#it was good and had parts i liked a lot and resonated strongly with

[charlieslowartsies]

i freakin binge read a book all evening and forgot to eat. hey ADHD WHEN I SAID I WANTED TO READ MORE I DIDNT MEAN GIVE UP A LIFE FUNCTION CMON MAN

[lilacstro]

pac : what you need to know about this separation/no-contact

ok this was the second most chosen topic. here we go, sincerely hoping it resonates and brings some light. you can use this reading for anyone, just remove the romantic messages if any, though I have tried keeping it as clean as possible.

let me know if it resonated :) leave feedbacks/suggestions <33

decks used: biddy tarot, inquire within oracle, cupid says oracle

pile 1 pile 2 pile 3

support me on ko-fi :)

Pile 1

Ok as soon as i started shuffling your pile, my sister started singing "fated trouble" by enhyphen. The first thing I would like to say is, it seems this relationship majorly ended because of internal chaos more than anything else. A stagnant situation. Someone being hung up on something. Cancer, or number 8 might be significant for someone. With 8, I am also willing to say Leo. There is so much fast and constant fear pile 1. So much of it. Were you guys very excited and hopeful about the future? Maybe you thought of getting married, and loving each other forever. I can say even if it was for a brief while, your love was reciprocated. One of the things I am being called to say is, there is a chance this connection matures into something you want, or you will find someone like that. Either ways, its time to give this a stop, I am getting clear messages about this. Let it go, and move forward. I am wondering if some of you feel alone or could be your person feels alone, but I am guessing its you. I feel that someone had to make a decision, a hard one to stay together. Someone needed to take a leap and they did not. There is a lot of inner conflict. Someone might have been in the victim mentality. This person, or you, may receive a lot of messages in your dream. Some of you may even receive flashbacks/dreams about all the good times you have spent together. I see both of you miss/missed each other while in this separation. An advice for you would be, to listen to your intuition. To yourself. I feel you have somehow caged yourself. Remove the blindfolds, its time to move forward and ahead. If you are overwhelmed with your emotions, know that its okay to feel what you are feeling pile 1. Giving me vibes of the one that got away.

If you resonated with anything I said, one of the reasons you might not want to go back, is that, you arent a hard choice to make. If this was not a life ending situation, someone being wishy washy about you is not what you deserve, You dont need to know how it WAS, you need to see, how it IS. Its surprising because tho I only see things being caught up here, and no forms of deceit, I am still being told now is not the time, now is the time to let go. And if your love is reciprocated, it will get the happy ending it deserves and I can promise that. Your situation wont end up with both of you having love but parting ways. IF your love is reciprocated pile 1, it will come back. But let it go for now. Let this rest. The lyrics from shy martin's songs are coming up:

"Do you remember how tangled we got in our feelings? Caught up on the small things And I know I thought that pain's part of love But I think I broke you, though I didn't mean to

But are you happy looking back at us When you met me? Would you go back and tell yourself to leave it Knowing what we know? Or are you happy that we happened in our 20s? So you know what you want isn't with me Would you go back and tell yourself to leave it Knowing how it goes? Or are you happy that we happened? Ah" Infact this song could describe your situation. I am listing it here, you might wanna hear it.

One advice I am strongly getting for you, is to go near water, if you can go to lakes, swimming pools, ponds and dip your feet in water, swim if you can and release energy. If you dont have access to watery places, stand in shower and do some standing meditation there. Water your plants. Collect seashells on oceans if possible.

I am promise you, you will be fine. Its time to start fresh and clear pile 1. I promise you it gets better. You will be fine, you will thrive. Dont make a mental prison, dont reflect about this over and over and think about what-ifs. Get up pile 1, i know you love them, but love yourself more. You need to move forward, its just one life, And if this person is supposed to be in it, they will be back. Your life is yours, they are just a part of it.

Advice:

Its ok to feel feelings Listen quietly yes, you can I have support Release.

Pile 2

Dissatisfaction. This is what that comes to my mind. Unlike the previous pile, this is ummm, weird. Lets get into this, One of the things I am getting is, you might be dealing with someone older. Money seems involved too. Did you take a break with this person? and come back? or something like that? Despite of whatever it is, this person seems immature, while you are much emotionally mature. Did you lose some money with this person? Its also giving me that their family had some issues with you, one of them possibly could be financial status. Since this is a general reading, multiple things come up, and i like listing all of them, since I dont know who this is for.

It could very much be that things changed overnight with this person, and what seemed a stable ground suddenly shook and went down all together. It gives me this vibe, that this person wanted to chose. They were not satisfied with what they had. I even feel you are dissatisfied with the overall outcome of this situation. I see someone walking away, most likely in disdain and despair. Strange how i am getting a song in my head for each pile until now, I am getting the lyrics from the song "are you bored yet?" by clario "Will you tell the truth so I don't have to lie?"

this song might make sense to you, so I am listing it here

I was refraining from saying this but, gives me lowkey playboy vibes. Someone who just wants fun. Take it if it resonates. I am also getting its very much possible one of you was moving away, probably even overseas that could have caused some problems. Random but, did this person like being praised? seems so. This person seems so nonchalant and casual to me? Listen Pile 2, if you resonate with this so far, I am getting that this person will get their karma and they would see that the grass isn't greener on the other side, and then actually come back sooner or later. Giving me the lyrics "I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expires, and you'd be standing in my front porch light, I know you'd come back to me"

Cardigan by Taylor Swift might resonate. I swear this person could have tried to deceive you with sweet words in the past or will do that in the future. I cannot tell you what to do with this pile 2, you can chose, but I would suggest you refrain from entertaining this person.

As of the advice, I am getting going out into the nature, and connecting with your inner child. Did you like catching butterflies when you were young pile2? what i mean to say is, tap in with your inner child, make them happy and do things you love. Start enjoying small little things around you. Maybe do gardening, plant a little seed or maybe buy one small plant for your room. Water it daily and love and care for it like you would for yourself. Connect yourself to earth, maybe sit on the ground and meditate, hug trees, and walk barefoot on grass. Feel it under your feet. Go on cycling, laugh a lot. All is good. Although I usually say, that you will transform and change, I feel called to say, you are already beautiful and the lessons you learnt here dont seem to change much, you already are, everything pile 2. If this situation made you doubt your worth or compare yourself to others, just dont. You are wonderful and deserve the best love.

Advice: Look into the nature for healing You already, are Celebrate little things Plant a seed and wait Have curiosity, maybe start learning something new/always wanted to Be patient, love always wins :)

Pile 3

Ok, so I feel this person could be very confused pile 3, could be in the past a lot. It could be that you have experienced multiple cycles with this person. A woman was coming through, maybe the person you are asking about is a woman, or maybe some woman was involved. I am also getting you could have had multiple fresh starts with this person, You could have met them in school, colleges, or through your mother. Number 4 might be significant to someone. I am also feeling some of you made this decision to walk away gracefully, probably on advice of your closed loved ones. summer feels important.

This seems to have been built on a shaky foundation pile 3. I keep on accidentally typing pile 2, you may wanna check pile 2 out. Anyways, was this person someone who you knew from a while? maybe childhood? I feel there has been arguments with this person, This person could have ran away as well, and how it happens everytime smh, they think about this a lot and just think, hmmm what should i do now? what should I do next. They could very well be stalking your social media if you have one. Looking at old pics or wanting to see you somehow. It CLEARLY appears to me, this person was very questionable, you dont seem the first priority to them. They were/are obsessed with something, either past or money. Could even be they were hiding something from you. This person looks lonely in some ways, maybe they lost you over this obsession for something else. And whats worse is, they still seem to be thinking, to be able to make a choice, so much immature energy pile 3. This person seems so much in their head over what they even want. So much thinking, you are an easy choice pile 3, you dont deserve this much contemplation just to be chosen and loved. They want to bring "justice" and the right solution to the situation. I wonder how long this will take since this person is definitely in their feels, and looking over the past and what went down.

They seem to just, sit and think endlessly and proceed to do nothing. My advice, just don't wait for someone like this. I am getting this feeling this person has confused themselves about you to a point where it seems like false love. It seems some weird guilt tripped thing rather than wanting to make things right out of genuine love. Regardless, this person is very restless and doesn't seem to have any satisfaction with what they have.

My advice for you, is to get out of your head about this situation. Also, if you saw this person as a competition, don't. If you see/ hear them doing well, dont trust everything you hear. Infact, if you hear anything about this person that should not concern you anymore, dont pay attention. Move at your pace, people who start running wayy before the marathon, exhaust themselves midway. I have learnt and seen this in my life. What i mean is, be at your own pace and you will win pile 3. If you have lost faith, so be it, but emerge out of this situation. I understand you could have connected to this person, but dont take this seriously anymore. Get out of your own way pile 3. I am also getting a message of creating to-do lists for your day. Consider praying or writing in your journal if you wish to manifest something. You dont deserve deceit pile 3.

Advice: Its not a competition Emerge, dont lose faith Dont take it all too seriously Get out of your own way Ask and ye shall receive dont trust everything you hear

[twig-tea]

Why We Are Gives Me Anxiety

I have been fighting myself on this We Are post for weeks because I wanted to make sure I knew what I wanted to say and was able to say it. I feel the need to say off the top that I don’t begrudge anyone who enjoyed this show and I’m genuinely glad it brought comfort to people. The show in and of itself, as 16 hour-long episodes of fluff (shout-out to @stuffnonsenseandotherthings for using this word to pinpoint the genre for this show, because it’s perfect), is not offensive or bad or wrong or any judgmental or moralistic word. And it does some things well; the centrality of the friend group was a lovely aspect to this show, and the chemistry in the friendship group scenes was on point. All of the couples have good romantic chemistry as well, and the show is packed with butterflies-inducing moments. 

That being said, I did not enjoy watching this show. I watch television mostly for the story; This show felt more like watching 16 special episodes for a show I hadn’t seen (I think this can be attributed to the point made by @italianpersonwithashippersheart in her post here that the show assumes the audience comes to the show with a pre-existing buy-in to the ships). The lack of overarching narrative structure of We Are gave my brain nothing to hold onto and I spent so much of every episode futilely trying to figure out how scenes worked with what had come before, what the show was trying to say, what these characters were thinking–all of which I knew was the wrong way to be watching, but it’s the way my brain works, so I spent a lot of the show frustrated. In short, this show wasn’t for me. 

But that’s not why I feel the need to write about it. Shows are fully allowed to not be for me, I usually can differentiate between when a show is doing something I don’t like well, or when it’s failing at its own goals. And I don’t begrudge people with different taste getting catered to sometimes; my refrain is that most problems of representation are not solved by calling for less of something, and rather than wanting something not to be made, I’d rather champion for more and a greater variety of content. And lord knows there’s enough BL to go around these days (shouting out @respectthepetty’s post along these lines, which I loved) . But We Are still worries me, and I’ve been trying to find a way to articulate that my concerns are not actually about the show itself, in isolation, but rather about how it feels like part of a pattern. This is my best attempt at laying that out. It’s going to get a little ramble-y, so apologies in advance.

Shout-out to @bengiyo who first articulated this anxiety in his post from relatively early in the show’s run . Ben gets into some of where I’m coming from with concerns about what this show means for the genre in this post, which as he mentions we've chatted about in DMs. I’m really grateful to him for these conversations because in isolation, I worried that I was being alarmist. It was helpful to have confirmation that he was feeling the same way so that I could get out of my own head.  

Ben mentions in his post that New Siwaj has been in this business a long time, and I, like Ben, have jived with him for years because he manages to imbue queer angst into his shows in a way that resonates with me, even when he’s had missteps. I'm going to lay out some of the major highlights of his work for those who haven't followed New for years.

He was an editor on Love Sick, arguably the start of the Thai BL genre as we know it today, and a show full to the brim of queer angst. He directed Make It Right, one of my favourite Thai BL comedy series. This show was also an ensemble centered around a friendship group (though admittedly it didn’t balance the friendship and romance content as strongly as We Are), and it covers so many topics that felt refreshing at the time and still are rare (morning-after sex visits to the clinic because things went poorly, hooking up on the apps, sex acts beyond just penetration, suicidality, I could go on). He also was involved in the GMMTV Waterboyy series–this was his first work for GMMTV that I am aware of. That show had a lot of issues but did explore internalized homophobia and bullying.

He worked as a cinematographer on En of Love, which is again similar to We Are in that it has several couples connected by a friendship group (and is several novels in one series), but each couple was given its own miniseries instead of bundling them into one show. En of Love also still dealt with some serious queer angst, especially in the Love Mechanics story [Sidenote, Niink, the director for En of Love, stuck with New and moved on to work for Wabi Sabi].

At this point, New created his own company, Studio Wabi Sabi, which he's said in interviews was to gain more creative control over what he was working on. And his stories became arguably even more explicitly queer and inclusive of queer trauma. He screenwrote and produced Love By Chance (which folks may not remember or know, but that core story starts off with Pete being blackmailed for being gay until Ae convinces him to come out to his mother and shut down the leverage for blackmail, and a good chunk of Pete’s character arc is unlearning internalized homophobia and not seeing himself as ‘corrupting’ Ae) and then Until We Meet Again. The queer angst in UWMA probably doesn’t need my help spelling out, but just in case anyone doesn’t know the summary, this show was about a queer couple who committed suicide in the face of homophobia in the 1980s, and were reborn and given another chance to be together in present day. I did want to note that in both of these series (LBC and UWMA) the core romance itself has no major conflicts; both AePete and DeanPharm felt like they were intentionally side-stepping so many of the usual BL drama tropes of jealousy and misunderstandings through trust and communication. Dean and Pharm’s story took that even further by having so many of the usual drama pitfalls for a gay couple just not be a problem; their only drama comes from their past lives, in a beautiful exploration of the breaking of intergenerational trauma. So many external threats to their relationship ended up being non-starters, and this was my version of a comfort series for that reason. 

From there, New started working with GMMTV again, and directed My Gear and Your Gown. This series was, to my knowledge, the first GMMTV BL series to mention HIV and to show characters getting tested at the clinic, and while it wasn’t perfect representation (didn’t get into PrEP, treated HIV as a death sentence), it felt like an important milestone.

[I’m skipping the sequels and specials he did for series I already talked about, because they don’t feel that important to the story I’m telling here and this is already so long, but I wanted to acknowledge that I’m not covering everything in his oeuvre.]

He then directed 7 Project, which had some serious storylines dealing with bullying and struggling with life in the closet, out of Wabi Sabi, and then Star and Sky out of GMMTV. Star in My Mind included one of the main characters in a beard relationship for years, and some controversy over the adaptation choices to make Daonuea (Dunk’s character) less polite than in the books. There was drama around the pronouns and characterization in that show (both Daonuea and Khabkluen use guu/mueng in the series, but in the novel, Daonuea uses rao; he also curses in the series and novel fans complained that he was too ‘masculine’). I thought it was an interesting attempt at a departure from BL character tropes to try to make Daonuea more evenly matched with Khabkluen in terms of his gender presentation in the show. Sky in Your Heart also included some angst about whether people of a particular station could be gay. Both of these shows (SIMM and SIYH) were also very trope-y, but they had clear throughlines. 

My Only 12%, the next show New directed out of Wabi Sabi, contains one of my favourite moments in all of BL, in which Seeiw sees Love of Siam and cries because it makes him realize he’s gay. There’s this heartfelt moment where he asks his sister, if there’s nothing wrong with being gay, why doesn’t the film let the gay characters have a happy ending? Despite the weird PSA ending, this show remains one of my favourites.

This is an aside but I’ve long been fascinated about this moment in New’s history: he played himself in War of Y, as a director of BL who is sick of being forced to make BL shows full of fanservice; he treats the actors with disdain and cuts marketable high heat scenes from the show which makes everyone nervous for the show’s future. Later we see him and the actor characters on set for My Only 12%, much happier. I ask myself about this moment at least once a week: Did he write this self-insert? Did someone else write the character and he just played it, and the similarities to his style were (were not?) a coincidence? I hope someone knows and tells me one day,

From there, New functioned as an Executive Producer of Dear Doctor, I’m Coming for Soul [I think this was the first outsourced project by Wabi Sabi]. This series’ entire plot is a metaphor for living in the closet and waiting for the time when the main couple can be together fully without having to hide. 

He directed A Boss and a Babe for GMMTV (which had its problems for sure, but also had Cher as an out gay man at the workplace dealing with casual homophobia in a way that was extremely satisfying), and then Between Us, which is maybe the least queer feeling show Wabi Sabi produced on its own, but did go into the issues of dating and the closet while trying to become a star (if I’ve forgotten something from this show let me know, I only watched it the once). One of the things that was so strange about this show was it being a sequel to UWMA but not engaging with the same themes. The only mention of real world queerness I can remember was the acknowledgment that they can’t get married in Thailand and Dean and Pharm discussing again going abroad and getting married there. 

Absolute Zero was a complete mess of a show; New directed this one for Wabi Sabi, and it has some similarities to UWMA in the sense of there being an attempt at saving the gays from the bury your gays trope, this time via time loop rather than reincarnation, but it did not take the issues it raised seriously enough (including the age gap created between the two characters by virtue of time travel). 

And that leads us to We Are for GMMTV, which as Pluem (@happypotato48)  wrote in his excellent post about this, includes Toey using nu and other 'feminine' or 'youthful' sounding language, but also apparently dropped the main conflict of the novel between Phum and his father (because his father disapproved of Peem).

Why did I go through all of that? Because I wanted to lay out how I've watched New Siwaj’s career go from finding a way to tell incredibly poignant and healing queer narratives (by creating his own company, and fitting these moments into the GMMTV series he did work on) to stripping out queerness from the shows he’s creating in the last year or so.

And this is a pattern we’re seeing more widely at GMMTV in particular, but also in Thai QL more widely. This is something that was touched on but not really discussed in the most recent episode of The Conversation podcast (the 23.5 and only boo! episode here). In both 23.5 and Only Boo!, the show faked out a homophobic parent and then treated their kids like they were silly to assume the worst, and I hated that.

Both Ongsa and Kang had internalized homophobia in their respective series. Both were terrified of telling their mothers about their homosexual love interest. And in both cases, their mothers told them something along the lines of 'of course I will support you no matter what'. In Ongsa's case, even though she was outed by Sun without her consent, she's the one who ends up apologizing for her hesitancy and feeling foolish for her concern. In Kang's case, the show never challenges his mother's assertion that she'll always support him even though we know she hasn’t (she was the one who wanted to prevent him from studying art before his father died), and it’s the audience that was left feeling foolish for our concern. 

In the GMMTV round table for Pride Month, it was mentioned that the decision for Ongsa's mother to be accepting of her relationship with Sun was made in order to model good parental behaviour for the older generation in the audience. In the novel, Ongsa's mother presents a significant conflict, but this conflict was erased from the show. I don't know if the same decision was made in Only Boo! for the same reason or not, but either way, the show definitely signalled to Kang's mother having an issue with Kang's relationship with Moo, and then said "sike", which I did not enjoy. The Conversation panelists were correct in the conversation linked and transcribed above that this wasn't the most egregious misstep either show made, but it feels like a telling symptom of the larger overall narrative problems that New is also now succumbing to.

It seems as though telling stories stripped of queer conflict is being seen as progressive, and possibly also easier to sell, and this is where my anxiety lies around what this will mean for Thai QL content in future. 

For the record, I am all for creating queer content in which we envision a better world for ourselves. But when that is the goal, understanding where internalized homophobia comes from and thinking through how removing parental objection will affect the character and the story is vital to the story and characterization remaining coherent. Otherwise it just ends up feeling like the show is telling queer kids that they're paranoid, rather than rightly worried (like I wrote about in this thread on My Love Mix-Up Thailand, where the same decision was made again to fake out a homophobic subplot that was removed from the adaptation but was present in the source material).

These choices speak to adaptation choices with an eye for specific moments and story points, rather than to a narrative or character arc, which is where it feels like they fall into the wider pattern of what @bengiyo, @shortpplfedup and @ginnymoonbeam were describing in their discussion: shows caring more about hitting specific meme-able story points listed out on a whiteboard than about making cohesive sense or having something coherent to say. 

[So as not to leave it out: I don’t think there were concerns of homophobia in the Wandee Goodday novel (novel readers feel free to correct me if I’m wrong about this) but the show faked us out about homophobia concerns anyway, which again really bothered me during that watch and which adds to the pattern.] 

Now, of course, as I stated up at the top there is value in the creation of different kinds of media. These shows sell different fantasies than the ones I want to see, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have value.All of BL has some amount of fantasy that it’s buying into, that’s what comes with the territory of ‘fiction’. The BL bubble (in which homophobia doesn’t exist and all men are gay for each other) is a version that is at its most extreme; nothing bad ever happens that isn’t quickly resolved within an episode, so there is never narrative tension, and nobody really needs to be that concerned about how anything will go ever. I do not find these relaxing because I can’t buy into the fantasy they’re selling; for me, the lack of narrative tension is so unbelievable as to ruin my immersion. But I can see why that would be appealing for someone whose brain is not always on alert and running at 11/10! The problem I am anticipating is when the majority of content is made that way, and when it is done in a way that takes up all of the mainstream space. I think it’s notable that the only show that’s really felt not in the queer bubble from GMMTV in 2024 is Cooking Crush, which was done by a subsidiary team within GMMTV (and the same team went on to make Only Boo!). And this is why We Are caught my attention and made me nervous; When a director who is known for his representation of poignant queer angst makes an entire 16-hour series in which there are no significant conflicts at all and the only hint of homophobia is in Toey’s reference to being bullied prior to the timeframe of the series, I get worried about who is going to be making the queer angst shows in future!  

For the record, my personal preference for comfort shows are the shows that do not pretend the world is perfect, but do depict an idealized subset of that world→where there’s a group of people that support one another through the bullshit of others and the less than perfect world that surrounds them. Shows that teach us to be kind to one another, and ourselves. Shows that say the world is going to suck sometimes, but we can be good to one another, and not lose sight of who we are, and make space for others to be themselves. A few of my favourite Thai series that do this would be: 

Bad Buddy

Cooking Crush

City of Stars

Knock Knock Boys

Miracle of Teddy Bear

My Only 12%

Secret Crush on You

To Sir With Love

Until We Meet Again

(and of course these occur in non-Thai shows as well. A few examples of my favourites: What Did You Eat Yesterday, DNA Says Love You, Light on Me, Oppan, Marahuyo Project, TsukuTabe, Tadaima Okaeri, Koisenu Futari, Joshi-teki Seikatsu, Gameboys, Hehe and He, Twilight out of Focus, She Makes My Heart Flutter)

These are shows in which there are explicitly external judgments on the relationships in the show and/or the characters for things intrinsic to who they are, and the characters build a support structure in which folks are encouraged to be themselves within that ‘bubble’ (Bad Buddy walks a fine line because it’s within the BL bubble but the problems that the main couple face are so a direct allegory that everything feels familiar; this is also the case with Tadaima Okaeri, which is both omegaverse and one of the most beautifully kind shows of all time). 

So for now, I still have the other smaller Thai studios including Kongthup Productions (who made Knock Knock Boys; we’ll see whether their latest series Monster Next Door deals with any queer angst or not), idolFactory (just finished My Marvellous Dream is You, which had a ton of queer angst, and is currently doing The Loyal Pin, which I have hope for on this front), DeeHup (currently making I Saw You In My Dream, which I’m holding out hope for) and StarHunter Entertainment (who made City of Stars, but whose record is a little spotty on this front; Their latest, Sunset Vibes, has not done a great job of handling the theme of office relationships and blackmail so far, and feels very much in the bubble) to look forward to. 

But as you can see even just by virtue of the caveats I included above, it feels like this shift is happening in the smaller companies too (harder to see a real pattern with fewer data points, which is one of the reasons why I picked on GMMTV–in addition to it being the largest media conglomerate in Thailand and therefore able to take it). Maybe it’s nothing, maybe I’m just an anxious person. Or maybe I’m just wrong about what would be best for the genre and for queer people in Thailand as well as viewers all over the world. But I, for one, would find it a loss if Thai QL decides en masse to pivot away from queer angst, and right now it kind of feels like that’s what it’s doing. In this context, to reiterate my original point, the existence of We Are is not a problem, but is one in a set of exemplars that raised specific alarm bells due to the people involved and their history in QL and queer representation, its deviation from the source material, and the surrounding shows that seem to indicate a pattern rather than a one-off. 

[bewitchingivy]

WHAT HAPPENS BEFORE YOU MEET YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE // pick a card

Hey, lovely souls! I hope you're all doing well~♡ In this new PAC, we're going to uncover what's going to happen before your future spouse comes into your life, to give you some little hints~hehe. Maybe the events mentioned in the piles is happening to you now, who knows?

methods used in this reading: tarot, intuition.

࿐ DISCLAIMERS:

Tarot or any forms of divination is not set in stone. It’s not your only future, but a probable one with the current energy you have right now. If a reading doesn’t resonate, simply let it fly away and shift your energy. Because you can change your reality, and you have the undeniable power to do so.

Please keep in mind that my readings are for entertainment, positive, or inspirational purposes only. Please don’t take them as a professional or medical advice. Any actions or decisions taken are your responsibility.

The images I use in my blog are not mine unless I say so. The pictures belong to their respectful owners.

Now choose one (or more) of the latest releases from my top 5 favorite artists!

PILE ONE / lavender haze - acoustic version by taylor swift

Greetings to the people who chose the first pile! Lovely to have you here <3

What we have in the cards here is that you will have some sort of recognition, achievement, or success before you meet your future spouse. Why am I strongly getting a graduation of some sort? The people who chose this pile are probably studying in college or highschool. There's going to be a celebration that your friends and family will have for you. At this time, you're going to receive a lot of praise and recognition. I'm also seeing that there's something spiritual happening after that, it's like you're going to have some spiritual transformation. You're going to grow spiritualy. Lastly, we have the Fools card here which tells me that after all this achievements and growth in your life, you're going to take a short break or vacation even for just a little while. Like a month or something. You will do a lot of self care and reflection at that time, and then you'll be ready to start new beginnings. And this new beginning coming your way? That's when you'll meet your future person <3

signs, confirmations, messages; a white dog (like a husky?), 444, clover leafs, going to a cafe, kdrama, tarot, yes, you're not late.

Thank you for allowing me to read for you ♡ I'm sending much love and light your way and to your loved ones! — Ivy Feel free to send me a feedback and check out my masterlist for more!

PILE TWO / say yes to heaven by lana del rey

Hi there! To you who chose pile two, I hope you're doing well!

So to begin your reading, this is somehow related to the first pile, since your first cards are the six of wands. Both piles are going to achieve some success. You'll definitely get some attention from this, I'm getting that this achievement of yours is like, going to attract a lot people's attention. For some of you, I'm getting that this is a career that you've always wanted to have, and now you got it. But here's the thing, not all people are going to have good intentions. There's going to be someone from your past, at first I was getting an ex friend, but some of you could have an ex lover too. You no longer talk with this person, but then when you've achieved this success of yours, they're going to be like, out of nowhere, “Hi! Congratulations, I'm really happy for you.” Which to me, guys, I'm sorry, but I will say that those are just lies. I'm mostly just getting that they'll be jealous of you, and they'll want to start over with you again just because you have this career or whatever success you'll have. You will notice this though. And though you still might care for them, and a part of you wants to start over your relationship, you will be disappointed to see that they still haven't change for the better and then you will eventually decide that you're not going to rekindle the fire you had with them. You're going to decide that it's over, like ever. (WEEEEEE!! ARE NEVEREVEREVERGETTINGBACKTOGETHER-) Ahem. Anyways, that's great. I'm proud of you already that you're going to do that. Because you'll need to kick this person's ass out of your life so your future spouse can knock on your door already.

I didn't got any more signs/confirmations for you, pile two!

Thank you for allowing me to read for you ♡ I'm sending much love and light your way and to your loved ones! — Ivy Feel free to send me a feedback and check out my masterlist for more!

PILE THREE / rush! by måneskin

Hello to you who has chosen the third pile~♡ I hope you're doing well!

Before meeting your future spouse, you will face some sort of decision whether you should leave or stay in a relationship. I'm really sorry to hear this, guys, but this person has/is going to give you pain. You put your hopes for this person only for them to disappoint you. I'm mostly seeing this is a romantic relationship, but for some of you it could be a friendship or a family member. But if it is a romantic relationship, it's going to be long distance. And for some of you, I'm just getting this, that it's not really a relationship but more like a situationship. Let me tell you some hints about this person; they have strong water placements and one of their hobbies is artistic. You're going to take a lot of time thinking and considering whether you should leave or not (this could involve some travelling/moving to another country as well.) It seems like you will be confuse what to decide. But since we have the Page of Wands as the last card, this strongly tells me you're going to choose to leave this relationship/situation behind even if it breaks your heart. But you have to do it for what's good for you and this person. And indeed it is, I mean, come on, your future spouse is on their way to you after this!

signs, confirmations, messages; ships, ocean, living near some large body of water (like a lake, river, beach, etc), 222, 47, april, grow and evolve, secret garden by frances hodgson burnett.

Thank you for allowing me to read for you ♡ I'm sending much love and light your way and to your loved ones! — Ivy Feel free to send me a feedback and check out my masterlist for more!

PILE FOUR / francesca by hozier

Hey there! If you've chose pile four, well, lemme say I totally relate to your reading HAHAH- nevertheless, I hope you're staying hopeful for the future! ♡

So let me clarify some things first, if you're somehow being held back by authoritative figures or more like, parents, then this is your pile. If you don't resonate with this, you can choose another pile. So! Oh, man. I'm feeling very tired and drained after tapping into your energy. You will be feeling this way before meeting your FS. So first, you're going to begin a new. chapter in your life. After feeling caged up or something, you're finally going to decide to take matters into your own hands and do the things in order for you to live your desired life. You're definitely going to do this, I have no doubt that you're going to manifest your desired life. You're also going to be working a lot on yourself, improving yourself to be better, doing shadow work, self care, and all the like. However! There's one problem here. You've let your parents have power over you. That's completely understandable, I'm with you, guys, and I'm still working on my situation myself. But you have to realize that you shouldn't let them affect you anymore. You're your own person. It could be that you're afraid to disappoint them or whatever, but it could also be that your parents are pretty judgemental and you're afraid to be judged by them if you do choose to pursue your dreams and desires. This will lead you to feeling restricted and held back again. You'll start being afraid to move towards your future. However, I definitely see here that someone will be coming towards your life at this time to help you get through this. And who's this person going to be? YOUR FS. AAAACK AHSISHAKSJSHSG

signs, confirmations, messages; 111, life path 8, connect with your inner child, be gentle to yourself, your fs is going to be someone you'll have a crush on first.

Thank you for allowing me to read for you ♡ I'm sending much love and light your way and to your loved ones! — Ivy Feel free to send me a feedback and check out my masterlist for more!

PILE FIVE / being funny in a foreign language by the 1975

The people who have chosen pile five are the chosen ones. LMFAO, yeah if your life would be a story, your trope would be the chosen one. Anyways! It's nice to have you here, chosen ones.

Okay, so what I'm getting here is that you guys are going to be working very hard about something. You're putting a lot of effort into this thing, or it could be your relationships around you too. It can be literally anything. Just anything that you're going to put a lot of effort and work, to the point that you'll forget about yourself. You're somehow overworking yourselves at this time, guys. I'm also sensing there's some unhealthy attachment or obsession over this particular thing. Please, take care and look after yourselves. But then, I see here that there's going to be some sort of epiphany or an aha moment right after, guys. It seems like someone's going to give you some advice, or a very harsh truth that you need to know. And it will make you pause and think about what you've been doing and all the efforts you gave to this certain thing the whole time. It's definitely going to hurt and hard to accept. But you will know that it's the truth. You're going to feel like you will lose everything. Lemme give you an example; you've taken a liking to someone and you'd really want to be with them, but then you put all your efforts to become the person you're not just for them to like you and you're giving all your time and energy to that person only for them to tell you one day that they don't share your feelings. Been there, done that 🙋🏻‍♀ But that's okay, guys. Because right along the harsh truth, is a new beginning. You're going to have the courage to begin again and you're taking the lessons you've learned and become more wiser and braver than before, ready to learn more about life. After that phase, you're going to meet your person <3

I haven't got any signs/confirmations for you, pile five!

Thank you for allowing me to read for you ♡ I'm sending much love and light your way and to your loved ones! — Ivy Feel free to send me a feedback and check out my masterlist for more!

[prince-liest]

I’m a sex-repulsed ace, and reading the latest chapter of 666 (as well as your analysis here on Tumblr) made me realize that I have been subconsciously thinking about MY OWN sexuality from an allo perspective? And that it has kinda been messing me up?? Like, ever since I learned that sexual attraction was actually a Thing and that it’s Important To People, I had been carrying around a fear of being deficient in some way and not being able to love to the same extent as allos. (1)

Even though I know logically that’s complete garbage and totally untrue, I felt left out of the loop because people seemed to care strongly about this thing I couldn’t even imagine. Whenever it looked like a relationship might happen I panicked for a reason that I couldn’t understand. But now I’m starting to realize that it’s because I was subconsciously terrified of an ‘ulterior motive’ behind the other person’s reasons for wanting to be with me. (2) That part of the reason they even cared was because of something I don’t experience. So thank you, because this realization just clicked into place while reading your work. The thing is, this way of thinking was just internalized in such a way that I didn’t even realize it was there until literally this week. And I think you’re right; one of the main reasons behind that is because I’ve always consumed media written from an allo perspective. (3) If ace/aros are shown at all, they’re depicted as “lacking” and their character development usually revolves around being “fixed” by the story. When I was ~10 years old my mom sometimes let me watch the Big Bang Theory with her (looking back, maybe not the best decision). Anyways, there was one episode deep into the series where Sheldon (who for the past nineish seasons was probably the closest thing to mainstream ace rep) has sex with his girlfriend for the first time. (4) Afterwards, he says something along the lines of “that was better than I thought it would be”, and it’s presented as a Very Good Thing and a big step in their relationship. I think a lifetime of stuff like that makes it very easy to internalize aphobia and feel like the lesser part of the relationship. Or to feel like the other partner is making a huge sacrifice to be with you. That got wayy too long, sorry. All that was just a lot of words to say that I appreciate you. Take care of yourself!(5)

The portrayal of asexuality that you see in media being almost exclusively as you described is very tedious to me because it presumes that something is inherently lacking in aro/aceness rather than that feeling of "lacking" being something that is induced by societal norms. Actually, one of the things that I find additionally alienating is that fandom spaces specifically have been getting better and better about ace characters - but got damn does fandom not jive with aromanticism. Like, a character doesn't want to fuck? That's becoming a liiiittle more fine, it's 2024, we stan consent. But not shipping someone romantically?? Not so easy, now.

I'm glad that my work has been something that resonated with you in this respect! Alastor cares a lot about his reputation as a demon but is pretty blatantly a person who could not possibly give less of a shit about being "wrong" for not being experiencing romantic or sexual attraction. The explanation Viv gave at one point for his own understanding of himself (that he thinks he's just "waiting for the right woman") actually stuck out to me a lot because it's a very "well, nothing is wrong with me for not feeling anything, it's the world that's failed to produce a suitable person" perspective.

But having that kind of confident perspective of your own rightness in the world is really not often portrayed in media, or even in fandom, which even ten years ago was still in the throes of standardizing "Oh, no! Me, gay? These feelings are so wrong!" style m/m content and is honestly not that far off from essentially that for aro/ace characters.

Anyway, all of that is to say that there's not yet much out there that doesn't frame allo/amatonormative values as the default that "even aro/ace people can (and should want to) achieve," and that it's really fun to write a fic that is unequivocally from the perspective of a character who is aroace and doesn't see it as even remotely a fault in himself. Does he have moments where he's a little confused and trying to process how things fit for him? Absolutely. But he just doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who thinks he owes romance to Vox of all people, hahaha. I've written him trying to conform to allo/amatonormativity more with Mimzy, because I think the social standards of their time could push him into it, but Vox? Absolutely not, he does not respect Vox enough for it to even enter his mind.

And then, on the other hand, writing it from an aroace perspective centers the way that romantic and sexual interest can feel like a betrayal of a good thing. With a character like Alastor, it frames romantic and sexual attraction the same alien way that we usually see aromanticism and asexuality framed as.

In the end, this is just one of a plethora of different experiences that aro/ace people can have, but it's one that I really wanted to see represented more, so I'm very happy to write it. I'm glad that you're enjoying it!

[jhugas]

‘Do it.’- Bts member

✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

Genre: smut

Pairing: Husband! Any Bts! member X wife! Reader

Summary: you and your husband trying to have sex at his concert… and after.

Word count: 1,6k

Warnings/tags: Sex scenes count: 2 | unprotected sex, semi public sex?, make out, m masturbates, f masturbates m, lil facial, cumming on your pussy, rushed sex, half-clothed sex.

Ps: this was inspired by DDay Tour🫶🏻

✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

Some help for the private room: if you’re imagining this in a OT7 concert, just imagine that every member has their private room👀

You and your husband have been teasing each other right before the concert; you were caressing his torso, and him grabbing your titties. And then you started making out, his lips grabbing your top one, sucking hard and softly, and his tongue started caressing your lips. Later, both of your tongues met, intertwining with each other and making wet shameless sounds.

But right when you were about to get serious, the staff called for him to get on stage.

So unfortunately, he had to go perform and you… just watch him on the tv and wait there.

You noticed though, that he looked pretty frustrated performing, along with his boner.

So you just thought that it’d go away and that he’d stop being horny, but he didn’t. The whole first part he kept his dick in his hands and singing half of the lyrics.

So when he came back from the first part, he ran to the private room and immediately ran up to you.

He opened the door, closed it behind him and didn’t lose anytime.

He grabbed your hair and waist and pulled you in a passionate kiss.

Not only he was sort of aggressive from the frustration of not fucking you, but he was also sensitive, so it didn’t take long for him to start moaning in the kiss. He needed you so bad.

So to help him you decide to cup his balls in your hand and feel his cock through his pants, pressing your chest against his.

In answer, he slides his hands under your shirt and toward your pants, playing now with the lace of your panties as he traces his fingers on your ass.

Meanwhile, you’re getting deeper and deeper in the kiss, both moaning and touching each other anywhere possible, the kiss got heated quickly.

When suddenly, he remembered he didn’t have a lot of time, so he wondered about what’s best for him, waiting the end of the concert to get you, or do it now?

But his hands spoke faster, he pulled down your pants and panties in one go and took off his too.

He then looks at you and waits for your approval, and after you nod, he lays you down on your back on the couch, and gets on top.

Curses leave your lips, his hands were so strong and attractive, he grabs strongly your thighs and pulls you closer to him making his tip get dangerously close to your hole, slightly teasing you to make you feel his smooth tip rubbing your clit before pounding inside, making you feel every inch of him just like he wanted.

He starts sliding in and out of you while watching your tits bounce up and down in your shirt. All of this while his fans are still in the public, waiting for his second part without knowing that he’s currently fucking you deep.

He was so needy, he was going all the way in and couldn’t care less about how loud it was nor if someone would see them.

If a staff entered, trust that he won’t stop.

Along with the cheers of the fans, wet slapping sounds and moans were resonating in the room.

Sometimes he took the time to get closer to your face and to kiss you sloppily, I mean, he did whatever felt good to him, and whatever felt good to him, felt good to you. Every move was so pleasurable, that tears rolled down your cheek while he wiped them away.

His hands were grabbing firmly your hips, then caressing your tummy and holding your hands, occasionally holding your chin to make you look at him.

‘I- I’m gonna cum~’ you say, feeling your orgasm coming fast.

‘Cum for me then. Do it.’ he answers in a deep voice, you could hear him being close too.

Then your moans got shamelessly louder, making him even closer to cumming and then, you came hard, clenching your walls around his cock as he fucks you at the right pace, making you feel high for a good minute.

‘In five minutes the part two starts!’ a staff says outside the door.

‘Fuck.’ he curses, before pulling his dick out and masturbating.

He’s going fast, trying to reach his orgasm as quick as possible while looking deep in your eyes.

And when he’s about to cum, he starts shivering, moaning your name loudly and finally releases his semen that reaches your face and slides down his length.

You wipe off his cum off your face and get closer to his, leaving a few kisses on his lips and neck, making him relax before going back to work.

‘The things you make me do…’ he says in a deep voice with a sarcastic smile on his face, before kissing you goodbye and leaving the room in a rush.

When the concert finished, you decided to go home without waiting for him, not thinking of anything, but he wanted more. And when he saw that you weren’t in the private room, he got ready and rushed to his apartment.

You were laying down here, on the couch with your robe and panties under, when all of a sudden, your husband enters in a rush and throws his bags on the floor.

For a minute, he just enjoys your position, on your tummy laying down, with the bottom of the robe almost showing your ass. He’s getting hornier and hornier, and he was so mesmerized looking at you that he didn’t hear your greeting.

‘What’s wrong?’ You ask him when you saw him staring at you from the door. He’s breathing fast, his chest moving heavier than usual…

‘I need you…’ he answers as he gets closer to you, so you try to turn and lay on your back but he stops you, hands on your ass he put you back on your tummy.

For the moment he was just enjoying you with his eyes and creative mind, but now he needed more, more of you.

Unconsciously, he gets on top of you and gives you long and passionate kisses on your neck, slightly sucking and leaving a mark.

‘What are you doing babe…’ you giggle because of how ticklish it feels, but not so long after you’ll understand he’s not really tickling you. You start feeling good about it, getting your neck covered in marks and his spit, him sucking in and wrapping his lips around your skin… your pussy started throbbing, now, you both needed more.

But just when you started moaning, he gives you a peck on your ear and gets back up, positioning himself on his knees with his crotch above your ass.

He curses before taking off his pants and boxers, and places his dick in between your ass cheeks through the robe.

‘Take off my panties, it’ll be easier.’ you said, because you wanted to feel everything, and you did.

After he took off your panties and kept your robe over your ass, you felt his tip rubbing your ass, in between your cheeks, and your asshole, just him applying pressure and making sure you feel how hard and big he is.

Oh how proud he is of his big thick cock, just perfect for you and no one else. His cock and your holes fit like a puzzle, because once he’s in, you couldn’t feel more full and complete. He’s part of you.

He taps it on your ass a few times, before spreading your legs and getting near your cunt.

‘Y/n?’ He asks to make sure you consent.

‘Do it.’ You answer quickly and breathlessly.

He pumps himself a few times, slides in your folds to rub your clit and tease your hole, then finally, after lifting your ass up, slides in.

He’s pounding into you, the sound is wet and strong, and you hear his long moan of relief.

His hands are on your hips, pushing you front and back along with him thrusting into you.

It’s the way he’s filling you entirely and hitting your sweet spot continually that makes it so pleasurable.

He has his eyes stuck on your ass bouncing with your robe halfway up them.

Then you felt your orgasm coming, quicker than you thought and try to push it back as long as possible so that you could feel him fucking you for some more time.

But when he got faster and rougher, you knew you wouldn’t be able to hold it for much time now.

‘I’m gonna- cum.’ You spit out with moans slipping out your lips too.

‘Cum for me then, go on darling.’

He says in a deep, breathless voice.

And as he said, your orgasm reaches to your brain and you feel your weak legs shivering.

Soon after, you came hard and long on his cock that was still pounding in you, you felt so high and good…

But he wasn’t done, he needed to cum too.

So he just pulled out and made you sit on your ass, facing him. Then he took your hands, making them wrap around his dick.

You start sliding your hands up and down his lengths, fast enough to make him reach his orgasm.

And after a few minutes of work, when he was just about to cum, he took his dick himself and placed it over your pussy. So you laid down and opened your legs to give him more space, and he came hard, his white thick cum covering your pussy like a cake.

Later, you both took a warm bath where he made sure you didn’t fall asleep, washed each other and cuddled all night.

Thank you for reading! Likes, reblogs and comments are veryyyy appreciated🫶🏻

[glossglamour]

The Doctor is in the House: A 2011 Article on House M.D.

BY SHERI LEVINE, POSTMEDIA NEWS NOVEMBER 17, 2011

LOS ANGELES - Paging Dr. House. After eight years, Hugh Laurie is still keeping House's heart beating. And while the medical mysteries may serve as plots for the long-running medical drama, it's Laurie's alter ego, the man himself, Dr. Gregory House, who keeps people tuning in for their weekly fix.

Laurie, who made a name for himself as a comedic actor in his native England, was relatively unknown to North American audiences when House first aired. Of course, that's no longer the case. The multi-talented Laurie -- who recently released a fine album of New Orleans-inspired blues music -- has become a huge star across the pond, as well as one of the highest-paid actors on TV.

"I highly doubt that," says a modest Laurie, who actually seems embarrassed by the very notion that he would rank so high on the actors' payroll. Clearly, he doesn't take his good fortune for granted. Laurie calls himself "a lottery winner" with the great success he's achieved on House.

Dressed casually in a blue, button-down shirt, black pants and black and white sneakers, or trainers (as the Brits would say), Laurie rests his cappuccino cup and saucer on the table in front of him. The charismatic Englishman playfully takes on the group of international journalists who have invaded his turf.

In person, the affable Laurie smiles easily, laughs frequently and seems to never be at a loss for a witty response or anecdote. He is adorably charming, with piercing, blue eyes -- an intense blue not picked up on camera.

It's oddly amusing to see the man -- who plays such a cynical, depressive, perpetually grumpy person, week in and week out -- so happy. Of course, that's the mark of any good actor. But as creator and executive producer, Canadian David Shore, says: "He didn't become House, he WAS House."

Laurie's strong comedic roots may have been what resonated so strongly with Shore upon seeing Laurie's audition tape.

"I venture to guess that, actually, that's part of the reason that I'm here," says Laurie. "Unless this character had a sort of grace and a wit about him, he would be just too much of a pain in the ass, really. The elegance of the way his mind works, and the speed at which it works, is part of his charm, if he has any. Now, lots of people would say he doesn't have any. I disagree. I find him immensely charming.

"I'm not sure I would put up with him as a best friend, but I do find him endlessly entertaining. And I find . . . the references he draws on, the way he seeks out people's weaknesses in such a cruel and horrible way, I find he does at least do it with wit."

House has become an iconic character, largely due to Laurie's flawless portrayal of a brilliant doctor with a horrible bedside manner whose asinine qualities are overshadowed by his brilliance. He's not really an ass, he just acts like one . . . a lot.

The antithesis of House is his best friend, Dr. James Wilson (Robert Sean Leonard). One might even go so far as to say it's their friendship that humanizes House, and is a big part in sustaining the show's success.

"One of the things I'm proudest of in the show is that relationship," says Shore. "I think that it's something you don't see on TV very often -- the male friendship explored," he says.

Leonard weighs in: "His actions are what count. It's the only relationship on the show that's not tied to any employment. I don't work for him and he doesn't work for me, and it's not true of any other character on the show. So we're the only two characters that have actually chosen to be together."

The onscreen pals are also good friends off-screen, a likely contributing factor to the genuine House-Wilson dynamic.

"Well, now that we've stopped sleeping together, it's a lot more comfortable in every way, physically, as well," jokes Leonard. "I don't know. He's very complicated. He's a very strange guy. He's very funny. He's like most of the people I like in my life: tortured, miserable, and just a pain in the ass," Leonard says (referring to Laurie, not House, just in case you were confused).

As to whether this is the show's last season, David Shore says he's undecided.

"I'm not being coy, I'm just honestly not that well ordered," admits Shore. "I would love to and I would hate to (continue the show). It's been a wonderful opportunity for me. It's just been amazing on so many different levels, and I'm continuing to find new and interesting things to do with it. But it's been eight years. It's a long time to do a show. And so I really am not sure what's going to happen."

In the end, Shore says the show is ultimately about "trying to change, but we inevitably fail."

"But if we don't keep trying to change, we're just going to slide completely backwards. I think House would like to be the type of person who could do things differently. But he's not, and he will never (be)."

What does this mean for the fate of Dr. Gregory House?

"I'm not going to change his character for the end of the show," says Shore. "It may not be a miserable ending, but (House) is not going to ride off into the sunset with love."

--- (source) ---

this one surprisingly only took me like twenty minutes to find. my favourite part is when shore says that house is not going to ride off into the sunset with love and yet .

[lanaevyssmoved]

how do you feel about people getting astarion’s scars as tattoos because when i saw it i was like uh….

so i was thinking about how to answer this question for a bit and i've come to the conclusion that my struggles because i am completely gobsmacked that in 2023 we still have issues like this

i am 29 years old, which i think is very important to bring up. i've been on tumblr for over a decade, i remember when people were actually doxxed over kinning a character who did a murder once. i remember when lives were destroyed over how people chose to love a video game character. i remember when an ask like this would cause a witch hunt that ended in someone being genuinely unsafe. i think asks like this can still be dangerous, and i can't post this without making that clear. while i'd like to think this wouldn't happen anymore, i can't say for sure, i think we need to have the self awareness of what can come, when our history, as in tumblrs history, is full of things like this being actually deadly. sorry if that's a little too serious for the vibe you're putting out, but that shit was fucking traumatising and i'm not gonna pretend it wasn't, so this ask was a little scary to receive and my upcoming honesty? i'm scared to put it out there on gut instinct alone haha (insert comment about astarion kinnies here)

astarion is a video game character with intent to make you feel things, good or bad. he is designed to tell a story and attach you to that story. he is designed to make your little brain juices sizzle when he says a funny or makes you sad. i'm sure this is obvious, but your concern for what people do with these feelings makes me think it might not be.

the scars are fucking cool design. they were made to be fucking cool. you're meant to look at them the first time you do and go WHOA.... it is very easy to appreciate the work and effort that went into them by whomever designed them, they have a lot to be proud about. if someone wants the scars as a tattoo because they think it's cool, more power to them. that's a fucking expensive tattoo, it would take a long ass time to be finished and heal, it would never be an easy decision for these facts alone.. and adults can do whatever they like with their money. he doesn't exist, he isn't real, he can't be offended by this, and you shouldn't be either.

and now i have to get sensitive with it because astarions story, whether you want to think of this or not, can, and will, resonate with abused people. many kinds of people of course, but most especially abuse victims. as a victim myself, parts of his story hit just a little too close to home and hurt. now think of someone who might have it hit closer to home than it did for me, someone who finds more connection with what astarion went through and what they went through. now imagine how important astarion is to that person, his reclaiming of autonomy, his reclaiming of agency, etc. i can see someone wanting the scars as tattoos because then in their mind they can be astarion and do what astarion did. they can be closer to astarion and use that strength to survive and push through. they can feel what he felt and survive (obviously it's not the same, but it's the symbolism). unfortunately you cannot dismiss that some people may be doing it out of a place of trauma and using astarion to help them heal. i'm not arguing whether or not this is healthy, i've certainly done similar in my youth when it comes to relating to characters who have been abused, we all find our ways to cope, and we all find our places of strength.

astarion doesn't exist, he was created in a game studio with intent to make you feel shit, as established already, including intent to make you feel so strongly you want to put pieces of him on your skin forever, like, that's a compliment when it comes to making characters. if afhiri had something on her skin that signified trauma, and someone wanted to permanently put that on their skin? wow, she means that much to you? you liked her that much? that's a gods damn compliment. and i cannot see those who worked closely with astarions creation seeing it any other way.

what i can say is that when i was younger, 20-23ish, i probably would have given it an 'uh...' too, but as i grew older i realised that life is draining, it is hard, and there is no room to healthily view video game characters as any more than some code and 3d model that exist exclusively to make you feel something strong enough that you might want them with you forever, because that's the end goal, to make you feel that strongly, and if you wanna spend that hard earned money you make on putting the cool scars on your back, or the scars that make you feel so emotional that you cry on your back, do it. let the character whose made this rough existence a little easier or mean a little more do that for you, and if you wanna express it through a tattoo, do that, it's your body, your flesh.

i'm rambling on because i am so passionate in that life is too short to judge others via this. our lives are too hard already, life sucks enough as it is. the video game character doesn't give a shit if his scars are a tattoo because he's not real. who cares? why do you care? no, seriously, why do you care? does this help you? is it good for you? is judging someone else's decisions an act that brings you actual, real joy? is that how you want to spend your time? where you want to put your free thoughts? you don't know them, their reasoning, what they're going through, and it shouldn't matter. because their body has absolutely nothing to do with you, and i find it weird and uncomfortable that you cared enough about what someone else does with their body that you'd send me an anon about it.

i don't know whether you were looking for validation, or me to generally think about this critically, but i cannot encourage the mindset of caring about this more than "wow, i hope it looks good because that shit gonna be expeeeensive!!!" i cannot encourage sending people anon asks about it, it is strange to do that. this was strange! it was a strange experience and i don't like it. but i couldn't ignore it.

astarion might matter to you, personally, but he himself as a video game character, doesn't, because he isn't real, he has no feelings, he cannot be hurt or offended. but the person getting the tattoo? they're real. they're a real life person with feelings. they can be hurt, you can hurt them. you can judge them and bring them down and make them feel guilty for their choices. deciding whether you are the kind of person who'd do that to a living breathing person over a video game character is something you need to do. do you want to be that person? i know i certainly don't

[thynisia-pac-readings]

PAC - What brings joy to you? How to bring joy to yourself?

[please do not copy or reproduce any part of this reading, thank you]

This reading is meant to assist you in connecting with the vibration and experience of joy. While this is for guidance, it is also meant to be fun. These groups are collectives, so take what resonates only!

I'm happy you chose to read this pick-a-pile, and may it bring you closer to the light within you. 🌻

Now slowly take 3 deep breaths. Ask your guardian angel to help you find the relevant pile for you and let your intuition guide you throughout this reading. Enjoy!

---

Pile 1

Signs: pay attention to yourself. apple. justice served. I love you. India, US.

Pile 1!!!! Pile 1, pile 1, pile 1. As I shuffled the cards, I found myself singing. I can bet most of you find joy in singing freely, and even a card fell, backing this up.

I'm also getting that to find joy is to find bliss, and to find bliss is to find joy. That is what joy means to you, pile 1. For you, bliss can be found in your peace and quiet, it can be felt through the divine and experienced during meditations. Being by yourself and not talking, is healing for you. It also helps you to get in touch with yourself as well as your divine team. Again very healing, centering, and therefore it's easier for you to feel that bliss and joy.

Someone here could have a bird or parrot, I think your bird is funny AF and makes you laugh a lot.

Some of you may be close to a grandparent, and so the advice here is to spend time with them as it is a very good way for you to bring joy to yourself (and them!).

We've got the romance card so some of you may feel most joyful when you're in a relationship. But mostly, what I'm getting is that being there for people and supporting them is what brings you joy, always - whatever kind of relationship that is! I feel like you bring out the light within people, the angelic aspect they didn't know they had. That tells a lot about you too, pile 1.

Back to the singing, I also feel like it helps you release a ton of heavy stuff (feelings, painful memories...) that you don't want trapped in you or that you don't want to carry anymore. It also helps you to unleash your true self. There's definitely an element of transformational healing there with singing or songwriting, and the divine is strongly encouraging you to keep doing that.

Some of you could be singing with your own family members. For some, singing is a key characteristic of a side of your family since many generations! How cool is that!!

If you want to purchase a reading from me check my masterlist or go straight to my Etsy listings here. discount code: TUMBLR

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Pile 2

signs: having fun adventures, taking joy in learning, living freely and passionately (see moon & mars in Aries and Sagittarius). Brazil, India, NZ, South Pacific, UK. 44.

I saw deep blue as I was shuffling the cards (in my mind's eye), and sure enough most of the cards had a deep blue in them. I also sensed some sadness from this collective. This deep blue could mean something to you, or it could just represent this sadness of yours.

For this Pile, the divine is asking to bring forth your patience in things, as joy will definitely find you. It seems like you really struggle with it at the moment, so this reading is a welcome guidance for you and I am happy that you chose to read it. :)

For your collective, the divine seems to highlight the importance of patience and growth. They are asking you to cultivate yourself, cultivate discipline/persistence and cultivate patience as good things are headed your way while you practice this cultivation. You could find it useful to listen to monks' wisdom and how they cultivate themselves on patience, discipline, persistence, as well as how they face challenging experiences. Preferably, find books written by them on the subject, as they can freely explain everything. YouTube videos cut many parts out and are nowhere as comprehensive/rich as the monks' own books.

Finally, you are asked to trust yourself as you navigate through the difficult path you are walking on. It is not easy and sometimes you may feel like you are losing balance, but listen; even the whole universe is in a constant fight for balance. Complete balance between the light and the shadow does not exist and that's what makes the universe alive! You are the universe too, you are a spark of God/Creator, and hence it is perfectly normal for you, like all of us, to continually try to find a balance. It's all part of the experience, you beautiful wise soul. And what can be more amazing than knowing that we are alive, that we are all experiencing joys and pains, just like the universe is both made of light and dark..!!

If you want to purchase a reading from me check my masterlist or go straight to my Etsy listings here. discount code: TUMBLR

---

Pile 3

signs: someone is named Grace and it's for a reason - maybe your mother named like this on purpose, Pile 3 you could have a very gentle voice that soothes people, there's a lot of kindness in your voice as I have myself talking this way throughout your reading (yes I talk out loud during my readings). traveling could be a source of joy. US, Australia, UK.

A lot to unpack here (in a good way) but it's also pretty clear to me. It feels like you are Earth angels or Starseeds, I mean to everyone you're literally like a light sent on Earth. You yourself feel like you have a lot of love and care to give to people, so much so that you want to make of it your career. So take it as a sign if that's what you've been thinking about.

The divine are really highlighting that you have a strong connection to your intuition and that a major purpose of it is to be used in service to others. You are divinely guided, and you definitely have your own mission or purpose in this life on Earth, which is to assist and guide others towards their inner light, their inner spark of Creator/Source.

You may be hesitating at the moment but trust your intuition, you will find joy on the path that the divine accompanies you on. Worry not, whatever path you chooses, the divine will always support you. However this reading is about what brings you joy and how you can bring joy to you. ;)

Now that's out of the way, let me indulge in the feeling I got from you Pile 3! It's a secret shh, but you're my favourite pile of the 3! xD

I got this really sweet, caring and loving energy from your collective, it's beautiful! Your spark is really focused on assisting others, which makes me think you're more likely an angelic aspect than a starseed. You love others but you also let others love you - and by letting them love you, you are helping them to nurture and express these energies more! In other words, people feel safe to express these caring energies towards you as well.

In terms of vibration, love and joy are not so far off from each other and they are actually interconnected, aren't they? :)

So there you go Pile 3, keep true to yourself and your values, keep shining your light (love) inside out, keep hugging others within your angel wings ~

If you want to purchase a reading from me check my masterlist or go straight to my Etsy listings here. discount code: TUMBLR

---

Obviously, this type of reading is amazing to do because you're bathing in the energy you're reading about! Amazing. Again I hope you enjoyed. Let me know what piles you got and what your thoughts are~

Thynisia <3

This reading was done partly through cartomancy, divine channeling and my personally made paper note signs. I thank Source, Gaia, and all of our higher selves and guardian angels for supporting and blessing this reading. 🙏🏼

[ladyamaranta]

where the heck is Raphael

I assume we all agree that the narrative is strongly implying that Crowley was but a common angel (the 25 lazarii miracle, the high rank clearance, what he says to Gabriel about knowing how it feels, how he does not tell Aziraphale his name when they first meet during the galaxy creation scene, the fact he knows The Metatron -an angry and flame surrounded versione of The Metatron, Saraqael having worked side by side with him, and also maybe some too powerful miracles here and there like in S1 when he was able to froze time for himself, Aziraphale and Adam in a sort of Heavenly space in the middle of a Very Important Moment) ...so the point is which not common angel was he.

From my very personal point of view the main thing in favor of him being Lucifer is that I would love that sentence in S1 to be the opposite of what we thought it to be. I'm referrinf to: "I was just minding my business one day and then, oh lookie here, it's Lucifer and the guys"; the last part would therefore be not something Crowley said, but something that was addressed to him. Someone came there, took a look at him and went "ohh, it's Lucifer and the guys" and started to complaing about the food. I appreciate this kind of 'irrelevant subversion' of how you first pictured a told (and not yet shown) scene in your mind. Also it would be fun for Lucifer to be, in this universe, not the mind behind the rebellion but someone who was just minding his business and someone else saw as the right person to go to to give further resonance to some minor issues about the food.

But.

But from the same very personal point of view, I'd love for Crowley to be Raphael because I would love for the Great Raphael to be a fallen angel in this retelling of christian mythology. Lucifer is THE fallen angel, everyone knows he was the first to cast down the pearly gates; most christians associate him with Satan, call him the first sinner, consider him inherently baaad.

But Raphael? One of the greatest angels? One of the saints? To be one of the fallen?

Just. Lovely.

Also I recognize the story has an important hole here:

Where the heck is Raphael?

At least Lucifer was mentioned, also Hell has so far not had the same amount of screentime as Heaven has, so I don't see the absence of Lucifer (given that in this universe Satan≠Lucifer) as deliberate as the absense of Raphael.

Everyone is familiar with Gabriel, Michael and Raphael as they are familiar with Lucifer. Yet Raphael is never shown nor mentioned.

Everyone is familiar with Gabriel, Michael and Raphael, almost no one is familiar with Uriel and Saraqael and no one is familiar with hecking Sandalphon. Yet they chose not to use the famous trio Gabriel-Michael-Raphael to straightforward let the audience know 'this is Heaven's Small Council'. No, they get rid of Raphael like he was a barely known angel, like he was an angel no one knows the name of before reading about angeology, like he was a Sandalphon.

Listen, this is deliberate.

The absence of Raphael is deliberate.

And I would love for him to be the 'angel who fell because he was asking too many questions'.

I would love for him to be the powerful Supreme Archangel that was just minding his business when Lucifer and the boys reached out to.

May I add.

...even if Crowley is not Raphael, I'm sure Raphael would pop up somewhere else, because the narrative has strongly pointed in the direction of a fallen Great One.

I refuse to believe The Metraton said

"For one Prince of Heaven to be cast into the outer darkness makes a good story. For it to happen twice makes it look like there is some sort of institutional problem." about some hecking Sandalphon.

--

Little addition because I have never seen this Very Valid Point mentioned:

Crowley gives away a lot of younger sibling energy when interacting with Gabriel and Middle Child Michael 😌

[gffa]

Anakin Skywalker, questions 4 and 6

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in? Listen, I would put my babygirl in everything if I could. To be fair, he's kinda been in everything, movies, TV shows, books, games, comics, etc., you name it, Anakin Skywalker has barged his way into it. But I still want more of him. We all like to joke, "Anakin, you can't have a TV series of your own, the ENTIRE MOVIE SAGA IS ABOUT YOU." but I also genuinely would like a full TV series about Anakin. It's hard to find a point in his life that hasn't been covered, but I would love an animated mini-series covering his time as a Padawan I would love a live action series about Vader during the time of the Empire, just fully explore him at his worst and make me feel bad for the genocidal fascist asshole monster who is a "pathetic old man" underneath it all I would hand Lucasfilm fistfuls of cash for Hayden and Ewan to have a holiday special where they're Force Ghosts together and MST3K'ing the events of The Mandalorian and Ahsoka. I just want more of my babygirl however I can get it! 6. What's something you have in common with this character? Ego in the stratosphere, self-esteem in the toilet. Okay, I exaggerate a little, Anakin's not that egotistical, but he does tend to think he can pull off a lot of shit (and he's often very correct that he can) and I see him as someone who struggles with strongly believing he's good at stuff while also having the crippling self-doubt that comes with being terrified to do a lot of deep-diving into your own soul because it's scary in there and you're afraid of what you'll find, that you won't like who you are. It's taken me a long time to get past that, I've had to work so hard to believe my friends and family when they tell me that they love me and genuinely want me to be around, that I'm not just a burden to them, even when they have been nothing but supportive--I still struggle with it sometimes. I struggle with telling people what's really going on with me because I know the answers they're going to tell me and that they're right, but I don't want to do them, because it's hard and scary and uncomfortable. In part, this is why I get on Anakin's case so much (also, you know, the baby murder hits a very personal place for me), because I'm yelling at him for something that is striking a very, very resonant chord within myself, too.

[soaringwide]

Pick a Card readings - how I views them as a reader & the different perceptive skills used

So I wanted to talk a bit about my vision of the use of pick a card readings. I'm someone who makes them but I also consume them as a viewer. I wanted to combine both in a post but it's too damn long so this will be divided in two parts. Part 1, reader; Part 2, consumer.

Part 01 - From a reader's point of view

It's definitely quite interesting to work on because you start with *zero* context and preconception about the person, since you don't know who it is meant for precisely. So your interpretation of the cards and intuition are not short-circuited by your preconceptions about either what you know of the person, or the context they gave you.

This allows me to let myself go fully into creating a story in my head from what I see in the cards. I found myself being much more relaxed when doing these readings, because I'm not scared about being wrong about a person's life since I imagine that someone somewhere will find it resonates. I can even include multiple ''streams'' in my reading since, again, it's meant for different people. For example I might interpret a struggle in two different ways and include both in the readings, if both feel relevant. That doesn't mean I say whatever comes out of my head, I still need to chose what aspect of the card resonates and creates a coherent narrative with the other cards, but it clears the way for intuition to flow more freely.

What I discovered is that it is a good exercise to strengthen my intuition and allows me to feel more at ease with it because I don't try to hold it back so much.

It's also quite fascinating because it allows me to feel different types of energy quite strongly in a short time span.

For example, the feel of the energy (or vibe or whatever you want to call it) is not the same at all if I get a very spiritual pile vs one that talks about a love situation. The first one, I once remember feeling the weight of the message I was relaying, perhaps due to the spirits that came to answer the question, or perhaps due to the nature of the query. It was also a reading that left me quite tired and I had to take a nap after it because it was just sooo much (not negatively, just a lot). Whereas a love situation will feel more lighthearted or even bubbly at times and put me in a goofy mood.

But you also get different feelings even on the same topic. Like the vibe of Pile 1 vs Pile 2 can feel drastically different, without even having to look at the cards.

I find that both fascinating intellectually and to be a great exercise in shaping my psychic skills and reading accuracy. It's quite hard to put into words and I still have a lot to learn about that, but I can definitely tell the difference.

However, there's definitely a case here of two different types of perception in use, which I'm going to attempt to describe.

Broad Perception

One is what I call ''broad perception''. As the name suggest, this type of perceptive skill allows you to cast a broad net and gather information widely, without getting too much into individual details.

It's a way to be able to get messages from multiple sources at once, creating a big landscape that is quite blurry and lacks details.

It's very useful when you are doing pick a card readings when you can't focus on one single person or situation without making the message irrelevant for everyone else.

Precise Perception

The other is what I call ''precise perception'' and well I imagine you get the gist but it's when you're trying to gather details and really dive deep into a problem or situation.

It's great in personal readings, but even in pick a cards, it's useful when you need to give someone a confirmation that the reading is indeed for them, because it allows you to pick up details that they will recognize and allow them to be open to the message you're trying to relay.

Which one is best?

Most people rely more on one than the other, but, really, you need both.

If you're too broad, you never give enough details to the querent and you risk being too general. The reading might still resonates but you're missing the opportunity to pull out specific information.

If you're too precise, then you run the risk of missing out on the bigger picture and focusing too much on a tiny aspect of the problem without seeing how it relates to the rest.

So both should be used if you want to be efficient, which is a long ass process and requires a lot of time and effort, and is the reason why I like doing both pick a card and personal readings, either for people I know or randos on the internet.

But yeah to get back to pick a cards, I think it's a great way to strengthen your broad perception, while learning to be mindful of your use of the precise perception, because, again, you don't want to be too focused on one person but also still be giving enough confirmation details.

Part 2

[various-things]

rambling about my feelings and Past Tense and Julian and covid and other 2024 problems

Adding a cut since this is a long post.

I have a lot of grief and disappointment about covid stuff I haven't fully found my way out of. Maybe I never will, and that is what it is. You love the world and the world breaks your heart and you love the world. There's probably some wonderful quote about that I can't remember right now. But, this moment from Julian in the first part of Past Tense was something that resonated really strongly for me for a while when it came to my struggles (that haven't ceased to exist, but the pain is a lot quieter these days) with people (especially friends and those I knew directly) not masking in shared public indoor spaces:

SISKO: It's not that they don't give a damn, Doctor. It's that they've given up. The social problems they face seem too enormous to deal with. BASHIR: That only makes things worse. Causing people to suffer because you hate them is terrible, but causing people to suffer because you have forgotten how to care? That's really hard to understand. I have my own little desperately-clung-to headcanon that Julian, who I relate to and admire so much, would share these feelings. That he'd still put on a mask in our 2024 when running an errand and definitely in a medical facility. That he wouldn't accept the vulnerable falling "by the wayside" as an acceptable cost of forgoing that practice.

Masks work. Cleaning the air works (it's why risk is so much lower outdoors if not in a crowd). We could have had something so different than our current circumstances in the US where we insufficiently track infections, where vaccines (which do not stop covid transmission but remain incredibly important) are becoming inaccessible to so many. 1 in 10 infections (a fairly conservative commonly used stat) results in long covid and access to effective treatment is a huge issue. We don't have access to up-to-date at home tests and our current generation of RATS suck at giving us accurate negative results. Even as so many of covid's dangers sicken and disable, it remains a leading cause of death. And I know that so many people do not know these things. That they have been under-served and lied to by the institutions that should (sigh, "should") offer accurate science, and affordable (or free) resources to stay safe with—but don't. Even people who do know these things often have to face isolation, or ostracism, or worse if they try to hold out on some of their precautions.

It could all be better. The exchange between Sisko and Julian at the end of Past Tense's second part made me reflect the other day—maybe I saw it in a gifset? Julian says:

BASHIR: You know, Commander, having seen a little of the twenty first century there is one thing I don't understand. How could they have let things get so bad? The Past Tense two-parter focuses on issues of (I don't think I can do a good job of summarizing this but) failed and oppressive systems, houselessness, classism, societal collapse. It reflects so many of our current problems. "How could they have let things get so bad?"—"they" meant generally, I think. But they didn't. We didn't. This fucked up situation we're in is a product of choices from very rich and very powerful people. I know that's an obvious statement. I know! But it's a true one. I don't have any polished conclusion to this. We can do what we can. We can try to build community. We can use every tool we have available to us and that also involves contacting our representatives and shit even when they ignore us. It's very, very, important that we look to our local communities and see where we can help. If we all put some time, which will look different for everyone, into helping each other locally that would, has, will change so much. We don't have to do that alone. Help can look like so many things, our needs and skills have so much important variety. This isn't a conclusion but it's the end of the post. Transcripts taken (and cut down in places) from http://www.chakoteya.net

[sehtoast]

To Be Liked (Homelander x OC)

1.5k | Sad themes, Homie gives a cheer-up talk, pre-relationship, some pining | Part one of hopefully many of random Benlander drabbles | Fic Directory

Something about him was off.

All day long, something wasn’t right. It bothered Homelander endlessly.

What was with that look in his eyes? Why did those smiles look so… fake?

He’d been so excited to head out with Benjamin for the night. Wrap up his stupid fucking duties and spend time with the new-recruit-turned-friend. He loved this. More than anything in the world, he loved zipping around the city with Ben.

He could be himself.

Maybe…

Maybe that was the problem. Had he been too much of himself? Maybe Ben decided he didn’t like the authentic Homelander. Maybe he spilled too many personal details and put him off.

It made Homelander’s gut sour– made his mouth go dry.

There were a lot of… feelings for his one. More than anyone Homelander had ever considered pursuing in the past.

Had he fucked it all up already?

Every little paranoid thought in his mind pointed to it being all his fault, leaving him agitated and irritable as they made their rounds– eventually settling on top of the Queensboro Bridge rather than their usual spot. They watched the sun dip down below the horizon, painting them both an ethereal gold. He filled the silence, but Ben…

Ben only gave short answers, nods of his head while he stared off into the distance as though he were somewhere else entirely.

Homelander didn’t know if he was furious or just fucking crushed.

“What the fuck is your deal?” He asks, words spilling out far more accusatory than he meant. “Someone piss in your breakfast or what?”

Ben cracked a weak smile, shrugging.

Homelander waited, finally moving to take off once Ben left his question unanswered. A strong grip caught him by the wrist, silently asking him to stay.

So he did. Arched an inquisitive brow, staring Ben down all the while. The bug didn’t release him– just sat there looking down at the passing cars with sad eyes.

Obviously he wants Homelander around but…

“I’m not…” Ben began, giving his hand a fluttery shake as if to explain his state of being in an act. “But I’m not good at talking about things.”

About things? Homelander thought to himself. That didn’t seem right– Ben was always quick to respond in their conversations. Always something sweet or witty, an anecdote here or a joke there.

Lost in thought, Homelander hadn’t realized a salty scent began to waft through the air until it hit his nose in a breeze. Was he–

Yeah… He is.

He peeks back just in time to catch Ben wiping his eyes furiously with the back of his hand. Homelander’s quick to free his arm and lay it over the bug’s shoulders, but he’s not sure what to do. Yeah, he knows how to comfort crying victims and sobbing children who don’t want him to fly away, but this?

It’s harder to comfort someone when they actually matter.

“Try me,” Homelander whispers.

“Does it ever…” Ben began, trailing off when his voice grew tight. “D’you ever just feel really… really alone?”

He watches Ben with baited breath, almost afraid to move. Of course I do, he wanted to say. Before he can reply, Benjamin speaks again.

“It’s like…” Ben gives a look of frustration, fingers flexing back and forth as he tries to convey something seemingly impossible. Like he’s trying to dig the words from the bedrock of his heart. “There’s so many people, but none of them…”

He gestures with his hands again, and somehow it makes sense.

“Did you ever watch that stupid show with the cartoon horse?” Ben asks with a sniffle. “S’fine if you didn’t– just, it’s got this line in it, y’know?”

Homelander curls his arm tighter when Benjamin swipes at more tears.

“Everybody loves you, but nobody likes you…”

A trillion pound weight forms in Homelander’s chest at just how strongly those words resonate.

“And I– like, I’ve got friends… family– sort of, y’know?” Ben continues, words hurried, voice tight. “But I’m always convinced they don’t.”

But I do…

“And it’s stupid,” Ben continues. “E-Everything about it is so fucking stupid! I’m supposed to be happy– I’m the happy guy who’s never–” He shakes his head and heaves a shuddering sigh. “M’always so outta place… And now I’m making you be m-my fuckin’ therapist…”

After a beat of silence, and another of Ben’s unnecessary apologies, Homelander speaks up.

“I like you.” He says. His voice comes out timid, and he’s not sure why. It’s like all the confidence and bravado of his usual self has been snuffed.

Like he’s staring at a mirror image of his own insecurities in the form of someone he adores.

“That’s–”

“I do,” he continues before Ben can go on. “I like you a lot.” He doesn’t know what words are coming before they fall off his tongue. “I’ve never met anyone like you before.”

Ben looks at him with teary eyes, and he has to swallow around a thick wave of emotion before he can continue.

“You’re sweet, Ben. You’re so fuckin’ nice, you make me wanna puke sometimes. Y-You help old ladies cross the street and tie up criminals I’d have rather lasered than let have another chance!”

“That’s Spider-Man, not–”

“Shut. Up.” He demands in a tone wholly unlike himself. “You– I watched you, before all this. To figure you out.” He was digging himself into a fucking crater sized hole by confessing this, but it was too late to go back. “I’ve seen you. How you always tip those useless fuckin’ cashiers even though they only pressed a button. Rushing over to wipe some old bat’s seat and table when she spilled her drink– and it’s not even your problem. Carrying cases of paper at your old job so the others didn’t have to, even when that mouth breather of a boss pretended to never see you go the extra mile!”

Homelander gripped Ben by the shoulders.

“I’ve seen how all those fuckin’ bozos smile at you when you walk away. Watched your friends practically fucking skip down a block after your little coffee hangouts or whatever, absolutely reeking of dopamine.”

He gives Ben a small shake, more so for himself as motivation to just say it.

“And I know how I feel about you.” The words weigh heavy in his throat, but every second that he stares into those sad, dark chocolate eyes pulls them free as though they were naught but strings. “I know how excited I am to see you after I finish all the show pony bullshit they make me do. Every text that isn’t from you is a– it’s a fucking disappointment! I don’t know how these fuckin’ phones work, but I wish I could have a special sound that means it’s from you.”

He hates the sob that chokes from his little spider, but he knows it’s the right kind when it comes with a smile. Somehow he’s doing this right.

“I spend all day thinkin’ about where we can fly off to! If we’re gonna sit at one of our spots or watch a movie at your place– if we’re…”

Ben lurches forward, throwing his arms around Homelander’s neck. The bug cries softly in the crook of his neck.

Homelander doesn’t know what that was. How he, for seemingly the first time in his life, pulled from nothing but the heart. No performing, no falsehoods, no bullshit.

He meant it.

All of it.

”I like you, Ben.” He reaffirms, rubbing a soothing hand between his little spider’s shoulders. “You can take that one to the bank.”

He waits, and waits, and waits, until he’s positive Ben fell asleep on him. So, he does what any superhero would do and flies him home– having his own little inner turmoil about how fucking honest the boy always makes him.

Homelander gets as far as depositing Ben onto the bed, but no further.

“Don’t go…” whispers a pitiful, sniveling little voice.

His heart hammers. For so long now, he truly has been enamored with the bug. Fascination at first, but now..?

So much more.

“Please…”

So he stayed. Let Ben snuggle up beside him, first just clinging to his arm in some silly desire to not push boundaries. That goofy position lasted only moments before Homelander offered him to rest on his chest.

“I’m a cozy guy,” he whispers. “I won’t bite.”

Just as he thought Benjamin was finally asleep, he heard a whisper.

“Hey, Johnny?”

He was the only soul on the planet who could call him that, let alone make it warm his heart.

“I like you, too.” Ben yawned. “You make things good.”

“Hmm,” he hummed teasingly. “I gave you such a big list earlier, and all I get is that I make things good?”

Ben nodded against him, clearly on the brink of falling asleep.

“Love havin’ you n’my life…”

With that, Ben was out like a light, leaving Homelander to let his own little tears finally leak free.

You make things good.

What a wonderful web he’s found himself tangled in.

[zeldaelmo]

Director’s commentary on Somebody That I Used to Know!! If you need/ want a specific chapter - rituals.

Ah, B, thank you! This story experienced a revival in the last few weeks because a friend was inspired by it and now toys with writing a sequel to it which makes me very happy.

A common trope in OoT fics is Link leaving for searching Navi and coming back in the middle of a ball several years later to sweep the ever waiting Zelda of her feet. It makes for a cute little scene, but after reading a couple of interpretations of it, my mind went down the 'and what if he doesn't?' road.

So I started thinking about Zelda waiting for him to fulfill his promise of coming back and he just... doesn't. What would she do after five years, after ten years, after thirty years? A why wouldn't he keep a promise? What would make him break it?

When I had the idea, I didn't plan doing anything with it anytime soon. I have quite some fic ideas like this: some hastily notes thrown together and saved on my discord server, waiting for the right moment to come. And then, @zelinkcommunity published the prompts for zelink week 2022 and the story fit so perfectly, that I dropped everything and started writing.

I usually write lighthearted stories. They have some angst to keep the plot going, yes, but overall they don't cut too deep. That's mostly because fandom is escapism for me and I want to have fun. This one is different and it was interesting to explore what I'm capable of in the right setting.

I wanted to show how having lived through half of their lives already affected Link and Zelda after all the trauma they went through. We see a lot of exploring the immediate effects of the games in fan fiction, but stories about how they affect the big and smaller life decisions are rare. And that's where the fun for me began: To work out how complicated life is. To show there's no easy answer to why Link didn't come back. To highlight that Zelda was a terrible queen because she projected her anxiety on her reign.

The story only gets Kudos every few weeks, because it's probably nothing most people in fandom search out nowadays, but if I have a super long comment in my inbox, it's usually for this one. Maybe it's the mature approach to OoT's tragedy or the respect for complicated characters and feelings, but something about the story resonates strongly with the people who read it. And I'm very happy and thankful about that.

My favorite scene from 'Rituals' is this here:

He fell silent, digging the tip of his boot into the hard soil around the fire. It took an eternity for him to look up again and when he did, his gaze was cold. It was the first time that she thought the missing eye made his face a tad harsh. 

"So instead of a hard-earned happy ending for us, you managed to create a version where I'm gone, one where I end up here, and one where I'm killed. Eh, good work, I'd say." 

Zelda drew a shaky breath. "Would you even have wanted a happy ending for us?" The words toppled from her mouth before she could quell the bitterness in them.

His gaze snapped away. 

"I didn't know that I would create different realities, Link," she continued, her voice now purposely soft. "We thought it was safe. I just… it wasn't your fault that you got dragged into all this and I wanted to give you the chance to live a normal life."

"I'm an orphan raised by a tree, Zelda. I never had the chance for a normal life." When she shifted on her seat, he buried his hands in his hair. "Sorry. I know you meant well. It's not that you choose to be part of all this either. It's just… this one moment was maybe the only one where we had a choice. And you made it for me."

Zelda couldn't tear her gaze from the way his hands dropped listlessly back into his lap. How had she never considered this? All he had wanted was to choose his own future.

"I'm sorry," she pressed out, and it didn't matter if she stole this choice from him or the other Zelda. 

His hand darted to hers, squeezed, and was gone again. "It is what it is."

[drill-teeth-art]

i'm sure you've gotten this already, but i wanted to reach out and say your Good Bi Gender comic REALLY resonated with me. i identify as nonbinary but so often i get called transmasc or assumed i want masculinity Only when that's not how i feel at all. i LIKE femininity, i like being feminine and everything that comes with it; i call myself a sister and a daughter and i identify a lot with women's issues and struggles in society!

but im not a woman. i don;t think I've ever felt like one and i haven't been one for the last four years. i don't want to remove any parts of my body and while it would be cool to have more stereotypically masculine aspects (idk facial hair and wider shoulders maybe) I'm also ok as i am.

it's upsetting that there is such a binary view, that even other trans people decide we can only be one. i don't want to be one, i want both, and i want the beautiful things they can both make, i want to be so much because i AM so much and i just.

idk this probably doesn't make a lot of sense and hgfjdksl sorry for pouring into your inbox; i really wanted to say thank you. your comic was for you and your experiences but reading it made me feel seen and heard in a way no one has made me feel before. you verbalised something i have had so much trouble expressing and while our experiences are not the same, i deeply resonate with what you expressed in a way that touched me very very strongly.

i hope someday you are allowed both your femininity and your masculinity at the same time. i hope someday you can be wholly happy <3

No I get you it makes a TON of sense to me. The frustration of talking to people (even a lot of other trans people I’ve met) who only seem to understand gender in terms of the binary is so much. And it’s like. Our identities and experiences differ for sure, but the frustration of having to explain to others over and over that your gender doesn’t fit the binary and you don’t want it to is very real and exhausting and heartbreaking. Because like. Having to make your gender “palatable” to people who only understand the binary is something no one should have to do but the pressure to do it is real and intense. The amount of “I didn’t know anyone else felt this way” just in the comments and tags on my comic really is like. A testament of how shut out of the gender conversation identities that actively do and strive to defy the binary are.

Like. In my own case. I shouldn’t have to get rid of my boobs to be considered a man. I shouldn’t have to hide my femininity to be taken seriously as a trans person. Neither my manhood or womanhood should have to die for the other. They’re not even opposites. In fact. If I can put it abstractly. My manhood and womanhood have plenty of overlap in presentation and are very much in love. And the binary is hell bent on forcing even trans people to choose a binary box to fit neatly in. And that’s screwed up.

I hope this world finds kindness in it for you as well and that whatever gender presentation and balance is right for you is respected. Thank you for the kind words and reaching out.