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shiongenkai · 2 days

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TD Captain Swap

I have crafted a captain swap so hilarious to me I need to talk about it so here's the stupidest thing ever.

Frostheim: Yuri

Vagastrom: Jin

Jabberwock: Ed

Sinostra: Alan

Hotarubi: Taiga

Obscuary: Haru

Mortkranken: Subaru

My insane ramblings below the cut.

My basic premise is that one day Darkwick is like. In order to promote harmony across the houses and establish rapport with one another we will be assigning captains to a new house for the next month. And then they do that. And it all falls apart immediately.

Frostheim

Yuri voice ill never go back. And then Darkwick is like okay you're too biased against them go make up!! And Yuri seethes so hard something in his body pops.

First off, nooo way he gets along with Tohma or feels comfortable in Jin's room. Secondly, Kaito? Kaito. Literally no way that guy won't scream every other day. It's not even that he dislikes Yuri, it's just that the rumors are too Big for Kaito not to freak out every single time. And Luca of course will not help this concern ever, and will ask for Yuri's history and why he seems so familiar with Frostheim stuff, and Yuri will have to decide how far morals can carry him.

Somehow someway everyone in this scenario comes out appreciating Jin just like. A smidge more. His Frostheim runs as smoothly as Yuri's Frostheim but there's something slightly more dignified about it.

Vagastrom

I really just need a Jin Leo bitch off. Leo trying to get info from Jin except he soundproofed his room again, Jin not giving a shit about what the two of them do which makes it considerably less fun despite neither Sho nor Leo being willing to admit that, Jin using his stigma when MC is around to force Leo to do things. It's technically functional, like Vagastrom doesn't fall to chaos after Jin asserts his dominance on day one, but it's like. Everyone misses Alan so bad. So bad. Sho and Leo would never admit it to his face but they prefer their captain over Jin even if most things haven't really changed.

Also I think the only reasons Jin would leave his room is if Leo was bothering him too much and even then it would take a bit. I think Sho's life wouldn't be changed a whole lot but he'd miss the sparring and also find Jin's philosophy like.... not strange or bad but too different???? Like yeah it's annoying to spar every day but it's also fun. That's his enrichment...

Jabberwock

This is what inspired it all. The exact sequence of events was that I thought to myself, wouldn't it be funny if Ed was in Jabberwock since it's usually pretty sunny and it requires a lot of work? And then I thought, and also Towa is there. And then I remembered Towa hates Ed and I laughed so hard I cried trying to envision Ed announcing that he's replacing Haru for the time being and Towa trying to electrocute him.

Ren and Ed would also be funny because as long as Ed leaves Ren alone I'm sure he'd be fine. And doubly so if he draws Towa's attention away from him. But I can't tell if after that it'd be funnier if Ren gets annoyed because Ed is actually high maintenance and if Towa isn't doing it then Ren definitely has to. And he'd hate that. OR Ed has seen all his movies and knows all his games and keeps trying to talk to him about it but in a way that pisses him off about it and he's like mad about that. Either way I can't imagine anyone in this house is happy about this arrangement and it's killing me to imagine.

Sinostra

You'll have to stick with me for this one because it's a very specific dynamic in my mind that I'm not very good at articulating but basically. Romeo is at first glad Taiga can't mess things up anymore (even though deep down he misses him) and glad Alan is capable of scaring people straight just by Looking but then Alan is like hey this operation isn't very honorable. It's a low blow to threaten and intimidate and cheat. And then they butt heads about it endlessly.

Which is why Ritsu has to come in and be the equalizer but Alan can't take him seriously because he's like you're way too skinny you have no muscle what is your diet what's your trianing like. Spar with me. And Ritsu, embarrassed and offended, is like ILL HAVE YOU KNOW IM WORKING ON IT. And Alan genuinely offers to help but Ritsu is too used to Taiga and lowkey assumes Alan is making fun of him. And Alan is sincere. So he keeps going.

Hotarubi

PLEASEEEE PICTURE IT. THINK ABOUT IT. Think about the Haku Taiga prologue dynamic and make that daily life. Now add in the fact that Hotarubi is meant to be traditional Japanese themes with grace and tranquility and then imagine Taiga is there and try to tell me that's not the funniest shit ever.

And then add in Zenji. We already know Taiga can see or sense more than others so I would bet everything he could probably sense Zenji in some way, which he honestly probably wouldn't care about but I think he'd care a lot about the doll or the biwa. Basically I think he'd try to eat it. I think he'd try to eat something and it would be chaos and hilarious and please just imagine the three of them together. Please. Please. Please.

Obscuary

House Simulator. This is the only truly fully functioning house with no problems outside of Lyca complaining about noise and annoyances and so on so forth. And that is because Rui and Haru are so used to doing like 100% of the work all the time that they both try to do it and end up finishing all the work in half the time since they've split it and now they randomly have free time??? And it's so strange??

Haru helps with breakfast and cleaning and taking care of the animals and chores and so forth and Rui helps with Peekaboo and relieving Haru's exhaustion and it's basically such a functioning pair that it's almost scary. Like Lyca is scared. But also Haru smells bad and is too high energy and LOUDDD so he's in his rebellious teenage phase atm.

Only downside is that Haru has too much bar access and has to be cut off but it's a small price to pay for a house that isn't up in flames by day one. Unfortunately it can't last bc Haru would miss his animals and Rui would feel too worried about hurting Haru so when they swap back both have made peace with it. And Lyca will still kick rocks they couldn't have Subaru.

Mortkranken

I think Subaru would become a legend very quickly but not because he's this secret medical genius but because he seems to have this uncanny ability to guess things. And the secret is that he is using his stigma fully on accident and seeing what they were up to and then Jiro is figuring it out from there. And he keeps trying to give Jiro credit but nobody will listen.

He's also squeamish. Like he can't handle blood so when Jiro is like 'Move that to the other table please' Subaru is happy to and moves this weird lump under a sheet and the sheet falls off and its a severed arm and Subaru faints. and Jiro laughs for a second before putting Subaru on the table and making sure he's like actually okay. And they are both very patient with one another and very cordial. But it's so so awkward. And Subaru honest to god does not know how to take care of Jiro and is constantly having to ask Yuri how to do things except Yuri is always occupied by Frostheim so Subaru has to follow Jiro's instructions and they are both praying Every Day.

And that's also why they're both happy when its over. Not because it was bad or they dislike each other but bc they're both glad Yuri will come back and it won't be Does Jiro Die Today Roulette. and then Subaru goes to Haku and grabs his shoulders and is likep lease do not start dying ill cry right in front of you forever. and Haku just nods slowly.

#tokyo debunker #eset td #tokyo debunker au #i dont want to tag individual characters #so if this gets no reach oh well

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desperatelyneedcoffee · 2 days

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Robin, Spoiler and Nightwing are all out on a mission. They're fighting the same group of people but have been split up thanks to super shitty circumstances. Batman, Red Hood, Red Robin, Black Bat and even Signal are still grouped together - they're on two different roofs but they're still close enough to help each other - but their mission isn't related to the other.

Batman and Oracle completely underestimated how dangerous the first group of villains were, leading to the 3 vigilantes getting injured. Like, really injured. Like, calling out for your parents injured because you don't have any other option.

Robin came out with a bruised cheek, a couple stab wounds and a dislocated shoulder. A dislocated shoulder he could deal with but there's only so much he can do after being stabbed. The injuries weren't even the worst part to Damian, it's the fact that he was quite literally backed into a corner by a large group of people. Despite having been taught to always be prepared and never underestimate people, he did exactly that after Oracle 'confirmed' they were medium level thugs. He was reluctant but he did call for Bruce in the end.

Stephanie came out with half the bones in her feet broken, one knee cap fractured, a bloodied face from a broken nose and a fractured rib or two. Most of which came from being forced over the edge of the roof without her utility belt. ((Don't ask why she doesn't have it on idk either.)) Steph called for Bruce as her foot slid off the rooftop. The fall could have been worse but it still scared the absolute living shit out of her.

Dick barely made it out. He was sprawled out on a rooftop far away from the others, barely able to move. The fight gave him two fractured eye sockets, a broken nose, busted lip, a ruptured eardrum (which later got infected), broken ribs - one of which was jabbed into his lung, probably internal bleeding somewhere and one large cut along his leg. His face was swollen, black and blue, just like the rest of him. When he spoke into the comms, he told Bruce to get the others first and that he'd be fine.

What a shit fucking lie that was.

Batman ordered Red Robin and Black Bat to go collect Spoiler, Red Hood to collect Nightwing and Signal and him would get Robin. By the sounds of Nightwing, it was better if Jason went there instead. It would be much quicker considering he can lift heavier objects with more ease than the others, bar bruce.

Everyone made their own way back and Oracle ensured that surgery was ready and available for the three of them when they arrived.

Damian was the first one to be able to move around more comfortably since the mission, then it was Steph and then Dick. Steph was bound to a wheelchair for a while and had a lot of physical therapy to deal with. Dick was asleep for a couple days, waking up and going back to sleep every few hours. He was unrecognisable for a good few days as well as deaf in one ear.

Everyone took turns sitting with him, holding his hand, letting him know that he wasn't alone. Some would sit in silence, others would talk to him about random shit to try and make both of them feel better.

Everyone wondered what happened that night though. Babs never makes the wrong call, or at least not when it comes down to a mission. Something had to have been hacked or changed before the mission started. She and Bruce were working on finding the truth whilst the others rested and calmed down.

All three physically healed quite well but mentally they were shaken up, even if they constantly denied it. Bruce would just have to force therapy down their throats again while denying he needs it himself.

#dc #batman #bruce wayne #nightwing #dick grayson #black bat #cassandra cain #red hood #jason todd #spoiler #steph brown #red robin #tim drake #robin #damian wayne #oracle #barbara gordon

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painted--constellations · 5 months

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i know leaving sw is the right thing to do but god i feel so alone now, man.

#i know the friendships were a bit triggering but fuck #i don’t have friends! i am not alone but my partner is so busy #i can’t ask him to spend even more time with me when he’s now the sole provider #and the sole provider so i can rest!!!!!!#it just feels like shit going from talking to people literally all day #to barely talking. like i talk to my love a lot don’t get me wrong!#but i was literally spending all day chatting with people #different people #strangers and friends and more you know?#it’s hard just being in my head now #i have so much to say and no one to say it to like. 60% of the time #and i am processing so many fucking feelings #and they SUCK they hurt so bad #i’m learning who i am after not really being here for a while and i don’t like who i was while i was gone #i was doing my best but jesus christ #i was just acting from trauma all the fucking time #which makes sense! i’m super fucking traumatized!#and like all that time i was able to just ramble about my life. it was just because it didn’t feel like mine. i didn’t feel like me.#i was just telling a story i heard #you know?#like regaling a tale i heard a long time ago #but now when i talk about it… that was…. Me #i can feel it. hear it. it’s so different #and there have been things that have done this to me like my SA had this effect but #ALL of my bad memories are doing this now.#i really am the girl from wisconsin whos father was abusive and whos mother escaped him with her and who was bullied #i really was bullied man. i really was fucking weird. i really was in and out of therapy from age nine.#i really do have all of those memories. those are mine. that was me. that is me. fuck.#i don’t know how to that #how do you just. live with your experiences. how do you do that

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aeolianblues · 5 months

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one last thing I will say on that topic. Americans getting upset about you calling out Zionism. When you're not talking about Judaism or in fact, about religion at all. When you're talking about a national military funded by a country that has been dropping bombs on the middle east since the 1980s. But then I suppose when people who are so so so comfortable with equating a whole religion, or further a whole entire group of multiple ethnicities, with simply 'terrorism', are criticised on any aspect of their wrongdoings of course they must think we're talking about their whole religion. Literally every word is a projection.

#I lost all respect for that person honestly. I used to think they were quite cool. I put up with a lot of blatantly horrendous shit thinking #'surely it's only a defensive thing. Surely they're only talking about the sadness within their community rather than actively supporting #the mass killings of thousands of people. Surely they're a teacher they've got to have that empathy with kids being murdered'#No! The fucking full clownshow. And now I've been feeling like an idiot all day— like why did I go 'let it slide' x 100 #why should *they* walk away feeling like they've got some sort of moral superiority here and why should I feel like I've been struck down?#Why am I the idiot that didn't block them four months ago #Anyway sorry to everyone who's had to watch me spam about one (1) negative interaction *all day long* it will subside soon #I'm just stinging from the fucking. Utter blindness.#We've always said someone's comfort doesn't override someone else's right to survival #as a literal genderqueer person they KNEW that. They'd uttered the same fucking sentence #but alas the pinkwashing that makes me so frustrated with Americans sometimes. It magically doesn't apply where racism is concerned ✨😃#The US really is bombs dropped by rainbow-painted aircrafts; that meme should not be this accurate #anyway I'm glad that person is not in my life anymore. I'm glad my dash has one less abomination to repeatedly show up on it #and I have every right to be angry and I will be. I just won't bother you lovely folks with it

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mantisgodsdomain · 3 months

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We ought to write more Pokemon fic some time. We want to recreate the Pokemon Manners/Human Manners cheat sheet that we made a few years ago we think that this site would like the Sliding Scale Of Politeness When Greeting A New Pokemon You've Never Met Before.

#we speak #writing #we grew up with pmd games and we feel like the way that pmd pokemon's dialogue tends to be excessively... direct?#should be a feature and not a bug when any pokemon that you meet might be totally unfamiliar with your species and biology #it's probably very polite to start up front with some basic facts about yourself so they know how to act going forward #the very upfront feel to dialogue also very much helps with keeping the dialogue feel more... pokemon #people mock the series for weird npc dialogue a lot but we think that taking these things literally makes for more fun society building #it doesn't all have to fit with socially acceptable for our world we think. polite in our world isn't even consistent by household.#sometimes a polite interaction sounds like “hello! i'm poochyena! i like to chase people and bite!”#name and immediately socially useful information. now you know about the chasing people and biting so you don't assume it's rude #of course poochyena bites and chases people. it likes to do that. you can say you don't like that and it might stop doing that to You #but it will not stop biting and chasing people because that's what it likes to do and it will probably only befriend people okay with that #it makes a very specific dialogue feel that's very fun to do. we like how the pokemon world tends to treat any sort of like #disability or “weird” things as something that you just say out the gate and everyones like “oh okay”#and then treat that as Part Of Interactions going forwards. there are a surprising amount of parts of the pokemon manga #that are dedicated to working around a character's disability after one or all of their means of dealing with it get taken out #admittedly we aren't that caught up on newer content but we find the way that it tends to be just Accepted as very refreshing #making the dialogue this direct does also tend to make it read as more “childish” in english and particular because a lot of Maturity's jus #learning how to dance around what you're saying or phrase it in different ways to get your idea across differently #whereas here everything is just as direct as possible. “i don't like charmander”. “i like roasting berries”. “i want to dig things up”.#all pokemon dialogue tends to go towards being exceedingly simple and it makes for some very distinct writing #especially when you have to tackle complex situations with characters who probably dont employ that sort of vocabulary #though we personally enjoy doing this sort of stuff your mileage may vary ofc #we are biased towards this sort of thins because we find it MUCH more fun to build up what we're talking about from blocks #than to like. try and use more indirect wording that may lose things in translation #unfortunately this is not fun in irl conversation. everyone has to be on the same page and you need to use the same playbook to communicate #we REALLY wish people said what they meant though. we're really tired of being asked shit like “is this accessible”#when what they mean is “can you climb these stairs” a question which depends on the day our energy level and how things have been going #there are a lot of things we could say that would make us feel like some sort of anti sjw type guy and a lot of em boil down to just #"for the love of god dont dance around a Sensitive Topic just get to the point and ask us about it this just makes things harder for everyo

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tovarishch-dyke · 11 months

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I’m like Johnny Truant in the tags of every goddamn post I make or reblog on this site and I’m not apologizing. If you want me to apologize come over to my house and you can talk to the minotaur about it

#House of leaves #im literally going insane these days I should go back to journaling but I’m also afraid of how far off the deep end I’ll go #Literally I am losing it and I’m being serious #I’m so fucking tired of being lonely and being left out and not being able to make connections #Sometimes I feel as if im doing things without realizing and no one is telling me about it #Other times it feels like I must have something incredibly wrong with my face or body and no one will say anything #People make plans and don’t bother to ask me if I want to join and then when I find out there’s a group chat that all my friends are in #Except me and when I asked if I could join I was given a bunch of reasons that were frankly bullshit why I couldn’t join #Are they talking shit about me? I know everybody there it’s not like I am a stranger #Am I just a stranger in this world as I unllikeable? I try my best to be nice and charitable but what am I missing?#Do I black out and say things and do things? Am I more mentally ill than I know?#The only reason (or one of the very few) why I stay alive is because of my horses because I know they would miss me and I already feel bad #Not seeing them everyday #I’m tired of being the odd one out I’m tired of being entertaining when necessary #I don’t want my only friends to be horses because it further alienates me from the rest of society and I just want to be accepted I’m not #Looking to fit in I just want connection and friendship and I can barely seem to manage that #Maybe I’m just not worth it.

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minakoaiinos · 7 months

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Twitter getting obsessed with conspiracy theories about where redacted is makes me feel so fucking terrible when there is so much worse going on that people are literally begging you to pay attention to but instead you want to focus on scenarios you made up in your head and play true crime detective

#i saw five hundred women tweeting things like i am going to sound soo crazy at work talking about this 🤣🤣#you need to get the fuck off of twitter number one #ik i sound like i am on twitter too much but i genuinely have just been clicking on what's trending these past few days i have been sick #and its like yes the royal family sucks for five thousand reasons but there are actual atrocities happening right in front of our eyes #that are not a fucking mystery and you guys would rather think of literally anything else #based off of nothing. like i have been a billion tweets the past few days confidently listing off scenarios they know have happened to her #like yay you're so true crime you figured it out and its not even like these people care about women's well being either bc i saw all...#...kinds of nasty shit said about her when she said she was sick in the first place and all kinds of bad comments about how sick pregnancy.#...makes her feel so obviously on the most basic level you don't care about women to act like you now have a narrative from a true crime...#...podcast to project to someone. like you guys will get so distracted by anything #don't get me started on the oscars #everything feels so fucking bleak lately i also don't know how stuff like the election doesn't make everyone feel like they're losing it #like yeah the guy in the movie that's supposed to be about being a girl sang a little song does no one realize how all they're talking...#...about is the guy yet #wait no they're more worried about a bad photoshop than the massive amount of pictures of dead people my bad

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commandermahariel · 21 days

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siiiiiiigh

#i am in fact a grown adult who is still incapable of talking about their feelings and thoughts to people so I'll just rant here #my relationship with my mother is. so weird. it's not always bad but it always ends up bad for one reason or another #she can be perfectly civil and i'll still be irritated. other times i do try to tolerate it and engage and she ends up saying something #upsetting to me either way.#i don't want to keep being rude to her i don't want to get mad and annoyed all the time but i just can't stop. it's always like this #and i hate myself for it and i hate her and i hate everything about it #today i was leaving for work and she was like. i'll take the trash out of your room and i told her not to do it. she kept insisting and i #had to raise my voice at her to maybe get the point across to get her not to touch anything #and yes my room is a fucking mess and it is something to be embarrassed of. i just feel so fucking tired all time time and i keep tellin #myself that i will clean it this time for sure and then i don't. most of the time it's my mother taking care of it without my permission #and i am grateful for it bc nobody likes living in a mess... but i also fucking hate it because it makes me feel even more worthless #i just can't get rid of the feeling of shame. no matter what i do.#and back to the mother thing. i told her that if she touches anything i will go to her room and throw out anything that isn't nailed down #even though objectively i have no reason to oppose her helping me #but i also fucking hate it #maybe being rude is the only way to get it across. but also i get irritated about anything so easily #i feel shittier and shittier every day. had there been an easy and painless way of killing myself i would have done it already #and despite how much i want to blame this on a disorder or lack of access to medication. there is no magic pill that would fix me is there #i'm just a shitty person who cannot get it together despite everything being handed to me #i'm literally bad at anything and everything. i'm not even a good blogger lmao #people have it much worse in life and still do better. me? i'm useless. there's no helping it. i should have died from covid or something #nobody will save me. nobody cares enough. besides one person whom i push away because i can't stand her and i don't even know why 👍#if i stop messaging people first most of them would forget about me #i am alone. a lonely person in a messy room desperately trying to be entertaining so someone will pay a little bit of attention to me.#not to mention the geopolitics #i won't even go there. i hate the possibility that people might see it mentioned and give me shit for it #one more thing that is apparently my fault. directly or indirectly #all i want is to leave this country. spend the day with someone who cares for me like an actual friend. and then shoot myself so i don't #have to go back #sealene.txt

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exopelagic · 1 month

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okay I severely misjudged spaghetti guy he’s actually just really cool

#okay so I came to this flat and he wasn’t here. greeted by a very dirty flat with shit all over the kitchen counters over cling film #I meet first my other flatmate who told me he stays in his room constantly bc of previous bad flatmates #has literally just a saucepan and some salt in the kitchen. so I’m like okay spaghetti guy potentially not great but could just be #how this guy is yknow #on Tuesday I get an email back saying he’s coming back from Norway tonight looking forward to seeing you feel free to use the kitchen sauces #rlly friendly message that I wasn’t expecting. I also didn’t know he’d been on a trip i just knew he wasn’t there bc his door was open #(to a REALLY nice room. multiple rlly nice plants (which he has little care labels for!!!) and it’s tidy and pretty #and he’s got a sheep teddy on the bed)#meanwhile I am in my own head bc I don’t wanna cook in the kitchen until I can clean it and I can’t clean it without moving his shit and #I haven’t seen him yet to talk abt it and I can’t bring myself to talk to him immediately bc I’m dying #and embarrassed as hell by how I’ve been cooking in my room with a microwave and air fryer (loud) and sneaking my shit out of the kitchen #but then yesterday I DO talk to him!! and he’s super friendly!! actually interested in having a conversation and Good at it.#and then he’s cooking and like. spaghetti burns but I’m not there for long and seems to be a mistake (he made the same thing for lunch today #and did Not burn the spaghetti) and is otherwise clearly competent bc the food smells Good and despite leaving a few things out it’s like #washed up stuff isn’t dirty and the sides are better despite still under cling film. more a case that he’s spread out than he’s messy #and now today we talked and i offered to hold onto some shit over summer bc complicated situation that boils down to he’s flying back home #and he cant take all his stuff and had to choose between chucking stuff/having literally nothing this weekend. like sleeping on the sofa etc #and then cleans the whole flat?? which I’m assuming a good chunk is his mess? but he did not need to do that. could’ve easily left #bc there are two people still living here who would’ve had to deal with it and he doesn’t know either at all #and THEN tonight we talk abt food which is fun bc we both ordered stuff. and he offers me some honeydew melon bc he’s been gorging himself #these past two days to finish it before it goes bad/he leaves which is also really sweet #and JUST NOW. I take my headphones out after finishing dinner and hear the sweetest fucking guitar #he plays the gentlest like dreamy sounding acoustic guitar I’ve heard in my life in his room (door closed by the time I leave)#this is actually just a really cool dude #now that the kitchens clear I’m gonna cook tomorrow and will probably offer him some bc otherwise he’s gonna be eating out all weekend #he has extra takeout for tomorrow night but might want smth Sunday #regardless I am just. huh??? left a bit stunned bc of the u turn my opinion of this guy has taken. bc my opinion of him was a reflection #of my discomfort moving to this weird dirty basement flat with two people I didn’t know #well. idk where to go from here. I think I’ll start by talking to him more this weekend. bc holy fucking shit.#luke.txt

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not-equippedforthis · 2 months

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hi :) i went to the beach today & saw an incredible amount of jellyfish!! it was so cool!! reminded me of you (bc jellyfish are your favourite animals), so here i am saying hi :)

have a lovely day <33

hiiiii!!!! <333 sorry ive gone AWOL ilysm im just. ouurhhhh

thats so cool 😭😭 actually crying thank you for thinking of me skgbsng. on a somewhat unrelated note, i have a vague understanding of what you look like based on picrew challenges but i still see that specific image of DANC holmes and go omg...anna....

going to a beach and seeing jellyfish would cure me, i think (maybe i need to move to belgium...tho im pretty sure we have some biolum beaches heree??). i hope you had a good day!! i saw your tags a while back and i feel you with sometimes feeling better going and exploring by yourself rather than w family (iirc? bad memory gang sorry). idk what ur situation is like but sometimes its just so much more fun/relaxing. i think going to a bioluminescent beach is on my bucket list - ive done my epq project on biolum, i adore it, i adore jellyfish. i need to go to one sooo fucking badly shaking you i need to shake my hand in the water and watch it glow back

i also saw your bio energy level and i hope you feel better <33 have a nice week :]

#not equipped for rambling #anna #not equipped for answering #raaahhh trying to tell myself that talking to people will make me feel better. i am just very sad and exhausted at the moment haha #lot going on rn. anyway #i hope youve been doing alright!! i read all of your replies and i love them im just real low on energy #sending good vibes to belgium from england #going back to poland for like 4 days this coming week ill wave from the plane #i cant help but see people as their tumblr pfps #sorry you are not anna you are sherlock holmes #i dont make the rules #also unrelated note why the fuck are all my online friends miles away from me AAAAA #this is what i get for living on a literal island #cant have shit in england smh #belgium sounds lovely though!!#i really do need to visit sometime #im not a massive travel person? i like exploring but on a small scale if that makes sense #i have familiar people and places i go to and i dont like straying from them too much for too long #i think i just get attached to people and things very easily

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peapod20001 · 3 months

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Did sleeping help

No </3

#vent #tsk. isn’t it like. if you hate everything then eat #if you think everyone hates you then sleep #if you hate yourself take a shower?#sooooooooo. uhhhhhhh. didnt. work?#hng. artfight... I was so excited I have so many ideas #but it’s like. everything is triggering me or making me upset or freaked out or sick. idk what to do #I go ‘oh lemme see what my friends have done so far’ and then I see an oc from someone not my friend anymore and I’m like. ougghhh #I feel like such a baby for caring. stupid for being upset still. it’s like it only mattered to me and no one else had to deal with such #crippling anxiety and stress because of it #everyone is getting so much done so fast and I STILL can’t submit the second thing I did. I’m going to lose my head or cry or both or die or #SOMETHING uhhhhhhggggggg and it’s like all my anxieties are circling back around cus it was this time last year shit hit the fan #I have college!! I have no clue what my plans are!! all I’m good for is making fake people and drawing said people!!#I’m such a fucking. stupid.. I wasn’t even supposed to take this last semester off. we just didn’t know what other classes to take or what #to focus on... I’ve been literally free all day every day since December and it’s like I’m STILL not doing anything worthwhile #mmm I’m so alone in this I can’t DEAL well I guess I’ve been ‘dealing’ but I don’t believe thinking about bad situations literally every day #since they’ve happened can be considered as ‘dealing’ with it. I doubt anyone else is thinking about it that hard but I can’t help it #I can’t do a complete cut off from the internet. my only friends are here! what then? then I’m just. some sad sack who doesn’t talk to #anyone? mmm this isn’t a good way to start the day but I can’t NOT think. it’s all I do. my brain is one of the things that makes be I can’t #self labotomize myself into being a chiller person without killing everything that makes me with it #ugh. I’m going to be stuck in this headspace forever. even with apologies and make ups or agreements to stay apart #I’ll still be the one dealing with the negatives and fallout from shitty situations. funny seeing as I still don’t understand how things #even escalated so fast. but whatever. I’m the bad wolf forever. can’t change that

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dazais-guardian-angel · 6 months

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went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠