#it was just stress. i am extremely grateful for the grace of it all thank you for being my friends

[hangovercurse]

Blind Date

After being single for three months, your friends decide to set you and Colson up on a blind date.

Request: Hey!! Could you do one about the reader and Colson meeting by a blind date? Let your creativity go wild ❤️

Colson x Reader

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: This is a little bit different from how I normally write, so let’s see how this goes.

Word Count: 1916

It’s funny how the universe makes things happen. While some people are having their first kiss, others are taking their last breath. Every moment in time is so intricately woven together, it sometimes seems ironic how things happen.

Like tonight, on two sides of California, two very different people were having the same conversation.

“I’m not sure about this.”

“What if she thinks my tattoos are too much?”

“What if he thinks I’m too weird?”

“What if she hates music?”

“What if he hates art?”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

“I don’t think I can do this.”

Your best friend stared at you from your bed as you paced around the room. “Y/N, you’re going to be fine. You said it yourself, you need to get back out there. Baze says he’s a good guy, and I trust Baze.”

Baze was in a similar situation, laying on the couch as Colson paced around the house. “Colson, dude. It’s gonna be good, she’s gonna like you.”

“I don’t know why I’m so nervous. It’s not like I’ve never been on a first fuckin date before. I used to do this shit every night.” He sighed, sitting down.

You let out a frustrated groan, “I know. I just feel like after everything in the past few years I feel like I’ve forgotten how to do first dates.”

“You’re gonna be great, just be yourself. And remember, it’s a blind date, so if you guys don’t hit it off or something goes horribly wrong, you never have to see him again.” She smiled as you threw her a playful glare.

“Colson, I love you man, but you have to do this. I don’t think you’ve even looked at a woman who isn’t Ashleigh in like three months.”

The light-haired man sent his friend a glare, “I’m sorry that I was recovering from the worst heartbreak of my life.”

You finally sat down, pulling on your shoes. “Maybe it’s too soon. Maybe I’m not as ready as I thought I was.”

Your friend sighed, sitting up and placing her arms around your shoulders, “It’s been three months since you and T broke up. You grieved, and now you need to move on. You deserve this.”

“Dude, you said you were over her. You are over her. Now you get to find someone else and try to be happy. You deserve this.”

“Maybe don’t bring up your disastrous ex, Y/N.”

“But please, for the love of god, bro, don’t bring up Megan.”

 You entered the small, classy restaurant, your hands shaking slightly. The entire place was dimly lit, with candles scattered around any surface available. You walked to the hostess stand, “Baker for two.” You told her, a small smile gracing your features.

She nodded, leading you through the floor. “He got here not 30 seconds before you did.” She laughed and you blushed a little bit.

You were grateful he wasn’t late, but you were also grateful he wasn’t extremely early , or else you would have felt awful for making him wait.

You were finally brought to a small table in the back of the restaurant to find one of the prettiest men you have ever laid your eyes on. When his eyes met yours, he stood up immediately, a smile on his face. “Y/N?” He asked.

“Colson.” You responded. He pulled your chair out for you, and you felt heat rushing to your cheeks at the kind gesture. None of the guys you had ever dated pulled your chair out for you, especially not your most recent ex.

“Baze told me you were pretty but this is…” He trailed off, seeming a bit lost for words. “You are absolutely gorgeous.”

He was good at this, good at making you nervous, making you blush like a teenager. “Thank you.” You whispered, “I think you are one of the prettiest people I have ever met.” You returned his compliment with one of your own.

The redness in his cheeks made you smile, a bit of pride rising in your chest. “Baze truthfully didn’t tell me much about you.” He started, “so, what do you do?” He was kicking himself for the lame question, but his mind was half occupied with the color of your eyes and he couldn’t form a coherent thought.

“I’m an artist.” You probably didn’t realize it, but Colson could see the slightest bit of a light in your eyes as you spoke about your passion. “I do graphic designing for websites, making logos and designs and such. That’s my day job, at least. I do some painting and sketching on the side, though. Eventually I’d like to be able to make that my whole job, but it is a hard industry.”

Colson nodded in understanding, his eyes holding the same weight as yours when you spoke of your flailing dreams. You wondered how he knew exactly what you were talking about.

Seemingly reading your mind, he answered. “I get that so much. I’m a musician, so I’ve been there. Luckily, I did make it my full-time job, but I remember before I made it, all the stress and struggles. It gets better.”

You smiled, “easy for you to say, aren’t you like, a big Rockstar?”

He chuckled, looking down, “yeah, sort of. But I wasn’t, you know? Like before all this I was dirt poor and the picture of a starving artist. I mean I’m still not like, winning Grammys or shit now, but I’m not there anymore either.”

You nodded, studying him. “I was lucky, I had support through art school and got a job as soon as I graduated. I’ve never had to struggle in that sense. I don’t think I’d be happy staying where I’m at for the rest of my life, but I am definitely in a stable place right now.”

He seemed so interested in what you were saying. Soon the conversation moved into the type of music he made, and then to your art styles. You flowed together easily, never becoming awkward or uncomfortable. As the night went on, your nerves fell away, as did his.

You were talking about your favorite movies when your food arrived, but even then, your conversation continued. At one point, he paused mid-second. “You’ve got something, “ he pointed to his face. “Fuck it, this is gonna be so cheesy.” He grabbed his napkin and wiped the bit of sauce you had on your cheek off.

You blushed in embarrassment, “thanks.” He was right, the moment was very cheesy. His hand pulled away slowly, lingering near your skin a bit longer than necessary. You didn’t mind though.

As much as you hated to admit it, especially since you had only known him for one night, you could be really into him. And that scared the fuck out of you.

Colson was, too, scared shitless. Why the fuck was his heart fluttering every time you giggled. He’d just met you. But already he could tell you were something special.

 He paid for dinner, like a gentleman, even though you protested. “It’s our first date, I am paying.”

You liked the way that he said, “first date,” implying there may be more. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to pay next time.” You said, smugly.

His eyebrow raised in question, a small smirk on his face. “We’ll see about that. I might just give them my card ahead of time.”

“Then I’ll just have to get there before you.”

You two laughed at your small competition as he led you to the parking lot, his hand in yours. “Did you drive?” He asked and you shook your head no.

“I called an uber. Speaking of…” You reached for your phone before he stopped you.

“Let me drive you home. If that’s okay?”

You let him lead you to his car, hand still tightly in his. He pulled the door open for you, guiding you in. Everything with him seemed like a new experience, his gentleman gestures catching you off guard.

“You should play me some of your music.” You told him when he got in. He smiled at that, pulling his phone out and opening his library.

“I don’t know if you’ll like the type of music I make.” He blushed, scrolling through to find a song he thought you might like.

You rolled your eyes, “well I like you so I think, by proxy, I’ll like your music.”

He bit his lip to hide the way his face lit up at your subtle confession. “Just don’t say that I didn’t warn you.”

You heard a somewhat familiar rhythm, something you had probably heard on the radio. “Wait, this is you? I swear I’ve heard this before.”

He smiled, glancing over at you before turning his attention back to the road. “Yeah, me and my friend Matt dropped this right before my last album release.”

You let the music play, listening to his voice as he sang. “You know, this somehow sounds exactly like you and nothing like you at the same time. Like if you hadn’t told me I don’t think I would’ve known this was you. But I do know so I can hear it.”

He chuckled but didn’t say anything, occasionally looking at you as you nodded your head to the music. A few more of his songs played from Tickets to My Downfall and you seemed to enjoy it. “You’re really good.” You commented. Your voice was truthful, you weren’t trying to flatter him, you were just saying what you thought. Your words were genuine.

He didn’t know why but hearing that from you meant so much more to him than he expected it to. He finally parked in front of your house, getting out and opening your door for you. Like a true gentleman, he walked you to your door, pausing before you unlocked it.

You turned to face him, looking up into his bright eyes. “I had a really good time tonight.” He said softly. “Probably the best night I’ve had in a while, honestly.”

You smiled widely, “I did too, Colson.” You grabbed his hands in yours, swinging them slightly. “I’m really glad we did this.”

He nodded, leaning closer to you, “would you, maybe, wanna do this again?” He asked, his voice falling closer to a whisper.

“I was hoping I had made that obvious when I said I’d pay next time.” You giggled, leaning up closer to him.

He rolled his eyes playfully, “just wanna make sure you didn’t change your mind.”

“Trust me, I didn’t.” You whispered, before leaning up and connecting your lips with his.

The kiss was short and sweet, but it seemed like everything you had ever wanted. When your lips left his, you both stayed very close to each other, hands still clasped. His face was still only inches from yours, eyes studying your every feature.

Eventually he let out a small sigh and leaned back up. “Well, uh, goodnight, Y/N.” He smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck as he took steps backwards towards his car. You smiled at him, waving a small goodbye before turning to unlock your door.

Your hand touched the handle before you turned around, finding Colson in the same situation at his car door, still looking at you. “Do you maybe wanna… come in?” You asked, biting your lip. His face lit up, a smirk highlighting his features.

“I would love that.”

[mythicamagic]

Unorthodox: a Sesskag oneshot

Summary: Kagome is pleasantly surprised to receive a present from Sesshoumaru for White Day... until she glimpses the contents inside her gift box.

AN: Written for the Sesskag 2021 Big Bang event on tumblr! @chierafied​ 

I was paired with @milomai-art​ and here’s their lovely artwork: https://milomai-art.tumblr.com/post/648766972634513408/unorthodox-mythicamagic-inuyasha-a-feudal

Rated K+

Words: 3,000

You can read it on Ao3, Dokuga or fanfiction.net. 

Unorthodox

Valentine's day had come and gone, with a notable difference this year for Kagome compared with the last lonely three;

Her return to the Sengoku Jidai.

To celebrate reuniting with her beloved friends, she'd gone all out. Everyone received gifts, right down to Myoga and Jaken; no one had been excluded.

For all her efforts, however, she expected nothing in return. Though she'd explained the concept to the Inutachi, Sango and Miroku were much too busy looking after their children to keep track of dates, Shippo was often away at Kitsune school and Inuyasha had been absent as of late. Besides that, since their relationship had ended, the subject of Valentine's had become an awkward one. She'd had to stress the platonic intent behind her gift to him.

Therefore, Kagome had pretty much forgotten all about White Day by the time it rolled around.

Exiting Kaede's hut with a tub of water in her arms, intending to give the old miko's horse a good scrub down, she dug in her heels the second exquisite silks, armour and a fur pelt registered- having blinked into existence before her. Kagome gaped, swaying. Water sloshed, some spilling to their feet.

"Uh hi," looking up at grave, handsome features, she arched a brow. Sesshoumaru stared at her fervently. "Nice to see you, Sesshoumaru," adjusting her grip, Kagome sidestepped him and flashed a warm smile, used to his minimalistic approach to conversation by now. "Do you need something? Inuyasha isn't here. I think he's helping the next village over repair a-"

"I am not here for him."

Kagome noted his succinct tone, sounding more defensive than usual. Setting down the wooden tub carefully, she straightened, tilting her head. "Then what are you here for?"

"White Day."

"White... ah!" Kagome gasped, "that's right! How did you know about that?" she blinked, noticing he looked extra grumpy today. His jaw ticked, golden eyes narrow. Slowly, the miko brightened. "No way. Did you... get me something?" she breathed, strangely touched.

Of all people, Sesshoumaru had remembered? Was she dreaming?

A hand thrust out stiffly towards her, balancing a small box upon his palm.

Accepting it with thanks, heat touched her cheeks. Weird. She really shouldn't be indulging this- or feeling kind of happy. It didn't mean anything to be pleased, right? Was she even allowed to feel warm and fuzzy towards her ex's brother?

Opening the lid, Kagome tried to squash her excitement- peering down. Slowly, she reached in, retrieving a silky soft thing.

It appeared to be made of something long, silver and fine, the material woven into a pretty design. A bracelet of silk, if she could hazard a guess.

"Um, thank you," Kagome raised her gaze. "What's it made of, out of curiosity? It's very soft."

Sesshoumaru appeared pleased, preening a little. "Only the finest material."

"Really?" she stroked it. "I hope you didn't go to any trouble on my account."

He scoffed, midsummer gaze smiling slightly as his tone became haughty and prideful, "it was no trouble to use this one's own hair."

Kagome dropped the bracelet back into the box. "Whut?"

Lithe fingers combed indulgently into his fall of lustrous silver hair, "you need not be alarmed. The strands grew back quickly."

That isn't what's alarming me, Kagome silently screamed. Now that she was paying attention though, the pale bracelet really did resemble the demon lord's long flowing locks.

Her hand recoiled a little from the box. "W-well, um... thank you very much," Kagome said thinly. "It's a very thoughtful gift. Truly."

Sesshoumaru's keen, piercing eyes roved over her strained features, voice deepening. "If you do not wish to accept it-"

"N-no, I do! I'll wear it right now!" Kagome grabbed it madly, fiddling with the thing while repressing a shudder. She tried and failed to secure the clasp, stiffening when large hands closed over her hand.

The demon lord leaned forward- that same hair currently being secured around her wrist falling free from behind a pointed ear. Silver strands draped down like a gossamer curtain, tickling her flushed, sensitive skin.

Sesshoumaru tilted his head up, expression unreadable.

Shifting her wrist, Kagome observed the threads of hair wrapped around it. His bracelet felt odd, the concept totally foreign. However, she could feel how much the gesture meant to him. She didn't fear offending him because of his dark temper- more because she cared about his feelings and wanted to nurture any hint of a bond between them.

"Thank you," Kagome said. "No one else brought me anything today, so I'm...I'm grateful."

Even if it was the weirdest thing she'd ever received. A bracelet made of hair wasn't exactly traditional.

Straightening, Sesshoumaru's lips thinned as his eyes flickered with confusion.

Kagome blinked, wondering what else he'd envisioned her saying.

"Hn," inclining his head regally, he pivoted sharply and began stalking away quickly, giving a swift kill to the conversation.

---

Without a frame of reference for how long he desired her to wear it, Kagome tugged her sleeve down to hide the bracelet from curious eyes during the next few days. She tried to ignore the sensation of hair continually brushing her skin.

"I wonder if it means something important," Kagome examined it while sprawled out upon a grassy hill, taking a break from her miko duties Kaede had started dishing out ever since her return.

Sesshoumaru had seemed extremely serious while giving it to her. Then again, the gift could've meant nothing. Maybe his hair was just THAT valuable in the Daiyoukai's opinion. She snorted, twisting her wrist and watching silver threads catch on sunlight, making it shine white. "His ego is big enough. I'd believe it. Heh, maybe he'd also give me one of his eyelashes, or a fingernail or..."

Why was Sesshoumaru heading towards her?

Sitting up and fussing absentmindedly with her hair- removing a few stray leaves- Kagome felt heat flood her face.

Okay, no- she shook herself, putting a firm lid over the butterflies taking flight in her stomach. Too strange. Enough of that.

The Daiyoukai stopped a few feet away, expression detached. Kagome knew by now to ignore it in favour of looking into his eyes. They were intent and unblinking today, hinting at his seriousness.

"Hi," she said, patting a spot next to her. "It's rare for you to visit the village again during the same week. What's up?"

Sesshoumaru cocked his head to the side at her odd term. Kagome bit her lip, finding it endearing. Her attention strayed, noticing yet another box sitting innocently upon his hand.

She paled. Oh no.

Gracefully sweeping himself down onto one knee- he thrust the new box out towards her, giving Kagome a dizzying sense of Déjà vu.

I was joking about the fingernails. Please be something normal. Please.

Accepting it gingerly, blue eyes flicked up towards him. "White day is over, you know."

"This one is aware."

"So...why the new gift?"

Sesshoumaru pretended to be interested in the gentle bubbling stream not too far away. "Because it pleases me to give it to you."

He was so difficult to figure out. Not wanting to squash his newfound sense of generosity, Kagome carefully removed the lid.

The contents did not look promising.

Trying not to jump to conclusions, she reached in and removed the long necklace. A single solitary tooth hung from the chord.

"Ah," Kagome squinted. "Open your mouth a sec."

Sesshoumaru's lips parted wordlessly, mouth opening wider to reveal a gap where one of his sharp canines used to be.

"This...is yours?" she asked weakly.

Sesshoumaru closed his mouth and nodded primly. "It will serve you well, should you have need of it."

In what way would I ever have need of a tooth? a wrinkle marred her brow as she considered it, coming to a small realisation. "To make a sword from?"

"Hn."

Well, that explained a small piece of the puzzle. In a very 'Sesshoumaru' way- it almost seemed a little sweet, practical even.

However, this did not help assuage her naturally squeamish reaction while looking at the freshly plucked tooth.

"Thanks," she said lamely. "I-I'm sure it'll be very useful if I visit Totosai in the future."

Her answer didn't seem to be what he was looking for. Sesshoumaru's gaze flitted from her to the dangling fang. "Females... prefer jewels, make-up or clothing, I suppose."

Kagome scratched her cheek, "depends on the lady- but you really don't have to worry, Sesshoumaru," laying a hand over pale knuckles resting upon his knee, she gave a squeeze. "I'm touched you're being so thoughtful. There's no need to give me anything else though, I have more than enough."

His nostrils flared, jaw setting stubbornly. He drew himself up to stand, "you are too modest."

Feeling thoroughly discombobulated, Kagome could only watch as he pivoted with all the grace of a dainty dancer, stalking away with billowing sleeves.

---

For two weeks, Sesshoumaru continued visiting the village at random intervals. His flair for turning up at the most unexpected times made it difficult for Kagome to anticipate his visits. Sometimes he'd arrive bright and early, others- nearing nightfall. Occasionally he'd visit Rin, but their interactions seemed distracted. Rin would whisper fiercely to him while gesturing in Kagome's direction, but he'd ultimately leave without speaking a word to the miko.

It was odd, confusing. She'd used to think of Sesshoumaru as a fairly straightforward demon. As of late, he'd been downright unpredictable and... flakey. She kind of missed their previous easy interactions when she'd pick herbs and prattle on while he occasionally offered a word or two. His silence had felt comfortable rather than awkward.

I don't know how to get that back, Kagome thought sadly.

A chilly wind passed by, breeze rushing around her exposed neck. Adjusting her miko garb, she sneezed, shivering a little. Autumn would soon be on its way.

The heat of an intense stare sent a new chill down her spine. Kagome turned, sensing it- only to find Sesshoumaru gazing at her intently.

Was it her imagination, or did he seem absurdly pleased? As though struck by a revelation.

As was typical behaviour for him, the demon lord began walking away without a word.

---

Trudging back from training in the woods, Kagome shouldered her bow while walking around a thick tree- only to quickly stop, almost bumping straight into polished armour.

Sesshoumaru stood before her, holding another box. This time it was larger, more of a rectangular shape.

"M-more?" Kagome squeaked. Her heart thundered. It felt like so long since they'd last spoken.

Sesshoumaru inclined his head gravely, "hn."

Biting her lip and somewhat dreading what cast-off part of him could be inside this time, Kagome grasped the lid and removed it- only to slam it abruptly back down.

"What… what is that?" she asked thinly.

Sesshoumaru's lashes fell shut and slid open in an unruffled blink.

"My fur."

I thought as much.

Kagome removed the lid with trepidation once more, lifting out the lush, soft coat. Even while her hands sank into the cloud-like material, blue eyes remained wide with distress.

Sesshoumaru seemed to guess her line of thinking. "It is discarded fur that I have shed, not cleaved off. Do not worry."

"O-okay," she said thinly. It's still weird though. Too weird. Imagine if I'd made a coat of shed skin.

It was so odd that Kagome felt a line needed to be drawn, placing it back into the box and numbly accepting it from him. "Sesshoumaru… I have to put my foot down now. I appreciate your gifts but I can't accept any more."

He stiffened, the burning embers in his eyes freezing into glassy orbs.

Kagome rushed to explain, "it's very sweet of you, and I appreciate the thought. I'm just not, uh…sure they're suited for a human. Besides, you seem to be worrying about what to get me instead of talking to me. I'd rather we just spoke like old times instead of this awkwardness."

"I see," he said stiffly.

She took a step forward, eyes widening when he took one back and turned. "This one did not intend to give you things deemed inappropriate and unwelcome. Farewell."

"Wait-!"

Too late, Sesshoumaru blurred away from her outstretched hand.

Kagome grit her teeth, sighing and balancing the box on one hand. Damn it.

Slowly, Kagome lowered the box onto a tree stump and gingerly lifted the coat. It felt lush and divine, her hands disappearing within the sheer volume of fur. Sliding her arms into the sleeves and putting it on, Kagome wrapped it around herself, feeling like she were enclosed in a giant fluffy cloud. His static youki brushed her skin intimately, fanning out from the strands.

It was big. It was a little ridiculous. It was wonderful.

Kagome groaned, burying her face in her hands. Sure, the idea of him collecting his shed fur to sew into a coat was strange by human standards, but actually wearing the coat, she now understood his simplistic intent.

He'd just wanted her to be warm.

"You're such a weirdo," she grumbled, blushing and dipping her nose into the fur. It smelled like him; wild forests, with the hint of refined smoke from a pipe.

Maybe she was weird too.

---

He was absent for an entire month.

Sesshoumaru figured it would help ease the sting of rejection. The second he caught Kagome's fragrance, however, it was like an old wound had been ripped open again.

His lips thinned, firmly keeping all emotion locked tight behind a placid mask as he visited Rin.

Chatting with the girl allowed him to soothe his stung ego for a while, distracted by Rin's news about the village and her training. Occasionally she would mention the miko and his chest would tighten again. How pathetic of him.

Once his cup lay empty and Rin mentioned the need to leave in order to assist the older miko, Sesshoumaru took his leave.

Stepping foot outside Kaede's hut, however, he froze.

Kagome stiffened before him, swathed in furs- his furs- he dimly noted.

More than that, lithe fingers curled around the fang resting at her collarbone. The silver bracelet of his hair caught the light before disappearing beneath the length of her sleeve.

Kagome's cheeks heated, and she thrust out a box, letting it rest on her palm.

"I asked around," she muttered. "Inuyasha was clueless, and Shippo kept laughing whenever I tried to ask him what was going on. Luckily Myoga happened to stop by," blue eyes pinned him in place. "You could've told me what all the gifts meant instead of leaving me in the dark."

Sesshoumaru did not accept the box just yet. "I thought my intentions were achingly clear."

Embarrassingly so, for a proud demon.

"Not for humans!" she huffed, lowering her hands a little. "I was confused the whole time! How was I supposed to know that you were giving me a betrothal bracelet, or that the fang was for any half-demon children I might have when they need a sword? I kind of figured out the coat, but I didn't know it represented your intentions to provide for me."

Sesshoumaru stared. Oh. Perhaps he should've listened to Rin about courting the miko after all.

Cheeks scarlet, Kagome sighed, lifting the lid of her box off and removing something from inside.

"May I?"

Sesshoumaru nodded dazedly, golden eyes widening. His entire being thrummed, heart picking up speed.

Shifting closer, Kagome pushed some dark locks behind her ear, the length slightly shorter than usual. Sliding a black bracket around his striped wrist, Kagome swallowed. Her hair had been woven into a band much like his, though nowhere near as intricate.

The demon stared at it, fixated. Baser instincts purred.

Molten gold eyes slowly raised to pin her with a disarmingly reverent look. He spoke no words of poetry, no love or longing, but it was there, he hoped. Abundantly clear. Kagome seemed to recognise it for what it was now.

She smiled a little, hugging her arms and scuffing her foot. "Don't get the wrong idea; I'm not saying I'll jump into marriage with you, but it turns out I'm kind of interested in dating you. Really... interested," Kagome forced out, obviously embarrassed but soldiering on. "If it's okay, we could...do that," she finished lamely.

Sesshoumaru took a step forward, invading her personal space. She blushed exactly the way he'd hoped she would, babbling. "So the uh- think of the bracelet as a dating bracelet! Maybe down the line it could...it could become an engagement thing," she murmured, voice dimming in the wake of his proximity.

"Hn," honeyed eyes smiled, careful claws unfurling to find her chin. "That would be pleasing," he uttered in a faint rumble, tipping his head down. "I accept."

Satisfaction rolled through him fiercely as she tilted her head just so- lips meeting and brushing feather-light against his. Emboldened, Kagome's hands found the collar of his hankimono just as he took her by the waist as though entering a dance, tightening.

Sesshoumaru let his eyes flutter shut, inhaling sharply through his nose. He could smell her so bright and clear—the sweetness of tangerines, faint, exotic soaps—and her mouth so warm. Kagome kissed him, firmer, hand finding his hair- fingers curling. His breath began to roughen the longer their kisses went on. His heart chanted the truth of it all- 'yours.'

If the foolish woman wanted him, he'd already given himself to her. The ticklish brush of her hair claiming his wrist made him smirk against her mouth, glimpsing his own band of white around hers and revelling in a plume of possessive pride.

Perhaps it was unorthodox by her standards, but they were not exactly normal themselves. And so, Sesshoumaru drowned himself in the curious, raw newness of the strange miko, surrendering to all the oddities that would likely follow during their strange courtship.

End

[mrs-han]

Here With Me

Heeey could i request an scenario where the mc is stood up by Jumin , like she waits for him at the restaurant but he doesnt arrive bc he forgot since he has been stressed out with work all week and suddenly Jaehee lets him know and its all angsty but with a happy ending pleasee♡♡♡♡

~~~

Sure thing! Thank you for your submission!

~~~

"Madam, would you like to come inside?"

"No, no. My husband should be coming shortly, and I'd like to be here when he shows," you smiled, securing your scarf over your shoulders.

As the valet entered the building that chilly august evening, the thought of Jumin kept you warm, even gave you the strength to stay outside and wait for a little while longer. It had been over a month, and you two had finally scheduled a date night—no work, no distractions - just he before your eyes and you before his.

You fiddled with your lace gloves and primped your hair, glancing at the glass window as it acted as your mirror. You were fully decked out in the most delicate lavender twill dress, six-inch stiletto pumps, and fastened in your hair was a pin Jumin had picked out himself for you to don. You always wanted to look your best for this man, and frankly, you were excited to see how he would react.

Cars passed by the grand venue - you straightened and eventually slouched as you noticed a few of them stop, but none of the occupants were Jumin. Snow began to drizzle over you, and, with a faint shiver, you checked your watch.

0950.

You blinked and tapped the watch - that wasn't right. You had only been waiting for half an hour, not an hour and a half... right? You dug your phone from your purse and tapped his icon.

"This is Jumin Han, Director of C&R. Thank you for your call, but I am away -"

You ended the call quickly and called him again. And again. You were greeted with the same voice message, and your heart sunk in your stomach.

He didn't forget... did he?

~~~

"Mr. Han, it's getting late," Jaehee smiled forcefully, gripping her pen in one hand and her travel mug in the other. "This is a good stopping point, don't you agree?"

"Not quite," Jumin sighed, pushing his hair back and tapping his diamond pen against his desk. "We're missing something... something important."

"A meeting with the Prime Minister of Sweden is no small feat," Jaehee huffed, pressing her back against the chair. "But I assure you, we've covered everything we need to cover. You know everything about him, perhaps too much."

Jumin examined his notes and furrowed his brows. "No... no, something is missing."

Jaehee raised a brow and crossed her arms. "I assure you, Mr. Han. This missing artifact has nothing to do with the prime minister."

"I don't see what your hurry is. Tomorrow is Saturday, you have plenty of time to rest then."

"Until you call me in to do something," Jaehee muttered under her breath. "Listen, Mr. Han, with all due respect. It is going on twenty-two hundred hours and fifteen minutes, and I would like to go home."

Jumin looked dubiously shocked. It had gotten that late so quickly... his eyes widened. "Today is Friday."

"Yes, today is Friday," Jaehee nodded.

"No, no, no." Jumin slammed his folders closed and adjusted his tie, a frantic air about him.

"What is it?" Jaehee asked, observing his facial expression turn to one of confusion to one of realization.

Jumin dashed past his chief assistant, muttering slurs under his breath and heading towards the penthouse's front door. "I don't have time to explain."

"Mr. Han, if you're heading outdoors, you'll need your coat -"

Jumin flung the door open... and there you stood, shivering and dripping wet from the melted snow. You lifted your eyes and met his apologetic gaze.

"My... my love... I -"

You shoved your way past him, wrapping your scarf around your reddened face. There was no way you were about to let him see you cry.

Jumin stumbled back and tried to reach for you, but you were too fast. You ran down the hall and into the guest bedroom, slamming the door behind you.

"MC!" Jumin called while chasing you, slamming against the door as it closed. He pressed his palms against the wood, then his forehead. "MC, please."

Jaehee quietly gathered her coat and murmured, "I will see you on Monday, Mr. Han."

Jumin, too distracted by you, didn't care to hear her. "MC? MC, may I come in? Darling?"

He placed his hand over the doorknob and gripped it, ready to turn the handle - when he heard your sobs. Every sniffle, every sad moan, he listened to, desperate to soothe you.

"My love... my love -"

"Go away! Get away from me!" You hollered, throwing several objects at the door. "I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you!"

Jumin closed his eyes, your words piercing all parts of his heart. He waited for more words to come from you; he wanted to hear from you, even if your words had the potential to kill him from the inside out.

But you didn't say anything. Instead, you wailed and sobbed... and those sounds alone did more damage to him than any insult.

Jumin pressed himself against the door and sank slowly, his hand still on the doorknob. He would respect your wish and leave you alone, but he refused to be too far away. When you were ready to talk, he would be there.

His determination did not falter after an hour had passed, and another. He sat patiently outside of the guest bedroom and began to nod off when he realized - there was no sound coming from the other side of the door. It was utterly silent.

"MC? I'm opening the door," Jumin cooed, pressing the door open slowly.

He peeked in and saw you, not sound asleep as he had imagined. No, your back was facing him. Your gown, gloves, shoes, and jewels had been thrown onto the floor, a thick blanket the only thing covering you. You sat erect, like a graceful statue, gazing at the city below.

Jumin waited for you to throw him out with your words again, but no such thing happened. You were completely silent. He wasn't much of a risk-taker, and he didn't pride himself on being one. But for you, he was willing to do anything.

Jumin stepped into the room and closed the door behind him, his eyes squarely on your figure.

You didn't make a sound.

He walked towards you, slightly shier than his naturally confident stride.

You didn't make a sound.

He sat down beside you and, without hesitation, wrapped an arm around your body.

Your statuesque figure faltered, and you crumbled at his touch.

"My love -"

"How could you," you trembled, covering your face with your hands. "We had planned this date for a long, long time now! How could you forget!"

Jumin didn't say a word. He hung his head shamefully and pulled you closer to him, grateful you didn't draw away.

"I looked like such a fool, waiting for you out in the snow!" You sniffed. "I, I watched cars come and go, and I thought, that's him! In that car there! But it was never you, Jumin, you never showed up!"

Jumin looked at you, sorrow and regret the only legible expression on his face.

"I'm so embarrassed, and so... I'm so disappointed, Jumin... and I've never felt so much... anger towards you before..."

You wiped at your tears many times over, but they continued to bombard you, and your vision blurred. "I'm so angry," you sobbed. "So, so angry..."

Your emotions pounded within you, overtaking you; you curled into yourself and trembled vigorously.

A soft thump. That's what you heard. He's gone, you thought, moving your hands away from your eyes.

But no. Jumin was still there with you, now on his knees.

"What... what are you -"

Jumin grabbed your bare foot delicately and kissed your arch once, twice, three times over. "Forgive me," he whispered fiercely, pressing his forehead against your cold skin. "Forgive me, MC. I was a careless man, a thoughtless man, and my foolishness meant leaving you out in the cold, waiting for me..."

Your lower lip trembled, and, as much as you tried to stop it, more tears came flooding down your cheeks.

"I hurt you," Jumin whispered, kissing your ankle, your calf, your knee. "I hurt you terribly, my angel... and I beg you to forgive me."

"Jumin..."

"I'm so sorry." His hot breath created goosebumps through your bare legs and up to your bare arms. "I'm so sorry."

You fell to the floor and tried to wrap your arms around him, but he was much faster than you. Jumin pressed you to his body, engulfing you entirely. You sobbed against his chest as feelings of anger turned into feelings of complete and utter devotion towards this man, your husband - your Jumin.

In his arms, you stayed until exhaustion overcame you. Jumin glanced down at you, lifting your chin to meet his eyes - you were fast asleep. Many thoughts ran through his mind - you needed a warm bath and a warm bed, who knows how long you had been standing in the cold. He needed to snap to it and make you as comfortable as possible.

But as he moved to pick you up, you pressed your head to his chest and let out a small groan. You were no longer crying, no longer in a state of despondency... no, you seemed to be in a place of peace. Perhaps he could treat you to a nice, warm bath, luxurious bedding, delicious food, and an enjoyable movie - whatever you wanted. For now, he wanted to watch you sleep. Indeed, he wanted to etch the peaceful expression in your face into both his brain and heart.

Besides - he was in an extremely uncomfortable position, his legs falling asleep and his back steadily aching. Yes, this well deserved, self-inflicted punishment would work magnificently.

[takaraphoenix]

Ofc I'm excited for the new chapter phoe, I am so starved for Jason content that even the suggestion that I'm going to get some (esp QUALITY Jason content like urs) makes me unbelievably giddy and I'm fr checking my phone to see when it's gonna be update time in ur timezone 🥺✨

Oh gosh, you're so sweet. Your messages always delight me a lot and since Jason took kind of a backseat today in favor of the build up of the secret reveal, yooou get a small, Jason-focused flash-forward into their future. ;) also because I actually have time to write again fdklghaöklh

--

Sky-blue eyes were large as they quickly flew over the words in front of him. His mouth was in a small oh-shape as he absorbed every little bit of information that was given to him. And then it just ended.

To Be Continued...

No, no, no. That couldn't possibly be! This was too exciting, it couldn't just end like that! His sister next to him made a squealing sound as she also reached the ending. She grabbed the comic book out of his hand and tried turning the page, hoping against hope there would be more.

"No, no, no," she whined frustrated and threw herself back onto the bed.

After a moment, her brother mirrored her. The two groaned and whined until their current babysitter walked in, a frown on his face. He brushed hazel-hair out of his face.

"What's gotten into you lot?"

"The comic ends, uncle Tyson! It just ends! And the next issue won't come out until next month, but it just got really, really exciting!" he heard his sister complain.

"Grace is right! This isn't fair. Cliffhangers are unlawful and inhumane!"

Tyson laughed and approached the bed to sit down between his niece and nephew. "I think I gotta talk to your parents about your definition of unlawful and inhumane, Jacky."

Jackson huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, pout in place and sky-blue eyes dark like a brewing storm. When it darkened in the room and rumbling could be heard from outside, Tyson frowned concerned and cleared his throat.

"You guys do know that you could just... ask your parents, right? They were right there. They know exactly how all of this unfolded," offered Tyson.

He took the comic-book - issue 13 of The Adventures of the New Olympians - and closed it to hold up the cover, where Jason di Angelo was standing heroically in his Blue Lightning uniform, fighting a giant space-octopus. Jackson frowned and turned to look at his sister.

"I dunno", admitted Grace. "Dad is like... dad. Not Blue Lightning. Dad sings bad old boyband songs in the shower and steals daddy's blue cookies and baby-talks to Mrs. O'Leary."

"Yeah. These comics are totally fiction, uncle Tyson", agreed Jackson seriously. "Dad's a total dork, not a superhero! He isn't like daddy and papa."

Tyson huffed a little at that, fond smile on his lips. "He isn't now. But when push comes to shove, he always got our back in a fight. Because he could never bear standing aside if his family gets hurt. Go and ask him about it, mh."

"Tyson? Where are you?", called his wife from somewhere else. "Jason is here to pick up the kids!"

"Ah, your cue, pipsqueaks", Tyson grinned and ruffled both their hair.

Grace quickly grabbed her Wisdom Warrior doll, while Jackson took the comic book, both kids quickly running out the room and downstairs. Grace just lept off a few steps before the end of the stairs, jumping straight into her dad's awaiting arms. Jason was smiling softly, hugging her tightly. Her blonde curls bounced as he whirled her around once.

"Hey there, kids. Had fun with uncle Tyson and auntie Ella?"

"Ye--es", chorused Jackson and Grace.

"Thanks for watching them, guys", Jason turned to offer Tyson and Ella a small, grateful smile. "With Perce and Nico still in Canada about that... maple syrup fuled robot apocalypse... it's been kind of stressful. And then Thabi got into trouble at school and-"

"No need to explain, or to thank us", assured Tyson, patting his brother-in-law on the back. "That's what brothers are for, Jay. We got your back. Besides, we love those two."

With a last smile aimed at the couple, Jason herded the twins out of the house and toward the car. He made sure their seatbelts were fastened before he got in the driver's seat and started the car. In the rear-mirror, he could see the twins whispering with each other, but neither speaking up. He decided against asking, for now. They'd tell him whatever was on their minds when they were ready.

Once at home, both of the kids ran off to their rooms and Jason was so busy with things around the house that he nearly forgot about the kids' strange behavior. That's what they got for having a ridiculously big house and stables, but then again, they did need the grounds to allow their companions enough space to roam free. He'd just finished feeding Tempest and Blackjack when the twins suddenly stood behind him, serious, matching frowns on their faces.

"We have come to the agreement that we should ask you", declared Grace.

A nine-year-old with pigtails had no right to look this serious. Jason smiled a little at that, nodding and waiting for more.

"We know that daddy and papa are superheroes", continued Jackson as the three headed back toward the house. "But you aren't! You're just... dad. Right?"

"Ouch", Jason huffed out a little laugh. "Just dad, huh?"

"I mean, you're normal, like us", corrected Grace with a frown, motioning at the posters at the walls when they entered the living room. "You're only a hero on the big screen! Not in real life!"

The smile on Jason's lips turned more nostalgic. His dorky, dorky husbands had decided to plaster every wall that wasn't filled with family pictures with posters of his movies. Right now, Grace was motioning very decidedly at The Twelve Tasks of Hercules. Hercules was his most popular role, a fictional superhero clearly supposed to be the son of Zeus but never actually name-dropping Zeus in the movie series. Or the spin-off TV show. It had spanned a whole cinematic universe about fictional superheroes after they had introduced Theseus, a water-powered superhero who was a thinly veiled homage to Percy, in one of the movies. Theseus got his own solo-movie, then a sequel and over the years, they had established more and more heroes in this universe. Jason was so incredibly proud of it, not just because he played the hero who started it all, but because he was also creatively involved; he had pitched the character of Theseus.

Sitting down on the couch, he let his eyes wander just a little. A poster of his first big breakout role as Jace Herondale in a TV show adaptation of The Mortal Instruments... naturally, Percy had chosen the poster where Jason posed shirtless, showing off the runes.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?", asked Jason softly.

"I wanna take over granny's bakery", declared Jackson with a puffed-out chest. "I'll learn all of her recipes and become the best baker in all of New York."

"I dunno, dad. I'm nine", huffed Grace with a pointed look. "Maybe I'll become a great fashion designer like auntie Silena! Or a teacher like auntie Annabeth. Or president. Or astronaut. Oh! Or doctor."

"Okay, okay", Jason interrupted her, laughing. "But neither of you wants to become a superhero like your dads?"

The twins exchanged a silent look before shaking their heads and Jackson answered. "No. It looks scary. It looks cool to watch but I'd be super scared."

Jason nodded slowly. "But if Gracie was in danger, like really, really scary danger, what would you do?"

"I'd help her!", exclaimed Jackson immediately, grabbing his sister's hand.

The smile on Jason's lips grew some. "Being a hero is really, really scary and really, really dangerous. And I never-ever wanted to be a hero. I'm not as brave as your dads when it comes to that. But when there is something very big and dangerous that your dads can't handle on their own, I'll put my own fears aside. Because you know what is just... so much scarier than being a hero? It'd be if something happened to your dads. And I couldn't help."

He knew their kids were under no illusions; they knew Nico and Percy led dangerous lives and they knew something could happen to them. Nico had already been hospitalized for a longer period of time a few years ago.

"So when they really need me, I'll be very brave to help them."

"So... So this is really real?", asked Grace softly, holding up the comic-book.

Jason snorted a little at the extremely overdone hero-pose he was striking on the cover. "It's... more or less real. There's some... made-up stuff there, because those who write these comics, they only had the news coverage to go by, they weren't actually there when we met in private and planned and talked. But yes, that happened."

Jackson straightened up at that and took the comic from his sister to open it on the last page, putting it down on Jason's lap and very decidedly pointing at the To Be Continued in the lower corner.

"How's it end!?", asked Jackson eagerly. "We don't wanna wait!"

"Ye--es! Did you save the day? Did you rescue daddy when he got abducted by the alien octopus?", wanted Grace to know, eyes large.

Laughing to himself, Jason leaned back against the couch and opened his arms, both his kids immediately snuggling up to him and eagerly awaiting the story. Jason wasn't the greatest story-teller in the family, Piper was the author, but he did his best to actually tell the story as exciting as possible. He talked and talked for over an hour and by the end of the story, both twins were deep asleep. Asleep on him, not giving him a chance to move from the couch either. Though he was tired too, so he closed his eyes, just for a second.

"I'm de--ead", groaned Percy softly and something shifted.

Jason blinked sleepily, turning his head toward the source of the voice. His face lit up when he saw Percy snuggled up to Grace from behind. When he turned toward his other side, he saw Nico behind Jackson.

"I'm sorry we were both gone, amore", whispered Nico as he leaned over to kiss Jason sweetly. "It was an all-hands-on-deck situation..."

"You don't have to explain", Jason smiled faintly. "You're the leaders of the Olympians. They rely on you. Especially now with all the newbies, they need your guidance."

"Yeah, but we promised you we'd step back some", Percy sighed frustrated.

"You can't control when a weird Canadian wants to start the robot- apocalypse", Jason chuckled amused. "I'm proud of you both. And you have been stepping back a lot."

Percy hummed in agreement, eyes slowly closing as he rested his head on Jason's shoulder. Within moments, he was out cold. So the entire family was going to sleep on the couch today, mh?

"How did your meeting go?", asked Nico, sounding sleepy.

"Good. I mean. Really good. The studio is still so stubbornly thinking that female superheroes won't sell, but we finally pushed through. We got the Helen of Troy spin-off greenlit", replied Jason with a puffed out chest.

Nico smiled at him, kissing his cheek. "Good. I'm proud of you."

And then he yawned and snuggled closer to Jason. It filled Jason with warmth to just sit here, with his husbands and children, in their home. Safe and happy. Yes, he worried for Nico and Percy when they were out there, but he also knew that this was their dream and they loved their job. And ever since the twins had been born, the two really had stepped back, leading from the headquarters and training new heroes, only going out themselves if it was an emergency and the others needed help. Jason couldn't be mad about that, wouldn't want to be either, because he could never resent his husbands for living their dream - they had, after all, always supported Jason and his dream. Even when Jason would be in another country for months filming a movie, they never complained, they took care of the kids and were proudly at his side during the premieres.

"I love you two", whispered Jason, carefully kissing the top of Nico's head on one of his shoulders and the top of Percy's head on the other. "My heroes."

[allthingsfern]

In order, my responses to comments in Reply of my COVID19 era post that was my answer to my question “My answer to my questions: Has the era of COVID19 changed your photography? How? And perhaps also, why?“ I am so confused now...

adventuresofalgy

Algy thinks you are lucky and - certainly if compared with Europeans - perhaps quite unusual in not having experienced a more profound effect on your creative outlets and expression. Many of Algy's creative friends have experienced wide-ranging and often severe impacts on their creativity and associated motivation - and therefore on their mental health as well.

themazette

As @adventuresofalgy Jenny said.... you are lucky...

I am indeed very lucky, or as I think of it, blessed. However, it is no way a US thing, nor even a California thing. I add California, because I know many in the US and around the world think of the Golden State as a haven, a progressive, hippie filled state that is all about peace and love and marijuana. However, that is far from the truth. California is like Germany in the 1920s and 30s. There was Berlin, where there was a wildness in the city that was not shared, and was often looked-down on, by those in the majority of the country, who lived in more conservative areas and who, often, economically could not afford the grand life of partying Berliners. In California it is the same. Except for a few urban areas, the state is full of very conservative folks, and for them, like for those in the cities (and in the rest of the world) this COVID19 era has been devastating. Well, and the fires for Californians have been too.

Even in this cool college town where I live, which is lovely and quiet and inspiring, the painfully empty streets, movie theaters, restaurants, shops (think of all those unemployed people) is (still) staggering. In mid-March last year, right after lockdown, I took several phone videos of the deserted street in our town and the campus, but I could not bring myself to share them, since I knew that so many others here on Tumblr were experiencing the same desolation in many different ways. (I figured: “Why add to the sorrow we are living, almost globally?”) I was overwhelmed by the emptiness of the major (well, major for a small town of around 65,000 people) street where I live and the empty bicycle trails and street on campus. And by empty, I mean that even now, I see maybe 3 cyclists per hour, and very little car traffic. Remember, this is a bicycle town; I do not own a car, doing most all my errands on my bike with its 2 fordable baskets in the rear.

And now, over a year later, that same heavy, oppressive emptiness persists. And no, I am not used to it. And yes, I traveled over the last year, but I found the same suffocating blanket of emptiness in each city I visited, even in Las Vegas. It was unnerving. As a matter of fact, last year when I drove to San Francisco 2 months after lockdown for my birthday, I wound up getting depressed and disoriented, in a city where I lived for almost 7 years. Driving back home across the Golden Gate Bridge with tears of sadness in my eyes on my birthday was not what I expected. However, I did get some solid photos of the malaise that hung thick in the air, a malaise that physically took up the space that once was taken up by crowds of people.

Now, I am also very aware that my situation is unique. (Not a fan of the word exceptional, since it can mean both unique and special, and I do not see my situation as special.) My life situation is very unique in that I have a job I love and I work with a great team of characters. We get work done and we have fun, share about our lives. My job is often, especially since COVID19 first got noticed in early 2020, stressful and demands my colleagues and I learn (and sometimes then teach) lots of new technology and that we adapt to the vagaries of the technology gods, which are sometimes unfriendly and unresponsive. And a big part of my job is trying to figure out how to get the technology gods to like us again and grace us with their gifts. (I never realized, until now, with this discussion, that the troubleshooting that is a big part of my job is creative and probably fuels my photographic creativity. Who knew?) Yet, as a group, my colleagues and I support each other. And I am fortunate to count my closest colleague, Steve, as a friend. We have been a great emotional support to each other over the years and now through this COVID19 era. And I recently was reminded (as if I needed reminding) just how unique my work situation is because I participated in a committee that was going over responses to a UC Davis-wide survey exploring levels of employee satisfaction. My 2 colleagues who were also on that committee and I did not have the complaints that others from other departments shared. We work well together, have supportive management that share what is going on and include us (as mush as possible) in the decision making process. And as a department, we get stuff done.

Possibly the best example of how blessedly unique my situation is is what happened this morning when I was talking (yes, on ZOOM) with my immediate supervisor. We discussed the work related stuff, including how at around 10:30 pm the night before I figured something out about an online tool integration I had never done before that I knew was easy but I did not see as easy until I reread the overly complicated instructions a couple of times and just figured out how and where to cut and paste the lines of code (it was that easy, just fucking cut and paste some lines of JSON code) that got the fucking thing to work. Then we talked about his dealing with his young children returning to school and how “normal” now is not “normal” from before and how disruptive the whole thing has been, yet since we work in a supportive atmosphere (and are both salaried), he was able to deal and keep living.

Then, and you are gonna love this, I shared about my original COVID19 question post and the responses and pretty much said to him what I am sharing here.

We talked for a little over an hour. That kind of rapport is rare, for any job, anywhere.

And then there is another way my situation is unique. In some ways, previous “bad things” were actually a preparation for this era of physical distance and uncertainty. In mid-2019, from July to August, first because of my work related bowling concussion and then an antibiotic resistant infection, I was bedridden for about 5 weeks and then had several absences because of concussion issues, like sudden and extreme anger flare ups, nausea, headaches. But however bad I thought that concussion and infection were, the concussion induced forgetfulness and my desire to sharpen my mind and nurture and nourish it have lead me to become, in my old age, organized. I now often take notes of important stuff, add work and personal dates and notes to my Outlook calendar, and even know what day it is, which bugs my colleagues who often find they have no idea what day and/or date it is. Yep, unique, but the bad concussion shit got me to be organized in ways that I was never able to be before, no matter what I tried. This time, I just fucking get organized, without thinking about it too much. And if I fuck up with my being organized, like I did the other day for work, I admit it, fix it, and move on.

Preparation for isolation (and unexpected natural threats) came by way of the 2018 Northern California (the region where I live) fires that year, which caused the campus to shut down for about a week. (As my friend Steve called it, the smoking break.) And for work, my colleagues and I faced a couple of long term, emergency technical outages that impacted all of the UC Davis faculty, one of them for over a month. Pretty much on a professional and personal level, I was, if not ready, at least getting used to the WTF of whatever life decides to surprise me with. (And lets not forget the really bad fire last September, seen in this video I posted of ash “snow” falling. We did not have to shut down the campus because there was no one there anyway.)

Another aspect of this last year, and one that has been present in my life for a few years now, is the BLM movement and the brutal police violence against Black people in this country. As someone who was a teaching assistant and taught in African American Studies and worked closely with students of color on campus in a student run organization, I was and am still devastated, in part because I know, from hearing so many personal accounts, the pain many of my friends, former colleagues, and former students, are still facing and how overwhelmed they felt and still feel. I understand, if as an outsider, their emotional exhaustion. This has been going on for a while, plus add the years of anti-immigrant hate against the Latinx in the US and the rising tide of violent hate against Asians, and yes, it has been sorrowful. Heartbreaking. And I have, in several ways, including my photography, tried to capture the sorrow and resilience of US people of color. It hurts, almost physically, that many people of color are just tired of talking and dealing with the hate.

So, yes, my situation is unique, but with its own emotionally draining weight. And yes, I am extremely grateful. This leads to the other 2 comments in Reply:

kkomppa

Thank you for sharing, Fern. Very interesting. Like you, I would say my output hasn’t changed much. However, I have sought locations deeper in the wilderness. This has been fulfilling.

schwarzkaeppchen

Really interesting thoughts. We live in strange times, but creativity and motivation comes and goes for so many different reasons. My photography has changed a lot. I used to work as a photographer at events and took portraits for fun... Now I'm officially a portrait photographer.

Both of these comments point to another unique aspect of my life situation: For some of us, our photography and how we do it, has not changed much, and if it has, that has been a part of our overall experience with this art form we love so much.

For me, because of my depressive tendencies, the Zen of photography, at least the way I do it, is therapeutic. And I do not use the  term “Zen” lightly here, because my spiritual life has helped me come to terms with the WTF surprises that are pretty much life, if at times the WTF of it is more impactful, as it is during this COVID19 era. And that is part of what I was trying to share with my original post: Before this period of isolation and disorientation, I was already coming to grips with the gospel truth that “creativity and motivation comes and goes for so many different reasons.” as @schwarzkaeppchen​ said. In no way do I diminish the anguish flared up by these bleak times that impact so many around the world. And really, when you think about it, bleak times have been a norm, at least here in the US, since late 2016, though, of course, lockdowns and physical distance make it all worse. But, at least for me, I try to learn from the bleak times, even if I abhor going through them. And when dealing with the highs and lows of creative energy, at least for me, I have a calm certainty that photography is part of my life and I do not have to worry, since I only love it more each day. And the other side to my certainty is that if someday my love of photography fades, some other treasure of creativity will replace it.

Let’s be real, because of photography. I think about stuff like this and get to have discussions with so many great Tumblr original photographers.

And I am grateful for it, and no, this is not unique to my life situation. I know many of us love being here and sharing the good, the bad, the confounding.

Please think about joining @tvoom and me for InConverversation this month. It has been a long time since we talked, and this COVID19 era will be our topic.

I am grateful for all y’all.

[p-artsypants]

I Do...I Guess? (5)

Guadosalam

Ao3 | FF.net

The city of Guadosalam was made of thousands and thousands of interwoven tree roots. No leaves, just roots. Just like the Guado themselves, nature seemed to stretch and twist in the most peculiar of ways. 

Though, none of this was really digested before a Guado man called out to them. 

“Lady Yuna! The High Summoner Lord Seymour has been expecting you! I am Tromell, the steward to His Grace. Please won’t you come with me?” 

Yuna seemed flustered. “Lord Seymour wants to see me?” 

“Most fervently! We expected you last night, as far as travel time goes.” 

“Our apologies,” said Lulu, “we were delayed at the Moonflow by a Shoopuf stomach ache.” 

“Nevertheless,” said Tromell, “you’re here now, so come!” 

Startled by the bluntness of the Guado, the party was whisked off into the city. The city was made up of overlapping bridges and tunnels, all still made of tree roots. 

“I wonder if this is what being a rabbit is like.” Tidus mused. 

Tromell escorted them to a manor in the middle of the city, with a grand staircase that wrapped around both sides of the room. 

“Wait here, a moment,” Tromell prompted, before disappearing under the stairs. 

Auron nudged Tidus closer to Yuna. “Stay near her. I have a bad feeling.” 

“Oh yeah? Yevon rub you the wrong way too?” 

“I’ve been in Zanarkand for a very long time. Things change. Opinions change. Status of power changes.” 

“Vague, but threatening.” 

Yuna looked at Auron. “You don’t think Maester Seymour is a bad person, do you?” 

“People with power can abuse power, priests of Yevon have power. That’s all I’m saying.” 

Tidus laid a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry, Yuna. Maybe he’s just going to congratulate us, or give you some tips. Or something.” 

“I hope you’re right.” 

Lulu nudged Tidus, and pointed to a series of portraits on the wall in front of them. “History lesson, for the oh so important husband of the summoner.” 

“Lay it on me.” 

“These are the leaders of the Guado, the last on the end is Lord Jsycal, father of Seymour.” 

“Wow, they all look the same.” 

“Now look at this side.” 

The line of portraits trailed off to show Seymour, but next to his predecessors, it was obvious how different he looked. 

“Why doesn’t he look like the rest of the Guado?” 

“That would be because he’s half human. Lord Jsycal married a human woman, and brought the Yevon faith to the Guado.” 

“Wait, so they haven’t always been a part of Yevon?” 

“No. Only about twenty years now. They are the guardians of the Farplane, and Macalania woods. They convened with nature, and the pyreflies.” 

“Okay,” Tidus held up his hands. “That was a lot of information you just threw at me. What about them guarding the Farplane? Are you being literal?” 

“Completely. There’s a gate here, in Guadosalam, that allows us a brief glimpse into the Farplane.” 

“We can go there later,” Yuna stated. “I heard it’s an emotional experience.” 

“That’s…crazy.” He ended with. 

Tromell reappeared. “The dining room is ready. Please, help yourselves to the food. You must be famished. Lord Seymour will be with you shortly.” He gestured them down a hallway. 

“For twisting our arms and making us rush here, there’s sure a lot of waiting,” Rikku remarked. 

“If we keep getting delayed like this, we’ll reach Gagazet too late in the season, and have to wait until the spring thaw.” Auron added, with much bitterness. 

“I think that’s a little far…” Yuna offered. “We still have a few weeks before the ice sets in.” 

“And who knows how long Zanarkand will take? What if we make it over the mountain, but not back over before the ice sets in? You don’t want to be trapped in those ruins for several months.” Auron argued. “We press on, and if the timing is too close, we stay with the Ronso, or come up with alternate plans.” 

“I guess I hadn’t been thinking about the mountain ice,” Yuna offered shyly. “I didn’t think the pilgrimage would take that long.” 

“It shouldn’t,” agreed Lulu, “but if we keep getting stopped like this…” 

“Hey, no worries. We’ll make up time somehow. And if we have to stay with the Ronso…that can’t be all that bad. Kimahri can get us in with his family.” 

“Kimahri leave Ronso tribe. Runt of litter, shamed by brothers.” 

“Oh.” 

“We have a while before we even get to Gagazet, so let’s all just chill out, okay?” Rikku offered. 

The group fanned out, taking their concerns to each corner of the room. There were several tables of food, each stacked higher than the one before. 

“The Guado may be blunt,” said Rikku, “but they sure do know how to make someone feel at home!” 

“Guado food, mostly plants.” Kimahri muttered to himself as he picked over a fruit tray. 

“Hey,” Yuna brought a plate over to Tidus. “Look what I made!” 

It looked like an open faced sandwich, with cheese and tomato slices. 

“Hmm looks good?” He offered. 

“It’s for you! It’s pizza!” 

His eyes widened. Indeed, she had remembered his instructions from the night before. Oh how vague he had been. 

“Aw! Yuna, this is wonderful. Sorry I didn’t recognize it at first. I didn’t really describe it that well last night.” 

“No?” 

“Well, first of all, it’s cooked. Usually in a wood stove. The dough is soft, then you add tomato sauce, and then shredded cheese and other toppings. You bake it until it’s melted and golden brown.” 

“Oh…” she looked sad. “Well, I don’t have an oven…” 

He held her shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. One day, I’ll make you a proper pizza.” He took the plate from her. “I’m going to eat this anyway, because it was the nicest gesture anyone has made for me…in like, forever. Thank you.” 

Yuna smiled broadly. 

“My my,” spoke a smarmy voice from the door. “So many guests, it’s been so long.” Seymour entered the room, and offered a bow, which only half the party returned. 

“You wanted to speak to me?” Yuna asked, humbly. 

“Yes, My Lady Yuna. First, I would like to share something with you and your party.” 

Immediately, the room erupted in a glowing light. A hologram, projecting a huge city, filled the room. 

“Zanarkand!” Tidus exclaimed, recognizing it immediately. 

“Correct, the Holy City, as it appeared a thousand years ago. These images are gathered from memories from the Farplane”

“Amazing machina…” Rikku whispered to herself, more about the hologram program than the ancient depictions. 

“You recognized it so quickly,” Said Yuna.

“Sure!” He pointed out a tall building. “This is a condo, and this one here is a bank. This one has a grocer on the bottom that sells really good chicken sandwiches.”

Wakka and Seymour both looked at him curiously, but said nothing.

Instead, Seymour drew attention to himself. “She lived here, all those years ago.” 

“Who?”

The hologram changed, this time to a bedroom, with a woman sitting on the bed. 

“Oh, Lady Yunalesca!” Yuna explained. 

“The first to defeat Sin. Your namesake. Your destiny!” 

Tidus gave the others in the room a quick glance. Rikku met it and rolled her eyes. 

“Um, my father named me that. But I think he just liked the name.” 

“You do not believe in destiny, My Lady?” 

A holographic man in armor entered the room, opening his arms wide to embrace his wife. 

Seymour looked at the couple with longing. “Two hearts bonded for eternity, unflappable loyalty and love. This truly was the key to stopping the unbeatable Sin.” 

Now Tidus turned his gaze to scrutinize Seymour. He was looking at Yuna in that way again, the eyes of a predator. 

Yuna seemed to squirm under that gaze. 

“Lady Yuna, I would be honored if I could speak to you in private?” He gestured to a corner room as the hologram faded. 

“I…uh…” Yuna stuttered.

Auron shoved Tidus forward. “He goes with. That’s all the privacy we will allow.” 

Seymour looked disappointed, but beckoned them both along to the little room. 

“What is this all about, Your Grace?” Yuna asked. 

Tidus stayed silent, but right at her side. 

“Seymour is fine, My Lady. If I can return the favor?” 

“Yuna is fine as well, and this is Tidus.” 

Seymour didn’t seem to care. “I am ever so grateful that you granted me an audience. I know being a summoner is a busy ordeal—“ 

“Would you just spit it out, already?” Tidus muttered. 

“Something the matter, Sir…?” 

“Tidus,” he repeated, like he hadn’t just been introduced. “I’m sorry. We’ve had a…stressful day, and we’re anxious to get on with our journey.” He tried to be polite, but there were just too many red flags flying in his face. 

“I understand. Then, I will not beat around the bush anymore. Yuna, I believe it is for the benefit of Spira that you and I wed.” 

She jolted. “What?!” 

“Think of the joy it would bring. A maester of Yevon, and a High Summoner, bonded in Holy Bliss! Would it not bless Spira? I would only aim to aid in your Journey as well.” 

“I…” Yuna just stared in shock, her mouth fighting for words. 

Tidus, while never the one to back down from a fight, had a feeling that Seymour would ignore him if he protested. So he rested his hand on Yuna’s shoulder, and gave her strength. 

She took a breath and found her center. “While I am extremely flattered you would ask this of me, I must decline. I am already married, you see. Tidus is my husband.” 

Seymour frowned, and his steely blue eyes flashed with a definite hate in Tidus’ direction. “You were not married at the Mi’ihen Operation, though.” 

“We were engaged.” Tidus fudged the timeline. Yuna didn’t object. 

“So you’ve only been married, what? A few days?” 

“About two,” Yuna clarified. “The ceremony was performed at the Djose Temple.” 

This made Seymour smile. “Only two days? Then there’s nothing to worry about. The records wouldn’t have made it to Bevelle yet, and we can easily annul the whole thing.” 

“HA!” Tidus laughed. “Annulment?! Are you serious? Like we would ever—…” he stopped when he noticed that Yuna was thinking it over. “Yuna, we wouldn’t…right?” 

She looked at him, lost, totally thrown for a loop. “I don’t know.” 

This angered him. “You don’t know!? It should be obvious! Unless you regret this? Regret me?” 

“That’s not…I only meant…” 

Seymour hummed. “I can see this isn’t an easy decision for you both. Of course, an annulment must be mutually agreed on. I’ll leave you two to discuss it. I hope you reach the right decision, Sir Tidus.” And the bastard left. 

Tidus let out a yell, which startled Yuna. Then he followed it with, “Who does he think he is?! Thinking I’d go along with whatever he wants just because he’s a Maester! Disgusting!” 

Yuna hunched her shoulders and clasped her hands in front of her chest. 

“Well? What’s it going to be?” He asked, tone much harsher than he intended. 

“If it would be for the good of Spira—“

“No. Yuna. I’m not married to Spira, I’m married to you. Use terms like ‘I think’ and ‘I feel’ don’t just…regurgitate things that have been said to you!” 

She flushed, and turned her back to him. “I need some water.” 

He went to the door and opened it for her, taking deep breaths with each step. “Sure, let’s get you some water.” He tried to keep his voice steady. 

Out in the parlor, Seymour loitered with the rest of the party. When the door opened, they all turned to look. 

“You okay, brodda? We heard you scream.” 

“Peachy. Just peachy.” 

Yuna walked with purpose to the drink table and downed a glass of water. 

“What about you, Yunie? Your face is all red.” 

“Lord Seymour asked me to marry him,” She said sternly. 

“And?” Asked Auron, “you’re already married.” 

“But only recently, there’s still time for an annulment,” Seymour prodded again.

“Yes, the High Summoner gave up her marriage to someone she really cared about to marry for politics. Sounds very romantic and I’m sure Spira will love to hear it.” Auron bit. “Yuna and Tidus were married so that Yuna could have a support pillar during her journey, not so that the world could feel a little better for a day. When it all comes down to it, Sin must be defeated, and this is a distraction.” 

Tidus was going to hug that man the first minute they were alone. 

“But easing the suffering of Spira is the job of the summoners. Even if it was just a little while, Yuna has the ability to do so, and should act on it.” Seymour offered, with a grin that seemed pleasant. Then he tilted his head as he studied Auron. “If you’ll excuse me Sir. Why are you still here?” 

Auron did not answer. 

“Forgive me, we Guado are very keen to the Farplane scent.” 

“If you saw what I saw, you’d be drenched in the Farplane too.” He answered coldly. 

Then Seymour noticed Rikku, who had been doing her best to stay in the background. He frowned again, “And an Al Bhed as a guardian to a summoner? Isn’t that rather unbecoming, Lady Yuna?” 

“An Al Bhed?!” Wakka blurted, before whirling to look at Rikku. “You’re—?” 

“Yes…” 

“She can’t be a guardian! She doesn’t believe in Yevon!” 

“Yuna wanted her as a guardian. That’s all that matters,” Auron challenged. 

“Are you kidding? Al Bhed aren't allowed in the temples! How is she supposed to be a guardian? And just because you’re the most experienced one here, doesn’t mean you get to be the ultimate authority, ya?” 

“Kimahri not like situation.” 

“No kidding. I need some air.” Tidus left, without so much as an ‘excuse me’. He rushed out of the mansion, passing a smug Seymour, and doing everything in his body to not punch his lights out. 

Outside, Tidus climbed the bridge to the Farplane entrance, and sat on the edge, legs dangling. 

“Damn Seymour.” He muttered. How quickly everything had dissolved. A few well placed questions and everyone was at each other's throats. Why bring up Rikku being an Al Bhed? Was he just trying to get everyone to doubt Yuna’s judgement? 

How gross. 

“It’s not you, you know.” Yuna interrupted his thoughts. She knelt on the bridge next to him. 

“What? Is this the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech?” 

“No, because it’s really not you that’s at fault. You’ve been wonderful, Tidus. I’ve never been married before, but you’re the best husband I could ask for.” 

“Then what? Was our marriage just…a game to you? Just something fun to do on the journey? And now that someone with power comes along, you want to ditch me? For a marriage with meaning?!” 

“That’s a very cruel thing to say.” 

He growled to himself, pulling on his hair. “I’m sorry, I’m just—“ he sighed, finding a piece of patience. “Do you remember that girl I told you about? She and I were seeing each other in Zanarkand?” 

“Yes?” 

“Well…she did something like this before. Not marriage. But she would…break up with me. And she’d go and date someone else for a while, and then when it didn’t work out, she’d come and declare we were dating again. And I never tried dating anyone else in those breaks, because the pain of her rejection always hurt. She would just…try for something better, and she knew that when it didn’t work out, I’d be there waiting.” 

“That’s awful.” 

“It is. It sucked. I know this isn’t the same thing, though. You don’t love Seymour. You don’t even like him, do you?” 

“Love’s got nothing to do with it. I have to do what’s right for Spira.” 

“You’re already doing something huge for Spira by going on this pilgrimage! And we’re going to defeat Sin! Isn’t that enough?” 

“Tidus...I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I was using you. I care a lot about you, or else I wouldn’t have asked. But...I rushed into our marriage. I don’t want to make any decisions I regret. I want my journey to be meaningful.” 

“I thought you wanted it to be full of laughter?” 

She paused, staring at him. The words went unsaid. If they got their annulment and she married Seymour, there would be no more laughter. 

“I think I want to see my father,” she said. “He’ll have some answers for me.” 

Tidus shrugged, noncommittally. 

“I’ll go see if everyone else is ready to visit the Farplane.” 

Kimahri had followed Yuna, as was his way, and he stood back silently as they talked. When she rose to leave, he came over and rubbed Tidus’s head. 

“Hey!” 

“For what it worth, Kimahri like Tidus for Yuna. More than anyone.” That was all he said, and all he ever needed to say. 

Tidus swallowed thickly, emotion bubbling up inside of him. 

Was he losing his wife to someone she didn’t even love? 

Why did he care? This wasn’t a marriage of love either. It was a bucket list item. She was really giving him an out. 

So why did he want to fight so bad? 

Auron rubbed his head, just like Kimahri had. “Are you crying? I heard you’re quite the cry baby.” 

“I’m not crying.” 

“Sure.” 

“But I appreciate you standing up for me.” 

“I wasn’t necessarily standing up for you, more just against this whole thing. I don’t know what Seymour’s aim is. He certainly has enough fame and notoriety. And bringing up Rikku’s lineage? Low blow.” 

Just then, Rikku and Wakka came out of the mansion, arguing. Lulu stood nearby, arms crossed, maybe as a mediator. Yuna stood a few paces back, looking anxious.

“How can you say that Machina is harmless when it’s very clearly the cause of Sin?!” 

“It’s not clearly the problem if it’s still allowed by Yevon!” 

“Only some things are allowed! And only if we use them humbly and for help, not to rise to power. Those weapons you people used at Operation Mi’ihen is probably the reason Sin came there in the first place!” 

“First of all, I had nothing to do with that Operation. My family thought it was a bad idea, and we stayed away. Second of all, they had a Sinspawn as bait, so don’t place the blame on a few cannons!” 

Auron spoke up. “Rikku! Wakka! That’s enough! You’ll never agree on this, and arguing is pointless. You both want to protect Yuna, right?” 

“Yeah,” said Wakka. 

“Yes!” Said Rikku. 

“Then that’s what matters. Do that, and you’ll get along great.” 

“Really duct taping the team back together, aren’t we, Chief?” Tidus asked, with much sarcasm. 

“I could just let them yell at each other in the street. Then everyone in Guadosalam will know Lady Yuna travels with a band of hooligans.” 

“Kimahri not a hooligan. Kimahri is Ronso.”

Tidus smiled at him. “Okay big guy.” 

Lulu rounded up the two combatants and Yuna, like they were baby ducklings, and corralled them up towards Tidus. 

“To the Farplane then?” 

“To the Farplane.” Yuna said, the only one with any enthusiasm. 

As everyone walked on ahead, Tidus fell into step beside Yuna. “Hey.” 

“Hi.” 

“I’m sorry for yelling.” 

“Don’t apologize. You were justified in your anger.” 

They walked a while in silence, slowing their steps to put distance between them and the others. 

“I just want you to know…this marriage means more to me than I thought it would. I get that it was for convenience and to fulfill a pipe dream, but I like being with you. I liked waking up next to you the other night.” He flushed. “Um, what I’m trying to say is that if you’re trying to give me an out, or an excuse to leave, don’t. I’m content to stay.” Then he sighed and took her hand. “But if getting an annulment and marrying Seymour is what you want and what will make your journey easier, then I’ll let you go.” 

She squeezed his hand back. “I appreciate it. I’ll have your answer after I speak with my father.” 

[dorkzrul]

Demigods Deck The Halls

A sweet Percabeth fanfic about the first time that the two families meet, that is for Christmas Dinner at Sally's apartment. Lot of fluff and told mainly from Sally's perspective. Written for DeadKidWalking in the Percabeth Discord Server Secret Santa. Read and Review :) Sally’s P.O.V

I hear the bell ring just as I'm finishing up, setting the table. They must be here! I check the clock and see that it’s exactly 7 PM, they’re perfectly on time. I wipe my hands on my apron as I call out to Percy, “They’re here!”. I hear him scrambling down the stairs, probably fiddling with his hair or tie. He was so nervous when he was getting ready, I was thoroughly amused by it all. But, it’s cute that he wants to look his best for Annabeth. I hear the door open and I hear Percy greeting the Chase’s. I check on the food once more before joining Percy at the door. 

I see Percy blushing as Annabeth teases him and Frederick laughing along with them. “Hi! Welcome!”, I shake Frederick’s wife’s hand. “It's so nice to finally meet you! Thank you for having us over for Christmas dinner in your lovely home, Mrs Blofis. I’m Helen.” “I’m happy you came. Please, call me Sally.” “I hope we’re not early, Sally. Annabeth refused to let us leave any later”, Frederick adds with a laugh. “Oh no! We’re so glad that you came, early or late”, I respond. “It’s nice to meet you Annabeth, Percy talks a lot about you”, I smile at her, as Percy blushes, before bending down to be at eye level with the twins, “Hi, what are your names?” “ I’m Matthew and this is Bobby”, the taller boy tells me enthusiastically.

I offer to take all of their coats as they take off their shoes and enter. “Careful Annabeth! While taking off your coat, don’t mess up the hair you spent a half-hour on”, Frederick comments jokingly. Everyone, except a blushing Annabeth, laughs slightly. “Trying to look good for me, were you Wise Girl?”, Percy teases. “Don’t worry Annabeth, even Percy took an hour to get ready. He was so nervous before you came, his hands were wet with sweat!”, I reassured her. “Mom!”, Percy exclaims with a red face as Annabeth giggles lightly along with everyone else. Paul comes down the stairs just then and introduces himself to everyone as he shakes their hands.

I lead them all to the dining table, where the food is set up in the middle of the table with plates for each seat and cutlery along with it. “I had to add two more chairs because the table only seated six so I hope that it isn’t too tight a fit”, I say apologetically. “Of course not, we’ll all be okay!”, Annabeth quickly adds. As everyone sits down at the table, I uncover the dishes and take out the cutlery for serving. I can see everyone’s gazes on the food I made. “This is wonderful, Sally! It must have taken you ages to make all this”, Helen comments. “Not really, it was fun to make. I’m glad you like it”, I reply with a smile. The past two days, I’d busied myself making the meal, which included turkey and roast beef with drizzled cranberry sauce with a side of gravy, mashed potatoes, carrots and green beans for the main course; and Christmas pudding and fruit cake for dessert.

“Annabeth dear, can you say grace?”, I ask her from across the table. “Sure, Sally!” She says grace and then we all sit down to eat. No one talks much as we all dig into the delicious meal. “This is delicious!”, Paul remarks and everyone else nods and makes sounds of agreement. I blush scarlet, “Thank you so much!” As we eat dinner Helen, Frederick, Paul and I all talk about our respective jobs. We talk about my novels and some of the difficulties Paul faces dealing with and teaching high school kids. I learn that Frederick is an American and Military History professor at West Point and Paul and Frederick exchange notes on their styles of teaching. I also learn that Helen used to be an interior designer before she met Frederick and got married to him. After that, she moved to San Francisco with him and left her old job behind. She also tells me how her ex-husband (Bobby and Matthew’s father) had a drinking problem and is now in jail and she was so happy when she met Frederick and he wasn’t a bit like her first husband and how he has really helped her deal with things and has been a great stepdad to Bobby and Matthew. I also tell her about Gabe and how glad I was when I was finally rid of him, and then how I felt when Paul came along. 

Percy and Annabeth are excitedly talking about school and how Annabeth’s father has finally agreed to let her move to New York and attend Goode High School and how Annabeth and her dad are going to be looking for a place for her to stay sometime during their time in Manhattan. Matthew and Bobby are playing some game with their hands and cutlery which results in food falling all over the place and Helen has to stop every few minutes to reprimand them. I tell her that it’s okay and to let them play. It kind of reminds me of Percy at that age and how much fun we would have...

After we are all done eating Matthew and Bobby drag Percy and Annabeth away to play a game of Hungry Hippos and Paul and Helen volunteer to clear up the table and do the dishes in the kitchen. Frederick and I sit in the living room with cups of coffee looking at the four kids laughing and playing happily on the floor. I notice both Percy and Annabeth are playing with only one hand and upon closer inspection, I notice that they’re holding hands under the table. Percy looks at me for a second and I raise my eyebrows at him gesturing to the clasped hands under the table. He blushes and turns back to the game as I laugh at how embarrassed he looks to be caught.

I point this out to Frederick and he laughs heartily. Then he sighs and looks fondly at Annabeth. “I’m so glad that Annabeth decided to come back and forgive me. Also, that the war is over and all the worry and stress is no more.” I nod, “I felt the same way with Percy and more so because he’s Poseidon’s son. But it must have been worse for you, having to part with Annabeth so early on.” Percy had told me about how Annabeth had run away young and I am sure that it must have been extremely hard on Frederick. I have a lot of sympathy for him. 

He replies, “Honestly, at first, it didn’t seem like much. After Athena left her to me, I loved her but I always resented Athena for leaving me with a child I hadn’t wanted at first. Furthermore, to me, she was just a reminder of the time I spent with Athena and as she grew up, she began to look more and more like her mother and it eventually became too much for me to bear. When I met Helen, I was so glad to finally move on from Athena and settle into a normal, non-mythical life that I think I seemed to move on from Annabeth too because she was a reminder of my past and seemed to symbolise all my old feelings and troubles. I did love her but I always put her second, behind Helen and the twins. I think that made her feel as if I didn’t love her at all. Also, my work kept me quite busy and I think Helen always had a grudge against Annabeth as she seemed to her a reminder of my previous relationship with Athena and apparently Annabeth was mistreated by her and the twins hated her too. However, in my perspective, Helen and the twins seemed to be making an effort while Annabeth simply hated them and put all of us in trouble due to her being a demigod. This all lead up to her feeling unwanted and unloved and so she ran away. Helen and the twins didn’t seem to care much and at first, I thought it was just a mood and of course she would come back. When she didn’t, I was very worried and I tried my hardest to find her but I only found her after many years when she wrote to me, and I hear that was because Percy encouraged her to. I am extremely grateful to him for that.

“I was stunned. On one hand, I know that he loved Annabeth to bits and it must have hurt him tremendously when she ran away, but it was also partially his fault for making her feel unloved enough to run away and seemingly preferring Helen and the twins over her. But overall, I do understand his plight and I feel bad for him. As a parent, I understand how painful it would be to lose your child, and at such a young age too. It would break my heart if Percy was to run away and I might not be able to endure it. “I understand your pain, Frederick. When Poseidon left me with Percy, I wanted to run away and create a new life for us where we could be normal and Percy would never have to face the dangers. He also looks just like Poseidon and every time I looked at him, I would be reminded of my past with Poseidon. But I would never have been able to bear him running away. I am sorry for that. I tried my best to prevent that by marrying Gabe. However bad of a husband he may have been, he kept Percy safe and I was grateful for that. Even finally having him learn his true origins and leaving me at twelve hurt me. I cannot begin to understand your pain”, I respond. 

He smiles sadly, “After I finally reconnected with Annabeth, I felt such relief. I had honestly not known if she were alive or dead for those horrible five years. But even after that, I was always filled with worry at the thought of her going on those dangerous missions and quests and after each one, it felt like a great weight had been taken off my shoulders, until I learned she was going on another, more dangerous quest.” I nodded, “With Percy, I was always scared of the Great Prophecy that I had been told off by Grover and every quest seemed more dangerous than the last. I almost wanted to lock him up somewhere secret just so my baby could be safe. I couldn’t bear the thought of something happening to him.” 

“I feel that. When Annabeth and I had our falling out about my move to San Francisco and she left, I was terrified of something happening to her and me not knowing of it. When Percy turned up at my house with his friends and told me Annabeth was in trouble, I almost felt my heart stop. Even after they left, I couldn’t help myself going up to the battlefield and helping her out myself. I wanted to see that she was safe and sound with my own eyes. When I finally met her, it felt like all was right in the world again.” 

“I went through something similar when Percy and Nico came to ask for my blessing for Percy to become immortal with a dip in the Styx because I knew that if something happened, I would only have myself to blame as I was the one who allowed him to do that in the first place. I knew the risk of letting him do it and I knew that there was a chance that he could drown in the Styx but I still let him do it. He wanted it so badly and I knew that I couldn’t stop him but to this day, I fear for what could have happened that day because of my decision. When I didn’t hear back from him, I immediately thought the worst and drove as fast as I could to the Empire State Building to see if it was true. That was when the city fell asleep and after I woke up and saw him, it felt like I was floating. We were in the middle of a war and I almost didn’t care just because he was alright. Letting him go into that building alone was extremely hard and it seemed that I couldn’t breathe properly until the Empire State Building lit up blue and I knew he was okay. I felt like I could finally live again after that. I had been consumed by terror and worry before that and only when I knew he was okay did I feel okay” 

“All the way from San Francisco, I had no idea what was going on in New York and when I saw the news, I knew immediately that something was wrong and I was panicking because Annabeth wasn’t picking up her phone, despite knowing that demigods and technology don’t bode well together. Until she finally Iris messaged me and told me that everything was okay, I felt like I was being pulled apart by anxiety. I felt light-headed at that, I was so overjoyed. I couldn’t wait for the end of summer so that I could finally meet my baby girl. I am so proud of the mature, beautiful strong woman she has become, despite all the hardships she faced. She has come a long way and I am filled with pride at the person she is today.

“I smile at that, “I am equally proud of Percy. He has grown up so much and has become so strong and brave. I know that he’s no longer my little boy anymore and he has blossomed into a wonderful young man. I’m also glad that he has found his match in Annabeth, she’s a wonderful girl and they look very happy together” “I think so too. They make a wonderful couple but I do long for those days when she was just my little girl”. “Don’t we all”, I say, laughing. We get up and go to the kitchen just as Percy and Annabeth disappear into Percy’s room. “Leave the door open”, I say, jokingly. “Mo-o-o-o-o-m”, Percy cries, embarrassed.

Annabeth’s P.O.V

Percy and I were playing Hungry Hippos with Matthew and Bobby when he suddenly tells me to come over to his room because he wants to give me my gift. I’m so glad he got me a gift! I got him one but I wasn’t sure if he would. We get up and I quickly grab my gift for him before we go into his room and just as we reach, we hear Sally call out, “Leave the door open”. I giggle as Percy blushes scarlet and responds to his mom, embarrassed. He tells me to close my eyes and hold out my hands.

I do it and I feel him place a small, velvet box in my hands. I open my eyes and then slowly open the box to find a beautiful pendant made of a piece of red coral. I gasp, “It’s beautiful! I love it so much! Where did you get it, Seaweed Brain?”, I ask him as I hook it onto my camp necklace. “I found it when I was swimming in the sea once”, he said, grinning. “Thank you!”, I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer, softly kissing him. He grins wider. “You’re welcome”, he says hugging me tight. 

“Now open my present”, I tell him excitedly, handing the small, festive bag to him. He eagerly pulls out all the colourful paper and tosses it aside, pulling out a box. He opens it to see a thin rope bracelet with a trident charm I had Jake (the head of the Hephaestus cabin) make. “Thanks Wise Girl! It’s so cool!”, he says as he pulls it on. “But that’s not all”, I say excitedly as I press the bottom of the trident’s handle and a little spark of electricity shoots out of the trident onto the wall. It makes a sizzling sound as it hits the wall and leaves a small black mark on it. “Ooops”, I say, guiltily. I turn to Percy to apologize but suddenly feel him lifting me off the ground and twirling me around, tightly hugging me. “That’s awesome! I love it!”, he says grinning widely. I smile widely at him, “I’m so happy you like it.” 

Just as he puts me down, I hear my dad calling out for me. It must be time to leave. I kiss him quickly once more before we come out of the room and walk to the door. I quickly put on my shoes and coat as dad, Helen and the twins say goodbye to Sally and Paul. I hug Sally goodbye and shake hands with Paul to say goodbye. I hug Percy tightly and whisper “Goodbye”, softly into his ear. Dad and Helen once more thank Sally and then we leave. Before we get into the lift to go down, I quickly turn around and blow Percy a kiss. He jokingly pretends to catch it as he waves goodbye one last time. I laugh as I get into the lift. This was the best Christmas ever!

THE END

[yourmandevine]

Some stuff that made me happy in 2020, in no particular order

God send you no greater loss. It’s something my grandmother said a lot — a bit of highly Irish Catholic wisdom intended to remind you, warmly but sharply, that whatever you’re currently suffering through isn’t all that bad compared to what lots of other people are dealing with. That it probably isn’t too much to complain about, in the grand scheme of things. That you should, instead, be grateful for what you’ve got, big and small and everything in between.

God sent a great many people a great many unfathomable losses this year, and as hard as it felt at times, our family wasn’t among them; we’re lucky, in the big picture. In the past, people have recommended I try writing those reasons down, to give myself a list of stuff to be thankful for, for the times it’s tough to summon up the gratitude. I figured the end of the year was as good a time as any to make that list, to highlight the stuff that helped me get through this year — the reasons big, small, and in between.

So: here goes.

Peanut butter and jelly

I haven’t counted how many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I’ve eaten since March 11, which is good, because that would be an absurd thing to do, and a sure sign that I have succumbed to a very specific kind of madness. It’s also good, though, because I would undoubtedly be ashamed by the number; the figure would be titanic, like the unsinkable ship of same name, or the iceberg that sunk it.

Or, at least, I would be ashamed under normal circumstances. This fuckin’ year required whatever flotation device you could find, and you know what I found in the fridge and cupboard? A couple of slices of bread, some strawberry jam, and some goddamn Skippy.

Need a weird mid-morning “brunch” after not having breakfast because you went right from waking up to remote school with the 6-year-old? Crank up a PB&J with that third cup of coffee. Need to pack something in the diaper bag to feed everyone while you’re out at the playground for the afternoon? Stack ‘em up, son. Need a late snack after working the overnight shift filing weird bubble playoff columns? Three letters, one ampersand, one love.

I need to eat better in 2021. But I kind of needed to eat sort of like shit to get through 2020, and time and again, when your man needed it most, PB&J was there.

Sunday night Zoom sessions with college friends

I know that most of us started something like this back in March; I’m not sure how many have stuck with it. I hope the answer is “a lot,” because honestly, knowing that I’m going to end the week by seeing a few friends — some here in Brooklyn but mostly beyond our reach for safety’s sake, some who’ve moved away — has felt like a stabilizing agent on more than a few occasions. It’s important, and no small blessing, to have people in your life who really know you, weird messy ugly bits and all, and in front of whom you can let everything go.

That gallery view’s provided a place to vent, to seethe, to laugh, to cry, and to try to find some semblance of center before heading back into another week. I’m grateful for it, and for the people in those little boxes. Except for the time they reminded me that, when I was 18, I was pretty sure I was a Pacey, and they were all extremely confident I was a Dawson. They were right, but still: a bitter pill to swallow, then and now.

Olivia calling herself “Dr. Bloody”

She took out her little toy doctor kit and just turned into a cackling villain.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Dan Devine (@yourmandevine)

Deeply disconcerting, yes, but also adorable.

All Fantasy Everything

What got me in the door was the conceit: three very funny stand-up comedians (Ian Karmel, David Gborie, Sean Jordan), often with a very funny guest but sometimes without, pick some topic or another and engage in a fantasy draft of their favorite aspects or representations of that topic. (It is, crucially, a serpentine draft. Now what is that? That’s a great question.) Some favorite examples: Mikes; Words That You Think Make You Sound Smart, vols. 1 and 2; Things You Yell After You Dunk on Someone; Fictional Athletes; Crimes We’d Like to Commit. Yeah. It’s that kind of podcast.

What kept me around was the friendship. Listen to an episode and it becomes really clear really quickly just how much the three hosts love each other, how much fun they have being around each other and making one another laugh. The warmth radiates, just pours out of the speakers; in a year where I sorely needed some good vibes, I appreciated my regular check-ins with the Good Vibes Gang to just ... unclench for an hour and a half or so. 

Drinking beer

OK, I’ll admit: This doesn’t sound great for me. It’s true, though. I really like beer. (We brewed one in our kitchen, which I realize is something of a “bearded guy in Brooklyn” cliche, but here we are. It was exciting to complete a project, and it tasted OK-ish.) At some points this year, it didn’t feel like there wasn’t much to look forward to, and sometimes drinking some High Lifes or Narragansett tall boys — with my wife in our living room, with friends on the computer, whatever — helped take the edge off a shitty day/week/month/year. I look forward to being able to do that outside with people again.

The Good Place

I am sure some very smart cultural critics and political thinkers and social revolutionaries have forwarded compelling arguments for why this show is Bad, Actually, because that seems to be more or less true about most things, whether because said thing is Actually Bad or because the economics of the attention economy on the internet functionally necessitate the composition and publication of pretty much every position on pretty much every issue, and especially ones that present a counterargument for why you shouldn’t like the thing you like, and might be kind of a piece of shit for liking it. But I liked this half-hour comedy about the way the universe might be put together, why we should try to take better care of each other, and how doing so might be a pretty great way to take better care of ourselves.

Andrew let me write about it a little bit for a big project we did before the series finale aired, which was really nice of him. I found myself thinking about this part a lot this year:

I also thought a lot about Peeps Chili, but that happens every year.

Taking pictures of my dog

Check out this flumpy goddamn champion:

“Lugar is a good boy” is the main takeaway here. They don’t all have to be complicated.

Schitt’s Creek

I know we’re not alone in this, but we inhaled this show this year. A half-hour comedy about people being laid low, learning how to deal with who they actually are, and finding some grace and community and opportunities for growth kind of hit the spot, I guess.

One of the most wholesale enjoyable ensemble comedy casts I can remember; Catherine O’Hara was already in Cooperstown, but what she made with Moira Rose only polishes her plaque. I’ll never be able to describe with any specificity the thing Chris Elliott does, but I know it has made me laugh since I was a child too young to understand the Letterman bits or see Cabin Boy in the theater, and it’s probably going to make me laugh until I am dead.

I love that people who, for years, never got to see themselves or people like them on screen got to see David Rose on screen and maybe recognize themselves a little bit. The idea that seeing the David/Patrick relationship might make them maybe feel a little more at home, a little safer and more whole, makes me happy. Sad, about the before, but happy, about the now and the what comes next.

Past that, I just love how what was ostensibly a family-and-friends production for a Canadian channel just got absolutely everything right—the tone, the look, the sound, the theme song, the cast, the jokes, my goodness, the jokes—and before long, the rest of the world just got it. Like catching a fastball square on the barrel. Something the show clearly knew a little bit about.

Finding new outdoor places it was safe to go

Necessity is the mother of invention, and the need to give the kids a place to be that wasn’t unnecessarily dangerous but also wasn’t inside our two-bedroom apartment led us to do more exploring than we had before. Shirley Chisholm State Park is great. Canarsie Pier was a fun place to spend a Sunday morning; so’s Canarsie Playground. If we got there early enough or made our peace with some rain, the beaches at Jacob Riis Park and Fort Tilden were pretty rad this summer. I lived in Staten Island from ages 8 through 18, and during breaks throughout college, and don’t think I ever hiked in High Rock Park — that’s dumb, because it was nice!

Even if all those little excursions did was kill a little time and reduce the overall stress level of the four humans stuck in our four walls, that’s not nothing. Some days this year, it was everything.

Cobra Kai

I know I’m late here; I didn’t rush to seek it out because I don’t consider myself a huge fan of The Karate Kid, or at least not a big enough fan to sign up for YouTube’s premium service. I checked it out when it came to Netflix, though, and I honestly can’t believe how much I enjoyed this show. Give me “dumb, but with heart” every day of the week.

I believe in Miguel Diaz; I believe in Johnny Lawrence; I believe I will be firing up Season 3 next month, and perhaps drinking some Coors Banquets in its honor. (I cannot, however, believe how the “get him a body bag” thing came back around, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Closing unread tabs

I’m a serial hoarder of links, and I am bad at finishing all of them. I’ve tried to get into Pocket and Instapaper, but I’ve never been able to turn that sort of workflow — open link, save to third-party service, go back to third-party service later to read, then delete from there — into something that felt instinctual, natural, or habitual. So: lots of tabs. Like, lots of tabs.

This was a dicier proposition than usual in 2020, because cutting my work week in half to be able to more effectively coparent two kids who didn’t have school or day care for most of the year meant less time to read things.

I tried to do my best to keep up with the important stuff for work, and to read at least some stuff about how other parents were dealing with their anxiety/anger/depression/frustration at having to be on 24/7 and work, and to stay abreast of (at least some of) what was happening in the world. Sometimes, though, I would wake up and realize I’d been holding onto blog posts about Really Interesting Rotation Decisions on the 11th-Seeded Team in the East or whatever for literally nine months, and I would go against my nature and just hit the eject button on a 25-deep window, and something amazing would happen: I wouldn’t get fired for being shitty at my job. I would move on with my day, and I would feel about 10 pounds lighter.

I still keep too much stuff open. (As we speak, I’ve got three different Chrome windows open on two different laptops. I choose not to count the total tabs.) But I do so knowing that, if it gets too heavy, I can experience the momentary joy of surrendering to the inevitability that I can’t catch everything. In that moment, I feel OK with my decay.

Reading writers I wasn’t familiar with before

Two in particular stand out in my mind: Nekias Duncan, now of BasketballNews.com, who does excellent film breakdowns and statistical analysis, and Katie Heindl, who writes basketball stuff of all types all over the place, and strings sentences together in a way that scratches an itch inside my brain. I’m grateful I got more chances to read them this year, I look forward to bigger and better things for both of them, and I’m hopeful that, if things calm down and our schedules go back to something approximating normalcy, I’ll have more bandwidth to hunt out more new voices in the year ahead.

The time I ambushed my wife as she was trying to break down and put away the girls’ space tent

Pretty good.

Siobhan learning to ride a bicycle (with training wheels, but still)

The moment passed pretty quickly; Not Exactly A Mechanic over here can’t get the training wheels to reliably work right without either loosening them too much or tightening them so much that she can’t pedal it. In that first moment, though, and for as long as it lasted, it was really great to see her get excited about doing something new, big kid shit, for the first time.

She was proud. I was proud of her. And then we went to a playground for a few hours. Pretty good day.

Tyler Tynes roasting me

Tyler did some incredible work this year — The Cam Chronicles is getting deserved praise as one of 2020′s best podcasts, and his reporting on the Movement for Black Lives was exemplary. It’s hard to top this, though:

You know what the messed up part is? I was excited to tell him what I was doing, just because I knew the reaction would be so violent. Like a body rejecting a transplant. So lucky to have such a dear, dear friend.

PUP

I’m late on everything, so I didn’t start listening to PUP until the spring of 2019, but I haven’t really stopped since. This year has been too sedentary too often; this band is too kinetic to allow me to stay there.

“Bloody Mary Kate and Ashley Kate” is never more than about 20 minutes away from returning to the front of my mind. I would fucking love for it to be safe enough to watch these guys live at some point, and I am absolutely going to take Steve up on his offer.

Someone sending me a shirt based on a joke I tweeted

First:

Then:

Then:

I’m not sure you should be rewarding my behavior, SnoCoPrintShop, but I appreciate it all the same.

Which reminds me:

Family dinner/family movie night

My wife works in Manhattan and commutes back on the train, and we've tried to prioritize getting the girls to bed early since they were little, so that doesn’t leave much of a window between when she gets home and they go in the tub for us all to connect; before everything shut down, we almost never really ate together. We’re still not great about it, but for a while now we’ve carved out Saturday as family dinner night, where we sit down to eat and talk about our “up” from the day — something that happened that made us feel good or happy, or something we’re looking forward to. (We used to talk about our “down,” too, but that kind of seemed like overkill. Why try to focus on more bad shit right now, you know?)

Then we settle in for a movie, with who gets to pick rotating each week. It’s mostly been Pixar, which has been great but also has its drawbacks; after she caught me crying during one of them (maybe the Bing-Bong scene in Inside Out? or Miguel singing to Grandma Coco?), Siobhan straight up told me, “You need to get yourself together, man.” We just watched My Neighbor Totoro, too, which they loved, so we’re probably going to try some more Miyazaki soon. It’s a really simple thing, but it’s one we rarely made time for before, and it’s been really nice to manufacture something positive that we can share and look forward to together.

Sometimes looking like a shiftless drifter

No shade to anyone who felt strongly about getting a lineup or whatever, but I haven’t really felt like going to the barbershop was worth the risk, and I continue to refuse to believe that my wife can actually pull off the fade she’s long wanted to give me. (It is also possible that she just means she’s intending to run my fade, and that I will before long wind up cold-cocked and slumped by my bride of nine years.) So I’ve just kind of been growing out my hair like it was when I was single, and sometimes been letting my beard get kind of out of control too, and, well, I sort of like looking a little bit like a Wildling, it turns out.

I have since trimmed things up a little. It didn’t go over well with my youngest. Oh, well. I’ll try to do better next time.

My wife and daughter singing the Pixies

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Dan Devine (@yourmandevine)

We don’t know all the words to too many lullabies, so we sing the ones we do know the words to. This will probably come back to bite us in the years ahead. For now, though: Pretty good.

Doughboys’ Tournament of Chompions: Munch Madness: Mac Attack

I can’t believe how invested I became in Nick Wiger and Mike Mitchell’s quest to determine the best menu item at McDonald’s in a 64-seed tournament that spawned hours and hours of delightfully funny audio featuring all-time home-run guests like Jon Gabrus and Nicole Byer, who gleefully feed into the often warm, sometimes antagonistic, always entertaining chemistry between the two hosts. I have also never found myself wanting to go to McDonald’s more in my entire life. I have hit the drive-thru a couple of times since, and the boys are right: The McDonald’s fountain Coke does just hit different.

Sound Only

I’ve lost track of whether or not a 38-year-old is considered a millennial, but I’m quite confident that I’m not exactly plugged into “the millennial lifestyle” as my teammates Justin Charity and Micah Peters discuss it on their podcast, which relaunched this summer. Doesn’t matter, though, because I love hearing Charity and Micah talk to each other even if I don’t know what they’re talking about.

Their conversation about Dave Chappelle was great. After listening to their Travis Scott episode, I felt like I kind of understood who he is and why he occupies the space he does in pop culture now. I had no idea how they were going to get me to give a shit about set photos from The Batman, but this they not only got me there, but wended their way toward blaming 50 Cent for needing to know who Groot is to have a conversation on the internet, which is something for which Abraham Lincoln did not die. The show is good, it's getting better, it’s fun to hear them talk their shit, and Charity’s regular bellowing of “I, TOO, AM AMERICA” has made me smile for four straight months. 

Siobhan’s letters and notes

She’s in first grade now, and she’s taken to communicating her feelings through the written word. A lot.

I won’t pretend that I loved all of these in the moment. I can only get so upset, though, when she’s already writing with such a clear voice. (And trying to use proper punctuation. (And drawing little cartoons to drive the point home.)

Palm Springs

I’m having a hard time remembering too many specifics about it right now, which probably means it’d be a good thing to rewatch over the holidays. But, as I’m sure many people noted many months before we got around to watching it, a comedy about living the same day over and over again, and about trying to figure out how to make your life mean something when everything seems meaningless, scratched a pretty particular, and particularly important, itch this year. It could’ve been twice as long, and I would’ve eaten up every second of Andy Samberg and Cristin Miloti together.

I’m pretty sure I cried, although this year, that doesn’t necessarily mean much.  Also, put Conner O’Malley in more things.

Joining our union’s bargaining committee

I won’t say too much about this, but I will say that becoming an active participant in the process of a labor union negotiating its first contract with management has been an extremely educational experience. It’s pushed me to have conversations, sometimes difficult ones, about our priorities as a staff and a company. It's helped me get closer with the other past and present members of the BC, and has led me to start developing relationships with members of our staff that I otherwise might not have had much of an opportunity to get to know.

The organizing work takes time, effort, and energy, but trying to do what I can to help take better care of my colleagues has been well worth all of that. Here’s hoping that in 2021 we can reach a deal that helps make our workplace even better, stronger, and more equitable for all of us.

Publishing a story about Stevie Nicks’ Fajita Roundup

I swear this is true: After I accepted my offer to work at The Ringer, but before I started, I told a friend that one thing I was excited about was that you had the chance to work on offbeat stuff here, in both the “kind of weird” and “not about the NBA” senses. That, I thought, might maybe open the door to me getting to write a story about a Saturday Night Live sketch I saw when I was a teenager about Stevie Nicks from Fleetwod Mac running a cheap Tex-Mex restaurant in Sedona, Arizona — a sketch that I wasn’t sure anyone else remembered, but that was stuck in my head forever.

That story ran on May 26.

A lot of people seemed to like it.

Accomplishing this goal was, as dumb as this might sound, a highlight of my year, and, honestly, a highlight of my career. I’d like to do some more stuff like this next year, time permitting; we’ll see. Whether or not I do, I got to do this. I’ll always have that.

[kodoku-roxi]

songs: Eminem- Till I Collapse || Three Days Grace- I Am Machine || Imagine Dragons- Believer

info:

   From the moment he was created he was subjected to intense and unrelenting training. For nine months Phantom experienced exhausting workouts and daily struggles, and most importantly after each defeat he experienced agonizing pains that made him not only no longer feel the normal pain caused by different factors, it mentally destroyed him so as to defeat his opponents at any cost. Fear of that pain, fear of not being subjected to those terrible pains again when he doesn't win a fight or if he shows a trace of exhaustion, this turned Phantom into what his owner wanted, a perfect assassin, a machine that listens to every order and performs any task successfully. But what his owner doesn't know is that there will always be errors in any system. His last mission, and the one he was created for, was to destroy the person who would later become his father and his greatest hero.

More info:          

   ◇He cannot control his anger, but sometimes Smoke and Viper manage to calm him down, very rarely.    ◇He is open to new experiences and loves to learn new things.    ◇He doesn’t give up easily in terms of goals or his missions, when he has a mission he takes it to the end, whatever it takes, however, he cannot put his team at risk, often taking extreme and suicidal measures just so that no intervention of this kind is required from his people.    ◇Loves fights, often participates in illegal fights and although he pushes his limits and suffers severe injuries, but he can not give up on them.    ◇He loves Russian roulette, he doesn't know why, but he just loves it.    ◇His problem with alcohol always pulls him back but he doesn't want to admit it.    ◇Has a serious problem regarding his father, he can't and doesn't want to disappoint him, he is afraid of disappointing him. That is why for almost a hundred years since he lost all power he has not talked to him and not even given a sign of life. He is very grateful for the fact that he saved him from the nightmare in which he was built and gave him a chance to live, that's why he always tried to thank his father and tried not to give him a reason to believe that his adoption was a mistake.    ◇He loves motorcycles, when he is stressed he likes to ride so he can calm down, this being the only 'good' thing to do when he is stressed, the other two are drinking or fighting. But most of the time accidents happen, some harmless and some really serious.    ◇One day he was buried alive by some people who really wanted to get rid of him, and for three days he stayed there until his team managed to find him and save him. Thus he developed a slight taphophobia.    ◇He has a black viper that accompanies him everywhere named Hero. He has been a family heirloom for generations, and a very good friend of his family. Hero knows all of Phantom's secrets, and Phantom is the only one in the team who can talk and understand Hero.    ◇He couldn’t see colors due to an accident, he can only sees shades of gray. Due to small changes that he has made he can sometimes see red, green, blue or yellow but very erased. The color he can see the most often is red.    ◇Viper and Smoke are very important to him, and he would do anything for them.    ◇Even though he cannot trust anyone, he still has a few people he can rely on.    ◇His biggest fear is to go back to his creator. The torture and the pain that awaits him if he is found and brought back gives him discomfort when he leaves the base and terrible nightmares.    ◇He has two tattoos, one on the right arm and one on the back.    ◇He has a hidden passion for piano, when he was young his father didn't force him to do certain activities, but the piano was an exception. He wanted his son to learn to play the piano just as his father wanted him to learn to play the piano.    ◇When they found another base, Phantom built an almost identical replica of his father's piano. And Phantom is playing the piano every time he is stressed or when he just wants to.    ◇He’s not a good English speaker and usually uses terms and phrases from the Romanian language. And when he is stressed or nervous he tends to say some words and sentences in this language. During the panic attacks caused by his claustrophobia, he completely forgets any language he learned and speaks only in Romanian.    ◇In his youth, he participated in many activities to make his father proud. And he really liked basketball and painting, yet he couldn't learn how to swim. Fortunately, he currently knows how to swim but he doesn't really care about this, he just wants his father to know that.    ◇Not only does he feel uncomfortable without his helmet, he even has a good reason for refusing to take off his helmet. He has a horrible scar on his face since the explosion of his first base.

***this post will be updated with new information.

Have a nice day~

[bdneiceme]

Changes....

Every year, at the end of the year, I always do a reflection of what the year has taught me. More recently I began writing Facebook posts, but 2019 taught me so much that I figured a blog would be much better...

2019, all in all, wasn’t a bad year at all. Uncomfortable? Extremely! Bad? No. I will say, it definitely wasn’t “my year”. I grew in ways that I could of never guessed. I hit record lows, but I gracefully recovered. And with God’s grace I’ll be blessed to enter into the last year of my 20s next week. So here are some take-a-ways that I learned.

1. Rejection is necessary. I can honestly say, my life has been extremely easy for the most part. The life I’ve experienced doesn’t hold a candle to some of my friends. It was imperative that I understood the string of losing, and constantly losing at that, so that I could appreciate how much life has been a breeze. I have seen more closed doors this year than ever in my life. I was angry. I was pissed. It was everybody else, and never me. It became a lot...It wasn’t until I talked to God that I understood that the rejection was protection. Even though the closed door looked like the end of the World, what was on the side coulda been way worse. Learning to take rejection and not turn it inward is an uphill battle, but 2019 definitely equipped me to better navigate those feelings. I’m grateful.

2. Love isn’t enough. With Disney+ shaking the table and having all streaming sites shook, it’s a good time to revisit a lot of our favorite childhood movies. When I was a Therapist I would refer to the “Disney effect” that many Millennials, in my opinion, are cursed with. We saw so many Princesses fall in love, go through trauma, but in the end true love prevailed. In my own opinion, we allowed Disney to romanticize some downright awful relationship standards and through some fairy tale music to it. And now many of us still follow under the unction that “true love” will always be enough. I believed it too, until it wasn’t. I found myself in a relationship this year that I was literally blindsided with. I ignored all logic and hanging out a few times a week turned into a year and half of complete and utter bullshit. Time wasted because love wasn’t enough. That little voice, the pit in your stomach, the lump in your throat...that’s not fear of commitment. That’s God literally giving you signs that, “This ain’t it Chief!” Listen to it ! If you start allowing it, you’ll have to continue to allow it and you don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve that. So I cleaned the slate. I pay T-Mobile every month for an alarm clock, but that’s okay. The peace I have is so much greater. I guess my first point goes hand-in-hand with this one. Though I felt rejected, I THANK GOD FOR HIS PROTECTION ! I’m grateful. P.S. Don’t become what hurt you !

3. “No new friends”. When Drake released that track I instantly caught an attitude. At the time, my new friends was better than my old ones and I didn’t get it. Until I did. I felt so alone this year. Not depressed. Just alone. This year I had to depend on me. I didn’t have the support that I desired, I wanted. I went through some of the darkest moments of my life alone. This isn’t a jab at my friends, but I had no idea how much I needed to be alone. I needed to depend on me and only me. I had to be isolated. I didn’t need anyone to try to sugarcoat the reality of me at a fork in the road. I couldn’t afford to fallback into the same pattern of things. Truth is some of the closest people to you will stunt your growth because they don’t want to see you grow, because what happens when they outgrow you? So they plant seeds by telling you it’s everybody else and not you. So while you stay stagnant, they grow, and eventually they’re the ones that outgrow you ! I thought I was abandoned. Friends that I thought I could lean on, I realized quickly, they were not my friends. Friends I had for years were now acquaintances. I was alone. But in those moments, I found me. I had the tough conversations about my own toxic, negative behavior, and in those moments I became a better version of myself. And now I’ve met me again. I’ve been able to meet people,and let my own guard down, who really do care about little ole me. I’ve rekindled friendships that I hindered, some hindered me. But all-in-all, I’m grateful.

4. The power of no. I give great advice. Like really good, but I don’t always listen to my own, but I do give it. I had to learn to say no. This year I felt so drained, until I started saying no. I really do think it means something when someone calls when they could of called anybody. But in the same breath, can you call them? Because of that little revelation I’ll tell someone in a heartbeat now, HELL NO ! Lol but serious when I’m not in a good head space, I tell people I’m sorry, I can’t today, we’ll have to talk about it later. I’m not losing my own sanity so you can process through yours. I’m not caring the weight of your burdens so I can weigh my own self down. I can’t. I won’t. Stress literally triggers so many physical responses that I literally started dealing with my anxiety again. Like can’t breath, gotta take a walk or a drive because I’m so overwhelmed, overstimulated. So I learned to say no. The attitudes will catch you off guard initially, but the freedom of ‘no’ goes a long way. My phone LIVES on DND 🤧 because I’m allowed to be selfish with my time. I’m allowed to not want to hear bad news. My spirit feels lighter. My mind stop racing, I was able to rest, all because I learned the power of no. I’m grateful.

5. Silence is golden. My mother used to tell me all the time that just because something needs to be said doesn’t mean you have to be the spokesperson. Earlier in the year I defended someone who I truly do care about. Ch...I got called everything but a child of God after I did it lol. It doesn’t matter what was actually said, because of my personality anything I say or do is always dragged to the 10th degree. So by the time I read through texts and phone calls, I was, yet again, the wrong one. But the situation taught me that because people already have so many preconceived notions about who and what we are anyway, why waste my time, energy and breath. Learning to silence myself and let things be what they’ll be has truly been a journey. I internalize a lot. Like a lot. I genuinely like to be liked by people. But this year I learned those committed to misunderstanding you will always do just that. I may do some off the wall stuff but my heart is pure. I’ve helped people who have slandered my name and I never told a soul what they did to me, and never will. As sure as I’m writing this blog, it’ll come out. It always does. But I what I have to learn to do is not allow someone to pull that type of behavior out of me. I even started going back to therapy because of it. I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m grateful.

6. It’s okay to be mad, just don’t stay mad. I’ve spent so much of my life bitter. Truth is I wasn’t over so many of the things that were done to me and instead of telling someone I let it turn me bitter. I was angry. I was hurting. I saw so many of my peers have people to lean on and mentor them through the processes and then there was me....I hated it. I still felt like a 6 year old little girl some days. As a child, I was talked about like I was grown. So once I got older, I learned to snap back 10x harder to ensure the disrespect would never occur again. You hurt my feelings? Cool, I’ll demolish yours. 🤷🏽‍♀️ But at 28 who tf wants to live like that? I wasn’t raised like that. It was draining. Then people looked at me to be the bitter one. You know the “jokes” they tell but in all actuality it’s the shade they don’t want to say flat out. It was my narrative. I was sick of it. Letting that fester....it ate at me. I had to give it to God. I always desired to be like everybody else until God touched my heart. It’s a process, but I’m better ! He’s healing me. Working on me. Allowing me the unique opportunity to grow through my own issues has allowed me to give grace to others for theirs. I’m grateful.

7. I’m sorry. I’m ending the blog with 7 points because this one is the most important. I’m learning to take responsibility for my own mistakes. Having the courage to embrace my own shortcomings. I apologize to those I ridiculed, betrayed, lied to, beat up 🥴, humiliated, embarrassed and disrespected. I know this doesn’t excuse the offense, but from the bottom of my heart I’m sorry. In my own disappointments and insecurities I took it out on you, and that you didn’t deserve. Learning to swallow your own pride makes room for the blessings you let pass you by, because your heart wasn’t in the right place. My heart is healing and I literally squirm thinking about some of my past behaviors. At the time, I meant every bit of it, because I was operating from a hurt place. I never gave myself an apology for the person I was trying to survive. I’m trying. Learning to not allow what happened to me, consume me. Forgiving myself for every mistake. Owning who I am and who I am called to be. I don’t want to turn 40 and then start living life 😕 I want to do it now. But I couldn’t get to it because I was my own stumbling block. God has a funny way of humbling you, but what he will do is just that, humble you ! And because of that humility, I can now let some light in I know how wrong I was, but the glory is...it’s a process...but I’m grateful.

I made sure to end every point with ‘I’m grateful’ because I truly am grateful. I’m grateful for it all. The good. The bad. The ugly. I’m grateful. Why? Because I’m still here, so that means it didn’t kill me. It could of, but it didn’t ! This year, this decade....taught me so much. My goodness my 20s taught me some things okay lol but I thank God for the grace He gave me to try to get it right. I’m ready for Scene 29 and I am beyond ready to see what 2020 has to offer ! I deserve it ! Be grateful !

[oscurolibelle]

A Princess and the Pea Story - Madatobi Fairytale #2

Elements: Young Men Seeking Refuge, Shinobi deceiving each other, Tobirama accidentally infiltrates the Uchiha Main House, oops Inspiration: The Messed Up Origins of Princess and the Pea | Fables Explained - Jon Solo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OH9bmjpr-Nw

Music to listen to while reading: 月下情人(월하정인) (Two Lovers Under Moonlight) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ah2K1Er0ik He was a good heir. He really was. Got up early every morning. Tended to his little brothers' needs, followed around his older brother as his partner to help him in his duties. That was until Kou fell in battle. Madara mourned him like any good Uchiha would, and watched darkly as his younger brothers cried themselves to sleep that night. The memory still haunted him to this day. He sighed, rising from his bed in the dead of the night, the winter chill seeping through the walls of the wooden house. A storm raged outside. He frowned, listening to the wind roar. At this rate, the storm would not pass for many days, delaying their missions and causing them more financial grief. He was sure to hear about this from Tajima. "You must marry soon." "You need to find new blood worthy of this clan." "Preferably with money.” 

He scoffed, throwing an extra blanket around himself and padding towards the main room for more warmth. He knew he needed to marry. The clan needed the morale boost, they needed the money. But he needed to feel loved and since news of Hashirama's engagement to the Uzumaki princess, Madara had to admit to himself that he felt a tad left out. Even if they were enemies. The problem was, Madara didn't want just any woman. He didn't want just any civilian with money or shinobi of class. He wanted love. And as any good Uchiha knew, love was the foundation for who they are. Even Tajima could not deny Madara the chance at the one thing that held the entire clan together. A loveless marriage was bound to tear everything apart from the inside out.

It was then in his thoughts that a knock on the door startled him. Madara cursed himself. He should have been more aware but with the storm raging- Again a polite yet timid knock on the door caught his curiosity. Surely Tajima would be awake by now. He rose to his feet and answered the door despite the wintry blizzard raging outside.

"I.. hate to bother y-you, but could y-you spare a few moments of y-your heat?" As white as the snow blasting around him, bright red eyes like Sharingan, and not at all dressed for the weather, the tall young man shivered where he stood. Madara, against all his shinobi training, stepped aside without a word and held an arm open for the man to enter the house. 

His sharingan whirled to life, taking in the frostbite nipping at the man's fingers, the ice stuck to his skin and frosted lashes, the brilliant red markings on his face stark like blood. If he hadn't been trembling so hard, hunched over in the winter storm, Madara might have mistook him for a ghost or a winter god. The man bowed further. "T-thank you, I apologize f-for any in-inconvenience." His teeth chattered, trying to be polite. It was Tajima's voice that startled Madara to close the door.

"Madara, who is this?" "A refugee, father." One look from Tajima and Madara remembered why taking in others was a bad thing. "A word, son." He turned on his heel padding back down the hallway. Madara motioned for the man to sit by the fire. The pale one nodded, solemnly and bowed again in silence before curling up next to the heat on the floor. Madara steeled himself for his father's annoyances.

"Sir?" "You just let anyone into our home?! He could be a shinobi!" "Father look at him. No one of his coloring would be shinobi. They are too pale. Too sensitive. Did you even see his eyes?" "His what?" "His eyes, father. They're red. Like the sharingan." That put an abrupt stop to Tajima's rant. "Now. Yes we're at war father, but I'm not going to let someone freeze to death outside." "I don't trust it." "Then don't. I'll stay up with him." "He's a shinobi, I know it." With a loud groan, Madara blew him off and brushed past, returning with his own futon and another. "What? I'm not putting him out." Madara frowned as Tajima huffed with indignation. He ignored the older Uchiha and flopped the two futons onto the floor by the fire. "Here you may sleep here until the storm subsides.

Wide red eyes looked up at him, the man now somewhat defrosted, looked rather pink in the firelight, his features somewhere between soft and sharp and Madara felt himself pulled in by the strangeness of it.  "I.." The man paused, listening to the roaring storm outside. "... would like to politely decline as I am not accustomed to help from strangers but it is-" "Are you shinobi?" Tajima ruined the explanation, voice like shattered glass, face pulled taut in a frown. The man blinked. "No. Just got separated from my band." Tajima didn't seem to buy it, but Madara rolled his eyes. Adjusting the futons and blankets, he rose to his feet and nearly pulled at the man. "Let's make tea. It should warm you." He followed Madara without resistance, face a soft reflection of partial innocence. Perhaps he was civilian. 

Tajima frowned. There was one way to find out. 

--

When Tobirama awoke the next morning, the storm still howling outside, he frowned. He'd intended to get warm, find shelter and then head out quickly back to the Senju compound. That was not what had happened. He slowly sat up, his back aching from trying to outrun a storm he knew he couldn't. Madara's voice brought him back to reality, the Uchiha stoking the fire. Tobirama had never seen Madara up close. That had always been his brother's privilege. But here, in the dead of winter storm, lit by firelight, Madara looked strangely domestic and enchanting. Not at all like the absolute beast of a brute he was on the battlefield. Tobirama cursed himself for stopping at the first compound he came across on his way back. 

"Slept well, friend?" "Ah..  as well as can be expected." He sensed Tajima in the hallway, still. No doubt listening. "You were snoring." Madara chuckled, a strangely homey sound and Tobirama flushed. "I apologize. I've been on the road so long, I haven't felt the fires of my home in a while. It was warm here." He stopped himself, wondering, feeling the small object under his futon. "My back hurts a bit. Perhaps I slept wrong." Madara looked up at the comment and frowned. "My apologies, I thought I swept the floor well enough."

"Ah I'm sure it's just my imagination." Tobirama lied his way through, ensuring his demeanor remained soft. His hand ran over the futon again. Yes. Of course. Tajima was testing him. No shinobi worth his salt would complain about something so trival after receiving such aid. But a civilian would. Especially a high valued one. "Although I miss my own." Quickly seeing Madara's face fall, more of a disappointed look than anything else, he regrouped. "I am extremely grateful for your hospitality...friend. I can ensure you are compensated when I return home." "Compensated?" "Yes.. we are a large family." Not entirely a lie. "We have funds and I'm sure my brother would be so happy to give you payment for assisting me." Also not really a lie. "We need no payment." Madara scoffed softly, his pride showing through. Slowly, Tobirama was starting to see why Hashirama liked Madara so much. He had to say, he couldn't blame him. "Then I would ask if you let me stay until the storm subsides completely... I am not accustomed to the weather like this."

--

Madara fought with Tajima for the next two nights. Pleading with him to stop his conspiracies and his tactics, noting every morning the pale man awoke, another mattress, another object until finally there were three mattresses atop a small object. Madara rolled his eyes. Surely this was overkill and somehow he had to make it seem like they weren't testing him. 

The man took it all with grace, a beautiful smile and pinked cheeks. Madara watched as his guest curled up for the third night atop three futons and smiled back at him. "I would think you are a charmer, if not for the dying of the storm, I might be tempted to stay, Madara-san." Red eyes glimmered at him and the Uchiha flushed. "I have made no attempt to charm you, Tobira-san." Madara shifted on his own futon. "We simply wish to ensure you're returned to your family without injury. Although I have swept this floor five times before laying your bed down." 

The two of them snickered in the firelight like young teens. Madara watched as his pale friend laid on his back and looked at the ceiling. "You miss your family." It was more of a statement than a question, although Tobira answered honestly, "Yes." He turned his head to look at Madara, and the Uchiha felt the air leave his lungs. "I will not forget your kindness, Madara-san." "I will not forget your companionship, Tobira."

The two stared at each other for a long moment, before red eyes slowly closed, and his breathing evened out. He fell asleep so easy in a strangers' house. There was no way he was shinobi. Madara sighed, sharingan whirling to life yet again, imprinting the image of the sleeping man into his mind. He was gorgeous and kind. Polite, a civilian, with money. Perhaps... Madara shook it from his head. No. That would be taking advantage of the situation.. he shouldn't.. One more look at his friend, and Madara wondered... should he?

--

Tobirama woke slowly, ensuring to keep his chakra under control, sleeping in Madara Uchiha's front room by the fire next to him for three days had been stressful enough, piled up with keeping the rouse that he was civilian with Tajima pressing him each day for intel, testing his every move.

Tobirama counted five times he'd purposefully hurt himself to show he was 'clumsy' like a civilian. Two times spilling tea on the man, carrying it and slipping on the floor. Six times he'd flirted openly with Madara in front of Tajima just to mess with the man. His ears picked up the sound of the wind calmer, snow fall on the house gentle and calm.

He rose, not really aching at all, but playing the part as Madara only laughed. "You sure are sensitive, Tobira-san." "I am. My disposition makes it even more so." "You refer to your condition or your status?" "Both I suppose." Tobirama offered a sly grin, pulling out his charm as best as he could, softening his edges. Madara flushed in the morning light and looked out the window. "It seems the storm is passed. We can send you safely on your way today." Tobirama nodded, and rose to get ready.

It didn't take the man long at all, a shower, some breakfast, hot tea and he was ready to continue his journey. Tobirama counted his blessings, he had successfully, albeit accidentally infiltrated the Uchiha main house and slept there for three whole days without being caught. Now if only he could- "Tobira-san." Turning, his gaze widened. "Madara-san." The Uchiha held out a large dark coat, Uchiha symbol on the back. "It is not much, but will provide you with more warmth on your journey." 

Tobirama's heart pounded. If he refused, the rouse would be blown. "Thank-" "It is not all." Madara helped him into the coat, then bent to wrap his feet in socks and cloth before sliding boots on that were a bit too small for him. At last Madara stood back and handed him a kunai. "We wish you safety on your journey home. The coat you wear may bring you bad fortune... we are.. not liked in many parts. I would not want you injured on account of my sake."

Three days with Madara Uchiha had changed Tobirama's perspective of everything he thought of Uchiha. What would his brother say when he arrived home, dressed in their symbol? "Tobira-san. If I may be forward." "Of course. I am grateful for your hospitality." He took the kunai gently, as if a civilian would but Madara did not let it go. Dark eyes looked up into his. "For repayment, I would.. I would like something special." Shifting uneasy, Tobirama waited. 

Madara looked away for a moment then took a deep breath before raising his eyes to meet the red crystals he'd grown attached to. "I would like to see you again." Tobirama's heart thumped. Oh. This.. this was unexpected. But not entirely a bad idea.. "I would like to see you again as well." This time, not on a battle field or from a storm. Tobirama wondered to himself. "Thank you, Madara." He bowed, letting his eyes linger too long on the Uchiha, causing him to flush yet again before departing. 

--

"MADARA!" The heir groaned inwardly as the frost melted under the spring sun and turned from his chore of feeding the falcons. "Father?" "The Senju are at the gates!" That spurred Madara's blood and immediately, the compound was on edge, those darting in different directions to bolster defenses. 

But when Madara touched down on the opposite side of the gate, none the Senju moved an inch. In fact, they didn't even look dressed for battle and Hashirama- "Madara, my brother!" "What the hell are you on about, you oaf?!" Madara hissed. "Be quiet!" "I will not! It's a glorious day! We have come seeking peace-" "We have gone over this, Hashirama. There will be no peace-" "Are you certain?" The familiar voice stunned Madara just as Tajima landed next to him in a fury of growls. Madara had been so so very wrong about Tobira.

"Tobira?" "Tobira?" Hashirama gave his brother a questioning look.The pale man pushed his way through the crowd of Senju, ignoring his brother, smiling at Madara. "Madara." The edge of his voice had dropped, softness creeping in and lacing every syllable with fondness. The said Uchiha instantly blushed. Before Tajima could object, the pale shinobi stepped forward. "I am only fulfilling your request. I am here to see you again." If he didn't think he could get any redder, Madara was also dead wrong about that.

The silence that followed from the Uchiha whole was stifling. Madara cleared his throat. In absence of what to say, Tobirama cut off Tajima again. "Do you not still feel the same? Perhaps, we can arrange an agreement?" His eyes wandering over the tattered clothing of the Uchiha, the patched roofs, the rotting gates. "I am from a well off family after all." "Absolutely not-" "Yes." Tajima choked on his own words as Madara spoke. "Yes an agreement would be.. preferable." With the charming smile he'd used so many times on Madara before, Tobirama softened his face and beamed. "Let us make haste, before our families decide death and war is better than coexisting in warmth and safety."

[rulesofthebeneath]

fazed (how bout a dance au)

<AN> Hey! Did you miss me?

I was basically on hiatus for a hot second because of classes and exams and adjusting to being back home. But I wrote this little bit, set a little less than two years after the end of how bout a dance. This is a little domestic fluff bit with an angsty twist when ajay has to confront some of his toxic ex (isabella)’s crap. Hope y’all enjoy!

Tagging: @pixelburied, @witchiegirl, @ajaysbhandari, @lilmissperfectlyimperfect, @itsbrindleybinch, @aidenzhous, @lorosette, @ravenclawpokegirl25, @ylevolenahs, @awkwardalbatros, @catlady0911, @hufflepvnk

</AN>

As soon as he unlocked the door to their apartment, Ajay could smell the unforgettable scent of tandoori chicken coming from the kitchen. The scent filled his brain with memories, of evenings with his grandparents in India every summer, of happy family dinners back when there was such a thing, of the last time he’d come home to the same smell. That last memory wasn’t a good one; what followed had been a night laden with guilt and manipulation, tied up with the ribbon of him finally giving in: telling Isabella that he’d talk to his producer about her newest screenplay just to get her to stop bothering him about it. And that may have been the first time it happened, but it wasn’t the last.

It was that memory that was at the forefront of his mind as he quietly closed the door behind him, hanging his briefcase and his coat from the hooks on the wall near the door. When the door clicked shut, the woman at the stove turned to him, her smile turned up to a million watts. He couldn’t help but fall in love with her all over again anytime she did that. His defenses lowered the slightest bit as she beckoned him over with a wooden spoon.

“Hey! You’re just in time, dinner’s almost ready.” Grace said, pulling him in for a quick kiss hello before turning her attention back to the stove.

Ajay took a deep breath as he sat down, trying desperately to control his thoughts. Come on, he told himself, this is Grace. You know she wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. Still, he had a hard time keeping the uneasiness off his face, and he knew it showed.

Grace handed him a plate of the chicken, neatly arranged on a bed of basmati with a lemon wedge garnish. He took it over to their breakfast bar and she joined him soon after.

“Thank you,” Ajay started, painfully aware that he sounded less than grateful. “But I thought I was the chef in this relationship?”

Grace smiled. “You’re the chef because you’re way better at this than I am. But I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

Her words echoed through Ajay’s memory, honing in on those nights years ago where he’d came home to sense the guilt-tripping, of his ex-girlfriend laying it on thick with pleas and even threats, where he’d realized too late that she didn’t love him, that she was just using him. As much as he tried to resist, he couldn’t help but draw connections between that all those years ago and this now. He knew it wasn’t fair, but he automatically closed himself off to Grace. And she definitely noticed.

Her face fell. “Did I do something wrong?”

He wanted so badly to say no, to cast this off, to stop worrying her and to enjoy the nice dinner she’d made for him. But he couldn’t. He laid down his fork as gently as he could manage, then spoke directly to her in a quiet voice.

“Grace, why did you make this for me?”

Grace blinked, clearly confused, but she answered him.

“I knew the show you’re directing has been stressing you out, and I wanted to treat you to something.”

That hit Ajay harder than anything else, and he was pulled back through his own memories.

“I just wanted to do something nice for you, Ajay. Why do you always question me?”

“Oh, so you’re going to tell me you don’t have ulterior motives for this one? What makes it different from all the other ones, Bella? What do you want from me?”

“I want to treat you to something! Stop being so fucking paranoid all the time. I know the show you’re directing is kicking your ass, and I wanted to be nice. Guess I won’t ever do that again.”

“Just… just tell me what you want,” Ajay said tiredly, “And you know I’ll give it to you. We don’t have to go through this every time.”

“...Fine,” Isabella relented, grabbing a thick manuscript from the table and handing it to him. “Give this to your producer.”

Ajay dropped the manuscript on the counter.

“What if I say no?”

“What?” Isabella demanded, immediately going hostile.

“What if I say no? Give it to her yourself, I’m tired of being your go-between. I’m tired of you using me.”

Isabella opened her mouth to yell, but thought better of it and stepped back. She softened, walking over to Ajay and putting her hand on his cheek, gently turning his head to face her.

“Baby, you know I can’t do this without you… You’re all I’ve got.”

Ajay bit his lip. He already knew he was going to give in. He always did, eventually.

“What do you want?” Ajay asked Grace, almost involuntarily. Grace looked taken aback, even a little hurt as she rushed to reassure him.

“I don’t want anything,” she promised him, but Ajay’s brain wasn’t letting him believe her. He folded up his unused napkin and tucked it under his fork, then got off the stool.

“Thank you for cooking, but I’m not hungry. I’m just tired, I think I’m going to go to bed now.”

“What?”

“I’m tired. Goodnight, Grace.”

“Ajay, what-”

She was cut off when Ajay closed the bedroom door behind him.

Perplexed and hurt, Grace soon broke out of her trance and started cleaning up. She put plastic wrap over the two untouched plates and stuck them in the refrigerator, then got to work scrubbing the cookware that she’d used to make the meal. She was concerned for her boyfriend. Ajay had never acted so weird like this, it was extremely out of character. She’d never cooked for him before, so maybe he was just caught off guard? She wished she knew what was going through his head.

After a few minutes of letting herself feel hurt and angry, Grace made herself see reason. Whenever Ajay had a tough day, he always needed time to think. That was just how he was. She was sure that he would come around after taking some time alone, and that he’d explain to her what was going on.

Grace collapsed on their couch and switched on a random Disney movie, careful to keep the volume down in case Ajay actually was asleep. But true to her expectation, just as the credits started to roll on Mulan, Ajay emerged from the bedroom and silently sat next to her. She switched off the TV and took the hand he offered her, waiting patiently for him to speak.

“I’m sorry, Grace,” he said, voice quiet with shame. He wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“What was that?” she asked, equally as softly. He took a deep breath and ran his free hand over his face.

“Isabella…,” he started, “Whenever she thought I was mad at her, or wanted me to do something for her, she’d make me dinner. And she was really good at manipulating me, and she’d say all the things that I wanted to hear, like ‘I just wanted to do something nice for you’. I’m sorry I flipped out on you. I shouldn’t have.”

“No, I guess not,” Grace responded, choosing her words carefully, “but I understand. You can’t always control your mind.”

“I know,” Ajay said angrily, “but I shouldn’t treat you like that! You’ve never asked me for any favors like that and you’d never do anything to hurt me and I love you too much to be treating you like that.” His free hand curled into a fist.

“Ajay, stop,” Grace said. “This stuff happens to everybody. And you explained what happened and you apologized and you meant your apology, and I forgive you. Really.”

Ajay finally turned to look at her, his eyes a little clouded. “You do?”

“Of course I do. It was a moment of weakness, and I know you won’t do it again.”

“Thank you.”

Grace pulled him in for a soft kiss, cupping his cheek. He held on to her tightly in return. WHen they separated, he shot Grace a tentative smile that she returned full force. She stood up from the couch and held out a hand to him.

“Want to finish our dinner? I can heat it back up.”

“I’d love that.”

After quickly warming up the plates of tandoori chicken in the microwave, Grace joined Ajay again at the breakfast bar as he dug enthusiastically into his dinner.

“Wow, Grace, this is really good. How did you know how to make it? Most online recipes don’t get the spices quite right.”

Grace blushed and involuntarily let out a giggle. “I, well… I actually called your mom to ask how to make it right. I didn’t want to screw it up.”

“That explains this text I got, then,” he laughed, opening his phone to a perplexing conversation he’d had earlier with his mother. Grace studied the messages, written in Hindi, over his shoulder.

“Okay, let me figure this out. So she just texted you today and said… what’s that letter? She said ‘you know’, then something else, then i know that’s ‘your girlfriend’ so that must be about me, oh and then there’s ‘amazing,’ wow, okay, then that word there is… ‘marry?’”

“Yeah. Hey, you’re getting pretty good at that!”

“Thanks, my boyfriend’s teaching me.”

“He must be a really good teacher,” Ajay teased.

“He is. Wait, what did you say in response to that text?” Grace squinted at Ajay’s response, trying to pick out vocabulary the same way she did with his mother’s text, but Ajay flipped his phone over before she could read it.

“I actually have been meaning to talk to you about that.”

“About… learning Hindi? Are you tired of teaching me? That’s fine, I can always go take a class or get some books, or-”

“No,” he cut her off. “About getting married.”

“Oh.”

Silence spread through their apartment.

“Could we, uh…” Grace trailed off.

“Yes?”

“Could we move to the couch? My back’s starting to hurt.”

Ajay was taken aback by the unexpected response.

“Um, yes, of course.”

They moved to the couch, Grace still silent.

“I guess I should’ve started by asking if that’s something you want,” Ajay pushed, trying to break the agonizing silence.

“No, no, it’s not that. You know I just need a second with important stuff like this, because I really wanna think about it seriously and respond with the right words. Give me a second to sort through my thoughts, okay?”

Ajay, his heart pounding painfully against his ribs, nodded. He tried not to let his leg shake too much, lest it give away his nervousness. It wasn’t even a minute before Grace looked back up at him, grinning beautifully, but it felt like an eternity to him.

“Ajay, as long as it’s something you want too, I’d love to get married.” She took his hands.

“It is something I want. Wait, really?” he responded, her words only seeming to get fully through to him after the first sentence.

She giggled again, a soft pink blush covering her cheeks. “Yeah, really.”

Ajay smiled a huge, gorgeous smile and Grace was enchanted until the full meaning of the situation hit her.

“Wait, was that just… did you just propose to me?” she asked, a little discombobulated.

“Oh, no! That wasn't it! I have plans. I will, in the near future, but I still want to surprise you with it as much as I can.”

“Alright,” she grinned, biting her bottom lip. “I’ll be waiting.”

Ajay pulled her into his lap and kissed her deeply, his hands finding their way down her back to pull her against him. Grace melted into the embrace, matching his fervor as she kissed him back. She ran a hand through his thick hair, and everything was right with the world again.

[hertestimony]

My first 1.5 months as a school counselor

Wow, what an amazing first several weeks it's been.

But before I get into it…

I received my NYS school counselor certification in May 2017. In March, I compiled an extensive list of over a hundred schools. I started to cold call them, briefly introducing myself, and asking if they had or were expecting any vacancies for a school counseling position. I knew that the NYC DOE (Department of Education) was not hiring school counselors due to a hiring freeze, but I still went for it. And as expected, I heard barely anything back except from a couple principals who let me know they would keep my resumé on file.

I continued this for the next couple years. I cold called, I found out which DOE schools had vacancies from current employees, emailed schools my resumé and cover letters, which, by the way, took a long time to tailor to each school's job requirements and mission/vision, and applied to all charter, private, and independent schools as vacancies opened up (which were not many). During this time, I worked on and off as a private tutor, Registered Behavior Technician (RBT), after school teacher, and a HR/CSR Representative at a homecare agency.

In August of 2019, I interviewed with an insurance company. I went through three 1-hour interviews that all went well, and I had a feeling that I would be offered a position.

At the same time, I had an interview with a public specialized high school in the city for a school counselor position. At the interview, the assistant principal repeatedly told me how much their school needed someone like me, and how despite the hiring freeze, she will try to figure out how to find a spot for me there. Wait. Did I just get an informal offer??

I received a call from the insurance company, and was offered a job, and about 15k more than my position at the homecare agency (my latest salary position). It was a big improvement in salary, the work would teach me some "real world" professional business things, and the team supervisor seemed to be an understanding and kind person. But, I wanted the school counselor position. It had been two weeks, however, and I had not heard back from the school. The insurance company gave me a couple days as a deadline to accept or decline, and I felt extremely stressed out.

Do I accept the insurance job, tell them I can start in two weeks, and wait for the school's response? Will the insurance company give me two weeks before I start? What if I start, and the school asks me to come in again for a 2nd round interview? How can I take time off when I've just started working? Do I decline the offer, and risk not getting the school position either?

So many thoughts and options flooded my mind, and I felt overwhelmed.

As I knelt down and prayed, I simply kept telling God I wanted to fully trust in Him and believe that He will provide the perfect job for me. I admitted that I had no idea what to do. During these few hard days, a good friend reminded me not to settle for less when God is capable of giving me the best.

On the day of the deadline, as I prayed about what I should do, I felt strongly that God was telling me to decline the offer, and I sobbed because I was afraid. But, at the same time, I felt peace in my heart. I emailed a declination letter, thanking them for offering such an amazing opportunity.

The next day, I received an email from the high school.

She wrote that I interviewed well, but would not be offering a second interview.

My heart sank.

I sat in the car with the same friend who had encouraged me not to settle. As I told him the news, I cried. I went home that night, and cried some more as I prayed.

The next day, my heart was filled with peace. I knew that I had made the right choice.

10 days later, I had a phone interview with an elementary school in the South Bronx. The interview went really well, but I didn’t think much of it because of all the past rejections and also because I wasn’t all that excited to work in the Bronx.

Soon after, I was invited to an on-site interview where I would have to deliver a demo lesson. I adapted a lesson plan I had already created for a prior interview, and didn’t even take time to test out my demo.

On the morning of the interview, I complained to my mom that I didn’t want to go, and debated whether I should turn down the interview last minute.

On the train, I realized I hadn’t prepared one of the materials for the lesson plan. I took out a big pair of scissors and started to cut away, shoving paper scraps into my bag.

After I got off the train, I rushed because I was going to make it just on time, and not the recommended 15 minutes earlier. When I made it to the door, the security guard asked me to wait because they were having a fire drill. As I waited for about five minutes, I was able to catch my breath and observe the school students and staff as they filed past me.

As I sat inside, waiting for my interviewers, I realized I had not prepared any end of the interview questions. Wow, I was not prepared for this interview - my heart wasn’t fully in it.

Perhaps because I wasn’t so nervous, I was able to be myself during the demo lesson despite there being a student on the spectrum who refused to follow directions and do my lesson plan activity. I handled the situation as best as I can (good thing I have experience as an RBT!). I passed the demo lesson with flying colors. The three interviewers took turns praising me for what I did well, and not one said anything negative. I was smiling from ear to ear, and just kept saying “Aww, thank you so much.” After answering a bunch of questions, I was given papers to fill out. Then, the HR director told me that the principal wanted to meet me. I was taken aback at how quickly this seemed to be progressing.

As I left the principal’s office, she suddenly stopped me and asked me to go with her to another office, where she introduced me to a few people.

I left thinking that I might have a really good shot this time.

Two days later, after two and a half years of rejections and tears (and a lot of growth, too!), I finally heard the words I’d been dreaming of.

I texted every family member and friend who had supported, encouraged, and motivated me during this time. How grateful I was to God not only for the job, but also because I had so many people to share my joy with.

The job that I have right now was prepared for me well in advance, before I even got certified. God spent more than two and a half years molding me and disciplining me to fit right in and serve where God has been working. After six full weeks. I have not a single negative thing to say about my job. I love my students. I love the staff members I work with. I love the 4 hour round trip commute. I am also great at what I do not because of anything I can do or who I am, but because God has been preparing me all these years to know what words to use, how to react to certain things, how to work with certain students and parents, how to deal with students with disabilities, etc. (I worked as a private tutor, Sunday School teacher, summer school teacher, after school teacher, day care teacher, RBT, etc. for 10 plus years.)

There is simply so much grace poured upon me in every single counseling session, every situation that I’m involved in at work, and meetings with parents. For example, one student who has not opened up to any adult in the building can’t stop talking when he’s with me, and he even frolics into my office to say hi. Another example is that the students who staff members have much difficulty handling (and have to call in the parents) do an exceptional job when they’re in my counseling groups. Every single parent who I have called so far in order to get consent for me to see their child (due to at-risk behaviors or simply needing a little extra support) has given me permission despite some of them not having given permission in the past to other counselors.

This is amazing grace.

This is my faithful and good good God pouring His love onto me.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, God!!!

And this is just the beginning. I’m so excited for the things to come - to continue to see what God is doing in my life, and in the lives of those around me.

[melody-fox]

i finally got a fully chapter finished for Supergirl: Into the Superverse finished, so here yah go (below the cut)

feedback is liked and appreciated, so let me know what you think

@butimaloneandfree @aqueenthatisfrozen

also on ao3

“We’ve got sisters’ night tomorrow night, don’t forget,” Alex’s voice filters through her comm, the wind whistling through her ears. “It’s been too many weeks. I miss you.”

Kara smiles, speeding through the air to the fire Alex had just alerted her to. It really has been too long. With Kara getting increasingly busier between Catco and Supergirl, and Alex fully taking command over at the DEO, sister time had taken a backseat to all their other tasks. “Of course, how could I forget that? You’ve been planning it all week, you’ve been reminding me about it since Tuesday, and this is only the fourth time today that-”

“Alright, you stinker, I get it. I’m harassing you, and it’s probably getting annoying. I’m sorry, I’m just stressed about everything right now.”

“You and Maggie-”

“- finally decided to adopt? Yes, and now there’s paperwork, and meeting potential birth parents and I just- I want everything to be perfect and there are too many variables for me to watch out for and-”

“Al, take a deep breath, you’ll be fine,” Kara laughs, Alex’s adorable worried face coming to mind. Alex and Maggie have been going back and forth on the kids idea for years, first juggling their jobs and their relationship, then the wedding plans, then they both got promotions, and finally, finally, they have both agreed that now was a good time to start growing their little family. “You and Maggie have weathered through four years, a wedding, and several other disasters. You’ll be just fine.”

Alex sighs audibly. “I don’t know how you always know what I need to hear. Thank you. Have I told you recently how much I love you?”

She grins. “Yeah, but I like hearing it. Say it again.”

“Cheeky. I like it. Okay, fine. I love you, Kara.”

“Love you too, Alex.”

“Now, stop the mushy stuff, you have a fire to put out.”

“Oh, right!”

The fire takes only a few minutes to put out, and Kara waves to the firefighters and paramedics as she flies off. They wave back with grateful smiles on their faces, cheering her on. It’s moments like these that make so much of what she does worth it. She’d still do it if no one noticed, but knowing they know, that they watch and care fills her heart with warmth.

Touching down at her apartment, Kara superspeeds into the outfit she picked out for this evening.

(Lena has told her several times that it looks best on her, that it’s her favorite to see on her).

Kara has the whole evening planned out. It’s going to be amazing. Dinner at Gino’s (Lena’s favorite), chocolates from the Sweet Shop (also Lena’s favorite) and then a romantic walk by the bay along the beach (another Lena Favorite™).

All things tonight will be Lena’s favorite. Everything has to be perfect.

In a moment of brief panic, Kara checks her coat pocket one more time, as though she hasn’t done it twelve times in the last thirty minutes and several times a day ever since she bought the damn thing. Finding her treasure, she sighs in relief.

Oh, thank Rao. Still there.  

A tiny box carrying a beautiful ring worth so much more than the price she paid for it.

Though, for Lena, she’d pay any price.

Tonight’s the night.

Kara flies out the window - grateful that she's quick enough no one will notice it's her - and speeds off to L-Corp. She touches down in the alley just around the corner and walks the rest of the way into the building, through security ("Hey, Kevin, how are the kids?" "Great, thanks for asking!") and into the elevator.

The ride to the top is a lot longer when she's not flying, she muses, and carefully checks her wool coat for stray hairs. There are far too many for her liking, but it gives her hands something to do while her nerves are beginning to go a bit wild.

The elevator comes to a stop at the floor to Lena’s office, and Kara takes one last deep breath before the doors open.

“Hey, Jess! Is she still working?” Kara sidles up to Jess’s desk, leaning over the top as she says hello.

“She’ll stop working when she’s dead, Kara, we both know this," comes the deadpan response.

Jess is, in Kara’s humble opinion, one of the best humans on this entire planet, and Kara had worked overtime to get in her good graces. Jess has always been extremely protective of her boss, and Kara’s early efforts had been met with suspicious glares and raised eyebrows.

The first time L-Corp was attacked after Kara and Lena had started dating had been the turning point. It was also the same time Jess learned Kara was Supergirl.

(“Everything about you just became unbelievably clear.”

“Is that supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing?”

“Don’t test me, you’re still on my shit list.”

“And you still scare me, so shutting up now.”)

“We’ll get her to stop, one day; you and me. Two woman army against Lena Luthor.”

Jess just shakes her head in exasperation. Three years of Kara dating Lena had taught her a lot about both of them. “If she doesn’t listen to you, she’ll never listen to me. You have far more sway than I do.”

“I know, but she listened to you for years before she ever met me.”

“True,” Jess smirks, her ego sufficiently stroked. “Now,” she looks around the empty hallway conspiratorially. “Have you got it?” she whispers, even though there’s no one else there to listen.

Kara grins broadly, hoping her nervousness about the big moment doesn’t show as much as she feels it and pulls out the tiny box.

Jess ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ over the ring, she and Kara grinning giddily at each other. Jess gives it one more fond look before quickly shutting the box and handing it back to Kara. “Who’s taking the photos tonight?"

“James. He and Lucy are going to be hiding behind… oh, I don’t know, whatever James the Giant can fit behind and they’ll be recording and snapping photos for me.”

“Only the best photographer in National City for Lena Luthor.”

“Of course. She deserves the best of everything.”

“Okay, you romantic sap, get in there,” Jess laughs, waving Kara away. With a wink, she says, “I want to see all of the photos. Go make her day, Supergirl.”

Kara winks back at her and pushes open the office doors.

“Kara, darling, what are you doing here?” A tired smile lights up her face, and Lena Luthor stands up to give Kara a tight hug, all the work she’d previously been engrossed in completely forgotten on her desk.

“Well, I missed my favorite person, and suddenly I found myself here,” she says, giving Lena an affectionate squeeze.

Kara can feel Lena’s face heat up even before she pulls away. Never going to get tired of seeing that. Smiling, Kara says, “What about you? Why are you still here? Today's Friday. It' five o’clock! It’s the weekend.”

Lena sighs, gesturing to the paperwork on her desk. “A CEO never rests, though I think at this point I might kill someone to let me back into R&D. I never should have let Lex talk me into this job. He’s the talker, I’m the scientist. Why am I here signing every other damn paper that comes through the door and he’s off-”

Kara cuts off her rant by tugging her in and shutting her up with a kiss. Lena melts into it, and Kara smiles against her.

Pulling away, she says with mock confusion, “Sorry, what were you saying about Lex?”

“You play dirty, Danvers, that was not fair,” Lena replies breathlessly.

“Only for you.”

“I love you.”

Kara smiles softly. “I love you, too.”

Giving her another kiss, Lena asks, “So, what are you actually doing here? I planned to finish up in an hour, you’re early.”

Play it cool, Danvers. This is going to be a wonderful surprise if you can just play it cool.

“Well,” she starts, “you’ve had a long busy week, preceded by a long, busy month, and you’ve been stressed out of your mind working on this new campaign, so I thought I should take you out for a nice night, good food, pretty walk along the beach. Whadda you say?”

“Sounds like a wonderful idea,” she says, punctuating each word with a kiss.

“Hm. You agree?” Kara smiles blissfully.

“Absolutely. Let me get my coat and we can head right out.”

Oh. That was easy. Kara had expected Lena to put up a bit more of a fight. This project she’d been working on had been consuming most of her time for the last few months. “You gave up on working very easily. Easier than usual. Getting soft on me, are you, Luthor?”

Lena laughs, the melodic sound Kara fell in love with muffled as she’s reaching into her closet to pull out her coat. “Is that such a bad thing?”

Kara just smiles at her in response, and together they walk hand in hand out to the elevator, bidding a grinning Jess good night.

Kara’s hand has a tight grip on the box in her pocket, and she wills the universe to please please please let this night go right.

(The universe doesn’t tell her that Lena is doing the exact same thing.)

//

Three hours later, they’re walking along their favorite stretch of beach, hand intertwined and barefoot despite the early fall chill.

“Thank you so much for this, Kara,” Lena says, leaning into her warmth. “I really needed this today.”

“Anything for you, Lena. Always,” Kara murmurs.

They come to a stop at their favorite spot, one most people don’t know about. The sunlight reflects off the surface of the ocean, illuminating the green of Lena’s eyes.

Her phone buzzes quietly in her pocket. That better be James or Lucy letting her know they’re ready. Oh, they better be. Because she’s losing her nerve, her stomach is doing belly flops, and Lena’s eyes can only look so amazing in the light of the setting sun before she completely loses the ability to speak.

Rao, help her tongue remember the words she wants so desperately to say to this wonderful woman at her side.

“Something on your mind?”

Ever observant, Lena pulls her out of her reverie with a mildly worried expression on her face.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, um, there’s something I want to say to you.”

The worried expression only grows. “Yeah? What?”

Here she goes.

Swallowing hard, Kara turns and takes both of Lena’s hands in hers. Stroking her thumb along Lena’s knuckles, she takes a deep breath and begins.

“Lena, when my parents sent me away, when my planet, my people and my culture were all destroyed, I never thought I’d be happy again. I never thought I’d feel whole again. And, marriage was the last thing on my mind.”

Memories of high school, college, and every relationship she’s had outside of her close-knit groups of friends replay through her mind. The feelings of worthlessness, failure, and self-hatred were hard to overcome, but she got there eventually. Because of Alex, because of Winn, because of J’onn, because of James, Lucy, Maggie, Nia, and Brainy. And most of all, Lena.

Kara is nervous, her hands are shaking, and it feels like everything is coming out wrong, but Lena is smiling and looking at her the same way she always has, with love and adoration in her eyes. And she knows, she just knows that this is all worth it, that this is what she wants, Lena is what she wants. A life with her is all she could ever want right now.

“You changed all that.” There are tears in both of their eyes. Lena’s grip on her hands tightens, and she steps just a bit closer as Kara continues. “For the first time in over fifteen years, I feel perfectly at home. You made me feel like the most amazing person - me, Kara Danvers - without even knowing what I could do, where I was from, that I was Supergirl. You forgave me for hiding who I really was from you for years because I was too scared to risk losing you. And I never want to lose you. Ever.

“So, Lena Luthor,” she reaches into her coat pocket, pulling out the ring she’s been hiding for three weeks, and kneeling down in the sand, arm outstretched. “Would you marry me?”

Lena hides her broad, tearful grin behind her hands for one terrifyingly long moment before she pulls them away to take Kara’s hands again.

“Kara, can I tell you something you’ll find outrageously amusing?” she says, laughing through her tears.

“Only if it’s yes. Please, Rao, say yes.” She knows she sounds desperate, but hey, she's proposing to Lena Luthor.

Still laughing and crying, Lena reaches into her pocket and pulls out a ring box of her own. Dumbfounded, Kara stands, laughing right along with Lena. “Seems you beat me to it. I was going to ask you next week. I had a trip to Paris planned, a week in the city for the two of us and-”

For the second time that evening, Kara cuts Lena off with a kiss.

She can hear James and Lucy quietly whooping and squealing over the sandbank, just far enough away not to be noticed, but close enough to capture this moment in time.

Lena smiles against her as they pull apart from the kiss, foreheads still touching. “How can we be so in tune and yet so out of sync with each other at the same time?”

“I don’t know, but I’d rather be in tune and out of sync with you than with anyone else on this wonderful planet of yours.”

Lena laughs again, and Kara thinks she’d die happy if that was the last thing she heard. “Kara Zor-El Danvers, you’d better stop. You’ve already made me cry once this evening. My mascara can’t take any more.”

“So, is it a yes? You’ll marry me?”

“Yes, yes, yes! A thousand times, yes!”

“Oh, thank Rao, cause I don’t know what I’d do if you said no.”

“Stop joking, and let’s exchange rings already.”

“Good idea.”

Two rings and several kisses later, Kara turns away to call over her shoulder, “You guys can come out now!”

Lucy pops up immediately, giggling like a maniac. “I can’t believe you two idiots both got each other rings, that is so sappy and romantic!” she yells at them as she bounds over the sand, slipping wildly in her shoes.

James follows with a wide grin on his face, his camera slung over his shoulder. “Kara, the timing was just right. The light was incredible.”

“Oh, thank goodness, it’d be really dumb if we went to all this trouble and the photos turned out bad,” Kara laughs in relief.

“How long have you had this planned?”

“At least three years-” she deadpans before her phone starts ringing. Her work phone, not her regular phone.

“Hold on a minute, this is Alex." Into the phone, "Hey, Alex, where’s the fire?”

“We’ve had a development with Cadmus. I’m going to need you to come down to the DEO, we don’t have a lot of time.”

Kara sighs. Of course, she couldn’t have just one evening of peace. “I’ll be right there.”

James and Lucy are wearing sympathetic looks. Lena smiles sadly and gives her a soft kiss. “You go save the world, I’ll meet you back at the apartment, okay?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

//

Kara lands on the balcony of the DEO not two minutes later and makes a beeline for her sister. No time for chit chat today, she’s got a fiance to get back to.

“Alex, what have you got for me?”

Alex Danvers, direct as always, wastes no time getting straight to the point. One of the things that makes her so effective as Director and a quality Kara has always admired in her sister.

“We’ve intercepted intelligence that has helped us pinpoint a few possible locations for Cadmus facilities around National City. We’re going to send teams to raid all of them, and I’d like your help with one. Brainy will be joining another, and J’onn will be on the third. I want all of our bases covered.”

“Alright, which one-”

“-hold up a minute, I’ve got a little more information for you.” Alex sighs, looking down for a moment before meeting Kara’s eyes. “Supergirl, we will likely be finding prisoners and aliens in the facility, and I’d be surprised if any of them haven’t been experimented on. Be careful, and be ready. We don’t know what we’ll find there.”

With a single look, Alex is able to communicate to Kara everything she didn’t say. Meaning… Kal might be in there. Hope rises in her chest, but the tension in Alex’s face tells her to reign it in.

Don’t get your hopes up only to have them be dashed. It has been sixteen years since she landed here on Earth, and she’s never found Kal. Never seen another Kryptonian pod, and every rumor of powered beings has fizzled out into nothing.

But maybe… maybe her wait is coming to an end. Maybe Kal is alive.

It’s too many wonderful things at once. A fiance, and now possibly finding her long lost cousin after all these years. Kara takes a deep breath to steady herself.

But if he’s been in that facility, at the mercy of Cadmus this whole time... There will be hell to pay, and Kara will burn them all to the ground. Suddenly it’s a lot harder to reign in her strength, and Kara gives all the expensive technology in the room an extra foot of room. Heads are going to roll once she gets there, no one and nothing here at the DEO needs to suffer the consequences.

“Where do you want me?”

Alex types a few things into her tablet, calling up a site located in National City’s old and nearly unused docks on the monitors. “This building is most likely the facility with the greatest security and therefore the greatest potential threat. Given that you carry a bit more power than Brainy and J’onn, I’d like you on that team.”

“And where will you be?”

Alex grinned, “Right behind you, just like old times.”

Kara smiles back, though not as brightly. There are still too many thoughts rushing through her head.

Kal, Kal, Kal, Kal, Kal.

Even if he’s there, I’m still too late. I wasn’t there. He grew up without me.

And he won’t even know who I am-

“Kara.” She looks up, and her sister is there, hand on her shoulder, with support, and love in her eyes. “If he’s there, we’ll find him. We’ll bring him home.”

She nods, not trusting her voice right now. Alex pulls her in for a hug, and Kara holds her as tightly as she can without breaking her human sister. She takes a deep breath after Alex lets her go, and watches as Director Danvers moves on to direct the three teams to get ready to head out.

“You’ll meet us there?”

“Uh, yeah.” Kara starts backing out toward the balcony. “I think I’ll do some recon first, make sure it’s safe for you guys to move in.”

“Be careful. We’ve still got sisters’ night tomorrow.”

“Always am.”

“No, you’re not!”

“Ah, you know me so well."

"Hey," Alex says, stopping just before she heads off to coordinate the last of the preparations. Kara turns towards her. “I love you, Kara.”

Kara smiles. “I love you too, Alex. See you in a few.”

//

The sun is long gone when Kara lands outside the hidden Cadmus facility down by the docks. The cold doesn’t bother Kara, never has, but the dark has always been something she tries to be wary of.

It reminds her too much of the Phantom Zone. The years she spent there. The time lost. Astra... Those are never good memories to relive.

And it’s easier to blow out her powers at night. No sun to recharge with, as she has learned several times over.

Gotta be extra careful tonight. Too much to lose.

Using her x-ray vision, Kara scopes out the best door to use as an entrance. Hailing her sister on the comms, “Alex, I think the best entrance for your team will be on the Southwestern side. I’ll leave a mark for you.” She carves a star on the exterior brick with her heat vision.

“Thanks for the tip, Supergirl.”

The door opens will very little effort on the part of the Kryptonian, locks falling to the ground, ripped apart like they were made of butter.

It’s dark inside. And quiet. Eerily quiet.

Stepping into the facility, Kara keeps her ears open and her eyes moving. She passes several rooms that have no one in them but are filled with various pieces of tech and science equipment. She finds a large room that looks a bit like the command center at the DEO and quickly scans it with her x-ray vision. No one here.

But, there’s a computer that hasn’t been signed out of yet. Whoever was using it previously must have left in a hurry and forgot to close out.

She calls her sister again on the comms.

“Hey, Alex, it looks like there’s no one here. Someone must have tipped them off, or Cadmus actually believes in having a life outside of your job.”

“What? What do you mean no one is there?”

“I mean no one is here. This place looks empty.”

“Dammit. The whole point of a raid is to catch people by surprise,” Alex grumbles. “Okay, thanks for the heads up. We’ll be there as soon as we can.”

“Yeah, no problem, Al, take your time. There’s an open computer, I’m going to do some digging.”

“Alright, we’re twenty minutes out.”

“Really?” Kara chuckles a bit despite the situation. “Man, you guys are slow!”

“Hey, I had to get three squads ready. Not all of us can fly!”

Kara grins sheepishly, “Point taken. See you in a few.”

Alex signs off and Kara sits down to snoop through the Cadmus information. Honestly, it’s a bit too easy, finding a computer open like this, tonight of all nights. “Someone’s losing their job for irresponsibility,” she mutters darkly, moving the mouse around to find the cursor.

She pulls up the file browser and begins searching through their documents. Much of it doesn’t make sense to her, it’s all coded in a way she doesn’t understand, but something catches her eye.

It’s a large share file, hundreds of gigabytes of data contained in it, and the folder name is just two letters: Kr.

Kara had spent enough time with Alex memorizing the periodic table for their chemistry classes to know the atomic symbol for Krypton.

Could this be it?

Could this be Kal?

Her stomach twists and suddenly she doesn’t want to see, she doesn’t want to know, to know what they’ve done to her cousin, her baby cousin. She hasn’t seen him in over fifteen years, and oh Rao, he’d be a teenager now, he’s older than she was when she left Krypton and he has no idea, he has no idea who he is or where he came from.

A sudden panic comes over Kara, and she frantically clicks on the folder, skimming through the next batch of folders it opens up to:

52-001-KR-PRELIMINARY_TESTING

52-002-KR-GEMMINI_PROTOCOL

52-003-KR-SUBJECT_GROWTH

52-004-KR-OUTREACH_OPPORTUNITIES

52-005-KR-PROJECT_SUMMARY

Moving the cursor over each of them, she decides to start with the summary. Get the gist of everything, no matter how horrible it can be because she doesn’t have time.

There are several files in the summary folder, and so Kara just opens all of them and starts looking through the first one that loads.

There are photos. Many photos. That’s her pod- no, that’s Kal’s pod. Oh, Rao, they found him. When did they find him? When did he crash here?

The date on the photo of the pod tells her it’s been ten years since he landed and her heart skips a beat because it’s been ten years, but thank Rao it hadn’t been any longer than that. Her blood boils as she goes to look through the remaining photos, and one thought becomes especially prominent in her mind.

Everyone in this building is going to burn. If any of them are left, they are all going to burn for this.

The last few photos are extremely confusing. The boy shown in them looks like a much younger version of her Uncle Jor, but he looks a little too old to be the age Kal should be, based on the pod crash date. Could that be him? Is that him? Is that Kal-

A loud crash behind her takes her attention away from the computer, her ears tuning in to the rest of the building, trying to narrow down the location of the sound. She finds it in seconds, and her jaw sets as she curls her fingers into fists.

Whoever they are, they are going to pay for what they’ve done to Kal. They are going to pay. They are all going to pay.

[therhealpotato-blog]

If I die tonight

Four days left and another year will be ended. I don’t know what’s with 2019 that it has been the most difficult year I have lived and survived in my entire 20 years of existence. I cried a bunch of tears, thought a school of negativities and dealt with frustrations and stresses. It was one hell of a ride as always but one thing I wanted to emphasize is that undeniably, true color comes out at the most darkest time of the life. 

Let me end this 2019 by appreciating people who have been my rock and my stepping stone towards achieving a stronger individual I am the moment I started typing my first ever blog. Those who give me light and life when my body is screaming for death and darkness. To my BS Psychology 2101 Family, thank you for all the trust you have given me from the very start. Thank you for endless compliments and recognitions when I am at the top but I am most grateful for uplifting me when I cannot meet all your expectations. Thank you for letting me share my talents and knowledge God has given me. It has always been a pleasure to be with you all who don’t see me as a threat but rather a friend.

To my Diamond friends and family who never forgets to greet me whenever we see each other, thank you so much! Seven years of friendship reminds me of the good things I have done during my teenage years. I am confident that we’ll going to make it through. I have so much respect and love for you all. Thank you for keeping this friendship long and smooth-sailing.

To my Kaluban Family whose names I cannot mention because of the quantity, I want you to know that I miss you all. You have proven me that quantity and quality friends make up a great company. We haven’t seen each other for a while but please know that I love you regardless of the distance we have. I am sorry for all the get togethers I refused and I failed to join. Nevertheless, I know you also understand my reasons. I hope to see you again all soonest! 

Just a special mention to my girls, Claudine and Kylah for not just being my friends but also sisters for me. Thank you for all the good things you have done for me. Thank you for that random messages I get containing sweetness and motivations in one. I love you both and I’ll see you very very soon. 

To my constant, my happy pill and my bestfriend, Joshua, whose patience was too long for me, thank you so much. Thank you for staying with me when I cannot choose myself at times I am in my most difficult situations. You are God’s constant reminder of his timing and grace for me. Thank you for that random dine ins, masses and chitchats we have shared for the past three years and proving me that time frame is not a measure of a quality friendship but communication is. Someday, it will be worth it and I will always thank God for letting me meet a certain J in my life. 

To my family who has been my greatest support system and whom I cannot live my life without, thank you so much. To my Inay and Tatay who gives me nothing but inspiration that no matter how hard and stressful it is to handle school, everything is worth it at the end. Thank you for that extreme happiness I get whenever I see you happy. All the things I am doing right now is basically for you both. Thank you for all the sacrifices and pain you have to endure just for us to have a comfortable life. Soon enough, with the help and mercy of God, I will be able to return everything you have done for us. 

To my real sisters who became my enemies and friends at the same time, thank you for opposing me. Thank you for being such wonderful people to be with. Thank you for that constant “pang-aapi at pangungutya” that becomes my greatest assets. My life would be so boring without you. I am still a lucky human for having the craziest sisters ever.

To my brothers who are my daily enemies, thank you for being the cool brothers a girl could always ask for. Thank you for being so messy with your worn clothes and throwing and leaving it wherever you want. Because of that, I have my daily routine of making the house clean. Thank you for that constant “pangungulit” that becomes my way of smiling. Thank you for being such the role models sometimes. 

And of course, to the one who made all these people for me, thank you so much Lord! You have witnessed how your child went from frustrations, stress, doubts and uncertainties but you remained faithful to her. Thank you for giving your young girl a heart that matters to all. Thank you for the hopes and blessings you showered to your dearest children. And lastly, thank you for the everyday life that everyone gets to enjoy and prosper every single day. You are the best!

Indeed, life becomes wonderful when you decided to surround yourself with positive people who gives you strength and empathy. This year taught me to let go of the doubts, be braver than the fears interfering with life and be grateful of the things at hand. Those things that keeps me burning, the circumstances that turned me into someone I never knew would exist, these are my keys. Both of them brought me into a certain level of reality. It opens my eyes to the world I am conquering today and I believe it will lead me into the extreme happiness in the future.

So 2019, thank you! You are tough but I am tougher. I am so excited to get over you but I am more excited to face and welcome 2020 without any regrets and fears anymore. I am now leaving everything behind you. All the pains I endured, all the tears I shed and the challenges I overcame are the proofs that you are unstoppable. I’m sorry that I refuse to give up but I thank you for being a challenge for me.

With all the pain, struggles, happiness and unexplained emotions I bearded this year, I can confidently say that If I die tonight, I will die with the smiles in my face that goes from my lips up into my ears, eyes, nose and hair. If I die tonight, I will be grateful to the Almighty One who promised me good companion and purposeful life I am living today. If I die tonight, I can loudly tell the Universe that I am now living the life that God has entrusted me with. If I die tonight, I want you to remember that I appreciate your part in my life and that If I would be asked to live my life the second time around, I’ll choose to spend it with you all over again. You guys are amazing and If I die tonight, I’ll tell the people I will meet in the next everlasting life that I have the greatest people behind the person they are facing and talking with.

[melonjamkiwi]

l o c k - i n

last night, we had our winter lock-in! the last one of the DECADE (!!!)

by the grace of God, he strengthened me to be awake yesterday in prayer hahaha. 

to be honest...it’s easy for me (dangerously) to leave extended moments of prayer and walk away...almost...1.) unchanged, 2.) forgetful, and 3.) unaware and practically deaf to what God was speaking to me or doing in that time. 

because of that, i felt it a good idea to reflect a bit on how the night was for me and what God was putting on my heart to be in prayer for.

1. praying over this past semester...it was painful in sharing with God how I honestly felt about this semester. It was hard and revealing of the state of my hard heart. I apologized...for how I was in my role as a servant, as a worker, as a friend, as a daughter, as a girlfriend. In many ways, I saw that I had failed immensely in different roles that God had called me to be in. I asked God that He would change my heart as I enter into this upcoming year. Because He and I, both, know that only He can do such a perilous work (lol. my heart is wildly stubborn). Yet, in this heaviness, I felt extreme thankfulness because through it all, He never lifted His hand off of me. I thanked Him for His faithfulness and for His leading me to more of Him, in a time and place where I thought that I could only get further away. Despite my bitterness and my hard heart this year, He never gives up on me, and He promises that He will never leave. I felt undeserving and grateful.

2. along with praying over the semester, I prayed briefly and generally about the certain places that God had called me (small group, relationships, family, work). 

3. thanksgiving and just crying out for God to use me for His glory. I’ve recently read a book about immigrant and refugee families. Along with that, I also finished a series on Netflix on the same topic. It actually was super heartbreaking and eye-opening to the very real pain, suffering, and darkness that is occurring all over the world. today. right here. this moment. it was overwhelming to me that while I was living my life...stressed about my future, staying in bed in discouragement, struggling with indecisiveness in my life, etc, there were people all over the world, even people in my own community, who had little to nothing in their name. their struggles were if they would have enough food, if they’d be able to stay in a safe place, if they could just live another day without worrying if their mom or dad was still alive or not. i didn’t want to quench what God had given me. I didn’t want to feel guilty about it, either. But what I prayed and asked was that with what God had given me, that I would use it for Him and somehow be a light in this world that has no hope (none) without Christ. 

this is a general overview hahah i guess of the few hours we had. it did feel a bit shorter this year. i was thankful that i had a God who wanted to speak with me and to hear what was on my heart. I was thankful that I had a God who I could share with even in the midst of my overwhelming and cluttered thoughts. i didn’t know where to start. and i was thankful that He was there to be patient and listening through it all. 

i’m seeing more how imperfect i am. but it’s incredible how my perfect Father never lets me go. to be honest, as i type this i’m not like ecstatic or like feeling all sentimental and warm-hearted. still been wrestling with a lot of different thoughts and feelings. but i type that because that’s the truth. and that’s it.