#it was such a wild emotional roller coaster from start to finish and THAT ENDING 😭😭😭

[sideralatheneum]

Yesterday I finished the hollow boy and oh god I am DISTRAUGHT

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

Feb 15th

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1. Hi! This is for fic finder. Its similar to "wide enough and wild" by impossibletruths. The difference is, in the fic that i want to find again is WWX is a sect leader of wen remnant. There are a fight between the wen remnant because of land and WWX has to resolbe it as sect leader. WWX and LWJ adopt Wen Yuan formally like they ask granny wen for permission to adopt Wen Yuan and there are some ceremony to solidify the adoption. LWJ get drunk and stole a goat (?). It involve a goat but i dont remember if it was LWJ or JWY who stole a goat. WQ has a student. Close to the end of story, WQ goes to Yunmeng with JWY and the title of sect healer goes to WQ's student. I think thats all i can remember. Thank you! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

NOT FOUND stay, fury, your wrist wrapped in silk by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 228k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, YLLZ LWJ, LWJi loses his golden core, yiling wei sect, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Major Character Injury, Injury Recovery, Temporary Character Death, War Crimes, Wen Remnant, Wangxian Get a Happy Ending, Revenge, LWJ goes dark for a while, WWX has a hard time with the bad shit going on around him, JGS is a bastard, Protracted Sunshot Campaign, War is war and hell is hell and of the two war is a lot worse, temporary impotence, growing intimacy, LWJ and WWX and the Wen Remnant live in the Burial Mounds together, WWX travels with LWJ and stays at his side post-Sunshot, Spanish Translation)

FOUND! sounds like the epilogue chapter of A Narrow Bridge by FrameofMind, Jo Lasalle (Jo_Lasalle) (E, 700k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, slow burn, getting together, first time, pining, pining while fucking, burial mounds settlement days, angst w happy ending)… but that's a really short piece of that particular fic to remember so I have doubts ^^; the goat part sounds like way earlier tho, when they get a goat, if I remember well.

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2. hello! I’m looking for a modern wangxian fic where wwx and lwj are high school (?) lovers but then lan qiren (who is also the director of the school I think) finds out about their relationship and sends lwj to the Lan school London. And then there’s a time skip and lwj ends up working at the school and the school system gets hacked so they engage the tech company that wwx started to fix the problem. And then they get back together - please help me!

FOUND? Tempo Rubato by Spodumene (E, 107k, WangXian, Modern AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Romance, Persuasion au, Separations, Mutual Pining, Depression, Miscommunication, Emotional Roller Coaster, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Reconciliation, Eventual Smut, Jane Austen Fusion, Underage Kissing) / Hello! I'm fairly certain that #2 on the most recent fic finder is in fact Tempo Rubato. I just finished doing a reread of that one and the details provided all line up :)

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3. hello! i hope u guys can help me find this fic. wwx and lwj are camboys then one day, wwx watched lwj for the first time just before his stream. (i think lwj is the no. 1 in that site) lwj watched his stream, wwx gave him his address and lwj went to his house. i know that its in my bookmark but i cant really find it. thank you in advamce!

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4. hi there are some fics that are continuously bouncing around in my head so some help in finding them would be very much appreciated and if my memory serves me correct all these stories were one shots

A) all I remember is that WY was a phoenix captured by the wens and LZ meets him during his capture and falls in love around this time, also not very sure if WY had healing powers or his tears turned to peals because he heals LZ and that LZ tells him to cry just because WY feels like crying

B) the story starts of with WY and LZ on a date arranged by all of their friends and other memories of it include NHS telling WY that LZ had made a separate group without him to warn them from ever repeating what they did WY also went out with LQY in (idk) high school and with WQ but they broke up because WQ had to focus on med school and didn't want to do Long distance and that WY seems to know that LZ is in love with him and LZ cries after telling WY that he's happy being his friend along with ending on the note where WY and LZ confirm that they are officially friends to every one else

C) this one revolves around WY being a sacrifice and LZ is guardian till his death but they fall in love I think WY was to be sacrificed on his 20 some birthday also the way the sacrifice was interpreted wrongly by the sects and in it WY and LZ also sleep together before WY is ultimately sacrificed but it was a happy ending that's all I remember I apologize if the descriptions are too vague but I read them a good while back and thank you so much for your help

4A)

FOUND! a thousand hills, no birds in flight | 千山鳥飛絕 by defractum (nyargles) (E, 26k, WangXian, Mythology, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon adjacent setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort)

NOT FOUND! Breathing Firestorm by ladyshadowdrake (M, 110k, wangxian, angst, fluff, captivity, creepy WRH, no non-con, dreamsharing, politics, people making the best decisions they can, epic length, mythical creature WWX, canon-typical violence, dark, happy ending)

4B)

FOUND! yeah theyre just bros thanks for asking by victortor (T, 10k, WangXian, Intimacy, Modern AU, Aromantic Character, Established Relationship, Communication)

4C)

FOUND! The Sacrifice's Last Guard by 0_Heta_0 (E, 24k, WangXian, Falling In Love, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending)

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5. hi there! for the next fic finder — im pretty... sure... this is a jiang yanli-centric fic? but a lot of the POV was also madame yu. i remember that cangse sanren survived (this is not time charm). cssr, madame yu, and,, another woman who i forgot (possibly lwj's mother?) get into a relationship, and they raise the children together. im pretty sure jfm also dies alongside wcz (unless im mixing up two fics). either way, theres a scene where someone sneaks in the wives rm n mdme yu kicks their ass // (i'm the yzy/cssr/madame lan anon) i know for *sure* now that im mixing up two fics, but same ot3. it's not sami's sail away sweet sister. the character pov was yzy annd she was a lot more unsure about the whole thing bc she was painfully aware what she's like.

For the most recent fic finder #5 is absolutely Sail Away Sweet Sister. It's in Chapter 3, 2/3 of the way through. It may be conflated with another one, though, as that particular section is in Madame Lan POV (her name is Tang Lijuan). Sami tells stories in multi-POV though, so there are other sections from Yu Ziyuan's POV relating the incident.

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6. Okay so, looking for a fic where lwj or wwx accidentally summon incubus/succubus wwx or lwj. (I can't remember who was the sex demon or who was the human but it is a wangxian fic)

So, the succubus needs food and it is, unsurprisingly, cum. As in they have to literally eat cum to survive. So the human lets the demon feed from him. The human is followed by this succubus/incubus everywhere he goes to including his university.

The human loves feeding the sex demon and even lets him feed in the uni bathroom during breaks.

Does a fic like this exist? Does it ring any bell?

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7. Hi I'm looking for a fic in which Lan wangji and Lan Zichen got yin poisoning. And because Lan wangji in on the verge of death. Lan zichen decided to ask for Wei wuxian help on extracting yin energy but Lan Qiren prevented LAN zichen from fetching Wei wuxian because of his injury and decided the LAN Qiren himself will go and get Wei wuxian. And in this story Lan zichen and Jin gungyao will end up together jin gungyao was poisoned by his father. And wen Qing helps treat him thank you for the help @routel

FOUND? The Untamed: For the Love of Two Boys by YenGirl (Not rated, 181k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, JC/WQ, 3zun, Yin Metal poisoning, wangxian wedding, XiYao wedding, 3Zun wedding, Single minded LWJ, Caring WWX, Supportive lxc, Supportive LQR, Prickly JC, Sweet JYL, Good JZX, Badass WQ, Cinnamon roll WN, adorable a-yuan, Supportive NMJ, Redeemed JGY, Evil JGS, Supportive Madam Jin, Annoying JZN, Evil XY, Rescued SS, Jealous SS, Useless Sect Leader Yao, Supportive Lan Healer OC, Accupuncture, Golden Core Reveal, Yunmeng sibs reconciliation, Implied mpreg jokes, stygian tiger seal, Burial Grounds fight, Meng Shi's grave, Jiang Sect Ancestral Hall, Lan Sect Ancestral Hall, wedding nights, minor OCs,nMingshi & Calming Bell)

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8. Hello I am looking for a fanfic where Wei Ying finds out that he still has family that’s alive on his fathers side. He travels with Lan Zhan and ayuan to meet them and finds out his father was from a rich merchant family but his father left them to become a cultivator. He meets his grandmother who has dementia and his family business ends up boycotting the Jins when they find out what they did to Weiying. I know I bookmarked this fanfic but I can’t seem to find it.

FOUND? Keep Holding On by abCEE (M, 316k, JC & WWX & JYL, wangxian, canon divergence, role reversal, YLLZ JYL, yunmeng sibling dynamics, good uncle LQR, sunshot campaign, PTSD, established relationship, angst w/ happy ending)

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9. Hi I really loved the fic A Myriad of Blossoms!! It's one of my favs now! Thank you so much for suggesting that fic.

Next I was looking for two fics :

A) Where Wei Wuxian after being expelled from CR is also "expelled" from YMJ and he works as a spy for Madam Yu and later when she dies the spy organisation is taken up by Nie Huaisang.

B) Where Lan Wangji asks Wei Wuxian to give up the Yin Tiger Tally and as a result WWX loses his new Yin core all over again and is severely hurt and LWJ regrets.

Thank you again!! @yilinglaobunny

9A)

FOUND! 🔒 Pendulum by ShippersList (M, 69k, wangxian, graphic depicitions of violence, rape/non-con, underage, A/B/O, Canon Divergence, Non-Traditional A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Misunderstandings, Canon-Typical Violence, Spies & Secret Agents, Fake Character Death, Slow Burn, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, BAMF WWX, Attempted Sexual Assault, Canonical Character Death, Mutual Pining, Good JGY, Introspection, Self-Sacrificing WWX, Love Confessions, Protective LWJ, past child sexual abuse)

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10. Hi! I was hoping to have some help finding a specific fic? It was really long, a zombie apocalypse au? Where WWX gives birth to A-Yuan and LWJ is the father and then they get separated? And there's a big cruise ship? I remember the title was something like Nowhere Man? And it was finished! But I can't find it anywhere! Appreciate any help in finding this fic, thank you!!! @ariel-nolikeshakespeare

FOUND? For #10 could it be that its this fic? nowhere man - Red (zuwujun) At least if you search on google "nowhere man zombie ao3" thats the first result and it is a wangxian fic from the summary snippet visible from google. Sadly its currently hidden for a challenge

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11. Hi! I really appreciate the work you do. I'm looking for two fics: A) a deity!wwx au fic (not many tags beyond pairing, incomplete, hasnt been updated in a few years). Lwj meets night deity!wwx as a teen, befriends him, and during sunshot everyone thinks hes blessed by the sun god bc he has a branding iron he uses as a weapon. wwx turns himself mortal. B) The second is a cql post-canon fic: wwx sends lwj note hes in trouble from a night hunt. Family brings food to cave. Sex curse? Defeat Yao in lake. @classygreydove

11B)

FOUND? Fire in the Blood by Jo Lasalle (Jo_Lasalle) (M, 20k, wangxian, First Time, Post-Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, hurt/comfort themes)

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12. Hi! I'm looking for these two fics:

A) WWX is the boss at some company and wants to keep LWJ from leaving because he's such a good employee so he offers him to double his salary or whatever he wants, LWJ says he won't leave if WWX offers himself. It's a modern AU.

B) During his stay in cloud recesses, WWX overhears two guys planning on cursing a woman with a toy connected to her, WWX stops them and changes the curse towards himself. The issue is that LWY confiscates the toy. That's what I remember.

Thanks!

12A)

FOUND? What's Wrong With Secretary Lan? by silverclaw (T, 5k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, Modern, Inspired By What's Wrong With Secretary Kim? (TV), JZX and WWX are best friends, LWJ is "going through a rebellious phase")

12B)

FOUND? 🔒 The Golden Cutsleeve by syrus_jones (E, 77k, WangXian, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Aged-Up Character(s), WWX POV, WWX is a gremlin, Internally Screaming LWJ, No Sunshot Campaign, First Times, Accidental Sex, Masturbation, PWP, Porn with Feelings, WWX experimenting with things he shouldn’t like always, Happy Ending, Porn With Plot)

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13. Hello— looking for a fic (au).

A) The Twin Jades go to Lotus Pier. Madam Yu makes WY stay out of the way (maybe even sleep outside?). LXC sees WY using talismans & is impressed. The next day he brings his brother & LWJ falls for WY:)

B) The twin jades are at Lotus Pier & MY makes WY sleep outside? But LWJ runs into him (and sees him using talisman:)

Thanks!!! @snowrose24

For number thirteen in the last item finder, I know that fic is an omega Wei Wuxian, but I can’t recall the title. Hope that helps? Definitely an alpha Lan Wangji.

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14. Hello, I am not sure how this works 😅. I think I am supposed to write my request here. I am trying to find a WangXian fic. It is a modern au. Lan enterprises is hacked and Nei Mingjue send Wei Ying to help them and by the end of day Lan Wangji and Wei Ying are set for a date. In this fic Wei Ying is a CEO of a big security company I think. Also they decided that Wei Ying will be an intern to catch the hacker. @veeru19

FOUND? Wangji's Beautiful Stranger by xxxMiaHikarixxx (G, 47k, wangxian, WIP, Modern, Soulmates, older LWJ, younger WWX, LWJ is So Whipped, Not Jiang Family Friendly, A-Yuan and Jingyi are best boys)

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15. Hi there! I'm looking for a fic that I sadly don't remember much about. The few things that stick in my mind are (1) Lan Wangji's father is alive, but they do not get along since his father left them, (2) Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian have a baby (can't remember if it's A-Yuan or an OC), and (3) there's some family event where Lan Qiren brings Lan Wangji's father and Lan Wangji (somewhat reluctantly) allows his father to feed the baby as a sign he's willing to try to start mending their relationship. Thanks for all the good work you do! @lucky-cat-13

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16. Hi! This is for fic finder. I dont remember much, unfortunately. What i remember is WWX send a letter to other clan. Like, there should be someone who married in to wen remnants right? So he send letter to those family to ask if they want to take their wen family back or not. I think LWJ help him too. That is all i can remember. Thank you! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

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17. Hello! I'm looking for a fic where Lan Wangji is an emperor. Lan Xichen dies in the war against the Wen and none of the other clans provided support to the Lan. Wei Wuxian helps in the background, including saving the Dafan Wen. Lan Wangji demands Wei Wuxian as part of the treaty/alliance with with other clans post winning the war. Wei wuxian thinks he is a war prize/prisoner, but he is treated really well by the Gusu Lan for his efforts in the war.

It was WIP and I thought I had this bookmarked, but I lost it 😔

Thank you!!

FOUND! golden when the day met the night by glitteringmoonlight (Not rated, 95k, slow burn, sugar daddy LWJ, light, angst, fluff, developing relationship, eventual smut, WIP)

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18. Hello again! Thanks as always for your help. Do you happen to remember that one fic where wwx has wildly overworked himself by taking in too many foster kids, and LWJ, his boyfriend, buys him a Fitbit to gently dom him into eating and sleeping enough? @balleyboley

I know number 18😭 I'll try to look for it. Wei ying wouldn't sleep or eat and didnt realize it, I hope someone finds it!

FOUND? underweight by sixstepsaway (E, 7k, WangXian, sex used as bribery lmao, Eating Disorders, Anxiety, full time dom!lwj, consensual control, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs)

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19. Hi, So i'm looking for two fics a) pretty sure his one is a one shot but it's basically during the sunshot campain and wwx is putting souls to rest when one of them wants something for him. The soul is all flirty and so on and after some time they find out it's nhs and nmj's father. b) also during the sunshot campain, nmj sees wwx being sickly and is like I'll take you under my wing, he feeds him just takes care of him @thatperson0-0

19A)

FOUND! Win Some, Lose Some by nirejseki (G, 3k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Ghosts, Talkative Ghosts, Marriage Arrangements, NHS & LWJ friends agenda)

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20. hii. this is for ficfinder

I haven't read this but the summary of the fic was smth like wei wuxian disappears and I think sometime later lan wangji finds a man named mo xuanyu, I think it's a modern au, but I might be wrong!

thank you!!!

NOT FOUND! 🔒 Where You Fell by Sweet_William (E, 303k, wangxian, 3zun, JC/NHS, JYL/JZX, Modern, Angst, Mutual Pining, Homeless AU, Getting Together, Slow Burn, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, accidental sugar daddy LWJ, Suicidal Thoughts, Self-Esteem Issues, Coffee Shops & Cafés, Autistic Character, WWX Has ADHD, Panic Attacks, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sex Work, Implied/Referenced Substance Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending)

NOT FOUND! vintage youth by sami (E, 13k, WangXian, Modern AU, references to past LWJ/others, references to past WWX/WQ, Family, Sexual Tension, set in the early 90s, Background Xicheng)

FOUND! don't leave me waiting, don't leave me here by sassybluee (M, 13k, WangXian, WangYu, Modern: No Powers, Missing Persons, Sex Work, Lawyer LWJ, Ambiguous Relationships, Hopeful Ending, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, POV LWJ)

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[egopocalypse]

🥺, 🤡, and 🎢 !!

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

I answered this in a previous ask, but I also always cry over reunions. The way characters react after a long separation (especially one that wasn't of their own choice) is extremely emotional, and it gets me every time. Someone always ends up in tears (spoiler: it's me).

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

Anything that makes c!Ranboo a pathetic wet rag. Throwing the wrapping paper and missing the trash bag horribly in Hearth. c!Tubbo pretending to stick him up in Gone Away. c!Tubbo (again) making him splutter and cough at the funeral just by calling him a nickname. c!Beeduo and c!Bench moments always end up chaotic and humorous in some way, and I love punctuating through the angst with those precious moments.

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

Oh god, I can't decide. Maybe A Warden's Secrets? I feel like Sam's journey throughout the fic is a roller-coaster from start to finish, especially with the fic's ending. However, Gone Away is also A Time, and with how unhinged Pandora is, I can't knock it out of the running, either. They're all wild, just in their own ways.

Ask game

[anxiouspotatorants]

It is time. It is finally time for the new Suicide Squad rant (and spoilers will be plentiful):

As someone who was into DC Comics and comics in the mid to late 2010s and had so much hype for the first Suicide Squad movie only to be let down, I was so nervous for this one. I knew it was going to be a roller coaster, but whether I would come out happy or disappointed was up in the air. Having just seen it I will say this: I have no idea if this was a good movie-movie. It was insane. The comedy. The violence. The high emotion. I’m still trying to take it all in. But one thing I do know is that this is an amazing Suicide Squad movie. Gunn and co took the best parts of the comic concept and went batshit with it and that is how this property should be handled (in my opinion). Screw edgelordisms, we need full on insanity free of aiming for shock-value or sexy brutality we want chaos baby.

Starting the whole movie as they did, with Savant as the POV for a mission (or part of the mission) that just goes to hell immediately and kills off so many before the title arrives is the perfect way to start this movie. Like the second I realized this was how they were doing it I was just smiling from ear to ear, this is the spirit of the property.

Part of me wishes we got more Amanda Waller, but what we had was impeccable. Then again, this is Viola Davis we’re talking about, and if she was born to play any character in a superhero story, it is Amanda Waller.

And points to her tech team, introducing them with the death bets was just a lovely way to show how regular this is and how awful everyone is in this movie.

I’m not going to pretend like Deadshot and Bloodsport didn’t have the exact same character- and plot premises… but I will say that Bloodsport felt better executed.

I love that they kept some of the past members and not just Harley. Rick Flag got to have a full personality and interactions with his team members and to be a true leader and it made me so happy for someone who initially did not give a single shit about his character. The Harley friendship? The Dubois friendship? The friendship with that guerilla leader? Amazing. The one American soldier in fictional media I genuinely like. You go Mr Flag.

The new members were… they were insane in the best way. Gone are the shitty stereotypes and present are some of the wackiest creations to ever grace the mainstream movie-sphere (aka the slightly less normal comic creations): A man who has to shoot out polka dots two times a day so as not to die from a space virus. A giant child murdering weasel. A guy who detaches his limbs and slaps people with said detached limbs. King Shark. The second person to command rats with a fancy gadget. They are all crazy and all weird and all more or less morally repulsive people and I love them.

The amount of times I did a double take over the soundtrack I swear. Jessie Reyez? The Pixies? It was so much fun to pick up on once I did.

Was the depiction of a vague Latin American country stereotypical? Yes. Was the secret American involvement predictable and felt mildly patronizing from a non-American, part Latina point of view? Yep. But damn it if I didn’t have a good time with those stereotypes and laugh my ass off at how well executed some were. I don’t know if it was meant as parody, but that one secretary has me thinking so — and if so I am pleased.

Speaking of Latino dictators Harley’s one day romance with one of the villains was something I never knew I needed. Like it was so perfect for Harley that when it happened I almost hit myself for not realizing that this kind of plot should be a normal thing for Harley. And the end of it? Perfect not only in this standalone movie, but also in conjunction with the first and with BoP.

The Taika Waititi cameo??? Oh my god??? I did not expect that and I love it?? Sir, What We Do in the Shadows is impeccable.

Rick Flag’s death actually surprised me. It shouldn’t as this is Suicide Squad, but I kind of expected him to be on Harley’s level of unkillable (because let’s face it, no one kills Harley). What I will say is that his death was good and his final words and actions made me love him all the more. I hope this spawns more Rick Flag content, or at least inspires me to look at what already exists, if he already is as this movie made him (it’s been ages since I read one of the Suicide Squad reboot comics okay).

Starro. How can a villain be so wacky and so terrifying at the same time? I did not expect a literal alien starfish to have more terrifying powers and a more tragic plot execution than Enchantress. But here we are. And that damn star just wanted to be floating in space, and instead it was stuck getting revenge by killing and puppeteering human corpses. Wow that thing was creepier the more you think about it.

I don’t know what I think about Polka Dot Man. I loved watching him on screen but also damn those mommy-issues were on a new level. Not just in his backstory but how he literally sees her in every person around him that was insane. Very funny but like also the kind that makes you laugh just because you’re uncomfortable and don’t know how else to releive the tension.

When Waller got knocked out by a staff member I immediately thought «oh my god Amanda Waller is going to kill half the staff for this», so I’m mildly surprised and disappointed that I didn’t get to see that happen. But also I should maybe expect something like this in a potential future Suicide Squad movie. We can’t have everything in a movie as packed as this.

Peacemaker was very horrible and worked really well. Don’t really have much to say about him, not because I didn’t enjoy him but because I already feel like the film itself has said it for me. But the planting and payoff for his death? Chef’s. Kiss.

Harley’s wardrobe was beautiful. Ratcatcher 2’s combat outfit felt like a steampunk plague dream. Bloodsport’s mask was supercool. Rick Flag’s t-shirt was amazing. But the best little outfit was the Mafalda-keychain and her red dress, hands down. Oh and King Shark’s fake moustache finger moment.

King Shark is shaped like a friend I don’t care how many people he ate alive on screen he looks so huggable. It feels like wanting to pet a bear. You know it will kill you but damn it look at those paws and those cute eyes!

I really need to give it to not just James Gunn but the entire production team for this movie. The aesthetic was perfect. The story was the right blend of whimsical and violent. The finished product was a literal rollercoaster and I mean that in a good way. If superhero movies have to be like amusement parks, I hope they’re more like this one and BoP.

I’ll finish on the note that while I think this movie was great and hopefully a step in the right direction for the DCU/DCEU (as in stop trying to play Marvel’s game and just do your own thing/ let your creative teams run wild and free), it is not the first step. Cathy Yan, Birds of Prey and the production team for it took a step first, and they deserve due credit and attention. If you loved this Suicide Squad movie and haven’t watched BoP yet, do so. Because they really are in the same ballpark while doing things in slightly different ways. And any good DCEU movie deserves more attention so the studios know that creativity and risks should be rewarded. I want more DC movies like this, not necessarily in genre but in creative risks. I want a Black Canary rock movie. I want Alfred in a reverse heist movie alone in the batcave against Gotham villains. I want Gotham Academy on screen play by play from the comics. I want a fully animated psychedelic-like Khalid Nassour as Dr. Fate movie. I want elevated horror movie Constantine. I want weird ass Lois Lane journalist movies with a heavy side of Superman. And I want DC movies I didn’t even know I wanted.

Support creativity in mainstream comic movies. Help me become a DC fan and happy about it again.

[ramabear]

oh i’ve never done this before, but then i dont usually juggle so many open fics at the same time. 

here’s a list of what i’m currently working on keeping posted/updated! check them out if you’re curious!

The Indifference of the Storm (M) -- a winteriron soulmate au with angst, misunderstandings and (god save us all) hopefully a happy ending. it’s quite the emotional roller coaster! it has 9 chapters currently and is about 28k 

Where You’re Needed (E) -- a winteriron a/b/o post-endgame fic with some slice of life, a lot of comfort, and a complex world setting (if i do say so myself!) its definitely one of my more intricate settings as of late! it’s 6 chapters and 31k. 

upbraideth not (M) -- a winteriron au that’s post civil war and is very food-is-love food/recipe/cooking based. it’s kind of an exploration into the domestic and is very bucky centric. it has 4 chapters and 14k words to it now

Structural (In)Stability (E) -- a winteriron no-powers au that starts of hot and heavy with all the hallmarks of a fucking wild ride. the tags are heavy on the mental instability and this fic is done in alternating POVs between tony and bucky. this just has the first chapter out and is 7k long so far!

Save State 3 (E) -- a winteriron ‘groundhog day au’ that is definitely the heavy hitter for angst in all of these. it starts off bloody and is only going to get more intense from there. there is a LOT of death in this fic and i think it has some of my favorite interactions between steve and bucky and tony! it’s also just recently posted so it has 1 chapter out and is 2.6k words long right now 

Touch Malfunction (E) -- a winteriron au that is not ultron or civil war compliant. it’s heavy on the skinship and touch-comforts and dips a little into the area of relationship reveal. this one has a bit of a sweetness to it, i think. it’s currently 5 chapters (out of 7) and 21k 

And last but not least:

Silver Lining (T) -- a winteriron shifter au with a feral bucky, some canon divergence pre-ultron and some classic tropes such as “we’re stuck in this cave together, guess we have to cuddle for warmth!” this is just the first of my four planned shifter aus, including one that’s an alternate take on this fic that i’m working on :) this fic is 3 chapters and 6k long and is the one slated to update tomorrow!

i have a few others that i’m keeping back for now, mostly bc they’re either still underdeveloped in some way or they are not quite finished for some reason.

 enjoy the list and let me know what you think! ヾ(•ω•`)o

[hangryporo]

I can't believe I finished this TWST rarepair xD phew!

I always prefer drawing and painting in a messy way. I did this with the last day of his ship - really, give Vililia a chance :^C-

To the brave adventurers on crack ships, thank you so much for your likes, and if you're one of the few poros of culture who enjoy this, feel free to comment or talk <3

I hope you like this o/!

...

-What’s up, dudes? Welcome to Lil’ Daddy’s stream! Today, we’re going to play a bit of the game “Ancient Circle”. Let’s git gud, boys!

Lilia never thought that 500 years with a partner would be so different from his almost 2000 years in loneliness. Indeed, Malleus and his family were an important support in his life, as well as Sebek, Silver, and his countless “children” he liked taking care of.

However, he had to admit that his life with Vil was a constant roller coaster – “is that the correct expression in these times?” -, and he loved it.

Now, as a retired warlord and General, he spent most of his time playing in those strange machines humans made to have fun. Computer was the name, he remembered.

-Lilia.

-Malleus! How are you? – He muted his headphone to avoid being heard by the subscribers watching his… livestream? Really, why are these names so far from the actual meaning?

-Are you busy? I’ll speak later then…

-No! Don’t worry, I'm just playing. Tell me.

-Vil is coming.

The vampire felt his blood boil in temperature. He stopped the broadcast immediately and paid his whole attention to his fae dragon “child”.

-Did he call you?

-… He wanted to talk to you, but he knew about your activities, and didn’t want to interrupt…

-I’ll reeducate him once he’s here.

-Oh no.

-Oh yes.

-Lilia no. Every time you do that, I have to buy you a new bed.

-… Well, then tell him to call me more often!

-He said you haven’t called him either.

-How could I? He’s always busy with those photo sessions and actor stuff…

-Lilia…

-Besides, he's got angry for 10 years.

-You didn’t apologize.

-I wasn’t wrong!

-I fulfilled my duty. See you tomorrow.

-Malleus.

-Yes?

-Thank you for the information. I’ll surprise him now.

-… I regret telling you about this now.

As soon as Malleus ended the call, Lilia got up from his chair and put everything into work.

…

Lilia thought he was the impatient one when meeting his partner was about. He was wrong.

Once his Chosen one entered his home, there was only time left to close the door and go straight to their bed. The magenta-eyed vampire was eager to make his dominance clear and used the mark on Vil’s wrist to limit his actions, causing him to hiss. Bless that vampire bite and its power over Chosen ones.

-Master…

-No. You know my name.

-… - The blonde groaned in pain and pleasure. He was feeling his lover in every part of his body and soul, as well as the burning sensation in his scarred wrist. That damned mark…

-Vil.

-… Li- Lilia…

-Good. It seems we can talk later.

-I’m still angry…! – The younger couldn’t continue his complaints. When his Master is angrier than him, his wrist will hurt for the rest of the week.

-Later, I said.

Thinking briefly about apologizing to Malleus for the new bed he’d have to get, the vampire continued with his reeducation session.

…

-You ripped my shirt and pants off. You bloody wild idiot.

-And you left me without knowing about your life for 10 years. Fair enough.

Vil sighed at his partner’s words. When he became into a vampire, both agreed on having an open relationship. Lilia liked having parties with other vampires, and him, on the other hand, had affairs with actors and actresses around the world. As political conflicts ended, and the world evolved, both found solace in other activities. In Vil’s case, he started a career as actor and model, being one of the best in his type.

He laughed at how ephemeral the “open relationship” agreement was. Both started realizing about their everlasting feelings towards each other and stopped any type of encounters. However, as both were so dense in emotional terms, they celebrated their union every ten years. Something about "remarking only the main events in their long non-lives" was the reason.

-Well, I’m here. I hope you didn’t forget the reason why– commented the amethyst-eyed actor, looking at Lilia with a pout.

-Probably to apologize for not learning how to use a mobile phone and writing me an email sooner?

-Very funny. You know I’ve learned faster than you…

-Then I don’t know.

-How is it possible to be so hot-headed, when being almost 2500 years old?!

The actor wanted to get out of the broken bed, but he was stopped by the older vampire’s hug. He cursed his weakness towards those displays of affection before reciprocating the gesture.

-Happy Anniversary, Vil.

-… I’m still angry at you. I told you…

-… that the Rose Queendom was a better option than the Shaftlands. I know, I know.

-People might recognize me!

-The humans from your time already died, my dearest Vil. And if that were the case, we can tell a story about your ancestor, who had strong features in a genetic level. Who knows?

-Idiot.

-Are you happy calling me like that?

-No.

Lilia laughed at Vil’s childish behavior and gently kissed him on his lips. Gods, he did miss him so much…

-Now what, Lilia? What are your plans for tonight?

-I’ve booked a table in Schwartz und Golden. Their dancing room is amazing. And…

The blonde looked at his husband curious-he never liked calling him that way. Too sappy-, while putting on Lilia’s oversized hoodie and got surprised when the vampire gifted him a little blue silk box. Inside it was a beautiful pair of earrings and a gold necklace with little stones that seemed to be amethysts.

-This is my way of apologizing for misunderstanding your wish.

-… You didn’t need to.

-It’s okay. Now we have to get ready for later…

If Lilia had been a human, he would’ve felt his heart stop at his partner’s embrace. Most of his friends and members of the Court told him that choosing Vil was a mistake. Now he could laugh at the world for proving them wrong.

He is the best choice he'd ever taken in his existence.

-Thank you, Lilia. We’ll be ready for dinner once you try the clothes I brought for you.

-Oh no.

-Oh yes. You won’t go to that restaurant in hoodie and jeans.

-… The things I must do for my Chosen one.

-Don’t whine and come on. If you behave properly, I’ll reward you.

-Oh? And how? You don’t have anything I’d like…

-I took a break from acting and modeling. I’d like to spend that time here, with you.

-… Bring those clothes now.

Listening to Vil’s soft laughter before going to his luggage, Lilia thought he might as well take a break from streaming.

After all, he needs to git gud against his Shaftlands boy’s tough love.

[bbygirljuvi]

Gruvia Week 2021 Day 3 - Discovery

Author’s note: This emotional roller coaster turned out longer than I intended. Hope you enjoy ^^

Summary: It take place several hours after Alodron’s defeat, on the way of Drameel.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Group had stoped over in a small yard inside the forest before continuing their path to Drameel. It was the excuse they gave the army. They were campers which had been attacked by some wild animal on thir campsite. They would head to Drameel right after dressed their wounds. Aldron was just a town’s name they knew. To their surprise, army really bought that.

It was really small yard, just enough to lit a campfire. So everybody was spread around the forest. Less injuried members were gettering up wood and food to prepare dinner while Wendy was running around, healing big injuries with last drop of her magic.

Everybody was tired, injured and confused yet happy. Small victory smiles were visible on every face. Joyful whispers were rising from everywhere. Fairy tail was safe and together again.

Gray leaned on a tree which wasn’t too far away from campsite but private from other sights. He closed his eyes with a big sigh while Juvia went to get health supplies. The nauseous feeling had been crippling inside him since the event with Metro kept getting stronger and he was at his limit at this point. His head was aching, there was a still fresh wound end of the dried blood track, his left shoulder was at least dislocated and without adrenaline rush, he was feeling like fainting.

He opened his eyes with two different footsteps coming to his way. Juvia was carrying dressing matterials while Wendy was carrying a bowl of water. Both of their faces was twisted in worry. Was he looking bad as he felt?

“Gray-san what’s wrong, where did you get hurt ?” Wendy asked in rush. “Just my arm and head, not big deal” he said with a ressuring smile but nobody bought that.

Juvia was sitting in the corner, giving Wendy enough space to do her stuff. It wasn’t easy tho. He looked like a mess. She’d been aware that his condition was getting worse every passing minute as they walk but he wasn’t looking half as bad before she left, had he’s been faking it not to worry her? Her heart twitched with another wave of affection.

Wendy checked his head first and gasped a little. It was worse then she initially thought. “Do you feel dizzy or like vomiting Gray-san?” she asked. He gave a small nod then hissed in pain. That hurted, he thought.

“You’re probably having a concussion, I will heal it right away. You should still rest tho.” she said while using her magic. With that ice mage started to feel alive again. “Shit, I’m feeling awesome Wendy, you are amazing!!”

She mumbled something like thank you with one of her cute blushes on and tend towards his left shoulder, fixed it instantly too. This time Juvia talked “ We are so luck to have you Wendy-san~” she said with a bright smile. The gloom had been radiated from her was long gone. “I’m glad I can help my friends. Juvia-san what about you, Did you get hurt too?”

“No, just some scratches, Juvia is okey.”she said while giving an impish look to Gray. Which led him to blush and turn his head. Wendy didn’t know what was that about but she had a guess. “Is that so, than I’m heading to Erza-san. Don’t hesitate to call me if you need.” And left while ice and water mages were waving goodbye, warning her for not to overuse her magic.

Idiot,idiot,idiot he repeated himself as Wendy’s footsteps faded. She’s my power to live?? What will you do next time, kiss her in the battlefield? You extra little-

His inner scrolling cut short by a wet cloth. Juvia was cleaning his face. “Dressing time” she said, trying so hard not to grin like a cheshire cat. She knew it would scare him if she teased him about it longer than she already did. But remaining calm was hard when all she heard was her beloved’s voice echoing in her head. Juvia was his power to live!!

With that she bit her lower lip in an unsuccessful attempt to stop a smile from forming. Gray rolled his eyes to that but relaxed a bit. Her dramatic reactions were so familiar... Yeah, he had practically confessed but it wasn’t something new. Things wouldn’t changed between them. With that realisation he even smiled when she covered her mouth to muff her slipped out giggles.

“Oh,shut up” he said while rolling his eyes once again. But this time he was chukling too. “Juvia’s mouth is sealed.” She said while switching to his arm, cleaning the area with a bright smile. She had almost finished bandaging his right arm when he stopped her. “Wendy healed me, I should have done dressing to you first.” “Not until Juvia finishes mummifing Gray-sama” she said, pushed him back and continued her job. “Hah, I knew it, you had come out of nowhere to kill me. White mage was just an excuse, wasn’t it?” He said playfully. So he was comfortable enough to joke around again? He usually needed more time for his awkwardness to fade off. Progress, she mentally noted.

“Of course it was.” She put her best yandere impression on: “ She missed her Gray-sama too much while he was away, she come here to make sure he won’t leave her ever again!” Than laughed grisly.

“Okey, that was terrifying. You are terrifying Juvia” he played along. “Oh and you should be terrified, Juvia is dead serious, see?” she said, started wrapping his abdomen faster while touching that soft spot she knew Gray was ticklish more than she had to.

His response was immediate. “Stop, no, Juvia sto-“ his words cut off with a laughter. His eyes began to fill with the effort not to burst out. He was crawling in different shapes to save himself but Juvia was merciless. She cornered him between her body, large tree that he was initially leaning on and ground he was currently laying. And tickled him more aggressively as she finished bandaging his wounds. “I have a reputation damn it, stop.” he said between laughters and hold her wrists together in a, successful this time, attempt to stop her. But instead of trying to tickle him more or accepting her defeat, she hissed in pain.

He got up fast, questioning what was wrong while rolling up her sleeves. When he saw weird, bruis like wounds covering her whole arm, he yelped.

“Juvia!! Why didn’t you say anything?” Juvia was looking pretty surprised too. “Where Juvia had been pinned inside Metro was stinging a bit but she didn’t think it was something important...” Her voice kept getting lower once she saw his angry expression. “Your whole arm and-“ he checked under his long boots “ leg are covered in red bruises and you didn’t think it was important!?” Juvia opened her mouth but Gray was just started. “You never take care of yourself. Can’t I even trust you when you say I’m fine?” He started to unbuttoning her coat aggressively since bruises were going beyond her upper arms. He’s stripping me, she mentally noted and placed it aside for later. It wasn’t the right time, he was really angry.

“And you bandaged me with those arms! Always depriving yourself, UGH” She opened her mouth once again when he paused his silent yelling to search right ointment in first-ait bag. But before she could found an excuse, moment passed. He continued scrolling her while angrily rubbing oinment on her left arm.

“What should I do, do I need to strip you every time after a mission to make sure you are okey-“ he paused once again when his eyes slightly crossed over the scar on her abdomen, the one he couldn’t stand seeing. Oh-uh Juvia thought, knowing this would make him grumpier. And she was right, his grip tightened on her wrist. Continued his speech angrier which was about how reckless she was, how she was not listening her physical needs, how she should get her priorities right...

And at that moment, it hit her... She knew her feelings were not as unrequited as it was before. She had known it before that sweet words from several hours ago, she’s my power to live. She had known it before he had claimed her body by saying it’s his. She had known it before unpleasant encounter with Invel. She even had known it before he had promised an answer to her on starry night.

But at that exact moment, while he was grumbling about how reckless she was and angrily wrapping bandage above her elbow; she realised he may care her more than she dared to assume. And at that exact moment she felt loved, more loved than she felt her entire life.

He stopped when he saw her eyes were shining with tears. His expression softened with guilt. Lightened his grip. “I’m sorry. Did i hurt you?” She shooke her head and hugged him carefully, trying not to ruin his effort by rubbing ointment off.

“Juvia will take care of herself more from now on, she won’t act reckless, promise.” She said with a touched voice. It was obvious she was crying. “Hey, hey what’s wrong?” Gray tried to push her, to saw her face but she tightened her arms and buried her face deeper in his neck. “Nothing, really. Can we stay like this for a while please.” she said. Gray was about to object when he felt her tears in his neck, followed by a smile. That was a genuine smile. Gray had never been good at reading people’s emotions but Juvia was different. He would understand if she faked it.

So he mumbled “What is this for all of a sudden?” but still wrapped his arms around her waist, rested his blushed cheek on her hair. They were out of sight anyway.

They stayed in that position until Mirajane declared it was dinner time.

[naktergalen]

Rivamika Fic Suggestions List 2

Hey there again! It’s been a while since my last rivamika post and I apologies for that. I caught the reading bug and have just been hitting book after book. I might be doing a book of the month suggestion starting in March. I’m still thinking about it but if that is something your interested in let me know. Or if you just want book suggestions just message or ask me. But for now, I’m back with my second Rivamika Fic Suggestions List.

First of all, I want to thank you for all the comments and messages I received from my first list! I think it has over 150 notes now which is crazy for me. I was going to be ecstatic if it got like 10 likes or something hahaha! I’ve enjoyed talking to some of you about fics and other snk stuff. Feel free to do the same after this post! I know I take awhile to respond but swear I get there eventually.

Same rules as last time. I’ve split this list up into four categories. I wanted to let people know the status of some of these fics in case they did not want to start an incomplete or in progress story. All of these fics can be found on AO3. I’m going to try to link them but we will see how tumblr acts today. If you have any fic suggestions for me, feel free to message me with them and I can add them on to the next list. If any author sees their story on here and wants me to take it off the list, please let me know I don’t wish to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Also, last thing, I highly recommend leaving comments and kudos to the authors. I know that they greatly appreciate it and it helps them with improving their writing through feedback. Okay shutting up now, ON WITH THE LIST!

DISCLAIMER: I know that not all of these stories are not for everyone, these are just my opinions and suggestions.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Completed:

- Thunder Clouds

Author: K_Lionheart

Rating: Mature

Sometimes I like to go to the very back of the Rivamika archive on AO3 and look for fics that have gotten buried over time. Low and behold what I have found lol! I enjoyed the emotional roller coaster when I was reading this fic, though sometimes I wanted to pull my hair out. Set after the titans are gone, humanity has to repopulate so arranged couples by the monarch are made to be wed. While this new order is being enforced, Mikasa and Levi are trying to work out their strained relationship. A slow burn with angst that will have you staying up till 3am dying to know what happens next. I know that there is a sequel to this fic called Nimbus and I’m slowly working my way through that one. Honestly, it will probably go on my next list.

- Red is the Only Colour

Author: mongoose_bite

Rating: Mature

A cute fic that was a quick but wild ride. A Little Red Riding Hood type of AU where Mikasa is a hunter of some sorts traveling through a town. I don’t want to say how Levi plays into all of this since it gets border line spoilers but just know that he is there. It is an opening ending fic for the author to come back if they plan on doing so but it can be interpreted in different ways. All in all, a fic worth of the quick read.

- Sing Me a Song

Author: LazyTrash

Rating: Mature

First I have to get this off my chest, I love the author’s name hahaha! I freakin wished I would have thought of that for mine! Anyway, this fic is wonderful but I will warn you that its a gut punch. If you like hurt and angst put together, then this is the story for you. I love these types of fics because I adore them so much but they hurt me in my soul. I don’t know what that says about me but whatever. I don’t want to delve into the story too much for spoilers but I would suggest rivamika fans to check this one out.

- Midnight Musings

Author: Raewyll

Rating: Teen

I just started to read Raewyll’s fics so I’m slowly working my way through all her works. This one caught my eye and I had to read it. This is a cute take on a chance meeting through texting the wrong number. I love the way Levi and Mikasa’s relationship blossoms into something more serious after causally texting back and forth. It’s one of those stories that I can only describe as being cute as shit! I’m definitely going to be checking out more of Raewyll’s fic in the future.

Ongoing:

- Beyond the Walls

Author: helena3190

Rating: Matue

If you love RIvamika angst, then look no further than this baby right here. This is currently my favorite ongoing fic. It was supposed to be a shorter story, but the author keeps adding more chapters so I’m not complaining hahaha! This fic is pretty much how I would *personally* picture canon Mikasa on how she would deal with realizing that she’s falling in love with someone. Its mostly told in the perspective of Mikasa as she is dealing with the after effects of war and trying to figure out what should she do with her life now that she is no longer a solider. Her feeling for Levi come with a lot of confusion as she’s discovering emotions that she has never felt before. She has a hard time pinpointing on what exactly describes her relationship with him. I’m anxiously waiting for the final chapter for this fic and dying to see how it will end for Mikasa and Levi.

- After the War

Author: loneackerman

Rating: Mature

I am loving this rivamika slow burn fic right here. Its similar to Beyond the Walls but I think the author adds their own taste of the 1920s into it. Set after the war is over (obviously), Mikasa and Levi have to figure out what they are going to do the rest of their lives. It has great tension, a perfectly paced gradual romance and just the right amount of humor to combat the emotional turmoil it puts you through. Again in my opinion, this is close to how I would realistically perceive Levi and Mikasa’s relationship evolving. I’m really enjoying this story and I’m looking forward to more updates to come!

- The Sound of Lightning

Author: LycheeGreenTea

Rating: Mature

A new fic that is just getting started but I can tell that what the author has in store is going to be interesting. Set several years after the end of the war, Levi and Mikasa are loving parents to a single child. Their peaceful life comes to an end when the family has a threat against them. There are not many long fics about Mikasa and Levi being parent so I was very happy when this one popped up on the AO3 feed. An exciting adventure awaits the Ackerman family now and I can’t wait to see where this fic goes in the future. There are three chapters as of now so head over there and check it out.

Incomplete:

- Home

Author: MissErikaCourt

Rating: Mature

One of the gems I found when diving back into the Rivamika archive. Ugh I HATE that this fic is incomplete!!! Its a good long fic but I’m greedy and I need more! I will give a warning first that this fic does contain heavy themes. Mikasa and Levi are in the underground to fight against a criminal ring. This story is a slow burn with action and emotional trauma. There is a wonderfully written OC that you easily get attached to its not even funny. Even though its not completed, I would highly recommend checking it out. I still have three more chapters to finish but I had to put it on this list. I know that I’m going to be pissed once I reach the last chapter written. If someone know MissErikaCourt, let her know that she needs to comeback to finish this masterpiece!

- Shiver

Author: bornsinner

Rating: Mature

Another one that I DISPISE its incomplete!!! Ugh such a great Office AU. It’s everything that I would want in an Office AU setting. Mikasa struggles between her committed long term relationship and her growing attraction (which starts to develop into some feelings) to her boss, Levi. Its hot, sexy and intriguing and it pisses me off that its not finished! The author writes each chapter as a one-shot but collectively together they tell the whole story. Highly recommend even though its so short. BORNSINNER where ever you are in the universe I hope you come back to finish this!!!

- Two Lines

Author: Crejhov

Rating: Mature

When this was getting updated it was my favorite on-going Rivamika fic. I would find myself checking to see if the author updated with a new chapter every week! The unplanned pregnancy trope is a classic one, but Crejhov does a fantastic job on keeping readers enthralled with soo many anticipated character meet up that are bound to cause hurdles for our expecting parents. This story is told from the perspectives of Mikasa and Levi in order for us to understand where their mindsets are as they plan for their expecting child and deal with their relationship. AHHHHH I want more of this!!! I was soo excited to see where this awkward journey was going to take Mikasa and Levi. CREJHOV COME BACK PLEASE I KNOW YOU HAVE WORK BUT PLEAAASEEEE! I NEEEEEEDDDD!!!

- Cabin Fever

Author: AmayaOkami

Rating: Mature

All I should have to say about this is that its written by AmayaOkami and that should explain it. Amaya is the one that gave us the beautiful incomplete rivamika fic Romance and Rivalry. I just adore her writing. Levi and Mikasa relationship evolves as they are standing guard over the arrested Kenny Ackerman. Secrets are discover about the Ackermans and it gets pretty steamy between our two favs. Great fluff and great sexual tension that leaves you wanting more chapters! Again AmayaOkami where ever you went I hope for some miracle that you come back and complete this one too!

One-Shot:

- Jade

Author: shulkie

Rating: Mature

This one-shot feels like I read a novel, it has such a great storyline. An arranged marriage between Mikasa and Levi leaves the relationship strained in the beginning. Their relationship evolves over time as Levi patiently brings down Mikasa’s wall. With smut added for all of your one-shot needs. Definitely worth the read in my opinion.

- What Remains

Author: Mirime

Rating: Mature

This one-shot gives us a glimpse into the secret relationship that Levi and Mikasa have been having while there are still scouts. This fic is sad but I would say it has a bittersweet ending. I think this was supposed to be part of a collection but I can’t find the rest of them. Still a great read by itself.

- Agape

Author: alienheartattack (Sanneke)

Rating: Mature

This fic is cute as shit! A College AU where Mikasa and Levi are childhood friends. Levi has to deal with Mikasa being at the same college as him while he is struggling with his changing feelings towards a grown up Mikasa. Worth the read as I said cute as shit, leaves you all warm and fuzzy lol!

- As Seen in Shadows

Author: MoraLeeWright

Rating: Explicit

FUCKING MORA! LEE! WRIGHT! UFFFFGGHHH Fuck I’m in love with her writing style. I really have nothing to say more that just go read it! Its hot and sexy and the sexual tension is off the fucking charts in this one. Its just MoraLeeWright smut thats all I can say. It’s great! JUST READ IT LMAO!

- Remedy

Author: NSummer

Rating: Mature

Another hot smut one-shot coming your way! Levi and Mikasa have had an ongoing affair and this just recounts their first time together. Its just some good ol’ Rivamika smut that I think that everyone in this community would enjoy.

- Nutty: Drunk in Love

Author: Hallow17

Rating: Mature

A fun smut to read about Mikasa getting “revenge” on her asshole boss, Levi. Things don’t go the way she plans as things get a little heated in the sexy way. A quick smut that I think is perfect for a little Rivamika crave.

- Spicy: Jalapeno

Author: Hallow17

Rating: Explicit

Another fun smut to read by Hallow17. Levi has been stressed out at work and Mikasa finds a way to help him get his mind off it (if you know what i mean). Again perfect for a Rivamika quick fix.

[simpsiren]

the hopeless romantic;

mark lee x reader

Mark Lee is your guy. He’s the sweetest man alive, extremely kind to everyone he gets into contact with. With his signature laugh, what’s there to not like? He’s bubbly, bright, a ball of sunshine. He’s probably happiness itself. However, perhaps his joy had some cons to them. Like being the one that had always tried to see the bright side of every mishap when he knew it too well that there’s just nothing good to be seen in some things. Or the fact that he wants to simply be seen as the one happy person with zero worries for the world whatsoever.

genre. angst, emotional, broken lovers, fluff

word count. 12.8k~ (shorter than expected vjdhsis)

a/n. im so sorry if the story is fast paced or it isn’t long enough i was running out of time and i was busy with school for the whole week i barely had free time. i really wanted to meet the release date so i highly doubt this is up to standards :(

description. eshajōri— the idea about the impermanence of all things, that every human relationship will end some day due to the transient nature of life

That’s what I thought. That the world had to continue spinning. That’s just how life is. I slowly fell out of love in my relationship with Mark. He’s everything I ever wanted, but it just seemed to end up that way. I was wrong to think he’s just another phase in my life, one that comes and goes, never to meet me again. When in reality, he became something much, much more. Memories tainted, love was lost. Yet, Mark took me down a journey that helped me remind myself why I fell in love in the first place and find feelings that I thought were long gone.

!as they should masterlist!

It was late into the night. The stars above shined brightly over the blank dark canvas. I couldn’t keep my head down from it, simply straining my neck by looking upwards to the sky as I thought over about what to say to Mark. A lot of things went through my mind while I made my way to his band room. The good, the bad. I sent myself on an emotional roller coaster ride. I’ve waited long enough, I kept telling myself. I’ve been holding out for far too long. I’ve been building it all up for this day.

I went into the building, now dimly lit with an orange hue from the one lamp at the front desk. I made my way to the fifth floor, absentmindedly taking the stairs so that I could drag out time for just a little while longer. I took wary steps, perhaps my legs started wobbling as I inched closer to the room down the hallway. I stood in front of the door, knowing Mark was on the other side. Though I was sure of doing this, I began to wonder if it was the right thing. If I should simply brush it off. Did I care about my feelings more... or Mark’s?

“I need to do what I have to do.” I muttered under my breath as I grabbed the door handle, cold to the touch and pushing it down to open the door. It creaked loudly, just like how it always had every time I came here. I looked around, spotting Mark in the corner with his guitar. I guess he chose to play the acoustic one today, his head tilted down to the point where only the top part of his fluffy hair was visible. His fingers carefully placed on the strings as he strummed a few chords and hummed with happily.

Mark looked up at me upon my arrival, though I’ve been standing at the doorframe for quite some time, and it was only now did he notice my presence. “Baby!” He shriek, placing the guitar he had on his lap on the stand and making a beeline over to me. Mark pulled me into a hug, to which I responded with a hug back. Feel something, please. Why aren’t you feeling anything with Mark’s arms around you?

Mark pulled away, a happy giggle leaving his lips. He held my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine as he walked me over to where he sat at. He motioned me to sit on the stool next to him with a jark of his chin. Our hands were still held together, my eyes trailing from them and to Mark’s face.

I looked at his hair, the one I never failed to touch the moment I see him, but not today. His eyes that meant so much to me, ones that never failed to look into mine with nothing but joy. His lips that formed the most perfect smile that lit up my world, never failing to let out his beautiful voice, when he sang or when he talked, or when he expressed his love for songwriting each time he talked to me about the many songs he wrote. To top it off, his signature laugh, one that came out from him and him only. No one did it like Mark.

“Why did you call to meet me here? Did you want to accompany me while I practiced?” I realised that Mark was talking and I came zinging back to attention. I pursed my lips into a thin line, a small smile forming after. “Where’s the rest of the Dreamies?” I questioned back, again wanting to put off the time I had to say what I wanted to. Mark galnced to the door before looking back at me. “They already left. I would have gone home but you texted me so.” Mark bobbed his shoulders as a way to finish his sentence.

I hummed softly in response. I exhaled, a little too loudly to the point where Mark raised a questioning brow at me and asked again, “So what are you here for?” I closed my eyes, mentally preparing myself as I bat them open to lock eyes with Mark. “I need to talk to you about something.” I could already feel my voice wanting to crack and break, my eyes already preparing its tears for when it’s time to let them out. Regardless, I kept my calm composure for Mark to see.

“We’ve known each other for seven years, got together for five.” I bit the inside of my cheek, forcing myself to resume though I wanted to simply stop there and scrap this whole thing off like it was nothing. “Aren’t you... Tired of it? Tired of me?” I wanted to continue without hearing Mark’s reply. I couldn’t bear to hear his voice. Yet, he lets out, “What? Of course not. I’m never tired of you.”

I shut my eyes hard, shaking my head as I looked down. “No, you don’t get it Mark Lee. See, that’s the thing. You’re never tired of me. You’re never tired of our relationship. Not once did you have any doubts about us.” I breathed a painful chuckle, having to run a hand down my face and taking a deep breath. I met his eyes again for a brief moment. I could tell they were scared. It was filled with fear and anxiety, already anticipating on what I wanted to say.

“I’m not feeling the love between us anymore, Mark Lee.” I finally let out. Mark’s bright smile faltered to small frown at first, and eventually grew into nothing. He had an emotionless expression on, one that I tried to mentally pull apart piece by piece to find his true emotion, but to no avail. Of course I had my guesses though. “And it’s not because of anything bad. It’s just...” I kept a pause, wanting to see how I could phrase it in the most gentlest way possible, but I realised there was no other way to say it than, “You’re just too kind, Mark. You’ve always been kind. We’ve never even fought once in our five year relationship. I guess... I got bored of it.”

Mark wasn’t saying a single thing, simply staring at me as if wanting to tell me, “Let it all out before it’s my turn to fire back.” And so be it. I continued. “Echajōri.” I said out of the blue. “I looked it up. It’s when no human relationship would last due to the simple nature of life. That’s what I think this is. It’s just how it works. That’s just how the world wants us to be. Who knows, you’re probably just a phase in my life.”

“I love you, Mark. You’re perfect in all ways. Me falling out of love was probably nature’s doing. If the world continues to spin, and the world’s forces want us to meet again, then we shall. We’ll know it’s fate. But for now...” I released Mark’s hand from mine, only noticing now how tightly he was holding on while I got lost trying to spill it all out. Mark let his hand loose so that I could slide it away.

I pushed myself off the stool, adjusting my purse. I walked back to the door, eyes closed with shallow breaths. Hesitantly, I placed my hand on the door handle. I turned around one last time, my mouth opening and closing as I tried to form my sentence. “D-Do you... have nothing to say?” I asked, voice clearly breaking as I was at the point of collapsing. Mark avoided my gaze, blinking his eyes rapidly as if wanting to hold back his tears. He sniffled, turning his head elsewhere before going back to me, his eyes too scared to meet mine.

“If that’s how you want it. Then so be it.” I widened my eyes ever so slightly, the cold and harsh tone of his words firing back at me. His face was kept soft and tender but his words rolled hard on his tongue, sharply slicing the sliver of confidence I had left in me. “Goodbye, Mark Lee.” I croaked out, not even botjering to sound fine as I left and exited the room.

Like a snap of the fingers, I fell hard onto the floor, preventing myself from making a loud thud as I did so. I covered my mouth, scrunching myself up into a ball as I cried hard, head dipped down and too scared to face the world. I wanted to scream, knock my head against the wall and say, “You’re the meanest person alive. Fuck you for hurting Mark.” That was all I could think about. I didn’t want to stay here long. I couldn’t bear to be in any close of a proximity to Mark after what I just did.

I made my way out of the building. There’s no coming back for me. Thus is a terrifying feeling. It’s the feeling of something turning, of coming to a corner and going around it and seeing that the street ahead is dark and deserted filled with wild dogs but you cant go back only forward into the middle of the pack. I had to wipe my face constantly to get rid of the dried up tears on my cheeks and the snot that blocked my nose, yet it never seemed to stop. Not while I walked back home, and when I was at home. I cried into the night till I fell asleep in despair, my muffled cries being the last thing I hear for the rough night.

“Mark, open the damn door!” The banging on Mark’s door had been going on since the breaking dawn of the morning. The sun was disgustingly shining over Mark’s face as the sun began to rise and make its way up into the sky. Mark covered his eyes with his forearm in an attempt to block the sunlight. His world was falling apart as each second passed by. He had no energy for anything. Though the world was still spinning, he wasn’t. He wanted it all to pause. Everything going by too fast and he simply wanted to slow down.

However, he slowly grew annoyed at the fact that his friends had been sitting outside his apartment for hours now. He forced himself out of bed with an annoyed groan, ruffling his greasy hair and taking dragged steps to the door, finally opening it.

Haechan was standing right in front of him, almost falling from the sudden open of the door. Behind him was the rest of Mark’s only friends, his band members. Haechan huffed, folding his arms and placing his weight on one leg. “Let us through.” Haechan abruptly pushed Mark away, bursting in Mark’s place unannounced like how they sometimes did. The rest came in, eyes glancing to Mark for a moment. He made eye contact with each of them, and he knew they all had that look of concern that Mark had no desire to see.

Either way, he let them in, closing the door behind him and wanting to make his way straight to the couch to lay back down, only to realise all his friends had occupied it fully. “We need to have a serious talk.” Mark wished they didn’t bring it up. Mark wished that he didn’t have to go through this, the inevitable situation of being interrogated. “Serious? Wonder what.” Mark echoed dryly, making his way to the kitchen.

“You know what we mean! You haven’t been to practices for so long.” Mark heard Renjun’s voice whining as he opened the fridge, taking the slice of watermelon on instinct. He shut the fridge, taking long lazy strides back to the living room. “And?” Plopping himself down next to the group, the sound of Chenle cursing under his breath being unintentionally loud. “And? That’s it?! Mark you-” Chenle sounded as if he was out to choke Mark dead, but he was trying to think of what to say. Mark took a bite of his watermelon.

“You kept making excuses and purposely skipping.” Chenle added on through gritted teeth. Mark had his head hung low the whole time, taking small yet quick bits like a rabbit. Jaemin, being the one closest to him, cleared his throat. “It’s obvious, you know? We’ve been your friends long enough to know that something’s wrong.” Jaemin’s comforting tone rang through Mark’s ears. He was getting an earful, but thankfully Jaemin was there to soothe it down

“Mark, please. Say something. We’re worried.” Finally, Mark lifted his head up at his best friend’s voice, Jeno. “I don’t wanna talk about it.” Mark whispered, but loud enough for them to hear. He reached his hand out to grab a tissue and wrap it around the finish watermelon, placing it on the table. He dragged his knees close to his chest and hugged himself into a ball like he always had since that day. “We would have accepted that excuse back then but you know it’s not working this time.” Jisung, the youngest spoke up.

“How long has it been? Since I became like this?” Mark asked, he genuinely wanted to know since he had lost track of time. “Four whole months.” Mark chuckled weakly with the few of them answering in unison. Mark ran a hand through his hair, the greasiness from not washing it didn’t actually bothered Mark till now.

“Four months had passed. Do you guys think four months is enough to get me back on my feet after I’ve broken up from a five year relationship?”

Mark’s question made everyone sat there, frozen and still. Their faces turning blank and speechless. Haechan tried to open his mouth, but it only ended up quivering at the thought that he didn’t know what to mention at all. Mark glazed his eyes over his friends. He knew they couldn’t help him. He dugged himself this hole of despair, and he wasn’t able to get out. Those four months, Mark had tried to find ways to get back to her, he questioned himself on what he did wrong, what he could do to piece it all back together. But of course, with the sadness sliding in, Mark had no hope left in his body.

“Do you want to tell us what happened?” Chenle’s voice became soft and gentle, not like before when he was rigid and pissed at his friend for not coming to the many practices he purposely skipped. Mark took in a deep breath. He’s been practicing. Not breaking down the moment it was time to talk about it. He promised himself he won’t break down, making himself look like a mess.

“She said she fell out of love. She said it wasn’t a bad thing, though I don’t see how it’s good either. She basically said that our relationship had been too happy, too perfect, I guess?” Mark had to take a second. Oh no, the tears were welling up in his eyes. On instinct, Jeno went down from the couch to hug Mark tight. And at his touch, Mark let his body loose, crying hard into his friend’s hoodie.

“She began to get bored of me, Jeno!” Mark croaked out, as if the rest were not looking at the two on the floor with worrisome and hesitation, not sure if they should comfort Mark as well, or simply sit there. Sometimes it was best to not interfere. This is one of those instances.

“She literally said that it’s just the way of life. That it was natural for her to lose feelings for me. That that’s just how the world works. But I don’t get it! I’ve been trying to find the good out of this, but I can’t. I fucking can’t!” Mark shook his head vigorously, hands clutching tight on Jeno’s hoodie while he dug his head into Jeno’s chest more and practically poured his heart out.

“Um... Can I say something?” Everyone paused in there movements, including Mark as their heads slowly turned to Jisung who had his body leaned back into the couch, a shaky and uncertain hand raised. The rest raised a brow in a shocking manner, but also curious as to what the youngest had to say on this. “What?” Mark asked, barely audible and recognisable.

“Alright well, see. Maybe I could understand from her point of view.” Jisung looked at the others for confirmation to keep going, only to be met with disgusted faces that said, “How could you?!” “Can’t you see Mark’s crying here?!” As if Jisung could clearly hear it, he placed both hands up in defence mode. “Listen! In a five year relationship, don’t you guys agree that it’ll get boring? You’re being together with someone for so long, how can anyone not get tired of it?”

“I didn’t.” “Well most people do, Mark.”

Jisung lowered his voice as he spoke. “And if you want the relationship to last long, it needs to be exciting, it needs to feel fresh and new no matter how long it’s been. Don’t you guys get it? Perhaps, from what I know, Mark has always been bright and perfect. Imagine not having a fight or some sort of argument for five years. It’s not always good for a relationship to suffer from no problems that would affect the relationship. All relationship has to have its flaws, or else it’ll feel unreal. Perhaps she felt that it was unrealistic.”

The silence that had already filled the room from the beginning was now falling deeper upon the youngest’s wise words. It was practically pin drop silence now, with only Mark’s shallow breathing and sniffles to be heard. He wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt. Exhaling loudly, he said, “Then what can I do? If she’s lost feelings for me, I don’t see another way...” Mark realised how deep he was into this. How Jisung made him realise that it was true. He’s been nothing but happy towards her that they’ve never had a single argument or anything. He understood what she meant by her words that resonated in his mind while Jisung talked.

Renjun slammed his hands on the table, palm faced down while looking to Mark. “Then show her how you two were at the beginning of the relationship!” Renjun exclaimed, as if he had the most brilliant idea. The room was suddenly lit. The atmosphere changed as everyone nodded their heads in agreement. Everyone turned to Mark, who leaned back from the sudden lift of atmosphere.

“Exactly! Show her why she fell in love with you in the first place!” Jaemin shouted as well. Mark was suddenly bombarded with everyone screaming and giving chants of encouragement. Meanwhile, Jeno was looking at him with the softest smile, both him and Mark shaking their heads at everyone’s outrageous behaviour.

“We’ll help you.” Jeno whispered, a firm and assuring hand on Mark’s shoulder. Mark had never asked them for help, ever. No matter what he suffered, he suffered it alone, wanting to be seem as the person who could handle whatever’s been thrown at him himself. But with a problem like this that made him fall so deep into the loophole, he knew from the get-go that he could trust his friends. No second thought needed.

I worked at a bookstore. As cliché as that sounded, I liked working there. You get free books whenever there’s unwanted stock, you didn’t have to work much, simply arranging the books and being the cashier. I only had one other person who worked with me here, which was Jaehyun.

In a small bookstore with books handpicked by the owner herself, it wouldn’t be the most popular bookstore around. Hence, why it’s always a breeze to work here, not having to deal with a whole bunch of customers. “Should we get lunch?” Jaehyun asked after coming out from the back, patting his apron which I never knew why he wore in the first place. I smiled softly. “There’s no one to watch the store but us.” I reminded him, placing the last book I had in my arms on the shelf and making sure it fits snug in between the rest of the books.

Jaehyun hummed, nodding his head thoughtfully. “Looks like we’re ordering take out from the restaurant right down the street.” Jaehyun taunted, leaning his face forward jokingly while taking out his phone. “I’d be too lazy to go anyways. I’m tired.”

Jaehyun chuckled. “Mentally or physically?” I didn’t even take me a second to plainly reply with, “Both.” I walked up to the counter where Jaehyun sat at, his head tilted down to his phone. I sat on the opposite side, letting my arms fall and hit the wood. “Why are you tired?” Jaehyun suddenly asked. I blinked my eyes, trying to formulate answer which ended up being, “What do you mean?” Which was not even a proper answer in the first place.

“Why are you mentally tired?” Jaehyun’s voice grew low and soft while it became serious. I knew right then and there what he was implying. He had always been hinting on me about it. I knew he noticed my change in behaviour, and wanted to know why. As much as I wanted to tell him, my answer to that had always been the same. “Just... things.” I lied through my teeth, the answer being too vague and suspicious. It only got Jaehyun to shake his head.

“I know something happened, come on. You can never hide your feelings.” Jaehyun said firmly. We both knew it was a fact. Something I’ve struggled with all my life, which meant that as much as I wanted to keep it to myself, I had to let it out sooner or later with the invisible pressure I have always gotten from my surroundings. “Do... Do you remember the night when I went to your house and got drunk?” Jaehyun looked up with thought before replying with a hum.

I bit my lower lip, silence circulating the air for a brief moment. “You literally came unannounced and you never told me why either since you were already drunk when you came.” Jaehyun recalled softly, he turned his phone to me, motioning to pick something to eat. While I scrolled through the options, I exhaled sharply. “Well um... a few days before that, I did something. Terrible.” My chest puffed up and down, I couldn’t tell what Jaehyun’s expression was, but I knew from the silencd again that he knew I was beating around the bush.

Jaehyun suddenly snatched his phone away from me. I gaped my mouth open. “Hey I wasn’t done-” “Tell me what’s wrong.” Jaehyun demanded, eyes piercing into mine. I frowned, slowly pointing down to the phone. “If you can just help me press the burger-”

“_____, please!” Jaehyun half-shouted. I instantly grew quiet, intimidated by his sudden shout. He took in a deep breath before continuing. “Four months. You aren’t like how you were before. I know I’ve never questioned you straight up. And I can feel how much you’re trying to hide it. Are you dumb to think you can do that with me?” Jaehyun leaned back from his hunched over position to fold his arms.

“What am I suppose to say? The fact that I broke up with my boyfriend of five years? That I hurt his feelings for the sake of mine? That even though he’s been nothing but good to me I made the damn decision to break his heart for my own good?!” I retorted back, voice escalating with each sentence. I pinched my temples, hot air suddenly rising to my head. That sudden burst that came out of me also resurfaced emotions that I wanted to keep underground, away from my heart and mind. But it was all now out in the open, and I couldn’t simply ignore it any longer.

“There, I said it. And I don’t think I can ever get rid of the guilt from that night four months ago.” My voice lowered itself till I became inaudible. I closed my eyes for a moment to allow myself to calm down. I wanted to cry it all out again, just like I did that night. But i’ve shed far too many tears till I simply couldn’t cry anymore, only having to deal with the weight of my heart that sunk due to these feelings, feelings that blocked my lungs from letting me breathe fresh air.

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?” Jaehyun whispered, his angry expression growing into a look of sympathy. “That’s the face I don’t want to see. The damn look of pity of the people I tell this to. That’s why I didn’t want to say anything in the first place.” I let out, swallowing whatever feelings I had and making sure its kept deep in my heart again.

Jaehyun kept silent, and the air around us suddenly grew thick, suffocating me as unsaid words floated around. I cleared my throat to break the thin ice of silence. “I told myself that he’s just another phase in my life. No matter how long we’ve been together. He meant a lot to me... but whatever that happened has happened. I can’t change the past, so I’ll move on from it, one way or another.” I said, directing it to myself and not exactly to Jaehyun.

“You didn’t have to do it alone.” Jaehyun whispered, his eyes lifted up from the counter and to me. He locked his gaze to me, our eye contact never breaking. I felt the sincerity, care through his look. “I know you aren’t over it. So if you need anyone, just come to me. I’ll be anything you need me to be. I’m always here.”

I got home one night from a day out with Jaehyun. I was tired to the core, eyes barely half opened as I kicked my shoes off and went straight for my room, dropping my sling back at the door and plopping myself down on my bed, letting my body sink into sheets. I got comfortable, hugging my soft toys. Just when I wanted to close my eyes and drift off, my phone rang.

I flinched at the ringing, the vibrating on my hand only making me groan. I picked it up. The lockscreen glaring the only name I never wanted to see. “Did I not delete his number?” I muttered to myself in a weak voice, trying to recall if I ever did. But I soon remembered that the time I “got rid off all traces of Mark” was when I got drunk. I got to know that I never did anything regarding that.

I stared at the screen, the ringing still ongoing and Mark’s name glaring at me widely and boldly. I would have done everything I could to get it out of my sight. But something in me made me press the pick-up botton at the bottom with a shaky thumb filled with fear and uncertainty. I slowly brought my phone up to my ear, not letting out a word.

There was silence for a moment, which turned into a long moment. I suddenly heard shuffling, like someone’s moving in there seat. The phone’s been moved. A sudden shallow breathing that was most probably Mark’s. “You picked up... I’m surprised.” The moment I heard Mark’s voice, my heart shattered into millions of pieces. His voice, still sweet as ever, sounded as if he was talking to the most fragile being on earth.

“Why-” “You don’t have to say anything. I’m actually not feeling good right now.”

A little more inspection on the tone of his voice got me to realise that he was drunk. Did he call me while drinking? I could hear him coughing away from the speaker on the other end. I got worried, wanting to make sure he was fine. “Did you drink?” I asked bluntly. Mark chuckled softly, the sound sending shivers down my spine. It felt unreal, suddenly having him talk to me after all these months. But perhaps it was, the probability of him forgetting he ever contacted me was there.

“I have a song... I wrote. It’s not about you. I mean... it might be. Is it?” Mark giggled carelessly. “Do you want to hear it?” I could tell Mark’s throat was dry, coarse, like he’s been drinking for hours. I knew him well enough to recognise the slightest changes. Before I could ever answer, the shuffling came back again, and after awhile, a strum of a guitar was heard. “When the sun and moon pass over my head. I try to move on, try to move on.” My lips quievered tremendously, wanting my lips to part and voice out, “Please don’t sing. You’re hurting me.” But I couldn’t. No sound left my lips. I was rendered speechless.

“Even though the world we created is already messed up. I am still stuck here, broken.” Mark voice rang through my ears. I placed my hand to my head, scrunching up my hair as I balled my hand into a fist, anger and frustration, but also sadness and despair began rising up. All feelings I tried so hard within these months to get rid of, coming back at me, full blow, at two fold. “Mark...” He continued singing regardless.

“How do I miss you baby? How can I still be missing you like this? I know I should move on. I know I should go on. How do I love again? Just come back to me.” I broke down harder with each word, my other hand dropping the phone to cover my mouth as tight as possible while I cried and screamed, everything muffled and hidden. Everything was crashing over my heart. It grew heavy to the point where I couldn’t carry myself properly no longer.

I couldn’t be facing another day like this. I’ve tried so hard to get over Mark, try to forget the guilt of leaving the most sweetest person in my life. I regretted it every single day, I still do. But I continued, carried on, moved on with life. But having him show up suddenly, his voice, oh so sweet, a song he’s singing for me.

Days went on. I could never get the song out of my head. Mark’s voice made me envision him, at his house, guitar on his lap. He sang with his whole heart, true to him and his feelings. I couldn’t bear it. It kept resonating in my head. I even began humming it and eventually singing it, but broke down each time. The action was so instantaneous, something I did without any second thought. I kept unknowingly driving myself into having a breakdown each time I did that.

“You’re making it so hard for me to move on, Mark Lee. Why did you have to be this kind of person? Why can’t you just hate me? I’m fucking regretting it every single second of my life. Why can’t you just help me relief the pain by hating me? Forgetting me whole? Why can’t you do that?” I cried out. All I wanted was to grab a glass of water, now sitting on the cold kitchen floor with the empty glass on the counter. The melody crept into my mind again, a monster eating me up. My heart ached as I began singing again, voice cracking and words indescribable and barely audible for anyone to hear.

The very next day, I was met with darkness. Not quite since a small slice of light in between the curtains shined through, but at least it wasn’t blaring and blinding right at my eyes. I called Jaehyun, agreeing that he’d pick me up to get breakfast before we got into work. I was simply getting ready, half an hour passing by when the doorbell rang. I raised a brow in question. “What’s Jaehyun doing here?” I asked to myself, looking down to my phone to see the text messages he sent. He shouldn’t be here for another ten minutes.

I quickly tied my hair in a messy low bun and ran for the door, opening it instantly since I thought jt was the mailman. It wasn’t. Who stood in front of me would’ve made me drop to my feet, but I couldn’t. Instead, my feet were rooted to the ground. It was Mark.

He stared at me, and I stared back. He was piercing his soft gaze at me as if turning me to stone. I felt weird. One look and it felt like time hasn’t passed by at all. It was as if he’s looking right into my heart and soul through my eyes. I took this moment to eye him slowly. He had a change of hair colour, subtle but noticeable, from black to a silverish-purple type of colour. I noticed how he wore his gold round glasses, ones that I knew he’d wear every morning. His style? Hasn’t changed either. Nothing about him has changed.

“Mark?” I questioned, though I knew it was him right in front of me. My phone suddenly rang, making me jump in my spot out of shock. I huffed, looking down and realising it was Jaehyun. I froze for a moment, my eyes trailing from the screen and to Mark, who had both his hands in the pocket of his black blue jeans, standing upright. He jerked his head down to the phone. “Answer it.” Mark simply said. I gulped nervously and frantically picked up the call.

“Jaehyun um. You’re here already?” My eyes couldn’t stop flickering from the surroundings and to Mark, going back and forth, making fidgeting movements as I talked to Jaehyun. “Um actually you don’t have to pick me up. Tell Misses Lee that I’m not coming today. Something... happened.” I glanced to Mark. He still had that expressionless look on his face. Again, out of anxiety, I let out answers that sounded too vague. Of course Jaehyun had to ask, “What? Are you okay? Do you need me to go up?” To which I responded with, “No! No,no um... Something came up. Just get going.”

I instantly ended the call, dropping my hand loose and letting the grip my fingers around my phone go loose. “Explain yourself, please.” I whispered, shaking my head. “W-What are you doing here?” My voice got shaky quick the more he’s eyes darted at me, as if I was the only thing in the focus of his vision. Mark inhaled, chest puffing up. “Do you have time to go out?”

My brows knitted together, not sure of where this was going. I came up with whatever possible reason for him to ask such a question so suddenly. I bit my lower lip, smacking my lips after and shaking my head again. “Why?” Mark thinned his lips, glancing sideways and rocking his body back and forth, switching from his toes to heels, like a little kid. “Am I allowed to take you somewhere?”

I wrapped my arms around my body, my head tilting back down to my feet. I thought long and hard, should I go or should I not? What would happen if I do? What if I don’t? Would I abandon all the hardwork I’ve tried to get over him, only to have it crumble down with his presence and the day I’ll be spending with him if I agreed? Or will I regret again and have it add on to my already huge mountain pile of guilt?

Such questions wrapped around my mind, getting itself comfortable as if telling me, “Looks like we’ll be here for awhile.” I shook my head vigorously as if clearing slate. “You good?” Mark questioned in a gentle voice. I snapped my head up so hard I probably gave myself whiplash. Mind still foggy from the many thoughts, I simply replied. “Let’s go.” without a second to think it over.

“No going back.” The same thing I told myself when I came into the band room to finish it off with Mark. Now, I watched as Mark flashed his smile. Though it was the same smile that always made me flash a smile back, this time it sent another unknown feeling, a bad one. I was now craving for the feeling I’d get when I saw his smile. I didn’t like that something else was settling on my heart while I looked at his lips curving upwards, lips becoming thin.

Mark swirled around and walked, his leaned posture and relaxed shoulders almost made him look like he sauntered down the hallway. I watched his back, he still had much style with his graphic tee. He looked as flawless no matter what angle. His head turned, for a brief second he glanced at me over his shoulder as he lifted his glasses up the bridge of his nose easily and turned his head back to the front. I mentally let out a disappointing groan to myself. “Why...”

We got out of my building, the journey silent as ever, though there wasn’t a hint of awkwardness as I simply followed behind him. I saw his motorbike parked right at the entrance. My eyes flickered from the bike and to Mark, who was already taking out a helmet from the back. He handed it to me with a slight lift.

I took a moment to look at it. A small frown forming on my face. My sight went down to our small signatures engraved at the side, my name and his in a calligraphy font with a heart next to it. I gulped, biting my lip as the more I stared at it. The more it took me back to my memories. “I got you that when I first got my motorbike.” Mark whispered. He probably noticed how I was staring into blank space at it. I cleared my throat. “Yeah.” was the only thing I could let out, quickly wearing it on and waiting for Mark to get on before I did.

The engine started and I thought we were about to go. But we didn’t. Mark turned his head around, his helmet shield lifted up so that I could see his face. “You aren’t holding on?” Mark asked with a raise of his brows. I let out a soft “Um...” It wasnt because I didn’t know where to place them. It was the fact that I was too afraid to do so. Mark still had his eyes on me. I glanced back for a moment before ever so slowly wrapping my arms around his waist, interlocking my fingers together to make sure I was secured.

Mark simply chuckled lightly, a tone I wouldn’t expect from a situation that should have felt awkward, but it felt all to familiar. Mark faced front again and I was finally able to breathe normally after suffocating myself with his stares that have done so many things to me. Then and now. I didn’t know where he was taking me. Though I was clueless, I only had Mark to trust. And after awhile, the streets began to look familiar. The buildings and the place came into view, and I knew instantly where we were going.

“Why would you take me here?” It felt like a repeat, one mere scene from the past of our many adventures. This one however, held a little more significance than the rest. “Do you want to spend the day here?” I turned to Mark, who was already looking at me. I blinked my eyes rapidly, breathing out a quick chuckle. “You brought me here so how am I suppose to answer that. And you didn’t answer me first.” I breathed in, taking in the sight before us.

The large patch of grass spreaded out, the trees that surrounded it had its leaves and branches sway in the calm wind of the day. It gave a clear view of the sky, a mix of white and blue, the air that blowed on me like a light kiss. As expected, there wasn’t anyone here. It was just us, us and the world. No one ever came here, and so it became our own place. A place we owned all to ourselves.

“What are we going to do? It’s already lunch too...” I whispered, glancing down at my phone to check the time. I began to wonder what Jaehyun was doing, how he was coping with the fact that I suddenly ditched work today and have him work alone for the first time. “You know the drill, don’t you?” I retrieved my eyes back from the scenery and to him. I gukped hard. “Of course I do.” I turned around sharply and walked forward to the small café beside the area that housed the best desserts any place could offer.

“Oh, Mark Lee!” The old woman shouted with glee when she shot her head up at the sound of the bell ringing above the door, and upon seeing Mark in her view, her face instantly lit up with a smile, the wrinkles around her eyes showing as they formed a thin line. She didn’t hesitate to get out from behind the counter to give Mark a big warm hug like you’d give to your grandson, chuckling happily as she did so.

“How many years has it been?!” She finally released Mark out of her embrace when he kept hitting her back in a signal that she was suffocating him. Mark laughed at her excitement. “Mm two years, I think?” I knew he was just guessing and letting out a random number. “I see you’re back too, dear.” She turned her attention to me, which got me out of my observant nature to quickly flash a polite smile. “Good afternoon, Misses Jae.”

Misses Jae, the old woman who had been working at the café ever since Mark and I began coming here. She has yet to retire after all these years. And if anyone would have seen Mark and I’s relationship grow, it was her. She had always been at the sidelines, obviously spying on us and we pretended we never knew. She never caught on to us knowing about her watchful eyes either. We did stop coming a few years back when Mark began getting busy with his band career. Having her still be here felt like a breath of freah air.

“Would you like the original, loves?” She questioned bubbly, skipping to the back of the counter as she began to whip up our order that we haven’t exactly asked for. Mark and I turned our heads to each other in unison, exchanging a soft smile as the two of us had the same thought of Misses Jae. “How do you still remember what we ate? Aren’t you old already?” Mark asked, the joking tone flowed with his words followed by a giggle.

I mentally frowned, watching Mark and Misses Jae conversed. They were radiating nothing but brightness and purity, like two angels having their daily old chatters. How could things not change? It was only their age, but their personality never did. No matter how long, I’d still think they could have this kind of conversation. I brought myself back to reality from Mark appeared in front of me with the picnic basket. “Let’s go?” He questioned. I downshifted my head in response and walked away, turning back to wave a hand at Misses Jae as she cheefully bid us goodbye as well.

“Are we getting ice cream after this?” I questioned. Mark looked down to me, almost having a look of amusement plastered on his face. My eyebrows formed a V at his weird reaction. “What?” I faked my exasperation through my tone. Mark shook his head while it tilted down, cracking a soft smile. I let time froze for a moment. That simple gesture of his, anyone could do it. But his had always been natural, natural yet perfect in its state. Time went back to normal, not allowing me to sink in his looks any further. “Nothing.” Mark simply said, the walk back to the field was quiet and peaceful.

As the day went by and we ate our lunch, everything felt normal. Everything was neutral, like we were just having a regular date out. Like no strings between us have been pulled. Mark was able to keep up a conversation. And though there were pockets of silence, I was able to tolerate it. And now, as we leaned back with one hand supporting our bodies while the other held our ice cream cones, we stared off into the sky as we watch it slowly turn into pink and the burning orange sun started to brush the horizon.

“You have yet to answer why you took me here.” I reminded Mark yet again. I turned my attention to Mark. His dewy skin was covered with the shade of orange reflected from the sky. His silver-purple hair capturing all the light, like it was all shining on him, circling him like he was the only thing worthy in this world. He looked effortlessly breathtaking, his side profile being my focus while he had his eyes on the sunset.

“I have a request.” Mark breathed out, he still had his eyes on the sky that was now slowly turning into a shade of violet. “Request...?” I echoed back, letting my skepticism shine through my words. Mark glanced down, ruffling his head with his hand while taking a bite of the ice cream cone at the same time. A moment went by when he was chewing. And when he swallowed and was ready to talk again, he said, “I offer you three days. Three stops.” “For what?”

“For you to make a decision on whether you want us to start over.”

My mouth couldn’t help itself but hang open ever so slightly. Blinking twice, I took in his words, wondering, “What is he even on about?” When it came to things like these, anything that needed me to not know what was going on, Mark’s creativity knew no limits and zero boundaries. Who knows what was running through his pretty mind? “This being the first stop.”

“Are you taking me on some kind of journey?” I carelessly let out without giving much thought. To my surprise however, Mark nodded his head firmly, his head slowlh tilting down to meet my gaze. “It’s a journey back in time, a journey down our memory lane. Feelings you thought were long gone, we can go search for it again.” His whisper got lower, softened with each word as sincerity was imbued nicely in between.

At that moment, I felt an electric shock being sent throughout my whole body. And it was all Mark’s doing. From his looks, to his stare, whatever he did today. I didn’t take me long to realise that I was feeling new, like we were just getting started. When he went away for that night and we parted ways, I went empty too, like all of me just flooded out and disappeared.

Mark texted to free up my weekends, which meant that I’d still have to go for work. With the day before still vividly etched into my mind, I came to the bookstore unfocused and in a daze, absentmindedly bringing myself back to that day and having the sudden urge to replay it over and over. Of course my weird behaviour has yet again struck Jaehyun’s instincts of suspicion.

“Why didn’t you go to work yesterday?” Jaehyun asked, wanting to sound casual but I could hear his interrogation tone underneath and ready to come out after I answered. I took in a deep breath, lips thinned. “I went out... with my boyfriend.” My answer caused Jaehyun to lean back a little almost in shock, but he kept his cool regardless. “Wait. The one you broke up with?” He closed his eyes for a moment as if recalling the day when I told him about my situation. I nodded in response.

There was silence for a moment, but I quickly spoke with a, “Hey, what would you do if someone gave you three days to fall in love with them?” Jaehyun arched an eyebrow in question, glancing sideways. “I’m assuming that this is related to what happened yesterday?” I burst out a loud sigh, covering my eyes with a palm for a moment. “How are you so-”

“I know how to read people.” I clicked my tongue. “Right.”

“So what exactly did he tell you?” Jaehyun questioned me again. I puckered my lips, trying to see if I could remember Mark’s exact words. Failing to do so, I simply replied with the gist. “He’s giving me three days. We’ll go to three places. He wants to know if I’d agree to starting over our relationship after the three days.” I was looking down at my thumbs, trying to scrap off the hang nails while I talked in a whispered tone. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

I looked up to Jaehyun, dumbfounded as I got side tracked in my thinking, remembering about my day with Mark once again. Jaehyun let out a disappointed sigh. “Can’t you see, _____. He’s practically a hopeless romantic who’s trying so hard to win you over. I feel bad for that guy.” Jaehyun suddenly leaned forward against the counter, shoulders raising up to his ears while he did so. “Wait what’s his name though? I can’t be calling him ‘that guy’ all the time.”

“I thought you knew? It’s Mark Lee.” I stated monotonously. Jaehyun moved back with shock, mouth agape and eyes so wide that it could fall out of their eye sockets. “Wait! Mark Lee the guitarist from Dream?!” Jaehyun gasped exaggeratedly, both hands having to close his loose jaw shut. “Did you not remember me taking you to one of his performances?” I asked, dumbfounded at how he could forget such a memory. “You just said you knew Mark! I didn’t know you dated him!” My mouth absently formed an ‘O’ as I remembered that I did, laughing shortly after and shaking my head, muttering a, “Sorry about that.” under my breath.

“Okay back on topic.” Jaehyun began, his voice instantly switched fast back to his low, serious tone. “I mean the obvious answer is to take him back. But I’m not the one in a relationship here. So whether you do fall for him again or not within the three days, just make sure you two ended this on a good note. Not whatever you did that day.” Jaehyun rolled his eyes with his last comment. “Did you think I didn’t thought of a way to end it nicely? I tried to but it came out sounding more harsh then it needed to be. But I felt like ot was better to be straight up at that point of time.” I retorted, my voice forged by a shard of broken glass as I feigned exasperation.

“Can’t I at least have a clue of where you’re taking me?” I frowned while Mark was taking out my helmet from the back. He turned around sharply on his heels, passing me the helmet with a faint smirk that disappeared in a blink of an eye and covered with an innocent smile. “I’m not your kidnapper. All the more you should trust me. Didn’t I say we’re trying to find your lost feelings?” Mark expertly put his helmet on without any adjustments needed. “I’m your guide here.” He hopped on, the engine roaring when he started the motorbike and I got on.

The ride to the unknown location was long. I didn’t time it but it did felt long. I had my eyes halfway closed, begging to shut them fully to be put to rest as the wind blew harshly against my skin, the fast speed making the wind cold as ice which felt like air conditioning and made it the perfect condition to sleep. Too bad I couldn’t and even when I did, my head moved left and right as it hanged loose.

We finally came to an abrupt stop. My eyes were still closed at that period of time. But by the sound of bustling and busyness ringing through my ears, it didn’t take me long to have a few guesses formed in my head before I fluttered my eyes open to confirm them. “This place...” I whispered under my breath. Mark heard me and hummed as I went off and strapped my helmet off. I held the helmet in my hands while I looked from the crowdedness to the where the huge sign stood tall and above the entrance of the gates.

“We haven’t visited here in a long time, haven’t we?” I felt Mark’s presence beside me. I quickly glanced at him before directing my eyes back to the sign. “I’m surprised it’s still busy. It used to only be this crowded during the holidays.” I couldn’t help but crack a smile absently, too amazed by the sight as nostalgia washed over me. I handed Mark my helmet, eyes never leaving the place. I watched as Mark walked in front of me and I instantly followed.

What continued after that was simply a whole day of fun and joy. Endless games, prizes won. Though it had mostly been Mark winning the prizes at first, I was soon able to step up and win some too close to the end of the day. We got on rides, ate from food trucks, the plainest of desserts suddenly tasting a whole lot brighter as we simply went around and visiting everh corner of the amusement park. It was nothing but pure bliss, nothing could distract our time here at all.

“I’m not satisfied with this!” I whined, still upset at how Mark upstaged me in over half the games we played. I realised my competitive side became prominent when I played, and also the fact that I might have been competitive only with Mark. Mark folded his arms confidently, his body turning left and right while he threw his leg forward with each step on the way back to our ride. The prizes were small, but the biggest one he earned was an adorable cat plush toy which he hugged like it was his prize possession.

“You used to be better at this than I was. I remembered how you always taunted me and rubbed it in my face while I sulked.” Mark and I chuckled in unison, the memories of it being played in our minds at the same time. We were now leaning against his motorbike, a long silence passing by that felt like a cozy blanket over us, comfortable and serene. The sun was just about to finish setting to welcome the night, and in probably a few minutes time the light on the huge sign would flicker and illuminate the entire front of the entrance.

“You took me here that one time I got a stuffed toy from my friend and thought I liked going to amusement parks.” I couldn’t help but giggle, my mind teleporting me to that exact day when it happened. It replayed itself, and emotions came barreling now in full force. “How did you make such an assumption?” I turned to him, brow raised in a weirded out manner. Mark placed a free hand on his chest and feigned shock.

“It looked like a stuff toy from an amusement park and you kept talking about it in class! I just apparently made that connection...” Mark cutely whispered the ending, which I responded with a frown, surprised at how much I was swooning over his little act.

It took me awhile to notice, having my focus on Mark and the amusement park, that the sunset had always been pretty whenever I was with Mark. At the first stop and now, it was never like any ordinary day. The colours were bright, fighting each other to make themselves prominently painted in the sky. It was a burst of colours, not like your average sunset on an average day. Something about it made me think that the world’s trying to tell me, “It’s really true that the best days have the best sunsets.”

“Wanna head home now?” I flicked my mindset back to reality when I heard Mark’s voice, my head shooting towards him immediately after I stared into blank space at nature’s view. “Mm details on the next location?” It had only been two days. Two stops. With each second passing by, my curiosity to know the next stop had always been growing. It’s as if I was slowly picking up bits and pieces of my feelings through these times, and I was somehow eager to pick up more as it went on.

“The next location.” Mark echoed to himself in a whisper, slowly nodding his head while the rubbed his chin and seemed to be faking that he was deep in thought. “I want you to call me when you’re feeling sleepless. A rought night, one where you simply can’t sleep and wished that time will pass by till morning without having you be a tired mess.” Mark said it in this poetic tone, which flowed soothingly as I listened.

“Why do I already know what you’re going to do?” I asked, a slight smirk creeping up my face while a devious soft chuckle. Mark frowned, eyes narrowed at me while he shook his head. “You aren’t making it fun. At least pretend you don’t know if you guessed it right!” I was trying my hardest not to melt into the floor at the sight of Mark being a cutie. I was suddenly having a hard exterior, one that was playing hard to get but for what reason? That I didn’t know.

Mark took me home, silence throughout with only our expression and hums to communicate. I could clearly tell Mark was tired from today, and I was too, quickly taking a shower and getting ready for bed just so I could fall into it and doze off. But right before I did, my eyes caught its focus on the stuffed bear I won that was sitting on my study table. My hand absently reached out for it. I turned my body sideways and have the bear mirroring me.

It was all so reminiscent. How it was as if I relived that day years ago, which only resulted in a full chain of memories with correspondence to it. It’s like I was in a dark room, nothing but darkness to eat me up alive till Mark showed me a string, one that was slowly taking me somewhere, the destination being sure to be far better than this empty void of my heart, where I didn’t know if I actually did fell out of love with Mark, but simply needed that bit of push which Mark was doing horrifyingly well.

For some reason, Mark and I didn’t contact each other after that day. Days turned into weeks, and as time flash by like a blur, I was already waking up to be greeted with the Christmas spirit that bustled my town just in time to welcome the holidays. Though the snow has yet to come, the town had already begun hanging up decorations and lights hanging from one telephone pole to another. Though the town had greeted me with a lively atmosphere, I however wasn’t in the Christmas spirit.

Without reason, my days have slowly been feeling duller each time I awake from my sleep. Life was boring, casual. I didn’t have anything to look forward to. Eventually my mood had dropped as well. And I always felt the need to put on a smile just so Jaehyun wouldn’t suspect anything. But with him being out of the country for the holidays, I was left to handle the bookstore myself.

I was sitting at the counter, elbow resting on top of the hard wood while I allowed my chin to rest on it uncomfortably while I had my gaze down on my book, mindlessly scanning through the words. I wasn’t feeling that surge to continue reading, I didn’t bother what was going to happen next. My love for reading was suddenly fading, just a little yet still impactful enough to make my days gray. I’d usually be engrossed in a book, flipping hundreds of pages in one sitting when I had the free time.

I closed the book and turned to the back of the book, reading its synopsis. It sounded like a book I’d be interested in while I read the synopsis in my mind. I began to wonder if it was me that was having the colours of me being sucked out by the boredom of life. The book had nothing to do with this. I was simply too drained that I was carrying around a lifeless body everyday. I lifted my eyes up on my book and adverted my attention to the books on the shelves. Nothing stood out to me.

I let out a quiet sigh of frustration, now realising that the red hazed sky turned into vivid black ink after the sun had set, I figured if was a good time to lock up and head home. Misses Lee had never really specified a time for us to close the store, but at this point I could care less. I went straight back home, walking on the pathways as the colour from the lights reflected itself on the stone ground. The lights were bright and eventful, yet I felt none of it on my way back. Nothing was making my heart skip a beat, sending thrill and excitement.

I grabbed a glass of water and brought it straight to my room, carelessly sitting on the edge of my bed. I stared into blank space for a long while, taking occasional sips while I did. Absentmindedly, my eyes slowly went to my study table where my laptop was. And sitting right beside it was the stuffed toy. It was always been in my sight whenever I was in the room, but it was only now that I took in its presence. My thoughts went to Mark, the object of focus being linked to him. My eyes then went to my phone that was sitting at my side.

“Should I...” I whispered to myself. A frown formed on my face. How was Mark doing all this time we weren’t in contact? Has he been well off following the rules of his plan, only having to come to me when I called when he perhaps wanted to rush over and appear at my house like he always used to? “But what if he had forgotten?” I couldn’t let negatives thoughts to be shut out. They were always there, creeping around in the shadows on my mind. It always had to make me think of the worst possible outcomes.

Call me when you can’t sleep, a night when you just want it to pass by quickly. That was one of those nights. I refained myself from thinking twice and picked up my phone.

Mark strummed on the final note of the song, everyone’s instruments settling down as well. Jeno, being in charge of the bass guitar and having to stand next to Mark, immediately went up to him to give him a celebratory pat on the shoulder. “That sounded awesome guys!” Chenle shouted, punching his fists in the air with his drumsticks in hand.

Everyone exhanged faithful looks, including Mark as he looked down at his guitar, thanking it for the brilliant sound it produced though it was entirely Mark’s doing with his eyes by a soft blink. “Luckily I recorded that.” Jaemin ran up to his phone at the front, picking it up and going back to play it. All the members huddle around him, Jaemin instantly blasting his phone on full volume.

Smiles and sighs of satisfaction circled around, finally clapping when the video stopped. “We’re so ready for the Christmas performance!” Jisung said excitedly, bouncing on the toes of his feet. Mark suddenly had his mind filled, filled of her. He didn’t know how, she simply happened to pop in out of thr blue. The laughter and conversation the group was having blurred into the background, his thoughts coming into focus.

“Um guys?” Mark suddenly called out warily. Instant silence and focus was all on Mark, raised brows of curiosity being common in all their faces. “Can we perhaps change the venue?” Mark’s question got everyone to not respond for a beat, still processing his words and truthfully, not sure of what to say.

“I mean we still have time to change it without upsetting our fans.” Chenle said with a shrug. Soft hums came out. It settled down once Jeno made a follow up question. “Where though?” Mark responded immediately by saying her town, specifically the big lawn of grass with a small stage that was used for outdoor performances. For some reason it wasn’t in use anymore.

“You want to perform for her.” Haechan was the quickest one to let out the obvious assumption made by everyone, which resulted in devilish smirks and giggles. “You guys are okay with that, right?” Mark wanted to confirm in an unsteady tone. Everyone nodded their heads firmly with much reassurance.

“How are we not okay? We’ve been helping you out this whole time.”

I tried calling Mark. And after my fifth try, I gave up. I didn’t know what he was up to. And I felt that I wasn’t in the right place to get mad about it, but for some reason I was. He had a life to live. Perhaps he’s been busy with his band, which is entirely understandable. I was feeling pretty bored after work, deciding that I should be out of my home for once even if it was for an hour to take in the cold atmospheric air.

Wearing a thick coat, I shoved my hands into my pockets, taking small steps as my body tried to fend the cold. It wasn’t too cold that I wanted to freeze myself to death, but jt was enough to sting my exposed skin ever so lightly. As I walked down the pavement, the scraping of my boots against the cement and only my breathing to be heard, I began to notice how unusually quiet the town was. Lights were on and decorations were still hung, but there weren’t anyone to bring the holiday atmosphere come to life like any other day. Today was too quiet.

I continued to walk, slow strides and letting the sounds nature fill the silence. However, the further I walked down, the more I noticed a soft sound in the distance. It was muffled due its far distance from where I was at. But it sounded as if a concert was going on. Absently, I began to pick up my pace, simply curious if that is where all the people of the town werre at.

It was this moment I realised that looking down from my feet and lifting my eyes up, that I was indeed at a performance. Lots of shouting, cheers and jumping. Everyone was having a great time. It was held at the huge lawn of grass with one stage at the very back. I never heard of performances being held here, nor have I seem one when I moved here. The stage from my view was small, and all I could see were seven people performing a song on stage.

I was simply standing outside, listening to the music without giving much thought of who was playing since I was too lazy to get closer for a better view. I knew the song was coming to an end, which made me paint a frown on my face, hopefully they’d be playing more. It would certainly be more entertaining than my original plan of taking a stroll.

“How’d you like that, dreamzens!” The familiar voice spoke into the mic, shouting proudly. I shot my head up so fast I would have given myself a whiplash. My eyes darted to the stage, this time squinting my eyes to focus my vision while having to deal with the crowdedness of the area. “I hope you are all spending your holidays well.” Without a doubt, that voice came from one of Mark’s bandmates. It was as clear as day, recognising them within the fraction of a second.

“We’ll be performing one last song before leaving.” Groans filled the air of the crowd, which only made them laugh and giggle, specifically Mark’s unique laughter shining through and being the most prominent. I couldn’t recognise where Mark was. But when a person came walking up to the mic, tapping on it warily and coughing nervously, I knew right then and there that Mark was about to speak.

“This last song. It’s for a special someone. She’s probably not here to listen, but performing it here in her town specifically felt like the right thing to do.” Mark paused for a moment, sucking the air into his lungs and exhaling through the mic. “I love her, so much. I felt like I’ve been giving my best, but my best wasn’t her interpretation of her best. I realised that I’ve never actually been open to her. We never fought, strangely enough. We weren’t normal. I never shared to her about my hardships, simply putting on a smile and trying to be perfect person for her.”

Mark gulped, glancing away before proceeding to make eye contact with the audience. “And after what happened, I finally knew that being perfect, isn’t what makes you the most lovable and ideal person in someone’s eyes. Perfection was what drove her away. And in an attempt to get her back, I wrote this song. It’s a waste that she won’t be hearing it. She’s probably at home reading.” Mark chuckle weakly, rubbing his eye with one hand. “But I hope you all understand what I mean by that through this song. Be imperfectly perfect.”

The song began, and I already felt my heart getting heavy, full of unrecognisable and familiar emotions, clumping all into my heart and putting its weight down on me. It was a slow start, one that usually comes with a sad song. The crowd became quiet and respectful. “Even if I was hurt I never showed it. I’m so scared of seeing the end.” Mark’s soft and gentle voice settled in me as well, it made me held my breath for a moment and exhaling to grasp for air when I realised my breathing stopped. It’s his voice that always made the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stand up straight and stiff.

“You saw the emptiness in my eyes, yet I never had the courage to show them to you.” The song was picking up its pace, coming to the chorus. I wanted to shout, show him I was here, wanting him to know that he didn’t have to imagine that I was here while performing, that he didn’t need to perform with just an image of me. But I couldn’t. The song was hitting me so hard in the chest that I wouldn’t even be able to utter a single word. “In a world where perfection was expected, you are one that made me imperfectly perfect, only in your eyes.”

The world came to a pause. From the rapid pace, slowing itself down to finally stop and freeze in time. Mark was the only one in my focus, everything else going blurry and bleeding out into nothing. I couldn’t resist the urge to hug him, wanting to reach my hand out all the way from the back. My vision became clear, and I could see Mark singing with his whole heart, with all his emotions. He told me many times performing was his way of expressing himself, and I could see that. I’ve seen that in all his performances.

I continued to listen, my tears eventually having to well itself up till I blinked down to the floor and drops of them fell to the ground, making its mark. I gulped and bit my lower lip, my vision how gone back to being blurry by the tears but I was still listening. All I needed was Mark’s voice to feel the presence of his arms around me, comforting me and letting me be free.

The moment the song ended and people were getting ready to leave after they greeted the fans, I squeezed through the crowd, being elbowed and pushed in every which way. I soldiered on and finally ended up and the back of the stage, where the whole band was huddle together in a group hug, patting their backs. I made myself known by clearing my throat. Heads shot up in my direction. Mark was in the center, head slowly tilting up and eyes widening when he saw me. He was crying, quickly wiping off his tears to make it seem like he wasn’t. But we both knew he was never quick enough.

“Mark...” Was all I could let out in a whisper and cry. The others were able to read the atmosphere after flickering their attention fron me and back to Mark, quietly going off. I slowly walked up to Mark, head tilted down. For some reason, I was too afraid to look into his eyes. I knew I’d be breaking the moment I looked into them. However, it was Mark’s hands that made its way to mine, holding them as if it was the most fragile thing in the world, caressing his thumb over my skin as if it was the smoothest thing ever.

“I didn’t know you’d come.” Mark breathed out, the two of us having our eyes on our hands that sit perfectly with each other like molds made from fate. “I guess it was fate that made us meet.” I was the first to look up, taking in his eyelashes and eyelids while he kept his gaze down. He was still running his thumb on my skin, in circles or even hovering over them. He was never intending to let go.

“Why have you never told me anything when you went through like... difficult times. Times where you needed someone to be there for you. That’s what I’m here for, aren’t I?” Mark quickly looked at me. Our eyes met and eye contact wasn’t intended to be broken either. “For one I felt bad if I were to ever bring up my problems. Like I said, or sung, I wanted to the the perfect person for you. One you need not have no worries about and someone you can depend on.”

“But that goes both ways.” “Of course it does.”

“So have you never considered that maybe I wanted you to approach me, instead of just leaving me there to fend for myself?” I began to think it over, his deep words settled in my thoughts. he was right. I thought i was being respectful by leaving him be when he kept insisting that he didnt to talk. But why didn’t i ever think that he could have wanted to be pulled out of his mess? That he kept resisting so that ill see he truly needed help. why didn’t I.. “That’s on me. I never realised. I’m dumb for not and so I’m sorry.”

A pause of silence went by, as if the two of us were recollecting our thoughs. “Mark.” I began. “I’m sorry for everything. Having you feel the need to put up a mask whenever you were with me, that night I broke up with you for you, being you. I’m sorry you felt the need to go such lengths to get me back. You didn’t need to. I just need you to be... transparent.” I couldn’t help but giggle when the sudden thought came to mind. “The adorable hopeless romantic that needs saving.”

Mark flickered his eyes from mine to other parts of my face, specifically more to my lips. He tugged on my hands, making me take a step closer to him, our chests now touching. Mark slowly brought his face close to mine, our lips brushing as he spoke and having the urge to connect them with its electricity.

“I’ll be me. And it’s fine. I went through all this in hopes that like you said that night, have the world bring us back together. I’m glad my efforts have been paid off.” Mark went closer, rubbing his nose against mine with a soft smile.

“I love you.” Mark whispered before our lips connected and sparks were sent flying. And just like in any cliché movie, the first snowfall seemed to fall right at this moment, where everything was simply imperfectly perfect.

[ishaslife]

FINAL FANTASY XIV: SHADOWBRINGERS

This post may contain spoilers.

I just finished the main story for Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers and my goodness was this a wild ride! I did not make a blog post on Stormblood as I had many mixed feelings on it and I feel as if it was unnecessarily long. There were some moments I loved and some that just made me feel "this is stretching out too much."

Shadowbringers has to be my favourite expansion alongside Heavensward, while it wasn't so long, the story and characters really stuck with me. I liked how shadowbringers wasn't as much about Hydaelyn but about the people in the story, people who have been there with us from the very start and people we have met along the way. I have so much to speak on the Ascians, their language that sounds so ethereal and beautiful, like a long lost memory that you can't exactly place but you know it exists, the people that tower over you like magestic, gentle giants and Amarout, a beautiful city long forgotten but still close to certain hearts.

Ardbert and Thancred made me cry, Y'shtola is still a bitch (sorry Y'shtola stans), Urianger is a darling man, Alphinaud and Alisaie are my babies, Ryne and the Exarch must be protected.

I genuinely loved what they did with Ryne and how they gave her a character, something that they really failed to do with Minfilia. I love Minifilia, but they really did her wrong by not making us feel as much for her. She is often shown as this meek, unable to fight and unable-to-help-herself type girl when she really isn't, she's in every way a very good person and also a fighter who only wants the best for the world. For anyone who hasn't played Legacy (like myself) it was very hard for me to feel attached to her as I knew almost nothing about her other than a few tidbits here and there but I respect her character nonetheless and I'm glad they did her justice with Ryne to carry on her legacy but at the same time allowing her to be her own person rather than just making her live in Minfilia's shadow. Thancred's character development broke my heart, to see him so distant from his flirty, carefree self made me feel so sad for him and there were just times I wish I could give him a hug, because God knows he needs and deserves one. Having lost as much as Thancred had, his change was understanble and so was his discomfort around Ryne, a girl who took the place of his beloved (sort of) adopted daughter. When Ryne starts becoming her own person, Thancred too starts to see her for what she is, what she has become and what she wants to be rather than what Minifilia was and what he had lost, thus giving himself and Ryne a chance to grow, open up to one another and build a beautiful relationship.

Ardbert, my companion who stayed by my side always even when I wasn't talking to him, I like to think that I gave him some sort of company and comfort after all these of being lonely. I cannot imagine what it must've been like to not be seen or heard by anyone, calling out and having no one reply in return for over a century. I was glad (and crying) to see that he made his way back to his comardes.

Emet-Selch, the Ascian who would do anything to restore his world. My heart broke for him, when it ended, I sobbed. I didn't tear up, I didn't cry, I sobbed. I have not the words to describe how I felt when he died. He will be remembered, if not by all then perhaps by us few who knew him and his story, the story of his people and will never forget.

The Exarch who turned out to be our long lost friend, something I knew from the start but nonetheless made me cry. (please don't try to sacrifice yourself again or else my heart will literally shatter.)

Forgive me if I got a bit carried away, I'm not a great writer and I often don't know how to put my feelings into words so that people would understand them but all I can say is that shadowbringers was a whole roller-coaster of emotions and a story that will stay close to my heart always. I'm looking forward to the patches, from what I've heard, the story gets even better and I can't wait!

[ledenews]

Wheeling Wins Over Admirals With a Wild Ending

The Wheeling Nailers and Norfolk Admirals gave the WesBanco Arena crowd a roller coaster of emotions in the final five minutes of Saturday night's weekend opener. Norfolk erased a two-goal deficit in a span of two minutes, before the Nailers rebounded with two goals in 40 seconds to earn a 5-3 victory on home ice. Lukas Svejkovsky and Cédric Desruisseaux were involved on both late game strikes for Wheeling, as Svejkovsky netted the winner, then Desruisseaux added the insurance. Jaxon Castor made 26 saves for his first career win. The first ten minutes of the contest saw lots of great action, and the Nailers were able to build a 2-1 lead. Wheeling's first goal came at the 3:33 mark, when the puck was swung back to Isaac Belliveau at the left point. Belliveau swiped his wrist shot along the ice and into the left side of the cage. The Admirals temporarily tied the score 4:14 later, when Justin Robidas wired his snap shot off of the right post and in from the left face-off dot. The Nailers bounced right back to take the lead 1:14 after that. Matt Koopman won a battle for the puck on the left side of his own blueline, then forced his way down the left wall and into the offensive end, where he fed Jordan Martel for a wrist shot which rang off the crossbar and in. Wheeling upped its advantage with a goal in the middle frame. Matthew Quercia worked the puck off the wall and into the left circle for Martel. Instead of shooting immediately, Martel patiently waited and delivered a pass to Davis Bunz, who crashed into the slot, and roofed a shot into the top-right corner of the twine. The final five minutes featured some wild twists and turns, starting with back-to-back markers by Norfolk to pull even. Simon Kubicek's feed from the center point banked off of a body and went to Denis Smirnov, who potted a shot into the open left side of the goal. Two minutes later, Andrew McLean knotted the score, when he slipped in from the right point, and slid a shot inside of the left post. However, the tie only lasted for 31 seconds, as the Nailers regained the lead. Cédric Desruisseaux and Lukas Svejkovsky broke in on a 2-on-1 rush, with Desruisseaux delivering a pass through the slot to Svejkovsky, who chipped in the shot from the right side. 40 seconds after that, Svejkovsky returned the favor, as he sent Desruisseaux on a breakaway, which he converted with a backhander through the netminder's legs. That craziness gave the game its 5-3 final score. Jaxon Castor earned his first professional win for Wheeling, as he stopped 26 of the 29 shots he faced. Jimmy Poreda took the loss for the Admirals, as he allowed five goals on 31 shots. The Nailers and Admirals will finish off the calendar year against each other on Sunday at 6:10 for a Kids New Year's Eve celebration. The night will feature an interactive light show, free sparkling grape juice, as well as New Year's hats and noisemakers. It will also be a Screen Time Sunday in which one lucky fan will win a new TV courtesy of Walmart, and $2 ice cream sundaes will be available at Flurry's. The next Big Six Promotional Game is Super Nailers World on Saturday, January 13th. Season memberships and other terrific ticket plans for the 2023-24 season are available now by calling (304) 234-GOAL. The Wheeling Nailers, considered one of the top things to do in Wheeling, West Virginia, provide affordable family entertainment for fans throughout the Ohio Valley. Read the full article

[captainmazzic]

Happy Halloween.

So it’s about time I gave a real fucking update instead of just dicking around being cagey about shit. I’ve mentioned a new project repeatedly. So let’s sit down and actually talk about it, friends. Pull up a chair, grab yourself some hot cocoa and strap in. Welcome to Sarc’s emotional roller coaster.

Bear with me. This is hard to talk about for so many reasons, but mostly because I’ve been belittled and ridiculed so many times in my life for liking “cringy” things or wanting to do things that other people think are stupid or childish. I hear the voice of my father telling me to “make something of my life” and “don’t squander your talents”, I hear the voice of my mother telling me I have “so much potential” and “one day I hope you get some ambition”, I hear the voice of my ex telling me to “stop wasting time with stupid shit” and “nobody is interested in failures”. I hear old teachers telling me honor roll students should go to college and study high-demand majors and anything else would be lazy and detrimental and won’t contribute anything worthwhile to society.

It’s the same shit that prevented me for a long time from posting art online. From posting writing online. From making ocs and showing them to other people. And now it’s preventing me from starting this project, and I’m so, so tired of it.

My biggest fear right now is that once I start talking about this project I’ll lose this tiny little community of people vaguely interested in my stuff that have somehow stuck around. External validation and sharing the things I love are my primary motivations with everything I do online, and while screaming into the void is all well and good, I need feedback and interaction and community. I need it so, so badly. I wouldn’t post jack shit – ever – if I didn’t need that, to be honest.

So anyway.

When the pandemic kicked into high gear earlier this year I got laid off for a few months. It gave me a lot of time to think about who I am and where I wanted to be in life, what mattered to me, what dreams I still had and which ones had fallen by the wayside.

Some of them are huge – once upon a time I was very religious. I went through seminary, got my minister’s certification, and was slated to be an associate pastor in a mega-church and rake in a six-figure income within 3 years. But I lost my faith and couldn’t stand the idea of being disingenuous.

And there was also a time when I received a full-ride scholarship to a very prestigious university that would have spanned a 12-year program and resulted in me having several doctorates and masters degrees by the end of it, in the fields of geology, palaeontology, and cladistics. But the scholarship program that was supposed to sponsor me went bankrupt the very semester I was supposed to capitalize on it. I was still accepted into the school, but the $1.2 million price tag would have all been out of my own pocket. So obviously that didn’t happen.

Those were the “acceptable” dreams. Those were the ones that parents and teachers and the general outside world approved of and thought were worthy goals. But neither of them panned out, and all I have left are the cringy ones. Like homesteading and sustainable living (can’t start without land, can’t have land without money). Like making comic books and doing art commissions for a living (it has to be steady to support myself, and I’m far too slow an artist for things to be steady). And like… playing video games.

Ha.

What’s funny is I can already envision the eyerolls and hear the snorts of laughter. What kind of dream is that? Only a handful of famous youtubers and twitch celebrities play video games for a living, and breaking into a field like that is pretty much impossible unless you already have friends in famous places.

Yeah, but… it would be so much fun. Right?

It WOULD be fun. I don’t have to become a super popular celebrity for it to be fun, right?

I don’t have to make it my day job and rake in piles of cash for it to be fun, right?

… I don’t have to actually be successful for it to be fun… right?

… Right?

:/

… I love video games.

I’ve loved them ever since I tried and failed so many times to win The Empire Strikes Back on Atari 2600. I’ve loved them ever since I played Mortal Kombat with my cousin in his basement with the sound down super low because it was ultra-violent and I would have been in so much trouble if mom caught me playing it. I’ve loved them ever since I tried and failed to finish Strife and Hexen and Heretic without the computer crashing and rebooting to DOS. I’ve loved them ever since I had to cheat-code my way through Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II just to get past the first boss fight but then no-clipped through the wall and died anyway. I still love that game.

But I stopped playing video games for a very long time. I was intimidated out of them by an ex and a somewhat toxic friend group who were Real Gamers™. I was brought to LAN parties but not allowed to play, because I slowed down the team and didn’t know the controls. I was banned from commenting on other people’s moves or cheering people on because it was distracting and I could cost them a win. I was even kicked out of their online D&D campaigns because I couldn’t be serious enough or roleplay well enough for their standards. Even if I was playing a game on my own, I couldn’t play with anyone else in the house because I’d be ridiculed for dying a lot, or for going the wrong way, or for picking the wrong game because only certain games are “good” and most of the ones I wanted to play were “stupid” or “trash” or a “waste of time”.

That kind of thing sits with me for a very, very long time. I didn’t really play games at all for over a decade. Even after I ended up on the opposite side of the country, with a new circle of friends, I couldn’t bring myself to play much of anything.

And then I had an extended visit with a friend of mine, and he introduced me to an early version of a ridiculous little game called Minecraft. My friend was an avid gamer but also a very kind one. In the ten years before this, I had told myself that I just preferred to watch other people play games instead of playing them myself (a lie. I mean, I absolutely adore watching other people play, but I also want to play too lol), my friend saw through that and very gently encouraged me to take a stab at playing Minecraft myself. He moved his laptop over to me, and I played a whole ten minutes with him watching before my nerves failed me and I promptly died. But miraculously it wasn’t a big deal to him. It was just a game. I might have cried in relief, I don’t remember.

After my visit I shelved playing video games for like another year, despite buying a whole mess of them because other friends online loved certain titles and wanted to talk about them with me. (I never played them, just bought them. I couldn’t even handle the thought of playing by myself in my own house). But for some reason I mentioned to my brother-in-law my old visit to my Minecraft-loving friend, and he just… up and bought the game for me. My brother-in-law is also an avid gamer with a lovely and patient disposition, and he suggested I just play in creative mode and build things to start. So I did that (behind a locked door in the RV that I lived in by myself, with the lights off and the sound down low) and Minecraft was my sole video game for another several years.

Then a couple years ago another friend of mine (hi Char) introduced me to Star Wars: The Old Republic, and I fell in love. It sparked a renewed interest in video games that I thought I would never really have the opportunity to satisfy, because games were still intimidating.

Let me clarify: I… SUCK. At video games. I’m terrible at them. Learning controls is a nightmare and a tunicate evolving its own brain would learn faster than me. If I’m aiming, I can’t hit the broad side of a barn. I have the direction sense of a whirligig beetle on the back of a drunk pigeon. I die fast and I die often. I can count the number of games I’ve actually finished on one hand. Even less if we don’t count the ones I had to use cheat codes to get through. But none of that diminishes my love of experiencing them, and over this whole pandemic and quarantine thing I’ve had a lot of time to unpack and mull over my thoughts and feelings and passions about them.

… I moved my RV to a new spot literally the day before the lockdown in my state first initiated. Before this I was in a spot that had no internet other than what reception I could get on my phone, with severely limited bandwidth and patchy, unreliable service. The new spot has a steady wi-fi connection, and while upload speed is utter shit, downloading and streaming video are just this side of manageable. So I spent the first three months of the quarantine lockdown doing pretty much nothing other than watching Jacksepticeye, CrankGameplays, and Markiplier play video games on YouTube. (I honestly had no idea before this that people even did let’s plays. My internet access/speed has been shit for so long I’m totally out of the loop).

It… for fear of sounding utterly stupid yet again, it inspired me.

Like. These people really love what they’re doing. They just. Play video games and have fun with it, and I mean yeah they make money hand-over-fist doing it but the main thing is they HAVE FUN doing it. They have fun! Playing video games! In front of people! It’s wild. And the thing that REALLY got me was… they have feedback on it too. They have a COMMUNITY. They have people they can talk to about it. They have people that they can play games WITH, even, who don’t yell at them or tell them they suck every five minutes or tell them they can’t play with them because they’re worthless as teammates. They can fuck up in a game and their friends are laughing along with them on Discord instead of screaming at them to get it right or get out. They can play games by themselves in their house and then upload videos on the internet and then they can talk to other people about it! They have fun! It’s awesome! They have fun!!

I just. It meant so much to me. It meant so much to me to see these videos of these three, and then another dozen or so that I’ve followed since, play all these games and have such a good time and also be such a positive and kind and encouraging source of energy.

I know all of this is not exactly about video games specifically. It’s about coming to terms with how I’ve been treated as a person and as a friend, about how other people respect someone’s interests and passions, about how it’s okay to share your interests with other people and it’s okay to like things that other people might not care about or think are important.

And I’m so, so tired of not doing the things I love because I’m afraid of what other people will think.

So I, uh. I invested all of the stimulus money I had into a new rig and equipment like a camera, lighting, acoustic panels, all that shit. I dug out all the games I bought but never played, I made accounts on all the big gaming services like Steam and Itch.io and GoG, and I made a YouTube channel. And I’m going to be making my own let’s plays. And it will suck, and it will be cringy and awkward and badly done, and it won’t make me money or be a valid career option or be anything but another very expensive hobby, but it will be mine, and it will be something I can share with people and (hopefully) have fun with, and it will (hopefully) be an avenue for some of this positive social interaction I’m craving.

I know YouTube can be toxic and super negative and full of trolls and cancel culture fanatics and people just waiting to find something to tear you down for, but like. Come on, y’all. I’m posting this on tumblr dot com. Toxic is everywhere anyway. I just want to try, you know?

I just want to love video games again.

Someone famous that I look up to so, so much told me – without knowing that I was even listening, without even knowing that I even exist – that if I enjoy doing something, to just go for it. To just jump in and do it, and if it works then it works, and if it doesn’t, what have I actually lost?

And I’m lucky enough to have four whole offline friends that I’ve mentioned this idea to, and each of them has said encouraging things like I’d have a good voice and face and style for making let’s plays. I honestly don’t know how true that part is, but on my good days I believe them. And they also said that I should go for it, to just try.

So that’s… that’s what I’m doing, I guess. I just want to try.

I know it’s not Star Wars fanart. I know it’s not Star Wars fanfiction. I know it’s not Star Wars meta or essays or ranting about the Sith and the Jedi and the Force. I know it’s not what y’all want from me. And that’s utterly terrifying. I’m bracing myself to be alone on the internet again, because I know that when I dive headfirst into this thing, it’ll eat away into the time that I normally might be spending doing writing or art, and it’s going to be something no one else wants to see and no one signed up for. And that’s partly why it’s taken me so very, very long to get started.

The other part is more physical. Of course as soon as I decide that I’m going to put my face on a camera is when my entire face goes to shit. I’m currently waiting on a potential diagnosis for mouth cancer, while already dealing with a severe jaw infection that’s causing my teeth and gums to rot inside my mouth. They already took part of my jaw, I’m missing teeth, others are turning black, if I open my mouth even just a little it is so obvious and I look like a very, very literal zombie. I have never been more grateful that masks are socially acceptable. I have a series of twelve appointments scheduled to treat this shit now that I have dental and health insurance (goodbye paycheque), and I might qualify for reconstruction surgery too. But that doesn’t really help how I look right now.

So I just can’t bring myself to start this project just yet. I’ve been sitting on it for months now with all the other pieces in place, but I just. Can’t. Start. It’s driving me crazy, because I want to start so badly. I feel like I’m wasting time. I feel like I’ve already wasted so much time, because I haven’t even done anything else in the meantime. I haven’t done hardly any art or fanfic, nothing. My anxiety is spiking so high right now because I have all these expectations of myself, but I can’t do anything about it. I’ve been told that I could just start without a camera or wear a mask on screen, and I’ve actually done some recording doing exactly that, but I just… can’t seem to make anything I want to finalize.

It’s also frustrating because I have no way of uploading anything at home. I’ll have to go over to my partner’s house which is nearly an hour’s drive away in order to get internet good enough to upload videos, which means that upload schedules are going to be shiiiiiit and that’s also frustrating.

But. But. BUT. I want to do this.

I want to do this so badly. I want to share let’s plays and experience a love of video games with other people. I want to actually play games with other people too. I also just acquired a piano keyboard, and I want to play again on the regular because I miss it so much. I used to play piano for hours every single day, it’s so relaxing and fun, maybe I can post that too. Maybe I can post let’s draws or something, where I ask y’all what to draw and then make a video of me drawing it while bullshitting to the camera I don’t know it sounds like fun. Maybe I can post videos of my cooking because the shit I make seems to be everyone’s favourite thing on instagram, and maybe I can take my camera with me when I go to the ocean or hike up into the middle of nowhere in the mountains and film how beautiful everything is up there. Or maybe I can do none of that and just focus on one thing, I honestly have no idea what I’m doing or how to do it, but I just… I want to try. I just want to try.

I don’t know where any of this is going anymore. I’m sorry I haven’t responded to messages, or opened up commissions. I’m sorry that this isn’t what y’all wanted. I’m still going to continue drawing and writing, I’m still going to be around, I’m not going anywhere, but I have no idea how prolific I’m going to be and I have no idea even when I’ll start uploading videos, to be honest. But I just. I’m just gonna try. It might still take me a while but I’m gonna try. Wish me luck. I love y’all.

[feather-and-parchment-blog]

The Song of Achilles

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller, a winner of the Orange Prize, 2012, is a master tapestry woven through time. Easily one of the best books ever read.

Genre: Romance novel, Historical Fiction, War story

No. of pages: 416

Basic Plot: Patroclus, an awkward prince banished to another kingdom for murder falls in love with the prince of the kingdom, Achilles. He travels to Pelion, where they both are trained by the famous Chiron. When Achilles is asked to lead an army to war for the tragic Trojan War, Patroclus follows, torn between love and fear. (no big spoilers)



The Song of Achilles was recommended to me so many times and now that I have read it, I wondered why I waited so long to do that. This is book is a roller-coaster of emotions. Madeline Miller has done a fantabulous job writing it. It is clearly well-thought-out and planned and excellently executed.

Whilst I was reading this, one of the very first things that struck me was the style of writing. It was different from the typical first-person point with their hyped thoughts just jumping in the middle of the story. It was almost lyrical. Musical. The writing reflected the time in which the story took place, something which not a lot of authors take notice of. It was deeply descriptive and detailed, explaining the setting and environment of the scene taking place. Madeline's method of writing was time-framing and it beautifully suited the characters.

The characters were clear-cut, their personalities concise and their appearance perfectly described. Each character was distinct, though I cannot say the same for their names. But I can't say that isn't Greek either, so I can't complain. There were multiple characters, so I did have a trying time keeping track of who was who, but in the end, it all came together. When I re-read it, I had absolutely no issue.

The plot. Frankly, it was boring when I started it out. There were too many names thrown in. The main character was a nine-year-old boy! But then again, all amazing books start out boring. I decided to continue and see where it goes. Best decision of my life. The plot and story seemed consistent up till they left Pelion. That was when the story really began. But even before that, I was completely enthralled with Achilles' and Patroclus' young love. The war had me tensed up, and I emotionally felt Patroclus's heart-breaking pain and fury towards the end. I was a sobbing mess by the time I finished the novel.

But what I found most impressive, was how Miller so smoothly moved from when they were nine to when they were in their mid-twenties. I felt as if I was traveling through time with them. Madeline managed to fluidly transition their growing interests, personalities, and physiques from their childhood through their teens. After I finished the book, it was hard to believe that their entire lives were just within the scope of 416 pages. Truly, it was as if I just watched their entire lives play out in front of my eyes. And I died too when they did.

Do I even need to say this? The Song of Achilles ripped my soul into pieces and yet breathed life into it. Their love was so pure and undiluted. It kills me to think of the young Patroclus and Achilles when they thought they had all the time in the world with little knowledge of what was in store for them. Madeline portrayed the sweet innocence of children, the wildness of the young men, and the heartbreaking truth of how short life really is so very fluidly. I would recommend this book to anyone out there. It is a worthwhile read that you would not regret.  

[cindyburman]

and every day is like a battle (but every night with us is like a dream)

ao3

Summary: At school, Cindy always has to be in control: of her emotions, of her powers, or her so-called "friends." If she ever let her guard down she'd be stabbed in the back before she could say, "Et tu, Brute?" So it's only outside of the oppressive confines of Blue Valley High and in the presence of her two favorite people (and the only ones she fully trusts) that Cindy allows herself to relax and truly be herself.

Notes: title is from "new romantics" by taylor swift. the only explanation i have for this spur-of-the-moment fic is that one tumblr post that says something like "fandom seeks to create what the original source material is missing." and i'm just filling the voids of "gay characters/relationships" and "the characters all being happy and safe" recently on stargirl. anyways @ geoff johns make them girlfriends or else. go check out my ao3 for more of me believing that pretty much all of the girls on stargirl (and pretty much any other show) are gay with little to no proof!!!

Cindy drives through the meandering streets of Blue Valley faster than is really necessary, but that's not her fault. The driver that her father created usually drops her off at Courtney's (or at a location nearby that Cindy walks to Courtney's from once the driver's out of sight so as not to make him suspicious about how often she goes there), so it's only when he's busy performing other various nefarious tasks that Cindy is allowed to drive herself. These times are so few and far between that Cindy doesn't even know the speed limit here--she thinks that it ends in a 5, though, so she took a wild guess that it was 45 miles per hour and tacked on another 5 for good measure because everyone knows that going 5 over the speed limit is technically allowed.

She's pulled out of her thoughts by the now-familiar sight of the Whitmore-Dugan household. Cindy slows down to turn into their driveway, grateful that it isn't trash day and that she doesn't have to risk a repeat of last time, and parks next to the grass on the left side. Getting out of the car, she locks the doors and tosses the keys into her purse before striding purposefully toward the front door. Cindy's barely finished ringing the doorbell when the door abruptly opens, startling her and (for some reason) Barbara, who was the one to open the door in the first place.

"Hey, Courtney's mom," Cindy recovers smoothly, pasting on her most charming smile.

"Hey, Courtney's friend," Barbara replies bemusedly, stepping aside to let Cindy into the house. "She's upstairs in her room."

With that, Cindy starts up the stairs, her anticipation already building. At school, Cindy always has to be in control: of her emotions, of her powers, or her so-called "friends." If she ever let her guard down she'd be stabbed in the back before she could say, "Et tu, Brute?"

So it's only outside of the oppressive confines of Blue Valley High and in the presence of her two favorite people (and the only ones she fully trusts) that Cindy allows herself to relax and truly be herself. Speaking of...

Cindy opens the door to Courtney's room and steps inside, immediately spotting Courtney sitting against the headrest of her bed and seemingly studying.

"Hi, babe," Courtney says cheerfully without looking up from her textbook. Cindy frowns at the lack of attention--and for some boring school book?

"How did you know that it was me?" Cindy prompts, attempting to get Courtney to look at her. "Or do you just greet your family members like that too?" Courtney's mouth twitches into a smile, and she finally looks at Cindy.

"My family members knock before coming in," she remarks dryly, watching Cindy set her purse down on Courtney's desk and then turn back towards her. Looking directly at Courtney, Cindy slowly stalks towards her, putting far more sway in her hips than usually would.

Courtney falls for the bait hook, line, and sinker, and Cindy can't help her victorious smirk as her girlfriend looks at her with renewed interest. Unfortunately for her, though, Courtney has one more card to play before she puts aside this facade of disinterest.

"So." Courtney presses her lips together in an attempt to contain her smile, but it doesn't matter--her mirth shines from her eyes, as bright as the sun. "Ready to start studying?" Cindy rolls her eyes but can't help herself from smiling, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah, how about we start with chemistry?" she suggests playfully. Courtney snorts at the double meaning before catching herself and scrambling to revert to her faux-seriousness. She pretends to consider Cindy's words for a moment before nodding decisively, shoving her book off to the side.

"Excellent." Cindy grins and scoots further onto the bed, throwing one of her legs across Courtney's hips and settling into her lap. Courtney's hands rest on Cindy's waist almost automatically and Cindy settles her arms in their customary place on Courtney's shoulders, her fingers tangling in Courtney's hair and scratching at her scalp. Ever the tease, Cindy leans down as slowly as she can manage, drawing this moment out as revenge for Courtney's (successful) attempts to rile her up. It lasts for a solid few seconds before Courtney grows impatient and, in a somewhat surprising (because Courtney's deceptively small and lean frame often leads Cindy to forget how powerful she really is) but definitely exhilarating show of strength, flips them over so that Cindy is lying on her back, her legs still bracketing Courtney's hips, and Courtney is leaning over her with a shit-eating grin, one hand holding herself up while the other loosely pins Cindy's wrists against the pillows.

"Did I forget to mention that I'm really more of a hands-on learner?" Courtney murmurs, so obviously pleased with herself for continuing the joke. Cindy wants nothing more than to lunge forward and wipe that self-satisfied smirk off her mouth (preferably with her own mouth), but this time it's Courtney who leans down and connects their lips.

Cindy's eyes flutter closed as she allows herself to melt into the kiss, to feel the all-consuming fire that's been licking at her insides since Courtney showed up in Blue Valley. Being with Courtney is like an roller coaster she never wants to end, and kissing Courtney makes her feel like she can do anything. There's only one other person she's ever felt anything like this around, and she's--

"I don't know if I'll ever get used to this sight." Yolanda's voice breaks through their reverie, and Cindy and Courtney stop kissing and look up to see their other girlfriend, who's just entered the bedroom and is now looking on them both with affection.

"Yolanda! C'mere," Courtney encourages her, patting the bed emphatically. Cindy reaches out for Yolanda as well, giving her the best "come hither" look she can muster, although it's not really necessary--unlike the two of them, Yolanda's less about playing the world's most homoerotic game of Chicken and more about simply being honest and open about her feelings and wants, which is honestly the only reason the three of them finally got together in the first place (although to be fair, it did take Yolanda quite a while to figure out her feelings)--and Yolanda easily acquiesces. She sits down next to them, her knees tucked under her and her hand seeking out Cindy's own to intertwine their fingers.

Wordlessly, Courtney and Yolanda lean toward each other and share a sweet, lingering kiss. Cindy watches them through hooded eyes, worrying her lower lip with her teeth as the bubbling heat in the pit of her stomach rises to a boil once more. She instinctively squeezes her legs together, forgetting that Courtney's still between them.

"Needy," Courtney chides, running her hand up Cindy's thigh as she breaks away from Yolanda, but there's no venom to it. And as both Courtney and Yolanda look at her, nothing but pure, unadulterated fondness in their eyes, Cindy feels more loved than she's ever felt with anyone else and can't help but think, How did I get so lucky?

"I mean, can you blame me? I do have the hottest girlfriends in the world," she replies earnestly. Yolanda snorts.

"Flatterer," she says warmly, flopping down next to her and beginning to pepper kisses all over Cindy's face except her lips.

"I don't know if that's completely true, though," Courtney says with a wide smile, her fingers tracing small, repetitive circles on the skin of her stomach where her shirt's ridden up. Judging by the matching grin Cindy can feel Yolanda pressing against her cheek, it's a buildup to another one of their bad jokes, and she prepares herself accordingly.

"There's this really attractive girl at school, right, babe?" Courtney continues, directing the last part of her statement to Yolanda.

"Oh, yeah, I know exactly who you mean, Court," Yolanda says, hamming it up as she momentarily pulls away from Cindy. "I think her name is Sandy or something?" Ugh, so that was where it was going, Cindy thinks, letting out a loud groan and pinching the bridge of her nose. Unfortunately, her audible disapproval doesn't deter the two at all--in fact, it seems like it only serves to spur them on.

"Really? I thought it was Sydney," Courtney says, faking confusion.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure it's Candy," Yolanda corrects her.

"No way, it's totally Mindy!"

"Close. It's Linda."

"Is it Cindy??" Cindy blurts out exasperatedly. Her girlfriends look at each other and nod with faux-thoughtfulness, muttering yes, that's it, absolutely, and Cindy dramatically covers her eyes with the back of her hand.

"You two are the worst," she grumbles halfheartedly.

"Come on, you have to admit that it was at least a little funny," Courtney wheedles as Yolanda gently tugs her hand away from her eyes.

"If I do, will you promise never to do it again?" Cindy asks, only half kidding. Courtney and Yolanda laugh but shake their heads, and so Cindy shrugs haughtily and attempts to remain aloof. However, she can only withstand the power of both of their beseeching gazes for so long, and she breaks faster than she'd like to admit.

"Fine. I guess it wasn't the worst joke you've ever told," Cindy concedes, allowing her lips to curl into a rueful grin. Courtney pumps her fist and cheers theatrically at this hard-won victory, finally extricating herself from between Cindy's legs in favor of lying next to her instead.

"High praise," Yolanda murmurs teasingly before finally giving in and pressing her lips to Cindy's. Yolanda's tender kisses and hands oh-so-carefully cradling Cindy's jaw, like she's something precious that might break if she's treated too roughly, are the perfect juxtaposition to Courtney practically mauling her on her other side, leaving a ragged trail of kisses and nips across her neck because she knows that Cindy can take it, knows that deep down she wants to. Yolanda makes her feel safe and so, so very loved, and Courtney makes her feel brave and alive. These are the reasons why she fell for both of them in the first place, the reasons why she could never just choose one--and thankfully, she didn't have to.

Cindy's train of thought is derailed when Courtney bites down particularly hard right on her pulse point, causing her to let out an undignified, breathy moan into Yolanda's mouth. Yolanda's grip on her jaw tightens slightly at the sound, the change in pressure so minute that Cindy doesn't even think Yolanda knows she's doing it. But then Yolanda's tongue slips into her mouth, and yeah, she definitely knows she's doing here.

When they finally break apart, both of them are breathing hard and flushed. Courtney detaches from Cindy's neck, where she's been trying to suck a bruise into her skin (key word: trying. Her healing factor doesn't make it that easy to leave hickeys). All three of them lay there quietly as they allow heartbeats to return more or less to normal until Cindy sits up and breaks the silence.

"I miss you two," she confesses in a rare moment of vulnerability. "Not now, obviously, but at school. Hanging out with other people just doesn't feel the same." Her girlfriends quickly move to sit up as well, arranging themselves in something resembling a close-knit triangle.

"I'm sorry, babe," Yolanda says simply, squeezing her hand in support.

"Me too. I hate that we can't always be together," Courtney adds, hugging Cindy tightly. Yolanda joins in only seconds later, and although Cindy knows this won't change things, she still somehow feels better--Courtney and Yolanda always manage to do that. Suddenly, Courtney gasps and breaks the embrace, looking... angry?

"Wait, is Henry being a jerk again? Because I can totally go kick his ass if you want," she declares. Cindy and Yolanda share an amused glance--this isn't the first time that Courtney has offered to go beat up their ex-boyfriend on behalf of one or both of them, and they know it won't be the last.

"Not any more than usual," Cindy replies dryly. The JSA and Cindy have had a tenuous alliance with Henry ever since he figured out their identities (but in all fairness, he could literally hear their thoughts), but considering that he's one of only three people who knows that Cindy, Courtney, and Yolanda are dating (the other two being Beth and Rick), it was best for them to focus more on the 'alliance' part rather than the 'tenuous' considering he hadn't done anything truly heinous (yet). They hadn't even wanted to tell him, but mindreaders and secrets don't go very well together, as was evidenced by how he found out--Courtney couldn't stop thinking (very loudly, Henry had noted), Don't think about the fact that you're dating both of his ex-girlfriends whenever she saw him. "He's mostly just pissed because he thinks that either he 'turned us gay' by being a horrible boyfriend or that you 'turned us gay,' specifically, to spite him."

Yolanda scoffs, rolling her eyes. "Why do men always think that it's about them?" Cindy laughs, high-fiving her and nodding.

"Did you somehow gain telepathy too?" Courtney asks, confused. "Because I highly doubt that he would just tell you all of that."

"No, Henry's just still learning how to use his powers," Cindy explains. "So sometimes he accidentally projects his thoughts into my head--and other people's too sometimes, I presume--without realizing it. And this was one of his tamer thoughts."

Courtney shakes her head with a grimace. "I don't even want to know."

"Yeah, gross," Yolanda says, wrinkling her nose up. "I still can't believe I ever dated him."

"Join the club," Cindy sympathizes, nudging her shoulder in solidarity.

"Now that's one organization that I hope I'll never join," Courtney laughs. "Honestly, I'm simultaneously kinda flattered that Henry thinks I could 'turn' both of you and kinda terrified that people still think that's a real thing that happens."

"Straight boys: can't live with them, can... actually really easily live without them," Cindy says thoughtfully. The other two chuckle.

"While we're on the topic of straight boys... where's Rick?" Yolanda wonders aloud.

"Date night with Beth," Courtney supplies promptly. "I think they said something about bowling?"

"Ooh, that sounds like fun," Cindy says, perking up. "Wanna go crash it?"

"Depends, are you any good?" Yolanda teases.

"I'm good at whatever I apply myself too," she says smoothly. There's a long pause, and then...

"You've never gone bowling before, have you?" Courtney asks suspiciously.

"Maybe..." Cindy hedges. Her girlfriends gape at her in horror.

"Well, now we have to go!" Courtney exclaims, acting as if Cindy having never bowled before is a personal affront to everything she stands for. "Come on, Cindy, you can drive us." She gets up and starts grabbing her stuff, and Cindy and Yolanda follow her lead.

"Mom! We're leaving to go meet Beth and Rick!" Courtney yells as they head downstairs.

A muffled "Okay, stay safe!" comes from somewhere in the house, and Courtney opens the front door and holds it for Cindy and Yolanda with a dramatic half-bow.

"Why, thank you," Cindy says as she bats her eyelashes exaggeratedly.

"What a gentlewoman," Yolanda adds, giggling.

"Shotgun!" Courtney calls out once they're all outside, jogging a little to catch up.

"And just like that... chivalry is dead," Yolanda deadpans, clasping her hands to her chest and staring off wistfully into the distance. "Where, oh where, did you go?"

"Oh, shut up," Courtney says, punching her lightly in the shoulder with a bright smile. "Do you really want shotgun or did you just want to make that joke? Because if you're so attached to it you can have it."

"No, I just wanted to make that joke." Yolanda grins and plants a kiss on her cheek, leaning into her side as Cindy rifles through her purse for her keys.

"Here we go!" Cindy declares when she finds them and unlocks the car.

"So, what's the speed limit again?" she asks, only half joking, as her and Yolanda get into the car and Courtney goes around the the passenger side.

"You're kidding, right?" Yolanda says, sounding vaguely alarmed. "It's 25."

"Yeah, I was totally kidding," Cindy reassures her with a nervous laugh, because there's no way she's telling her that she was doing twice that on the drive here. Courtney gets in and begins fiddling with the radio, nodding in approval when she finds a station she likes as one of the presets.

"Okay, babe, since you've never bowled before, we're going to have to go over all of the basics," Courtney instructs. "Some of it we can talk about on the way, but most of the teaching has to happen at the bowling alley, like proper stance and how much run-up distance you need."

"Yes, I think you'll need a lot of help with stance in particular," Yolanda confirms from the backseat as Cindy pulls out of the driveway.

"I think you two just want an excuse to stand really close behind me and maneuver me around," Cindy teases them, smirking.

"Well, stance is actually really important for knocking over the maximum amount of pins and making sure not to injure yourself," Yolanda explains, and the thing is that Cindy actually believes her--it's a very Yolanda thing to do, to care so much about other people and their well-being (Cindy took advantage of that many times before. Yolanda has since forgiven her, but Cindy still doesn't know if she'll ever be able to forgive herself for all of the torture she put Yolanda through). Then, her voice turns mischievous and although Cindy can't see her, she knows that she's smiling as she continues, "That's just a fun bonus."

"And someone has to," Courtney reasons. "Wouldn't you rather it be us than Beth or Rick?"

"True. Beth and Rick are nice, but I'm not going to put out on my first date with them," Cindy says, chuckling, and then, sultrily, "You two can adjust my stance all you want, though." Both of her girlfriends laugh, but Yolanda leans forward to lightly slap Cindy's arm semi-reproachfully--she still hasn't quite overcome all of her Catholic upbringing.

"Okay, but I'm going to hold you to that," Courtney warns her with a grin. "Just a heads-up, bowling can get pretty, well... intense with us, but really, what doesn't? The competitiveness is strong in the JSA."

"Yeah, but bowling isn't all about competition, it's also just plain fun," Yolanda says. "Knocking down the pins is actually really therapeutic, you'll love it. Bowling is one of my favorite sports because I get to throw stuff at other stuff in the same way that boxing is one of my favorite sports because I get to hit stuff."

After that, Courtney and Yolanda begin to debate exactly how far bent over you should be by the end of your throw for maximum pin-hitting potential, and Cindy half-listens to their good-natured bickering, a big smile on her face as she drives through the streets of Blue Valley (this time at the actual speed limit).

I love them, she thinks, not for the first time. Even Cindy isn't brave enough to say it aloud--none of them have yet--but she knows deep down that it's absolutely true. Of course she's managed to fall in love with two of her father's worst enemies: Stargirl and Wildcat, impulsivity and stability, her better wholes (because really, neither of them are half a person).

And she wouldn't have it any other way.

Notes: this was meant to be like 2k words but ig my creative juices were just flowing!!! anyways i love these three w my entire heart and would both kill and die for them, so chances are i will be writing more for them, either by making this part of like a series of oneshots or maybe i'll be making a multichapter fic sometime soon idk 👀 once again, check out my ao3 for more like this!! please leave ur questions/comments/concerns below, i thrive off of others' validation :') and of course, here is the blm carrd, please do what you can to support, whether it's protesting, donating, or even just signing petitions!!

[seyaryminamoto]

Oh, my love, if it’s all I can do, I’ll take the fall for you Cause I will soar when I lay down with you And give my all for you

COUNTDOWN: 6 days to Gladiator’s Seventh Anniversary

… Woopsie. I suppose you may have wondered why this one looked like it was of lower quality/resolution than the others. Weeeeeell, I’d been plotting that wicked surprise from the moment I started pondering how to depict this arc.

This one is definitely in my top 3 arcs in this first half of Part 2. From the moment I first plotted it properly I knew it would be a wild ride and I enjoyed it from start to finish. There was so much strife, so many complications, and as ever, Sokka and Azula’s relationship only kept strengthening as things moved along. They moved along so much Sokka outright asked Azula to marry him despite knowing it’d be impossible for them just yet xD But just as things between them were reaching their highest heights… they hit their lowest of lows when Azula found the love of her life bleeding to death after a confrontation with their mysterious enemies.

I had too many things I wanted to feature in this artwork and I knew there was no way I could represent the duality of this arc without making it, as @comentter put it when I told him about it, a bit of a two-sides-of-one-coin artwork xD and that’s why it’s a GIF instead of the usual poster. On one side, the threat of the White Lotus looms in the shadows, menacing over Azula and Sokka. June, despite my initial convictions that she wouldn’t come back in the rest of the story past chapter 38, ended up becoming an essential element for this arc when I started plotting it in earnest, so she had to be featured in this artwork too, as well as poor Rui Shi, Sokka and Azula’s eternal third wheel xD yet he, as well, underwent some really important growth in this arc. The small scene at the bottom and center of the first side is Azula’s encounter with Aunt Wu, where she receives a rather disturbing prediction…

And then the dark side of the coin: the White Lotus, unmasked, wreaks all sorts of havoc over our leading couple and their allies/friends. The stakes had never been quite this high for Azula and Sokka, and he was never quite as close to death as he was in this arc. Without that quick, last-minute cauterization, well… the story would have certainly ended a while ago :’D Rui Shi wasn’t quite as wounded as Sokka but the sight of Azula covered in Sokka’s blood, begging him for help most certainly turned his world upside down. And of course, June was badly injured by the White Lotus when they caught her, her shoulder was dislocated (I even looked up what dislocated shoulder bruises look like! Though I may not have imitated it properly but I tried… :’D), and her beloved Nyla was stolen from her. And I must ask you all to please cut me some slack for not drawing Nyla, there was no room left in the artwork! xD The last scene, opposite to Azula and Aunt Wu, is Azula now sitting by Sokka’s bedside, anxious beyond belief as she waits for him to wake up…

Oh, so many emotions, such a complicated roller-coaster, and I, for one, can barely believe I made my vision for this arc into a reality :’D But I’m really glad for it. As for the song chosen this time around, I used it when I was plotting it, I used it while writing, and to this day I listen to it and only think about this arc. A love so strong that you would give up anything for the other person… it applies perfectly to how both Azula and Sokka feel about each other after all this time.

Well, this one is the second most ambitious artwork of this new collection! Hope you enjoyed it! The full-resolution artworks of both sides are under the cut!