#it knows how sometimes I need to remember my commission for them for myself for the both of us cause neither are going away

[bluejay-in-flight]

Sometimes bpd is acknowledging and accepting that it's not a me it's a we...

You live your whole life thinking there's only one person taking up space in your mind and usually people are correct about that. But when you have bpd it's like sharing the brain space with your active child self, except your child self acts like jack jack from the incredibles...powers included

They say be kind to your younger self and who they were but what they don't know is that for you they still live and exist at your side

Constantly you have to fight them for control and try to take care of them at the same time, while they cry about how much life is and want to lash out at the world for it

And often you want to do the same...

[01zfan]

haiiiii everyone. took a little bit of a break just because.

i don’t really wanna get into all of the accusations and anon hate so we are going to keep everything on an IF-YOU-KNOW-YOU-KNOW basis. i am going to be operating on the assumption that if you follow me you know how i feel about riize. people who are irrationally angry at me and the creative liberties i exercise as a writer will simply just be speaking into the void from here on out.

i want you guys to know i truly didn't take a break solely because of that. if anything i find the situation humorous because i've been having a ball on this account. the people who have been rocking with me from the start know my heart, the people that read my initial post and understand me (even if they don't necessarily agree, which is okay!) know my heart. that's good enough for me. outside voices are just that--OUTSIDE! no one is penetrating this peaceful community i have made for myself and hopefully others on this account.

what i do really really want to say is that being a writer for fandom is hard! this is the first time i’ve ever been a writer for a group so consistently (also ironically the first time i’ve been so busy in my offline life) so i want to say it requires effort. even though i love to write, i love riize, i love to fulfill commissions and requests, and i love to talk with you guys about riize, it does take work. if you have read my fics you can tell i don’t want them to be just straight smut. i like to give you guys stories. sometimes with a themes and hopefully always with a narrative. that's why i don't normally post blurbz...i personally don't like to just get out a quick horny scenario i need PLOT i need ANGST i need SOMETHING TO SINK MY TEETH INTO! part of the reason why i started this account was to hone my creative writing skills and build my chops so i am really story centric.

i take pride in what i put out so it takes work. i try to not be repetitive. i try to give you guys something new that really feels real and also true to the individual members of riize. so even though i am crazy (what writer isn't) and will always write (even if the audience is just me, myself, and i) it is nice when the work is acknowledged! even if it is work i love, it is still work. i know it is hard to imagine someone puts effort into fanfiction, especially as a reader, but i never try to write anything half-assed. maybe i'm burning myself out by writing stories constantly but who knows. what i do know is that feedback and comments and thoughts make me happy! i seriously kick my feet and go back and reread the comments and tags i get on fics constantly! knowing you guys take as much care in reading as much as i take in writing makes me feel so fulfilled. it's the reason i became a writer and it's motivation for me, even beyond this site but in real life too.

i am of course not obligating you guys to interact with me. my milestone post when i hit 1k followers i think i said something along the lines that i remember the people that like my posts often and that is still very much true heh. i recognize people in my notifications, all the years i spent on the internet makes usernames lock in my head like a steel trap. sometimes i post thinking to myself oh so-and-so is gonna love this.

i am rambling but all in all i have amassed a following more than what i expected and i have made a community on this account too. i hope that you guys as part of this community know i am a person behind this account. i like to be told nice things, i like to be judged fairly, i like to be talked to, i like to not be treated like a machine, i like to be respected. the relationship we have as writer and reader is a very beautiful one in my opinion. it's like we are feeding eachother we are not parasitic but mutualistic. bees and flowers. clownfish and sea anemones. humans and gut bacteria. you get the gist. lets just continue having a good time on this account together🫂

[idyllic-affections]

HELLO!! YOUR BAIZHU WITH CHRONICALLY ILL READER IS THE BEST THING THAT'S EVERY HAPPENED!!! I've never seen a blog that does only platonic things, and as an aroace person, IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY! I wasn't too sure if you requests were open or not, but I was wondering if you could make either some headcanons or a fic where the reader (from that series) has a flare up or gets sick and Baizhu takes care of them? I'm unfortunately sick right now (just in time for when my final school assignments are due, slay 😍) but found family and hurt/comfort are literally the best thing ever, and, if put together, I'm pretty sure will cure me /j. If you requests aren't open, then please disregard this message!

Anyway, I gotta go sleep before the fever messes up my brain (if it hasn't already); so good bye, and thank you again!!

a slip of the tongue.

summary. how does baizhu care for his junior herbalist when they fall ill?

trigger & content warnings. flu-like sickness, lighthearted mentions of death.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. hurt/comfort-ish. baizhu & reader. 1.1k words. they/them pronouns for reader. this post is an expansion of invisible disability? it's rather visible to me & contains vaguely implied spoilers for baizhu's story quest.

author's thoughts. hello lovely!!! thank youu <3 i am slowly collecting people that like this series like how i collect shiny rocks. its great to get a request related to it. i hold this series very dearly, so please (and this goes for everyone reading this!) never be shy to send thoughts about it or requests related to it. anyway, i love catering to aroace folk, you all are so special to me. im on the aro spectrum myself, so i get it. i know from experience that it can be super frustrating looking for fanfic content that's non-romantic. please remember to take care of yourself! i totally understand the feeling of needing to finish final assignments while being sick. me and you are in the exact same boat LMAO... my requests are always open btw! ive no intention of ever closing them. in the end, i went with our poor reader being sick rather than having flare ups, since i already briefly touched on that idea in employee benefits.

how does baizhu care for his junior herbalist when they're sick and out of commission?

baizhu is most often the first to know when they're sick or otherwise unwell. he's so impossibly attentive to their bodily condition, simply because their health is partially his responsibility. he's their teacher. what kind of mentor would neglect to take care of their apprentice? a bad one, that's what kind.

(he also feels somewhat indebted to them—even though they're chronically ill, they're always doing anything they can to help him recover after his "secret art" treatments. even though he's the doctor, they've helped care for him on more than one occasion. he has to return the favor whenever he can. just because he's older doesn't mean he gets to freely take advantage of their kindness.)

if he's not the first to know, he's the second, because the only instance where he wouldn't know first is if they woke up ill at home.

he'll always end up being the second to know, at the very least. someone will inform him of their condition, whether that be a parent or a sibling or another family member. sometimes a friend of theirs may tell him, such as xingqiu, chongyun, hu tao, or xiangling.

in hu tao's case... she may be distrustful of him, but she does tell him when they aren't well. [name] is a childhood friend of hers. she cares about their health and, surprisingly, doesn't want to put them in the ground just yet!

even though she dreads the path they've chosen to walk down... she still cares for them, very much so.

(junior herbalist!reader's lore drop is finally here?!?!?)

regardless of how baizhu finds out, they'll end up being cared for at the pharmacy.

though he could prescribe them medication and let them be taken care of at home...

he often wants to care for them himself.

gui has asked why in the past, and baizhu really has never had a good answer for him.

he's really not sure why he wants to be the one to monitor them. perhaps it's because it gives him a sense of calmness and reassures him that they're recovering well.

after all, if their condition were to rapidly decline for any reason... he could fix it.

(to some others, his concern might seem overprotective. unnecessary. however, something as simple as the flu has been known to take lives. he worries that, because of their chronic illness, they may be more susceptible to a severe case than others are.)

he has the means to save them if something like that were to happen, and undoubtedly, the life of his sweet and kind apprentice is one that deserves to be saved and protected.

perhaps it's also because it seems to put qiqi at ease; baizhu's noticed that she gets fidgety in [name]'s absence during work hours, but when they're ill and being cared for at the pharmacy, she functions very well and often even remembers to check on them herself.

sometimes when they have a fever, qiqi may sit by their side for minutes at a time and just press her little cold hands on their forehead to cool them off. she also ensures that they stay hydrated.

both baizhu and gui find this behavior very endearing. qiqi cares deeply for her big sibling (despite the fact that she's technically older...). her bond with them is something very special and sweet to bear witness to.

bubu pharmacy's work environment is familial and tightly knit by nature, so it isn't too hard to imagine that something would feel wrong if one of the four herbalists were gone for whatever reason. even those who don't work there are affected by the absence of one or more of the pharmacists.

overall, baizhu takes very good care of them when they fall ill.

he monitors them closely, hand-crafts their medicine depending on what they need, makes sure that their fluid intake is maintained...

he dotes on them tbh.

"Ugh..." they groaned, blearily blinking up at their mentor. Baizhu's hand against the feverish skin of their forehead was cold; they couldn't help but lean into the gentle touch. "Bàba?"

He didn't point it out. He hardly even acknowledged their words, as if he were somehow used to it. He only smiled, hand stroking tenderly over their disheveled hair, taming the defiant strands no doubt caused by restless sleep. "So sorry to wake you, dear."

Even Changsheng was quiet—she only hummed thoughtfully from her place around Baizhu's neck. Normally, she'd find something to tease them about (usually because they started it!), but now... she seemed to know that it just wasn't right to tease them in their hazy state of mind.

Gui was quiet, too. He was surprised. He had never heard them address their mentor such an... informal way, let alone with familial terms. He did once briefly think that the dynamic they had with Baizhu was awfully family-like, but...

It was still unexpected.

"Come, now. It's time to take your medicine again, and then you can go back to sleep, okay?"

Gui watched, still silent, as they hummed in absentminded acknowledgement, rubbing their eyes ever so slightly. It didn't seem to help them come to at all; their gaze was still distant and unfocused and they didn't even realize how they addressed the doctor. If they did... they'd probably apologize, embarrassed, but they showed no such emotion. Baizhu gently guided them into a sitting position, rubbing small circles on their back.

Gui handed the cup filled about halfway with herbal medication off to the doctor. Baizhu gingerly guided it to their lips, knowing very well that the guidance was needed; they looked half-asleep sitting up. Archons know they were in no condition to successfully do it themselves. They took the medicine without so much as a whine about its bitterness—they only grimaced slightly after swallowing. Gui supposed that they never really were one to complain about it, even when fully coherent. 'I think it would set a bad example for others if I complained,' they once told him. 'Plus, it's not like Dr. Baizhu gets some kind of sadistic pleasure from giving medication to me, so there's no reason to complain. It's herbal. There's nothing to be done about the taste... I know he doesn't like taking it either. Hehe. It's kind of funny, actually, like we're hiding some kind of company secret. Herbalists who don't like the taste of herbal medicine.'

It was only after he left the room with the doctor that he pointed it out:

"They called you bàba."

"Hm?" Baizhu hummed, turning to Gui. "Oh. Yes... [Name] has done it quite a few times, actually, whether that be because of fever delirium or a slip of the tongue. I don't mind it. It only means that they feel safe enough to be vulnerable here. Qiqi has done it a few times, as well. Those two are only children, so... it is to be expected."

Gui then smiled, nodding. "It's cute."

Baizhu couldn't help but agree, his lips tilting upwards into a little smile himself. "It is."

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[animalsalvationassociation]

Small Q&A:

No I’m not back but I had a few generalized questions about the blog popping up so I thought I’d answer a few just to clear the air. Yes I am still on hiatus.

Question 1: Watermarks

For anyone confused as to the watermarks that are on my art pieces — @cookiecrumbles52palace is my main user for all of my art blogs except for secondary art accounts like character creation pages on Instagram/TikTok.

[ Here is an official link to all of my socials. ]

—

[ And this is if you want to learn more about me ]

—

Question 2: How do art??

“How are you so good?”, “Wow I wish I could be like you!”, “You’re so talented I could never!”

It never gets easier answering this. Every artist/creative would agree with me, these are by far the most asked questions I get on literally a daily basis. They bring me joy and the validation I’ve always wanted but at the same time they make me extremely sad and uncomfortable.

As of 09/2024 I will be hitting my 12 year mark of being an artist and a writer. It’s a rough estimate of when I began, but I basically started in September around the age of 11.

“What got you started?” you ask?

The Ninja Turtles.

When I was a kid that’s all I wanted to do. I wanted to be a comic book artist for a living (my favorite show at the time being Nickelodeon’s 2k12 TMNT) I remember my lonely days of sitting on my bedroom floor spending hours a day drawing just a few panels at a time. And although I was a kid with no friends, starting a new school year in a new house/school/state, I at least had my stories however monstrously drawn they were.

Now nearly 12 years later I’m self taught, I work a part time job in retail, I live at home with my family at 22. And my dream is to be a published author illustrating her own stories. I’ve already illustrated a published book but eventually I want to create for my own novels.

I’m still learning how to adult and take care of myself. And let’s be honest I don’t do a very good job at either of those things, I have a lot of health problems and my emotional state keeps me from doing a lot of things. But I wouldn’t change my situation for the world because even though I’m struggling, I’m happy.

Basically my point is . . . no matter where you are on your creative journey you have a bright future ahead of you. You’re going to make mistakes and hit a million roadblocks, but if you keep working and believing in yourself then you’re gonna go far. My best friend in the whole wide world is my younger self, because she kept pushing even when others had given up on her and I couldn’t be more proud of what she became. Even if it’s hard to look in the mirror sometimes.

Question 3: DM / Asks / Art Requests / Comms

I’m officially sorting through my asks. I’ve been having some spam asks recently and I will be deleting some of the ones I don’t feel comfortable answering. I am sorry but I have my limits, if your ask gets featured then it gets featured I don’t know what else to tell you. (I don’t know how to phrase this kindly)

Adding to that, do not follow me if you expect to get art requests in return. Just because you asked nicely doesn’t mean I’m going to spend my precious free time making something for you. If I wanted to do commissions or requests then I would put that in the bio or in a pinned post.

Art is one of the single most important hobbies for me alongside my writing. It’s a way for me to escape without having to leave my room/house. Please understand, there are plenty of other artists out there with amazing art that would love to handle your commission or requests that probably have so much more free time than I do. And I would be happy to point them out to you because they probably need the money more than I do.

Question 4: Returning??

“Man Cookie, you’ve been gone for a few weeks like you said you would, but do you have a date of when you’ll be coming back??”

Tbh with you, no. I’ve been trying really hard this year to involve myself in Art Fight, and so far I’ve been having a lot of fun doing that as well as working on some other projects like my Voltron fanfic or my novels.

But when it comes to Octonauts I’ve been really nervous about getting back into things. Which is pretty silly but kinda makes sense considering everything I’ve been creating in the last few months all on a whim.

I think my plan is to finally start posting again the second or third week of August. The first week and a half I’ll be at a family reunion, and if I’m correct I should have some time to just relax and get into my own head space.

No promises but I may end up working on a headcanons post for the A.S.A. Au to help solidify some things for our wonderful Octonauts. Not sure when it will be done but I’ve already started on Kwazii’s. Other than that no art until I’m off my hiatus.

I promise I haven’t forgotten about any of you, and thank you for the wonderful comments you left on my last post. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry all over again! 😭

Have a wonderful day and please stay safe/healthy! I love you all! And a special thank you for making it to the end of the post, you’re wonderful. Here’s a cookie 🍪

[bluenightcomedies]

uuuugh i keep procrastinating cuz i wanna make new refs n' arts n' all for us all but art slow so fuggit placeholder pinned abt the system better pinned with comm details, other accs, etc later :3 will reopen for commissions once arty verifies me! as a whole we're legally deaf and disabled! we can all draw but have diff styles/preferences :3 body is 30 (eugh i don't like admitting that) so am adult BUT we don't wanna be involved in nsfw art so pls respect that⭐ We can't get a formal diagnosis due to various real life issues, so we're not going to claim any particular diagnosis, but we can't exactly ignore the symptoms and stay masked forever. We're going to stay out of syscourse as much as possible, of course. 🌙 each alter has an assigned emoji so ppl can tell us apart easier if needed, use em as our tags too (when we remember) note- using they/them for any of us fine too!⭐

(doesn't include alters that rarely or never front) ⭐star emoji = Blue! she/her pls~ guess i'm the honorary host cuz i front most. uhhh... nothing rly too fancy i can say abt myself, i'm p affectionate and love y2k art and hanging out, i try to be as nice as i can >w< my art's usually sketchbooky, with thin lines and soft colors/shading!

💠this blue gem/flower emoji is Azure! she/her, she's kinda new to the system. looks n' acts a lot like me but uh... more childish i guess? very silly, very 'cringe culture is dead'. loves to rp, say silly things, n' cling to people. hyperfixates on Dot Hack (RIP) her art looks like mspaint x3 🌙 (Writing for myself since I'm available.) The name's Lune, hence moon emoji, and I use she/her pronouns as well. Formerly "Starry" but people kept confusing me with Blue due to her star symbolism. Used to be the designated mask, I'm glad I don't have to do that anymore... Sometimes I re-mask out of habit so if something sounds like me but wasn't marked as an alter, it probably is me. I have a flat tone and chronic paranoid anxiety so uh... Let me know if I come across as rude, I usually don't mean to. I enjoy doing research and organizing information, so I'm often the one to fact-check things or find guides and how-to's for the system. My art's very bold and colorful, and friends describe it as 'angular'. Clashes with my personality, huh? 🗝️key emoji = Sylverwynd! he uses he/him! he's super laid back and chill, i've never seen him upset or anything, but he's rly long-winded talks... kinda poet-y? he loves reading and talking abt lore and myths so he'll pop in if ur talking abt something he likes or if he has trivia 2 share! fave genres r horror n' fantasy he's still experimenting w/ style but likes drawing rly soft

❌cross emoji= Laceburner! it/its or they/them pronouns! tbh i'm not used to it/its pronouns but Lace wanted em; it's very uh... emotionally empty i guess? aroace, agender, can't socialize or empathize v well. it usually fronts when the rest of us are tired or in pain cuz it just ignores all that. likes 2000's scenemo aesthetics though which is surprising but ye idk how to describe its style, but it's trying to mimic emo art n' likes bright colored lines with dark bg/colors 🗡️the dagger is Kal! he/him pronouns, he gets angry and stressed abt things really easy but he gets too hostile abt it so he tries to not front too much; need to find him a way to de-stress n' chill out... when he's not mad at smth he's a good sympathetic listener imo, still swears and talks all rough tho hasn't drawn much yet but does rly harsh lines and fast/messy sketches when he does (and gets riled up by mistakes =w=;)

❤️heart is Weiss! genderfluid, goes by any pronouns, usually uses whatever they like at the time x3 has a hard time fronting but tries to. flirty, loves dumb jokes, overly confident... (we worry they'd get us in trouble sometimes cuz the shit they want to say) loves demon and monster-related stuff! still experimental style but uses bold colors and thick rough lines a lot, may get suggestive (forbidden from outright nsfw, don't ask >:c) btw ur always welcome to direct asks @ someone specific >w< we just might take a while to respond

[tea-the-not-understanding]

Greetings to the person who found my blog.

Welcome, let me introduce myself first before explaining the rules. My name is Tea, it the name that many people referred to call me and pretty simple name to remember. I am basically 18+ and bisexual, He/Him/They/Them.

This blog is all about me having fun with art, drawing and posting to share with you all. It also one of my passions to entertain others but I have some common rules that you must follows.

I accepts

Art trades ( I do love to do trades but please do not go overboard with it. )

Collabs ( I like to share some ideas and do art collabs, etc etc.. )

Roleplay ( Roleplay is what I love to do but it have to be at least appropriate. no 18+ or NSFW because there's minors, but angst is allowed. )

Suggestions ( You can suggest or give me idea what to draw. But for now, Cookie run fandoms, it can be others but I'll reconsidered about it. )

You can send asks to asks about the characters that I am open in this blog. Please keep it appropriate.

What I do NOT accept

Please for the love of god do not send me feet pics. ( I am too done and exhaust from it already )

Asks or Request me to draw NSFW. (There's minor in this blog, I know it. And if you want, it do not come in for free. )

Request to draw your oc/characters. ( I only do it for friends and mutual. If you really want, then considering commission me for it. )( And also, asking me to be your friend first and tell me to draw your oc will get you banned instanly. )

And finally, common sense thing that you must know. No Proshipper, Incest, Homophobic, Racial, Slurs, other bad shit, etc...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now that you have read the rules. I can introduce you to the character that I am open to answers to.

Most of you might be here to ask about Electric eel cookie but there's more then just Electric eel too. Such as Angst au with Longan and Millie, Capsaicin and Prune juice and my oc's/Characters

update/edit. I'll add characters where you can asks or know what characters I own so you can asks/roleplay with

OC

Clockwork cookie : little shit who control time

Timeless cookie : little shit who control time 2

Vanilla Extract cookie : Someone please put him to sleep for once.

Melted fruitcake cookie : He eat too much sometimes.

Forest fire cookie : your pride is too important apparently.

Ancient death thorn cookie : What the fuck are you?

Chai tea cookie : Stop adopting chickens goddammit.

Skullcap Sapphire Butter cookie : LITTLE SHIT NUMBER 1

Cinnamon dust cookie : a bean that need someone to burn some houses for him sometime.

Flaming dust cookie : LITTLE SHIT NUMBER 2

Vortex tea cookie : Someone put him to sleep too.

Ribbon eel cookie : Wake up, you sleep too much.

Rangoon cookie : Stop asking her for nudes you sick fucks.

Guarana cookie : Kinda a little shit?

Mythical salt cookie : Go to horny jail.

Space dust cookie : Your the moon son? how? The moon is still a virgin-

Luna/Moon cookie : introvert to the core.

Little Moon : Eh? What do you want?

SONA

Shooting star : Idiot number 1

Buh : buh

Toxic : the only tea cup for a head character btw

Icing cookie : BIGGEST LITTLE SHIT

Melatonin cookie : don't make him cry...

Shimp / shimp cookie : every body favorite boi!

Here are some option link that You can open to see on the character to asks.

And to those who want to read the side story of the Angst au capsaicin and prune juice. Here's the link as well or you can just click the angst au tag in my blog and you'll find them too.

Anyways, hope you have fun and enjoy your time in my blog. ^^

[altraviolet]

Oh man now that I've seen TWO asks this day about Soundwave dying, is that the inevitable conclusion to this fic? Did I miss this big spoiler somewhere or all the clues to it? I don't remember seeing a "Major character death" tag, either.

Or is this people speculating and doing "what if"? ...not that I'd be adverse to it, especially if it made sense to do so!

Also I completely understand about work sapping all creative juices. While I don't write (I've dabbled in the past, but little 3k words or less things for OC's way back in the LJ days), I used to sketch, draw, paint nearly every day for hours before I ended up in a corporate 9-5, full time job. Even doing customer service jobs, I was able to sketch on napkins and scrap receipt paper and sticky notes.. and now I just.. can't. Its unbelievable how mentally draining full time jobs can be. Every now and then I'll get the sketch pad or watercolors out,but it's maybe once or twice a year now.

I've seen writers who do ko-fi for tips or writing commissions for certain stories (I remember a tf author I used to follow did this - where a story was only continued if the chapters were commissioned) - or even patreons, where they set up an early access to the newer chapters, and the cut scenes, additional content - have you thought about those? I think you've got a big enough following where it could be feasible to go part time! And maybe fund a self publishing of an original work sometime down the road!

>is that the inevitable conclusion to this fic? Did I miss this big spoiler somewhere or all the clues to it? I don't remember seeing a "Major character death" tag, either.

The major tag on the fic is "Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings." You haven't missed a big spoiler or clues. The influx of "WHAT IF HE DIES" was puzzling to me, too, but I rolled with it.

I'm curious why people think Soundwave is going to die, when one of the major themes of the fic (at least to me, inside my head) is bringing people back from the dead. Not literally, of course. But... but did they see the whole point of what Rodimus is doing? Trailbreaker, Ambulon, and Mirage? Skywarp? Literally pulling Soundwave from the shadow zone, where life is not worth living?

There's actually a lot more I want to say on this, but I don't want to spoil the story. I have a FAQ planned for when the fic is done and I address death in it, and my approach to writing it vs JRO, and the aforementioned major theme.

I'm guessssssssinnnnnnng people are going the doom route because of the Scavengers, and because Soundwave keeps getting injured and can't be healed, and because... ? I feel like stakes have been high in the past, so maybe that's part of it, too. I won't say anything else for now, though.

This post got long so I'll put the rest under a cut.

>Its unbelievable how mentally draining full time jobs can be.

good god, yeah. low key, I used to be an artist (mostly hobbyist, a few pro jobs). I gave up and went back to writing because it's much easier/comes more naturally to me, and that's all I have energy for. I fuckin' mourned stopping art, to be honest. but you know what, I'd rather have Echo Garden than slog through commissions. I learned I'd rather create my own things than do things other people want me to do. so I guess learning that about myself was ... good. it's absolutely unbelievable how draining a 9-5 job is. I will admit I am jealous of people who have spouses or understanding parents that allow them to do art full time by providing a safety net in the form of housing and health insurance. jealousy is very human, you know :D surely there is a better balance out there for us ;A;

>I remember a tf author I used to follow did this - where a story was only continued if the chapters were commissioned

oooohhhhhhhh you know... I get it. I get people need money. but that doesn't sit right with me. I would not withhold fic like that.

>patreons, where they set up an early access to the newer chapters, and the cut scenes, additional content - have you thought about those?

I've thought about it only in the fanciful sense. To be honest, unless I was getting enough support to quit my job, it's not really going to change my life. Like, how do I say this. I won't have any more additional time in the week to write if I make $50 extra/month through patreon. I'll still be doing my full time job AND I'll have an obligation to write for people. Does that make sense? Unless a patreon offsets the actually draining thing in my life, it's just another thing I have to do.

Although 'early access to chapters' sits way better with me than denying future chapters UNLESS funded. Though paying for fic is a huge gray area and I don't think it's wise to poke that beast...

>I think you've got a big enough following where it could be feasible to go part time!

thank you, I appreciate your kindness here :D I don't think my following is big enough, though. I think the readership is maybe 1400 people? and a bunch of those are minors and most of the adult fandom is fucking broke, lol. (the tf fans with the money tend to be the major toy buying ones, not the fanfic reading ones. Stereotype, but that's my observation)

and part of the problem is my place of employment. I asked, years ago, if I could go part time (so I could practice art) and my boss said no. it's a full time only position ;A; which is why I say, unless patreon can fully support me, it's not really feasible. freelancing incurs a higher tax rate and you don't have any health insurance, so I'd actually have to make more than I am now... and given the number of absolutely fantastic fan artists I see struggling to make it with patreon, I know I can't (since fan artists make more than fan writers)

I hope that my answers don't sound dismissive. Thank you very much for your empathy and kind ideas. I don't think the fandom can support me monetarily in the way I would need, and I think their interest in me will drop as soon as Echo Garden is finished. I base this statement on the fact that TEG has exponentially higher stats than any of my other fics.

The people clearly want only one thing, and it will eventually end xD

If you or anyone else thinks I'm looking at this wrong and there may actually be a way I can write without dying, please let me know. I've thought about this for years and the above is what I've concluded.

Thank you again for the kind ask! <3

[arenabreadandbiscuits]

Yandere Sebastian x Mina (OC) - Glory Be Thy Goddess 🌟

~

Word Count: 2,251 words

Scenario: Yandere Sebastian is so madly in love with Mina that even in the calmest of moments his mind never seems to be tame about her.

Includes: yandere and/or possessive canon character, OC character, first point of view from Sebastian.

Thank you for commissioning! It's so highly appreciated lovely! ✨

~

I need her so bad.

It's a constant thought that's on my mind these days. As.. much as I've been trying to hide it; to keep it together when in the presence of her, I can't seem to stop thinking about Mina. At any point.

I remember the first time I laid eyes on her; the way the sunlight seemed to hit her like a halo around an Angel and I knew I was a demon and that's exactly why I just had to have her. To keep her all to myself, to stake my claim on her to I could experience her perfection as much as he wanted and whenever he wanted.

The thought of anyone else approaching her was enough to piss me off, to send me into a sour mood that could stick for the whole days. I never feel right without her; it's gotten to the point where I can't imagine not waking up at her side, not being there for every beck and call she could ever make for me.

Mina is mine.

I say it all the time; I've been saying it even before I was fully aware of it.. glaring heatedly whenever someone seemed to approach her with interest and not the kind that seemed friendly either… with the silly belief that they could possibly be a better mate for her than I am and I've come to realize that that was as foolish as believing in the flying spaghetti monster or something like elves or whatever…

Silly; because Mina doesn't see them like she seems to see me.

Even so, I can still get annoyed… irritated, when someone bothers us but the way Mina smiles at me, the way she feels when our hands graze each other… the way her voice sounds whenever she allows me to hear and listen to her.

The only people I can stand being around her are Sam and Abigail and even then sometimes… sometimes I can't help but want so much more.

To steal her away, to run away together and I've even come to really… enjoy being outside with the help of her.

She's so insanely bright, like a million twinkling stars in the shy and I love it so, so much even when I hate how it I'm not the only one it seems to draw in.

I can't stand it.

The idea of someone seeing her and seeing what I see; an angel so pure, too pure for this world… pisses me off and bad.

They wouldn't know how to treat her, not like I knew how to.

Sometimes when someone seems to take her in for just a little too long, or smirk just a tad too mischievously at her I gently grab hold of her but I’m stern as well. Wrapping my arm around her shoulders or waist because she's mine and I like people knowing that especially because seeing their surprised faces was only just enough to stop me from wringing my fingers around their throats. It's interesting really; the way being around Mina has only managed to bring out parts of me that feel so fucking alive. I love Sam and Abigail but even with that I've always felt like something or someone was still missing and after so much time… I'm more than confident that that person is Mina.

She's so cute, so extravagant and I need her…

So, so bad.

I need her all the time and even though we've been together for months now all I can do is find myself so deeply infatuated with her that I wonder if she even knows how much I crave her.

In some ways it pisses me off; the fact that I can't wake up a single day without the thought of her smile being the first thing on my mind or the way that when she's not around all I can do is think about her, where she was… her smiles as she tells silly little jokes, the way her eyes twinkled when I speak to her and called her name, or the way her hand feels on mine when we lay together and cuddle.

I'm moving even before I can really even help myself; standing up from the seat I've been sitting in for the last handful of minutes in her home while she happily hums and washes dishes. I look over to the stove and the smell of something both savory and sweet reminds me of the fact that right now it was just me and her in here.. in the home that we'll hopefully grow many precious and beautiful children in. Never before had I thought I'd even dream of such a thing, having children of any sort but ever since we've gotten together it's been a growing thought in the back of my head. Every time I look at her these days all I can wonder is where we'll be years from now and I'm so so happy with the many different possibilities that I'll be damned if someone tries to take her from me.

“Sebastian?” She suddenly speaks and I perk like a dog being called by its precious owner.

I've been so lost in thought that I've been staring.

She looks over her shoulder at me, that smile that I fall in love with over and over again is showing on her lips that I just so desperately love to kiss. With the little giggle she seems to give a moment after it's clear that she's managed to pick up on the fact that I've only been so quiet for the last handful of minutes because I was taking her in; consuming the energy she always seemed to have more and more of… always giving looks that made his heart rush in his chest even after all this time.

I need her.

She has to have my child…

I want it so bad it's killing me and before I even realized it.. I was standing behind her, eyes bright as I looked down at her back before reaching over slowly. I hug her, wrapping my arms slowly around her soft waist and then humming lowly as I lean in and gently press my face against her shoulder blade to give it a nuzzle. The sound of her letting out a scoffed laugh makes my head spin and butterflies brew in my gut as my arms carefully tighten around her.

I take my time; pressing snuggly against my head and gently running my lips along her smooth and tasty skin. As my arms hug her I can't seem to help the way the feeling of her makes my cock stiffen. It's the spell she has on me and the spell I happily take every time she's around. She sucks in a breath, moving her head and tilting it to give me some more room and oh how sweet of her.

I waste no time moving even closer; the gentle tracings of my lips on her skin turning into sweet kisses.

I'm fucking losing it.

I need her.

I move my hands up and greedily cup her breasts, fondling her just the way I’ve come to know she likes, gentle kisses turning into nips, my teeth grazing her skin and fuck the way she seems to loosen, weaken, in my arms knowing well that I’ll hold her easily no matter what.

The way she seems to lower her head a little now tells me everything I need to know; that this woman, my woman loved it when I showed my love for her.

I could show her so much more.

It's hard not to pin her down right here; it's taking everything in me not to lose it but I have a better idea. One that may just prove to everyone once and for all that this woman was taken.

I growl, a low snarl coming from deep within my throat and the way she shivers and gasps has my cock so fucking hard that I'm starting to worry I might break my zipper.

It's fine.

She presses back into me, falling into my caresses and touches like she's supposed to and the way that she's squirming makes me tempted to help make an even bigger family. I've always wondered; always imagined what being with someone like this would really feel like and for so long I was left wondering. No one was of interest, was worth my time and just as it seemed like j was starting to understand that there she was. Showing up like an omen and I remember the first time I laid my eyes on her, how the room seemed to grow quiet and nothing else seemed to matter but her… the way my heart had gone from perfectly calm to a racing mess in my chest even as I held my neutral expression.

She came over with no issue, everything about her was just as beautiful as she was. It's her voice, her eyes, her smile… and I just can't stand it.

I'm so helplessly infatuated with her.

She spoke so freely, so easily even with the slight nervousness that could be detected and I nearly fainted. With how much alcohol I had actually managed to drink that night and yes..fully prepared for the consequences; it would have been easy to think I was simply hallucinating.

‘No fucking way..’ I thought with the weight breath I had managed to deeply breathe in as if braving myself and oh when she spoke I think a shiver ran up my spine.

She's a goddess.

One that I had received the privilege of meeting and I lose myself every time and it's all because of her.

Now as my kisses grow a bit rough; gentle nips turning into harder bites and my tongue would slip out right after just to ease the sudden spikes of pain with a following gush of cool pleasure and of it's so hard not to take advantage of this… to not mark her up just to make sure everyone knew she was mine. I can't help it, I can't stop it… I desperately need her and I need others to know their places.

Just thinking about others looking at her with greedy eyes, hearing and listening to whispers makes me feel like exploring just how easily it could be to hide a body.

I bite down with force, eyes closed and brows furrowed as she cries out when my teeth breath the skin and I…I don't mean to hurt her but fuck the way she cries out and rolls her hips into mine, is to know this is needed.

She needs this.

I… need this.

I continue to touch her, showering her in so many kisses, my tongue running over that bite mark, the one that stands out beautifully in the open… in a hard and nearly impossible place. I keep touching her; hands running from his breast and rubbing them and gently groping turns to my hands moving to move and run my palm down her frame up until I can grip the tips of her thighs and grip her and hold her tight against me.

She's mine.

She's been put on this planet to be mine…

And people needed to know that.. and I'm willing to show them.

I pull away from her skin; wet lips lightly panting as I take my mouth from her delicate skin to look at her throat and oh, it's so beautiful. The mark I've left on her stands out so beautifully and I can't help but feel proud, like I might just rip her clothes off right here and spend the next few hours making a mess out of her in every which way.

“S-Sebastian!~” she squeaks loudly and I can't help but grin against that skin of hers.

I touch her so leisurely; hands squeezing and rubbing her thighs before slowly moving to slide my hands under her shirt and caress her belly. The belly that I love so much, the one that helped carry our precious and beautiful baby and it's warm, her skin feeling so fucking good under my skin.

“I love you Mina.” I coo, voice heavy as I hold her close, breath hitting her skin and as she shakily moves one of her hands to shaking grab one of my own, rubbing my knuckles caring before she looks over her shoulder again at me.

Our eyes connect and Mina grins before brushing her lips against mine in a way that lights my soul so brightly that I think I'm actually starting to melt from the inside out.

“I love you too Sebastian.. you..you know I love you more than most of this planet.” She admits and my eyes widen, heart soaring and oh it's so good to hear her say it from her own lips.

I kiss her again but I can't hold back, I can't be as gentle as I probably should but Mina doesn't seem to hate it as she turns in my arms allowing me to hold her better.. to cup her thighs and press her front against my own as our lips meld into each other in a way that really made the world around them seem like nothing but a dream.

All I need is her.

All I want is her…and I'm willing to do anything and everything to keep her safe and loved at my side.

~

[fightabear]

okay i just got home from atlantic entertainment expo and i need to share the highlight of my con. also hi @amtrax i cannot believe you found me here

so! last year i started tabling at conventions. last year's Atlantic Entertainment Expo was my first one ever. i absolutely love doing this and getting to meet fellow creatives, and i try to make it a point to create something for creators & actors whose work really impacted me as a way of giving back. and like it feels like (to me, this is not reflective of reality but the imposter syndrome) giving a teacher a stick figure drawing they're just going to put on the fridge. but it's the smallest way to show appreciation for the work they've done that's made my life better.

the second i heard that austin lee matthews, motorcycle master of midgar himself, was coming to one of my local conventions up here in the ass end of canada, i was excited. immediately knew i had to make something special because roche was one of my very favorite things about remake and i'll quote his big bombastic speech patterns when i'm trying to psyche myself up to deal with difficult clients at the day job.

so i make my little roche charms, set one aside and keep it on me, and go about my con weekend - and end up being so busy i can't slip away. i check his table a few times when its slow but i keep missing him, so i just resolve to get it to him tomorrow or send one of my friends.

and an important part of this story is i am terrible with recognizing people from photographs. like... once i actually meet someone in person that information is locked and loaded but i don't remember faces from photo promos.

(i have a story where i didn't recognize adam croasdell who stopped by to talk to me during setup last year, which was my first year of doing cons & i was so busy trying to get everything set up and i didn't recognize him because i was so deep in 'oh god what am i doing' and that is going to haunt me)

near to the end of the day i'm working on a client's commission and someone comes up to my table and waits incredibly patiently as i'm trying to muddle through some EOD burnout. sometimes people just come up and watch me draw so it can be kind of hard to tell if someone's just vibing or waiting for my attention (and my helper had disappeared into the ether so i was Very Whelmed) so when i finally turn, incredibly apologetic and awkward because oh god they were so patient and were waiting way too long, this guy is still beaming. i'm just like! i'm so sorry, is there anything i can help you with? and he just grins and says,

"oh i just wanted to come by and say," and then immediately drops into the roche voice, "HELLO MY FRIEND!"

AND WHEN I TELL YOU I LOSE IT. i immediately apologize to the client because i just need to give this man the thing i made, so i grab the charm and offer it and just start gushing. we get to chat a little bit - i don't even remember i was just so excited - but i have a client waiting. so i assume he's going to disappear into the crowd because - this is taking so much time.

but austin just stands there as i finish the commission... which takes longer than planned! i don't even know how long he was there. he's super supportive the entire time, making comments about my art, and when the commission is done and the client leaves.

so! he buys a vincent charm and then shows me the adorable promptis print he bought from another table and is just like a goddamn ray of sunshine the entire time. he also tipped which he absolutely did not need to do. again - incredibly enthusiastic and excited just to be there and be around fellow fans. it made my entire weekend. we get to talk a little more before i text my next one to let them know i'm ready for them.

i didn't get nearly as much time as i wanted to because man if someone every radiated golden retriever best friend energy, it's austin. literally everyone i spoke to who interacted with him was so taken.

he stopped by again near the end of the day yesterday when i had a line again so i didn't get to talk, but then he dropped that he'd found my tumblr (i'm sure my face was a perfect mask of horror, i pretend to be a professional artist & adult on twitter and here is where i radiate my feral rat gremlin energy) and i am going to finish the extra surprise i was working on and add more to it because - sincerely - made my convention and turned what could have been a very stressful situation into a wonderful memory. my literal only regret is that i forgot my ultimanias at home (along with half of my setup, crying into my hands) because i wanted to get those signed.

Austin, i will bring my awkward ass to your dms once i've recovered from con crunch, but sincerely if you are ever on PEI or get the hankering to go during the summer season, please hit me up. my family has a little cottage by the beach (not to be confused with a cabin in the woods) that is welcome and free for friends to use (in the least parasocial way possible, welcome to the island. after like two good conversations with someone you're buddies). i love the island, i love sharing what i love about it, and i hope this weekend made it clear that the island loves you.

( also if you ever have any art needs that require... whatever in the hell my style is please know i am here )

my god. i cannot emphasize how much i love doing conventions. the vibes, the excitement, all of the connections. realizing people are getting to be regulars and i recognize them from con to con and i get to ask them about how their year was while i draw and get to celebrate the good and try to offer whatever i can to balance out the bad.

my heart is so full right now.

also!! if anyone is still reading this rambling post, please check out @palletteknife. this isn't final fantasy related i am just absolutely obsessed with their work and spent like all sunday showing people this fantastic carrie charm they made ITS SO CUTE AND HORRIFYING AND THE STYLE IS AMAZING

[obsessivevoidkitten]

Hi!! This is going to be a bit rambly, and I apologize for that. I've been a long-time lurker of your blog and just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your work, your characters, and just you as a person.

I love nearly all of your works. Usually when reading, I end up either getting bored or turned off for whatever reason, but that's never been the case with your fics. You're really.. really talented at awakening kinks in your readers (myself included) too. Like, I've never thought of omegaverse or musk as something hot, but WOW your fics changed that!

Your characters are also always so fun, I love how you give the reader different backgrounds depending on the fic. It's such a cute detail, and it really shows just how much thought you put into them. Honestly, sometimes I consider commissioning you just to continue some fics only to remember I have nowhere near enough money to.

Your Hell-Bound Angel fic was one I especially enjoyed. The combination of the drug-like semen, the reader getting betrayed, and the gentle (eventual) mindbreak REALLY did something for me. Tevrik was so sweet too.. It was a fic I never knew I needed until I read it. Sold like Cattle was also SO GOOD. Reading the reader get all needy because of Arrin's musk.. Had me frothing at the mouth (in a good way, of course)

I love Damian and the wasp harem too!! Something about a pathetic reader getting broken down and bred is so hot, and I loved how sweet yet teasing and degrading the yanderes were!!

I could go into why I also love Lox's, Umzerth's, Wade's, and basically every other fic you've written, but I don't want to go too crazy.. Just know that whenever you post a new fic, I am fed WELL.

I enjoy your gardening posts too! While it's not a hobby I'm particularly interested in, they're so endearing. Plus, the thought of you finishing harvesting something and then going "alright, time to write hardcore smut" is really funny to me. I mean this as positively as possible. You seem like such a sweet person.

You deserve all the tips in the world!! I know you said you wanted to be someone deserving of tips, but in my opinion, you already are? You've put out so many fics, for FREE at that. You put so much work into each one too.. While I'm not able to donate at the moment, I really hope someone is. Don't forget to take breaks when you can, please don't overwork yourself if you don't have to.

You're appreciated and loved, thank you for your hard work!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for all these incredibly kind words and specifics. It really cheered me up <3

[mamabearwonders]

ED Harm Reduction in Summer Heat Survival Guide 🥵

So where I live it's close to 100° F (38° C). Yikes! Heatstroke can kick in fast so here are some tips. You're free to modify them how it best fits you- this is me talking from the outside in so just take it with a grain of salt. 😊

Tips

🐚 Try to exercise indoors. If you insist on going to a gym, take a bus instead of walking.

🐚If you have to go on a walk try and get shoes that are cooling or moisture wicking. I don't really know what all of that means but it seems like it would be good for your feet.

🐚If you are doing a workout inside, have fans blowing. No shame in taking breaks if you're hot.

🐚Have candy and a little bit of food in your pocket if you feel faint or dizzy.

🐚If you are walking around and don't think you can make it home to eat something without getting sick from the heat, try to let yourself have a special treat whether it's a milkshake or a food you love.

🐚Hydrate!! You've all heard this one before. But seriously. This heat is no joke. Have plenty of water.

🐚If you're able, let yourself have other drinks to help your body with nutrients and to give yourself more options. So take Gatorade for example. You lose electrolytes when you sweat and Gatorade repairs it and tastes all right. Great choice for after a workout or a sports game.

Electrolytes are super important. "They regulate nerve and muscle function, hydrate the body, valance aciditity and pressure and help rebuild damaged tissues."

Sugar isn't always a bad thing which is in it. There are zero sugar ones though which still have the same benefits is sugar is a bit scary for you.

🐚Try to wear lighter color clothing if you can. Lighter colors also help (I don't own anything overly bright myself).

🐚Sunscreen! The lotion ones can feel super oily. So there is a spray kind that makes it slightly better in my opinion.

🐚 I hear ice cream actually makes your body heat up! I'm not so sure about that. But if you're able try to let yourself have a sweet treat to look forward to. There's no shame in binging here, but letting yourself have a treat now and then might help prevent that if it's a worry for you.

🐚Popsicles- like the fun, freezie or otter pops at Walmart are a little more on the inexpensive side. You can get a pack of 36 for like $3 at my local one. They come in all kinds of flavors.

🐚Smoothies rock for the heat. If it's a hard day for food, a smoothie will help with nutrients. It's something fun and you can add fun seasonal fruit to it if you wish.

🐚 Remember your vitamins! It isn't a replacement for nutrients from food, but it can and will help out if it's a hard eating day.

🐚Remember you're not lazy if you're too exhausted to do much exercise. Not everyone with an ED even exercises in the first place. Everyone's different. Sometimes letting your body rest is the best you can do rather than push yourself until you're completely out of commission and it'll take even longer to heal.

🐚If you are sick, try and not fast or reduce it if you're able. When sick, the body needs even more nutrition to function.

Hope it helps to be as neutral with your body as possible if not ready for recovery (everyone heals in their own way and has a unique individual way of it). Heat can get pretty serious real fast.

[canyouhearthelight]

Nihilus Rex, Ch. 6: A Complication

So, Lash and Nils agree on everything, right? Right????

Except when Nils is being a complete dumbass and doesn't realize it.

This is the chapter where we start seeing actual existing 2017 classism, racism, and even just disparate treatment come into play.

Nils' perspective and beta-reading provided by @baelpenrose. Additional beta-reading by @writing-with-olive and @fandomized-insanity. Perspective from people of the global majority (read: non-white) provided by entirely too many people to name, but definitely look up 'decolonization' if you are curious.

Sometimes love is all that can save us

Sometimes love can kill a man

Yeah, sometimes love is a soft touch

Or a pistol in your hand

American Young, “Love Is War”

Lash

It had been a couple weeks since I last met with Nils in person.  A nice chunk of money had been deposited in my account from something that looked reasonably authentic and was completely unrelated to Brayden in any way shape or form.  Not the entire five grand, I noticed.  Figured that he realized I was adding punitive damages and took his own cut.  I could live with two fifty being taken if it got back my four grand and then some.

At the moment, I was sitting in my favorite spot on the bridge, thinking through my next commissions.  Anime girls were doing me pretty solid at the moment, but eventually I’d have to tackle all the lean brunettes that were waiting in email-hell.  The charity work was drying up a bit after Brayden screwed me over, so I needed to get all that sorted out, too…

My quiet moment was interrupted by a phone alert fed through my headphones.  Then another.  Gritting my teeth, I pulled out the offending device and braced myself to see messages from my parents about some vastly unimportant emergency.  Instead, it was an unknown number messaging me. “Sorry. I didn’t want to startle you and make you fall.”

“It’s Nils, btw.  Left side.”

I whipped my head around to see him standing on the embankment to my left, waving at me with his phone. I gestured for him to come closer so we could talk without shouting over the river.  To my surprise, he came out onto the pylon and sat next to me without a trace of awkwardness.

“New phone?”

Nils blinked. “Right, no. Uh. Work phone. At a guess you know the drill.” He tilted his head at my phone and made a vague gesture. “By the way, you could have told me you wanted punitive damages instead of overstating what he took. I’d have understood.” 

I shrugged. “Seemed pretty obvious. I mean, you figured it out and took your cut, looks like.” With my free hand, I waved at his leather ensemble. “Not like you need the money, clearly, Darth Lord Pizza Cutter.”

He made a coughing sound. “Dark Lord Pizza Cutter, or Darth Pizza Cutter, pick a metaphor. That’s great though, I’ll have to remember that one. And no, I don’t. I do this more for fun, the cut I took went to a charity I’m fond of.” 

“Funding leather pants for dramatic bitches in second-world countries,” I nodded in mock-wisdom. “I see.”

“Medical debt relief, actually.” He looked like he was stopping himself from the reflexive correction about what a second-world country was after he realized I was saying it to fuck with him.

“That’s actually admirable,” I confessed, giving up the bit. “I don’t know how much two-fifty is going to do for it, but judging by what a busy bee you seem to be online, you’re probably nickel and diming them with donations at a solid pace.”  After a pause, I nodded. “Yeah, I can see it.  So what brings you to my bridge, Billy Goat Gruff?”

He shrugged. “Two fifty looks like nothing unless you know where to send it, but there’s a charity who buys up medical debt for pennies on the dollar. Anywhere from 80 to 100:1 ratios, then forgives it. Financial expert. Information is the best way to make an impact, knowing who to go to for the best effect, and network them all together.” 

“Rolling Jubilee. I like it.”

“Sorry, though, you had an actual question. Uh. I wanted to talk to you again. You left me with a good question last time. How to make the world better. You’d want to eliminate poverty, but you’d also want to eliminate power structures that make it possible to consolidate power, and therefore money and monopolized resources, into one place, to prevent that cycle from starting over again. You’d need to start with fair access to food and housing, education. The same principle would keep people from just poisoning the world and getting away with it. I think you’d have to start by something to level the playing field for a revolution, maybe power grid or bank comms, not sure exactly how to do that, but thinking about it. Still workshopping it. What’s your idea of the ideal world, Lash?” 

I hummed a bit, wobbling my head side to side and kicking my feet a couple times. “Prove it can be done without money. Barter economy, punishment for hoarding more than you need. Homelessness has to go, for sure - there are so many vampire and zombie properties, even commercial ones, that could be used better just keeping people housed. Take over an empty strip mall, start there.  Comms are easier than we think, we’re just really spoiled with speed and access - did you know there are already communities in this country who built their own local wireless networks from the ground up and just include the maintenance in local taxes?  We could do that, teach everyone how to maintain it so they are part of their own community.  That’s a start.  Then educate people - mandatory education.  That would be the hard part.  Not just math or grammar, but teaching ideas and critical thinking.”  I chewed on my lip for a moment. “Critical thinking is definitely being outlawed, it feels.”

            Nils wavered a hand. “In not-expensive schools, yeah. Which are increasingly being restricted on purpose. Mandatory equal education, especially. Right now there’s a real effort to make a two-tier system. One of defunded, shit-tier schools for poor kids and kids of color to turn them into obedient little drones, and one for rich white kids like yours truly to turn them into future statesmen, CEOs, generals, doctors, lawyers. No real respect for where we’re gonna get all the stuff in the middle that society collapses without, ironically, but then the people who design capitalism never seem to think long term. Your thought is probably the right one, but you’d need to ensure that it isn’t based in purely local resources, or if you did, ensure that those resources were distributed more equitably before the localized systems started.” 

“As one of said brown children, can confirm,” I sighed. “My parents worked like hell to get me into a ‘good’ school, and trust me, it isn’t much better. Critical thinking in terms of thinking critically of people who are different. At least when I went to a ‘shit-tier’ school, you learned that almost everyone is one paycheck or generation from being poor, and everyone’s brown when you’re dirty.” I winced at how bitter I sounded.  “Sorry.  It’s a sore spot. So, add first aid to basic medical training as part of education.  No offense, but fuck CEOs and statesmen.  If we never had another one in the history of the world, or had never had one to begin with, I think we would be in a better place.”

“You and I find ourselves entirely in agreement.” There was a smile on his face like he was laughing at a private joke. “I do think people should also learn basic cooking, basic home repair. As part of education.” He glanced over the city. “It’s nice, being able to talk to a friend like this.” 

“Oh, so we’re friends now?” I clutched a hand to my chest in pretend astonishment. “Sir, you move far too quickly.”

Nils gave a little smile. “Oh, apologies for being so forward, my dear,” his affect abruptly matched my own. “But I so rarely find conversation so stimulating, and if you do I would ask you to tell me where on earth you spend your time.” 

I laughed at how ridiculous he was being. It was charming, but in a way that showed he clearly wasn’t being too serious about it. “Online, mostly. Physically, I’m here or at home, or at this awful coffee shop about six blocks that way…” I gestured in the direction toward where we had met last time. “Beyond that? Trying desperately not to cook, since you said something about reinstituting mandatory Home Ec.  My cooking would kill you.”

“Because I’m white and you’re…okay forgive me, is your family Indian or Pakistani?”

“Because my cooking is just that bad. Seriously. I am the bane of every well meaning mother and auntie in the world. They collectively meet and despair of how horrible a wife I will be one day.” After a deep breath, I gave in. “And I’m both. Baba is Goan - that’s Indian - Mama is Pakistani.  Dishonor on their houses, their cows, all that.”

“Doesn’t that depend on whether you get married and have kids? Like in general.”  Then he cycled back. “Also, apologies if it was a rude question. If I ever met your family I wanted to look up stuff and be respectful.” 

I snorted. “That’s because you are white. Daughters of immigrants are expected to marry and have children. We are either terrible wives because we did and were horrible at it, or terrible wives because we couldn’t even get a husband. And god willing, you will never meet my family. Not because of you, because I am such a disgrace and you will either be expected to marry me and save me from myself or be considered a disgrace by proxy.  If you ever run into me when I am with them, I hope you are very good at telling people you are gay.”

“Half time, friend. Half-time gay already. Also, everyone already thinks I’m a disgrace. No need to use it to make your life worse.” He seemed willing to change the subject.  “Oh, I promised to tell you about my project. Did a bit of homework you assigned me. So, you know those QAnon assholes who kicked the shit out of me the first day we met?”

“The brother-uncle-cousins with more muscles than brains and signs?”

“Yes, the ones that think the world is ruled by Jewish space lizards, those charmers. The ones who think you immigrants are coming to literally fuck white people out of existence and bring all of us backwards evolution-wise on orders of a blood drinking Jewish cabal. Those people. Anyway. I’ve been taking advantage of a very specific flaw of conspiracist thinking, which is the desperate need to think you understand the next mystery. Tell them it’s even bigger than they think even more complicated than they thought, and wrap that into what they already thought - there’s not ONE complicated evil cabal that rules the world, there’s like FOUR, and they all fight each other, all our politics is a complicated proxy war between all of these secret shadow governments. Muhahahah. They eat that shit up. Especially if you imply that two of those groups are loosely on the side of the common people and have formed a temporary alliance, and might be looking for recruits among their crowd.”

I blinked while I processed all of the absolute crazy that had just come out of his mouth. “You are… giving them more targets, or fewer?”

“Both. Focusing their insanity in a direction that is actually useful to their fellow human beings for once. If I can’t get them to be less crazy - and unfortunately that seems inoperable given that subculture - I can direct the inevitable stochastic terrorism towards, say, attacking banks and burning debt records. In the name of preventing the evil shadow government from controlling innocent people through debt. Written off as an attack by insane conspiracy theorist, innocent people get relief, it is left untraceable to us. And corporate eats the loss.” 

“And you are stopping them from taking pot shots at the minorities who are theoretically a part of these cabals how, exactly?” I waved a hand to cut him off from answering too quickly. “I get that you are redirecting them, but when you redirect something, you have to also cut it off from its original goal. How are you doing that part?”

“The ones who work for the banks, the cops, or in public office? Nah. Fuck ‘em. But the white people in those offices are fucked too, the way I’m working it. Cutting shit off is…complicated. Multi step. So, right now they’re under the impression that the one group of bad guys they initially believed in rules the government, right? They also believe, or are starting to - that the average activist is a proxy for a different thing entirely, which do not like the bad guys who run the government for one set of reasons. I have them believing that their “hero” Q, is part of a different, third group, who ALSO does not like the bad guys who run the government, who are all rich and powerful people, and that the reason people do not like the guys who run the government tends to vary. The important thing is its a shadow government and most people don’t know anything about it.”

“So, you’re playing three dimensional chess with people who believe whatever they are told that makes them feel important. Got it. And you’ve already set this into motion?”

“Haven’t started implying orders yet. But started just kinda. Movin’ em towards “there’s three groups, stop hate criming people, most people aren’t even part of this.” 

I felt a solid mass form in the pit of my stomach, and my heart sank. “So yes, you’ve already put this into motion, intentionally or not, with no checks or any way to keep the next  idiot on a power trip from turning them another direction.”  I stood up and dusted off my clothes, holding my hand out. “Come on. Time to buy you some actual coffee, because this is going to be a very long conversation.”

Nils winced and stood up. 

“Marry a white boy, she keeps saying,” I muttered. “Trying to save my ass from well meaning white people and she wants me to marry one.  PAH!”

[northwest-cryptid]

Since people seem to have a want for OC and Sona stuff, I shall drop it below the cut for anyone who wants that stuff.

I think the big thing I gotta start off with is saying that for me, Sona and OC are two different things; every Sona is of course an OC, but not every OC is a Sona.

So for the sake of explanation I personally define it as such (and if you define it differently, that's perfectly fine I'm just saying this is how I personally define it for the sake of explanation). An OC is simply an Original Character/Creation, it's a work that comes from myself and not an outside influence such as a video game, tv show, or other media. While a Sona is a "Personification" or a "Persona" of a thing, typically representative of myself, but sometimes it could be of an aesthetic, a concept, or a genre. An example of this would be that I used to have various Sonas for the different styles of music I made (which was a trend back in the day god I feel old saying that).

Okay now to actually get into the stuff people actually came here for. Kicking things off with Sonas I use to represent myself in various media we have first on the list:

Velvet/VelvetSoul

Velvet has been and continues to be one of my main Sonas and a representation of myself that I use for things like VRC, while the outfits are generally in need of a lot of work (they're pretty basic with a very simple pixelation effect thrown on to give off that dreamcast vibe) the more defining features of their hair/eyes and such are based heavily on my OCs from various media and D&D games. Note that yes these are both intended to be the same character, I'm genderfluid as hell and appreciate being able to outwardly present as a more masculine or feminine design at times. The beanie that masculine Velvet wears is a sort of callback to a beanie I wear a lot IRL because it gives me a place to display my collection of pins, I will eventually update it accordingly however for the time being it works just fine.

For the spooky season I gave Velvet a silly ghost appearance where I decided to take some inspiration from the Jet Set Radio aesthetic of big ol' feet and slightly larger hands, I've always enjoyed the concept of playing around with anatomy in a stylized fashion, I however once again didn't go too hard on the outfit since I'm honestly still working on these characters and have a ways to go before I'm going to be happy with them. I however dropped the pixel look here that we see on the original Velvet design:

While some may argue that this isn't recognizably the same character, I would argue that variety is the spice of life and I am fucking SPICY.

I did do a little work on facial expressions to make sure they didn't horribly disfigure the face which was fun

Another Sona often used to represent myself, and one that I hold dear to me is Akito/Aki, probably the one I'm best known for:

I really did my best to throw more Native inspiration at this lad, and honestly I still have a long ways to go on them. They as well have a feminine design that looks wildly different I don't know why I'm like this but I enjoy it:

and as per usual I'm not 100% happy with how they came out so I'm gonna keep working on them because I love my dumb blorbos but I can never stop "improving" the designs lol.

I think my main issue with the current design for Akito is that the artist who drew the VERY FIRST ever commissioned piece of art for Akito did such a good job and no one has been able to capture the same vibe this sketch has this dude did it for like $5 and I gave him such a big tip because I was so annoyed that he was underselling his work because HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THIS and you want to know the worst part? I got blocked out of my twitter account recently and as I'm unable to access my twitter account I literally do not know what the artist changed his handle to though I remember him changing it before I got locked out, so I literally have no idea what the hell he's going by and I really want to give him a proper shoutout so I'm absolutely going to figure it out because he deserves credit for this piece to the point I'm salty he didn't like, sign it or anything.

This is art that never gets seen and it kills me because for those who don't know, the original design concept for Akito was a sort of mix of 3 things, Kallian (Xenoblade), Sandalphon (Granblue Fantasy), and general Space/Owl motifs given that the general concept design philosophy behind Akito was the idea that, Hihankaga The Owl Maker, a Lakota deity who judged Nagi on their way to the afterlife; was essentially retiring and had placed Akito in her place as the new Owl Maker. My main idea behind that was that people would come to the Owl Maker and tell her their life story the same way I was doing challenge runs in games that would typically follow a character (such as Chester from my Kenshi playthrough) and thematically it would be a sort of "retelling of their life" I was originally, and might still do this mind you; going to have a website dedicated to a sort of "Hall of Fame" where I would write a short bio for each character who's major arc has been completed on the streams and determine if they had lived a life fit for being worthy of an afterlife or whether I'd deemed them unworthy and cast them into the abyss. So basically Akito was meant to be this sort of cosmic owl spirit with wings and stars and the whole nine yards, but still be a more comfortable/easy going sort of individual. The key concept behind Akito as The Owl Maker was simply that Akito never wanted to cast spirits into the abyss so they specifically did everything they could to help people live a fulfilling life just so they could rightfully deem them worthy of their afterlife. Hence why I love the idea of them just wearing really casual clothes and like, a comfy scarf, also I like scarves. The red on the scarf is not just a gentle nod to the color of the four directions but also to the fact Native people are often referred to as "red skins" and generally when it comes to Native imagery such as the symbol for MMIW it's done in red. As a quick aside, if you don't know MMIW is for "Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women" and if you ever seen Akito wearing a red hand-print over their mouth, it's because of this:

(I believe the design on the right was created by Despertar1111 but don't quote me on that seeing as the only place I could find a credit for the image was fucking redbubble but I digress)

The thing no one talks about when it comes to doing Vtuber stuff is the fact that if you're poorer and you save up like $400+ for a model and rigging you'll still get artists who ignore half your design and riggers who generally speaking can't rig full motion so do your research and don't settle on a design/rig that's sub par, I know this now and going forward I'm likely going to make sure the artists and riggers I work with are quality, I already know my next model will be rigged by none other than Neapolitanrime and as for my artist of choice I have no idea because I don't even have the money to consider that sort of thing yet but SOME DAY!

MOVING ON!

One of my OCs and an old OLD Sona for my sort of Grunge Punk music days was such an edgy lad, I'm very like; closet edgelord but you know I mostly keep it to myself; that being said this dude is named Xploit and I love him to death:

General design philosophy here was very grungey street punk vibes, I did in fact slap the same exact beanie that Velvet wears on him but like again clothing is very placeholder with these and basically meant to give a general vibe. Xploit was originally made after my old band and I went downtown and saw some graffiti that was talking about the exploitation of lower class workers where the bottom of the letters were shaped like knives all pointed at a singular entity, likely the laborer in question. I ran with that design to create the logo for Xploit that mirrors his 3 fangs (middle tooth and side fangs) with the X, the L and I, and the T in his name.

Also because I'm 3edgy5u I made his eyes X's (I just thought it looked neat)

I still have a lot of work to do on the shading since I'm working with very simplified 3D model making software instead of making models from scratch in something like Blender like I should be doing to have as much control over it as I want to. That being said it's meant to give an illusion that he has no facial features such as nose/mouth until otherwise speaking, at which point his fangs are meant to be prominent. Everything about his outline from his eyes to his hair is intended to be extremely sketchy and rough.

and because I have a soft spot for making even my edgier characters silly little guys, I made it so when he gets surprised his eyes bubble up.

Since I know there's some controversy regarding characters with bandages and the like I'd like to quickly make mention that none of the bandages worn by my characters are ever intended to suggest self harm.

Admittedly this is far from the complete roster, but we're eliminating anyone/anything that sprung up from games (I do consider them OCs to a degree but I understand they are influenced by the media they were created from/in and I don't feel like that should be necessarily included on a list of original characters that I specifically defined as "not being from media") and these are the ones I've been working on most recently so they're more in the forefront of my mind; I have plenty more for things ranging from music Sonas to just various OCs I've used for D&D and the like. That being said I'll likely throw together another one of these for the other OCs when I have more time/I'm not as busy.

You can have these drawings though:

Akito and Nazo who is @the-sum-of-ones-parts' sona. They are also the one who drew this. They also drew this of Nazo and Velvet

They also drew Akito in a dress (they are giving Melia vibes and I'm all for it.)

and they ALSO drew Akito and Nazo for the Outlast 2 stream we did.

Note that Nazo is a shapeshifter.

Big shout out to @the-sum-of-ones-parts for drawing so many of my dumb OCs/Sonas (like you guys don't understand there is more but I'm trying to not make this post 10 miles long)

THAT BEING SAID I HAVE A BUNCH OF DUMB MEMES OF AKITO YOU CAN HAVE (if you can't tell Akito is my most public OC)

If you have any questions I probably have answers (hopefully) so ask away my friend.

[hexfloog]

Re: 2024 Dental Fundraiser (closed on 02/10/24)

Update below the break!

First and foremost... thank you all so very, very much for your generosity ;^; <3 Between ko.fi, commissions, and selling collectibles I managed to get pretty close to my overall funding goal!! There are simply not enough words in the world to describe how deeply grateful I am for your kindness and support.  It helped so much.  It stung to hand over so much money at once but it would have stung even more if more of it was borrowed.

So the big appointment was yesterday. I really don't remember much, lol, which is what was promised. Around 8 AM they gave me three pills, put a blanket on and told me to relax, let me know a few minutes later they were going to start the work, and then... it was 1 PM, five hours later.  There was still about another hour's worth of work after that for a different procedure, for which I was awake and aware. I guess the sedation meds were starting to wear off, but they were still pretty potent; as I write this I still feel a bit off and will probably spend the rest of the day coming down from them. 

I have a follow-up appointment scheduled for tomorrow. It shouldn't cost me anything.  And even if it did, you really couldn't make me worry about it; I'm sore today, but only on account of the cuts on the corners of my mouth and my jaws having been open for upwards of six hours - this morning I had pancakes for breakfast and they went down painlessly!!  It feels like forever since I've been able to eat anything (let alone something sweet) without having to worry about pain!!!  I'm so glad...

I suppose my only hope is that I don't get ambushed by surprise bad news at the follow-up.  If there's anything to tell me, they probably wouldn't have told me yesterday while I was still in a drug-induced stupor, right?  I am admittedly still a little worried I will be told I need additional work, but at least from a financial perspective, I will know what to do.  (It won't be another fundraiser-- that's not fair to you and we all--including myself--only have so much to offer)

Speaking of the fundraiser, a small update there:

My shops (Etsy/Mercari/eBay) are temporarily closed, but will re-open sometime next week. I will not be retracting anything that wasn't sold before the end of the fundraiser, any funds received goin forward will go towards rebuilding my emergency health fund

My ko.fi is generally used as a tip jar year-round and so will remain open - any donations received going forward will also go towards rebuilding my emergency health fund (the goal has been updated to reflect this)

Commissions received before the end of the fundraiser will be posted as they are completed. Even if I get a little slow I will always try to communicate progress (no matter how minimal) and the delay, if I get quiet please feel free to reach out to me!!

??? I didn't actually receive any print orders during the fundraising period so uhhh I'm thinking about how to approach this lol. I did say extras would be posted for sale after the fact, but I can't have extras if I don't have regular stock?

Anyway thanks so much again for your kindness <3 I really am so lucky to be supported by so many compassionate people.  I still have to be careful with what I eat but being able to do something as simple as drink water without having to microwave it first is such a weight off my mind. 

Take care of yourself and be well!!

[aitchnkay]

Jiang Gunian Made A Change Part 18

Character archetypes exist for a reason, Xia KeXin mused, watching Jiang YanLi almost scurrying from the Jin section of the camp to stop to talk with Lan WangJi and then hurry off to the Nie camp. Maybe Miss MXTX read Pride and Prejudice, and maybe she didn't. Either way, everyone knows that the Miss Elizabeth Bennett archetype marries the Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy archetype. And Miss Jane Bennett marries Mr. Charles Bingley. Miss YanLi is obviously more of a Jane Bennett so why did she marry a Darcy figure? Xia KeXin looked down the street to where Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi were packing. MXTX got that pairing right. Wei Ying is such an Elizabeth Bennett to Lan Zhan's Darcy. Colin Firth is the sexiest Mr. Darcy on screen; I'll allow this Lan Zhan or his actor Wang YiBo would give him a run for his money in the wet shirt contest. Why did I have to transmigrate into a forty-seven year old fortune teller instead of into one of their bodies? She looked down at her wrinkled skin on her hands and sighed. I'm not even that old. Back home women in their forties were still getting their groove on. Here? Everything hurts when I wake up. Or try sitting on the mats. Thank God for that carpenter! She had found one of the Wen civilians was a carpenter and commissioned him to make her a rocking chair. It had been a grueling process, as he'd never tried to make the curved runners, and she had no idea how to draw a rocking chair to scale, but the end product was well worth it. Several other women had openly eyed the rocker, thinking how useful it would be to be able to sit comfortably while nursing babies or trying to put them to sleep. Or for just taking an afternoon rest.

But back to Jiang YanLi. Obviously Jane Bennett marries Mr. Bingley. Wealthy, kind to everyone, the part where Mr. Bennett says they'll outspend their income is optional, I suppose. As are his annoying sisters and bland brother-in-law. Jin ZiXuan is wealthy, so.... She frowned at her crochet project. Wealthy, yes. But too damn proud to be Bingley. And definitely not kind enough. He's definitely a Darcy 2.0 more than a Bingley. Yeah, so he ends up completely besotted with YanLi. Big whoop. She deserves someone who doesn't need to be smacked in the proverbial face before he realizes what kind of woman she is. So... wealthy and kind? The only one here that fits that bill is... Lan XiChen? Xia KeXin rocked a bit faster, thinking of how the handsome sect leader looked standing next to Jiang YanLi. They do look good together, don't they.... YanLi looks good in that pale lavender she perfers, so I'm guessing that she'll look good in those pastel blues XiChen wears, too. She can even mix and match, probably... White under robes with lavender as her next layer and her outer layers blue.... Or purple, white, blue? That would probably look best? Or... what's that... ombrage? No. What's it called? Xia KeXin internally rolled her eyes at failing to remember the word. It's right on the fucking tip of my tongue! Ombrange? Katie did it to her hair right before we went on vacation, too. In almost the same colors as I'm trying to see for YanLi. Shit! Blue on top fading into purple at the bottom. Not ombrage! She looked up at the sky and mentally screamed at herself. "Got my tongue stuck between my eyeteeth, so I can't see what I'm saying," she spoke out loud in English.

"Did you say something?" a woman passing by asked.

"Just talking to myself," Xia KeXin smiled. Ombre! That's the word. Or Ballyage. I am such a dumb idiot sometimes. Ombrage. What the Hell, Summer? Don't you dare lose your English. It's all I have to remind myself who I was.

She picked up her crochet project and continued the row, thinking about how to get Jane and Bingley together. It just made more sense than Jane and Darcy 2.0.

[miraculosus]

It’s not like I have much of an audience regardless but my miraculous sideblog does have the most followers and my miraculous fanart does get the most attention. From a personal organizational standpoint it’s nice to have that partition from all my other reblogs but I kinda put myself in a corner because not only am I stuck with the separate blog that doesn’t allow diverse content, not even multi fandom, but also I chose a really generic url with no identifying features so I feel like people wouldn’t remember/recognize me. That my art style isn’t super consistent doesn’t help? Sometimes I feel like the privacy and anonymity afforded by using many different names is nice but when I start to think of my future and how I want to be able to sustain myself by selling my art it does my head in. every artist with dreams of independent success who gets their start in fandom (not that I’ve gotten much of a start at all) goes through that struggle and fear that no one will care about their original work; that is, that no one will like their work for its own merits. I need to make a name that can be a brand. I made the new art only blog and signature for that purpose but even then I remember how on tumblr likes and follows come only from the main blog. The other thing is how I think some drawings are not “good enough” for the Art Blog and I want to post them separately so I can have an extra quality filter. I guess “I’m a little attached to it after all these years” is not really a good reason against changing my main url (genuinely never thought of doing that until just now so I might do that)? I mean I don’t even hardly have social connections on main so it wouldn’t be a big deal.

Anyway lately i feel like I want to open commissions but I think that no one would buy. I know I’d probably have to underprice by a lot to start but even when I said for free I didn’t get many requests in my askbox so.. I used to think I should wait to hit a certain follower count like say 1000, or until I reliably get over a certain number of notes (Idek what makes sense, I rarely get over 200) before trying but I have no clue when I can hit those metrics and besides that seems silly when I remember I won’t lose anything by opening comms even if no one is interested now.

I just never really understood how to “do social media” it’s exhausting to try and I know I should but it’s frustrating and confusing. I know a lot of it is luck too, but I can’t help feeling like I’m always doing something wrong, or everyone else knows something I don’t.

Idk.. someone with more experience..