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#it was so big im sobbing i hate it
matchbet-allofthetime · 6 months
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Sobbing in bed because I'm writing a Ulysses fic and I'm caught between him killing the Courier because they are willfully giving up all the people they love and all the good they've done in the Mojave and he wanted them dead and gone-
And him just telling them they don't belong in the Divide with him. Not them, not their soft heart.
"You need to go home," Ulysses would say.
The courier would just laugh.
"Go home, Courier," they mumble. "Your signs. I have them all marked on my Pip-Boy. I don't even know why, but I mark all of the ones I find."
They traverse the Divide KNOWING Ulysses will kill them.
They take off their armour and keep only their finest, best combat knife and a gun on them with enough ammo to get them to Ulysses and to give him a third bullet to put in their skull alongside the two from Benny.
They offer him their knife, their gun, and the option for him to kill them with his bare hands.
Willingly. Selflessly. Painfully.
"I could never hate you, Ulysses. Not for this, never for this. I will never be mad at you for this."
And he's caught.
They're a godsend to this place, so much good they've done.
Does he kill them? Or does he bridge the Divide?
Maybe they go home. Maybe he kills them.
And maybe, after everyone back home knows they're okay... Maybe they do belong here, in the Divide, with Ulysses.
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Quietly coming back to add to the silver haired-lilac eyed-Lucerys agenda.
Aemond and Lucerys are married off to each other to mend the family’s relationships. Both enter the marriage absolutely despising their situation, Aemond more so than Lucerys. (Because let’s be real, this was the same boy who maimed him) But right after the birth of their first child, the two manage to fall in love with each other. Aemond becomes extremely putty to those dark curls and soulful brown eyes. Now the most hilarious part of this is after every birth of their child, a portion of Lucerys’ hair turns silver and his eyes become lighter. By the birth of their sixth child, Lucerys’ hair is more silver than brown and his eyes are nearly the same shade as his mother’s. If you ask anyone, he looks like a carbon copy of the Queen Rhaenyra.
Everyone would have thought Aemond would be pleased, seeing as Lucerys was finally starting to look like an “actual” Targaryen but to their surprise his reaction is the exact opposite.
Cue Aemond running around in panic and threatening the maesters to treat his poor husband because his precious dark brown curls are losing their colour and so help him, he will burn Westeros to the ground if he can no longer gaze upon those big brown eyes of his.
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"Where's Unagami?"
"Where he belongs. He's home."
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ohhhhmygod im gonna be sick. actually nauseous and i did it to myself - there was a spider on the countertop and i Panicked, grabbing the first distance-killer i could grab. it was a grease cleaner spray. i buried it in the stuff, walked away to recover mentally, came back
it fucking fell apart and dissolved into the cleaner. i both feel horrible and im disgusted beyond words. how the fuck do i get rid of it
#slamming my face into a wall repeatedly#i cant leave it there to deal with after Sleep#bc my cats like to go onto the countertops when no one is looking#and i dont want either of them to get poisoned#but i cant rinse it into the sink with the faucet hose bc there's stuff in the sink#but idk if i can bring myself to do dishes with That next to me#and my fear of spiders is so intense that i Cannot get close enough to take care of it with a towel or somethin#im very good at fucking myself over in various ways!#if i had an appetite id lose it. permanently#what if! instead of dealing with it! i curl up in a corner and cry#except im not gonna do that ive filled my tears quota for the year & doing nothing wont help anything#sorry for venting again i just. ohhhhh this is horrible this is Terrible#if i still had my whacking stick id tape a big wad of paper towels to the end and clean the mess up that way#from a Distance!#absolutely unprompted#i wish i wasnt so terrified of spiders#they scare me So much....#the point of feeling physically ill! and like sobbing! or panicking! and this spider was Big!#i wish they'd stop coming into the house.... i hate killing them but i cant function knowing theyre there#but i can't force myself close enough to put them in a cup and bring them outside#so now i have THAT on my counter. disintegrated spider.#life is too fucking much lately... jesus.... i should really just bite the bullet and get this shit over with#no use waiting a month in perpetual terror unease and guilt. do it scared yk yk#im tired of my chest hurting and not being able to eat! i dont like it! i need change! terrifying horrible change!
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gwensy · 4 months
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desperately need to start studying for my ged on a completely unrelated note i have never been more productive in literally every other area of my life
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chiistarri · 2 months
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me when ihave a dream about my 3rh closest friends all beyeaying me 🤯🤯🤯
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thebigqueer · 1 month
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i dont wanna eat anything or do anything and i just wanna lay around but i also dont wanna do that and i dont wanna watch anything or read anything and idk what i wanna do
#i was supposed to have someone review my resume and i was banking on the fact that maybe talking to someone instead of being alone in my roo#would help me out but the whole appointment system maker thing was messed up so we couldnt even meet#so i literally hvae nothing better to do than wait the next few days to get back to campus#and i was soooo excited to go back to school and i still am cuz i know itll make me feel better being around people#but im just a lot less excited than i was#cuz i just really really hate the idea of having to spend another fall semester getting over someone#like i couldve probably handled spring semester. but fall semester???? when theres already enough desolateness as it is???#like i just hate hate htae the idea of being on buses and starting to cry again and its midnight at 4pm when im crying#and theres people everywhere and the wrost part is shes literally on the same campus as me!!! so now i might actually see her!!!#and i dont want to!!!#i want to be friends but right now i know if i see her again ill just start sobbing on the spot#i was so excited for thsi fall sem but now im just notttt#and i know ill be busier (hopefully) this sem so im sure ill be better off than last year#but still like. idfk i dont know what to do. i think i just need to hear someone elses voice#im supposed to talk to my friend later today so maybe thatll help#cuz im kinda ready to tell someone about it but what if she telsl me she cant call what am i suppsoed to doooo#cuz last year the person iw as getting over lived a bajillion miles from me so it was easier!!! but she and I live 5 mins from each other#AND SHES FREINDS WITH LIKE ALL MY ROOMMATES#THEYRE ALL HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS !!!!#GODDDD.#i mean there are def upsides to this . for example its good we broke up now#cuz imagine if we broke up cuz of a fight and then thered be a big issue in the friend group#but it ended well and i dont think our friends / roommates will be 'picking sides'#as long as i just dont do anything drastic lol#adn who knows maybe our friendship will bounce back and i really hope it does!!#but she and i didnt start off as friends we kinda went into this knowing we were into each other to begin with#so like how do i be friends with her you know???#and friendship is soo important to me so its not like i dont want to be friends with her. i really really do. i just dont know how itll wor#like i value friendship over romantic relationships any day but also our relationship felt so deep to me#which is why im scared that we wont be friends even though i know we both want to be
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tremendously-crazy · 1 month
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the final problem. that's it that's the post
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ratgingi · 1 year
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woe characters inspired by some of my cats be upon ye. info on them in my tags lol
#dialtown oc#jack dlc#twerpys head is a sledgehammer bc the cat theyre based on was born in a wall lmao#he works at the petstore with outis bc i got said cat frm the local petstore#lilys head is a fluffy couch pillow thing and she works at an animal shelter bc thats where i got the cat shes based on#twerpy is genderfluid bc we make jokes that my cat twerpy is genderfluid a lot#also i feel like shed be aroace if she were a person. its just the vibes yk#lily isnt labeled as anything shes just vibin#the 2 are part of a big sorta found family type shit that consists of chars based on my other 3 cats i just didnt feel like drawin more rn#twerpy is really mean and stuck up but is secretly super sweet it just takes them a long time to warm up enough to someone n show it#shes also secretly incredible at like. comforting people and helping them out. but again only shows it for people hes warmed up enough to#lily is super confident and full of herself and spoiled. she thinks shes super fuckin smart but she is very much Not /lh#she loves attention though and gets her feelings hurt super easy#also shes Huge on physical affection. she loves giving people hugs and holding hands and shit#like. shell be like oh im so fuckin hot and cool literally no ones on my level and of ur like eh idk that fit isnt really that good on u#she will start Crying. and get mad that youre being mean to her for no reason while sobbing#and probably will hug onto you while doing it#twerpy also gives really good hugs but they Hate being touched. so if it willingly touches you then youre incredibly lucky special#also lily loves sitting in peoples laps#if youre friends with her she is far more likely to sit on your lap instead of any chair in the room nd thats just smth youll have 2 deal w#dlc wiki
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justablah56 · 1 year
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help I have auditions tomorrow and I am going to cry . also have to wake up in 6 hours so that's great . fuck I hate how early school is , someone needs to yell at me to go to sleep
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pinkseas · 8 months
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train leaves in an hour i leave in 15 minutes i am so scared. so scared. so scared. so scared.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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...
#i have to drive to the big city tomorrow morning... which is...#itll b fine. ive done it multiple times before so itll b fine#but also everytime i have to drive somewhere im a sobbing mess bc its so scary#and i space out which is terrifying so i have to sing and talk to myself the whole time so my brain doesnt drift too far#and i dont kno how long i have to b there or if ill b able to find parking...#i just hate is so much. literally its not a far trip. if we have a fucking working train system there would b a train between our two#universities and it would b like 30min. such fucking bullshit. that would b incredible. i would actually b able to go places#fuck the lack of public train transportation. its stupid.#at least i was busy all day. its crazy how much less terrible my day is when im in a semi empty lab working with algae#hopefully i didnt kill the culture bc i had to transfer immediately after making media. i think it cooled enough but well see#fuck. i dont wanna drive. i should sleep so im not more insane tomorrow#its crazy how distorted i get abt driving. i will convince myself that my car is gonna like fall apart while im driving#and that im absolutely going to have an accident caused by me. so i get up like ok this is where it all ends#in a smear across the highway#oh god i have to get gas tomorrow too#thry recommended i get there at 9 but maybe ill get there 8.30 and just like sit in my car crying for half an hour#lol i turn up to the lab with tear stained cheeks like hey sorry if it seemed like i was resistant to coming down here. im very unwell ✌️#bleh. lets not think abt it. dont think just do. and pray i dont have to fucking go multiple days#my reward for success is no spring break bc a stressful project will begin this weekend#but im not even sure i have spring break bc im a lab tech so i think mayne thats not a loss? idk i dont kno#when im supposed to b working or not. it doesnt matter. my tine sheets r a lie#time sheets :-P#unrelated
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pekodayz · 1 year
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how am i gonna sleep NOTHING IS WORKING
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volfoss · 2 years
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God I cannot wait for the weather to get less cold so I can do doll faceups
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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bday dump cont. in tags 🫶🏼
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LOOK AT THE PICS I TOOK OF MY WOL W THE GLAMS A FRIEND GIFTED 😭😭
#🌙.rambles#dude's like a big bro c:#the shirt isn't bought tho!!!! the hats n boots of my current glam is from songbird n#HONESTLY RECEIVING GIFTS IS SMTH IM REALLY SHY ABOUT?#i very much appreciate receiving stuff but i get too too shy if it's with money bcs i don't really use much of my own allowance 💀#I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS VVVV MUCH AAAAA#apo n i finally ended up playing a bit w one of those twt moots 🥺#IM SO HAPPY.... we talked quite a lot today n i think! we def got closer!!!!#bcs we're all pretty Shy in our lil trio too but 🥺 we're more chill now i think#im really glad. it means a lot to me to be able to be closer with ppl#GOD WAIT APOLLO JUST COMPLIMENTED MY GLAM#I WILL COMBIST AHFJFJAKAKAKK ??????!/!:#GOD I SWEAR IM USUALLY MIRE COMPOSED BUT I REALLY JUST CRUMBLE W ANY SORT OF AFFECTION WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKKKKK#two of my friends from middle school greeted me in dms too on ig 🥺#N. MY BEST FRIEND FROM GR4 I LOVE HERRRR she's in another school now w shs but#frienfs before high school i'd honestly consider a childhood friend! c:#god wait my mind is all over the place genuinely wait AAAAA#oh ffs everytime i hear something nice about me my brain just fries i think#i get too flustered everytime. i'm not good with affection. please stop. i hate you. SOB.......#OH I REMEMBER SMTH I WAS GNA RAMBLE ABOUT EARLIER#w friends i know purely online on stuff like tumblr twt yes i realize i tend to be really nice#i never force it tho it jsut comes really naturally 😭😭 wait wtf i just remembered smth#WHY AM I LIKE THIS...... it's either i'm super hyper like this! like a kid! emojis n emotes ^-^ n i look v sweet on text i would imagine#or the opposite. 'uwu' if you may then 'emo' ...... SO#SOB ???? 💀 theres smth really funny wbt it for me#god wait i got distracted i have sm thoughts i cld write on n on buti realize i naturally just end up hiding when it comes to#wait. wait wait wait no. i was abt to say smth but NO i will never ever rwmble abt that ever#y am i like this..... the very one topic i avoid! despite how personal it is for me#idk what i'm trying to say abt that but i hate lying but i often hide i think w certain stuff. i don't run but#actually no it wld be bad if i say anymore oh nooo i will never talk abt that! not even apollo knows abt that b i'll never ever EVer talk ab
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kateis-cakeis · 2 months
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people are really so weird and so fatphobic huh
(and oops most of my commentary is in the tags XD)
#people really out here acting like some chocolate is gonna kill you#idk maybe you should check how stats and data actually work and not just blindly trust things that get it wrong and such#because hate to break it to ya but increased risk does not equal absolute risk#it just increases the risk which is normally only by a small margin and doesnt mean anything in reality because it doesn't mean that it's#absolutely 100% going to happen that's not what risk or increased risk means#anyway this reminds of when a friend of mine took part in a study#and they were like oh yeah you have a 6% chance of a heart attack in the next 10 years#they asked if they lost weight would that decrease by a lot and the person was like uhh by like 1% it's really not the big deal everyone#makes it out to be people are just fatphobic because that's the society we've built that at all times you must be skinny#or you aren't worth anything or worse when people act like you're such a strain on the system#and that you dont deserve to have healthcare like i will scream#everyone needs to stop being so damn weird about it!!!!!!!!!!#it's literally fine it's so literally fine#you know actually thinking about increased risk with alcohol and smoking - to which is totally your choice and up to you btw#i knew someone who smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish and lived to his 70s and died of something completely unrelated#increased risk is just that increased by a certain percentage which is like not a lot in the grand scheme of things to really put it into#perspective when you have like 1 in 100 chance and the increased risk is 100% that just raises it to 2 in 100 which yes is just 1% to 2%#i will scream when people act like food is going to kill you - especially when it gets so bad people act like fruit is bad for you because#of sugar like i will cry i will start sobbing because all of this is why im pretty sure most people have disordered eating#if not full on eating disorders and that's the real concern how our attitudes make people change their behaviours and develop mental health#conditions because society is just so insistent on this one issue that you can't escape it's bad it's so bad and i hope one day#we get past all this and people can just live how they want without others getting on their backs#fatphobic people are the reason why so many people i know think they're worthless and ugly and i just that's so upsetting to me and yes yes#there's the major issues like doctors ignoring symptoms in favour of just lose weight! and then just send people into the world with 0 help#in that oh and oops now they've got an eating disorder when the problem in the first place was not weight <.<#and even if it was (which it rarely ever is) it's like okay where's the help then because there is no help and then study after study is#like oh btw dieting doesnt work lol and then what do you do what do you do im gonna start screaming hdfghsdfg#anyway sorry these tags are long im just so tired and so frustrated at the world and i hope one day people get over themselves
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