#it is also SO long

[nerdy-stilinski]

A Comprehensive Bitch-Fest of the Teen Wolf Movie

Alright guys, as promised, here is the comprehensive text post of the Teen Wolf Movie. 

Under this cut will contain a pretty extensive plot (for those of us who don’t want to watch the movie). I’m gonna do another post under this one with my personal thoughts, and some fun little bones to pick with Mr. Davis surrounding canon (or lack thereof, as it were) and uh. Plot decisions all around. 

Most importantly, though, THERE WILL BE SPOILERS! If you haven’t seen the movie, and you don’t want spoilers, PLEASE DO NOT LOOK UNDER THE CUT! 

I’m sure there won’t be much anyone hasn’t seen, yet, but I digress. 

⚠️HERE BE SPOILERS!⚠️ 

PLOT

We open with Liam and Hikari (the new kitsune) at some sort of restaurant in what appears to be rural Japan.

Somebody, who we later learn is Harris (and tbh, you would pick up on it if you paid any attention at ALL in seasons 1-3. I literally wrote IS THAT HARRIS????? WHAT THE FUCK the moment i saw him.), comes in looking for the triskelion container that the nogitsune is trapped in. He puts an Argent round on the counter, which I still cannot fathom why, because it’s never addressed. 

Naturally, a scuffle occurs, Harris shoots Liam and Hikari, and he says something about how he wants revenge on Beacon Hills before he opens the box. A firefly flies out, you get the gist. 

The movie cuts to LA, and shows a building in the process of collapsing. Deaton is out front, talking to a firefighter about how he’s called someone they call “the Alpha” to rescue a girl and her dog from the building. 

Yep, you guessed it, folks. Scott McCall runs an animal shelter in LA next to Deaton’s new veterinary practice. 

Scott obviously goes in the building, which partially collapses on him, but flashes his eyes at the dog, and saves the girl and the dog when the building collapses around them. 

The main credits roll, opening the movie. It is evident upon opening credits that Scott, Allison, Lydia, and Malia are going to be the main characters. Kudos, though. The credits were cool. 

We cut to Scott’s animal shelter (or Deaton’s vet hospital? unclear). Scott and Deaton have a discussion where Deaton has to explain the word “wistful” to a 30-year-old Scott and Scott repeats it like he’s studying for the SATs. I’m all for nostalgia but uh. That one icked me out. Anyways, Scott goes to lock up, and then sees a vision of Allison, reenacting the first night he met her when she hit the dog and took it to the vet. He shakes it off, but hears the dogs barking in the back , and he goes to investigate. 

Surprise, it’s Argent pointing a gun at Scott. It freaks Scott out, but they bro hug it out, like men. He’s come back to see Scott because he’s been seeing Allison too, in these weird dreams and visions. 

Argent has the katana the oni used to kill Allison, and is convinced they need to take it to Beacon Hills to put her to rest or something? 

Scott, obviously not noticing that the vibes are Rancid, agrees, and they decide to head back to BH, which they both haven’t been back to in a while, it seems like. 

Cut scene to Lydia, giving some sort of presentation and walking around a very high-end company of some sort. We find out that Lydia, instead of actually putting information in the booklets she handed out to the tour, has written Allison over and over again. (it’s also implied that the person they use as a plot device to introduce this was or is, in some way, romantically involved with Lydia).

Lydia runs to her office, where she has one of her banshee visions, and writes a ton of stuff on various pieces of paper in a pattern we can’t yet discern. She’s getting flashbacks of Allison the entire time. 

Cut scene. Eli Hale (i squealed. im not above that. that’s derek’s boy, guys) is breaking into what appears to be some kind of impound lot. He hotwires what is apparent to us is Stiles’s Jeep. 

Eli busts out of the chain link fencing, and is hauling ass and driving down a very recognizable Beacon Hills road. He flies by a parked Sheriff’s Department patrol vehicle, and we see it’s driven by Parrish. 

Cut to what appears to be the Preserve. Mason, a deputy (more on that later. i hate it) walks over to the Sheriff, and asks if Parrish should deal with their consultant’s issue. It is clear they are talking about Eli, and the Sheriff says he’ll handle it. 

Derek walks out of the forest (notes: DERKE. COMING OUT OF THE WOODS. SDJHFKDHSGKJHDSGH. DEREK. DEREK.) which has clearly been burned, and informs the Sheriff that the arsonist used chemical accelerant. He then tells the Sheriff that “we should be calling your son” to which the Sheriff replies “he has his own fires to put out.” This is one of MAYBE 5 Stiles mentions in the movie. 

The Sheriff asks Derek why he keeps stealing the Jeep, to which Derek replies, “because he knows I hate it.” (your honor. that’s gay.) 

Cut to Eli still driving, and the Jeep’s tires go flat. He’s ambushed by the Sheriff, Parrish, and his father. Derek tells him they’ll talk about it later. 

Cut to the cemetery Allison was buried at. Scott’s there, and he goes to her grave. The cemetery is overgrown, uncared for. Lydia pulls up, and Scott thanks her for getting there so fast, but she just gives him a big hug. 

They decide that they need to do something about this Allison thing, too. Scott repeatedly punches Allison’s marker, until it cracks. 

Cut to the McCall’s. Scott, Lydia, and Argent are around the island, where the katana in its’ case is sitting. Argent asks Lydia what her drawings mean, and she says she has no idea. She hasn’t used her banshee powers in a while and is out of practice. When someone asks why, and she’s silent, Jackson walks in, saying “Stiles. It obviously has something to do with Stiles” 

Lydia called Jackson in from London to help, and Jackson states that Ethan doesn’t know he’s there, because he doesn’t want anything to do with BH. 

Jackson promptly starts putting Lydia’s papers together like a puzzle, which, surprise surprise, is in the shape of the nemeton, with the word “BARDO” written boldly in the middle (a refresher: bardo is the space between death and rebirth, as believed by Tibetan Buddhism) 

Cut to Derek’s house, where he’s pulling up to (in the ugliest tan vehicle, a Nissan Xterra if my eyes don’t deceive me. bring back the FJ. this is cursed). He and Eli go into the house, and when Derek goes to hang up the keys, he promptly rips the hook off the wall. 

He scolds Eli for breaking the law, yet again, to which Eli responds, “oh, because you never broke the law?” (good comeback, kiddo.) Derek then asks Eli if this is about “the other thing” and we learn that Eli still can’t shift, despite being 15. Derek insists that he can teach Eli, and Eli asks, “what if I’m the first hale to not turn into a werewolf?” 

Derek tells Eli that it might make life easier, and when Eli asks “my life, or yours?”, Derek doesn’t respond. Eli runs to his room, and Derek mutters, in the way a tired parent would, “definitely mine.” 

We cut to where Parrish is driving the Jeep back to the lot, and he drives by the building where the lot is housed, emblazoned, “Hale Auto.” (notes: ITS HALE AUTO. DEREK RUNS AN AUTO SHOP. SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP ETC. OHHHHH MY GOD) 

Parrish walks into the shop, into the office, and Malia enters, butt-ass naked, and ambushes Parrish with a kiss. (again. more on this later. because absolutely not). they have sex (off screen obvi this is still teen wolf) and they have a conversation that makes it evident that Malia wants them to remain friends with benefits, and Parrish wants a relationship. 

Cut back to Derek’s house. He knocks on Eli’s door, and asks him if he wants to practice lacrosse before his game (it was established earlier that Eli is pretty bad at lacrosse. it’s giving Stiles but more on that later) 

Eli doesn’t answer, so Derek opens the door, and it cuts to the open window, obvious Eli has run away. (why didn’t he hear that? not sure. whatever.) 

Cut back to the Preserve. Scott and Lydia pull up in Scott’s red truck to one of the gates, Malia standing there waiting for them. It’s obvious Scott hasn’t seen Malia since they broke up off-screen, because he’s weird about it. Lydia tells Malia she missed her while hugging her, and Malia says the same thing. Lydia replies “no you didnt” and Malia says “I wanted to.” that one kinda. it kinda got me idk. 

Scott and Lydia have asked Malia to help them find the nemeton. They have the katana with them. 

Cut back to... somewhere? An enclosed space, of some kind. Might be the weird Argent batcave. Anyways. Deaton and Argent are there, and Deaton is grilling Argent with riddles, which Argent answers easily, but with increasing agitation. Eventually, Argent snaps, and snarls at Deaton, face mutating to look similar to the oni. Deaton sends mountain ash into Argent’s throat, and a firelfy is forced out. It becomes evident to everyone at this point that the nogitsune is back, at least to everyone but Scott, Malia, and Lydia. ffs. 

Cut back to Scott, Malia, and Lydia. Malia is sending them in circles looking for the nemeton, and it’s obvious she has no idea where it is. Scott yanks Eli Hale from behind a tree (very reminiscent of Scott in s1e1), and Eli’s been following them. He divests that sometimes he sleepwalks to the nemeton. Super normal. normal kid stuff. 

Eli leads them to the nemeton, and they immediately try to get rid of him. Eli tells them they’ll tell his dad they’re here, to which they IMMEDIATELY (ie Scott) say “it’s kind of personal” which, from Derek Hale, is really fucking rich. but again. later. it’s pretty clear they’re excluding him because he might actually have, i dunno, an objective opinion. god. sorry. fuck this. 

Lydia gets the sword in the nemeton and the nemeton absorbs it. not to be that guy but this is obviously a bad idea and we all knew it. (note: i wanna know why we didn’t instantly think that this is a bad idea this is so obviously a bad idea) 

They all turn to leave, and at their backs, the nemeton begins to emit a light blue glow. they turn, and find Allison naked on the stump. Scott stares, and they’re all like “how is she alive??” like god guys 

They drive Allison to the hospital, where Melissa is the first person to go “why are you holding a girl that looks exactly like Allison” like a normal person. Melissa gets her set up in a bed, yknow the drill. 

Cut back to the nemeton, which is glowing and spewing fireflies like it’s going out of style. The nogitsune appears on top of it, manifesting out of smoke, and says “chaos! pain! strife” in his campy little way. 

Cut to Beacon Hills High, where the lacrosse team is filing in and coach is giving one of his goofy ass speeches. he was probably the only genuine nostalgia in this movie that I enjoyed. 

Eli drops his crosse as he walks in and runs smack into the Sheriff, who’s standing right in front of the stairwell. Derek is actually in the stairwell, lurking in what I would describe as classic Derek fashion. Derek tells him he’s there to watch him play, and when Eli tells him he’ll probably sit on the bench, Derek tells him he’s gonna talk to coach about that. Eli protests, but Derek calls out to coach, and the Sheriff blocks Eli from running after him. 

Sheriff tells Eli that he’s not really here to watch him play -- he’s here to provide support for Derek and his delinquent son. He then threatens to arrest Eli, have him tried as an adult, and put him in a state penitentiary for 90 days if he steals the Jeep again. Eli, looking nervous, asks if his dad put him up to this. The Sheriff says maybe, but asserts that he’d do it. 

Cut to Derek in Coach’s office, and asking for more playing time for Eli. Coach negotiates four minutes, and only if they’re winning. Which is very Coach of him. 

Cut back to the hospital, where Melissa, Scott, Malia, and Lydia are contemplating if Allison is going to wake up, or if she’s “normal.” Melissa is the one who asserts that we don’t know if this is the real Allison. 

When they look back, Allison is gone from her bed. She’s obviously going through it when we see her -- getting flashbacks from when she was actively trying to kill the werewolves, hearing Kate, Victoria, etc in her ears, and this is obviously the nogitsune. 

Allison, once they find her, is immediately combative, and trying to escape. She kicks everyone’s ass, including Scott’s, who she cuts across the cheek, and he heals, exposing himself as a werewolf. She only remembers Derek as the alpha, though, and wants to kill him -- she’s after the alpha. So she bolts, leaving them all behind. She runs into Deaton and Argent, who enter the hospital, and she runs from him, which is devastating for me even as somebody who is not an Argent girlie. 

Cut to the Sheriff’s Department, where Mason tells the Sheriff that they have another problem. They’ve caught pictures of the guy in a dark, heavy coat with a hood (it’s Harris. We know it’s Harris) and he’s the one who’s been lighting the forest on fire. The Sheriff orders Mason with Parrish, and a new deputy with him, to the forest to investigate. This leaves one deputy alone in the department. I’m sure we see where this is going. 

The deputy hears a noise in the cells, grabs his gun, and moves that way. The nogitsune is in the cell, and he tells the deputy he’s a kitsune who never knew he was a kitsune. He steals the deputy’s tails “to summon other bodies” which is about as frightening as it sounds. 

Cut to the Argent’s batcave, where Allison is currently arming herself with a crossbow, arrows, daggers, and a longbow. The nogitsune is whispering her name, and she goes, armed, into one of the weird side pipes, where the nogitsune is standing. The nogitsune tells Allison it’s her friend, she doesn’t believe him right away, so it starts impersonating Victoria. The nogitsune is convincing her to get revenge on the people that stopped it, and its plan is to have the betas killed before the alpha. Allison just doesn’t know who the alpha is, obviously. There’s mention of the divine move, again, yknow. 

Back to the BHHS locker rooms, where Derek is carrying Eli into the locker room because he twisted his ankle. Eli isn’t healing because he can’t shift, or whatever. Derek tries to encourage him to shift, and this is when Allison sneaks into the locker room, crossbow and all, and immediately starts trying to kill Derek. 

Derek reacts on autopilot, and starts fighting Allison, telling Eli to run. He slams Alison against the lockers, wolfed out, and Allison notices that his eyes are blue. Derek obviously recognizes Allison and falters, but manages to run out of the locker room door. While he runs out, he gets shot in the neck, and he is immediately gushing blood, lying on the ground and crawling away from Allison, who moves towards him purposefully. 

Liam shows up right on time to try and save Derek, along with Hikari, Scott, and Malia. Allison has left BHHS. The whole time Derek is bleeding he’s begging them to find Eli, make sure he’s safe, he’s gone to the shop. Scott tells Derek to hang in there, but Derek passes out. We’re unsure if he’s alive or dead (read: i thought he was dead. i was sobbing) 

Cut to the scene of the arson with the Sheriff, Parrish, and Mason. The Sheriff recognizes the noise that precedes the oni, and immediately draws his gun. The oni appear, and immediately start fighting the Sheriff and deputies. 

Cut to Scott’s truck -- Derek is still very much alive. But they can’t find Eli, and they’re afraid because he can’t run. 

Back to the Preserve with the deputies. Mason is immediately cut down by an oni, vanishing into smoke. It looks like the Sheriff is going to get cut, but Parrish catches his blade with a flaming hand. 

They’re carrying Derek into Melissa’s; he’s still bleeding from his neck, but keeps repeating “you have to find Eli.” At this point, Peter appears from god knows where holding a blowtorch? Because they mentioned they needed to cauterize Derek’s wound and people just. Have those. love you pete. Derek cries out “no!” repeatedly as Peter blowtorches his wound (spoiler alert: i cried like a little bitch again.) 

Scott goes looking for Lydia to fix this little clusterfuck we have ourselves in, and before he leaves, Melissa asks Scott if there’s any chance that this is really Allison (essentially encouraging him to give her a chance) 

Cut back to Eli at Hale auto. He’s driving Derek’s horrible car to fill it up, and the gas isn’t pumping well. It’s pouring rain, he’s nervous, and naturally Allison comes in hauling ass. She hits his car with hers, sending it into the pump, gasoline still pumping onto the ground. Eli manages to get into Hale Auto with his key. 

Cut to the Sheriff’s Department, where Lydia, Jackson, Hikari, and Liam are in the Sheriff’s office. They’re all looking for clues. like. scooby doo. 

And we’re back to Melissa’s! Where everyone (Melissa, Argent, Deaton, and Peter) has agreed that Allison is a replica meant to trick everyone. 

And back to Hale’s Auto! So much happening sorry guys. Eli is limping through the shop and the cars in repair, eventually sliding down against one. Allison is also lurking through the shop, weapons at the ready. Eli slips around, and grabs a wrench. (note: okay eli be smart about this you dumbass 15 year old) And instead of being smart, he lunges at her with a wrench and promptly gets his ass beat. 

Fortunately enough for everyone, because Derek Hale is down like Jeff Davis is so fond of, Scott shows up to save the day. They run out of the shop, and back by the impounded cars. Scott gives Eli the werewolf pep talk, naturally, because Eli doesn’t have a father already (sorry guys im so bitter), and he roars at Eli. Eli’s eyes flash gold, and he heals. Now they can run. They run through the forest, like they do in teen wolf, and Scott stops and tells Eli he’s gonna have to run. His hand is all gross where Allison cut him because wolfsbane, and he thinks he’s gonna try and talk Allison down. 

Eli says “my dad told me he almost had to have his arm cut off once because of wolfsbane.” Scott replies with, “Eli, go find your dad. I think I might need his help.” (note: oh NOW you need his help scott) Eli runs off, Scott’s facing off Allison. 

Back at the Sheriff’s board, and they’ve figured out that the arsonist is the same guy who was at Hikari and Liam’s place. Cool. 

Okay we’re back to Eli, who is running in the road and almost gets hit by somebody. That somebody is the Sheriff. Nice, Noah. 

Melissa, Argent, and Peter are at the crime scene (ie Hale Auto). Peter and Argent are going through the crime scene, deducing what’s going on. Peter states that Allison is basically in homicidal rage, which Argent states proves that’s not his daughter. Peter says they went into the woods, so they all go looking for Allison and Scott. 

We’re at Derek’s house now -- Derek and Eli get a reunion hug, the Sheriff comes in, and Liam and Hikari are there, too. The oni are now also in the hall of Derek’s house. Great. Hikari fights them first, doing a great job - and she’s been run through and has evaporated. The same thing happens to Liam, leaving Deaton, the Sheriff, Eli, and Derek fighting the Oni. The Sheriff goes first, followed by Deaton. Eli watches Derek get run through, and right before he evaporates, Derek says “remember who you are” (it’s giving mufasa but tell that to my tears). 

Cut back to the Preserve, where Scott is arguing with Allison to not try to kill everyone? I’m not gonna lie this was a broken record. 

And we’re back to the Hale’s, where Malia and Eli are running. Malia tells Eli to run, but Eli decides that now is a good time to growl and attack the Oni. He gets evaporated into smoke the same way as the others, and Malia manages to get rid of the oni by pulling tarp off the window and bathing them in sunlight. 

Scott tells Allison that she can get him if that’s what they need to talk, and STABS HIMSELF BY GRABBING ALLISON’S ARM AND SENDING WOLFSBANE RIGHT INTO HIS GUT. 

Jackson and Lydia have decided to go to the site of the arson, where they’re trying to figure out what the purpose was, etc. (notes i made: jackson and lydia cannot make up for stiles stilinski) 

Peter, Melissa, and Argent have made it to where Allison stabbed Scott (that overlook over BH), and Peter sniffs the ground, declaring it’s a ton of blood there, and that they need to find Scott within 6-8 hours so he doesn’t die. 

Alright, Malia and Parrish are looking for silver weapons to defeat the oni and decidedly not talking about the fact that they’re friends with benefits. this was unnecessary. 

Jackson and Lydia are back at the arson site, and they’ve figured out that the arsonist (harris) is trying to create mountain ash. the trees he’s burning are rowan, which turn into mountain ash when burnt. 

Meanwhile, Scott is trying to convince Allison that she wants him alive. He reminds Allison that her family’s motto was changed by her -- we protect those who cannot protect themselves, instead of “we hunt those who hunt us.” She promptly like, kicks Scott over. Scott, cmon, man. 

The nogitsune comes back, to try and convince Allison to kill Scott. 

We flash to some sort of shadow dimension illusion, where everyone who was “killed” by the oni is all tied up and decidedly not dead, fortunately. However, the Oni are back and they’re getting all menacingly close. This, however, does not stop Derek from being so excited to hear Eli changed. I may have cried about it. Again.

Flash to Peter, Argent, and Melissa, who are standing in the woods over the college lacrosse field, where a tournament is being played. We learn this is a trap from the nogitsune, and spoilers, this is where Allison has Scott. In like a storage room or something. This is, also, where we officially learn that the hooded man is Harris. Not that all of us called it or anything. But he’s the one who came up with the accelerant (like the hale fire. cmon guys. can we stop with the metaphorical dead horse.) 

The nogitsune is threateningly moving towards Eli and sinking his claws into him. I’m sorry I don’t remember what he said I was too busy thinking about the parallels between Eli and Stiles and how I was already too hurt to be considering that. 

Alright, back to Allison and Scott. Allison decides to save Scott by... burning the wolfsbane out with a flare? Despite having no wolfsbane? love the new canon, Jeff. Fuck you. 

Scott has flashbacks to Motel California when she approaches him with the flare, but she does actually save him, Scott’s better, and Allison is remembering. hooray for love. 

The nogitsune has spat Eli right out on the lacrosse field from the shadow dimension, and Scott and Allison come out from underneath it. Scott tells Allison to be safe, because she wants to find her dad, who doesn’t know it’s actually her and not some evil doppelganger. She asks him why he would be so kind after she tried to kill him, and then Scott says “because I’m still in love with you” (notes from the time of watching: you are not still in love with allison im fucking OVER IT) 

Lydia and Jackson are under the stadium with Harris, who calls Jackson “you fucking imbecile!” nice use of the fuck word, Jeff. Die. He also keeps shooting Jackson which is less than cash money of him. 

Eli and Scott learn that they’re stuck in the college stadium, because it’s a giant illusion. Scott tries to convince coach to get the people out of the stadium safely and calmly, and Coach informs him the only way to do that is to finish the game. So naturally, Eli has Scott’s old number (literally fucking kill me) and Scott is dressed? To score? and have BHHS win the tournament? whatever Jeff’s losing all of us at this point. 

Back in the shadow illusion, Derek explains that Eli hasn’t seen his transformation since he was like, 3, because coyotes got into the house, and he transformed and got them out by roaring, and Eli was so terrified he was shaking (notes: that’s so fucked I hate it here) 

And the lacrosse field again. Scott misses a goal so bad it hits the scoreboard and breaks it. Naturally. We learn, in a cut to Lydia and Jackson and Harris, that he’s been “pulling the strings and giving the nogitsune his pain” which he has in abundance or whatever. Lydia tells us that she had a recurring dream where she and Stiles get in a wreck, and he gets thrown from the car and dies. so she breaks up with him for that. i. okay. 

Peter gets the quick on Allison, bashes her head into fencing, and she knocks out. Meanwhile, Scott tells Eli it’s his goal, and he scores the game winning goal. 

We’re back to Argent, Melissa, and Peter. And a semi-conscious Allison. Argent decides that really is his kid, and he throws a wolfsbane knife at Peter. Which might be a bit dramatic but Peter would do the same so. whatever I guess. 

Black smoke begins to roll, and everyone has been swallowed by the illusion. 

We’ve now got Allison killing the Oni, which is feeling very reminiscent of s3. Meanwhile, Lydia and Jackson are back with Harris watching this happen, and Jackson is telling her that as a banshee, she can cut through the illusion with her scream. When Lydia yells Allison’s name, she knocks back the Oni, and apparently the sense into Allison, because we have an incredibly long flashback sequence that is Allison regaining her memories. Nostalgic, sure, but entirely too long because we all watched the show asshole. 

Scott cuts a deal with the nogitsune that if he dies in Allison’s arms, the nogitsune will let the others go. Derek yells at him to not, and Scott manages to convince Allison to kill him. She shoots him with arrows 3? times? I think? Anyways, he’s in her arms and it looks really glum. 

But then! The arrows are burning out of him, because Hikari is burning them? Don’t know the logistics but it happened. Scott’s wreathed in foxfire, nobody knows what’s going on, and Allison shoots the nogitsune in the forehead with a silver arrow. Sorry, this is where it gets very chaotic and i got very emotional so it’s jumbled as hell. 

The nogitsune asks “what is that?” and Argent says “Silver, you motherfucker.” 

Back with Harris, Jackson stabs him with a knife in his boot, and Lydia got his gun. 

The nogitsune has evaporated, I wrote down that Derek said fuck at some point. Everything is looking good right now. Eli and Derek are going to shift together. There was a lot. 

But now! The nogitsune is back. Saying that when Scott bit him, it changed him -- made him something more. His wrappings fall off, his eyes are glowing green, he looks vaguely werewolfish. (what happened to not being a wolf and a fox you fucking coward jeff. give me your address) 

The nogitsune sends everyone into their own room of illusion, which all the werewolves (ie: derek, scott, and eli) break by roaring. Now, they’re all on the nematon with the nogitsune, holding him back. I can’t remember how Eli gets from the nemeton to the ground, but he does, so it’s just Derek and Scott holding him back. 

Parrish comes up like, glowing pre-flame and is intending to burn him, and Scott tells Parrish to burn the nogitsune. Parrish refuses because Scott and Derek are holding onto him, and will die if he does so. Derek looks at Eli and rest assured you know exactly what’s gonna happen. It’s Derek.

He says something to Eli along the lines of like “remember who you are” and then tells Scott “you’re the alpha, Scott. It’s always been you” or something like that, then physically throws Scott off the nogitsune and the nemeton. Derek wraps onto the nogitsune while Parrish is holding on (why the nogitsune didn’t break free while Derek was throwing Scott off is beyond me it defeats the whole purpose of having Derek die) and tells Parrish, verbatim, “Light this fucker up.” 

Parrish lights him on fire and it spreads to Derek (this is when I stopped being able to see very well because Derek burned in fire just like his family oh god sorry I’m really unwell about it) 

right before Derek is engulfed in flames, he’s wolfed out, he’s looking at Eli, and his eyes turn from blue to red (true alpha. Right before he dies. I’m going to burn Jeff at the stake) And he goes up in flames, all of them do, including Parrish. When the flames clear, Parrish is laying on the nemeton, curled up, and it’s obvious that Derek died. The nemeton/illusion fades back to the lacrosse stadium where Eli is kneeling alone and Scott immediately gives him a hug obviously becoming Eli’s interim father and. I hate it. 

We flash to Derek’s memorial. I can’t see the tv through the tears, but that’s okay. Scott tries to make it about himself by saying “he saved my life. then he said we were brothers.” and says something about how family isn’t the one you’re born with but the one you find, which is easy for the guy who still has a fucking father to say, huh? 

Noah gives Eli the Jeep, explaining Derek hated that Jeep, but when it came to him in total disrepair, he fixed it right up. Even when it shouldn’t have kept going, it did. Then he says “your dad was a lot like that. we never understood why he wouldn’t break down and stay down. I’ve never seen anyone take the kind of punishment Derek Hale took and kept taking in order to protect the people he loved.” 

We get Derek flashbacks. I still can’t breathe. Sorry guys, I’m crying again. Apologies. 

“He kept going. He kept standing up, until the day he couldn’t. He had complicated feelings about that Jeep, but you don’t need to. All you need to do is keep it running. That’s all you need to do.” 

We get a bit about Harris being put in a worse place than Eichen but I truly don’t give a fuck. I’m actively crying again as I type this. 

The movie ends with “remember who you are” in Derek’s voice with Eli standing over Beacon Hills in the Preserve. 

Fuck. Jeff. Davis 

[bookwyrminspiration]

god I would be UNSTOPPABLE if I was capable of consistently initiating tasks. just you wait. you'll be waiting a while but just you wait

[hamletthedane]

I was meeting a client at a famous museum’s lounge for lunch (fancy, I know) and had an hour to kill afterwards so I joined the first random docent tour I could find. The woman who took us around was a great-grandmother from the Bronx “back when that was nothing to brag about” and she was doing a talk on alternative mediums within art.

What I thought that meant: telling us about unique sculpture materials and paint mixtures.

What that actually meant: an 84yo woman gingerly holding a beautifully beaded and embroidered dress (apparently from Ukraine and at least 200 years old) and, with tears in her eyes, showing how each individual thread was spun by hand and weaved into place on a cottage floor loom, with bright blue silk embroidery thread and hand-blown beads intricately piercing the work of other labor for days upon days, as the labor of a dozen talented people came together to make something so beautiful for a village girl’s wedding day.

What it also meant: in 1948, a young girl lived in a cramped tenement-like third floor apartment in Manhattan, with a father who had just joined them after not having been allowed to escape through Poland with his pregnant wife nine years earlier. She sits in her father’s lap and watches with wide, quiet eyes as her mother’s deft hands fly across fabric with bright blue silk thread (echoing hands from over a century years earlier). Thread that her mother had salvaged from white embroidery scraps at the tailor’s shop where she worked and spent the last few days carefully dying in the kitchen sink and drying on the roof.

The dress is in the traditional Hungarian fashion and is folded across her mother’s lap: her mother doesn’t had a pattern, but she doesn’t need one to make her daughter’s dress for the fifth grade dance. The dress would end up differing significantly from the pure white, petticoated first communion dresses worn by her daughter’s majority-Catholic classmates, but the young girl would love it all the more for its uniqueness and bright blue thread.

And now, that same young girl (and maybe also the villager from 19th century Ukraine) stands in front of us, trying not to clutch the old fabric too hard as her voice shakes with the emotion of all the love and humanity that is poured into the labor of art. The village girl and the girl in the Bronx were very different people: different centuries, different religions, different ages, and different continents. But the love in the stitches and beads on their dresses was the same. And she tells us that when we look at the labor of art, we don’t just see the work to create that piece - we see the labor of our own creations and the creations of others for us, and the value in something so seemingly frivolous.

But, maybe more importantly, she says that we only admire this piece in a museum because it happened to survive the love of the wearer and those who owned it afterwards, but there have been quite literally billions of small, quiet works of art in billions of small, quiet homes all over the world, for millennia. That your grandmother’s quilt is used as a picnic blanket just as Van Gogh’s works hung in his poor friends’ hallways. That your father’s hand-painted model plane sets are displayed in your parents’ livingroom as Grecian vases are displayed in museums. That your older sister’s engineering drawings in a steady, fine-lined hand are akin to Da Vinci’s scribbles of flying machines.

I don’t think there’s any dramatic conclusions to be drawn from these thoughts - they’ve been echoed by thousands of other people across the centuries. However, if you ever feel bad for spending all of your time sewing, knitting, drawing, building lego sets, or whatever else - especially if you feel like you have to somehow monetize or show off your work online to justify your labor - please know that there’s an 84yo museum docent in the Bronx who would cry simply at the thought of you spending so much effort to quietly create something that’s beautiful to you.

[endusviolence]

Rowling isn't denying holocaust. She just pointed out that burning of transgender health books is a lie as that form of cosmetic surgery didn't exist. But of course you knew that already, didn't you?

I was thinking I'd probably see one of you! You're wrong :) Let's review the history a bit, shall we?

In this case, what we're talking about is the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, or in English, The Institute of Sexology. This Institute was founded and headed by a gay Jewish sexologist named Magnus Hirschfeld. It was founded in July of 1919 as the first sexology research clinic in the world, and was run as a private, non-profit clinic. Hirschfeld and the researchers who worked there would give out consultations, medical advice, and even treatments for free to their poorer clientele, as well as give thousands of lectures and build a unique library full of books on gender, sexuality, and eroticism. Of course, being a gay man, Hirschfeld focused a lot on the gay community and proving that homosexuality was natural and could not be "cured".

Hirschfeld was unique in his time because he believed that nobody's gender was either one or the other. Rather, he contended that everyone is a mixture of both male and female, with every individual having their own unique mix of traits.

This leads into the Institute's work with transgender patients. Hirschfeld was actually the one to coin the term "transsexual" in 1923, though this word didn't become popular phrasing until 30 years later when Harry Benjamin began expanding his research (I'll just be shortening it to trans for this brief overview.) For the Institute, their revolutionary work with gay men eventually began to attract other members of the LGBTA+, including of course trans people.

Contrary to what Anon says, sex reassignment surgery was first tested in 1912. It'd already being used on humans throughout Europe during the 1920's by the time a doctor at the Institute named Ludwig Levy-Lenz began performing it on patients in 1931. Hirschfeld was at first opposed, but he came around quickly because it lowered the rate of suicide among their trans patients. Not only was reassignment performed at the Institute, but both facial feminization and facial masculization surgery were also done.

The Institute employed some of these patients, gave them therapy to help with other issues, even gave some of the mentioned surgeries for free to this who could not afford it! They spoke out on their behalf to the public, even getting Berlin police to help them create "transvestite passes" to allow people to dress however they wanted without the threat of being arrested. They worked together to fight the law, including trying to strike down Paragraph 175, which made it illegal to be homosexual. The picture below is from their holiday party, Magnus Hirschfeld being the gentleman on the right with the fabulous mustache. Many of the other people in this photo are transgender.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of a group of people. Some are smiling at the camera, others have serious expressions. Either way, they all seem to be happy. On the right side, an older gentleman in glasses- Magnus Hirschfeld- is sitting. He has short hair and a bushy mustache. He is resting one hand on the shoulder of the person in front of him. His other hand is being held by a person to his left. Another person to his right is holding his shoulder.]

There was always push back against the Institute, especially from conservatives who saw all of this as a bad thing. But conservatism can't stop progress without destroying it. They weren't willing to go that far for a good while. It all ended in March of 1933, when a new Chancellor was elected. The Nazis did not like homosexuals for several reasons. Chief among them, we break the boundaries of "normal" society. Shortly after the election, on May 6th, the book burnings began. The Jewish, gay, and obviously liberal Magnus Hirschfeld and his library of boundary-breaking literature was one of the very first targets. Thankfully, Hirschfeld was spared by virtue of being in Paris at the time (he would die in 1935, before the Nazis were able to invade France). His library wasn't so lucky.

This famous picture of the book burnings was taken after the Institute of Sexology had been raided. That's their books. Literature on so much about sexuality, eroticism, and gender, yes including their new work on trans people. This is the trans community's Alexandria. We're incredibly lucky that enough of it survived for Harry Benjamin and everyone who came after him was able to build on the Institute's work.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of the May Nazi book burning of the Institute of Sexology's library. A soldier, back facing the camera, is throwing a stack of books into the fire. In the background of the right side, a crowd is watching.]

As the Holocaust went on, the homosexuals of Germany became a targeted group. This did include transgender people, no matter what you say. To deny this reality is Holocaust denial. JK Rowling and everyone else who tries to pretend like this isn't reality is participating in that evil. You're agreeing with the Nazis.

But of course, you knew that already, didn't you?

Edit: Added image IDs. I apologize to those using screen readers for forgetting them. Please reblog this version instead.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

the fact that shakespeare was a playwright is sometimes so funny to me. just the concept of the "greatest writer of the English language" being a random 450-year-old entertainer, a 16th cent pop cultural sensation (thanks in large part to puns & dirty jokes & verbiage & a long-running appeal to commoners). and his work was made to be watched not read, but in the classroom teachers just hand us his scripts and say "that's literature"

just...imagine it's 2450 A.D. and English Lit students are regularly going into 100k debt writing postdoc theses on The Simpsons screenplays. the original animation hasn't even been preserved, it's literally just scripts and the occasional SDH subtitles.txt. they've been republished more times than the Bible

[catmask]

does anyone have like an anti aesthetic. like something you look at and can recognize as a complete fashion/interior design/artistic movement and understand it but it makes you shudder seeing it. i am not talking like “its morally bad” “its poorly structured” like just sheerly devoid of joy for you actually invites a repulse response.

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

[elexuscal]

Danny Phantom, The Show:

geeky kid gets super powers from his parents' weird inventions! now he has to fight a rogue gallery of ghosts... but uh-oh! he still has to keep his grades up, deal with his embarrassing parents, and navigate girl troubles! rap theme song!

Danny Phantom, the Fandom, After 19 Years of Fermentation:

a child dies. but not quite. the inherent tension between life and death. the obsession of the dead for faded remnants of the living. warped green shadows on the walls of a dark laboratory. having to hide your true nature from those who should be your greatest allies. the fear of the monster you could become if you let yourself. being a ghost as a metaphor for the trans experience. a cold breath on the back of your neck in the dead of the night. rap theme song!

[emberglowfox]

birds of a feather

[science-bastard]

y’know what? FUCK you. i’m putting your ass in the control group. *injects you with boring saline instead of the fun and exciting glowing green goo i originally had planned*

[spearxwind]

I think it's sad that most people always think of bottlenoses as the "classic dolphin" since its the one that's always used for shows, and always think of dolphins as just straight grey when in reality there's so many varieties with so many different amazing patterns

Look at the common dolphin! They have a gorgeous X pattern and even some dull yellow/gold!!

Hourglass dolphins have gorgeous white streaks

Spinner dolphins have really pretty banding as well, AND they have a really sleek cute silhouette!

The atlantic spotted dolphin!!! Theyre spotted!!!!!!

and the pantropical spotted too!!

Dusky dolphins have a gorgeous airbrush look going on like straight out of a 2000s fantasy illustration

Striped dolphins sure have stripes!! How cool!!

And these I've shown you aren't even all of them at all, there are so many of them:

There's so so so many different types of dolphins people dont know about this isnt even all of them and some are SO gorgeous and underrated because people just dont know they exist so I'm here to fix that

[nouverx]

Obligatory Alastor and Niffty art because their little moment in the finale was everything to me I can't wait to see them interact more in the next seasons

Also bonus sketch bc I just know he kept the crown on the whole evening

[ash-and-starlight]

humble contribution

[counting-stars-gayly]

I’m actually LOVING how Rick Riordan, and the other writers of the show, took his initial concept of a Percabeth rivalry fueled by that of their parents and kind of turned it on its head?

Now, instead of Annabeth being wary of Percy because he’s a son of Poseidon, he’s wary of her because she made a callous impression on him. They get off to a rocky start even before finding out who Percy’s father is, and when they finally do, Annabeth doesn’t care. Instead of them fighting because of who their parents are, they’re fighting over their own opposed worldviews.

Then, instead of them arguing over which of the gods is cooler and who was right in the story of Medusa, they realize that, just like Medusa, Annabeth is a victim of her mother and that, unlike Medusa, she is a far kinder and stronger person, unwilling to repeat the cycle of hurt. They realize that, like his father, Percy often acts without considering potential consequences and that, unlike his father, he is a far kinder and stronger person, willing to step up for someone he wronged and whom he cares about.

Instead of Percy and Annabeth’s rivalry being focused on that of their parents, it’s focused on who they are, themselves. But the path to friendship is still the same: a realization that they have each other’s backs, no matter what, because they’re not their parents after all.

[basshole-astard]

PSA: i keep seeing posts about staying cool in extreme heat that include advice like "gatorade is bad actually!" and "don't drink fruit juice it'll just dehydrate you!" and neither of these are true!

regarding fruit juice: there's apparently a misconception that Any Sugar At All will dehydrate you, and that's simply not true. yes, sugar will make you pee more when consumed in large amounts, but 1) the natural sugar in fruits won't do this to you 2) great news! a lot of fruit juices exist without any added sugar in them! 3) honestly even having a glass of the fruit juice with added sugar won't completely dehydrate you as long as you're also drinking water throughout the day. if its hot you deserve a cold treat of a drink!!! can't go wrong with fruit juice!!!

regarding gatorade: maybe this isn't an every day drink, but guess what: if it's 110F/40C or hotter outside, and you don't have AC, or you're moving around a lot outside of the AC, and you're sweating buckets: that's when you drink a gatorade.

gatorade exists to replenish all the electrolytes (salt) and glucose (sugar) that you sweat out. YES it is meant for athletes to drink during intensive work outs and not necessarily for people who aren't doing that kind of exercise. BUT GUESS WHAT! when you're sweating buckets because you had to walk to the bus in extreme heat, that's intensive exercise. please feel free to drink a gatorade after that! that's its intended use case!!!!

no: neither of these drinks should be a total replacement for water. but drinking a lot of water and then treating yourself to a fruit juice with lunch is a good idea!!! drinking a gatorade becuase you just had to walk for 20 minutes in the heat is a good idea!!!

Please Stop Spreading Misinformation About Drinks!!! It's fine if you drink things that aren't water!!!! Yes you should probably always be drinking water but drinking something else As Well isn't going to hurt you!!!! okay!!!! its fine!!!!!!

honestly so long as you are consistently getting Any (non-alcoholic) fluids in you, you're doing great!!!!!! okay!!!! i love you stay safe <3

[suiheisen]

forget about elon musk vs mark zuckerberg. i need to see yoshiki fight elon musk.

update: x japan has released its first single in eight years. to further shade elon musk. this is a thing that happened.