#it’s about one of the only lgbt characters on the show never being allowed happiness

[wontbyers]

if byler is not requited then i’ll probably begrudgingly accept the facts, but i’m never going to rewatch seasons 3-5 again. i’ll just watch 1 and 2 and let myself enjoy that as its own contained story. but i’m not sitting through mike telling will it’s not his fault that he doesn’t like girls, will destroying castle byers, will spending s4 playing relationship counselor for mlvn and giving away his own heart to fix their relationship, and whatever bullshit happens in s5 if byler is not to be endgame. it will just hurt too much.

[valenschmidt]

Stop. Just stop. Carlos and TK are two characters written as gay men from the very beginning. Their relationship has been the central relationship of the show from the first episode. The characters are portrayed by an out gay man and an actor who was able to come out publicly as bi because of the reception Tarlos and the show received from the audience. (With the exception of Buddie shippers who have been jealous and bitter about Tarlos from the start.) To dismiss an actual canon gay relationship, played by two LGBTQ+ actors as an experiment to convince Fox to allow Buddie to happen is just pathetic. Your so-called Tim/Buddie/Lone Star lore is nothing more than a delusion dreamed up by Buddie fans who couldn't handle that a) their ship isn't canon and b) that their ship isn't the most important thing in the world.

Ok first of all I am sorry if I actually made it seemed as if I don't respect Tarlos as a separate ship of buddie. I just explained what I believe is the reason for the creation of that relationship in particular from the same man who also created Buck and Eddie and honestly the fact that playing TK gave Ronen the courage to come out and live his true self is admirable and something to be proud and happy about and I am NOT dimishing the impact Tarlos has had on the lgbt community who has watched LS and feels represented in the characters...

Leaving that aside... so what if Carlos and TK were written as gay from the start??? What does that have to do with anything??? Buck is bisexual and he wasn't written that way from the beginning so you have a moot point there... Also, buddies are not jealous and bitter about Tarlos and never were Idk where you got that from. What I have seen is Tarlos shippers being horrible to buddies because even though Tarlos is canon and buddie is not, Buddie has more popularity (and that is probably because buddie has two more seasons of development in their relationship) and honestly it's sad that buddie is more popular because Tarlos are actually quite cute but sadly lack a lot of development. Again, this is NOT me disrespecting Tarlos. This is just an observation

Also, you cannot deny the amount of similarities between the four characters like they are literally right there so of course a lot of us believe that Tarlos could have been created because buddie was not allowed to be canon (which again doesn't diminish what Tarlos accomplished on its own it's just how that relationship was created) so no I don't believe it's a delusion ESPECIALLY after it was confirmed by Oliver Stark himself that the bi Buck storyline was actually pitched in to him during S4 but got shut down FROM ABOVE (since Tim was the one who approached him with the idea, the only "above" left is fox) and an insider confirmed that actually Eddie has always been a gay man and that buddie was supposed to happen in s4 but Fox didn't allow him (again which I suspect it was actually BECAUSE they weren't initially written as gay/bi)

And to finish... 1) My ship isn't canon but 1/2 of it has been confirmed bisexual last season and since the show isn't over there's still time and 2) No. Buddie is not the most important thing in the world but I'll say this: when they go canon (which they will) just go and check out the impact they're going to have -just like how bi Buck impacted social media-

Hope this helped anon

[dapper-lil-arts]

While I gush over Vivian being canonically trans in the TTYD remake, I've gotta wonder, what are your trans headcanons for mlp?

I personally believe you can argue any of the main 6 to be trans in any direction

Trixie and Sunburst are t4t with the best ally of a girlfriend in Starlight

Absolutely love nb Spike and Scootaloo

I'm kinda iffy on whether or not I like Discord but I gotta admit that he's too chaotic to stick to one gender

I think that Shining Armor is a cis guy, but he's so masculine that his gender integer overflows, giving him the sheer confidence to wear absolutely anything, gender roles be damned(aka my explanation for him being gnc)

Not exactly a character, but I do believe that changelings have a unique relationship with gender, and it's overall all or nothing with them

That's all I can think of off the top of my head, what about you?

Personally, I haven't given that much thought for the cast, exept for with applejack. When I was writing the Princess and the Peasant, a big part of her character drive is that since her parents died, she had to do everything to support her family, and in that way, she had time for nothing else, no romance, no distractions, no wondering what she could be when it isn't this. The reason she is so strong is because she worked nonstop day after day to keep Sweet Apple Acres alive. I didn't end up writing it into the fic, but one thing was perfectly clear for me-- It would have been a fantastic Trans character moment, because although she is happy with the woman label, and her family accepts her, she never had time to be in touch with it or even explore this other side of herself, since she was always driven to help her family. She didn't get the chance to truly ask herself who she could be, if she wasn't poverty-stricken, and perpetually having to provide for her family. It leads to the classic rarijack moment where being near rarity allows her to explore other versions of herself, to imagine what else she could be. There's a scene in the fic where they have to wear disguises, and Rarity dresses AJ up-- and when Applejack looks in the mirror, she could swear that she saw her mother, pear butter. Rarity here being not only supportive but incentifyzing AJ to explore herself and stuff. If I ever came back to the story with original characters (specially anthros, heh) I would absolutely make that a part of the narrative; Her own gender identity being explored through her relationship with this gorgeous woman she's tasked with protecting. Good times.

That's about it though! otherwise, i dont think of many trans things in mlp, since the show is canonly pretty non lgbt, either way

[stonemags]

SUGAR BABY AU

Ch.3 Blind optimism

Characters in this series: Reader, Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Carol Danvers, Darcy Lewis, Maria Hill, Kate Bishop, Pepper Potts, Valkyrie, Shuri

Summary: The one where you’re forced to socialize, your favourite mug is held hostage, and you just can’t see eye to eye with Darcy.

Warnings: age gap relationships, sugar mommy/sugar baby relationships, swearing, aggression, cheating, all story is gonna be +18, you are responsible for your own ass. 

Word count: 6174

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my beloved friend, legend, amazing hair cut girl, bike riding icon, and the best horse trainer in this world. You are the kill leader of my life, and I love you a lot. It's a little early, but happy incredible birthday!

Thanks to @charturnus for editing, helping to write and posting this fic.

Previous chapter

CHAPTER 3

“Can I help you?”

 Soft and soothing, that's the way you would describe her voice if anyone would ask, but nobody did, so let's move on. You try to find anything to say that would take you out of this “deer caught in the headlights” moment, not daring to take more time to let the silence linger. You straighten out your posture trying to physically take up more space, trying to show any ounce of confidence in this really not confidence allowing, environment that your day created for you. 

“Actually yes. Would you like to talk about our lord and saviour Jesus Christ? The one and only, who can save us from the pits of hell that humanity is running into with this whole LGBT propaganda, women trying to have rights, not being chained to the kitchen madness.” She looks confused which gives you the upper hand, at least that's what you think until she gives you this cocky but proud smile which catches you off guard, and now you are the confused one. 

“You must be y/n. It's really nice to meet you. I’ve been looking forward to it.” She takes a step back to let you into your own apartment and sticks her hand out towards you to get an actual greeting. You go in and take off your shoes, only using your heel and toes for it. You don't put the bags down, and you don't engage in the physical contact that the redhead is waiting for. You look up at her, and you appreciate the much better lighting than the one in the café, because right now you can actually see the depth in the colour of her eyes. You’ve never seen eyes like that, and it's deeply interesting. As much as you want to go into this, inside of your head, on an intellectual journey about why people have different eye colours and if their lifestyle can change the outcome of that colour. But it’s not the space or time for that, so you force yourself back into the present, to the woman standing with her hand outstretched. 

“Yeah it's me. And all day I was looking forward to getting a shower, so excuse me.” You don't even give her a chance to respond as you move swiftly around her and disappear deeper into the apartment, quickly walking into your room. You feel a little bit awkward and embarrassed, but your priority is your mental state right now, and you need to wash the day off of your body. 

After putting everything in place and taking a shower which took you around 30 minutes, because you are not trying to get Darcy mad, she is terrifying when she is mad, you pull some outfit together and go to the living room where you hear everybody chatting. Classic loose mom jeans and a sentimental flannel fit you nicely, not showing too much of your skin, but still not making you a nun. 

As you walk in, you throw a loud “hi guys,” in the direction of the sitting area, and go straight to the kitchen which is connected to the living room by the island. Maria immediately stands up to hug you, and she’s never too shy to show care through physical touch. It makes a lot of sense since it's her love language.

You hug her back with just as much force as she does, and as she is going back to where she was sitting, you take a non-alcoholic cold beer out of the fridge. 

“We have wine if you are interested.”  This voice is also new to you, but this one is a little bit deeper. It's flowing through the room and if you wouldn't have any control over yourself, like your flatmates, you would probably have goosebumps all over your body. 

“She doesn't drink, this bitch is in the sober club.” Darcy answers for you, clearly a little bit pissed that you didn't say hi before the shower, but you hear the little hint of teasing in her voice. 

“That's interesting. Why?” Another new voice makes you turn around and lean on the kitchen island. Just then, you take in the whole picture in front of you. The biggest couch is occupied by Carol and Darcy sitting between her legs. Carol's hand is intertwined with your friend's and as much as you will never admit it, the lovesick look on your friend's face is making you really happy and glad that she found someone like Carol. In the big chair on your right there is a new figure, a really elegant woman you have never met before, but in some way her face is familiar. Her strawberry blonde hair is put into a tight ponytail, and it makes her features look really sharp. Her business outfit brings out the seriousness in her, but a fancy, colourful drink with a big piece of grapefruit levels it out to a neutral position. She has a hard demeanour with a really warm, friendly smile. You are aware that on the left side of the room, on a smaller couch, sits Maria with the two women you recognize from the café. Without making direct eye contact with them, in the corner of your eye you can say that your flatmate is throwing herself at them, which they don't seem to mind. The woman that greeted you at the door is on her left with her hand in Maria's hair, the woman on her right is less shy, freely grabbing her exposed thigh. You are pretty sure that they both are looking straight at you, but you are putting your attention to answer the question. You hop smoothly onto the kitchen counter and lean back for the beer glass. Taking a long sip, you think of an answer while looking at the woman in the chair. 

“What’s interesting is the fact that people always ask why I don’t drink. I mean, if I were to tell you that I don't eat carrots nobody would question it, but as soon as it's about the alcohol people ask why. Social constructs, I guess. But about why, I was diagnosed with ADHD at the beginning of the year.” You casually explain. 

“And you can’t drink while you take your medication?” The same deep voice turns your attention to the left. They seem to be really interested in what you're saying. Their focus on you is razor sharp. 

“I can and I did. I mean, you probably shouldn’t and my psychiatrist doesn't recommend it, even if I didn't have any bad reactions to drinking. It was a good enough excuse for me to stop. I don't enjoy getting drunk either way, and since I'm always sober, I can at least be the DD.” She seems confused, but Carol makes sure to fill her in as soon as you are done talking.

“Designated driver. One person always agrees to not drink, so everybody can get home safely.” Redhead nods in acknowledgement, and Carol lets go of Darcy to allow her to stand up to refill their drinks. 

“Did you bring the whisky?” It's Darcy's favourite kind and the only thing she orders while visiting you at work. You have to admit that it's a really nice 12-year-old blended, scotch whisky, and the only thing you miss since you stopped drinking. Without answering her, you jump off the counter and leave the living room to grab two bottles from your room. As you bring them back, she already prepared glasses for everybody to try. While she fills them up, she starts speaking.

“Y/n this is Pepper, Pepper Stark. She is the CEO of Stark tech company. She is also in the middle of writing an incredible book.” She introduces you as she hands the drink to the woman on the chair. Her name gives you an idea of why she seems familiar. Tony Stark teaches at your ex's university. You heard so much about him that you feel like you were attending his course yourself. Cold but creative, a leader but a dickhead, the list goes on and on. Adding up all you know from Shuri and other students, you can assume why she divorced this talented bastard. The news made it out to be a massive deal when she overtook his company. But Stark tech has never been better than under her leadership. 

“Nice to meet you, y/n.”

“Likewise.” You nod at her from a distance. You have a lot of respect for powerful, successful women. 

“This is Natasha and this is Wanda.” They don't bother standing up, so you don't move from your position waiting for Darcy to give you more information. 

“They are the co-owners of a law company. Wanda is an amazing lawyer with a Smith Award and Natasha is a CFP designated financial adviser.” You nod at them, completely unamused. 

“That's impressive.” It’s not. “ Nice to meet you both, I’m y/n.” 

“I think we already know each other, sugar.” Natasha says, and you can't help but be curious about where she finds the audacity. Her eyes are fixated on you while her hand stays on Maria’s thigh, but travels a little bit higher. You can't help but watch and think to yourself…. What the fuck. This whole situation is rather weird, but your roommate definitely enjoys the attention. You on the other hand feel like they both are trying to dominate you, and you are about to put it to stop, but before you can say anything, Wanda is already speaking. 

“We hope you enjoyed your cold brew. I bet it felt nice to not have to pay for your own coffee for once.” You don't even need a second to think. You grab your wallet from your back pocket, take out a 20 dollar bill and put it on the coffee table in front of Wanda, all without taking your eyes off of her. 

''You can keep the change.” This definitely pulls a reaction out of your friends. They know how much you work and how much you are struggling with finances. Trying to earn money to publish your poetry and to stop worrying about staying afloat every single month. You return to your place next to the kitchen island, not paying attention to Wanda’s or Natasha’s reaction. 

''y/n that’s not what she-'' Darcy starts speaking but is soon cut off by Wanda defending her motive. 

''That's not what I meant, baby.” Honestly, what is it with strangers and pet names? They see you for the first time and definitely feel too comfortable with their approach. 

“With all due respect, I went there just to support my friend, to watch over her in case it turns out that both of you are some creepy, thirsty, questionable individuals. I didn’t ask you to pay for it.'' 

“They were trying to be nice, y/n. That's it. Calm down.” Maria tries to settle you down, feeling uneasy in this situation. 

“Well in that case I really appreciate it. Please don’t do it ever again, thank you.” This situation is straight out of some Bruce Wayne shit. 

“Y/n! Are you okay?” The room went weirdly silent. Yes, you got a little bit heated, but you weren't even yelling or arguing. 

“Yeah. Why?” Darcy is on her feet immediately, same as Wanda. That confuses you even more. 

“You’re bleeding.” The redhead stands right in front of you with those green big eyes and all you think about is getting out of her reach. Just then, you look down, and your beer is stained red. Your hand travels immediately to your nose, finding out that you have a full on nose bleed. 

“Shit. Yeah, I'm okay just, shit… just give me a second.” You say quickly and if the whole attention wasn’t on you, people would’ve miss what you said. Someone goes after you, you can feel the presence behind you. 

“Fuck.” Just as you see yourself in the mirror, you get an idea of why their reaction was as big. Blood is literally dripping from your nose, it's not a light one either. As you lean above the sink trying to use cold water to minimize the damage, you hear the voice behind you. 

“Let me help. You have to-” 

“No, thanks, I got this.” Wanda won't let go that easily. 

“Baby, I'm just trying-” 

“Do you use nicknames on all strangers you meet?” You can't help but bite back, it makes you feel uncomfortable. She ignores your question and tries to move your flannel out of the back of your neck. You jump at her touch, not in a good way. Her hand is cold from the drink she was holding, and she is too close to you. 

“I don’t need your help.” Your hand is red, half of the sink stained, and the blood doesn't seem to stop coming any time soon. Before she can try to make a move one more time, the bathroom door opens with force. 

“Sit your ass down, and pinch your nose right above your nostrils.” Darcy is stern in her voice and right when you think about telling her off she continues. 

“I'm not going to tell you twice. Sit your ass down, or I'm going to yell for Carol, and she is going to make you.” You look at her in the mirror in front of you. She stands tall, arms crossed at her chest, while she is holding something green in one hand. Wanda is still in the bathroom with both of you, she looks surprisingly concerned about this whole situation. Darcy is not backing down and for your own sake you are sitting down on the toilet cover. 

“Always so fucking stubborn. Hold this.” A bag of frozen peas lands on the back of your neck, almost making you jump. 

“I got this.” Wanda chimes in and as you are about to argue, Darcy's look makes you stop. Coldness travels down your spine and your head feels light because of the blood loss. It happens often, but not as bad as this one. Your friend leaves, and as you are left with Wanda, all you want is to avoid unnecessary conversations. 

“Does it happen often?” Seems like you can't avoid it. 

“No.” 

“Darcy says it does.” 

“Then why do you ask?” For just a second she looks sad, and you realize that you act a little bitchy. 

“Sorry, it's just annoying.”

“It's okay, thank you for apologizing. Your friends say that you overwork yourself a lot. Is that the reason it's happening?”

“No. No, it's not.” 

“Then what is it? Her concern seems fake, or needed as a social expectation of the situation. You don't know why, but it makes you feel sick, or maybe it's the headache that's coming.

“Cocaine.” By her expression you can see that she is shocked but tries to be as casual about it as she can. 

“She’s kidding.” Darcy is no fun. She returns to your side and kneels in front of you, taking your head into her hands. As she makes sure you are okay, she tells Wanda to take off the bag, and you are surprised when you feel her drying your skin with a towel, after the ice melted. 

“Go lie down. And no working y/n. No essays, no school, no working. I mean it.” You laugh at her and thank both of them for help. After cleaning yourself up, you don't bother going to the living room anymore, and you disappear in your sheets. 

You wake up some time later with a full on headache. Naps are the worst thing that can happen. You never felt good after taking one. You put on a jumper and take a look at the time. It's dark outside and the clock shows 1am. You couldn't be more grateful for that. If that was 4am, you probably wouldn't go to sleep anymore. Since it's relatively early, you can still catch a couple of hours of sleep. Priority now is taking care of your headache.

The apartment is really quiet. As you move smoothly through the hall, you pay attention to the shoes mess at the entrance. Pepper is not here, but it seems as though Carol and two redheads are still in your apartment. Also, Kate still isn't back. Her room is open and as much as you would love to spare her the pain of the conversation that awaits, it's killing you that she still isn't aware of what happened. Even the worst of the truths is better than lying. 

It’s dark, soft light comes from your bedroom behind you and the living room in front of you. Darcy's doors are closed, which means that Carol is probably staying the night, it's not unusual. You just don't understand why they would stay here when they have like five other houses to choose from. You are surprised to see the living room occupied. On one of the stools, you can see Wanda finishing up a glass of red wine. Her lips are a little bit stained because of it, and the soft light coming from the candle brightens up her face, bringing out all the features. Her jaw looks really sharp, and you can't help but think that rich people definitely put too much money into fixing up unimportant things about them. It would be amazing if that kind of operation would work on personalities too. As soon as she sees you, she puts down her glass and straightens her posture, probably trying to dominate you. It's too late for that, and you are too tired to play her game, so you don't acknowledge her presence. 

“How are you feeling, y/n?” She asks as you enter the kitchen to fish inside the cabinet for your favourite tea and your mug. You stay silent, trying to pretend that you didn't hear her worried voice, flowing through the empty kitchen. 

“Y/n?” She tries again, her voice is softer now as you are about to run away. She thinks you are weak. At least that's what you are telling yourself. 

“I feel thirsty.” You search the inside of the cabinet trying to navigate through a million types of cups, mugs and glasses, thinking why do you need so many. You hear her subtle laughter, and god nobody made you that confused with their reactions, confused and annoyed. You swear under your breath, not finding your favourite green mug in the place it should be. The dishwasher is open and empty, and all you can think of is searching the house to find your comfort object. It's a gift from your brother, and everybody knows not to touch it, so who in the hell would-  it's like a lightbulb being turned on above your head. You turn around with so much power, scanning the surroundings in front of you. You spot your mug standing next to Wanda, and she catches that.

“Oh, that's what you’re looking for?” She makes it sounds like a question, but her smirk is nothing else but an invitation to her game, in which you are not planning to participate. As you let out a loud sigh, you go around the kitchen island to grab it. At the same time she turns around on the chair following your movement. You are not going to ask for it back, just as she didn't ask if she can use it. Is it normal for people like them to just take what they want? 

“Oh, you want it?” Honestly, you can help but think, “is she dumb?”.

“No, actually I came over to leave it where it is, I just wanted to see it up close.” Sarcasm is dripping from every word you say. Your sentence is coated in it hoping that she will get the message. 

“It or me?” 

“Oh get over yourself” You reach to her left, the mug is almost in your hand, but she is faster. She snatches it into her hand, drinks the rest of the water she had in it, and lifts it up to have it out of your reach. 

“Why would I? I enjoy it too much.” Your eyes are fixated on hers, the green colour sparkles with golden flakes in dimmed light. Her left hand keeps her stable by holding the counter. Your eyes are going lower, following the movement of her body. Her jacket falls lightly to the sides as she opens her legs in front of you. She wants you to reach for it. It feels like you have to work for your own property. 

“Of course you do. Does the lack of manners come in a rich, self-indulgent package?” It seems like she is too mighty to have people talking to her that way. As much as you adore Carol, her friends are not your favourite kind of people. While she takes a second to react to the boldness of your statement, you use this moment to your advantage. You grab her free wrist and pull it into your direction, causing her to lose balance and fall forward. To avoid an actual fall, she grabs anything to regain control, and the closest thing to her is you. Her hand falls right onto your waist. As being just in your pyjamas, a basic t-shirt is not helpful when her cold palm digs into your side. The whole situation takes like 5 seconds, and you can't react fast enough to get out of her grip. You find yourself in an awkward position. Her face is too close to yours, as she gasps you can feel her breath on your skin. It's also cold, you assume it's because of the wine she was just drinking. It has to be an expensive kind, too, because you can't smell sulphur in her breath. Instead of actually letting you go, she seems to fight herself not to bring you closer. You can't figure out what kind of game she is playing, but you refuse to give her the upper hand in whatever this is. You get closer to her, your lips barely inches apart, her breath hitches, and before she can make any move she hears you whisper.

“Let me go.” The realization of what she is doing comes on her really fast, and she looks almost scared. The proximity of your bodies allows you to grab the mug at the last second and as she lets you go, you return to the kettle. You notice that the air in the room feels thick, so you make a mental note of opening a window before returning to your room. Trying to salvage your grip on the situation, you decide to change the topic, not mentioning that you are already convincing yourself that nothing happened.

“So!” That brings her attention towards you. The steaming green mug in your hand feels like a trophy. 

“Where's your wife?” You take a sip, trying to sound natural and casual. It's after 1am, and you are in the kitchen, with a stranger, wearing a t- shirt and underwear as your pyjamas, after the two of you were in a really uncomfortable position. Bringing her wife up right this moment feels like an excellent idea. 

“How do you know she's my wife? Maybe we are just partners.” The glass of wine returns to her hand, and you have to admit that it suits her. 

“Your ring. Both of you have matching ones, yours was corrected into a smaller size, family heirloom I assume.” Wanda looks like she waits for you to continue, so you do. 

“It's 2 different kinds of gold. The original one is warmer, more coppery and less yellow in tone, it's called Hamilton Gold. When you had it resized, they used a different kind of gold for soldering.” For a second, she looks down at her own hand, and she doesn't look back up at you before taking another sip of her wine. When her eyes meet yours, the only thing you can read in them is amazement. 

“Oh, don't look at me like that. I have hobbies.”

“It's surprising that you have time for hobbies. You know, with your schedule.”

“Careful, you’re making it sound like you think you actually know me.” It seems like on every corner of the conversations you have something new for her. You are brutally honest, sarcastic, even rude sometimes and too stubborn for her liking. 

“You don't like me, do you?” Before you have a chance to even think about an answer, your conversation is interrupted by the other redhead. 

“Hi rodnaya. Sorry it took so long. I just need a glass of water, and then we can go.” Natasha comes up to her wife and kisses her on the cheek. Wanda smiles at that immediately, and you are trying to read them. They seem happy, what would they even look for anything else, are they playing a part in front of you? Or maybe they are just bored in life? You take in the view in front of you. Wanda's lips are even more stained than before, and it seems like Natasha got an imprint of that from her kiss. Just a second ago, you were just as close with her wife, it doesn't feel right. A shiver goes down your spine, but you decide to have this mental fight later. Natasha is a little bit taller than Wanda. Their eyes are similar in colour but have completely different natures. It reminds you of a lake and the ocean, both blue but at the same time totally different. Their hair colour is also different, and Nat’s hair is shorter than her wife’s. As you take your eyes off of their faces, you realize that her outfit that was so well put together before, is absolutely ruined. Her shirt is wrinkled, you are pretty sure that her fly is open, and her pants seem to have been put on in a hurry. You thought about possible reasons for it and, God, you wish you didn't. Maria likes to have fun, and she for sure wouldn't pass on this kind of opportunity. Before creating unwanted images in your head, Wanda’s voice takes you out of your thoughts.

“Oh, don't worry, I had a glass of wine and amazing company.” By the last bit, they are both looking at you. It's two versus one, and you don't like those odds. 

“Well, I'm glad you did. Thank you, y/n, for taking care of my girl.” 

“No worries, there are just a hundred other things I would rather be doing.” It's late, you are tired, and low on blood. These are perfect conditions for bitchiness. Luckily, they are not asking more and not picking up the topic. As Wanda finishes her wine and sends a fast text on her phone, you are getting ready to go back to bed. You are stopped in your tracks by a hand reaching into your direction. 

“Here. If you ever have more gold fun facts or feel the need to talk about our lord and saviour, call us.” A nicely printed business card contains Wanda’s and Natasha’s names, followed by two phone numbers. You look at her with a fake, softish smile.

“I’ll call you, if I ever need a lawyer. Thank you.” You nod at her and Natasha and while feeling their eyes on you, you throw the card into the bin. Your methods might be a little brutal, but they never fail when it comes to people leaving you alone. You expect them to look disappointed, maybe even mad. Some little comment about how disrespectful you are, a much too loud scoff, precisely loud for you to hear. You can't read them, and it's infuriating, you don't feel safe. Wanda smiles at you, showing a little dimple on her left side. She hands something to her wife and as Natasha takes it from her hand she sends you a smirk and puts another business card down on the counter.  The sound of closing doors makes all of you turn into the direction of Darcy's room. Carol looks like she was almost asleep, being woken up at an ungodly hour. 

“I got your text, are you guys ready?” The question is thrown in the general direction of the living room. The two redheads are on their feet immediately collecting their belongings. Carol looks at you and sends you a warm smile. 

“You look better y/n. Keep your nose bleeds in check, Darcy is really worried about you.”

“Aye, aye captain.” Since your best friend told you about her partner's favourite title, you have been smoothly using it to throw Carol off. It seems to work, as she always puts her hands into fists, taking a couple of deep breaths. 

“It was lovely to meet you, y/n.” Wanda is sweet in her voice, still having this curious look while studying your face. 

“It really was. See you around, sugar.” Natasha is more cocky, and it doesn't look as good on her as she thinks. 

As the apartment loosen up and gets more quiet, you want to take a couple extra minutes to unwind after everything, just sitting on the couch and taking in the view from the big windows. 

“You’re still awake.” Darcy is up, and she is the only person whose presence you don't mind right now, or ever. 

“Yeah, you know how naps work on me. I thought you were asleep.” She sits next to you and steals your mug. Taking a long sip of lightly warm tea, she puts her head on your rough shoulder. You adjust your body to make it more comfortable for the both of you. 

“I almost was, but Carol has some meetings in the morning, and she had to go.” You only nod in understanding, and the room is filled by comfortable silence. This is something that you were only able to build up with Darcy. Complete trust towards each other and the whole truth between the two of you, without actually having to say a word. It takes time, and effort, but you are always willing to put in more, but it doesn't mean that you don't fight. 

''What do you think about what happened?'' Her question takes you by surprise and only after giving it a couple of seconds thought, do you get what she is asking about.

“You didn't tell me that the date was with two women.”

“Does it matter?” 

“It would if I had to take them out. You know, they could always turn out as some creeps.”

“They aren’t.” Darcy sounds serious, and it throws you off a little bit. These kinds of topics work as a dynamite on both of you. Just a little spark to set off an explosion. You don't agree with each other on a lot of levels, but usually you can find a middle ground. You are not so sure if that's the case right now. 

“Why would Maria take money from strangers, though. At some point they will either want to take it back and will try to make her do something for it. Nobody gives this amount without asking for anything back.” It's shady, they are, and you don't like it. You would do everything to protect your friends, they are your family. Knowing that someone has so much power over one of your friends doesn't sit right with you. 

''Maybe they just wanted to be nice.'' You roll your eyes. You said what you said, and Darcy can't make you change your mind. It's surprising she is even trying, 

“I don’t know… all of it seems a little extreme.” You are confused, for sure, but you also feel some kind of disgust. Letting someone pay just because, it’s …. It's wrong. And then just going to bed with a complete stranger while her wife is in the next room. 

“It’s not that extreme.” Darcy tries to reason with you, educate you on unknown topics. You were trying to see things from her side, but it's like talking in different languages. 

“Darcy, you are literally wearing a dog collar.” You say while hooking your finger in the metal hoop, tugging at it very lightly. She slaps your hand away and looks offended. 

“It's not a dog collar. God y/n. You know it's not about humiliating or degrading someone. It's a matter of ownership, Carol engraved her name on it, and it makes me feel loved beyond reason. She chose me, and she chooses me every single day. My collar shows how much she cares about me, and how proud she is of me. Carol is so happy to have me that she wants to show the rest of the world that I’m all hers, that they can only look but never touch. Tell me how that is degrading. 

“This seems like a control freak thing.” You are getting really close to the boundaries right now, you can feel it. She is getting fed up, her head long gone from the space on your shoulder. Her face is shocked by the things you say. It's not going too well. 

“Talking about it is one thing, but talking shit about my girlfriend is not acceptable. You've known Carol all this time… Did she ever come across as a control freak? Also, have you ever noticed her ring?” You think for a second, trying to recall the image of it in your head.

“The silver one she never takes off? I swear to god she showers, sleeps, and works with this thing on.”

“It has an engraving on the inside of it. A sign that she belongs to me just as much as I belong to her. Don’t speak up about things you know shit about.” At this point, she is standing up in front of you, and you feel trapped. Abandoning the conversation seems like the best decision at this moment, you are just too deep into it, and you don't know how to save yourself. You never meant to insult your friends. 

“Okay, let's leave you and Carol for a second. What about Maria, God I would die for her, but she wants to be under somebody so much. Provide for her, tell her what to do, what to say, what to wear, who to be. This is not normal.” You really do love her, but you simply don't understand. If that were you, you would do everything to make it stop. 

“Let’s not leave Carol and me. I want the same things from Carol, I'm getting the same things from Carol. Am I not normal?” You can see tears forming in her eyes. It's rare for you two to make each other cry, but every time you do, it's like hell visiting earth. You stand up to be with her on the same level, and as you do, you realise it's a mistake. Your mouth seems to work faster than your brain, and you wish you never said out loud the things you are about to say.  

“Fuck sorry Darcy but it's sick. Making yourself barely exist for someone's pleasure. If you are too scared to live your life, just say so. I love you, but the fact that you chose the easy way doesn't mean I need to approve of it. I love you Darcy, so much, the last thing I want and have time for is arguing with you right now. I don't think we are going to find middle ground here”. If the looks could kill, you would be dead right there and then. She balls her hand into a fist, but you stand your ground. She moves towards you, you feel her hot breath on your face, nostril flare up, and her eyes filled to the brim with sadness, threatening to spill.

She puts a finger on your chest with surprising force, but you still didn't move. You feel smaller under her gaze, not really sure why. Her next words proved what kind of power she has in your life.

“Sick? There is no middle ground in this. You are just wrong, so, so wrong about all of this. God, how can you be so fucking blind? You are not better than any of us, just because you decide to be lonely with your struggles. Grow up, because I want my fucking friend back, and until you do, don't talk to me.” 

That's it. She just stormed off to her room, leaving you in heavy silence. You’ve had arguments before, but you never said out loud what you actually think about the style of relationships your friends are living or want to live in. You should have kept your mouth shut. Mentally scolding yourself, you finish your tea and decide to try to fall asleep. Today was too long, and you wish none of it ever happened at all. 

Next chapter

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Tag list:

@autorasexy @lizziejolsen @natashaswife4125 @sayah13 @romanoffskisser @lijo-8 @jjiiuuisssagcebrcw @natashaswife4125 @dumbassbitchwithnotits @teenybean

[littlealeta]

A Vincent Brooks Positivity Post

Since there is a lot of negativity surrounding Vincent, I decided to reframe that into a more positive analysis of the character.

Now, before we begin. I would like to admit that I am aware Vincent is not a perfect person. There isn't any way I'm trying to make him seem like a saint or disregard the stuff that he's done. And I also do not think he and Katherine should be together. I believe that their relationship has contributed a large part to the toxicity on both of their parts and they deserve to live a life where they both can be happy and healthy. However, I think the comments about him being a "bad person who doesn't deserve anyone" or "the spawn of satan" are overly harsh. He isn't in any way even close to those traits, especially when you compare him to the real demons of the game which are Catherine and Boss.

Not communicating and being codependent on his relationships were not the right way to handle those situations. However, I don't think it's inherently and completely the fault of Vincent, but rather the environment that he has grown up in and is experiencing. He came from a broken family. He's been judged his whole life for being different. His girlfriend and friends are pressuring him into being normal. And his friends aren't even really teaching him the tools and coping strategies to deal with the situation he is in and to be a human. He doesn't know how to "say he has a girlfriend" or to say he cheated because those are tough decisions to make. I think it takes a brave and smart person to come clean about any mistake, especially cheating. And he doesn't tell Catherine he has a girlfriend probably because Catherine often overpowers him. She apparently groomed him into sleeping with her and threatened him if he tried to leave. He also lives in a town full of men who don't know how to respect their girlfriends so there's a bit of influence from that, too. That's what makes him a sympathetic character because if you analyze the character beyond the surface level, you would understand why he became the way he is.

Now, for what it's worth, Vincent is relatively a strong, brave, noble and amazing man. I think a lot of people in his situation would've done a lot worse. E.g., Steve, Archie, Todd, Orlando all went through abuse and betrayal and became so embittered that they ended up angry at the entire world. A lot of people would not have owned up to their behaviors. By the end of the game, Vincent opens up about his affair to both the girls and how he was feeling, letting out both his vulnerabilities to them (despite how dangerous Catherine is and despite the possibility he might lose his relationship with Katherine). The fact that he has gone through so much judgment, abuse, and torture yet still cares genuinely about people (even the ones who have hurt him) is incredible. He became the first person in his male group to be able to openly accept LGBT in Full Body (right in front of his transphobic friends). He often openly expresses his vulnerabilities much to his friends' dismay (who both feel like they must suppress their vulnerabilities and to be a man). He's the only one in his group to not judge Toby's relationship with Erica. Vincent hardly ever lashes out or brags, in fact, he humbles himself too much, which allows people to walk over him. He is a decent citizen, usually following the rules and laws, but also, in a sensible way, tries to escape the box his self-righteous society is trying to put him in. He's not totally stupid, he offers some wisdom Rin and his sheep associates about how to survive and can pick up on subtle hints like his friends being depressed or the boss being the culprit. And last but not least, whether or not you see him as a cheater, IT WAS NEVER DONE SERIOUSLY.

The game shows that relationship troubles don't always have to be the end of the world. Both Katherine and Rin, after they were hurt by Vincent, CAN forgive him if he chooses them. His friends, as harsh as they have been, never threw Vincent under the bus. And Vincent learns to accept his past mistakes and move on.

The game would not have been as special if Vincent was the kind of character people wanted: Confident, Fearless, Normal, Charismatic, Cool, and a Genius. Plus, he CAN become confident. He CAN become brave. He CAN become more outgoing. He CAN become stronger. And he CAN become smarter. We don't get arcs like this in characters much, and I find that sad.

Vincent's character teaches us that it's okay to feel insecure and vulnerable. It's okay to feel like something is missing from your life. It's okay to not have all the answers. It's okay to make mistakes as long as you own up to them and become a better person. Accept your flaws, take responsibility, and learn to love yourself. You will become a stronger and better person in the long run. This is what the theme of Vincent's arc is. Sometimes we're all cowards, and stupid, and confused, and not always mature.

[ryansjane]

Things I love and appreciate about Not Me a year later:

(All of this is based on the 50 or so shows I’ve watched)

1. The first show I watched not to use the whole husband/wife thing. I hate it so much and I’m glad they didn’t. It’s very heteronormative and doesn’t deserve a place in our community.

2. One of the first BLs not to have the main couple get married in the end (and now Gap too)

3. Not Me had more than one female character and with different personalities too! and Lookjun (my love) wasn’t the scorn woman. It’s so fucking annoying how female characters are treated in shows. They’re bitchy, mean, don’t take no for an answer, the obstacle in the main queer relationship etc

4. The cinematography was EVERYTHING. The sun during the rooftop kissing scene was a paid actor! The sun did what it needed to do!

5. Not Me was the first BL (or one of the first) where the “bottom” didn’t have to be meek and shy while the “top” heavily pursued them to the point where it can get uncomfortable. And after they had sex they genuinely seemed to still like each other, still want to be around each other, and couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. BLs often make the “bottom” act embarrassed and try to push the “top” away from them after they had sex for the first time. The “bottom” must be pursued and persuade before, during and after they have sex. “Bottoms” want to fuck too, come on now! They almost never show the two characters desire each other. It’s like a cat and mouse game that never ends but not in a good way. The one-sidedness of a lot of couples doesn’t seem consensual.

6. You can tell Not Me was filmed by a woman. If a man (definitely a straight man) directed the show it would be A LOT different. Only a woman could film the actors the way she did. The care she took with the camera work and to really show the movements of their hands like when Sean was checking to see if White was sleeping. The lingering, the slowness, the softness was the female gaze. The close up on their faces as they cry and allowing male characters to be “soft” was the female gaze. The entire van scene was the female gaze. I knew Not Me was either written or directed by a woman from the first episode when White is in bed with his girlfriend and the camera isn’t zooming in on her chest as she’s sleeping. It used to only be a western thing but I’m noticing it more and more in certain kdramas.

7. Not homophobic which is laughable. Imagine an LGBT+ show being homophobic but I’ve seen them, but not with Not Me.

a post about loving not me??? this is gonna be a good day <3 I couldn't agree more about everything, not me is the female gaze personified 😌 just one thing, though, about the whole husband/wife thing. I used to HATE it just like you before I understood the cultural difference behind it. I'm not saying it doesn't come from thailand's heteronormative society, but it is something that is ingrained in the thai language, as "puahmia" (husbandwife) is an alternative word for "couple" in thai, meaning that the queer couples who use those terms actually just want to normalize being a couple out in society. where my issue lies more is when the term "wife" is represented as something to be ashamed of in thai dramas. you often see a character fighting this label of "wife" bc of sexism & being seen as the more feminine one is insulting to him. that's why I liked when in the eclipse ayan was happy to be called the wife, I actually thought it was cute. so yeah to conclude I've yet to see an irl thai queer couple complain about the husband/wife thing so idk if we should be fighting their issues for them. but apart from that this was a great ask that highlighted a lot of the points that make not me absolutely superior in every way 😌

xxx

[halforcdad]

I watched POI when it already finished airing so whenever I see someone said they watched it when it was still airing I went

Oh honey

Oh dear

Oh sweetie

You watched it live?? You watched 5x10 live?? Not knowing whats going to happen??? *Give you a hug*

I already know what was coming and still that episode left me heart broken just shattered emotionally (which is to say, also, that good writing can still make an impact even when the audience knows what's going to happen so take notes Marvel)

On another note, the 4x11 self-sacrifice lives in my head rent-free. "If you die die for something that you love" and "i'm a sociopath i dont have feelings" then she goes and kisses Root and saves them all I am on the floor bawling

the funny part is i saw bts photos from the finale that showed root and reese together and i naively thought, 'ok cool they still might die, but at least they survive until the end' and the writers really said Lol. but considering the type of show it was (and what happened to carter) and how dire things were going in s4-s5 i kinda prepared for character deaths leading up to the season. it left me numb and sad for a while, but i dont remember being extremely devastated about it. all the stuff we got with shaw dealing with it afterwards, however, that shit hurt bad. and unfortunately i love angst a lot (the writers were very good at writing sad stuff!)

my main complaint is that the death was so sudden and kinda anticlimatic (but i guess there has to be one of those to further stress how much their backs were against the wall). everyone else in the show gets a poetic death/sacrifice scene and in carter's case, at least she was killed by a significant villain in her arc and we're allowed to really feel the pain and consequences of her death, root gets taken out by a guy who started the job like two weeks ago and no time to mourn bc we're in a war Lol (and they had to rub salt in the wounds by showing us her for-sure dead body and telling us samaritan dug it up to get her implant, which while realistic, was brutal).

i feel like a lot of people talk about it as one of the worst writing decisions, but i can see why they chose to keep root's fate the same. yes, it sucked to losing a wlw character (especially when that was so close to clexa, if im not getting my times wrong), but i don't believe lgbt media should only be happy, soft stuff and that lgbt characters should be plot armor protected always. i still found a lot of meaning and emotion in the ending we got with shaw carrying on the work her team left behind with the machine and having some small piece of root to hold on to (and shaw being the only one next to fusco who never really had a lot of direct contact with the machine, getting the chance now to work closely with it and understand root more maybe that way). the show was always dealing with death/loss and grief and emphasizing how people still leave significant legacies behind and stay with us even if it's just the influence and impact they left on their surviving loved ones. i would still prefer if it had ended differently, but at least I could understand the message they were going for.

ill never stop loving 4x11 it's genuinely one of my favorite tv episodes ever. poi was very good at normalising shaw's apd and everything they did with shaw and especially what they did in the aftermath of that episode ripped me to shreds (her telling simulation root that she was her safe place and then telling real root she'd rather die than get them all killed, that made me totally normal). shaw getting the big emotional, meaningful moments in 4x11 (in the machine's simulation when she shows root one last act of kindness with 'maybe someday', the subway scene with the bomber, and of course the ending scene) was so important and well done. and root's slow-moed reactions at the end were gut-wrenching i must have rewatched that scene maybe 1000 times.

[jess-the-vampire]

Jess. help me out. do you recall anything the svtfoe crew might've said about trans girl Marco ever being an actual thing in the show?

*Cracking Knuckles*

Good to put my svtfoe crew knowledge to use again

Alright, so obviously when St O's Aired back in s1 that whole headcanon started gaining traction and was getting pretty popular, and the crew did take notice of it.

Apparently it's popularity had a lot to do with the Princess Marco episode tackled later on (Princess Turdina i believe), y'know, the one that ended up making the fans more angry then anything?

Apparently it was written with that heacanon in mind and the crew was open about this, it seemed they wanted to confirm it kinda but obviously it got muddied and considering the plot of that episode was that marco was "Lying" about being a princess because "He was actually a boy" it didn't really hit with the princess marco peeps, giving off the impression they were leaning into the false and rathewr offensive narrative that trans ppl are just lying.

Some ppl did like it as a trans metaphor tho, like how the princesses didn't care and told marco he could be whatever he wanted.

But also like, the ep ends with him complaining about the dress and being happy to remove it (For now)

I don't have the tweet on hand obviously, but the initial backlash did get some apologies from the team who clearly realized they may of not tackled the subject the best of ways.

truth be told if the ep hadn't been written with the trans marco theory in mind it might of come off better but it clearly was, so if it doesn't work for you i can see how it came off how it did.

as far as other occurances, i think the most came from Crew Member Sabrina Cognitio (I am probably spelling that wrong, super sorry), who not only was outwardly supportive of it, but constantly was responsible for trying to sneak in pride flags into the show for characters.

Obviously marco was one of them, he was supposed to have a turdina doll with a trans flag dress, but disney ("We totally support the lgbts but we're also gonna cancel and cut all lgbt stuff we make" Disney), naturally, caught on and made her change it, even when she apparently had reduced it to just the purse that was still too much for them.

As far as i've seen the crew was pretty supportive of this headcanon and it seems they really tried to lean into making it a thing, even if through metaphors and subtley to get passed censors, but it never got as far as you see here.

marco's va i have never seen comment on it personally tho.

i don't know if daron personally considered it canon, tbh the lgbt headcanons the crew threw out into the show (Like giving tom the pan flag for example, or star the bi flag in some shots) seemed to be their personal ones for the characters, but granted for all we know daron could have agreed to them and was not allowed to be outspoken on them (I do remember her approving of bi star).

As far as trans marco goes, marco being a trans girl to sum it up feels like something maybe originally unintended, but when the fans picked up on it and saw themselves in marco, they wanted to lean into it and try and semi make it canon, but it never went far enough to really be considered canon to most of the fans.

Personally i've written marco to be genderfluid in my sky au because i like to lean into him being somewhere under the trans umbrella, but marco being trans never got to be as universal as bi star or pan tom, and maybe if they actually got that flag through it'd be a bit different.

it is a shame tho, they had good intentions, but it didn't work out.

There are still trans marco fans out there tho who still enjoy that headcanon and on occasion i still see art for it, so hey, good for them. They're great stuff

[egg-emperor]

Flynn, apparently: says "corporations aren't as progressive as you think" on the subject of how Sega won't canonize Tangle and Whisper as a couple, despite also saying that it's because Sega don't want romance and relationships portrayed with the characters in general

Sega US, Europe, and Japan: have all been showing LGBT support on their social media for a while, not just with simple Sonic related posts or text on image posts in pride month only, but also with Sega Europe raising money for LGBT related charity and Sega of Japan openly emphasizing the importance of acceptance and support of LGBT identities in the workspace and supporting Tokyo Rainbow pride since 2019. They're doing things that are benefit real life people directly, far beyond just posting words or rainbows of support on social media like other corporations. And it's not just in June for points, it's a long term thing that's been talked about all year around.

While representation in characters can be nice, I think stuff like this is way more important and progressive than just confirming LGBT sexualities/relationships with characters, real people being accepted and welcomed should be prioritized. There's nothing wrong about them not wanting to include any romance or relationships in their stories whatsoever, straight or LGBT. It's not like they're only allowing one but not the other, they're not allowing any. And it's not necessary in this series at all and it's a good thing, it's not what the series is about. Leave shipping to the fans instead of demanding things to be canon when it could never please everyone and would do more harm than good.

Seeing what Flynn said bothers me because Sega are one of the few companies I've seen that have been doing more to support the LGBT community than most of the corporations I've seen that simply put rainbow in their profile pictures or make a simple text on image post or edit for pride month and leave it at that. It makes me really happy to see all that they've done so far and continue to do even outside of pride month.

Anyway, I'm done talking about this now, just wanted to put this out there because seeing what Flynn said bothers me. All in all I couldn't care less about them not wanting to make pairings canon and it shouldn't be automatically accused of LGBTphobia when they won't actually have any, LGBT or straight. And yes, while undeniably corporations typically aren't progressive, I'm happy about all that Sega has done that has actually been benefitting real people.

[polyghostfacehours]

billy and stu at pride with y/n? what would that be like? since its june and all. (i feel like they wouldn’t go but let’s pretend that with enough whining from y/n they agree) i love the way u write them btw. doesn’t feel out of character at all :)

Thank you! I try and keep them as much in character as I can, and spend an ungodly amount of time analyzing their scenes in Scream (it's how I noticed Stu's little mutilated doll project in his attic lmao, I went frame by frame on that shit.)

Poly!Ghostface x Reader at Pride!

So 1996 Stu and Billy wouldn't go to Pride that was anywhere near Woodsboro. But they would be willing to go to one a reasonable distance out of town for you, where Billy's dad wouldn't be able to spot him.

And Stu happens to know which one they would attend. He has an estranged gay aunt who he adores, but isn't allowed to visit often due to his parents' prejudice. She's the biggest supporter of your relationship and is more than happy to let you guys stay with her during the time!

Billy would be too nervous and ashamed to wear any particular flag apparel, but Stu goes absolutely buckwild. He doesn't even care if someone he knows sees him because it's not like they can out him without them outing themselves by being there.

If you are trans, they will both wear trans flag apparel in solidarity. Billy wears a pin, and doesn't care who sees. He may struggle with his own identity, but when it comes to you, he holds nothing back. Stu will have a whole line of trans snap bracelets going down his arms for you. This includes the transmasc and transfem specific flags.

You guys take a ton of polaroids together to put in a photo album later.

Stu brings a mixtape of songs to play that he feels fall in line with the spirit of Pride, and when he finds someone with a boombox, he hands it to them to play while you guys drink and loiter in that area.

Anyone with working eyes could see that Billy is uncomfortable at first. He has that characteristic blank expression and keeps looking around awkwardly. Your heart warms when you see people going out of their way to make him comfortable and by the end of the night he's laughing with the drag queens!

Someone explains demisexuality to 90s!Billy and his mind is blown bc wtf that fits me even more than Stu's bi one

You guys run into another poly throuple and holy shit are all 3 of you blown away. You guys had never ran into any other poly people irl and had only read about the topic on some websites on geocities. This experience really solidifies in your minds that what you guys have is real and true and right

So moving on to some MODERN AU stuff.

Billy and Stu absolutely attend the nearest Pride, no questions asked. Billy's dad is still prejudiced, but Billy cares significantly less because it's 2021 and fuck that be gay do crime.

The minute you guys graduated high school you immediately moved to the big city(I headcanon New York), that has a large LGBT community and presence.

Billy still struggles with his identity but a lot less, and Stu. Oh Stu. Stu absolutely is in PRIDE mode at all times tbh. He always shows you guys off on social media, does PDA in public, and is just proud of you guys in general. At Pride he is absolutely decked head to toe in Pride apparel. He dies his hair and paints his face + chest for the occasion.

Billy is still incredibly subdued, and doesn't really dress up. To him, his sexuality and polyamorous relationship is no one's business but his own and those involved with him. He celebrates his pride by just being there, and maybe wearing a couple of pins or necklace.

You guys wear matching poly pride necklaces that say "Im their boy/girlfriend". Stu gets a temp. tattoo of 3 figures on his right arm that look like those restroom sign figures lmao. Billy hates it lmao.

If you are pre-op transmasc and want to go shirtless but are too nervous to, Stu is your hype man. he will paint anything you want on your chest and assure you that duh guys go topless all the time and youre a guy so whats the problem dude.

If you are transfem and want to wear a short skirt and need help tucking properly, Billy will help you in anyway he can. He won't even be horny about it, he know how important it is to you. It's one of the moments he's most gentle with you.

Stu makes friends easily already, but seeing him at pride was a whole 'nother ball game. His interactions almost seem a bit more....genuine? He's more at ease somehow, as if the stress of acting like a cishet dudebro in his small conservative town that just doesn't understand him or his murder tendencies just...melts away.

If you are bisexual/pansexual cis woman and they hear anything about how you're "bandwagoning" and "theyre just straight women who make out with girls at parties sometimes" then they will go absolutely feral on them. Their girlfriend belongs at pride just like any other queer person fuck you.

Billy gets maaaad jealous when you or Stu get inevitably hit on. Deathglaring the leather daddy flirting with Stu, kissing you in the middle of a conversation with that cute queer biker girl. The works. But of course he absolutely revels in how many people hit on him. he could never resist an ego boost.

If you ever feel uncomfortable for any reason, you'll have to let them know. They're gonna be mainly absorbed in themselves and exploring what's around them, so they're not gonna be super attentive at the time. And honestly, Billy would probably notice but won't do anything until you say something because he's selfish and wants to keep having fun. So speak up!

[freckles-and-wings]

Transcript from Misha Collins M&G at #DLConline

“Cas has meant a great deal to many, especially LGBT fans have seen themselves in him over the years. So now that he has confessed his love for Dean, and seemingly come out, how do you feel about his confession?”

I feel mostly good about it. I talked to Berens, about this ending, a year and a half ago. It was a long time in the making. It was really important to him and really important to me. When he pitched me the storyline it gave me chills. I thought - this is awesome. This vindication and this expression of love - at the end - it makes it all worth it. I was really happy about it. You know, it’s interesting, there are some fans who are asexual who have taken solace in the fact that Cas hasn’t made this kind of declaration [before] so I feel bad that those fans might get a little bit alienated. However, I’m sure that a lot of them are also okay with this. There’s a trope in Hollywood of “kill the gays” and so Cas meeting with his demise only seconds after making this homosexual declaration of love fits into that fairly insidious trope, however, for some reason, that is, in my mind, not really as important as the declaration itself. I completely understand people being upset over that. I think that, in the end, of Supernatural, everyone is going to die. I’ve always known that, that’s not a spoiler, I’ve always known that, it’s how the show has to end. But how they die and what quality that death takes has resonance and importance in the Supernatural universe. I think… In the end, that won’t prove to be the lasting point of Castiel’s. I know the intention in the crafting of the story wasn’t to use the “kill the gays” trope. Could Cas have lived in the space of having made that declaration in relation to Dean for longer before dying? Perhaps. But there’s something so dramatically poignant about that particular moment and that particular exit… I don’t know, I’m now getting a little bit too heavy about it.

“I’m still seeing a lot of people online saying ‘oh no, that was totally platonic’. Misha, did you play it as romantic love, does that terminology even make sense for an angel?”

I was actually gonna write an op-ed about the character’s end. Then I decided not to, because I don’t really want the fictional narrative to be dictated by my analytical take on it. I want the story to live and breathe on its own for people to interpret as they want to interpret it. I could just lay down the line and say, “No, this is how it is… Your interpretation is wrong”. I know what Cas is thinking. I know what was going on in my head as I played that scene. I don’t think it was ambiguous. But there is… I guess I’m about to do what I said I wasn’t gonna do… I will say… We’ve always said, “People can interpret this however they want to interpret this. This is a work of fiction”. But I think we did things, we said things that were pretty unequivocal. There’s of course the whole issue of him being an angel, he’s an energetic being from a multidimensional… Or whatever that line was that Ben Edlund wrote about Cas. You know. What does that mean for an entity such as Cas? I suppose one could go down that intellectual rabbit hole. But I think we know what was going on there.

When do you think Cas knew he was in love with Dean? When did you know? Was it at the same time?

I mean… I’ve been playing it for a while. But I knew this was the ending for more than a year of shooting. I knew where the arc was taking us for that time. So Cas certainly knew it for at least a year. But… But you know, it also is an interesting thing to observe. He says, “The one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have” and I think repression is a very powerful tool. I think a lot of people live under such tightly-held repression. They don’t allow themselves to admit things. Often. In the real world. To an extent, that was happening with Cas. That’s my guess.

Did you have a discussion with Jensen about what the reaction would be?

I wish that I remembered more clearly the conversations that Jensen and I had about the ending. I don’t have a really vivid memory of that unfortunately. I do know that I was a little worried because I knew what the ending was long before he did and I think I was a little worried that he was gonna push back on it. If Jensen were to flip out, and said, “We’re not doing that”, we would have not been able to do it. I also think it was very honest to Dean’s character. I actually thought that was a very true [reaction].

If we had a chance to see it, how do you think Dean would have responded?

I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. We never discussed that. To be honest, I don’t think Dean reciprocated with romantic love. This is me speculating. I feel like I’m wading into waters I shouldn’t. This is my take, it’s not Cas’ take because Cas doesn’t know. I don’t know what’s going on in Dean’s head. I shouldn’t speculate. It wasn’t a contingent declaration. It wasn’t “I need you to love me back”, it was a very open-hearted, vulnerable and unconditional declaration.

What was reaction when you heard about the confession scene? 
My reaction was “Awesome”. I mean, my first reaction, when Bobo pitched me the idea, was “Oh my god”. I had chills. I was very happy. When I read the first draft… The first draft didn’t have the punch that it needed. I gave some notes. But I was still very happy that we were doing what we were doing.

[sazandorable]

About moderating and banning content on AO3!

Okay so! I haven’t had the spoons to do this for a while but I cracked and ranted about it on twitter which is... not... conducive to long rants, so!

This is a h u g e discussion part of the l o n g history that led to the creation of AO3, which older, more informed, and more articulate people have talked about at length and can be found around if you look (I reblog some of it in my AO3 and fandom history tags for the curious). So I won’t go into that here, nor into the practical reasons why it’s not even possible to put that system in place anyway.

Arbitrarily, or the purpose of this post, because it’s the biggest topic I’ve seen brought up lately, I’ll be talking about fic depicting underage characters in se*ual situations, but honestly I could hold the exact same conversation on literally any controversial content.

This is about why you, specifically, if you are a content creator and especially if you are marginalised and especially if you are queer and especially especially if you are sensitive to fiction depicting certain things... do not, actually, want a banning system on AO3.

What? Of course we do. There’s a lot of p*do shit on AO3 and p*do shit is gross. No one should condone that, wtf? It would be easy to do — just periodically delete the entire Underage tag!

What will happen if that is done is that people will re-upload and continue to write it, they’ll just stop tagging and you will run into it with zero warning nor ability to filter it out. Again, this is not a theoretical — we know this is what happens. When I was a teen, adult content (all adult content) was not allowed on FF.NET; it was everywhere regardless, and without tags. The exact same thing happened on tumblr when adult content was banned as well. It’s not a matter of “staff not handling it well” — it just doesn’t work.

To keep safe the people who need to be able to exclude that tag, that tag needs to exist and be used.

Well, shucks. A reporting system then?

A reporting system would operate in one of two ways:

-an algorithm, which would delete a lot of stuff we wouldn’t want it to delete.

-humans, which is... the bigger problem.

An algorithm sounds great. We do want it to delete everything.

Okay. What about the daddy k*nk fics between consenting adult characters? What about the fics featuring characters that are children in the canon but are adults in the fic? What about the fics about teenagers exploring their se*uality together, written by adults about the experiences they remember having or wish they could have had? What about the thousands of SasuNaru and Drarry and other shounen and YA fics that will get written, by teens or by people who remember being teens? What about the se*ually explicit fic written by teens who are se*ually active in real life? What about the fics about CSA as trauma, about healing from it? What about the fics written by survivors of CSA to cope about their trauma? What about the fics that clearly show that it’s evil and traumatic? What about the super dark, harrowing, but beautiful and artistic that I’m glad I read even though it fucked me up for days? What about the ones that were really shitty but also horribly hot?

Well, some of these are still not okay, but maybe some might be. It depends on how it’s written. We’ll have humans moderating content and deciding, then.

Okay.

The thing is, I don’t know which of the things I just listed were okay for you to be depicted in fiction and which were too much. Odds are I don’t agree with you. Odds are if I asked 10 people randomly picked off the street, not everyone would agree.

Odds are, even if AO3 arbitrarily decided on which of those are allowed and which are not, you would not agree with their choice, and you would still be unhappy with the decision. (Or you would be happy, but your friends wouldn’t.)

Odds are, different AO3 content moderators might not agree on whether a given fic qualifies or not — is it artistic enough? Does it show enough that these actions are evil and wrong? Can the author prove they’re a teenager? Can the author prove they are a CSA victim? Can the author prove that this is to help them cope with their trauma? The author seem to be functioning alright, they mustn’t really be traumatised!

You know what I mean! There’s absolute, objectively gross shit out there that is not artistic and should not be published.

I agree that there’s vile stuff out there that makes me sick and that I think is very clearly just ped*philic trash. But there is no way to, 1) stop those from getting published anyway, 2) take those down and preserve the safety of everything else.

If we start forbidding some things, there’s two ways to go about it.

One single, clear, arbitrary rule — for instance, absolutely no adult content featuring characters under 18 (leaving aside the fact that this would not even work for the reason cited above). So we lose all the stuff from teenagers, all the coming of age stories about adolescence, all the stuff from CSA survivors; people who need to write it can’t publish it anymore, and people who need to read it can’t anymore either (and as a cool bonus, they’re told it’s wrong and made to feel bad about it). Depending on whether the rules applies to characters that are under 18 in the canon, we lose entire fandoms.

Or, subjective moderation by humans, according to what they estimate to be gross.

Let’s assume all moderators can agree on what’s gross or not.

If there is a system in place to ban some underage works because “gross shit”, then that means other gross stuff can be taken down on account of being gross and harmful.

Yeah! Gross stuff should be taken down! Come on, surely everyone agrees on what’s gross and harmful.

Ah.

But the problem is.

Here is a list of things I have seen — with my eyes seen — called harmful to be depicted in fiction:

Murder

Non-con

Inc*st

Cannibalism

Torture

Self-harm

Mental illness

Drugs

Racism

K*nk

Non-negotiated k*nk, but healthy k*nk is ok

Spanking k*nk

BDSM where the woman is a bottom, but woman top is ok

Healthy depictions of BDSM

Unhealthy depictions of BDSM

Queer people doing bad things

Abusive relationships

Rival/Enemies to lovers

Redemption stories

A happy relationship between a 17 yo and an 18 yo

A happy relationship between a 20 yo and a 60 yo

A happy relationship between a boss and their employee, or a college teacher and a student

A happy relationship between a 14 yo boy and an older teenage boy, because that’s reminiscent of older men preying on younger gay boys IRL

Se*ual content featuring a character whose age is unclear in canon and some people headcanon them as being underage, some as being a young adult

Loving, consensual fluff between characters that are evil villains, because it romanticises them and their actions

Dark content shipping female characters

Fluffy content shipping female characters, because it’s misogynistic to act like lesbians are only soft all the time

Consensual s*x featuring a canonically asexual character, because it implies that all aces can and should still have se*

Fics about the same canonically asexual character hating s*x, because that erases the experience of s*x-positive aces

Shipping a character who is perceived by some fans as queer-coded with a character of a different s*x

The tendency to ship a black character with white characters

Fluffy drunk s*x, because that’s not actually consensual

Sleep s*x, because that’s not actually consensual

Trans characters not experiencing dysphoria, because that idealises the trans experience

Consensual s*x between adults that are not married

LGBT+ content, because kids shouldn’t see that.

I guarantee you: you, I, and 10 random people plucked from the street will not agree on what, in that list, is and isn’t okay to publish and consume fiction of.

So why should your taste be the one followed? Why should it be the taste of mods you don’t know? Why should anyone get to dictate? What if the mods think your OTP is gross and your NOTP is fine?

This is the slippery slope argument.

Yes, it is the slippery slope argument. Because we know it happens. Because we’ve been there, because I’ve seen it happen myself twice already and I’m not even thirty. Because we know people do complain loudly about all of these things.

And because the second there is a banning system in place, assholes will use the system to abuse it and get stuff they just don’t like taken down using the “it is gross” argument, and one day you’ll wake up and the beautiful fic that helped you come to terms with your abuse/trauma/identity/orientation/k*nk for feet will be taken down and wonderful vulnerable creative people will have been harassed out of fandom because they argued with 1 person who didn’t like their foot k*nk fic that happened to also feature, for instance, a CSA trauma backstory.

Again: not exaggerating. Not theoretical. It happens, we know it happens, AO3 was created literally because it happens.

I still fucking hate that stuff.

That is completely fine and normal. No one likes everything. Me too! Most of the dark stuff is niche and the creators know only few people will like it the same way they do.

(For the record, I get grossed out and triggered by fics about an asexual character who does not like s*x having s*x with their partner to make them happy. Deep in my gut everything screams that that’s fucked up, terrifying and harmful, how can people write that. But I recognise that there are people who love and need that, and I leave those people and their content alone.

OTOH, I read a lot of otherwise dark shit and I enjoy it in the same way I enjoyed, say, Hannibal, in the same way some people enjoy true crime documentaries, horror movies or r*pe fantasy k*nk. It helps me explore stuff that I like to see in fiction, in a safe, controlled way. I’m also asexual, 90% s*x-repulsed IRL, and, obviously, I would never abuse a child. For that matter, I wouldn’t kill and eat people, either, nor would I do 90% of the tamer k*nky stuff I read.

Of course, Hannibal was fucked up and lots of people probably think Hannibal was gross and should not have been aired — but as exemplified by the fact that it was created, aired and watched, lots of people thought it was fine, interesting and even fun to watch.)

You can and should curate your experience and protect yourself. The AO3 website now allows you to exclude certain tags, and people have developed tools to help with that such as plugins that save your filters or hide fics that contain certain words.

But no, it isn’t going to, and it shouldn’t, get banned.

[alldayangst]

love someone for loving you (Peter Parker)

All of my fics are LGBT and PoC friendly. Soulmate and uni AU.

PAIRING: Peter Parker x reader, Brad Davis x reader (for like, a second)

Warnings: Makeout sessions. Characters drink but they’re of age to do so in this fic. Peter says ACAB and if you disagree with that & can’t have a mature convo about it, then this isn’t the blog for you. This fic isn’t all the way accurate to the MCU timeline. Harry [Osborn] and MJ live in Queens. Betty, Flash, Ned, Brad, Peter and reader all attend NYU in Brooklyn.

Thank you for reading if you make it all the way to the end! Word count: 4.2K words.

Happy reading!

“You’re so fucking hot, y’know that?” You were making out with Brad in your dorm room, with the lights off. Brad was a nice enough guy. Had taken you out on a few dates. Told you your hair was pretty. Said he’d like to get to know you more. But you’re not as eager to take things further because something in your heart just knows he’s not your soulmate. And you’d like to wait a little while for the novelty to wear off before you did something you regretted and entered a relationship you’d known was doomed from the start. “So fucking hot.” Brad kissed along your neck, big sloppy wet ones that left saliva trails from his lips to your neck. 

You didn’t like that kind. 

And that was another reason you knew you and Brad weren’t destined, because your soulmate would just know what you like, know you like the back of their hand. Right? Right.

It’s then that Brad tries to take your jumper off, but your soulmate tattoo is on your ribcage, and in this world, letting someone see your soulmate tattoo is probably makes you more vulnerable than getting naked in front of them. You try to pull your jumper down, but Brad doesn’t get the hint and tries again. You place your hands on his chest. “Not today, Brad.”

You don’t see Brad again. And maybe Brad was your soulmate because he led you to Peter. But Peter definitely wasn’t your soulmate, and I’ll tell you why you know that.

“Y/N!” Betty waved as you stumbled back into the party, shoes placed on improperly and no part of you subtle to what you’d been doing with Brad in your room just a few minutes ago. “Not you out of your room so early!” Your room door slammed behind you as Brad left your room, jacket in hand.

“Didn’t get any?” Betty made a fake pout at you, smoke breezing past her face as you stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to do as you found yourself in a circle with two of Betty’s friends she’d had yet to introduce you to. Sometimes, you wished Betty was your soulmate, but Betty made it clear before you signed the lease that you weren’t her type and truly, you couldn’t see yourself being anything more than friends. And you were the best of friends. Meaning she’d always be the first to comment heart eyes under your pictures and tell you to get that outfit because your booty was doing the thang in that pair of trousers. 

Things would just be easier, if they were easy.

But things weren’t handed on a silver plate for you like they were for others; where they’d been friends with their soulmates since childhood, or lived up the street from them or their soulmate saved their life or something else blindly obvious. And, desperate to find the gold in the treasure chest, you moved upstate to school at NYU. Because great minds and all that. You stood in perfect silence for a minute, chaos never ceasing to happen around you, before Betty decided to make the strangers next to her strangers no more. One shook your hand and said, “I’m Ned.” Oh. So this is who Betty had been raving about? Betty grimaced and placed her hands together to plead with you not to expose her consuming infatuation with her new boyfriend. In a bid to divert the focus, Betty patted the back of the slightly taller one next to Ned, with wispy brown hair and eyes like fresh, raw cocoa. “I’m Peter, nice to meet you.” He shook your hand.

“I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you guys.” You sway your attention back to Ned with a smirk on your face, Betty clutching her solo cup a little too hard, her inner monologue begging you to knock it off. You knew Betty was going to get you back for this, but you needed somewhere else to fixate your gaze since you weren’t sure you could trust yourself not to ogle at Peter. With Brad’s saliva on your neck and having only known him for all of twenty seconds, you weren’t sure if Peter would take to any romantic advances. You weren’t even sure if he’d met his soulmate. “So, I’ve heard a lot about you, Ned.”

“All good I hope.” Ned replies and the room glints with his boyish grin.

“Well-” You didn’t get to finish your sentence, and it was probably for the better. Betty grabbed Ned’s arm, vodka making tiny puddles on the floor, with a huge fake smile plastered on her face. In turn, that only gave you a great, genuine smile, loving to tease your friend. “Baby! We should go to another side of the party!”

“What about Peter?” Ned’s voice was getting lost in the jungle of party goers. “Peter can come.” Peter turned to go follow his friend, but not before mumbling a low, “See you around, Y/N.”, snaking his arms around your back, pulling you in for a quick hug. “See you around, Peter.” 

He didn’t reply. Peter could only give you a thin lipped smile, packaged with a lazy half-nod before he was absorbed by the population around him, just as his friend was. And you cursed yourself that night for not taking your chances and saying more.

History was an 8am class, your only class in the morning. You woke with a a dull ache in your head and a dark mark on your neck that lasted longer than your relationship with the guy that gave it to you. The last thing you wanted was to run into Brad. But destiny offered you the next best thing.

“Oh. Hi, Flash.” You attempted to cover your face with your copy of Romeo & Juliet - if your soulmate was here, the last person you wanted them to see you with was Flash Thompson. Flash was walking backwards as you were walking forwards, unamused by his efforts to corner you. “Can we talk, Y/N?” Flash was Brad’s best friend, so you knew you were in for trouble.

“Can’t Brad speak to me himself? His mouth was working last night.”

“I can see that Y/N. Nice hickey.” You cringed, and Flash could tell he was running out of time to bemuse you. “Brad doesn’t want to bother you if you’re not interested-”

“Oh, so you decide to bother me instead.” You remark, and hop over a couple of steps so Flash had to awkwardly speed up.

“I just wanted to ask where you and him stood. Like, are you breaking up with him? I thought you had a pretty good thing going on.” His pace started to slow again as you slowly ascended up some of the last sets of steps. “I mean, seriously Y/N? What if you guys were soulmates? I wouldn’t wanna give up so easily.”

“That’s true.” You looked down at your sneakers. You hated this version of the world you lived in. Everything was driven by concepts, whether it be the concept of soulmates or the concept of time that left your campus filled with students five years older than they really were, or the concept of good and evil that spawned superheroes who you weren’t sure did more damage to the world than they gave back.

Overall, the concept of fate was once you had to always wrestle with. And you thought that maybe yours was standing at the top of the steps to rescue you from this conversation, ready to make Brad feel the trip of the guilt he and his friend tried to make you feel for not feeling the same way. “Y/N! We have class, c’mon!” Peter waved his goggles at the top of the steps, a knowing smile on his face as Flash looked up at him and glared. 

Peter just had to steal his thunder on a sunny day.

You ran to meet Peter at the top of the steps. “Thank you for bailing me out. You’re a hero.”

Peter was startled. “Who, what, when, where, me?” He scratched the back of his neck and gave you an uncomfortable, stammered loop of laughter. “Hero? Not me. I’m just good ol’ Peter.”

You chuckled as you breathed out another ‘thank you’ and returned the hug Peter had left un-exchanged last night. “I’m guessing you have bio?”

“Guilty as charged. So what’s your major?”

“English Lit.”

“Oo, how long are you planning to work at Starbucks?” Peter remarked as he held to the main door open for you. “Peter?” He hummed in response. “Fuck you.”

You sat next to Betty in History, the professor droning on about something that made you question why you continued to take History, but as your best friend snatched your book from you, you were reminded. “Star crossed lovers, eh?” Betty skimmed through the fights and the love scenes that all culminated to the uncertainty whether Romeo and Juliet were even supposed to be together. 

“Seems like you and Ned these days, huh.” You couldn’t believe that it had taken Betty three months to allow you to meet Ned, nevermind his cute friend. Ever since the ‘boyfriend’ label had been slapped on their little love affair a month and a half ago, you were beginning to see less and less of your best friend. It felt like two people paying for a single household, and with your lease ending in a short time, you worried Betty would almost evaporate from your life completely.

“Almost.” Betty tried to keep it hush, sheepishly grinning, but gave in completely in record time. “We said we’re gonna show each other our tattoos tonight!” She squealed, another student shushing her from the row above.

“Woah, that’s big!” It genuinely felt as if the wind had been knocked out of you. You realised you’d never gotten as far as Ned and Betty without either you or you partner showing your soulmate tattoo; and when they were never the same, you broke it off. “What if they’re not the same?”

“They will be.” Betty smiled. “I’m sure of it.”

Two loners getting together was never a recipe for success. Betty had given over your number to Ned, who handed it over to Peter, who’d texted you asking for you to come over: ‘wanna make it up to me for this morning at the steps? my bestie is with your bestie, so u wanna get pizza? do you like pineapple?’ 

Sure enough, you were over at Ned & Peter’s within ten minutes, Peter swinging the door open dressed in a tight red and blue top, a hoodie sparsely covering it, with an overexcited greeting of “Mi casa es su casa!”

The energy wasn’t returned. Not just yet. You had to be sure of something first. “Don’t tell me that there’s an American flag top under that hoodie.” Peter looks down at his Spidey suit which he’d completely forgotten he had on between scaling the ceiling in anxious anticipation of your text back. “Having such a boner for the USA is kind of a turn off.”

Peter started cussing under his breath and quickly turned to zip his hoodie all the way up. When he turns back to you, it’s word vomit. “I’m not saying I don’t love this country, I mean, I love Queens. I mean-”

You raise your eyebrows, curious to see where Peter would go with this. “The NYPD fucking hates me,”

“And what would they want with your little ass?” You walk into the apartment. He’d never admit it, but Peter kind of likes the way you bust his balls. It puts him on the spot, makes him want to tell the truth to you about who he really is.

“I mean, I can’t really say-”

“OK. I don’t wanna be an accessory to anything so,” You laugh. “I won’t push. ACAB.” There’s a thud that follows you closing the door. 

“I agree. ACAB.”

A few hours pass with Peter and he’s beginning to unravel. He shows you the photos he’s taken over the years, several of them featuring a fair haired boy you’d never seen around campus before. “Is he your soulmate?”

Peter nearly chokes on the coffee he’d prepared for himself. “No. Harry? In his dreams.” He sets his mug down. “No, uh, that’s my friend. He lives back home in Queens.”

“You say back home like Queens isn’t a 10 minute drive from where we are.”

“Yeah. But it’s not right here.” You weren’t sure if you’d bruised Peter’s feelings, so you move onto another photo. There’s a polaroid that makes a thin pile with another on the table.

It’s the New York City skyline, from all the way up.

“How’d you get a photo from all the way up here?” Peter grabs the photo underneath it, but not before you catch a glimpse. The glossy paper is adorned with an image of a beautiful girl, black necklace around her neck, the scribbles underneath her photo reading ‘MJ, Pre-blip’.

You think this girl is too gorgeous to just be a friend.

But judging by the way Peter reacted when you suggested Harry was the same, you kept quiet. He didn’t want you to see it anyway. 

“I’m really sticky and I climb up walls.” Peter being Peter is relieved he told you the truth, even if you didn’t know it.

“You’re weird, kid.” You thought you were being smooth, but you couldn’t help the way you look at his lips like they hold the answer to every question you’d had in your life.

“Uh-huh. But you like a bit of weird. Maybe Brad was too square for you.”

“Huh?”

“Huh.”

And then when you and Peter kiss, you suddenly understand what poets mean when they call your lips jigsaw puzzles, because yours and Peter’s slot perfectly together. And you get why there’s all these love songs on the radio, and you feel the Earth shift in your mind and you just know this is the unmistakeable indicator that Peter is your soulmate. Another reason you and Peter are destined, when he goes to kiss your neck, it’s like soft little hot touches. 

You liked that kind. 

And a soulmate would just know that, know you like the back of their hand. Right? Right.

Peter rests his forehead on your own, lips swollen. “I don’t want to go anywhere, don’t wanna do anything you don’t wanna do.”

You and Peter cuddle for the rest of the night on his sofa, Ned and Betty doing the same on yours. And the novelty picks back up like clockwork.

“Peter? What if we aren’t soulmates?” you groaned, Peter’s hand on your head, keeping you snug to his chest. You and Peter had been dating close to two months now, Ned and Betty moving to five. In any other relationship, you would’ve called this phase The Ticking Time Bomb. You toyed with the black dahlia that sat perfectly between his pecs. Peter had been to Queens last week. He’d retrieved his necklace from the girl in the photo, MJ. She was an old friend, he said. Him and her? Not meant to be. Maybe in another life, he’d say. Another timeline. Then he’d gesture between the two of you. This. This is meant to be. Us.

Peter shrugged. “What if we weren’t?” Peter had an almost permanent bandage on his ribcage, exactly where your soulmate tattoo was. Where and how Peter got injured was a mystery to you, and he’d never dare tell you no matter how much you pushed. It almost made you wonder if he was keeping any more secrets from you.

You propped yourself up, both hands on his chest. 

“I couldn’t move back in with Betty. She and Ned are soulmates, they need their privacy.”

“Who said you’d ever to move back in with Betty?”

“I couldn’t afford to live by myself, Peter. Not everyone had a Stark internship in high school.”

“Who said you’d have to move out at all?”

“If we’re not soulmates-” Peter moved your hands from his chest and wrapped them around your waist, pulling you in for a loving kiss. “What have I told you? You and me, we’re meant to be. Us.”

But you didn’t have the tattoos to prove it. 

You and Betty were sitting in History class, ignoring the professor’s droning as per usual. Betty had this beaming smile on her face and you were sure if she didn’t say what was on her mind soon, she was going to explode all over someone’s Henry VIII’s notes.

“Betty?”

“Yeah?” She shrieked with scarlet cheeks.

“Spill.”

Betty let out a breath. “Well, since you insisted.” You couldn’t help but smile at your best friend. “I think Ned might propose tonight!”

“I feel like you should be taking me out to dinner before you dump all this load on me.”

Betty’s eyes glazed over, obviously too excited to contain her emotions. “What about you and Peter? The tattoos must match up since you’ve stayed around this long.”

“Actually, I-”

Betty makes an O face at you, which told you she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “C’mon. You haven’t played I’ll Show You Mine if you Show Me Yours?” Betty was in awe. “Y/N! You must really like him.” 

You did really like Peter. That was the issue. You weren’t ready to feel jaded if your tattoos didn’t match up like they all inevitably did in the past. You felt something different for Peter. Betty was right. That was why you stuck around this long. “Hey Betty, is my old room still my room if things between me and Peter don’t work out?”

“Of course, Y/N! I’m here for you til’ the end of the line.” Betty pulled you into a great, big hug.

“OK. Session dismissed.” Your professor echoed. “Everyone can go. Y/N and Betty, stay after please.”

You’d gotten kicked off of History, which was bittersweet. Seeing as History was Betty’s major, your professor had to keep her there - but he was sure ‘she’d flourish once you two were separated.’  

You and Betty walked out of the main entrance, Ned and Peter both waiting for you under the shelter at the top of the steps. Seasons had changed. It was far from the summer day Peter had to spotted you on the way to class. “We’re gonna run in, drink some cocoa. We’ll catch you guys later.” Ned shivered as Betty re-engulfed him in his jacket she’d been holding for the scent. 

Love was weird, but you wanted so bad to be a part of it.

You turned to Peter beside you. “And what are we gonna do?”

“Swinging.”

“Peter, I don’t swing. I’m perfectly happy in our relationship.”

Peter held onto your waist, your head nuzzled into his neck, not daring to look down at the city below you. This was the first time you’d ever experienced something like this, no doubt, but Peter was getting a strange sense of deja vu.

“Y/N!” You didn’t move from your place in his neck, but he knew you could hear him. “I love you. I trust you.”

“You’re-” You didn’t trust yourself to speak. “Fucking.” You opened one eye just to be sure you weren’t dreaming. “Spiderman!”

“I’m something more important: your boyfriend.”

Leave it to Peter Parker to get all sappy with you in the middle of the sky. 

You opened both your eyes now. “What about my soulmate?”

“What?” Startled, Peter lost controls of his webs for a moment, and knocked his rib on the side of a building. Luckily for you, you were lower to the ground.

‘Injury detected,’ Peter’s AI, Karen, stated.

“Yeah, I know, Karen.” Peter stated.

“Is it right there, babe?” Peter nodded, sat on the concrete, and pressed the spider in the middle of his suit. You watched as it became loose.

Your eyes flickered to the bandage on his ribcage. Maybe you had your answers as to how Peter always seemed to be hurt, but you needed your ultimate answer. And it was behind the bandage. “Right here, are you sure babe?”

You were on edge. You weren’t sure what you’d do if fate didn’t allow this to be true. For the sake of your heart.

So you peeled back the bandage.

And you found nothing there but a series of bruises. Your heart was crushed. “Nothing, Peter. There’s nothing there.” You had tears in your eyes, and before long you were ugly crying. This wasn’t a case of the novelty wearing off. This was a case of the novelty being broken down ‘til it can’t function no more.

“That’s a good thing baby, maybe I just need to go to a hospital.”

“No, I mean it Peter! There’s nothing there!” You pull up your heart to reveal a half full shirt printed on your body twenty one years ago, this exact heart only belonging to one other person in the world. But it wasn’t Peter. Even though he had just told you he loved you. “Fuck!” Your voice became incomprehensible, drowned out in tears and squeaks of sorrow. “I’m so sorry, but we can’t see each other any more. T-there is someone out there for me. You need to understand.”

And, unsure if your legs would take you all the way, you made your journey to Betty.

When you made it to Betty’s, she stood in the doorway with a rock on her finger. You couldn’t see that, though, through your tear blurred vision.

“Oh, poor baby.” She immediately embraced you, with Ned circling to your side to group hug you. You sniff into her shoulder. “He’s not-we’re not-”

“My darling.” She pauses. “I’m hoping you got the first month’s rent.” She laughed and you laughed before she pulled you back in her embrace and allowed you to feel what you needed to feel.

It’s often underestimated how miserable you need to be in order to cry yourself to sleep. You didn’t even know you did until you woke in your old room, your old band poster replaced by a calendar titled ‘Ned and Betty Forever’ and you laughed because Ned and Betty hadn’t even known each other longer than than six calendar months.

And you missed your windowsill on which you’d perch and overlook the breathtaking view of Brooklyn, and the even more awe-inspiring view of NYU students hurling after one too many, especially after yours and Betty’s parties.

“Do you guys even clean this room?” You called out. “You got a serious case of cobwebs.”

Peter lowered himself to meet your view. You were about to draw the blinds on him, only to realise Betty and Ned had gotten them removed whilst you were living with Peter.

“Hear me out.”

“I have no choice.” You chew on the flesh of your cheek. “You took a while to find me.”

“You left me for dead.”

It was hard to beat that one.

“Peter, if you have something to say, say it.”

“I’m sorry.” he’s swinging upside down, side to side and it slightly amuses you to think he’s getting dizzy if the last three months were at your expense. “I know how much this soulmate bullshit means to you, and I kept you longer than you would’ve liked. I’m also sorry ‘cause I knew I wasn’t your soulmate from the start.”

You gasp.

“But I wouldn’t in a billion years say that either you or I belong to someone else. MJ is my soulmate, yes. I love her with all my heart, but I believe destiny can change in the same world where people disappear for five years. MJ moved on. I’ve moved on. Who cares about a stupid tattoo? People go to parlours and give themselves their own all the time. People get them removed all the time. I’m getting my black dahlia erased.” Your face softens a little bit at that, you guard slightly down, but you refuse to wave a white flag without first making your point.

You rubbed your rib cage. “I care.”

“Y/N, you’re smarter than to deny what you feel. You’re an English major, studying Romeo and Juliet. You understand the world better than I do, and I’ve been to 600 different versions of it. You have a heart half full on your ribcage and I have half a flower on my foot. Tell me, would a rose by any other name smell as sweet?” 

You know the answer’s the same one Betty gave Ned tonight when he got down on one knee, the same response you’d give Peter if he was to ask you the same question, what you’d tell anyone if they queried if you’d go through what you went with Peter all over again.

You pull down his mask, and look deep into both of Peter’s eyes, and still him from swinging. “Love someone for loving you for a change.”

And you don’t have to say it, Ned and Betty hiss it out for you not so subtly from the windowsill in the livingroom. “Yes!”

So when you and Peter kiss, it’s not about novelties or concepts, fate or tomorrow, it’s just the beautiful bliss that is love, in this moment.

The unmistakable indicator that you and Peter are meant to be.

Fin.

Credit for the gif goes to: @/tomhollandnet

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[thatdarnblogagain]

The Eternals: Let’s Talk about Phastos (Spoilers)

I am disappointed. Not in the movie. No, Chloe Zhao should hold her head up for crafting a flawed but still highly enjoyable movie. No, what I am disappointed in, is people. Much like Phastos played by Brian Tyree Henry, I sometimes feel myself losing faith in people. But we will get to him in a second. Let me explain why I feel the way I do.

Call me a SJW or Woke, fine, I think those terms are tossed around and misused anytime someone tries to do something different. This film has been reviewed so poorly by critics that I was shocked. 48% on Rotten Tomatoes? That is the worst any MCU film has been rated. That means it is worse than Captain Marvel! Worse than Captain “I have no personality” Marvel. But I still got my money and paid to watch it at the Drive-In with a friend. I remember saying to him, “How is this rated badly?” and he said, “People.”. People, that’s it. People see the need to push back against any and everything without having an unbiased view.

(Another review bomb huh?)

Phastos in the film is a gay man with a family. A black, gay man with a family who shares a brief kiss with his husband before going to try and save the world he gave up on, to ensure the people he loves are safe. The backlash for a gay superhero on screen is something to behold and people stated they would boycott the film over that kiss or an openly gay man on screen.

People are blaming the film’s poor score on that and are proud to see it failing because of it, if that is the case. “Take that LGBT...” wait no, “Take that alphabet community! Ha you will never learn!”. How dare a filmmaker in a movie show anything that is outside our norm? It is almost like films are supposed to just be what we want and nothing else.

So let’s go to reality. Now imagine this; a gay man enlists to fight in a war to keep his family safe. Someone says, “You’re gay? Get out of here!”. No question about his motivations, skill set, beliefs and what he can bring to the fight. No LGBT people allowed, is all there is to it,is what it seems.

(Phastos is by far the most inventive and intelligent Eternal...who’s gay.)

The reality of this is that, it is not woke, not sjw, not a propaganda piece. It is instead a REAL and TRUE message, that LGBT people do go to war, much like Phastos to protect people they care for. What is even more fascinating is that his sexuality is not his entire character. Far from. Phastos is not a stereotype or caricature.

It is not a crutch that he is balanced upon. As a black man I was happy to see another black man being the intelligent, inventive and nurturing type who could still fight when needed.  And when I say he can fight, he can fight, it may not be like Thena or Ikaris but he holds his own quite well when that time comes.

(”A happy child and a gay father!!! Impossible!!!” - Some critic)

For some reason we live in a world that thinks that you should only show the traditional nuclear family or at least make sure any romance on screen is one between a biological man and biological woman. Anything else is forcing a message down our throat and it’s an effect of going woke. It’s pandering! So much so that a brief kiss and an exchange of words has people up in arms.

Now for those who take umbrage with the character because he is not comic book accurate, I understand and can see where that would tick anyone off. To that I have no rebuttal beyond it being an adaptation and that comics have multiple variations of characters such as a gay wolverine in one timeline. That is not an excuse on my part to quell, any rage you feel just an example of interpretations of a one character differing.

(Bryan Tyree Henry did a fantastic job in the adaptation.)

I have seen the Phastos in the comics and he is very much the genius as well as inventor but unlike the one in the film he is much more physically imposing. He is also very much straight in the comics. There are other differences such as the comic version having access to far more powers such as flight but the film version seemed to attempt to make each Eternal seem unique in their skillsets.

But the core differences to Comic and Film Phastos is that one is more muscular and straight and the other is not muscular and is gay. Both are still intelligent, inventive individuals intent in their pursuit for creating something amazing for those around them.

(Looking at some of the comments in disbelief.)

Phastos in the film is by far the smartest Eternal which if I was a black parent I would be proud to show my child. He is a clearly a good father with no example of abuse to his partner or his child, having them in what seems like a middle to upper middle class neighborhood.

He is simply, gay. Gay people exist. Not thanks to the media, not thanks to a hollywood agenda. Gay people have existed for centuries. One critic stated, “They already got you but now they are coming for us!” as if Wesley Snipes did not portray a Drag Queen in a movie when I was but a wee baby.

(This scene cut so deeply.)

So my question is then, is it that people are angered by the inclusion of a gay man or having to contend with confronting that inclusion? Having to see something they have been fed is negative can in fact be positive. Are they angered that it is a reserved portrayal so that he appears as a gay man who is not characterized by that.

Do such people want only straight people on tv, especially when it is a black man? Then my question is who is in the fantasy world? The characters or the people living in the bubble that says any representation of LGBT is bad?

[freddiekluger]

Why Cap Being Internally Closeted Is Not Only Possible, But Valid Representation 

i wrote this to a lot of mitski and onsind, so you can’t blame me for any feelings that bleed through

now i don’t know if it actually exists, but i’ve heard of there being a lot of discourse surrounding the captains story arc regarding his sexuality- i believe the general gist is that having a queer character that remains closeted to themselves is either unrealistic or ‘bad’ representation, and as someone who really treasures the captain and relates to his story so far a lot, i thought i might break this down a bit. 

i’ve divded up every complaint i’ve heard about this into four main questions which i’ll be covering below the ‘keep reading’, because this is gonna be pretty comprehensive. full disclaimer i reference my experiences as an ex-evangelical non binary butch lesbian a couple times, and i spent a year studying repression and the psychological impacts of high demand sexual ethics for my graduating sociology paper, so this is coming with some background to it i swear

the big questions:

can you EVEN be gay and not know it????

but isn't this just ANOTHER coming out arc, and aren't we supposed to be moving beyond those?

but if cap can't have a relationship with a man because he's a ghost, what's the point?

since cap's dead, isn't this technically bury your gays, and isn't that bad? 

1. "but is it really possible to not know? Isn't that bad representation?"

short answer: no and no.

before i get into the validity of the captain's ignorance about his own orientation as 21st century rep, let's break down how the hell the captain can be so clearly attracted to men and still not even consider the possibility that he might be gay, as brought to you by someone who literally experienced this shit.

the captain's particular situation is both a direct result of the lack of information around human sexuality he would have had (aka clear messaging that it's actually possible for him to be attracted to men. i don't mean acceptable or allowed, i mean physically capable of happening- the idea that orientations other than heterosexual exist and are available to him, a man), and a subconscious survival mechanism. the environment in which he lives is outright hostile to gay people, while the military man identity he has constructed for himself doesn't allow for any form of deviation from societal norms, let alone one so base level and major. as a result of this killer combo of information and environment, instincts take over and the mind does it's best to repress the ‘deviant’ feelings until a. one of these two things changes, or b. the act of repression becomes so destructive and/or exhuasting that it becomes impossible to maintain. the key to maintaining a long-term state of repression of desire is diverting that energy elsewhere, and a high-demand group such as the military is the perfect place for the captain to do this (this technqiue is frequented by religions and extremist ideologies worldwide, but that’s not really what we’re here to focus on). 

while the brain is actively repressing ‘deviant’ feelings (aka gay shit), this doesn't mean you don't experience the feelings at all. when performed as a subconscious act of survival, the aim of repression is to minimise/transform the feelings into a state where they can no longer cause immediate danger, and something as big as sexual/romantic orientation is going to keep popping up, but as long as the individual in question never understands what they’re feeling, they’ll be able to continue relatively undisturbed. you know how in heist movies, the leader of the group will only tell each team member part of the plan so they can’t screw things up for everyone else if they get caught? it’s kind of like that.

this is how the captain appears to have operated in life AND in death, and it’s a relatively common experience for lgbtq people who’ve grown up in similar circumstances (aka with a lack of information and in an unfriendly-to-hostile environment), and accounts for how some people can even go on to get married and have children before realising that they’re gay and/or trans. 

personally, while i can now identify what were strong homo crushes all the way back to childhood, at the time i genuinely had no idea. there was the underlying sense that i probably shouldn't tell people how attached i was to these girls because i would seem weird, and that my feelings were stronger than the ones other people used to describe friendships, but like-like them in the way that other girls like-liked boys? no way! actually scratch that, it wasn't even a no way, because i had no idea that i even could. i even had my own havers, at least in terms of the emotional hold and devotion she got from me, except she treated me way less well than cap’s beau. snatches of the existence of lgbt people made it through the cone of silence, i definitely heard the words gay and lesbian, but my levels of informations mirrored those that the captain would have had: virtually none, beyond the idea that these words exist, some people are them, and that's not something that we support or think is okay, so let's just not speak about it. despite only attending religious schools for the first couple years of primary, until i got my own technology and social media accounts to explore lgbtq content on my own- option a out of the two catalysts for change- the possibility of me being gay was not at all on my radar. don’t even get me started on how long it took me to explore butchness and my overall gender, two things which now feel glaringly obvious. 

when shit starts to break down, you can also make the conscious choice to repress which can delay the eventual smashing down of the mental closet door for a time (essentially when the closet door starts to open, you just say ‘no thanks’ and shut it again by pointedly Not Thinking About It). in the abscence of identifying yourself by your attractions, it becomes quite common to identify with a lack- in my case, this meant becoming proud of how sensible and not boy crazy i was, and in the captain’s case, this means becoming proud of how sensible and not sensuous/wild (aka woman crazy) he was, identifying with his LACK of desire for women and partying (which, even in the 40s, involved the expectation of opposite sex romances and hook ups). i’m not saying that’s the only reason he’s a rule follower, but i think the contrast between About Last Night and Perfect Day pretty much support this. (the captain getting on his high horse about general party antics that he inherently felt excluded from because of underlying awareness of his difference & his tendency to project his regimented expectations of himself onto others, vs. joining in the reception party, awareness of how the environment supports difference in the form of clare and sam, and relaxing his own rules by dancing with men- the captain doesn’t mind a party when feels like he has a place there.)

so the captain was operating in a high demand, highly regulated environment (primarily the military, but also early 20th century England itself), with regimented roles, rules, and expectations. working on the assumption that he wouldn't have had out/disclosing lgbt friends, he would have had little to no exposure to lgbt identities, and what information he did receive would have been hushed and negatively geared. while my world started to open up when i started high school was allowed to have my own phone + instagram account, resulting in me realising something wasn't quite 'right' within a few years (making me a relatively early realiser compared to those who don't come out to themselves until adulthood), in life the captain never had that experience. he didn't receive the information he needed, his environment didn't grow less hostile. with the near-exception of havers related heartbreak, his well disciplined and lifelong method of repression never became destructive/exhaustive enough to permanently override the danger signals in his mind and allow him to put his feelings into words. neither of the most common catalysts for change happened for him, so he continued as usual, even after his death.

BUT, and here’s where we come to why this is actually great representation, arrival of mike and Alison represents the opening up of new world. for the first time, the captain is actively made aware of the fact that his environment is no longer hostile, and better than that, it’s affirming. he’s also getting access to positively geared information about lgbtq people and identities, so option a of the two catalysts for change is absolutely present, and resoundingly positive. 

the captain’s arc is also relatively unique as it acknowledges the oppressive nature of his environment, but actually focuses on the internal consequences, and the way that systems like those that the captain lived in succeed because they turn us into our own oppressors. for whatever reason, we repress ourseslves, and often can’t help it, and i find that the significance of the journey to overcome that is often overlooked in more mainstream queer media. perhaps it’s just not very cinematic, or it remains too confronting for cishet audiences, but ghosts manages to touch on it with a lovely amount of humour and hope. Jamie Babbit’s But I’m A Cheerleader is another favourite piece of queer media for the same reasons.

not only does it show this, but as the captain continues to get gayer and lean into some of his less conventional traits (like an interest in fashion and the wedding planning), it shows lgbt people who have been or are going through this that there CAN be a positive outcome. it takes a lot to unlearn all the things that have painted you as wrong, especially when a massive institution is desperate to continue doing so, but you can do it, you can be happy, and it's never too late. (i've been meaning to say that last point for ages for ages, but a mutual beat me to it here)

2. not just another coming out arc

i absolutely support the demand for queer stories that don’t center around coming out (it’s like shrodinger’s queer: if you’re not coming out on screen, do you really even exist?), but i don’t align with the criticisms that the captain should already be out. for the reasons mentioned above, the captain’s particular story is fairly different to the ‘young white teenager who mostly knows gay is fine, it’s just everyone else that’s got the problem, but have a unremarkably straight sounding soundtrack, a trauma porn romance, and a cishet saviour’ that we keep seeing. the captain’s ongoing journey with his sexuality emphasises the overaching theme of the show: recovering from trauma and humanity’s endless capacity for growth, and i think that’s worth showing over and over again until it stops being true.

additionally, while the captain’s journey regarding his gayness is a big part of his character and story, ghosts makes it clear that it’s not the ONLY part, and being gay is far from his ONLY characteristic or dramatic/comedic engine. the fact that i’m even having to congratulate ghosts for doing that really shows how much film and television is struggling huh.

while all queer media is, and should be, subject to criticism, i think if it helps even one person then it absolutely deserves to exist, and i can say i’ve found the captain’s journey to be the lgbt story i’ve found that’s closest to my own, which says a lot considering he’s a dead world war 2 soldier who hangs out with other ghosts including a slutty Tory, a georgian noblewoman, and a literal caveman. 

3. if captain gay, why he no have boyfriend???? 

another complaint that’s been circulating is that since the captain doesn’t, and likely won’t, have a boyfriend, that makes him Bad Representation because it follows the sad single gay trope. i kind of get the logic from this one, and a lot of it is up to personal interpretation, but part of me really enjoys the fact that the captain’s journey towards accepting himself is separated from having a relationship.

coming out is often paired with having romantic/sexual relationships (either as the reason or reward for doing so). my own struggle with repression didn't end the second that came out, and i still struggle with letting myself develop & acknowledge romantic feelings as a result of actively shutting them (and most other feelings in general) down for years, and statistics show that lgbtq youth in particular tend not to live out their 'teen years' until their twenties. by not giving cap a relationship straight away, ghosts separates the act of claiming identity and sexual orientation from finding a partner (two things which are, more often than not, separate), and also provides some very nice validation to folks who have yet to have the relationship they want, especially when lots of mainstream queer media is now jumping on the cishet media bandwagon of acting as if every person loses their virginity and has a life defining relationship at sixteen. it’s essentially a continuation of the earlier theme of “it’s never too late”, and who’s to say the captain won’t get a gay bear ghost boyfriend to go haunt nazis with??? people die all the time, it could happen.

(also, i think him and julian will have definitely shagged at least once. it was a low moment for both of them and they refuse to speak of it.)

lots of asexual/ace spectrum fans have come out to say how much they’ve loved being able to headcanon cap as ace, and while that’s not a headcanon i personally have, i think it’s brilliant that ace fans feel seen by his character- we’re all in this soup together babey (and sorry for cursing everyone still reading this with that cap/julian headcanon. i’m just a vessel)

4. “okay, but cap’s a GHOST- doesn’t that make this Bury Your Gays?”

this is a bit of a complex one, but i’m going to say no as a result of the following break down.

Bury Your Gays (BYG), aka the trope where lgbtq characters are consistently killed off (and often with a heavy dose of trauma, while cishet characters survive) is probably one of my least favourite lgbt media tropes. BYG has two main points:

1. the lgbt character is killed, thus removing them from story entirely- hence the use of the phrase ‘killed OFF’ (killed off of the show/film)

2. the character’s death reinforces the perception that lgbtq people’s lives must end in tragedy, instead of being long and fulfilling, or are inherently less valuable. bonus points if the character is killed in a hate crime or confesses same-gender love right before they die (that one implies that queer love genuinely has no future!)

not every death of an lgbtq character is bury your gays, and i personally feel that the captain is an example of an lgbt death that isn’t. 

first of all, while the captain is dead, so are the vast majority of characters in ghosts. the premise of the show means that death is not the end of the line for its characters- for most of them, it’s the only reason we get to see them on screen at all. as such, the captain being dead doesn’t remove him from the story, so point one is irrelevant.

at the time of posting, we don’t know how or why the captain died, but we've had nothing to suggest his death was in any way related to his latent sexuality, so his mysterious death doesn’t actively play into the supposedly inherent tragedy of queer lives, nor the supposedly lesser value. that’s as of right now- since we don’t know the circumstances of his death it’s a little tough to analyse properly. while the captain’s life absolutely features missed opportunities and it’s fair share of tragedy, hope and growth (which seems to be the theme of this post) abounds in equal measure. the captain may not be alive, but we DO get to see him growing and having a relatively happy existence, that for the most part seems to be getting even better as he learns to open up and be himself unapologetically- that doesn’t feel like BYG to me.

while writng this, it’s just occured to me that death really is a second chance for most of the ghosts, especially with the introduction of alison. from mary learning to read, to thomas finding modern music, they’ve all been given the chance explore things they never could have while they were alive, and hopefully grow enough to one day be sucked off move on.

in conclusion,

i love the captain very much and i hope his arc lives up to the standards it’s set so far. i don’t know where to put this in this post, but i’d alo like to say i LOVE how in Perfect Day, the captain wasn’t used as an educational experienced for fanny at all. i am very tired of people expecting me to be the walking talking homophobe educator and rehabilitator, so the fact that it’s alison and the other ghosts that call fanny out while the captain just gets to have fun with the wedding organisation made me very happy.

here’s a few other cap posts that i’ve done:

the captain’s arc if adam and the film crew stayed

a possible cap coming out 

the captain backstory headcanon

if you’ve read this far,

thank you!

also check out @alex-ghosts-corner , this post inspired me very much to write this

[cotea]

i just finished shanheling and i have Thoughts. i will NOT be brief.

i don’t think i’ve ever been this sad to be done with a show in my life. i never expected to love it as much as i did? my pre release expectations for shl weren’t low, they were just purely non existent. when the first “serious” trailer came out in feb, i thought it looked good and i was genuinely excited since i was waiting for that adaptation for so long, but part of me was still disappointed since i just assumed they got past censorship by changing tyk to purely focus on the armory plotline. and then shl actually got released and promptly murdered all my assumptions in cold blood. i loved it, genuinely enjoyed every moment of it, even the ways it deviated from the source material. is it perfect? no. did it still hit every single one of my trope sweet spots? did it still score one hell of a touchdown with the most comforting, romantic, relationship that put unwavering faith and understanding at its forefront? yeeeh buddy.  

(again, i won’t say it’s perfect and that i wouldn’t change anything about it, this is not a household that believes that censorship leads to better art. but that’s a much longer, more complicated conversation for another day. and its hard to take the negatives against the show (pacing towards the end and editing/cgi mistakes being most commonly called out) when a lot of that can be attributed too how little resources the production received. it was still a very solid production despite how cheaply made it was.)

i’ve seen so many negative takes on shl characterization vs tyk for wenzhou, and it was absolutely a big change. especially with zhou zishu, who was a ‘tsundere’ to the very last chapter. it ultimately didn’t bother me—it was going to be an obvious modification from the get go. wen kexing doesn’t even need to be said, but shl tempering zzs was just as much an inevitable move for much of the same reasons the untamed shifted a lot of the causality from wei wuxian in favor of making a more clear cut villain out of jgy. 

censorship, for one, the mc can’t be a unrepentant mass murderer. and in tyk’s case that title belongs to both the mc and the ml. priest leaned into the gray morality hard with qi ye and tyk, some serious moral whitewashing was gonna have to happen before that show saw the light of day. but censorship aside, the changes with zzs were inevitable for the simple fact that he is not an mc that easily endears himself. and with the direction shl wanted to go in it was absolutely crucial for storytelling that he needed to be a character people could sympathize with. 

i spent most of qi ye and tyk wanting to fuck his shit up and he’s actually my favorite. tyk isn’t zzs’ redemption arc-my man was simply late 20s going on 65 and wanted to drink away his 401k. he fully believed that there was no point in dwelling in remorse. he’s not heartless, there are moments in the novel where its obvious that he is to some extent haunted by some of the things he did, but none of that changes the fact that he still stands by his choices and believes they were justified for a greater cause. what’s the point in wasting time when his expiration date is nearing and he hasn’t gathered near enough merits for his next life. tyk!wz were terrible people— in a cool motive still murder way. their book antics are far from la friendly. shl got around that by stressing them as more victims of circumstance. which lead to wenzhou both being much softer in comparison to their novel counterparts. which is great for me, because novel (high chaotic gremlin energies, sticky leech vs aspiring hermit) and show (hurt and comfort, us against the world tropes galore) give me two different dynamics that i really enjoy. 

i don’t have the energy to be a book purist, not when i’m trying to enjoy a bl adaptation that has to get dissected to hell and back by NRTA standards and is still in danger of getting pulled even after it's approved for air. 

(the shixiongdi thing...honestly just embrace it for what it can be: a vehicle for shixiongfucking)

shl was never going to be a loyal adaptation, that’s just unrealistic. censorship against lgbt media aside, you’ve got a budget that’s essentially loose change, timing constraints, small crew, and next to no backers—they had a lot of odds stacked against them and did the best they could despite. it wasn’t a loyal adaptation but it was still one that was done with so much respect and care to the original ip. 

there’s really only one thing that i can point out and wish was done differently or that i’m disappointed deviated from the novel and that’s the ending. bc as happy that i am that wenzhou achieved their happy ending together, i don’t think it would’ve been the future either of them would have wanted. their first choice is always each other, of course. but zhou zishu telling wen kexing that he plans to live in four seasons forever and that its a home wen kexing will always have open to him? or telling cao weining that he’d rather travel the world with his soulmate while he enjoys good wine? they were robbed. and its disheartening to think about why some changes had to be made that cheated them of that ending. 

if there’s one thing i will be grateful to this show for: it’s the respect and love had for the original work that led to there being no doubt—even if you know next to nothing about tyk prior, or even the reason why it has to be labeled a “bromance”— that shl is a romance. directed, acted, edited with the knowledge that it is a romance. it not said outright but it’s shown. in the way that it’s only around zhou zishu that wen kexing allows himself to be the kid that he never got the chance to be. it’s shown in the complete 180 transformation zhou zishu went through— from the withdrawn, wake me up inside officer zhou we establish him as to the softer a-xu he becomes as he slowly starts opening up to wen kexing. they show it in how, more than once, zhou zishu states that it wasn’t until he met wen kexing that he began to want to live again. 

shl makes sure that if there’s anything to take home at the end of the show, it’s that for wenzhou the rest of the world has no meaning to them if they can’t share it with the other.