#it’s just like the song aftershocks ngl

[ghostlysodo]

the next to normal fixation is back baby (it never went away)

[muzzlemouths]

Prompt: "We dont have to do anything at all if that's what you want." Would be good for a bit of post panic comfort.

this prompt came right when I needed it too ngl...........

Sun & Moon Centric // Wordcount: 1,440

It starts with a bad day.

A bad day turns into a bad week, the bad week becomes a headache, then a migraine, and that migraine creates tension. The tension builds into restlessness. Overstimulation.

Which then becomes panic.

The first time you have an attack at work, it’s in front of Sun. It’s in the middle of your shift and it happens like all panic attacks do; like spilt milk, triggered by the smallest inconvenience. You aren’t sure what causes it - your shirt sleeve getting wet, a book falling on your toe, a child screaming just a little too loud - it could have been any number of things. You can’t remember. The moment was lost to you.

What you do remember is Sun’s face. He’s busy with a game when you catch yourself in the midst of it, and he looks up just in time to see you making a run for the door. A hand locked over your mouth, limbs shaking, tears on the brink of escaping, it’s all you can do just to get outside the two Daycare doors before all of it spills over.

Things are different after that. Something’s tilted, off kilter. Not on the brink of panic but drifting in the aftershocks of it, where the world is still only a distant whisper. You’ll get through it - or over it. You always do. It doesn’t mean the episode is any easier to bear, because you’re not really processing (you don’t have the energytimecourage to) you’re just enduring. The feeling will eventually become an afterthought.

Sun treats you like dainty orchid. Like any slight inconvenience will result in torn petals and another fit of tears. Maybe that’s the guilt; he wasn’t able to get to you that day - not without leaving the Daycare - and by the time you returned it was with a tight smile and a promise that you were alright. A lie he is quick to point out, and one you don’t fully deny.

He tiptoes around you at half his usual volume. He offers every opportunity to be a listening ear, convinced you aren’t going to get better until you talk out the storm cloud above your head.

And maybe that’s what you needed - to talk things out - but you sure as hell weren’t going to do that. What was the point? Talking was hard. Talking meant exposing things you’d prefer were kept hidden, especially when you already spent all of your energy on just existing. It would happen again, inevitably, and you would repeat this whole process without ever solving anything. Talking won’t change that.

He switches gears only a few days in. Distractions. If you can’t (won’t) talk about it, you must simply be overwhelmed by it. Breaking the emotions down into tiny bite-sized pieces will make them easier to digest, he thinks. Enough distraction and you might not think the issue is so big, you might not see it as this horrible, intimidating thing, and you might do something to confront it. Or, at the very least, let him in to fight the demons off in your stead.

So he pulls out all the stops. His offers to play games go continuously ignored, your favorite songs just bounce off your ears even when blasted through the Daycare speakers. His art makes you smile, but it doesn’t reach your eyes, and he can tell. He can see it.

Nothing he does is what you need. When you trip, the bruise doesn’t go away overnight. Sometimes it turns an ugly color, first. Sometimes it takes weeks to disappear. Even then, the skin beneath it remains tender until it’s ready to move on. You can’t rush this soreness.

There’s no way to explain the process in a way he’ll understand.

There comes a point when he seems to acknowledge this. Somewhere towards the end of the week he stops trying all together, days of energetic attempts without success finally getting to him. He was built for joy. Built for comfort. This was an itch in his protocol that he couldn’t scratch and it was beginning to wear on him. He didn’t have the answers.

But maybe someone else did.

Sun is mostly quiet when you arrive at the Daycare that day - a sharp contrast to his usual habit of filling the air with speech bubbles - you don’t try to stop him. Not while he’s talking, and not when he stops, gets up, and moves somewhere out of view.

There’s several hours more to your shift and you’re content to stay here, slouched against a foam block, knees to your chest and all alone, until that time is up.

Sun has other plans; he always does. It’s a persistence that’s endearing on the best of days and frustrating on the worst, and you don’t have the mood for either today. You can only expect he has some new concept to get you up and moving, talking, living again, that he’ll return with party poppers or a new string of jokes to try out.

The change from day to night is an abrupt one. You don’t see him flip the switch, and if he says anything you don’t hear it - but the lights undoubtly go out, one by one, and you’re left in the resulting dark. A little early, you think, but it’s the only thought to cross your mind before your chin returns to your knees.

Moon’s arrival is inevitable. You hear him before you see him; silvery bells ringing in an otherwise silent room. Nothing more. You don’t bring yourself to greet him, and he doesn’t expect a hello. Doesn’t sound annoyed at the lack of one.

He’s silent himself when coming to a stop at your feet. Says nothing when he sits in the spot beside you. The foam gives at his weight, forcing your shoulders to collide. He doesn’t say anything then, either. You keep your head low, tucked into your knees, and despite all prior evidence stating that Moon will tease and taunt you for the mood, today he is quiet.

It’s unnerving at first. You think that he’s mad at you - that maybe Sun tattled on your lack of communication and has sent Moon to finish the job. You think he’s just waiting for a good opportunity to prod at your sores and rub salt in the wound. Indifference becomes anxiety. After the week you’ve had, you’re convinced the other shoe is about to drop.

But it never comes. Moon mostly reflects your position; knees tucked to his chest, arms wrapped loosely around them. You can see his telltale red glow every few minutes - checking up on you, apparently - but still saying nothing.

You sniffle, burying your eyes into your sleeve and cursing the way they sting. You already made a fool of yourself in front of Sun, you didn’t want to repeat the process with Moon, who evidently wasn’t in the mood to talk with you anyways.

Eventually you have to break the silence.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” You force your way around a swallow, “Try convincing me to talk? Tease me for crying? Something?”

“Do you want me to?” His answer comes quick, catching you off-guard. He looks at you from the corner of his eye.

“It’s what I expected…” your fingers clench around the fabric of your pants. You wipe your face on your sleeve, clearing your throat. It croaks all the same. “You’re really not going to push me to talk?”

His eyes leave you, looking ahead, “We don’t have to do anything,” he tells you, “if that’s what you want.”

You lift your chin, but his gaze remains off to the distance.

The returning silence answers his question.

His arms raise into a stretch, then lazily curl behind his head. He settles deeper into the foam with the intention of making himself comfortable for however long you'll be there.

You don’t realize how much of your weight was supported by his shoulder until you’re slumped to the side and landing square against him.

He says nothing about it, and you don’t, either.

It stays like this for some time. True to his word, Moon doesn’t push for anything. You sit in relative silence instead; your head on his chest, his arm eventually settling over your back. And you’re fine with that - with all of it. You aren’t pressured to feel okay, like this, and Moon doesn’t expect you to try.

It’s everything you need for the moment. No talking, no expectations, no pushing for you to reach at a happiness that still felt too distant. Sometimes silence speaks the loudest, and all that.

Him simply being here, beside you in the quiet, is more than enough.

[ironxkid]

🎧🎧🎧

SEND “🎧” AND I’LL GIVE A SONG THAT REMINDS ME OF MY MUSE WITH A REASON WHY!

under a readmore because it’s long gfdshjdfkj

regular verse

Learn To Let Go by Kesha

this one is pretty straightforward, because the song is about taking control of your life and not lingering in negative past events! It’s honestly really fitting for Carter, because that is something she needs to learn (and does later down the line), and she does encourage others to do just that without... exactly doing it herself in the beginning dsfgjhgsdfhj

Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson

also another straightforward song tbh dfgjhkdf

the song is about pushing forward and to just keep breathing, which is definitely something Carter has to push herself to do a lot

Perfect by Hedley

mmmm, I’m gonna post a chorus verse before I explain because it’s pretty obvious dfghjfdh

I'm not perfect / But I keep trying / 'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start / I'm not alive if I'm lonely / So please, don't leave / Was it something I said or just my personality?

Carter has a fear of abandonment, which I know I’ve talked about before, so her being alone (and, more specifically, left alone by the people she loves) is terrifying, and... not something she would handle well if it happened. So the lyric “I’m not alive if I’m lonely” is hella fitting

and, I actually have this song in both playlists, because this is especially fitting in the ikau, but she is afraid of chasing people away because of who she is. And, there is a lyric that simply goes “Was it something I said or just my, just myself?” which... pretty much covers Carter’s fears dgffdskj

ikau

Eight by Sleeping At Last

this song is literally on the nose dfjghdfgjk - I mean: “I was just a kid who grew up strong enough / To pick this armor up / And suddenly it fit”

the whole song just perfectly covers Carter growing up under Obadiah’s thumb after her father’s death, and her taking on the Iron Man mantle way too young. She shut herself off from everyone around her and became cold to protect herself, and she pushed herself way too hard to try and be something perfect when... it was impossible. She was trying to mold herself into a twisted image of a legacy of her father Obadiah had painted for her, and it nearly killed her

but she wants to let someone in - she wants to be able to trust someone who isn’t going to hurt her, but she’s terrified to do so

Whiskey Lullabies by Janet Devlin

also another song that’s quite on the nose! The first verse is “When I was a child / They'd ask me where it hurt / And wipe the tears from my eyes / Sure embraces / Gentle forehead kisses / Making sure that I was alright / As I grew older and the nights grew shorter / I no longer cared where it hurt” which is perfect regarding baby Carter - she was loved and cared for when growing up, and then... her father died and she was put under Obadiah’s care, and everything changed

the second verse is: “Scars they heal in time / The raw wounds on my mind / They aren't so easily fixed / You can't mend what isn't broken / Kind words are rarely spoken / In time I will learn this / But I grow older / And the nights grow shorter / Drowning as I sink or swim” which fits her growing up under Obadiah’s thumb, and her realizing just how much things have changed, and she’s struggling to get by

the bridge is fitting as well: “Please be my saving grace / Please be my saving grace / How to answer all my prayers / Please be my saving Grace” and I tend to associate the “Please be my saving grace” lines to be her doing... basically stupid stuff to either prove herself or to try and make her situation better. The last one, in particular, I usually picture to be it directed towards the Ultron project (before Ultron actually came to life), because while Carter is very reluctant to actually pursue it despite Obadiah’s insistence, she truly does hope it could be something that could allow her to step down from being an Avenger and just... let the Iron Man mantle go, while also making her situation with Obadiah better. And... it does make her situation with Obadiah better but... in a way that still hurts her, considering it results in his death, but makes everything else worse

FAULTLINE by STARSET

ngl this is basically the only song I like off of Divisions

so, to get this out of the way first, Genius is making it sound like this is a toxic romantic relationship which is a hard fucking pass on what the relationship between Carter and Obadiah is - it’s toxic and abusive, yes, but it’s familial. He fills in the role of a father figure after Tony’s death, but there’s nothing else to it, and I just wanna mention that first just to be on the safe side in case this confuses anyone

anyway, this is definitely a song that is more around Carter’s PoV and directed towards Obadiah, and expressing her frustrations with him. Part of the first verse goes: “First you gotta know / How to play the victim / Hate to tell you so / But you repeat the symptoms like an aftershock / And I only want to make it stop”, and it works because Obadiah... definitely pulls a “woe is me” card regarding Carter. He’s manipulated it so Carter seems to be an extremely broody kid that he can’t get through to at all - he’ll get her upset to the point where she snaps at him, but only does so when, say, around the other Avengers. So, they see an old man trying to help her, and then they see Carter turning on him and lashing out at him in response. He plays the victim, when that’s far from the case, and Carter just... wants him to stop

the song is just very fitting for their relationship overall! And a part of verse two goes: “You don’t wear a scar / While I’m the one in stitches / And I don’t know why / You point the finger every time”, which is perfect considering whatever Obadiah does, Carter ends up taking the fall for it, and he is quick to blame her. But, he does so in a way that makes it seem like he cares - so, as an example that’s more fic!Carter based, she actually encounters the twins in the Sokovia base (like, face-to-face) but lies about it to the rest of the team. Obadiah knows this, and when Ultron comes to be and attacks them before leaving the tower, Obadiah asks if the twins had hurt her while in the lab with the other Avengers when they’re discussing Ultron’s motives. Since she lied about seeing them to the team, this only furthers their disappointment and frustration with her. He had told her he wasn’t going to say a word about it if she worked on Ultron, but he did so anyway (which is something she’s not sure why she’s so surprised about afterwards because she knew he’d do something like that). So, he points the finger at her every time - he throws her under the bus, putting her at the center of a blame game, and she doesn’t... understand why

[clockworkcheetah]

podrec list yall

finally putting this together ill put it under the cut cause its gonna get long  i was gonna put reviews on all the podcasts but it was taking wayy too long so i just put reviews on my absolute loves (but like u can message if you wanna know why i liked/disliked certain podcasts?? i guess??)

A+ (the loves of my life)

The Thrilling Adventure Hour: anyone who has been following me since late 2014 knows this podcast owns my ass and probably always will. its several comedy plays in the style of old radio (my personal fave is sparks nevada: marshal on mars) its purely a comedy so dont expect ~deep writing~ it just wants to make u laugh and for me it does just that (ngl its a bit weird to rec this podcast now cause the older episodes you have to buy now? but theyre releasing new stuff but theyre studio recorded rather than being liveshows now) also has a musical episode 

King Falls AM: about a radio show hosted by two guys in a little mountain town with strange happenings. the plot takes a little while to get going but man it is good. itll make u laugh and cry and feel all the emotions at some point or another. youll love some characters and absolutely loathe others but the characters are all very distinct. has a musical episode (yes im gonna say if theres a musical ep or not its a valid reason to check a podcast out)

Wooden Overcoats: british comedy about rival funeral homes. super fun and lovable characters and being a cynical british person i appreciate the cynical british humour. 

-

A (loves)

Beautiful Stories from Anonymous People (Beautiful/Anonymous) (nonfiction) Archive 81 The Message + Life/After The Deep Vault S-Town The Orphans The Lost Cat Podcast (has a musical ep- also the first 3 seasons all have songs and theyre bangers) The Infinite Now Qwerpline The Truth Marsfall Wolf 359 Beef and Diary Network Girl in Space Welcome to Nightvale (tbh i havent listened to this in years im only adding cause i feel like i have too)

B (likes)

Tropical Moon Limetown The Monster Hunters Jim Robbie and the Wanderers Ruby: The Adventures of a Galactic Gumshoe Alba Salix: Royal Physician Audio Diary of a Superhero The Strange Case of Starship Iris The Behemoth Return Home (kinda has a musical? more of a rap battle tho) Aaron Mahnke's Cabinet of Curiosities (nonfiction) Steal the Stars Tribulation The Bright Sessions We Fix Space Junk

C (alright)

We’re Alive ars PARADOXICA Inkwyrm Point Mystic Rose Drive Aftershocks Immunities The Hotel

D (meh)

Ostium Under Pressure The Penumbra Podcast (hoo boy) Wormwood 

F (disliked and/or dropped)

PleasureTown The Black Tapes Darkest Night Tanis Radiation World Scotch The Leviathan Chronicles Help Me Violet Beach* The Bridge* A New Winter Gone End of all Hope The Box* Kakos Industries* (technically didnt drop its just been a long while lmao)

(*- might give it another shot) 

ill update this when i listen to more