#it’s been like half a year almost since season four dropped?

[dinitride-art]

Will really said, “and us?”

And Mike really said, “we’re friends, we’re friends.”

And what Will, the canonically gay character who’s in love with Mike said next was, “we used to be best friends!”

Like Will is concerned about his and Mike’s friendship. And Mike’s spiralling. And then the two of them are like this for the rest of season four.

Love this timeline, guys.

[bungalowbear]

Across the Stars X

Pairing: Hunter x Jedi!reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Summary: It’s time for you and the children to flee Ibaar, but an unexpected and deadly adversary makes an appearance.

Warnings: action/fighting, mention of death and blood and a body being cut in half, major character death

A/N: It’s been almost a full year since I last updated this story. So sorry for the long wait! I struggled a lot with motivation for this series but the recent season has lit a fire under me. I’m excited to share this with you and what more I have in store. Let me know what you think, or come to my ask box to discuss the show! I’d love to hear from you :)

Series Masterlist

Staying on Ibaar for this long was always a risk. You knew this, and yet it turns out even you aren’t immune to the temptation of normalcy, a coveted comfort promising a respite from your troubles. And now, your weakness might prove to be your and the children’s doom.

You and Tara race across the dirt and back home. Ushering her in first, you look over your shoulder before the door slides closed with a swift thud. The others scramble away from the window and crowd around you.

“What’s happening?” Lyra questions, looking up at you with worry painted across her face.

“It’s the Empire,” Petro says. His expression is even, but you can see the panic in his youthful eyes. “How did they find us?”

“Yes, the Empire is here.” Speaking slowly, you look at each of them before you continue. “But not for us. We know they’ve occupied other planets, and unfortunately, Ibaar is next.”

Gungi chimes in, asking what happens now.

“We’re leaving.” All four voices protest as soon as the words pass your lips. They talk all at once, lamenting their established lives on this planet. It pains you to take this away. You shouldn’t have given it to them in the first place. You silence them with the clearing of your throat. “This isn’t up for discussion. We’ve been here too long, and staying any longer will only put us in unnecessary danger.”

“We can’t just leave these people to be taken over by the Empire,” Tara objects. “They’ll be pushed around and exploited just like on Saleucami.”

You frown, shaking your head. “We can’t help them, Tara.”

“But—”

“You are a child.” The word forces itself out of you, stressed by her actions against the troopers. Tara’s eyes widen before she turns away from you. You sigh, addressing the other three as well. “You are children first, Jedi second. Do you understand?”

Petro, Gungi, and Lyra nod their heads solemnly. Tara still doesn’t face you, but the drop of her shoulders tells you she accepts your words.

“There is nothing of greater importance to me than making sure you all live long, long lives.” You open your arms and three bodies step into your embrace. Lyra tugs on Tara’s sleeve until she eventually joins. You stretch your arms as wide as they will go and hold the younglings close. “Yes, we help others when we can. But this is not one of those times. We’ll leave for the mountain just before first light.”

You tell the children to pack a bag and that you’ll check on them before it’s time to sleep. They’re quiet as they trudge toward their respective rooms, a few sniffles interrupting the silence.

After you tuck the children in one last time, you station yourself in the living room. Sleep doesn’t come for you, so instead you keep watch through the window. The house, the street, the whole town, is suffocated with a deadly tension. Once again, you sense the impending approach of an obscure force. Your mind’s cloudiness has improved, the shadow of the dark side slowly withdrawing from your psyche, but it’s still left you with a numbness you have yet to break out of. Your visions are not to be trusted yet. Not even worth considering. Not when the lives of four children hang in the balance.

Your heart aches for them. They are too young to have to endure what they have, but it’s also their very youth that helps you face another rising sun. Petro’s confidence, Gungi’s loyalty, Lyra’s gentleness, and Tara’s compassion remind you each day that there is still light and hope in this galaxy. 

No one knows how long this dangerous time will last for the Jedi, but you swear to yourself you will do all you can to protect their light. It doesn’t burn as radiantly as it did before, dimmed by the circumstances it finds itself in, but you’re glad you could foster it even if for a short time here on Ibaar. You cling to the hope that someday it can shine freely once again.

The sun has yet to rise when you feel a shift. Someone very dangerous to the Jedi has landed on Ibaar. It’s dark and menacing. It’s searching. 

You wake the children and help them gather their things. You raise a finger to your mouth, pressing your hand to the panel beside the door to open it. You step outside and make sure the coast is clear. Then, you signal for the children to follow after you. Quiet, careful steps make their way across the dirt into a narrow alley. Your small group sticks closely together, only the rustle of your canvas knapsacks make noise as they gently brush against your cloaks.

When you reach the far end of the street you hear the commotion. It’s coming from behind, from the direction of your home, and you realize you’ve been found out. You don’t know how but it’s not what’s most important in this moment.

“Hurry,” you tell the children.

But your quickened pace is not enough to outrun what’s behind you.

A blaster shot whizzes past your head. Turning, you see a squadron of troopers approaching. You pull the children behind a pile of stacked crates and untuck the blaster from the holster strapped to the back of your trousers. You wait until several rounds of fire stop before reaching your arm around the crate and firing back.

The troopers pause their assault, finding their own cover as you continue to fire. You manage to hit a few of them, but there are still too many for you to flee safely. You pull back behind the metal crates and face four worried expressions. 

“I’m going to cover you while you run to that next pile.” You jerk your chin to the crates diagonal to where you’re crouched. “On my signal.”

Lyra places a hand on your arm. A frown pulls the corner of her lips downward.

“I’ll be right behind you,” you assure her.

You look between each of them as you count to three and then start shooting again. You step into the middle of the alley while the children dash toward the crates. You dodge a blaster shot. Taking out another three troopers, your feet move backward toward the children. Another blast just misses you as you roll onto the dirt and land at their feet safely behind the crates. 

Getting to your hands and knees, you peek around the corner of the barricade and count four troopers remaining. You start to think it won’t be as difficult to get out of this situation as you initially predicted. But then you see a dark figure emerge from the cloud of dirt.

He wears robes as black as a moonless night sky. His tall yet built figure halts to position himself behind the remaining troopers. He reaches beneath his robe and reveals a circular object, a large ring with a handle running through the middle that he holds onto. He lifts it and a beat passes before two red sabers burst from either end. Glowing crimson eyes meet yours and you can’t fight the shiver that runs down your spine.

“Okay,” you say as you retreat behind the barricade. “Here’s what we’re doing. You’re all going to go ahead and get the ship ready.”

“What?” Petro asks.

“Master, no!” Lyra shouts.

“You’re all going ahead,” you repeat firmly, looking at each of them. “Get the ship ready. If I’m not back before the sun touches the mountain, then you leave without me.”

Tara’s brow creases, her lips part to voice her own disagreement, but you speak again. 

“You must do this.” Four pairs of shoulders deflate. They must recall your words from the night before because they don’t argue further. “Stay together and don’t stop until you reach the mountain.”

You manage an encouraging smile before you count again. On three, the children jump to their feet and sprint toward the end of the alley. A few blaster shots fly past you and you turn your head to make sure they made it off safely. You catch sight of Lyra’s cloak as they disappear around the corner before turning back and advancing on the troopers. You take out the last of them, and now it’s just you and the mysterious figure left in the alley.

“You’re not what I expected,” he states inquisitively, voice altered by the modulator within his mask. It hides his true face and you’re not sure if that makes him more menacing or not.

“Sorry to disappoint,” you respond, dryly.

“Nevertheless, Lord Vader will be pleased with your capture. He’s been searching for you.”

“Vader?” You’ve never heard the name before. Must be some new Imperial tasked with capturing any remaining Jedi. But why would he be searching for you specifically? “I don’t know any Vader.”

“But he knows you.” The mysterious figure hums, a deep and unsettling sound. “And how do you think I’ll be rewarded when I return with not just one Jedi, but a batch of younglings?”

“Unfortunately for you,” you tuck your blaster into its holster, “you’ll never find out.”

You take a deep breath in as you take your stance. He wields a lightsaber, so you suspect he might also be a Force wielder. He won’t be easy to defeat like the troopers who lay scattered around you.

Wind blows through the alley, disrupting more of the dirt and clouding the battleground between you. He charges first, swinging his dual saber, but you quickly side step his attack. You crouch down to swing your leg and take him off his feet but he leaps high, higher than any regular life form should. He confirms your suspicions about being a Force wielder when he uses the Force to hurl you against the pile of crates. Your head smacks against the hard metal, and you barely have time to blink before he’s on you again. He towers above you and raises his weapon. He brings it down without hesitation, but you raise your hand before it can slice through your shoulder. It’s a battle of strength. The prize is your severed arm. The Force vibrates chaotically between you and your adversary. Drops of perspiration bead down from your temple as the heat of the saber inches closer. 

Your eyes flick down to his hand. In a quick movement, you grab the hilt of the saber where the horizontal handle meets one end of the ring above his hand, twisting up and in the opposite direction of his hold. When his grip on the hilt weakens, you push off your feet and take control of the saber. You continue the disarming movement so that the saber makes a fluid arc that slashes clean through his torso.

He grunts as realization dawns on him that it’s over. You won. His body drops to the floor in two halves. You wait until you see the life leave his eyes, then you power down the saber. It’s a strange design, one you’ve never seen before. Part of you is intrigued. But the longer you hold it the more darkness begins to bleed at the edges of your mind. You toss it to the ground unceremoniously and hurry toward the end of the alley, leaving the town behind and heading toward the mountain.

The sunlight is already touching the mountain but you’re confused when you reach the cave and the ship is still inside, surrounded by the haphazardly discarded large rocks that covered the entrance. Immediately, you feel something is very wrong, and it becomes even more apparent when Lyra comes running down the open ramp of the ship. She’s calling your name as she holds out her hands that are covered in blood.

You sprint inside with Lyra right behind you and find Tara lying on her back on the floor with her head in Gungi’s lap. He has a paw pressed to her torso to stop the bleeding, but Lyra takes over again when she drops by her friend’s side. 

”While we were running out of the alley Tara was hit by a ricochet.” Petro’s not looking at you as he speaks. He’s rummaging around frantically through the compartments for a med pack. “She’s lost a lot of blood.”

You sink to your knees beside Tara. Her breathing is slowing down. You can feel her fading away. Your left hand takes hers and you smooth the hair from her face with the other. She stares up at you with watery eyes. 

“I’m sorry, Master.” Her voice is weak. It’s a soft plea for forgiveness. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”

“It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault,” you assure her gently. “You were very brave. You have such a good heart, Tara. I’m so proud of you.”

You hold back your tears and try to keep a comforting smile on your face. You don’t want her last moments to be filled with sorrow. You hold her hand until her grip loosens and she releases her final breath. 

Gungi lets out an anguished howl. 

Lyra begins to sob. 

Petro drops silently beside you.

Tara lays before you all, lifeless.

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[moonysmoothies]

Pt 1 of why season two of shadowhunters is terrible

So even dividing these by seasons it was way too long for me to post on here while keeping my self respect, so enjoy this essay? about the yin fen plot line because i will die mad about it.

For some background information, in season two episode four of the shadowhunters tv show, there is a demon attack inside the institute. The specific demon of this episode was allegedly created by Valentine to attack the institute through possessing shadowhunters. Did we forget the plot of City of Fallen Angels? Shadowhunters cannot be possessed (with some exceptions but the show came out before tlh anyways). They all have certain protection spells put on them as infants to keep them from being possessed. Apparently not in the show though.

Both Isabelle and Alec get possessed by the demon, with Alec killing Jocelyn and Izzy getting stabbed by Clary since that was all it took to release the demon and kill it. Isabelle’s wound gets infected and it’s not healing but she refuses to go to the infirmary to get it looked at. Victor Aldertree (a made up character who has a combination of Imogen Herondale’s successor’s name and the inquisitor from tid's name who is running the institute for the first half of the season and he’s british and person of color so we know he’s evil), was sending a team to go see the iron sisters to ask why Valentine wanted to steal the mortal sword. Izzy had apparently wanted to be an iron sister when she was a child (she didn’t in the books btw) and goes to his office to volunteer to lead the mission. Aldertree asks to check Isabelle’s wound because he used to be a field medic. He confirms that it was infected and gives yin fen to fix it. He presents her with this silver gel that goes on the spine and applies it for her. Ok, fine. Maybe there have been some modifications to the drug since Jem took it and since it was on the ship bringing Jace to New York. I can get past the form of it. What I can’t get past is that in the next episode we find out that yin fen in the show is made from vampire venom. Not poison from Yanluo, but vampire venom. Saying that it’s made from vampire venom and not poison from a greater demon does so much already to diminish the danger of it. Vampires bite people all the time. If you die because of a vampire, it’s because they drank all of your blood, not because you overdose on their venom. Vampire venom doesn’t cause searing pain and hallucinations like what Jem described from Yanluo. 

In the next episode, Izzy sees that Aldertree has run out of yin fen and spends the episode trying to track some down. She meets this one warlock in the Hunter's Moon and asks for it, to which he says, “dancing with the devil, are we?” What the fuck? Why is it so dangerous? There’s no evidence in this show that implies that you can overdose from it or that there are harmful effects on your body other than the withdrawal. Then, to add insult to injury, Magnus swoops in to kick the warlock out of the bar because apparently he’s been banned from North America and mentions how yin fen almost killed Jem. No! You do not get to change everything about a substance other than its name and color and then name drop Jem. This is not what almost killed him. Jem spent five years of his life dying from a drug that was essentially a bastardized medicine and was sapping his life and energy more than it was giving it to him. We see in Clockwork Prince and Clockwork Princess how it affected the werewolves who were being given too much of it by Mortmain. He was making them take it six to seven times a day and as Jem said, “The more you take the faster you die.” In the books, there is no scenario where you become addicted to yin fen where it does not kill you. It’s not a “typical” drug like it is shown to be in the show.

But back to the plot of the show, Isabelle goes to see some vampires to ask for their venom because that’s what yin fen is made of. Raphael swoops in and saves her and she collapses into his arms. After some convincing he bites her, giving her venom. After this, they start a relationship which is just them essentially being addicted to each other - Izzy being addicted to his venom and Raphael being addicted to her blood. I don’t know how we got to shadowhunter blood being addictive for vampires, but apparently it is. The most we know about it in the books is that Simon almost completely drained Jace of blood in City of Ashes, but that could have been because Jace has extra angel blood even for a shadowhunter, the fact that Simon was just practically drained of all of his own blood, or that Simon was so new to being a vampire. Simon also bites Izzy and Alec and is completely fine and unaddicted. Even if you take away the weird addiction plot, Raphael is a canonically aroace character. He’s still asexual in the show, but no longer aromantic. I’m pretty sure the reason they did this was because they drew out the climon plotline to be agonizingly long so they felt that they needed to put Izzy with somebody romantically, but it doesn’t change the fact that it is so terrible that they took away one of the only aroace characters I can think of. After Alec finds out about the yin fen and her relationship with Raphael, they have a fight that ends with her going back to Raphael and him going to the institute. Then Valentine attacks the institute because he needs its angelic power core to be able to activate the mortal sword so that it can emit a heavenly light that will kill any downworlders in its path. Obviously this is a huge change from the demonic conversion ritual he was trying to do in the books, and it doesn’t even make sense. I’ll talk more about this change in another part, but that’s the plot of the mid-season finale. Alec ends up confronting Aldertree about how he gave Isabelle yin fen and they fight circle members on the rooftop when Isabelle comes in and saves them because she had found her phone that Raphael hid because he and other downworlders were going to kill Clary because if she touches the sword while it’s plugged in to the angelic power core it will be able to emit the heavenly light because of her extra “pure” angel blood. Anyways, Isabelle collapses into Alec’s arms after that one burst of energy and we get a shot of Aldertree looking guilty. Then she breaks up with Raphael at the end of the episode.

The next time we see her she’s going through withdrawal. Surprise, it’s not what Jem goes through in Clockwork Princess. She never coughs up blood, she doesn’t lose all the color in her hair, eyes, and skin. She just seems to be going through a “typical” drug withdrawal, although I don’t know enough about that so I can’t really talk much about the accuracy of it. Alec tells everyone that Izzy just has the flu and leaves her alone because there are demon attacks going on. Izzy immediately goes to the Hotel Dumort to ask Raphael to bite her. There’s an awkwardly framed shot of her pulling a seraph blade on him and getting upset when he says no (I guess shadowhunter blood is less addictive than yin fen?) and then she stalks off to the alleyway where they met and sees the greater demon who is the focal point of the episode. Her necklace breaks bc of all his demon energy or something and then another british shadowhunter comes and saves the day. It is no other than Sebastian Verlac! Again, he’s british so we know he’s evil and also purposefully burns himself with a tea kettle later in this episode, but more on that in another post. Sebastian brings Izzy back to his apartment and gives her this extract of a root from L’isle Adam which she just takes. Then she’s fine! There’s a few passing mentions of her talking about it with people and Simon recommends narcotics anonymous meetings for her and she goes to them, but the people there think she’s talking about heroin. The plot comes back to mess with a Sizzy plotline briefly in season three which was not the worst because it led to a cute (i use this term very lightly) Alec and Isabelle scene. 

Now for the reason I am writing this, Jem Carstairs and how this is a disgrace to his character. In the literal sense, Jem is a drug addict. He says so himself after he and Will find the dying werewolf in Clockwork Prince and compares his dependence to yin fen to the opium addicts in Shanghai when he tells Tessa about it in Clockwork Angel. He gets so angry at Will for doing drugs in Clockwork Prince that he actually punches him (something that is so out of character for him that Will could barely believe he had done it when Tessa told him the next day) because he was so angry that Will was toying with what had destroyed his life. The important thing to note is that when these comparisons do happen in the books, they come from Jem himself. When other people, such as Gabriel, draw the comparison it’s used to further villainize them, because the books make sure to make it clear that Jem is not a drug addict in the typical sense, such as how Izzy was portrayed in the show. This is because Jem was never meant to represent drug addicts, but instead described in the forward of Clockwork Princess to be “condemned to die young of a fatal demonic illness, no matter how desperate the efforts to save him, just as in reality victims of consumption sickened and died without penicillin.” It’s also made clear throughout the books that Jem despises needing yin fen, he hates that it keeps him from living as full a life as Tessa or Will could. It’s why he ends up in the situation he was in during Clockwork Princess, he took more of the drug to seem healthier for Tessa, even at the cost of dying faster and therefore getting less time with her. Not only does this plotline essentially negate all of those feelings, but it gives Jem the label that everyone in these books try to argue against, that Jem is nothing more than the average drug addict, someone who most of the other shadowhunters view as someone weak and less than them. He can’t just stop taking yin fen like Izzy could in the show, because yin fen is pretty much a death sentence for anyone who becomes addicted to it, not a normal drug, and this is not the story that yin fen was created to tell. They could have literally just changed the name of the drug and not mentioned Jem in ep 7 and I would be still be upset but not this upset abt it.

[ciara-knightly]

knight squad: if we had a 4 season run

i’ve been thinking a lot of thoughts about how amazing knight squad would have been with a proper four season run. i don’t think i would ever have the energy to write a full fanfic, but it’s been five years since the show’s conclusion, so i wanted to share some of my ideas. here’s a 2k outline on how i think the plot could have gone:

season 1

season 1 is already pretty god-tier in my opinion, so i wouldn’t change much! i think they covered a lot in terms of character and relationship development, and did a great job building an interesting plot that tied back in the finale.

one of the things i would change though is the whole presentation of ciara/princess, and how it’s done through her hair. i’ve seen some discussion about it floating around before, so some of y’all probably know where i’m getting at with this. i don’t know if it was intentional, but the implications of her straightened/relaxed hair being part of what makes her elegant is really questionable  to me and i do find it racist. i do like her loose curls for ciara because being ciara is when she gets to let loose and be who she really is. but for the princess, i think they really could have done another style like braids, or have her hair tied up in a bun to represent how she is holding herself back, or have her hair wrapped. i also think they could have incorporated other ways to show the difference between the princess and ciara that don’t rely on hair – facial markings/face paint for the royal family, or the princess covers her face with a face veil.

also just. give her a name!!! for the fanfic writers if not for anyone else. i know it’s a kid’s show and they probably didn’t want to make it too confusing or something, but also kids are not that dumb.

in terms of character, in the show, arc adapts to being part of a team really well. personally, i would have drawn that out, and had a plot where arc needs to get used to being on a team after being a lone wolf for so long and learning how to trust the others to have his back. i think the writers almost went in that direction, because in the pilot when the phoenix squad is assigned to fight the stone knight, arc tells them to step back and says he has it, and ciara says “but we’re supposed to be a team!” but he ignores her. and it works out okay that time, but i expected it to come back later and it was just dropped. so this is something i would have developed over the course of the season, and then everyone coming together to save him from ryker in the season finale being the culmination of him realizing he has people to watch his back now and he isn’t alone.

season 2

okay so you know how i kept most of season 1? yeah we’re doing the opposite for season 2. we’re throwing pretty much all of it out. yEET. prudy and warwick are not going to find out right at the beginning of the season, we’re not getting the ciara and sage relationship development quite yet, no one is getting knighted, and there’s no weird superhero episode with trolls that are   antisemitic caricatures.

however, there will be more plots centered around prudy and warwick. we get to see more of prudy’s giant background, and warwick struggling to live up to his family name and what being a magical wizard means. so there are episodes like the election episode and the one with warwick’s dad.

at the same time, we get more of the relationships in the phoenix squad, and arc and ciara will also start to realize how hard it is keeping their secrets from their best friends. they have some really close calls when it comes to balancing their secrets with their friendships.

arc and ciara also start having some romantic development in the latter half of the season, but it happens subtly. like people thinking they’re a couple leading to awkward denial, seeing the other dressed up for an event and having that “whoa” moment, being unusually jealous or protective, etc.

okay i really want an episode where there’s just a shit ton of miscommunication and the princess accidentally agrees to a date with warwick and he’s over the moon but ciara is panicking because she can’t break his heart while arc’s pretending he isn’t jealous

A TRUTH SPELL EPISODE. sort of combining both of the two big threads this season. arc gets hit by a truth spell by accident and they have to wait for it to wear off and it leads to all sort of chaos as arc and ciara try to make sure their secrets don’t get out so ciara is just covering his mouth and trying to make excuses. and then, at the end of the episode, he’s alone with prudy and warwick who have caught on that arc does have a secret and they’re grilling him, and he blurts out that he has feelings for ciara, which even he didn’t realize until he said it. the spell finally wears off and prudy and warwick are shocked enough to let him go, and he runs off only to bump into ciara (who had been called away for a princess-related thing), and she’s apologizing to him for having to leave him alone and asks if he revealed anything important to anyone, and he’s just like “....no.”

midway through the season, we also begin building up to the next overarching plot. it might be interesting to focus a bit on astorian court politics, which leads to the reveal of an internal conspiracy to take down dragonbloods and take over the throne. (note: the leader of this conspiracy was the one behind ciara’s mother being taken away.) sort of leads to the realization of how messed up it is that only dragonbloods have power in astoria. the season finale has them facing off against this antagonist, and they win, but the antagonist runs away.

warwick and prudy find out about arc and ciara’s secrets at the end of the season!

also sage and buttercup are canon. because this is my plot outline and i say so.

season 3

this season begins with warwick and prudy learning what it means to be secret keepers, even though they’re struggling a bit. arc and ciara and understandably frustrated, but when it matters, warwick and prudy do come through, and they get better about it over time.

warwick and prudy are also trying to figure out their roles on the team, especially as they feel like they’re the weaker links. 

meanwhile, ciara is stepping into her role as the princess and trying to force actual change regarding the dragonblood laws in astoria, having learned from the events of last season.

arc is supporting her, but he’s also starting to feel a bit homesick. we get at least a couple episodes centered around seagate when phoenix squad takes a trip to his hometown which is in the process of rebuilding in the aftermath of ryker. they get caught up in a pirate plot!

they also discover that ryker’s army hasn’t entirely been dissolved, and some of them still hope to bring ryker back. 

arc and ciara starting to have some legit romantic development as they realize their feelings. throw in a fake dating episode because it would be cute. they also kiss at least once during this development period - for quest purposes of course, and it’s “completely platonic” (it isn’t, both feel things). both of them are too scared of ruining their relationship as friends to pursue more though, and they’re worried about how it would affect their team.

prudy and warwick do not think their squad will be affected and are very much rooting for this!!!

ciara also starts becoming friends with sage (although they would never admit it)! bonding as the princess, and respecting her more as a classmate. phoenix squad and kraken squad work together more often.

despite their attempts to prevent it, last season’s antagonist returns and helps bring ryker back. the villains team up, vowing to not just take over astoria, but destroy it. 

the season ends with astoria learning about the danger of ryker coming back and needing more knights, so phoenix squad, kraken squad, and unicorn squad are all knighted. ciara passes her laws against dragonbloods being the only ones allowed to be knights, and their secrets come out to the kingdom.

arc and ciara’s relationship development also reaches the natural conclusion and they officially become a couple after a scare during the final battle where they realize they could have lost each other.

season 4

season four shifts a bit in vibes because all the secrets are out and everyone has officially been knighted, so ideally we would have gotten some fancier new set locations

phoenix squad and kraken squad are officially knighted, but that doesn’t prevent their rivalry. however, this leads to issues, and they quickly realize they’re no longer in training and they genuinely need to have each other’s backs.

arc and ciara are also adjusting to working together while dating. they’re both really protective and keep trying to look out for each other on the battlefield, and it leads to some slip ups at first because they feel like they’re out of sync and maybe they worked better as friends. but they ultimately realize they help make each other better, and fighting together becomes even better because they’ll always have each other’s backs

we bring in the plot with ciara’s mom - eliza comes back with evidence that their mother is still alive and out there. phoenix squad follows up on the lead, and eventually they find her mother and bring her home. however, their mother doesn’t remember anything which is why she never came back even after she escaped her confinement, so they have to find a way to bring her memories back.

but is everything as it seems? ciara is unsure her mother is the same woman she remembers. she catches her mother sneaking out, and she worries that her mother has turned traitor. but it’s revealed that her mother is actually protecting a secret - a dragon egg, for the last dragon in astoria.

pet dragon for the squad!!! it imprints the most on ciara and sage, and they grudgingly co-parent. arc and buttercup are definitely not jealous of their partners spending so much time together (they absolutely are).

slobwick also hates the baby dragon for taking his place as beloved adorable pet. however slobwick is an evil furby and we should not feel bad for him.

fizzwick has begun training as a knight with his own squad! prudy and warwick end up teaching every now and then (as do the others at times, but this is mostly for them), and they are determined to be good role models. however, they have no idea how to keep up with the Kids These Days, and end up learning some things about valuing themselves and their own self-worth.

also, prudence and warwick do get their own romantic plots during this time! whether they stick around or are minor remains the question….

meanwhile, the ryker plot continues to develop, leading to some dramatic, escalating clashes. this time, ciara believes they need to work more with the other five kingdoms. we return to seagate, as well as visit other locations and have other kingdom representatives come to astoria for a summit meeting. there are lots of disagreements, and ends up one kingdom is working against them, their ruler being a puppet who is actually the astorian court official from season 2. at the end of the day, the remaining four realize they must unite to bring peace.

the series conclusion ends with a dramatic final battle working with the other squads and kingdoms as they take down ryker and the other antagonist once and for all, restoring peace. 

close out on phoenix squad, reaffirming their promise to always be there for each other and protect the kingdom as they look forward to the future.

[icallhimjoey]

A Whisper Away

♥ ♥  Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: A continuation of Like A Poem and A Lot Like Love where we dip into your November for a couple consecutive years and see how you’re getting on with the bookstore, Joe’s career and… other changes.

CW / disclaimer: rpf, fem!reader, angsty, I strongly advise you to read the previous bookstore fics before diving into this one!

Author’s note: an amazing request from @darthvontrapp​ inspired this “third season” in the bookstore - im LOVING your feedback on it so far, keep it coming! 

Wordcount: 3.5K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

“You can never let him know that I’m letting you listen to this,” you said to your mother. You were both sat on your sofa, and she just smiled at you as she sipped her tea.

“No, mum. I’m serious. He’ll actually murder me.” you were serious, but your eyes were comically big and the sight of you gave your mum a hard time not cracking up.

You pressed play on the voicemail Joe had left you about 18 hours earlier, in the middle of the previous night. 

“Hey, it’s me... Joe,” 

It had been 17 hours and 50 minutes since you’d first listened to it. Three o’clock in the morning. For some reason, the ringing of your phone hadn’t awoken you, but the text message you received straight after, alerting you of a new voicemail message, had shocked you from your sleep. 

You saw Joe’d called you, and it took you a second to fully understand the situation. Panic took over; maybe something was wrong with Alfie. 

But, would he not just have called a couple of times if that had been the case? You eyed the time and the date on your phone, and groaned a little. 

Then you received another text. From Joe this time.

“please delete that, sorry x” 

Still in bed, half asleep, head pressed firmly into your pillow, you decided you would listen to the message straight away, ignoring Joe’s request entirely. You loved being pocket-dialed and eavesdropping in on conversations. Receiving a voicemail you were then asked not to listen to? An impossible task.

“Hey, it’s me... Joe,”

The fact that Joe thought he needed to clarify that it was him by mentioning his name felt so stupid, it was almost insulting. 

“I know I’m calling at an awful hour, I thought maybe you’d be awake anyway, but I guess not,” 

Joe’s voice was deep and sleepy, and you could hear that he was trying to stay as quiet as he could. He left long pauses in his speech and dragged out words like he wasn’t really sure of what he was going to say next, and you wondered what had prompted him to call you at three o’clock in the morning. You hadn’t spoken about anything other than the necessary information about Alfie whenever he’d pick him up, or you’d drop him off. You hadn’t talked to each other in ages, especially not since deciding that perhaps, taking a break from each other would be the best thing for you. 

“That’s good,” 

You’d tried. For months, you had really tried. You’d gone to view some houses with Joe, because he really wanted you to move out of the apartment. You’d visited Joe three times on set in the United States, opting not to join him for the full duration of it, but be there at the start, somewhere in the middle, and near the end of filming. In between you had FaceTimed lots, but you’d felt Joe slip away from you. All you’d talk about was Alfie, and your chats became more formal, just exchanging what needed exchanging. You’d decided Mondays the bookstore wouldn’t open, and Sundays, you’d close early. Sometimes you’d even open late on Tuesdays. 

You had tried. You’d really, really tried. 

But you'd been raised on books. Books that always had the time for you. Books that never made you wait for them. Books that would give you quiet time and space away from them for hours if you needed them to, only to be right there, ready and willing when you wanted to pick them up again. Books that wouldn't assume. Books that didn't fill blanks themselves, that didn't go behind your back to fix things, to make things worse in the process. 

Books that you loved so dearly, that had seemingly been the solid foundation of your relationship, but now seemed to have its pages torn - it's last few chapters ripped out and missing.

“I mean, it’s good that you’re not awake. Dad said that you’d been having trouble sleeping- not that we, we don’t... he doesn’t tell me the things you two talk about. I ask, but... you know what he’s like,” 

There were days where Joe wouldn’t be able to pick Alfie up, and Joe’s dad would stop by to take him off your hands. He’d always make time to ask you how you were; how you were feeling, how you were coping. At first, you’d never reveal much, but as time passed, he’d know how to get small bits of information out of you. He’d commented on how you looked tired the other day, and you’d said you hadn’t been sleeping very well. You knew it was mostly the time of year that got under your skin, and Joe’s dad had suggested for you to maybe talk to Joe about Alfie’s days. Maybe you could arrange for Alfie to be at Joe’s a bit more in these months. “Yea, maybe,” you’d just nodded and smiled, knowing that you couldn’t, but that his dad was only trying to help. You missed Alfie enough as it was when he’d have his days at Joe’s.    

“Today Alfie had a rough day. He kept wanting things and even if I gave them, it just, wouldn’t be right... at one point he just sat in the corner beside the sofa, hidden in the curtains for a while and when I went to check on him after a bit, he was reading! Can you believe that? He had his book, the one with all the animals in, and had it open in his lap like he was actually reading it!” 

Joe just... talked. He talked. You had a hard time coming around to the fact that he had called you, just to talk. On this day. At this time. You imagined him in bed, phone pressed to his ear in the dark, with the urge to just... talk to you, and then just taking the plunge, picking up the phone before he could’ve changed his mind. You felt emotion shoot up your throat as Joe recounted his day with Alfie. 

“Of course, I didn’t disturb him... I know the rules,” 

You could hear Joe’s smile through the phone and you chuckled through a loud sob that surprised you, hot tears sinking into your pillow. Joe was silent for a bit, and you wished you could’ve seen his face to guess his train of thought. 

“I just... God, I was really hoping to catch you. I don’t know what it is... maybe it's the time of year? But I can’t seem to get you out of my mind, none of it is getting any easier... I miss you. My friends said it would get easier, but I still miss you,” 

Joe missed you. You knew in that moment that you’d be listening to this message again a million more times, just to hear him say that over and over again. He missed you. And you missed Joe too, but you couldn't help but only miss a very specific version of him. One that he didn't seem to have any of left within him now.

“Remember when we found out we were having Alfie? I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life, I just... I couldn’t stop thinking of all the things that could go wrong, you know? But the way you... you just...” 

You allowed yourself to reminisce along with him. Joe had made offhand comments about having children someday a couple of times, so you knew that he’d definitely wanted them at some point. You just hadn’t expected for it to happen so soon. You’d been on antibiotics for a bladder infection and had forgotten that sometimes, antibiotics render contraception useless. At least, that’s what you heard could happen, so that’s what you thought must have happened. The two of you’d had to make quick decisions. Were you going to do this? Yes, you both wanted to. Even with Joe’s career? Yes, you’d figure it out, you’d been so sure of it. Would Joe move into the apartment above the store with you? Yes, he already practically lived there anyway. Joe’s flatmate could easily rack up the rent for the flat himself and was happy he’d get more space in return. Joe’s old bedroom had been converted into an office, and the small office they’d shared before, had become storage. 

Joe’d been lucky that his flatmate had immediately opened his doors for him when he asked if he could move back in. Joe’d said it would probably be temporary, but now, the office had become his full bedroom again, and the storage room was now Alfie’s. 

“You’re one of the strongest people I know. I don’t think I realised it then... witnessing you giving birth, however, Jesus... I don’t- have I ever told you this? It took so long, but the way you powered through the whole thing, one of the nurses afterwards told me how impressed she was because she’d seen other ladies give up having not gone through half of what you had to deal with, and you looked like you could’ve easily gone eight more hours if you had to. You were... I don’t know, chipper? Just, so animated, they all loved you. You were cracking jokes all the way up until you fell asleep afterwards... I couldn’t laugh at a single one of them, I was so sick with nerves...” 

You honestly didn’t remember much from your labour, just that it took ages. You didn’t remember the things your mother kept telling you for encouragement. You didn’t remember Joe’s terrified, worried, ashen complexion. Apparently he’d been clammy the whole time, wiping sweat from your face just as much as from his own. You didn’t remember the nurses laughing at jokes you were making, and you didn’t remember much of the pain either.

You did remember the first sounds Alfie made. And you did remember Joe’s proud tears as he looked at you with Alfie pressed against your chest. You also remembered how you had felt after giving birth - the euphoria of that moment was something you wish you could’ve bottled up for future use, because oh my God, that had been different from anything else you’d ever experienced before. You honestly thought another pregnancy would be worth considering just for that feeling.  

“I’m sorry, I don’t know where this is coming from... I should probably hang up, I’ll see you tomorrow when I drop off Alfie after nursery,” 

Joe seemed suddenly embarrassed. Like he all of the sudden had realised what he was doing. You wondered if maybe he’d been drinking and was now slowly sobering up. But he didn’t hang up the phone. He let another silence linger and you wondered how much longer until voicemail would cut him off. 

“Do you know how much I love you? I know I’m probably not meant to say, but I... I love you. A lot. I just need you to know that.”  

Hearing Joe say those words made you think back to the last time he’d said them to you. It was during the saddest fight you’d ever had with him. It’s when ultimately you’d said that you thought maybe you couldn’t do this with Joe. That maybe being with Joe Quinn wasn’t written in the stars for you, because you found it more and more difficult as Joe’s fame grew. Joe’d sarcastically agreed, furiously so, shouting things like, “Of course you can’t fucking do this with me, what, with all the trouble it’s giving you,”, insinuating that whatever issues you were having with it weren't real. Like the thing you'd been scared of from the start wasn't still looming over you so threateningly. Joe had tried to make being with him sound all sorts of simple, and you knew even then that it wouldn't be, so you'd pretend. You'd pretend it was simple, until you couldn't anymore. When you had proposed to take an actual break from each other for a little while, Joe had broken down completely. His anger had immediately shifted into sad desperation, and you didn’t remember how long you’d held Joe as he’d violently sobbed and kept repeating that he loved you. 

“I miss you... I can’t look at Alfie without missing you. He gave me a look today that was just- it was exactly your face. The nose scrunch you do, the eye roll. He rolled his eyes at me! This kid, I swear to God... Although, he might’ve gotten the eye roll from Anne, I’m not sure...”

You laughed through your tears as you listened.

“I hope you have an alright day, don’t let this message ruin it. I’m sorry if it does.” 

It sounded like Joe was rounding of his phone call for the second time, but once again, he let a silence fall before carrying on.

“Can I... just, I need to... do you miss me? I’m never sure if... like, do I move on now? I’m not sure how I could, but is that... is that what’s happening right now? Are we just postponing breaking up for real? Because I don’t know how much longer I can be on this break,” 

You swung legs over the edge of your bed, and looked around the dark room, focussing on what you thought might be clothing items you could quickly grab to put on. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that... shit, what am I doing? Sorry, you’re better off deleting this message all together. I... I’ll text you to delete it, sorry, I’ll see you tomorrow,”  

You didn’t waste any time. You hadn’t even fully registered the last couple of things Joe’d said because you were busy, jumping into a pair of jeans and scanning the room to see if you left your shoes in there somewhere. With your shoelaces still undone, you grabbed your coat from its hook, found your keys on the side and scurried your way down the stairs.

You didn’t want to ring Joe’s doorbell, knowing the godawful sound it would echo throughout the apartment. You didn’t need to wake up Alfie, you just needed to see Joe. But it was raining, and you were cold, and Joe wasn’t answering his phone, so you had no other choice. When the door buzzed open, you raced inside, giving for the stairs, taking two at a time, leaving a wet trail from the front door of the building all the way to the front door of Joe's flat. 

When you rounded the corner, you could see Joe waiting for you in his doorway, squinty eyes, confused and frowning as you pulled into his focus. You were rushing, and when you opened your arms in your last few steps, Joe braced for impact and caught you. You lips crashed onto his as you legs curled around his back. Joe had no other choice but to kiss you back. You hadn't kissed each other in weeks and you were desperate for his mouth. And from the way Joe so readily accepted all of your bodyweight as you'd practically jumped him, drenched from the rain, you knew he must have felt the same.

"Do I miss you?" your tone was accusing as you spoke into his mouth, grasping onto his shoulders tighter. "Are you fucking serious?" the cold rain had left you freezing. You really felt how cold you were when held up and pressed tightly against Joe's warm body, and you shivered into your kiss. 

"You listened to the voicemail," Joe took a few steps into the flat with you in his arms and turned to use his hip to shut the door behind you, lips only leaving yours to whisper.

"Of course I did, you idiot," you whisper yelled at him, very aware that you were in a flat with two sleeping people and you leant back from your kiss to look at his face. 

"You're soaked," Joe whispered, scanning you over like he hadn't seen or felt it yet. Joe looked like the Joe you'd fallen in love with years ago. Hair fluffy, face scruffy, his T-shirt loosely hung on his frame. You, on the other hand, looked like you'd taken a cold shower with your clothes on. 

"It's raining," you let your feet find the floor, but Joe was quick to pull you back into another kiss, his hands on your cheeks, nose nudging around yours slowly and you couldn't help but melt into it. 

"I shouldn't have called," Joe started slowly pushing you backwards, manouvering you to his bedroom, his tongue finding yours to play with.

"You shouldn't have called," you lied, and let Joe guide you down the hallway until he closed his bedroom door behind the two of you. 

"And then what?" your mother asked, and if she hadn't been holding a hot mug of tea, you'd have smacked her with one of your sofa cushions. Like you were going to go into detail with her - absolutely not.

"What do you mean, and then what?" your reddened cheeks surely gave away what had happened next, and your mother knew, but that didn't mean she didn't get to make fun of it a little. 

"Well, why isn't he here?" your mother gestured around the apartment.

"Because... I don't know, we're still on a break?" you shrugged. It didn't make sense, but you guessed that you kind of were, still. One night together hadn't effectively fixed anything, but it had opened a door you thought maybe you wouldn't be able to open anymore. 

The next morning you'd showered at Joe's flat, had a very awkward interaction with Joe's flatmate before taking a very surprised Alfie over to nursery with Joe. You'd strolled hand in hand for a minute, the sleeves of your coat still wet and cold to the touch, but Joe hadn't let go until he had to because you'd arrived. You'd then parted ways, and as you'd turned around, Joe'd squeezed your bum and he'd given you a naughty smile when you'd silently scolded him for doing so in public. Then, you'd walked back to the store, and found Anne there, getting the store ready to open at 10. 

At 11, the door to the store had opened and to your surprise, Joe had wandered in. You'd been up high on a ladder when you saw him enter, and your heart stopped for a second when you saw Anne look at him from behind the counter. You half expected him to be there to talk. But then, Joe had politely said hi to Anne and had given her a tight lipped smile, like he wasn't Joe, but instead a regular, old, bookstore customer. You watched him from above as he let his eyes wander some shelves before picking up a book, taking off his coat and sitting down in an armchair. His armchair.

Anne had looked up at you and frowned as if to say, what the fuck is he doing. You frowned back, just as confused as she was, shaking your head a little as if to say, I don't fucking know, but you couldn't help having to hide a smile, pursing your lips in a poor attempt.

"He came into the store to read," you said to your mother, as if that explained anything at all. "Spent over two hours sat in one of the armchairs, like he used to. When I made him a cup of coffee, he said thank you like we were strangers flirting with each other, it was so stupid," you grinned.

Your mother eyed you for a second before inhaling sharply. "Sometimes I forget how much you resemble him," she smiled as she leant forward to place her mug on your coffee table. You knew who she was talking about. You grandfather was the reason she'd come over in the first place, because she thought you'd probably have had a rough day. Instead, you'd surprised her with bright eyes and with elated body language when you had let her in. 

"I do?" you were instantly curious.

"Oh God, are you joking? All of the issues you and Joe seem to be having, it's like I'm 6 and listening to my own parents bicker over the dinner table," your mother shook her head as she laughed, and you could see her eyes gloss over slightly as she seemed to sink into her memories.

"Did they... were they okay? In the end?" you asked carefully after a short silence, watching your mother's face as she nodded whilst staring into space. "Oh yea, they figured it out - it was easy, once they did," 

"How did they do it?" 

Your mother then turned to look at you and was met by her daughter, staring at her with big eyes, filled with big emotions. She gave you a reassuring smile. 

"The books. It was always the books." 

-----

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[castletown-cafe]

Flavorfall: Apple Pie Pancakes

Halfway through September I began cooking up a storm with apples galore. I wanted to wait until apple season was in full swing, and it does last for quite a while, but September does seem to be "THE Apple part of fall". So...what took me all month to share recipes? Lack of motivation to write, as well as forgetting to post these days. With spooky season already here, I've been scurrying around trying to figure out what to be for Halloween this year and putting the costume together since I always make my own. As well as my brain going "let's do a fall cookbook!" "Let's do a Halloween cookbook!" Well, such cooking projects like that are gonna take years, so "Flavorfall" is more or less gonna start out as a seasonal series.

I still have at least two or three recipes I wanna do for Castletown Cafe before the end of the year, as well, two of which may take some practice...... But until then, I've got a delicious recipe to start off your autumn morning with: apple pie pancakes. Made with fresh grated honeycrisp apple, apple pie spice, and buttermilk, these pancakes have the perfect texture and are full of fall flavor. Add apple-maple syrup, whipped cream, chopped walnuts and cinnamon...and you've got a sweet, decadent, filling breakfast. I made these the morning of the first day of fall...and I am super pleased with how they turned out.

I pretty much invented the apple pancake recipe myself, referencing it from a basic pancake recipe from an ancient tome known as "The Joy of Cooking" - don't let the 1975 edition fool you, this book is even older than that! It dates all the way back to 1931 - so it's almost 100 years old!

I made many changes to the recipe: swapping regular milk for buttermilk, and reducing the amount to half a cup to make up for all the moisture the apple would give the batter. I also reduced the ingredient measurements since I do not live with a family of four nor am I cooking for a huge party. So, my apple pancake recipe serves...about three people. There's also, of course, a few other ingredient choices and additions made, turning it into something completely new that isn't, to my knowledge, found in this book.

And despite all those alterations and new additions, it turned out perfectly. How did I nail it on the first try? I have no idea.

One recipe I did copy, however, was this recipe for apple simple syrup from We Are Not Martha, which I added to regular maple syrup and stirred to combine. The apple simple syrup was made about a week or so prior to the apple pancakes, so it wasn't originally planned, I just went "Oh! I have this apple syrup I made last week, I should just combine some of this with some maple syrup in a tiny pitcher!" (Or creamer, as they're called, since they're usually used for pouring milk or cream, but syrup works too). Yep, the apple-maple syrup was actually improvised on the spot. It's great when you just so conveniently happen to have something that would go well with your cooking project!

APPLE PIE PANCAKES:

1 cup flour

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon apple pie spice

1 & 1/2 tablespoon granulated sugar

1 & 1/2 tablespoon brown sugar

1 sweet apple, peeled and grated

1 cup buttermilk

2 eggs (room temperature)

1 & 1/2 tablespoons melted unsalted butter

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

1/2 cup chopped walnuts

1/4 cup maple syrup

1/4 cup apple syrup

Whipped cream, for topping

Preheat griddle to 375 degrees F. Chop up some walnuts and set aside. Combine maple and apple syrups together in a creamer dish for easy pouring.

Combine dry ingredients (flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, apple pie spice, and sugars) in a mixing bowl and whisk together.

Peel and grate apple. Add grated apple, buttermilk, eggs, vanilla and melted butter into the dry ingredients and stir together, making sure no dry streaks of flour remain. Once it is just combined, stop mixing in order to prevent over-mixing.

Drop pancake batter onto griddle in multiple round puddles, as many as you can fit. I suggest about 6 to 8 medium-sized pancakes. If the griddle gets too hot, reduce heat to 350 F. Cook pancakes until the edges look dry and you see bubbles in the center of. That’s when it’s time to flip them over and cook the other side. Much like with baking, you can test by sticking a toothpick in the center of a pancake. If it comes out clean, the pancakes are done!!

Place 2 or 3 finished pancakes on one plate each. Spread pancakes with butter, and top with walnuts, apple-maple syrup, and whipped cream. You can also sprinkle on a little extra apple pie spice.

Sources:

Rombauer, Irma S., “The Joy of Cooking”.

“Sues”, Apple Simple Syrup, wearenotmartha.com. Link: https://wearenotmartha.com/apple-simple-syrup/

[hellowhisperingstars]

Chapter Ten: The Ultimatum

Summary: With Eddie out of town your father comes to flip your world upside down and you would do anything to protect the ones you love.

Pairing: Rockstar/Bar Owner!Eddie Munson x Baker!Reader

Words: 11.5K

Warnings: 18+, Y/N used, dom/sub dynamic, tooth rotting fluff, implied smut, overuse of pet names, smoking, alcohol, talks of past jail time, mentions of canon character death by suicide, mentions of drugs, angst, cussing, blackmail, break up, heart break, and implied anxiety attacks. Please let me know if I missed anything!

A/N: Chapter ten! Here we go kids! We've reach the part of the story were things start to go down hill for our little baker. Please let me know what you think!

Likes, comments, and reblogs are always greatly appreciated! <3

Please let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list! I will be double checking if you have your age in your bios! AGELESS OR BLANK BLOGS WILL NOT BE ADDED TO THE TAG LIST!

Previous - Masterlist - Forward

You hummed a little tune as you finished scrambling some eggs for breakfast. Your home felt empty and way too quiet since Eddie had left for New York, so the little bit of sound you made was comforting. The day after you dropped Eddie had insisted on coming home with you the next day just to make sure you were feeling better before he left. He was nervous about leaving you, but once he saw you were almost back to your normal self a few days later he felt better about going back to work. Dumping the eggs onto a plate, you put the pan back to wash later and turned off the stove before grabbing a fork and your breakfast, you bump the drawer closed with your hip and make your way to your dining table so you can settle in to eat, your cup of coffee already at the table waiting for you. Taking a sip of your coffee you let your free hand idly fiddle with the guitar pick that hung off a silver chain that sat around your neck. He had given it to you before he stepped out the door for his trip. You smile to yourself as you remember when he gave it to you and how he reacted when you let three little words slip out by accident. It was a mindless slip of the tongue. 

I love you. 

Three words that just fell so easily from your lips like you had been saying it to him for years. 

I love you. 

Rolling over in bed you let your arm slip out of the covers to reach in front of you so you can find Eddie's warm body and snuggle up to him. Your hand grabbed at nothing and you sat up on your elbow slowly, squinting your eyes at his still slightly warm spot, the smell of cigarette smoke greeted you as you whispered his name in your half asleep state. “Eddie?”

“I'm right here, baby.” He said quietly into the room, the morning light filtering through the window backlighting him as he took a drag from his cigarette, the little red cherry top making his face glow slightly with a dull orange light, he let the smoke settle in his lungs before he breathed out the open window. He smiled at you as he flicked ash into the ashtray. Eddie was perched on the windowsill next to the little ceramic dish with one pj clad leg hanging out the window, he had removed the screen when the season had changed so he could be more comfortable as he smoked. He was always careful about smoking in your home and you didn't mind as long as he put the screen back. “Good morning. You okay?”

“You leave today.” You mutter as you roll over to look at him with sad sleepy eyes. That seemed like as good an answer as any. You weren’t okay. But you weren’t not okay either. 

“I do.” He nodded as he gave you a sad little smile of his own. He didn’t want to leave just as much as you didn’t want him too. 

“You have to go?”

“Unfortunately. But I'll be back before you know it.” 

“How long will you be gone?”

“Three weeks, four tops. Got to start laying down some tracks for our new album.” Eddie said as he crushed the end of his cigarette into the ashtray before he grabbed the dish and set it outside on the wooden awning that sat over the bakery’s front door so the residual smell wouldn't linger in your home. He’d grab it before he left. Closing the window he held up one finger and moved to the bathroom to wash his hands and grab the bottle of listerine to take a swig so he could rinse his mouth out. Normally he wouldn’t but since you started dating he did whatever he could to not overwhelm you with the scent of smoke. No matter how many times you told him you found it comforting. Spitting into the sink he took a moment before he looked at you through the bathroom door moving to lean against the frame. “I have something for you.” 

“For me?” You asked as you rolled onto your back to look at him some more. God he was beautiful.

“For you.” He chuckled as he went to his jeans on the floor by your bed and grabbed something out of his pocket that you couldn't see before he moved back to your bed, slipping into the sheets with you, holding the item out for you to grab. It was a cell phone. The little Nokia brick felt heavy and foreign in your hands as you looked it over. The dark navy color was almost black in the morning light.

“A phone?” 

“So you can call me whenever you want.” He said as he stroked your bedhead from your face. “Everything is already set up so you can start making calls whenever. I went ahead and put in a few numbers for you. Mine, the rest of the band, Lizzy, Steve, Robin, Hellfire, our manager Curtis, and Dan's. If you need me and can't reach me or Curtis, you call Dan. It doesn't matter the time or what's happening if you need help while I'm gone, he’s your guy. He'll come help you no questions asked. Okay?”

“Okay.” You nod as you look up at him, letting the phone lay gently on your chest. “Thank you baby. You didn’t have to do that.” 

“I wanted to.” He said placing his arm around your waist and pulling you closer to his warm body. “I wanted to make sure you could always get a hold of me no matter where I am. Be it New York, California, or Paris. I’ll pay all the international charges just to talk to you for a few seconds.”

“Well damn,” You mutter as you wrap your hand around the back of his neck to pull him down for a kiss. “That’s so romantic. Paying a gross amount of money just to talk to little ol’ me.”

“You’re worth it.” He muttered against your lips. 

The two of you cuddled together a little longer before you had to get up. Eddie was pulling clothes out of his drawer and packing them into the duffle he brought with him, he wanted to make sure he had enough clothes for the trip, when you unceremoniously threw the sleep shirt you were wearing at him smacking him in the head. Pulling the shirt from his vision he turned to look at your naked form as you crooked your finger at him slowly stepping back into the bathroom for a shower and maybe a little more. He blinked at you for a moment before tossing the shirt onto your bed and rushing towards you, his hands going to your waist as he lifted you up so you could wrap your legs around his hips. He could spare a few more minutes with you. 

Eddie couldn’t stall anymore, no matter how much he wanted to, so once you were able to stand steadily on both your legs again he helped you wash up and you washed his hair before you both stepped carefully from the shower to finish your morning routines. Eddie took a moment to reopen the window to grab the ashtray and dispose of the cigarette butts before putting your screen back into place so he could close the window again as you dressed silently just enjoying the last few minutes of your time together. You decided to wear a cute little sundress to lift your spirits and when you kneeled down to tie the laces on your converse Eddie’s little “hey” got your attention as he sat on your bed and patted the meat of his thigh. “Let me do that.”

Carefully you stood up and moved towards him, letting him lift your leg with a warm hand on the back of your calf he placed it on his thigh so he could tie your shoe for you. You watched his wet hair fall from his shoulders as he finished, leaning forward to place a kiss to your knee before he let you take your leg back and he repeated his actions with your other leg, hand on your calf, tie your shoe, kiss your knee. He squeezed your calf for good measure before letting you take that one back as well and took your offered hand as he stood up. “Thank you baby.”

“Gotta take care of my girl right?” He asked as he gave your hand a little squeeze as he brought the strap of the bag up onto his shoulder. “Walk me to the door sweetheart.”

“‘Kay,” You nod as you grab your new phone, placing it in the pocket of your dress before you lead him through your home to your front door and down the stairs towards the busy kitchen. “You’ll call me when you land right? So I know you got there okay?”

“Of course I will. It’s a two hour flight and then another thirty minutes to the hotel and another thirty to the recording studio depending on traffic and it’s New York so traffic is always terrible. I’ll call you as soon as I can.” He promised as they stopped at the bottom of the steps. Letting go of your hand you watched as he brought his hands around the back of his neck to unclasp the chain of his necklace before holding it out to you with a smile on his face. “I want you to wear this. Every day. Until I can get you a proper one.”

You knew what he meant. This was your everyday collar like the pretty rose choker that Lizzy wore. Smiling, you nodded as you brought the chain around your neck, clasping it behind you and letting it settle so the pick was sitting comfortably just above your breasts. 

“Beautiful.” Eddie said as he reached out to touch it before leaning in to give you a kiss goodbye. “I’ll see you in a few weeks.”

“Okay,” You whispered, kissing him back. “Be safe. I love you.”

If possible Eddie’s smile got bigger, his eyes staring at you in awe. “I love you too sweetheart.”

You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, your face grew hot as you stared at him wide eyed. You hadn’t meant to say that but he loved you and you loved him. With one last I love you and one hell of a goodbye kiss Eddie was walking towards the door. 

“I’ll talk to you soon.” He said before he pointed at Ada and Tiffany. “Ladies. Take care of my girl.”

“Always.” Tiffany smiled as she looked up at him, a half filled piping bag in her hand.

Ada just nodded her head with a wide smile on her face. “Make a good album!”

“Always do!” With one last look to you he winked and then was out the door. 

That was two weeks ago. It was going on the third week and from the sounds of it he was going to be there for that fourth week, the record company wanted to do a lot of tweaks to the songs for this new album. You missed him dearly, but hearing his voice was enough for now though the need to see him in person was getting unbearable. 

Spearing a bit of egg with your fork you brought it past your lips as your cell phone rang making you drop the fork with a clatter. It was never far away from you since Eddie left, cause you never wanted to miss his calls. Taking a drink of your coffee to clear the food from your tongue, you grabbed the phone quickly pressing the answer button and bringing it up to your ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey baby.” Eddie said over the line. He sounded tired, his voice raspier than he usually sounded after he sang at the bar. “How's my girl today?”

“Good.” You nodded, knowing he couldn’t see you, as you picked up the fork again using the little metal tines to push around your eggs. “You okay? You sound exhausted.” 

“I'm okay.” He sighed, you could hear the sound of a guitar playing in the background. “Just haven't slept yet. Spent all night in the studio trying to get this thing done.” 

“Don't do that!” You scolded him gently. “You'll get sick.”

“I know. I'll take a nap in a bit. They should be working on drums soon and that should give me enough time to catch a few hours at least.” 

“Good. Don't make me fly out there.” You threatened, as you took a bite of your eggs. 

“I would greet you with open arms babe.” He smiled to himself, he loved hearing your morning voice over the phone. “You taking care of yourself? Eating at least two meals a day right?” 

He would have preferred three meals but he knows that sometimes work gets the better of you and you forget to eat lunch. 

“Yes I have. I am currently eating breakfast.” You mumble around the eggs.

“Please tell me you have at least some bacon or sausage on that plate.” 

You look down at your eggs. “...Yes”. 

You heard him sigh again but his tone told you he wasn't upset with you. “Just eat something more substantial for lunch or dinner please.” 

“I will.” You promised. You had plans with Tiffany and Ada tonight for a friend's date. It would be the first time in a long while that it was just the three of you going out. Tiffany’s husband was watching their daughter so she could have a few drinks and not worry. “Tiffany, Ada and I are going to go see that new movie with Tyra Banks, the one about the bar and then get dinner.” 

“The one where they dance on the bar? I saw the trailer for that last night.”

“Yeah that one!”

“That sounds fun.” Eddie said with a smile. He loved that you were taking time to be with your friends. “If you go to the bar and are too tired to drive home or drink too much, sleep in my room okay? I don’t want you driving if you're not one hundred percent.”

“Okay.” You giggle into the phone a little. This boy worries about you too much.  

“What are your plans for the rest of the day?” 

“It's Sunday… So the usual, payroll, inventory, bills. I'll be down in the office most of the day.” You shrugged as you took a sip of your coffee. 

“Munson. We need you back in here man.” Called a voice you didn't recognize. 

“Okay. One more second let me say goodbye to my girl.” You heard his muffled reply. He must have moved the phone away before his voice was back completely. “I gotta go, baby.” 

“I know,” You said sadly as you pushed the eggs around your plate more. “Go. Be a big rockstar.” 

He chuckled, the sound warming your heart. “I love you. Be safe tonight and have fun. I'll talk to you later.” 

“Okay. I love you too. Please take a nap when you can.” 

“I will, I promise. Bye babe.”

“Bye baby.” You mutter as the line goes dead. Placing the phone back on the table you stared at it sadly as your hand moved up to fiddle with the necklace again. Blinking, you shake your head. No time to be sad. You have to finish breakfast, get dressed, and go down to the office. The distraction will help. 

Time seemed to fly by while you worked in your office. You hummed along with the music that was playing from the kitchen stereo as you finished the last order of supplies you needed for that week. You were on your last bag of flour and that would only last you so long. Glancing up at the clock you noticed the hour and shut your computer down as you got up, it was time to get ready and head to the theater where you were meeting the girls. 

With one more trip up the steps to your apartment you got ready quickly, throwing on some mascara and lip gloss before you grabbed your keys and purse and headed out the door, locking it behind you. The drive there was short and you parked across the street from the theater by Tiffany’s car. Grabbing your purse you stepped from the vehicle and locked it as you moved away. Looking both ways as you jogged across the street you could see Tiffany and Ada standing outside chatting about something. “Hey!” 

“Hey!” Ada said, waving her hand in the air. “We already bought our tickets! Let’s go get snacks!”

“Talk to Eddie today?” Tiffany asked as you got closer slinging her arm over your shoulder. 

“Mhm this morning!” You smiled as Ada passed you your ticket. “Still busy in the studio. They didn’t sleep last night so I hope he got a nap at some point today.”

“They’ll sleep when they're dead.” Tiffany said with a laugh as the three of you walked into the building and gave the usher your tickets. “Alright girls what are we thinking? Popcorn? Gummy Bears? Icee’s?”

“All three if I have my way!” Ada said as she moved into the line at the counter. “Maybe some M&M’s, dump that shit right into the bag of popcorn.”

“You are getting your own popcorn then you heathen.” Tiffany mumbled, making you laugh as you bumped your shoulder into hers. 

“Come on, it's not that bad!” 

“It’s delicious.” Ada said as she stepped up to the counter to place her order grabbing a few candies from under the counter. 

Soon the three of you had your snacks and you moved towards the theater that was playing your movie.

“Enzos for dinner?” You asked as you found your seats. “Oh! Or we can try that new Chinese place that opened down the street!”

“Yeah! Let's do that!” Ada said she dumped a whole bag of M&M’s into her popcorn staring Tiffany down the entire time. 

“You’re a monster.” Tiffany in fake horror as she threw a couple of kernels of her own popcorn at Ada.

Snorting into your icee you watched as your friends bickered with each other over Ada’s salty sweet treat. You loved these girls. You had met Ada in culinary school, she was your roommate for most of your time there. The shit that girl could make in a crock pot was insane. She was the first person you called when you thought about opening the shop. Tiffany on the other hand came in when you started hiring. She had been making treats in her own kitchen for a long time but decided that working out of the home was a better option especially with a little one under foot. It was a match made in heaven. They were your best friends and you would do anything for them.

Soon they quieted down as the movie started. It was better than you expected and that ending song LeAnn Rimes sang was going to be stuck in your head for days. 

“Damn that was good.” Tiffany said as she stood up stretching her muscles after sitting for so long.

“Now let's go get Chinese!” Ada exclaimed excitedly as she pulled you from your seat. 

“I'm so jealous of your fast metabolism.” Tiffany stated as she followed the two of you out of the theater. “I look in the direction of a cookie and my ass grows three sizes.”

“Your ass is amazing and I would literally kill for it!” Ada said as she looked over her shoulder at Tiffany with a smile before her head snapped over to you. “Oh! Do you think Eddie would let us dance on his bar?! When are we even going to see this bar?!”

You threw your head back with a laugh as you walked out onto the sidewalk. “We can go tonight after dinner if you want? I don’t know if Eddie would want us dancing on the bar though...”

“But Eddie’s not here.” Ada sing songed at you. 

You were tempted to say yes but you were not willing to risk another punishment so soon, you still couldn’t sit comfortably since those whacks the other night. “Let’s wait until he gets back in town and then I'll ask him.” 

“Fiiiine!” Ada smiled as the three of you walked towards the restaurant you had chosen. 

Three split entrees and a lot of rice later you girls were ready to hit the bar. Tiffany and Ada had carpooled since they are practically neighbors so they followed you out of town, down the highway, and into the parking lot of Hellfire. Pulling your car into a spot you smiled as they pulled in next to you and together all three of you walked into the bar. The music was just as loud as it always was the patrons of the bar who recognized you smiled and waved saying a quick hello as you walked by. You smiled and waved back walking up to the bar to see your cousin slinging drinks on the other side. Pointing to an open table you watched as the girls took the seats and walked up to the bar. “Hey!”

“Hey!” Steve called as he looked over at you. “Give me a second!”

Nodding you leaned on the bar watching as he passed out the drinks in his hand. Wiping his hands on a towel he walked over to you with a smile. “Hey Chippy!”

“Birdie!” He smiled back looking at you in his usual protective way. “You doin’ okay?”

“Yeah,” You nodded. “Yeah, I’m good. You?”

“Doin’ good.” He nodded back before he started grabbing a glass for your drink. “The usual?”

“Actually, can I get three beers?” You asked as you pointed to the table that the girls sat at before you pulled out your wallet and grabbed your card. “Just open a tab.”

“You know you don’t pay for drinks here.” He said waving at the girls before he waved the card away. 

“I don’t but they do.” You said pushing the card towards him. “Eddie doesn’t have to know!”

Steve looked skeptical at you for a moment before he took your card and moved around behind the counter placing your card in a safe spot and grabbing the drinks. Coming back to you he placed them on the counter one by one as he popped the caps off the bottles. “Three beers for my favorite cousin.”

“I’m your only cousin.” You laughed as you grabbed the beers.

“At least on my moms side.” He snarked as ruffled your hair and moved away from you to help another patron. 

Rolling your eyes you took the beers back to your table. “Drinks are on me tonight. Just have Steve or Robin put it on my card.”

“You didn’t need to do that!” Tiffany said as she took two of the beers handing one to Ada. 

“I wanted to!” You smiled as you took a seat fixing your hair. “What do you think of the bar?”

“I love it!” Ada shouts over the music as she looks around. Her eyes never found one spot to get stuck on. “Are those bras?”

You looked up to wear she was pointing and laughed at the bras hanging from the light fixtures. “Yeah. Eddie told me that when they started playing here after they bought it, girls would throw their underwear on the stage so the boys would just fling them up there.”

“That's awesome!" she chuckled, her eyes moving around the bar more. 

Tiffany was just as curious as she looked around. Pointing to the stairs she leaned towards you. “What's up the stairs?”

“The apartments. Steve, Robin, Eddie, and Jeff and Lizzy have their own places up stairs. There's also two guest rooms for the people who are too drunk to drive home.” You said taking a sip of your beer. 

“So they actually live here?” 

“Mhm,” You nod. You looked around that had become a second home to you and smiled. “I wish you could have met Lizzy but she's in New York with the guys.” 

“Why didn't you go with them?” Ada asked as she looked at you now sipping her beer.

“I had stuff to do!” You laughed. “If we want to keep our customers we needed more flour and vanilla extract. Plus I had bills and employees to pay. You know… a bakery to run?”

“I do like getting paid...” Tiffany said, pointing her bottle at Ada. 

“Fine. I’ll give you that one. But next time, I want you to go with them! See the world!” 

“New York is not exactly the world.” You laugh with a shake of your head. “I love them but the bakery comes first before touring the world. Eddie knows that.”

“We’re just saying it’s something to think about!” Tiffany said as she took a sip of her beer. 

“I know.” Smiling you started to pick at the label on the bottle.

Over the next hour or so the three of you added a few more drinks to your system. Well you and Ada did Tiffany cut herself off at two since she had to drive home. You were debating on getting one more drink, Eddie did say you could spend the night if you wanted to, but Ada’s attention was pulled away from your conversation back to the bar.

“Who's that?” She asked in a breathy voice, her eyes stuck on the bar.

Glancing over you smiled and waved at the girl in question when she waved at you. “That’s Robin.”

“Is she… single?” 

“I don’t know… But I’ve never seen her with anyone or heard her talk about any dates… why?”

“Just… curious.” 

You and Tiffany looked over at each other with a knowing grin. Ada had no problem showing who she was interested in. “Want me to introduce you?”

“Can you?” She asked with genuine curiosity and did you detect a hint of nervousness?

“Come on.” You said moving from your seat and holding your hand out for Ada. 

“I think that’s my cue.” Tiffany said as she stood from her own chair a smirk on her face as she grabbed her purse. “If things go well Ada’s not going home tonight.”

“One can hope.” She said as she downed the rest of her beer and stood up fixing her shirt before she took a breath. 

“Go get her Tiger.” Tiffany said with a proud mama smile as she pushed her towards you, “See you girls tomorrow whenever you roll in.”

“Drive safe!” You said watching as she waved at you both and headed towards the door. Looking over at Ada you wrapped her arm up with yours and started a slow walk towards the bar. “Just be yourself.”

“What if she’s not…” Ada started as she looked over at you. “You know?”

“There’s only one way to find out...” You whispered to her as you pulled her towards the bar close to Robin. “Hey Robs!”

“Hey!” She said as she looked up at you from the glass she was filling with ice. Her eyes instantly on Ada. “Who’s your friend?”

“This is Ada,” You smiled as you pushed her forward. “She works with me at the bakery. Ada, this is Robin.” 

“Hi…” Ada smiled as she leaned on the counter. 

“Hi…” Robin smiled as she set the cup she had in her hand down. “So… you work at the bakery?”

“I do! I’m in the kitchen mostly!”

“That’s cool. I’ve tried baking a few times. It wasn’t great. I’m sure you are a lot better.”

Ada laughed a little as she leaned closer. “I could teach you if you wanted…”

“I’ll leave you to it.” You said as you slowly walked away back to your table watching as Ada and Robin stared at each other for a moment, almost in awe that the other wanted to talk to them. It was cute. You were never known for your matchmaking but seeing how they were looking at each other you couldn’t be that bad. Picking up your beer you smiled to yourself as you made eye contact with Steve who was also smiling at the two girls. You would just let this play out.

Over the course of the next couple of hours you had moved from the table to the far side of the counter so you could talk to Steve. It was nice to just catch up with your cousin. You had only interrupted Ada and Robin's conversation one time so you could give Ada her purse before you backed away again. They were definitely flirting. Little touches shared here and there.

Last call had been announced and now only a few stragglers were sitting around finishing up their drinks before they closed out their tabs and headed out for the night. Steve had already run your card and handed it back to you as you sat there chatting.

“You think they like each other?” You asked, sipping your soda.

“I have never seen Robin that comfortable talking to someone she was into. There's no stuttering, rambling, and she's not panicking. So I'd say that's a good sign.” He said as he dried the glass in his hand.

“Ada's very easy to talk to.” 

“Hey.” A voice said next to you. 

Speak of the devil. Turning you looked over at Ada with a smile. “Well hello miss flirts-a-lot. Having a good night?” 

“It's about to get better.” Ada's face heated up and you could see the slight coloring of her cheeks even in the dim light. “You don't have to stay if you don't want to. Robin said she'd give me a ride tomorrow.”

“It's okay. Eddie wanted me to crash here if we came out this way. So I was going to sleep in his apartment. Go have fun. We can carpool together whenever you wake up.” You smiled pointing towards Robin who looked a little embarrassed as Steve smiled at her in his goofy way. “Don't keep the girl waiting.” 

Laughing, Ada nodded her head giving you a crushing hug before she moved back to Robin, the two of them looking shy as they moved up the stairs, hands held tightly together. 

“Don't do anything Tiffany wouldn't do!” You called up to Ada.

“That's not saying much!” She called back as she disappeared.

Laughing, you looked back over at Steve. “Let's stay down here a little longer.”

“With the music as loud as we can stand it.” He agreed as he closed the tab for the last customer. “Thank you, have a goodnight. Drive safe.” 

The man waved as he walked out and you watched Steve as he moved around the counter and the tables on the floor to lock the doors. While that was happening you slipped off your stool and started moving around the tables picking up glasses and beer bottles as you went, helping with cleaning up. 

“I’d say you don’t have to do that but I know you.” Steve said as he started to grab the cups and bottles closer to the door. 

“Shut up.” With a roll of your eyes you move back into the kitchen to start rinsing out the glasses to put in the dishwasher. 

You had been around long enough to know the close down routine by heart at this point. You and Steve worked around each other silently as you finished with the dishwasher and stretched your arms over your head as you yawned. 

“Hey.” Steve said, pushing the mop bucket into the kitchen so he could fill it with water. “Go up to bed. I can finish up on my own.” 

“You sure?” 

“Yeah, go.” He nodded as he leaned his head towards the door. 

“Okay. Goodnight Chippy.” You patted him on the back as he said goodnight to you and you headed back out into the bar to grab your purse. Yawning again you head to the steps, the tips of your fingers touching the corner of Ruby's frame with a quiet hello like you always did. The noises from Robin's room made you giggle a little as you moved around the walkway pulling your keys from your purse so you could find the copy of Eddie's key and let yourself into the room, flipping on the light that sat on his nightstand. 

This place was comforting but it felt strange being in this room without him but you pushed that aside to get ready for bed. Putting your purse down in its usual spot you locked the door behind you and moved around the bed to the dresser, pulling out your sleep shorts and one of his shirts. It smelled like him. Pressing the fabric to your nose you breathed in the smell of old spice, cigarettes, and something you can only describe as Eddie. Home. He smelled like home. 

Looking around the room like you were waiting for him to pop out and catch you doing something you shouldn’t, you brought your gaze back to the dresser and opened the top drawer full of Eddie’s toys for you. Technically you were breaking a rule. Eddie didn’t want you going into this drawer when he wasn’t here. But you had only looked in this drawer once before and that was the night you got your very first punishment for being a little brat, it had started with a gag and corner time and then Eddie had brought you over and stood behind you and made you pick out the item that he would use on you. Biting your lip you looked at the paddles that sat there mocking you, your ass still hurt from those things. Shaking your head you moved your gaze away and let your fingers graze over the soft rope that he hadn’t used on you yet. You had asked him too but he didn’t think you were ready, he was working you up slowly. So for now you were stuck in cuffs. 

Shaking your head again you closed the drawer and hugged the shirt to your chest as you walked to the bathroom to do your nightly routine and soon you found yourself snuggled up on his side of the bed with your cellphone in your hands, Eddie's contact on the small screen. You could call him but it was late and if he wasn’t in the studio still he should be sleeping. He needed to rest and you didn’t want to disturb him. You’ll talk to him tomorrow. Putting the phone on the side table you reached up and turned off the lamp before you curled onto your side, your face shoved into his pillow as you closed your eyes and imagined him here with you, his arms around your waist as he spoons you, fitting his chest and knees against you perfectly. Sleep was pulling you under when a light knock came from the door. 

“Birdie,” Steve whisper yelled through the door. “Are you up?”

Groaning, you switched on the light as you got up out of bed and moved to the door, flipping the lock and opening it to see your cousin holding a pillow and a blanket. “What’s up?”

“Robin and Ada are still going and I can hear everything.” He says looking traumatized. “Can I crash on the couch? Even the guest rooms aren’t far enough away.”

Laughing, you nodded as you opened the door wider for him to step him. Closing it behind him you lock the door again and lean on it with your arms crossed over your chest. “That bad?”

“Robin's bed is on the same wall as my kitchen. I can hear the headboard hitting the wall and it's making my dishes shake.” Steve made a face as he dropped his pillow and blanket on the couch. “Not that I’m not happy she’s getting some. I just don’t need to hear my best friend… moaning.”

“I get that. You forget she’s in there with one of my best friends.” 

“I did…” He said with a nod his hands on his hips as he cringed. “Okay, we need to stop talking about this...”

Shaking your head with a chuckle you moved back to Eddie’s bed and snuggled back under the blankets. You heard Steve groan as he got settled on the couch. Flipping off the light on the nightstand again the two of you were just lulling into sleep when a loud moan echoed through the upstairs of the bar.

“Oh my god…” Steve groaned into his hands as he started to laugh.

You joined in with his laughter at the very funny but awkward situation. You doubted anyone was going to get much sleep that night.

The next morning found you and Ada sitting in your car as you drove back into town. She was smiling so wide you were sure her face was going to be stuck like that, as she played with a striped button down that you knew belonged to Robin. Smiling over at her you cleared your throat. “So… Sounded like you had fun last night.”

“Oh my god shut up!” She blushed. Like fully and completely blushed. “She's… amazing, why have you been hiding her!?”

“I haven't been hiding her!” You laughed looking at her and then back towards the road. “You just hadn't come to the bar yet! Did you at least get her number? I have it in my phone if you need it.”

“Yes, I got it.” She laughed. “We have a date next week.” 

“I knew it! I told Steve this morning you two would be going on a date!”

“Well I have to return her shirt don't I?”

“Mhm… The shirt... Totally...” You smirked. 

“Shut up!”

“So… Steve said the dishes were rattling from how hard you and Robin were going at it…” You teased watching her squirm a bit. 

“Oh my god stop!” She laughed, hiding her face in her hands.

You practically cackled at her. “See! It's not fun when you are getting interrogated, is it!?” 

“I don't know what you mean…” She said and turned her head so she looked out the window trying to act innocent. 

“Mhm,” You chuckled, turning your car onto the first main street in town heading towards the bakery. It would take you less than 5 minutes for you to get there. When you pulled into the parking lot a familiar black car was parked in a space close to the back of the shop. “My dads here…”

“That's not good.” Ada said, looking over at you with concern. “Not to be a bitch but your dad sucks and he always leaves you in a terrible mood.”

“I know…” You say pulling the keys from the ignition and taking in a deep breath. “Let's go see what he wants.” 

Together the two of you walked into the bakery to see Tiffany looking uneasy as she rolled out a pie dough. Her eyes kept flicking to your little office. Walking over to her you lowered your voice. “How long has he been waiting?” 

Tiffany shrugged as she stopped her work. “Maybe like five minutes.”

“What does he want?” Ada asked quietly as she pulled her apron over Robin's shirt. Something Tiffany noticed and made a note to pick on her for later. 

“I don't know, he didn't say.”

“Did he look… mad?” You asked, glancing over at your closed office door. You didn't like him here…

“More impatient. You should go in there though, get it over with. Just rip it off like a bandaid.”  Tiffany said, nodding her head towards the door. “Yell if you need help.” 

Nodding your head you push your shoulders back and with your head held high you march over to your office giving one last look at the girls before you open the door and go in. “Hi dad.”

“Finally,” He grunted as he stood up from your desk chair. “Where the hell have you been?”

“I spent the night at Eddie's.” You said dropping your purse on the small couch and crossing your arms over your chest. 

“I was told he was out of town.” 

“He is.” Your eyes narrowed at him, how would he even know that? You sure as hell didn't tell him. “Do you need something?” 

“Peter's been asking about you.” He said brushing off your question as putting his hands in his pants pockets. His business suit was nicely pressed as always. Forever the immaculately put together man. “Wants to take you out again.” 

“Well since I have a boyfriend I'm going to have to decline.” You said as you moved towards the door. “If that's all you wanted, I have work to do.”

“How much do you know about Munson?” He asked as he moved one hand from his pocket to fiddle with a file on your desk. It wasn't one of yours, this one was a boring Manila where yours were all different colors. 

“I know enough. Look dad I have orders to make so if this is all you wanted I don't have time fo-”

“Are you aware that he was responsible for the death of an eighteen year old girl and was in jail for drug possession?”

“I know he served time for possession and for selling drugs. But Chrissy committed suicide. That wasn’t his fault. We already talked about this.” You said, you were starting to get impatient. How did your dad even find any of this out? “What is this about dad?”

“I just want to know who you're falling in with. The man can't be trusted clearly.” 

“Eddie did his time and has kept his nose clean since. You're grasping at straws. If this is all you wanted to say to me, you did, now please leave.” You snapped moving to the door. Your hand just settled on the knob when your father called out.

“Did you know he has a child?” 

That stopped you, your heart pounding in your ears. “What?”

“He never told you?”

“Eddie doesn't have any children.” You said, shaking your head as you looked over your shoulder at him. 

You watched as your father flipped open the folder. “Then why had he been paying child support for four years?” 

“You're lying.” 

“It's all right here in black and white.” He said nonchalantly, holding the file out to you. “He's been paying a girl named Abigail Wells one thousand dollars a month for four years.” 

Moving closer you took the folder and your heart sank as you looked at the pages. “These are his financial records. How did you even get these?” 

“I have my ways. Your Mr. Munson has done a good job of keeping all this out of the spotlight. Oscar had to dig for days to find any of this information. Guess he didn't want the world to know what a low life he really is.” Your dad said, shoving his hand back in his pocket.

“This is illegal. You can’t just go around snooping into other people's finances. I could turn you in.” 

“You turn me in, all this gets released to the public.” He stated, “Imagine all the shame he's going to feel when his criminal record and the fact that he knocked up an eighteen year old gets out.”

You felt sick. “Why are you doing this?” 

“If you had just done what I asked and played nicely with Peter, given him everything he wanted it never would have come to this.” He said, cocking his head to the side. 

Your fingers gripped the folder tighter as you tried to stop the shaking you started to feel in your hands. “All of this… is because I wouldn't date Peter?”

“I ask so little of you. Just help me keep the Malloy’s happy.” He said as he looked around your office. “Peter’s not as bad as you think he is.”  

You looked at him in disbelief. When you didn’t say anything he took that as his cue to start talking again.

“It's simple; do what I ask and none of this sees the light of day. Mr Munson goes on living his life like normal.” 

“This is blackmail...”  

“I know.”

Closing the file you held it in her hands just staring at it. You were going to throw up, hatred was boiling in your blood for the man in front of you. Your grandmother was right… he was a selfish bastard like she always claimed he was. But you would do anything to protect Eddie from him. Swallowing down the bile in your throat you took a breath. “What do you want me to do?”

“Break up with Munson.” He stated it so calmly. “Then you will date Peter.”

“I…” You took another deep breath trying to keep the tears that threatened your bottom lashes from falling. “… I’ll call Eddie tonight.”

“No,” He said, shaking his head as he stepped closer to you pulling the file from your shaking hands. “In person. It has to be public. I want to make sure that everyone knows that you and Munson are no longer an item.”

“...That’s cruel…”

“I don’t care.” Your father said as he towered over you. “You will do this or I will release all of his little secrets. Do you understand me?”

You nodded, not having the power to speak with how tight your throat felt. 

“I said do you understand me?” He growled as he slammed his hand on the wall next to your head making you jump, a gasp leaving you as you flinched away.

“Yes,” You choked out. “Yes, I understand.”

“Good.” He said leaning back and fixed his suit. “I expect it to be done by the end of the week.”

“Eddie doesn’t come back until Saturday.” You whispered. 

A knock on the door startled you as Tiffany's concerned voice drifted into the room. "Y/N, are you okay? We heard a loud bang."

“Everything's fine!” You called back as you looked up at your monster of a dad. Surprised that your voice was so steady. “I tripped and used the wall to catch myself.”

“Okay…” She said warily. She didn't believe you and honestly you hated how easy that lie rolled off your tongue.

“Just get it done before Monday. And remember if you call the cops or try to get out of this in any way, I will release all of this to the press.” He said as he waved the file at you before he moved you gently to the side. “Now, if you'll excuse me dear. I'm late for a meeting."

You stood frozen in your office as he left his usual terse goodbye thrown at the girls in the kitchen. You were lost. You didn't know what to do… you didn't want to break up with Eddie, you loved him… but your dad would ruin his life… he's done it before. Plus now there was a kid involved! How could Eddie never mention having a child, you would think that would be something you would tell the person you supposedly loved right!? You didn't understand this feeling you had in your chest, heartbreak, anger, maybe some anxiety. Whatever it was, it made it hard to breathe. 

“Y/N? What did he want?” Tiffany asked as she looked into your office. “Are you okay?”

Her voice sounded muffled, far away. You couldn't focus. 

Looking around for some kind of answer the walls of your office seemed to close in on you. You needed to get out of here. Moving you quickly grabbed your purse and ran from your office. Throwing a quick I'll be back later to the girls as you rushed from the building to your car barely hearing Ada and Tiffany calling after you. Within seconds you were on the road. You didn't know where you were going but you needed to be alone. You needed to think.

You ended up at lovers lake. The heart shaped body of water usually makes you feel calm and peaceful but today you just couldn't relax. The voice in your head was just a little too loud. Tears fell from your eyes one after another and nothing you could think of to stop them helped. Eddie hadn't told you the whole truth about himself it seems. There’s a kid out there that had half of his DNA. Did they have beautiful curls and big brown eyes too? Has he even gone to see the kid? Did he not trust you enough for that information?

How could he have not told you!? Anger welled up in your chest. You didn't even blink an eye at his confession of his time in jail. Did he think so little of you that he thought you would care that he had a kid!? 

You jumped as your phone rang again. This was the sixth time in the hour that you've been sitting here that it had rung. Pulling it from your purse you bit your lip as you looked at the caller ID. Eddie's name blinked up at you and you could only stare at it, a million thoughts running through your head, the voice screaming that he had lied! You couldn't answer it, not right now, the second you heard his voice you would lose it. You would yell at him. Tell him everything and your father would ruin his life, it didn't matter how good Daniel Christianson was…. Your father was somehow always better. 

Turning off the phone, you quickly shoved it back into your purse and turned so you looked over the still waters of the lake. There was nothing you could do. No matter what path you chose Eddie would get hurt in the process and it would be your fault. You would not let your father destroy everything he had worked so hard for. No matter what you would protect Eddie, so you had to do the one thing you never wanted to do. You had to break his heart. And your own in the process.

Over the next few days you dodged Eddie as much as you could simply stating that you had been busy with the bakery. You weren't sure how you were supposed to act like everything was fine when the second he heard your voice he knew something was wrong. You didn't sound right. You were evasive and short with your answers. You gave the excuse of being tired, work was busy, you had a bad day, but he knew that wasn't it. You were pulling away and he didn't know why. He had even asked Steve to go over to the bakery to check up on you at one point and you had just snapped at him. That wasn't like you at all. You don't yell at Steve, no one yells at Steve, the man looks like a kicked puppy when someone is mad at him. 

“Sweetheart, what's going on?” Eddie asked you over the phone the night before he came home. He was sitting on his bed, his back leaning on the headboard. “Talk to me. Are you okay?”

“Nothings going on Eddie,” You sighed. You were lying. When and why did you start lying to him? “I'm just tired.” 

“Another bad day?”

“Yeah…” 

“I come home tomorrow.” He said with a small smile trying to see if that would lift your spirits. “I can't wait to see you. I've missed you.” 

“I've missed you too.” You muttered back quietly. You did, you really did. All you wanted to do was see him again but knowing what you had to do made your heart seize in your chest. “I'm sorry, I'm exhausted. I'm sure you are too. I'm going to go to bed early.”

“Did I do something?” 

“No,” You said quickly. “No, you didn't do anything. I love you. I'm sorry I'm going to go lay down. I suddenly don't feel very well.” 

“Okay…” He said his heart was sinking in his chest. “I love you, I'll see you tomorrow okay?”

“Yeah, tomorrow.” You said as you muttered a goodbye and hung up the phone before he could say anything else. 

What was going on with you? Looking down at the phone in his hand Eddie frowned. You had never acted this way before, just last week you were excited to see him, to talk to him, but now it's like you couldn't get off the line fast enough. What has happened in the last few days to make you change this quickly? Was it him? Something he said or did? All you had to do was tell him for fucks sake and he would fix it! He can't fix what he doesn't know is broken! You had rules about this. Number 2 in fact was the rule about communicating. 

He didn't know what to do… and he didn't like not knowing. 

Was it his job? Did him being gone for so long make it more real that you were dating a rockstar? What would happen when he goes back on tour? Would you still be with him? Did you even want to be with him now? The idea that you were over him made his chest tighten. He didn't want you to leave… setting the phone down on the nightstand he rubbed his face as he tried to think and find any reason for you to pull away like this. He would just have to wait for tomorrow to get any answers.

You groaned as you rolled over and slapped your hand on the top of your alarm clock to shut off the annoying beeping that was disturbing the quiet air of the morning. It didn’t matter, it's not like you slept at all. You haven’t really slept since the day your dad dropped his bomb on you. If you weren’t crying you were having chest crushing anxiety attacks that were keeping you from getting any sleep. Today was the day all happiness in your life came to and end.

You didn’t have the will to get out of bed. But you know if you didn't you would just sit and dwell all day and that would just make your heart hurt more. You felt sick to your stomach as you got ready for a day in the bakery. You still felt terrible about snapping at Steve the other day, you know he didn't deserve that. You would have to apologize another day when all this stopped hurting so much.

Slowly you walked down the stairs, giving the girls a little smile as you grabbed your apron and went to the corkboard to check the orders for the day. Grabbing one you moved to the opening that led out into the shop you should probably check the front first. “Anything needed on displays?”

“Maybe some more cream puffs? Everything else looks good.” Marty said, looking up at you, worry gracing his features. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” You nodded your head and you looked up at him with a barely there grin as you turned around again. “Fine. I’ll start those cream puffs.”

“Y/N?” Tiffany asked as she walked over to you slowly like she was walking on eggshells. 

“I’m fine Tiff,” You said as you put the order back on the board. “I just have a lot on my mind. Can we just work please? We have a lot to do…”

Ada and Tiffany looked at each other before silently going back to work and leaving you alone. You didn’t like this, you didn’t like not talking everything out with your friends, you didn’t like how quiet they’ve been around you the last few days, you missed the laughter, the music, and easy jabs you all would take at each other for fun. Today was going to be awful… 

You were right, today was absolutely awful. Everything was going wrong, you burnt the shells of the cream puffs and had to start over, you had to fire a customer and ban her from the shop cause she didn’t like the cake she ordered and refused to pay for it. Even threw a fit and chucked it at the ground. You spent a good twenty minutes cleaning that up and by the end of the day you just wanted to crawl back into bed. But you couldn’t. You had one more thing to do tonight before you could crawl under your covers and hide away from the world. 

With shaky hands you removed your apron and ran back upstairs ignoring the calls of your friends as you just barely made it to the bathroom. You felt like you were going to be sick. A few dry heaves later you wiped at your watery eyes before you finally sat back on your butt and took a few deep breaths to calm yourself. On trembling legs you stood and left the bathroom, moving out into the living room to grab your purse, you dug your keys from the depths of it and took another deep breath as you left your home and went back down stairs towards the back door. “I’ll be back in a bit. Just lock up please.” “Wait...” Tiffany said as she moved around the island and held her hands out towards you. “What’s going on with you? You haven’t been yourself since your dad was here. We’re worried about you.”

“I…” You shook your head as your hand flexed on the door knob. Tears blurred your vision before you blinked them away and looked over at them. You had to lie if you told them your dad would find out and ruin everything. “Everything’s fine. I’m sorry about worrying you but it’s a family thing and I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”

“We’re here for you.” Ada said coming up next to Tiffany. “You know that right? You can tell us anything.”

“I know.” You nodded, twisting the knob to open the door. “Thank you. But this is something I have to do on my own.”

The two watched as you left both of them feeling uneasy when the door shut behind you. This wasn’t just a family matter. It was something much deeper. But they couldn’t help you if you didn’t want the help, all they could do was sit here and wait for you to implode. They just hoped it wouldn't damage you beyond repair.

It didn't take you long to get to the bar and by the time you got there your heart was pounding and you felt like you were going to throw up for real this time. You didn't want to do this. All you wanted to do was run into the building and tackle the man you loved. Turning off your car you took a deep breath to calm your frayed nerves and with trembling fingers you took off Eddie's necklace. You couldn't keep it. The last few days it felt heavy around your neck. The pick burning a hole in your chest like an ugly reminder of what you had to do. Blinking back tears you looked up at the bar and took measured breaths. 

The whole way over you tried to think of what to say but nothing seemed right and you sure as fuck couldn't tell him the truth. It was time to put on your mask and play your part. Putting your purse over your shoulder you stepped from the car and started towards the bar. The walk felt like it was in slow motion and you took a final breath as you got to the door. You could hear the soft plucking of a guitar through the door and Eddie's laugh, it made your heart skip. Pulling on the mask you use for your fathers parties you opened the door and stepped inside. You had to face the music. 

“Well not to suck my own dick Steve,” Eddie said with a laugh as he strummed his guitar. “But it's kinda like I do this for a living.”

You wanted to smile at the joke, even make one of your own about how that was your job, just to gross out Steve but you couldn’t. Your heart broke even more, the crack so deep you could feel nothing but icy coldness seeping through. He looked so handsome sitting there, his hair was down so his curls were free to brush shoulders as he played a riff of a song you didn’t recognize, he was wearing the same band shirt with the cut off sleeves that he wore the night you met, the one were if he turned just right you could see his lean muscled chest. The sound of the door opening got Eddie’s attention and you watched as he lit up. The smile on his face was devastating. 

“It’s my baby!” He yelled as he placed the guitar to the side on the stage where he was sitting. Getting up he moved towards you quickly, his arms going out to wrap you in a hug but your hand on his chest stopped him. Confusion bloomed on his face as he looked you over, he noticed a difference in you. You were stiff, shaky, and worse yet you wouldn’t look at him. Leaning his head down he tried to get a good look at you. All he saw for a split second was red puffy eyes. “Baby?”

Your fathers voice played like a broken record in your mind. Do as I ask and none of this sees the light of day. The longer you stood here the harder it would be. “Eddie… This…”

“What's wrong?” He asked as he tried to cup your jaw but you moved your face away from him as you dropped your hand. What was happening? “Why won't you let me touch you?”

It seems like everyone in the bar was watching you now. All the chatter had stopped, they had all expected a happy tearful reunion but all they got was this awkward thing. 

“This isn’t working.”

“What?” Eddie blinked at you, hoping that he had heard you wrong. 

“I’m sorry.” You whispered, shaking your head a little as you placed his necklace on the table next to you, you were sure there was an imprint of the chain on your palm from how tight you had been holding it. “The last few weeks made me realize that I can’t do this. I can’t sit here and wait for you to come back. It’s not going to work.”

“You’re… breaking up… with me?” He asked as he looked at the necklace and then back to you. He didn’t understand. What had changed?

“Yes.” You nodded as you felt your throat start to tighten, you took a deep breath and finally got the courage to look him in the eye as you dug into your purse and handed him back the phone he bought for you. “I’m sorry. This was fun. But it’s not what I want.”

“Y/N…” Eddie started to mutter as he fumbled with the phone. His chest ached. All he wanted to do was reach out for you.“Please… Just... Let’s go upstairs and talk about this…”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” You shook your head as you took a step back from him. 

“Wait…” He said as you started to walk backwards. “Sweetheart please...”

“Don’t… Please don’t…” You choked out as you shook your head. Tears were starting to collect in your eyes as he looked at you. He looked as broken as you felt. Your heart tore that last little bit and you knew you had to go or you would tell him everything. “I’m so sorry Eddie…”

All he could do was watch as you turned and quickly left the bar leaving Eddie to stand there in his confusion, his chest hurt in the worst possible way. Is this what heartbreak felt like? He wanted to run after you but he couldn't get his feet to work. You had said you loved him before he left and all those times on the phone. Was that a lie? Your phone was clutched in his hand as he watched the door close behind you, Steve looking at both of you before he ran out the door calling your name. 

“Birdie,” Steve called as he left the bar. “Y/N, wait!”

You ran to your car. You had to get out of there before you lost it completely. 

Getting into your car you quickly turned it on and booked it out of the parking lot leaving your cousin to stand there in confusion. The tears that you had been holding back were now flowing freely, slapping the steering wheel a few times you screamed out your pain into the emptiness of your car. You had never felt so broken. All you wanted to do was turn around and tell Eddie you were lying.  

‘Home. Just get home.’ You told yourself then you could bury yourself in your bed and never come out. 

It took you twenty minutes to get back to the bakery and by the time you got there the shop was dark. Everyone had gone home. Good, you didn’t want anyone to ask you any questions. Grabbing your purse you walked slowly towards the back entrance using your key to unlock the door so you could enter, you locked the door again once you were inside, and took the steps up to your apartment slowly, hitting the landing you took a moment to find your key so you could get in. You heard your house phone ringing, you didn’t have the strength to answer it. 

The second you close the door to your home you let out the sob that had been building in your chest. It was a heart broken ugly cry that made your knees feel weak and you had to grab the couch to keep you from falling to the ground. For a few minutes you let yourself just cry.

“Ahem,” A cough sounded from farther into your apartment startling you. 

Choking on a gasp your head whipped over to see Oscar sitting at your dining room table looking so casual in the light from your kitchen. Wiping the tears from your face you took in a shaky breath and stood up to your full height, your head held high as you sneered at him. “What the fuck are you doing in my house? Get out!” “I’m afraid I can’t do that.” He said as he stood up fixing his suit jacket. Your phone started to ring again but you both just ignored it.

Grabbing one of the pillows off your couch you chucked it at him. “Get out!”

He ducked a little letting the pillow sail past him hitting the wall of the photo frames by your bedroom door. One fell off the wall smashing to the ground. “Just cause they are called throw pillows doesn't mean they are meant to be thrown.”

“How did you even get in here?”

“You should really be more careful about where you hide your spare keys.”

“You went through my office.” Closing your eyes you took a deep breath before sending him another glare. “Look, if you’re here to get information you can tell your Master that I did what he asked!” 

“That’s part of the reason why I’m here.” He said as he looked at you. “I am under strict orders to bring you home.”

“I am home.” 

“Your fathers home.”

Sniffing, you shook your head, crossing your arms over your chest, as you tried to fight back the tears that were still clinging to your lashes. “I’m not doing that.” “I’m afraid you don't have a choice.” Oscar said as he grabbed a duffle bag that you didn’t notice from the dining table and stepped towards you. “I took the liberty of packing some of your things.”

“You went through my closet?” You growled at him, snatching the bag from his grip when he got close enough. “Did you go through my underwear drawer too you little pervert?!”

“It’s not like I enjoyed it.” Rolling his eyes he gestured to the door. “After you.”

You stared him down for a few more minutes until he impatiently opened the door and practically pushed you out of it. Locking it with the spare key he had stolen from your office, he turned and with a hand on your back marched you carefully down the stairs and out of the bakery, locking the door behind him as well. 

He ushered you quickly into the waiting car and got in the driver's seat soon after he shut you in the back. He wanted to get on the road as quickly as possible, it was a long drive home from this shitty little town. 

You wanted to fight him, to scream at him, and cry, and hit the back of the driver's seat like a child in a full blown tantrum. You wanted to run back into your home to be alone in your misery but you were just so damn tired. Wiping at your eyes you felt the car start to move and you were back on the road headed to your fathers home in Indianapolis.

Tag List:

@eddiesprincess86 @haylaansmi @micheledawn1975 @chloe-6123

[autumnmobile12]

Let’s talk about the tragedy of Lenore’s death.

Like Carmilla, Lenore portrayed her suicide as an act of defiance, and like Carmilla, it is not.  (I’ve already covered Carmilla’s death in a previous post, so I won’t go into it here.)  Lenore says she refuses to be kept in a cage, but there is a curious lack of effort in attempting to escape.  We already know she’s not a helpless character, so why doesn’t she?

Also, while it is implied she is not allowed to leave the Styrian castle, Isaac and Hector are not keeping her locked up in the cells.  She has no physical restraint and since the series does not point out any specific magic keeping her in place, like the blood ring Hector was landed with, we can assume there is nothing like that going on.  She is not ill-treated and she is not denied the comfortable lifestyle she is used to.  She’s still drinking wine while dressed like a princess.  This is less imprisonment and more glorified house arrest and while that might be humiliating, she is not suffering physically.

I believe if she truly wanted to get away, she could have.  If we want to make the argument Isaac could have stopped/killed her, it seems likely Hector wouldn’t let him.  Even if she wasn’t in a hurry to escape, she is immortal.  Isaac and Hector are going to age and die off eventually.  In the most extreme case, she could just roll her eyes and say,  “All right, I’ll humor you by staying put,” and then heading on her merry way once that was over.  Eighty years tops is a drop in bucket for a vampire.

So the reason why she doesn’t just escape or wait out her imprisonment?

I think we’re looking at a cocktail mix grief and hopelessness.

We already see in the beginning of Season 4 that she’s no longer an essential component to the vampiress quartet.  She’s even in self-denial about it, saying Carmilla’s plan buys them security and that it’s necessary.  This aligns with what the four sisters ultimately want and what they have gone through in the past.

Dividing the four in half, we have Carmilla and Morana as the aggressors and Striga and Lenore as the passive ones.

Striga comments in Season 3 that she cannot forget the past.  Carmilla’s plan to conquer the Balkans worries her.  It’s a risk she’s wary of taking because defeat would mean losing her safe place in the world, or worse, losing Morana.  It is Morana who urges her to consider the plan, to really apply herself to the idea that if they can pull this off, they will create an even stronger, more secure world for themselves.

By the end of her arc, Carmilla’s paranoia reaches a fever pitch.  First she wanted to conquer the Balkans, then without really considering the opinions of the other three, her ambition grows to conquer the world.  This is her true nature, her need to manipulate and control everything around her so that nothing can hurt her.

And the sad thing is, that’s all these four wanted: a place where they felt safe.  They had Styria, but Styria had been threatened in the past.  They gambled high stakes and they lost almost everything.

Lenore watched Carmilla’s downward slide, and once the fighting was done, from her point of view, Striga and Morana never came back for her.  We don’t know exactly how long the four sisters were together, but it’s clear that these were people she truly loved and trusted, and the abandonment she felt hurt.

In Lenore’s mind, she doesn’t have much left.  Carmilla’s gone.  She feels as though Hector betrayed her by allowing Isaac to kill Carmilla.  Even if she does escape and reunite with Striga and Morana, she’s still going to be their third wheel.  With nowhere else to go and no real ambition to start over, she just gave up and that is an incredibly tragic end to an otherwise brilliant character.

[magicalqueennightmare]

Sins & Amends Chapter 40

Billy Russo x Female Reader (60 part story)

This follows pre- the punisher into the storyline of daredevil, punisher season 1 and beyond

This is NOT Canon Billy. This is decent human being Billy left with bad options over worse decisions

This was also posted to A03 under: WaywardGaPeach. That account and this one is the only place you'll see me post this. If you see it on any other platform/account know it's not me.

Chapter Summary/Warnings: You finally open Billy's letter [Also this is now starting a storyline separate from the show]

"Y/N It's been almost a month..you aren't curious just what's in that envelope?" Alice asked while the two of you walked out the hospital from dropping a patient off. "I am! Believe me, I am but as bad as I hate to admit it.. I don't want to be alone when I see whatever it was Billy thought was so important for me to have" 

You were proud of yourself any time you managed to say his name without your voice breaking. It was hard seeing him in the shape he was. There were guards on his door twenty four even though so far there hadn't been much change in his condition. The only reason you were allowed in the door was because Dinah had called Mahoney who had given you a pass. You were allowed into his room once a week for thirty minutes. It wasn't a lot and he probably didn't even know you were there but what was important was that you knew you were there. 

Once the two of you were in the ambulance and headed back to the station house she said "Why haven't you said something? I would've already came over for a night to hold your hand while you open it" you shot her a smile "I may call Karen and get her to come too, Pete's supposed to be back in town this weekend" you'd let her in on Frank's new persona so the two of you could freely talk about him in public or at the station house.

You chanced a glance at her since the two of you were stopped at a red light  "Is he still acting off towards you?" You sighed with a nod "I don't know what it is. You don't think he really does blame me on some level? I mean if Billy hadn't picked the way he had"

"Hell no. He loves you. He would never hold you still being alive against you. Why don't you just ask him? I mean you've never had a problem with being blunt" you laughed because from anyone else that would sound like an insult but coming from Alice you knew it was a compliment. "I may do just that" 

---------------------

The rest of the shift was nothing unusual. Of course Hunter slipping in the bays and almost knocking himself out on the corner of the firetruck caused a round of laughter once everyone made sure he was ok.

While you were gathering your stuff to leave the next morning you were on the phone with Curtis to see if he needed any help with the soup kitchen. "Y/N are you sure? I mean you're coming off a twenty four hour shift" you zipped up your bag and shrugged which caused Alice to roll her eyes.

"You're on the phone babe. Curt can't see that shrug" you stuck your tongue out at her and she laughed so you said "Curt I'm getting off now. Soup kitchen isn't till four. I can go home, shower and take a nap. Please? I can't stand the quiet of my apartment quite yet" he let out a breath then finally said "Ok. I'll see you then"

Alice was leaned against the wall watching you so you waved a hand "Go ahead Hendricks" she put her hands up in a defensive manner "Don't shoot the messenger but are you still seeing Kenzie in office? I mean are you working through the trauma of finding two of the people you have known and loved for years half dead?"

"I'm facing it a little at a time. If I go all or nothing I may just break down" you admitted and she held her arms out so you walked into them. She hugged you tightly then said "No shame in breaking down honey" you nodded then finally said "I promise, I'm as ok as I can be given the circumstance" she let you go but held your gaze for a second "If you ever need me I'm here ok?" You smiled "I know"

---------------------

You walked to your apartment in silence. The air had the crispness of winter starting to it. Lisa and Frank Jr would be wanting to go ice skating, Maria would be talking about Christmas dinner. You hugged your jacket tighter around you trying to ward off the coldness of your mind. It was your fault they were dead.

Billy had put your life ahead of Frank's and it had ended up costing all of you everything. Maybe that was why Frank had barely spoken to you since the fight. Maybe he was trying not to hate you but maybe the thought kept popping in his head as well that maybe if Billy had just told him, even if it had cost your life Maria and the kids could've been spared.

You were jarred out your thoughts by a text alert going off on your phone. You pulled it out and smiled when you saw Leo's name. "Mom wants to know if you're still planning to come to Christmas dinner" damn you'd actually forgotten about Sarah's invite.

You texted back "Unless I end up assigned a shift at the last minute I'll be there kiddo" she sent back a few smiley emojis. You formed a friendship with all the Liebermans, even managing to win Zach off with a few gnarly tales of injuries you'd seen on the job.

David still side eyed you at times so you'd call him micro with an attitude to your voice to make a smile sneak onto his face. It was weird seeing a halfway functional family. Kenzie had set them up with a family therapist she knew and trusted so they were working through their issues.

Even Sam was making strides in his physical therapy but again hearing from Sam how Billy had stopped him from being killed, from Sarah how Billy had stopped her and Zach from being hurt. It fucked with your head. You'd went through hell since Maria and the kids had been killed and he'd known the entire time. He'd left Frank out in the cold when he could've just told him the truth. 

You shook your head and realized you'd made it to your apartment so you headed inside. At least you had helping Curtis to look forward to.

When you left the soup kitchen you still felt a sense of unease. You pulled out your phone and started a new group chat with just Karen and Alice. "I need to know what's in that envelope. My place thirty minutes?" Alice texted back "I'll grab Chinese food" and Karen texted back "I'll bring the wine" you smiled at just how fast the two of them had been willing to give you their night and wondered if maybe Alice had already called Karen. 

Thirty minutes later you were sitting on your couch next to Karen while Alice sat on the floor between your legs "Open it!" She said handing the envelope out to you from where it had sat on your counter for the last few weeks. You leaned forward and downed the rest of your glass before tearing the envelope open. There was a letter, and two more smaller envelopes. "Letter first?" You asked and they both nodded.

You unfolded the piece of paper and your stomach flipped when you recognized Billy's handwriting. You felt your hands start shaking slightly and shook your head "I can't do this.here Karen you read it!" You handed her the letter so she took it gently from your hand then cleared her throat before she started reading aloud.

Y/N,

I've written this letter more than a dozen times just to turn around and burn it. I'm sorry, from the very pit of my soul please believe that. When Rawlins first came to me I didn't want to help him but he made a point, I was in love with you and didn't have anything worth while to offer. Christ if I had known then what I know now I would've shot the bastard in the face. I've hurt you in ways I can never take back or make up for. When I was given the choice of you being in his crosshairs or Frank...shit I didn't know what to do. On one hand my first instinct was to tell you everything then and there but Rawlins knew where you worked, where you lived and I'd see the shit that man was capable of. I split with you an hour before calling him and telling him to kill Frank. Yes I handed my best friend over on a silver platter. I'm not proud of it and I regret not making a different decision every day but I would never regret knowing you're still alive even if you hate me. When I got the call about Maria and the kids I knew how hard it would hit you. Please know that night we spent together I meant it. I just wanted to make your pain go away but before you woke up the next morning Rawlins somehow found out Frank was still alive so I was again handed the choice "Help me hunt down Castle or I'll carve his location out of your little medic" I've made a thousand shitty decisions but loving you isn't one of them. You may not believe a single word in this letter but I had to tell you. There's two more envelopes along with this. One holds the deed to the cabin, it's yours. Maybe just maybe you can remember me in a better light there. The other envelope holds information for a bank account in your name. There's fifty thousand in there, use it however you see fit. I already made sure you had a new vehicle at work maybe now you won't be walking so much. There is also a paper trail to prove not a penny of that money came from Rawlins. It was all honestly earned. I love you.

Billy

You sat there staring at the letter in her hands by the time she was done reading. "Oh my god" Alice breathed opening the two other envelopes and reading over all the paperwork.  "Y/N are you ok?" Karen asked and you numbly shook your head "What am I supposed to do with the money? I don't want it. I make enough at my job. I own this apartment" her and Alice shared a look and you realized it was because you weren't reacting at all. 

"Y/N, babe..it's us. Blow up. Cry. Just react please" Alice said and that seemed to finally break through "Why did he do any of the shit? Did he not fucking love me enough to see how much I loved him? We could've been fucking happy just being together. He fucked it all up for his warped idea of accomplishment and ruined everyone's lives because of it! He says he loves me but I honestly don't know if he ever did. I've lost Maria and both kids and now I think I've lost Frank too" you were crying by that point and finally broke down sobbing. They both moved to have their arms around "Kenz said it was coming" Alice said quietly as you allowed them to hold you.

After a few minutes your crying had slowed to a few hiccups so Karen pushed your hair back from your face "Sweetie, I understand how you must feel but please know you haven't lost Frank"

"Why won't he talk to me Kare?" You asked and she gave a small smile "He feels guilty. I can't say any more than that but I promise as soon as he hits New York he'll come see you ok?"

You nodded and a wave of embarrassment suddenly hit you "Oh god I must look like an idiot" "No you don't" Alice said and Karen nodded in agreement "You look like someone who's been through a lot and who has held it together for far too long" you managed a smile and said "Can we drink now?" Alice scoffed "Bitch please. Drinking is always an option"

The rest of the week you had to admit you'd felt a little better after breaking down. Thursday afternoon you went to the hospital for your thirty minutes.

The process took about an hour to get into the room. You stood by the door for a few seconds before slowly walking over to the bed. The body laying there still didn't resemble anything near Billy. The height was all that was the same. The bandages had yet to come off.

You sat down next to the bed and listened to the machines.  "Billy I don't know if you can hear me. I don't know if you'll ever wake up" you stopped when you felt your throat getting tighter with unshed tears.

After a moment you continued "I don't know why you thought I needed money. I just wanted you. I don't know if you ever felt as deeply for me as I felt for you. When I met Maria I finally learned what familial love was. I was content with just that then she met Frank and Frank was always telling me stories about the smooth talking Billy the beaut. When I met you I never thought I would've fell in love with you. I guess a large piece of my heart will always belong to you. I don't regret it, I just wish things would've been different. I wish you would've just let me go. I know he's moving forward now. He loves Karen even if they're both too scared to admit it but every morning I wake up. I'm reminded I'm the reason they don't and it kills me"

You sat with him for a while long before knocking on the door. The cops gave you everything back and told you to have a good day. They didn't really understand why you came but Mahoney must have told them to not be rude or maybe it was a mutual respect thing despite the rivalry between NYPD and FDNY.

----------------------

When you walked out your phone started ringing. It was Karen's ringtone so you answered on the second ring. "Are you going to be home around nine?" You were a little thrown by her of all people not saying hello. "Why hello Karen. Nice to talk to you and why yes I'll be home at that time"  the hospital visits always put you a little on edge so maybe that was the reason for the extra sass.

She laughed and said "Sorry he's just wanting to know" you knew who she meant. "Oh. Ok. Yeah I'll be there" after the two of you said your goodbyes and she hung up you checked the time. There was still two hours to kill.

-----------------------

You were leaning against your kitchen counter nursing your third cup of coffee when a knock at your door nearly made you throw it. You weren't sure why you were so nervous. Hell it was Frank.

You sat your cup down and hollered "I'm coming!" You took a deep breath before finally opening the door. When you opened it he was standing there with his hood pulled up. You managed a smile at seeing him. "Hey" "Hey" you realized he was left standing in the hall so you stepped back quickly "Shit. Sorry please come in"

He walked in and as soon as you shut the door and turned to face him he pulled you into a hug. "I missed you too but I can't really breathe" you managed and he pulled away "Sorry" you smiled "No problem. Um I've got coffee made?" "Sounds good" he nodded so you lead the way into the kitchen. You poured him a cup and handed it to him then waited for him to talk.  "I've been doing some thinking and we've never really talked about that night. What happened between me and Bill" 

You felt your stomach lurch at the memories  "You don't owe me anything Frank. Whatever happened you both survived. That's what counts" he nodded then said "We damn near killed each other" you almost laughed at his words "Yeah I know. I was the one that kept you both alive until Dinah got ambulances there"

He looked up to meet your eyes then "I never did thank you for that did I? I guess I just got used to getting hurt and you patching me up" you shrugged one shoulder "that's what family is for"

You took a sip of your coffee and a part of you hoped he'd stop there but he sat his cup down. "Y/N I've got to tell you the truth" "Ok" you sat your cup down next to his and leaned against the counter staring up at him. "I baited him into that fight. I said horrible shit about you and I've been too damn guilty to face you" "Frank it doesn't matter" you hated knowing he'd felt any guilt. He shook his head "No it does. Y/N.. I called you pathetic and broken and told him killing you would've done the world a favor"

"That would probably hurt if I didn't agree with it. I should've been killed. I wish I would've been" you didn't realize you were crying until Frank wiped a tear from your cheek "C'mon now sweetheart, don't say that. I've lost too much, don't make me think about losing you too. I'm glad he kept you alive. At least he did one thing right" 

"We're family Frank. Me and you are stuck together. Whatever you said to Billy doesn't matter. Don't you dare hold any guilt for that. What you said doesn't change anything and I know you didn't mean it" 

He nodded then said "I'm gonna start checking in with you more. I'm sorry I haven't here lately"  "It's ok Frank. I know you've went through hell" "So have you sweetheart. So have you" 

@intothesoul

@weallhaveadestiny

[myloveforhergoeson]

hi - under the cut is a preview for the beginning of chapter 27! if you don't want to know before the chapter is officially out, don't read. but if you're missing tasw like i am, this is a little snipet for you! enjoy <3

Eight days. 

James had been back in Minnesota for eight days. 

192 hours, 11520 minutes, 691,200 seconds since Roxy had dropped him off at the airport… Not that she had been counting. It had been nearly impossible for her to keep track of time thanks to the extra effort Gustavo and Kelly were expecting from her, Logan, Kendall, and Carlos to make up for their bandmate's absence. 

None of them had expected their bosses to be okay with the singer’s request for a full eight days off of work to celebrate Hanukkah with his mother; Their work schedule was already jam-packed between recording sessions, media training, and dance practices since the native Minnesotans were all planning on heading home for the holiday season on December 24th. 

“You can’t just say ‘No,’ to Brooke Diamond,” James had told her, getting the phone call from the entrepreneur two weeks ago asking him to come home for her holiday celebration. There was a bit of dismay in his voice as he shared, hinting at how he felt about heading back to Duluth, something his girlfriend was reluctant to comment on.

He had been correct in his statement about his mother, learning she had also called their boss with the same request, and his time off was immediately approved without a second thought. Gustavo even offered to pay for his round-trip flight, as long as James could make it back to record in the four-day gap between the last night of Hanukkah and Christmas Eve. 

Roxy had a sneaking suspicion his decision would have been the same even without Brooke’s intervention. Even with the band’s tough working conditions as the year was coming to a close, she suspected that they were rubbing off on him more than he cared to admit. The other day he had let Carlos collaborate with Mr. X to formulate a new dance routine, Logan had convinced him they needed more than one half-hour break throughout the workday, and it seemed as though he was yelling at Kendall far less than he ever had in the past. Gustavo was even critiquing her songwriting less and less, acting more as a songwriting partner than an authority figure. So, James’ approved time off was only supporting her theory, though she knew the man would never admit it. 

In between work days, packing for her trip home, and making and shopping for presents for her friends and father, Roxy and James were on the phone constantly. Text messages if they were caught up in something, phone calls on the way home from places, FaceTalk all hours of the night… Carlos had taken her phone away from her when they were playing Biohazard Blast the other day against Kendall and Logan because it was a ‘“major distraction.”

Tonight, Camille and Jo had done the same when they entered 2-H for a dinner get-together they had planned now that Roxy and Camille could stand to be in the same room as each other. Their first time hanging out together in quite a while would also be the last time all three girls would be able to spend time with each other before their respective trips home. While their busy schedules were much appreciated, it made seeing one another almost impossible these days.

“Don’t look so sad! We’re way more fun to hang out with than your virtual boyfriend,” Camille joked over the sound of holiday music drifting from Roxy’s tape player, poking around in songwriter’s cabinets to find the right cookware for the tacos the three were planning on making. 

Taking the ingredients from her fridge and pantry, Roxy chuckled at her friend’s comment, “While that may be true, it doesn’t change the fact that I miss him so much. My journal is full of sappy, cliche songs to prove it.”

Not only had this been the longest James and Roxy had been apart, but the boys had told her this was also the longest they had ever gone without seeing James as well.

“Girl’s Night is about forgetting all of that!” Countered Jo, who slid into one of the chairs at the small kitchen table while looking the songwriter up and down. “Can we trust you in that t-shirt or do you need to change?”

Referencing Roxy’s choice of dress, one of the merch items from the Big Time Rush tour, the actress reached out and poked the picture of Kendall standing beside his friends on the front of the shirt. 

“If you go put yours on we can match…” The songwriter trailed off, slightly singsong, before the other girl loudly cleared her throat.

“Forgetting!” 

Finally, the assistant grew compliant with her friend’s wishes. “Big Time who?”

“That’s the spirit!” For the rest of the time spent preparing the meal, the three were finally able to catch up on everything they had missed during Roxy and Camille’s fighting period. Jo was still having trouble getting along with her New Town High co-star, Jett Stetson, despite the first season filming slowly drawing to a close. From her descriptions, Jett was finding it difficult to separate his own life from that of his fictitious counterpart, Drake Steele. The actor had even gone as far as to mistake Drake’s relationship with Jo’s character, Rachel Blesse, for reality, which Kendall was less than thrilled about. 

On Camille’s turn, she was elated to share all of the projects she had been in the process of auditioning for. Her ability to completely give herself over to the roles she was pursuing shocked the other two, as she showed off a few scenes she had been practicing for the TV show Break a Leg, Charlotte!, the movie Rock Camp 5, and the musical Billion Dollar Trio. Since she wasn’t currently filming anything and she wasn’t spending time with Logan anymore, the actress had far more time to continue to hone her talent and blow the casting directors away.

In exchange, Roxy allowed herself to share some updates on a few incomplete songs she had been slowly piecing together. Normally, she’d be bothered by the fact she wasn’t finished with them yet, but Gustavo had been overlading her and the band with work this week the two hadn’t found any time in which to collaborate. Tentatively, she planned to have at least one song ready for Big Time Rush to release by the new year, she just needed some more guidance on one she had titled “Got Something.” Beyond that, there wasn’t much else Roxy had going on at the moment, so she rambled about going back to Minnesota as the girls loaded up their plates with the delicious meal of rice, beans, and tacos they had prepared together. 

“After being in Los Angeles for so long, I’m afraid my body has acclimated to the perfect sunny weather… The minute we touch down in Duluth the snow is going to kill me!”

Camille and Jo both nodded in agreement as they took their first bites, both of them far better equipped to handle the cold weather than their friends who were Los Angeles-born and bred, like the Jennifers.

Sitting at the base of the Blue Ridge Mountains, Marion, North Carolina would often see snow during the colder winter months, so Jo’s hometown was no stranger to low temperatures. However, that would be the least of her worries about her holiday journey home. 

It wasn’t often she spoke about her family, but from what Roxy had gathered over the course of their friendship, her father and grandmother were the people she was closest to. Since her grandmother couldn’t make the trip from Marion to Los Angeles, Jo hadn’t seen her in quite some time. The real issue, however, was seeing her mother, Donna, and older sister, Vic, who had split off from the family together almost fifteen years ago. As Jo had mentioned before, getting together for Christmas and birthdays with her divorced parents and uncaring older sibling was always a drag and she expected this year to be no different. 

“Never mind the snow! My dad said Mom’s bringing her new boyfriend over this year… How fun that’ll be. On top of having to see that, she’ll probably hound me about Kendall too - try to find any sliver of connection between us and pretend as if she cares about what’s going on with me.”

The blonde scrunched her face in disgust, leading Camille to ask, “What if you just locked yourself in your room with your grandma? She’ll protect you.” with a mouthful of food.

Half-joking, half-serious, that comment seemed to lighten the mood just enough for Jo to crack a small smile. “She can be quite scary as long as her cane is within reach and she’s always very vocal about how she doesn’t like my mom or Vic so they tend to steer clear… Maybe it won’t be all that bad. I just don’t get why they insist we do this every single year!”

While Roxy wanted to offer some advice to her friend, slowly chewing away, she didn’t understand family dynamics in the same way Jo and Camille did. Being an only child in a single-parent household made it difficult for her to even imagine what Jo was going through. The closest thing she had ever had to sisters were the girls in her apartment right now and not getting along with them royally sucked; Jo and Vic’s relationship had been strained for so long, it seemed completely unsalvagable. 

“My parents hate each other's guts, I can’t stand to be around my sister, and none of us know how to make a honey-glazed ham. It’s always a disaster. I wish I could just go with one of you guys instead.”

“I’d offer if we wouldn’t have a full house in New Windsor,” Camille shared, pushing around some of the rice on her plate, mentioning one of the two homes her family owned in Connecticut. “Normally we stay in our vacation home in Westport, but Gabriel and his husband are staying with my mom so we needed the extra space. That, and Elliott and Claude are bringing their college roommates with them.”

At times, it was difficult to keep all five of Camille’s brothers straight, even with the context in which she spoke about them. Roxy knew that Jules was only a year older than her and still in high school. Of all of her siblings, she was the closest with him, so that meant the twins Elliott and Claude were the next in age since they were still in college. She was pretty sure Gabriel was the oldest, considering he was the only one of the Roberts siblings to be married, which left only Jean-Luc to fill in the second child gap. 

Sucking in a breath at the sheer notion of having that many people in one place at the same time, Roxy breathed, “I don’t know how you manage to buy everyone gifts each year. My head almost exploded getting stuff for you two, the boys, Jennifer, Katie, Gustavo, Kelly, and my dad.”

All eleven of her gifts had already been handmade or purchased and completely wrapped in the brightest red paper she could find, hiding under her bed so no one would find them before they were supposed to. 

“Oh, trust me, I’m moments away from not even using gift wrap… I’ll just put everything under the tree and they all have to figure it out.” The actress deadpanned. “How I’ll even get them all home is another story.”

Nodding in agreement as she pushed her clean plate forward, Jo seemed to be facing the same issue as well, “Kendall mentioned that Mrs. Knight is an expert packer - Maybe you can ask her for help.”

“My dad also claims to be an expert packer but every single year we fly home we’ve had to rearrange our bags because they end up being too heavy!”

Had she not been preoccupied with thinking about her own flight home, Roxy might have added something to the conversation, but she was beginning to feel slightly queasy with her final bite of food. She and the band were flying home in the afternoon, meaning they wouldn’t get to Duluth until late into the evening.

At least I’ll get to see Dad and we can have some semblance of a Christmas Eve celebration. Hopefully, the flight doesn’t knock me out. Maybe if I put a playlist on and lay on James’ shoulder I can sleep the airsickness away. Oh! I need to call him tonight, he hasn’t texted me at all today. Probably because he’s busy, not because he’s-

“Roxy? What about you?”

“Hm?” Her head snapped up, pulling her away from her thoughts. Despite not having heard anything her friends had said for the last minute or so she tried, “You can sleep on my floor, Jo. It’ll just be me and my dad. From what I’ve told him about you, he thinks you’re pretty neat, but be warned he might try and put you onto some Minnesota underground punk band.”

The songwriter watched as Jo and Camille paused for a second, glancing at each other before bursting out laughing, the sound echoing off the walls of her small apartment. 

“Too busy thinking about James to pay attention to us?” Jo teased and Roxy felt her face flush, which was all the response the pair needed to know they were right in their suspicions. “I was telling Camille I got Kendall a signed, framed poster from the movie Revenantland - Our first date! What did you get James?”

When Roxy pushed back, “Sorry, I don’t know anyone by that name…” per the Girl’s Night rules the blond had established at the beginning of the evening then promptly broke, Camille stuck her foot out and pushed the assistant’s chair, jostling her. 

Kicking her chair right back, ignoring the creaking of the ancient wood, she protested again, “It’s a secret! If I tell you two, then Jo will tell Kendall, who will tell Logan, who will tell Carlos, who will tell James! That’s not a risk I’m willing to take.”

“So dramatic…” Camille said, clicking her tongue a few times, which made the writer want to defend her actions further. 

“It’s true! Jo’s been 100% honest after her fake boyfriend fiasco and Kendall’s nosey! All of you are just going to have to wait until the appropriate time to receive your gifts. Until then, my lips are sealed!”

“Killjoy…” Jo jokingly muttered with a roll of her eyes, speaking just loud enough to annoy her friend as she got up to clear the plates from the table. 

Turning to Camille, who was also pushing away from the table to help with the dishes, Roxy matched the actress’ volume as she contemplated, “I think eleven gifts is far too many. Who’s should I return first? Hers or Kendall’s?”

Just as she opened her mouth to respond, a smile curving her gorgeous features, she managed to catch a glimpse at the clock on the microwave. In an instant, her smile turned into a frown. “When did it get so late?”

That caught Jo’s attention, who glanced over her shoulder to check the time as well. “Shit! We’re starting our shoot at 7 am tomorrow… I still need to go over some of my scenes. Jett gets so bitchy if we have to do more than a few takes per scene - Like he’s some sort of perfect actor!” 

Her scoff was not lost on her friends; While she loved her job more than anything in the world, Jo still had to deal with annoying co-workers.

Joining her in front of the sink, Roxy slung an arm over the blonde’s shoulder, “Hang in there, girl! Just remember Rocque Records isn’t that far from Collosal Studios. If you ever need the guys to take a trip down to the New Town High set, just let us know.”

Jo easily leaned into her friend, closing her eyes and letting out a deep breath as Camille walked over and joined the girls’ embrace. “I should probably head out too. Morning auditions.”

“And I’ve got to get James from the airport bright and early before work…”

Even though it was time for the night to come to an end, none of them made any attempts to move, simply enjoying the warm embrace for as long as possible as the tape of holiday tunes filled up the silence.

***

It didn’t take Roxy very long to clean up dinner. Lazily singing along to the music from her tape player, the dishes were done in a flash, there was barely any food left to save for later, and the red tablecloth covering her table was thrown into the washing machine. 

When she was finished, she attempted to FaceTalk James, but he didn’t pick up. Chalking it up to the two-hour time difference, she tried not to take it personally that he hadn’t even sent her a goodnight text after no messages at all for most of the day. Just in case he was still awake, she sent him a smiley face and a few hearts before setting her phone down to charge and heading to the bathroom to wind down for the night. 

One nice, long shower later, she had changed into her pajamas and settled down on her bed to write her journal entry for the day. Like most entries, this one had come easy to her. 

Whenever she had a wonderful time with her friends, it was effortless to recall and write down; She had even managed to snatch the recipe Camille had used to make the taco meat and scribbled that out as well as a reminder for the future. Towards the bottom of the page, Roxy managed to get a few sentences out about her worries that James hadn’t texted her, ultimately deciding that the sooner she went to bed, the sooner she’d wake up to a message of his in the morning. 

Just as she set her book and pen down on her nightstand, rolling off her plush duvet to turn off the lights in 2-H, she left her bedroom only to hear a quiet knock on her front door.

Instantly, she froze, heart rate levels spiking to the roof.

Who could possibly be here this late?

Had it been one of the boys, Mrs. Knight, or Katie, they would have used the door connecting their apartments. That ruled out almost everyone she’d be okay with seeing at this hour. 

Scanning the kitchen table, she didn’t notice anything Jo or Camille may have left behind and they certainly would have sent her a message if they were intending to come back over. 

Buddha Bob, the maintenance man only came upon request and everything in her apartment was in proper working order. Mr. Bitters, though always looking for a reason to kick her and the band out of the Palm Woods, didn’t care enough about his job to come knocking at her door this late.

Knock knock

Once again, the soft tapping at her door came again and Roxy slowly crept over to her couch, squatting down to grab the old hockey stick Logan insisted she hid there when they first moved to L.A. in case she would ever need it. 

Better to be safe than sorry, she told herself, gripping the smooth, taped-over wood in one hand as she made her way to her front door. Heart still threatening to beat out of her chest with anxiety, she moved as quietly as possible, undoing the deadbolt and slowly cracking the door just enough to see who was outside. 

Two big suitcases, one hockey duffel, and a familiar, tall, handsome boy stood in the entryway with a big, ridiculous grin on his face. 

Before James could even get out a word of greeting, the hockey stick Roxy had been holding loudly clattered to the tiled floor at her feet as she pulled the door wide open and launched herself at her boyfriend. Hands easily meeting around his neck, legs tightly wrapping around his waist, she squeezed him so tightly she could have cracked one of his ribs. 

Despite his winded, “Oof,” his duffel hit the floor with a thud as one arm encircled her waist, the other burying itself into her hair as he pressed Roxy into the crook of his neck. 

“Hey, baby. Miss me?”

[harrison-abbott]

A Post-Internet World

I was watching The X-Files earlier. Season 1, which aired in 1993. It’s a fun show; and as a 90s boy (me being born in 1992), it took me back to that hazy world, where the music was different, the haircuts different, even the colour of the streets seemingly different.

The characters step into phone booths to make calls. They still have those televisions which are massive black boxes which flash with those black & white dots when not hooked on to a channel. They still read broadsheet newspapers. I’ll admit a nostalgia for the 1990s and TV shows from that pre-Sopranos age.

But it got me thinking about the main thing missing from the daily lives of people back then.

The internet. They don’t use the internet; it’s just not there … Which is surreal when you compare it to 2023, when all of us are constantly wired to the internet.

So it got me thinking about just how much the world wide web has altered the planet, since the era I mentioned above, when I was a child.

1993 is a convenient year, because this is when the first proper web browser was released to the public. Amazon and eBay were invented in 1995, and Google in 1998. Wikipedia was born in 2001. In 1993, 1% of information fed through global telecommunications networks was performed via the internet. In 2023, it is 100%.

What about TV shows? Well – you remember Blockbuster, right? The video store. That’s what you’d do on a Friday night, go and rent a VHS out to watch the X-Files. Well, Blockbuster declined heavily after the explosion of the internet, and closed its last store in Alaska in 2018.

The internet also killed Toys R Us, RadioShack, Virgin Megastores (in terms of high street shops, in the West), the Discovery Channel Store, Borders book shop, Hastings Entertainment, Dixons entertainment, Woolworths, Sears (which was once the world’s largest retailer) and GameStop, to name a few.

Furthermore, there are whole industries which have had to adapt to the WWW. Pre-internet, and up until the new millennium, almost all books were sold in bookstores, as physical copies. Today, 80% of books are sold online. Specific types of books are no longer bought on demand; such as encyclopedias, dictionaries, travel guides or maps – all of which are easier to access online.

Landlines … for your phone in your house. In the 1990s 9 in 10 of households used their landline phone as a main way of communication. Today it’s 9 in 10 with cellphones.

Journalism. From 2005 to 2021, over 2200 American print newspapers closed in the US; and from 2008 to 2020, the number of American newspaper journalists were cut by half. Similarly, in the UK, around 300 newspapers died away between 2009 and 2019.

The music industry. Is an obvious one, and among those most severely struck. Whilst the net made it far easier to pirate music, platforms such as Apple Music and Spotify removed the need for illegal listeners. The industry itself was among the most profitable in the 1990s. Within the last 20 years its revenue has been reduced by 50%, when taking all sources into account. CD sales reached their peak in the year 2000 in America (a figure of around 900 million). Since then sales have dropped 95%.

And, on a grander scale, we can’t ignore how the internet has altered how we socialise. We spend more time on the internet in our daily lives that we do via communicating with other people face to face.

It’s changed the way we read, and the amount that we read. People are far more likely to skim read articles on a screen and not read beyond the initial three or four paragraphs, especially if this requires clicking ‘next page’ to read on. Writers on the internet now write shorter sentences in order to hold reader attention span.

The internet has changed crime. Through cybercrime, as people find it easier to steal money from long distance locations whilst hiding their identities. It is estimated that over $600 billion is lost (or robbed) each year via cyber criminals.

It’s changed the way people date. People who use dating apps are more likely to have sex sooner in a relationship than those who meet in the ‘traditional’ way; and are more likely to date several people at once before choosing a specific individual. Moreover, it has made people less likely to commit, because with internet dating, they have far more options.

Most of this essay has been negative. One can’t deny that the internet has many positive sides to it too. With Healthcare, for instance: as people are able to communicate with their doctors without having to physically attend a GP, thus making it faster. And in terms of education – one can basically look up any information they please at any point. Rather than having to head to a library or school.

I use the internet all the time as well. Am no different. I suppose it just felt odd, watching the X-Files earlier, as it gave me that dose of what it was like in boyhood. There was Twin Peaks, as well, and Friends, you know, all of those classic 90s shows. I used to watch them on one of those gigantic televisions, which only had four channels.

In 1993, around 15 million people used the internet. Nowadays, over 4.66 billion people are online. That’s less than 1% of the world population in 93, to around 60% of the world population now.

I miss the 1990s. It was a great decade for things like television, and film, and music. Culture in general. The irony is that I no longer own a VHS player. And I was using a streaming site to watch the X-Files earlier. I should feel lucky to have experienced that last-decade-before-the-internet. To belong to the millennials generation.

What I do still have is a retro TV (with the black & white scrambly dots), and a Nintendo 64 and Playstation, oh – and a great collection of CDs. And they’re never getting chucked out, ever. Will keep them, always.

[funkypoacher]

How about: “Never do that again. Please” + Kaidan & Hestia and/or "I'd hate to be a burden..." || "It's alright, (Name). I don't mind taking care of you" + Joseph & Trudy?

it's been a minute since I wrote Hes/Kaidan!! this prompt was fun. based off my post-war canon which is explained here (dont worry, its short). Will be doing the Trudy/Joseph one as well (because how can I not??) in a seperate post.

"Hes—Jesus!"

She almost can't hear him over the wind howling through the canyon between them. But before she can give Kaidan his hollered concern its due credit, she's got priorities to sort out, and those are hauling herself up the cliff-edge she's clinging to. Half-dangling from her stomach over a vast wilderness of beautiful north Vancouver splendor—yep, it'd be a shame to bloody-up the cuts of soaring rock and birch going orange with the season.

Shepard lifts herself to the plateau and stands. How she got sand in her crack is a mystery for the ages.

"Are you okay?!"

Kaidan is horrified. Jiggling a little to dislodge the grit, Shepard just eyes the crevice she flung herself across. It's a thirty meter drop, easily, into a sea of trees.

"Guess it was a bit bigger than I thought, eh?"

"You think?!"

Shepard smiles to herself. Readjusting the jostled zipper of her jacket, she loudly asks "you want me to throw the rope across, or—?" but before she can wholly offer to toss him a line, Kaidan is floating across the expanse, lit up with the blue light.

He lands a foot away. Kaidan's handle of his biotics is, as always, lithe. His body, though, moves like a soldier, so he hits the ground running. His boots dig into the earth; he grunts. Yes, Kaidan is both refined and gruff; as rigid as he is ridiculously adaptable. Kaidan is… Well, he's a lot of things, isn't he?

For now, he's the guy giving her stink eye, the blue of his biotics receding like water.

"Nice job, fly-boy," Shepard says, arms across her chest.

"And there was room for one more," Kaidan answers somewhat sourly. "Seriously, we could have piggy-backed. I thought you were going to use your biotics, not… throw yourself at it."

"With my implant fubared like it is, no. No way. Biotics are a no-go for a while." Sighing, sucking in that pine-fresh air, Shepard nods west. "Come on. We're losing daylight. Got a few clicks until the next camp and no one likes when you show up after dark."

Kaidan sighs, too. "Fine." He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Just… never do that again. Please."

Her skin pricks into a shiver. And now it's Hestia's turn to look scared.

"What?"

In answer to Kaidan's question, Shepard shrugs; turns away.

"Nothing. It's a little like old times, I guess." She smiles small, voice quiet but not soft. "You. Me. You asking me not to complete a totally viable maneuver."

"Completely?" Kaidan's consternation becomes something else real quick, however. Walking closer, his voice reaches for her. "Hes…"

"We need to go."

"We need to talk."

"No, Kaidan," Shepard answers. She looks down. "It's too soon."

"Too soon?" Kaidan takes a step back. "It's been four years since we talked about anything that wasn't the war. But it's over, now—"

"If you think this isn't still the war, then you're wrong," Shepard replies quickly. "This is the war. We're still in it. And this is more real than…"

She knows by the shift in his eyes that she's gone too far. She's drifting in and out of that headspace where the Reapers were a bad dream; where this is all it's ever been—a world in ruins and its populace starving—and Shepard was never any commander because how can she live with that guilt? She misses the simplicity and denial. She misses where Kaidan was just a daydream, simple, and soft.

But things are never simple.

"We're going," Shepard says. And even if she's only there to act as Kaidan's guide, she's going with or without him.

[cospinol]

*finally* finished with summer anime four weeks into the fall season, OTL... not much of an isekai log this time around since i didn't watch the vending machine one or either of the ones with no clear gimmick or fucking mushoku tensei, but nonetheless here's my Bad Genre Is Still Bad check-in for summer '23 anime:

^ slim enough watchlist that i included eiyuu kyoushitsu on the basis of it being maou/yuusha bs even though that parameter for the category would technically include helck, which will not be featured in this post because i actually like it. not much to say about eiyuu kyoushitsu in and of itself (it's an episodic comedy with no single element of huge offence, but enough minor annoyances stacked up with no mitigating factors at all WILL net you a 2/10 eventually. also don't put the demon lord character in the intro if he's not going to be in the show i am so serious i can't keep getting fooled like this) but the fact that i hated it as much as i did IS a little microcosm of the larger pattern of the season, which is that i was excited that there were so many magic academy light novel adaptations because that ecological niche seemed to get naturally-selected out of existence around the time of the isekai boom and for some reason i remembered its golden age fondly...? anyways, liar liar also closed out at a 2/10 for an accumulation of annoyances with no redeeming qualities, and i dropped nanatsu no maken halfway through the season for getting on my nerves. lesson learned

and seija musou & okashi na tensei are both the most intensely Nothing To Write Home About that this genre can get, just operating on different skill levels - seija musou is almost fascinatingly amateurish with no tone, pacing, or even a gimmick to speak of (it may try to trick you by briefly dipping its toes in the concept of an rpg setting where all healers are evil(?) but don't be fooled, a solid third of the runtime is dedicated to the protagonist raising his stats by fighting zombies in a basement alone) but has no actual annoyances (aside from its minor obsession with the running gag of ostensibly funny nicknames - turns out that the principle of 'you can't give yourself a nickname' also applies to light novel authors' self insert characters) annoying enough to drop it down to a 2, while okashi na tensei is competently constructed, with at least a little thought given to its actual themes, some fun political scheming, and about as good a core cast as you're going to get in one of these (lady brioche my beloved...), but no strengths strong enough to bump it up to a 6. i'd watch a second season of okashi na tensei but i imagine i would leave with as little to say about it as this one

andddd i've been watching lastame at a pace such that i'll be lucky to finish it before the end of the year but my preliminary review (assuming it doesn't completely overhaul its established formula in the second half) is an easy 7/10 (no more no less), nice to see an otome villainess reincarnation story where the premise isn't completely incoherent and/or actively in contempt of its own genre for once, ok cast, good character design, suwabe playing a grimy bandit character with a heart of gold, etc

[kylekozmikdeluxo]

When a Weird Dream from 2004 Links Two Disparate Things...

Around July of 2004, I had this strange-ass dream that has kinda stuck with me...

I was going to turn 12 in a few months. It started with my parents somehow leaving me behind in a grocery store after it closed. For some reason, Meg Griffin from FAMILY GUY was there, as was... I think her name was "Fanny"? from CODENAME: KIDS NEXT DOOR. I forget what number... Erm, NUMBUH... she was, but she was the bossy redhead with that shrill voice. (Not googling, because it's fun to write this as I'm remembering it.) They were both there for some reason, as dreams often tend to do. Throw in something or someone totally unrelated to the situation... Like that time I had that dream where I was at a casino, Metallica was having a concert, and Dr. Fauci of all people was someone I bumped into there.

Then I was going through books in one section, and happened upon...

A THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE picture book. As in a book made a little after the show came out in the U.S., the illustrations were painted and hand-drawn, but were show-accurate with all the right details. Like, for anyone who happens to be reading this who hasn't seen anything from the series prior to 2010... For the longest time, THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE was made using remote-control model trains on immaculately-crafted real-life sets... And some picture books replicated that quite well. This book from the dream was kinda similar to the '90s picture books from Random House/Please Read to Me.

Now, THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE was a hyperfixation of mine when I was a kid. Like, one of my prime special interests from age 6 to around 8-ish, then I dropped it for a bit, likely thinking it was all "babyish" or whatever for a third/fourth grader to be watching. Then around 5th grade, at age 10, I slipped back into it for some reason. Might've been because the new season dropped at the time (2002), and new characters came about, and back then, I was still like "Yeah, I like Thomas." It was the first new season of the show since 1998, and the only new Thomas stuff we got between both of those seasons was the especially weird theatrical movie THOMAS AND THE MAGIC RAILROAD. And that revisiting of THOMAS was a rather short one, and then by age 10 1/2 I was past it once more... But it continued to linger in subtle ways, because deep down I knew that show actually kinda freakin' ruled.

So now it's mid-2004, it's been about a year and a half since I actually watched a Thomas episode or looked at anything pertaining to that whole franchise spawned by Reverend Wilbert Awdry's legendary book series. I'm trapped in a supermarket that has closed, yet many lights are still on, but it's like mood-lighting almost. Soothing and kinda reassuring. And two cartoon characters from two shows I was watching *a lot* back in the day were there. FAMILY GUY was being re-run on [adult swim] and TBS at the time, after FOX had cancelled the show. These re-runs from 2003-04 were what brought the show a whole new fanbase, which in turn helped get FOX to renew the show for a fourth season that debuted in May 2005, and then it was unstoppable since then. I can kinda proudly say that I was at the forefront of FAMILY GUY's revival, I watched it almost every night, because it was edgy and cool for 10-12 year old me to put on after everyone was asleep. And as for CODENAME: KIDS NEXT DOOR? I watched it constantly, among many other shows being aired on Cartoon Network at the time. Cartoon Network practically raised me, so- I can only imagine why Meg and Fanny, of all characters, were there in the dream.

I come upon this illustrated picture book based on the THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE television series, and it gets my eye because... It features Thomas on the cover with a character that *never* appeared in the TV series proper. The character was known as "Diesel D199", a nameless bully diesel who showed up in the 1968 book ENTERPRISING ENGINES, and only appears in one of its four stories.

That story, 'Super Rescue', was never adapted into an episode of THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE... But I knew the character because toys of him existed, and he was unusual in that he had a yellow face while all the other characters on the show had grayish-white faces. This is likely because a lot of the diesel characters in the original book series didn't have gray-white faces, like the steam engines largely did. Characters like Daisy, BoCo, and the green bully diesel from 'Bowled Out' had gray-white faces in the show, but not in the books. Since Diesel D199 didn't show up in the series, the companies making the merchandise just used his yellow book illustration face. As a kid, who was only familiar with the show and not the books, that had always puzzled me.

The book cover depicted him and Thomas going up Gordon's Hill, smiling at each other. I was unaware that he was an antagonist in the books, as the merchandise usually depicted him with a friendly smiling face. The title of the book was "Diesel Do It Again", maybe this was so because my brain was recalling the Season 3 episode "Diesel DOES It Again" - featuring the character simply named "Diesel", an episode largely set on the seaside.

Which brings me to the next thing I want to talk about...

The Beach Boys.

One of my all-time favorite musical groups. I had known of this group since I was a small kid, because my mother owned the 1995 greatest hits compilation 20 GOOD VIBRATIONS, so I know a few of their iconic hits. Then, while spending days and nights at a beach house that my dad would rent at the time, I had my brain chemistry altered... When my dad bought a 30-song compilation called SOUNDS OF SUMMER: THE VERY BEST OF THE BEACH BOYS... That compilation opened with 'California Girls', and my mind was *blown*...

The collection contained several hits from their fruitful early period, all the hit songs off of PET SOUNDS, and a scattered mess of tracks from 1967-1969 and 1976-1988, and none of it in chronological order. It was a lot of weird whiplash between eras, styles, and moods, for sure. And often, on car trips, we'd only make it to about the 15th track or so. Usually it would end at 'Wouldn't It Be Nice', maybe the opening bars of 'Getcha Back'. (Which is a very weird song to transition into, coming off of PET SOUNDS' haunting opening track, but I digress.)

This music made me FEEL. And it's no surprise, Brian Wilson is a goddamn genius, but yes, even at age 11 1/2... I was like, really moved by how many of these songs were crafted and arranged. It was musical education right there. Years later, I deep-dived into their history and yeah, it too is a special interest of mine.

What the hell does this have to do with THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE?

Nothing, really... Except, for in my head.

I was staying at that beach house in mid-2004, and I was addicted to that CD at the time, and I had also dug out my mom's Beach Boys CD as well. So, my rotation in mid-2004 was largely that Beach Boys CD, Cartoon Network, some of my XBOX games (such as TEST DRIVE: OVERDRIVE and DISNEY'S EXTREME SKATE ADVENTURE), and... COMIC STRIPS.

I was really, really, *really* into comic strips back then, namely a strip called GET FUZZY by Darby Conley.

A hapless man with not much of a love life, his naive dog, and his rather mean cat... Sound familiar? Surprisingly, there was a lot to it that differentiated it from GARFIELD. I was literally *in love* with this comic back then, and I still love it, actually. It dawned on me many years, but it's autistic AF... and I'll likely elaborate on that some other time, maybe on here!

Anyways, comics... I opened the Thomas book in the dream, and it was half usual Thomas illustrations you'd often see in the picture books, *and* it was... Black and white comic strips with the characters and all these random human side-characters who looked like they could've come right out of something like SALLY FORTH or BEETLE BAILEY... Sort-of existing and being up to random things that didn't have much to do with the trains, but it was part of it all. Very odd in a way. And I was like "Wait-a-minute, Thomas was also a comic?"

Not much happened in the dream beyond that, and it went kind of quick, I recall Meg remarking "Oh yeah, I read/watched that when I was a kid!" (Meg is 16 in the first season of FAMILY GUY, meaning she was likely born in 1983-ish, so maybe she theoretically would've caught the show - as part of SHINING TIME STATION - when it first came out in the U.S. in 1989. But I'm getting way too ahead of myself here.) Other random stuff, the kind that usually happening in dreams, etc. It would go very off-topic, so I'll cap it there.

So, my mind was like... Hmmmm... This old show about talking trains and talking cars, and The Beach Boys did a lot of car songs...

But... Why was my autistic brain making this specific connection that likely was not there?

My guesses...

A) THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE had a lot of seaside episodes, either set at a harbor, or on a beach. Bright skies, water, seagull sound effects, etc. The whole book series and show is set on the **Island** of Sodor.

B) I had went to car shows a lot as a kid, and heard a lot of those Beach Boys, and many similar-sounding surf/hot rod songs.

C) I went to beaches *a lot* as a kid with my father. He also had a raft, and we'd fish or crab a lot, too.

D) A lot of the iconic RAILWAY SERIES stories, which the THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE TV series is based on, were written in the 1950s and 1960s. I didn't know this at the time, I only knew that the show came out sometime around the mid-1980s. The copyright dates on the American VHS releases of the show were kinda wonky and sometimes inaccurate. When I discovered the books for the first time, I was particularly struck by the illustrations done by John T. Kenney (1957-1962) and Peter & Gunvor Edwards (1963-1972)...

Like, I'm immediately reminded of all the retro 50s/60s stuff I saw quite often as a kid, *again*, at car shows and relatives' houses and such. Old toys, etc. I might've been born in the early '90s, but your relatives and people you know hang onto stuff from decades prior. I grew up around a lot of "old" stuff, old architecture and decor and such. My dad's former house, for example, had those '70s wood paneled walls and mustard yellow countertops. A green toilet, of all things. Lots of vintage crockery and such.

Perhaps that aural world that Brian, his brothers, and company created with their music in the 1960s and 1970s makes me think of Sodor in a way, a sort of quaint island community from decades back, albeit far across the Atlantic. It's worth noting that when The Beach Boys' popularity sunk in the U.S. in the late 1960s and they had an image problem, they remained ever-popular in the UK and most of Europe.

But yeah, one weird dream in 2004 linked the two things... And I guess I'm not alone, because someone made a mashup of Toby's theme from the TV series and 'California Girls'... and they go together very, very well...

Dreams are the brain's YTPs... and sometimes they make a real impression on you...

[thetoxicgamer]

Worlds 2023 First-Timers and Rookies to Watch

The most crucial portion of the season is still to come, therefore it's probable that every competitive League of Legends fan has their alarms and notifications set. We are beyond thrilled that the 2023 World Championship will start on October 10 (a day sooner if you include the Worlds Qualification Series). Every year, the competition is renowned for providing us captivating narratives. Favourites may outperform or falter early, while dark horses may pull one or two aces out of their sleeves and make a strong showing. Renowned experts can demonstrate their abilities, while newcomers can make history on the grandest stage. When it comes to new pros, Worlds is known for allowing some of them to shine bright like a diamond each year. If they’re brave enough and can withstand pressure, they’ll write history, and all of the spotlights will be on them. If not, they will have to work for their chance at redemption the following year. Worlds 2023 is no different. This edition is filled with first-timers and rookies worth your attention, and if you don’t know where to look, don’t worry. We’ve got you covered. Here are five players you need to watch this year. Fnatic’s Noah Everyone who has followed LEC this year knows how much of a disaster Fnatic were in the first half of the year. Failing to make the Winter Groups and Spring Playoffs must’ve been hurtful, but it turned out to be a perfect wake-up call as well. Before Summer, the team brought in Trymbi and LEC rookie Noah, and the latter shook up Europe.  The Korean AD carry finished the 2023 LEC Summer Season with a stellar KDA of 22.2, the highest among all players in that stage. It’s a humongous lead over the rest of the competition. Second-placed Trymbi had 6.8 KDA, while third-placed Hans Sama and Mikyx finished with 6.5 scores. Noah hasn’t been flawless. In fact, he has fallen off a bit under pressure in the following stages of the European competition, and at Worlds, he’ll face challenges like never before. Still, with his vast champion pool (eight different champs since his LEC debut) and proper guidance from veterans like Trymbi and Humanoid, Noah has the potential to pop off. Once he does, he’s surely bringing some fireworks. Gen.G’s Peyz Before the 2023 season started, one of the loudest roster changes in the East was Gen.G’s swap of Ruler for Peyz. Worlds 2022 semifinalists and 2022 LCK Summer champions opted for a rookie rather than spend some money on a well-known individual. That itself comes with pressure. However, saying Peyz has handled the pressure well is almost an understatement.  In their championship run at the 2023 LCK Summer Playoffs, Peyz has been the fourth-best player in terms of KDA (second-best ADC) with a score of 7.2. In the 2023 LCK Summer Split, he scored not one, not two, but three pentakills. His stellar performances earned him the LCK Rookie of the Year award, LCK Finals MVP of Spring 2023, and places in second and third All-Pro Teams in Summer and Spring, respectively. In a true Gen.G fashion, Peyz has been winning trophies left and right, and he might add the cherry on top at Worlds 2023–if he maintains his jaw-dropping performance level. LNG Esports’ Hang Out of all the four main regions, LPL is often the most surprising due to its unique format and the fact that not many people from Western audiences follow it. For comparison, the 2023 LCK Summer Split peaked at 1,528,729 million viewers, while the 2023 LPL Summer Split did so at 288,463, but there is no data from Chinese streaming platforms, according to Esports Charts. Either way, LPL’s representatives always make a dragon’s entrance at Worlds, and if we had to bet on the biggest rookie to watch from that region, that would be Hang.  Hang joined LNG Esports after an unsuccessful stint with FPX last year. Under LNG’s banner, though, he began showing his true colors.  In the summer, Hang has been often put on aggressive, engage supports, like Nautilus, Rakan, Leona, and Rell. In LNG’s games, it’s often Hang who finds a lost enemy and engages toward them. During the team’s victory against Bilibili Gaming at the 2023 LPL Regional Finals, Hang often started fights, earning himself 34 assists in the meantime. If Hang maintains his confident approach, he might remind everyone why Chinese teams have been known for their aggressive playstyles–and why they have been so successful. G2 Esports’ Yike With three domestic trophies, G2 Esports are once again Europe’s front-runners. Their success is mostly a team effort, but you can’t forget about the impact of their rookie, Yike. When you look at G2’s stats during their championship runs this year, they are topping each position in terms of KDA, so there’s no point highlighting Yike’s solid individual results. But when you take a glimpse at G2’s playstyle, you’ll quickly realize how diverse, well-communicated, and aggressive they are. In this well-oiled machine, Yike is the main engine. The French jungler almost always finds himself right where he needs to be. Now, he’s arrived at Worlds. History shows teams who rely on strong early game and polished macro can often be easily read by opponents. But Yike and G2 have already been baptized at Mid-Season Invitational 2023, earning international stage experience, and they have a clean slate (and I have tons of Copium).  Team Liquid’s APA Last but not least, we have three teams coming to South Korea all the way through the Pacific Ocean. All three of them may cause a lot of trouble, but the one we find particularly interesting is Team Liquid. Similarly to Fnatic, Liquid turned their season around, and a key aspect of this change in tides was APA. The 21-year-old mid laner replaced Haeri on July 5, when Liquid were 5-4 in the 2023 LCS Summer Split. Since then, they have never dropped below fourth place and completed a lower-bracket run to book their spots at Worlds 2023.  APA was certainly a breath of fresh air for Liquid and became the main contributor to their victories. In the regular season, he boasted four Player of the Game awards in five victories despite missing out on half of the season. When APA is playing well, Liquid are doing so as well. All North American fans should put their faith in the 21-year-old, for he might be our savior on the Worlds stage.  Read the full article

[messyliferip]

we haven’t had any uni for the past three days because horrible storms in my area and i’ve binge watched almost three seasons of greys anatomy. i’m literally having some sort of existential crisis over who what where i am and also the four Ws of the future and it’s a whole mess. I’ve been trying to study but we literally only got the introduction on most of our classes so miraculously when I WANT to study there is nothing to study.

Half of everyone ever is like you’re not even twenty you don’t have to have everything figured out meanwhile the other half is like have some sort of semblance of your ideal trajectory of your life. and i’ve always been the sort to have EVERYTHING planned out and here I am three years into medical school still a second year and i’m more lost and confused as ever. three years and I can’t even decide if I want to be a doctor or not…. ugh smh. I know people drop out and change all the time but i don’t know if that’s supposed to be me or not. I started this whole medicine path because my parents, but is that enough? and I love people and I love most aspects of practicing medicine but that’s usually not enough. medicine isn’t just a whim major or profession it’s not just a want or need for it you have to have the drive the empathy the intelligence etc etc you have to have a very specific skill set that not everyone has and honestly most of the time i’m not even angry about that. and i’m just lost cause i don’t know if i have it in more or not. so many people preach this idea of everyone can make it but i hate that cause not everyone can…. not everyone wants to. and for the millionth time since i’ve started i can’t tell if i’m just complaining like every uni student and i’m going to pull through in the end, or…. if this possibly is the end. Uni started a week ago and I haven’t even decided what courses I’m signing up for.