meantime — since these questions are constantly haunting her — maybe she can come up with a more poignant response in reconciling her fundamentalist beliefs with the gay community.

[ghcstvalleychief]

Hey. I was wondering if you have any thoughts about Tankhun?

Confession time! I had some very albeist thoughts which when I realised I felt immediately ashamed of. So when I first saw how Tankhun behaves, I just thought he was like any other spoilt bratty rich kids who is here to spend daddy's money. That this doesn't look like trauma.

But the thing is how people reacts to trauma isn't singular. The show says he changed after the kidnappings. So there was once a time when he was to be the heir. Maybe he was learning the ropes.

You know there was a scene at the very end where he clicks KP's pic after the engagement. Throughout the whole series Kinn always felt like the older brother...I was surprised to find out he was the middle kid ( 😂 a win for all the overlooked middle children out there). But in that moment: when Tankhun clicks a pic with a soft smile...I truly felt him as the older one, wearied but happy about his baby brother finding love. I am just so intrigued about this guy...like what goes on in his heart. The way he behaves...is it trauma? Has he put up a front ( this sounds albeist)...I just wish there was more on him.

I've said it in the past but it still rings true - the effects of trauma have an interesting way of manifesting in different individuals. Trauma can cause some people to age and mature before they're supposed to but it can also cause some people to never mature at all. Tankhun is essentially in a state of arrested development. Trauma essentially caused him to remain frozen at a juvenile age mentally. Sure, he's still an adult but there are signs that he's still pretty much stuck at the emotional/mental development in the young-to-mid teenage range. The way he responds to most events in his life tells me he's emotionally stunted. He reacts in the way that a teenager would in the sense that all of his emotions appear to be more over-the-top and life changing. To a teenager, everything is the end of the world, right? That's how Tankhun comes off to me sometimes. Also, I highly doubt he received intensive therapy after what happened to him so this is what you have.

I don't think he's stupid. I think he's quite intelligent when he needs to be and he's not as unaware as he pretends, but that doesn't negate the fact that there's still some arrested development where he's concerned. I think some people don't realize that everyone has a dual nature. It's like when you have teenagers who've been forced to grow up faster than normal. Sure, they may be forced to be more responsible and adult-like due to their circumstances. However, there's still some immaturity with these individuals because their brains aren't as developed due to their age. So, Tankhun can be intelligent and aware of everything that's going on around him while slightly exaggerating the effects of his trauma and be emotionally and mentally stunted due to the effects of his unresolved trauma. He can be both. It's just like I said about Kim - he's the same way. He's both. He may seem more adult-like and mature but he's still a young adult in his early 20s.

Honestly, I never paid much attention to Tankhun. Could it have been due to some ableist thoughts/beliefs I may have? Possibly. Characters like him don't interest me usually so I mostly ignore them, which isn't good but it's the truth. I thought about him here and there due to the various discussions surrounding who would make the better successor to Korn, but not much in any other aspects. Yes, I've seen the fandom belief that Tankhun is smarter than everyone else. Which I disagree with, for my own reasons. Besides that, I don't think think of him that much.

[elusive---ivory]

Circus Act - 12

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SEXUAL CONTENT/ SENSITIVE TOPICS

READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12

The party was a disaster. Sandy had been staying with Arthur for a few days.

His sleeping habits didn't really effect her own, because she was very much awake and on guard all the time.

Sandy was just wearing her nightgown, when she heard something rustling in the kitchen. She walked into the kitchen, confused and a little bit scared, but soon realized it was Arthur.

He had shoved himself into the refrigerator. Sandy opened the door to see Arthur staring blankly at her, whilst shivering from the cold.

"Arthur," Sandy whispered, "please come to bed."

Arthur just turned his head. His eyes were puffy from crying and laughing.

"Arthur, please. This is killing me." Sandy cried. She dropped to her knees, sobbing in front of Arthur.

He hated seeing her cry. He didn't want Sandy to cry anymore. He wanted her to laugh, and be happy. It was so hard for him to be happy, that he just wanted to make someone happy.

Arthur wrapped his cold arms around her shoulders, pulling himself from out of the refrigerator.

Sandy looked up with Arthur with puffy eyes. Arthur kissed her softly, still being aware that she was still emotionally distraught.

Sandy kissed back, feeling all fear, sadness, and frustration disappear. Arthur had his way on making Sandy feel good.

She felt his hands on her body as he led her into the bedroom.

Arthur was still sexually inexperienced. He studied Sandy as she removed her nightgown.

Arthur was still greatly enamored by her. There were still cuts and bruises all over her.

Sandy studied Arthur as he removed his briefs, and positioned himself in front of her. Arthur had bruises and cuts all over him too.

"Arthur." Sandy moaned.

Yes. He was in her. The feeling overwhelmed him as he pushed in and out of her.

The pleasure overwhelmed Sandy as well. Her cries and moans shook the apartment wall. She closed her eyes tightly, feeling the pleasure build up in her abdomen.

Arthur couldn't take it anymore. He was close.

Arthur closed his eyes tight, filling Sandy up with his warmth.

Sandy became flushed, and released all the tension she had building up, flowing in waves of pleasure.

After the rush ended, the two of them held each other close.

Sandy woke up to the phone ringing. She was tempted to just pull it off the wall. Her violent tendencies seem to be getting worse and worse.

Arthur got up, picking up the phone. "Who is this?" He answered.

"Hi, Mr. Fleck. My name is Shirley Woods. I'm the show booker from Live! With Murray Franklin. Is this Arthur?" The voice asked.

"Yes." He answered quietly.

Arthur talked an the phone for a good minute or so, before Sandy walked into the kitchen, surprising Arthur with a kiss.

"What was that about?" Sandy said, throwing her arms around Arthur's neck.

Arthur smirked, slightly as he hung up the phone. "Murray wants me on the show." He said in disbelief.

Sandy smiled wide. "That's incredible, Arthur."

Arthur nodded. He felt like he was dreaming the whole thing.

Sandy smiled, kissing him on the nose.

"You're gonna knock them dead, Arthur. You're the funniest guy in Gotham." She giggled.

Sandy drove to a small playground. She had dropped Arthur off at Arkham State Hospital to recover his mother's files. Sandy didn't want to go in with him, because Arkham was still fresh in her brain. She promised Arthur that she'd pick him up.

Sandy sat on a bench, watching the children play.

A young boy who looked all beaten and battered up was crying by the swing set.

Sandy walked up to the poor boy. "Hey, why are you crying?" She asked.

The boy looked up at her. He seemed to have darling green eyes, almost like Arthur's.

"I'm not crying," the boy fibbed, "I'm laughing."

Sandy could see that he was lying. "It's ok." She whispered.

The boy stopped crying. He was holding a little clown doll, which had a missing eye.

"What's your name, dear?" Sandy asked, kneeling to the boy's level.

"Jack." The boy answered.

"That's a nice name." Sandy said, smiling.

A drunken man stumbled up to the two of them and began yelling at the boy. "You bastard!! When will you ever learn? Come on, boy."

The boy winced as he was grabbed by the man.

"Sir, where are you going with that boy? He obviously doesn't want to go with you." Sandy confronted the man.

Another lady got in the confrontation. "Is there a problem here?"

"Yeah, this bitch right here won't let me take my son home." The man jabbed a finger in her chest.

"Well, your son was just over there crying his eyes out." Sandy yelled.

The little boy was still wincing at his arm.

"See, he's obviously in pain." She said, pointing at the boy.

The lady next Sandy tapped on her shoulder. "I think you should go get your own kid, and leave."

Sandy was left speechless. She began to say something, but it just wouldn't come out.

"I don't have a kid." She said, finally.

Sandy so desperately wanted a child. Scenes from the day she lost her child came back to her.

She remembered being in the bathroom, coughing up blood. She remembered Dennis pounding on the door, yelling at her. She remembered breaking the news to her family that she lost it.

That's when Dennis laughed.

He laughed at her pain.

Then, Des pretended to care, just so she could get fucked by Dennis.

Sandy couldn't forget it.

"Excuse me? Excuse me, miss? If you don't have a child, why are you at a children's park?" The lady yelled, trying to get Sandy's attention.

Sandy didn't say anything, without a second thought, she lunged at the guy.

Her mind when blank. Her hands became bloodied. Sandy would've killed him if it wasn't for the lady pulling her off him.

It began raining. Sandy drove up to Arthur's apartment, wet and bloody.

Arthur walked back home, soaking wet. He felt abandoned, and helpless. Sandy didn't pick him up.

She walked into his apartment, taking off her coat.

Arthur didn't acknowledge her presence. Sandy lit a cigarette and sat on the couch with him.

He didn't notice the dried blood on her pants.

"Why didn't you come pick me up?" Arthur asked.

"I couldn't." Sandy said.

"It was all true. What Thomas said." Arthur handed Sandy the files he stole from the hospital.

Sandy looked through the files. As she looked through them, tears began to fall from her cheeks.

Soon she began to laugh, uncontrollably. This wasn't the laugh Arthur loved to hear. This laugh was hurtful.

"I'm so sorry, Arthur." Sandy cried. "I've given up being happy. Maybe if I just try laughing, it'll work."

Sandy began to laugh into Arthur's shoulder, which had trigger him into laughing as well.

Taglist: @princessgeekface, @memory-mortis, @gloomyladyy, @mama-mischief, @jokerflecker, @joker-flecked-me, @mr--clown.