#it’s YOUR life

[aesthetic-day-dream]

once you realize that life really isn’t that serious, it gets so much better. like im serious. im well aware there are a million posts and sayings just like this, but it’s true. I used to be so crippled by the worry of what other people thought of me (granted i still struggle at times) but once you realize that nothing matters. it’s so freeing. like yeah. maybe that person thinks you dress weird. or that you have a funny hairstyle. or a million other things. who cares??? you’re never gonna see them again! you get one life! live it! be weird! be yourself! be authentic! who cares?? once i started looking at life as this one experience, i wanted it to be a great one. no more caring what other people think. doing things because i want to and because i like them. someone thinks my plushies are childish? who cares? they make me happy. they’re mine. i love them. why should someone else dictate what i do with my life. it’s mine for a reason. i don’t tell you what to do with yours, don’t tell me what to do with mine. once you start living like you’re stuck in a studio ghibli movie, life gets 100% more bearable, enjoyable even. i used to be stuck in such a self-deprecating, depressing, anxious cycle. now? yeah i still have those moments, but they’re smaller and more manageable. because i know. life is full of so many beautiful things. and if i need to indulge in my inner child to get through the day, then i will. i implore you. do the same.

[kitsune-kaos]

You’re just mad cause I’m oh so silly and kooky

[lillylvjy]

I hate being demisexual and people saying “so your hyper sexual!”

No. No I’m not.

[usarmytrooper]

Snoopy is one of my favorite philosophers.

[unsweetenedsleep]

I’m finally having my hot girl summer

(I’m not answering to any messages, listen to music 24/7, wear only comfy clothes and only do things that make me happy because it’s finally time for me to focus on myself)

[summertimeroses]

yeah i don’t know who needs to hear this but… please just accommodate yourself. don’t make your own life more difficult because there’s a ‘right’ way to do things.

i was very very rapidly approaching meltdown phase of Upset because i get stuck scrolling and procrastinating getting the dishes done while the kitchen lights were bothering me and i just,, wasn’t doing anything about it. i was trying to make myself just get up and do it, and it wasn’t working. the idea of leaving before i got them done was just as bad, because there is an order. and it took me getting up, crying, to turn the lights off to realise i could just… do it all in the dark. the streetlight was enough for me to see. i could put on my headphones and wear those rubber gloves for cleaning.

anyway, it took a while but i did the dishes. and then i had a shower, in the dark, with the star wars opening theme playing over my headphones because it’s incredible stim music. and two hours later i’m no longer sobbing, clean, and can go to sleep ready for tomorrow morning’s early wake up.

tl;dr - i know it’s not always easy but… if you can make it easier? if you can not make yourself miserable in the process? it’s worth it.

[lambergeier]

the real danger of spending too much time with friends is you stumble out of ten days of happiness and good food like oh my god THAT was real life. my job means NOTHING

[annabelle--cane]

vampirism poses the question "what if there was a fundamental, horrible, unending well of want in your soul that, if truly satisfied, would lead to great pain for all those you hold closest and, in turn, their absolute and total revilement of you?" and naturally as a person with no problems I don't relate to this in any way at all.

[beaft]

my mum forbade me to say anything to my dad about the top surgery thing, and it's just hit me how funny it would be if i got it done and didn't tell him and just waited for him to notice. i mean, what's he gonna say? "didn't you used to have tits?"

[iscariotapologist]

today in church one of the priests referred to trans people as "those who are growing into the gender they were called to be" and i'm kind of enjoying the idea of like....divinely ordained top surgery

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

historical drama/sitcom where two gay best friends (woman and man) get lavender married--and proceed to spend the Fancy European Honeymoon their parents paid for acting as each other's wingman

[asteroidtroglodyte]

5 years ago, I was in Rehab.

10 years ago, I was watching my Potential and Opportunities dissolve and evaporate in an ocean of cheap gin and expensive whiskey.

But 5 years ago, I was in Rehab.

One of the exercises they had us perform was to imagine ourselves happy, 5 years in the future.

Many of us in that room had forgotten how to imagine nice things happening to them. A few snorted (well, I snorted), finding the notion that we’d even still be around in 5 years grimly humorous.

For about half of us, it was the last stop on the way down.

But I indulged the therapist. I was there, after all, because I did not want to die. So, I imagined myself, 5 years hence.

Happy.

It came to me all at once; an artistic remix on Norman Rockwell’s Freedom From Want, reframed with myself placing food at the table.

Sunday Dinner At My Place, I answered, when it came my turn to share my fantasy. I was asked what food I imagined eating.

It’s not the meal itself, I said, it’s the implications framed around it. Sunday Dinner At My Place means that I have a Place. It means that I have Family that will actually speak to me and friends who actually want to see me. It means money enough not just to feed myself but others too. It means having the time to spare to take the time preparing the meal.

A lot of nodding heads all around me. A struck chord. Many people with no Place, in that place. Nowhere that would lament their leaving.

5 years hence, as I lay down to sleep in my Home, with my Wife and my Son, surrounded by my Art and my Flowers, I reflect.

It was a long road. It was hard. We lost people. So many people. There were long days and long nights and hospital stays. Angry arguments with ghosts. I changed, in ways I never hoped for, or expected. Good ways, finally, for once. Slowly, against the backdrop of a world in chaos, I found my mind.

Sometimes, My Wife wondered aloud, what she did to deserve me. After some stumbling with my feelings, I eventually settled on an answer.

I’m a Rescue.

She gave me a Home.

And, so, I gave her a Family.

It seemed fair

This Sunday, my folks, which whom I have not had a shouting match in years, will come over for dinner. We will cook and eat together. My Friend became My Wife, and she took a piece of me and with it she made Our Son. There will be many hugs, and no violence. Good Things Happened.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t know what the future holds.

don’t give up yet, ok?

It could get good, even.

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

[chessb0r3d]

Analysis so bad you don't even know what it's talking about anymore.

[bruhstation]

you’re just like the rest of them

[wanologic]

sorry danny, sam will never think you’re cool