#it really fucks with my brain that I didn’t do 4 years of college I think

[mrchiipchrome]

Talkin' 'Bout My Girl

W.C. - 6.3 k

Warnings: throwing up ig?

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Lucy’s calling, answer me, Lucy’s answer me. 

Your phone blasts the annoying ringtone Lucy had created the latest time you’d met her, she’d insisted on having a unique one so that you’d answer all her calls. Spoiler alert: you didn’t answer all her calls.

Groaning loudly as your sleep is interrupted by the older woman calling you, she obviously didn’t think about the fact that you were in a totally different time zone and therefore calling you at 7 in the morning wasn’t a good idea.

“Fucking hell Luce, why’re you calling me at 7 in the fucking morning?” You can hear the way she laughs at your grumpy tone and how she sucks in a breath after a second or two. Well at least one of you was enjoying yourselves.

“Ou, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, did the grumpy wittle baby not get her 8 hours of sleep tonight?” She teases through the phone, the rustling of your sheets as you sit up echoing through the room that’s practically empty, like a hollowed out coconut.

“Actually, since you woke me up at 7, I did in fact barely even get 4 hours since Em dragged me away to a party in Connecticut, got wasted and then made me drive us both home.” This just makes the older woman laugh even more. For some reason, you thought that she’d be a bit more responsible and tell you off for going to a party, but she didn’t.

“Well that’s good then, Em is finally making you go through college the correct way, by going to parties.” You groan loudly as you stretch out the tightness in your limbs, the headache that appears soon goes away just as quickly. The floor is cold beneath your feet as you stand up from the bed, dragging your hand over your face before slapping yourself a few times to really wake up.

“Yeah, the proper college experience or something like that.” Lucy hums at your statement, her usually thoughtless brain quickly reforming to its usual state. 

“Mhm, well I’ll call tonight then, don’t sleep too late.” You say goodbye to the defender quickly before she hangs up the phone, venturing into the kitchen to pull open the door of the fridge, substituting a warm cup of bitter coffee for an energy drink.

“You’re going to be my best friend the coming four years, aren't you?” You look at the ice cold can in your hand as you speak, smiling sarcastically as you pop the tab open and take a swig, the weird aftertaste of pure caffeine leaving a streak down your tongue.

“Fucking hell, why do I not have anything at home?” As you look into the empty pantry, you suddenly understand why you should’ve taken Em’s advice earlier in the week, ‘fill your kitchen up like you have a whole family to feed’. Apparently a whole family equaled a drunk Em.

Peeking into the living room, you immediately see Em fast asleep on the couch, half her body hanging off the small piece of furniture like she was some drunk dad in a movie. Her mouth is wide open and the snores escaping from between her lips are just brutal.

Her party clothes from the night before are still donning her body, the dress barely staying intact after a night of tossing and turning to find a comfortable fit on the uncomfortable couch. But at least she’s not throwing up in the bathroom, so that's a plus.

You sigh, the quiet patting of your bare feet hitting the floor reaching your ears, fingers wrapping around the discarded blanket laying on the floor beside her on the floor and pulling it up to cover her body. She shifts underneath it, mumbling incoherently at you.

“Thanks mom.” You giggle at her sleepy presumption and she grumbles before turning her back to you like a moody teenager.

“Not your mum Em, but no problem anyway.” Walking back to the kitchen, you quickly find your phone before going to look for your wallet in your room, the sleek black leather laying on the floor beneath your mattress.

“Okay, just got to swing by the kitchen again then I’m off.” You mumble to yourself, patting your sleep shorts to see that you had everything you needed with you. The old Arsenal shorts from your time in the academy and the brief time you’d spent in the first team were the first things you’d packed for your move to America.

The comfort of home you supposed.

The simple t-shirt you had on was a Harvard one you’d gotten practically the first day on campus, the small ‘sports’ being printed just beneath the massive lettering of Harvard across your chest. It’s still warm enough outside to not need a jacket, you think to yourself, the sun shining brightly in the sky.

Picking up your can when you pass by the kitchen, you quickly make your way towards the door, finding the keys to your car hanging on the small hook meant for jackets. The metal ring you put them on clinks as you pull your keys off the hook, pulling your shoes over your bare feet before you turn the lock with a satisfying click, unlocking the door before disappearing out of it. Your key turns in the lock as you close the door, effectively securing Em inside the apartment.

The nice old lady living in the flat beside your own walks out of her door at the same time you do yours, her kind smile immediately filling you with a comforting warmth, her grandmotherly energy enveloping you fully, almost transforming you back into that little kid who would sit and wait for your gran to read a bedtime story.

“Hello dear, what are you doing up so early?” Her southern accent makes her words almost unintelligible, but you understand them either way, nothing was worse than drunk Em trying to speak. The large Newfoundland dog wagging his tail beside her yaps excitedly as he notices you, his entire body wiggling.

 “Oh I’m off to the bakery to get some pastries, Em got really drunk at a party yesterday and I don’t have anything for breakfast, so bread and pastries it is.” She looks amusedly at you, despite only having been neighbours for about two or so weeks, it was like the older woman had seen both you and Em grow up the entirety of your lives.

“Yeah that does sound like Em, don’it.” You laugh along with her, walking closer to pet Bubba who jumped at you as soon as you were close enough for him. “Bubba, no, you know we don’t jump on people.”

Laughing at the gentle giant, your hands soon tangle in his soft fur, giving him a bunch of kisses. 

“Oh Mrs. Peters, you know it’s his fault that he gets so excited, he’s just a little baby.” She rolls her eyes fondly at you and her dog, a simple tug of his leash making the fluffy dog go back to his owner. Moving towards the stairs you quickly turn back to ask her;

“Mrs. Peters, do you want anything from the bakery?”  She smiles but shakes her head, signaling that she doesn't want anything, before she enters the elevator and disappears from your line of sight.

You hum the tune to the song playing in your headphones as you walk down the stairs quickly, arms nearly tied to your body as you make your way down to the bottom floor of the building. The last step is one you jump over, walking over to the door that opens almost automatically and exiting the building completely.

The rays of the brightly shining sun hit your face as soon as you step out into the warm weather, Frank Ocean’s soft voice floating through your headphones as you walk, the wind blowing onto your exposed arms. 

It wasn’t often that people would just walk through the neighbourhood just to appreciate the scenery, to appreciate the nature and the small things that often seemed unimportant when living in such a fast tracked life as you did.

But you couldn’t just ignore the beauty in the simple things, the beauty in the small flowers growing along the road, the beauty in the gravel crunching under your feet as you walked, the warmth of the sun against your skin and the cooling effect of the wind.

It was all so beautiful, the calm and simple beauty.

You could find beauty in everything you saw, if you knew where to look for it, the soft smile on the mother’s face as she watched her toddler climb on the structure, the bird chirping as you pass it by, the old man sitting on a park bench. 

The world wasn’t as bad as people thought it was, they just hadn’t looked at it the right way.

The chime of the bell hanging above the door takes you back to only hours before, when you’d been at the diner with the divine girl, Nika. God, she was the embodiment of beauty, Aphrodite reborn as a human. 

The local bakery is well known among students, professors and newcomers alike, everyone knows about the bakery with the best pastries in the whole of Boston. Knowing that, it’s not even close to surprising when the line to the register reaches across the room, looking up at the menu of sorts to see what you want to pass the time.

There’s music flowing out the speakers, covering the low sound of people speaking to each other with its instrumental cling. You didn’t mind it though, it made everything just feel more real in a sense, there was no telling why, you don’t even get a chance at trying to figure it out as your phone starts ringing again, though this time it wasn’t Lucy’s voice ringing out, instead it was the infamous song of Arsenal, The Angel aka North London forever.

“Lee, to what do I owe the pleasure of a call? Did Spurs win?” You were both Arsenal through and through, but you always liked to tease her about her being a Spurs fan, the arch rivals of Arsenal being one of the things the older woman hated the most.

“Thank god, they didn’t win. No, I’m just calling to check up on you, ask how you’re settling in and all that.” She tries to be nonchalant in her tone, but  having known the blonde for as long as you had, you knew that there was something more to it. Thankfully, the line’s length has barely changed since the second you walked in, so there’s plenty of time to figure out what she’s playing at.

“Leah, what do you really want? I know you as well as you know yourself.” When you hear her sigh you pump your fist in the air triumphantly, getting more than a few judgy looks and glances from the people around you.

“Well, Jordy and I are having a bit of an argument right, and as our unofficial kid we need you to settle this.” You nod before you realize that she can’t see you, quickly replying verbally.

“What’s the arguing about?” She almost cuts you off with the speed at which she responds at, the smallest giggle to her tone giving you the impression that the matter at hand wasn’t as serious as she’d first made it out to be.

“Who do you think Blu loves the most?” Giving it a second before you answer to give the illusion that you actually thought about it, you can almost imagine the smile on her face, thinking that you’re going to back her.

“Neither of you, Blu loves me the most.” Leah lets out an offended gasp at your statement, and you can hear Jordan’s laugh in the back for a second before a playful slap can be heard. On your side of the line, only a giggle can be heard with the simple murmuring of day to day life in the background.

“That’s only because you give him so many treats.” The blonde groans at you, but you just smile smugly in return, not that she could see.

“It sucks to suck doesn’t it, Lee.” The line of people in front of you gets smaller and smaller with every passing minute as people order, with there only being around five or so people in front of you now.

“Well I wouldn’t know much about sucking, right Jord?” When you finally catch on to what she’s insinuating, you gag, not even caring that there are tens of people around you who can hear.

“Ew, I don’t need to know about what you two get up to in your spare time.” The sentence is whispered, not wanting to embarrass yourself even more than you already had. “Listen, I’ve got to go, I’m about to order some pastries for me and Em so I’ll call you back later.” 

By now you’re nearly at the front of the line, about to get what you came for. But they didn’t seem to want to end the call, nor the teasing they were putting you through.

“Ooh, does your girlfriend want a sweet breakfast?” If the two could see you they’d guaranteed to be laughing their heads off, the look of pure disgust on your face simply hilarious.

“Em’s not my girlfriend, even the thought of that is just like ew.” You shudder when you think about it, the girl had quickly become one of your closest friends and to even entertain the idea of being with her romantically was just gross.

“So you’re just buying her breakfast platonically?” Rolling your eyes at the conversation, you quickly plaster a smile on your face as you reach the counter. 

“Hi, I’d like four croissants and a caramel coffee.” The cashier’s name tag reads ‘Amelie’, the girl looking at you confused as if she doesn’t understand what you’re saying. The women on the other side of the phone snicker and if you weren’t raised the way you were, you would’ve hung up by now.

“A caramel coffee? You mean a caramel macchiato?” She questions dryly, like she really doesn’t enjoy her work.

“Yeah let’s go with that.” You pull out your wallet from your pocket, fishing the card out whilst trying your very hardest to not drop the phone sitting in the space between your head and your shoulder. 

“That’ll be 14 dollars.” Blipping your card against the side of the maschine, the transaction goes through without a problem thankfully. You smile at the girl again as she tells you that your order will be ready soon, and as you walk over to sit down at a table you can hear the kissy noises they’re making.

“Did you two just collectively decide not to hear me say ‘me and Em’, the idiot got wasted last night and I don’t have anything at home, courtesy of that drunk idiot. So me being the great friend that I am, decided that it was better to get breakfast than having to deal with a hangry and hungover Em.” You can hear the way they let out sounds of realization, understanding what you mean.

“Hey, why didn’t you bring us treats when we were hungover?” Leah asks, apparently offended that you hadn’t done this for them.

“Well, you two never took me out to parties so I never knew when you were hungover.” Despite them not being able to see it, you shrug absentmindedly, it wasn’t your fault that you didn’t get to go with them.

“Fair enough.” 

“Listen, I’ll call you back later, I’ve got to carry everything home and I only have two hands, so.” The two say goodbye before hanging up, and you slip your phone back into your pocket as you walk up to the counter, taking the paper bag with you as you walk out into the warm weather again. 

The walk back home is just as peaceful as the walk to the bakery, maybe the usual Boston had decided to take a break for just a day. Well whatever it was, you were thankful for it, your sleep deprived mind couldn’t handle much more than it already had.

When the lock clicks and you open the door, you’re met with the sound of groaning coming from the kitchen. Taking off your shoes at the entrance, you hang your keys back on the designated hook before you move towards the kitchen.

Peeking around the corner and into the kitchen, you quickly find the source of the noise. Because Em was standing in the middle of the room, banging her head against the counter clearly in quite a bit of pain. 

Why she was hitting her head against the counter then, you didn’t know, it’s completely irrational. But if that’s what she wanted to do then you’d let her, it wasn’t really any of your business.

“Em? What are you doing?” She looks up at you when she hears your voice, her gaze murderous, her hands in her hair, massaging her head like it was the last thing she’d ever do.

“Oh, grumpy you’re finally home, where have you been and why did you let me drink so much last night?” She groans out from between clenched teeth, your laugh filling the room pitifully within seconds at her words. It is funny after all, it was Em herself who insisted on drinking last night and her suffering the consequences of her actions was hilarious.

“I was out being an amazing friend and getting us both some breakfast.” You place the bag on top of the counter, almost right in front of Em’s face, but when she makes the motion of grabbing the bag and consuming the contents, you snatch it from the counter.

The older girl whines at your actions, her head coming down against the marble countertops again, the repetitive thumping annoying you more than you’d like to admit.

“Listen, I didn’t spend 14 dollars just for you to throw it back up. Off you go, get ready and for god’s sake please do not throw up in my living room.” Putting your hands on the back of her shoulders, you gently lead her all the way out of the room and into your bathroom, sitting her in front of the toilet before going back to the kitchen. “Oh, I talked to Luce earlier, she wants to thank you for making me ‘experience college the right way’.”  

Emma lets out a groan that sounds like a hybrid of a hawk getting piped and the death whistle, was getting praised by THE Lucy Bronze really worth the terrible hangover? Only Em could answer that, and she was currently hanging over the seat of your toilet, puking her guts up.

You can hear Em flushing and then moving to the sink, turning the tap on and taking some into her mouth, swirling the water around. Her bare feet slap disturbingly against the wooden floor as she makes her way towards the kitchen, your back turned towards her as she comes up behind you, her arm slinging around your shoulders.

“Wait, Luce? Luce as in Lucy Bronze? Lucy Bronze, the three time Champions League winner?” You shrug at her, turning back around to face the rest of the kitchen with Em hot on your heels.

“Yeah, I mean knowing her is not impressive.” Em’s wide eyes suggest a different story, her hands coming up to lay on your shoulders as she shakes your body back and forth.

“Wait, you know THE Lucy Bronze?” Taking her hands off your shoulders, you push the coffee cup into her free hand and a croissant into her other one. She nods thankfully before she hops up and sits on the counter, the small bag being placed between your bodies as you sit beside her on the counter.

“Did I forget to tell you that? And also why would she call me if we didn’t know each other?” Your eyebrows knit together, thinking back to all the conversations you and Em had over the past two and a half weeks.

“UH yeah, how do you know the best defender in the world?” The brunette girl slaps your shoulder playfully, studying your side profile out the corner of her eye. You look back at her in the exact same way, a small almost unknown smile on your face.

“Our mums knew each other, I’ve known Lucy since I was in diapers. And besides, I wasn’t the only one out here hiding family.” Raising your eyebrows accusingly, the girl beside you gives you a look of perplexion, not understanding what you mean by the statement.

“What do you mean?” She asks, her feet swinging off the edge, nearly smacking against your cabinet doors every time.

“I mean your scary older brother that you never told me about.” You say matter of factly, pointing at her with a ‘you know who I’m talking about’ look. The ‘ahhh’ sound that escapes her lips when she realizes who you’re talking about sounds out through the kitchen, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth.

“Oh, Cal? Cal’s not scary, he looks like the rat from flushed away. Oh and that reminds  me, you have to come with me to this dinner he invited me to next week. No way I’m third wheeling all night long with him and his latest girlfriend.” The snort you let out is involuntary, the American girl’s description of her brother very vivid, and hopefully correct. It wasn’t like you’d seen her brother ever before, so you didn’t actually know what he looked like.

“Yeah sure I’ll help you feel less single, but no hand holding and no pretending to be together.” You look at her pointedly, making your point totally clear, no fake dating, that never turned out right. Em nods her head as she shrugs, as if to tell you ‘fair enough’.

“No way that I’d go out with you anyways, you’re far too grumpy for my liking. Maybe you can set me up with one of your mates in England.” Her hand covers her mouth so that she doesn’t laugh at your horrified expression, clearly you’re disturbed at the mere thought of Boston Tea Party part two happening if they ever broke up. 

“One Boston tea party is enough mate, we don’t need another.” The sip of coffee that Em had just taken covers  basically the entirety of your kitchen in a single second, the girl beside you spitting it out in surprise. “Em, come on. I’m not cleaning that up just so you know.”

Jumping down from the counter, you nearly slip on Em’s newly spit out coffee, only escaping the sticky mess by a millimeter. Her laughter clings out through the apartment, and Em makes sure to let you know that she’s sorry by telling you through her bouts of laughter.

“Look under the sink, you’ll find what you need under there.” The sound of the cabinet door opening can be heard from where you’re standing in the middle of the living room, picking up all the various things littered around the space. 

“Girl, why do you have everything under here except paper towels?” The brunette calls out for you, and you shake your head in amusement at her, there was no way that Em hadn’t thought about looking in any other cabinet than the one she had her head stuck in at the moment.

“Look in the compartment above, see if you’ll find them there.” You get the confirmation that she’s found it when she lets out a short ‘aha’, you can almost imagine the way her head hits the corner of the sink when she gets up, the loud ‘fuck that hurt’ being very telling.

“You okay?” Looking around the wall in the direction of the kitchen, you see Em sticking her hand out, the thumb sticking up telling you that she was fine.

It didn’t take as long as either of you had thought to clean the kitchen up, only a few minutes and even less to clean the mess in the living room. Soon enough, the television was turned on and the two of you were sitting in silence watching the looney tunes.

“Do you think the duck piped the rabbit or is it the other way ‘round?” Em questions, her tone completely serious, as if she wasn’t asking the craziest question ever.

“Uh I don’t think Bugs Bunny piped Daffy Duck.” Looking at her incredulously, she only responds with a shrug, her theory about the two cartoon animals being shot down almost immediately.

“Well they do have sexual tension that’s for sure.” She states matter of factly, pointing at you like you would agree. Spoiler alert: you didn’t agree at all.

“Mate what goes even on in your head?” You ask her, looking at her as if she belonged in a mental institution. Em scratches her head nonchalantly, stretching out her legs and placing her feet in your lap. “Do you not have anywhere to be?”

“Like where?” She asks, her words coming out mumbled as she’s biting her nails, chewing on the bits before she spits them out. When she looks at you she sees the judgemental look on your face, stopping what she’s doing with no real sense of urgency.

“I don’t know, maybe at home? Do you not have like a hundred plants that need to be watered?” She springs up from the couch, running to the entrance where she puts her shoes on before she shouts out a quick ‘bye’ and runs out the house.

“What is she on?” You laugh through the sentence, the pure hilarity and absurdity of most situations involving your newest best friend making you laugh more often than not.

With Em being in and out of your apartment practically every day, the week leading up to the dinner with her brother and his ‘newest’ girlfriend passes by extremely fast, feeling more like a day than a week.

“Em, what am I supposed to wear? Is it like a fancy restaurant or more chill?” You shout from your room, Em changing into her clothes in the living room. The clothing hangers click against each other as you look through the clothes you’d managed to put up over the past few weeks, many different button ups and a few normal t-shirts.

“You’re asking me this 10 minutes before we go?!” She shouts back, surprised that you’re not already finished dressing yourself and getting ready, seeing as you were the first one out the house normally.

“Yeah, I just realized that I never asked you what to wear.” You shrug to no one in particular, seeing as you were the only one present in your room.

“Didn’t your parents take you to a bunch of dinners with their clients?” Em’s voice carries through the walls, especially with the woman coming closer and closer to your door.

“I’ve been to a fair few, but in my defense I’ve always had stylists helping me so putting together outfits isn’t really one of my strong points.” Pulling out a few items of clothing, you hold them up so that they’re almost exclusively in your line of sight, looking to see if they’d match. 

“Fair enough, it’s not too fancy, just wear that linen shirt and some of your fancy pants.” She peeks her head into the room, looking at where you’re standing in your jeans, seemingly debating whether to wear the simple white button down or a Harvard t-shirt. 

“Trousers?” You raise your eyebrow cheekily at the brunette, a small teasing smile on your face.

“Yeah yeah, you know what I mean.” Emma rolls her eyes at you whilst you place the two articles of clothing back into your closet, the hangers clicking easily against the pole they’re hooked on.

“I do, I just like to annoy you.” Hearing the door click closed, you pull the linen shirt off its hangar and pull it over your head before you unbutton your jeans and pull the ‘fancy pants’ over your legs. Buttoning up the various buttons on the slacks, you quickly tuck your shirt in before opening the door and tapping Em on her head as you pass her.

“Shut up man.” You look back at Em when you reach the entrance, picking out your fanciest pairs of shoes to show her.

“Those look good?” She studies them for a second or two before nodding diligently, pulling on a pair of relatively fancy shoes too.

“They’re better than your beat up sneakers at least.” She shrugs at your offended look, almost telling you that it’s only fair since they are beat up.

“They still have at least two, three years left in them alright. There’s no need for new ones if they work just fine.” For the second time that day, you take your keys off the hook in the hall, letting Em walk out the open door before you so that you can lock everything up.

“Are we finally taking your car?” She asks, seeing the little metal key on your keychain with hers nowhere in sight. Normally you were insistent on taking hers as your baby was almost priceless, a reminder of home that you’d come to love over the past week, seeing as you’d gotten it shortly after signing your first professional contract.

“Yeah, I need to impress your brother, right?” Smirking cheekily over your shoulder, you see Em smiling widely at you as the lock on the door clicks closed, waiting for you to follow her into the elevator.

“Can I-” She starts off, the cool air in the lift making the hair on your arms raise, the skin becoming all prickly like that of a goose.

“No.” You can see the way Em pouts almost like a petulant child through the mirror, her arms crossed over her chest as she glares at you.

“You don’t even know what I was about to ask you.” Raising a single eyebrow at her, you look down at her through the corner of your eye, like you did more often than you were willing to admit.

“No, but I do know you and that’s enough, no one other than me will ever drive my car.” The late afternoon sun glows bright orange like hot coals as the two of you step out into the humid air, the garage not too far away from the building’s entrance. Picking out the right key, you quickly unlock the door before pulling it up, revealing the gorgeous red ‘67 Mustang that Em always wanted you to drive.

The girl in question wolf whistles when she sees the car, a hand coming up to shelter her eyes from the sun beaming into them, moving towards you with slow steps. Walking into the garage, you motion for the other girl to open the door on the passenger side as you plop down into the driver’s seat. 

You don’t have to feel around for very long to find the ignition, as you push the clinking keys in, smiling satisfied as the motor revs up loudly. Applying a small amount of pressure to the gaspedal, it’s not long until you’ve navigated your way out of the garage successfully and pulled onto the main road.

Pulling the seat belt over your body as soon as you’ve made it out to the main road, you waste no time in pulling your sunglasses out of their compartment and putting them over your eyes so as to not get completely blinded by the sun.

“Okay, give me the rundown of your brother, likes and dislikes, hobbies, aspirations, all the basic knowledge apart from him looking like the rat from flushed away.” Tapping your fingers against the steering wheel, you peek down at the phone that’s currently giving you directions for the restaurant, the beautiful nature almost mesmerizing.

“His full name is Callum Adam Whitmore, he’s 23 years old and he plays basketball for UConn. He likes sports, hitting on anything that has a pulse, pretending he knows how to play the guitar and pretentiously explaining movies. He dislikes losing, being told no by our parents and me on a few occasions. Hobbies are partying and gaming, aspires to go to the NBA. That’s all.” Em lists, giving you all the information you need to adequately make the assumption that Callum Adam Whitmore is kind of an arse.

“Well he sounds…nice?” There’s no denying how questionable you sound, clearly not believing the words coming out of your own mouth. Em looks at you over the tops of her own glasses, giving you a skeptical look.

“No he doesn’t, he’s an ass and to use the correct terminology, a fuckboy.” Em pushes her glasses up higher on the bridge of her nose, turning the knobs on the inbuilt stereo for it to start playing music, ‘My Girl’ by The Temptations flowing softly out the speakers.

“Sing with me grumpy! I’ve got so much honey, the bees envy me, I’ve got a sweeter song, than the birds in the trees.” She sings loudly, her hands gesturing for you to join her in singing as you shake your head, a small smile on your face at her antics. “Come on, sing it man! I guess you’d say, what can make me feel this way?”

Finally relenting at the last second possible, you join the older girl in song happily.

“My girl, my girl, my girl, talkin’ ‘bout my girl.” Tapping along to the beat just as the last note of the song rings out, you pull into the parking lot of the restaurant, effectively ending the little karaoke session you were participating in.

“Holy shit man, that went so fast.” Em pats your shoulder as you pull into a parking space at the corner of the big parking lot, taking the keys out of the ignition before you fold your sunglasses and place them back into their compartment.

“Perks of having a really fast car.” Waiting from the brunette to step out of the car, you don’t waste a second in locking up the extremely expensive piece of machinery. You take a second to fix your hair in the rear view mirror, even though you don’t really know why, there wasn’t really anyone in that restaurant to impress now that you knew that Em’s brother was a total ass, but your instinct told you to. 

“Can you hurry up?” The girl in question asks from her place in front of the restaurant door and you send her a sarcastic smile in response, half running half walking up to her.

She doesn’t say anything as she pushes the door open, in fact she doesn’t say anything until you two reach the hostess stand where she tells the worker the name of the reservation.

As the worker leads the two of you over to the table there’s a million different thoughts running through your head, why were you nervous? Why did it feel like your stomach was about to explode? Why were there so many tables in the restaurant?

You only really tune back into the real world around you when Em pinches your side, her head turned towards a table with a man sitting alone, presumably her brother. The man stands up and walks around the table to reach your side, bringing your friend into a familial embrace, before he turns to you and sticks his hand out.

There’s no avoiding the sense of deja vu you get from the action, remembering the girl from the party almost a week ago who’d done the exact same thing, but then again it was the most common form of introducing yourself.

“Cal Whitmore.” His voice is on the deeper side, not Darth Vader deep but definitely on the deeper side of the spectrum. His calloused hand grips onto yours in a confident handshake, fingers gripping onto yours harder than needed, which fits the cocky description Em had put forth.

“Y/n Y/l/n.” You smile staley at him, the man moving back to his side of the table as you pull out the chair for the girl beside you, only sitting down when she’s settled.

“So, where’s your darling date Cal?” Em asks her older brother teasingly, looking around the restaurant like she’d appear just out of anywhere.

“Calm yourself Em, she went to wash her hands.” He leans back in his chair cockily, his eyes glued to the backside of one of the waitresses passing by like some horny teenage boy.

“You know what, he does kind of look like the rat from Flushed Away.” You lean in closer to Em as you whisper, studying the man’s face carefully and noticing increasing similarities between the stopmotion rat and the tall man.

“Em, what the fuck, have you been telling people that I look like the rat from Flushed Away again? I don’t look like the fucking rat from Flushed Away, stop telling people that.” He looks at the girl beside you in disappointment, his thin lips turning down quickly. Well that was until a sweet voice cut in, a soft hand with fingers adorned with rings placed on his shoulder, moving down to his chest softly.

“What has she done now?” That accented voice was familiar, and as your eyes trail up from the stranger's hand to her chest and then lastly to her face you soon realize why it was so damn familiar. The careful upwards tug of her lips to the slight curls of her hair and the furrow in her brow, there was no denying that the girl standing before you was someone you recognized.

Fucking hell, you’d just taken your best friend’s brother’s girlfriend out on a date a mere week before meeting him officially. You were officially fucked.

[wintersoldiersoul]

Drowning

A/N: Not sure how I feel about this one but I'm currently going through this situation with my boyfriend and I thought that writing about it might help me feel better. Haven't gotten to the part where I talk to him about it but maybe this will inspire me.

It was late. Too late. You should be sleeping but it was impossible with your mind racing. You and Bucky had been together for almost a year now but you never really felt secure in your relationship with him. Maybe it was the way that your last boyfriend had broken up with you out of nowhere. You wish you knew why, but you always felt like Bucky was going to run. 

As much as you loved him, you also wanted more from him. More reassurance. More romance. More small gestures to show you that he cared. And you couldn’t blame him for not giving them to you when you hadn’t asked but as much as you preached the importance of communication to your friends, you were a hypocrite. You could never apply that to your own relationship.

Everytime you tried to express your feelings, you couldn’t do it. What if I’m right? What if I tell him that I’m afraid he’s gonna leave and he finally takes it as his chance to do so? You would think. Or what if I plant the idea in his head? 

All of this was made harder by the fact that you were younger than him. While he was established with a career, living on his own, you had just graduated college and were back living with your parents. Finding a job felt nearly impossible despite the countless resumes and cover letters that you sent out every single day. Your brain constantly flashed back to a conversation you had in May, where you asked him if you would stay together when you moved back home. Your hometown was less than an hour from where Bucky lived in Brooklyn, so in your mind it was a no brainer. But when your question opened up a conversation that blindsided you.

Bucky explained that he was ready to be settled down. You were shocked when he had said the words, “Sometimes it feels like we have an expiration date.”

The next morning he said he was being ridiculous. That he loved you and of course the two of you would figure it out. But ever since then, you hadn’t been able to relax. Even now, a month into you living back at home you still couldn’t shake the feeling that he was going to change his mind. You saw him just as often as you had when you were still living in the city. You didn’t mind taking the train to go see him 3 or 4 times a week. But the stress and anxiety was weighing on you. Combined with adjusting to post-grad life, you were not doing well. 

You had never felt so lonely in your life. All of your college friends had also moved back to their hometowns while most of your friends from high school were still dispersed around the country. The job search left you feeling defeated every single day. And the lack of things to do and structure made life feel meaningless. It was safe to say that you had hit a low point. 

But you wanted to hide it all from Bucky. Because what if you brought up how hard it was to find a job and he realized that this wasn’t going to work? What if you told him how lonely you were and he was offended that he wasn’t enough? He knew that you struggled with anxiety and he was no stranger to mental health issues of his own but you just found it impossible to open up to him about all of this.

So there you were, in the midst of another sleepless night overthinking everything. Laptop opened, frantically searching on LinkedIn for jobs in the hopes that one thing just might work out. You read back your text messages from the past few days. Does he seem distant, or is my stupid brain playing tricks on me? As your spiral continued, you could feel a panic attack brewing. You tried your best to focus on your breathing but it became impossible. You just wanted to talk to Bucky. You needed to talk to Bucky. 

Fuck it, you thought. Losing him would be horrible, but so is living in this fear. Through your tears and shaking hands, you typed a message.

Y/N: Are you awake?

You shook your legs and bit your nails as you stared at the screen waiting for those three dots to show up.

Bucky: Yeah.

You took a deep breath as you sent the next message, trying to not go crazy over the dry single word he had responded with.

Y/N: Can I call you?

You desperately wished you could be with him right now to have this conversation. To analyze his body language in person. But you weren’t with him and you wouldn’t see him til the end of the week and you needed to get this out. Now.

Bucky: It’s late. I’m trying to get some sleep. 

You knew work had been kicking his ass lately. He was putting in insane hours, usually waking up at 6 and not finishing up til midnight. You knew he needed to rest and you almost responded back saying nevermind, and goodnight. But no. You needed to be a little selfish or you would crumble. Tonight felt like a turning point. Or a breaking point.

Y/N: Please Bucky. I really need to talk to you.

Bucky: Ok

Pressing dial on his name, you felt your heart rate increase even more. You tried to take deep breaths to calm your tears but it didn’t help. You were practically sobbing by the time he answered the call. “Bucky…” you said into the phone. 

At hearing your voice, Bucky was alert. He could tell that something was wrong. You had never cried in front of him. “Y/N? Baby, what's wrong? What's going on?” His desire for sleep was completely gone. All he cared about was you. He knew that he wasn’t the best boyfriend. He knew he could treat you better. But the years of trauma he had experienced made it hard for him to be vulnerable with anyone. He loved you so much that it hurt him and he hated himself that he couldn’t fully give himself to you. 

“Bucky, I’m not okay. I’m really really not okay,” you practically hyperventilated. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep living like this. I can’t.”

“Shhh, can you take some deep breaths for me?” He said calmly. “I need you to calm down and tell me what's going on.” He listened quietly as he heard you breathe deeply.

“Bucky, I’m terrified,” you finally spoke after a couple of minutes. “I don’t feel secure in our relationship. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells constantly because I’m petrified that you’re gonna leave. That one day you’re just gonna decide that you’re done with me because I’m too young and I live with my parents and I don’t have a job. And trying to find a job has really been taking a toll on me. I’m trying so fucking hard but it feels impossible. It’s so defeating waking up every single day to an email inbox full of rejections and I feel worthless and stupid. I’m not doing well not being in college anymore. I don’t have any structure to my days and life feels really fucking pointless right now. I’m so lonely. Fuck, I’m so lonely, Buck.” You took a pause, bracing yourself for his response. 

“Baby, why haven’t you brought this up sooner? Why haven’t you told me any of this?” There was genuine shock in his voice. 

“Because!” You cried. “I don’t want to remind you about how hard it is to find a job right now. I don’t want you to think about the fact that I live with my parents now while you have your own independent life. I never want to remind you of it because I don’t want you to change your mind and leave. And I don’t want you to think that you’re not enough for me because I’m lonely. I love you so much but I just… I really fucking miss my friends.” 

“Y/N, I need you to listen to me. Like, really listen to me. I am well aware of your situation. I know it’s hard to find a job right now. I’m not gonna leave you, okay? I’m committed to this. To you.”

You sniffled. “But you said that you wanted to be settled down. That we might have an expiration date.”

He sighed. “I’m sorry for that. I never should have said those things. When we had that conversation I was tired and not thinking clearly. And I spent that whole night wide awake thinking about how stupid I was and how stupid I would be to let you go because you need some time to find your footing after college. I hate that those words affected you so much. I’m so sorry.”

You talked to him for a while longer, pouring out all of your insecurities that you’d been holding back. After a while, the conversation started to shift to more normal things.

“Baby,” Bucky yawned. “I love you so much but I gotta go to bed. And tomorrow after work I’ll come see you, okay?”

“Okay. I love you too.”

Your worries wouldn’t fade overnight. You wouldn’t suddenly be able to get a job. Your friends wouldn’t all come back to you. College was over and life was drastically different. But at least now Bucky knew. And he wasn’t going to leave.

[s-4pphics]

dial. 4 (e.w.)

wc;cw: 5.5K, fratadjacent!ellie, all ocs r black coded<3, angst, SMUT MDNI!!!!!, finger sucking!!!, voyeurism, dirty talk, lil assplay, squirting, spit, a lil breeding kink, sextape, masturbation, more porn mentions, bussing untouched, weed, dubcon bc alcohol, pov switches bc im experimenting :p

You returned to campus surprisingly high-spirited. 

You were arriving to class fifteen minutes early, color-coding your notes, smiling and laughing with your friends even more than you used to before shit hit the fan! It scared the shit out of all of them since the last time they saw you, snot was coming out of your nose while you sobbed your eyes out. 

Dina knocked on you and Niah’s front door the night before class with tears in her eyes, whimpering out about how terrible she felt and how she should’ve tried harder to steer you away from her best friend. Nothing was her fault; She did what anyone would, and you ignored it. She slept in your arms that night. 

When you joyfully volunteered to pay for you and Niah’s fancy dinner upon returning to campus, she grilled you, demanding to know where this change of heart came from. As if you weren’t screaming about how much you hated these hoes on FaceTime a couple of weeks ago. All you could do is shrug and laugh some more, confirming that everything would be fine. She seemed a bit skeptical when she peered at you over her glass of wine. 

Niah even volunteered to be angry with you. I’ll still beat her ass! I don’t care if you’re feeling better; I’m not! But you didn’t even want that. You developed a crush on somebody that’s a bad person, who just so happened to have amazing dick! Shit happens, and you’re over it. Sort of. 

You still have something that you need to take care of before you close this chapter of your college career. And there’s only one person who’d be willing to help you out!

“… You want me to what.” 

Your feet tapped nervously on Abby’s hardwood floor as she gawked at you, her body lax on her couch as smoke left her mouth in a large, pale cloud. 

After Ellie exposed her and Abby’s history, you decided to pry. Abby seemed a bit confused at your eagerness to know about their relationship, but she provided some insight. They’re apparently not as close as you thought: they’ve been screwing on and off since freshman year after Abby’s partner cheated on her with someone dressed in a panda costume. What the fuck.

Abby is actually Riley’s best friend, who’s also Ellie and Dina’s really good friend whose also friends with someone named Kayla and your brain is fucking fried and you’re not even high! You don’t know any of these people!

Since when did snooping become this fucking confusing! 

Your hands fiddled nervously, “Um… well, I mean— “

“Listen,” she snickered. “You seem nice, like really fuckin’ nice, but I dunno about this. Ellie’n I aren’t… best friends or anything but—”

“I know it sounds fucking crazy! I know!” Your arms flailed, “This is really outta character for me, but… she…” 

Tears immediately jerked in your eyes as you recalled Ellie’s harsh words. This is the first time you’ve cried since you’ve been back, “She really hurt my fucking feelings. Don’t tell anyone I told you that, by the way! I just wanna…” 

“Use me to get her back?” Abby concluded, leaning over to ash her joint. 

You pouted, “… You make it sound so awful— “

“Well, I mean,” she snorted, offering you the remainder of the joint. You took it gratefully. 

You spoke around your toke, “I dunno what else to do. I don’t know anything about her. The only time I saw her slightly out of character was at the fucking party!”

Abby hummed as she listened when you exhaled. She didn’t seem… entirely off put by your suggestion, but she hasn’t said much this entire conversation. She probably thought you came here for another reason based on her appearance. Ellie and Abby were surprisingly alike. They loved themselves some fucking grey sweatpants!

Moments of silence passed as she stared at the floor with her lip between her teeth, and you knew it was over. She was thinking of a way to kick you out politely. Not only was your one chance at karma destroyed, but you might’ve cost yourself a potential friendship with Abby! You’re bound to be walking out of here without the dignity you attempted to salvage in the next five seconds. Is it hot in here or is the bud getting to you quicker than expected—

“Run the plan by me one more time?” 

You looked up at her, meeting the mischievous glint in her eyes. You choked on your last puff of the blunt and your brows raised in shock. Her index finger tapped on the back of the couch while you went through the run-down for the weekend. 

She still hasn't said anything after your second explanation, and your body flushed hot in mortification. You threw in the towel with a heavy sigh.

“Abby, I’m sorry,” you palmed your forehead, “I shouldn’t have thrown this on you. Apparently, I’m not good with strangers, either!” 

You tried to mask your incoming breakdown with an awkward chuckle as you stood to leave, “Um… yeah. I’m sorry— “

“Alright.” 

Your heart jerked in your chest.

“I’ll do it.” 

“R-Really?” 

“Mhm. Ellie never discounted when I picked up, anyway,” she spoke around her bite of a peach ring.  

You leaped from the longue chair to the couch, squealing out thank you’s and throwing your arms around her neck. You felt her hand squeeze the plush on your hip, and you shuddered above her. 

She grinned like a Cheshire and offered you her pinky. 

“Our little secret?” 

You smiled like a fox and laced yours with hers. 

You don’t know when or how your balls dropped, but they were dangling and fucking huge. 

Did you purposefully wear your Sunday best to the Starbucks that Ellie works at? Yes! Were your titties freezing on the way over here from the cut in your sweater dress? Abso—fucking—lutely! You received so many compliments from your peers during your sociology course, though! 

Your heeled boots clanked on the tile with every step you took in the fast-paced line. You hoped Ellie could see you from the register!

It only took two minutes for you to be standing in front of the service counter, finally face-to-face with the first person you’ve ever plotted on. 

“Morning…” you gazed down at her nametag, “Ellie.” 

“… Mornin’,” Her eyes shifted, “Chai latte, extra mi—? “

You ignored the fluttering of your heart as she recited your order. 

“Actually,” your tone was honey-sweet and your smile stretched across your cheeks, “I’d like a Java Chip Frap. Extra chocolate syrup… aaand…” 

You pretended to study the menu board behind her, “A pack of Madeleines!”

She swallowed at the mention of her favorite munchie. You recall catching glimpses of her sneaking some into her pocket before her shift ended every other day. 

She cleared her throat and stared at the screen in front of her, “Anything else?” 

“No, that’s all!” 

You scanned your student card while she wrote your name on your cup. You threw the most darling, pageant-ready have an amazing day, Ellie you could muster over your shoulder. You didn’t bother to wait for her reply before strolling to the pick-up line with a newfound pep in your step. 

That was the best cold drink you’ve ever had!

Saturday came like a freight train. Today was the day. 

Today was the fucking day! 

You were absolutely terrified; You woke up with anxiety pooled in your gut, your mind racing with hundreds of questions. 

What if something bad happens and all this plotting was for naught? What if Abby doesn’t show tonight? What if Ellie chose to just not attend the soccer house party for once? All this pent-up aggression inside you would never get released. 

You rolled your black back seam stockings while Niah curled her hair. 

“Is there a reason we're doing all this extra shit for a stingy party?” Niah asked as she removed her elastic band. 

The second you returned home from Starbucks, you dragged Niah from her bed and into the mall. This would count as your monthly splurge (auntie slid you a few extra coins)! It was vital that you looked as sexy as possible, even if it meant putting a dent in your allowance. 

“Can I not do the most for once?” Your brow arched, twiddling your fingers like an evil villain. 

“You always do the fucking most,” Niah stared blankly as she curled her ends. You giggled and skipped over to where she sat at her desk. 

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?” You cheesed. 

She rolled her eyes, “Get out my face with that gay shit, bruh— “

“I wanna kiss!”

“I dunno why you’re so excited. You know damn well that girl is gonna be there.” 

Your smile widened. She looked up at your silence with a glare, her sharp liner slicing through you as she studied your face. 

“Did y’all fucking make up?” 

“Not at all,” you hummed. 

She didn’t let up, her eyes squinting at you before they doubled in size. 

“Oh my god…” 

“What.” 

“YOU’RE FUCKING SOMEBODY ELSE!” She sprung out of her desk seat, almost dropping her curling iron. “No wonder you’ve been acting so fucking weird— “

“What’s weird about being happ— “

She squealed in excitement, “Shut up! Who is it! Who’s tearing them organs up— “ 

“NIAH! Nobody’s tearing anythi— “

“CALL FROM: ABBY SMILING FACE WITH HEARTS SMILING FACE— “

Siri, followed by your ringtone, blared through your speaker. 

Niah slowly peered over at your desk before looking back at you.

“… And who the fuck is Abby?” 

By the look in her eye, she must’ve already known. 

Oh fuck. 

“U-Uh— “

Niah sprinted towards your desk before you could stop her, snatching your device and answering despite your anxious protests and grabs for it. 

“Yes, hello. Are you smashing my— “

“NIAH! STOP!” You were able to wrangle your phone out of Niah’s grasp, speaking over her shouts of just two whores fornicating!

You could hear Abby snickering, “So much for a secret.” 

“I’m sorry! I can't beat her intuition. Or Siri!”

“You’re cute,” Her voice was like butter, “Just checkin’ to see if we’re still on.” 

Whores! Whores, I tell you! Boutta sweat my wig off! Niah hollered, finally resigning and leaning against your desk. 

“Yeah, we are. Unless you don’t wanna— “

“Shut it. I want to.” 

A shudder wracked through you at the drawl of her tone. Niah shook her head, and you bucked at her with a threatening stare. 

“Okay. I’ll see you soon?” 

“See you soon.” 

The two of you gently farewelled and hung up. You turned to see Niah shamefully shaking her head at you. 

“I’ve seen a lot of shit in my lifetime,” she started, “I’ve never, in all my years, seen anyone fuck their side piece’s side piece.” 

… Were you really the only one who didn’t know that Ellie and Abby canoodled? 

Your eyes rolled, “You’re so fucking dramatic.” 

She reached behind her and grabbed two nips of 1800, tossing one in your direction, almost cracking you in the face with the plastic bottle. 

“You’re gonna need that shit. Harlot.” 

The soccer house was on one; They knew how to fucking throw a not-Christmas party! 

You prayed with every fiber of your drunk being that the feds wouldn’t show up as you threw it back on Niah as Dina grabbed your titties. Tequila’s the devil and coaxes sluttery! 

Drake always sounds more talented when you’re fucked up. Good on him! 

Eyes were burning through your body and you showed out for them. 

Until you felt your phone vibrate in your fucking bra you can’t have shit in this house! —

You irritatingly pulled it out of your bra, leaning on Dina’s shoulder to read your message from… Abby, oh fuck fuck fuck—

You smirked and searched the dark room for your new pretty friend. A moan almost left your throat when you saw her standing by the counter packed with liquor… in a muscle tee that read DO MILFS, NOT DRUGS. And a lollipop stick in her mouth. 

Your brows furrowed in confusion when you locked eyes with Abby. She nodded behind you with a grin. 

You peered over your shoulder and instantly regretted it. 

Ellie was standing against the wall in a flannel and beanie, yet another girl pressed up against her while she smoked. And stared at you. Stared hard at you. Were those the eyes you felt seconds ago? Pride exploded in your chest at the thought. 

… But how long has she fucking been standing there, and why didn’t you fucking notice? You’re never touching Tequila again! 

You shot another text to Abby before shutting your phone off, watching her squeeze through the crowd to get over to your little group. 

“Okay, baby?” Dina shouted in your ear over the music as she rubbed your back. You nodded, keeping your eyes on the blonde girl. 

Abby popped up behind Dina, tapping her shoulder to greet the girl that was propping you up. Abby whispered something to her, and Dina’s grip loosened around your waist. You smiled when Abby presented in front of you, throwing your arms around her neck to keep yourself steady. 

You barely heard Niah’s shouts of whore alert before Abby leaned down to connect your lips. The shots she had mixed with her cherry-flavored chapstick and apple lollipop as her mouth caressed yours, calls of oh shit from partygoers around you drowning your head. The attention made you kiss her deeper, your tongue easing into her mouth as people hooted around you. 

Abby’s strong arms wrapped around your waist to hold you to her strong chest, her sneaky hands crawling down to grab your ass through your dress. You moaned into the kiss, lacing your fingers through her curled locks. 

She tightened her hold on your hips and spun you, a thin line of drool connecting your lips before your back met her chest. You held onto a shocked Dina’s hips while you threw it on Abby, your back arched while she thrusted into your ass. 

Niah, ever the sweetheart, slapped it encouragingly, your hips pushing further onto Abby until she grabbed your shoulder and hauled you back up, her large arm enclosing around your throat. You felt her messily kissing your neck and up your ear, and your eyes fluttered open. 

Don’tlookatEllieDon’tlookatEllieDon’tlookatEllie—

You did everything in your power to ignore her harsh stare, pulling Niah’s hips back on yours, exposing more space on your neck for Abby to suck, anything anything anything! Don’t fucking look at her!

“Ready?” Abby shouted in your ear. 

Thank god for Abby; You were this close to looking at her. 

You nodded, and she whisked you upstairs after you blew your friends' kisses. 

Why the fuck was Ellie fuming in this dark corner? 

Not only did you blow the fuck out of her high, but you decided to do it with someone she considered a… she doesn’t fucking know. Someone close enough for it to feel like a betrayal!

And you looked so fucking sexy in the act. 

The person chewing on her neck must think that the squirms she’s trying to cover are because of them. They weren’t, not when you’re around dancing like money is getting thrown all over you. 

How did you manage to get her so fucking horny with absolutely no interaction? You looked at her once since you’ve arrived. She could bet every cent in her bank account that you’re a witch! The sluttiest, sex-obsessed witch with good pussy. Not to mention, you’re so fucking sweet. 

Well, you used to be.

Ellie’s never seen this wild side of you. You’re always structured and organized and sweet like fucking honey. Somebody will get a cavity if they get too close to you. She can attest. 

All she could do was watch you and Abby trek upstairs with interlocked hands, something nasty stabbing in her gut at the sight. She knows she’s a hypocrite. A disgusting, vile hypocrite with the audacity to feel negatively about you seeing someone else. She’s fucked up and she’s horny and she wants you. Fuck, you have such good pussy. 

And the prettiest brown eyes. Fuck, fuck fuck fuck—

She hasn’t seen eyes that gorgeous since she fucking moved away for school. Since the last time she saw her. 

Seconds, minutes, it felt like hours went by as she replayed every interaction the two of you have had since you met. Sex, sex, sex, you trying to get closer, her getting upset at you trying, sex. More good— great sex. You're pulling the leash you have on her with your cunt, for fucks sake. 

She doesn’t know how long she’s been standing off to the side, but the person that fucked up her neck disappeared. Probably took too long to fucking react because she’s too busy thinking about how tight your cunt chokes her dick. 

What the fuck were you and Abby doing? Ellie knows she’s a fucking hypocrite. 

She pulls her device out of her pocket to ease her stress, but her stomach plummets when she sees a message from Abby. 

Ellie’s such a fucking, goddamn hypocrite. 

She forces herself through the crowd and scurries up the stairs like the floors on fire, ducking and dodging drunk students that were in her path until she stood at the top of the steps.

She instantly hears you over the booming bass. A choked scoff leaves her before anything, your pleased cries ringing through her eardrums like a church bell, and she almost loses it in the middle of the hallway. She’s getting so wet and your moans are getting higher in pitch and she knows you're about to cum. Why’s she out of breath and pissed and drenched to hell?

The door’s right there. 

She takes a couple steps until she’s facing it, her hand resting on the knob. You always asked her to keep all entries open when she fucked you outside. You’re just as gross as she is. 

One twist and it’s over. 

She’s such a fucking hypocrite. 

Whoever owns this bed is going to need a new mattress. You’ve never been this wet in your life. 

Is it gross that staring into Ellie’s shocked, glossy eyes are making your pussy squeeze down on Abby’s dick? Even after all the bullshit she’s done, she still makes you drip like a faucet. Shame on you and your cunt. 

S—it down, you whimpered, and Abby chuckled. 

Abby’s harsh thrusts slowed when you cracked out your command, a harsh slap landing on your ass, and the arch in your back deepened. Ellie exhaled a harsh breath and shut the door behind her, her body falling against the wood due to her wobbling legs. The more you inspected her bruised chest, the angrier you became. Who was she trying to fuck now? A nasty smile grew on your face at the sight of her in complete disbelief. 

Abby pulled out until just the tip was inside before slamming her entire length back into you, your jaw slackening when an oh, fuck escape you and Ellie. You hardly recognized your own voice. 

Her eyes left yours and stared behind you, your core squeezing when her fists clenched at her sides and eyes darkened. 

S-Sit down. Be a good girl’n sit d-down, you whimpered, your walls squeezing on the silicone. 

She looked down at you again, her cheeks tinting a darker shade of red whenever you addressed her. Your glare hardened when she didn’t listen, and her body cowered, eyes sparkling before pushing herself off the wall and onto the small lounge chair at the front of the room so she was facing you. 

Ellie’s hands were fiddling in her lap as she took the scene of you: liner and glitter running down your cheeks in a heap of tears, bruised neck and tits pressed against her friend’s ruffled sheets, your ass bruised to hell. She could see your slick and cum glistening on Abby’s cock under the dim lamp of the room. Her boxers were a mess. 

Such a sexy little pornstar, isn’t she, El?

Ellie wanted to cry when you and Abby laughed lightly. This is the first time she’s been speechless when it came to anything related to fucking. She loves sex, but she’s always, always, in control no matter what. The lack of ability she had over the situation made her throat dry and clit throb. She’d never admit it, though. 

W-Wanted t’make me a pornstar so bad? You spat shakily. You’re gonna sit there’n record Abby f-fucking me. 

Ellie’s breathing increased at the demand. You always looked so fucking sexy on camera. A natural vixen, you are. She’s never been this wet. Fuck, fuck, please—

Take your phone out, El, Abby encouraged with a sly smirk, You know how wet this pussy gets on cam. 

Ellie’s body didn’t feel like hers, like her soul was floating above her physical form. She heard the soft platplatplat of your ass clapping on Abby’s hips before she realized the two of you were fucking again, your loud cries chiming through the spacious area. Your pussy sounded so fucking wet. 

Atta fuckin’ girl, tha’s my girl, c’mon, Abby groaned while she watched your cunt milk her dick. She would give anything to cum in you. See her cum flow out of you like water. Breed you fucking full. 

She couldn’t take her eyes away from your ass. The movement of it was hypnotizing and it was bruising beautifully. She almost retrieved her own phone from her jean pocket to take a picture for herself. Almost. 

Ellie’s arm moved on autopilot, her fingers digging in her pocket for her device. You caught a glimpse of the flashlight she accidentally turned on in your haze, and smiled, fucking back onto Abby to meet her thrusts. You kept your eyes on Ellie as she held her phone up, the quiet blip indicating that she was recording. 

Your eyes flickered from Ellie’s heaving chest to the two small lenses in the corner of her phone, your back arching deeper so that she could get a good look at your ass rippling from each thrust. Your nails dug into the duvet every time Abby brushed against your cervix, her dick plunging into your squishy cunt. 

S-She’s fucking me s’good, Ellie, fuuuck—

Your babbles were sloppy and nearly intelligible, mumbled together in a fast, wet muss of your tongue. You couldn’t think about anything except Abby’s dick and Ellie’s fucking camera. You couldn’t stop your eyes from rolling back every time your eyes passed over the lens. Ellie was right; Maybe you were meant for porn. 

Ellie… ugh, shit! C’merecomehere—

Ellie looked like a newborn deer trying to walk when she got up and stood directly in front of your sweaty, fucked out form. Her camera was right in front of your face, and a hazy, drooly smile made its way onto your face. You could feel your impending orgasm sizzling all the way down to your toes. 

M’gonna squirt, fuck, thinkI’mgonnasquirt!—

Both girls moaned aloud at your squealed warning, Ellie’s thighs squeezing right in front of your face. Her hands were shaking around her phone and… her fucking hands are so sexy—

Your pussy was in agreement; The squelching sounds of your wet walls got louder with your moans, your screams flying off the walls with Abby’s, your eyes glued on Ellie’s long fucking fingers and the veins in her hands—

Your tongue lolled out of your mouth and licked over all four of the digits clenched over her device. She squealed in shock but you didn’t care, pulling away with your tongue out like a dog, eyes begging for her to fuck your throat with them. 

Ellie held her phone with her dominant hand and dragged two wet fingers over the flat of your tongue, angling her phone so that the way your throat closed around them was captured. Ellie was whimpering to herself and desperate to fucking cum. Was she crazy or was she about to nut from you gagging and drooling all over your hand? She’s crazy; She has to be fucking crazy—

Her walls were squeezing so hard in her jeans; She might actually fucking cum. She’s a goner, fuck fuck fuck—

Milk her fingers like you're milking this dick, baby, that’s it, Abby moaned out before releasing a line of drool on your ass and rubbing it in with her thumb. You choked around Ellie’s thrusting fingers, eyes crossing in your head while your pussy cried. And squeezed so hard, Abby almost couldn’t move. You felt your juices leave you in a light spray as Abby announced her orgasm, squealing about how swollen you’re going to be with her cum. You’re cumming, you’re cumming so fucking hard—

Your head dropped onto the edge of the mattress, Ellie’s spit coated fingers ripping from your mouth and you screamed, your cum drenching the bed and Abby’s dick and waist, your clit jumping with every pulse of your walls. You couldn’t keep yourself upright any longer, falling completely flat onto the bed as your body thrashed from pleasure you could hardly bear. Abby’s body laid flat on top of yours so she could force her dick deeper into you, fuck more cum out of you and milk the last bit of her orgasm.

You sobbed from the intensity, but Abby didn’t stop until your hand flew back to push her off you. She planted one wet kiss on the back of your neck before gently pulling out. Your thighs were still shaking and your clit was twitchy, but you felt so good. 

And so much better. 

It took a minute for your teary eyes to peel open. Ellie was crouched down on the floor with her knees to her chest, heavy breaths and light whines leaving her mouth while her lashes fluttered. 

Abby chuckled behind you, landing one playful smack on your ass before leaning over your form to whisper in your ear. 

Think she came when you did, She snickered.

A breathy giggle left you. Ellie couldn’t meet your eyes, hers glued to the hardwood. 

Your auntie was right; Maybe revenge was the way to go. 

You shut the bathroom door and made your way back to the bedroom, where a dazed Ellie was sitting on the bed. 

Abby left with a see you soon and a kiss on the cheek, leaving you and Ellie alone to suffocate in silence. She looked lost in thought as her finger tapped on her thigh, her teeth digging into the dry skin of her lip. You breathed heavily before walking to tower over her. 

“I want you to send me the video,” you spoke stoically, nothing bothering to wait for her to speak.

She nervously met your eyes for the first time since you orgasmed, eyes glossy like a puppy getting scolded, before grabbing her phone from where she tossed it on the bed. She shakily tapped a few times before your device vibrated in your hand. 

“Now delete it. Delete everything. Every video, every Snap. All of it,” your voice was sharper than a blade. 

You loomed over her as she scrolled through all of your memories together, your cheeks warming at the sound of your moans and cries of her name, watching closely as she trashed all the footage of the two of you fucking since you met. 

Whenever you were confident that no evidence remained, you ensured she would never hit your line again. 

“Block me, Ellie. On everything.”

She exhaled shakily before doing so on every platform and line of communication. You spun on your heel when she finished without another word, heart heavy, leaving the room and shutting the door behind you to retreat back to the lively environment downstairs. 

You deleted Ellie’s contact information when you reached the bottom of the steps. 

Ellie was absolutely distraught. And the horniest she’s ever been in her fucking life. 

She refused to move from her spot on the bed until a couple shoved into her friend’s room, eager to rip each other’s clothes off. She had too little and enough sex for tonight. She cringed when she got up and felt her cum squishing in her boxers. 

… She can’t believe she busted from just your tongue on her hand like a fucking loser. 

She didn’t bother to wait for Jesse and the rest of the soccer team like normal, opting to walk home and regain some peace of mind. The cold shocked her body when she stepped outside of the packed house, the melting ice crunching under her sneakers. 

Much to her dismay, she thought about you the entire stroll. Her mind raced, flooding with images of you getting absolutely destroyed by Abby. And looking up at her while you sucked the life out of her fingers. And your sparkly fucking eyes whenever you laughed at something stupid and unfunny she said. 

She fucked up, she fucked up so bad. 

Anxiety was stirring in her gut all the way up to her and Jesse’s apartment. 

Ellie hoped you wouldn’t be too mad at her when everyone returned to campus, but she felt vicious, unfiltered rage radiating off your body when you loomed over her. The disappointment she was so used to seeing after turning you down was replaced by disdain, and it made bile rise in her throat. Your composure used to impress her, but now she was terrified of it. 

You actually fucking hated her. 

Dina mentioned how she might’ve awakened something that you tried to keep hidden, but she didn’t care enough to listen. 

Ellie didn’t intend to hurt your feelings, but she did want to keep you at a distance. You were caught in a crossfire you never needed to be in, and she didn’t do enough to stop you from getting hit. 

She sees so much of her past in you. The moments of eagerness and joy and elation she felt in her younger years, it all crashed into her the second she stared into your eyes for too long. She almost saw roses blooming in them. She grew to despise your optimism very quickly. 

Ellie shoved her key so hard into their door she thought she bent it, ripping it open and slamming it shut. All her weight fell against the wall and she sighed. Her head was pounding and so was her clit. 

You’re so fucking hot. What the fuck. 

Her hands ran down her face in exasperation before she kicked her shoes off, unbuttoning and removing her jeans and soaked boxers. 

She slid down the door and squatted, her fingers instantly finding her twitching clit. She sighed at the sensation before dipping her digits lower, pushing past her entrance and collecting her juices to bring back to her rosy bud. She alternated between rubbing and fucking into herself, moaning into the dark space of the living room. 

She couldn’t unsee… you. Everything about you. Your scars, the dark hairs of your furrowed brows, your plump, wet lips slobbering all the way down her wrists. The deeper she reached, the hotter she became, her sweaty bangs clinging to her forehead. 

A-Abby, fuck me h-harder, please? 

Am I a good girl? M’your good girl?

M’so wet, oh god!

You fuck me t-the best! Yeah, yes yeah—

Your voice was the only thing ringing through her empty brain. Anyone would’ve been embarrassed, disgusted, traumatized by what you and Abby did. The two of you shattered her completely, breaking down every barrier she built for herself for so long. Distance was no longer her priority; She wanted to be in between the two of you so fucking bad. 

She was already so close, so close to tipping over, to wetting her fucking floor, all because of you. Fuck, she fucked up; Was it too late to tell her you were the best— one of the best she’s ever had? She has to protect her pride somehow, even if it’s pointless. 

She dug into her cunt harder, grinding her fingers into the spot that made her see stars, sent her to fucking heaven. Your name left her mouth in an almost manic cry, whimpering the syllables over and over again until she crashed, legs closing around her wrist when her pleasure shook her form. She shoved three unoccupied fingers into her mouth and swallowed around them, fucking her throat and her cunt at the same time, trying to replicate the feeling of your tongue on her again.

She almost cried when the sensation wasn’t the same. Nothing felt like your mouth, your tongue, and it sent a painful jolt in her heart. 

She came down and finally allowed her tears to fall, barely having the strength to ride out the last bits of her pleasure before she slumped onto the floor. Sobs escaped her in choked gasps. She’s a fucking idiot to be crying over you. Over the little twinkles in your eyes whenever you’re excited. 

Ellie’s a heartless, ungrateful hypocrite, and she ruined her billionth chance at redemption. 

ellie got bitched LMMMFAOOOOO

this is not a love triangle!!! or is it

jk its not lol

taggie waggies love yall down :3 @dyk3ang3l @iced-metal @sawaagyapong @kittnii @mariefilms @villainousbear @pick-me-up-im-scared @dragonasflowercrown @elsmissingfingers @bugaboodarling @freakumfilm @robinismywifee @ohitsjordynn @womenofarcane @inf3ct3dd @nil-eena @kaispaws @letsreadsomesins-shallwe @yuckyfucky @machetegirl109 @ximtiredx @mattm1964 @liabadoobee @tfuuka @aouiaa @lastofvenus

teaser, one, two, three, five

[ladykailitha]

Never Hold Back Your Step... Part 13

This really is getting down to the end here. I'm already at the Mind Flayer in the spot where I'm at in the story so...yeah. Then it would just one chapter after that. Maybe. I don't know. But it's sad to see this one go, too.

Of course as with "Can Anybody See Me?" once this is done, I will begin work on the final story which will take us all the way to the end of the fourth season. Which I hope to get done before season 5. Ideally.

It will have a line from a song in a musical just like the last two (1776 and The Scarlet Pimpernel respectively) so you have any songs you think will fit the theme of the third book (which will be Steve and Eddie clashing over nerds vs sports until that fateful day in March) let me know in the comments or tags or even a DM or ask. It took me months to come up with the title for this one, so any help would be great.

Here we have the dipshit detectives trying to figure out the message and the "secret tunnel".

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12

~

Once they explained everything to Robin, she told them about what the message said. And no given the context of the message coming from the mall it suddenly made too sense.

“The clock tower, the shoe shop and the Chinese place,” she crowed. “It’s got to be.”

“You sure you translated it correctly?” Steve asked. “Because what the fuck does blue meeting yellow have anything to do with the clock tower?”

Robin rolled her eyes and huffed out a deep sigh. “The hour and minute hands are blue and yellow and meeting in the west would be 9:45!”

Eddie tilted his head to the side. “AM or PM?”

Robin stared at him for a moment in shock. “Oh. I don’t know. Could be either I guess.”

Eddie looked at his watch and cursed. “As thrilling as all this has been, I have to get to band practice.” He gave Steve’s shoulder a squeeze. “Be careful, Stevie. Okay?”

Steve nodded and squeezed Eddie’s shoulder back. God, he just want to kiss him goodbye, because it might be his last opportunity to do so. But Dustin and Robin were watching and probably half of the mall too. “As careful as I can be.”

“How can you be so super chill about this?” Robin asked after he left. “Like Russians are running around our mall and Eddie acts like this is a normal Tuesday for you?”

Dustin and Steve shared a glance.

But Steve just scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Like I’ve had the worst year. My girlfriend broke up with me, I got my head bashed in by Hargrove, I got harassed by the basketball team, I nearly got water dumped on my head because I won the part fair and square, then the same asshole tried to scramble my brains further, I didn’t get into the right colleges and was forced to work here instead of the rec center pool like have for the last three years, and a fuck ton of other things. Now Russians have set up shop in my home town? This is just the cherry on top of a very shit filled cake.”

Robin and Dustin winced. Dustin knew that Steve’s year was actually way worse than the truncated version he gave Robin, but they couldn’t tell her about the tunnels, El, monsters, and secret labs. Hence, fuck ton of things.

“Okay,” Robin conceded, “it does sound like your average Tuesday.” She looked up at the clock. “You’re supposed to be off, anyway. So shoo and take the genius child with you.”

Dustin beamed up Steve smugly, but Steve just knocked his hat off on his way to clock out.

“Hey!” Dustin shouted after him. He turned to Robin. “Can you believe this guy?”

Robin just shrugged. “You’re the one who’s friends with him, not me.”

Steve walked out moments later, twirling the hat on his finger. He walked past Dustin to the mall food court. He stopped and turned around.

“Are you coming or are you going to keep harassing workers?” he huffed, putting a hand on his hip.

Robin burst out laughing as Dustin hurried to catch up, scooping his hat off the floor in haste.

Steve shook his head as they walked through the mall. “Hey if we grab my binoculars, I bet we could stake out the mall and look for Russians.”

Steve looked at his watch and sighed. Eddie wouldn’t get done with band practice until much later tonight and he didn’t want to go back to his large empty house, because of course his parents fucked off to the Caribbean for the summer. His father had forced him to give up a job he loved for the most humiliating retail job imaginable and then fucked off to some place pleasant, leaving him to rot.

“Yeah, okay.”

Dustin let out a whoop and jumped up and down. “You won’t regret this!”

Steve buried his head in his hands. “I already do.”

~

Steve and Dustin were hiding behind a large potted plant with Dustin’s binoculars watching people go by.

“What are we supposed to looking for, anyway?” Steve asked, scanning the crowds.

“Russians.”

Steve tore himself away from the binoculars to glare at him. “Thank you for that unhelpful assessment. I know I’m supposed to be looking for Russians, but what do Russians look like?”

“I don’t know,” Dustin huffed. “Tall, blond, scary looking dudes, I guess.”

Steve rolled his eyes and kept looking. He spotted Anna Jacobi flirting with Mark Lewinsky and huffed out a a noise of disgust.

“You have got to be kidding me,” he said with a sigh. “Anna can do way better than swamp ass Lewinsky.”

Dustin smacked his shoulder. “Can you please take this seriously? You’re supposed to be looking for Russians, not your next date. Besides you already have the perfect girl right there!”

Steve rolled his eyes and went back to looking through the binoculars. “Don’t say Robin.”

“Robin.” Was the immediate response.

“No, man,” Steve said as Dustin grabbed the binoculars from him, “she’s not my type. She’s not even in the ballpark of my type.” Considering that she had boobies and not a dick, pretty much sealed the box on any chances of that romantic relationship going anywhere.

Dustin looked over at him and sneered. “And what’s your type again? Not awesome?”

Fuck you. But Steve sneered and stuck his tongue out. “Thank you.”

Dustin grinned back at him with a little hum.

“Look,” Steve said, “for your information, she’s still in school. And she’s weird. But not like Eddie weird. Weird, weird. And she’s hyper. Like worse than Eddie. At least if you put a book in his hand, he’ll settle down. She’ll tap her fingers and twirl her gum. She was also one of those kids in drama who didn’t think I deserved the role of Thomson. That’s a bad look. And she’s in band? But not a rock band like Eddie, a fucking trumpet.” He twisted his lips in disgust. “No.”

Dustin turned to face him. “Now that you’re out of school, that means you’re an adult. And don’t you think you should move past primitive social constructs like popularity?”

Steve looked at him as if he was joking. “Popularity? Are you fucking with me right now? Did you forget I wasn’t popular for the last four months of high school? Primitive constructs, I tell you. Where the hell did you learn that shit? Camp Know Nothing?”

“Camp Know Where, actually,” Dustin huffed, “And no, it’s shit I learned from life. Instead of dating someone you think will make you cool again, why not date someone you enjoy being around for a change? Like me and Suzie.” He smiled broadly. He turned back to watching the through the binoculars.

Steve was soo close to just telling the little shit that he was dating someone he enjoyed being around, someone who did make him look cooler, someone who loved him for him and not in spite of him. But instead he took a deep breath and said, “Oh Suzie. Yeah, you mean hotter than Phoebe Cates. That Suzie. And let’s think about how exactly you scored a girlfriend?”

He scratched his head, appearing to think about it, then he snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah, with my advice. Because that’s how this works, Henderson. I give the advice and you follow through. Not the other way around, all right?”

Dustin sighed. “I just think you could really benefit from being with someone like her, you know?”

Steve rubbed the top of the kid’s head. “I’m doing better than you think I am. Better then everyone thinks I am.”

Dustin stared at him skeptically, but left it alone. Steve knew that there was no way he was going to leave it alone. He just knew that it was going to come back and bite him in the ass in the worst way and at the worst time. He could feel it.

~

“There is a secret room under the mall,” Steve said slowly, not quite wanting to believe this. “And we can get there through the air vents in the break room?”

Robin nodded emphatically. “Yeah, isn’t that cool?”

He had no idea how to tell her how uncool that actually was, because Jesus fuck, the deeper they got into this, the more over his head he felt.

“Let’s go see your secret tunnel,” he said with a sigh, rubbing his face, just suddenly exhausted by the whole thing.

He followed them to the back and looked up at the vent in utter despair. Sighing, he got a ladder and set it up, then hunted around for a screwdriver. Once he found one, he tucked it between his teeth and started climbing. He reached the vent and unscrewed the screws holding the vent in place.

“Oi!” he called out to Dustin. “Hold these!” He held out the screws for him to take. “Don’t lose them, otherwise people are going to ask why there is a great big gaping hole in the wall.”

Dustin rolled his eyes, but did as he was told. Steve put the screwdriver back between his teeth and took off the vent cover.

“It’s a tight space,” he murmured. “Hey, Robin you think you could fit? You’re pretty thin.”

Robin put her hands on her hips and glared up at him. “While I appreciate you thinking I’m skinny enough to fit, I question your sanity if you think I’m going down the creepy tunnel.”

“Vent!” Dustin huffed. “You’ve both called it a tunnel. It’s not a tunnel, it’s a vent. And none of us are small enough to fit.”

DING! DING! “Hey!” someone called out from the front of the store. “Is anyone here?”

Steve who had been climbing down the ladder, stopped and shared a look with Dustin. A slow smile took over their faces.

“Erica!” they said together with glee.

They ran out to the front with Robin fast on their heels. They skidded to a stop and their smiles grew to actual grins when they saw that she was alone and not with her many friends.

“Erica...hey,” Steve said smoothly, leaning against the counter. “What can I get you?”

She narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. “Why are you suddenly being so nice?”

Just then Dustin and Robin burst out of the back room and stumbled into front and Erica was even more suspicious than she was before.

So Steve bundled her over to one of the booths and tried plying her with all the ice cream a little girl could conceivably eat, while Dustin filled both Robin and Erica about the messages and all their clues and how they put it all together. It was a hard but impressive sell.

“So will you do it for America?” Dustin asked.

“Well, you can’t spell America without Erica,” she said smugly. “A life time supply of Scoops Ice Cream and you’ve got a deal.”

Robin and Steve shared a glance. Then Steve reached across the table to shake Erica’s hand.

“Deal.”

~

Part 14 Part 15 Part 16

And if you remember something else there from WIP Wednesday... yeah. It wasn't fitting with the rest of the story and had to be cut. Sadness.

Tag List: FIVE SLOTS REMAINING

1- @mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @kultiras

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @justforthedead89 @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @blondie1006

5- @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @angels-of-hades

7- @mugloversonly @y4r3luv @greeniebean911 @birbsauce @acingthecounts

8- @cryptid-system @counting-dollars-counting-stars @ravenfrog @dreamercec @sadisticaltarts

9- @clockworkballerina @bluelightsinthevoid @blcksh33p1987 @i-go-pink-in-the-night @mamafaithful

[stealthetrees]

Okay I’ve snapped.

If you say Percy Jackson is stupid I will find you and make sure you regret it.

I have inattentive type ADHD. I was diagnosed in 4th grade and got put on medication. I did not think there was a difference but I got an award from the school for how much I improved. They didn’t know it was because of meds.

Before I was diagnosed I remember being on the verge of tears often at school because I got so frustrated that I couldn’t do work. I sat at my desk with the pencil in my hand staring at a worksheet physically unable to write the awnser I knew. I would stare at the question and like an optical illusion the rest of the page blurs together and I can’t even make out word anymore.

I thought I was dyslexic for the longest time because some fonts are so difficult for me to read. I could look at a recit, know it says lettuce, and it will not process in my brain. Unless I am a few hours away from a deadline it is nearly impossible to start assignments. Essays are hell.

You know those songs that have an American accent but are completely nonsense? That’s what it sounds like a lot when I listen to people talk. Usally I can grasp the general meaning but I can not tell you what word you just said.

Time is not real. I sit down, scroll through tumblr for maybe 15 minutes and my roommate asks why I’m sitting doing nothing for 4 hours straight. Full days disappear and I can’t remember anything that happened. I have no idea how long it takes me to do something I do almost every day.

I went two weeks at the beginning of the semester with meds that where 10 milligrams lower than my usual dosage. My grades still haven’t recovered.

THAT SAID. In cannon, Percy Jackson passed 13 years of school with high enough grades to be accepted to a university. Not medicated. Without accommodations.

So either the education system in New York is taylored specifically for people with ADHD, or Percy Jackson is a fucking geinios. I can’t spell.

So ignoring the fact that nearly every fight he won by outsmarting his opponent, let me tell you why.

In the books, he’s an introvert, sits in the back, tries to keep his head down but usually fails, gets detention often, and has been expelled multiple times. That’s not the kind of kid teachers go out of their way to help. He’s also unlikely to ask for help. So, despite his struggles in the classroom, he has never been held back or had to redo a grade as far as we know. And it’s pretty likely considering his age.

Add in the fact that he would be constantly sleep deprived from staying up very late (like from 10-3, based off my experience) and his dyslexia, Percy would need to be really good at retaining information after hearing or seeing it only once. That’s actually supported by his ability to memorize prophecies word for word after only hearing them once. We know Percy is bad at taking tests, so he would have to be really good at recalling information.

He also did it all unmedicated. I want to cry just thinking about it.

tldr, the fact that Percy’s grades where high enough to get into college means hes fucking brilliant

[valeskawhore]

VOX

HAZBIN HOTEL! RANDOM THOUGHTS.

I’m hitting on Sherlock Phones yall.

Someone help this man.

Someone PLEASE help this man.

Let's be real with ourselves lonely sinners, vox is not the man we need but he is the man we fawn for. I’ve done a lot of research on his character, his voice actor, his background and his main focus in hazbin hotel just to come up with the most canon version I can write him as.

He is NOT “that guy”. Vox is conniving, manipulative, egotistical, rude,and has been described as not “a nice person” by Vizi herself.

I'm pretty sure he was the “where my hug at?” guy back in college for computer science and theater arts. The guy who no one liked; laughed at not with and continuously thought that everyone was intimidated by him because no one wanted to approach him. Yet it was really because— No one thought he was cool whatsoever.

Of course this man took dance lessons and acting classes, his mind is quite literally a computer even back when he was alive. Vox understands the concept behind “good television” and how to appease his audience.

The lack of attention in his life to early childhood/adulthood was made up when he became a TV host. Vox wanted everyone to love him just so he could push them away and be this “Awesome guy who's too busy and successful for everyone”.

He totally speaks to everyone like they are 4-12 years old. Someone could be older than him, taller, or stronger and he’s just going to immediately deem them imperior to him because of his success.

“My dear, whatever could be the problem?”

“Awe cupcake, are you sad? panties in a twist? Is your bra too tight or are you just going through shark week?”

Vox will literally say one phrase when he knows things aren't going his way.

“Let’s think about this.” Not TALK– THINK. Let's THINK about this.

And darling, he’s not talking to himself but to you and again, immediately placing you underneath him–trying to have you use that “big brain of yours”

This man will plant shit in your head causing you to draw conclusions about things so you can focus entirely on what HE wants. As done with Valentino in episode 2 SE1; when valentine is flipping his shit and all vox does is control the situation.

He’ll flip his shit, igniting fear into the person he’s talking to, allowing the victim to find him ‘scary’ enough to break into submission and shut their mouth.

He’ll take this time to plant thoughts into their head. “What do you think going half cocked around hell to find angel dust will do to our image?”---”U-uh.. fuck it up?” DING DING DING. “Good boy/girl”

And then praise when they come to their “senses” (What he wants them to do)

“Such a big brain you have, you’re so smart.”

“Aren't you a pretty doll? hm?”

“That’s right baby, I knew you had it in you.” No he didn’t, you surprised him but he’s gonna take on the ‘caring best man role’ to cover up his surprise.

He gets hard easily. Don't ask me how I know, I just do.

*~*~*~*~*

ok so I really wanna write like a whole freaking series of events for him, just one shots and I’m interested in all kinds of ideas, these are really just random thoughts that came to my mind while writing. If you guys like the way I write him or the ideas I present— totally let me know if I should continue my obsession with this man.

[absolutebl]

This week in BL - I am all over the place, But Laws of Attraction is Phenomenal af

July 2023 Wk 2

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Laws of Attraction (Thai Sat iQIYI) 1 of 8 - Icky picked it up but it’s not airing for me until Sundays so I held this post specifically to watch and talk about this show. Stars the pair from To Sir With Love with the same production team. IT’S SO GOOD Y’ALL. A morally corrupted trickster lawyer with a tragic past, sad eyes, and a beautiful smile that he uses like a weapon. Meets paladin martial arts instructor from other side of the tracks (who is out, at least to his baby sister). Corrupt police. Spoiled rich kid evil. Ambitious politician. Tragic death. Terrible subs.* This show is very like Manner of Death but so far it is a much better/tighter story. It’s NOT BL but it is fucking phenomenal. And you shoudl watch it. Not wait to binge it. WATCH IT. On a global scale this might be the best thing currently airing featuring gay romantic leads. Its really fucking good. It’s Lawless Lawyer but more complex character motivation and gay af. Fuck yes please and thank you. FINALLY. Triggers for violence, beatings, death & torture depicted on screen. Like MoD they are not holding back.  (* A lot of the familial names they are using are not gendered in Thai but translated as such, like “nephew”. This one is gonna go down a lot easier if you know some Thai.)

Step By Step (Tues WeTV & Gaga) ep 12fin - 2 years pass and no one’s hairstyle changes? Srs. Them meeting again = hella AWKWARD. Both still pining & hurt. NO SINGING. The reconciliation scene was great. I enjoyed that on the “do over relationship” they went with phi/pom (instead of the super formal khuns). So cute and so much more relaxed. Also lots of neck kisses! Charming final ep. It’s only flaw being they dropped the side couple, but I wasn’t really into them anyway. Ultimately? This is what Boss & Babe should have been and could we please have Up lead out another BL? I miss him and he only gets prettier. Full review below.

La Pluie (Sat iQIYI) ep 12fin - I adore the tiny little baby GL thread that we almost got. And I wish we had had more of it throughout the show. The side couple turned out to be good too. Emotional crying kisses are my favorite. Sunshine netted himself an earnest serious romantic boy, we likey. As for the main couple? Well... Tai’s search story arc was dull and dragging in a final ep and it felt bloated and slow as a result. It was a good confession reunion with Tai figuring all of his shit out, not surprising but fine. Kind of a a weak final ep. Full review below. 

Hidden Agenda (Thai Sun GMMTV YouTube) ep 1 of 12 - JoonDunk are back and we have all seen this a million times before, but Thailand never executed a successful formula it didn’t want to repeat a million times over, drunk bathroom and everything. Welcome (back) to Thai BL (and back and back and back). Basically they just added glasses, a new 1-shared-brain-cell friendship group, and different uni departments. Ah GMMTV, forever trying to recreate the magic of 2gether. But also I’m enjoying it. I’m a simple person. (Hi Jamie! Still in college since 2018 I see.) Anyone else notice that Chinese phrase that they did not translate for us? Mmm hum. Cute. Still... NO SINGING. 

Low Frequency (Sat iQIYI) ep 2 of 8 - Thames is in coma and getting slagged off on the socials. It’s moving a bit slowly but the premise is interesting despite the poor quality of the execution. 

Dinosaur Love (Sun iQIYI) ep 3 of 8 eps - Major trigger for self harm depicted on screen in part 2/4. I skipped it. Then there is assault and verbal abuse. I told you Ultimate Troop is NOT to be trusted. 

Be Mine Super Star (Mon Viki) ep 2 of 12 - Look, I don’t really mind this show but I also don’t like second hand embarrassment and I sense a metric butt ton incoming.

Be My Favorite (Fri YouTube) ep 8 of 12 - I was not best pleased with this episode. Ya’ll round the tumblr-sphere seem to be enjoying it but I have officially hit the wall on Kawi. There is not enough booze for me to cope with his shizz. I may be alone in this. But gotta say how I feel... Unlike him. Trash watch here.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Tokyo in April is... AKA Shigatsu no Tokyo wa (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 5 of 8 - Poor Ren, he feels compelled to take on the burden of protecting everyone from sexual assault because he blames himself. And he can’t even talk to his boyfriend about it. Oh fuck me the pair of shoes at the door. And neck kisses? TOO MUCH. Argh. Japan. Why must you hurt so good? 

Stay By My Side (Taiwan Fri Gaga) 3 of 10 eps - It’s a very cute show. All the tropes and archetypes with no fuss or attempts to be clever, just executing them (sometimes over and over again). Even hiccoughs as a result of flirting! I haven’t seen that one in ages. The show feels old fashioned as a result. Nostalgic. I’m good with that. 

Tie The Not (Pinoy YouTube) ep 6 of 8 - Sad boys still sad now drunk. (Noooooo shoes on bed! Argh.) Finally kisses! Also good ones for a large portion of this ep. Plus hair pulling. And verse rep! And after sex convo. Then side dishes have a whole proper gay ax covo about top/bottom. Everyone say thank you Philippines! get down with your queer selves! 

Stupid Genius (Vietnam Fri YouTube) ep 6fin - I believe this was the final episode. It was cute. This is a standard sort of semi-crappy VBL high school drama. Enjoyable in its floppy friendliness, weirdly like a queer after school special promoting education. Dead fish kisses but fine for what it is. 7/10 

Minato's Laundromat Season 2 AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Japan Thu Gaga) 2 of 12 eps - Activate cohabitation trope. They okay bfs. Minato not as frustrating this week, but still frustrating for me and Shin. Next week = cute outfits and dumb miscommunication yay!

Vian the series (Vietnam YouTube ) ep 11 of 12 - again it didn’t show up on my dash in time for this. I’ll pop it into next week. 

It’s airing but ...

House of Stars (Thai Mon iQIYI) 12 eps - I bounced at ep 3. Will binge if told it is worth it at end.

Stay (Pinoy YouTube) 7 eps - It’s mostly English & set in LA (shudder) so I’m not bothering.

Stay With Me ... NO I WILL NOT! And you can’t make me.

Ended This Week

Step By Step Series Review  

This was Thailand’s answer to The New Employee, and everything I loved about that show I loved about this one. This was an office romance between stern boss and sweet subordinate that felt more authentic to an office environment than previous Thai BLs of this ilk. And that authenticity added tension to the narrative and character development (how novel). Now that might be because it has western source material, or it might be because it is actually kind of old-fashioned (it’s been years since I worked as an office grunt). I also really enjoyed the brothers’ relationship, and kinda wished they hadn’t attempted (and failed) to give said brother his own side BL. That one flaw made it a 9/10 for me. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

La Pluie Series Review

This BL takes to task the fated mates trope and what it means to have love chained intimately to predestination. It’s about how faith in destiny before choice diminishes the authenticity of emotion, relationships, and connection. This is a high concept to examine through the lens of a BL. By activating + examining the soulmates trope this show is challenging a foundation of romance: the idea that there is one person meant to be your one romantic partner all your life. This means that we, as viewers, spend much of the show worried about it having a happy ending, and that’s the source of both its brilliance and tension: would the narrative have the strength to truly challenge its own romantic core? But, ultimately, all this elevated complexity was executed in a somewhat shaky manner with the narrative derailing into some serious pacing issues and characters manipulated by miscommunication. However, with good chemistry and decent acting all around, plus some excellent high heat and representation of consent and a few other rare tropes, this one has to (like it’s sibling show My Ride) earn a 9/10. I enjoyed it even as it made me think, so despite its flaws: HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Starting:  

7/19 Wedding Plan (Thai Wed YouTube & iQIYI)  - It's Mame and she's coming for our GL. She's such a misogynist IMAGINE what we will get with a GL side dish? It's going to be absolute carnage. To crane your neck as you drive by the car wreck or not? That is the question. Me? I'm wallowing in the guts. Trying to decide to trash watch or not... 

7/20 Jun & Jun (Korea Thu Viki) - From 2022 I CAN’T FUCKING WAIT! So excited for this one. 

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

FYI roselle juice is made from hibiscus (a flower) so technically neither a tea nor a juice. (Hidden Agenda)

Tie the Not = all the verse rep this ep. I love this for them. 

The giggling was SO DAMN CUTE (Step by Step, na?) 

We all guessed it but it was still fun. (Stupid Genius) Also miracles of miracles, two actors who actually look like they could be brothers play brothers. 

First time I’ve seen faen translated as significant other. (Laws of Attraction)

THE PAIN! (Tokyo) 

(Last week.)

[blossomwritesthings]

𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 | 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐞

⬷ 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞┊ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 ┊ 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 →

pairing: minho x felix (minlix)

genre: dancer!minho/artist!felix. brothers best friend troupe. college au. age gap (abt 4 years). minho pov. extremely dark themes throughout, including smut - MDNI, 18+ only.

word count: 4.4k

the playlist 🗡️

a/n: OKAY, SO- 💀 I HAVE AN EXPLANATION FOR THE DELAYED UPDATE!!!! 💀😔 My life has been so incredibly fucking busy lately... with working full time and doing summer uni courses full time and planning for lolla and like, the 5 other concerts im going to in the later half of this year... it's been a lot, fam. 😭 I've been under sm stress at work and from school that I've been getting really bad chest pains, but I'm trying to manage things so it's slowly getting better. But the burn out is real, people. That shit fucks you over sooo bad omg 😭 I just have no motivation to write anything at the end of the day or on the weekends because I'm so fucking tired of using my brain all week. Going to Lolla will be my first REAL vacation from work/uni in over 2 and a half years. That's acc insane to me lmao. ANYWAYS!!!! 🗣️💥 I've already written like, 2 more chapters for this fic when I was in a mania-induced rage a few weeks ago lol, so I just need to find the time/motivation to edit those within the next few weeks. And I already have big plans for the rest of the chapters in this so... I'm excited. Now I just gotta find the willpower to ACC write my ideas 😜

🗡️ - ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ other cool stuff ❜┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋread my rules & guidelines here! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋcheck out my skz masterlist! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋmy wip list! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ skz fic recs [sfw ver]! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋskz fic recs [nsfw ver]! :: 18+, MDNI! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋback to navigation! ࿐ྂ

ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴛᴇs (ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs). do not copy, spin-off, or write inspired work based off of this fanfic without full permission to do so. ©ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

̶﹒⊹﹒sɪɴᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ��ᴄǫᴜᴀɪɴᴛᴇᴅ,  ʏᴏᴜ sᴋɪᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴏʀеᴘʟᴀʏ ！،، 🌌  𖥻 𓂃 ʜᴇ ɢʀɪᴘs ʏᴏᴜ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴄᴋ  ᴀs ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʀеᴘᴀʀᴇ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ sᴄʀᴇᴡᴇᴅ╰╮ 🌑

 To his utter surprise, Minho decided to attend Felix’s dorm party that weekend. The final decision shocked the rest of his friends too, who had grown accustomed to his home-body spirit. Because usually, every time they asked — more like begged — him to go to parties with the three of them, he always backed out of everything. His favorite excuses were being too exhausted from dance practice or not feeling good from studying so much. 

  “I actually cannot believe you’re going to this shit,” Chris said with a laugh that night. He was sprawled across Minho’s bed, one earbud in his ear as his head bobbed up and down to a beat he was mixing on his laptop. Meanwhile, Minho was scurrying across his room, slipping on a pair of socks and making sure he looked somewhat put together. But he didn’t want to seem too desperate to fit in either, since he knew that most of the people at the party would be young freshmen and sophomores. 

  He had decided — with a little bit of Chris’ help — on a pair of black sweats, and an oversized graphic tee from one of his favorite Korean bands. It was nothing out of the ordinary for him to wear, but just ‘normal’ enough for him to fit in with the crowd that night. 

  “Honestly, I’m kinda shocked that you’re not going too,” Minho said as he hurried to slip on his Converse.

  With that, Chris looked up from his flashing computer screen with a deep frown plastered across his face. “Do you really think I want to go to a party and watch as my little brother sticks his tongue down at least ten people's throats?” 

  Minho stopped fumbling with his shoelaces and looked up at Chris with a raised eyebrow. “He’s not actually gonna do that tonight, Chris.” 

  “You obviously don’t know my brother these days… the one that’s mature— at least in his eyes, anyway,” Chris started, tapping away at his computer keyboard again and cursing under his breath for a split second. “That little boy that you grew up with is completely gone, Min.” 

  For a few beats, there was utter silence in Minho’s bedroom after Chris’ statement. Then, Minho fit his wallet into his pants pocket and unhooked his phone from his charging port. 

  “Is that why you… don’t really spend a lot of time with him ever since he got to campus?” 

  Chris threw a long roll of his eyes towards Minho, “That, and the fact that I’m a little too old and tired to be fucking around with a bunch of young kids these days.” 

  “Felix isn’t a young kid, Chris. He’s a grown adult.” 

  Sighing heavily, Chris hoisted himself up and off of Minho’s bed, patting his shoulder in a rough way as he passed Minho on the way out of the bedroom. “We’ll see if you change your opinion on that after tonight.”

  And the entire time Minho made the short trek over to the freshman’s side of campus, he couldn’t get Chris’ words out of his head. They were stuck in the depths of his brain, playing over and over again. Because there was no way that Felix would be so badly changed from the last time he had spent a night with him during their childhood. 

  Sure, Minho had noticed a slight change when they had met in the campus gardens the day before, but it wasn’t… that bad. Not like anything Chris was describing.

  Even still, Minho could feel his entire body tense up as he got closer to the freshman dormitory. He could hear his heartbeat in the corners of his ears as he knocked on Felix’s door. He could sense his palms growing cold and clammy as the loud base of music thrummed underneath his feet. 

  Almost as quickly as he had knocked, someone opened the door. He had never seen the guy before, but he had purple-dyed hair and a dazzling white smile. Reaching out to Minho’s hand, the beautiful stranger yanked him in excitedly. 

  “Holy shit- you must be the famous Minho! I’ve heard so much about you!” The guy shouted over the music, closing the door behind Minho and leading the two of them into the nearby kitchen. “I’m Jisung, by the way.” 

  Without even having time to process the chaos that was the person in front of him, Minho’s hand was grabbed by Jisung and shaken thoroughly. “Uhm- nice to meet you, Jisung…” His voice trailed off as his mind carded through the slightly slurred words that had just fallen from the purple-haired man’s lips. “What do you mean by hearing so mu—”

  “Hey, Jisung! Stop being such a fucking weirdo and let the man breathe!” Someone off to their right shouted in an exasperated tone. 

  Minho turned and noticed a dark-haired figure bent over in the shadows of the kitchen. They raised their head from the counter, rubbing their nose and sneezing violently. Slowly, Minho’s eyes registered the small bit of white substance that was left behind and laid out on the kitchen counter in a neat line. The dude was fucking snorting cocaine. Just then, Minho’s focus turned to the rest of the kitchen’s counters, which were lined with a plethora of drinks, drugs, and other shit he didn’t even have names for. A random couple was making out in the background, the girl’s ass pressing down atop the counter as the man between her legs bit violet marks into the side of her neck. 

  Turning his eyes away from the couple, he watched as the cocaine-snorter sidled up to their sides. Slinging a lazy arm around Jisung’s neck, he pulled him in for a tight hug. “You must be Minho, huh?” He asked in a long drawl, the kind you only got with copious amounts of drugs and liquor flowing through your system. 

  “Y-Yeah… Felix invited me to this last minute, but I’m starting to think maybe coming was a bad idea…” Minho said in a quiet voice that was barely decipherable over the ear-piercing rap blasting throughout the entire dorm. Feeling suddenly uncomfortable under the two strangers' gazes, he fit his hands in his pockets, eyes darting around the kitchen for the closest exit. 

  “You’re a lot cuter in person than what I always imagined,” The guy holding onto Jisung said, stumbling over a bit and making Jisung laugh heartily. The guy had soft cheekbones but razor-sharp eyes. The kind that Minho felt were piercing into him and studying his very being with each second that passed. His jet-black hair was messy atop his head and slightly curled at the ends. “I’m Seungmin, by the way. But most of these fucks around here call me Doggy.” 

  Placing a hand on Seungmin’s chest lovingly, Jisung flashed Minho a sly kind of smile. “He can get you anything you want— just say the word, pay up, and he’ll have it in your hands by the end of the week…” Jisung’s words drifted off into the chaos around them as he studied Minho. 

  Minho felt like both of the young men in front of him were sidling him up — wondering, and guessing, why someone as plain and boring as him was connected to Lee Felix in some way. Minho could feel his palms growing sweatier by the second as he gripped the suffocating fabric of his pant pockets. 

  “So— what’s your weakness?” Seungmin slurred on, eyes growing dark as his gaze traced Minho’s form up and down in the kitchen’s dim lighting. “Fet? Coke? Meth—”

  Already starting to feel sick to his stomach by the topic of conversation, Minho held his hands up in a silent plea for him to stop. “Uhm— not really into that kinda shit.” 

  “What a shame… you’d be a pretty addict, for sure.” Jisung said in a flirtatious tone, biting the corner of his lip as he studied Minho.

  Slowly, Minho could feel himself caving inward. His shoulders dropping, and heartbeat turning into a low thrum, all he wanted to do was get out of the situation he was stuck in. “How do you guys know Felix? Are you both freshman too?” 

  Jisung burst out laughing at that, reaching towards the nearby kitchen counter and pouring himself a solo cup full of vodka. “You're kidding me, right? We’ve been Felix’s homies since our high school days.” 

  “And yes, if you must know— we’re freshman’s,” Seungmin said, rolling his eyes as he grabbed the solo cup from Jisung’s hand and took a long swig of it. Much to Jisung’s displeasure. “Why? What’s it to ya?” 

  Minho shrugged nonchalantly, trying to act like the entire atmosphere around them wasn’t making him extremely uncomfortable. “I was just making friendly conversation,” and before he could let either of the guys in front of him say anything more, he decided to remove himself from the situation entirely. “Actually, I think I’m gonna go try and find Felix…” 

  As he was walking away from the kitchen, he could hear the boys snickering behind him, with Jisung shouting in slurred words, “Good luck finding him if he’s getting his dick sucked in the bathroom!” Minho could hear the two guys laughing manically in the kitchen as he made his way into the rest of the dorm. 

  Immediately upon entering the living room, he remembered just how small the freshman’s living spaces were. The entire place was jammed packed full of bodies writhing and shaking. A space in the middle of the room had been cleared for a makeshift dance floor, so couples were grinding up on each other and making out to the sultry r&b coursing throughout the entire place. Bodies filled up every seat and sofa in the vicinity. 

  The entire room was dark with the curtains closed. That added to the smoky atmosphere, as people smoked cigs, vapes, and joints everywhere that Minho looked. It was hard to see through the haziness of everything, but eventually, he spotted Felix. 

  Felix was… 

  Sitting on one of the couches, 

  Busy making out with another guy.

  And just then, Minho couldn’t even understand the exact feelings he had upon such a discovery. It was a mix of surprise, queasiness, but also… something else too, which he dared not name. 

  He shoved everything down into a firm ball in the pit of his stomach, shuffling towards a nearby table and popping himself a cold bottle of soju. Taking a long swig from the chilled rim, he gradually shuffled his way through the dance floor over to where Felix was. 

  The younger man seemed to exude a certain kind of presence… captivating at least half of the room with his aura. Felix's energy was dark and smoky and… something so mysterious and foreign to Minho, he had no idea how to navigate all of it. 

  “Felix— hi,” Minho yelled over the loud music, waving towards Felix to catch his attention. There were a few other people squished onto the sofa where he was sitting, but all of them were focused on the tv screen which was flashing with an intense game of Super Smash Bros. 

  As soon as Felix’s focus was caught, he was pulling away from the other man’s lips. In the dimness of the room, Minho distinctly caught onto the way that messy strings of saliva parted from their lips, and how Felix’s mouth was puffy and swollen from kissing all night.

  Eyes brightening and pink freckled cheeks shading just a tiny bit, Felix shot up from his spot on the couch, fumbling his way over to Minho’s side. For a split second, Minho was able to gaze at Felix’s form — at the white skort he was wearing which was so short, half of his ass was exposed, and the baby-blue crop top that rose just above his belly button. A belly ring glinted in the sultry lighting of the room, along with all of the silver earrings, rings, and necklaces that adorned Felix’s milky-white skin. 

  “M-Min, oh my god, you made it!” Felix exclaimed happily, tugging on Minho’s wrist gently and leading him over to his spot on the couch. The man that he had been making out with only seconds before shuffled to the side, allowing room for Minho to sit down. Then, he grabbed Felix’s hips and sat him down on his lap. Felix let out a tiny giggle, snuggling his ass backward and earning a grunt from the guy underneath him. “I’m so happy to see you!” 

  Minho flashed him the best smile he could muster at that moment. What with being incredibly overstimulated by everything, and the shock of meeting some of Felix’s... choice friends, and seeing his best friend’s little brother making out viscerally at a party… 

  The night definitely wasn’t turning out as he had hoped, that was for sure. 

  “I met some of your friends, they’re uhm— interesting, to say the least,” Minho laughed awkwardly, carding a few shaking fingers through his hair. “I wasn’t expecting you to be… part of such a crowd, Lix.” 

  Felix shrugged the tiniest of bits, his eyes flicking away from Minho’s and focusing on the video game some of the others were playing. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Minho. Things have changed since the last time we hung out.” There was a weight to his words, they felt heavy on Minho's shoulders and weighed on his heart. Even still, he tried to push away those feelings and just live in the moment, without any worries or inhibitions 

  “That’s for sure…” 

  But Minho wasn’t really paying attention to anything else that Felix was saying, if he was saying anything at all. Because he was too busy watching the guy underneath Felix draw circles against his bare skin. Fingers skirting across his skin, the guy softly massaged the soft skin of his thighs, forcing gooseflesh to erupt to the surface. 

  “This is Renjun, by the way,” Felix said, cutting through the silence between them and breaking the trance Minho had fallen into. “He’s a… friend, of sorts.” 

  Renjun turned his face away from Felix’s body, taking a long drawl of a joint that Minho hadn’t even noticed was positioned between his fingers. “Yeah, ‘cause friends definitely stick their dicks in each other’s assess… that's just what friends do, right?” Renjun let out a loud cackle, the kind that would probably make Minho burst out into laughter too, if they were in a different situation. 

  Felix gave the man underneath him a deep frown before his eyes focused back on Minho. “I mean… if you’re truly friends— anything could happen, right?” Just then, he started moving again, hips circling just a little bit atop Renjun’s lap. Almost instantly, the dark-haired man was groaning out loud and clutching onto Felix's hips for dear life. And the entire time, Felix kept his gaze locked with Minho's, practically staring right into his soul.

  Minho was keenly aware of the dry saliva he swallowed down, trying to ignore the way his heart lept just a little bit in his chest at the sight of Felix grinding down against Renjun’s lap. Trying to ignore the way his pants grew just a tiny bit tighter at the sight of Felix flashing Renjun a playful, dim smirk. 

  “Renjun, stop fucking moaning, you’re ruining the vibes right now!” A silver-haired guy who was sitting in front of Minho said. He was part of the group that was focused on the tv, playing Smash like they were in a professional tournament or some shit. “I’m Jeongin, by the way, Lee Felix’s bestie since the sixth grade.” The silvered fox said, momentarily looking away from his game and flashing Minho a smile. 

  At that, Renjun let out a low chortle. “Too bad you weren’t close enough to fuck him, eh?”

  Minho’s attention darted from Jeongin’s face back to Renjun, examining the way his raven locks were somewhat disheveled— like they had been gripped pretty hard recently. 

  Gripped hard by… Felix. 

  Felix threw his hands up into the air, seeming to admit defeat. “What is it with everyone around here wanting to fuck me?!” He exclaimed- although he didn’t seem that upset by the prospect in the first place. Instead, he grabbed ahold of the joint Renjun was smoking and took a long drag of it. Blowing the smoke up in the air around him, Felix’s slightly hooded gaze zeroed back onto Minho. “It’s not like I’m that attractive— I only get the young people to fuck me.” 

  Minho shifted in his spot on the couch, feeling that floaty, twisted snake thrum through his veins. He stared down at his strawberry-flavored soju bottle, pretending to be fascinated with the label. When in actuality, he was doing everything in his power to avoid Felix’s stare. 

  “I mean, who wouldn’t wanna fuck you? You’re cute— you’re hot, you’re fun, and you’re a damn good bottom, too.” Renjun said in a deep voice, and through the reflection of the tv screen in front of them, Minho could make out the way he leaned down and pressed a feverish kiss to Felix’s exposed neck.

  Like a train wreck that you can’t stop watching, Minho couldn’t help but turn his head to watch Felix atop Renjun again. He was still dancing across his lap, doing so with a little more fervor this time. The compliments probably fueled his fire, Minho assumed. Felix was gradually beginning to wreak of a mix of weed, liquor, and the sweet scent of floral perfume. Yet in that moment, it was all too intoxicating for Minho. 

  Turning his head slowly, Felix ruffled Renjun’s locks playfully. “Awe thanks— I feel so flattered that you find me pretty, Renjunnie~” He cooed in a gentle voice, fingers skirting across Renjun’s round cheek with a caress. 

  “Well, I’m sure Minho sure doesn’t wanna fuck you.” Jeongin deadpanned, his voice cascading down around their small group. He was still focused on the game but bent his head backward a bit. Fox-like eyes studied Minho’s face in the smokiness of the room just then. And Jeongin’s lips cracked into a wide, Cheshire grin just as he turned back to the tv. “Actually, never mind— maybe he does.” 

  The entire time, Minho had been entirely too quiet. Letting everything play out, observing and judging silently. He was probably the oldest one in that room, and he could feel the significance of his grade year and maturity weighing down on his shoulders like a 200lb barbell. 

  He took a final swig of his soju, before tossing it into a nearby trashcan. “Honestly, I’m old enough to be his brother, so no— definitely not,” Minho said in a low tone, his throat constricting a tiny bit. 

  But it was just the alcohol, it was just the liquor that was getting to him. 

  And the weed in the air and the cigarettes and every other thing floating around him. It was the loud bass thrumming through the bottoms of his feet and it was the blaring disco ball that was flashing rainbow-colored shapes on the dance floor. 

  Yes, it was all of that… 

  And none of what Felix was doing beside him, or how Felix was looking at him or- 

  “I mean, yeah— a dancer and fashion designer together?? Fucking hell, it’d never work. Aren’t dancers always too tired to even get it up in the first place?” Renjun slurred his words just a tiny bit, as the weed no doubt flooded into his system. 

  “But I bet those hips don’t lie!” Jeongin shrieked with laughter, slapping his leg in happiness at their stupid jokes. 

  So suddenly, Minho realized why he was invited to the party in the first place. 

  He wasn’t included to have a good time, or because he was missed, or because people wanted to meet him. 

  No, he was invited to be the laughing stock of everyone there… 

  Hey guys- look! A stupid ass senior shimmying his way into a freshman party, look at how stupid he looks— 

  trying to hit on the hottest guy on campus.

   And the thinks that he has a fighting fucking chance when everyone else wants — and gets to have Felix — 

  But no , definitely not him, not ever. The brother’s best friend?? Felix would never stoop so low. 

  The energy shifted between Minho and the rest of them sitting there on the couch, freezing in place as soon as he shot up from his spot on the couch. Yanking out his phone from his pants pocket, the screen flashed with the time — one in the morning. He had been acting stupid, been the night’s entertainment, for more than three hours. And just as he realized the time, he noticed the eyes on him — how half of the room was watching him, with people hiding their smiles and laughs behind palms and solo cups and joints. 

  “I have class tomorrow, I should head out.” Is the only explanation he gave, not even affording Felix or the others another glance as he pulled away from the sofa and forced his way through the shaking bodies on the dance floor. And when Jisung and Seungmin called out to him from the kitchen as he passed them by, he gave them no attention. 

  The eyes on his back, which he could feel the entire way to the door, just about killed him. He felt like he was about to suffocate, his heart racing against his ribcage, pushing and pushing, just like he had been pushed all night by everyone. 

  And Felix was no better. 

  He was no better than everyone else because he was the one who had invited him in the first place. 

  So Minho was shocked, then, when he felt a small hand grab ahold of his wrist just as he was about to step into the elevator. To take him away from such a hellhole and such a depressing prison of losers. 

  “Minho— wait, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean—”

   Minho didn’t even turn around, couldn’t, in that moment. Instead, he let Felix hold onto him, let the feeling of his nimble fingers cascade through his system. Let Felix gradually move his hand until he was threading his fingers through Minho’s. 

  Just like they used to sometimes when they hung out together in their childhood. 

  When they were bored, and no one was around, and Chris was nowhere to be found and they could— 

  “It’s all my fault, I’m sorry— I was so fucking stupid for thinking—”

  “Why do you hang out with those people?” 

  Was all that Minho could manage to say, focusing his attention on the way Felix’s hand radiated warmth, how it lit up all the synapses of Minho’s body and kindled the dying fire inside of the deepest parts of him. 

  “They’re my friends, they’re not just ‘people’ to me.” 

  At that, Minho let out a dry laugh. The kind that had no humor in it and was completely sardonic. “What a great bunch of friends you got there, Lix…” 

  Minho regretted the moment he said the word, the moment he used the old nickname in such a cold, seething kind of way. Because as soon as it fell from his lips, the warm fingers wrapped around his were pulling away. 

  “I was nice enough to invite you, I was nice enough to let you into my life again— and you’ve decided to shit on it.” Minho still had his back turned on him, but he could imagine the look on Felix’s face then. If his low, venomous tone was anything to go off of. 

  Slowly, Minho turned around. He found his body moving on their own accord. And just like that, he was facing Felix again. Minho was studying his face and the way it was drained of all color. How there was nothing in his eyes then, but only heartbreak and barely-masked tears. 

  “I never asked to be let in, Felix,” Minho said, but the words came out as a whisper. Like if he spoke loud enough, someone from inside the party would hear them and come running out to take photos. Look, the campus's local desperate senior trying to coax the popular freshman into- “You know I didn’t. Not like this, never.” 

  Without even trying to, Minho could feel his body moving again. His hand reached up and caressed Felix’s cheek. Thumb smoothing across freckles and softness, brushing just underneath his long eyelashes. And for a moment, just like it was once again a dream, Felix leaned into it. Let himself go for but a mere breath, sighing into it. 

  He pressed his face a little closer to Minho’s hand, eyes fluttering shut only slightly. Cheeks heating up underneath Minho’s touch, Felix's gaze shot open again as soon as the thumb underneath his eye migrated to his mouth. Migrated to caressing his bottom lip. 

  “Don’t.” 

  Minho watched the single word escape past Felix’s lips, and instantly, the tension in the air between them broke and shattered. Like someone had taken a knife to his heart once more, tearing him apart by flesh and bone, his hand was dropping from Felix’s skin. 

  “Go back to the party so you can get fucked by Renjun.” 

  The statement was a double-edged sword, both of them knew. 

  The words registered in Felix’s mind and Minho watched as the disdain colored his energy again. Painting him in violent shades of crimson and lilac, Felix said nothing as Minho backed away and into the elevator. 

  Just before he was able to press the button inside to go down, Felix reached out and grabbed ahold of the elevator’s door. “Don’t you ever fucking come back around these parts, or I’ll-” He spit out in a wicked kind of way, the emotions swirling in his pupils. 

 “You’ll… what? Beat me up? You and I both know you’re not capable of that, Lixie…” Minho said, his tone winding around the crackling air between them. He flashed Felix one final smirk, before pushing the button to go down to the first floor. 

  The last thing he saw before the elevator doors closed was Felix’s face, the way his pretty red lips were pressed into a firm, displeased line. The way his eyes were hooded with a mix of rage and exasperation. 

  The last thing that Minho saw on Felix’s face that night was utter betrayal and contempt… 

  To be honest, it was just like the old days again… when Minho had told Felix he was leaving for university and they'd never be able to talk again...

  He had wished to travel back to their childhoods so much, 

  And like a blessing from the God’s, he had been afforded such a thing. 

  What a sweet memory to travel back to… Such sweet revenge to be gifted. 

─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ───

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[hangmansgbaby]

Always Darling | 0.5 | J.Seresin

T H E E A R L Y Y E A R S

Summary: The prequel to “Always Darling” and the events leading up to the Uranium Mission

Pairings: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x OC!Willow "Vixen" Seresin, brief mentions of Pete "Maverick" Mitchell x OC Daughter!Willow "Vixen" Seresin and Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x OC God Sister!Willow "Vixen" Seresin

Warnings: fluff, its fucking cute in here

Note: the overwhelming love for this series 😍😍 I love you all! THERE WILL BE A PART 3!

Apr 2024 note: I did end up updating this into an OC as I dont write my series as a reader insert anymore.

Word count: 6.1k words (my brain couldn’t stop! I’m sorry for the length!”

Masterlist | Always Darling Masterlist

2001, Boarding School, Connecticut

“Miss Mitchell?”

“Yes, headmistress?”

“My office, please.”

18 year old Willow Mitchell was a staple in the Headmistress’s office since her first day at the all girls boarding school her father had dropped her off at freshman year. The headmistress had taken the 14 year old “troubled student” under her wing the minute the young girl entered campus, even bringing the young girl home for the holidays.

“Miss Mitchell-“

“Please, just Willow. We aren’t strangers.” She laughs.

“Willow, how’s the college search going?” Headmistress Stacy Sutherland questions.

“Fantastic. I got an acceptance to UT Austin, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, UCLA, USC, and NYU but I’m not going to any of them.” Willow answers.

“Oh? Not going to college?”

“Actually,”Willow pulls a folder out of her backpack and sets it on the desk.

“You’re interested in the Naval Academy?”

“Accepted. Stacy, I got into the Naval Academy!” She smiles brightly.

“That’s amazing! I bet your father is so proud!”

Willow sighs. She hadn’t told her dad, not like he’d pick up the phone anyways. “Yea. I bet.”

“Will he be here for graduation?”

“I don’t know, I sent the invite but-“ she shrugs.

He didn’t show. Willow expected nothing less from the man who up and dropped her off 4 years ago, never coming back. It really surprised her though to see all of her dad’s Top Gun buddies present. Ice, Slider, Wolfman, and Hollywood. She hadn’t noticed their presence until the middle of the Ceremony. With only 40 graduates in her class, it wasn’t long until her name was called

“Miss Willow Mitchell. Valedictorian. United States Naval Academy.” If the sheer magnitude of cheers just for her wasn’t clear enough, the four grown men who jumped from their seats definitely showed Willow that someone out there still cared besides the headmistress.

“Hi!” Willow smiles as Slider runs up to her. He wraps his arms around her, lifting her into a bear hug.

“Hey Uncle Slider.” She laughs as he sets her down.

“Hey little bird.” Only Iceman called her that, claiming she was Maverick’s mini me as a child.

“Hey Uncle Ice.” She gives him a side hug before acknowledging the other two aviators present.

“Where’s your dad?”

“Not here. As per usual.” She sighs. “Can we not talk about how shitty my dad is? I’m thinking lunch and then you guys can take me wherever and then do drop off day at the academy?”

“You don’t wanna see him?”

Willow shakes her head, leading the aviators towards the parking lot. “Y’all coming or what?”

2005, Naval Academy, Maryland

Willow was speed walking through campus, her last class was late releasing so she was already late for her next class. And as if her day couldn’t get any worse she had to literally run into someone, knocking both too the ground and the other person’s coffee all down the front of her.

“Dammit.” Willow mutters, assessing the damage done to her outfit.

“I’m so sorry darlin. You alright?” Willow looks up to the guy she collided with, the voice certainly matching the face and those strikingly green eye- “Darlin?”

“What?” She snaps out of her gaze, looking around to recollect where she was. “Oh, yea. I’m fine. Can’t say the same for my hoodie.” She replies, looking down at the coffee stain.

“I’m so sorry. I should’ve been watching where I was going. I can get you a new one, or pay for dry cleaning or whatever you need.” He rambles, pulling her up from the ground.

“It’s all good, I’m just gonna head back to my room and change. Apparently I really wasn’t destined to make it to class today.” She chuckles. “Sorry about your coffee.”

“Make it up by going to lunch with me? I know this little place downtown that has really good sandwiches.”

“Sure, I’ll meet you out front of the school in say, 30 minutes?”

“Perfect. I’m Jake by the way.” He juts his hand out. It was only then that Willow truly realized she was making plans with a complete stranger.

“Willow.” She takes his hand, shaking it lightly. They stand there for another few seconds. Willow was completely lost in his eyes, the color so different from the green she grew up looking at. She liked them, definitely ones she could get lost in forever.

Jake cleared his throat, pulling his hand back. “I’ll see you in 30?”

“Y-yea.” She smiles before quickly running off back to her dorm.

“Hey, did class get canceled?” Her roommate, Natasha Trace, questions from her bed.

“Nope.” She answers, stripping her outfit and immediately pulling on another pair of jeans. “I have a date now.”

“Oh? Tell me everything!” Nat slides across her bed to sit on the edge, now interested in what her roommate and best friend had to say.

“When I get back. We’re going to lunch.” Willow walks over to the bathroom, pulling out her make up bag.

“At least tell me who it is!”

“His name is Jake.” Willow chuckles, applying light makeup.

“Blonde, green eyes?”

“Yea, how’d you know?”

“Willow! That’s Jake Seresin! He’s the school playboy!”

“He doesn't seem that bad.” Willow sighs.

“Do you want me to name all the girls he’s slept with? Cause it’s not a pretty number.”

“I’ll be fine Nat. I gotta go. Don’t wait up!” She calls, running out of the room.

“Hey there darlin. Ready to go?” Jake smiles as Willow jogs up to him.

“Yep.” She smiles. He holds his arm out and she loops hers into his. “So where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see.” He leads her towards a truck parked at the front of the parking lot, opening the passenger door for her.

Jake wasn’t kidding when he said they had the best sandwiches. They had to have spent at least 5 hours at that table, laughing, talking, and just enjoying each other’s company.

“So he just left you at a boarding school?” Jake questions.

“Yea. I haven’t seen him since then.” Willow answers, taking a sip of her coffee.

“You think he’s gonna show up to graduation next month?”

“Unless my uncle has said something, I doubt he knows I’m here. I bet he’ll find out when I’m a better aviator than him.” Willow chuckles.

“I think you’re gonna be a great pilot, but you're gonna have to fight me for top spot though.”

“You’re going for aviation too?” Willow questions. “It’s only ever been me and my roommate! That’s crazy!”

It was over from there. Jake and Willow spent every possible moment together over the next month. After 2 weeks of hanging out, Jake had officially asked Willow to be his girlfriend over dinner at a romantic waterfront restaurant. 2 weeks later graduation had officially arrived.

The ceremony was long and boring, Willow and Jake were eager to hit the road to his hometown where they would spend their month-long leave before they were to report to flight school.

“Ensign Mitchell!” Willow turns to spot Iceman and Slider walking towards her.

“Admiral Kazansky.” She salutes him.

“Congratulations little bird.” He smiles, pulling her into a hug.

“Thank you Uncle Ice.” She smiles into the hug.

“Alright let me in!” Slider pulls Willow away from Ice into his own hug.

“We are so proud of you, Willow!”

“Thank you, Slider.”

Jake clears his throat walking towards the group.

“Hey, Jake! This is Admiral Kazansky and Rear Admiral Kerner. Guys this is my boyfriend, Ensign Jake Seresin.” Willow smiles as Jake shakes hands with her uncles.

“It's a pleasure to meet you both. Willow talks highly of both of you.” Jake greets.

“So what are your plans now that you’re officially out of the Academy?” Ice questions.

“We have a month leave before we both report to flight school so we were planning to go to Texas where his family is.”

“You’re both going into aviation?”

“Yes sir.” Jake answers.

“I look forward to seeing both of you at Top Gun one day then.” Ice smiles, pride beaming in his eyes.

“As much as I love seeing you guys, we gotta get on the road soon. But I’ll see you soon okay?” Willow smiles, grabbing Jake’s hand.

“Of course. Good luck.” Ice nods as Willow and Jake start walking off but he quickly calls out to them. “Ensign Seresin!” Jake turns back to see Ice calling him over. Jake releases Willow’s hand, returning to stand before him. “Willow is like a daughter to me. You take good care of her.”

“Yes sir.” Jake nods before Ice dismisses him, running back over to Willow and leading her to his car.

2005, Seresin Ranch, Texas

“Uncle Jake!” Jake drops to his knee as 2 little twin girls come running towards him, throwing all of their weight into him.

“Hey! Theres my 2 favorite nieces!” He laughs picking both of them up. Willow laughs watching the interaction as she pulls their duffels from the back seat. “Darlin you put those bags down, I’ll come back and get them.” Jake turns to see her lifting both bags to her shoulders.

“I’m capable of carrying our bags, Jake. Besides, it looks like those 2 got your hands full.” Willow walks both of the bags towards the house right behind Jake.

“Maddelyn and Gracelyn! I told you two not to run outside!” An almost perfect copy of Jake runs up to the door, her long blond hair pulled up into a ponytail, bright green eyes hidden behind a pair of glasses.

“I got them, Nanc. They’re just excited to see their favorite uncle.” Jake teases, walking past his sister.

“You’re their only uncle, smartass.” His sister turns around to see Willow still standing on the porch, laughing at their sibling banter. “Oh you must be Jake's girlfriend! I’m Nancy, Jake’s older sister. Mama and Daddy are in the kitchen if you wanna come in and say hi.”

Willow nods and follows Nancy through the living room. She drops the bags by the stairs as Nancy directs and follows her through the house.

“Oh Jakey look at you!”

“Jakey?” Willow giggles softly at the nickname.

“Hey only Mama calls me that.” Jake turns to Willow pointing at her as serious as can be..

“Oh you must be Willow! You’re even prettier than Jake described!”

“Hi. It’s lovely to meet you Mrs. Seresin.” Willow smiles, holding out her hand to shake his mothers.

“Oh please! You can call me Mama. Everyone does.” Mama pulls Willow into a hug instead of shaking her hand.

“Mama, we talked about this. Don’t smother the poor girl.” Jake chuckles at Willow’s face, laced with shock of how quickly she was welcomed.

“Oh of course. Why don’t you two head upstairs and get cleaned up for dinner? Maybe even take a nap. I’m sure that drive was horrible.”

“Thanks Mama.” Jake presses a kiss to his mom’s cheek before turning to Willow. “After you darlin.” Willow tried to pick up her duffel when Jake smacked her hand. “I’m carrying these. Upstairs, 3 doors on the left.”

Sighing, Willow walks up ahead of Jake, admiring the hundreds of photos of the Seresin family that line the walls. Opening the door, Willow stares in awe of Jake’s childhood bedroom.

“Welcome to my sanctuary.” Jake laughs, sliding past Willow.

“This is not what I imagined your bedroom would look like.” She walks over to the bookshelf in the far corner, gazing over the books, photographs and awards that littered the shelves.

“What? Expected it to look more like my dorm room?” Jake questions, sitting at the foot of the bed.

“Something like that.” Willow moves to stand between his legs, arms wrapping around his neck while Jake’s wrap around her waist. “Your family seems nice.”

“You haven’t even met half of them. Amy and Megan are heading back from college right now and Jess will be here for dinner.”

“4 sisters? No wonder you completely understand all of the shit me and Nat say.” Willow laughs.

“Yea.” Jake smiles. “So… nap?”

“Or maybe, a little fun?” Willow flirts, leaning further into Jake.

“Oh really?” Jake smiles, pulling Willow in for a kiss. “And what kind of fun would you be interested in?”

“Oh you know exactly what I’m interested in.” Willow straddles his waist, pushing Jake backwards on the bed.

“Oh I have a few ideas.” His signature smirk plays on his lips as he pulls her onto the bed, flipping to pin her.

2007, NAS Pensacola, Florida

“Please be sure to let us know if there is any family attending Saturday’s Ceremony.”

Willow sighed, grabbing the paperwork from before her.

“Hey darlin. Ready to go?” Jake meets her outside at their car.

“Yea.” Willow sighs, walking past Jake and immediately climbing in.

“Are you okay?” Jake questions, starting up the car.

“Yea, long day.” Willow sighs, leaning back in the passenger seat.

The drive to their off base home was silent, Jake already knew what was up. The pinning ceremony is a big deal. After they receive their wings, they’ll choose their specialty aircrafts and before long, they’re in the running for a Top Gun session. Jake’s family was already packing to head down for his pinning ceremony and he knew Iceman and Slider weren't able to make it for Willow. So with her father not in her life anymore and her uncles unavailable. That left their Captain to pin her while everyone else had family to do it.

As soon as they pulled up, Willow immediately went inside and jumped in the shower. Jake sighed watching the retreating figure of his girlfriend. Pulling out his phone, he quickly dialed Ice’s number hoping to get through to him.

“Kazansky residence.” The female voice rang through.

“Hey, it's Jake. Is Iceman around?”

“Mom! Willow’s boyfriend is calling for Dad!” Jake chuckles at Ice’s daughter’s unwillingness to talk on the phone.

“Give me that.” Sarah says, most likely pulling the phone from her daughter. “Hey Jake, sorry Tom is on a carrier, left yesterday. Something I can do for you?”

“It’s alright Mrs. Kazansky. Ice said he might be able to clear his schedule for this weekend. Just wanted to check in with him.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. You and Willow are getting your wings this weekend huh?”

“Yes ma’am. Willow’s feeling a little down cause my family will be there to pin me and she doesn’t have anyone. Was just hoping something would come through at the last minute.” Jake sighs.

“I’m sorry honey. You know I’d be there in a heartbeat if the kids didn't have school.”

“It’s alright. Thanks for letting me know Mrs. Kazansky.”

“Of course dear. I’ll see you both at Thanksgiving alright?”

“Yes ma’am.” Jake ends the call as soon as he hears the shower shut off. He immediately runs to the room, stripping down to his boxers and jumping on the bed before Willow comes out in shorts and a t-shirt.”Well hello beautiful.” Jake’s signature smirk plays out on his face, eyes following Willow as she walks around to her side of the bed. “Darlin?” Willow doesn’t say a word, only laying down and turning off the lamp by her. “Willow, I know you’re upset over the pinning ceremony. If you want, I’m sure my mom will gladly pin you.”

“Just forget it Jake. I’m fine with the Captain pinning me.” Willow sighs, still facing away from Jake. “I’m going to bed.”

Jake sighs, facing the back of her head. “I’m sorry, Willow. I wish I could do something about this.” Willow sighed before rolling over.

“It’s not your fault my only family is an asshole. Or that my uncles have responsibilities to the Navy.” She places a hand on his cheek. “It’s always going to suck and there’s nothing we can do. No matter who pins me, so long as I get pinned I could care less.” Willow smiles softly as she looks into Jake’s eyes. “You have such a big heart, Jake. And I appreciated you wanting to make this special for me.”

“I love you.”

“What?” Willow sits up, eyes still never leaving Jake’s. In the 2 years they had been together, neither one had ever said those 3 words, choosing to go slow in their relationship, despite already living together.

“I… I love you, Willow.” Jake says, sitting up with her. “I have since that day we ran into each other.”

“I-I…” Willow stutters, still in shock from Jake saying it.

“You don’t have to say it back, darlin. But I will always love you.”

“I love you too.” Willow smiles, Jake’s eyes light up. “I love you so much!” She shouts, tackling Jake to the bed.

2011, NAS North Island, California

“Hey Vixen! You coming out with us?”

“I don’t know guys. We have a big day tomorrow.” Willow sighs.

“Come on! You never go out with us anymore.” One of the other girls chimed in.

“That’s because you all go out to get laid and I get left alone at the bar.” Willow points out, sitting down on the couch in the pilot lounge.

“So then we will find you a guy to go home with before we ever try for hours.”

Willow is about to protest when another voice interrupts. “I don’t know about you but I’m pretty sure her boyfriend wouldn’t appreciate that.”

“Jake!” Willow jumps up, pushing past her fellow pilots and WSOs to reach her boyfriend who stands in the doorway. “What are you doing here!?” She questions, wrapping herself around her boyfriend.

“Can’t surprise my best girl?” Jake mutters into the crook of her neck, holding her tightly.

The couple had seen each other a total of 6 months in the last 3 years because of deployments and detachments. When Willow got the call from Top Gun, she immediately called Jake to share news. Though her excitement faded when she found out that not only had Jake not gotten called as well, but he was shipping out 2 days before she was to arrive in California for the Indian Ocean.

“I will always take a surprise but you weren’t supposed to be back until after my session. What happened? Is everything okay?” Willow pulls back immediately, worry lacing her voice.

“Everything is okay, we finished the mission early so they sent us home. Not happy to see me?”

“Of course I’m happy to see you.” Willow smiles, kissing her boyfriend of 5 years.

“Plus, I would never miss my gorgeous girlfriend graduating top of her class at Top Gun.”

“I'm not gonna be top of the class.” Willow laughs as Jake leads her away from the other pilots.

“Bullshit! I know you hate it but Darlin you are Pete Mitchell’s daughter. It’s in your genetics. And you’ve had Iceman coaching you the whole way. You’ll be top of the class. I know it.”

And Jake certainly was right, and a year later, Jake was top of his class. Ice looked on proudly as Willow and Jake took pictures with the Top Gun trophy at Jake’s graduation. The bright smile on Willow’s face as Jake held her close, pressing random kisses to her cheek as Phoenix and Coyote took pictures of them, made Iceman smile to himself. He always wanted Willow to find her own family after everything and she did.

“Congratulations Lieutenant Seresin.” Ice smiles, walking up to the group.

“Thank you Admiral Kazansky.”

“I’m hosting a celebratory dinner at my house. Phoenix, Coyote, you are both welcome to join us.”

“We’d be honored sir.” Phoenix nods. “I’ll send these to you, Vix. I got a couple errands to run.” Phoenix gives Willow a quick hug. “Congrats again, Hangman.”

“Thanks Phoenix.” Jake nods. “I have a surprise for you.” Jake whispers to Willow. “Wanna sneak out of here?”

“Hell yeah. Lead the way.” Willow smiles.

Jake pulls up to a secluded part of the beach, quickly climbing out and running around to Willow’s door and opening it for her. “Darlin.” Jake bows, holding a hand out for Willow. She laughs as she lets him guide her away from the truck.

“The beach? Jake, I’ve been to the beach before.” Willow laughs.

“Oh trust me. I know darlin.” Jake winks. “No, that's not your surprise.” Jake lead’s Willow across the sand towards the waterfront. “Willow, darlin, you know I love you, right.”

“Of course. You know I love you?”

“Always Darlin.” Jake smiles. “I want to promise you something.” Jake says, pulling a small box out of his pocket.

“Jake-“ Willow tries to stop him but Jake quickly cuts her off.

“It’s not a proposal darlin. I know you aren’t ready for it.”

“It's not that I’m not ready. We're just getting started in our careers.”

“I know, Darlin. Which is why this is a promise ring.” Jake opens the box to show the dainty ring. The helix design completes the circle. “A promise that you are it for me. That one day and we are both good and ready. I will trade this out for an engagement ring and I’ll marry you and only you.”

“Jake-“ Willow smiles, tears in her eyes as she stares at the ring. Jake slowly slips the ring onto her ring finger, kissing on top of it as it settles.

“I love you, Willow.”

“I love you too, Jake.”

“I have some not so good news though.” Jake says, fiddling with the ring.

“What?”

“I got pulled onto a mission. We leave tomorrow and won't be back for 6 months.”

“Oh.” Willow looks towards her hand as Jake continues to fiddle with the ring. “It’s a dangerous one isn’t it?” She questions, still not meeting his eyes.

“Yea, darlin. It’s not the safest.” Jake lifts her chin to look her in the eyes. “But I promise, I will do everything to come home to you.”

“You better. Cause if this,” she holds up her hand, “don't get upgraded one day, I’m gonna hurt you.” Willow laughs as Jake starts laughing with her.

“I will always come home to you.”

2012, USS Rosevelt, Atlantic Ocean

Jake had yet to meet his bunkmate since arriving on the carrier. His biggest hope was that it wasn’t someone who would constantly bring a lover in every night but he also just wanted someone bearable for the next half a year.

“Hey man, it’s good to meet you.”

Jake turns from his desk and his blood runs cold. He recognizes the pictures from Ice’s house. He is staring into the same eyes that were pictured next to Willow for years. “Yea, Lieutenant Jake Seresin. Callsign Hangman.” Jake nods, shaking the outstretched hand of the man before him.

“Lieutenant Bradley Bradshaw. Rooster.”

The next 6 months was going to be nothing but torture to Jake. In an attempt to keep the peace, he never let Rooster see the photos of Willow, nor did he talk about her around him. He also never mentioned his bunkmate when he got the opportunity to call Willow. But that didn’t stop either of them from questioning Jake about the other.

“So do you like your bunkmate?” Willow questions, her laptop set up on the desk before her.

“He’s not bad. Little annoying, terribly slow flier.”

Willow chuckles at his complaint. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, darlin. 4 more months.”

“4 more months.” She sighs. “Can you give me any updates on the mission?”

“You know I can’t. But I can tell you that it’s gonna be awhile before we can talk again.”

“Oh-“

“Hey Hangman! We’re going to Target’s room for a couple of beers, you comin?”

“Is that Bradley?” Willow questions.

“Uh, not tonight Rooster. I’m on a call.” Jake shouts back.

“Oh is it the mysterious Vixen?” Bradley’s face pops up onto the screen and Willow hides her face.

“Jake I gotta go.”

“Okay Darlin. I love-“ the call ended before he could say anything.

“Damn, you must’ve really pissed her off.”

“Yea, that wasn’t me.” Jake sighs, closing the laptop and making his way towards his room.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rooster questions, following him.

“It’s not my place, Rooster.”

“Not your place? Who the fuck is your girlfriend man?”

“You know her a lot better than you think.” Jake mumbles, grabbing his shower gear from the bottom of the closet.

“Willow? Little Willow? You’re dating my little sister?”

“God sister. And I seem to remember you haven’t talked to her since ‘97.” Jake nearly growls at Bradley. “So don’t act all high and mighty. She doesn’t claim you so don’t claim her.”

“Lieutenants. Suit up, we’re heading out.”

“The mission’s not for another week.” Bradley protests.

“Change of plans.”

2012, NAS North Island, California

Willow groans leaning against the chair of the office. She sits in the silence of her office before Ice enters.

“Hey little bird. Everything alright?”

“Yea, I just haven’t heard anything from Jake.” She pauses. “You know Bradley’s there.” Willow sighs, her hand coming up to rub her face.

“I do.”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“You said you didn’t give two shits about what Bradley and your father were doing. I was just doing what you asked.” Ice retorts.

Suddenly Willow’s phone rings, she stands moving across her office as she answers. “Hello?” She immediately met with the constant rambling from the other side. “Woah, slow down. Nancy, what happened?” She questions, walking around her rooms again.

“Mama just got a call from a restricted number and now she won’t stop crying!”

“Shit, gimme a second.” Willow mutes herself and sets the phone down on her desk.“What happened?” She questions Ice.

“What do you mean?”

“Nancy.” Willow points to her phone. “Jake’s mom won’t stop crying after getting a call from a restricted number. What happened to Jake?”

“He’s MIA, Willow. I’m sorry.”

“No.” Willow gasps. “No, no, no. This cannot be happening.” Willow drops into the chair beside her.

“Willow, I’m so sorry.” Ice moves around the desk to pull Willow into a hug.

“They gotta find him.” She cries. “They need to find him.”

“On my orders, they aren’t going to stop looking for him.” Ice comforts.

“Please, dad. I don’t wanna lose him.” Ice froze. He’d always considered Willow like a daughter but she had never called him dad before.

“I promise little bird. They’re gonna find him.”

“Willow?! What’s going on?”

“Shit. Nancy.” Willow scrambles over to her phone. She quickly wipes her tears and takes a deep breath. “Hey, uhm, Jake’s MIA.”

“Holy shit. Are they looking for him?”

“Yea. Yea it’s a non-stop search right now. I'll transfer any updates to me and I’ll let you know. So that way Mama doesn’t have to go through it over and over.”

“Okay. Keep me posted. I’m gonna get Mama to bed. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yea, Talk later.”

“Hey, Willow?”

“Yea?”

“Take care of yourself. It’s not just you anymore.”

“Of course.” Willow ends the call, tossing her phone back onto the desk, she leans back into Ice’s hold, the tears returning.

“It’s okay, let it out.” Ice mutters, holding Willow close.

“I’m pregnant.” Willow cries.

“What?”

“I’m pregnant, dad. I can’t lose him. We can’t lose him.” She rests a hand on her stomach. She had just found out about two weeks ago, 6 weeks after Jake had left. She didn’t have the will to tell Jake, while he was gone.

2013, USS Rosevelt, Atlantic Ocean

3 months. It had been 3 months since Jake disappeared and despite every rule in the Navy, Willow was pacing Ice’s office on the carrier, 21 weeks pregnant. As soon as word came in that they might’ve found him, Ice immediately took off to the carrier and despite his protests Willow was right behind him.

“What do we have on his location?” Ice questions.

“They raided an enemy bunker. There’s signs that he was there recently. He can’t be far but they’re still looking.”

“Keep looking. Do not stop until there is physical proof he’s dead.”

“Yes sir.” Ice dismisses the Commander and turns to Willow.

“Sit d-“

“Don’t.”

“Willow, stressing is not good for the baby.” He sighs.

“Jake being dead isn't good for the baby. Or me.” Willow snaps back.

“He’s not dead.”

“It's been 3 months!”

“And there is no proof he’s gone.”

“But there’s no proof he’s alive.” Willow sighs, her pacing continuing.

“Willow, I am already allowing you to break rules. Sit down, please.”

“Fine, only if you take it easy too.” Willow protests.

“I’m fine, Willow.”

Willow shoots him a knowing look. “You’re missing treatments for this.”

“Willow, I’m fine, trust me.” Suddenly a Lieutenant barges into the office.

“Admiral Kazansky, Lieutenant Mitchell. We found him.”

“Jake!” Willow runs up to the stretcher as they wheeled him away from the helicopter.

“Ma’am we need you to step back.”

“She’s his next of kin. She goes with him.” Ice shouts, following behind them.

“Oh god baby. Oh my god.”

“He’s malnourished and dehydrated but other than that he’s going to be just fine, physically.” One of the medics rattle off.

“Physically?” Willow questions.

“He’s been through hell and back, Lieutenant. There’s no telling what that did to him mentally.”

“Oh god, Jake.”

Willow sat up from the makeshift bed she had made on the chair in the hospital room. She was already majorly uncomfortable because of the pregnancy but the chair was definitely not helping. 3 days in the chair definitely didn’t help her back either.

“Lieutenant Mitchell?”

“Yes?” She turns to spot the doctor in the doorway.

“How are you this afternoon?”

“As well as I can be.”

“You know we can still move a cot in here, we’d much prefer it, including Admiral Kazansky.” The doctor insists as she checks Jake’s vitals.

“I’m alright. How is he?” She asks, stepping up to the bedside, reaching to hold Jake’s hand.

“Better. We started weaning him off the medication keeping him under last night. He should be waking up soon. If he does wake, let us know if there is anything wrong. Otherwise a nurse will come in on her rounds.”

“Thank you.” She turns back to Jake, who for once in the last 3 days looked peaceful. She sighs, reaching up to brush loose hair back.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t realize anyone would be in here.” Willow turns and quickly turns back around, electing to not saying anything to the figure that just walked in. “How are you?”

“You’ll have to go, only one person is allowed in here.” She responds.

“Willow…”

“Leave me alone.”

“Come on, we haven’t seen each other in years. Why don't we go up to the mess hall? Catch up.” Bradley continues, walking further into the room.

“I said leave me alone, Lieutenant Bradshaw. Or do I need to call an Admiral?” Willow seeths, still not turning towards the door.

“Fine. Don't say I never tried.” She rolls her eyes as she hears the door close behind him. Sighing, she turns away from to bed to pour herself a glass of water when she suddenly hears a groan. She quickly turns to see Jake trying to sit up. “Hey, hey, hey. It's okay, don’t get up.”

“What? Willow?” Jake questions, voice hoarse from the lack of use.

“Hi baby. It's me.”

“I thought I’d never see you again.” He cries, pulling Willow into a tight hug, or as tight as his weakened body could muster.

“Neither did we.” She says softly, holding Jake close.

“We?” He pulls back for the hug, looking for a correction but only gets a worried smile.

“We.” She softly moves his hand to rest on her small bump.

“Holy shit.” Jake says, barely above a whisper, eyes wide. “I’m gonna be a dad?”

“Yea, yea Jake.”

“Oh my god!” He pulls her back into a hug, practically dragging her on top of him. “Holy shit! We're gonna be parents.”

2013, NAS North Island, California

“So you’re telling me, you have no idea the gender nor what you’re going to name them?” Phoenix asks, taking a sip of her drink.

“We’ve been so busy, between paperwork and Jake’s test flights, it's been a nightmare to have a calm moment between us.

“Vixen! You’re due any day now!”

“I have ideas! Just nothing settled.”

“Let me hear them.”

“For a boy, Beau.”

“Absolutely not, you wanna name your child after Rear Admiral Simpson?”

“Oh I knew there was no way I truly liked that name. How about Easton?”

“Could be good, Easton Seresin…” Phoenix trails off.

“Nevermind I hate it. Tyler? Tyler Seresin.”

“I think that sounds perfect, darlin.” Jake’s voice comes from the now open front door.

“Hey! How was work?” Willow struggles to stand for the couch but manages, walking over to greet him at the door.

“You know exactly how work was.” He sighs, kissing her gently before heading to the master of their on base house. “Hey Phoenix.”

“Hey Bagman.” Phoenix says. “How about a girl?”

“Only one on my list. Ellorie.”

“That is beautiful. I love it.” Phoenix smiles.

“It is uh?” Willow beams to herself as she walks into the kitchen. “I honestly hope it’s a gi-“

“Willow? You okay?”

“Oh!”

“Willow?” Phoenix jumps up and runs into the kitchen to see Willow standing over a puddle.

“Oh my god.”

“What is it? Is everything okay?”

“Get. Jake. Now.” She says between breaths.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Phoenix curses. “Bagman!”

“What?”

“It’s time!”

“What do you mean it’s time?!”

“Jacob Grant if you don’t get out here right now and get me in the car I am having this baby without you!” Willow shouts as another contraction rolls through.

“I’m coming!” Jake barrels through the hallway, their hospital bag slung over his shoulders. He immediately guides Willow out to his truck, helping her up into the seat while Phoenix drops their bag into the backseat.

“Be safe! Call me when they’re here!” Phoenix shouts as Jake pulls out of the driveway.

“Okay just hold on, darlin.” Jake repeats as Willow grips tightly to the armrest, another contraction ripping through her. “It’s okay Darlin.”

“Stop, you’re not helping.” Willow groans in pain.

“I’m trying to help, but I don’t know what to do.” Jake says, rubbing circles into her hand.

“You can not tell me it’s okay when I’m about to push a baby that most definitely got your big head out of my vagina!” Willow shouts.

“Hey, you like my big head. And we’re going to love theirs. Almost there.”

10 excruciating hours later and Jake and Willow sat in the comfort of their hospital room with their bundle of joy wrapped in their arms.

“Knock knock.”

“Hey! Ice!”

“There’s my two favorite pilots.”

“Hey dad.” Willow smiles. “You wanna meet your honorary granddaughter?”

“It’s a girl?” Ice gasps, walking over to the bedside.

“Ellorie Serena Seresin.” Jake smiles as Ice takes Ellorie from Willow.

“She’s beautiful, Willow. Looks just like you.” Sarah smiles, pulling Willow into a hug.

“I think she looks more like Jake.” Willow laughs.

“Absolutely not, darlin. She definitely looks more like you.” Jake presses a kiss to her head as Ice and Sarah coo over the baby. “You did good, mama.”

“Mama? No more darlin no that the baby is here?” Willow questions.

“Absolutely not. You will always be my darlin but you're also mama now.” Jake’s smiles. “You know I love you?”

“Absolutely. You know I love you too?”

“Always Darlin.”

[luckyroll3]

Crimson Lights: Chapter 15

Master List

Changbin enters my apartment with a bottle of tequila in one hand and a 12-pack of Modelo in the other, a toothy smile on his face.

I groan as he sets the alcohol down on my coffee table. “You can’t be fucking serious,” I say, but he ignores me to walk to the kitchen for two shot glasses. “My brain is still fuzzy from last night!”

“Hair of the dog,” he responds as he joins me on the couch. He opens the bottle and pours out 2 shots, handing one to me. His playful grin is accompanied by an arched eyebrow as if to say ‘You in?’

I sigh and begrudgingly take the glass from him, silently cursing my weak willpower. “Fine!” With that, he clinks his glass against mine and we both down the shots. I feel the sharp burn of the tequila turning into warmth as it settles in my stomach. He hands me an open beer can to chase it with.

“How’d the meeting go?” I ask as I take another sip of beer.

“Great. He’s giving us double what we asked for, which will allow us to expand the scale of our real estate operations.” He takes a swig of beer, then lowers his voice so that it’s barely audible, and mouths to me, “And even better, it’s all clean money.” It’s common for them to speak in code when discussing their less-than-legal activities outside of their secure offices. I’ve grown accustomed to this over the past few weeks. They never openly speak about the other side of their businesses, only the legal aspects, the entities that Han has meticulously protected within the boundaries of the law to ensure they are beyond reproach if anything goes sideways.

I nod. “That’s great. I have no idea what any of that means, but it sounds like a win.”

He laughs, “Oh, it’s definitely a win!”

“Did you hear back from Lauren?”

“Yes. Thanks for talking some sense into me earlier. I was second guessing everything. But we’ve been messaging all day. I invited her over to my place for dinner on Tuesday.”

“Dinner?” I scoff. “I hope she doesn’t think you’re cooking.”

“Hey, I cook!” Changbin shouts in an attempt to defend himself.

“Pop Tarts don’t count, sweetheart,” I tease.

He pouts playfully. “I’m ordering take out, but I’m telling her that I cooked it,” he admits with a grin, very proud of his plan.

I laugh out loud and pour us both another round of shots. “You’re starting your relationship off with a fantasy.” I hand Changbin the glass.

“I have to learn if I can trust her not to make fun of me when she learns I can’t cook or grocery shop for myself,” he explains with a serious face, complete with a shrug. I start to laugh so hard that I slide off the couch onto the floor, barely managing to keep the contents of the shot glass from splashing. “It’s not funny,” he whines as he takes his shot.

“It’s so funny!” I take my shot and rejoin him on the couch.

“Anyway,” he gives me a very Hyunjin-like eyeroll. “She says she really likes you and wants to do a double date with you and Chan.”

“That could be fun,” I respond. We spend a few minutes talking about potential date options, settling on bowling or pool.

Changbin spots something on the bottom shelf of the coffee table and reaches down to get it. “Is this the letter?” He asks, opening Chris’ note.

“Yeah. Did I not show it to you?”

He shakes his head as he reads. “Wow,” he says. “I didn’t realize it was like, a legit 4-page love letter.” He re-folds the pages and hands them to me. “I don’t think he’s written anything like that since….”

“Since his first girlfriend? What’s her name again? I think it starts with ‘A’.” I place the pages back on the coffee table.

“Aja. I didn’t realize he told you about her.”

“He did.” I respond. Chris and I previously had a conversation about our first loves, the first people to break our hearts. His was Aja. They’d met his senior year of high school and they’d gone off to college together.

“We were not a fan of hers,” he says as he sips his beer. “She was a stuck up bitch. The exact opposite of you, actually.” He pours more shots. “Let’s not talk about her.”

After the third shot and our second bottle of beer, Changbin asks, “Ever thought about learning how to defend yourself? Just thinking about the incident last night and now that you might be associated with us, it could be helpful.”

“Are you offering to teach me?” I chuckle, wiping beer that spilled on my chin with the back of my hand.

"Sure, why not?" He stands up, rolling his shoulders back as he prepares to show me the basics. "Let's start with the stance."

I get to my feet, a bit unsteady from the drinks but eager to learn. “I have had boxing lessons,” I say as I get into my stance, feet apart, knees slightly bent, fists in front of my face. He nods approvingly as he makes slight corrections on my form, his hands firm yet gentle on my hips and shoulders. My skin tingles where he touches me, and I try to brush off the sensation, blaming it on the alcohol.

“Not bad,” he says as he squares up opposite me.

“I know all the punches and everything. But I’ve never actually sparred or been hit. I like my face too much!” I laugh.

"It's a good face,” he agrees with a laugh. “Okay then. Well let’s see what your punches look like. Throw a jab at me—a light one, don't actually knock me out," he instructs, a playful glint in his eyes.

I laugh, feeling a little ridiculous. I throw a soft jab in his direction. He easily dodges it, his reflexes sharp despite our alcohol consumption.

"Come on, Kay, you can hit harder than that," he teases.

Feeling emboldened, I aim another jab his way, this time putting a bit more force behind it. When he swiftly dodges the blow again, I immediately follow it with a hook that catches him off guard when it connects with his chin.

“Woah, killer!” he shouts, rubbing the point of contact where my punch landed. “Nice.” He squares back up and we start to circle each other. “Now since you'll most likely be facing opponents who are much bigger than you, your focus should be on taking them out quickly or causing enough distraction to get away. Aim for sensitive areas like the nose, neck, crotch, groin, and knees. A swift and powerful strike to any of those spots should buy you the time you need to get away.”

“Got it,” I reply confidently as I throw a fake jab towards him, testing his reflexes.

He chuckles at me. “You also have to get comfortable taking a hit,” he says, his voice laced with a playful challenge. “It’s bound to happen and you don’t want it to catch you off guard when it does. So for every blow you land on me, I get one on you. Deal?”

“Uhm…okay,” I agree half-heartedly, not really wanting to get hit at all. Before I can get the words out, he lunges forward quickly and strikes my thigh with a solid punch before backing away with a mischievous grin. “Motherfucker!” I squeal from the sting of his fist against my flesh. “Oh, okay! Let’s do this then!” I exclaim as I try to regain my composure and mentally prepare myself for the pain of getting hit again.

“Don’t kill me,” he laughs, getting into his fighting stance and holding his hands up for me to strike him again. I start swinging at him, focusing on trying to catch him off guard again. He easily dodges most of the punches. “You can do better than that,” he taunts with a smirk. I glare at him. I throw a couple more punches near his face, then I switch tactics with an uppercut into his side causing him to jump back. I smile triumphantly, but it is short lived when he tags me in the shoulder in response.

Changbin and I start circling each other and we go back and forth trading blows for about half an hour. He moves with deft agility, as I try to find new ways to surprise him. My punches are getting better and better with each strike, but I’m not quite cutting it against Changbin’s skill, his movements quick and precise. Although I don’t land every hit, I land enough to suffer the consequences of our deal. My legs, which have taken most of the shots, start to get tired. I lunge towards Changbin, but my foot slips on the smooth floor, sending me stumbling toward him.

In an instant, his arms are around me, pulling me tight against his chest. Our breaths mingle and my heart starts pounding so loud, I am sure he can hear it.

“Gotcha,” he whispers, his voice low and unexpectedly husky. Our gazes lock and everything else fades away into the background. His eyes search mine, intense and unreadable. We stand there staring silently at each other, our bodies pressed together, for a few moments. His pink lips are tantalizingly close to mine and for a moment, I think he might close the gap. I stop breathing when I notice his eyes flicker down to my lips and his tongue darts out to lick his own. Then, as if snapping out of a trance, Changbin steps back abruptly, releasing me as quickly as he’d caught me. I steady myself, trying to ignore his sudden distance.

"Good reflexes," I manage to say, my voice barely more than a breath.

"Yours could use some work," he replies in a half-hearted attempt at humor.

We stand there for a few heartbeats longer, the unsaid words hanging heavy between us. I force a laugh, hoping to dispel the awkwardness that has settled over us. "Guess I'll need a few more lessons," I say, massaging my wrists and stepping towards the couch.

"Guess so," Changbin agrees, with a small smile, but his eyes remain a bit guarded. “Another beer?” he asks as he walks towards the kitchen.

“Sure.” I sink back onto the couch and watch him walk away, my mind spinning with confusion about what the fuck just happened. I reach for the tequila bottle and pour another two shots. I down mine immediately in one shift motion, not waiting for him.

He returns from the kitchen and hands me a cold can of beer, but avoids looking at me. He sits down on the couch, but is noticeably further away from me than usual. I can sense the deliberate shift in his mood. I hand him the shot glass and watch as he swallows the clear liquid, followed by a long sip from his beer. I wait for him to say something, as it’s unusual for him to stay quiet for long. But he just looks down and fiddles with the can in his hand.

"Binnie,” I say delicately to get his attention. He raises his head to finally look at me. “What was that about?" My question hangs in the air, a frail thread ready to snap.

"Nothing," he says quickly, clearing his throat and looking away. "Just….,” his voice trails off. He scans the couch and coffee table for something; his eyes eventually land on the TV remote. He reaches for it without another word.

I wait for him to finish his sentence, but when he doesn’t continue, I frown, but before I can press further, he busies himself with the remote. The tension from moments ago lingers like a stubborn fog, both of us acutely aware yet unacknowledging.

"Ah, here we go," Changbin mutters, thumbing the power button. With the flicker of the screen, he navigates to the streaming app and initiates the live broadcast of our show. So I guess we’re just not going to talk about this, I think to myself before lying back against the couch and placing my feet on the coffee table.

We settle into the comfort of our routine, letting the ridiculousness of the Housewives’ cast of characters and their scripted reality drama overscore our own silent questions. The tension eases as we laugh and roll our eyes at the screen. He asks me a question about one of the previous seasons, and that breaks the ice between us. We are relatively back to normal, back to us.

As the episode rolls on, my eyelids grow heavy, each blink longer than the last. My head finds a resting place against the solid warmth of Changbin's shoulder. His body stiffens for a second before relaxing, accepting my weight as if it were a truce. I feel him wrap his arm around me.

My eyes blink open some time later. In my cocoon of drowsiness, I barely register the sound of someone in the kitchen, the faint clanging of dishes. Changbin’s shoulder twitches below my head.

Chris walks into view as he approaches the coffee table, a garbage bag in his hand. “Chris,” I say softly with a sleepy smile.

“Hey, babe. Didn’t want to wake you. I’m just cleaning up.” He grabs several of the empty beer cans from the table and throws them into the bag.

This fucking guy. Too perfect. I sit up slowly. “You don’t have to do that,” I say softly as I stretch my arms wide above my head and let out a contented sigh as I feel the relief in my muscles.

My motion causes Changbin to wake. “What?” he blurts out, slightly disoriented.

I laugh softly. “Nothing. We just fell asleep.”

“Ah shit. Sorry.” He rubs his face before running his hands through his messy hair.

“I can’t believe the two of you drank more!” Chris exclaims as he finishes collecting the cans. “Have fun?”

“Ugh…yeah,” Changbin answers uncomfortably before standing up. “I should go.” He reaches out his fist towards Chris, who daps him up.

"Alright, man," Chris, ever the hugger, pulls Changbin in towards his chest and wraps his arms around Bin’s back. After a moment he pulls away to look Changbin in his eyes and says, "You okay? You seem... off."

"Fine," Changbin answers too quickly, the word a sharp note slicing through the calm.

"Okay..." Chris trails off, unconvinced as he steps back from Changbin. He doesn’t push further.

"See you around, Kay," he whispers, his voice so faint.

“Bye Binnie,” I say as I give him a warm smile.

He smiles back, then retreats towards the door. I hear it click shut behind him.

In the quiet, Chris' presence looms. He furrows his brow, his intuition sharp as I watch him silently ponder the puzzle of Changbin's uncharacteristic behavior.

"Something's up with him," Chris murmurs more to himself than to me. He turns back to me. “Hi.” he whispers, his arms wide.

I stand up and walk into his open arms as he envelops me into a deep hug. I purr a soft “Hi,” back to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my head on his chest, leaning into his familiarity. Tilting my head up, I press my lips into his. “I’m tired,” I say, my voice sounding like a 6 year old’s.

“You’re drunk,” he says, kissing my temple gently before releasing me.

“That too.” I pick up the tequila bottle and a random plate from the table and walk them both to the kitchen. Chris ties up the trash bag and places it next to the garbage bin. As he washes his hands and dries them on a nearby kitchen towel, I drink a glass of water. I place the glass in the sink, then grab one of his hands. “Let’s go to bed.”

I guide him down the hallway to my bedroom, my fingers interlaced with his. He hugs me from behind and kisses the nape of my neck. We slip under the covers, limbs entwined, and I sink into the comforting heat of his body. Within seconds, I am lulled back to sleep.

[kimaixun]

[Not yours but, mine - SKZ HyunJin X M!Reader] [NSFW]

‼️Trigger warnings: Abuse, Homophobic Parents ‼️

“Hi, will you go to prom with me now?”

M/N felt his eyes twitched in annoyance. This was the thirteenth time, yes, M/N counted, where the ‘hot’ boy of JYP College repeatedly asked him to go to the prom and it has been going on for almost a month now. Without fail, Hwang HyunJin, the prince of JYP College, would randomly show up out of nowhere and asked him the same question over and over again.

“M/N,” HyunJin pouted as he took M/N forearm, randomly tracing over the tattoos, the latter had. “I really like you.”

“No.” M/N simply said as he gently pulled his arm away, packing his things.

“Pretty please?” This time, HyunJin batted his eyelids so fast that M/N thought it would fly off.

“No,” again, the same answer. M/N took a last glance over to the dejected pretty boy before walking out the door of the class.

Class ended an hour ago but, M/N had stayed back to complete some overdue assignments. The moment, M/N found himself alone in the usually crowded hallways of the building, his cheeks grew warmth as he bit his lips to stifle a squeal that threatened to echo.

‘He’s cute. He’s so fucking cute. He’s making me fall for him even more every second,” M/N thought to himself.

“Hyungggggg what got you blushing?” SeungMin had surprised the latter by jumping onto his back, thankfully, M/N reflexes were fast. “Is it him?”

“Yeah,” M/N bashfully admitted.

It was not like M/N hated HyunJin. Instead, he was deeply in love with the latter. They had been friends since kindergarten, since diapers. Even though, they didn’t typically grew up together, M/N always has eyes for the prince . He was not only beautiful but, HyunJin is benevolent, wonderful, courageous and the list never ends. HyunJin was like the bloomed flower that never withered despite the storm that bash them.

M/N on the other hand didn’t consider himself as beautiful as HyunJin. He knew he looked decent, he knew that but, he was not particularly sure of how people describe him to be. He has tattoos because he love the way each and every ink piece represents a part of his life, he love the piercings stapled in him because it reminded him of the pain he went through from time to time. M/N didn’t come from a perfect family, he had went through blood, sweat, tears to where he was standing right now. M/N knew he was the total opposite of HyunJin. Hence, the reason why he didn’t responded or react to the prince confession/invite.

“You still did not accept his invitation? It’s been a year.” SeungMin exaggerates. “Tell me, how many time had he actually asked you the same question over and over again.”

M/N nonchalantly shrugged before, sitting down on his bed, responding to the younger questions, “3,457 time to be exact.”

“Woah Bro, you are heads over heel for that man.”

“I am but, nah, I should just dream on. HyunJin is way out of my league.”

“Really?” SeungMin deadpanned, rolling his eyes so hard M/N thought he could see his own brain, “how long have you known him again?”

“15 years, minus the years I was not in Korea.” M/N said.

“Do the math, you are smitten by a pretty boy who you’ve known for almost your whole lifetime.” SeungMin said, “when exactly are you going to actually accept his promposal?”

“Not anytime soon, I don’t think I would even go to prom.” M/N replied.

4 days, 4 days to prom and M/N felt something ache in his heart. Something was not right. Something was indefinitely wrong. Hwang HyunJin was not approaching him as often as he used to. Usually, the prince would approach him for an average of at least 10 time a day. He would sneak to the tattooed latter whenever he sees the opportunity to. This time, M/N begins to look for him. He would intentionally sit at one spot, hoping the prince would come to him but, to no avail, for the first time for the year, not even a single sight of the pretty boy was seen.

“Help me.” M/N look dead in SeungMin’s eyes, causing shiver down the younger spine.

“If you stop killing me through your stares, I would.” SeungMin replied.

“Sorry,” a dejected sigh left his lips, “please go to HyunJin’s house. Check on him.”

SeungMin looked at him bewildered, “are you insane? What is wrong with you? You want me to go to HyunJin’s? Bro, I don’t even know where he lives. You do so, you go.”

That was how M/N found himself outside of the terrace, debating whether he should knock on the wooden doors of it. He had stood there for almost half an hour now.

“M/N?”

M/N turn to the call of his name. He gasped inaudibly at the sight of the man standing upon him. HyunJin was dressed in his sweats, his hood was on, covering his face. M/N thanked god for his good eyesight because he was quick to peek into the prince’s face. A right eye was bruised badly, there was a cut on the corner of his lips and his cheek welted with a mixture of purple and blue.

“HyunJin.” M/N called out, reaching out to caress the injured one. HyunJin quickly looked away from the other making him retract his hand,“Hwang HyunJin, who did this to you?”

“It’s none of your business.” HyunJin whispered, “get out of here. What are you even doing here?”

“Hwang HyunJin, who is hurting you?!” From the corner of his eyes, the prince could see rage in M/N’s eyes.

“Son, who could this be?” M/N could see the fear in HyunJin as a man came up behind him, linking an arm around his shoulder. He recognise the older man, he is HyunJin’s father.

“Dad, t-this, this is M/N, a classmate of mine.” The prince stammered, “he came by to pass some homework.”

“Well, that better be it. I don’t another one to take care of.” The man said and M/N snapped.

“What do you mean Sir, another one to take care of?” M/N asked.

The man smirked, “it’s really none of you business boy. Now, better leave. Our pretty little boy here has some job to do.” M/N could see the plead in HyunJin’s eyes when the man gripped his shoulder, pulling him towards the door of the entrance. “Now, my Hyunjinnie, say goodbye to your friend.”

“B—bye,”

M/N kisses his teeth in frustration, “if I may sir,” he grabbed the man arm, removing it from HyunJin’s shoulder, “I would like to bring him out for some coffee. We will be back soon.” It happened in seconds when M/N had pulled HyunJin out of the man’s embrace and into his.

“You can’t. I would not allow my pretty boy to go out with a delinquent like you. Besides, he knows what he’ll get for doing that. He’s mine.” The father said, death staring into HyunJin.

The prince looked down to the ground, unable to speak.

“Not yours, mine. By the looks of it, he doesn’t mind going out with him and could you possibly do to him, abuse him, even more.” Something in M/N’s word triggered the man. The father threw a punch to his direction. M/N was quick to dodge it, sending a kick to the man’s leg instead before grabbing HyunJin’s hands and ran. They ran as fast as their feet could bring them to. M/N couldn’t think of any other place than his apartment. Once they entered, M/N locked the doors, leading the prince over to his couch.

It was awkward. The tension was so high that a touch to it would snap the string. HyunJin quietly watch as M/N put down his bag, walking to the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinet just to pull out a first aid kit box. M/N went over to him, pulling a chair right in front of him.

“Hood off.” M/N said. His voice wasn’t exactly stern but, it was gentle and soft. HyunJin winces now and then as M/N applied some ointment to his face.

“Hi, will you go to prom with me now?” HyunJin chuckled, just like every other day when he would ask the tattooed boy.

“Seriously?” M/N frowned.

“Will you go to prom with me? It’ll be in 4 days and I don’t exactly have a date yet. My only supposedly date keeps on rejecting me.” HyunJin begin ranting, “I really like him. He is so good looking and mysterious even though he wouldn’t re—-,”

“Stop,” M/N intervened, “stop being a sunshine even though you’re going through so much. It’s okay to not be okay. You can cry it out.”

As if M/N could see right through him, HyunJin couldn’t hold back his tears any longer. He broke down so hard that M/N pulled him to cry on his chest, holding him tight as if assuring that everything was going to be alright. It took a while but M/N didn’t mind. He waited until HyunJin had cried his heart out even though it took close to three hours, exhaustion taking over the pretty boy making him fall asleep on the tattooed one.

“Food?” M/N offered when he realise that the pretty boy had finally woke up from his nap. It was close to midnight.

“Iced americano.” HyunJin responded.

“Ok.” M/N ordered some snacks alongside with HyunJin’s order on his phone. “Do you feel comfortable to tell me what is going on?”

“Only if you go to prom with me.” Again, the same question.

“Deal.” M/N said. HyunJin was going to ask him the same question when he realise M/N has finally responded to him. He couldn’t believe his ears, making him jolt up from M/N’s chest to look at the latter.

“Are you serious? You…. You finally agreed to be my date?!”

M/N couldn’t stop the smile that widen on his face as he almost cooed at how cute the pretty boy was, “yes, I agree to go to prom with you. I have been dying to say yes to you but, I didn’t because I thought you were out of my league, you still are. You’re too beautiful for a decent man like me.”

“Are you kidding me? How you look, how you dress doesn’t matter to me. It’s….it’s who you are.” HyunJin blushed, pulling out a necklace hidden under his sweater, “do you think I would forget about you? I thought you forgot about me!”

M/N couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw the necklace. It was the one he gave the other on his 9th birthday in school. It was weird to gift someone something on their own birthday but, M/N did it anyway. He remembered shoving the box to HyunJin without a word and going back to his seat to devour the cake.

“You still have it?”

“Of course I do. I am in love with you since we were kids until to this very second. I thought you hated me when you left this country a year ago. I thought you hated me for annoying you all the time because you wouldn’t say anything else but a ‘no’. Then you came back, I took a shot because I didn’t want to lose you!” HyunJin explained.

M/N felt his heart warmth as he pulled the other into his embrace, planting a soft kiss to the latter’s crown, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry for hurting you in every possible ways but, I have been in love with you since we were kids. I have always adored you, wanting you all by myself. The…the reason why I left Korea wasn’t because of you, it was because of my parents. They abused me for being bisexual and when I… I saw how your father treated you, I was not going to let you experienced what I’ve gone through.”

“H…how did you know?”

“The bruises, the ‘possessiveness’ of him said everything because that was exactly what my father did to me. How long had this been going on?”

“Just a week ago,” HyunJin admitted, “I came out to him about being gay and he snapped. He yelled and screamed about how useless I was but, he didn’t exactly hit me, not until last night when he barged into my room and he just, blasted.” M/N could hear the trembles in the latter’s voice. He gently held the other’s shoulder, giving him a squeeze of reassurance.

“I know this will be hard to hear and do, but, we can’t let it happen again. We need to report to the authority about the abuse.”

“But,” HyunJin let a sniffle, “I’m not ready to face this world alone.”

“You won’t be alone, I’m with you. I promise till death do us part, I will be with you.” M/N gently cups the pretty boy’s face, glancing to his lips, “may I?” HyunJin smiled and nodded.

Their lips met. Their bodies pressed together heatedly against the couch, breathing heavily as their lips danced together. M/N could taste their shared breath, feel the thud of their combined heartbeat as they fumbled to take off one another’s clothes. His lips were soft, almost silken, and pillowy against his own.

“A—-ahh,” HyunJin let out a moan as their clothed members grinned against each other. M/N effortlessly lifted the prince so that he was hovering the other instead. “M/N, it’s…..it’s my first time.” The prince admitted, flushing.

“Don’t worry, I won’t do much until you’re ready, I’m going to just jerk us off.” M/N chuckled, planting a kiss to HyunJin’s swollen lips. The pretty boy was a mess from the kiss, writhing under the tattooed one. “Will you be alright?”

“Yes. Make me feel good.” HyunJin cried softly as M/N took his members in his large hands, caressing it in a slow motion. “M/N,” he breathed, “have I ever told you that I’m so in love with you?”

“So do i. I love you, so fucking much.” M/N whispered, looking deeply into HyunJin’s brown orbs. He linked their lips again, feeling the euphoria spark in him. HyunJin was his, finally. The two reached their highs, cum onto their chests, breathing heavily.

“Will you go to prom with me?” HyunJin chuckled after a couple of minutes they calm down.

“Will you be mine?” M/N asked, a grin on his face.

“You’re mine.”

“Not yours but, mine.” M/N claimed as they shared another kiss before the doorbell to apartment rang breaking their moment.

[emilyssky]

Chapter 4: City Lights And Past Lives.

PAIRING: Lee Know! X fem!reader

GENRE(S): college au, smut, angst

WARNINGS: Mentions of violence and abuse, depression, self harm, eating disorders etc.. mentions of blood, swearing, smoking, smut [ dirty talk, oral; giving and receiving, chocking, spanking, praising, degradation, pet names, sometimes Minho is a dick :)

SUMMARY: "Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?"  

"What?"

"You said; Always leave people a little better than you found them" he looked at the floor with a small smile for a few seconds and then his eyes found mine. "You really annoyed me when we first met. I envied your optimism and excitement for life. But each time I saw you, I felt a certain thrill. You made me angry, you made me laugh., you made me feel everything. Something about you made me feel a little more alive each time. I know I fucked up and I know I'm an asshole but I'm also brutally in love with you."    

Minho's POV:

1 year ago.

I solved my phone back in my pocket, choosing to ignore Jisung's messages. I know I'm probably being a dick right now, but he's used to it and he understands. That's one of the things I like about him. He doesn't ask much, he simply knows. He knows when he has to push me and when he has to let me push myself. I take another puff of the remaining bits of my cigarette and throw it on the ground. I lift my hood, trying to protect the sides of my face from the cold, but I keep shivering. My brain is so numb right now that the physical pain is the only thing that I can feel. On days like this, I honestly miss being 16 and getting my ass kicked by my dad, cause at least then the pain in my body was stronger than the voices in my head. As the years went by I found other ways though. As much as I hated him, I got addicted to the pain. I used it as my own personal punishment. The self-loath that he caused me made me crave it. I found similar pain in things like drugs and alcohol and started getting off by inflicting pain on others. Girls I would use and dump, friends I would treat like shit, people that would try to help me that I would lie to. I did anything to remind myself that I had power. That I wasn't the scared little boy he would beat the shit out of. I wasn't someone who was only capable of kneeling and taking beatings. I was strong. I was in control. I wasn't the one in pain.

I didn't wanna deal with anything. Or anyone. And I know that running away from you're problems is not doing shit. I know that I have to go back and deal with this but right now, I just want the world to be quiet. I want everything to go away for a few minutes so that I can have some space to fucking breathe. I jog up the stairs that lead to the roof. I've been coming here whenever I wanted to just get away for a little. This place was already at the top of my 'fuck everything, I wanna be alone' list, but since that night, I've been coming here kinda hoping to see her again. I know that that's not actually what I want. I can't deal with another confrontation, but I want the silence that came with her. It was like all my walls were replaced with mirrors and as she talked my mind backed off more and more, leaving me completely alone, listening. I was listening. For the first time, someone didn't force me to talk about anything or explain myself. All I had to do was sit and listen to her comforting me. Reminding me that; it's going to be okay. After that night, her words lived in my head rent-free. You know how most people have a song that, whenever everything goes to shit, they just put their headphones on and simply listen to it, and for these 3-4 minutes everything else fades away. That's how I kept her in my mind. Like a comfort song that I've been having on repeat ever since then. I force my legs to climb the last flight of stairs, finally reaching the top. I tilt my head a bit, looking at the half-open door with confusion. It's almost 4 in the morning. I place my hand on the door handle, and just as I'm about to pull it even more open, a figure flashes through the small gap of the open door. I move my head further into the door's opening, narrowing my eyes, trying to spot the person again, but the moon being the only source of light, doesn't help. They step into my line of vision again. The long hair makes me realise that it's a girl. She extends her foot and lifts herself up in a fouetté,  which I instantly recognise. Her turns are surprisingly clean. Her body keeps moving around the roof, occasionally leaving my limited line of vision. Her back is facing me, not allowing me to see her face. I stand there behind the door, completely magnetised by her dance. She must be a student here. I lean a bit forward trying to catch a glimpse of her face as she jumps and turns. She bends her back backwards, her head and hands handing beautifully and I freeze. I realise that the huge amount of weed that I've smoked hasn't made me completely numb after all cause I swear I just felt my heart skipping a beat. Her eyes are closed as she stays in position, rolling her head and hands to the music that's probably coming from the Air-pods that are now visible in her ears. Her face twitches with emotion and my hold on the door tightens. It's her. Questions, questions, questions. So many questions run through my head. So many emotions overwhelm me. Fuck, I must be so too high right now. I've thought about her way more than I like to admit. Now she stands here, in front of me. And I don't move, I stay hidden behind the door, watching her dance with tears on her face. I don't wanna talk to her. I don't wanna know her name or why she's crying. I just wanna watch her. And the more I do the more my heart tightens cause the memories that she awakes hurt. She dances so much like Mia, that it's ridiculous, I swear I see her face at some point. I know that I only hurt myself more by sitting here and watching her but I'm completely mesmerised by the way she moves. She's the perfect combination of uncontrollable passion and technique. She's using so much power in such a tender and light way, that I'm jealous. I miss dancing like that. I miss the emotional freedom that I felt whenever I danced. I let myself slide down the side of the wall soundlessly, and rest my head against it. There she is again. My little mirror.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Y/n's POV: The next few days went by in a blur. Wake up, go to class, come home, practice, and go to sleep. Every day is basically the same but I'm not really bothered by it, routine is good, I like having a routine. It's safe. It doesn't make me anxious and everything is scheduled. Dance has been hard though. Correction after correction, my annoyance grew. I was making no progress.

.

.

.

"I don't know y/n. Isn't it a bit short?" Emma is standing in front of the mirror, tugging her tight blue dress down, unsuccessfully.

"Em, you look fucking amazing. Blue is the perfect colour for blondes, and you're boobs look incredible." I praise her in an attempt to boost her almost nonexistent confidence as I put my hoops on. "Seungmin is going to be hard from the minute you walk in, bet" I stand beside her in the mirror, taking a look at myself. We look completely different. She's wearing a blue strapless dress with white heels that make her almost as tall as I am. Her long blonde hair falls in loose curls down her bare back and her light makeup looks almost flawless. On the other hand, I'm wearing leather pants that are tight around my waist but a bit baggier around my thighs and a simple strapless black top. I've straightened my naturally curly hair and kept my makeup the same as every time with black eyeliner and a dark red colour on my lips.

"You're one to talk." She bumps her hip to mine "You're hot as hell"

"Stop" I roll my eyes, smiling at her.

"Is Chan picking us up?" She asks as she fills her purse with makeup and other stuff.

"Um no, Hyunjin's picking us up." I grab my jacket and walk to the living room. Emma follows shortly.

"Great, are they going to text you when-"

My phone interrupts her and we smile at each other. Hyunjin's name flashes across the screen. Wow, he's actually on time, that's a first. I answer and put him on speaker.

"We're here bitches." Hyunjin yells.

"We'll be down in five." I say and hang up.

"Let's go." Emma says with excitement and we walk out the door.

Felix rolls down his window from the passenger's seat and lets out a loud whistle. "Damn." He yells.

"Hello ladies," Hyunjin says as we enter the car.

"Hey," I say. "You're exactly on time. I'm proud of you.."

"Okay, you're both hot" Hyunjin comments as he drives off.

"You sound surprised. " Emma says and I giggle.

"You know what I mean" Hyunjin's eyes are focused on the road as he speaks.

"Is Jisoo not coming?" I ask.

"No, Seungmin only invited us, and since I don't really know them that long I didn't wanna push it and ask to bring someone else. Plus, we're not 'together ' together anyway." he shrugs.

"Come on now, you've been seeing each other for like, a year and you're completely obsessed with her." They've been fucking around for so long but even though they never made it official, we all know that they have feelings for each other.

"I'm not, shut up" Hyunjin tries to contain his smile.

After a few minutes, we pull to an apartment complex.

"It's not far from our apartment. " Emma comments as walks to the door.

"We could stay over at your place if we get too wasted and none of us can drive. It's like 10 minutes away." Hyunjin says.

"Sure, we'll probably have an extra bed anyway 'cause Em will hopefully not come home tonight."  I wrap my hand around her shoulders.

"If you're anything like that in front of him, I'll physically hurt you." She attempts to threaten me but both me and the boys just laugh.

The music can be heard from down the hall, and we had to ring the bell at least 5 times before a guy opened the door.

"Hi" he smiles at us.

"Hi, Jeongin" Emma gives him a quick hug. The guys simply nod at him and follow Emma inside the apartment.

"Hi, I'm y/n" I shake his hand.

"I know, Chan told me you were coming. It's nice to meet you, I'm Jeongin" He has a nice smile. He's tall, with dark hair, brown eyes, and perfect eyebrows. He looks like he could be a model.

I take a step to his left, inside."Is Chan here?" I lean into him a bit cause it's so crowded in here that I could easily get lost.

"Yeah, I think he's in the kitchen." He says, closing the door. Emma, Hyunjin, and Felix have already disappeared. There are more people than I was expecting, Emma made it sound like it was a private party, but there are at least 60 people here.

"The kitchen.." I trail off as I look through the crowd, trying to find it. I hear him laugh from behind me.

"Come with me" He touches my back lightly before moving in front of me, guiding me to the kitchen. I instantly spot Chan's blond hair. He's with Changbin and some other people pouring shots.

"Hi" I go up to him from behind and he instantly smiles when he sees it's me. His hair is a mess and his cheeks are flushed.

"Oh my god, heyyyyy" He pulls me into a hug and I giggle.

"Are you drunk already?" I love drunk Chan. He hardly drinks that much but when he does he's one of the funniest people ever.

"Tipsy," he corrects me pointing a finger at me "Tipsy is the right word dear"

He pours two more shots and he gives one to me and one to Jeongin who's still standing beside me.

"Let's get it" Changbin yells and we all drown our shots. . . .

.

.

The energy in this house is crazy and at this point, everyone is pretty much drunk, including me and I'm loving it. I found myself dancing on tables, playing games, chatting with people, and actually smiling. For a moment I felt like my old self again and I wanted to keep that feeling for as long as I possibly can. So I drank more and danced more until the thoughts in my head about what I should and shouldn't do were gone. Currently, Emma and Seungmin are nowhere to be found, Felix has been following Hyunjin's drunk ass around cause he has thrown up 2 times already, Chan is playing beer pong with Changbin and some other girls and I'm dancing with Jisung and Jeongin. Turns out Jisung is a really good dancing partner and has been filling up Hyunjin's spot all night. Well, I did threaten him not to leave my side. Jeonjin is also a really nice guy, super funny, and easy to be around. Even if I don't wanna admit it, my eyes have been searching for Minho ever since I got here but he's nowhere to be found. I know I shouldn't really care, he hasn't been particularly nice to me but that doesn't really stop my growing curiosity about him. The temperature in the room is incredibly hot. My hair is sticking to my back and I feel like my whole face is on fire, the amount of alcohol that I've consumed doesn't really help. My breaths are getting shorter and sharper as I push my body to move to the music between Jisung and Jeongin. The minute I feel my stomach turning I knew I had to slow down for a bit. I needed air.

"I'm going to get some air, I'm sweating so fucking much." I yell over the music to both of them. Jeongin pulls me closer to him by my elbow.

"Do you want me to take you?" He says to my ear. Jeongin has been my guide through the house the entire night. He's taken me to his room to leave my stuff, and to the bathroom, and he showed me around the kitchen and the rest of the bedrooms. Emma was right, this place is huge.

"No, I got this one." I reassure him. I make my way upstairs and walk down the hall, to the last room, where we left our stuff. I remember that there was a small balcony and when I open the door, I'm happy to see that I remembered correctly. I carefully pull open the small balcony door oven and step out, letting the cool air hit my skin. My ears are ringing from the loud music, my eyes can't really focus on anything and my mind is a blur, unable to think about anything. In this moment I find myself smiling, cause in this moment everything is silent. The apartment is pretty high up, giving the guys access to an incredible view. I notice a small flight of stairs to my left. I look at them curiously, before slowly walking up, my drunken state not making it easy for me. When I reached the top, I looked around only to realise that I'm on a small rooftop. My eyes light up at the sight and a giggle escapes me. Rooftops make me happy. I wish our apartment had one.

"Okay, now who's stalking who?" A low voice says and my head snaps to the left. Minho's sitting on the floor with a cigarette between his lips. There he is. Has he been up here this whole time?

"I didn't even know you were here." I protest, taking a step forwards but stumbling a bit on my own feet.

Minho let out a low raspy laugh. "How come every time we meet on a rooftop you're always drunk? " He snorts "Is that like a thing? Whenever you get drunk you search for a rooftop?"

I keep my eyes on the sky in front of me. "I like rooftops," I smile as I begin to walk aimlessly around. "Something about being so high, no walls around me, a clear view of the sky, makes me feel like I'm on top of the world, it calms me down." I grab the railing and take a look downwards to see how far up are we.

"Get away from the railing, you're drunk." Minho's voice comes out louder than before. I look at him over my back. He's now standing, his cigarette rests between his fingers and his eyes are set on my figure.

Interesting.

I turn around, resting my back on the trailing, my hands still gripping it tightly.

Deja vu.

"Or what?" I giggle and lean backward just a bit more. He takes a quick step forward, his free hand extended towards me.

"Y/n, I'm not fucking around, get away." His tone is demanding and his eyes are hard, jaw set. My drunk mind finds his face funny.

"You're funny." I smile at him. He takes a few more steps, carefully.

"I'm not joking." His voice gets low again.

My eyes spark with excitement. "Oops" I lean back furthermore, but his hand comes around my waist pulling me away.

"Do you wanna die?" He says, staring down at me. I know he's half joking but my mouth opens before my mind can think.

"That would be a good way to go." I half smile.

His eyebrows draw together "What?"

"I mean it would be easier right?" I tilt my head at him "It wouldn't be entirely my fault. She got drunk and she fell off the roof sound better than anything else that would make me look weak right?" His face is unreadable, or maybe shocked I can't really tell. He drops his hand from my waist but doesn't say a word. "But either way, I'm weak right Minho?" I say, waving my hands. He clears his throat and looks away from my eyes.

"That's not what I meant I-"

"Cut the bullshit, I know what you meant." A sudden wave of emotions runs through me and I raise my voice slightly. "But let's get one thing straight, you don't know anything." I move closer to him. "You don't know anything about me or what happened. You're so quick to judge me and call me weak and stupid but you don't know shit."His expression changes slightly. A flash of emotion in his eyes that wasn't there before, he opens his mouth and then closes it again. His lips turn into a line and then he exhales loudly.

"It's not like that. I was just trying to help."He finally says.

"I don't need your help Minho. I don't want your fucking pity." I say through my teeth.

His eyebrows furrowed at my words. "I don't pity you y/n" He grabs my hand and without realising it I flinch lightly. He takes a sharp breath, his eyes widening only for a second before he drops his grip on my hand and turns around. He starts walking back and forth, hands on his head, through his hair, over his face, and finally set on his waist.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" I begin to apologise.

"Stop," His tone is sharp. He shakes his head. "You're- You're pissing me off."

Pissing him off? "What did I even do?" I honestly ask, frustrated.

"Why are you apologising?" He spins around. I stare at him, no words are coming out of my mouth. I simply stare at him. My chest feels heavy all of a sudden and my eyes fall to the ground.

"What happened to you?" His eyes are searching my face. "I remember a year ago, I met a girl on a rooftop. I was just sitting there when she stumbled through the door, wasted. She was smiling and she talked about life, kindness, and shit. Her eyes were wild and her voice loud and powerful. Her presence was so incredibly bright and I hated it. It pissed me off. It pissed me off because she was everything that I wasn't. The way she viewed the world and the way she talked about people and life made me jealous. I was jealous of her light. It reminded me of a lot of things I missed. I hated it." My eyes can't keep eye contact with him as he speaks. My stomach is a knot, my heart is beating fast, and my head is spinning.

He remembers me.

"Now here we are," He waves his hand around. "A year later, on a rooftop and you're once again drunk. But you're different. And I don't know why, but it makes me mad." My eyes are glued to the ground. My whole body is tensed and I feel more exposed than I should.

"You were right" I finally find my words.

"About what?"

"I'm weak," I nod several times. "And stupid. And I don't have the courage to say to anyone that I was in a shitty relationship. That I was weak enough to be manipulated and lied to and treated like shit. None knows about my childhood or my past in general. I'm scared that everyone would look at me differently. I'm scared that everyone will judge me. Like I did to my mom." I confess. "I promised myself that I would be stronger than she was. Braver and smarter," I laugh. "But of course, I met a guy in my first year of college and I thought I could fix him. I wanted to help him, so I stayed. I made excuses every time something would happen. And he played me. " My eyes begin to burn, desperately holding back the tears. Minho's gaze is hard. From the way he's looking at me, I can tell that he wasn't expecting me to share that much.

"I'm sorry," I sniff and try to look anywhere else. "I tend to overshare when I drink." I laugh awkwardly.

"Was he hitting you?" His question makes me freeze. This is a question I wished I would never hear anyone ask me. It sounds almost unreal.

"In the beginning, it wasn't so bad. Not enough for me to realise I guess. But he did at some point, yes. " My voice falters. "He would get mad often. He would yell. He would throw things, a lot of times dangerously close to me. At times I would try to calm him down, but he would push me, not caring to look where I would land. It wasn't like he was beating me up, we were fighting all the time. It was pushing around, slamming into walls, choking, throwing things. It was the type of beatings that in my mind I could justify cause I wasn't exactly innocent. If I had slapped him and then he had pushed me against the wall and choked me until I begged him to stop, I couldn't blame him completely cause I was the one who had started it. In the beginning, it was sort of exciting, the fighting and the toxicity gave me the kind of rush that made me go back, wanting more. But things started to change and the realization of the situation hit me as hard as the first time he actually slapped me. I would fight, I would yell at him but at some point I became mentally drained and I couldn't really fight back." The words come out of my mouth without me even thinking about them. Like a secret, I was dying to finally say out loud. "Even during sex he was-"

"That's enough" Minho looks at me, disgusted almost. He shakes his head and turns his gaze to the night sky.

"He had a hard childhood. His father treated him like shit. His mother passed away when he was young-" His laugh cuts me off as he turns to look at me.

"I'm not defending him," I whisper." I-I..." I take a deep breath. " I left him. It turns out I was a joke to him. He was supposed to fuck me and move on to the next girl. He had made bets with his friends and I was so naive that I fell right into his little game. The day I found out was the day he lost it and he ended up choking me. When it got to the point that I couldn't really breathe, he snapped back to reality but it was too late. I left him that day"

Minho shakes his head once again, smiling at the ground. His hands are crossed.

"The day we met, I caught him having sex with a blonde bitch at a frat party," I giggle. His eyes shoot up at mine. I drop to the ground and bring my knees to my chest. "And you know what's the saddest part?" I look up at him and smile a little. "I don't even miss him. I feel anger and pain whenever I look at him. I miss who I was before him. I'm mad at him for making me feel this weak and I'm more mad at myself for letting him." I honestly say. "I didn't realize it at the time but now looking back, I can see that the more I stayed, the more pieces of myself I was losing. Until it was too late. Now I feel like everything was taken away from me. All that I built myself to be, came crumbling down after him." I let out a breath of relief. I've been keeping all this inside for so long, never having the courage to say anything out loud. Maybe it's the alcohol or maybe I'm too emotional right now. Either way, even if he doesn't really care about anything I said, even if doesn't even like me, the feeling of this huge weight finally lifting off of my shoulder is incredible. He takes a seat beside me. His shoulder brushes mine. He smells like vanilla and cigarettes. He doesn't look at me but I keep studying him. His jawline is sharper than a knife and his nose is perfectly straight. His eyelashes are probably longer than mine and the curve of his lips looks almost fake. His side profile is close to perfection.

"The urge to go find him and just beat the shit out of him is so strong right now." He exhales.

"Why? You have already expressed how much you don't like me and how I piss you off, many times." I giggle at his statement.

"Yeah but people like him piss me off more. " He says. I don't replay, instead, I rest my head on my knees and stare at him. His eyes are still looking forward. " And it's not that I don't like you."

"How did you know?"

"You told me about it the first time I saw you and I've seen it happening too many times." He says. I don't speak. I can't think of anything to say and I don't wanna overstep any boundaries by asking questions. "My father was abusive too," He breaks the silence. "He was an alcoholic. A piece of shit. It was only my mother at first but as the years went by he became violent towards me and my sister. I would fight him off as much as I could, but it would never end well. I remember begging my mother to leave him. 'I love him,' she would say. 'He said he won't do it again' "

He smiles at himself. "I was 17 and my sister 18 at the time. My dad came home drunk as usual. Me and Mia were in our room when we heard the sound of glass shattering. I rushed down the stairs and found a guy that I'd never seen before on top of my mother. He had his hands around her neck, choking her. Another guy was standing next to them, with a lamp in his hand and my dad laying on the floor." He clears his throat. "Um, long story short, he owed them a lot of money, and when he couldn't pay they came to find him. I did everything I could to protect my mother and sister but I was just a kid, I couldn't do much but I gave my sister enough time to call the police. My dad along with them ended up in jail." He finally turns to look at me. The emotion in his eyes is noticeable, for once. "It was supposed to end there." He continues. "We were finally free." A pause. "Until my sister started dating this guy."

I can feel my heart tighten, knowing where this is going.

"He was okay. Everything seemed okay, she looked happy so I didn't give it too much thought. They were dating for almost 2 years when they moved together. That's when shit started happening. We were dancing together ever since we were little so both of us decided to study dance naturally. We were practicing together every day so it wasn't easy for her to hide her body. Random bruises on her arms and legs started appearing, her mood started to change, she started skipping classes, and not going out with her friends." He shakes his head almost as if he's trying to shake the images out of his head. "She was this bright person, such a joy to be around. Always smiling." He smiled in such a sad way that my chest tightened. "When she came to practice one day with a bruise on her face, I put two and two together and completely lost it. I beat the shit out of him." He laughs a bitter laugh."She, of course, protected him. She pulled me away, and I yelled at her. I couldn't understand but I saw it in her eyes. She looked at me the way my mother looked at me whenever I would tell her to leave my dad." A pause "She was supposed to be better," His voice tightened, his tone a little louder. "I didn't understand. I still don't," He breathes. "I didn't speak to her for days, until one day she knocked at my door, late at night, crying hysterically." He takes a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, and exhaled. "Turns out she was pregnant with that bastard's baby." He says and I suck a breath. He stays quiet, the silence makes what he said sink in more and more and I feel my heart break at his story.

"I was going to kill him." He looked at me. His face holds no expression but his eyes are swimming with emotions of all kinds. "For real, I was going to end him but she told me she left. She choose the baby over him and she left." I stare at him. That's all I can do honestly. What can I possibly say to him right now? His pain is all too familiar to mine. And I know that there's not much I can say.

"I understand," My voice comes out a bit louder than a whisper. " I understand.  I was supposed to be better too." I offer him a small smile.

He opens his mouth to say something but Jeongin bursts through the door before he has the chance to.

"Oh my god, there you are" He releases a breath, his hand over his heart. "You've been gone for over half an hour." I rise to my feet.

"I'm sorry." I apologise "I wasn't feeling that well. I think I drank too much." I quickly mask my face with a smile.

"You think?" He smirks and I push lightly at him.

"Smoke break?" He looks at Minho and I turn to look back at him as well. Any emotion that was there, has left Minho's face. His expression is entirely natural. Like our talk never happened.

"Yeah." He takes a lighter out of his pocket and lights again the cigarette that I forgot he was holding.

"You should come down, the party is crazy. " Jeongin says, excited and clearly drunk as well.

The corners of Minho's mouth lift a bit ."I'll be there in a few minutes." He reassures him and lets his eyes trail to me for a few seconds before focusing on his cigarette. Jeongin nods, grabs my hand, and leads me down the stairs and back into the room.

"Oh, by the way, Hyunjin has been throwing up nonstop and Felix is panicking."

"What?" I yell.

"Yep." Jeongin's mouth turns into a thin line. He leads me towards the bathroom, where I see Hyunjin with his head on the toilet and Felix leaning against the door frame, his fingers resting at the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed.

"I left you for less than an hour." I run to Hyunjin's side. I sit down beside him, brushing some hair out of his face. His eyes are closed, head resting on top of his hand.

"Babysitting Hyunjin feels like my full-time job at this point." Felix jokes, frustration written in his voice.

"You can go back down, I'll take it from here."

He hesitates. "You sure?"

"Yes Felix, go have fun. I'll find him a place to sleep and I'll be down in a few." I reassure him.

"Alright, if anything happens come and get me." He says and basically runs down the stairs.

"Hyunjin? Are you awake?" I say lightly. No respond.

"We can put him in my bedroom if you want. " Jeongin scratches the back of his neck.

"Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah, sure" He shrugs and helps me lift Hyunjin. We walk just a few steps down the hall, into a bedroom, and gently drop Hyunjin on the bed. I scan the room, searching for a trashcan. I spot one under the desk, I place it beside the bed just in case he throws up again and turn him to his side before lowering the lights a bit.

"I'll come and check on him in a few. " I say as we make our way out of the room and down the stairs. The party is still going strong. I force myself to forget about Minho and what we talked about, by throwing myself back on the dance floor. The music gets louder and we get drunker. I lost count of the number of shots I've done, All I know is that I'm having a fucking great time. My body is on fire and my mind is numb. Unable to think, or panic. I move freely, I'm not thinking, I let the music guide my body and I let the alcohol take over my head. I spot chan coming out of the kitchen.

"Channie" I run to him, stumbling over my own feet. Thankfully, he catches me in his arms.

"Wow, you're really drunk." He laughs, helping me find my balance. I wrap my hands around his neck, refusing to let go.

"I've missed you so much" I slur.

"Okay, I know where this is going, and I don't want you to cry in front of everyone. How about we get you home?" His hand rests on my waist, as he leads me to the living room. Seungmin is sitting on the couch with Emma straddling his lap. They're making out as if their life depends on it. On the other couch, I spot Jisung and Minho talking.

"Em" Chan yells over the music, trying to get her attention. Her head snaps in our direction, breaking the kiss.

"She's drunk isn't she?" She sighs, a smile playing on her lips. I try to move away from Chan's grip but he won't let me

"I'm not drunk," I point my finger at her, trying to focus my eyes "I'm wasted." I smile.

Everyone laughs. Well, everyone except Minho.

"Okay, maybe we should get going." She climbs off of Seungmin's lap. "Where's Hyunjin?"

"Yeah, about that.." Chan trails off.

"He's blacked out drunk in Jeongin's room" Felix and Jeongin appear beside me, red cups in their hands.

"Jeongin," I squeal, as I break free from Chan's grip and run towards jeongin. "Let's dance." I attempt to grab his hand and drag him to the dance floor, but he sneaks a hand around my waist pulling me back, my back slamming into his front. I giggle.

"Nope," He laughs. "You've done enough dancing" I cross my hands and pout like a child. Felix laughs at my reaction.

" I haven't seen y/n drunk in so long, I've forgotten how funny she gets" he pats my head.

"I've not drunk Felix" I sigh dramatically, still in Jeongin's grip.

"I'm wasted," Chan and Emma say at the same time and everyone bursts into laughter. Everyone except Minho, again. I turn to look at him, and he's already looking at me. He's sitting on the couch, legs spread wide open, a red cup in his hand, and his head resting on the back of the couch. His free hand plays with his bottom lip and his eyes are focused on my figure, not moving. Not gonna lie, he looks hot. Minho is undeniably handsome. Something about his whole presence is attractive....until he opens his mouth. He can be a total ass. But right now he's not talking, he's simply staring at me, and he looks hot doing it.

"Wait, so if Hyunjin can't drive us back, how are we going to get home?" Emma's question breaks me from my thoughts.

"I can't drive, I've been drinking a lot" Felix giggles. His blonde hair is a mess and his cheeks look like they're on fire.

"I can drive." My hand goes up.

"No" jeongin brings my hand back down. I roll my eyes and rest my head against his chest. From the corner of my eyes, I see Minho lean forward. He places his elbows on his knees, the red cup now hanging from his hand between his legs. His eyes burn the side of my head.

"I can drive you," Jisung offers. "I've only been drinking water, all night"

"Yayyyy" I throw my hands in the air. Jisung flashes me a smile.

"Okay," Emma says and turns to Chan. "Please help me drag Hyunjin's drunk ass to the car." She stands from the couch and turns to Felix. "I'll grab all of our stuff, just take Y/n and Jisung to the car." She points a finger at him, her voice slow and loud as if she's explaining something to a child. Felix nods and takes me by the arm.

"I like them bossy." Seungmin wipes his lips with the back of his hand as his eyes follow Emma's back.

Jisung gets up from his spot beside Minho.

"Do you want me to come?" Minho looks up at him.

"No, I'll manage" He pats his back and Minho just nods.

"Okay then," He rubs his hands together. "Let's go kid." He says to me, placing a hand on my lower back, guiding me through the sweaty bodies, while Felix leads the way. Emma and Chan arrive at the car a few minutes after us, holding a very grumpy, half-asleep Hyunjin. Emma unlocks the car and gets into the passenger's seat while me, Hyunjin, and Felix get in the back. Hyunjin immediately lays his head on my lap, closing his eyes once again. Chan appears at my window.

"Text me when you guys get home, okay?" He says to Emma.

"Sure thing dad." She smiles at him.

"Goodnight Channie" I wave at him as Jisung starts the car.

"Bye." He waves back. I rest my head on the back of the seat, letting the cool air hit my face as my fingers run through Hyunjin's long blonde hair. Silence fills the car and my eyes begin to close until finally, sleep takes over me.

[frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe]

A Recipe for Disaster

The Princess Diaries 2 steddie AU no one asked for but that i couldn’t get out of my head!!

On AO3 here

It had taken a lot for Steve to get to where he is.

As a person, not like, “in life”-wise

He was most definitely better off than most, he was about to be King of a whole ass country for fucks sake, but the internal shitstorm he had gone through to become the person he is today...was a lot.

He was 16 going on 17 when his long lost aunt showed back up in his life. News of his birthright hitting him like a ton of bricks.

Queen Joyce Renaldi was his father (Stephan Artur Renaldi II)’s older sister, and became Genovia’s ruler when her father passed away shortly after Steve’s.

She had sat down with him and patiently explained everything to him, that since he was the sole male heir to the throne, the crown’d be his when he turned 18. If he wanted it. That she’d train him in everything he needed to know to get him ready and if she had anything to do with it, he wouldn’t be alone in this. He’d have her to guide him as long as he needed her.

At that point in his life, he had already: lost his dad, learned how much of an ass his father really was (and how much people were glad he was gone), and completely shut down. He used to be the King of his school (ironically) but after his dad died, he dropped the façade and became friends with Robin Buckley, local freak.

It didn’t take long before they were the literal best of friends, joined at the hip and at the braincell, platonic soulmates. She became everything to Steve and even after one bad drug trip, finding out he was a royal (for real), their first fight, and his stupid brain thinking that his old best friend Tommy Hagen wasn’t just flirting with him to capitalize on Steve’s newfound status, but because he actually did like him back only to be caught by paparazzi making out in a boathouse at his school’s beach party…Robin was still there. She was always there for him.

She even decided to pursue her degree in languages at the same college; and not just her own degree, but also took another major in international and public affairs, same as him. Fully intending to stay by his side in Genovia.

Steve loves her so damn much (a fact she says he reminds her of all too often).

Which brings him to today. Graduation day.

Finally, finally, he’d be returning to Genovia. With Robin and their co-parented orange cat named Concrete by his side, he’d finally be returning to the country he loved. That he had loved since first landing there the summer after junior year.

He was looking forward to his 21st birthday coming up in a few weeks, nervous about being completely ‘of age’, and the upcoming coronation, but Aunt Joyce had assured him that he would rule at her side before officially taking over.

“Your highness, Lady Robin, look out the window,” Jim Hopper: head of security, local badass, and great friend and father (to his own kids, and a welcome father-figure to Steve these last 4/5 years), interrupted Steve’s tired thoughts and worries, “Welcome back to Genovia.”

Steve looked up at Hopper, grinning, and turned to the window closest to their seats where Robin was already holding Concrete up by his armpits to look out the window too. Steve loved seeing the palace as they flew over, but now all he saw was two-day old, travel-mussed, blonde hair and the bottom half of a very fat orange cat.

—--

The few weeks leading up to his 21st birthday went by in a flash.

The first couple days were appointments with the Palace’s medical team, introductions to the newer members of the staff that Steve would be seeing around daily, official introductions of Robin (and her official titling as Steve’s Royal Advisor) to the staff, fittings for his attire for the ball (a maroon tuxedo, subtly patterned with branches of the Genovian Pear tree in a slightly darker shade, a golden sunflower yellow bow tie and matching waistcoat, Genovia’s royal sash and medals, and a smaller crown of his grandfathers who, like Steve, was partial to warm tones than to cool ones. This crown looked like if the circular backsplash pattern of a drop of  water was cast in gold. The peaks of the crown were each adorned with a ruby, which just barely poked out above Steve’s hair like a halo), and multiple small family dinners, just Steve and his two favorite ladies (Aunt Joyce and Robin) plus Lord Concrete and Joyce’s beloved mutt Maurice. The latter of the two being sworn enemies.

Soon (too soon), it was the night of his ball. Joyce was to enter first with Hopper, and after her speech, would lead the attendees in a toast to Steve as he entered the ballroom. Steve could hear Joyce making her speech though the heavy oak doors, her voice carrying easily though the hall as if the palace itself wanted to send her voice as far as it could.

To top off the pile of anxiety growing in the pit of his stomach, Robin wasn’t with him at the moment. She wasn’t allowed to make the entrance with him, but knowing she’d be just on the other side of the door and down the stairs, gave him little reprieve.

He was pacing between the two doormen on his side of the door, twisting his grandfather’s signet ring worriedly on his left middle finger. The ring was a gift from Joyce for his birthday, said she wanted Steve to have it because “He would have absolutely adored you, Steve. He’d be so proud to see such a handsome, well-rounded young man wear it.” She had his face cupped in her small hands and wiped away his tears with her thumbs when they made their appearance. The ring was too big, big enough for Steve to be constantly worried about losing it right off his finger at the slightest movement. He is already planning on sending it off to be resized, but wanted to have it with him tonight.

Again, too soon, there was no more time to panic as he could hear the announcement of his name coming from the ballroom.

“Presenting, His Royal Highness, Stephan Artur Harrington-Renaldi, Prince of Genovia.”

At the bangs of the announcer’s staff, Steve stepped forward on shaky legs, the double doors opening before him by the ballroom’s doormen just as rehearsed. He dusts off his old “King Steve” mask and smile from his time in high school, puts them on, and walks through the threshold and out to the short balcony created by the twin staircases, beaming at the gathered dignitaries.

“To Prince Steve.” Joyce calls and lifts her glass of champagne.

“To Prince Steve!” The crowd parrots.

Steve lifts his right hand and gives them all a wave, then switches it out for his left, waving a little bit too vigorously toward where he’s spotted Robin who’s grinning at him, looking stunning in the sparkly golden yellow gown she had to almost be wrestled into. He must’ve waved too hard because he feels his grandfather’s ring fly directly off his sweaty hand.

He turns, eyeline chasing the flight path of the ring only to see it land safely in one of the doorman’s grasp.

The elderly man approaches Steve “It happens all the time.” he drops the ring into Steve’s palm and smiles. “And Happy Birthday.”

“Thank you very much.” Steve returns the smile

The titter and giggles from the crowd subdue back into easy chatter as Steve comes down the stairs to his left, and grasps Robin’s hand on his arm as soon as she weaves her arm with his.

“You must be the clumsiest royal to ever grace these halls, Your Royal Dingus.”

“You’re absolutely right, now every important person in the literal world knows it.”

"You are incorrect, Lady Robin,” Joyce calls from behind the two, who turn to face her. “My father was just as clumsy as our Steve, perhaps even more so.” Her smile is polite and loving, but the teasing smile on Hopper’s face betrays exactly what she is thinking.

‘Those two are just as symbiotic as Robin and I, I swear.’ Steve thinks to himself.

“Gee thanks,” Steve rolls his eyes but detaches himself from Robin “Care to be my first dance, Aunt Joyce?”

“I thought you’d never ask, my dear.” She similarly unweaves her arm from Hopper’s and places her palm atop the back of Steve’s downturned one.

Steve leads her to the middle of the ballroom, their guests parting like the red sea in front of them to give an open area to dance. As if they could read their minds, the band starts a classic waltz and Steve leads his Aunt around the outer edge of the circle.

Hopper soon joins them with Robin, and slowly, more and more folks spin themselves into the dance. Steve smiles at Prime Minister Wayne Henderson and his wife Claudia as he and Joyce spin past them, and when the song ends, it’s like the ice has been broken and the party can actually start.

People approach him from all angles to wish him a happy birthday, and make their introductions, including quite a few members of parliament, recognizable by the Genovian Crests pinned to their suits. Robin latches back to his side, they fend off the “Oh, how cute of a couple!” comments as usual, and Robin gets to flex her dignitary muscles. He catches a few excerpts sometimes when she is speaking to foreign dignitaries in their native languages. Steve feels very lucky to have her.

--

He’s whisked away soon after to start the part(s) of the evening he’s dreading the most. Prince Stephan is expected to dance with all the eligible persons of Royal descent. He starts with Robin first, just to get his nerves out of the way.. Then it’s off to the races.

It’s really like they all just expect him to be only a Prince Charming, He asks many of them questions about their own countries/principalities or their interests and they look at him like they'd rather he just tell them how nice they look.

The only one that doesn’t fit this mold so far, is a woman about his age named Nancy. Her small and petite frame is definitely in that mold of most of the attendees he’s expected to dance with, but she tells Steve immediately about how she’d love to be a journalist if it weren’t for her royal expectations.

“I just love to get down to the bottom of things, you know? I like digging in and finding out anything and everything about a story.”

“That sounds fantastic, I’d love to read some of your work sometime.” Steve smiles at her and is rewarded with a small smile and blush. “Actually,” he continues “Our head of security’s oldest son is a photographer, I’d love to introduce you. His work is really good; I feel like your writing and his photo skills could be a great combination.”

He wasn’t lying either, from the few minutes he’s spent with Nancy, he can tell without a doubt that anything she wrote would be fantastic, and though Jonathan and he have always been kinda weird, his photography is plastered all over the Palace’s media releases and he definitely has talent.

“Really? I would love to meet him.”

“Come on, I need a break from dancing anyhow.” They step apart and he offers his arm to her, which she takes. Steve can easily spot Hopper from across the room, easily a head taller than most.

Hopper greets them as they approach, “Good evening your highness, your highness.” directing their titles to each of them.

“Hi Hop, is Jonathan around today? Nancy here is an aspiring reporter and I’d love to introduce them.”

Hopper smiles warmly down at Nancy, “Ah, is that so! Well it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance Madam Nancy, let me radio Jon.”

“Thank you Mr. Hopper.” Nancy beams at him

“Please, your highness, Hopper or Jim is just fine with me.

“Just don’t call him Jimmy.” Steve stage whispers to Nancy, loud enough for Hopper to hear and shake his head at him. “Are Will and Ellie around tonight?”

“Ah yes, they are around here somewhere. I think they and Mr. Henderson have met the young Lord Sinclair, so I’m sure I will have to respond to one of their messes here sooner than later.”

“Your other children?” Nancy asks, genuinely curious.

“Yes ma’am, the wonder twins themselves.” His close-lipped smile makes his mustache scrunch on his face along with causing his well-worn crows feet to make their appearance.

“Whadja need…dad?” Steve hears Jonathan call out then trail off when he catches sight of Steve. “Good evening your highness, happy birthday.” He quickly catches himself and greets Steve with a short bow, “Is there something wrong?”

“Not at all Jonathan, I just wanted to introduce you to Princess Nancy here.” He gestures at Nancy, who’d mostly been hidden from sight behind Steve from where Jonathan had approached. She releases her hold on Steve’s arm and extends her hand for Jonathan to take.

“Many apologies your highness, I didn’t see you there. How do you do?” He takes Nancy’s extended hand and bows with a light kiss to her knuckles. “Is there something I can help you with?”

Steve watches this exchange and immediately the arrow on his brand new internal ‘Nancy’ dial flops from where it was in the “Interested in Nancy” section, to the complete opposite “Get Nancy and Jonathan together at all costs” section.

Nancy’s whole face and neck are blushing a wonderful shade of pink (Steve can even see some dripping down onto her collarbones since the navy blue dress she wears is sleeveless). Steve smirks and is about to cut in to tell Jon all about her, but she gets to it before he can, still eloquent and in command of her words despite her obvious flustered mood.

“I was telling Steve about my wishes to become a journalist and he said your photography work was very good. I am assuming you are on the palace’s public relations team?”

Jonathan still hasn’t let go of Nancy’s hand, and it doesn’t look like he’d like to anytime soon. “Y_yes, I am the lead photographer.. Steve said that?” Jonathan glaces at Steve disbelievingly.

Nancy nods, “He did. I would love to see what you’ve been able to capture so far.” She gestures to the heavy-looking camera around his neck.

“Uhh..” Jonathan looks to Steve worriedly, who quickly mimes standing up straight and offering his arm. “O_of course, I’d love to show you, your highness.” He offers his arm to her and she takes it excitedly.

“Please, just call me Nancy.” she smiles at Jon and his face flushes red.

About an hour later, Steve is starving and starting to get hangry from lack of food. He really doesn’t want to accidentally snap at someone important, so he sneaks over to the corner where his towering birthday cake has been mocking him, picks up one of the tiny serving spoons, and spoons out a mouthful of the cake from behind one of the fondant flowers.

Someone taps him on the shoulder “I saw that.”

Steve looks over, ready to apologize, and has to look down a bit more than he thought. “Uh, it’s my cake.” He tells the younger man. He must be at least 18, he’s definitely not a young kid. Curly light brown hair, slicked backward on the sides, like a fake mullet. “I like your hair dude, very 80s.”

The kid looked embarrassed, “Yeah my mom did it, it’s not what I would have done but I’m not the best at maintaining my curls myself. Our deal is if my mom does my hair, she does all of it. Style and all.”

“It looks really good, I promise, you should tell her thanks.” Steve says, taking another bite of cake.

“Dude.” the kid says incredulously, “Save some for the rest of us.”

“Dude.” Steve parrots back in the same tone “It’s my cake, I can eat as much as I want.” He pauses for a second, and thinks ‘Reel it back in Steve, you don’t even know who this kid is or who this kid’s parents are. Don’t be rude and start a war accidentally.’

“Sorry, I haven’t eaten anything all night and I can feel myself getting hangry. I’m Steve.” Steve switches the small spoon into his left hand and extends his right to the kid

“Yeah, I know who you are, you did make a pretty grand entrance earlier; don’t know if you noticed.” He takes Steve’s hand and gives it a strong (but somewhat clammy) shake. “I’m Dustin Henderson.”

“Ah, so you’re Wayne’s kid.” Steve drops Dustin’s hand.

“No, Claudia’s kid. Wayne is my Step-dad.”

“Oh, sorry...Wait, is that a bad thing?”

“God no, Wayne is the best. Quiet, contemplative, you know he loves you no matter what. And he’s been around as long as I can remember.”

Steve nods along to what Dustin is saying, picking up a second spoon and pulling out another spoonful of cake for Dustin, handing it to him while he’s still talking.

“He even took my Mom’s last name when they got married. He said that he’s the one joining our family, not the other way ‘round.”

Steve has that much more respect for the already well-respected Prime Minister.

“Plus I heard him tell my mom once that his family are a bunch of sleezebags so he’s happy to be rid of his own name anyhow.”

“Wow really? Who’s his family I wonder?”

“Dunno, never asked him and I don’t really want to bring it up if he hates them all, you know?”

“True, true.” Steve agrees. “I like you kid, (“Kid?? I’m only 3 years younger than you!”) I hope to see you around again if I don’t die of boredom talking to all these parliament geezers.”

Dustin grins a big squinty grin at him and extends his hand to Steve again. Steve smiles and shakes his hand, then Dustin puts on a fake, very haughty voice and says “I’ll have my people contact your people.”

Steve throws his head back and bellows out a laugh, “Sounds good man. C’mon, I wanna introduce you to my best friend, Robin. She’s the coolest, I think you guys will like each other.” He pats Dustin on the shoulder, stepping out around the table to lead him across the room where Robin is chatting with Murray and Hopper.

“Oooh, best friend only?” Dustin asks suggestively

“Nuh-uh don’t even go there little man, Steve looks back at the teen, “I am SO not her type and___oh shoot, your..foot” Steve looks up at the person whose foot he just crushed, and his hazel eyes meet chocolate brown. “Are you alright?”

“I’ll survive, your highness.” the man says, standing to his full height, Steve also rises to keep his gaze. “The fault was entirely my own. I apologize.”

The man is just slightly taller than Steve, and has dark brown, almost black, curls. They cascade onto his shoulders, and Steve has the overwhelming urge to reach out and see if they are as soft as they look. Only half of this hair is down, the top half pulled back away from his face.

He is drop-dead gorgeous.

“Are you sure you don’t want to exchange licenses and proof of insurance?”

“No, no, these shoes were a little big anyway, the swelling should help them fit a bit better.” he grins and Steve feels his heart palpitate at the sight.

“Please, excuse me..” He says, stepping back and to the side to squeeze through the crowd.

“Sure.” Steve says, whisper quiet, but dreamboat is already walking away.

As usual, Steve just knows exactly where Robin is, and he turns to meet her gaze (she had already been watching the interaction from her spot across the room).

The two of them mouth “What the fuck?” to each other before Steve’s attention is pulled back to Dustin quietly saying "Holy shit.."

"You saw nothing, that was nothing." Steve points at Dustin accusingly.

Dustin puts his hands up in mock surrender "Okay, okay, that was nothing..."

--

A couple dances later, Steve finds himself dancing with one little girl that honestly, he’d dance with all night if he could. She’s a sassy little thing, a princess from a neighboring country, who calls herself “Lady Applejack” with all the conviction in the world (Steve thinks her name is really Erica though). She stands on his toes while he spins them in dance like she is trying with all her might to crush the digits below her own into the floor for offending her personally.

When he asks about her interests, she tells him almost reluctantly about her love for Dungeons and Dragons, but insists that she’s NOT a nerd. He’s not sure what Dungeons and Dragons even is, but he has an overwhelming feeling that Dustin actually might. Steve tells her as much, and she looks excited that there may be someone else here to talk to about her game.

Steve feels a tap on his shoulder and when he turns, dreamboat is smiling down at Erica.

“Pardon me, Lady Applejack, may I cut in?”

“I’d be mad if you didn’t.” And with that, Erica nearly wrenched herself from Steve’s grasp, and strutted off, looking for Dustin.

“I would say thank you for saving me, but she’s the best dance partner I’ve had so far.” Steve tells the dreamboat, sliding into his arms like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“I believe you wholeheartedly, Your Highness.” He chuckles

“Steve. I prefer to be called Steve. And you are…?”

“Eddie. Just.. Eddie.”

Steve laughs “Well, Just Eddie, I’m glad to see that my clumsiness hasn't affected your dancing.” Eddie spins them in a lazy circle, “I’m sorry I stepped on your foot.” he whispers

“You can step on my foot anytime.” Eddie says, a promise.

They had stopped twirling, more or less just swaying back and forth in one spot. Steve was suddenly hyper-aware of how close they had gotten to each other, and how much closer Eddie’s forehead was to his own.

Suddenly, Eddie’s head spun to look at something. It was Dustin.

“It’s Sir Dustin’s turn.” He says to Eddie in that same fake-haughty tone he’d used before.

“You’re quite right, Sir Dustin.” Eddie says, stepping away from Steve and giving Dustin a quick bow.

Steve finds himself missing his closeness when his whole front goes cold in his absence.

“Your highness,” Eddie smolders at him through his lashes with his own bow to Steve, which he returns. And then. He’s gone.

Steve automatically takes Dustin’s hands and starts up the waltz once again, mood soured completely and vaguely aware that Dustin is trying to get his attention.

"Dude. Steve!”

Steve looks down at Dustin, hoping his calm face portrays how pissed he is.

Dustin rolls his eyes, “Look, I know we just met but please just play along here, pretend like you and I both know this is a joke. Laugh or something.”

Now Steve’s just confused.

“With all respect your highness, really and truthfully, love who you love, but the old guys that will end up making decisions for you are not all as cool as Wayne, and would probably have an aneurysm if they think you’re actually making googly eyes at the eligible bachelors here.”

Steve laughs uncomfortably, “Uh, I’m not_”

“You and I both know you were. C’mon man, you know I’m right.”

Steve actually starts laughing at the absurdity of it all. He’s grateful for Dustin, Steve knows he’s right, but he also wants to cry and bury himself in the garden out of embarrassment.

“You’re right, you’re right! Damn it… He was a total dreamboat though, wasn’t he?” Steve waggles his eyebrows at Dustin and laughs again at his disgusted expression.

“Want me to save you, little man?” This time, it’s Robin who cuts in, moving to take her turn as Steve’s dance partner.

“Ugh. Please.” Steve lets Dustin go. “Don’t say I don’t do anything for you.” he says as he walks away, waving at Steve and Robin over his shoulder.

“Tell me everything right now or I swear to god I will throw your shoes into the fountain.” Robin demands as soon as they start spinning.

“You saw how hot he was! And literally so smooth..”

“What was with the kid?”

“I was mooning over Eddie.”

“Oh, his name is Eddie huh?” She grins at him slyly “And what about it?”

“Dustin, rightfully, pointed out that the peanut gallery wouldn’t be too keen on me dancing with all the hotties in the room, not just the lady-type ones. He cut in to cover for me.”

Robin winced in understanding “Oof.. yeah I should’ve caught that too, honestly.”

"Yeah, me too.”

--

After this leg of the Prince Stephan World Waltzing Tour, Prime Minister Henderson tells Steve once again that “There’s a member of Parliament you should meet.” and heads off to go grab said member’s attention before Steve follows. Murray, Joyce’s #1 and palace scheduling wizard, passes by and Steve stops him with an uncomfortable “Murray, how many more members of parliament are there?”

“Only six left, sir. You’ve got it this.” He claps his hand on Steve’s shoulder.

‘Oh. That’s not too bad,’ Steve shrugs to himself as he and Murray part ways. Someone calls his name from behind him and when he turns toward the voice, he feels a tug at his hair and a weight sliding from his head at the same time.

Whirling around, Steve’s hand flies to his head to try and catch the crown before it falls completely off, but is met with the faces of a very apologetic waiter and a very cold-looking member of parliament who had already saved the priceless item from hitting the floor. The waiter whose tray had knocked the crown off his head is apologizing profusely, and the other man is making what Steve thinks is a very rude shoo-ing motion towards them.

He focuses his attention on the gangly looking waiter. “I am so sorry, It was only an accident!”

“No, No, it’s perfectly fine I promise. I am all good, no harm no foul.” Steve smiles genuinely at them.

The waiter clasps his hands together and smiles gratefully before turning and rushing from the room. ‘I’ll have to make sure he’s not fired for this, that’d be shitty.’ Steve thinks to himself.

“Thank you for catching that.” Steve tells the cold-mannered man, crouching down a bit so he can place the crown back on his head.

“You should be more careful, your Royal Highness.” He tells Steve, fixing the headpiece into position, “someone may try to take that from you.”

“I sure hope not,” Steve says with an awkward laugh, lightly touching his head “thank you for all your help!” and turns back to Prime Minister Henderson, intending on asking who the cold-mannered man was.

Pt. 2 here!

Tagging the couple folks that showed interest on my original post, hope you don’t mind! @totallybitchin, @potentialheartofdarkness, @steddieasitgoes, @princessstevemunson

[imaginemyreality03]

🐉⚡️The only way you win a fight is to know you’re going to be hit and survive⚡️🐉

🛑🙉SPOILERS AHEAD🙉🛑

Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros

Read: February 14 -> February 18, 2024

BRA Score: 98/100

Favorite Quote: “ ‘I can’t kill an unconscious man.’ ‘He would kill you if given the same chance.’ ‘That’s a statement of his character, not mine.’”- Violet & Tairn, Pg 167

~~~~~~~~

Book Gist: Violet is forced by her mother to join the most deadly speciality in Basgaith War College: Dragon Riding. For the sake of her general mother or her chronically ill body, almost every other rider wants her dead. She just wants to survive. So imagine when she bonds with not one but BOTH of the most powerful dragons in the year (and in the nation) which leaves her permanently tethered to the guy who should most want her dead.

Tags: Fantasy, Enemies to Lovers, Dragonriders, Smut, Violence 😏, Cliffhanger-ish.

~~~~~~~~

Overall review:

Plot:

Whores on dragons. Also, I had like, 98% accuracy for every major plot point, and knowing about Brennan (that I spoiled myself of when I was checking the page count before I started) didn’t inform any of it. Because, when is an insurrection just an insurrection?

Cast:

I feel very protective of the Marked Ones for many reasons but I wish they had someone who had the capacity to be emotional with them, because their “big siblings” have so much on their plate just trying to keep them alive, there isn’t much space for dealing with that stuff. This is probably also why I know Xaden was not capable of the things everyone else assumed of him. Also, for the same reason Dain brushed me the wrong way.

Basgiath really fucks these kids up, in every horrible way. In a brain-washing kind of way. This was always gonna be emotionally hard to read, but it really does read like the most complex 2010s-era dystopia and I am in fact a glutton for punishment.

And I do say my idea of Melgren being a venin still isn’t wrong because he’s protecting them, that’s what he’s doing, but doing nothing. That still counts for me.

Violet:

AND the key to this whole entire thing is actually hinging on the fact that Violet is a Scribe who became a rider. It’s the one thing that’s never happened before, the one thing that can challenge the power of the riders is the history that defines them, the proof of their corruption.

End Note:

Amended 3-27-24: I’ve read 70% of Iron Flame, but I am in a very precarious place of being somewhat content and not afraid of what happens next in the place I’ve paused, and I have a bad feeling that this book with end in a cliffhanger, and I need to be within 3 months of release of book 3 before I subject myself to torture. Seeing as being in a 3 month range of Onyx Storm won’t be until November, I will be over in the corner trying my fam nest to forget everything I know so that I’m no tempted to read more and hurt myself with 10 MONTHS OF WAITING LEFT!!!!! I don’t know how you publish the first two books with 6 months of each other, then wait 4 months to even confirm that a third book exists, and then wait 10 more months to release it.

Additional End Note: Bohdi is my baby love and I will kill for him and die for him, so we all best be sure he isn’t dead by the end of Onyx Storm or I’ll riot.

[officialbabayaga]

heyyy i saw your tags on the college post about taking seven years to finish undergrad and i was wondering if you could talk about how you got from there to law school? i’m still struggling to finish my last year of undergrad and as someone who’s always conceptualized myself as academically successful and has watched all my friends do this seemingly with ease it’s been a rough time, and i’ve been worried i won’t be able to get into grad schools given that i’m gonna graduate in more than four years. anyway if this isn’t something you want to talk about that is so valid and know that just by mentioning it i’m feeling less alone so thank you!

Oh no worries I’m happy to talk about it! I feel like “nontraditional” academic journeys are never really acknowledged enough, to be honest. What I want you to know right from the start is that I got really lucky with the opportunities that I was given, but I also put the work in to follow through.

I’ll skim over the gory details but I did… terribly in undergrad. It wasn’t because I couldn’t intellectually keep up with my classes, mental illness was eating my brain and I just couldn’t function at the level I needed to. BUT I finally graduated with a 2.7 GPA, and was lucky enough to have made a good enough impression at a summer internship that they hired me full time immediately after I graduated. That was a HUGE hurdle, especially because my bachelor’s is in biology, and jobs with a bio degree but no graduate school are really hard to come by.

Now what helped me the most was that I “paid my dues.” I worked my way up from a research assistant to, eventually, a senior research associate after 4 years of incredibly hard work. Even though my undergrad transcript was a pile of shit, I showed through my career that I could do really good work. I did overtime and took on extra projects so I could get my research published and I did everything I could to go to conferences and (unfortunately) network as much as possible.

(digression - my favorite professor once said that networking seems pointless at the time, because you’re not going to see the payoff for another 5 years. that helped put it in perspective for me. basically my networking tips are to just be NICE and HELPFUL when you meet people, especially in a professional context but literally if you just live your life that way and actually talk to people at boring events you’re basically good to go)

graduate schools don’t only take your undergraduate performance into account. Even with my shitty grades, I had put the work in for 4 years at a job that allowed me to really expand my CV. this was a lot of effort, but it was also a LOT of luck. it’s hard to find jobs that actually allow you to move up the ladder but it’s so worth it when you find one. even if it seems thankless and awful at the time, DON’T just give up and settle somewhere that will never promote you or give you opportunities to progress. show through a few years after undergrad that you can work hard and succeed, even if it was professionally and not academically.

Also, since I knew my grades sucked, I wanted to tip the scales even more in my favor. For about 4 months I spent every weekend slamming a vietnamese iced coffee to simulate a panic attack and take khan academy full lsat practice tests. This may not be an advisable way to study, but I have an anxiety disorder and I knew I’d be a fucking mess for the actual test so I made myself get used to it before it actually happened.

a killer admissions essay and really good letters of recommendation are so helpful, too. I didn’t have any professors I could ask for letters, so I got my lab director and the ceo of the company I worked for to write two for me, because we were on really good terms.

and I think that’s about it? it was a big mix of luck and hard work, and for me, the end result was getting accepted to law school 5 days after i applied :) but i was rejected from one school and waitlisted for another so it’s important to remember that the places you’re applying to could have extremely different criteria for what they’re looking for in students.

I wish you the best of luck!! It can be so tough but if you haven’t shown your best work in undergrad, you’re never out of chances to prove that you’ve grown enough to get back into academia. also in my experience, generally, law students who have real-world job experience do better than the ones who are coming straight from undergrad! because it IS a job, and learning professionalism and self-direction before getting into it makes a whole lot of difference.

[harleythealter]

Realizing a few reasons I was passionate about the military:

1) serving something greater than me/for our country

2a) having a reason that’s worth being in so much physical pain/mental distress

2b) knowing where that shit came from

3) get away from my family

4) structure

5) comrades

6) being surrounded by people fighting for the same thing as you

7) I know I’m strong and I’m capable

8) I would trust myself more than other people to protect our country

Reasons I’m choosing why I won’t go into the military:

1) I realized I would find pride in my job/serving something greater than me. Due to the following reasons not to, I chose to find pride in a different service

2) my mentor suggested missionary work that’s not just preaching about a religion but using my hands and ability to work hard to change lives

3) I didn’t want military required vaccines because although vaccines-> mental disorders is still a pseudoscience, I don’t want to risk my children’s health on any chance, additionally I don’t want to have those vaccines in my own body and I keep up on my health and quarantine when necessary so I have no guilt about that choice

4) I’m concerned that I’m not actually mentally stable enough to fight in a war zone with any ability to attempt processing what I experience

5) what if I come back mentally disabled and am unable to mother children the way they deserve

6) what if it’s the wrong choice?

7) the military/government owns my body

8) rape statistics

9) what if I disagree with the side in other countries that our military has me protecting/fighting for

10) I can hardly look my parents in the eye and say that I’m going away for four years to a place I may never come back from

11) it’s really fucking overwhelming to try to decide what I want to do in the military

12) what if I don’t even pass the tests to get into the military

13) I’m terrified to start physical therapy(at home) for my legs because what happens when I’m healed

Reasons I’m about to impulsively join:

1) too many people have said along the lines of… thank goodness; I mean, we are just stepping into wars… it’s not a peaceful time anymore

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK??? THATS THE ENTIRE FUCKING REASON TO JOIN(I don’t feel the pressure to go to college and it’s not necessary for the life I want to lead so I wouldn’t go so the military would pay for my schooling)

2) all the things I support the military(suicide awareness walks, putting wreaths on veteran gravestones), my heart aches to be part of something like that

3) I feel like I’m lying to myself when I say “you’ll be content if you serve somewhere else” due to the way I long to be able to say that “I served” even if it’s silent, and to myself. My own badge of honor to say that I didn’t back down

4) I keep questioning if it’s the right place for me to serve

5) THE STRUCTURE AND EXPECTATIONS FOR MY PHYSICAL CAPABILITIES WOULD HAVE ME FUCKING STRONG

6) finally finding some people who have such a strong tie to me(my idiotic brain trying to convince me that I don’t have a best friend for over a decade)

7) if the fight came to our homeland, I want to be the one to protect my family